GOD’S PORTRAIT OF

A KINGDOM FAMILY
THE
Kingdom familYseries
Tony Evans
GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

Table of Contents
Kingdom Family Series . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4

God’s Portrait of a Kingdom Family . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5

A Christian Family Begins With a Commitment to God. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6

The Christian Family is Developed Within the Proper Atmosphere . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

The Christian Family is in the Community of Believers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

The Christian Family is Powerful in its Impact on Society . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14

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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

Kingdom Family Series

The Kingdom Family Ebook series is uniquely designed to reveal timeless biblical principles that can greatly
impact your life.

When questions are available, we encourage you to print out the EBook and answer them within each section
thus giving you a greater benefit of engagement with the material.

This series closely follows the recorded teaching of Dr. Tony Evans on The Christian Family. Dr. Evans’ series
of messages on The Christian Family is available on both CD and DVD. To request yours, contact The Urban
Alternative at1-800-800-3222 or visit us online at TonyEvans.org.

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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

Introduction
I have a beautiful bronze statue on my desk that Second, God told Abraham that he would have to
represents the family. It’s a statue of a family of eagles. discipline his children, commanding them in the
The mother is on a mountain, with her babies tucked way of the Lord. There is a direct link between the
safely under her wings, while the father hovers above unruliness of this generation and the absence of
with his wings outstretched to protect and preserve spiritual leaders in the home. Unless this trend is
his loved ones. reversed, there’s bad news for the family.

That statue represents the design for the Christian Finally, Abraham was to offer his children a sense of
family. Sadly, we are living at a time when the family dignity by teaching them righteousness and justice. I
is constantly under attack, and the only way we are never want my children to forget that they’re recipients
going to be able to protect our families from the of God’s grace.
enemy’s onslaught is seeking help from our God and
from His Book. Our children need to understand that they are to be
servants to others, especially to those who are hurting
In Genesis 18:19, God spoke to Abraham about the and to those who have never had the privilege of living
essential steps in guarding his family: “For I have with a mother and a father. Before we can expect this
chosen him, in order that he may command his of them, however we as a family must actively show
children and his household after him to keep the way grace to others. So not only must we to protect our
of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice; in families from the influence of the world, but we must
order that the LORD may bring upon Abraham what also equip them to help change the world. Helping
He has spoken about him.” the families to function God’s way is what this ebook
is all about.
Abraham learned there are three things that are
necessary to protect the family: Before you begin this study, it would be good for
you to stop and pray, thanking God for His awesome
First, Abraham had to give his family a sense of Word and asking Him to make clear to you what your
destiny. This world is full of distractions but very little role should be in the Christian family.
purpose. We must be able to see beyond ourselves to
future generations and instill in our children kinds of
goals that would honor God.

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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

God’s Portrait of a Kingdom

Family
According to statistics, at least half of this country’s includes becoming surrogate parents to kids who are
families will eventually fall apart. Culturally, over finding academics difficult because of the burdens
half of all marriages end in divorce. And over half of and problems in their homes.
the children in our nation are growing up without
knowing what it’s like to have a father in the home. The police department has to act as the ultimate
disciplinarian for a generation of undisciplined young
The issue of the family is people, especially teenagers, because of the absence of
critical because everything discipline at home.
else depends on it. Churches
are made up of families, and There is no way around this issue, and there is no
broken families contribute topic more relevant to church today than the issue of
to broken churches. the family.
Unfortunately, broken
churches then leave a broken How blessed is everyone who fears
impact on our society. the LORD, who walks in His ways.
When you shall eat of fruit of hands,
Sociologists tell us that the you will happy and it will be well
breakdown of the family is with you. Your wife shall be like
the most critical issue facing fruitful vine, within your house, your
our nation today, and that children like olive plants around the
the devastating headlines and news reports that we table. Behold, for thus shall the man
are seeing every day in our newspapers and on our be blessed who fears the LORD. The
television screens can ultimately be traced back to LORD blesses you from Zion and
broken homes. you may prosperity of Jerusalem all
the days of your life. Indeed, may
Teachers in schools are finding out that they have you see your children’s children.
to do more than teach. Their job description now Peace be upon Israel! (Psalm 128:1-6)

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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

