OVERCOMING ANXIETY

A REFLECTIVE GUIDE FOR ADULTS TO BREAK THE

CYCLE OF WORRY AND TAKE CONTROL OF
YOUR MIND

KIRK TEACHOUT
Copyright © 2023 by Kirk Teachout. All rights reserved.

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 CONTENTS

Introduction 5

1. ANXIETY: FROM A TO WHY 13

What is Anxiety? 15
Anxiety Disorder… or Just Anxious? 19
Different Types of Anxiety Disorders 21
Misconceptions About Anxiety 27
Anxiety Look-Alikes 31
Segue 32
2. THE “I” IN THE MIDDLE OF ANXIETY 33
Common Symptoms of Anxiety 36
How Your Anxiety Could Be Affecting
You 39
Tips to Help You Identify Your Triggers 42
Segue 48
3. TRIGGER 1: WHEN LIFE THROWS YOU
CURVEBALLS… 49
Money Problems 52
Grief 58
Severe Illness Diagnosis/Health Problems 65
Losing a Job 69
Segue 72
4. TRIGGER 2: WHEN LIFE JUST
HAPPENS… 75
College 77
Being a New Parent 82
Family/Significant Other 86
Work 89
Segue 92
5. TRIGGER 3: WHEN THINGS GET
PERSONAL… 93
(Childhood) Trauma 97
Past Romantic Relationships 104
Segue 111
6. TRIGGER 4: WHEN GET-TOGETHERS
MAKE YOU FALL APART… 113
What is Social Anxiety? 117
Common Root Causes of Social Anxiety 118
Symptoms of Social Anxiety 122
Social Anxiety Triggers 125
Ways to Cope With Social Anxiety 129
Segue 134
7. ANXIETY MANAGEMENT
TECHNIQUES 135
Relaxation Techniques 138
Yoga 144
Breathing Exercises 148
Grounding Techniques 151
Segue 153
8. DAILY HABITS FOR A LESS ANXIOUS
LIFE 155
Get Some Sleep 157
Watch What You Eat 159
Exercise 160
Detox From Social Media 161
Treat Yourself and Practice Self-Care 162
Declutter 164
Segue 165

Conclusion 167
Resources 173
 I NT R O D U C T I O N

You know the feeling. You’re working hard at the office

or cooking dinner for your family, just minding your
own business, when all of a sudden your heart starts
beating in your throat. Your hands clam up — they’re
shaking — and you’re not sure why. You try to take a
deep breath to calm yourself down, but the tightness in
your chest only seems to get worse. “What is happening
to me?” You wonder out loud. “Why is this happening
to me?”

Did you know that anxiety is the most common mental

illness there is? Around 30% of U.S. adults will experi‐
ence some sort of anxiety-related disorder at some
point in their lives. If you’ve been struggling or have
ever struggled with an anxiety disorder, you’re defi‐
nitely not alone. Millions of people all over the world
6 | I NT RO D U C T I O N

— including myself — have been there before. Anxiety

is brutal, and there’s no “quick fix” for it, but if you’re
willing to put the work in, it’s absolutely possible for
you to take back your life.

Take my good friend, Charles, for example. Charles is

one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, but he’s unfor‐
tunately struggled with anxiety for most of his life.
Before he learned how to overcome his anxiety, it was a
heavy burden that he carried around with him every
single day. I could see how it affected him, both
mentally and physically. He often had trouble eating
and sleeping, and when we attended social events, he
would bite his fingernails and wring his hands — both
of which were anxious habits.

Charles knew he needed help, but he had no idea where

to look. Anxiety had been plaguing him for years, and
over time, he’d tried many different coping mecha‐
nisms, some of which weren’t particularly healthy. He
felt like he was drowning in his worries, and it was
getting more and more difficult for him to keep his
head above the surface.

When he thought all hope was lost, Charles happened

to stumble upon the solution to his problem. It was as if
a light bulb had gone off in his head. This is it! He
thought to himself. I’m going to be okay! Finally, he had a
clear path laid out in front of him, and following this
 INTRODUCTION | 7

path would eventually allow him to overcome his anxi‐

ety. Charles knew it wouldn’t be easy, but he took it one
step at a time, and slowly but surely began to see
improvements.

Charles realized that the key to overcoming his anxiety

was to confront it head-on. He recognized that he had
to identify the root causes of his worries if he was
going to successfully confront them, and from there
came up with practical ways to manage his anxiety trig‐
gers. He learned how to prioritize self-care and began
exercising regularly. He ate a healthy diet, and prac‐
ticed mindful meditation, which helped to calm his
mind.

Of course, the changes weren’t immediate. Charles

didn’t walk the path of recovery without tripping over
tree roots every now and then. He kept at it, though,
and eventually, his anxiety began to subside. The world
around him began to look a little brighter. He could
finally breathe a little easier, and was able to do things
his anxiety had previously prevented him from doing.

It can be hard to know where to turn or what to do

when you’re dealing with anxiety, but the solution to
your problem may be closer than you think. By taking
small steps every day and being persistent — just like
Charles was — you can learn how to manage your
anxiety and live a happier, healthier life. You have the
8 | I NT RO D U C T I O N

power to overcome your worries. It all starts with

taking that first step.

There are a lot of things that could be making you

anxious in your everyday life. The world is turbulent,
and times are tough. You might be dealing with the
anxiety that comes with growing up and moving out of
your parents’ house, or perhaps you’ve been run ragged
by the corporate rat race and dread going to work
every morning. At times, you might find yourself
getting anxious for no identifiable reason. Your brain is
seemingly getting hyperstimulated by something, but
you’re not sure what.

Anxiety mainly affects people between the ages of 18 to

29 and 30 to 44 (although, people of all ages can experi‐
ence it). Millennials and Gen Z adults are significantly
more anxious than previous generations, and women in
particular are twice as likely to be diagnosed with an
anxiety disorder. This has a lot to do with significant
societal changes that have taken place. Millennials were
forced to take menial jobs in 2008 when the Great
Recession hit, and Gen Z adults were forced to put
important milestones on hold when the Covid-19
pandemic wreaked havoc in 2020.

Women are more likely to experience anxiety than men

due to a number of factors, such as hormone fluctua‐
tions, brain chemistry, sexism in the workplace, objec‐
 INTRODUCTION | 9

tification, or domestic violence in relationships.

Existing as a woman is, in general, more anxiety-
inducing than existing as a man. My female friends
have told me about the fear they experience while
walking alone at night, which is something I’ve never
had to worry about as a man.

They’ve shared stories about being harassed on public

transportation, and being objectified at work. They
deal with these things every day, and they somehow
manage to turn the other cheek (or retaliate if it’s safe
to do so) and go about their lives. I admire their
strength, but it’s sad that these issues have become
normalized. I’m not saying these things never happen
to men — they do — but there’s no denying that
women are more likely to experience things like street
harassment and objectification. It makes perfect sense
that they’re more anxious.

Anxiety is on the rise, and it has been for several years.

Why, you might ask? Life in the U.S. has gotten more
stressful for sure, but it’s important to note that people
may be more inclined to report their feelings of anxiety
in this day and age. Mental health issues have become
less stigmatized and better understood by the masses,
so young people in particular will be more likely to
admit when they’re feeling anxious or depressed.
10 | I NT RO D U C T I O N

It’s also important to keep in mind that simply experi‐

encing anxious feelings does not equate to having an
anxiety disorder. Everyone feels anxious sometimes,
but those with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
will oftentimes experience anxiety that extends beyond
logic and reason. For a person with GAD, the smallest
stressor or inconvenience can feel like the end of the
world.

If you feel as if you’re in a constant state of distress or

panic — like you’ve always got something biting at the
back of your mind — I see you. If you get anxious about
being anxious, just know that you’re not alone. You
might feel like your anxiety has been getting in the way
of your relationships, as well as preventing you from
forming new relationships with people you’re inter‐
ested in romantically or otherwise.

Perhaps your anxiety has started to significantly impact

your sleeping and eating habits, meaning it has not only
taken a toll on your mental health, but on your physical
health as well. As with physical ailments that go
untreated, mental ailments have a tendency to get
worse over time, especially if you don’t know what
steps to take in order to help yourself. If you’re tired of
being at the mercy of your anxiety — if the panic
attacks and sleepless nights have gotten to be too much
— you’re in the right place.
 INTRODUCTION | 11

In this book, I’ll be sharing the knowledge I’ve gathered

over several years in hopes that it will provide you with
the tools you need to confront your anxiety head-on.
We’ll be going over the symptoms of anxiety, as well as
some common triggers and life changes that may have
caused you to feel anxious in the past (and, retroac‐
tively, the future). I don’t claim to have all the answers,
and there aren’t any “quick fixes” I can recommend.
However, I can guarantee that you’ll have a full tool belt
by the time you reach the end of this book.

Like my friend, Charles, you can learn how to cope

with your anxiety and live the life you were always
meant to live. It won’t be easy and it might take some
time, but with enough persistence and determination,
you’ll get there. So, without further ado, let’s get into
what it takes to overcome anxiety.
 1

ANXIETY: FROM A TO WHY

“Whatever is going to happen will happen,

whether we worry or not.”

— ANA MONNAR

A nxiety is a beast with many faces. Think Koh

The Face Stealer from the spirit world in the
popular animated cartoon, Avatar: The Last Airbender.
The multifaceted nature of anxiety can lead people to
believe they’re not actually experiencing it — even
when they very much are. Anxiety can look how you
might expect it to look (i.e. your mother pacing around
the house and running her fingers through her hair
while engaging in a stressful phone call), or it might
14 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

hide itself within certain characteristics, such as perfec‐

tionism or obsession over minute details.

Sometimes, it can be difficult to differentiate between

generalized anxiety and the feeling of simply being
anxious. When my anxiety was at its worst, I tried
absolutely everything to ignore it, assuming I was just
anxious because of work or upcoming life events. I
eventually realized, however, that it’s not normal to
dread going to work every day. You might feel slightly
annoyed that you have to go to work some days, but I
was losing sleep and vomiting every other morning due
to my dread and anxiety surrounding work.

My job wasn’t even particularly stressful at the time. I

just dreaded it for some reason, despite the fact I actu‐
ally sort of enjoyed it in the moment. This is just one
example of how anxiety can make you think illogically
and irrationally. If you’ve ever felt sick with worry
before doing something you’ve done a million times
before, or if you’ve ever said “no” to going out with
your friends because the thought of being social made
you anxious, you know what I’m talking about.

Whether you’re aware of it or not, your anxiety is

preventing you from living your life to the fullest. It
masquerades as something that’s keeping you safe, but
in reality, anxiety is like an overprotective parent or
partner. It’s so focused on “keeping you safe” that it’s
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 15

actually preventing you from enjoying the things you

used to enjoy. It’s like in Disney’s Tangled, when Mother
Gothel tells Rapunzel that she must stay locked up in
the tower “for her own safety.” Rapunzel, with a little
help, realizes that this isn’t the case. She eventually
leaves the tower and faces her fears — and you can too.

W HAT I S ANXIETY?

Anxiety is a sensation that's often accompanied by

tense feelings, worried thoughts, and bodily changes
such as elevated blood pressure and an increased heart
rate. People with anxiety disorders like Generalized
Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Obsessive Compulsive
Disorder (OCD) are typically plagued by intrusive
thoughts or recurring worries. They might stay away
from specific situations (i.e. going out to dinner with
their friends or asking for a promotion at work) out of
fear. They might also experience bodily side effects like
sweating, trembling, nausea, and vomiting.

Although they're not the same thing, fear and anxiety

are often used indiscriminately. It's important that
you're able to differentiate between the two, however.
To put it simply, fear is a proper, in-the-moment reac‐
tion to a clearly recognizable and specific danger,
whereas anxiety is a long-lasting, widely focused,
future-oriented response to a vague threat.
16 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

What Causes Anxiety?

It's normal to occasionally feel anxious, especially in

stressful situations. If you experience intense, excessive,
and constant concern in ordinary situations, however,
you may want to get evaluated for an anxiety disorder.
Anxiety disorders usually involve recurrent bouts of
extreme worry or panic that can peak in a matter of
minutes. This is known as a “panic attack.” It’s impor‐
tant to note that not everyone with an anxiety disorder
experiences panic attacks and not everyone who expe‐
riences panic attacks has an anxiety disorder by default.

These uncomfortable, hard-to-control, prolonged feel‐

ings of anxiety may impede your everyday activities
and affect your personal relationships. Childhood or
adolescence may be the first time symptoms appear,
and oftentimes, these symptoms will last well into
adulthood. The causes of anxiety can vary significantly.
Whether or not you develop an anxiety disorder
depends on your genetics, your past trauma, your phys‐
ical health, your brain chemistry, the environment
you’re in, and the prejudices you face as a result of your
race, gender, or sexuality. We’ll go over this in a bit
more detail later, so stick around!
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 17

Risk Factors

As a human being, you’ve got to keep in mind that

while you’re strong, you’re also delicate. Perhaps you’ve
heard the Reza Farazmand quote: “Don’t forget to
drink water and get sunlight. You’re basically a house‐
plant with more complicated emotions.” Most human
beings deal with an immense amount of stress
throughout their daily lives, and some self-treat their
stressed out feelings with drugs and/or alcohol. Let’s
briefly go over some of the risk factors — like drugs
and alcohol — that are associated with anxiety. Again,
we’ll go over this in more detail later, so don’t worry!

Trauma

Children who experienced neglect or witnessed upset‐

ting events while growing up are more likely to eventu‐
ally develop an anxiety-related disorder. Anxiety
disorders can also manifest in adults who go through
traumatic events.

Stress Buildup

Anxiety and various anxiety disorders can also be trig‐

gered by major life events (or smaller, stressful life
events that have accumulated over time). It’s like the
steam that builds up in a pressure cooker. If that steam
18 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

doesn’t eventually get released, you’re going to end up

with rice all over your kitchen walls.

Stress Due to Illness

When you’re experiencing a serious health problem,

you may worry a lot about things like your future and
your treatment. This is quite normal, but if you’re sick
with worry all the time due to being concerned or
stressed out about your illness, it could be an indication
of an underlying anxiety disorder.

Other Mental Health Disorders

Anxiety disorders — like OCD, for example — tend to

go hand-in-hand with other mental health disorders,
such as depression, PTSD, and ADHD. Your anxiety
may intensify your other mental health issues, or vice
versa.

Genetics

Anxiety disorders may run in your family. Sit down

with your mom, dad, or grandparents, and ask them if
they’ve ever struggled with an anxiety disorder. At least
one of your family members probably did or does, in
which case you can talk to them about your own expe‐
riences with anxiety (if they’re open to that).
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 19

Drugs or Alcohol

Many people use drugs and/or alcohol because they

feel like it relieves their anxiety. However, the fact of
the matter is, misuse of drugs and alcohol will usually
make your anxiety symptoms worse.

A N X I E T Y DISORDER… OR JUST ANXIOUS?

At this point, you might be wondering: what exactly is

the difference between anxiety and an anxiety disor‐
der? Anxiety is a typical response to a stressful event or
circumstance. It's essentially your body's internal alarm
system. It warns you about situations that it perceives
as dangerous, and prepares your body to either fight
back, retreat, or stay very still. This is commonly
known as the "fight, flight, or freeze" response.

An occasional bout of anxiety can be quite beneficial.

For instance, it might inspire you to complete an
assignment at work or carry pepper spray when
walking alone at night. Even joyful occasions, like
moving to a new town, or marking a significant mile‐
stone in your career can trigger anxiety. This is partly a
result of the adrenaline that gets released into your
system when you go through a major life event.
20 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

Typical Anxiety

Typical, everyday anxiety is almost always a response to

stress. Most people feel anxious before giving a presen‐
tation at work or going out on a date with someone
they like for the first time. When the stressor is over
(i.e. you give a great presentation or have a nice time on
your date), the anxiety goes away.

Anxiety Disorders, However…

Those who suffer from anxiety disorders typically still

feel anxious even after whatever has been causing them
stress ends or is removed from the scenario.
Oftentimes, people with anxiety disorders feel like they
can’t control their worrying, and some will even get
physically ill if their anxiety becomes particularly
severe.

There are essentially two things that define an anxiety

disorder. First of all, your anxiety must be out of
proportion to the situation or situations that are
causing you stress. Second of all, if your anxiety makes
it difficult for you to function normally, this could be
an indication that you’re suffering from an anxiety
disorder. Basically, if your anxiety is so severe that it’s
negatively impacting your quality of life, it may be time
to get a professional evaluation.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 21

D I F F E R E NT TYPES OF ANXIETY DISORDERS

Anxiety disorders are quite common and treatable, but

this does not mean they are easy to cope with.
Experiencing an anxiety disorder can be quite
confusing and disorienting. Those who aren’t sure what
they’re experiencing might fall deeper into a state of
panic, further exacerbating their anxious feelings.
There are several different types of anxiety disorders
you should be aware of. Simply being in the know can
help you identify certain signs and symptoms before
they get worse.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Generalized Anxiety Disorder is one of the most

commonly-experienced mental disorders in the world.
It can alter your behavior as well as change the way you
perceive the universe around you. Those with GAD
typically experience restlessness, general unease, irri‐
tability, and self-doubt. Some GAD sufferers have
trouble forming meaningful relationships and focusing
on important tasks because their anxious feelings are
holding them back.
22 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

Panic Disorder

The majority of the time, panic attacks start abruptly

and without any sort of warning. If you have Panic
Disorder, a panic attack may happen to you at any
moment — whether you're driving, shopping, sleeping,
or in the midst of an important conference call. You
might experience panic episodes frequently or infre‐
quently depending on several factors. Although there
are many different types of panic attacks, symptoms
(such as sweating, quivering, nausea, and an elevated
heart rate) typically climax within a few minutes. After
a panic attack, you might feel exhausted and emotion‐
ally drained.

Phobias

A person with a specific phobia will feel intense, irra‐

tional dread toward a certain circumstance, a living
thing, a location, or a particular item. When someone
has a phobia, they typically plan their lives around
steering clear of things they perceive as risky. The
imagined danger is always larger than the perceived
threat that the fear-causing factor actually poses.
Agoraphobia, for example, is a very common and irra‐
tional phobia.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 23

For those who don’t know, Agoraphobia is the fear of

not being able to escape a certain situation or place.
Examples include being away from home or being
stuck in an airplane. Agoraphobia is frequently misin‐
terpreted as the fear of wide open spaces, but it can also
refer to being cooped up in a tiny area, like an elevator,
or bus. Other common phobias include Claustrophobia
(the fear of being in a confined space), Emetophobia
(the fear of vomiting), and Arachnophobia (the fear of
spiders).

