Fated

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/49221361.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: 崩坏：星穹铁道 | Honkai: Star Rail (Video Game)
Relationship: Blade/Dan Heng (Honkai: Star Rail)
Character: Blade (Honkai: Star Rail), Dan Heng (Honkai: Star Rail), Kafka (Honkai:
Star Rail), Silver Wolf (Honkai: Star Rail), Asta (Honkai: Star Rail),
Sushang (Honkai: Star Rail), March 7th (Honkai: Star Rail), Stelle
(Honkai: Star Rail)
Additional Tags: Fluff, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - High
School, Slow Burn, Blade is Called Ren (Honkai: Star Rail), Dan Heng
centered, Mutual Pining, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Like later on in the
chapters
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2023-08-09 Completed: 2023-09-02 Words: 103,584
Chapters: 20/20

Fated
by Cyxie

Summary

Dan Heng moved to another city and to another school. Years later, on Junior high, a lot of
people went crazy over this guy, named Ren.

[Honestly? RenHeng lovestory in highschool. I have no clue how to summarize this]

Notes

This is going to be a very casual fic that I'm gonna write, impulsively, again.

There will most likely be mistakes here and there but I'll try my best :')

[I'd definitely say that my writing got better in the future future chapters, stay with me. Or
don't xD]
 Middle School

Sometime in middle school

Dan Heng turned his head with a force that almost strained his neck. There he saw a proud smile
on a smaller boy's face and he didn't know who this was, nor did he care. So ignoring the fact that
he just got pushed intentionally, he stepped down the stairs.

"What is your problem?" He turned around again but he found himself going out of balance so he
grabbed the jacket in front of him—if he was falling, this kid is falling with him.

He found himself on the ground with the other kid beside him scratching his neck and sniffing.
Dan Heng lowered his head to check and he was crying.

"Hey, don't cry."

"Waaa! He pushed me! He pushed me!"

Dan Heng knew that he was going to get in trouble the second he sees his English teacher standing
on the tread of the stairs—where they were. She started to run downstairs, kneeling to check up on
everything and everyone except him.

He was young, but he was old enough to judge the kid for crying and the teacher for playing
favourites.

Not long after, he found himself in the school's office with the teacher holding a pack of ice to the
other kids' heads and the principal standing with her arms crossed, clearly disappointed.

It wasn't his fault. But he knew better than to say that out loud and get in more trouble.

He didn't look stunned, not even a bit frightened. When they asked about what happened, he told
them his story which was straight-up useless from the beginning since they weren't planning on
believing him anyways.

Dan Heng wasn't a trouble student. But being a well-behaved student with good grades was not
enough for teachers to favour him more than a kid who acted well.

The kid, who was named Ren and was in the same year as him told them a different story. Which
involved Dan Heng pushing him, which in turn caused him to fall too.

That story didn't make sense to him, but what is his opinion but a useless anecdote? He got sent
home without getting to the last two classes and was scolded by his parents for something he didn't
do.

A year after [Grade 7]

"Do you like me?"

Ren stumbled on his steps and looked back to his friends laughing and making oooh sounds.

"No what!? Why would I!?"

Dan Heng jumped a little to get his backpack in position. "Then stop bothering me."
March and Stelle waved at him from afar. They were throwing rocks at each other and running
around the swing—until Stelle got hit by a basketball from the nearby court.

He ran, and March was yelling at the grade eights before she too, fell on the grass near Stelle. They
pushed her.

"Are you okay?" Dan Heng crouched in between the two girls. They nodded and he looked back to
the taller guys and thought how irresponsible they were.

"They are assholes!" Stelle stood up, stomping her way to the court.

"Stelle-"

"Stelle you can't say that! It's a bad wor—where are you going!?"

Dan Heng and March followed her and the irresponsible adults, as Dan Heng call them, bent their
bodies to her level.

"Aw, look at this kid wanting us to apologize." A guy said and his friends laughed as if that was
something funny.

At least Dan Heng didn't think so. He concluded that these people are sounding like a bunch
of minions from Despicable Me and do not have a sense of humour. Plus they are irresponsible.

"Why are you going on around bullying little kids, Mr?" The school's supervisor walked in
between them and acted as a border. "Office, now."

They were only a year younger but Dan Heng supposed it was better than nothing.

The woman snatched the ball from the adults and faced them, "You okay?"

Stelle nodded, and Dan Heng knew she was satisfied through her wide smile as she flicked her eyes
to the guys and to the supervisor. "Thank you miss. Oh! What's your name?"

She laughed, "It's Jingliu—well then, just tell me if they bother you again."

They followed Miss. Jingliu inside without her knowing and went to the infirmary when Stelle
started to tear up.

----

When the non-violent-well-kinda-bullying got bothersome, Dan Heng begged his parents to switch
schools—which took a whole lot of effort since he was months away from summer break but he
did it in the end on one condition: get a hundred on all the exams.

He was well aware that his parents played with their words when they said that since he originally
wanted to move schools before exams. And that was an offer better than staying at his school.

And he may or may not have been able to fabricate his physical report card to show that he got a
hundred in all.

It wasn't like the school was the problem. It was that kid Ren who bothered him nonstop—he
already used to get on his nerves before that but it evolved after the stairs incident. And then the
teachers who didn't like him for no reason. And his group members when put into a project.

No. It was actually the school. The school was:

"No Mom, I would rather remove my non existing life support than stay in that school that has
annoying classmates and this kid, this kid keeps bothering me! The teachers also don't like me I
think they are jealous."

according to him.

This left his parents, concerned, and he was sent to the school's counsellor for unintentionally and
indirectly saying that he wanted to die. That was the day he swore to himself to never use the
words he had read from random library books.

Since March and Stelle and Dan Heng were neighbours, they weren't so sad about the news of him
transferring to this other public school not so far from his old school.

However, weeks before summer break he realized how close the two schools were. In fact, they
shared the same playgrounds and were collaborating a lot. Then it clicked on him. It clicked how
pointless it was.

So when he told his parents, they were not sure what he was talking about and when they finally
did, they laughed and said-

"No honey, we're moving to another city."

Then March and Stelle were so sad about it and Dan Heng—he was in the middle of being happy
and confused.
 Chapter 2

Junior High School

It’s been three years since Dan Heng moved into a city. He had quite the emotional departure, with
Stelle and March sobbing on the sidewalk as their car drove away.

They promised to stay connected, so they did and they complain about school daily.

March and Stelle were no longer neighbours. March moved into another province. Stelle still lived
in the same town.

However, both of their parents are planning on moving to the same city as Dan Heng—which
means the stake in them going to the same school is high.

Dan Heng had adapted to city life, with commuting and traffic and, well, people.

Last week, everyone started going crazy about this student from the neighbouring school: Express.
And he didn’t expect something like that would happen in real life—he thought a popular student
was just a cliché in teen movies. But that wasn’t the major problem. He couldn’t care less, a lot of
people cared not. Until a school forum—which, in his opinion, felt like Wikipedia and Instagram
combined—got created and they added him with no escape.

If he leaves? He’s added again. The only good thing was the fact that it wasn’t on his phone or else
he’d be waking up with more than a thousand notifications.

It was lunchtime when Dan Heng decided he’ll go outside and walk, because why not, right?
Seeing the crowd outside the other school would be a reason for any normal day, but he was
feeling a why not go and see?

So he approached the crowd that consisted of less than fifty students, he hoped.

He looked at them one by one as he walk, his ears getting blasted with music. On his right was a
student council member, Jing Yuan—he was from his school and it would be hypocritical to ask
why he was here, too. Jing Yuan was standing beside a brown-haired girl who covered her mouth
with what seemed to be photographs. Dan Heng assumed it was polaroids.

Is she selling photographs? Dan Heng walked closer, not too close, to take a
glimpse-photographs...who is that? He squinted, subtly moving even closer.

Dan Heng jolted up and turned around to the owner of the hand that was preventing him from
looking.

Who is this?

In front of him is a slightly taller student and the magenta hair flowing smoothly by her shoulders
covered the name tag on her uniform. Dan Heng couldn’t see her name, but the fact that she wasn’t
his classmate was enough to tell himself not to interact further.

He said, “Sorry” not even knowing what he was sorry for before he removed her hand and
continued walking around and comparing their school to his.
He had been studying here for three years, but... yeah.

Not bad. Dan Heng turned to the corner, where it leads to the shared garden area. The owners
didn’t combine the school for reasons he’d never hear, but oh well, not his business.

He walked on the sand and it was too late when he realized that debris would go inside his shoes
no matter how careful he is—so he continued. When he scanned the area, there were at least
twelve people and none were from his school.

“Yeah, Ren’s like super hot. Like fuck.” Dan Heng turned towards the voice—two girls were
sitting on the sand, picking on the flowers.

Ren? Sounds familiar.

“Right? Like he does not look our age. In a good way.”

“I wanna ask him out. Oh, I might go for it! What do you think? What do you think!?”

“Girl, you’re gonna get rejected.”

“Oh—shit. Look at that guy. Isn’t he hot as well?”

Despite having an idea that they were talking about him, he turned around and immediately
regretted when he sees them grinning widely at him. Before they could say a word, he fast-walked
to his school’s side of the garden and headed to where the backdoor is located.

----

“See you, Dan Heng!” He waved back to his group member—Sushang, she was his only group
member that attended school today and although she only offered support, it was better than
nothing.

Dan Heng made his way downstairs, smiling at those he made eye contact with. The project was
due tomorrow, and they weren’t halfway done. He had foreseen this, though. That was why he
planned to give Sushang credits on the back of their poster.

Plus, by telling the teacher...

There was a ruckus outside, at least there seemed to be. Where the crowd was earlier showed a
bigger crowd, and it was loud. Everyone was talking, laughing, shouting, and running around like
kids on a playground.

Dan Heng walked slowly, taking his time to look at them one by one again. On the main door, he
saw the girl who placed a hand on his shoulder—he averted his eyes when they made eye contact.
His heart skipped a beat and slowed down. Something about that student put him off.

“Ren! Please?” He turned his attention to the voice—it was the girl he saw earlier in the garden,
wiping her eyes as she holds onto a guy’s hand and she didn’t seem like she was letting go any
soon. “Please!”

The crowd was making way for the girl, and the guy Ren, he supposed, was just staring at her with
the sternest, blank face he had ever seen.

“I’m getting second-hand embarrassment,” a girl whispered beside Dan Heng. He turned to her—
Asta, she was his classmate in his last year of middle school. He hummed, returning his attention in
front and it stunned him to see the girl on her knees, still holding on to Ren’s hand, crying her eyes
out.

Holy crap..?

Dan Heng didn’t believe that something like this was happening right before him. This was too
melodramatic that he wanted to take his eyes off, but he somehow couldn’t.

“I get it—mm, actually, I don’t. But this is too much. I’m sure she knows that, too. Ren is not one
to take pity, I don’t think.” Asta stepped forward, and he watched her crouch next to the girl,
saying something he couldn’t make up. After a while, the magenta student placed her arms around
the guy and Asta helped the girl remove her grasp from him.

The crowd did not break off even when the magenta student said, “Show is over, go home.”
Instead, they stayed there, talking like nothing happened and judging, plus laughing at what just
happened.

Dan Heng joined Asta to help her comfort the girl, named Bella—she wore a uniform from
Express, and he’d be terrified if he was her. He offered Asta his jacket when he saw her clothes all
soaked, but she shrugged it off and told him to go home and that she’ll be fine. So he did, with the
image replaying in his head.

He doesn’t get the big deal about this student with a familiar name, Ren.

The next day, there was another situation similar to the one yesterday, and Dan Heng thought they
did not learn a single lesson.

Maybe they thought it would be a different case with them, but Ren stared them down when they
got on the floor, begging him to go on a date with them like he was some God. He didn’t purely
despise the guy. After all, it’s no one’s fault that he was attractive and hot to some. But perhaps a
gentle rejection would be better rather than saying “No,” straight up.

How can it be better? Honestly, he does not know. Maybe adding a little sorry would help?

When he mentioned this thought to Sushang—who didn’t know what happened—she said, without
bias: “Ren tells them no but they’re shameless, so. I don’t blame him.”

Deserved.

That was what Asta told him blatantly when she sat across from him during lunch. It confused him
at first, not a single clue about what she was implying until she connected it to the event yesterday
and today’s morning. Dan Heng simply agreed with her—ignoring the fact that she helped
someone and just indirectly told them that they deserve it.

He doesn’t care about people’s business. If they choose to embarrass themselves, he’s not some
saint to save them from that.

“Is he a new student?”

Asta paused, circling her spoon. “Who? Ren?” He nodded. “He’s a transfer student.”

“Is there a reason he moved?” Or kicked out? remained in his head, but Asta seemed to get an idea
when she replied,

“Dunno. Don’t think he got kicked out, though.”

He didn’t ask why she didn’t think so and waited for the bell to ring in silence.

----

The project presentation went well, very well. Dan Heng answered all questions asked—he doesn’t
get why he got the most questions, but he was fine and glad and died a little inside after. He was
anxious, really anxious, throughout the whole thing. And surely his other group members, aside
from Sushang, must’ve been anxious too when the professor called them out. Dan Heng would’ve
preferred if he had done that after class, but what’s done is done.

Satisfied, he went to his math class.

----

By the end of the school, Dan Heng concluded that he’d never get used to the crowd that gets
bigger than smaller day after day. He noticed that they weren’t all there for Ren. Thank Aeons.
That’d be too extreme. Some were meeting up with friends and talking and some were just there,
because why not? Dan Heng was standing by the bus stop near the crowd, because why not?

He didn’t need the bus. He was just there, standing, and swinging from side to side to look at the
Ren dude. Ren looked older than a high school student, in a good way. He was wearing a black and
gold uniform and he was indeed…attractive. His hair was dark and messy and the magenta girl was
watching... Dan Heng.

He walked around the fence to go to the sidewalk, feeling the eyes of the people at the bus stop—
probably thinking he was weird—and the eyes of the magenta-haired student. Perhaps he’ll ask
Asta about her.

Dan Heng woke up tired and to a headache of notifications from his phone—his group members
that didn’t contribute were cursing him out.

Oh, fun.

He knew that they were pissed, and he predicted that they would probably kick his ass in school,
but he didn’t see them spreading, or at least attempting to spread according to Sushang, that he
cheated his whole life so early in the morning. Someone either told the principal before she heard it
herself, as they got suspended for breaking the school code of conduct.

----

“No one was listening, because they didn’t care. So I think a student told the principal to get rid of
them.”

“You remember the magenta-haired student the other day?” Asta stopped rummaging through her
bag and looked at him nodding,

“Oh yeah, Kafka. Why do you ask?” Thanks for asking. I’ve been far from comfortable when I see
her.

“Is she Ren’s girlfriend?”

“Aeons no. She’d kill you for that.”

“What? Why?”

She made a face as if saying you serious? And ignored the question.

He didn’t get it. Why not? But she learned her name: Kafka and that sounded better than a magenta
hair student.

----

Lunch was more peaceful than the past two days, and it timed perfectly with the confirmation of
March and Stelle moving to his city and going to the same school next year.

Dan Heng spotted Bella sitting with Asta on a bench beside a vending machine and he decided to
turn around, not in the mood to talk.

When he turned, though, Kafka was standing next to a pillar—she wasn’t there earlier—smiling at
him. If that was supposed to be a friendly gesture, she failed badly. Still, he returned the smile,
glancing behind her, and sees Ren calmly accepting a gift from a girl that’s from Dan Heng’s
school.

Does he keep it or throw it away?

He sighed slowly and swallowed air slowly and walked towards her—no choice—tensed.

One more step. Just one more step.

“Hey.” Kafka extended her arms in front of him. Her voice sounded weird, but he felt weirder
when there were too many eyes on him so suddenly. He alternated his eyes between Kafka and Ren
—and Ren... he gets it. Ren looked sculpted closer—A finger-snapping destroyed his train of
thought.

He tried his best to keep his neutral face, even though he felt himself—specifically his neck and his
face—getting warmer. “Hi.” Kafka bumped her arms into Ren’s arms and he looked at her like he
was going to end her soon. “I have to go.”

“Hold on. Can I get your name?”

Dan Heng opened his mouth, and it remained open for a while. Should I really say my name? Well,
why not? Why not for a lot of reasons: They might be serial killers and I’m their next target. Wait,
no. Why is she asking my name in the first place? He looked up at the shout of someone calling for
him.

Sushang was at the end of the sidewalk, waving her hands and telling him to come. He smiled at
them and ran to her.

“You have to check this out!” She grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him inside the school.

Was he overthinking it, or did Ren’s expression really change before he ran? He must be.

----
“Kafka sounds like she’s out of a horror movie?” Asta repeated Dan Heng, laughing and hitting
him on his shoulder. “You know what? I see why—oh no, you’ve projected this image in my
head!”

“What’s happening?”

“Dan Heng tell her!”

He sighed. “I just said Kafka sounds like she’s out of a horror movie.”

Sushang nodded, completely agreeing with him..? “Sure, I haven’t heard her voice.”

“Seriously?” Asta gasped. “She sounds amazing, but he’s honestly? Not wrong.”

“What, like a sexy ghost, then?” Sushang asked flatly.

Asta laughed harder and louder that the other students in the garden, turned to look at them. “You
guys are naturally funny.”

“Thanks,” they said in unison, shrugging and watching her, confused. Was it that funny?

Dan Heng pulled out his phone to check the time, 4:15 PM. “I have to go. See you tomorrow.”
They waved goodbye, and he left Sushang to deal with Asta’s happiness.

Yesterday, it felt miserably empty outside the school campus without Ren. His admirers were in
disbelief when only Kafka showed up, standing in her usual spot. But they “interviewed” her and
asked about Ren, in which she hastily announced that he was fine and ignored the rest of the
questions.

Today, though, was different and Dan Heng—even if Ren was on his mind for a minimum of two
minutes yesterday—wished Ren would skip school again, if he did, just so the way is clear. It
wasn’t his fault, but still.

Dan Heng stood disappointed and impatient on the sidewalk, his mouth opened in disbelief. He
just went to the nearest convenience for five minutes. Five literal minutes and came back to people
blocking the way. Everyone was everywhere. Some were stepping on the grass already—which is
prohibited—and some were resting their bodies on the half-concrete-half-bars fences.

It looked chaotic.

He sighed and squished himself against the tiny spaces lazily.

“Hey.”

Oh no.

If he had a better reaction time, he wouldn’t find himself on the landing tread of the stairs after
getting dragged by Kafka. To his far right was Ren—resting his head on the back of a pillar, eating
a spoonful of rice. To his left was Kafka—waving her arms around Ren.

“You should know him by now.”

Those who don’t know who Ren is would be living in a bubble or under a rock. He even overheard
the teachers talking about him once.

Ren turned his head towards them, ate another spoonful of rice, and looked away. Dan Heng
looked down at the pressure on his wrist.

What does she want from him?

Dan Heng sighed and swung his arms to remove Kafka’s grasp—which was easier than expected
—and took off without anyone stopping him.

----

Of course.

Of course, there would be a gathering again in the shared outside gathering area, as Dan Heng
named it, and of course, Kafka would be there. She waved, smiling. He nodded to maintain
friendly and focused on blocking the sun from striking too harshly.

Asta explained the thing about Kafka and apparently, Ren and she cannot date—for reasons she
didn’t say. Actually, there were no explanations at all. Just a quick recall of his questions, so he can
think of it again. Thanks, Asta.

During history class, Dan Heng asked Sushang about Ren. Perhaps he’s going to ask Asta for
Kafka and Sushang for Ren. He couldn’t think of a reason he shouldn’t interview them about a
person who’s quite irrelevant in their life, if not wholly.

“I have a friend who knows Ren. They used to be classmates, he said,” Sushang informed him.

“Ah. Is that so?” Please ask.

“You want me to ask about him?” Yes.

“If it’s not a bother.”

Sushang winked at him. “No worries!” She might be getting the wrong idea, but at least it would
feed his curiosity more than those hopeless romantics and he can brag to no one about it.

For the second time, Dan Heng—who was just on the sidewalk—was standing at the bus stop.
Waiting for the bus that does not lead to his place.

