Tyrika Scott February 22, 2014 Professor Hinnant ENGL 1102
Good Orderly Direction: An Ethnography of UNCCs AA/NA Meetings
I. Overview The Collegiate Recovery Community (CRC) at UNC Charlotte supports students/nonstudents recovering from addictions. This program offers programming, resources, and activities that provide a pathway to both recovery and academic achievement. The goal of the CRC is to provide educational opportunities alongside recovery support to ensure that students do not have to sacrifice one for the other. The CRC is a safe, supportive environment for students that are recovering from alcohol, drugs and/or other addictive disorders. The Collegiate Recovery program offers weekly 12 step meetings, experiential activities, and peermentorship. They also welcome students curious about sobriety to explore, experience, and understand recovery at UNC Charlotte, which is where I come in. II. AA Meetings The CRCs Alcoholic Anonymous meetings are located in The Student Health Center, room 121. The meetings are every Monday 6-7p.m, and Wednesday 5-6p.m. The room looked like a classroom transformed into a home, with sofas and rocking chairs for the attendees.
Commented [TS1]: Nice way of introducing program, and describing what the meetings do.
There was also refreshments, like coffee and cookies, giving this experience a laid -back type of feeling. There are all together ten people in the room including me. Three female addicts, Kelsey (student at UNCC), Sheryl, and Chrissy, and four male addicts, Andrew, Paul, Chris, and Josh. Plus two UNCC student observers, Ashely, and Darby. A few people converse before the meeting begins. It was evident some of them had built relationships with each other from the meetings.
Commented [TS2]: Tell your point
Day 1:
I nervously walked into the room. The first thing I saw was a lot of faces turned my way, smiling from ear to ear as they welcomed me to the meeting. I then started to feel more comfortable as I sat down. I also noticed how they were slouching in chairs and engaged in conversations. Greeted with signs like Keep Calm, Recovery is a Process, and Humility is Not Thinking Less of Ourselves; it is Thinking of Ourselves Less. It then turned 6 oclock, and it was time for the meeting to begin. For my first time attending an AA meeting, I was interested in the organization of the meeting. The meeting begins exactly on time and the chairperson of the meeting, Kelsey, opened the meeting by announcing the meeting was starting. Everyone who isn't already seated takes a seat. Seating is in a circle around a rectangle table. Kelsey asks everyone to help her begin the meeting with the Serenity Prayer. Only the first four lines are spoken. She begins by saying, God, and everyone else follows.
This is the Serenity Prayer: GOD grant me the SERENITY to ACCEPT the things I cannot change; the COURAGE to change the things I can; and the WISDOM to know the difference. At first, knowing that there was going to be a prayer said shocked me since I knew that not everyone has a relationship with God, or believe in different higher beings. I thought that it would make some people feel uncomfortable, but after going to the meeting again, I saw that it was like a ritual to do in AA meetings. They recite a prayer at every meeting, and as it seemed, were very proud to say it. Coming to an AA meeting for the first time, I did not expect to hear much about God, or spirituality itself. Kelsey then asked if there was anyone from out of town or new to the meeting. She normally asks, If you are a newcomer or haven't been to this particular meeting before, feel free to stand up, say your name and that you are new. There was four new guests including me, and everyone welcomed us and told us to "keep coming back." Next, Kelsey asks for the readings. In the meeting room there is a wall of free pamphlets and books for purchase. You can find a booklet there which includes all the readings. Kelsey will either ask people to do the readings before the meeting starts or sometimes they are placed around the room and anyone sitting by one can choose to read. You never have to read if you feel uncomfortable with it. Even if you are asked, no one will be offended if you say you would rather not read. The readings are either read from the person's seat, they are not forced to standup of read in front of a podium. Before each person reads, they announce their name and that they are an alcoholic or addict. It is customary to say youre an alcoholic at AA
Commented [TS3]: Should I add here when I had to introduce myself to the group?
meetings and an addict at NA meetings. However, you can say you are an alcoholic and an addict or cross-addicted. The readings can vary somewhat from meeting to meeting. An example of one reading that was read is as follows:
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous: 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcoholthat our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Commented [TS5]: I can reference religion again here Commented [TS4]: Adds more to the paper, however shouldnt be too long
As you can see here, there is some reference to a God, to praying, and spirituality. Once again, I was amazed at the use of these words so frequently and easily. I then began to wonder who or what this God was to the group or even the people individually? Did everyone believe in
the same God? If these meetings were only for people who believed in this God. If so, many people would probably be excluded. There is also a point during the meeting when Kelsea asks if anyone feels like drinking. Some people will announce themselves (name and I'm an alcoholic) and admit that they are feeling like drinking or using drugs. They call this "telling on yourself." People often do this because talking about cravings helps you to not follow through. Talking about it also lets the other group members know you may need more support. They may come up and offer their phone numbers to someone in need. Kelsey also may say that if you didn't feel comfortable talking about it with the group, get with someone after the meeting to talk. There was one new guest who decided to share. He began to say, Hey, Im Andrew and Im an alcoholic, at least I think I am. I havent touched a drink for almost a month but, for the past few days Ive been thinking about going to get a drink at the bar every night after work. Even though its just a month, its a shit long for me. I got scared that I didnt do nothing quick that I would fall back into my old ways. Thats why I decided to come here tonight, to talk about it because I thought that would help. And by God it has. I thank God for being here, and Im glad to be here. Cause if it wasnt for him (pointing in the air), I dont know where I would be. My only words were, wow. I wondered if I was going to hear Amen but, there wasnt. This man was new to AA meetings, so I thought maybe the program doesnt pose a God on the addicts. It was just the individuals own beliefs. The middle of the meeting varies whether it is a discussion meeting, a book meeting or a speaker meeting. It depends on what day the meetings fall on throughout the month. Ive
participated in a discussion meeting and a book meeting. For discussion meetings, some go around the room to give everyone a chance to speak. You can introduce yourself and say "I pass." No one will make you share. When someone finishes speaking, they may say, "with that I pass." Members respond with "thank you" or "thank you for sharing." One person speaks at a time. There was another man who decided to share. His name is Paul, and he began to say, Hi, Im Paul, and Im an alcoholic. Ya know, Ive been drinking more than half my life. So, I cant remember any of my childhood really. I have children of my own, that I cant even see. Ive been working on myself not just for me but for them, and the rest of my family. I dont wanna go back to the way I was back then. I want my kids to be able to see their father in a new way. I dont really know if there is a God, but I do know that something is helping me and looking out for me. Throughout the meeting he talked a lot about a God, and I got the impression that even though he doesnt know if God is real, he wants to know him, and have a relationship wit h him soon. He believed that believing in God would help him get through his recovery. Book or 12 Step/12 Tradition meetings read from the chosen book or read a Step/Tradition and may discuss the reading at the end. During the meeting, I was able to read How it works, which is a chapter in the Big Book (what the group members called it). An excerpt of this chapter reads: Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear there pertinent ideas: a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
Commented [TS7]: Good to have examples, great job here! Commented [TS6]: I want to add some direct quotes from a member or two, hopefully something spiritual again.