The Christian Family Begins

with a Commitment to God
We’re not at the ideal. There are broken hearts, broken commitment to God. In verse 3, he begins talking
lives, people who have made mistakes, and people who about family. But before he starts talking about the
have done wrong things. Yet the ideal must be what family unit, he talks about the people who make up
we aim for. It must be what we’re pointed toward. It the family unit. Why? Because in order to have a
must be what we’re looking at. satisfied and productive family, you must first have
satisfied and productive people living there. Or in
So let’s begin looking at the ideal, God’s painting and order to have a miserable family, you must first have
God’s portrait—God’s picture of the family as He miserable people living there.
intended it to be.
When a person says, “My home is miserable,” he
Psalm 128 lays it out very plainly. This must be our doesn’t mean the bricks are miserable or that the
goal. This must be where we aim. grass is miserable or that the utensils are miserable.
He means that there are some miserable people living
“How blessed is everyone who fears there. To try to have a satisfied home when you have
the LORD, who walks in His ways. unsatisfied people is an impossibility.
When you shall eat of the fruit of
your hands, you will be happy and
it will be well with you will be happy
and it will be well with you. You wife
shall be like a fruitful vine, within
your home, your children, like olive
plants around your table. Behold,
for thus shall the man be blessed
who fears the LORD.” (Psalm 128:1-4)
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is that the Christian family begins with a personal

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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

So the starting place for fixing the family is fixing Blessedness, or happiness, is not derived from what we
people. And God says for that to happen, the members have, the places we go, or the money we make. Rather,
of the household must have their lives centered around it comes because a person is in the gravitational pull
God. If they are not centered around God, then the of God. It comes when you fear God and take Him
unsatisfaction of their lives will rub off on the other seriously. Three things will happen because of this:
members living in the family. God takes care of your fortune, He takes care of your
feelings, and He takes care of your home.
When God says, “How blessed is everyone who fears
the LORD,” He is saying to, “take God seriously.” To Engage & Respond
fear means “to be in awe of or to reverence.” If you
don’t fear God, your lack of fear will show up in your Read: Psalm 144:15; Proverbs 3:13-14; 28:20.
family.
Write: What do these verses say about God’s
God is like the sun, and you are like one of the blessings? Based on what you read, who receives His
planets. You can only have your orbit straight if you blessings?
stay within the gravitational pull. Pluto circles the sun
between 2 billion and 4 billion miles away. The sun
keeps it in its gravitational pull, or else it would be
flung into outer space. It would leave our solar system.
We have watched families leave the solar system, get
flung off into space, and What is your personal commitment to the Lord?
be utterly destroyed Have you moved away from that gravitational pull? If
because the sun was no so, what will it take for you to move Him back to the
longer the controlling center of your home?
factor. God was no
longer the center. If
we are not men and
women of God, if we
don’t raise our children
to be children of God,
then we shouldn’t be Blessedness, or happiness, is not
surprised if we are flung derived from what we have, the
into outer space, so to places we go, or the money we
speak, or if our lives spin make. Rather, it comes because a
out of control. person fears God and honors Him
as Lord.

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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

The Christian Family is

Developed Within the
Proper Atmosphere
Because the husband is responsible for setting the Vines not only cling, but they also climb. When a
atmosphere of the family, he is the first focus in man is the right kind of man, his wife wants to cling
Psalm128. Notice the words “your wife” in verse 3. to him, and it is in that security that she then grows.
When the husband is centered around God, fears She develops strengths,
God, and walks in the ways of God, those who fall abilities, and skills.
underneath his realm of influence will follow him. She becomes a better
woman than she was
“Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine, your house, before. If a wife is not
your children like olive plants around your table” growing, either there
(Psalm 128:3). is nothing to cling to
or the husband has not
The image in this verse is of a grapevine, and a created an environment
grapevine always clings. The atmosphere in a home for her growth.
is that a woman should be able to wrap her branches
around her husband. A wife who hangs onto her A grapevine also clusters
husband and totally wraps around him is doing what and provides grapes for
God wants. God has created wives to live as clinging, wine. If a husband lets
secure and fruitful vines. his wife cling and climb, she’ll cluster and satisfy him
with her love. That love will naturally overflow, and
The atmosphere in a home is that the husband will be fulfilled.
a woman should be able to wrap
her branches around her husband Men should not expect a summer wife if they bring
totally because God created wives home winter weather. How does a man create
to be clinging vines. the right atmosphere? By getting in alignment
underneath God. That’s a husband’s most important

