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Singles Seminar
Panama International Church

“I’m not a half!”

“…and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all
the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:19).

False ideas about singleness

— Not somebody’s “better half”
— Not “the other half of the orange”
— Movie Jerry Maguire – Tom Cruise says to Renee Zellweger, “You complete me.”
— Country music songs: “Can’t live if living is without you” “You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling”

The “Soul Mate” Theory.

2000 years ago: Plato, Greek philosopher
A perfect human was tragically split in two, resulting in a race sentenced to spend their life
searching for that missing other who can complete them.
Such individuals marry on an infatuation binge without seriously considering character,
compatibility, life goals, family desires, spiritual health, and other important concerns. Then
when the music fades and the relationship requires work, one or both partners suddenly
discover that they were “mistaken”: this person must not be their soul mate after all!

I am complete in Christ!
Jesus is the perfect example
Col. 2:10 “You are complete in Him…” (NKJV)
• I am made in God’s image
• He made me unique
• I have God-given talents and gifts He wants me to develop and use for His glory!

Single friends
Married later
Currently Single
• Ben Allion
— JoAnn Butrin
• Tim Strange
— Brandy Wilson • Nicole Panzanella
— Nancy Valnes • Gilbert Contreras
— Renay West • Henry Smith
— Karen West • Terisa Burnside
— Esther Nicholson Leveque • Jamie Bello
— Tricia Nicholson Cunningham • Michelle Orantes
• Nathan Alfaro
Reasons for Singlehood
— Gift of celibacy
— Has not yet found the perfect partner
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— Unrealistic Fantasies of “Mr. Right” or “Miss Right”

— Obligation to parents
— Widowed
— Abandoned – separated – divorced

Myths about Singlehood

— The single life is full of dating opportunities.
— All single people fight depression.
— Being single leads to bitterness. [Opposite: bitterness results in singlehood]
— There’s something wrong (strange)
— Singles are demanding.
— They must be Lesbian/Gay/BTQ...

Challenges
— Events: (classes, concerts, activities) attending without a partner
— Always the “5th wheel in a group
— Counseling – there are prejudices against singles giving advice about relationships
— People expect their needs to be less (vacations, time off, a nice home, furnishings)

Bible References
Jesus promised that no one could snatch us from his grasp! “I give them eternal life, and they
shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.” (John 10:28)
God gives power to overcome lust and temptation. “For it is God who works in you to will and to
act in order to fulfill his good purpose." (Philippians 2:13)

10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry - J. Lee Grady,former editor of Charisma
magazine
Don't settle for less than God's best. Beware these types:
1. The unbeliever - 2 Cor. 6:14 "“Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what
partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with
darkness?” (NASB). This is not an outdated religious rule. It is the Word of God for you
today.
2. The liar - Marriage must be built on a foundation of trust. If you discover the man you
are dating has lied to you about his past or is keeping secrets from you, run!
3. The playboy (“el mujeriego”)- Meeting at church doesn’t guarantee he’s living in sexual
purity. Some can act great on Sunday, but act like Casanovas during the week. The guy
who is proud of his sexual conquests will not be a faithful husband.
4. The deadbeat - Solid Christian men who have experienced the Holy Spirit’s restoration
since their divorce want to remarry. Second marriages can be very happy. But if you
find the man you are dating is not caring for his children from a previous marriage, you
have just exposed a fatal flaw. If he does not pay support for his children, he will not
treat you responsibly either.
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5. The addict - Churchgoing men who have addictions to alcohol or drugs have learned to
hide their problems—but you don’t want to wait until your honeymoon to find out that
he’s a boozer. Never marry a man who refuses to get help for his addiction. Insist that he
get professional help and walk away. And don’t get into a codependent relationship in
which he claims he needs you to stay sober. You can’t fix him!
6. The bum - Too many girls have learned too late that their boyfriend, who didn’t have a
job, never had plans to get one. His strategy: stay home and play video games while the
professional wife would work and pay all the bills. “If anyone is not willing to work, then
he is not to eat, either.” (2 Thess. 3:10) The same rule applies here: If a man is not willing
to work, he doesn’t deserve to marry you.
7. The narcissist - So your guy is handsome! Nice. But, if he spends 6 hours/day at the gym
and posts closeups of his biceps on his social media, he’s self-absorbed! If he’s infatuated
with his appearance and his own needs, he’ll never love you sacrificially like Christ loves
the Church (Eph. 5:25).
8. The abuser - Men with abusive tendencies can’t control their anger when it boils over.
If the guy you are dating has a tendency to fly off the handle, either at you or others,
don’t be tempted to rationalize his behavior. He has a problem. If you marry him you will
have to navigate his minefield every day to avoid triggering another outburst. Angry men
hurt women—verbally and sometimes physically.
9. The man-child – Some men are stuck in an emotional time warp. You are asking for
trouble if you think you can be a wife to a guy who hasn’t grown up. Back away and, as
a friend, encourage him to find a mentor who can help him mature.
10. The control freak - The Christian man who is a control freak believes the woman is
inferior to him, is supposed to “obey” his demands. They like to quote scriptures about
submission. Most often, he feels insecure about himself, and to control makes him feel
powerful.