Before they moved, his parents promised that they would drop him off and pick him up from
school. The last time they did that was in grade eight.

When the bus arrived, Dan Heng walked off, eyes frozen on the ground except for that one glance
he took at Ren, who looked distraught.
 Chapter 3

The weekends went as planned.

Saturday: Dan Heng stayed home, read, and worked on some assignments to get ahead. He went
out in the backyard thinking he would stay for more than five minutes with the morning sun. He
thought wrong.

Sunday: His parents dragged him to a park, stayed there for three hours, and went home with the
news of Sushang’s friend telling her something. She said it would be better to talk about it
personally. Which was a huge cliffhanger and a non-ideal situation if people eavesdrop.

----

It was Monday morning, and Dan Heng felt more awake than usual. He left the house at exactly
five in the morning, ran for less than two minutes, and walked the rest.

The school was around fifteen minutes’ walk from his place, which wasn’t bad unless the weather
wants to be a nuisance. And today it wanted to be one.

The wind was strong and acted as a friction force too much for his bag—which was open without
his knowledge—to handle, and his papers went flying. He sighed. The road wasn’t busy, but he
was on the sidewalk of a four-way highway and some of the papers flew all the way to the other
side. There was simply no way he would go that far. Dan Heng closed his eyes, sighed, and made
sure he closed his bag before continuing.

----

He arrived at the school at five-twenty am.

There was no one except for the crows and him and the flowers that he had been touching ever
since he got there. One flower bed looked unique, like a different kind until he touched it and
realized that it was just roses that probably got experimented on since it looked really worn out.

Dan Heng sat on the small circular grass patch, tugging on the grass, not knowing what else to do.
The sun that pointed towards him cast a long shadow and he turned to check. There stands a tall
silhouette, with hair flowing smoothly.

Kafka.

She raised a hand by her shoulders and waved.

----

He regretted the decision to come unreasonably early.

It wasn’t a big deal, honestly.

Yeah, Dan Heng would say just that if he didn’t feel extremely awkward sitting with the two
people he darted death glares at during the sophomore biology field trip. He didn’t know it was
them until now.

Earlier, Kafka went after him. Yep. It looked like something out of a horror movie. Kafka ran after
Dan Heng when he stood up faster than the Flash after she waved and the two: Ren and Silver
Wolf watched by the fence, not a bit startled by Kafka’s laughs that echoed in the garden.

The lack of understanding behind Kafka’s sudden interest in him leads to the conclusion that
everything she had done so far was an over-exaggerated revenge for his death glares. Silver Wolf
didn’t seem to mind leaving the job to Kafka.

“Why not transfer to our school—” Kafka leaned her head towards Ren, “Dan Heng?“

He narrowed his eyes, confused. “If I wanted, I would’ve gone already.”

It makes sense, doesn’t it? The schools are right next to each other, separated yet sharing a
connected name of Astral and Express. Astral Express, as they would call it.

She laughed. “Makes sense, but we really want to be your friend. Right, Bladie?“

Who?

Ren glared at her. “Ah—sorry, I meant Ren.”

Silver Wolf and Bladie. These people are not normal.

“Do I want to be your friend?”

Silver clasped her hands loudly. “See Kafka, stop with your thing and leave him be.”

“Aw, I just wanted to help.”

With what? Dan Heng looked unamused, not appreciating what she was up to.

“But Dan Heng.” She moved closer to Ren. “Don’t you want to be closer to him?” She whispered.

He moved his attention to Ren.

“Kafka.” Ren sighed.

“Why should I?”

They looked at Ren, who simply closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. Silence
followed after, and Dan Heng took that as a sign to leave, yearning for an answer to the question he
didn’t care about.

----

It was by the end of the school when Sushang talked about Ren with Dan Heng.

“Ren was quote-on-quote distracting during classes. He was annoying, but he didn’t go as far as
being physical,” Sushang reads from her phone and flicked her eyes behind Dan Heng. “But you
see the gauze in his hands? Look.” He turned around. I noticed it earlier. “He actually refused to
fight back those who were fighting him. I didn’t see much happening, but I saw a fight between
him and a senior last year. Overall, chill guy, just a little emo.” She laughed at the last word.

Emo? He smiled a little.

“Ah.”

“And that’s my friends’ perspective.” She stretched her arms and stood up. “We’ll never really
know for sure. See you tomorrow.”

“Thank you, see you.”

Dan Heng told March and Stelle about this guy named Ren before he drifted off to sleep.

Dan Heng woke up at his usual time of seven am—not by his alarms, but by the notification of
sounds from his phone that he forgot to turn off. It as well, left his phone overheating against his
bedsheets.

Normally, he wouldn’t stay in bed, cuddled up, especially not with a phone warmer than him, but
the messages from his group chat were stacking at his lock screen.

Stelle

Ren??? Like this ren??? *sent a photo*

Dan Heng?

DAN HENG?

OMG WAKE UP?!!

March

REN? Is he bothering you again

Stelle

I feel like he would’ve mentioned that

He grunted against his blanket and lowered his phone’s brightness to see the picture better without
blinding himself at the same time.

Little kid, dark hair, wait, isn’t this the one that got me in trouble? Made-up stories, stairs, kid...
Ren. No way.

Dan Heng

Don’t think so

Stelle

You’re awakeeeee!!!!!

March

How likely is it for people to be named Ren?

That was a good question. But there was no way. Nope.

Dan Heng

Very

Plus that picture doesn’t look like him

March

Dan Heng????

Stelle

THAT’S BECAUSE HE GREW UP YOU IDIOT

Oh. Oh. He winced at his loss of common sense. That makes sense.

He did not foresee that the morning would start like this.

Ren, that bothered him from grade five to grade seven? Ren—the kid from grade six who pushed
him so he pulled him and got in trouble for it? Ren, that little human is the same Ren that he had
been seeing? Absolutely not. No way. Why? Nothing, he just refuses to believe it.

He plugged his phone and washed his face with the hope of washing the thought away.

----

He went to school confident that he would forget everything merely because he muted the group
chat. It was safe to say that he did not forget a single thing.

“Are you okay?” Asta asked. She sat beside him, placing her binder on the cafeteria table where he
had been hitting his head on. “Stupid question. How can I help?” she asked, placing her palms
underneath Dan Heng’s forehead.

“I am fine.”

“I might be failing my health class, but I’m not stupid.”

How is he supposed to be fine when what Kafka said yesterday,

“Don’t you want to be closer to him?”

makes perfect sense with Stelle’s theory? Kafka would always target Ren when it comes to him. If
he was not seeing things, Ren was caught off guard when Sushang shouted his name. But even if
it’s possible, it’s still ridiculous, and laughable because no damn way Ren didn’t fight off his said
enemies.

The built well Ren? The one who has the body that many desire to hug or more didn’t fight back?
No way. The good actor Ren, who pretended to be well-behaved, caused trouble in class? No way.

Asta pressed her palms together, “Okay, well, good luck on whatever you’re dwelling on. I have an
appointment.” He raised a thumbs-up.

Maybe, if he keeps telling himself that there’s no way that the highly admired Ren is the same
annoying Ren from when he was a kid, he’d forget about it.
 ----

For the first time, Dan Heng didn’t feel annoyed at the group of people that blocked the sidewalk.
So the most rational thing he did was squeeze himself into small corners again. But when he got to
the middle, a group of students were messing around and accidentally pushed someone toward him.
He stumbled toward the left, which pushed others out of the way.

“You okay?” He helped the girl remain balanced when he regained his.

She looked at him, face flushed. “I’m so sorry.” She turned around and left, looking at the ground.

Dan Heng stood still at the realization of how close he was on the steps.

Just when he thought the pushing game was over, another student was losing her balance.
“Aisha!” It pushed Dan Heng further until he bumped into something while the girl fell to the
ground. He tripped upon attempting to stand up and two hands held onto his arms to support him
and that was when he realized who he bumped into. He swallowed nervously as his heart began
ringing in his ears and regained his balance clumsily.

His damn perfume was too strong and suffocating and he imagined himself on the ground instead
of her, and that image was so much better.

“Sorry,” he whispered weakly when the hands slid off his arms.

Dan Heng left without batting an eye at what had just happened.

At the very least, it was better than a hug—similar to the dramatic catch-and-fall slow-mo in
movies.

Dan Heng went home that night and stayed up, thinking if Stelle was right.

Is a phone call from someone screaming at the top of their lungs at seven am normal? Dan Heng
didn’t think so when Stelle called and asked questions, screaming. In fact, he thought it was
abnormal plus defeaning.

Stelle asked what she claimed were urgent questions like: How does Ren look? Wait, is he
bothering you again? How about we bet on his redemption arc? How about we bet that he knows
it’s you already? I’m on the yes team, by the way!

Dan Heng loves Stelle. He really does. But when she asked that last question, he hung up. He did
not need another question parasitizing his mind.

----

It was too late to get rid of the information. The second Stelle brought that up, Dan Heng wondered
if there would be any way to remove his brain and bleach it.

He cupped his head, feeling how cold his hands were and how his stomach was churning at the
thought of—

“Hey, Dan Heng!”

Oh, my lifesaver. “Sushang. You weren’t here yesterday.”

“Oh yeah, I went on a road trip,” she said air quoting and pulling a paper out of her bag, “I wanted
to delay my essay.”

“The essay that was due Monday.”

She grinned and made her way slowly to the history teacher. The teacher nodded in approval,
satisfied by the looks of it. When she came back, she winked and whispered: “Worth my parents’
lecture.”

----

Dan Heng did not have anyone during lunch, and it was simply one of his dreams. But the fact that
dreams are free does not mean it would happen so quickly. He was on the sidewalk, eating an ice
cream cone peacefully as he made his way toward Astral. To his dismay, the road was clear. Bald
clear.

“Dan Heng!!” Kafka waved at him. Perhaps the dream of eating lunch alone for once will never
be granted.

He listened silently when Kafka and Silver Wolf discussed the forum. The one he hadn’t opened
since the day after its creation.

“They’re demanding the mute option,” Kafka said and crossed her legs while she pointed at what
looked to be the requests and reviews.

“What’s the point of that.”

“You don’t let people leave. They’re going to complain.”

Silver Wolf closed the laptop. “Wished I cared more.”

Dan Heng gaped at them. Millions of his ‘questions’ answered in just minutes. Silver Wolf is the
admin of the forum, which means she was the one who kept adding him when he leaves.

“So, Dan Heng—you coming on the trip?” Kafka asked.

There’s a “field trip” to an amusement park after finals week. It would be similar to last year when
they went to China Town. At that time, Dan Heng didn’t see the purpose of going with his
classmates, but he did. So he nodded. Most likely. Probably.

“Nice,” she said and glanced at Ren, who was at least two “chairs” away from them. Kafka keeps
teasing him about me... or am I delusional? “I suggest we go together.”

Ren stared at them coldly. “Kafka.”

She laughed. “What? I was just suggesting.”

What’s the worse that could happen?

Dan Heng stood up and carried his backpack. “Sure.”

Kafka smiled, delighted. “Great! I’m looking forward to finals now~”

 ----

Perhaps there was an advantage to helping with errands after school.

The outside greeted Dan Heng with peace and quiet, and the sun was still up. It felt odd without
anyone, but he wasn’t going to complain. When he entered the corner, Kafka, Ren, and Silver Wolf
were by the stairs looking at him.

Nevermind.

“Thought you didn’t want to be our friend,” Kafka said while she walked in circles, watching him
sit.

“I didn’t say that.”

“I recall, he asked ‘Do I want to be your friend’ or something like that,” Silver Wolf reminded her
and Kafka wrapped her arms around her, teasing how she was so, so smart.

“Then do you want to be our friend?” Kafka asked as she dragged Silver Wolf and forcefully sat
her down to get on Ren’s level. “This guy—”

“Kafka.”

She wrapped her arms around Ren and Silver Wolf, and Dan Heng watched, not sure what to do.
“He really wants to be your fri—Ow!“ Silver Wolf pushed her away after Ren slammed his hand to
her face.

Dan Heng locked eyes with Ren and blinked a couple of times before he looked away. “I’m gonna
go...”

Before he turned the corner Kafka shouted: “See you, Dan Heng!!”

“Either Ren hates me or it’s really him or both” was what he told Stelle after he called and woke
her up at six in the morning—she did more than just scream at him through the phone before he
heard her mom’s voice and she hung up.

----

There’s an upcoming school presentation at what their principal said to be: a professional place, so
they have to wear formal clothing.

The idea of dressing up formally didn’t sound pleasing solely because he didn’t have any suits, nor
does his dad. But when the school emailed his parents about it, his mom was ecstatic to see him
dress up and go shopping—main reason.

It still didn’t please him though, and it seemed to be a him-only thing when everyone in his Art
class talked about how excited they are and the teacher didn’t mind how his hour talk went down
the drain.

What’s worse is the fact that it isn’t just their school. It was the Astral Express and two other
schools he had never heard of. Which ended up as the main reason why a lot of people looked
forward to it.

----

Lunch was very loud. Like a combination of fast trains and departing airplanes plus the music at
carnivals type of loud. Dan Heng covered his ears as he tries to make a conversation with Asta.

“I don’t get why they’re not scolding them!”

“What!?”

“I don’t ge—”

“What!?”

Asta wiped her face in frustration and waved her hands in the air to shove off the conversation.
Sushang joined them not long after. She had her brows furrowed as she slowly sat down on the
chair, judging everyone.

She slid her phone in the middle of the table showing a message: “I get that they’re excited, but this
is too much.”

Ah, smart. Dan Heng created a group chat.

Dan Heng: How did we not think of this?

Asta: Because the idea of texting with the person in front of you sounds absurd.

Sushang: They should tone it down a bit. I went inside the other school and got kicked out right
after. It was dead quiet when I entered.

Asta: How did you manage? Isn’t there a big ass crowd outside right now?

Sushang slammed her hands on the table.

Sushang: Aeons. YES. It was better when they were there for Ren and for friends, but they’re
having a party outside right now.

Dan Heng: It was dead quiet in theirs? Soundproof?

Asta: If that’s the case, it’s UNFAIR. We’re technically one school.

Dan Heng: Technically

Sushang: Favourites.

Asta: This is so frustratiiinggg

The bell rang, harmonizing poorly with the music blasting through the big speakers.

----

Sushang was right. There outside showed what seemed to be like an outdoor dance party. Dan
Heng went to the garden, where it was peaceful, and he saw Ren sitting by himself on the back
door.

“—If you choose a date, there, you can treat it as a blind date.”
“I know, but—oh Dan Heng, right?”

He stopped in his tracks and removed his gaze from Ren. “Yes?”

“I was wondering if you have a date for the presentation?”

A familiar laugh emerged behind him. “He does, sorry.”

She just shows up whenever and wherever she wants, doesn’t she?

“Oh.” The two girls looked disappointed and walked past them.

What date? Dan Heng turned around, telepathically asking Kafka to explain.

“You need a date for the presentation.”

“A what?”

“A date.”

“A fruit?”

Kafka laughed as Ren approached them. “Stop acting so dull.”

A date? For a school presentation? How does that make any sense?

“Why?”

She shrugged, pulling Ren beside her.

Ren sighed. “Are you going to say what I think you’re going to say?”

“Haha, maybe. Dan Heng, I propose the idea that you go with Silver Wolf and I go with Ren and
we go sit at one table.”

Hold on, you didn’t even answer my question.

“I’ll think about that.”

Kafka winked at him and said, “Take all the time you need, just don’t let it pass next week,” before
they left.

Stelle

You’re TELLING US that you have a formal school presentation with three other schools and you
need a date? I highly doubt it’s just a presentation.

Dan Heng

I know

I just don’t get why they would lie about it

March

Take pictures!!

Stelle

Who are you going with?

Dan Heng

I know two people who might want

Stelle

Dan Heng...

March

Do you have any friends...?

Dan Heng

I do thanks for asking.

Stelle

And what are you going to do if they already have partners?

Dan Heng

Ren’s friend told me I can go with them, so there’s that.

Stelle

WHAT

March

STELLE is this what I think it is?? My enemies to lovers trope!?!?

Stelle

March he still hasn’t apologized.

Also WHEN did you start hanging out with them????

----

Morning class started with a blast of information. First, the formal wear requirements. No shorts,
no sweatpants, no pyjamas, no Crocs. The school hates Crocs. Second, the date that’s not even
mandatory. They recommend it though or what they said: Go with your friends if you’re that lonely
or go with yourself, you do you. Third, fifteen dollar fee.

They explained that the payment was for the free food and Dan Heng swears that if they’re
splitting one pizza for probably more than five hundred students, he’s going to file a lawsuit.
He asked Asta and Sushang about their plans way before he found out that the “date” is not
required and they were confused and told him that they would be going with their friends but he’s
always welcome to join them.

It was supposed to be good news when they announced the date to be optional, but Dan Heng still
got bombarded with a few date requests.

The outdoor social gathering reeks of the same sight he saw in the grade eight graduation dance.

A guy was on his knees, with cardboard in hand, and Dan Heng thought he might as well just
propose. His friends circled around them and cheered him on. The girl he asked looked extremely
uncomfortable, yet nodded anyway. Talk about public humiliation. Must be a part of his plan.

“This is icky.” Asta created a random gesture with her hands beside him, watching the free show in
disgust. “I bet we’re going to a school dance and they changed the name to a presentation to
surprise us.”

“Yeah, seems like it.”

The guy hugged the girl, lifted her up, and spun her around as she screamed and her glasses fell
—Oh wow, he’s dead.

“Seems like the show lasted less than the time she took to spit out a yes.”

Then there was screaming mixed with laughter, and that was a cue to turn around and go back
inside the school.

----

It might as well become a routine to meet up with Kafka and friends every after school.

Dan Heng sat near the left pillar. “You said the date is a need, not a want.”

Kafka raised her arms up in defence. “Doesn’t it sound more fun?”

“No,” he and Silver Wolf said at the same time. Clearly not in line with the idea she proposed
yesterday.

“Okay, but we can always go as a group. Not like you have anywhere else to go.”

He winced at the harsh truth. Would he rather go with Sushang and Asta? Yes. But would he want
to squeeze himself inside their friend group? No.

“I can go alone.”

She shrugged. “Your choice, not mine.”

Silver Wolf sat near them and pouted towards Ren. “Wanna make a bet on what time he’s gonna
finish talking?”

Ren’s popularity had declined for the past few days, but there were still a lot of persistent people
who asked him on a date, even if he made it clear that he was not interested.

Lines were blurry in the eyes of his admirers, and Dan Heng couldn’t help but feel annoyed about
this plague of people that clings shamelessly into Ren. If he was in his shoes, he would just use
Kafka to scare them off.
“Fifteen minutes,” Kafka answered, watching her friend intently.

“He usually doesn’t take this long. You think he finds her interesting?”

Silver Wolf leaned forward, squinting to see who the student was. She had black hair, red streaks
and was wearing the Astral uniform... Just how many people like Ren from his school?

“Don’t be silly Silvee, there’s only one person,” she said, glancing towards Dan Heng and back to
Ren, “That he’s interested in.”

“Bladie and now Silvee? What’s your obsession with ‘ee’?”

Ren glared at them as if he overheard their conversation. Kafka returned a mischievous smile.

“Hurry,” she said.

Dan Heng stood up. “I’m leaving.”

“Aw. Okay, stay safe.”

...

What was that about?

 Chapter 4

Dan Heng spent the weekend inside his room. He rolled around his bed, bit his lip, hit his head and
his parents spent the weekend thinking that their son was going crazy.

Stelle and March called him as soon as Saturday started, and that means, at twelve am sharp. He
muffled against his pillows and whispered while Stelle and March talked loudly, freely, since their
parents worked night shifts.

The conversation consisted of, “You are stupid.” and “I’m so sure that’s the Ren we know.”

He expected it, but he didn’t want to talk about it. Too late, though. His fault that he told them, and
his fault that he temporarily erased Ren from his memories.

He didn’t bother to research Ren at all, since he knew that Stelle and March, although not together,
would dig deeper into his life like some private investigators. Aka, they were skilled stalkers.
However, their effort did not reach far.