Social Anxiety Disorder

Feeling shy or uneasy under specific circumstances is

not always a symptom of Social Anxiety Disorder.
Various personality traits and life events can affect a
person's social comfort levels. Some people are inher‐
ently reserved and others are more outgoing (i.e. extro‐
version and introversion). The fear, anxiety, and
avoidance that come with Social Anxiety Disorder are
different from normal anxiety or uncertainty because
they can affect relationships, routines, work, school,
and hobbies. The onset of Social Anxiety Disorder
usually occurs during the teenage years, although it can
also happen in younger children and adults as well.
24 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

Separation Anxiety Disorder

It can be difficult for professionals to diagnose

Separation Anxiety Disorder. Usually, a diagnosis can
be made when the symptoms are excessive for the
developmental stage that the person experiencing said
symptoms is currently in. Separation Anxiety Disorder
also tends to impair everyday functioning, unlike run-
of-the-mill separation anxiety, which is not typically
debilitating for most people who experience it.

The symptoms of Separation Anxiety Disorder may

include extreme and ongoing anxiety about being away
from home or loved ones, ongoing fear of losing a
parent or another loved one due to sickness or disaster,
and a constant fear of bad things happening, such as
getting lost, abducted, or separated from your loved
ones. Separation Anxiety Disorder typically stems from
past trauma surrounding abandonment.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

The first signs of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder may

emerge about one month after a traumatic incident
takes place, however, some symptoms may take years to
fully manifest. Oftentimes, the symptoms of PTSD
(recurrent and unwanted distressing memories, night‐
mares, emotional turmoil, and avoidance of situations
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 25

that are reminiscent of past trauma) can bring on

significant issues in social, professional, and romantic
interactions. Intrusive memories, avoidance, negative
thought patterns, and changes in bodily and psycholog‐
ical responses are the four main categories profes‐
sionals use to diagnose PTSD.

Acute Stress Disorder

Some people may experience Acute Stress Disorder in

the days and weeks following a stressful event. Within a
month of said event, Acute Stress Disorder might
manifest in full (much like PTSD). It usually lasts for a
minimum of three days or a maximum of one month.
Acute Stress Disorder patients typically exhibit symp‐
toms resembling those of Post-Traumatic Stress
Disorder.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

OCD is characterized by a pattern of unwanted

thoughts and worries (obsessions) that may cause the
OCD sufferer to engage in repeated behaviors (compul‐
sions). These compulsive thoughts and behaviors can
disrupt everyday life and cause severe anguish. Those
who suffer from OCD might try to suppress or disre‐
gard their obsessions and compulsions, but doing so
26 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

tends to make them feel more anxious and upset.

Because of this, many OCD sufferers become
compelled to engage in obsessive behaviors in an effort
to reduce their tension and anxiety. Despite attempts to
disregard bothersome impulses or desires, these
impulses often linger until the OCD sufferer performs
the ritualistic compulsion. As you can see, it's a vicious
cycle.

Adjustment Disorder

Adjustment Disorder is a temporary and common

condition. It’s also known as situational depression. An
individual who displays an exaggerated response to a
stressful or upsetting event will oftentimes be diag‐
nosed with Adjustment Disorder. Adjustment Disorder
can be caused by one singular incident (such as a
painful divorce) or several separate events (such as
work problems, financial issues, and health scares).
These stressors can affect a single person, a household,
or an entire community (think natural disasters, for
example).

Selective Mutism

Do you know someone who’s able to talk freely and

frequently at home, but freezes up when faced with
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 27

social situations in public settings? A person with

Selective Mutism experiences extreme anxiety in
certain social situations and is unable to communicate
in particular social settings (i.e. at work). In other
contexts, like at home with family, people with
Selective Mutism are usually able to talk comfortably
and communicate well with those around them.

M I S CO N C EPTIONS ABOUT ANXIETY

While anxiety is extremely common, it’s also quite

misunderstood. Plenty of misinformation has been
spread about anxiety and anxiety disorders, which has
made the stigma surrounding anxiety that much more
harmful to those who experience it. You’ve probably
already heard some of the misconceptions about
anxiety I’ve listed below, but if you haven’t, this is
generally what the misinformed believe:

Anxiety Isn’t an Actual Illness

Yeah, and Covid-19 isn’t an actual illness either! Just

kidding. It totally is, and so is anxiety. Many people
don’t realize that anxiety disorders go far beyond the
general worries people experience in their everyday
lives. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental
Health, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) requires a specific set of
28 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

symptoms to be present for at least six months in order

for someone to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
A person suffering from an anxiety disorder may expe‐
rience severe disability and distress in their everyday
life.

Anxiety is Just a Phase

If anyone’s ever told you this, they’re gaslighting you

(unintentionally or otherwise). Certain circumstances
or stages of life may cause a person's worry levels to
rise or fall. A person with an anxiety disorder, however,
might occasionally experience a small improvement in
symptoms or be able to get back to some of their usual
activities. This might give some the impression that
their anxiety disorder is no longer present or that the
symptoms are "gone." However, anxiety disorders can
be persistent and long-lasting, and if they’re not treated
properly, symptoms will probably return.

Panic Attacks Always Result in Fainting

No two people will experience a panic attack in exactly

the same way. A panic attack can cause a variety of
symptoms, including breathing problems and a racing
pulse. Although these symptoms are uncommon during
panic attacks, some people may pass out or puke, which
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 29

can heighten the anxiety they're already experiencing.

The fear of passing out can occasionally make panicky
feelings worse. The act of actually fainting during a
panic attack, however, is a very severe reaction, and it
rarely happens.

People With Anxiety Should Just Avoid Things That Make

Them Anxious

This is known as avoidance, which is actually a

common symptom of anxiety. Needless to say, stressful
situations can be particularly unpleasant for someone
who’s suffering from an anxiety disorder. Life is full of
stressful situations, and developing effective coping
mechanisms to help yourself cope with your anxious
feelings in these situations is an essential part of
managing your anxiety. In other words, you shouldn’t
avoid the things that make you anxious… you should
confront them head-on!

It’s Obvious When Someone Has an Anxiety Disorder

Contrary to popular belief, a lot of people are really,

really good at hiding their anxiety. Most of the time,
another person’s anxiety will be completely invisible to
you. This is especially true of people who suffer from
high-functioning anxiety. On the other hand, some
30 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

people might struggle to conceal their symptoms

because they feel worried about others noticing or
calling attention to them. It really just depends on the
person.

Breathing into a Paper Bag Prevents Hyperventilation

You’ve undoubtedly seen this on T.V. or in a movie.

A person who’s hyperventilating breathes into a
paper bag and it helps to calm them down.
Although breathing into a paper bag can serve as a
visual aid for people who are hyperventilating, it
can also limit your oxygen supply. This could end
up making your anxiety worse, as you’ll be even
shorter of breath. You’ll be much better suited
doing some mindful breathing exercises in the
open air.

Medication Is the Only Way to Manage Anxiety

Anxiety disorders come in many different forms, which

means treatment options can vary significantly.
Typically, a combination of medication and Cognitive
Behavior Therapy (CBT) is helpful for most people.
However, taking medication is not the only way to treat
anxiety. The most effective course of treatment for any
given patient will rely on the nature and intensity of
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 31

their anxiety disorder, as well as their unique circum‐

stances and preferences.

A N X I E T Y LOOK-ALIKES

Again, anxiety has many faces. It also has many clones!

Listed below are some health problems that profes‐
sionals may misdiagnose as anxiety:

Heart problems
Endocrine issues
Asthma
Diabetes
Hyperthyroidism
Sleep apnea
Adrenal dysfunction/ Adrenal insufficiency
Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)
Electrolyte imbalance
Neurological conditions
Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome
(POTS)
Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia (IST)
Lung diseases
Fibromyalgia
Endometriosis
Lyme Disease
Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS)
32 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

Crohn’s Disease
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)

If you feel like you’ve been misdiagnosed, it can’t hurt

to get a second opinion from a different doctor. Trust
your gut and look out for yourself!

S EG U E

As you can see, anxiety disorders come in a variety of

shapes and sizes. Anxiety is the beast with many faces,
and it can oftentimes be difficult to diagnose. The
misconceptions surrounding anxiety don’t make things
any easier for anxiety sufferers either. However, it’s
important to remember that anxiety is treatable and all
hope is not lost. In the next chapter, I’ll dive deeper into
anxiety and give you a chance to reflect on your past
and current experiences with it. Remember: anxiety is a
journey and this journey affects different people in
different ways.
 2

T H E “ I ” I N T H E M I D D LE O F
ANXIETY

“How much pain has cost us the evils which have

never happened.”

— THOMAS JEFFERSON

C an you remember the first time you experienced

feeling anxious? Maybe you felt nervous and
excited at the same time when you woke up on
Christmas morning as a kid, or perhaps you used to get
a stomachache before your sports competitions in high
school. The latter describes my earliest and most
memorable experience with severe anxiety. I ran cross
country throughout high school and college, and I
would always, always get sick right before a big race.
34 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

As I discussed in the previous chapter, anxiety takes

many different forms. It doesn’t always look how you
expect it to look, and it doesn’t always feel how you
expect it to feel. Most of the time, telling yourself “I’m
just nervous,” or “it’s just anxiety” doesn’t make your
anxiety go away (at least, in my experience). People
with anxiety disorders, who literally cannot calm down
just by taking logic and reason into account, might
wonder what the heck is going on if they’ve never been
properly diagnosed.

Whenever my friend, Charles, was dealing with a

particularly brutal bout of anxiety, he would freeze up.
When his girlfriend asked him what was wrong, he’d
say: “I just need to stay perfectly still right now,” and,
like a statue in an earthquake, he would stand ramrod
straight and tremble uncontrollably. Charles’s girl‐
friend became concerned and started looking into
some grounding exercises. “Can you tell me five things
you can see?” She’d ask him. “Can you tell me five things
you can hear?” This helped a little, but it was a bandaid,
not a cure.

Charles needed to reflect on his journey and his experi‐

ences with anxiety if he was going to confront it head-
on. Although he appreciated his friends and his girl‐
friend being there for him, he was ultimately the one
who had to help himself — and he did! It may have
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 35

taken him a lot of time and effort to overcome his anxi‐

ety, but based on how well he’s doing today, he would
definitely agree it was worth it.

One of the main things that helped Charles reflect on

his anxiety journey was writing about it. He started
carrying a small journal around with him everywhere,
and when he had a spare moment, he would sit down
and record his thoughts. If he had something on his
mind — a past experience that made him anxious, or an
upcoming future stressor — he would take the time to
ask himself certain questions (i.e. “What was making
me feel anxious in that particular situation?” “What is
making me feel this way now?”). Doing this allowed
Charles to take control of his own thoughts and
confront his anxiety. It helped him better understand
himself, which in turn helped him gain a deeper under‐
standing of his anxious thoughts and feelings.

While engaging with this chapter, I’d like to invite you

to dig deep. Consider your personal journey with anxi‐
ety. How old were you when you first started experi‐
encing a lot of anxiety? What are some of the things
that make you feel most anxious now that you’re an
adult? Identifying your triggers and putting in the work
to understand them is an important step in the process
of overcoming your anxiety. It certainly won’t be a
walk in the park, but it will be worth it.
36 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

CO M MO N S YMPTOMS OF ANXIETY

We’ve already gone over some common anxiety symp‐

toms, but it can’t hurt to reiterate. The more you
understand about your anxiety, the more success you’ll
have while confronting it. For this reason, I’d like to
delve into some lesser-known symptoms of anxiety as
well. Plenty of people are familiar with symptoms like
sweaty palms and a churning stomach, but most aren’t
aware of some of the rarer anxiety symptoms — such as
excessive yawning, pins and needles, and depersonal‐
ization. Let’s get into it, shall we?

Physical Effects

When you’re dealing with severe anxiety, it can some‐

times feel like you’re experiencing a major health issue.
As I discussed previously, this is why anxiety some‐
times gets misdiagnosed. The common physical effects
of anxiety include nausea, dizziness, an increased heart
rate, dry mouth, rapid breathing (also known as hyper‐
ventilation), shortness of breath, sweating (especially
cold sweats), tingling hands and feet, trembling, tense
muscles, pins and needles, feeling weak, insomnia,
grinding your teeth, and gastrointestinal (GI) issues.

It can be quite a lot to deal with! Although, it’s impor‐

tant to note that most people with anxiety won’t expe‐
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 37

rience all of these symptoms at the same time. For

example, you’re more likely to grind your teeth at night
while you’re sleeping, and you might not experience
rarer symptoms like pins and needles or tingling hands
and feet at all. Some people with anxiety might burst
into tears or groan as if they’re in pain. Some panic
attacks may require a trip to the emergency room or
another type of medical intervention.

Psychological Effect

When it comes to the psychological effects of anxiety,

things get a bit more complicated. Most psychological
effects are invisible to others, and are oftentimes
misunderstood by health professionals who aren’t well-
versed in mental health. People with anxiety who are
experiencing psychological symptoms will typically
have a difficult time articulating these types of symp‐
toms, especially in the midst of a panic attack. Some
common psychological symptoms of anxiety include
trouble concentrating, avoiding things that trigger
anxiety, an inability to relax, having a sense of dread or
feeling like something terrible will happen, feeling like
the world is speeding up or slowing down, and
worrying about anxiety itself.

People experiencing the psychological effects of anxiety

will often seek reassurance from other people, or worry
38 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

that they’re losing touch with reality. Most will fall into
a depressed mood and ruminate on the bad things that
have happened to them. Another, less common psycho‐
logical symptom is depersonalization, which essentially
means feeling disconnected from your mind and body.
Derealization is a relatively rare symptom as well. It’s
described as the feeling of being disconnected from the
world around you, which can be quite scary.

Other Uncommon Symptoms of Anxiety

Many people associate the word "anxiety" with uneasi‐

ness, an inability to sit still, sweating, or an increased
heart rate. While these symptoms are common, they are
not the only indications that someone is experiencing
anxiety. Some people may experience anxiety in
unusual ways and may never end up experiencing the
more prevalent symptoms of anxiety. Some of the more
uncommon symptoms of anxiety include chest pain,
fatigue, brain shivers or “zaps,” hives or skin rashes,
tinnitus (a phantom ringing in the ears), excessive
yawning, jaw pain, perfectionism, indecisiveness, cold
hands and feet, and circulation problems.

If you find yourself experiencing one of these symp‐

toms, you may want to have a professional evaluate you
for an anxiety disorder. These symptoms are problem‐
atic anyway, healthwise, so it might be a good idea to
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 39

see a doctor anyway. Something you definitely shouldn’t

do is look up your symptoms on the internet. People
with anxiety oftentimes feel compelled to do this out of
desperation for an immediate answer, but there’s a lot
of misinformation out there. Googling your symptoms
is likely to make you feel more anxious, so it’s best to
avoid doing that at all costs.

H OW YO U R ANXIETY COULD BE AFFECTING

YO U

As I've already discussed, anxiety is a perfectly normal

response to stress. This response starts in the
Amygdala, which is the area of your brain that trans‐
mits distress signals to the hypothalamus. Your body
receives these signals, which triggers a "fight, flight, or
freeze" response. Everyone responds to stressful situa‐
tions differently (which, of course, is psychologically
fascinating). The "fight, flight, or freeze" response is
generally a good thing, but it can end up causing issues
if your body "freezes" in a situation where you should
have fought back.

If you suffer from an anxiety disorder, it’s going to

affect you differently than run-of-the-mill anxiety does.
Long-term stress responses to anxiety can end up
causing negative emotional and physical reactions in
your body. In other words, anxiety takes more of a
40 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

mental and physical toll than you might think. Let’s

take a closer look at how anxiety can impact and alter
your various bodily and brain systems below:

Central Nervous System

Your brain is a delicate and complicated organ. If you

suffer from chronic anxiety, your brain is going to be
releasing stress hormones far more often than it
should. You may experience headaches, vertigo, and
depressive symptoms more frequently as a result.
Basically, when you’re feeling anxious, your brain fills
your central nervous system with hormones and chem‐
icals meant to help you react to a specific danger. Long-
term exposure to these hormones (mainly adrenaline
and cortisol) can be detrimental to your physical and
mental health.

Cardiovascular System

Those with anxiety disorders oftentimes suffer from

heart palpitations, an increased heart rate, and chest
pain. When these symptoms occur, your body is under
an immense amount of stress. It’s essentially working
really hard to pump adrenaline and cortisol into your
system so that you can effectively deal with whatever
your brain is perceiving as threatening. This may
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 41

increase your risk of experiencing a heart attack, espe‐

cially if you already have heart problems.

Gastrointestinal System

Stomachaches, nausea, and vomiting are some of the

most common symptoms anxiety patients experience.
A lot of people will also experience a loss of appetite.
Studies show that anxiety and irritable bowel
syndrome (IBS) could be connected, which makes
sense because anxiety negatively impacts your
gastrointestinal system. If you’re constantly having
diarrhea or throwing up, your GI system will never
have a chance to fully heal. So, if anxiety is what’s
causing you to have these symptoms, it’s very impor‐
tant that you address it.

Immune System

When your body is under too much stress, it can nega‐

tively affect your immune system. It’s crucial that your
immune system remains in good shape because it’s
what helps you fight off diseases and viruses that can
make you very sick. A person with chronic stress and
anxiety, however, will typically have a weakened
immune system because their body never truly returns
to its normal functioning. This unfortunately puts
42 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

anxiety sufferers at risk of developing infections and

illnesses more frequently.

Respiratory System

Hyperventilation is common in some people who expe‐

rience panic attacks. This can put a lot of stress on a
person’s respiratory system, and if you have a condition
like Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD),
the rapid breathing that comes with anxiety can make
your symptoms much worse. This can sometimes result
in hospitalization or a trip to the emergency room.

T I P S TO H E LP YOU IDENTIFY YOUR TRIGGERS

Most of the time, your anxiety is being triggered by

something — whether you’re aware of it or not. It can
be difficult to identify your specific triggers, especially
considering the fact that there could be a lot going on
(in your surroundings and in your head) whilst you’re
experiencing anxious feelings or a panic attack. This, in
and of itself, could be an anxiety trigger for you. When
it comes to overcoming anxiety, identifying and under‐
standing your triggers is an incredibly important step.
If you’re not sure where to start, don’t worry. That’s
why I’m here!
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 43

Learn the Original Root of Your Anxiety

Pinpointing the original root of your anxiety can be

tricky. It might be beneficial for you to seek guidance
from a therapist, as they should be able to help you
access memories that are buried deep within you.
Before you start digging for the root of your anxiety,
though, you’re going to want to manage your anxiety
symptoms. If you’re currently feeling anxious, try
placing one hand on your chest and the other on your
belly. As you breathe in and out, pay attention to when
each of your hands goes up and down. You can do this
standing up, sitting down, or lying on your bed.

