Junior League-Vanderbilt Center for Parenting Young Children
The 11 Behavior Management
Principles
April 2008
The List
Special Points of
Interest
1. First, it gets worse.
• Organize behavior manage-
ment by routines
2. Pick your battles.
• Behavioral principles apply
to life, not just to problem- 3. Prevention is better than
atic behaviors
• Most of these strategies are
attempting a cure.
good for plain ol’ parenting
4. Be consistent but recog-
• Parenting is not a one-way
street; it is “transactional”
nize that life isn’t consis-
tent.
Discipline is teaching
5. Structure can help.
6. Ignore what you don’t
want. 9. Spend quality, noncon-
flictual time with your
7. Attend to the desired be- children.
havior.
10.Have realistic expecta-
8. Negative attention can tions
still be reinforcing.
11.Discipline is teaching.
Background of Behavior
Problem behaviors are mechanisms inde-
maintained by pendent of the social Antecedent
environment).
• Attention,
Behaviors have antece- Behavior
• Escape (or wanting dents and consequences
something), and that should be assessed
and, if necessary, modi-
Consequence
• “Automatic reinforce- fied.
ment” (operant
PAGE 2 T HE 11 BE H AV IOR MA NAGE MENT PR I NC IP LE S V OLU ME 1 , I SSUE 1
1. First, it gets worse
Whenever you start a new behavior same elevator every day, getting in
plan, the problem behavior tends to and pushing the button for your
worsen. The child might not like the floor, you are rewarded by the doors
new contingencies or the new ante- closing and the elevator taking you
cedents, so the frequency, duration, to your destination. One day, you
intensity, or rate of the behavior get in and push the button, and
might increase. nothing happens. Do you immedi-
ately say, “Oh, this must not work
Some families and teachers give up any more. I’ll just take the stairs to
at this point. They say, “It isn’t the 11th floor?” Or do you push the
working.” button again… and again… and
Actually, it might be the beginning harder… and faster… until you
of success; it is, after all, having an eventually give up or the doors
effect, albeit in the wrong direction, close? That’s the extinction burst.
on the child’s behavior. Families should prepare themselves
If the behavior is eventually extin- for the behavior getting worse and
guished, this is called an extinction should stick with the plan for as
burst. For example, if you ride the long as they can.
2. Pick your battles
Sometimes, children with one chal- When children display problem be- child is up to no good.
lenging behavior have other chal- haviors, adults might assume every-
lenging behaviors. Families and thing they do is a problem. We Picking your battles is about devel-
teachers are tempted to deal with sometimes see a parent or teacher oping a plan for teaching appropri-
many problems at one time. This is chastise one ate behavior. It will
overwhelming for adults and chil- child for doing help adults feel in con-
dren alike. List the things you want something and trol of the situation.
to work on and put them into prior- not chastise an- “Developing a plan for teaching
ity order of importance. Then pick other child for appropriate behavior… will help
the top 1-3. This will allow you to doing the same
focus and the child will not have to thing. They as- adults feel in control.”
remember as many rules. sume the first
3. Prevention is better than attempting a cure
Some parents and teachers are aggressive or otherwise Part of prevention is sometimes
masters at preventing behavior “nonengaged.” anticipation; if you see the child
problems by keeping chil- starting to lose it, redirect the child.
dren busy. Children can do Adults can begin by making Other principles have to do with
only so many things at one sure that children’s physi- teaching children self-control. Here,
time, so, if they are appro- cal environments, such as we’re working on preventing bad
priately “engaged” in a their bedrooms, living times.
game, with a toy, or just rooms, or classrooms, have
hanging out with other peo- Keep a child engaged to plenty of materials to keep
prevent behavior problems children engaged.
ple, they are less likely to be
V OLU ME 1 , I SSUE 1 T HE 11 BE H AV IOR MA NAGE MENT PR I NC IP LE S PAGE 3
4. Be consistent but recognize that life isn’t
consistent
Children learn more easily when tency from one adult to another? It
the same “contingencies” (rules) is very helpful for adults in the stress out about. Life is not consis-
apply every time a situation arises. same setting, such as home or tent, so children can learn the usual
When an adult allows a behavior to school, to have the same rules. And rules, even if they are not always
occur sometimes, it might be helpful to the rules.
but other times have the same rules at
doesn’t, the child
has a 50-50 chance
home as at school, but
that is not always pos- 5. Structure
can help
of displaying the sible or appropriate.
behavior again. A Don’t worry too much.
parent or teacher Children can learn the When children can predict what will
should therefore difference. happen next, in a day or even in a
be fairly consistent routine, they are more likely to
to increase the Furthermore, with all
the challenges of being learn appropriate behavior. Too
odds of the child much structure can lead to conflict,
learning appropri- an effective parent or
teacher, inconsistency though. Adults need to find the
ate behavior. right balance between predictability
should not become
What about consis- Consistency across adults is helpful
something to and opportunities for children to do
what interests them.