c) That God could and would if He were sought. The way I interpret that last sentence is that the only way God can help them through, is if he was asked or believed in. That sentence kind of says a lot without really saying it. Its saying that these group of people need to seek him (God) and everything will come together. Whether or not, they believe in God or higher power, is the question. The main point being made is believing in something that can help you. After discussion, they celebrate clean time at every meeting by giving out chips. There are different colors for different months and years of sober. The first chip is white and is for "24 hours sober or the desire to start a new way of life." Anyone can get this chip. If you are a newcomer, I recommend getting your first coin. There is lots of applause, and people congratulating you. It is also meant to help you realize that you have made great progress just by attending a meeting. Chrissy announced to the group, I have a jar full of white chips, are we allowed to donate them to the group? in a jokingly manner. She continued to joke around about the many chips she had received. Everyone laughed and continued on. The purpose of clean time is not to make people feel that some members have more seniority but to let everyone know that recovery is possible. It is meant to inspire newcomers and let people know that you can reach multiple years of clean time. Some meetings ask anyone with more than a year clean to stand up. This is also to show that recovery is attainable. Almost reaching closing time, there may be some announcements, which may include anniversary meetings, new meetings, meetings needing home group members or other
business related to AA. Kelsey may also ask the group if they have any announcements related to AA. At the End of the meeting, we joined hands and said the Lord's Prayer.
Conversation with Cheryl and Kelsey: How do you feel about religion being such a big part of these meetings? Cheryl: For me, its not so much religion. Like I was raised catholic. Its a spiritual program, for a lot of people, they find God; like a Creator. But, it can be anything outside of you, right. So the way were doing is not right, so if we trust somethi ng outside of us can help us. Like something did create us. So something is bigger than us. So, its the idea of understanding or allowing that higher power to help us. So, its just the idea of trusting something outside of us. Like the door knob has been a higher power for people, because its the door to walk in. You open the door and you walk in. So, its been the door knob for a lot of people who are atheist. Somebody trusted a pine cone more than themselves, so its just trusting something outside of you, and trusting that it can help you. And by doing so, it opens up a pathway to allow you to let go of the shit thats bothering you. And its a process, thats why we do the steps the way that do them. Kelsey: Organized religion, I would never go to church. I dont believe in the term God. My acronym for is it Good Orderly Direction, so when I hear it thats what I think of. The first meeting I went into, I saw God everywhere and I was like fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck that,
Commented [TS8]: I like how you added the interview here, seems very real.
this is not for me! But once someone finally explained it to me, its not about your religious affiliation. Its not about exactly what you believe that other people dont believe, its about your own personal spiritual connection with your higher power. My first sponsor tried to get in my head, and I was like I dont believe in that shit. So she asked me if I could make a tree grow and I said yeah. She said no, from nothing, can you make a tree grow? So from the beginning of my recovery, Mother Nature was my higher power. I c ouldnt fucking explain. It is what it is, so why would I need to explain it? So I think everyone has their own spiritual journey, and through recovery, your idea of things changes. Who knows if in the future Ill still use the word God? Sometimes I use it for the convenience sake for other people but, for the most part I say higher power because its personal to me.
Me: How do you think other people feel about the word GOD being in every piece of reading? Cheryl: Well, that is a big topic with us, and thats why one we do acronyms for it like Good Orderly Direction, or Group of Drunks, so you can use the group as your higher power. Its your perspective. The coolest thing about this is it can be whatever the hell you want it to be! My shit aint gotta be your shit. You got your thing, I got my thing, but what correlates is you have found something outside of you to help you. But its very personal, its your own program.
Chair Person Dan:
This is spiritual because it comes from within. Its my concepti on of God, and what I think I should be doing, and what is Gods will for me. I was in hell before I began recovery but see, my God and my understanding brought me out of hell. All I have to do is be true to Gods will for me. That comes pretty easy, see cause if I was drinking right now, nobody in this room would be safe. As far as this thing about a God of your understanding or a higher power, fake it till ya make it. Just pray that youll find a higher power. If you have a knowledge of God, then he dwells within. Thats my belief on it.