From there, I suggest sitting in a comfortable position

with your journal in front of you. Start writing about
your past experiences with anxiety, and identify the
moment or moments that you believe are continuing to
contribute to your anxiety today. Try to dig deep.
Consider your childhood and your teenagehood. A lot
happens while you’re growing up, and it’s surprisingly
easy to suppress negative memories as an adult. As
you’re writing, try to identify what you’re truly afraid
of as well as why you’re afraid of it. This should help
you figure a few things out!
44 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

Think Back to What Triggered You in the Past

Although this process might be unpleasant, it’s

completely necessary. Remember, you can always have
a therapist walk you through this process if it makes
you feel uncomfortable to do it on your own.
Identifying your past triggers is also a crucial part of
PTSD treatment, and hey, your anxiety could very well
be intensifying possible PTSD symptoms (or vice
versa). That said, it’s important to remember that PTSD
isn’t always a result of a big traumatic event. Some
people experience PTSD symptoms as a result of the
build-up of small traumas that have shattered certain
beliefs they once held dear.

Look into Your Home Life

Childhood is a particularly delicate stage of life. You’re

forming your sense of self and developing what will
later become your core beliefs during this time.
Although exploring your childhood and past home life
can be emotionally draining, it’s incredibly important.
Keep in mind that looking back and reflecting on your
home life isn’t about blaming your parents, yourself, or
the town you grew up in. It’s about acknowledging the
fact that your loved ones probably did their best with
what they had, all things considered. In your journal,
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 45

respond to the following questions in regard to your

childhood and home life:

What were my relationships like with my

family members?
Were there times that I felt ignored, shamed,
punished, ridiculed, or afraid?
Did I ever feel like I wasn't good enough?
Did I ever feel like it wasn't okay to express
myself?

Consider Your Habits

Did you know that certain bad habits can trigger

anxiety in some people? This is more common than
you might think. Habits like drinking, smoking, and
avoiding conflict can actually make your anxiety worse.
It can be difficult for some to identify which habits
could be contributing to their anxiety, but reflecting
can work wonders. In your journal, reflect on the
following questions. As you’re writing, remember to
take note of when your anxiety usually happens, where
it happens, and how long your symptoms last:

Has my anxiety (of the intensity of my anxiety)

increased recently?
Have my habits changed recently?
46 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

How are my sleep habits?

Have I been drinking or smoking more? How
do I usually feel after drinking or smoking?

List Your Fears

This can be a great way to pinpoint some of the things

that are continuously triggering your anxious feelings.
Try not to think too hard about it. Just write down the
first things that come to mind. While writing, try not to
judge yourself based on your fears. Everyone is afraid
of something, and facing your fears is totally possible
(especially if you identify them first).

Pinpoint Patterns

Confronting your anxiety is like playing an elaborate

game of connect-the-dots. In order to effectively over‐
come your anxiety, you’re going to need to obtain a
sense of understanding about yourself (i.e. how and
why you operate the way you do). Pinpointing your
anxiety patterns can be an excellent way to identify and
understand the ways in which anxiety has impacted
your life. In your journal, respond to the following
questions:
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 47

How long has it been since I felt differently (i.e.

less anxious) than I do now?
What has changed in my life over the past 3-6
months? How much has changed in a year?
Were there other times in my life when I've felt
anxious, but the situation was different?
If yes, what happened? Is there a common
thread between these situations?

Consider Therapy

There’s a lot of social stigma surrounding therapy, but

in reality, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with going
to see a therapist when you need help managing your
emotions. A therapist is a trained professional, and
their job is not to judge you. Everyone could benefit
from talking to a therapist sometimes, but weekly or
bi-weekly therapy might be ideal if you’re really
struggling.

Be Honest With Yourself (But Be Kind to Yourself)

Facing your fears and anxiety triggers is no easy task.

Trust me, I get it. Although it might be hard, being
honest with yourself and the people you confide in (i.e.
your therapist, your friends, your family, etc) is one of
the best things you can do to help yourself overcome
48 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

your anxiety issues. If you can’t be honest with yourself,

you won’t be able to get to the root of what’s been
causing your problems in the first place.

You should also, of course, be kind to yourself.

Identifying your triggers can cause quite a bit of mental
strain, so it’s important to take breaks every now and
then. Don’t be too hard on yourself, either. It’s fairly
common for people with anxiety to ruminate on their
past errors and experiences, but this is ultimately not
productive. Practice self-compassion and be mindful of
those around you. Take a deep breath, and surround
yourself with love. You deserve it!

S EG U E

The symptoms of anxiety are plentiful, and some symp‐

toms in particular can be rather difficult to deal with.
Identifying and understanding your symptoms can be
quite helpful, as can identifying and understanding
your triggers. In the next chapter, I’ll go over some of
the main anxiety triggers adults experience, as well as
what you can do to combat these triggers.
 3

T R I G G E R 1 : W H E N LI F E T H R OW S
YO U C U RV E B A LL S…

“Life is 10% of what you experience and 90% of

how you respond to it.”

— DOROTHY M. NEDDERMEYER

W hen you start to feel anxious, it’s usually

because you’re being triggered by something.
You may not be aware of it at first, but the trigger is
there, lurking beneath the things that tend to pile up in
the forefront of your mind: money, family, your phys‐
ical health, and work. Chances are, you’ve become so
accustomed to carrying these weights on your shoul‐
ders that you’ve stopped noticing how heavy they are.
Even if everything is going relatively well with work,
your family life, your health, and your financials, it’s a
50 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

lot to balance — and this balancing act itself can be

stressful.

If you’re suffering from an anxiety disorder, it can feel

like the end of the world when one single thing goes
wrong. My friend, Charles, could tell you this firsthand.
When he was in his mid-twenties, everything was going
swimmingly with his job, his relationship, and his phys‐
ical health. He had gotten a promotion recently, and
was thinking about proposing to his then-girlfriend.
Obviously, he was over the moon that things were
going so well for him, but an anxious thought lingered
at the back of his mind at all times: “Okay, so when is
the bad thing going to happen? When is all of this going
to fall apart?”

People with anxiety tend to have a heightened sense of

how fragile human life is. There’s this constant fear that
everything is going to come crashing down all at once.
Perhaps you’ve felt this fear before. I know I have.
When a person with anxiety gets triggered by a
stressful life event, or even something small — like
turning in an assignment a few hours late at work —
their anxiety will often snowball. It will get very big
very fast, which usually makes the anxiety-sufferer feel
even more overwhelmed.

Charles, like many people with anxiety, developed an

unhealthy coping mechanism, which likely coincided
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 51

with or caused his depressed feelings. Instead of

enjoying all of the good things in his life, he obsessed
about when everything was going to turn sour. He
anticipated things turning sour because in his eyes
“they always did.” He felt that his obsessive anticipation
gave him relief from his anxiety because “if you antici‐
pate that bad things will happen to you, you won’t be
surprised when they do.”

It took him a long time to figure out that this was not a
very good way to live. This coping mechanism gave
him the illusion of control, but in reality, his anxiety
still had control over him. Despite the fact that most
things in his life were going well, Charles was miser‐
able. “It was almost like I didn’t know how to enjoy
things,” he would tell me later, once he started to figure
himself out. “My brain wouldn’t let me.”

What eventually helped Charles help himself was this:

he identified his triggers, and learned how to manage
them effectively. In this chapter, I’ll be going over a few
of the main stressors that tend to trigger people with
anxiety disorders. This should help you gain a deeper
understanding of how these various life challenges are
affecting you — as well as what you can do to help
yourself when you’re feeling anxious in the midst of
life’s many curveballs.
52 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

MO N EY P RO B LEMS

In this day and age, a lot of people feel like they’re

working more than ever, yet somehow they’re still
losing money. This is the result of late-stage capitalism
mixed with poor financial literacy. Young people, in
particular, were never taught how to properly manage
their finances, which means the majority of them have
developed some rather unhealthy spending habits.
Inflation is a very real thing as well, and it’s something
that’s been causing almost everyone immense stress —
especially considering the current cost of living.

What It Can Feel Like

A number of factors can trigger financial anxiety.

Oftentimes, it’s not just about lacking money. People
with financial anxiety frequently worry about their
bills. They may be reluctant to check their bank
accounts or deal with anything related to money at all,
for that matter. Although financial anxiety might seem
normal (everyone worries about money once in a
while), it's just as serious as other types of anxiety.
Financial anxiety can cause physical health problems,
such as difficulty sleeping, trouble concentrating, and a
loss of appetite. It’s definitely not something you want
to ignore.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 53

What It Can Look Like

Overspending

You'd think that being concerned about money would

make you more inclined to save it, but shopping can
actually give you relief from your anxiety, so many
people use it as a coping mechanism. The problem is,
spending more money in an attempt to find relief will
just make your money situation worse.

Hoarding

Excessive spending can oftentimes result in hoarding.

People tend to seek solace in material possessions, and
because of this, some will end up buying a lot of useless
things without ever throwing anything away. This
hoarding behavior is usually somewhat obsessive, and
although it can be calming in the short term, it's not
particularly healthy.

Fear of Spending

Being overly thrifty is essentially the opposite of hoard‐

ing. Saving your money in an exceptionally obsessive
way could prevent you from taking vacations or
providing yourself with a comfortable living situation.
Some people who are afraid of spending might skip out
on things like medical treatment and necessary car
54 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

maintenance. This form of anxiety can also affect those

who overwork or work compulsively in order to
increase their income.

Uncontrollable Finances

Those who experience financial anxiety might be

uncomfortable making and saving money. This can
have a devastating effect on things like retirement plan‐
ning, or saving up for a future home. This form of
financial anxiety can make it impossible for anxiety
sufferers to budget properly, which, of course, only
serves to make their financial anxiety worse.

Depression

A person with financial anxiety will often experience

depressed feelings about the world around them. They
might feel like nothing ever goes right for them,
money-wise, and that budgeting and saving are impos‐
sible due to things like inflation and capitalism. While
inflation and capitalism do make things difficult for
most people, these things do not make budgeting and
saving impossible. Those with financial anxiety will have
a hard time realizing this, however.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 55

What Can You Do?

If you’re struggling with financial anxiety, just know

that you’re not alone. Plenty of people all over the
world are currently dealing with this form of anxiety,
and the triggers — prices going up, budget cuts, expen‐
sive health scares, downsizing, etc — can be crushing
and constant. Thankfully, there are a number of things
you can do if you’ve been feeling anxious about your
finances. Let’s go over some financial strategies that
should help to alleviate some of the anxiety you’ve been
experiencing below.

Set Financial Goals

If you’re dealing with financial anxiety, one of the best

things you can do for yourself is set some solid finan‐
cial goals. Decide that you’re going to save a certain
amount of money by a specific date, and start setting it
aside in a savings account or piggy bank. Even if you’re
only able to set aside $10 per month, that’s still better
than nothing. It’s amazing how anxiety-relieving
having some savings can be!

Keep Track of Your Spending

It can be difficult to keep track of your spending, espe‐

cially with things like automatic payments for monthly
subscriptions being a major factor. People with finan‐
56 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

cial anxiety might not want to keep track of their

spending because paying attention to that sort of thing
can be anxiety-inducing. However, you’re going to be
much better off in the long run if you keep track of
your spending habits and avoid spending too much
money on things you don’t really need. That way, you’ll
be able to save and eventually relieve your financial
anxiety.

Make a Financial Plan… and Stick to It

If you’ve been struggling with finances, the first thing

you’re going to want to do is identify your various
financial problems and pain points. Are you attempting
to live outside of your means? Do you have any
monthly subscriptions — such as Netflix and Hulu —
that you’d feel comfortable living without? Once you
identify the source of what’s been draining your money,
you’ll be able to come up with a financial plan and put
that plan into action. Remember to monitor your
progress, and don’t get discouraged by setbacks. It’s a
marathon, not a sprint.

Create a Budget

What are your monthly spending habits like? Do you

always set aside money for things like rent and bills, or
do you spend as you see fit and hope for the best? If it’s
the latter, don’t worry. I’ve been there too, and I know
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 57

how hard it can be to change your bad spending habits.

The easiest way to do so is to create a weekly or
monthly budget. Sit down and figure out how much
money you’re going to spend on your necessities (i.e.
rent, food, bills, doctor’s appointments, etc.) Then, you
can determine how much of your budget you’re going
to contribute to your savings account, your emergency
fund — and finally — things like takeout, clothes, and
video games.

Manage Your Debt

It’s difficult for most people to live a full life without

accumulating some debt here and there. If you happen
to have student debt or credit card debt looming over
you, just know that there are ways to effectively
manage this. It’s important that you contribute a small
part of your weekly or monthly budget to paying off
your debts, as you don’t want them to keep accumu‐
lating interest. If need be, you can create an extra
source of income for yourself — such as dog walking or
renting out an extra room in your house. This will help
you save up enough money to eventually pay off your
debts.

Create an Emergency Fund

There’s nothing more stressful than not having enough

money to pay for healthcare, house maintenance, or car
58 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

maintenance when an emergency occurs. Emergencies

can be scary, and they usually come out of nowhere.
You never know when you’re going to have to rush
your significant other to the emergency room or take
your pet to the vet for emergency surgery. These things
happen, but setting up an emergency fund will ensure
that you’ll be able to take care of the financial side of
things when they do.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

It’s perfectly natural to compare yourself to others,

especially with the prevalence of social media and
wealthy influencers showing off their luxurious
lifestyles. It’s very important, however, that you don’t
compare your life to the lives of people on social media.
Most of the time, social media is a facade. People aren’t
going to share the bad parts of their lives on Instagram.
They’re only going to share the highlights. Chances are,
they’re struggling just as much as you are (even if that
struggle isn’t financial in nature).

GRIEF

When you’re grieving, it can oftentimes feel like you've

lost all sense of control — which, of course, can feed
your anxiety. The passing of a loved one is always
stressful and sad. It’s perfectly normal (and healthy) to
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 59

grieve, but if you’ve been through insurmountable grief

in your life, it has probably taken a toll on both your
physical and mental health. Those who have lost
someone dear to them will typically be reluctant to get
close to someone else in the same way after the fact.
Those with terminally ill parents or siblings may have a
heightened sense of anxiety due to anticipatory grief.
The fear of losing a particular loved one may loom over
them and cause them to feel on edge.

Grief is a huge, complicated emotion, and it’s not some‐

thing the average person can healthily deal with if they
don’t have a good support system. When I lost my best
friend to cancer, I didn’t know how to cope. The fact
that the world kept moving forward after she was gone
seemed absurd to me. It made me angry for a long time,
and then, for even longer, it made me sad. She passed
away almost a decade ago, and it still makes me sad. I’ve
come to realize, though, that she would want me to
accept her death and move on with my life. Of course,
this is easier said than done. I’m probably always going
to have a hole in my heart, but I’m learning how to
patch it up. Slowly but surely.

I’m not telling you this story to make you sad, or to

trigger you in any way. I just want you to know that
you’re not alone. One thing I’ve noticed about the topic
of grief is that we don’t talk about it enough. Talking
60 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

about grief might be painful — especially for those who

have lost someone — but it’s an incredibly important
part of the healing process. So, let’s talk about it.

What It Can Feel Like

Grief is a natural reaction to loss. It tends to go hand in

hand with anxiety, especially in the early stages (i.e.
denial, anger, and bargaining). From there, one will
typically slip into depression, which is the longest stage
of grief for most people. The final stage of grief, as you
may or may not know, is acceptance. It’s important to
keep in mind, however, that just because you’ve
accepted the death of the person or pet you’ve been
grieving, that doesn’t mean you’re done grieving
forever. Anyone who’s lost someone knows it’s more
complicated than that.

Those who are grieving might feel unsafe or like they

don’t have control in certain situations. They might
start to feel anxious about their own health, or the
health of their loved ones. Some people who are going
through the cycle of grief might lash out at others, or
avoid social situations. It’s important to note that
everyone experiences grief differently. You might feel
numb after a loved one passes, or you might feel over‐
whelmed with emotion. That — in part — is what
makes grief such a significant anxiety trigger.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 61

What It Can Look Like

Denial

For a person who’s just lost someone, it can be difficult

to face reality. Losing someone you love can be an
extreme shock to the system, and it’s only natural to
feel like everything is slipping through your fingers all
of a sudden. Those who have recently lost someone
might stay in a state of denial for quite some time. It’s a
common coping mechanism, but it is oftentimes short-
lived.

Anger

The next stage in the grief cycle is usually anger. After

losing someone you love, it’s normal to feel angry about
the lack of control you have over the situation. You
might feel like life isn’t fair, and that the whole world is
trash without that person in it. I know that’s how I felt
when I lost my friend. In this stage, you may lash out at
others and burst into tears at random times. This stage
can be difficult, but remember to breathe. This too shall
pass.

Bargaining

In order to feel more in control of the situation, or to

more effectively cope with your loss, you might attempt
to bargain with the truth. This stage is similar to denial,
62 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

although it's a bit more complicated. You may get

nervous, irritable, and eventually depressed when you
realize that some of the "what ifs" you've been enter‐
taining wouldn't have prevented the loss from
happening.

Depression

The depression stage is probably what most people

think of when they think of grief. This stage tends to be
quite long, and for a lot of people, it’s the most difficult
stage of grief to get through. When in the depression
stage, you might experience bouts of intense sadness
and isolate yourself from others. You may feel fearful
about what’s going to happen next, which, in turn, can
amplify your anxiety.

Acceptance

Once you learn how to accept the reality of your loss,

you’ll be able to focus on healing. Acceptance is a leap
of faith. It’s a huge mountain to climb over, and a lot of
people can’t do it alone. The steps that follow the
grieving process might make some people feel anxious
because they know that they’re going to be entering
into a period of significant change. Some may feel like
everything is changing too fast, and that they’re not
ready to let go quite yet. This is understandably anxi‐
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 63

ety-inducing, but coping mechanisms like attending

talk therapy and practicing self-care can help.

What Can You Do?

Remember, the grieving process is normal and healthy

— just so long as you have the tools to effectively
manage your emotions once you’ve been through all of
the stages of the grief cycle. It’s possible for some people
with anxiety to be diagnosed with prolonged grief disor‐
der, which is essentially a complicated form of grief that
takes an abnormally long time to go away. This is rela‐
tively rare, and most of the time, it’s a trauma response.
However, it’s still something to be aware of. Let’s go
over some strategies you can try out if you’ve been
having a difficult time coping with your grief below.

Make Space for Grief

The last thing you want to do is bottle up painful

emotions. Although shoving your emotions under the
rug may feel easier at first, it’s ultimately going to make
your anxiety and depression worse. Grief is your body’s
way of handling the unique stress that comes with
losing a loved one, and it’s healthy for you to experi‐
ence the emotions that accompany it. I’ve mentioned, a
few times now, the importance of confronting your
64 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

anxiety head-on. Confronting your feelings of grief

head-on is a big part of confronting your anxiety as a
whole.

Practice Self-Care

When you’re going through a grieving period, it can be

difficult to take proper care of yourself. This is espe‐
cially true during the depression stage. You might lose
your appetite or feel unable to practice good personal
hygiene during this time. Although it might be hard,
practicing self-care can make you feel a whole lot
better. Even just taking a shower and putting on some
clean clothes can work wonders. Getting yourself
outside and breathing in the fresh air might help as
well.

