Lately I’ve been noticing a fascinating pattern that I’ve finally been able to put a name to. I’ve seen it in almost every client, and I’ve certainly seen it in myself and people who are close to me.

Here's what happens: When we have a very bad experience with someone, especially in the formative period of early adulthood (think terrible first boss, a mentor gone wrong, etc.), we often develop values and behaviors that are the exact opposite of those we associate with the traumatic or repulsive experience.

This probably sounds sensible at first glance. But there is a shadow side to this behavior, and it can greatly hinder how we show up as founders.

After seeing this pattern repeatedly in my client work, I decided to research the psychological underpinnings and discovered this phenomenon has a name: reaction formation. Before I found the name for it, I was calling it “compensatory behavior.”

The name doesn’t really matter—I just want to share with you what I’ve learned about this pattern, because the odds are almost certain that you are dealing with it yourself.