Loneliness
How to fill the void with healthy relationships:
1. Redefine “family” as the close, intimate circle of people God gives
2. Help raise children
3. Have friends with married people, not just singles (when friends with a married couple, the
same-sex person should always be present).
4. Cultivate relationships with other singles – especially with singles who accept their
singlehood. Many people think sex is the only way to have intimacy in a relationship.
5. Warning: one must be very selective. Some might be jealous of your singleness and your
relationships with others.
Living Alone
You are not alone if the Lord is in your life.
“Jesus said: ‘Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will
come to them and make our home with them.” John 14:23 (NIV)

A Guy’s Guide to Marrying Well – excerpted from Boundless magazine www.boundless.org/guys

Don’t act married until you are –
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 Avoid sexual intimacy

o You will reap in marriage disappointment for what you sow now
o You are called to protect your sisters in Christ, not take advantage of them (1
Thes. 4:3-6)
 Avoid deep emotional intimacy early in the relationship. Start cautiously.

What to look for in a wife

1. Is she a believer who fears God? (Prov. 31:30)
2. Is she wise? A peaceful person? An encourager of others?
3. Do your parents and pastors think you both “fit” each other?
4. Will you be able to serve God better together than apart?
5. Do you desire to fulfill the role of a husband outlined in Eph. 5? Will you love her
sacrificially?
6. Does she spur you on in your discipleship growth, or dull and distract your interest in the
Lord?
7. Are you eager to spend time in God’s Word with her?
8. Do you think she will make a good discipler of your children?
9. What do other mature Christian friends and family say about your relationship?

Biblical References on Purity

"Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, with this inscription: “The Lord knows those
who are his,” and, “Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from
wickedness.”
— 20 In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay;
some are for special purposes and some for common use. 21 Those who cleanse
themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to
the Master and prepared to do any good work.
— 22 Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along
with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:19-22)

"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say
“No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in
this present age." (Titus 2:11-12)
Psalms 119: 9-11 "¿How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to
your word. 10 I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. 11 I have
hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you..” (NVI)

Sexuality
— Recognize that your sexuality is part of who you are.
— If you are a woman, your tendency is toward nurturing.
— If you are a man, don’t think sex is a “need” to be fulfilled.
— A woman can be feminine without being sexy. Some strive for a unisex “look,” especially
if they have been hurt by men who blamed them for being too appealing.
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— If you have experienced past sexual abuse, seek healing. It’s never too late to be healed.

Biblical References
1 Corinthians 7:32-34 - 32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is
concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is
concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are
divided.
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An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted
to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this
world—how she can please her husband.

Benefits of being single

1. I can attend a conference without leaving my family behind.
2. If I put myself at risk for the Gospel (dangerous situations), I don’t have to think of its
effect on my spouse or children.
3. My money is mine: I can be generous or not, without consulting my spouse.
4. My budget is easier to manage.

Benefits For those with a calling to ministry:

6. I can accept a low-salaried ministry without worrying about how it will affect my family.
7. I can follow the Lord’s calling to the place I feel he wants me to go.
8. I can put my energies into my vocation.
9. I can give myself to the spiritual disciplines (fasting is difficult when cooking for a family).

Thinking ahead
1. Make sure you only marry a Christian. (Careful: many claim to be Christians only to “get
the girl/guy,” then reveal their true self.)
2. While considering the characteristics of the person you would be interested in marrying,
evaluate their heart. It will reveal much more than their appearance, their charm, their
finances, etc.
3. Singleness may be lonely, but it is less painful than being married to the wrong person.
“The loneliest place to be is next to a disinterested spouse.”

Spiritual advice
1. Make your relationship with Jesus be your most important relationship while you wait
for the right person to come into your life. Stay focused on being faithful to Him.
2. When you find someone who interests you, check out the perspectives of others who
love you.
3. When you do find that special eligible Christian person and you feel peace about
marrying him/her, be sure to abstain from sexual contact before you marry.

Recommendations
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1. If you sense judgment from others for being single, assure them that God is your guide
and you are allowing Him to direct your life.
2. God knew you would be single during this time of your life. He does not esteem you less
for not being married.
3. Enjoy life. Look for the abundant blessings that surround you.

4. Resist the sense of bitterness or jealousy that tries to steal your joy.
5. Remember, “I am a person; not a single.”
6. Find your identity in Christ, not in your civil state.

Conclusion:
We don’t know where you’re going to be tomorrow or what your season is going to be next
year, in five years, but right now, God has you single.
What are you doing to maximize that season?
God is crafting a story for you. Ask, “What is the best thing that He’s doing in my life right now
that is going to grow me closer to Him?
You may be called to singleness right now, but you are not called to being alone. We are all
called to relationship.
* Cultivate great friendships
* Cultivate mentorships
Be active - You are a functioning adult who has skills, talents, gifts to give. Use all for God’s
glory!