Ren’s Instagram account was private, his friends were private, and his parents were private. By the
end, they concluded that everyone on his radar was private. This failed “investigation” temporarily
damaged Dan Heng’s ears by listening to Stelle’s rampage about their over-privacy.

----

“You!” one of the group members who was suspended rushed towards Dan Heng about to throw a
punch and he simply ducked and moved to the side to avoid it.

“You just returned. Are you asking for suspension again?” Asta rolled her eyes, looking down at
the guy that missed his punch. “It would be tough if you get expelled before finals.”

Dan Heng followed her, paying no mind to the fact that someone just tried to punch him.

“Dan Heng!” a student council member shouted. Oh, Jing Yuan. “Hey, can you do me a favour?”

A favour? He doesn’t remember being part of the student council. “What? Why me?”

“I need you to go to their library and return this for me. Please?” Jing Yuan raised the books in his
hands that had the logo of Express on the bottom, and Asta was stunned.

“Wait—you are the one allowed to be there. Why are you asking him?”

He huffed. “These books are due and we have a meeting starting about now and he’s the first
person I spotted. Unless you want to return it?”

“Fine.”

“Thanks!” Jing Yuan placed the books on Dan Heng’s hands clumsily and ran.

Is student council that big of a deal?

“I’ll return this.”

Asta hummed. “I have a class, so I can’t help. Good luck.”

 ----

When Dan Heng stepped inside the school, he expected to be kicked out, but no students seemed to
care. He went inside the office, asking for directions in hopes that the principal would do Jing
Yuan’s errands instead. She didn’t care and gave him a map he couldn’t see properly.

He squinted up to the hallways and down to the paper.

What is this? Liba, library. Left, middle, social wing? Uh..

He looked away from the paper and if everyone watched where they were going, him included, the
books wouldn’t have echoed in the empty hallways and he wouldn’t stumble backwards like a
drunk.

“You okay?”

Dan Heng regained his balance and gazed up. Oh.

Ren knelt to gather the fallen books, and Dan Heng blinked once. twice. thrice. fries. This is the
exact reason why he does not believe this Ren is the little Ren. But Stelle kept arguing that he
maybe had good character development and is now in line for his “redemption arc.”

“Dan Heng?”

“Huh?”

“Sorry.”

He stared. Is he saying sorry for wasting more than three-hundred-and-sixty-five days getting on
my nerves? He opened his mouth and watched as Ren held up the books. Oh, right. Of course.

"Thanks." He retrieved the books and placed them on the floor to hold them properly.

Ren crouched in front of him and offered his hand. “I’ll help. Library?”

“Don’t you have class?”

He shrugged. “It can wait.”

Dan Heng became more aware of his breathing and when did it get so hot inside? “Thank you.”

“Library?” He nodded and Ren lead the way.

----

“You—don’t you have class?” Ren asked and opened the door for Dan Heng.

He shook his head. “Half day.”

“Are you leaving?”

“Huh?”

“Are you going home?”

I mean, unless you’re going to confess your sins..?

“Why?”

“Just asking.”

“Yeah. I’m going home.”

He exited through the door and turned around.

“Ren, where did you go during middle school?”

“Oi! Get into class!”

Ren left without a word.

...

It actually might be him.

Dan Heng doesn’t know what to do about that.

Stelle

I’VE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT IT IS HIM. YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!

Dan Heng

Calm down

Stelle

NO

March

Can you take a picture of him?

Dan Heng

Absolutely not.

Stelle

It might help in our research you know

Dan Heng

Use your brain power somewhere else

March

Please please pleaseeee

Dan Heng

No.

----

“You okay?”

“You okay?” “Dan Heng?” “Are you leaving?”

“Dan Heng,” Sushang emphasized the Heng and snapped her fingers at him.

“What?”

“You’ve been staring at the whiteboard the entire class. It’s lunch.”

“Oh. Let’s go.”

Sushang looked concerned, but she nodded and didn’t bring it up as they eat their lunch.

----

It wasn’t easy to focus during photography class. They had to go outside, and Ren’s class was there
as well. And even though there was plenty of space on their side, Dan Heng went into Express’s
side of the garden.

He walked around, pretending that he knew what he was doing, but his eyes were somewhere else,
really. He raised the camera, did a one-eighty, and stopped at two familiar figures. Kafka and Ren.

There was a big chance that they knew Dan Heng was there, but he shrugged the statistics off.
With the hands he trained to click fast—instead of listening to instructions—surely they won’t
catch him red-handed.

“Where’s Dan Heng!?”

They turned towards him and he kept the camera in place, subtly clicking the shutter as he
searched for the person who called. He raised one hand.

“Hey! Can I borrow that camera?” the teacher shouted.

Are you serious?

Dan Heng placed the camera down and Kafka. She was grinning a little too much. He sighed and
ran towards the teacher. By the time he got there, the teacher gave him another camera and the
teacher, of course, asked why he didn’t take any photos. Dan Heng replied with a flat,

“I panicked.”

And the teacher laughed it off, unaware that he merely deleted all traces possible: the blurry
flowers, sand, grass, sky, Kafka, and Ren.

With all his efforts wasted on top of being caught red-handed, maybe. Dan Heng stayed on their
side of the garden and took pictures of everything in sight.

----
Stelle

LMFAOOOOO

"No." proceeds to take a picture anyway

March

It’s not like you can print out the photos from the camera without them knowing so

Stelle

You are so EMBARRASSING. Are you gonna kiss-kiss fall in love next

Dan Heng

What are you even saying?

You told me to take photos.

March

I thought we weren’t gonna have the enemies to lovers until Ren apologize?

Stelle

Oh right right right

Dan Heng

You guys are crazy

----

It was sunny, and the wind wasn’t overly strong when Dan Heng sat on the concrete floor with his
back slumped against the wall. The sun was facing him and it made it hard to see what was on his
phone camera that pointed in Ren’s direction.

He sighed. I’ll just wing it. Dan Heng buried his head on his knees and pressed his screen and
hoped for the best.

He looked very suspicious.

“Dan Heng!”

His phone fell to the ground, screen down. “Hey. Sushang, you’re still here.”

“What were you doing?”

“Nothing.”

“Hm.”

“Yeah.”

Sushang placed a hand above her head to cover the sun and looked at where Dan Heng’s phone
was facing. She smiled and nudged him. “Ren, huh? I see why you asked about him.”

“Whatever you’re thinking is wrong.”

“Mhm, Kafka fanboy then.”

Aeons, no.

“Absolutely not.”

She laughed and stood up. “I’m just kidding. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

He grabbed his phone, shoved it down his pockets, stood up and walked the way home.

----

Stelle

Wow look at that sun, so bright

March

Woahh, it looks so pretty there

Stelle

You managed to take a picture of everyone but Ren

Dan Heng

Silhouette is there

March

I will teach you photography skills once we move

Stelle

What are we supposed to do with his silhouette? Also WHERE?

Dan Heng

I don’t know. Look at it.

Stelle

A+ for effort but the sun was literally kissing your camera

March

Is this him?

*sent a photo*
Dan Heng

Stelle

???

March

Dan Henggg

Dan Heng

I have no clue

Sorry, the internet suddenly disappeared

March

Dan Heng!!

Stelle

@Dan Heng new day means a new opportunity so good luck with taking Ren’s picture

Dan Heng

You wish.

March

You can do it!!

----

What Dan Heng realized after he left his house was the fact that they were making Ren too big of a
deal. Initially, he thought it was fine, knowing how big of a coincidence it would be if Ren is the
little Ren. But then he travelled down this spiral of why should it matter. If that’s Ren, so be it.
What about it?

Dan Heng isn’t one to ask for apologies, nor does he want anyone’s apologies. It was a long time
ago—the incident between them. And he isn’t one to hold deep grudges.

He pushed open the art room door and headed inside.

“Sorry, I’m late.”

The teacher spared him a quick glance. “You signed in?”

“Yeah.”
“I need the project handed in today.”

Dan Heng made his way to the back of the room—where he sat—while he thoughtfully chose a
paintbrush and an acrylic paint set.

“They’re on a what?”

“A Museum field trip. It’s for social.”

“So they won’t be here on lunch, right? “

“I think so.”

“That’s great. They’ve been getting on my nerves.”

“Who’s on a trip?” He asked the two students in front of him. They turned around, clearly
hesitating.

“Uhm...A class in history.”

The girl nudged her friend.

“Kafka’s class..”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“You think he’s gonna tell them what we said?”

He plugged his earphones and dived into classical music, thinking that he doesn’t care much about
their opinions about the trio. It was interesting, though, for him to discover that there were people
who hated their presence as well.

----

Dan Heng

Aren’t we overreacting?

March

To what?

Dan Heng

Ren

Stelle

I’d be more concerned if we’re acting like it isn’t a big deal

March

Yep! What are the odds of a past classmate being a classmate again?

Dan Heng
We’re not classmates.

Stelle

Name a better reunion than enemies meeting once again

Dan Heng

We weren’t enemies

Stelle

Eeeeeeee you kinda were

----

Sushang waved at Dan Heng. “I thought you had something urgent to do?”

“It got postponed.”

“Is that so?”

He sat across from Asta, who had been staring since he got there.

“They have a museum trip.” Dan Heng looked up, asking the relevancy of that information with his
eyes. To be fair, he would care more if he didn’t know already. “Kafka and Ren, they’re on a
museum trip.”

“Okay,” He said flatly and pulled out a pair of chopsticks from the corner of his bag.

“You know, what if they are dating?”

Sushang widened her eyes. “It’s a class trip, Asta.”

“The chances are low, but.”

You said that they can’t date.

“But what?”

She shrugged. “It’s still there.”

Dan Heng thought otherwise. In fact, he thought there were no chances at all. But he didn’t say that
out loud due to his lack of reasoning. He didn’t really want them to think that he was against the
idea of the two dating. But if they were, then what a weird couple.

----

It was five-forty-seven pm when Dan Heng finished organizing the front yard of their house. When
he stepped back, the plants looked splendid, but they would surely die by winter.

“Dan Heng!”

He jumped and turned around, and Kafka had her head out the window of a black sedan.

“Come!”
Is she crazy? Dan Heng looked at the house window and back at her. He was not an adult, free to
go anywhere. Though even if he could, he’d rather not go.

“I’m not—”

He didn’t think a door opening would give him the scare, but it did just that.

“Oh? Are these your friends?” his mom asked. He turned towards the door in horror.

“Hello, my name is Kafka. Would it be okay for him to hang out with us?” she asked with a soft
voice he never heard until now.

Oh, no. Oh no. no. no. no. Please say no.

“Oh! Nice to meet you, darling!” She wrapped her arm around Dan Heng’s shoulder. “What do you
think, sweetie?”

That’s not the right answer, well, question, either!

He put on the best smile he could and answered: “Fine.”

----

A mistake his mom did was not giving them a specific time to bring him back home. It was
guaranteed that he would get in trouble though, if past twelve.

Dan Heng was sitting in the passenger seat.

Earlier, he cursed Kafka under his pretend smile when he entered the car upon the realization that
Ren was driving. This wasn’t on his agenda today. In actuality, he thought he wouldn’t be seeing
them, but there he was in the car, staring straight ahead while Ren waited at the stop sign.

Kafka was sitting in the back seat. She spoke no word after he got in except for when he asked:
“Where are we going?” and she replied: “Wherever he goes.”

Yet wherever ‘he goes’ lead to Silver Wolf getting dropped off by Ren almost immediately.

The atmosphere was suffocating for Dan Heng. If he told his past self that being in the same car
with Ren and Kafka would be the last thing he’d want, his past would ask: “Who?”

Although he despise his situation, it wasn’t all that bad. The silence was just too defeaning. Plus,
Ren handling the steering wheel with one hand was making him anxious.

Dan Heng checked the time on the infotainment system. It read: 6:45 PM. Minutes away from
hitting the one-hour mark.

He cleared his throat. “What time are you bringing me home?”

Kafka hummed. “What time, Ren?”

“This is your plan, Kafka.” What plan?

“You’re driving.”

Ren sighed. “Yes, you forced me to.”

That didn’t answer my question.

“Oh, look.”

Kafka pointed towards the downtown tower, and Dan Heng glanced towards the left to see.

“Drop me off there,” she said.

Drop—what do you mean to drop you off? You invited me, now you’re going? What’s the sole
purpose of bringing me?

Ren parked the car near the entrance of a restaurant and before he knew it, Kafka was gone.

----

It takes approximately thirty minutes to get to downtown minus the traffic and the way back would
always be faster, anyway.

Kafka left without another word after she said ‘see ya’ and Dan Heng had been itching to know if
his presence was relevant at all. Simply because he felt even more suffocated being alone with
Ren. Not to mention the fact that they were technically sitting side by side.

He checked outside and noticed the two upcoming traffic lights he used as an indicator for
“Checkpoint. Ten minutes from here.”

If there’s no traffic, we’d get to my house in ten minutes. Enough time to ask.

However, asking the wrong questions would ruin the vibes, according to March. However, there
were no vibes.

“What’s your favourite colour?”

Well, that sounded better in my head. He didn’t mean to ask a question that sounded like it was out
of Wikihow.

“What?”

“I like green and blue. Blue-green.”

“What?”

“You don’t have to keep repeating yourself like a broken radio.”

He’s probably caught off guard. Dan Heng wasn’t sure if that was a good sign.

“Red,” Ren said, unsure.

“Red? Ren and red.”

... I should keep my thoughts to myself.

“I see. How was it?”

“How was what?”

They were by the last traffic light when Dan Heng realized that he really be more direct.
“The Museum.”

“Fine.”

‘Build up the conversation slowly by asking the right questions!’ March and ‘Just ask’ Stelle
makes ‘Build up conversations by asking whatever’ Dan Heng.

“Why did you transfer schools?”

“Why?”

“Yeah, why?”

“No, why do you ask?”

“Curiosity.”

“There’s no reason.”

What was the point of beating around the bush then? Dan Heng didn’t believe him, but he
shrugged it off. He didn’t care, he just needed a question.

“Is this what Kafka planned?”

“What?”

“Make you and I talk for reasons only she knows.” He turned to Ren. “Or maybe you know.“

“I don’t.”

“So it is for us to talk, then?”

“...”

Feels like I’m talking to a wall.

They entered the last intersection that leads to Dan Heng’s neighbourhood.

If there’s a chance, it’s now.

“Where did you go during middle school?”

“...”

“Where did—”

“None of your business.”

“Is that so? Thought we were friends.”

“...”

Dan Heng took off the seat belt and asked one last question: “How do you know where I live?”

“I don’t. Kafka pointed directions.”

... He remembered her pointed directions?

“I see. Thank you.”

He shut the door and headed inside. It was fortunate that his parents were already in their room or
else they’d be asking questions. Questions where lying would be inevitable just to answer.

That night, Dan Heng told Stelle and March how he just got a stranger zoned by Ren.

Dan Heng

I followed March’s guide to building up a conversation, and it didn’t work

March

Skill issue

Stelle

LOL where did you learn that

----

What happened last night was no bother. Dan Heng didn’t dwell on the fact that Ren ignored his
main question, in addition to him not being considered a friend.

In fact, it was great! He believed that Ren answered ‘yes’ by keeping silent and from today
onwards, he would see him as the kid that had nothing better to do!

“You asked his favourite colour?!” Stelle laughed in the other line.

Dan Heng had been on a call with her ever since he sat on the same circular grass patch where
Kafka spotted him—about fifteen minutes ago.

“I combined your advice with March.”

“Yeah, and you asked him about middle school, right? It was stupid, but you did.”

Dan Heng sat up straight. “How is it stupid? I was being straightforward.”

“You should’ve asked him in a more non-straight-forward way.”

“How? Like, did you push someone in grade six and got them in trouble?”

Stelle coughed from laughing. “That’s even more straightforward. Anyway, are you sad that he
didn’t consider you a friend?”

He scoffed at the sudden change of topic. “Why would I?”

It would be ridiculous if sad was the right word instead of offended. Well, just a little offended.
Other people would probably resent their primary source of problems when they were a kid. So,
actually, he was being nice about it.
“Why not—oh, I have to go. Bye-bye.”

Dan Heng rubbed his palms together to remove the dirt and leftover greens and looked around
and... on the backdoor steps, he saw Ren staring.

When did he get there?

Then he concluded that the Express’s side of the garden was cursed. Very.

Dan Heng started heading to their side of the garden—pretending that he did not see anything—
with the hope of Ren not hearing all that. Even if he did, what he said wouldn’t make sense since
Stelle wasn’t on speaker.

Unless he really pushed someone in grade six and got them in trouble.

When he was at the halfway point of the garden, Dan Heng glanced down and saw half a shadow
behind him. The most rational thing to do would be to run. But that sounded too dramatic, so he
subtly walked faster. His heart was picking up the pace, and the shadow did as well and, yeah, this
is tiring. He stopped and turned around.

Kafka?

He looked at her, confused, then to where he saw Ren and he was still there, watching them.

“Disappointed?” she asked with a grin and turned a little to wave.

“What do you want?”

“Are you mad?”

“I am not.”

“Ren asked me to give you this,” she said, handing him a paper.

What is this? A confession letter?

“Thanks. I’m going.”

----

Dan Heng

Ren may or may not have heard our conversation

Stelle

Nice

@March, we’re getting to the confrontation part then apology next right?

Dan Heng

You weren’t on speaker and I wasn’t talking loudly.

Stelle
Think the drama way. He heard it for sureee

Dan Heng

I’d rather not drown in unrealism

Stelle

Trust me I was the air near him and I heard you sharp and clear.

----

The paper was not a confession letter, and he was not a bit thankful.

Dan Heng stared at the paper Kafka gave, hoping for it to catch on fire and have its ashes fly away
with the breeze.

It was the paper he used to write down his thoughts and it would be fine if it were just any other
thoughts. But no, it contained everything he had to say about Ren. Everything. From the very first
day—when he saw that melodramatic scene of Ren and Bella—to the day Kafka was hinting that
Ren is only interested in him, which he tried not to think about. But that wasn’t the point.

The point was the fact that Ren asked Kafka to give it. The chances were: he dropped it last night
inside Ren’s car. Which didn’t make sense unless it was in the pockets of his jacket, but what else?
Ren rummaged through his bag and somehow managed to find it? Or, he dropped it at some point
and Ren found it.

But that didn’t matter. Because Ren knew the contents already. He surely did. How else did he
know that it was Dan Hengs?

Dan Heng covered his face with his hands, frustrated and ashamed that Ren read a personal one-
page ‘diary’.

“Dan Heng?” Asta called, her binder slamming gently on the table.

This is feeling like Déjà vu.

“Yes?” He mumbled.

“Are you good?”

“Uh-huh”

Asta tried removing his hands. “Are you sick?” and he fought back.

“No.”

“Remove your hands.”

“No.”

“What’s going on?” He heard Sushang’s voice and gave up. He removed his hands slowly and kept
his eyes on the table while gradually removing the paper in sight. “Are you sick?”

“Why are you so red?”

Dan Heng successfully retrieved the paper, so that was minus a question. He shook his head. “I’m
fine. It’s just hot.”

That wasn’t a whole lie. It did feel really hot out of a sudden.

“O...kay.”

He stood up. “I’m gonna go to class. See you.”

There were at least thirty minutes left in lunch, but without waiting for a reply, he walked into the
hallway, faced down and with a hand clenching the paper.

----

Dan Heng

I want to move schools

March

What happened?

Stelle

Mmmm you smell that March? It’s the smell of a boiling hot tea

Stelle

I’m looking forward to it Dan Heng!

“You don’t want to go to the presentation?” Asta asked.

Dan Heng and Asta sat on the outdoor tables. She rested her head on her palms. He calmly took a
fry out of Asta’s container, repetitively looking on his right side just in case...a student from the
Express suddenly shows up.

“Yeah. High a chance that it is a dance.”

She nodded. “I know. But why?”

Because it’s guaranteed that Kafka will spot me and drag me along with her.

“It’s a dance—it shouldn’t be a big deal.”

“True, but it would be fun. You know, calm before the storm since we have less than six weeks?
Before finals.”

He looked up at the sky and back down since it was blinding. “I don’t know.”

