EPISTLE TO DR ARBUTHNOT Advertisement to the first publi !tion of this "Epistle" This p!per is ! sort of bill of ompl!
int# be$un m!n% %e!rs sin e# !nd dr!&n up b% sn!t hes# !s the sever!l o !sions offered' I h!d no thou$hts of publishin$ it# till it ple!sed some Persons of R!n( !nd )ortune *the Authors of "+erses to the Imit!tor of Hor! e"# !nd of !n "Epistle to ! Do tor of Divinit% from ! Noblem!n !t H!mpton ,ourt"- to !tt! (# in ! ver% e.tr!ordin!r% m!nner# not onl% m% /ritin$s *of &hi h# bein$ publi # the Publi is 0ud$e-# but m% P"erson# 1or!ls"# !nd ")!mil%"# &hereof# to those &ho (no& me not# ! truer inform!tion m!% be re2uisite' Bein$ divided bet&een the ne essit% to s!% somethin$ of "m%self"# !nd m% o&n l!3iness to undert!(e so !&(&!rd ! t!s(# I thou$ht it the shortest &!% to put the l!st h!nd to this Epistle' If it h!ve !n% thin$ ple!sin$# it &ill be th!t b% &hi h I !m most desirous to ple!se# the "Truth" !nd the "Sentiment"4 !nd if !n% thin$ offensive# it &ill be onl% to those I !m le!st sorr% to offend# "the vi ious" or "the un$enerous"' 1!n% &ill (no& their o&n pi tures in it# there bein$ not ! ir umst!n e but &h!t is true4 but I h!ve# for the most p!rt# sp!red their "N!mes"# !nd the% m!% es !pe bein$ l!u$hed !t# if the% ple!se' I &ould h!ve some of them (no&# it &!s o&in$ to the re2uest of the le!rned !nd !ndid )riend to &hom it is ins ribed# th!t I m!(e not !s free use of theirs !s the% h!ve done of mine' Ho&ever# I sh!ll h!ve this !dv!nt!$e# !nd honour# on m% side# th!t &here!s# b% their pro eedin$# !n% !buse m!% be dire ted !t !n% m!n# no in0ur% !n possibl% be done b% mine# sin e ! n!meless h!r! ter !n never be found out# but b% its "truth" !nd "li(eness"' P'
P' shut# shut the door# $ood 5ohn6 f!ti$u7d# I s!id# Tie up the (no (er# s!% I7m si (# I7m de!d' The Do$8st!r r!$es6 n!%7t is p!st ! doubt# All Bedl!m# or P!rn!ssus# is let out9 )ire in e! h e%e# !nd p!pers in e! h h!nd# The% r!ve# re ite# !nd m!dden round the l!nd' /h!t &!lls !n $u!rd me# or &h!t sh!de !n hide; The% pier e m% thi (ets# thro7 m% <rot the% $lide4 B% l!nd# b% &!ter# the% rene& the h!r$e4 The% stop the h!riot# !nd the% bo!rd the b!r$e' No pl! e is s! red# not the ,hur h is free4 Ev7n Sund!% shines no S!bb!th8d!% to me4 Then from the 1int &!l(s forth the 1!n of rh%me# H!pp% to !t h me 0ust !t Dinner8time' Is there ! P!rson# mu h bemus7d in beer# A m!udlin Poetess# ! rh%min$ Peer# A ,ler(# foredoom7d his f!ther7s soul to ross# /ho pens ! St!n3!# &hen he should "en$ross"; Is there# &ho# lo (7d from in( !nd p!per# s r!&ls