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job. Having offered marital counseling for over 35 If a man is expecting a woman to be answerable to
years, the problem that repeatedly comes up when him, she should see that same principle being modeled
couples are experiencing marital discord usually boils by him being answerable to his Headship, Jesus
down to one thing: one or both parties are out of Christ, as well. What many men do is get out of their
alignment. So few men understand what it means lane in respect to the headship of Christ, but expect
to be in alignment underneath God yet most will the woman living with them to be in her lane with
fiercely require the woman married to them to be in respect to his headship over her. Yet, when everyone
alignment underneath them. starts getting out of their lanes, there is bound to be a
collision. When headship is not aligned properly, the
To be aligned underneath God is to consistently make flow of God’s presence, power and authority in His
your decisions, whether personal or professional, representatives is compromised or lost.
in line with God’s revealed Word. This means
intentionally going to the Scripture and oftentimes When Paul writes to the church that “Christ is the
as well to a person acquainted with the Scripture on a head of every man,” (1 Corinthians 11:3) we know
specific matter that you are dealing with. that He is talking about Christian men in particular.
Every Christian man, therefore, has a head in the
same way that Jesus, the son of God, had Someone
over Him who covered, provided for, guided Him and
to Whom He was accountable. No Christian man is
autonomous. Every Christian man, whether single or
married, is answerable to Jesus Christ. When a man
learns to submit his maleness to the Lordship of Jesus
Christ, he is living out the basic principles of kingdom
manhood thus providing the optimal atmosphere for
a kingdom family to thrive.

“Your children [shall be] like olive plants around your

table” (Psalm 128:3).

A family runs well when a man recognizes that he Nobody should raise your kids but
must be in alignment underneath God before his wife you. Anybody else is a bonus. They
can properly align herself underneath him. To hold are not the essence.
a woman accountable to something that the man
himself is not willing to do is a double standard, and An olive plant takes 15 years to mature. The plant
is one of the major reasons I have witnessed as causing must be nurtured before it can become a tree and
the breakdown of the family. produce good oil. But once a tree matures, it can

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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

produce oil for numbers of years. We need to nurture A Jewish family didn’t sit at the table just to eat. Rather,
our children around the table. If parents are never that was a place for a man to spend substantive time
with their children, then you can’t expect the children each and every day teaching, listening, knowing and
to mature properly. leading his family. It is not that there weren’t other
times for these things to be done but they were always
in addition to the family table. This is because fruitful
vines and olive plants need consistent nurturing in
order to produce or to grow. Yet so many of our tables
sit empty today. Men’s schedules are full. Women’s
schedules are full. Children’s schedules are full.
In failing to prioritize the consistency of the family
table – or daily family time wherever you may choose
Scan the code above to watch the digital to spend it, we have failed to lead our families well.
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As a result, we have a generation of young people who
set their consciences to the culture rather than to that
which was given to them at the table.
Our problem today is not merely a lost generation,
but it is the product of a lost generation. We have When I go to the airport, I pass through a
fathers who never saw their own fathers be a kingdom magnetometer which is designed to register metal.
husband or a kingdom dad. Or we have mothers who Sometimes when I walk through and forget to take
never saw the same of their fathers or mothers. So we my keys out, the magnetometer will beep. Yet other
have children raising themselves. Because of this, our times, in the same exact situation, it doesn’t. This is
tables have no olive plants around them. because a magnetometer has to be set. Some are set
very sensitive and others are not. When a child’s mind
They sit empty. has been set by a culture lacking the values of the
kingdom of God, his or her conscience no longer goes
The way God designed a family to be led, particularly off in light of poor choices they are about to make.
by a father, is around the table. A Jewish father raised The filters no longer work because the father failed to
his family around the table. The table was not just a set it according to the kingdom.
place for eating. It was a place for nurturing. Food was
simply the context for discipleship and relationship Engage & Respond
building. When a Jewish father sat around the table,
he wasn’t just filling his stomach. He was convening Read: 1 Corinthians 11
there to lead. It was there that he poured value and
significance into the lives of his children by listening WRite: Husband, are you creating an atmosphere
to them and being with them consistently. of growth? What specific things have you done this

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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

week to serve your wife?