Asta placed her hand above Dan Heng’s. “Do you have something to say?”
“About what?”

“You know.”

“I don’t.”

She held up her index finger, “You were clearly distressed yesterday,” then her middle finger, “I
didn’t see you with Kafka yesterday,” she clasped her hands together, “I’m certain that there’s
something wrong.”

Dan Heng watched her, a bit taken aback that she knew that he had been hanging out with them.
“There’s nothing wrong. They’re not my friends.”

“Sure,” she whispered, placed her hand down, stared at him for five seconds, and looked away.

----

Dan Heng

How good of an idea is it to attend a school dance?

Stelle

100% an amazing idea

Also are you not gonna tell us about what happened

Dan Heng

Nothing happened

----

It always takes a big amount of effort and a will to live when it comes to avoiding Kafka. Just
because she waits for Dan Heng every day like she was his bodyguard, making sure that he was a-
okay.

“Dan Heng!”

He turned to her and nodded, making his way to the garden for another “community service.” It
was supposed to be his photography class, but there were a limited amount of computers that
worked properly for Photoshop.

Kafka followed his steps. “You didn’t talk to us yesterday.”

“I had to go somewhere.”

“Aw, is that so?” She hummed and walked beside him. “What was the paper about?”

He almost choked on air. “Nothing.”

“Hm? Ren refuses to tell me too—” Kafka leaned forward, looking at him as they continue
walking, “Ah, I see.”

No, you don’t.

Dan Heng sat down on the side of the flower bed, removing everything he labelled as trash.

“I’m not going to the presentation.”

“Why not?”

He shrugged. “No reason.”

“Did Ren do anything?”

Yeah, he went through a paper that was entirely about him.

“No,” he said and stood up. “I’m going.”

He didn’t wait for Kafka to say anything and left her sitting by the flower beds. If she was outside,
Ren would be, too. His photography class aligned with their outdoor class, after all. That meant that
there was a high probability of Ren seeing him.

“Dan Heng.”

He froze.

I should’ve kept going and pretended that I didn’t hear. Fuck.

He turned to his left, regretting his decision to go to the front door instead of the back door. Ren
was leaning on the wall with his arms crossed and his fingers tapped the sleeves of his blazer.

... Was he waiting?

“Yes?”

“Meet me after school.”

I’d rather not, thanks. “I have to go somewhere.”

Ren opened his eyes, mumbling, “Is that so?” as he approached him.

Dan Heng wanted nothing more but to be swallowed by the floor, to vanish into thin air or to be a
kite flying far, far away from Ren.

“Yeah.”

He stepped back, clenching the bubble gum wrappers he got from the flower beds.

“Is that so?” he repeated, with a teasing smile and this time holding up a paper. “Think you left
something.”

He stared at the paper wide-eyed, jaw hanging slightly in pure embarrassment. I threw that
already. When he reached for it, Ren stepped back and held the paper up, away from him.

Ah, so is this the real Ren? He scoffed. He must be at the very last line of the redemption arc, huh
Stelle?

“I don’t think I did,” he said, locking his eyes with Ren while his hands patted the pockets of the
same blazer he wore yesterday.

“Yeah?”
Ren opened the paper and Dan Heng never desired to rip somebody’s face off, but now he did. Of
course, he didn’t feel this way for the past two weeks. But now he believed that Ren waited for the
perfect opportunity to get on his nerves again, just like in the past.

“Ren.”

“One, there’s this guy nam—”

“Ren!”

Dan Heng scanned the area and there were students in the garden looking, so he pushed Ren to use
the wall as a cover.

“That’s right—”

“If you don’t stop right now.”

Ren folded the paper. “You need to hide your diaries better, Dan Heng.”

“How about you mind your own business?”

“You left this trash on my car.”

“Give it to me then.”

“No,” Ren said and raised the paper higher. It felt like he was being mocked. They didn’t even
have that much of a height difference.

Dan Heng rubbed his face in frustration, hating the way unrealistic things keep happening to him.
“Ren, give me the paper back.”

“Why should I?”

“It’s mine!”

“It’s about me.”

Dan Heng started laughing—he sounded more like he was crying, though—and rolled his eyes at
him. “You have plenty of papers from your admirers already. Give it back.”

“Dan Heng!” He turned around and saw his classmate Serval beckoned. “We have to go in!”

He sighed, returned his attention to Ren, and walked away.

He would’ve been beside Serval already if Ren hadn’t stopped him.

“What?”

Ren glanced at the paper and back at him. “I’m not interested in you.”

He felt himself heat up. Did you need to bring that up?

Dan Heng removed the hand from his wrist and whispered. “Good. I don’t want to be liked by the
main reason I moved schools.”
“I can’t believe you had a whole ass drama scene with Ren!” Stelle screamed, and Dan Heng
watched her fall on her knees on his phone screen. March laughed, hitting her hands on her desk.

“I shouldn’t have told you.”

“But it’s confirmed now, right? Like that’s the Ren,” Stelle asked in between her laughs.

He buried his head in the pillow. “I don’t know.”

Telling his friends about what happened wasn’t easy. It would’ve been if he didn’t get second-hand
embarrassment from recalling what happened. And it was so bad that his dad—when he saw Dan
Heng sliding away from his phone on the floor—asked if he was okay.

Dan Heng pulled his blanket to his mouth. “I don’t know what to do. He has this friend that keeps
bothering me.”

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll pretend like nothing happened,” Stelle said, finally calming down.

March’s camera faced the ceiling. “Are you going to the presentation?”

He shut his eyes tightly. He originally didn’t have a problem with it even if he had his suspicions
and even if it was likely that he would be alone in a place full of a hundred other students his age.
Kafka spotting him and the present situation with Ren...he’d prefer to have four hours long of an
actual presentation.

But that didn’t matter. His mother wants him to go, so he must. His coping mentality would just be:
for experience purposes, nothing more and nothing less.

“My mom wants me to,” he answered.

“You’ll be fine!” March reassured and showed a thumbs-up. “You’ll attract him more.”

He sighed. “Not ideal.”

“I still can’t believe he said he wasn’t interested in you like that,” March added.

Dan Heng sat up and dragged himself to open his closet. If there was one memory he would like to
forget, it would be that. Or even better, Ren’s existence as a whole.

Stelle nodded. “He clearly lied. But I thought when he stopped you, his line would be like, I’m
sorry, here you go. Go on a date with me?”

“Stop watching so many dramas,” He said, groaning faintly.

He turned towards his door when the wooden floor creaked. It was most likely caused by his
parents getting ready to shop for his formal attire.

He stood up. “I gotta go.”

“Aw, okay.”

“Keep us updated. Love ya, Danny.”

 Chapter 5

If there was one aftermath of that weird-cringe-worthy-that almost sounded it was scripted-
argument with Ren last week, it wouldn’t have been the news spreading throughout the two
schools.

But it was.

----

Dan Heng arrived at school to the news of Dan Heng and Ren arguing—the vague description of
what really happened was better.

Arguing. It surely sounded better than Ren, somewhat confronting Dan Heng about his diary.

It wasn’t a nightmare to arrive at the news, but it sure was uncomfortable. With multiple pairs of
eyes looking at him in the hallway, it was nerve-wracking, but not enough to split his head in two.

Asta sat in a hurry beside Sushang—who sat across from Dan Heng.

“You got into a fight with the one person who has soldiers that can bring you down?” She asked.

Actually, by now Ren’s admirers who show themselves would be down to three, and the rest
would be hiding.

“That’s an exaggeration. They’re students, they don’t care,” He answered, unbothered.

She raised her hands in the air. “If they don’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“You’re in one of the most prosperous high schools, full of students who care more about others
than themselves. So actually, it matters a lot,” Asta argued.

Dan Heng sighed. She wasn’t wrong, but high school ‘dramas’ shouldn’t last long unless they
happened inside a teen rom-com and he was not inside of one. Hopefully. Plus, he thought that
they simply needed a topic, and his unclear argument with Ren was apparently a good one.

“And you’re in the forum,” Sushang chimed in, scrolling through her laptop

Asta nodded. “You’re in the forum.”

“I’m not.”

Sushang faced the laptop toward him. “But you are,” she said and turned it around. “No need to
read a student-made article about you.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean student article?”

“I guess not an article. Just the topic of you and Ren, then the comments.”

“What are you going to do now?” Asta looked at him, worried.

The worry in her face almost made him question how big of a deal it really was, but he shrugged
and said: “It will die down.”

“Dan Heng, these happened two days ago,” she said.

He stood up. “It will. Gotta go.”

Honestly, for him, it really didn’t matter and being a topic on the forum explained enough. It might
have been just inevitable for students to talk about the things they saw as discussion-worthy-event.
And everything that connects to Ren probably ended up there anyway.

----

Stelle

It’s confirmed! You’re in an actual teen drama!

March

Your school has a forum?

Dan Heng

Yes

How likely is this to die down?

Stelle

Realistically, today but didn’t you say a lot of people know

Dan Heng

Enough people know

They already made it a big deal

March

Will you see him today?

Dan Heng

Hope not

----

Dan Heng sat inside the Photography room, waiting for the computer to open. It’d be a lie if he
said he wasn’t a bit curious about what they were saying. After all, he was part of the topic, so it
was only natural that he was a tiny-itty-bit interested, right? When the computer opened, the forum
notifications popped out on the lower right. He turned the brightness down, checked if the teacher
was around and clicked the notifications.

Welcome, user Dan Heng. ⋆｡°✩

Suggested Topic: Friday: Ren and Dan Heng

One chat request. Open?

From Admin: Should I delete the topic?

Dan Heng stared at the message.

This must be Silver Wolf.

He ignored it and clicked the topic.

Friday: Ren and Dan Heng

Mornight lovelies! <3 Here’s your local news reporter :P Dan Heng and Ren were fighting near the
main entrance of Express on Friday. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about though :( But!!!
Iykyk I’m still rooting for them.

Posted at 12 AM Saturday, by user __news4you

“Fighting?” He whispered. “Makes it sound like we punched each other in the fac—”

“That’s not Photoshop, Dan Heng,” a deep voice spoke, and he jumped. He looked behind to Mr.
Farah, leaning forward to his screen with his arms crossed. “What’s that?”

Dan Heng closed the forum and cleared his throat. “Nothing, sorry.”

“I need the project done by today, alright?”

“Yes.”

When Mr. Farah carried on, Dan Heng opened Photoshop while his hand urged him to click on the
Forum again.

He sighed.

What’s the point of looking?

----

Dan Heng

*sent a photo*

Stelle

LMAO

They’re rooting for you and Ren

Dan Heng

I don’t wanna know what that means

March

You okay?
Dan Heng

I’m fine

Don’t worry

----

When he successfully turned the project in, Dan Heng excused himself to the bathroom. Yet there
he was outside, walking towards Kafka who stood alone by the hangout area. Which wholly
contradicted what he said on Saturday to March and Stelle about Kafka bothering him.

She smiled when she spotted him. “Heard something happened on Friday.”

“Everyone knows.”

“They sure do.”

“They’ll forget it eventually,” He said and looked around, just in case.

“Hmm.”

Kafka looked towards the school’s door. Dan Heng followed her gaze and there showed Silver
Wolf.

She pushed the door open. “I’d hate to have that much attention,” she said, stretching her arms.

Well, I don’t like it.

“Is Ren not here?”

Kafka turned to him, curious. “Why?”

“Just asking.”

So I can prepare myself in case he shows up suddenly.

“Dan Heng.”

His breath halted for a second when he heard the voice. That was not enough time to prepare.

Silver Wolf stood up. “Bell is going to ring soon. I’m heading inside.”

Kafka followed her after Ren sat on the opposite side of Dan Heng.

“Are you going to get on my nerves again?” he asked, watching the cars on the highway.

“If you hadn’t shouted, this wouldn’t happen.”

Dan Heng shot a glare at Ren, who waved the same paper.

“You say you’re not interested in me yet you keep my written thoughts like a prized possession,”
he said and stood up to head back inside Astral.

“I’m really not,” Ren argued, the sole of his shoes clicking from behind. “I’m not interested in you
and I will never—”
You’re still as easily pissed as ever. Dan Heng smiled as he walked. “Yet you transferred there to
see me.”

“I don’t even know you.”

“I get going after the person you love, but this is too much,” Dan Heng said. He pushed open the
main door, entered and turned around.

Ren looked disturbed, annoyed even, and Dan Heng thought he just achieved something worth to
treasure.

“I—”

He shut the door before Ren could finish talking and returned to the Photography room with a
satisfied smile on his face.

----

Stelle

YOU WHAT

Dan Heng

I accomplished something

March

Dan Heng are you aware of what you did

Dan Heng

What?

Stelle

You were FLIRTING.

Dan Heng

I wasn’t.

March

Dan Heng you definitely were next time you do that he’ll kiss you

Dan Heng

No

I was getting back to him

Stelle

You’ll see tomorrow

Dan Heng

??

Dan Heng set his phone aside and looked at the ceiling with his mouth ajar.

“How is that flirting?”

While he squeeze his binder on his bag, a classmate tapped her desk to grab his attention. Which
she’d been doing for the past five minutes. He’d been ignoring that for the past five minutes.

“What?” he asked, not masking the irritation in his voice.

“Are you and Ren friends?”

How is that relevant?

He would say “We’re not,” but then a thought came to his head. The thought was the “enemies-to-
lovers” nonsense that Stelle and March mentioned—and that would become a hot topic in the
forum. He did say it didn’t matter, but he knew the aftermath of that would be terrible.

And although he acted oblivious to the whole ‘rooting for their situation’, he was aware of its
meaning and the idea of being shipped with Ren didn’t sound pleasant—he already needed to deal
with Stelle and March’s fantasies, he didn’t want more than two people.

Dan Heng stood up and placed his bag on the table. With a blank face, he said: “Yeah.”

He barely heard her scream when the bell rang.

----

He predicted right.

A few students still talk about what happened on Friday, but he didn’t hear it as much as he did
yesterday. Dan Heng glanced behind for the heavy footsteps approaching his direction and saw
Sushang rushing down the hallway.

“You and Ren are friends?” She asked, panting. “You got into a friendly argument? I was so
worried you picked him to be an enemy.”

Well, he is. “What are you talking about?”

Sushang looked at him in disbelief.

“Are you and Ren friends?” “Yeah.”

Dan Heng opened his mouth, but he didn’t want to enter another situation similar to yesterday
when they talked about the forum during...
The forum.

“How did you know?” He asked, slowly. It was a lost cause. His hope for a different answer was a
lost cause.

“Someone posted on the forum.”

The image of the student that asked vanished from his memory, but not like it mattered. Someone
already posted it, meaning it was too late. It seemed like there was no getting out of the forum
situation.

He clicked his tongue. “I don’t understand why this is happening.”

“They need something to talk about. That something just happened to be you and Ren,” she
explained, her hands going in all directions.

That was true. Dan Heng already figured as much, but how long does he need to endure pretending
like this was okay? He didn’t want to be posted and talked about, and the attention made him sick.

Yeah, it was time to accept that Asta was right. It mattered a lot. He’d rather have people talk about
him, secretly.

“Plus, you and Ren, let’s be honest, are attractive. Two attractive guys fighting turned out to be
friends!” She continued, faking her tone in the end. Dan Heng watched her, puzzled, completely
missing the point if there was one at all.

“Seriously?” she asked and sighed. “They’re going to ship you with him.”

He also knew that already, but it sounded like horror when said by someone that isn’t him.

“In a cargo?”

Sushang grinned. “At least you’re not that worried.”

I am very.

“When did you become friends?” she asked.

“Last week.”

Uh-huh, because a fight with a brand-new friend seemed plausible in his head.

She nodded. “So what is he like?”

Good question. Dan Heng wasn’t sure if he should say his honest opinion or lie, or maybe he
should bring up the past again as if she’d care.

“Is this going in the forum?”

Sushang laughed. “Nope.”

----

Dan Heng never hated the daily outside crowd as much as he did now. The trio were standing by
their usual spot. Kafka waved, which he pretended not to see and instead searched for a taller
figure.
“You were flirting.”

... Maybe not.

He continued to walk, ignoring the eyes that were probably not even looking at him. It just felt
uncomfortable after the shenanigans on the forum.

“Dan Heng!” Kafka shouted.

He turned to her as if saying I need to go, but she just smiled, making gestures with her hand telling
him to come back while she talked to Silver Wolf. He sighed and walked back.

He didn’t have to. So he didn’t know why he did.

Dan Heng spared Ren a glance, and he did the same. The crowd was getting smaller and so did his
patience while he stand in front of Kafka, watching other students move on with their days.

“Ren told me that I gave you the wrong idea,” Kafka finally spoke, cheerfully.

Silver Wolf made a face and turned away.

“What?” He asked. Then he glared at Ren, who looked at him blankly as if nothing happened
between them. Well, nothing really happened.

“He complained about how I made you think he likes—”

Dan Heng stepped closer to Ren. “You really needed her to confront me?”

“No,” Ren replied. “It just makes it easier for me to say that you were being delusional.”

He stepped closer again. His neck was straining from looking up, since Ren was slightly taller, but
that didn’t matter.

“Well, I think you have internalized your feelings for me,” he confidently claimed.

Kafka stepped away and joined Silver Wolf, who watched the show from the back pillars.

Dan Heng stepped closer. “You’re that Ren, right?”

Ren stepped back just to add a little distance between them. “What?”

“The Ren that pushed me downstairs in grade six. I still remember tha—”

“No.”

... That fast reply definitely gave it off.

“Are you seriously going to deny? Kafka—” Dan Heng paused to point at her. “She had been
making it very obvious that you know me.”

“You’re delusional,” Ren repeated.

He grunted. “Okay, I guess she nudged you and teased you when I’m present, and left you and me
alone in the car to talk for no reason.”

Dan Heng was not exactly sure what he wanted. But he didn’t care if Ren liked him or not, he just
wanted some sort of confirmation, and the only strategy he came up with was to get an answer by
pointing out Kafka’s attitude whenever he was around.

They stared at each other, while Kafka and Silver Wolf stared at them, enjoying the show. But to
Dan Heng, it was like everything else was a blur now that his full attention was for Ren to have.

“Do you like me?” Ren asked, tilting his head a little. Dan Heng stepped back, ignoring the sudden
uneasy feeling in his stomach, while his eyes remained locked on Ren.

“No. You like me,” he said, trying his best to remain composed.

Ren opened his mouth and laughed, which left Dan Heng confused. When he turned around, the
blur disappeared. There were still plenty of students and one wrong move would be an interesting
topic for them.

One interesting topic about him and Ren equals his death.

Ren stepped closer and stared him down as if they had a lot of height difference. He felt Ren’s
breath, but not as much as he felt his own heart trying to escape from his chest.

“It’s okay. A lot of people like me,” he reassured him. Dan Heng frowned, mentally listing all the
swears he knew in his head.

Dan Heng stepped back, but Ren held him still. “You have such a big ego.”

Ren slid his index finger from Dan Heng’s arms to his shoulders, to his collarbone, to his neck and
to his chin before he moved his head gently to the side. He leaned over and whispered: “Missed
me?”

Dan Heng watched him step back, wanting to rip the satisfied grin off of his face. He blinked a
couple of times, flabbergasted. With the number of occasions Ren avoided the question, he didn’t
think he would actually get a confirmation.

... And in that way.

He left clumsily, without a word.

That was guaranteed to be in the forum.

----

Dan Heng

It’s him.

Dan Heng did want confirmation, but what happened yesterday was far from his expectations.
Well, not like he expected anything. Even if he did, it certainly wouldn’t be Ren slowly tracing him
—while he stood still like a mannequin—and whispering, “Missed me?” in a tone of plain
mockery.

That wasn’t really what pissed him off the most. It was the fact that Ren was seriously attractive,
more when he did that, and that was bad, since it masked his arrogance.
 ----

Stelle

I told you!

March

He knew it was you

Stelle

He KNEW it was YOU and FLIRTED with you

Dan Heng

Act sane for once

----

It was during lunch when Dan Heng realized that for the first time; he wanted days to pass quickly
so finals would be closer. Whether it was because of the loud talking everywhere he went—which
wasn’t trouble until now—or the creation of the forum that he didn’t know he would despise didn’t
matter. In the end, it all tied down to Ren.