6. Ignore what you don’t want
7. Attend to the desired behavior
We might be making matters worse.
These are together because they are possible, adults should ignore them.
two sides of the same coin. Children One example of this is when we
are reinforced by adult attention; We often find ourselves doing the spend a lot of time
see No. 8, following. opposite! We leave talking to a child
alone children be- when he or she has
When children are engaged in ap- having appropriately done something
“Developing a plan for teaching
propriate behavior, adults should and we are on the wrong. Speak lit-
pay attention to them, without in- case of children who appropriate behavior… will help tle, when repri-
terrupting their engagement. Simi- are pushing our but- manding a child.
adults feel in control.”
larly, when children are engaged in tons. Talk later.
inappropriate behavior, as much as
8. Negative attention can 9. Spend quality,
still be reinforcing nonconflictual time
with your children
In parents’ and teachers’ attempts Don’t let the child inadvertently At the end of the day, you don’t want
to teach “discipline” to children, learn that this is one way to get to feel as though you have spent all
they forget that scolding a child attention. your time with your child, fighting.
might increase the likelihood of re- Fill up your parenting bucket with
occurrence of the behavior. If you times, even short ones, where your
have to tell the child what he did child and you enjoyed each other’s
wrong, make it short and neutral. company.
JUNIOR LEAGUE-VANDERBILT CENTER FOR
PARENTING YOUNG CHILDREN
The Parenting Center provides informational and emotional support to
families of young children, birth through 7 years. The Center is funded in
Vanderbilt University School of Medicine
Monroe Carell Jr. Children's Hospital at Vanderbilt part by the Junior League of Nashville Home Board and in part by the
3401 West End Avenue, Suite 460 West
Nashville, TN 37203 Music City Tennis Invitational.
Phone: 615-936-FMLY (3659) The Parenting Center provides parent coaching to help parents identify
Fax: 615-936-2878
E-mail: [email protected] and learn strategies to promote their children’s engagement, independ-
ence, and social relationships. Highly qualified Parent Coaches serve as a
resource to parents about common parenting questions, more significant
concerns, and even very difficult situations, such as might be found in chil-
dren with challenging behaviors or disabilities, including autism.
Parent coaching is provided in children’s homes, generally, but we can also
see children at the Parenting Center offices. We also provide teacher
coaching.
Family-centeredness, responsiveness to the community, focus on
function, evidence based The Parenting Center is part of a group of projects that Robin McWilliam
We’re on the Web: directs, focused on the successful functioning of children and families in
www.vanderbiltchildrens.com/parenting their natural environments.
10. Have realistic 11. Discipline is teaching
expectations
Sometimes, children’s “challenging This is possibly the most important
behaviors” are a discrepancy be- principle of all. Sit and Watch
tween what they do or are inter-
ested in and what the adults in Discipline should not be considered
their lives expect. And, sometimes, punishment. When children display
those expectations are too high for challenging behaviors, we want to
the child’s developmental level. teach them alternative, replacement When you have to “consequate” inappropri-
behaviors. We need to balance ate behaviors, try this:
Remember two things. First, it teaching them what not to do with
1. Give the child 2 warnings.
takes time—that is, development— what to do. 2. If the behavior continues, move the
for children to learn appropriate child to the side of the activity, where
behaviors such as sharing, being If parents and teachers remember the child can still see what else is
considerate, and good manners. Sec- this, they will be calm and helpful going on in the routine.
ond, a child’s chronologi- in addressing these dif- 3. Tell the child, “When you are ready to
cal age is not always the ficult situations. And play nicely, you can come and play.”
they are more likely to 4. As soon as the child decides to return,
best barometer for judg- welcome the child.
ing whether he or she follow these 11 princi-
5. Do not insist that the child stay in Sit
should be able to behave ples. and Watch for any length of time.
in certain ways. Some 6. Return the child to Sit and Watch as
A good general strategy many times as necessary, if the unac-
children are slower to is Sit and Watch. ceptable behavior continues, within
develop. reason.
This procedure teaches the child to take
responsibility for deciding to play nicely