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/ith desp7r!te h!r o!l round his d!r(en7d &!lls; All fl% to T/IT7NA1# !nd in humble str!in Appl% to me# to (eep them m!d or v!in' Arthur# &hose $idd% son ne$le ts the L!&s# Imputes to me !nd m% d!mn7d &or(s the !use9 Poor ,ornus sees his fr!nti &ife elope# And urses /it# !nd Poetr%# !nd Pope' )riend to m% Life6 *&hi h did not %ou prolon$# The &orld h!d &!nted m!n% !n idle son$/h!t "Drop" or "Nostrum" !n this pl!$ue remove; Or &hi h must end me# ! )ool7s &r!th or love; A dire dilemm!6 either &!% I7m sped# If foes# the% &rite# if friends# the% re!d me de!d' Sei37d !nd tied do&n to 0ud$e# ho& &ret hed I6 /ho !n7t be silent# !nd &ho &ill not lie' To l!u$h# &ere &!nt of $oodness !nd of $r! e# And to be $r!ve# e. eeds !ll Po&7r of f! e' I sit &ith s!d ivilit%# I re!d /ith honest !n$uish# !nd !n ! hin$ he!d4 And drop !t l!st# but in un&illin$ e!rs# This s!vin$ ounsel# ABeep %our pie e nine %e!rs'A ANine %e!rs6A ries he# &ho hi$h in Drur%8l!ne# Lull7d b% soft Deph%rs thro7 the bro(en p!ne# Rh%mes ere he &!(es# !nd prints before "Term" ends# Obli$7d b% hun$er# !nd re2uest of friends9 AThe pie e# %ou thin(# is in orre t; &h%# t!(e it# I7m !ll submission# &h!t %ou7d h!ve it# m!(e it'A Three thin$s !nother7s modest &ishes bound# 1% )riendship# !nd ! Prolo$ue# !nd ten pound' Pitholeon sends to me9 AEou (no& his <r! e I &!nt ! P!tron4 !s( him for ! Pl! e'A APitholeon libell7d me#A88Abut here7s ! letter Informs %ou# Sir# 7t &!s &hen he (ne& no better' D!re %ou refuse him; ,urll invites to dine#A AHe7ll &rite ! "5ourn!l"# or he7ll turn Divine'A Bless me6 ! p! (et'88A7Tis ! str!n$er sues# A +ir$in Tr!$ed%# !n Orph!n 1use'A If I disli(e it# A)uries# de!th !nd r!$e6A If I !pprove# A,ommend it to the St!$e'A There *th!n( m% st!rs- m% &hole ,ommission ends# The Pl!%7rs !nd I !re# lu (il%# no friends# )ir7d th!t the house re0e t him# A7Sde!th I7ll print it# And sh!me the fools88Eour Int7rest# Sir# &ith Lintot6A 7Lintot# dull ro$ue6 &ill thin( %our pri e too mu h97 ANot# Sir# if %ou revise it# !nd retou h'A All m% demurs but double his Att! (s4 At l!st he &hispers# ADo4 !nd &e $o sn! (s'A <l!d of ! 2u!rrel# str!i$ht I l!p the door# Sir# let me see %our &or(s !nd %ou no more' 7Tis sun$# &hen 1id!s7 E!rs be$!n to sprin$# *1id!s# ! s! red person !nd ! (in$His ver% 1inister &ho sp%7d them first# *Some s!% his Hueen- &!s for 7d to spe!(# or burst' And is not mine# m% friend# ! sorer !se# /hen ev7r% o. omb per(s them in m% f! e;
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A' <ood friend# forbe!r6 %ou de!l in d!n$7rous thin$s' I7d never n!me Hueens# 1inisters# or Bin$s4 Beep lose to E!rs# !nd those let !sses pri (4 7Tis nothin$88P' Nothin$; if the% bite !nd (i (; Out &ith it# DUN,IAD6 let the se ret p!ss# Th!t se ret to e! h fool# th!t he7s !n Ass9 The truth on e told *!nd &herefore should &e lie;The Hueen of 1id!s slept# !nd so m!% I' Eou thin( this ruel; t!(e it for ! rule# No re!ture sm!rts so little !s ! fool' Let pe!ls of l!u$hter# ,odrus6 round thee bre!