He was sitting in the centre court of their school when Sushang gasped, her hand covering her
mouth as she looked at her laptop screen.

He glanced up, curious. “What?”

“I didn’t know you were that close,” she said, looking at him with an unreadable expression.

“What is it?”

Sushang took a second look and clicked her touchpad before turning the laptop towards him. There
on her screen, showed an image of him and Ren when he leaned in. Dan Heng examined the
picture in disbelief. It didn’t pass his mind that they would post pictures, let alone take one. Plus,
really? That specific timing?

He sighed and averted his gaze down the history workbook to save himself from the eyesore.

“We’re not that close,” he said.

----

“You want me to delete the forum?”

Silver Wolf sat crisscrossed on the floor with her fingers tapping all over her keyboard.

“Yeah,” Dan Heng confirmed, nodding, not paying any mind to the other two people with them.

“Why?” she asked and raised the laptop to show him the same picture Sushang showed earlier. “I
can bring this down.”

He sighed. “Yes. But if you delete the forum, you wouldn’t need to worry about future posts
regarding us.”
Ren threw a plastic container and it landed next to his foot. “It would make your life easier if you
ignore it, Dan Heng.”

He glared at him. “You’re not a part of this conversation.”

Silver Wolf brought the laptop down to her level. “Even if I delete the forum, they will go around
and post your pictures somewhere else,” she said confidently.

He hated that there was some truth in her response. The forum’s purpose was to be a tool where
students can post their thoughts, with little limitations. But it also served as a social media where
photos, mostly regarding school, are posted. If the forum was to be deleted, they would probably
resort to social media open to the public eye, not limited to their school. Which sounded more
horrible, for obvious reasons.

Dan Heng sat down, shoving the container back to Ren. “How do you not care?” he asked and
faced him. “Are you enjoying this? Just like before?”

Ren looked at him, unamused. “You’re making it a big deal.”

He scoffed, dragging himself to get closer, as if their distance wasn’t enough. “They made it a big
deal.”

“Doesn’t mean you should, too. Just go along with it.”

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Are you going to bring up the past again?”

“I will do so as many times as I can.”

“Dan Heng,” Ren said. “I was a kid. Get over it.”

“I was too, but I don’t remember being a nuisance,” he replied, slowly.

Dan Heng clenched his fist. If he could punch this guy right now, he would, but he would also end
up on the floor, he thinks.

“We weren’t the same,” Ren said, his voice louder and sharper.

“So?”

Dan Heng stood up, Ren copied his action.

“So?” Ren repeated, with the tone of asking, “What do you mean so?”

“The least you could say is sorry!”

“Then sorry!” he huffed. Their eyes fixed on one another.

The whispers brought Dan Heng back to reality. He blinked a couple of times and breathe
gradually to slow his heart as he remained in eye contact with Ren.

The click from Kafka’s shoes stopped as she got in between them. “Calm down.”

Dan Heng looked at her and back to Ren while he fixed the bag on his back. “That was the most in
genuine sorry I’ve ever heard.”
“What more do you want, Dan Heng?” Ren asked, his voice sounding too serious that it perked a
smile on Dan Heng’s lips.

He laughed lightly. “Learn how to take a joke, Ren.”

He didn’t wait for anything else as he walked back to Astral, probably owing an explanation he
would never give.

----

March

Enemies to friends to lovers!!!!

Stelle

Dan Heng is living the y/n life

Dan Heng

Don’t ever say that to my face

Dan Heng

The presentation is tomorrow

March

I’m so excited for you!!

Stelle

Are you still going with Ren?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Dan Heng

With his friend, not him

But I’ll see

----

Dan Heng carefully removed the white roses from the last flower bed while Sushang replaced
them with red ones. They were assigned to organize flower beds instead of having a history lesson.
Another act of “community service” since the main and sub-teacher were not present.

“Where should I put this?” he asked while fixing the flowers inside the small carton. Sushang
peeked inside.
“Maybe you should keep it?”

He took a second glance. “I’m not going to bring home one, two, six white roses with me.”

“Give them to someone,” she suggested, removing her gloves. “You think we’ll get in trouble if we
put it on theirs?” She pointed towards the Express’s flower beds.

“Probably.”

Dan Heng followed Sushang when she started walking. They were the only two assigned to
manage the garden while their other classmates were either by the courtyard doing something or
inside catching up on deadlines.

Sushang turned around to face him. “Actually, we might get in trouble. Let’s ask?”

It wasn’t his first time to remove flowers; he did it once last year. And when that happened, they
threw away the flowers and Dan Heng wasn’t too sure if he want that happening again.

“Worth a try.”

----

Stelle

@Dan Heng

Dan Heng

What?

Stelle

I’m rooting for you (☞°‫ل‬°)☞

March

Me too! (ᵔᴥᵔ)

Dan Heng

You’re gonna get addicted to that, won’t you...

----

It wasn’t worth the shot to ask the school librarian—who tasked them to be in the garden—since
she didn’t care and told them to throw the roses somewhere outside as they would eventually
decompose.

True but no.

Sushang helped give it to anyone in sight until the time was cut short and Dan Heng had a single
white rose in his hand. He walked around the school with it and of course, there were looks. Some
even followed him to see what he was going to do with it until they gave up when he kept going in
circles, intentionally.

The sky was still bright when Dan Heng stepped outside and into the corner before the sidewalk.
There were no students aside from the trio, who always stay for who knows how long. Kafka and
Silver Wolf were facing the wall and Ren was resting his head on the pillar with an mp3 on hand.

Dan Heng yanked an earphone off Ren’s ears. “You’re so old-fashioned.”

Ren looked at him, confused, and then down his hand, where he held the rose. “Is that for me?”

He rolled his eyes. “No.”

Dan Heng turned in Kafka’s direction when she coughed. Silver Wolf was laying on the ground,
holding her laptop in the air with two hands. Kafka flickered her eyes between them, grinning.

“In a good mood, Dan Heng?”

“Why?” he asked, placing his bag near Ren before sitting down.

“I didn’t think you two would be on good terms that quick.”

He averted his gaze. It was sudden, yes. But Dan Heng didn’t see the point of dragging it
further. Ren was little Ren, and he didn’t want more than a simple confirmation. He looked at the
ground, thinking, then at Ren.

“We clicked.”

Kafka hummed. “Is that so? I was worried my efforts would be in vain.”

“So you really dragged me just for him?” he asked, pointing at Ren.

She shrugged. Dan Heng wanted to ask how they even knew each other since Ren was a fresh
transfer student and Kafka and Silver Wolf had been studying since the beginning of the school
year. But he didn’t and instead glanced at Ren, who looked more confused. Dan Heng naturally
smiled at that.

“Am I forgiven?” Ren asked, closing his eyes. “Actually, I don’t care.”

Dan Heng didn’t answer as he clenched his bag to drag it with him to the back side of the same
pillar, ninety degrees from Ren. He leaned forward to check and pulled the other earphone out of
Ren’s ears before putting them on his.

Ren scoffed. “Wrong side.”

His heart was pounding too hard to care, so he closed his eyes and listened to the faint music from
the earphones.

“Are we going to forget about everything that happened?” asked Ren.

“You told me to get over it,” he said. “And to go along.”

“I don’t remember telling you to flirt with me.”

Dan Heng raised his head slightly and back to the pillar, and he winced at the impact.

I’ll ignore that.

No one spoke a word after.

 ----

Dan Heng opened his eyes to a cold hand tapping his face. He blinked a couple of times to remove
the blur from his eyes. Kafka and Silver Wolf were crouching in front of him.

“It’s five—?” Kafka started, and she looked to her side.

“Forty,” Silver Wolf continued.

When he moved his neck from side to side, he realized that he was laying on something...firm. He
shot up and looked to his side where Ren was staring at him, poker-faced.

Kafka smiled. “You should go home, Dan Heng. We’re leaving.”

Oh... I’m done with myself.

He pulled his bag and placed it on his back before gently carrying the rose with his thumb and
index fingers. He stood up and stretched his arms, still cursing himself mentally.

“I’ll go then,” he said and slammed the rose on Ren’s chest, who automatically held it with his
hand. “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”

----

Stelle

Dan Heng got that RIZZZZ

Also damn you’re skipping the enemies part

Actually it did happen just subtle

Dan Heng

I will kick you out of the group chat

I didn’t mean to fall asleep

He wasn’t beside me so no clue how I ended up in that situation

March

He probably noticed you sleeping and didn’t let you fall to the ground

Which was nice of him!!!

Stelle

But are we going to ignore the fact that you ACTUALLY flirted with him?

March

@Dan Heng did you know that white roses mean young love?

Stelle
LOL Ily March

That’s for ignoring my existence Danny

Dan Heng

Thanks for the information

I did not need it

March

You’re welcome!
 Chapter 6

It was seven pm when he finished getting ready.

Dan Heng stood in front of the mirror, turning around to see how he looks from different angles.
He wore a typical vest tuxedo under a black jacket with an emerald-coloured tie.

In comparison to his freshly ironed and tamed suit, his hair was all over the place. He fixed his tie
and grabbed his phone to take a photo.

----

March

You look sooo gooood

(♡ヮ♡)

Stelle

Damn you single?

Of course you are

Maybe after this you won’t be

Dan Heng

Do I look fine?

March

Finer than the finest wine

Stelle

Good one March

Ren will fall in love with you

Dan Heng

Not sure if I want that

Stelle

WOW look how you finally noticed me when I mentioned Ren

Also yes you do dw

----

He took a second look in the mirror and wiped the smile off of his face.
Whether Ren notices me or not, is none of my business.

Dan Heng grabbed the mini purse his mother lend him for his necessities and stepped outside his
room. His parents watched him proudly from the couch at the view of their son looking like a
proper grown-up.

“Are you ready?”

He nodded.

----

“You look just like me,” was the last thing his mother said before they left after dropping him off
at the venue.

Dan Heng scanned the area, trying to spot anyone familiar. Alas, he failed so he stepped back to
see the full view of the venue’s exterior. It looked like something out of a fantasy novel. With a
roof resembling a dome and walls made up of bricks surrounded by lantern lamps and tamed
plants, it was mesmerizing.

He turned to his left where the guard in the ticket area control the long line of cars. Pretty
convenient, he thought.

But that was enough sightseeing for now. He sighed deeply and walked towards the crowd, where
the entrance was.

----

“To the left?” he asked the staff.

“Yeah, Astral right? It’s far left.”

“Thanks.”

The interior looked fancy. With crystal chandeliers above each circular table, Dan Heng didn’t
believe that a fifteen-dollar fee from at least five hundred students would be enough to pay for all
these.

From afar, he saw Asta waving and he sighed in relief, knowing that he wasn’t lost. He waved
back and looked around to see a perfect place to sit. He spotted Sushang too, but she was talking to
someone and he didn’t want to interrupt.

When he found a table, he sat down, wishing that no one would join him. Though that was
inevitable. He placed the purse on his lap and his eyes wandered to the right, where he thought
Express would be. He gave up. The coloured lights were making him dizzy and the night hasn’t
begun yet.

----

To his surprise, there was a presentation. One that revealed that it was a school dance aka prom.
Everyone shouted at the reveal. And he thought that under all that shouting was a group of
regretful people. Because he was part of them.

Dan Heng slipped into the corner, smiling at the people that met his eyes. The dancing and dining
area were two different areas. Making his way from one place to another alone while walking past
a group of people made him light-headed. He for sure, did regret acting too independent. He
wanted Kafka to drag him away.

After what felt like an eternity, he reached the crowded dance room. The DJs played upbeat music
and unfamiliar faces were everywhere. Everyone was everywhere. This was worse than the crowd
outside Express every day. He sighed. Some were jumping around whilst others were static on the
side, talking. Then there were others like him, alone and walking through the open corners.

For a moment, he thought of going back but when he turned around, a big group of people entered.
There was no way he would deal with that. He shut his eyes shortly. This was the epitome of a
social nightmare.

Out of a sudden, someone wrapped their arms around him. He looked to see a girl, a little shorter
than him. “Mind for a dance?” she asked.

Who is this?

He shook his head. “Sorry, I’m looking for someone.”

“Who?!” she shouted through the music and he leaned away from her.

“Yes,” he answered before removing her grasp in his arms. To be fair, it wasn’t like he was
actually looking for a specific person. Or maybe he was. But anyone would do.

He paused when he reached a dead-end and head-banged himself to the wall.

----

Dan Heng

I can’t see them

Stelle

Don’t you have their numbers?

Dan Heng

No

Stelle

How about your friends?

Dan Heng you need to ask for their phone numbers after today

Think about where they would be at this time

Dan Heng

I’m not sure. Should I go back to the dining area?

Stelle

Just stay there in the corner and try to spot someone

March

Be careful

Dan Heng

I will

----

Trying to spot someone familiar wasn’t an easy task. The music was too loud and the room reeked
of different perfumes even on the dead end where there was enough space. He continued skimming
and squinted his eyes when the white light flashed throughout the room.

Ren.

Then the white light disappeared.

“So sorry about that!” one of the DJs shouted.

Dan Heng made his way to where he thought Ren was. He bumped into people a lot but he didn’t
bother to look at them and say ‘sorry’. Aeons, he felt sorry for himself more than anything at this
point. Until he reached where taller figures covered the way and he had to squish himself between
them.

Dan Heng stopped, giving up when he bumped into something.

“Haha, come on, dance with me—oh, sorry!”

He turned around to avoid the person in front of him. Then he sees a silhouette of a girl with her
arms wrapped around somebody. She swayed from side to side and the somebody stood still.

Dan Heng thought that damn this girl was feeling it and her partner wasn’t. He blinked a couple of
times as he continue to look around until the bright coloured lights passed them and the person
before him was Ren. At least he thought it was Ren.

And Ren was better than no one.

“Ren?” he called but the music was too loud that even if it was really Ren, there was no way he
heard.

Fuck it.

In times of desperation, one must sacrifice a part of their pride. Dan Heng, without getting a
confirmation wrapped his arms around this person’s neck.

“Ugh, what the hell?” the girl whined.

He slid one hand to the waist of the somebody and dug his nails into the girl’s arms until she
stomped away. He leaned closer and—

What if I pretend to be drunk? Because surely, that was a brilliant idea. Right?

Dan Heng tiptoed and rested his head on the stranger’s shoulder. “You smell good,” he said,
almost letting go upon realizing what the hell he was doing until the person wrapped their arms
around his waist.
“Do I?” the guy whispered, pushing him to put a distance between them. And Dan Heng’s heart
dropped when he heard the familiar voice. And when a white light passed them, Dan Heng wanted
to pass away.

He swallowed nervously, glad that he got the right person but not at the same time.

Now what?

Dan Heng removed his hands around Ren’s neck, in panic because what was he supposed to do
now? He didn’t plan this far. He didn’t plan at all! He laughed awkwardly. The most appropriate
reaction for the fate he brought upon himself.

Ren pulled him back. “Leaving so soon?”

...He planned nothing but embarrassment. He sure was dying inside.

“Let me go,” he said, turning around to another set of hands on his back. His heart began beating
faster, for the worst reason. “Ren,” he called, his voice shaking.

“Hm?”

“Behind.”

The other set of hands climbed to his neck, sending shivers, then to his hair.

“Remove the hands. Please.”

Ren leaned to the left, to check and then he pulled Dan Heng to his side. “Hands off.”

“Tch.”

Dan Heng stared at the figure he couldn’t recognize but a weight lifted off his chest. He sighed.
What was that?

“You okay?”

He nodded. “I’m gonna go.”

Ren reached for his wrist. “Drag me with you.”

Not like he had any other choices. Dan Heng struggled going around, not to say that he had to drag
someone. But they reached the end of the room and he turned around. Ren had a black tuxedo on, a
red tie under it and his hair didn’t look messy.

“What?” Ren asked.

Dan Heng pulled his phone from his pocket, opened his camera and took a selfie. Unhinged
behaviour, but oh well.

“The hell are you doing?” Ren added.

He ignored that and continued pressing the shutter button on his phone as if nothing ever
happened.

----
“Open the window! Open the window!” Silver Wolf shouted and the cold breeze smacked Dan
Heng on the face as Ren stopped the car. He placed his head outside to throw up.

Dan Heng coughed a few times before wiping his mouth with his sleeves and placing his head back
in. “I’m okay.”

He heard Kafka laugh before he sighed, trying to stay awake.

----

Dan Heng

*Sent five photos*

When his parents asked how it went the next morning, Dan Heng replied: It was amazing as if he
did anything else but eat and embarrass himself.

Stelle

THE WAY HE’S LOOKING?

HE LITERALLY LOOKED ONCE IN THE CAMERA

HE LOOKS SO DIFFERENT

March

AAAHHDHASFHDFB

Dan Heng

I pretended to be drunk last night to take that photo

Stelle

LMAO why didn’t you just ask

Dan Heng

I didn’t know it was him at first

You'd caught me dying if I ask

March

They served alcoholic drinks?

Stelle

He pretended
OH

NO.

WAY.

DAN HENG

Dan Heng

Fuck

Stelle

AHAHAHAHHAHAH

When you curse I know it’s bad

Dan Heng

I did throw up last night

Stelle

Righhhhtttt because you only throw up when drunk right

March

Dan Heng how did the pretending go

Stelle

Tell us the full story hengheng

Dan Heng

Don’t call me that ever again

I approached him then the light hit us

March

My intuition is telling me that’s not the full story

Dan Heng

It is

March

I’m squinting on my phone screen rn

Dan Heng

I wrapped my arms around him and said he smelled good. That’s it.
Stelle

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

AEONS

March

STELLEEE

I forgot that my mom was home

She just checked up on me when I was jumping around my room laughing gosh she thinks I’m
crazy

Stelle

I can’t believe this

AND that’s IT?

You’re INSANE

Dan Heng set his phone aside as he rubbed his face aggressively on the pillow.
 Chapter 7
Chapter Notes

I decided that it'll be better to compress some of the days together to lessen the
chapters uh so there's gonna be some changes for the earlier chapters. So sorry if you
were reading and got interrupted T_T

At the beginning of each morning class, all the teachers asked about the dance rather than teaching.
It might've been a win-win situation for other students but for Dan Heng? He couldn't stand
listening since it constantly reminded him of what happened. Which he brought upon himself. And
since it wasn't a lesson anyway, Dan Heng plugged his earphones in and slid halfway down his
chair to hide but that wasn't successful and he had to tell them a made-up story.

Dan Heng and Asta walked around the courtyard, looking for a table shaded under a tree.

"I only saw you once last night," Asta said, fixing the folder in her hand.

Ah. Well. He remembered clicking the shutter button of his phone five times that night. By the
end, his embarrassment was overflowing, that he wanted to sink on the ground and never rise
again. Pretend drunkenness, his ass. That didn't work out, did it? So then, he planned to leave Ren
and hide somewhere isolated. Because surely Ren would let him, right?

No.

Ren had other plans.

Although the sudden selfie act confused him, he dragged Dan Heng all the way to the dining room
where Kafka and Silver Wolf were sitting. That kind of left Dan Heng a puzzled. If anything, Ren
would not be caught dead alone in a crowded room. Not to mention a dancing one.

He had no escape then. It was like being at gunpoint. Kafka and Silver Wolf talked the whole
night, sometimes he chimed in and Ren sat there, commenting quietly. He didn't know how long he
needed to pretend but he was certain that there was at least two hours left when he got seriously
dizzy. And dizzy equals throwing up. He threw up on himself, on the floor, on the cloths, Aeons
on the damn crowded room. It was humiliating. But no attention was on him except for the trios
and the poor passerby who had to witness that.

"It was too crowded," he answered.

Asta nodded. "It was."

At last, they spotted an unoccupied table under a tree and made their way toward it. But just
seconds before they were even able to sit down, a bag was slammed on the table. They turned
to Sushang, who looked really distraught. She panted as she looked up at Dan Heng.

"You wrapped your arms around Ren," she said in one breath that it sounded almost
incomprehensible.