Write About Your Grief

If you’re not sure how to process your grief, try writing

about it. Writing can be a great way to organize your
thoughts and emotions, and it’s a fantastic form of self-
expression, too. You might find it therapeutic to keep a
journal and track your emotions throughout your
grieving process. If you enjoy creative writing, you
might gain some solace from writing a poem or a
creative essay about the person you’ve lost. This would
also be a wonderful way to pay homage to that person.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 65

Seek Out Support and Connection

Grief counseling can be exceptionally helpful.

Sometimes, what a person going through the grief cycle
needs most is someone to talk to. A good grief coun‐
selor will be able to help you manage your complicated
emotions as well as provide you with effective coping
tools. It’s also a good idea to stay connected with your
other loved ones. For example, if you and your friend
both knew the person who passed away, your friend
might be going through their own grieving process.
Grieving together can be therapeutic in comparison to
grieving alone, so don’t be afraid to reach out to them.

S E V E R E I LLNESS DIAGNOSIS/HEALTH
P RO B LE M S

Whether it's a chronic or life-threatening condition,

like cancer, or a significant health event — like a stroke,
heart attack, or immobilizing injury — getting diag‐
nosed with a serious health problem can be incredibly
disruptive and anxiety-inducing. Most major health
problems seem to appear out of nowhere, and they can
completely derail your life.

If you’ve been diagnosed with a serious health problem,

you may feel paralyzed by shock or overwhelmed with
the sense that you'll never be able to properly cope with
66 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

your illness. Some might feel numb or emotionally

exhausted, and some might respond with denial, anger,
or bargaining (i.e. some might experience the five
stages of grief). The inner turmoil you feel after getting
a serious diagnosis might make it difficult for you to
think clearly or perform your daily tasks at work. In
some cases, being diagnosed with a chronic health
problem can cause a person to develop depression or
an anxiety disorder.

What It Can Feel Like

Life changes are scary for a lot of people, and being

diagnosed with a serious illness is one of the biggest life
changes a person can go through. Those who are in this
situation might worry about the future. They might
grieve the loss of their old life, and be unable to look
past the worst-case scenario. Some may worry about
what will happen to their loved ones after they’re gone,
and some may become obsessed with death and the
dying process. All of this, of course, can mess with your
brain in a big way — so much so that it can contribute
to the deterioration of your physical health.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 67

What It Can Look Like

People who have been diagnosed with a serious health

problem may try to avoid thinking about death and
dying at all costs. They might get dizzy, or experience
panic attacks when they think about dying because the
possibility of death has suddenly become all too real.
Some people might become obsessive about requesting
medical tests and going to doctor’s appointments more
often than they need to. They might become depressed,
or feel frustrated with their situation — which is
understandable. However, living out the rest of your
days in a state of despair is not ideal, which is why I’ve
listed some effective coping strategies below.

What Can You Do?

Understand Your Condition

Gaining a deeper understanding of your condition may

alleviate some of the fear and stress you’re feeling about
it. The more you understand something, the less scary
it will seem. It’s important that you ask your doctor
questions and be patient with the pace of your treat‐
ment and recovery. Seek support from others when you
need it, and be open to the changes that are about to
happen in your life. Take a deep breath. The situation is
68 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

not ideal, but you’re going to have an easier time

dealing with it if you learn to accept it.

Explore Your Emotions

Participating in activities like making mind maps and

journaling daily can help you explore and more effec‐
tively manage your emotions. Doing this can help you
distinguish between your worries that are solvable and
your worries that are unsolvable. Writing in a journal is
also a great way to process your emotions. You’ll have
an easier time keeping track of your thoughts, which
should help you figure out what you’re really thinking
and feeling about all of this.

Pursue Activities That Bring You Joy

When you’re dealing with a serious illness, it can be

helpful to distract yourself. This might be a good time
to pick up a hobby you’ve been neglecting for a long
time — such as painting or bird watching. You may be
inclined to learn something new, or you may gain a
newfound appreciation for nature. Enjoy the little
things, and spend time with the people you love most.
Talk to others about your thoughts and emotions, and
spread joy wherever you can. Take care of yourself and
be responsible for your own happiness. Trust me. It’ll
help.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 69

L O S I N G A JOB

Losing your job can be extremely stressful. Your job is

likely how you support yourself and your family. You
know that without it you might not be able to do things
like pay rent or put dinner on the table. Looking for a
job can be equally as stressful, especially if you’re
scrambling to find work after getting downsized or
replaced by an automated system. If you’ve lost your
job recently, you might feel downtrodden and anxious
about the future. You might be questioning your iden‐
tity, which is a symptom that tends to accompany
feeling powerless. Let’s talk more about the unique
stress that comes with losing a job below.

What It Can Feel Like

Losing a job often comes with its own grieving process.

You may miss the structure that work gave you, or feel
a loss of control over the direction your life is headed.
Some people going through unemployment will find
themselves feeling hopeless and insecure after losing a
job. They might feel betrayed by their employer, or they
might blame themselves for losing their job in the first
place — which is actually rather in line with the symp‐
toms of anxiety and depression. You may feel even
70 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

worse if the job loss was somehow your fault, but listen:
everyone makes mistakes, and a lot of employers do not
(for whatever reason) allow room for human error.
Don’t ruminate on it. That will only make things worse.

What It Can Look Like

Those who are going through unemployment may

experience physical symptoms due to the stress and
anxiety they might be feeling. These symptoms may
include depression, insomnia, back pain, headaches,
and high blood pressure. Some might get into the habit
of self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, and some
might spend most of their days “sick in bed.”
Remember, losing a job comes with its own grieving
process. It’s perfectly natural to lose the will to take
proper care of yourself for a little while, but this is a
dangerous road to go down. Let’s talk about what you
can do if you’ve recently lost a job and are having a
difficult time coping with the anxiety that comes with
that.

What Can You Do?

Face Your Feelings

If you’ve lost a job recently, you’re probably experi‐

encing a lot of complicated feelings. It’s very important
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 71

that you allow yourself to feel these feelings rather than

bottle them up. Try not to beat yourself up about the
job loss, and look for any silver linings in the situation.
Perhaps you were unhappy in that position, anyway,
and now you have the opportunity to find a better job.
If you’d like to, you can write about your feelings in
your journal. This will help you accept reality and avoid
internalizing your feelings of rejection.

Seek Out a Support System

You shouldn’t have to go through the stress of unem‐

ployment alone. Try to think of this as an opportunity
to reconnect with old friends or open up to your family
members. If you’re feeling ready to find new employ‐
ment, join a job club and network to create meaningful
connections. Spend time with those you love most, and
try to let go of the things you can’t control. There’s no
sense in spending all of your time worrying about the
future of your employment because that’s not some‐
thing you can control during all hours of the day. Take
the time to relax with your friends and family. You
deserve to do so.

Find Other Ways to Define Yourself

This might be a good time to pick up a new hobby or

get back into something you enjoyed previously but
haven’t really had time to engage in because of work.
72 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

Go on camping trips with your friends, and start

writing that novel you’ve been putting off. Volunteer at
your local humane society, and get into a new routine
to keep yourself busy. As cheesy as it may sound, life is
for the living. Just because you’re unemployed, that
doesn’t mean you have to put your life on hold. Get out
there, and live it to the fullest.

Practice Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance is all about accepting the fact that

there are some things in your life that you can’t control.
It’s okay to feel your feelings and grieve about losing a
job, but ruminating on it ultimately isn’t productive.
The best thing you can do for yourself in this situation
is accept your unemployment and move on. Once
you’re able to do this, you’ll be able to search for a new
job and get your life back on track.

S EG U E

Life is full of unique challenges, and many of these

challenges — particularly money problems, job loss,
illness diagnosis, and grief — can trigger anxiety in a lot
of people. Existing as a human being is difficult, but it’s
also beautiful. You have the power to be responsible for
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 73

your own happiness and health, even when life throws

you curveballs. In the next chapter, I’ll discuss some of
the anxiety triggers you may face in your everyday life
— as well as some strategies to help you cope with these
triggers.
 4

T R I G G E R 2 : W H E N LI F E J U S T
H A P P E N S…

“He who is not every day conquering some fear

has not learned the secret of life.”

— RALPH WALDO EMERSON

W hile big life challenges, like losing a job or

getting a serious health diagnosis, are almost
always anxiety-inducing, there are a number of
everyday life challenges that can be quite triggering for
people with anxiety as well. Big anxiety triggers — like
going to college or starting a new job — can branch off
into a whole bunch of smaller triggers, such as having
to live with a roommate for the first time or having to
give a presentation at work. While these changes are
exciting, they can also be quite nerve-wracking, espe‐
76 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

cially for someone with an anxiety disorder. For some,

the anxiety might outweigh the excitement, which may
ruin the mood and prevent the anxiety sufferer from
enjoying what should be an invigorating time in their
life.

When Charles was a freshman in college, he found it

nearly impossible to leave his dorm room for the first
few weeks. Even going to the cafeteria felt like too
much because of his social anxiety. He started spending
money he didn’t have on microwaveable meals and
takeout just so he could avoid going to the cafeteria —
where he was sure he’d be forced to sit alone around
hundreds of people — which in his mind, was the abso‐
lute worst. Of course, this was his heightened sense of
anxiety attempting to protect him from social rejection.
His anxiety convinced him that it was better to be alone
all by himself than to sit alone while surrounded by a
bunch of strangers.

The problem with this logic is, if you never put yourself
out there, strangers will continue to be strangers.
Charles was introverted to an extreme, but he eventu‐
ally realized that he was going to have to rip the
bandaid off and make some friends. He started talking
casually with people in his classes, and joined his
school’s rowing team, which made him feel like a part
of a community. Suddenly, he had people to sit with in
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 77

the cafeteria and friends to hang out with on the week‐

ends. Making friends can take time for people with
anxiety, but it’s totally possible and completely worth it.

Let’s talk more about the anxiety triggers that often

come with going to college, as well as some other
notable everyday life changes that may heavily impact
people with anxiety issues — such as being a new
parent, starting a new job, and dealing with family and
relationship problems. I’ll also go over some coping
strategies you can use to manage your anxiety in
specific situations.

CO LLEG E

College is an exciting time for most people because it

offers students the ability to live independently, make
new friends, and explore new ideas — even in the midst
of the hustle and bustle of final exams and graduation
celebrations. These changes can oftentimes be chal‐
lenging for college students, as well as high school
students and parents who are thinking ahead. College
students abruptly cut themselves off from their usual
community of friends and family overnight, which can
understandably be very stressful. At the same time, they
have to learn how to manage a hefty workload, live
with roommates, and establish an individual identity.
It’s no wonder that college students are so anxious!
78 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

If you’re going to college soon, you might have some

concerns about what’s to come. This anxiety you’re
feeling is totally normal, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy
to deal with. It might help to define and pinpoint your
specific anxieties regarding college, so we’ll delve into
that next as well as go over some effective coping
mechanisms you can use to make your college stress a
little more manageable.

What It Can Feel Like

Going to college can be scary — for students and

parents alike. It’s a whole new world, and as a student,
you’re being separated from your friends, family, and
everything you know (usually for the first time). As a
new college student, you might be concerned about
living with a roommate and making new friends. You
might wonder how you’re going to manage your work‐
load, because it’s likely going to be heavier than it was
in high school. College is also a time for self-discovery.
This can be daunting for people with anxiety, but it can
also be super exciting! You’ll be independent from your
parents and your hometown for the first time. It’s the
perfect opportunity to work on yourself and discover
who you are as a person.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 79

What It Can Look Like

New college students will frequently experience

homesickness, which is actually a form of separation
anxiety. Chances are you’ve been homesick before.
Maybe you missed your parents while at sleep-away
camp when you were a kid, or perhaps you spent a
week at your grandparents’ house across the country
and couldn’t get over the feeling of wanting to go
home. Homesickness is a common stress response for
most new college students, especially those who are
more introverted. The symptoms of homesickness in
college students may include nausea, loss of appetite,
trouble sleeping, shaking or trembling, muscle tension,
fatigue, and struggling to pay attention and sit still
while in class.

As an anxious college student, you may have trouble

speaking up during lectures. Test-taking might be diffi‐
cult for you, especially if you have anxiety in conjunc‐
tion with ADHD (which is fairly common). You might
struggle to turn in assignments on time, and, like
Charles, you might keep to yourself and isolate in your
dorm room rather than socialize with other students.
You may begin to feel out of control, and like you just
want to go home. These feelings are normal, but they
can also be incredibly overwhelming. My advice is to
stick with it. No matter how much you’re struggling,
80 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

things will get better with time. If you’re really unhappy

at your college, transferring schools is always an option
as well.

What Can You Do?

If you’re a college student who’s currently struggling

with anxiety, there are a number of things you can do
to help yourself feel better. The strategies listed below
should help you quell your homesickness as well as be
the best student you can be — both academically and
socially. Keep in mind that it may take some time to
find your niche and your people in college, but when
you do, you’ll forget that you were ever homesick in the
first place.

Keep a Normal Routine

As human beings, we thrive on routine. When you were

in high school, you probably had a daily routine that
worked quite well for you. Now that you’re in college,
you get to figure out a brand new daily routine for
yourself. Make sure to keep your calendar updated with
your class schedule. I used a whiteboard calendar, and
hung it up next to my bed in my dorm room. I can’t
recommend this enough! Try not to overload yourself
with schoolwork, as college isn’t just about academics.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 81

Make time for friends, clubs, sports, or whatever else

you’re interested in.

Watch Your Nutrition and Diet

Although living on pizza and instant ramen may be

tempting, this type of diet isn’t very good for your brain
and body. Your school’s dining hall may be relatively
lackluster, but chances are, it at least has a salad bar. If
you’re on a meal plan — most college freshmen are —
you shouldn’t have any trouble getting your daily dose
of proteins, carbs, fruits, and vegetables. I’m not saying
you should deny yourself the occasional treat every
once in a while. Just don’t go overboard with it.
Maintain a healthy diet, and your brain and body will
be happy.

Take Breaks

College students are prone to overworking themselves.

This is especially true for students in STEM, although
writing a 10-12 page literature paper is no walk in the
park either. Remember to be realistic about your course
load (especially as a freshman), and don’t forget to take
breaks every once in a while. For people with anxiety and
ADHD, the Pomodoro technique can work wonders.
Setting a Pomodoro timer will allow you to focus on your
work for 25-minute increments while taking short breaks
82 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

in between. It’s a truly fantastic way to study. While taking

breaks from studying, try going for a walk around campus
or call up an old friend from home. You’ll be able to return
to your assignment feeling refreshed and ready to work.

Find Resources on Campus

You’ll have a difficult time finding a college campus

that doesn’t have a mental health resource center. If
you’ve been struggling with anxiety, depression, or
homesickness, don’t be afraid to ask for help. You
should be able to see a counselor on campus for rela‐
tively cheap as often as you need to. A good counselor
will be able to help you organize your thoughts and
take some of the emotional weight you’ve been feeling
off your shoulders.

B E I N G A N E W PARENT

This might feel like a bit of a jump, but hey — there are
few things more stressful than being a new parent.
Now that we’ve talked about some of the stressors that
can trigger anxiety in college students, let’s discuss the
most anxiety-inducing parts of having a baby and being
a parent for the first time. Like going to college, having
a baby is a major milestone. Your whole life changes
after you have a baby, which can send some new
parents into a state of shock. New mothers in particular
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 83

might experience postpartum depression (or post‐

partum anxiety, which isn’t talked about quite as much).

Postpartum anxiety can be just as debilitating as post‐

partum depression. Most of the time, they go hand-in-
hand. It’s definitely not something that should be
ignored or brushed aside. Postpartum anxiety symp‐
toms generally take the form of intense worry, in
contrast to postpartum depression, which can make
new parents feel extremely depressed or even disinter‐
ested in their baby. The author of The Hormone Cure,
Sara Gottfried, M.D., claims that you continuously feel
nervous and tense while experiencing postpartum anxi‐
ety. "I think of postpartum anxiety as the loss of a
normal sense of balance and calm, and postpartum
depression as a loss of heart,” she states. Let’s discuss
what postpartum anxiety can feel like below, as that
should help you gain a deeper understanding of it.

What It Can Feel Like

Those who are suffering from postpartum anxiety will

typically go through bouts of insomnia due to their
intense anxious feelings. Basically, they’re plagued by
the fear that their baby will stop breathing in their
sleep, even if the baby is perfectly healthy. If you have
postpartum anxiety, you might be afraid to leave your
baby alone for a few minutes with an adult you trust —
84 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

even your spouse. Sometimes, postpartum anxiety can

ignite acute agoraphobia in new parents. You might be
afraid to leave your house due to the fear of someone
hurting you or your baby. You might spend a lot of time
worrying about the worst-case scenarios — so much so
that you won’t be able to enjoy all of the wonderful
parts of being a new parent.

What It Can Look Like

If you’ve been diagnosed with postpartum anxiety, you

may experience physical symptoms, such as nausea, loss
of appetite, and shortness of breath. You might avoid
certain people and activities, or have trouble relaxing
and sitting still. Some postpartum anxiety sufferers will
get into the habit of checking things over and over
again (which is a symptom that is oftentimes related to
OCD). Usually, this stems from the tendency to be
overly cautious, even in situations that aren’t danger‐
ous. You’re more likely to experience postpartum
anxiety if you have a history of it in your family, or if
your hormones are fluctuating a lot — which tends to
happen to most mothers shortly after giving birth.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 85

What Can You Do?

If you’re having a hard time with being a new parent,

you’re definitely not alone. Being a new parent is hard
work, and it makes sense that you’d feel anxious (and
exhausted) from time to time. If you’re suffering from
postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety, being a
new parent can be even more challenging. Here are a
few things you can do if you’re struggling during those
first few months of parenthood.

Cuddle Your Baby

Cuddling with your baby is a great way to bond with

them. Spend enough time cuddling and holding your
baby, and you might just find that this activity is benefi‐
cial for both of you. When you cuddle your baby, your
brain releases oxytocin. This can significantly reduce
your anxiety, as well as make your baby feel loved and
safe. (Pro tip: Try smelling the top of your newborn’s
head when you’re feeling particularly anxious. This
smell is usually quite pleasant and can be incredibly
comforting for new parents).

Develop a Support System

Raising a new baby is hard, but you don’t have to do it

alone. Hopefully, you have a supportive partner and
family members who are willing to help out once in a
86 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

while. Trust me — your mom wants nothing more than

to love and spoil your little one. That’s what grandmas
are for! There are also plenty of online support groups
for new parents who are struggling, so if you’re a single
parent and you don’t live close to your parents, that
might be something to look into.

Take Care of Yourself

New parents have a tendency to forget about their own

needs and focus solely on the needs of their baby. While
taking care of your baby is important, you should also
make sure that your own needs are being met. Try to
maintain a healthy diet, and sleep as much as you can. It
may be a little rough for those first few months, but it
will get easier! Just keep trucking along.