(# Thou un on ern7d !nst he!r the mi$ht% r! (9 Pit# Bo.# !nd $!ll7r% in onvulsions hurl7d# Thou st!nd7st unshoo( !midst ! burstin$ &orld' /ho sh!mes ! S ribbler; bre!( one ob&eb thro7# He spins the sli$ht# self8ple!sin$ thre!d !ne&9 Destro% his fib or sophistr%# in v!in# The re!ture7s !t his dirt% &or( !$!in# Thron7d in the entre of his thin desi$ns# Proud of ! v!st e.tent of flims% lines6 /hom h!ve I hurt; h!s Poet %et# or Peer# Lost the !r h7d e%e8bro&# or P!rn!ssi!n sneer; K K K K K
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Does not one t!ble B!vius still !dmit; Still to one Bishop Philips seem ! ⁢ Still S!ppho88A' Hold6 for <od7s s!(e88%ou 7ll offend# No N!mes688be !lm688le!rn pruden e of ! friend6 I too ould &rite# !nd I !m t&i e !s t!ll4 But foes li(e these88P' One )l!tt7rer7s &orse th!n !ll' Of !ll m!d re!tures# if the le!rn7d !re ri$ht# It is the sl!ver (ills# !nd not the bite' A fool 2uite !n$r% is 2uite inno ent9 Al!s6 7tis ten times &orse &hen the% "repent"' One dedi !tes in hi$h heroi prose# And ridi ules be%ond ! hundred foes9 One from !ll <rubstreet &ill m% f!me defend# And more !busive# !lls himself m% friend' This prints m% "Letters"# th!t e.pe ts ! bribe# And others ro!r !loud# ASubs ribe# subs ribe'A There !re# &ho to m% person p!% their ourt9 I ou$h li(e "Hor! e"# !nd# tho7 le!n# !m short# "Ammon7s" $re!t son one shoulder h!d too hi$h# Su h "Ovid7s" nose# !nd ASir6 %ou h!ve !n E%eA88 <o on# obli$in$ re!tures# m!(e me see All th!t dis$r! 7d m% Betters# met in me' S!% for m% omfort# l!n$uishin$ in bed# A5ust so immort!l "1!ro" held his he!d9A And &hen I die# be sure %ou let me (no& <re!t "Homer" died three thous!nd %e!rs !$o' /h% did I &rite; &h!t sin to me un(no&n Dipt me in in(# m% p!rents7# or m% o&n; As %et ! hild# nor %et ! fool to f!me# I lisp7d in numbers# for the numbers !me' I left no !llin$ for this idle tr!de# No dut% bro(e# no f!ther disobe%7d'
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The 1use but serv7d to e!se some friend# not /ife# To help me thro7 this lon$ dise!se# m% Life# To se ond# ARBUTHNOT6 th% Art !nd ,!re# And te! h the Bein$ %ou preserv7d# to be!r' But &h% then publish; "<r!nville" the polite# And (no&in$ "/!lsh"# &ould tell me I ould &rite4 /ell8n!tur7d "<!rth" infl!m7d &ith e!rl% pr!ise4 And ",on$reve" lov7d# !nd "S&ift" endur7d m% l!%s4 The ourtl% "T!lbot# Somers# Sheffield"# re!d4 Ev7n mitred "Ro hester" &ould nod the he!d# And "St' 5ohn7s" self *$re!t "Dr%den7s" friends before/ith open !rms re eiv7d one Poet more' H!pp% m% studies# &hen b% these !pprov7d6 H!ppier their !uthor# &hen b% these belov7d6 )rom these the &orld &ill 0ud$e of men !nd boo(s# Not from the "Burnets# Oldmi.ons"# !nd ",oo(es"' Soft &ere m% numbers4 &ho ould t!