...Of all people and in the dark. He could've spotted Sushang instead. If he had then maybe he
wouldn't have been recalling the same event over and over and over again.

Dan Heng sat down, thinking about good ways to explain his own stupidity. He opened his mouth
but Sushang held her index finger up right before his face, panting to catch her breath. On the other
hand, Asta flickered her widened eyes between them, her mouth slightly parted.

"Are you dating?" Sushang asked in a hushed voice.

"No," he said, quickly. He shook his head. "We're not."

----

More than half of Dan Heng's lunch was spent talking about the dance. The majority of that time
was just his experience and him trying to explain what truly happened while getting cut off in
between by Sushang and Asta's vocal reactions. Very vocal that people from the bleachers, far
away, started looking at them.

It just felt like he was in a job interview except not professionally.

Dan Heng walked to the entrance of the Express right after the bell rang, ignoring the looks and
whispers and everything and ignoring why he even approached first without Kafka lowkey
demanding him to.

"Hey," he greeted, his voice monotone. He drops lazily on the side of the pillar facing Kafka, who
sits on the tread of the stairs. Her feet moves from side to centre repeatedly and both her arms
supported her weight.

"Were you drunk?" Silver Wolf asked, eyes fixated on her phone. She faced the wall to hide from
the sun.

"Hm? I don't think there was any alcohol," Kafka said. He winced. Well, he certainly did not think
about it. It was a natural response. Yeah, pretending to be drunk was a natural and reasonable
response.

"I wasn't drunk."

Dan Heng clenched the hoodie that Ren allowed him to borrow—he didn't have a choice. He shut
his eyes at the remembrance of him throwing up on himself, Kafka and Silver Wolf laughing and
Ren throwing the hoodie right at his face before they enter the car.

"Not drunk, huh?"

He opened his eyes and Ren was already up the tread, looking at him.

"As if you didn't know."

"How would I know? I wasn't the one that wrapped my—" The hoodie that Dan Heng was holding
on to went flying towards Ren, who caught it flawlessly.

"You would do more for the Society if you shut up," Dan Heng said and closed his eyes, again.

"You interrupted me last night."

Well, true but Dan Heng bit the side of his mouth out of annoyance.

You literally stood like a mannequin.

"So sorry that I removed your personal leech," he mumbled.

"What?"

He exhaled loudly, opened his eyes and stood up. "I couldn't care less," he said, sarcastically and
carried his bag on his back before walking away.

Dan Heng ruffled his hair in frustration as he made his way outside for the Photography class. He
sighed loudly, not caring if there was anyone near. The thing was, his mind kept replaying the
image of Ren that night and how he made a fool of himself as if it was a memory that he wanted to
treasure. He really wanted nothing but to bleach his brain to get rid of the dirt named Ren.

He pulled the collar of his uniform to get rid of the uncomfortable warmth he was feeling and
twisted the knob of the backdoor to get to the garden.

He studied the garden and sees not his classmates, but the Express' class. Specifically, Kafka's. She
was sitting on the side of the flower beds, talking to Ren—who faced her. Which was fortunate,
since that meant that Ren would not be seeing Dan Heng, but Kafka would. Actually... that was
probably less than fortunate.

And then someone blocked his view. "I heard you're friends with them!"

Dan Heng glanced up at a school supervisor, who smiled brightly at him. "Who?"

"Them!" she shouted and pointed toward Kafka and Ren.

Yeah. No.

"No, I'm n—"

"Great! Then can you give this?" She forcefully shoved the boxes in his hands and he naturally
held it. "Thanks!" then she left.

Dan Heng watched her go, stunned. Understandable, because what was that? She didn't even wait
for a reply. He turned towards Kafka's direction, who still had no clue that Dan Heng was outside.
If she knew, then it was odd that she didn't shout his name.

He sighed and started walking. He couldn't afford to just stand there, knowing that there was no
escape unless he goes after that supervisor and throw the box right at her.

He glanced up when he sees them in his peripheral and hands Kafka the box.

"What's this?" Kafka asked.

He shrugged. "A supervisor asked me to give you that."

She opened the box that contained a couple of books. Then he wondered if this was another errand
he forcefully did for the student council.

"Ah. Thanks, Dan Heng." She smiled and set it aside.

"Yeah," he said, about to step away, but Ren blocked him with his hand, carrying the same hoodie
from yesterday. "What?" he asked.

"Keep it," Ren said. Dan Heng stared at him, confused.

"What do you mean to keep it?"

"Do you not know what those words mean?"

He furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm not stupid."

"I don't understand why you're still here then."

Ren stood at the same time as he continued walking and the hoodie draped over his head. Dan
Heng clicked his tongue before clenching the hood and throwing it at Ren. It fell to the ground and
Ren turned around, his eyebrows furrowed. Dan Heng returned a mutual look of annoyance and
continued. Until seconds later, a fabric was getting shoved down his head.

"What are you doing!?" Dan Heng shouted, his voice muffled. He started moving around and
removing Ren's hands whilst unable to see anything, since the cloth covered his view.

"Stop being so stubborn," he heard Ren say. The audacity. He moved back and stomped behind to
step on Ren's foot, but he started going out of balance and his hands automatically reached for
something he can latch onto before he landed on the sand.

He coughed a few times, removed his hands from wherever they held and took the hoodie off. A
plenty amount of sand still got into his face, so he brushed it with his hands, eyes closed. Then he
heard whispers, most likely from his class.

Dan Heng sat up, hit something hard, and then fell back down while rubbing his head. He opened
his eyes to the view of Ren on top of him, his hand on his forehead, wincing. Then he moved his
attention to the side and behind, where all of his classmates were watching.

He let his head relax on the sand, sighing loudly just to let Ren know that all of this was his fault.

"This is your fault," Ren spoke. Dan Heng glared at him.

"Get off." Dan Heng raised his leg and kicked Ren to the side, where he almost hit the side of the
flower bed.

Dan Heng sat up, getting a clear view of his class, just watching them instead of doing what they
were supposed to do. He glanced to his side and Kafka was sitting on the end of the flower bed
watching them too. He looked up, and she was, of course, smiling.

"I'm keeping this and I won't give it back, ever," Dan Heng said, standing up.

"That's exactly what I wanted you to do," Ren argued.

Dan Heng rolled his eyes and patted himself to remove the debris, and glanced up at his classmate.

"What?" he shouted, and they all looked away.

He started walking and for a brief second; he buried his face on the hoodie and shouted his
frustrations away.

----
Dan Heng

I'm done

Stelle

With what

Dan Heng

I'M SO DONE

Stelle

Nice talk

March

He's losing his cool, what happened?

----

"Where are you going?" Sushang asked, talking about Dan Heng going the opposite way.

He looked back at her. "Home. See you tomorrow."

She watched him go to the side doors that led to the courtyard, where a backyard fence was located
that led to the train station area.

----

Stelle

pspspsps

Danny

pspspsps

Dan Heng

It's one in the morning go to sleep

Stelle

That's very hypocritical of you

Sooo are you ever going to tell us ಹ◡ಹ

Dan Heng

No
Dan Heng didn't sleep soundly last night. And the same night, he was thankful for the creation of a
mute button or else he would've gone crazy with Stelle demanding him to say what happened until
one-thirty am when she stopped. He stayed awake for at least another thirty minutes after that,
staring at the ceiling or closing his eyes while the same incident replayed in his head.

"All projects are due next week!" the Photography teacher shouted while his students pay no mind
as they leave the room.

The last day of school was next week and Dan Heng couldn't ask for more, but for days to just pass
faster. With English and history as his major this semester, he had to attend four tests. Four
consecutive tests. Of course, it wasn't an ideal situation, but he still wished for the last day of
school to be today.

Dan Heng navigated his way through the student-filled hallways while holding Sushang's bag.

"Did you go the long way?" Sushang asked, talking about yesterday.

He nodded. "I had to go somewhere."

Yeah. Home.

"Ah."

And finally, they arrived outside where the buses wait for students.

"See you tomorrow," Sushang said and waved.

Dan Heng waited until she got inside the bus before he headed over his usual route, knowing damn
well that the trio would be there. When he entered the corner, a crowd of students blocked the
sidewalk. Expected since the bell just rang, but he scanned the area, irritated.

"Dan Heng," Kafka shouted. He looked to his left, where Kafka was sitting on the floor with Silver
Wolf.

Although there was no reason to, he approached them and each step took a bit of his sanity away.

"We didn't see you after school," she said, pointing out the obvious.

"I went around," he flatly responded. "There was someone that got on my nerves," he said.

"Is that so?" Kafka chuckled.

"You made it a big deal." He turned to his right, where Ren revealed himself from the main doors.
Dan Heng really wanted to punch this guy right there, right now, since he was getting blamed for
everything.

"I didn't ask for your hoodie."

"I told you to keep it, and you caused a ruckus just to keep it in the end."

He scoffed. "You're blaming me?"

"Exactly what I'm doing," Ren said, shrugging. "Did you see?"

Dan Heng faced him. "See what?"

"The pockets."

Ah.

When Dan Heng got home, he didn't bother putting the hoodie on a hanger. Instead, he threw it on
his bed and left it there. So when he needed to lie down, he felt a bulge in the pockets of the hoodie
and inside was a squished white rose.

He concluded: Ren's payment for the white rose I impulsively gave the day before the dance.

"I threw it," Dan Heng said, blankly.

That was false. The rose had been inside a transparent glass vase that he got outside his house late
at night.

"I guess we're even then." Ren walked past him to stand beside Kafka.

"With what?"

"Throwing the roses."

Dan Heng looked at him, trying to figure out if Ren was being serious. That would extremely
offend him if he was. After all, he did research about white roses after March said that it meant
'young love'—to verify. Then he found out that it costs a lot. So throwing something expensive was
not understandable.

He could've kept it for himself rather than giving it to Ren, but oh well.

"I see."

Ren grinned and approached him. "I'm just kidding."

"What you did to it is none of my business."

Dan Heng stood still as Ren once again placed his index finger below his chin.

"Your face says otherwise."

He wrapped his hand around Ren's wrist, saying, "Why don't you tell me what it says?" before
placing it down.

Ren stepped closer. "You're so easy to read."

"You're all talk," he said. "I'm leaving."

With that, he removed his hand around Ren's and left with his heart not beating too soundly. That
didn't matter. He was more annoyed than flustered.

"You're drenched," Asta pointed out, holding an umbrella above her and Dan Heng.

Dan Heng woke up late and to the unfortunate view outside his window that showed the gloomy
skies and the water droplets racing to get to the bottom. His parents would usually check up on
him, and he slightly remembered that they did wake him up, but he stayed under the sheets, face
buried on his blanket. So really, it was his fault. And since he woke up late, he had no time to go
through all cabinets in the house to find an umbrella.

He was supposed to inform March and Stelle about it, for fun, but he accidentally sent the message
to Asta. He didn't know he did that, until Asta called, asking where he was.

Halfway through the school, Asta showed up running towards him with her umbrella getting blown
by the wind. But she managed and there they were, inside the school, one a little drenched, another
really drenched.

"I know," he said, watching Asta fold the umbrella above the carpet.

----

As if the rain wasn't strong enough, midway through his first class, the rain started slamming at the
roof aggressively that the teachers had to pause and they filled the room with silence.

Dan Heng, Sushang and Asta sat around a long table in the cafeteria. They planned to go out
yesterday, but the weather was against that idea, it seems like.

"Your choice of perfume is interesting," Asta said, returning her lunch container inside her bag.
Sushang nodded beside her.

One thing that Dan Heng noticed this morning was the fact that his pillows smelled like Ren
during the dance night. And when he buried his face in it again, just to check, he was certain that
Ren sprayed it with his perfume.

Dan Heng didn't know if he did that to remind him and to piss him off, but it didn't matter because
somehow, that perfume was too good that it clung to his skin.

"Does it smell bad?" he asked, watching the rain on the window behind them. Maybe he wanted
their input to see if he and Ren mutually had poor taste. Because honestly? It smelled nice. The
only pretend drunk he did that night was him wrapping his arms around Ren's neck like a crazy
person. If that was a stranger, he might've died on the spot.

Asta shook her head. "Not really. It's just strong."

"It smells like Ren," Sushang said with her mouth full of rice. He looked at her calmly, but inside
he wondered if she knew something. "I worded that wrong," she added, and he sighed lightly out of
relief.

"She meant that's how Ren would smell like," Asta explained and Sushang raised two thumbs-up to
approve of her correction.

"Is that so?" he whispered, shoving an omelette into his mouth.

He looked down at his plate, noticing that they didn't mention the garden incident at once. It would
be surprising if his classmates didn't talk about it outside class and if they did, it didn't reach Asta
and Sushang. Thankfully.

----

Although staying inside the school to wait until the rain calms a little sounded more reasonable
than going out to the other school for cover, Dan Heng rested his body on the back of the pillar
with Silver Wolf smiling at him, proudly. She was proud that he didn't bring an umbrella, just like
her. But in her case, she wore a transparent raincoat with purple linings and he wore a random
jacket that he grabbed from his closet without a second look.

Kafka and Ren were more responsible, carrying plain black umbrellas in their hands.

It was right after the bell when Dan Heng thought that it would be a good idea to go out. It was
since he blended in, kind of. And now it was four-twenty as he sighed, watching the rain hit the
puddle it created on the side.

The trio could've just left, really. So honestly, he wondered why he was standing there, minding his
own business, with three pairs of eyes piercing him.

"You should go with us," Silver Wolf said.

"I'm fine."

"Stop being stubborn," Ren said.

"Dan Heng, go with us." Kafka tilted her head, motioning that they should go. Silver Wolf walked
towards her, and Ren approached Dan Heng.

"Let's go." Ren pointed the umbrella towards the open area and opened it. "Dan Heng."

Dan Heng closed his eyes for a quick second and walked away from Ren, but his jacket got pulled
back. "Stop acting like a kid," Ren said, pulling Dan Heng closer to get both of them under the
umbrella.

"No need to have your arms around me," Dan Heng said.

"You need to be put on a leash."

...

"What?"

He didn't receive an answer, and he let it go, thinking that Ren was weird. Really weird.
 Chapter 8

Stelle

“You’re so stubborn” = “I care for you so stfu and get under my umbrella.”

Amiright

March

Youresoright

You didn’t get sick right

Dan Heng

No

Stelle

Me I am sick

I’m sick of you and Ren

----

Dan Heng woke up during pleasant weather. Clear blue skies and a little sun. But he should’ve
taken that lack of sun as a precaution. Because now they sat in the same spot in the cafeteria,
watching the rain pour heavily outside. None of them brought an umbrella and the least they could
do was wait it out or go home and hope for the best.

----

Spending two classes while constantly inhaling any fragrance possible wasn’t something that Dan
Heng would do, but he did just that for his two afternoon classes. But instead of just ‘any’
fragrance, it was Ren’s perfume from the hoodie that he wore today. The cologne, just, he likes it
that much.

Spending after school outside while it rained wasn’t something that Dan Heng would want to do
after yesterday, but there he was, sitting on the hangout spot, scrolling through his phone. The rain
got weaker during the last two classes, so not that bad. At least it didn’t hit the sidewalk loud
enough for Dan Heng to think that it would pierce his skin.

“Let’s exchange numbers!” he hears Kafka, now walking towards him. “For school,” she added.
Dan Heng wasn’t the type of person to give his contact information to anyone. But he supposed it
was fine. He’d spent enough time with these people.

“Right.”

He didn’t utter more than one word when he grabbed Kafka’s phone to input his number and then
Silver Wolf’s—who waited impatiently for her phone that Kafka stole whilst in the middle of a
game.

“What?” Dan Heng asked, staring at the umbrella offered by Ren.

“Take it and go home.”

“Do you want my number?”

Ren glared at him. “What?”

“Are you paying me that—” he pouted towards the umbrella, “to get my number?”

“No, I’m telling you to go home.”

Dan Heng stood up and offered his hand. “Phone.”

“I’m not a dog.”

He rolled his eyes and grabbed the phone from Ren’s pockets. “You’re my dog,” he whispered,
typing his number.

“Did you just say I’m your dog?” Ren asked, his tone somewhere between confused and amused.

“You’re imagining it.” He offered the phone back, and Ren took it without hesitation. “I’m leaving.
You can keep that umbrella to yourself.”

Ren grabbed his arms to stop him from walking. “You’re going to get sick.”

Dan Heng removed it. “Sickness is for the weak.”

Ren opened his mouth, but Dan Heng walked away before he could say anything, knowing damn
well that if there was a time and place, he was vulnerable to sickness. It would be rain and
anywhere.

Horrible would be the word, enough to explain Dan Heng’s weekends and the two school days that
he missed, plus one that he attended, just to go home shortly after.

Sickness for the weak, he said.

When Dan Heng got home that Friday afternoon, he looked like he just saved himself from
drowning in a river. But he took a quick shower and changed and cuddled on his bed, feeling a little
hazy.

By the time he woke up, he’d already forgotten that he felt light-headed before drifting off to sleep.
So when he got up—thinking everything was fine—he felt like thousands of needles were prickling
his head and he stumbled and bumped the standing electric fan before he face-planted the carpet
flooring.

He spent two minutes trying to get up until his father passed by and helped him. Which was
fortunate. If his door wasn’t open, he would’ve slept on the ground or spent a good hour crawling
his way back to bed.

He didn’t get better on Saturday, nor did he on Sunday.

He felt better on Monday and Tuesday, but his parents didn’t buy his half-lie and told him to stay
in. Those days were just as boring as the past three days. Even though he could look at his phone
without his eyes urging it to be closed, all the notifications and the dimmed brightness made him
dizzy. So in the end, he did nothing but sleep.

On Wednesday morning, he attended school. On Wednesday morning, they sent him home.

----

Although it was scorching hot outside, Dan Heng still shivered under the hoodie he’d been wearing
for days, including the ones when he was sick. Weird, sure, he didn’t care. He had his arms
wrapped around his waist, watching others take photos while he strolled with the camera hanging
by his neck.

It was cold. At least he felt cold. Plus, he was struggling to breathe from his nose.

“Dan Heng!!” Kafka shouted. He turned to the voice to see her running towards him, ignoring the
looks she was getting.

He greeted her with him, breathing shakily through his mouth. He didn’t want to talk, merely
because he would need more air than seconds to say something.

“Aeons,” she whispered, stopping in front of him. Ren followed behind her and Dan Heng really
hoped that this guy would not pick a fight or irritate him one bi–

“Sickness for the weak, huh?”

Dan Heng sighed. “I don’t want to hear what you have to say,” he said, taking a deep breath after.
He didn’t know if he was seeing things, but Ren looked somewhat worried, or maybe it was his
cold getting to him.

“You didn’t answer my calls,” Ren said.

Ah, he must be the unknown number.

Thoughtful, but Dan Heng looked at him, dumbfounded. “I was sick.”

Kafka clasped her hands. “Give it, Ren,” she said and Ren handed her a box, his eyes looking
somewhere else. “To him, not to me.” He rolled his eyes and held it in front of Dan Heng, avoiding
eye contact.

Dan Heng smiled weakly. “What’s this?”

“Care basket! Ren made it for you.”

“I didn’t.” Ren glared at her and she laughed. “It’s Silver Wolf’s idea.”

“Hm? It’s yours,” Kafka argued.

“Silver Wolf suggested it.”

“She agreed with your idea.”

Dan Heng watched them, his eyes alternating between the two. He smiled. It didn’t matter whose
idea it was, at the very least, it was thoughtful. So even if it was Ren’s idea, he appreciated it.

“Thank you,” he said, accepting the box. They stopped talking and turned to him. He looked at
Ren. “I’ll answer your calls next time. Don’t cry.”

He scoffed. “Why would I cry?”

Dan Heng glanced towards the backdoor when it opened.

“My class! Time to go in!”

He glanced at them. “Thanks for this.” He didn’t wait for any reply and walked to join the rest of
his class, his heart pounding quickly.

March

They’re so sweet (ㅅ’ ˘ ‘)♡

What’s on it?

Dan Heng

*sent a photo*

Stelle

That’s Ren’s isn’t it

Dan Heng

I think they made it together

Stelle

I’m talking about the rose Dan Heng

----

Although Dan Heng wished for the last day of school to arrive faster, it still felt unbelievable that
they were to be Senior students in two months.