FA M I LY / S I G N IFICANT OTHER

There’s a reason the holidays are such a stressful time

for most people, and that reason is — unfortunately —
family. Now, I love my family, but there’s no denying
that they can be a little much at times. Perhaps you feel
the same way. Being around one’s parents (and
extended family in particular) can be anxiety-inducing
for adults who have been living on their own for a long
time. When you bring your significant other into the
mix, it can make the situation all the more stressful.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 87

You might be concerned about how your family will

treat your significant other, or you might worry that
your partner won’t like your family.

What It Can Feel Like

People with anxiety are typically afraid of conflict, so it

makes sense that reuniting with family members you’ve
had conflicts with in the past would ignite some
anxious feelings within you. Young adults who aren’t
following in their parents’ footsteps (i.e. perhaps you
became an artist instead of a doctor) might feel pres‐
sured by their parents to pursue a different career path.
This can be frustrating, invalidating, and very, very
anxiety-inducing — but remember: you’re an adult and
you get to be your own person.

It’s also common for young adults with anxiety to

dread the questions their parents are going to ask them
or their significant other at the dinner table. Nobody
wants to feel like they’re being interviewed over
Thanksgiving dinner, after all. Try to keep in mind that
you don’t have to answer any questions you don’t want
to answer. Your parents are only asking these questions
because they love and care about you, but you’re
allowed to tell them if they’re being too nosy!
88 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

What It Can Look Like

People with anxiety disorders might find themselves

reverting back to child-like behavior when they’re
forced to spend more time than they’re accustomed to
spending with their parents and siblings. You might
find yourself throwing tantrums or arguing with your
sister, like you did when you were a teenager. While
this can be an alarming experience, it’s quite normal,
and it stems from anxiety. This holiday season, try to be
aware of your own behavior, and in the face of conflict,
try to be the bigger person. This should help you to feel
less anxious.

What Can You Do?

There are a number of things you can do to quell your

anxious feelings when you’re spending time with
family. One of the best things you can do is anticipate
any potential triggers. If you know that your mom is
going to start asking you questions about work, for
example, you can decide ahead of time how you’re
going to respond to those questions. You should also
try to keep comforting people (and pets!) close by. If
your partner is your rock, then stick by them and
confide in them when your family is making you feel
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 89

anxious or depressed. Hugging your dog once in a

while can’t hurt, either!

Try to stay grounded in the present, and don’t take

anything that your parents or siblings say personally. It’s
also important that you speak up for yourself when a
family member has hurt your feelings. Sometimes, our
loved ones hurt us without even realizing it. Speaking
up for yourself may be a great way to prevent a certain
family member from sticking their foot in their mouth
again. It’s also a good idea to set some boundaries if your
family members are particularly nosy. For example, your
parents have got to keep in mind that you’re an adult
now, and they can’t just barge into the bedroom that you
and your partner are sharing while you’re there.

WO R K

Ah, yes… work. Is there any daily activity that’s more

stressful than work? Feeling concerned, anxious,
uncomfortable, or tense about one's job or one's rela‐
tionships with coworkers is often referred to as work‐
place anxiety. Anxiety at work is widespread; studies
show that over 40% of Americans say they experience
workplace stress on the daily. While a little bit of stress
at work is normal, excessive workplace anxiety can
have a detrimental impact on your mental health and
90 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

physical well-being. This may cause issues in both your

personal and professional lives if you don't know how
to cope with it.

What It Can Feel Like

Granted, when it comes to work, there are usually a lot

of things to be stressed out about. Depending on the
type of job you have, you might have to talk on the
phone a lot or interact with customers who don’t seem
to understand basic human decency. I worked in food
service throughout my twenties, so trust me — I get it.
People with workplace anxiety will often worry about
things like driving to work, making small talk with
their colleagues, giving presentations, and speaking up
in meetings. Some may stress out about finances if their
job doesn’t pay them enough. Most minimum-wage
employees have to take a second job or a side gig to
afford the cost of living these days, which only adds to
their workplace anxiety.

What It Can Look Like

Those who are struggling with workplace anxiety may

fail to meet deadlines or take too long to complete tasks
they would normally have no trouble completing. If
you have anxiety at work, you might have a difficult
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 91

time concentrating during meetings and interactions

with customers. You may start taking more sick days to
avoid going to work, or you may develop some somatic
symptoms — such as headaches, dizziness, and an upset
stomach. People with workplace anxiety tend to get
burnt out more quickly than people who don’t suffer
from this type of anxiety. This burnt-out feeling can
spill over into your personal life, and affect your non-
work-related relationships.

What Can You Do?

If you’re currently suffering from workplace anxiety,

you should know that you’re not alone and that this
feeling won’t last forever. It’s very important that you
acknowledge your stressed-out feelings and talk to
someone you trust about what you’re going through. If
you have a good manager, they can be a good support
system for you, as can a friendly coworker. Remember
to take breaks while at work. When I was working a
particularly stressful job, I always found it helpful to
put on my headphones and take a quick walk around
the block. It’s also important to know your limits and
work within those limits. The number one thing that
causes burnout and workplace anxiety is working too
much, so just keep that in mind.
92 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

S EG U E

Keeping track of the things that trigger your anxiety on

a daily basis can be incredibly helpful, as can utilizing
the various coping mechanisms outlined in this chap‐
ter. In the next section, I’ll dive into anxiety triggers
that typically stem from trauma — such as the trauma
we maintain from childhood or past relationships.
 5

TRIGGER 3: WHEN THINGS GET

PERSONAL…

“In order to move on, you must understand why

you felt what you did and why you no longer
need to feel it.”

— MITCH ALBOM

F or many people, their anxiety stems from past

trauma, mostly (but not always) from childhood.
The events that happen to you during your childhood
are essentially the building blocks that make up the
foundation for your adulthood. These events don’t
define who you are, but they happened — and the sooner
you’re able to accept that they happened, the sooner
you’ll be able to let go and live your adult life without
these unfortunate events looming over you. This is
94 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

easier said than done, but it isn’t something you have to

conquer on your own.

The fact of the matter is, if your childhood trauma is

the main thing that’s been triggering your adult anxiety
(as is the case for many people), then something must
be done about it. Thankfully, there are plenty of coping
strategies you can use to help yourself in situations
where your anxiety is getting triggered due to past
traumatic experiences. One of the most effective ways
to process childhood trauma is to participate in
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. CBT is one of the best
PTSD treatments out there, and considering the fact
that anxiety tends to go hand-in-hand with PTSD, it’s
no surprise that CBT has been proven to help anxiety
patients with trauma-related anxiety triggers.

A friend of mine (who I’ll call “Maddy”) gave me

permission to share the following story with you. When
Maddy was a little girl, she had a difficult home life.
You would never guess that this was the case because
she went to school with a smile every day and was
generally very curious about the world. Little did her
teachers and classmates know, her parents got into
screaming matches almost every night. Her father was
an alcoholic, and he would oftentimes lash out at
Maddy when she tried to stand up for her mother.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 95

Her mother eventually became emotionally unavailable

and distant towards her, despite Maddy’s efforts to help
her. Of course, Maddy should never have been put in
that position in the first place. She was only nine years
old. She started developing symptoms of anxiety and
PTSD, like insomnia and nightmares. She had trouble
eating and began to have panic attacks at school on a
regular basis. Her dad, at this point, was too far gone,
and her mom dismissed her symptoms as being overly
sensitive.

When Maddy turned ten, her dad left in the middle of

the night and never came back. This meant that
Maddy’s mom had to raise her on her own. Although
both of them felt some relief after Maddy’s dad left,
Maddy’s mom was struggling to make ends meet. She
started taking double shifts at work, which meant
Maddy was left alone for hours at a time. She began to
feel lonely and sad, and with no one to share her
worries with, she eventually started self-harming.

After a few months, Maddy’s mother noticed the scars

covering her daughter’s arms. She decided to take
Maddy to a therapist, who — after years of Cognitive
Behavioral Therapy — helped Maddy understand the
ways in which her traumatic past impacted her mental
health. By the time she was sixteen, Maddy learned
how to utilize certain coping strategies, such as mind‐
96 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

fulness and journaling. She also learned how to express

her thoughts and emotions, which allowed her to begin
to heal from the trauma she’d experienced.

As Maddy grew older, she gained confidence and inde‐

pendence. She excelled in school, made new friends,
and even landed her dream job as a wildlife conserva‐
tionist. She learned how to recognize and cope with her
anxiety triggers — which included things like men
yelling and children crying. She also learned how to set
necessary boundaries with those who had hurt her in
the past, which allowed her to prioritize her mental
health.

Despite going through trauma during her childhood,

Maddy was eventually able to overcome her anxiety
and thrive as an adult. It wasn’t easy, and it admittedly
took some time, but going through this healing process
was absolutely crucial to her adult happiness. Her past
trauma had been preventing her from living her life to
the fullest, and she didn’t want that to be the case
forever.

If you’re struggling with anxiety triggers brought on by

past trauma, you’re definitely not alone. In this chapter,
we’ll discuss both childhood trauma and relationship
trauma as significantly impactful anxiety triggers. Let’s
take a closer look at what these past traumas can look
and feel like, as well as go over some coping strategies
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 97

you can use to quell your anxious feelings after you’ve

been triggered.

This may be a difficult chapter for some people, so feel

free to skip it now and come back to it when you’re
ready. Being uncomfortable is a big part of the healing
process, but you shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable
until you’re ready to be uncomfortable. Just keep that in
mind. Without further ado, let’s get into it, shall we?

( C H I LD H OOD) TRAUMA

Experiencing childhood trauma can certainly increase

one’s risk of developing anxiety disorders, like PTSD,
OCD, and Social Anxiety Disorder. As I mentioned
previously, the best way to address your feelings of
anxiety — once you’ve been triggered — is to confront
your trauma directly. It’s also important to remember
that anxiety is a common condition, so you’re not going
through this alone. As we’ve already learned, anxiety
can manifest in several different forms, such as persis‐
tent and intense worry about everyday situations.
Those who have been through childhood trauma are
statistically more likely to experience these types of
symptoms, which can sometimes lead to the develop‐
ment of an anxiety disorder.
98 | K I R K T E AC HO U T

Childhood trauma is a well-known phenomenon, and

it’s something that can stay with us throughout our
lives. Oftentimes, childhood trauma can cause anxiety
that we may not even realize is rooted in past experi‐
ences. Even when we do recognize the source of our
trauma, it can be difficult to deal with and move past
for most people. The reason childhood trauma tends to
linger is that we often suppress it, which tends to mani‐
fest as PTSD over time. It's a natural tendency to avoid
painful situations, but burying your problems is ulti‐
mately more harmful than it is helpful.

Your childhood experiences, both good and bad, have

shaped who you are today. The people you were
surrounded by as a kid (i.e. family, friends, teachers,
and strangers) have all impacted you in different ways.
Unfortunately, as children, it's not uncommon for us to
be hurt by the adults in our lives — which can lead to a
general feeling of distrust in those who suffer from
anxiety and PTSD. It’s important to recognize that
exploring issues like anxiety will usually involve
looking back at your past experiences. You’ve got to
acknowledge and address your past traumas in order to
effectively move forward and heal.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 99

What It Can Feel Like

Childhood trauma-based anxiety is a complicated

problem, and it’s not something that’s easy for most
people to deal with. The thing about childhood trauma-
based anxiety is, you never really know how it’s going
to manifest. Some people might feel like they're
worrying all the time, even if things aren't actually that
bad. Others might be on edge and unable to relax, or
feel restless a lot of the time. Emotions can be intense
and unpredictable, making it hard to feel like you're in
control. It's also pretty common to feel like you're
always on guard, and those with PTSD might have
repetitive dreams or memories that are especially
distressing.

Unfortunately, some people turn to drugs or alcohol to

help deal with all of these feelings, which can make
matters worse. On top of that, it can be really hard to
concentrate, or to stop thinking about all the worst
possible outcomes of any given situation. Making deci‐
sions is particularly difficult when you're dealing with
this kind of anxiety, because it feels like there's always
something to worry about. Letting go of your worries
can be almost impossible, and some may feel like they’ll
be stuck with their worries for the rest of their life.
This, in a nutshell, is what childhood trauma-based
anxiety can feel like.
100 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

What It Can Look Like

Again, there’s no telling how childhood trauma-based

anxiety is going to manifest. It typically depends on the
person and the experiences they’ve been through. That
said, this type of anxiety might make it particularly
difficult for you to fall asleep, which means you might
be exhausted during the day a lot of the time. You
might notice concerning changes in your behavior, or
feel like your thoughts are out of control.

It’s also not uncommon for people with childhood

trauma-based anxiety to experience physical symptoms
— such as muscle tension, twitchiness, and extreme
sensitivity to one’s environment. Everyday situations
might feel like too much to handle, and you may feel
especially jumpy in situations that are somewhat trig‐
gering (even if that particular situation is not, in and of
itself, dangerous). Due to constantly being on edge, you
may occasionally feel sick to your stomach. You might
feel like you’re being watched or overanalyze other
people’s reactions to certain situations. These feelings
and symptoms can be difficult to deal with, and they
can ultimately take a significant toll on your relation‐
ships with others.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 101

What Can You Do?

If you’re struggling with anxiety that stems from

childhood trauma, there are thankfully a number of
things you can do to help yourself feel better. My
friend, Maddy, probably would have had a much harder
time dealing with her anxiety had she not gotten
serious about doing what was necessary to heal after
going through trauma. Let’s go over some of the most
effective coping strategies that I came across in my
research below.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

In trauma-based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a ther‐

apist helps you recognize your negative thought
patterns that are related to the traumatic events you’ve
experienced and challenges them. They help you
understand that these thoughts are unproductive and
that they’re negatively impacting your well-being and
personal relationships. In CBT, you work with the
therapist on replacing your harmful thought patterns
with more positive and realistic ones. This process
takes time and patience, but it can eventually help you
heal and move forward, so it’s definitely worth it.
102 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

Prolonged Exposure (PE) Therapy

This type of therapy can be very helpful for people with

severe PTSD. The idea behind PE is to gradually expose
the anxiety patient to their traumatic memories and
experiences in a safe and controlled environment. Over
time, this exposure can help to reduce the fear and
anxiety the person associates with these memories,
which will eventually allow them to process and come
to terms with what happened during their childhood.
PE is often used in conjunction with other forms of
therapy, such as CBT, to provide a more effective
approach to treating childhood trauma-based anxiety.

Face Your Feelings

When it comes to coping with childhood trauma-based

anxiety, facing your feelings head-on can be daunting.
However, it’s a necessary step toward healing. It can be
tempting to push painful emotions aside or bury them
deep down, but the truth is that these feelings will only
continue to fester if you bottle them up. By acknowl‐
edging and allowing yourself to feel your emotions, you
can begin to process and work through them in a
healthy way. Although it may be difficult at first, it will
ultimately be well worth it.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 103

Prioritize Self-Care

Needless to say, trauma can take a huge toll on both

your mental and physical health. For this reason, it’s
important that you make time for self-care activities as
they can help you feel more grounded. Self-care can
include meditation, journaling, physical exercise,
spending time in nature, or simply taking a few
minutes to breathe and check in with yourself. It’s also
important to note that a big part of self-care is setting
boundaries and learning to say no to things you don’t
want to do.

Medication

Medication isn’t always necessary, but it can be excep‐

tionally helpful for some people who are struggling
with extreme trauma-based anxiety. Talk with your
therapist or healthcare provider about going on anti-
anxiety or antidepressant medication if you feel like it
might benefit you. Although there’s some stigma
surrounding using medication to treat mental health
disorders, it’s exceedingly common and is nothing to be
ashamed of. Medication is typically used in tandem
with CBT and Prolonged Exposure Therapy.
Personally, I would only use this tactic as a last resort
once you put the work in with other non-medicated
therapies.
104 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

PA S T RO M A NTIC REL ATIONSHIPS

Now that we’ve discussed the ins and outs of childhood

trauma-based anxiety, let’s move on to a different type
of anxiety trigger — trauma that stems from past
romantic relationships. Have you ever felt doubts, inse‐
curities, and a constant need for reassurance in a rela‐
tionship, even when everything seems perfect? This is
what’s known as relationship anxiety. Relationship
anxiety is a surprisingly common experience, and it can
often stem from early childhood trauma. It usually
indicates an insecure attachment style and severe aban‐
donment or trust issues in people who suffer from this
type of anxiety, however, that’s not always the case.

For a person with relationship anxiety, questions like

"Do they really like me?" and "How long until this falls
apart?" can plague their thoughts, even if they’ve
already exchanged "I love yous” with their partner.
While it's normal to have some worries about a rela‐
tionship, extreme anxiety can significantly impact its
growth or even prevent a relationship from starting
altogether. Let’s take a closer look at how relationship
anxiety can manifest, as well as what you can do to
more effectively cope with your trauma from past rela‐
tionships.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 105

What It Can Feel Like

For those who suffer from relationship anxiety, it can

feel all-consuming. This type of anxiety tends to take a
major toll on your emotional well-being as well as your
romantic relationships. It’s like having a never-ending
barrage of questions bombarding your mind — making
you constantly question yourself, your partner, and the
relationship as a whole. You might find yourself
wondering whether or not you truly matter to your
partner, or worry about the possibility of a breakup.
You may frequently ask your partner for reassurance or
validation, which can put a strain on your relationship.

Relationship anxiety may also lead you to doubt the

long-term compatibility of your relationship, which
could leave you feeling uneasy and uncertain about
your future with your partner. These feelings can make
it difficult for people with this type of anxiety to truly
enjoy their romantic relationships, which is a
saddening issue. Love is one of the best experiences in
the world, and it’s not fair that your anxiety is
preventing you from fully experiencing all of the
beauty that comes with it.

Retrospective Jealousy

Have you ever felt uncomfortable or insecure when

thinking about a romantic partner’s past relationships
106 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

or experiences? It’s normal to feel a bit insecure about

these kinds of things, but if it gets to the point of obses‐
sion, you might want to consider talking to a therapist
about whether or not you could have relationship anxi‐
ety. This type of jealousy can be particularly difficult
for anxious people to deal with because it’s based on
events that have already happened and cannot be
changed.

That said, it’s important to remember that your past

relationships and experiences are a part of who you are.
You might not be happy about some of your partner’s
past relationship choices, but at least they’ve been
honest with you about those choices. The best thing
you can do for yourself is focus on the present and the
future of your relationship with this person, rather
than dwell on the past. Communication and trust are
key when it comes to overcoming retrospective jeal‐
ousy and building a strong, healthy relationship.

What It Can Look Like

Relationship anxiety affects everyone differently.

