1.

Prenatal Period – from conception to birth

My 36-year-old mother was both overjoyed and anxious. For months she had been walking on
her knees from the Basilica Minore del Sto. Niño de Cebu’s church doors towards its altar, for
the sole petition of bearing a child. She knew it was twice the risk to take to conceive at her
age, but she asked anyway. During Sinulog month of 1997, she found out I was in her womb.
She immediately told my Nanay, my mom’s partner, whom I have considered my father-figure
all my life. They were only excited for the days to come. Living together for years, they were
finally looking forward to having a third member of the small family.

The months weren’t as difficult as most pregnant women save for a few episodes of back pain,
vomiting, and nausea. More than anything she devoured lots of bread and fried, diced
eggplants dipped in spicy soy sauce. She was not the weak type; she went to work and drove
her motorcycle on her own up until a week before I was born. She also walked a lot I did not
move and kick much, she said. A little more than eight months after she unexpectedly went into
labor at an ungodly hour of September 27th in 1997. Her Ob-Gyn had to pull himself out of a
party to attend to her. At the hospital, mom was calm the entire time but it took eight hours of
labor before her delivery. She gave the term “natulog”, or I was “sleeping” in her tummy
because she initially didn’t feel much force from me wanting to get out. She eventually
managed to push enough that I finally did though. But I wasn’t crying. Everyone in the room
worried, especially my mom. They thought something was wrong with me until the doctor
managed to make me cry. I was only 5 pounds, and they said I was smaller than a bottle of a
liter of Coca-Cola.

2. Infancy – from birth to the end of the second week

Mom went home ahead, I had to be left and placed inside an incubator for two weeks for being
premature. In my first week left at the hospital and on the day of my Nanay’s birthday, I
contracted chicken pox. They were both in pain seeing how much I suffered battling
prematurity and a viral disease in my first week alive. Doctors had to admit to my mom that
nothing was certain, not even my chance to live any longer. They decided with a heavy heart to
have me baptized inside the hospital. Guess the odds were at my favor though, that after weeks
of close monitoring, I managed to gain enough strength to be finally released from the hospital.

3. Babyhood – after end of the second week to end of the second year
I was a curious baby, mom said. Not really the type to endlessly talk, but my eyes always
wandered and I seemed to love observing things and people. She joked that my smiles were
“mahalon” or expensive, because it took quite an effort for anyone to make me smile or laugh
or giggle; I only stare with my round eyes. Never had I been breastfed because my mom’s
breasts were unable to excrete milk; she had to give me quality formula milk to make sure I was
still getting enough nutrients. At five months I already started teething, and like other teething
babies, I was sickly and many times restless. At six months I could already stand for seconds
without being held. I also started trying to talk and say “mam” when mom lets me follow her
saying “mom”, and “nan” for “Nanay”. Just before I turned one I could already walk a few steps
on my own. During my second birthday celebration, I had fever and cough with difficulty in
breathing. We managed to spend the entire occasion until it worsened. They eventually found
out I was asthmatic. Years have passed and I still am now.

4. Early Childhood – after two to six years

At two years old, mom sent me to nursery school. She said I was the one who told her I wanted
to study. But ironically on the first day I had trouble letting go of my yaya’s hands, I didn’t want
to lose sight of her. Eventually I’d given up because she made me believe it was going to be fun,
and it was! Mom recalled that my teachers told her I was a leader and active in class. I loved
lessons on alphabets and reading and writing two- and three-letter words. I also enjoyed
playing with my classmates.

After two years I entered kinder. I was in a bigger school but mom said I enjoyed studying even
more. In kinder 1 we still had more of play and I loved identify-the-letters-or-drawings games. I
was always excited to go home to show Mommy and Nanay my stars or smiles stamped on my
hands and tell her how well my day went. After kinder 1 I went to prep. Here my teachers told
my mom that I was good in dancing. Usually I found myself in front of the class during dance
presentations as the leader. My mom sent me to ballet and jazz summer dance classes that
year because she believed I had potential.

5. Late Childhood – after six to ten or twelve years

At seven, I was finally in elementary school. I already read and wrote a lot faster, and I was
fascinated by cursive writing that I practiced it at home. They said I sang a lot at home, belting
songs of the then new pop idols like Sarah Geronimo. My teachers recall me as a constant
volunteer in class. I always observed rules especially in school. I was frequently elected as class
president my entire elementary life; my classmates said I enjoyed leading them. If I weren’t
president, I was secretary because “I had good handwriting”. In Grade 2, I formed a close bond
with my class adviser. She was the approachable type and I loved asking and answering
questions with her about just anything.

My mom discovered I was fond of acting when she noticed me once imitating a scene from my
favorite primetime drama inside my room; I even followed using the Filipino language in my
lines. I was only nine and in Grade 3. My school hosted a huge theater production to be shown
that year and auditions for actors were open for all students. Of course I joined and luckily I got
accepted. The project was a big success and I could say that was my first major stint in acting. In
the same year I already started writing my school notes in cursive even if we weren’t taught
about it yet; I was that fascinated.

6. Preadolescence or Puberty – from ten to or twelve or thirteen or fourteen years

In Grade 5, I had my first crush—a guy whom I admired so much because I found him
handsome and funny. In the same year I won’t ever forget getting punched (so hard) in the back
by my classmate Emmanuel. Of course I was the leader in our cleaners group, and I called him
in dismissal while he was playing outside the classroom to help us clean. He didn’t want to and
got so mad at me that I got punched at the back. I was absent for a week and I worried too
much about missing a lot in school and catching up because I was consistently an honor
student. True enough, that year I wasn’t part of the Top 10 and it hurt me until summer
vacation. The funny part is after the incident, my mom brought me to a mall to make me feel
better only to be very sick by the time we arrived at the shopping center. I wasn’t feeling well
for the rest of the night, until we went home and I had to use the bathroom. On June 19, 2009,
dalaga na talaga si baby. I dreaded it; I finally had my first period at 11 years old. Gladly I
finished elementary at 12 being part of the honor roll. I honestly couldn’t remember anymore
how I managed to graduate in that ranking, I was only happier about making my parents proud.