(e offen e# /hile pure Des ription held the pl! e of Sense; Li(e $entle ")!nn%7s" &!s m% flo&7r% theme# A p!inted mistress# or ! purlin$ stre!m' Eet then did "<ildon" dr!& his ven!l 2uill488 I &ish7d the m!n ! dinner# !nd s!t still' Eet then did "Dennis" r!ve in furious fret4 I never !ns&er7d#88I &!s not in debt' If &!nt provo(7d# or m!dness m!de them print# I &!$7d no &!r &ith "Bedl!m" or the "1int"' Did some more sober ,riti ome !bro!d4 If &ron$# I smil7d4 if ri$ht# I (iss7d the rod' P!ins# re!din$# stud%# !re their 0ust preten e# And !ll the% &!nt is spirit# t!ste# !nd sense' ,omm!s !nd points the% set e.! tl% ri$ht# And 7t&ere ! sin to rob them of their mite' Eet ne7er one spri$ of l!urel $r! 7d these rib!lds# )rom sl!shin$ "Bentle%" do&n to pidlin$ "Tib!lds"9 E! h &i$ht# &ho re!ds not# !nd but s !ns !nd spells# E! h /ord8 !t her# th!t lives on s%ll!bles# Ev7n su h sm!ll ,riti s some re$!rd m!% l!im# Preserv7d in "1ilton7s" or in "Sh!(espe!re7s" n!me' Prett%6 in !mber to observe the forms Of h!irs# or str!&s# or dirt# or $rubs# or &orms6 The thin$s# &e (no&# !re neither ri h nor r!re# But &onder ho& the devil the% $ot there' /ere others !n$r%9 I e. us7d them too4 /ell mi$ht the% r!$e# I $!ve them but their due' A m!n7s true merit 7tis not h!rd to find4 But e! h m!n7s se ret st!nd!rd in his mind# Th!t ,!stin$8&ei$ht pride !dds to emptiness# This# &ho !n $r!tif%; for &ho !n "$uess;" The B!rd &hom pilfer7d P!stor!ls reno&n# /ho turns ! Persi!n t!le for h!lf ! ,ro&n# 5ust &rites to m!(e his b!rrenness !ppe!r# And str!ins# from h!rd8bound br!ins# ei$ht lines ! %e!r4 He# &ho still &!ntin$# tho7 he lives on theft# Ste!ls mu h# spends little# %et h!s nothin$ left9 And He# &ho no& to sense# no& nonsense le!nin$# 1e!ns not# but blunders round !bout ! me!nin$9 And He# &hose fusti!n7s so sublimel% b!d#
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It is not Poetr%# but prose run m!d9 All these# m% modest S!tire b!de "tr!nsl!te"# And o&n7d th!t nine su h Poets m!de ! "T!te"' Ho& did the% fume# !nd st!mp# !nd ro!r# !nd h!fe6 And s&e!r# not ADDISON himself &!s s!fe' Pe! e to !ll su h6 but &ere there One &hose fires True <enius (indles# !nd f!ir )!me inspires4 Blest &ith e! h t!lent !nd e! h !rt to ple!se# And born to &rite# onverse# !nd live &ith e!se9 Should su h ! m!n# too fond to rule !lone# Be!r# li(e the Tur(# no brother ne!r the throne' +ie& him &ith s ornful# %et &ith 0e!lous e%es# And h!te for !rts th!t !us7d himself to rise4 D!mn &ith f!int pr!ise# !ssent &ith ivil leer# And &ithout sneerin$# te! h the rest to sneer4 /illin$ to &ound# !nd %et !fr!id to stri(e# 5ust hint ! f!ult# !nd hesit!te disli(e4 Ali(e reserv7d to bl!me# or to ommend' A tim7rous foe# !nd ! suspi ious friend4 Dre!din$ ev7n fools# b% )l!tterers besie$7d# And so obli$in$# th!t he ne7er obli$7d4 Li(e ",!to"# $ive his little Sen!te l!