Last school day was optional and Dan Heng originally planned not to go since it wasn’t necessary
and there was no point. After all, he was done with school works like a diligent student, even if he
missed half of the week. But Asta and Sushang insisted he go, for one last time, joking that he
might go to Express next year for Ren.

Plus, they had this school ‘tradition’ that consisted of free food and an open gym and competitive
and non-competitive games outside. Only some of them had rewards.

“I can’t believe it’s the last day,” Sushang said, holding her binder tightly.

“Yeah,” Asta agreed.

There was at least an hour left before the end of the day. Earlier, aside from walking around and
trying out a few board and card games, they did nothing. And walking took most of the time since
they did not limit it to the school. They went outside and walked to the nearest park for fun while
talking about their experiences throughout the school year.

Dan Heng listened to them keenly, sometimes describing his own experience when they try to
include him in the conversation.

For now, they sat on the high chairs around the circular table, watching fellow students walk
around.

“What’s the matter?” Dan Heng asked when he felt Sushang kicked him from below. She was
making side glances towards his left, so he and Asta turned their heads in that direction.

Kafka, Ren and Silver Wolf were approaching them, collectively wearing an all-black outfit as if
they were going to a funeral. Well, maybe Dan Heng’s, as he might soon die of confusion because
why are they inside and how were they allowed?

“Hey,” Kafka called, smiling at Asta and Sushang. They smiled back while Dan Heng stared at
her, waiting for an explanation for their presence.

“What’s with the all-black?” Sushang asked, curious.

“His funeral,” Silver Wolf said, pointing at Dan Heng.

He raised an eyebrow. “Mine?”

“We’re here to steal you from them. Unless you two—” Silver Wolf turned to Asta and Sushang,
“—want to come with us.”

“What?” Dan Heng asked.

“Let’s go to my house,” Kafka said, looking at him.

Asta and Sushang exchanged glances. “We’re not allowed,” Asta said, shrugging. Sushang nodded.

“Then we can get him, right?” Silver Wolf asked. The situation still confused Dan Heng because—

“Why are you asking them and not me?” he asked.

“You can get him,” Asta answered, her hands gesturing a ‘feel free to’ motion. Sushang just
nodded again, letting Asta handle whatever was happening.

“You’re giving me away for free,” Dan Heng said, trying to sound offended.

“Getting rid of you for free,” Asta said, winking. He scoffed and turned towards the trio.

“I can’t go,” he said.

Kafka laughed lightly. “You are. I asked your parents.”

He narrowed his eyes, even more confused. “What?”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” Kafka grinned and turned towards Asta and Sushang to thank them.

“Come on.” Silver Wolf tilted her head, motioning him to get off the chair and follow them.
“Fine.” Dan Heng slid away from his chair. “You will not see me next year.”

“Then you’ll be a traitor,” Asta joked.

Dan Heng shook his head and followed the trio after saying goodbye for the last time.

----

Stelle

Whose house?

Dan Heng

Kafka

Ren’s friend

Stelle

YOU’RE WITH REN?

You better tell us every dying detail when something happens

Dan Heng

I'll think about it

Stelle

YOU MUST

----

Kafka’s house wasn’t exactly how he pictured it to be, but it definitely reflected her unique
aesthetic. She lived in a dark-brown bungalow, separated away from the city.

The second Dan Heng stepped inside the house, he was stunned. First, there was this fragrance that
smelled like a mix of lavender and cherry and a tinge of vanilla. It smelled strange and was hard to
describe, but it smelled nice. The second impression was the wine-red wallpaper that he didn’t
expect. It fitted her. He just didn’t expect that he’d be going inside somebody’s house that
completely resembled its owner, or at least a person in the house. After all, it was still her parent’s
house, not hers. Medieval would be the word that explained the interior designs.

Overall, it looked nice but extra. Or they were just rich and used it to their advantage.

Dan Heng followed Silver Wolf, who immediately slumped down on the couch after opening the
PS5 and the TV. Kafka went somewhere else, and Ren was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t pay
attention to where they went, but Silver Wolf was the easiest to spot.

He turned around to the sound of a cat ‘meowing’. Kafka slowly walked towards him with a black
cat in her arms. “Isn’t he adorable?” she asked, while she held eye contact with the being.

“What are you doing?” Dan Heng panicked when Kafka begins to hand the cat. It wasn’t like he
hated them, he just never had a pet ever in his life. He didn’t know what to do.
In the end, Kafka laughed a little before heading to the kitchen, leaving him with the responsibility.

Dan Heng stared at the cat. The cat stared at him. They did that for five seconds before he turned
around and jumped backwards.

“Aeons. What are you doing?” he asked Ren, holding the cat that meowed loudly in his ears. Ren
stared at him, not saying a word. “You want it?”

“He does. He likes Elio a lot,” Silver Wolf answered from the couch.

“Is that so?” Dan Heng approached Ren, offering the cat as if they were doing an exchange gift,
except Ren gives the air.

Ren didn’t say anything as he takes the cat away from Dan Heng’s arms before leaving and going
to one of the black loveseats near the TV.

Dan Heng scoffed, watching Ren. No way this guy had a soft side for pets.

“Where’d you get the name?” Dan Heng asked.

“It just popped out in my head,” Kafka answered.

He hummed. Interesting choice only because it was the first time he’d heard such a name. When he
entered the kitchen, Kafka was placing utensils back into the cupboards.

“What exactly are we doing?” he asked, approaching the big kitchen counter.

“Dan Heng, come play with me!” Silver Wolf shouted. Kafka turned to him and shrug.

“There,” she said.

That left him no choice, so Dan Heng walked back to the living room and sat beside Silver Wolf.

“I don’t play,” he said.

Silver Wolf gasped, dramatically. “Really?”

“I don’t have these.”

“I’ll teach you,” she said, looking toward Ren. “Oi, join us.”

Dan Heng followed her gaze to Ren, who was busy petting the cat gently. Ren looked up, locking
eyes with him, then he glanced at Silver Wolf.

“Later.”

Then Silver Wolf threw a pillow towards him and Elio jumped from his arms. Ren looked at her
dumbfounded and sighed, walking to sit beside her, but she slid towards the left and dragged Dan
Heng.

Dan Heng looked at Silver Wolf, then up at Ren. “Ow,” he whispered, sitting properly.

“What?” Silver Wolf asked. “Sit beside him.”

Ren stared at her for a while before he sat beside Dan Heng. Their arms brushed and moving
closer to Silver Wolf was Dan Heng’s natural response, but she pushed him towards the right and
bumped harshly into Ren’s arms.

What the hell is wrong with them?

“You’re bullying them, Silvee,” Kafka said, joining them in the living room.

“Are you not going to move?” Ren asked.

Immediately, Dan Heng sat properly again, forcefully pushing Ren for more space. “You move.”

“Do you want me on the floor?”

Dan Heng leaned forward to check, and there were just a couple of pillows blocking Ren. He
looked at him, dumbfounded. “If you’re not moving that, yes, go on the floor.”

“How about you go on the floor?”

“Just move it.”

“Nah.”

“Ren—.” He sighed and leaned forward to get the pillows himself, even if he had to lay his body
temporarily on Ren’s thighs.

“I see,” Ren whispered. And that irked Dan Heng. So before he stood up for escape, he smacked
the pillow right at Ren’s face. It didn’t scare him at first, solely because he didn’t think that Ren
would start gathering the pillows while laughing like a maniac.

“You’re unbelievable!” Silver Wolf shouted when Ren started running.

There was an obvious difference between them navigation-wise since Dan Heng was new to
Kafka’s house. The door was the first he saw; the stairs were second. He didn’t want to run around
a vast field with Ren hunting him, so he went up the stairs and entered the first door he spotted.

Dan Heng sat in the corner of what seemed to be a bathroom, his breath shaky and heart beating
fast. The lights were off and he refused to turn them on for his sake, even though, at some point,
Ren would end up finding him.

He resorted to tapping around carefully. Might be disgusting, but he once again brought this upon
himself. His priority was to get away from the door just in case Ren slam it open. He didn’t want to
go home with a broken nose.

“Dan Heng,” Ren called as if he was singing a song. Dan Heng touched something, and it released
a plastic crumpling sound. He stepped away in panic with his hands in the air. “Oh?”

This feels like a horror movie...

Dan Heng made his way towards the door slowly, his hands on the knob, planning to make a run
for it. He breathe softly and twisted the doorknob and opened—the door opened on him.

He shouted as his flight-or-fight response. Ren laughed, turning the lights on before smashing a
pillow on his face. Dan Heng coughed, covering himself from the constant attacks.

“This is unfair!” he shouted.

“Is it?”
Dan Heng was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, trying to grasp the pillow to steal it until he did
and they stopped. They stared at each other, clearly thrilled with both their lips perked into a grin.
Dan Heng huffed and glanced up at the ceiling.

“Truce,” he said.

Ren pulled to retrieve the pillow but Dan Heng was gripping it too tightly that he got pulled up and
almost slipped trying to regain his balance.

Dan Heng’s right hand stayed on the pillow, his other one was on his chest as he panted to catch
his breathe.

“Winner,” Ren said, playfully.

He shook his head. “Okay, we’re done here,” Dan Heng said and waited for a few seconds before
pulling the pillow again just for him to get pulled closer instead. “Okay, I’m serious,” he
whispered, embarrassed.

“Let go then.”

“You let go.”

“You’re going to hit me,” Ren said.

“Promise I won’t.”

Dan Heng smiled, his hands gripping the pillow tightly again, but Ren yanked the pillow out of his
hand and if it wasn’t for Ren wrapping one arm around his waist as if he was a cardboard cutout,
he would’ve found himself on the floor. He quickly stood up, sliding again until Ren dragged him
forcefully outside the bathroom tiles.

“You’re so light,” Ren said, letting go to turn the lights off.

“Should I be offended?” Dan Heng brushed his outfit, making his way inside to wash his hands.
“What?” he asked, watching Ren in the mirror.

Ren grinned.

“What are you doing!?” Dan Heng shouted when Ren placed two hands around his body and
carried him bridal-style. “Fu—Aeons! Put me down!” He wrapped his arms around Ren’s neck,
burying his head somewhere that wouldn’t force him to see the ground.

“Oh?” he heard Kafka say, even with Silver Wolf shouting in the background.

“We’re down, but you can stay if you like clinging onto me that much,” Ren said and Dan Heng
jumped off, his hands still wrapped on Ren’s neck until he touched the ground and let go.

Dan Heng looked up at him in horror, while he looked at him in satisfaction.

“You’re red,” Ren pointed out.

“Shut up.” Dan Heng turned around, his hands covering his face.

“NO! That’s cheating!” He heard Silver Wolf shout as he sit on the dining chair, almost falling to
the ground.
 ----

Dan Heng

Pick me up

Stelle

HEHE

Stelle

Hello Dan Heng the loml, my forever, you mind telling us what events have occurred?

Dan Heng

I'm dying

Stelle

That translates to something good happened!!

 Chapter 9
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

After the bridal-carry incident, Dan Heng played with Silver Wolf all night long. She taught him
how to use the controllers, which was crucial when they started playing overcook. Dan Heng
thought it was the most stressful game ever. With the wind acting as an obstacle and the need to
dash just to fall in the acid water, he really had to deal with the screaming and the restarts. He
approximate the amount of their replays to twenty times, refusing to give up and go on the next
stage unless they get three stars.

Aside from playing with Silver Wolf, there was nothing else they did but eat foods that Kafka had
delivered. It was fortunate, maybe, that they didn't talk as much. Though, Kafka told a story about
how she fell off a carousel when she was young and she held onto the bars instead of getting back
up.

Dan Heng's last day of school ended with him being alone in the car with Ren and with Ren being
the last face he saw that night. Very different from the previous years where he would go home the
day before the last day and stay in his bed, reading. Even more different since he doesn't remember
going home with a heart trying to escape from his body.

Perhaps he'd gotten the idea of why that happened. But he overthrew that idea by saying that being
alone with Ren was not ideal and he was merely nervous to be alone with someone he wasn't that
close with.

It had been three weeks since the last time Dan Heng saw any of his friends. He spent a week out
of the two weeks for finals. By the end, he really felt his head trying to split in two. With
consecutive written responses and reading comprehensions, even he didn't think he'd get through it,
but he did. And he was glad that he did, though it wasn't like he had a choice.

The amusement park school trip was today, scheduled to depart from school on the bus at noon.
Yet, now Dan Heng was still home, standing in front of the mirror, at 11:45 AM. But it was
because of Kafka's message yesterday that read: We'll pick you up around 11:30 AM. Dan Heng
trusted them enough not to walk and rush and, well, Sushang and Asta weren't attending, so he
wasn't too sure if he wanted to be alone.

A thin black turtle neck grasp softly on his skin. He wore a loose green and white shirt above it.
His black tote bag, containing his camera, hung by his left shoulder. He tugged the phone out of
his pockets as he reached for the reading glasses on his desk. Reading wasn't on the agenda,
looking good was.

----

Kafka

Hey

We're not going to school.

Dan Heng

Are you cancelling last minute?

Kafka

Of course not

We're on the way

Dan Heng

What?

----

"What exactly are we doing?" Dan Heng asked as he tried to put the seatbelt that kept locking on
him.

It took around five minutes after Kafka's message when a black sedan arrived in front of Dan
Heng's house and he sat in the front seat, left with no other choice, just like last time.

"We're still going, just not with the school," Silver Wolf answered from behind.

"Won't they see us?"

"They might, but it's less likely," Kafka said.

The trip was an optional paid event. It was fortunate that Dan Heng planned to pay when he
arrived or else the money would've gone to waste. The payment was for the teachers and staff that
would watch over students for their safety. It would be better to go sometime else with parents or
friends, instead of paying just to have limitations. However, there were, of course, families that
wouldn't be able to do that and friends that would go on vacations.

The faint R'n'B filled the car as Ren drove casually to a place at least forty minutes away.

----

The amusement park was near downtown. Which would explain its popularity. But its popularity
would mostly be because of the free shows and concerts that only needed courage as payment. In
the end, the amusement park wasn't an amusement park. It was a place with few rides and games
that focused more on music plus culture.

"Let's play that," Silver Wolf said, pointing at an uncrowded small carnival game.

The three followed her behind, and when they stopped in front of it, Silver Wolf was already
negotiating with the owner.

It was a water shooting game that had ducks as targets. Poor them. There were at least ten ducks
that remained static inside a border until it began moving and Silver Wolf stood in the middle with
the only water gun in her hand.

They watched intently as she hit and missed the targets. By the end of the two minutes time limit,
she knocked down six of the targets and won bubbles, which led to written disappointment on her
face.

"You should play," Silver Wolf said to Dan Heng. He thought that sounded like a decent idea until
she added: "Ren can help you."

Now, why would he need Ren? So he agreed to prove her wrong. Who knows? And stood in the
same spot she was in and the targets moved left to right, up and down and vice versa. He focused,
hoping to win at least something.

Then he figured why he'd need help. Watching was easier than playing. More so, with him getting
dizzy a few seconds in.

When the timer announced that there was a minute left, he knocked down five targets, and that
wasn't looking good, he thought.

"Are we allowed to help?" He wasn't sure if it was Silver Wolf or Kafka that asked, but that didn't
matter when he felt someone shifting behind him.

Dan Heng's heart dropped when he smelled the strong perfume that belonged to the one person he
knew. And that was, unfortunately, Ren. As if the game wasn't killing his eyes enough, Ren, who
stood beside him with his arms around his body to reach for the water gun, only made him dizzier.

He stood still and stiff as he watched Ren move his hands.

"Thirty seconds left," the timer announced.

Dan Heng tried to duck to get underneath Ren's arms to give him the spotlight and for his sanity as
well.

"Stay still," Ren said, his breath brushing against Dan Heng's ears.

"Five."

Ren fixed his hands around Dan Hengs'. It was warm.

"Four."

Dan Heng stopped breathing. His eyes followed the targets.

"Three... Two"

Ren pulled the trigger—

"Congratulations!"

When Ren stepped back, Dan Heng continued breathing.

...

He remained still, heart beating fast as the conversation that was happening behind him was
inaudible.

What just happened?

"Dan Heng!" Silver Wolf shouted, cutting him off from his trance. He turned to her, and she was
motioning him to go to the owner for the prize.

He exhaled shakily and his hands fixed the uncomfortable tightness of his turtle neck while he
made his way to the owner.

"Yeah, that would be fine," Dan Heng agreed to the owner, who suggested the big dragon plushie.
He turned around and made his way to Silver Wolf, eyes staying frozen on her and only her.
"Mine?" she asked, and he nodded. "Are you sure? Give it to Ren instead," she said, pointing to
Ren beside her.

Dan Heng cleared his throat.

"Your choice," he said and followed Kafka when she started moving in his peripheral.

----

Silver Wolf liked rides, and that surprised Dan Heng, but unfortunately for her, there weren't a lot
of them. There were four fun ones, which included the short roller coaster they rode that brought
them a poor adrenaline rush.

"Next please," the staff said. "Wait, only two people."

Kafka and Silver Wolf stopped in their tracks.

"Two people in one car?" Silver Wolf asked.

"Yep. You still get to go. Those people are going down," the staff said, pointing at the second to
last Ferris wheel passenger car.

Kafka turned to Ren and Dan Heng, gesturing them to go.

"Go together," Kafka said, and Dan Heng looked at her as if she was crazy.

"What?"

"Let's go," Ren said and started walking.

Dan Heng blinked a couple of times in disbelief, but he followed Ren when Kafka and Silver Wolf
didn't budge.

They were facing each other when Dan Heng sat down and closed the glass door. And he thought
about how there was nothing good about being with Ren in one tiny space. Nothing.

When the Ferris wheel started moving, it stopped right away, and he glanced down to watch Kafka
and Silver Wolf getting in. He didn't know if it was a consideration that they made him and Ren go
first. Though he knew he didn't appreciate it one bit. Nope.

"Dan Heng," Ren called.

He looked at him, waiting for what he wanted to say.

"How were finals?"

"Fine," Dan Heng answered. Still a little mortified with the bridal-style carry that day. He grabbed
the camera from his tote bag to place his mind elsewhere.

"Are you gonna take a selfie again?" Ren asked.

"No," he replied, the memory of that night flooding his head.

His heart was beating loudly. He doesn't know why, but he could only hope that Ren was only
hearing the wind that knocked occasionally.
Dan Heng moved the camera around as he clicked the shutter button wherever he sees fit. Ren
watched him, he knew, and although he ignored him, his hands were shaking. Maybe all the
pictures he took were meant to be blurry in the end.

"Dan Heng,"

He placed the camera down, and Ren offered his hand to him.

"Let me."

"Why should I?" Dan Heng asked, even though he was placing it already in Ren's hands.

"I'm good at taking pictures of anything pretty."

Dan Heng raised an eyebrow. "Or maybe it's the view of carrying the quality," he said.

"All the pictures you took are terrible, so that contradicts your argument," Ren pointed out,
grinning proudly at him.

"Let me see."

"Stay still."

"Stay still."

Dan Heng felt his palms sweat in remembrance of the weird experience he had in the very first
game they did. And he tried shrugging it off by watching Ren, who held the camera facing him.

"What are you doing?" Dan Heng asked.

Ren placed the camera down and offered it back.

"I told you I'm good at taking pictures of anything pretty."

Dan Heng rotated the camera to look at the screen and there was a picture of him, focused on his
face. He glanced up and Ren stared at him, waiting for a reaction. But there was no need for that
when he felt his body warming up and surely, his face would've turned red at this point.

He glanced back down, now looking at the other pictures Ren took and there was only one that
wasn't him. The one was just the empty blue sky.

...

He just called me pretty.

He closed the camera and placed it inside his bag without saying a word. How can he say a word
when he was being watched? He could barely breathe like a normal person.

"Sorry," Ren said.

Dan Heng looked at him, confused. "For what?"

"What I did."

"What you did?"

"Grade six."
"Oh." Dan Heng started laughing, he didn't think Ren would say sorry again even though the first
one was forced.