From a private Catholic school which served as my home for almost ten years, I was transferred
to a public science high school by 13. I literally just cried every single night for first three
straight months because of how much I wanted to go back to my previous school. I graduated
as an honor student in elementary but I only felt overwhelmed to be surrounded by people I
see as math wizards or young scientists in my new school. In my first year, I was bullied a lot for
being sickly that I hated going to school. Eventually I was diagnosed with having cysts in both
my ovaries which made my menstrual periods too painful to the whole body. During this time I
found friends who stayed true to me through the years, even up to this day. I wasn’t
consistently being at the top anymore, but I still managed to get good grades. I entered high
school being one of the tallest in class. I graduated high school being one of the SHORTEST! It
was very annoying to me, and it still is!

7. Adolescence - after thirteen or fourteen years to eighteen years

By third year, I had more school acting stints in theater and film productions. I also started to
enjoy painting and arts and crafts. It was also in this year where I struggled a lot in my Math
subject that I was beyond worried to fail. I learned to persevere and try harder until I
succeeded. At 16, I was chancellor of different club organizations like the editorial staff of our
school publication and our Theatre Guild. At this age I learned how to better handle myself in
situations I find difficult. By 16 too, I had my first serious relationship.

After finishing high school I entered the university. Thankfully my mom gave me the freedom to
choose the program I wanted. I decided to take up Mass Communication considering my
experiences and interests when I was younger. I had no regrets. Being in my university and with
the different personalities of my classmates and others, I enjoyed discovering a lot about other
people and my own self. I appreciated learning theories and principles fit for young adults and
applying them in real life whenever applicable and necessary. In college I also found love for
community work and development communication. I was fond of reaching out to communities
outside of the school. I decided to work for a non-government organization for my internship
term, to which I got attached to so much that I work for them as a volunteer up until now.

8. Early Adulthood – after eighteen to thirty-five years

After finishing college with flying colors, I was only excited of finally getting a job as soon as
possible—something I will never stop regretting about. I started working without the proper
rest I felt I deserved for studying for 20 straight years. A month before my 21 st birthday was a
turning point I never knew I needed. I met my biological dad and his family, including my four
half siblings. Initially I was only scared of what could happen. But there was nothing else but
acceptance that I received that night– overwhelming acceptance. I was in disbelief of what was
happening until it sank into me. My siblings finally know me. I have known them my entire life
but kept everything a secret. I felt pure bliss and joy.

At work, my values were strengthened more than anything. Usually having to deal with the
country’s richest men and women of different personalities; my patience, respect, and value for
initiative could only be stretched as far as I can imagine. I learnt how to handle approachable
people and difficult ones. I discovered so much about myself and greatly matured in many
ways. I faced the biggest problems in this stage, ones that also took the longest time for me to
conquer and move on from. My dad had to undergo dialysis for kidney failure. I lost my
grandfather and my best friend. My boyfriend of now seven years contracted dengue fever.
And, most recently and definitely the hardest, we lost Nanay last year. Up until how I know I
have not healed, but I know too that this transition has a purpose and I will find it soon.

9. Middle Adulthood – after thirty-five to sixty-five years

By 35, I wish to have finally built my own family and be happily married to a responsible
husband. I grew up an only child, so ever since I’ve always dreamt of having at least four kids. I
want to be both a successful Special Education teacher and a pilot. By around 50, I hope to be
fully settled and see my children older and may need me less. Gray hairs and wrinkles will be
normal along with a few back pains (but hopefully not). Soon I will be witnessing my children
walk up the stage to receive their medals for graduating college with flying honors.

10. Late Adulthood or Senescence (Old Age) – after sixty-five years to death
My ultimate happiness will be looking after my playful grandkids. I will be observing in them the
changes I’ve experienced myself in my younger years. I might not be able to remember much of
the little details anymore and may have a hard time walking straight. I won’t be able to see well
anymore. Eventually I will be dependent on my children as they were of me when they were
born. Things have changed and I won’t be able to do as much anymore, but I will be happy.
Looking back at all I have done, lost, gained, achieved, and learnt in all of my life, I will be
contented.

Nothing beats the happiness we feel when we see our own mothers or mother-figures happy,
and it was truly heartwarming to see the spark in my mother's eyes when I asked her to recall
her memories of my childhood. It's pretty safe to say that as a hands-on single parent, my mom
had the lone mastery of me; she's the one who knows me the most. In taking care of me she
listened to advices from older parents and doctors to make sure she would only provide me the
best. Everything must not have been easy, but with where I am now, I must say she handled
and is handling the all developments in my life so well.

I may have grown up expressive of my thoughts, opinions, and interests to my parents, but I am
not as confident of myself as I try so hard to show to other people. I tend to get insecure about
what others say about me at times. Some days I feel like I’m not enough or am not meeting
mine and others’ expectations of me. And in those days I forget everything I’ve gone through in
life like I am but an empty box.

Hearing my mom look back on everything we’ve been through throughout my growth changed
my perspective in how I view myself. If my own mother shows she is very proud of the person I
have grown to become, there may be no reason for me to doubt anything about myself. If there
is one person who makes everything enough, it is her who stuck with believing in the wonders I
can do when no one else did. Right from when I was born I already proved that I am a fighter;
now that I am here chasing my dreams, no dragons will be too hard to slay as long as I have my
genuine support system that makes surviving worth it.