Faced with an extinction-level election hurtling towards them, Conservative M­Ps are split between those fleeing for the hills and those wondering if Torygeddon can be averted. What if – and bear with them here – they replaced their leader? It’s true, they’ve tried it before, and it didn’t work any of those times. But, goes the argument, it might work this time.

That’s fine for them, but what about the rest of us? It’s true that we won’t get a formal say in any of this year’s leadership contests – they can easily fit in three before November – but that doesn’t mean we can’t play along at home. You might feel that the selection of a prime minister is something that should be left to experts, but a look at recent incumbents should remind you that a drunken monkey with a list of MPs and a highlighter pen could hardly have done a worse job.

Now read on…