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CDC Announces Revolutionary "Don't Look Down" Policy for Rising Child Mortality
CDC officials introduce innovative strategy of ignoring statistics entirely while assuring parents that closing their eyes during free fall…
In Alaska, Putin and Trump Announce "Oligarch Exchange Program"
Russian billionaires and American tycoons to swap countries in "groundbreaking initiative to optimize wealth extraction techniques across hemispheres"
Trump Deploys National Guard to Fight Crime Stats with Tanks
Trump mobilizes military force to protect Americans from the terrifying threat of statistical accuracy.
CIA's "JFK Assassination Cover-Up Department" Wins Employee of the Century Award
In a stunning ceremony, the CIA honors George Joannides posthumously for his "outstanding contributions to national security through creative fact…
U.S. Medal of Freedom Awarded to Colombian Drug Lord for Exceptional Service
US announces it will bestow a special "Medal of Freedom With Distinction" upon former Colombian President Álvaro Uribe, who was recently sentenced to 12…
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Trump Declares "Major Success" After Texas Floods, Credits Himself for "Record-Breaking" Water Management
Supreme Court Launches "Deport Anywhere" Frequent Flyer Program for Immigrants
Government Declares Thoughtcrime Real, Orders Bank to Freeze Money For Thinking About Freedom
Senate Clerks Face Heroic Battle Against Paper Avalanche
Girl Guides Suspend US Trips, Trump Demands Cookies as Ransom
In a stunning escalation of diplomatic tensions, President Trump demands "every last Thin Mint" before allowing Canadian girls to cross border again.
Trump Rents Piece of Armenia, Names It After Himself
The US President leases disputed land for 99 years, promises peace through privatization, and totally doesn't mention the ethnic cleansing that happened…
Court Rules Thinking About Privacy Now Classified as Money Laundering
Merely imagining financial privacy has been ruled illegal, with teenagers now required to livestream all pocket money transactions.
ICE Unveils "All-Seeing Eye" App, Promises to Only Spy on "Bad Hombres"
ICE leadership assures citizens that iris-scanning technology will only be used on immigrants before chuckling and winking.
Tesla Board to Elon Musk: 'You've Been So Bad at This Job, Here's $27 Billion'
Tesla's Special Committee of "disinterested" billionaire directors bypasses shareholder approval to gift their boss another fortune while company…
CIA Rebrands JFK Assassination as "Kennedy's One-Way Convertible Experience"
A groundbreaking initiative where the CIA renames historic events to sound more pleasant, starting with America's most controversial assassination.
Trump Silences Last Comedian, Declares Victory Over Comedy-Industrial Complex
In a spectacular achievement for America's most easily triggered leader, the President has successfully eliminated all dissent, declaring "Nobody's…
Satire School
Satire School
Sharp satire that educates, entertains, and empowers you to act. For teens who want to stay informed without falling asleep.
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