However, some symptoms you can typically expect to
come across include feeling unmotivated, tired, and
emotionally drained. To make matters worse, these
symptoms can also cause physical discomfort, like
upset stomachs and headaches. People with relation‐
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 107

ship anxiety have a tendency to accidentally mess

things up by starting arguments with their partner or
by distancing themselves even though they're really
upset. This could manifest in different ways, like
hanging out with a toxic ex or overanalyzing their part‐
ner's words or actions.

People with relationship anxiety usually need a lot of

reassurance from their partner. They might always
want to be around their partner and be somewhat
clingy, which could cause them to act a bit controlling
at times. Some people with relationship anxiety might
give their partner the silent treatment for the sake of
avoiding conflict — or, they might do things to please
their partner, even if it means giving up what they
want.

There are plenty of reasons why someone might

develop relationship anxiety. Perhaps they had a
partner who cheated on them in the past, or maybe
their first love broke up with them out of the blue.
Other factors, such as low self-esteem, an insecure
attachment style, or a tendency to doubt their partner's
feelings can also contribute to relationship anxiety.
108 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

What Can You Do?

Thankfully, if you’re suffering from relationship

anxiety, there are certain actions you can take to help
remedy the issue. One option that experts recommend
for treating and managing relationship anxiety is
couples therapy, which may include attending psychoe‐
ducational sessions with your partner. Let’s go over
some of the most effective coping strategies when it
comes to overcoming relationship anxiety below.

Maintain Your Identity

As you and your partner get closer, you may begin to

notice that some aspects of your identity or indepen‐
dence have started to shift in order to make space for
the relationship. This is a common occurrence as
couples become more intertwined. While certain
adjustments, like adjusting to your partner's sleep
schedule, may not affect your sense of self, others might
have a more significant impact. It's important that you
maintain a sense of self in every relationship you enter
into. You shouldn’t change yourself solely to please
your partner, as this won't benefit either of you in the
long run. It's very important that you communicate
with your partner and find ways to compromise and
grow together while still maintaining both of your
individual identities.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 109

Confront Your Anxiety

Charles and Maddy got where they are today because

they learned how to confront their anxiety head-on. If
you’re having trouble confronting your relationship
anxiety, a therapist should be able to help you do so.
They should also be able to help you get used to
normalizing feelings of jealousy. It’s crucial to recog‐
nize that while these feelings are valid, they’re not
always logical.

Practice Good Communication

If you’re struggling with anxiety in your relationship,

it’s absolutely essential that you have honest and open
conversations with your partner about your worries
and expectations for the future. Share any doubts you
may have with them, and work through any challenges
together. This will ultimately be much better than
inventing worst-case scenarios in your head and
getting angry with your partner for no reason they’ll be
able to understand.

Cognitive Behavioral Conjoint Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Conjoint Therapy (CBCT) is a

type of therapy that can help couples work through
relationship anxiety. This type of therapy focuses
specifically on identifying and changing negative
thought patterns and behaviors that can cause anxiety
110 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

and stress in a relationship. CBCT can help couples

learn how to communicate more effectively with one
another, as well as develop better problem-solving
skills. With the guidance of a trained therapist, you and
your partner will be able to learn how to relate to each
other in new ways. This should eventually help you
develop a healthier, more satisfying relationship.

Enjoy the Present

When it comes to being in a romantic relationship,

there’s nothing better than living in the moment.
Focusing on the present moment can be an especially
effective way to cope with relationship anxiety — espe‐
cially for those with anxiety disorders. By enjoying the
present, you’ll be able to redirect your attention away
from your worries and instead focus on living your best
life with your partner. If you’re having trouble enjoying
the present, try doing fun activities with your partner
— such as going for walks or cooking together. You
should also put effort into being mindful of your
thoughts and behaviors, as this will help you to become
more attuned to your own emotions as well as those of
your partner.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 111

S EG U E

It can be especially difficult to face the anxiety triggers

that stem from particularly personal issues — such as
childhood trauma or problems you’ve had to deal with
in past romantic relationships. However, confronting
these triggers is a necessary part of healing and over‐
coming your anxiety in the long run. If you’re strug‐
gling, consider meeting with a Cognitive Behavioral
Therapist. Prioritize self-care and do your best to enjoy
the present moment. In the next section, I’ll dive a little
deeper into social anxiety and the actions you can take
to more effectively cope with it.
 6

T R I G G E R 4 : W H E N G E T-
T O G E T H E R S M A K E YO U F A LL
A PA R T…

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others

think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

— ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

S ocial anxiety can be a particularly difficult beast

to tame. It’s surprising how common social
anxiety is, however, there’s some confusion
surrounding it because it’s often misread as introver‐
sion — which may slightly overlap with social anxiety,
but it’s ultimately not the same thing. Unlike run-of-
the-mill introversion, social anxiety can be an over‐
whelming and paralyzing experience for a lot of people.
The mere thought of being in a crowded room or
making small talk with a group of strangers can trigger
114 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

a flood of uncomfortable emotions and physical sensa‐

tions for people who struggle with social anxiety.

Some people with this type of anxiety may experience

symptoms like sweaty palms, increased heart rate,
racing thoughts, and an upset stomach. It can make it
very difficult to be around other people, and not just in
the context of parties and get-togethers. Even just
going to the grocery store can feel like an insurmount‐
able task for someone with social anxiety.

Social anxiety is oftentimes deeply rooted in the fear of

being judged or rejected — which may or may not stem
from past trauma for some people. This fear can lead
those with social anxiety to avoid social situations alto‐
gether. Take Charles, for instance. When he was in his
mid-twenties, he seldom went to get-togethers with his
friends because his social anxiety was so bad. He always
seemed to have an excuse for why he couldn’t make it
to this and that get-together. “I’m too tired,” he’d tell us.
“I have to be up early tomorrow,” etc., etc.

Some people in our friend group began to wonder if

Charles didn’t like hanging out with them. They
became concerned and eventually annoyed that he
never seemed to want to spend any time with them.
Little did they know, Charles would have loved to get
together with us to see a movie or go out for drinks. It
was just that he was under the control of his social
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 115

anxiety. Charles was aware that some people in our

friend group were irritated with him, too, which only
made his anxiety worse. (There’s a lesson in here
about being patient with your friends who struggle
with social anxiety. They want to spend time with you,
but their anxiety makes it very difficult for them to
do so.)

Eventually, Charles started talking to a therapist about

his social anxiety. She taught him about some tech‐
niques and strategies he could use to more effectively
cope with being anxious in public. He learned how to
talk back to his negative thoughts, and after a while,
was able to reframe them completely. He realized that
catastrophizing and ruminating about being judged by
his friends was ultimately unhelpful and unproductive.
It took some time for him to reframe his anxious
thoughts into more productive ones, but it was time
well-spent. I think he’d definitely agree that it was
worth it.

Although Charles is doing much better now, he still has

to work extra hard to be fully present in social situa‐
tions. He practices mindful breathing before and
during get-togethers in order to avoid letting his social
anxiety get the best of him. Some days are more diffi‐
cult than others, but he’s learned to be patient with
himself — and his friends who previously misunder‐
116 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

stood what he was going through have learned to be

patient with him as well.

It’s important to keep in mind that overcoming social

anxiety is a marathon, not a sprint. Like Charles, you
might experience some especially hard days here and
there, even after you’ve put the work in to properly
address your social anxiety. When the going gets tough,
remember to breathe and have compassion for yourself.
Coping with social anxiety isn’t easy, but it’s definitely
possible if you’re willing to put the time and effort in.

In this chapter, we’ll do a deep dive into social anxiety.

Social anxiety is oftentimes misunderstood. There’s a
lot of misinformation out there — which can make
things worse for socially anxious people who can’t stop
themselves from Googling the symptoms. I want to use
this opportunity to clear some things up. What is social
anxiety, exactly? What are the most common root
causes of this unique type of anxiety, and what sort of
daily activities tend to trigger it? We’ll go over all of this
and more in this chapter, so if you’ve been struggling
with social anxiety, don’t fret! Taking back your life is
totally possible, just as long as you have the right infor‐
mation and tools on hand.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 117

W HAT I S S OCIAL ANXIETY?

Social anxiety disorder is an extremely common form

of anxiety that many people struggle with. In other
words, if you’re currently battling social anxiety, you’re
not alone. This debilitating condition can make it diffi‐
cult to engage in social situations, even with friends
and other loved ones, especially if the socially anxious
person feels judged or scrutinized in any way. A person
with social anxiety may have difficulty speaking in
public, going on dates, attending job interviews, or
even just talking to a cashier at the grocery store.
Simple tasks like eating or drinking in front of other
people can trigger social anxiety for some, as they may
fear being humiliated or rejected based on the way
others perceive them.

The fear that comes with social anxiety disorder is

often so intense that it feels impossible to control. For
some people, it can prevent them from going to work
or school. Others may be able to push through, but
they’ll still experience a lot of fear and anxiety, and be
totally exhausted when they get home. It's not
uncommon for people with this type of anxiety to
worry about upcoming social situations for weeks in
advance, and some may end up avoiding certain places
or events altogether.
118 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

While some people with social anxiety disorder only

experience anxious thoughts or symptoms during
performances (i.e. giving speeches, playing music on
stage, competing in sports, etc.), others may experience
anxiety that gets triggered by any type of social interac‐
tion. Social anxiety disorder typically develops in late
childhood and can oftentimes be misread as extreme
shyness or introversion. Social anxiety disorder is also
more common in women than in men, especially
among teenagers and young adults. If left untreated,
social anxiety disorder may last for several years (or
even a lifetime for some).

CO M MO N RO OT CAUSES OF SOCIAL ANXIETY

Social anxiety is more complicated than most people

realize. It can be caused by a lot of different factors, or,
a combination of factors — including genetics, envi‐
ronmental issues, cognitive biases, and cultural influ‐
ences. Genetics definitely plays a significant role in the
development of social anxiety for some. Experts have
identified the SLCGA4 (serotonin transporter) gene as
a potential contributor to social anxiety. Those who
have socially anxious parents are also more likely to
develop social anxiety disorder. It basically has a lot to
do with the effects of nature and nurture. Let’s go over
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 119

some of the most common root causes of social anxiety

below.

Parental Shortcomings

You’re unfortunately more likely to develop social

anxiety if you grew up with parents who were overcon‐
trolling, quick to criticize, reluctant to show affection, or
overly concerned about the opinions of other people.
Kids who grow up in these types of environments are at
risk of developing an insecure attachment style, which
can end up manifesting as social anxiety later in life.
Older siblings who are burdened with the task of caring
for their younger brothers and sisters when their parents
aren’t around are also at risk of developing social anxiety.

Social Trauma

When Charles was in high school, he got bullied relent‐

lessly by this group of guys that just could not seem to
leave him alone. This undoubtedly contributed to the
social anxiety he experienced as an adult. Traumatic
social experiences — like being bullied or teased by
your peers — can definitely cause a person to develop
social anxiety disorder. Witnessing other people’s trau‐
matic social experiences can also lead to the develop‐
120 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

ment of this disorder, especially if you’ve been through

the trauma you’re witnessing yourself.

Lack of Social Skills

While some people are natural social butterflies, others

just aren’t — which is perfectly okay. Factors like intro‐
version, ADHD, and Autism can sometimes play a role
in a person’s lack of social skills, but this isn’t always
the case. Sometimes, being social is just difficult. As an
introvert, this is something I’ve come to understand
quite well.

If you struggle to communicate effectively with others

or have difficulties forming relationships in general, it
may be because you have social anxiety. These struggles
can also lead to the development of social anxiety. If
you’re not really sure what’s going on with your brain,
it might be a good idea to meet with a therapist. They
should be able to provide you with some much-needed
clarity, which will in turn help to quell your anxiety.

Cognitive Biases

Cognitive biases can have a profound impact on one’s

mental health. These biases refer to the unfavorable
ways of thinking that can potentially lead some people
to perceive themselves in a negative light. In short,
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 121

cognitive biases are thought patterns that can distort a

person’s perceptions of reality. This means that
someone with deeply-rooted cognitive biases might
misinterpret certain social situations and interactions.

For example, a common cognitive bias that someone

with social anxiety might experience is “catastrophic
thinking.” A person with the “catastrophic thinking”
cognitive bias is basically hardwired to believe that the
worst possible outcome will happen if they go to a
certain social event, which is why people with social
anxiety tend to avoid get-togethers with friends or
coworkers. The negative thoughts and emotions that
stem from this social avoidance can sometimes get so
overwhelming that the socially anxious person might
end up developing depression in conjunction with
social anxiety.

Cultural Differences

Social anxiety is a universal phenomenon. Naturally, it

can affect people across different cultures. However,
the ways in which social anxiety manifests and the
specific things that trigger it can vary depending on
how a specific culture does things. For example, in
individualistic cultures, such as the United States,
socially anxious people may be triggered by the fear of
not being perceived as independent or self-sufficient.
122 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

In collectivistic cultures, such as Japan, however, people

with social anxiety might get triggered by the fear of
not fitting in with a certain group or failing to meet
group expectations.

Cultural differences in communication styles and social

norms can also contribute to the development of social
anxiety in some people. In many cultures, direct
communication and assertiveness tend to be valued,
while in others, indirect communication and avoidance
of confrontation are preferred. This can oftentimes
lead to confusion and anxiety for those who are not
familiar with a certain culture’s particular communica‐
tion style.

S YM P TO M S O F SOCIAL ANXIETY

We've all been in situations where we feel nervous or

uneasy around others. Maybe you've felt shy or anxious
when meeting someone new or before giving a big
presentation at work. Walking into a room full of
strangers or speaking in public isn't everyone's cup of
tea, but most people are able to manage it.

However, if you have social anxiety disorder, these situ‐

ations can be too overwhelming to handle. You might
start to avoid all social interactions because things that
most people consider normal, like engaging in small
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 123

talk or making eye contact while having a conversation,

make you feel extremely uncomfortable. This can affect
all aspects of your life, not just your social life — which
could potentially lead to a mental breakdown if you
ignore or brush aside your social anxiety for too long.
Let’s go over some of the symptoms that are most
commonly associated with social anxiety below so that
you can gain a deeper understanding of what you’ve
been experiencing.

Emotional and Behavioral Symptoms

Social anxiety can cause a lot of emotional and behav‐

ioral symptoms, which can end up making simple tasks
— like grocery shopping, or taking your dog for a walk
in a busy park — exceptionally difficult. One of the
most common symptoms people with social anxiety
experience is the fear of being perceived in a negative
light by other people. This fear can make a social situa‐
tion, like a get-together, particularly stressful for a
socially anxious person, as he may spend the entire
evening panicking about whether or not he might
embarrass himself.

As I’ve already briefly mentioned, people with social

anxiety tend to avoid social events. They may isolate
themselves in order to avoid potential embarrassment,
and they’re likely to feel uncomfortable when they’re in
124 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

a position where they’re the center of attention (such as

a surprise birthday party, for example). People with
social anxiety may worry a lot before, during, and after
social events. Some may even analyze their social
performance after the fact, and beat themselves up if
they feel like they didn’t do well enough.

People with social anxiety also tend to have trouble

making eye contact or speaking up when in social situ‐
ations. These symptoms can make it exceptionally diffi‐
cult for people with this affliction to form and maintain
meaningful relationships with others, do well at work
or in school, and enjoy all that life has to offer.

Physical Symptoms

Unsurprisingly, social anxiety doesn’t come without

some unpleasant physical symptoms as well. It can
essentially make you feel like your body is betraying
you. You might turn red as a tomato while talking to
someone you have a crush on, or your hands might
tremble uncontrollably while you’re giving a presenta‐
tion at work. In some situations, you may feel like
you’re going to puke your guts out. You might struggle
to catch your breath at times, which can cause light‐
headedness and even fainting in rare cases.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 125

You might find yourself crying a lot in situations where

you feel overwhelmed, or you might feel like your mind
has gone blank when someone asks you a question —
even if you’re an expert on whatever it is they’re asking
about. All of these physical symptoms can make social
situations feel unbearable, but it’s important to
remember that you’re not alone. If you’ve been experi‐
encing any of the symptoms listed above, don’t hesitate
to reach out for help. There are plenty of ways to
manage your social anxiety symptoms, and eventually
overcome them — which we’ll dive into next.

S O C IA L A NXIETY TRIGGERS

When it comes to managing social anxiety, identifying

your triggers is the first necessary step you’ll need to
take. This may be easier said than done, especially
considering the fact that a lot of different things can
trigger social anxiety. It usually depends on the person
and their past experiences, however, there are some
common social anxiety triggers that you’ll want to keep
in mind.

Meeting New People

Walking into a room full of strangers is daunting for

most people, but for those with social anxiety disorder,
126 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

it can feel like an insurmountable task. The fear of

being judged negatively by others can be incredibly
overwhelming for some. If you have this particular fear,
it may cause you to worry about potentially embar‐
rassing or humiliating yourself in public. Even simple
actions like maintaining eye contact or making small
talk with a coworker can feel like scaling a mountain
for those who suffer from social anxiety.

Dating

Dating can be a nerve-wracking experience, and for

those with social anxiety disorder, it can feel like an
impossible challenge. The thought of putting oneself
out there, texting, making phone calls, and going on
dates can be overwhelming — which may trigger symp‐
toms of anxiety in some (or frankly most) people. It’s
important to keep in mind that for someone with social
anxiety disorder, the fear of judgment and rejection can
be paralyzing. They may worry that they won’t
measure up to their date's expectations, or that they’ll
embarrass themselves somehow. This fear can lead to
certain behaviors that may confuse a socially anxious
person’s partner, such as canceling plans, declining date
invitations, or even ghosting. Needless to say, this can
inhibit a socially anxious person’s ability to form
romantic relationships.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 127

Asking For Help From Customer Service Personnel

This is a big one. Despite the fact that customer service

people are literally there to help you, you might find
that you’re unable to ask for the help you need if you
suffer from social anxiety. I’ve been through a fair
amount of social anxiety myself, and the fear of “annoy‐
ing” a service worker with questions that may seem
“stupid” or “obvious” is a very real thing. When I was in
my early twenties, I didn’t want to be perceived as
annoying, so I avoided asking service workers for help.
Similarly, I refused to send back incorrect meals or
return things I’d purchased from the store that I was
unsatisfied with — just because I didn’t want to irritate
the service workers. Remember, helping you is literally
their job, so don’t be afraid to ask for help when you
need it.

Eating, Drinking, Reading, Writing, Typing… and Just

Generally Existing in Front of Others

When you have social anxiety, everything you do can

feel embarrassing — especially if there are other people
around to perceive you, you know… living your life. It’s
important to keep in mind that everyone else is just
trying to live their lives, too. In general, other people
are too concerned with their own issues to even notice
128 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

what you’re doing in public. Nobody is going to judge

you for reading, writing, eating, drinking, etc. in public
because they’re too busy worrying about being judged
by other people for doing these exact things. Take a
deep breath, and exist. Nobody is going to care that
much about what you’re doing in a public setting (as
long as you’re not streaking or running around yelling
“purple hippo!” in people’s faces). Just live your life! It’s
all going to be okay.

