And more specifically, I recommend reading a romance novel you can parallel process with. (Parallel processing refers to mirroring your own lived experience with something a character in a book is experiencing. So, if your sibling passed away, you could try reading a romance novel where the main character navigates life amidst the backdrop of healing from the loss of their sibling.)

One of the more common messages I receive is from individuals seeking book recommendations, either for themselves as they navigate a loss or for a loved one who is grieving. Questions like, “What’s a good book for someone who just lost a parent?” or “What do you suggest for someone grappling with a Shadowloss?” are frequent. In the past, I would suggest educational books on grief, death, and dying. However, my perspective has shifted. Now, I recommend reading romance novels to those actively grieving and suggest reserving academic or educational books for when the intensity of grief has subsided. At least, this is where I start from. As with anything, there are always exceptions to the rule.

Some Romance Genre 411

I want to tell you some things about the romance genre that were eye opening to me.

• Dominance: Romance is the largest genre of books. The largest. It’s interesting how the largest genre of books gets dismissed or written off. Also interesting that the romance genre is almost always labeled as ‘for women.’ And by interesting I mean it’s misogyny.

• Longevity: It’s also one of the oldest literary genres.

• Engaged Readers: The average romance reader goes through more books than the typical American (about a book a week!), stays informed on current events, often has a good income, is likely to be college-educated, and tends to be in a marriage or cohabiting with a partner. The average romance reader is stable, aware, and pays their bills.

• Familiar Titles: You might already have enjoyed the romance genre without realizing it—have you read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, or Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens?

• Evolution: The genre has expanded significantly in recent years: more BIPOC authors are getting published, more LGBTQIA+ stories are being featured, and life experiences like PTSD, dementia, mental health struggles, and grief are now woven into storylines. If your perception of romance novels is stuck in the Fabio-adorned covers of the 1990s, it’s time for an update.

Reasons to Choose Romance Novels During Active Grief

1. Active Grief May Not Be the Best Time for Grief Education

Sometimes, the most important work you can do is to put some distance between yourself and the loss. Your brain needs time to process and adjust to what has happened. While educating yourself about grief and loss is valuable, timing matters. During active grief, your mental and emotional resources are limited.

2. Dismissing the Largest Genre of Books Says More About You Than About the Books

Romance is the largest book genre. Have you written off an entire genre without experiencing it? I did, thinking, “I’m not the ‘type of person’ who reads romance.” Actually, to offer myself up for roasting, I would literally say “I only read nonfiction.”

Like, lady. Get over yourself.

In hindsight, I was being close-minded, and had overlooked my enjoyment of several romance novels I happened to read without realizing it. As I learned during a clinical rotation as a chaplain—don’t block your blessings. It feels good to read a book, and sometimes your brain just cannot process an academic or dense text. It’s ok if the only thing you can read right now is a beach read! Sometimes this is what self-acceptance looks like.

3. Romance Novels Can Provide a Safe Space for Your Brain

When real life feels like a dumpster fire, you might benefit from books that offer a predictable formula rather than more chaos. Romance novels are known for their “happily ever after” (HEA) or “happy for now” (HFN) endings, which provides a comfort that is predictable and proof that somebody, somewhere (even in an imaginary world) got through it.

Find Books That Parallel Your Lived Experience

If you’d like to explore romance novels that touch on themes of grief, death, dying, and loss, I’ve compiled a Book Rec Database which is available for free on my website. There are titles there that I’ve personally read and tagged by the type of loss featured. This way, you can find a book that resonates with your own lived experience, helping you process grief in a way that feels personal and meaningful.

Because, why YOU may not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, it can be a comfort to see that it has been possible for someone else.

Browse the database here: coleimperi.com/book-rec-database

Romance novels are for everyone.

And romance novels can be a helpful friend to a grieving heart.

Don’t block your blessings.

Please tell me a romance novel you’ve read that had a loss theme in it so I can read it and then add it to my database:

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• Here’s another spot containing a list of romance novels for grievers I put together: https://amzn.to/3K67XBw As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

• Here’s a romance only bookstore based in LA that you can order from, and they have a romance book subscription box too! For example, you can order Whiskey & Ribbons by Leesa Cross-Smith through them if you don’t want to order through a big box retailer. The Ripped Bodice provided me with affiliate links.

• Please share any grief and loss recommendations in the comments so others can find a good place to start! I also like to add these books to my TBR pile!