How much time do you spend with your children?

How often do you eat meals together? Pray together?

Wife, in respect to time, energy, and passion, how

much of yourself do you put into your home? What
activities could you begin to include that would
provide a more intentional engagement with your
home and the people in your home?

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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

The Christian Family is in the

Community of Believers
Let’s go back to Psalm 128 and continue with the rest centered around God, and that gathers with God’s
of that chapter. people to be affirmed and reaffirmed in the things
of God, will stay together. In other words, men and
“The LORD bless you from Zion, and may you see women, if we are serious about having a long-term
the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life. family, then we have to be equally serious about
Indeed, may you see your children’s children. Peace be leading our family in worship. My father worked
upon Israel!” (Psalm 128:5-6). harder than any man I’ve ever seen.

The Christian family is maintained in the community He was a longshoreman who lifted heavy boxes day
of believers. in and day out. My dad worked so hard that he
would be dead-tired when he came home because he
Zion was the city of God. It was Jerusalem. It was had to carry stuff on his back all day long. But every
the place where a father would lead his family to the Wednesday night and every Sunday morning, even
worship of God. The author of Hebrews picked this if he had to work all night Saturday, he’d take us to
up in Hebrews 12:22: “But you have come to Mount church.
Zion and to the city of the living God.”
“But, Dad, I’m tired.” I would say. To which he would
The reason we see so many broken reply, “No, son, I’m the one who’s tired. But we are
families is that they’re not involved
in a maintenance program. That
maintenance program is the people
of God.

What is Mount Zion for us today? It’s not the city

of Jerusalem. It’s the church of the living God. You
remember that old saying, “The family that prays
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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

going to church, because as for me and my house, we The church is supposed to be a little bit of heaven a
will serve the Lord.” long way from home. It is to be the place where the
values of eternity are made manifest in history. The
The church does not exist solely for programs, place where the victories in heaven bear fruit on earth.
projects, preaching and buildings, but rather it exists
as the primary vehicle for preparing believers to By intentionally connecting with a healthy, functioning
display God’s glory, impacting the culture, restoring kingdom-minded church – families are nurtured and
lives, and advancing the kingdom. fed both through receiving the Word of God and
through discovering avenues for its application.
The primary purpose of
the church, in view of Engage & Respond
the distinctions of the
kingdom, is to represent read: Read Psalm 128:5 again.
the socio-ethical and
socio-political aspects Write: What did the psalmist say would come
of God’s rule. It is to from Zion?
be a model for the
world operating in the
world while offering an
alternative to the world.
In doing so, it sets itself
apart as a haven, much What is your commitment to your church community?
like an embassy.

An embassy is a sovereign territory on foreign soil

where the rules and laws of the representative nation
apply. Embassies never belong to the countries that
they are in. They belong to the country where they Are you willing to lean on other believers for support,
are from. If you were to visit another country as an or would you allow yourself to be used of God to
American citizen and you went to the American minister to others? Have you obeyed God’s Word in
Embassy, you would find that all American laws and leading your family to worship?
procedures would be carried out there, no matter
what country you were in. The American Embassy
is fundamentally a little bit of America a long way
from home.

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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

The Christian Family is

Powerful in its Impact on
Society
When families are centered around God, when warranty, His guarantee. If you want Him to stand
husbands and wives turn to Him to fix their problems, behind you and your family, then you’d better keep
and when children are raised among other believers, taking it back to Him. If you’ll only do that, your
the family unit is strengthened. Strong families make satisfaction is guaranteed.
strong churches, and strong churches can have a
powerful impact on society. Few people would argue today that our communities
and our country are feeling continual tremors of a
“The LORD bless you curse today. Yet the solution of turning that curse
from Zion, and may into a covenantal blessing doesn’t come through more
you see prosperity of tax dollars, government programs or building more
Jerusalem all the days of prisons.
your life. Indeed, may
you see your children’s The solution is simple: We need more kingdom
children. Peace Israel!” families.
(Psalm 128:5-6).
We have a lot of fancy churches in our country today
There was well-being with a lot of fancy men attending them. We have the
in Jerusalem because right architecture, the right equipment, and the right
this family was right songs. We even have the right-sounding things to say.
with God. Fixing our But the true test of Zion does not rest in how good
community starts with Zion looks, rather it is in what kind of impact Zion is
our walk with God, then moves to our relationship making in the community at large.
with our families and our involvement in the church.
Then, suddenly, the city’s not the same. Remember, Not only does God speak about the city improving
God is the manufacturer of the family, and He will in response to a man who fears God in Psalm 128
always stand by His product. He will honor His (Jerusalem), but He also speaks of the entire nation