Being Teased

People with social anxiety tend to take being teased

very personally. More often than not, those who suffer
from social anxiety are Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
which means they’re extremely empathetic and may
feel emotions on a deeper level than the average person.
If you have social anxiety, you might not always pick up
on the fact that a friend is teasing you. It’s very easy for
people with social anxiety to fall into a pit of negative
thoughts, and teasing can sometimes trigger this.

Speaking on the Phone

There’s a reason so many young people prefer texting

over phone calls. Phone calls are anxiety-inducing!
Older folks might prefer phone calls over texting
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 129

because that’s what they’re used to, but the opposite is

true for younger people. It can be especially difficult for
people with social anxiety to talk on the phone with
strangers or people they haven’t talked to in a long
time. This can make jobs where you have to cold call
clients or deal with unsatisfied customers over the
phone really difficult for those who have social anxiety.

WAY S TO COPE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY

It's easy to feel helpless when it comes to the over‐

whelming symptoms of social anxiety disorder, but
there are actually plenty of things you can do to help
manage it. The first step is to change your mindset.
People with social anxiety often have negative thoughts
and beliefs that only further fuel their fears and anxi‐
eties. These negative thoughts may include:

"I'm sure I'll look like an idiot."

"My voice will start shaking, and everyone will
see how nervous I am."
"People will think I'm so boring and stupid."
"I won't know what to say, and everyone will see
how awkward I am."

Challenging these thoughts is an effective way to begin

tackling your social anxiety symptoms. It's important to
130 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

remind yourself that these are just thoughts, and your

thoughts are not necessarily reality. Try to find
evidence to refute your negative beliefs, and focus on
the positive aspects when faced with a social situation.
With time and practice, you can eventually change the
way you think and overcome your social anxiety. Let’s
take a look at some coping strategies you can use to
combat your social anxiety when you feel like you’ve
been triggered.

Control Your Breathing

When anxiety takes hold, a cascade of physiological

changes occurs in your body. Rapid breathing (or
hyperventilation), for example, can disrupt the balance
of oxygen and carbon dioxide within your system. This
can end up triggering even more unpleasant physical
symptoms — such as dizziness, a racing heart rate, and
shortness of breath. The good news is, taking control of
your breathing can help you regain balance in your
body and alleviate some of these nasty physical symp‐
toms. When practicing breath control, remember to sit
comfortably and inhale slowly. Hold your breath for
two seconds, exhale slowly, and repeat. Eventually,
you’ll notice yourself starting to feel better.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 131

Face Your Fears

Facing your fears is key when it comes to coping with

social anxiety, however, you don’t want to bite off more
than you can chew. Rather than attempting to face your
biggest fear right away, try starting with something
small. Perhaps you can strike up a conversation with a
stranger at the grocery store, or invite your neighbor in
for a cup of coffee sometime. If you have trouble with
social interactions, training yourself to be more social
can work wonders. It can alleviate your social fears and
anxiety, which means you’ll be able to lead a more
fulfilling social life.

Try Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation is a technique that

teaches you how to unwind your muscles when you’re
feeling stressed out. All you have to do is follow two
simple steps. First, you tense up certain muscle groups
like your neck and shoulders in the order that makes
the most sense to you. Then, you let go of all that tight‐
ness and feel how your muscles loosen up. This exercise
can be a lifesaver when you're feeling super anxious, as
it can help you lower the tension levels in your body. It
can even help with things like stomachaches,
132 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

headaches, and insomnia — which is definitely a plus!

Give it a try and see how it works for you.

Take the Focus Off of Yourself

Social anxiety tends to stem from insecurity and self-

consciousness in social situations, typically due to past
events and experiences. When you’re in a nerve-
wracking social situation, you should try to focus your
attention on the people around you (but not on what
they’re thinking about you). Your anxiety isn’t as visible
as you think, so it’s really not worth worrying about.
Do your best to focus on and enjoy the present
moment, or, in other words, don’t let your anxiety hold
you back from having a good time with your loved
ones.

Challenge and Talk Back to Negative Thoughts

If you want to tackle your social anxiety at its core,

you’ve got to challenge the negative thoughts that fuel
it. This involves figuring out which thoughts trigger
your anxiety or make you feel awkward in social situa‐
tions, and questioning them. You also need to challenge
the underlying beliefs (cognitive biases) that back up
your negative thoughts. By doing so, you can start to
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 133

reframe your thinking and talk back to your negative

thoughts when they’re getting you down.

Attend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Social anxiety disorder (and other anxiety disorders)

can frequently be treated with cognitive behavioral
therapy — which we’ve already touched on quite a bit.
Studies show that cognitive behavioral therapy is a
super effective way to treat social anxiety disorder, so
it’s definitely worth a shot. Cognitive behavioral
therapy uses a combination of techniques, which essen‐
tially means you’ll be tackling your social anxiety from
all angles when you engage in CBT.

Medication

Certain medications, such as Benzodiazepines, antide‐

pressants, and beta blockers, can be very helpful for
those who are struggling with social anxiety. If you feel
like medication might be helpful for you, talk to your
therapist or doctor about your options. It’s not neces‐
sarily a good idea to become too reliant on anti-anxiety
medications, but they can be incredibly beneficial for
those who need to get back on their feet after going
through a breakdown.
134 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

S EG U E

Social anxiety is a unique beast, but if you have the

right tools and know-how, you shouldn’t have any
trouble slaying it. Some common social anxiety triggers
include meeting new people, asking for help, talking on
the phone, and being teased. It’s very important that
you don’t avoid these triggers, but face them instead.
Confronting your social anxiety head-on is ultimately
going to be what helps you overcome it in the long run.
In the next chapter, I’ll talk more about anxiety
management techniques. This will include a couple of
mindfulness exercises that you can try out on
your own.
 7

A N X I E T Y M A N A G E M E NT
T EC H N I Q U E S

“You may not control all the events that happen

to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by
them.”

— MAYA ANGELOU

A nxiety simply isn’t talked about enough due to

the stigma that surrounds it. This definitely
needs to change. How are people supposed to know
how to manage their anxiety if no one ever broaches
the subject? There are, thankfully, quite a lot of relax‐
ation and mindfulness techniques out there that have
gained popularity among people who struggle with
anxiety — especially today. The fact that mindfulness
has become so deeply integrated into a lot of people’s
136 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

daily routines, work lives, and sleep regimens is a sign

that society is headed in the right direction in terms of
taking anxiety disorders more seriously.

Charles is a pretty good example of someone who was

afraid to get help for his anxiety issues because of the
stigma he’d experienced and read about online. The
thing was, Charles knew he needed help, but he’d heard
way too many stories about people with anxiety losing
their jobs or being labeled as “weak” or “crazy” by their
friends and family members. He didn’t want to be
judged or ostracized by the people he loved, so he kept
his feelings bottled up — which, of course, only made
things worse.

His anxiety started to affect his job, as well as his rela‐

tionship with his girlfriend. He began to isolate himself
from his friends and refused to attend social gatherings
because the thought alone made him sick with worry.
After a certain point, he realized that he couldn’t keep
living like this. It was simply too much to handle. That
was the day that he decided to take the first step toward
getting help for his anxiety.

As he walked into his new therapist’s office, he could

feel his heart beating in his throat. His hands were
clamming up, and his anxiety was practically screaming
at him to turn around and go back home — but he
stayed. It took a minute for him to warm up to his ther‐
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 137

apist, but once he started talking about his thoughts

and feelings, he realized that she wasn’t there to judge
him. She was actually listening to what he was saying,
and trying to understand.

After just a few weeks of attending therapy, Charles

began to feel better. His therapist told him about some
coping strategies he could use to deal with his anxiety
while at work or social gatherings. He learned that he
wasn’t alone in his struggles with anxiety and that
seeking help is actually a sign of strength, not weak‐
ness. Of course, Charles’s anxiety didn’t disappear
completely, but he had the tools to manage it now —
which made him feel more safe and secure in all areas
of his life.

He started talking to his girlfriend, friends, and family

about his experiences with anxiety, and was surprised
to find out that many of them struggled with anxiety as
well. In the end, he was proud of himself for facing his
anxiety head-on and getting the help he needed. He
also hoped that his story would encourage other people
in his position to seek help as well, which is why I’ve
been sharing his story with you throughout this book.

In this chapter, we’ll take a closer look at some of the

main anxiety management strategies Charles learned
about below. I encourage you to take some time to try
out the techniques and exercises that speak to you —
138 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

especially if you’re feeling anxious about an upcoming

work presentation or social event. You might be
surprised by how helpful the following anxiety
management strategies can be. Who knows? Maybe
you’ll decide to integrate some of them into your daily
routine. Let’s dive right in, shall we?

R E L AXAT I O N TECHNIQUES

Have you ever had someone tell you to “just relax?”

This can obviously be frustrating, especially for people
with anxiety — who want, more than anything, to be
able to relax! If you’ve ever experienced intense anxiety,
you know that managing it isn’t as simple as just relax‐
ing. That’s where relaxation techniques, like mindful‐
ness meditation and progressive muscle relaxation,
come in. These techniques are typically used in
conjunction with other types of therapy, such as cogni‐
tive behavioral therapy and exposure therapy.

Relaxation techniques are meant to focus on the body

and reduce anxiety symptoms like muscle tension.
Practicing these techniques can help you slow down
your breathing and heart rate, as well as quiet your
racing thoughts. In addition to practicing these tech‐
niques, doing things you enjoy and spending time
with the people you love most can also help you to
feel more relaxed. Let’s go over some of the best
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 139

relaxation techniques I came across in my research

below.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

I briefly touched on progressive muscle relaxation in

the last chapter, but I’d like to take this opportunity to
really get into the nitty-gritty of this particular relax‐
ation technique. Progressive Muscle relaxation helps to
counteract your body’s natural response to stress,
which is known as the fight-or-flight response. This
response is necessary, as it can help you respond in a
way that protects you when you find yourself in a
dangerous situation. However, people who suffer from
anxiety often find that their fight-or-flight response
gets triggered too often, and by things that aren’t actu‐
ally dangerous at all.

When your fight-or-flight response gets activated, it

can put a lot of stress on your body. This is why anxiety
sufferers will oftentimes experience physical symptoms
— like stiffness and muscle pain. Relaxation techniques,
like progressive muscle relaxation, essentially have the
opposite effect on your body. Practicing progressive
muscle relaxation is meant to trigger your body’s relax‐
ation response, which reduces your heart rate and alle‐
viates any bodily tension. Progressive muscle relaxation
can also help people become more aware of how their
140 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

mental and physical stress is affecting them emotion‐

ally. This sense of awareness may eventually help you
let go of the anxious thoughts and feelings that come up
in stressful situations.

How to Practice Progressive Muscle Relaxation

In order to better understand how progressive muscle

relaxation works, I recommend trying this quick exer‐
cise. Make a tight fist with one of your hands, and
notice any tightness and tension in your fingers and
forearm. Count to ten, then release your first and allow
your hand to relax completely. You should notice a
huge difference in tension, and feel much more relaxed
than you did before.

This approach of systematically increasing and then

releasing tension in different muscle groups
throughout your body is the basis for progressive
muscle relaxation. By creating tension in your body,
noticing it, and then releasing that tension, you can
effectively learn how to alleviate your stress and get rid
of your anxious thoughts. If you’d like to practice some
progressive muscle relaxation right now, I would
suggest finding a comfortable place to sit or lie down
where you won’t get distracted. Feel free to close your
eyes if that helps you relax, but it’s not required for this
exercise.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 141

Start by taking three to five deep breaths. Make sure to

inhale through your nose and exhale through your
mouth. Tense up your feet and begin to work your way
up your body, tensing and releasing each muscle group,
including your legs, glutes, abdomen, back, hands,
arms, shoulders, neck, and face. Hold each muscle
group for a few breaths before slowly releasing the
tension. I recommend repeating this process in any
areas where you feel particularly tense. Finish up by
taking a few more deep breaths, and take note of how
much more relaxed you feel.

Keep in mind that progressive muscle relaxation takes

practice, so don’t be discouraged if you feel like it
doesn’t immediately get rid of your bodily tension.
Nothing is instantaneous, especially when it comes to
managing anxiety symptoms. Keep practicing every
day, and you’ll eventually see results. Remember to be
patient with your mind and body! That’s a big part of
using relaxation techniques like this to cope with your
anxiety.

Mindfulness Meditation

Chances are, you’ve heard about mindfulness medita‐

tion. Perhaps your boss leads you and your coworkers
in a mindfulness meditation exercise at the start of
every work day (in which case, you have an awesome
142 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

boss), or maybe you had a professor in college who

ended every class with a mindfulness meditation exer‐
cise. As the name suggests, mindfulness meditation
combines meditation with mindfulness — which
involves being fully present in the moment and
acknowledging your thoughts and feelings without
judgment.

Mindfulness meditation can be done in a lot of

different ways, but it usually involves deep breathing
and being aware of your mind and body. You don’t
need to use essential oils or candles while meditating
unless you want to (some people find that these things
help them relax). All you need is a quiet and comfort‐
able place to sit for a few minutes. Remember: it’s very
important that you approach mindfulness meditation
with a non-judgmental attitude.

How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation

At the beginning of your mindfulness meditation jour‐

ney, you might find it difficult to sit quietly, especially if
there are a lot of distracting things happening around
you. This is actually a normal part of mindfulness prac‐
tice. Again, mindfulness involves being aware of how
sitting still can make your thoughts race — but not
judging those thoughts. I recommend starting with
short meditation sessions, and gradually increasing the
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 143

duration of these sessions as you become more

comfortable with the practice.

It’s always a good idea to choose a quiet, distraction-

free place to meditate. This might be a little difficult for
people with pets or small children, but just do the best
you can. Wear comfortable clothing and remove your
jewelry, shoes, or anything else that could potentially
distract you. The goal is to create a peaceful and
comfortable environment. Feel free to use things like
candles, calming music, and essential oils while you
meditate, but again, these things aren’t necessary.

Here’s a 20-minute guided mindfulness meditation you

can do when you’re feeling especially anxious: To begin
this mindfulness meditation practice, start with a quick
check-in. This will help you to become more aware of
your current mental and physical state. Once you’ve
done this, slowly direct your attention to your breathing.

Next, recall a specific event where you experienced

anxiety. Be mindful of how this experience made you
feel. Don’t judge the anxiety or try to push it away —
just observe it as it is. Take note of any emotions that
come up during this reflection. Keep in mind that if you
don’t experience strong emotions, it doesn’t mean
you’re doing the meditation incorrectly. Everyone
experiences different emotions while practicing mind‐
144 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

fulness meditation, and there’s no “right way” to feel

during it.

As you become more mindful of your anxiety, it may

bring forth deeper layers of memories, thoughts, feel‐
ings, and physical experiences. Allow yourself to
observe these thoughts and feelings without judgment
and simply notice them as they arise. When you're
ready, you can gradually shift your focus back to your
breathing. As you bring this meditation to a close, take
a moment to congratulate yourself for practicing
mindfulness and listening to your mind and body. Not
a lot of people are able to take the initiative to check in
with their anxiety, but getting into the practice of
doing so is a huge step towards overcoming your
anxiety issues.

YO G A

Sometimes, when people start to experience feelings of

anxiety or are going through particularly stressful
times, they turn to yoga for relief. The beauty of yoga is
that it meets you where you’re at. Even practicing one
or two poses for just a few minutes every day can have
a pretty significant impact on you’re well-being if
you’re open to it. The combination of focusing on your
breathing and being present during each yoga pose can
help quiet your negative thoughts and improve your
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 145

mood. Yoga is also really good for your body and can
release a lot of physical stress and tension.

To get the most out of practicing yoga, you should try

to be mindful of the sensations moving throughout
your body as you move through each pose. Allow your‐
self to feel and experience any emotions that happen to
come up, but don’t judge or criticize yourself for feeling
a certain way or experiencing a certain thought.
Practicing yoga is all about connecting with your body
and living in the present moment.

If you find that your thoughts start to scatter during a

yoga session, don’t worry. This happens all the time,
and it’s best not to judge yourself for it. Gently refocus
your attention back on your mat, and continue moving
through your poses. Try to keep in mind that yoga is a
journey, and the more you practice, the easier it’ll
become for you to focus on the present moment as well
as release any anxious thoughts or emotions that may
be weighing you down. Let’s go over some yoga poses
that you can try out on your own below.

Yoga Poses

Yoga is a physical and spiritual practice that has been

around for thousands of years. It’s an excellent stress
reliever, and it’s been proven to improve flexibility and
146 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

increase bodily strength as well. There are a lot of

different yoga poses, and each one is uniquely benefi‐
cial in its own way. Listed below are a few poses you
can try out if you’re looking to not only reduce your
anxiety symptoms but improve your health and well-
being overall.

The Channel-Cleaning Breath (Nadhi Shodhana)

This is a breathing exercise that can help to calm down

your mind and reduce your stress. It involves alter‐
nating nostrils while breathing in and out. Pretty
simple, right? This practice is often done before
starting a yoga session in order to help clear the mind
and focus on the practice that’s ahead.

The Hero Pose (Virasana)

The Hero pose is a seated pose that yoga experts say

can help to improve circulation and digestion. It can
also help to stretch out your ankles and your knees, so
this might be a great pose for you to try out if you
spend a lot of time sitting or standing.

The Tree Pose (Vrikshasana)

The Tree pose is a standing pose that can help to

improve your balance and overall stability. It involves
standing on one foot with the other foot placed on the
thigh of whichever leg you’re standing on. This pose
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 147

can also help to strengthen your legs, hips, and core.

This one may take some practice, so don’t be discour‐
aged if you fall over on your first try!

The Extended Triangle (Utthita Trikonasana)

You’ll do this pose while standing as well. The

Extended Triangle pose can help to strengthen your
legs and core. It involves reaching one arm down to the
ground while extending the other arm up toward the
ceiling.

The Standing Forward Bend (Padangusthasana)

The Standing Forward Bend is a forward fold pose that

can help you stretch out your hamstrings and lower
back. It’s an especially great pose for releasing tension
and calming the mind, so I definitely recommend
giving it a try.

The Cat and Cow Poses (or Marjaryasana and

Bitilasana, Respectively)

These poses are quite similar, and they’re often done

together in order to warm up the spine and stretch out
the neck, hips, and shoulders. Both of these poses
involve alternating between arching your back and
rounding it (much like a cat).
148 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

The Bridge Pose (Setubandha)

The Bridge pose is a backbend type of pose that can

help to strengthen your hips, core, and legs. It can also
help to stretch out your chest, shoulders, and neck. This
one feels great, but it definitely takes some practice.

