Open Letter 
“Reconciling Faith and Fear​” 
 
Dear God, 
 
I remember my father began each of his prayers by coming to y ​ ou​, humbled by your power. If 
the man I believed could conquer the world was humbled by you, then I know you must be 
some kind of important. He proceeded to thank you for these things called “blessings,” he 
asked you to protect our family and in the end he wanted you to do the same for all the ​world​. 
All the things that I thought he could do himself, he seemed to ask of you.  
 
Now, I find myself returning to this same pattern of communication, seeking the same comfort 
that you provided my father. I feel things that words cannot possibly explicate. But in this array 
of emotions, I can hear the words of my father, saying “trust God.” I guess this is a part of that 
blind trust, the uttered reassurance that once again you can do all the things that my father 
asked of you.   
 
So God, I’m coming to you humbled. Vulnerable. Open to the works of your hand ​and​ t​ he 
disappointment of this failed trust. I’m scared. I’m angry. I’m waiting. 
 
“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” 
-Matthew 18:20 
 
Your prophet told me that “they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.” But where 
are you? I’ve been waiting. I’ve checked amongst us. It is at the times when I need you the most, 
when ​we ​need you the most, that you seem not to be in the midst. We’ve been told to isolate, 
that to stop gathering is to save a life, so how can you be there? Your people are lonely. I’m 
lonely. Is your absence the only way that all of this can pass over, that this infectious being can 
be eradicated? If so, what happened to you? Are you not the same one that humbled the one I 
saw as great? I’m not understanding what power and strength my father saw in you. I find 
none of the comfort that he spoke of, in calling your name. I whispered your name in search of 
those miraculous blessings but no matter what my lips uttered, my hands came up empty. You 
missed the mark. People are suffering. Lord draw me nearer, not to you but to the ones that I 
am missing. Because you provide me with no security, the empty space that you are supposed 
to fill remains empty. Draw me closer to those that have nothing. Because even as we’re 
separate, fear seems to be in the midst.. Is this what you desired, two or three gathered in the 
name of ​fear​? I keep coming back to you because my daddy told me that you can do all things 
but fail. But maybe it is not you that has failed; maybe I have failed by trusting you all this time.   
 
“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the 
glory which shall be revealed in us.” 
-Romans 8:18 
 
So when do you reckon that this suffering will end? Because the promise of a tomorrow does 
not alleviate the pain of today. You told us that there is a season for everything, a time for every 
purpose, but I am having trouble recognizing the purpose of this one. The ones that you claim 
as your own are losing. The victory that we supposedly have access to seems to be fleeting at 
the moment. A grasp on this situation does not present as a possibility. So this glory that you 
speak of, does nothing for me right now. Who is this us and what is this glory that shall be 
revealed? Because suffering is everlasting for the poor but this glory never slips from the hands 
of the rich. How can you claim to be a good God when so many have never seen this crown of 
goodness? This scripture holds true for the millions that are locked in cages because their 
present suffering is so much worse than any glory that you can offer. Oh glorious day that 
never comes as many lose their souls before their suffering ever comes to an end. Where was 
this glory for my people? Are we not yours? What are you doing right now? Not later, but right 
now? Where is that wonder working power that my grandmother sang about? They say the 
blessing is in waking up every day but what a world to witness. I would ask you to protect my 
family but you can’t even seem to protect your own children. My father was wrong about you. I 
don’t know why he ever humbled himself to you; he’s more of a father than you have ever been. 
 
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” 
-Hebrews 11:1 
 
I have been told that I belong to you; that you are mine and I am yours. I’m sorry for questioning 
you so much. I’m just confused. I see no evidence of the things you promised me. My father 
always ended his request with a petition for the world but right now the world is suffering and 
you still aren’t providing me with any answers. I will not quiet my fears. I will not try to 
rationalize a situation that is disproportionately killing those that look like me. I will not look for 
resolution in this letter because so many parts of me have lost faith in you. The parts that still 
hold on are searching for those miracles that I know you can perform but they’re too 
inconsistent. Far and few in between. I love you because of how you’ve inspired but that 
inspiration is left with little results. I love you because the mothers in the church told me that 
you put food on their tables and clothes on their backs. But what’s the difference between them 
and those that are naked and hungry? How can something that is not there be evidence for 
anything? And even with all of my doubts and worries, I still come to ​you ​, because I trust my 
father and I trust his word; because in times of trouble he still seeks your face. But I need you to 
show up, prove me wrong. Don’t make my father out to be a liar.  
 
Sincerely, 
A Doubtful Son