&s# And sit !ttentive to his o&n !ppl!use4 /hile /its !nd Templ!rs ev7r% senten e r!ise# And &onder &ith ! foolish f! e of pr!ise988 /ho but must l!u$h# if su h ! m!n there be; /ho &ould not &eep# if Atti us &ere he; /h!t tho7 m% N!me stood rubri on the &!lls Or pl!ister7d posts# &ith l!ps# in !pit!ls; Or smo(in$ forth# ! hundred h!&(ers7 lo!d# On &in$s of &inds !me fl%in$ !ll !bro!d; I sou$ht no hom!$e from the R! e th!t &rite4 I (ept# li(e Asi!n 1on!r hs# from their si$ht9 Poems I heeded *no& be8rh%m7d so lon$No more th!n thou# $re!t <eor$e6 ! birth8d!% son$' I ne7er &ith &its or &itlin$s p!ss7d m% d!%s# To spre!d !bout the it h of verse !nd pr!ise4 Nor li(e ! pupp%# d!$$led thro7 the to&n# To fet h !nd !rr% sin$8son$ up !nd do&n4 Nor !t Rehe!rs!ls s&e!t# !nd mouth7d# !nd r%7d# /ith h!nd(er hief !nd or!n$e !t m% side4 But si ( of fops# !nd poetr%# !nd pr!te# To Bufo left the &hole ,!st!li!n st!te' Proud !s Apollo on his for(ed hill# S!t full8blo&n Bufo# puff7d b% ev7r% 2uill4 )ed &ith soft Dedi !tion !ll d!% lon$' Hor! e !nd he &ent h!nd in h!nd in son$' His Libr!r% *&here busts of Poets de!d And ! true Pind!r stood &ithout ! he!d#Re eiv7d of &its !n undistin$uish7d r! e# /ho first his 0ud$ment !s(7d# !nd then ! pl! e9 1u h the% e.toll7d his pi tures# mu h his se!t# And fl!tter7d ev7r% d!%# !nd some d!%s e!t9 Till $ro&n more fru$!l in his riper d!%s# He p!id some b!rds &ith port# !nd some &ith pr!ise4 To some ! dr% rehe!rs!l s!& !ssi$n7d# And others *h!rder still- he p!id in (ind'
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"Dr%den" !lone *&h!t &onder;- !me not ni$h# "Dr%den" !lone es !p7d this 0ud$in$ e%e9 But still the "<re!t" h!ve (indness in reserve# He help7d to bur% &hom he help7d to st!rve' 1!% some hoi e p!tron bless e! h $r!% $oose 2uill6 1!% ev7r% "B!vius" h!ve his "Bufo" still6 So# &hen ! St!tesm!n &!nts ! d!%7s defen e# Or Env% holds ! &hole &ee(7s &!r &ith Sense# Or simple pride for fl!tt7r% m!(es dem!nds# 1!% dun e b% dun e be &histled off m% h!nds6 Blest be the "<re!t6" for those the% t!(e !&!%' And those the% left me4 for the% left me <!%4 Left me to see ne$le ted <enius bloom# Ne$le ted die# !nd tell it on his tomb9 Of !ll th% bl!meless life the sole return 1% +erse# !nd Hueenb7r% &eepin$ o7er th% urn' Oh let me live m% o&n# !nd die so too6 *To live !nd die is !ll I h!ve to do91!int!in ! Poet7s di$nit% !nd e!se# And see &h!t friends# !nd re!d &h!t boo(s I ple!se4 Above ! P!tron# tho7 I ondes end Sometimes to !ll ! minister m% friend' I &!s not born for ,ourts or $re!t !ff!irs4 I p!% m% debts# believe# !nd s!% m% pr!