Hi guys,

So, big changes for me on the home front. After investing 16 years of blood, sweat and tears into raising our four wonderful children (wonderful, in large part, due to the investment!), my wife is set to return to her career.

She has always been the most career-focused out of the two of us. For good reason. But when our first was born, we made the decision that I would continue to work and she would pause her career and be the primary carer.

The reason was mainly financial. At the time, I was earning more (even as a junior doctor). We were living in Oxford, so we needed enough money to live in a half-decent area. It made sense that I would work and my wife would stay at home.

Anyway, as the story goes for millions of women around the world, my career progressed (as did my earnings), and my wife’s career was stuck on pause. Each year, as we looked to switch roles, the financial argument always led to us waiting another year, then another year.

Despite all the rants about falling birth rates, the reality is that this is the trap many women find themselves in. Taking time out to raise kids isn’t simply taking a break from a career; it’s stepping off the earning escalator. Costs increase with each child, and then the maths of going back to work simply doesn’t add up - especially if you still need (or want) a parent at home.

We decided a couple of years ago to do something about it. Last year, I worked as many shifts as I could manage. It meant being away from the kids for quite some time, but if we could save enough, I would be able to recoup some of that time later. So I worked. We saved. And now we have finally decided to switch roles.

So, yes, I have been the primary carer for the last couple of months. My wife has been off forging a new career path. It has been…interesting.

The time with the kids has been incredible, even though I am now part of the furniture and no longer the exciting part of their day as “daddy comes home”, and even though there are days I just want to lock myself in my room. Getting to see them grow each day, and to be involved in their dramas - good and bad - is such a blessing.

It has also been a much-needed break from medicine. After 25 years, I am pretty exhausted - emotionally, mentally, and physically. I love helping my patients and teaching junior doctors, but the emotional weight of fighting to get patients treatment in an under-resourced national health service is pretty overwhelming.

I have to say, I am astonished at how differently my brain works now that I am away from the constant pressure and emotional weight. I feel different. Yes, a bit lighter, despite the never-ending housework - where did all the clothes come from?!! - and the gravity of responsibility of keeping the kids heading in the right direction. Also, perhaps, I’m a bit more pensive, introspective, and self-aware. Mostly good, but there have also been some bumps along the way - when did I become so serious, so physically unfit, and where did those love-handles come from?

My plan going forward is to do my best as the primary carer. I will not live up to my wife’s balanced approach, but I am here and engaged. I also want to try and make a go of SubStack.

I have been astonished by the generosity of so many of you in your support and engagement. Given our new financial reality, I am going to try and turn this into my part-time job. I plan to carve out a few hours each day to produce some content along similar lines as I have been doing so far - health, neuroscience, evolution, a bit of politics, and a bit more about society.

I am chipping away at two books, which I am contemplating publishing online through SubStack. One book is about the NHS, from an insider’s perspective. The other is the one I have been working on for years - about the evolution of the human brain.

I am curious to see where this goes. A bit more time. A bit more clarity. And, dare I say it, a bit more happiness. I would love to hear your thoughts and what you think I can produce to help enrich your lives in some way - what content have you appreciated and what would you like to see more of?

I hope you can continue to support me - comment lots, share with friends, and send out positive thoughts.

If you can manage a paid subscription, that would be much appreciated. I’ve set the annual subscription at £20 for the year (around $2 per month). I do appreciate that it is a commitment, and times are hard. However, I will endeavour to provide useful, at times uplifting content that will hopefully offer some respite from the barrage of vitriol we are often surrounded by.

That’s it from me - excited and nervous,

Warmest

Dan