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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

feeling the impact of this man’s life (Israel.) What is someone needs to step in as surrogate fathers to raise
important to notice about the progression of Psalm the next generation of men and women. And if we in
128 is that God starts with the individual, moves the body of Christ don’t do it, then it will be music,
to the family, moves to the church, and then moves entertainment, or peers that will fill that void.
to the society. That is how His kingdom works.
His kingdom works bottom up, not top down. Yet When God spoke of being a “father to the fatherless”
everyone these days seems to be more concerned with (Psalm 68:5) in Scripture, He wasn’t referring to
what the White House is doing than what their own some ethereal spirit floating around in never-never
house is doing, as well as what the church house is land. He was speaking of His people who are to be
doing. When society functions according to kingdom His representation – His hands and His feet – being
principles, though, it parcels out the responsibilities surrogate fathers to those in need. That’s what it means
for maintaining a healthy, functioning society into when James writes, “Pure and undefiled religion in the
more areas than just the government. sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans
and widows in their distress….” (James 1:27)
Societal impact isn’t determined on the basis of the
health of the existing society either. In fact, in the
book of Jeremiah, we find an example of this when
God tells His people who are living in the midst of a
pagan land, Babylon, that they are to,

“Seek the welfare of the city where

I have sent you into exile, and
pray to the LORD on its behalf; Scan the code above to watch the digital
for in its welfare you will have devotional. Recommended scanners:
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welfare.”(Jeremiah 29:7)

The Israelites were to make the city in which they lived Too frequently, we relegate only those as orphans who
a better place because of their presence. It was in the have experienced the death of a parent or of their
welfare of that city where they would discover their parents while overlooking those who are spiritual
own welfare; however, they were to be an integral part orphans, or whose parent or parents have abandoned
of improving the society in which they lived while not them either relationally, emotionally or physically. A
merely complaining about it and waiting on someone child without the positive influence and presence of a
else to make a difference. father or mother – whether or not that parent is alive
or dead – lacks a parent. That is an orphan. What
Specifically, with the growing absence of fathers in we need to do is open our eyes to see the multitude
our land – either spiritually, physically or emotionally, of orphans in front of us. On our very doorsteps are

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GOD’S PORTRAIT OF A KINGDOM FAMILY

the lives of those who have been left on their own Through meeting social and community needs
without anyone to speak life into them, or to raise through things such as mentoring, tutoring, coaching,
them. The boys and girls in need of surrogate fathers job-training, technology institutes, and in countless
and surrogate mothers – in need of mentors – are not other ways – we can tame this cultural chaos. We can
just boys and girls, they are princes and princesses. reclaim our country for Christ.

Engage & Respond

Read: Jeremiah 29

WRite: How can the dynamics of the family

relationship be used to influence your city?

What specific things can you do this week to “out-

serve” your wife? your husband? your children? your
parents?
They are children of the King and we should view
them as such.

Because when we specifically allow fatherlessness to

continue at the rate that it is and do not take the If you were to die today, how would your children
necessary steps to change it, our society will continue remember their home life? Would they remember
to reflect it. being raised in the fear of God or they just remember
fighting and unhappiness?
Our society’s problem is not solely our government’s
problem. It is the church’s problem. It is our problem.
Our mission field is not merely across the sea. It is
across the street – in our own Jerusalem and Judea
– in Detroit, Dallas, Baltimore, Miami and in your
community. To look away now may cost us more than Portions of this text was taken from
we can afford. It may even cost us the futures of our Kingdom Man. Click HeRe to get your
own sons and daughters. copy today!

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