%7rs4 ,!n sleep &ithout ! Poem in m% he!d4 Nor (no&# if "Dennis" be !live or de!d' /h% !m I !s(7d &h!t ne.t sh!ll see the li$ht; He!v7ns6 &!s I born for nothin$ but to &rite; H!s Life no 0o%s for me; or# *to be $r!veH!ve I no friend to serve# no soul to s!ve; AI found him lose &ith "S&ift"A887Indeed; no doubt#7 *,ries pr!tin$ "B!lbus"- 7somethin$ &ill ome out'7 7Tis !ll in v!in# den% it !s I &ill' 7No# su h ! <enius never !n lie still47 And then for mine obli$in$l% mist!(es The first L!mpoon Sir "/ill"# or "Bubo" m!(es' Poor $uiltless I6 !nd !n I hoose but smile# /hen ev7r% ,o. omb (no&s me b% m% "St%le"; ,urst be the verse# ho& &ell soe7er it flo&# Th!t tends to m!(e one &orth% m!n m% foe# <ive +irtue s !nd!l# Inno en e ! fe!r# Or from the soft8e%ed +ir$in ste!l ! te!r6 But he &ho hurts ! h!rmless nei$hbour7s pe! e# Insults f!ll7n &orth# or Be!ut% in distress# /ho loves ! Lie# l!me sl!nder helps !bout# /ho &rites ! Libel# or &ho opies out9 Th!t )op# &hose pride !ffe ts ! p!tron7s n!me# Eet !bsent# &ounds !n !uthor7s honest f!me9 /ho !n "%our" merit "selfishl%" !pprove' And sho& the "sense" of it &ithout the "love"4 /ho h!s the v!nit% to !ll %ou friend# Eet &!nts the honour# in0ur7d# to defend4 /ho tells &h!te7er %ou thin(# &h!te7er %ou s!%# And# if he lie not# must !t le!st betr!%9 /ho to the "De!n"# !nd "silver bell" !n s&e!r# And sees !t ",!nons" &h!t &!s never there4 /ho re!ds# but &ith ! lust to mis!ppl%#
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1!(e S!tire ! L!mpoon# !nd )i tion# Lie' A l!sh li(e mine no honest m!n sh!ll dre!d# But !ll su h b!bblin$ blo (he!ds in his ste!d' Let "Sporus" tremble88A' /h!t; th!t thin$ of sil(# "Sporus"# th!t mere &hite urd of Ass7s mil(; S!tire or sense# !l!s6 !n "Sporus" feel; /ho bre!(s ! butterfl% upon ! &heel; P' Eet let me fl!p this bu$ &ith $ilded &in$s# This p!inted hild of dirt# th!t stin(s !nd stin$s4 /hose bu33 the &itt% !nd the f!ir !nno%s# Eet &it ne7er t!stes# !nd be!ut% ne7er en0o%s9 So &ell8bred sp!niels ivill% deli$ht In mumblin$ of the $!me the% d!re not bite' Etern!l smiles his emptiness betr!%# As sh!llo& stre!ms run dimplin$ !ll the &!%' /hether in florid impoten e he spe!(s# And# !s the prompter bre!thes# the puppet s2ue!(s4 Or !t the e!r of "Eve"# f!mili!r To!d# H!lf froth# h!lf venom# spits himself !bro!d# In puns# or politi s# or t!les# or lies# Or spite# or smut# or rh%mes# or bl!sphemies' His &it !ll see8s!&# bet&een "th!t" !nd "this"# No& hi$h# no& lo&# no& m!ster up# no& miss# And he himself one vile Antithesis' Amphibious thin$6 th!t ! tin$ either p!rt# The triflin$ he!d or the orrupted he!rt# )op !t the toilet# fl!tt7rer !t the bo!rd# No& trips ! L!d%# !nd no& struts ! Lord' "Eve7s" tempter thus the R!bbins h!ve e.prest# A ,herub7s f! e# ! reptile !ll the rest4 Be!ut% th!t sho (s %ou# p!rts th!t none &ill trust4 /it th!t !n reep# !nd pride th!t li (s the dust'
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