B R E AT H I N G EXERCISES

Most of the time, breathing is something you do

without really thinking about it. It’s just a natural part
of being alive! Some people who suffer from severe
anxiety, however, have to think a bit more about their
breathing. A lot of the symptoms that are associated
with anxiety can cause a person with an anxiety
disorder to breathe in a way that can lead to all sorts of
physical and emotional problems. Oftentimes, your
breathing is actually what causes uncomfortable
anxiety symptoms, such as shortness of breath, and the
reason for that is that your anxiety and stress are not
allowing you to breathe properly.

Thankfully, there are plenty of great breathing exer‐

cises out there that can help you to more effectively
regulate your breathing and cope with your anxiety.
The exercises discussed below will teach you how to
slow down your breathing in times of stress. The espe‐
cially great thing about these exercises is that you can
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 149

do them whenever and wherever you need to. Let’s dive

right in, shall we?

Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is one of the most popular techniques

people with anxiety use to calm down when they’re
feeling stressed out. It involves inhaling slowly and
deeply, holding your breath for a few seconds, and then
exhaling. Repeat this exercise several times until you’re
feeling nice and relaxed. This might take a few minutes,
so be patient with yourself!

The Quieting Response

The Quieting Response technique is another breathing

exercise that can help to reduce your stress and anxiety
as it literally activates your body's relaxation response.
It involves breathing in deeply through your nose and
then exhaling slowly through your mouth while
making a "shh" sound. This technique helps slow down
your heart rate and relax your muscles. I can’t recom‐
mend it enough!
150 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

Belly Breathing

Belly breathing (which is also known as diaphragmatic

breathing) is an especially popular breathing exercise. It
involves breathing deeply from your belly instead of
from your chest. This technique has been proven to
reduce stress by activating one’s parasympathetic
nervous system. To practice this exercise, place one
hand on your belly and the other on your chest. From
there, inhale slowly through your nose and exhale
slowly through your mouth.

Pursed Lips Breathing

Pursed lips breathing is a technique that can help you

regulate your breathing and cut down on anxiety
symptoms like shortness of breath. It involves inhaling
through your nose and then exhaling slowly through
your pursed lips (as if you're whistling). This technique
helps to slow down your breathing and relax your
muscles, so if you have muscle tension, it’s definitely
worth a try.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 151

G RO U N D I NG TECHNIQUES

If you suffer from anxiety, you’re undoubtedly familiar

with the unpleasant physical symptoms that typically
accompany an anxiety attack. Your heart rate increases,
your mouth gets dry, and your body starts to shake. You
might also experience cold sweats and a sense of panic
that can be awfully overpowering despite it being irra‐
tional. People with anxiety disorders, such as PTSD,
often become absorbed in thoughts of past traumas or
future uncertainties, which can trigger their fight-or-
flight response. As I’ve already discussed, this common
response can make one’s brain perceive something
that’s not threatening as threatening, which can cause
your body to prepare for a potential attack.

Using grounding techniques is an excellent way to cope

with anxiety attacks, so it’s a shame they’re not talked
about more. Grounding techniques are techniques that
can help distract you when you’re dealing with anxiety
or panic attack symptoms. These techniques can be
physical or mental and they can help you focus on the
present moment and your surroundings, rather than on
your anxious thoughts. Basically, by using grounding
techniques, you can significantly reduce the intensity of
your fight-or-flight response and regain a sense of
control over your body and mind. Let’s take a look at
some common grounding techniques below. I recom‐
152 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

mend using one or two of these techniques when you

begin to feel a panic attack coming on.

Physical Grounding Techniques

One of the most popular grounding techniques out

there is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. This technique
involves naming five things you can see, four things
you can touch, three things you can hear, two things
you can smell, and one thing you can taste in order to
distract yourself during a moment of panic. By focusing
on these sensory experiences, you can shift your atten‐
tion away from your anxious thoughts and emotions,
and become more grounded in the moment — which,
of course, is what truly matters.

Another way to ground yourself is by using certain

physical sensations to sort of “trick” yourself and divert
your attention away from your anxiety symptoms. For
example, you can pour water over your hands, clench
your fists and then release them, or wrap a heated
blanket around your body. By paying attention to these
sensations, you’ll be able to calm yourself down and feel
more at ease.
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 153

Mental Grounding Techniques

Mental grounding techniques can also be quite helpful.

For example, some people with anxiety will play
memory games in their minds in order to distract
themselves from their symptoms. Try to think in cate‐
gories, use math and numbers, recite something, or
make yourself laugh by reading a joke book or
watching a funny video. These techniques can help shift
your focus away from your anxiety and towards some‐
thing a little healthier. You’ll be able to give yourself a
more structured and controlled mindset, and there’s a
lot of power in that.

S EG U E

Coping with anxiety isn’t easy, but with a little time and
practice, it’s totally possible. Now that you have the
right information and tools on hand, you should be able
to effectively soothe yourself when you’re feeling
anxious or stressed out. In the next chapter, I’ll start to
wrap things up and discuss some daily habits you can
integrate into your routine if you want to live a less
anxious life.
 8

D A I LY H A B IT S F O R A LE S S
A N X I O U S LI F E

“Whoever has learned to be anxious in the right

way has learned the ultimate.”

— SØREN KIERKEGAARD

E very single one of us has habits — good and bad.

Perhaps you’ve gotten into the habit of flossing
daily, or maybe you chew your fingernails when you’re
feeling bored or stressed out. You’ve probably heard the
phrase “old habits die hard.” There’s a lot of truth in
that. It’s hard to give up bad habits that you’ve been
indulging in for a long time, but it’s not impossible. The
more you tell yourself that it’s impossible, the harder
it’ll be to overcome anxious habits like isolating your‐
156 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

self from your friends or drinking too much as a way of

coping with your anxiety.

When it comes to altering your habits and making life‐

style changes, it’s important to start small. Although
some bad habits — like smoking cigarettes — may be
effectively overcome using the “cold turkey” method,
social anxiety habits, such as refusing to go out with
your friends, should be overcome by taking baby steps.
It’s easy for people with anxiety to get overstimulated
when too much is happening at once. Most anxious
people carry a heavy fear of change around with them,
which is why plunging yourself into the icy water
might not be the best way to go about altering your
lifestyle. Take your time, and inch yourself in.
Eventually, you won’t even notice how cold the
water is.

Take this quote from Linda Esposito on Psychology

Today: “You can read all the anti-anxiety advice in the
world, but none of it matters unless you take action. To
feel more relaxed, to sleep soundly at night, and to put
energy into what matters, you have to stop wasting
time on tasks that don't matter.” In order to truly expe‐
rience relief and achieve a more relaxed state of mind,
you must take action and actively work towards
reducing the stress and anxiety in your life. This might
involve prioritizing tasks that are important to you and
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 157

avoiding wasting time on activities that aren’t actually

benefiting you all that much.

By focusing on tasks that are meaningful and avoiding

those that are not, you can channel your energy and
attention toward the things that matter most. Keep in
mind that you may need to set boundaries with certain
people or give up activities that drain your energy if
you want to change your lifestyle for the better. Soon
enough, you’ll be able to create a daily routine that
supports your mental health and allows room for activ‐
ities that truly bring you joy. Let’s take a look at some
anxiety-reducing habits that you can begin to integrate
into your daily routine below. Follow these tips, and
you’ll be that much closer to taking your life back from
anxiety.

G E T S O M E SLEEP

I know that this is definitely easier said than done for

people with anxiety, but just bear with me. If your
anxiety has been keeping you from getting a good
night’s sleep, your lack of sleep has likely been making
your anxiety worse. It’s a vicious cycle. You can’t sleep
because of your anxiety, and your anxiety acts up because
you can’t sleep. Don’t worry, though, because there are
a few things you can do to break this cycle and finally
get some shut-eye.
158 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

What to Do When You Can’t Sleep

One of the best things you can do is establish a consis‐

tent sleep routine. Try to go to bed at the same time
every night and wake up at the same time every morn‐
ing. Yes, this includes weekends! If you're having
trouble falling asleep, try getting up and doing some‐
thing relaxing — like taking a warm bath or watching
an ASMR video — until you feel more sleepy. It may
also be helpful to limit naps to less than an hour during
the day.

You should also try to avoid caffeine (coffee, soda, etc),

as caffeine can take up to eight hours to wear off. If you
have panic attacks, it might be a good idea to avoid
caffeine entirely. You should also review your medica‐
tions with your doctor to see if any of your daily stimu‐
lants have been keeping you up at night.

Creating a comfortable sleep environment is also

crucial. Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet, and
avoid using electronic devices like your phone or
computer while in bed (unless you’re listening to
relaxing music or watching a relaxing video to help you
sleep). If your mattress is uncomfortable, consider
buying a new one. It’ll be well worth the investment! If
you're still having trouble falling asleep, try meditating
or practicing deep breathing. Keep a sleep log to track
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 159

your sleep patterns and monitor your progress. This

will be a good way to determine whether or not the
methods you’ve been trying are helping or not.

WATC H W HAT YOU EAT

Did you know that maintaining a healthy diet is a

crucial part of effectively managing anxiety? As deli‐
cious and comforting as pizza and soda may be,
chances are, these unhealthy foods are negatively
affecting your mental health. When it comes to eating
healthy, there are a lot of dietary factors to consider.
You should be hydrating properly, and getting enough
complex carbohydrates (typically found in fruits and
vegetables). It’s also a good idea to avoid foods that are
high in simple carbohydrates and to eat regularly to
prevent your blood sugar from dropping too low.

Anti-Anxiety Foods

Nobody is born knowing what to eat when it comes to

maintaining a healthy diet and quelling anxiety symp‐
toms. Listed below are some foods you should keep in
mind the next time you take a trip to your local grocery
store or farmer’s market:
160 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

Fatty fish
Eggs
Probiotics
Pumpkin seeds
Yogurt
Green tea
Asparagus
Dark chocolate
Turmeric
Chamomile
Brazil nuts
Magnesium
Antioxidant-rich foods (such as black beans,
cherries, blueberries, apples, nuts, and leafy
greens)
Zinc
Vitamin B

E X E RC I S E

If you’ve ever felt less stressed out after going for a run
or working out with your friends at the gym, there’s a
good reason for it. To quote Elle Woods from Legally
Blonde (2001): “Exercise gives you endorphins.
Endorphins make you happy! Happy people don’t shoot
their husbands. They just don’t!” Basically, when you
take care of your body, you are taking care of your
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 161

mind as well. It can be difficult to get into a daily exer‐

cise routine at first, but take it as slowly as you need to.
Even just going for a nature walk for thirty minutes
every other day is better than nothing.

D E TOX F ROM SOCIAL MEDIA

If you’re like most people, your relationship with social

media has become a daily habit, and — whether you’re
aware of it or not — social media absolutely consumes
your mental energy. We’re constantly checking our
phones for notifications, taking pictures for Instagram,
and engaging in heated debates on Twitter and
Facebook. Although social media can be fun, it’s frankly
gotten a little bit out of control. Thankfully, for people
with anxiety, a social media detox can offer some
much-needed relief.

It’s important to remember that social media is not

an accurate representation of real life. It presents a
curated and selective view of the world, and people
are beginning to recognize this fact. Consequently,
there has been a growing trend of people reducing
their social media usage, with some even deleting
their accounts altogether. Social media, however, can
be a harrowing addiction. While some people are
able to quit cold turkey, many will quit for a short
period of time and then go back to it. I think this is
162 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

actually okay, though. Sometimes, people just need a

break.

You don't need to go to extreme measures in order to

reap the benefits of a social media detox. Simply taking
a break from social media can help alleviate the anxiety
that’s associated with excessive social media use. So,
instead of reaching for your phone first thing in the
morning, I recommend trying to use your mental
energy for more productive purposes. Go for a walk in
nature, or curl up with your favorite book and a cup of
coffee. By taking a step back from social media, you
should be able to redirect your focus to the things that
are truly important to you in life.

T R E AT YO U R SELF AND PRACTICE SELF-CARE

When you think about self-care, your mind might

conjure up images of luxurious face masks, soothing
massages, or an indulgent bubble bath with a glass of
wine in hand. However, let's not forget that self-care
doesn't have to be expensive or involve excessive
pampering. In fact, some of the most impactful self-
care practices are completely free and can transform
your life if you learn how to integrate them into your
daily routine. Self-care is a versatile term. It basically
encompasses any sort of action we take that prioritizes
our physical and mental health. This means that while
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 163

we may associate self-care with spoiling ourselves, it’s

really just about taking care of ourselves in small and
meaningful ways.

Things You Can Do to Treat Yourself

Simple activities — such as stretching and dancing

around the living room — can improve your mood and
help you get into a more relaxed state of mind.
Movement, in general, is a great way to release all of
that tension and stress that’s been building up over
time. Doing little things for yourself, like making your
bed in the morning or planning your dream vacation,
can give you a boost of energy, as can practicing posi‐
tive self-talk in the mirror or going for a walk in the
park.

If you often feel stressed about things like work and

house chores, writing an “it’s done” list could be a great
way to keep track of everything you have to do. It’ll also
make you feel more productive and accomplished,
which is always nice. Taking short naps throughout the
day or engaging in mindfulness meditation exercises
are also excellent ways to practice self-care. I also
recommend journaling fairly regularly, as that can be a
great way to keep track of your thoughts as well as the
progress you’ve been making with overcoming your
anxiety.
164 | K I R K T E AC H O U T

Remember to celebrate the little things. Make a special

dinner for your significant other when the weekend
finally rolls around, or treat yourself by doing abso‐
lutely nothing after you get home from work. You can
also practice self-care while you’re at work by taking
frequent breaks, chatting with your coworkers, and
going for little walks around the block every now and
then. Do things that make you happy every single day,
and your anxiety symptoms will lessen. It may take
some time, but it will absolutely be worth it.

D EC L U T T E R

Life tends to build up, and sometimes, there’s just way

too much going on in your personal space. Clutter can
be overwhelming for people with anxiety, so it’s a good
idea to declutter your space every once in a while. That
said, it’s important that you take it slow and start small.
Begin by choosing just one small area in your home to
organize — like a drawer or a shelf — and work on that
until it's completely decluttered. The last thing you
want to do is overwhelm yourself further by attempting
to declutter everything at once.

Once you've cleared out the clutter from the space

you’re working on, consider categorizing your belong‐
ings into four different boxes, which you can mark
“keep,” “donate,” “toss,” or “sell.” This should make the
 OV E RCO MING ANXIETY | 165

decluttering process a whole lot easier for you, and hey

— it’s a good excuse to have a yard sale.

Try to keep in mind that decluttering isn't a one-time

event. It's an ongoing process, and it's certainly more of
a marathon than it is a sprint. Decluttering can also
extend beyond your physical things. Consider making
your office space paperless, adding a “no junk mail”
sign to your letterbox, and keeping track of the clothing
you typically wear. These small changes can help you
create a more minimalist, stress-free environment for
yourself.

S EG U E

Changing your lifestyle can be challenging, but if you’re

willing to take baby steps, you should eventually be able
to alter your bad habits and reduce your anxiety.
Getting more exercise, watching what you eat, and
engaging in daily self-care activities are all excellent
ways to quell your anxiety symptoms. Figure out what
works best for you and keep at it. Although it might
take a little bit of time, you’re bound to see some signif‐
icant improvements.
 CONCLUSION

Anxiety is one of the most commonly experienced

mental illnesses in the world. It’s honestly baffling that
people don’t talk about it more! The more you’re able
to understand your anxiety, the more success you’ll
have in eventually overcoming it (or, at the very least,
learning how to manage it effectively). When it comes
to coping with and overcoming your anxiety symp‐
toms, one of the first things you’re going to want to do
is identify your triggers.

Some of the most common anxiety triggers include

money problems, grief, illness, and job loss or work
stress. In essence, big life changes can be difficult for
people with anxiety to grapple with, as can significant
past trauma — such as events that caused you
emotional pain during your childhood or bad experi‐
168 | CO N C L U S I O N

ences you’ve had in past romantic relationships. Social

anxiety can also be a huge problem, as it can negatively
affect your relationships with your loved ones and
prevent you from living your best life.

Thankfully, there are a whole lot of strategies and

methods you can use to cope with your anxiety these
days. Practicing things like mindfulness meditation and
progressive muscle relaxation can have a significant
impact on your mind and body, as well as reduce your
anxiety symptoms (as long as you’re willing to stick
with it and practice every day). Some people with
anxiety choose to take up yoga, which can really help
with physical symptoms like muscle tension and stiff‐
ness. Practicing breathing exercises and engaging in
grounding techniques can also help those who are
experiencing a lot of anxiety all at once. These things
tend to be especially helpful in the context of panic
attacks.

By taking the actions required to slowly alter your

habits, you can eventually change your life for the
better. Getting daily exercise and keeping better track
of what you eat can work wonders, as can getting more
sleep and practicing self-care. Most people don’t do
enough things that bring them genuine joy in their
daily lives, which is just one reason why anxiety is on
the rise. It took my friend, Charles, a long time to learn
 CONCLUSION | 169

this. However, when things clicked for him, he knew

exactly how to take control of his anxiety and change
his life.

Now that you have a lot more tools and information on

hand, you should be able to take that first step toward
overcoming your anxiety. I believe in you! As I
mentioned before, this process won’t be easy, but you’ll
be glad that you put the time and effort into taming the
beast that’s been holding you back from experiencing
all of the joys life has to offer. Charles (and many
others) eventually learned how to tame the beast with
many faces, and you can too!

I hope that this book taught you something new, and

helped you understand the complex nature of anxiety
in a new light. Living with anxiety is hard, but you’ll get
through this — especially since you have a brand new
tool belt. Keep building up your support system, and
don’t be afraid to seek professional help for your
anxiety if you find yourself continuing to struggle with
it. If you want to help other people who are struggling
with anxiety, you can do so by leaving a review.
Reviews from people like you are what will make this
book more visible to those who are seeking help and
solace while dealing with this common affliction.
You did it!

I would like to take a moment to express my deepest

gratitude to you for taking the time to read this book
on overcoming anxiety. I know that there are many
books out there on this topic, and I am honored that
you chose mine. I hope that you have found value in the
pages of this book and that it has provided you with
practical strategies and tools to manage your anxiety.

Writing this book was a labor of love, and it is my

sincere hope that it has made a positive impact on your
life. I know firsthand how challenging anxiety can be,
and I wrote this book with the hope of helping others
who are struggling with similar challenges. Whether
you are dealing with everyday worries or more severe
anxiety, my goal was to provide you with a roadmap for
managing your anxiety and living a more fulfilling life.

As I bring this book to a close, I would like to ask for

your help. If you found value in this book, please
consider leaving an honest review on Amazon. Your
feedback is invaluable and will help others who are
considering purchasing this book. Your review will also
let me know how I can improve future editions, and I
am always open to feedback and suggestions.

Once again, thank you for reading this book on over‐

coming anxiety. Your support and encouragement
mean the world to me, and I hope that this book has
provided you with the tools you need to manage your
anxiety and live a more fulfilling life.

Your Friend,

Kirk Teachout
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