Ren waited for him to stop, and when he did, he said: "I didn't expect to see you again."

"How did Kafka know?"

"She was my classmate in grade eight."

"Eight?" Dan Heng asked, his eyebrows furrowing. Stelle and March would've met a Kafka then
unless—

"I transferred to this city in grade eight."

His mouth cracked open. "You're serious?"

"I am. That's when I met them."

"You told her about me?"

Ren shrugged. "I did."

Dan Heng wanted to ask why, but he swallowed that question down his throat before speaking
again.

"Why did you pretend you didn't know me then?"

"I didn't know it was you."

"You did."

"I didn't," Ren said. "I knew when I found your paper. Then I pretended after that."

"Oh." Dan Heng looked outside. He didn't want to think about the paper situation.

"Kafka was certain it was you."

There was no need to tell him that. It was pretty obvious by how she acted.

"I see. Why did you transfer, then?"

Ren glanced at him. "Is this an interview?"

Dan Heng met his eyes. "Maybe."

"No reason. Kafka and Silver Wolf left me. They didn't tell me they moved schools until the year
started."

Dan Heng laughed.

"Kafka convinced me to move, probably when she found a 'Dan Heng," he said. "Then I had to
convince my mom."

"And that happened weeks before finals?"

Ren nodded.
"How about you?" Ren asked.

"Me?"

"Did you know it was me?"

Dan Heng glanced out, smiling at the times when he had to deal with Stelle and March's spam of
messages and shouts during calls.

"I forgot about you," he said, returning his attention to Ren. "Until Stelle and March came up with
a theory. You remember them?"

"I do. They hated me," Ren said. "You forgot about me."

Dan Heng glanced down to hide his smile. "Gonna sulk about it?"

"Did you believe them? With their theory?" Ren asked, changing the topic.

He smiled even wider with the change of topic and thought adorable. Dan Heng cleared his throat
before looking up again. That's one stupid thought.

"Not in the beginning."

"Why?"

Silence filled them for a while. There weren't a lot of reasons. Just the major difference in
appearances plus—

"Maybe I was allergic to big coincidences."

Ren scoffed. "Allergic to big coincidences? Did Stelle tell you that?"

He shook his head. "I came up with it just now." It did sound like something Stelle would say.

"That night in the da—"

Dan Heng coughed. "Won't you look at that? We're at the bottom again," he said, gathering up his
things that were already gathered.

"I didn't expect you to pull out a phone and take a picture of us."

"... They asked for your picture."

"Stelle and March?" Ren asked, and he nodded to confirm.

"I guess the picture you took that afternoon sucked too, huh?"

What afterno—Oh. Oh, he saw that?

"Ah." Dan Heng laughed awkwardly and opened the door when they reached the bottom. "Let's
not talk about this," he said and went out first.

----

Peacefully, Dan Heng and Ren sat on chairs surrounding a rectangular wooden table shaded under
a tree. A while ago, Kafka dragged Silver Wolf to buy food, and Dan Heng figured that they really
just wanted him alone with Ren. As if that time on the Ferris wheel wasn't long enough.
"You can always ask if you want my picture," Ren said, which startled Dan Heng, and the camera
he was holding almost fell. "Come." He patted the empty spot beside him.

"What?"

"Sit beside me."

"No."

Ren rolled his eyes and stood up to sit beside Dan Heng instead.

"You're infuriating," Ren complained. He grabbed the camera from Dan Heng's hand and took a
picture of them in one frame.

Dan Heng jogged him, his eyes flickering between the camera and Ren.

"That's enough."

"Just so you don't get tired of me," Ren said and placed the camera down on the table.

"I already am," Dan Heng whispered, hands reaching out for the camera, but Ren stopped him.
"What?"

"Happy Birthday!"

Dan Heng jumped a little at the voice coming from behind them. They turned around and there
was Silver Wolf carrying four cake pops and Kafka had two boxes on her hands.

He moved his attention to Ren.

"It's your birthday?" he asked, but received no reply. Kafka and Silver Wolf started ruffling Ren's
hair until he shoved them.

"I told you not to do anything," he said, sighing. "Thanks."

"Aw," Kafka teased, about to touch his hair again, but he glared at her and she stopped her hands
mid-air.

Now it was Dan Heng's turn. He nudged Ren harshly to the side. He might despise the guy, but
that didn't mean he didn't care about his birthday.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What?"

"That it was your birthday."

"You didn't have to know."

Dan Heng opened his mouth and alternated his attention between Silver Wolf and Kafka.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't contact you. She did," Silver Wolf defended herself, pointing at Kafka.

"I forgot," Kafka excused, and he looked at her like she just called him stupid.
"We were in contact for three days."

"You were?" Ren asked, looking at them.

"Yes, but—hm. There are no buts. Sorry?" Kafka half-heartedly apologized.

Dan Heng sighed, because that sounded like leaving him out of the information was intentional.
Why would they not tell him, though?

What should I do?

"You were in contact for three days?" Ren repeated himself while the two started eating.

Dan Heng grabbed a plastic fork. Guess I'll see later.

"Not the point, Ren."

----

It was five in the afternoon when Ren dropped everyone off except for Dan Heng. For distance
efficiency purposes, since Kafka lived the furthest and Silver Wolf lived somewhat far from them
and Ren lived near Dan Heng, they said. But they didn't say where he lives and Ren didn't answer
him when he asked.

If it wasn't summer, the sun would've set already. Dan Heng thought that was a loss of opportunity
to fit his good mood that he didn't think he would feel inside Ren's car while the air-con brushes
his face. Dan Heng moved side to side slightly, vibing into the upbeat yet calm music playing in
Ren's car.

The drive home was faster, as always, and Dan Heng told Ren to wait when he got off the car.
When he got inside, he went to his vase in his room and got the two white roses his mom gave after
she saw him taking care of one. He rushed outside with the hoodie that they fought for in his hand.

Dan Heng opened the car door, huffing. "I don't know what else to get you," he said, offering the
three things.

"Are you courting me?" Ren asked, about to take the flowers, but Dan Heng pulled it back.

"No."

Ren laughed. "I was kidding." Dan Heng allowed him to get the flowers.

"Are you not taking this, or do I have to shove it down your throat?" Dan Heng asked in one breath,
talking about the hoodie.

"I told you to keep it," Ren replied, softly hitting Dan Heng with the roses.

"I have a lot of clothes."

"I didn't ask."

Rude.

"Ren—"

"I won't take it. Keep it," he said. "You can keep everything. I just want one thing."
He swallowed nervously. "What?"

"Next year, let's be friends."

Dan Heng stares at him, his eyebrows subconsciously furrowing. "Are you serious?"

"I am," Ren said, flatly.

"Alright." He laughed. "I'll act nice since it's your birthday."

"Act nicely, even after this day."

"If you stopped being annoying, maybe I will." He smiled. "See you in two months."

"Okay," he paused. "Gege"

Dan Heng stared at him, his mouth slightly parted, trying to take in what the hell Ren just called
him.

"Is there a problem, geg—" Dan Heng closed the door and rushed inside the porch, his heart
beating three times faster and he finally exhaled the breath he didn't know he was holding. Fuck.
What the fuck. He twisted the door open and closed it, slowly falling to the ground as his back
rested on the door. He let his mind wander for a while until he noticed the debris from his shoes on
the floor.

He shook his head to cleanse his thoughts and got up.

Guess I'll clean that up.

Safe to say that Dan Heng spent too many days and nights thinking about his last interaction with
Ren. Because what was that? He told himself that it wasn't a big deal but his heart was saying the
opposite and that lead to him contemplating his life again.

Thank aeons though that March and Stelle were his saviours, not as much since they talked about
Ren, forcing him to recall that day but at least he got company.

Two weeks after the amusement park event, Dan Heng reunited with March and Stelle, who were
pretty taken aback by how tall he had grown. It did nothing to his ego seeing how Stelle was just as
tall as him and how he knew plenty of people who were much taller. Though, March complained
about her struggles with straining her neck whenever she talks to someone. Dan Heng nodded at
her statement. He still had to look up occasionally to talk after all, especially with Ren, who wasn't
even that much taller.

----

It was Saturday afternoon when the three of walked around downtown with no guidance. The two
were confident that they would be fine. Especially Stelle, who got yelled at simply because she
came from a small town and navigating a city wouldn't really be her area of expertise. But it was
fine since Dan Heng was there. At least her parents trusted him when he didn't trust himself.

Downtown was busy. Understandable since it was a weekend and rush hour. The temperature
wasn't understandable, though. They'd been complaining about the heat drying off their bodies
internally and the abundance of light reflection from tall office buildings.

"We should just go there," March said, huffing. She weakly pointed towards a cafeteria after the
pedestrian crossing.

"Let's race, March," Stelle said, wiping the sweat off her forehead using her sleeves. She excused
her fashion choices by saying: beauty is pain.

March shook her head. "No, no."

Stelle patted her on the back and got into a running position. "I'll treat you if you win."

And off they go when the traffic lights turned red and the pedestrian countdown reached 0. Dan
Heng walked in the same direction, more patient as they were but that was only because he refused
to run in a place where there were multiple people walking in front of him and behind.

When Dan Heng was about to push open the cafeteria door, it slammed on him and March and
Stelle stood there giggling and saying "sorry".

"Can you order anything for us? We'll be back," Stelle said. Dan Heng watched them run on the
sidewalk, rubbing his head until they got inside a store he couldn't see from afar. He sighed,
questioning their actions. He took it as a sign of just go in and order.

The smoky aroma and the chatter greeted Dan Heng upon stepping inside. He took a second to scan
the area. The cafeteria had beige walls, and the tables varied from long to small, square to circles,
but they were all glass.

Dan Heng concluded that the place must be quite popular since customers were all over the place
and he had to go in line. He looked towards the counter and there were many workers taking orders
while some prepared the orders. It was busy. Without knowing where else to look, he glanced up
the menu, and he stared, unable to read a single word except "M E N U".

"Next please!" He glanced back down and realized that there was no line in front of him.

I hate this.

Dan Heng walked towards the cashier, eyeing the pastries on the glass covers.

"Hey."

He looked up and stared and said, "Ren?"

The worker, writing something in their notebook, glanced up, and they locked eyes. Stelle and
March were his blessings and his curses because, wow, he didn't foresee meeting Ren again
outside school. Ren stood straight, and Dan Heng had to stretch his neck to follow his eyes. Then
he thought how unfair it was that Ren got taller in thirty days.

"Was that Stelle and March?" Ren asked. He swallowed air and nodded. If he was being honest,
Ren somehow looked...more attractive.

"What can I get for you?"

Ah. Right. Dan Heng turned around to see the nonexistent line, and he glanced up at the menu
again. Mentally cursing the owner, because why did they not put one in the cashier area? Ren,
being professional, felt bizarre, and Dan Heng had to set his uneasiness aside.

"I can't really see," he whispered, squinting and wishing that Ren would get an idea.

"Should I surprise you then?" Ren asked and when he looked at him, he was smiling cheekily.

"Sure. How much?"

"I'll pay," Ren replied, hands tapping on the screen.

"No. Let me pay."

Ren printed out a receipt and told him to wait by the side.

----

"Am I stupid or is the math not math-ing?" Stelle asked, her eyes furrowed as she took a second
look at the receipt.

"Let me see," March said. They both looked at the receipt, typing the prices on their phone
calculators, while Dan Heng watched them drinking the matcha latte that Ren specifically put his
name on.

"Dan Heng, let me see your drink," Stelle requested, and he gave it to her. She glanced at March
before she looked at him, her mouth wide open. "He fucking paid for you," she said slowly,
emphasizing each word.

"What?"

He grabbed the receipt from them and checked their drinks one-by-one and Stelle slid two phone
calculators near him. And Ren indeed paid for him. That would be the only explanation why he put
a name on his drink but not on Stelle's and March's.

"I'm so sick," Stelle whined, leaning towards March, who was glancing at where the counter was.

March kicked him under the table, pouting behind him. Dan Heng turned around, and Ren looked
at them for a quick moment before getting back to work.

"Are you sure you're not dating?" March asked.

If he hadn't swallowed his drink, he would've choked by that blunt statement. "No. I didn't know he
paid for mine. I told him not to."

Stelle wrapped her arms around March's shoulder as she took a sip from her drink. "I'm happy for
you, but he could've treated us too," she joked.

"He offered," he said. "Then I told him to let me pay."

If he knew the aftermath of that sentence, he wouldn't have said it. Because right after he finished,
Stelle went crazy as she kicked her foot multiple times on the ground while rocking March back
and forth.

----

"Are you filing a complaint?" Ren asked, wiping the counter.

"Why did you pay?"

Ren grinned. "You're poor."

Stelle and March snickered behind him.

"You want to be friends, but you're still as annoying as ever."

Ren approached him, his hands resting on the counter, and he looked at Dan Heng. "I act nice," he
said. "Through actions." His hands brushed Dan Heng's hair before he continued wiping.

"Whatever. Thanks."

"No worries, love."

Love? What the hell is up with pet names?

"Oh my fucking Aeons," Stelle whispered from behind. "Ren, call him. He deleted his call history,
and he wants your number," she said in one breath, her voice muffled in the middle by March's
hand.

Dan Heng and Ren turned to look at her.

"What?" Ren asked, glancing toward Dan Heng.

He shrugged, his eyes wide-opened to signal March. "Nothing."

"He wants your number," March said. He stared at her, and she smiled. 'I thought you were on my
side," he mouthed.

He returned his attention to the front. "I don't."

"Okay, gege," he whispered the last part, not reaching Stelle's and March's ears.

"Don't call me that," he said, turning around to hide his face. "We're leaving."

"Was it good?"

"It was."

Ren hummed and Dan Heng pushed Stelle and March towards the door whispering: go go go

Seconds after they got out, Stelle started spouting out all her thoughts and how it felt like there was
something happening between him and Ren.

Dan Heng faced the ceiling, laying still on the bed. He sees a plain black something and some
static-coloured dots as he stared at nothing.

He didn't have any problems falling asleep the past few days, but today his body didn't feel like
sleeping. Or maybe he was just too awake. Or maybe he forgot something and his body is giving
him time to remember.
He rolled around at the same time his phone buzzed.

An unknown number call.

"Hello?"

Dan Heng heard indistinguishable noises from the other line.

"You're awake," a guy said.

Ah. He pulled the curtains away from his window to let the air in. "Thanks. I didn't know."

"Why are you awake?"

"You woke me up."

"I did?"

Dan Heng bites back a smile. "Why are you awake?"

"I just got home."

"From what?"

"A road trip."

Dan Heng sat up to lean his head on the wall, thinking about how he can keep a conversation
going. Especially one over a phone call. He sighed. This was all March's and Stelle's fault.

"Why are you not resting?" he asked.

"Worried about me?"

"No."

Ren hummed. "Right. You want to play truth or dare?"

Dan Heng laughed under his blanket. "So sudden? What are you a kid?"

"It's a yes or no question."

"Fine. You go first."

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

Dan Heng closed his eyes, waiting for a reply.

"Go to Express this school year."

He opened his eyes quickly.

"What."

"What?"
"Wait," he said. "That's a bit too excessive."

"Is it? Should I give another one then?"

"No need," he said... thinking about it.

"Okay, let's stop there," Ren said.

"That's unfair."

"Just ask me questions."

"Did you really want to play one round just to dare me that?"

"I did."

Questions... what questions should I ask?

"Was the road trip fun?"

"Yeah."

"Would've been if I were with you."

He pulled his blankets closer, burying his head in them while he listened to his heart echoing in his
ears.

"We should sleep."

"Should we?"

Ren's voice was soothing. It was serene. It was making Dan Heng very sleepy.

"Do you read?"

Ren chuckled. "Why? Gonna ask me to read you a bedtime story?"

"No."

"Then what?"

He hesitated. "You have a nice voice."

...

"Do I?" Ren asked, his voice didn't sound monotone for the first time throughout the call.

"You just wanted me to say it. You're well aware. Of course, you are."

"How big do you think my ego is?"

"Bigger than your head."

Ren laughed. "You're adorable."

"And you said you don't like me."

"Did I say that?"

He sat up, his heart beating much faster.

"Do you?"

"I don't hate you."

"I'm so honoured," he said, rolling his eyes as if Ren could see it.

"You should be."

Dan Heng pulled the curtains back in and fixed himself on the bed.

"We should go to sleep." He yawned. "Your voice is making me sleepy."

"I sound boring then?"

"Are you really fishing for compliments?"

Dan Heng raised an eyebrow.

"Are you going to compliment me if I am?"

"I'd rather not."

"Hm, do you like my voice?"

"Is that your new strategy now?"

"It's anoth—"

"I like it," he said. "Very, very, very much." He rolled his eyes at the same time he rolled his body
to face the wall.

"You'll hear more of it."

"So tragic," he said, smiling. "Let's go to sleep."

"Let's?"

"Just stay awake forever then," Dan Heng joked. "I'm serious. Goodnight Ren."

"You hang up."

"You're so weird."

"For you."

"What?"

"If you don't hang up now, I'll assume you love hearing me."

He scoffed. "Fine. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."
...

"Sweet dreams gege."

Dan Heng slept soundly, his thumb only a press away from the end button that was now gone.

A dare would always remain a dare, but it wasn’t like Dan Heng accepted it, or at least he rejected
Ren’s dare that night subtly. So why did he spend the past few nights, unable to sleep, actually
considering? In his defence, there didn’t seem to be any harm in moving to Express. Plus, why
not?

“I’m planning on transferring to Express,” he said and immediately placed his phone away from
his face. He was right to do that because now, Stelle and March’s voices were mixing, that it was
completely indistinguishable.

Transferring to a school right beside him sounded stupid, and that brought up two questions. Why?
and what’s the point? Dan Heng only had one answer for each, which would be: Why not? Should
there be a point?

Although Ren brought up the topic, he wasn’t the first to do that. Kafka did it first and Dan Heng,
even if Ren mentioned it recently, thinks that he’d rather blame Kafka for no reason.

When he told his parents about it, they didn’t see the point. But they planned to go to the school
sometime today to talk about school fees. Dan Heng even told them that if there were to be extra
fees, then he’d just stay in Astral. So really, it was more for the experience—as he would say but
March and Stelle thought otherwise with their shouts asking if he was transferring because of
Ren.

“I’m seriously not moving because of him,” he said.

“Right. When’s the first day, anyway?” Stelle asked.

“Two weeks from now. Friday.”

“Friday?” March asked, to check if she heard that right.

“Yeah.”

“Weird.”

“I gotta go”

“Tell us how it goes!” Stelle said, her camera showing the TV.

With that, he left the call and went to his closet to pick an outfit.

----

They arrived at Express an hour before closing. The principal was writing something on a paper
Dan Heng couldn’t see and his parents were standing, facing the principal while he sat on the
couch, watching.

The principal glanced up. “I need to take a call,” she said. “Please sit down.” She motioned to go
towards Dan Heng and left.

Just seconds after his parents sat beside him, the vice-principal approached them.

“Is there a reason you’re transferring?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Not really,” he answered. Which wasn’t a complete lie. Even if two Express
students suggested the idea, he wouldn’t transfer just because of them.

“Is it because of Ren?”

“Who’s Ren?” his mom asked. He stared at the vice-principal, stunned.

“A friend,” he said. “He’s not the reason I want to transfer.”

And why Ren specifically? There was a big possibility that she knew the things that happened
between them, but it shouldn’t be her business. Unless they separate friends in classes, which didn’t
seem to be the case.

“Alright,” the principal said, approaching them as the vice-principal stepped back. “I talked to the
owner regarding school fees.” She clasped her hands and looked at them one by one. “I’m
delighted to announce that there are no fees for transferring,” she said. “But the same rules exist
regarding lockers, books, school trips and uniforms.” She smiled.

They smiled back before his parents stood to thank her and he had to thank her too.

“Please follow her for the uniforms,” she said, pointing towards the vice-principal.

Even if Dan Heng didn’t want to spend any more time with her, he let out a small smile and
followed the vice-principal.

----

Dan Heng

I’m moving to Express

March

Express it is!

Stelle

I just showed this to my mom to convince her

She still thinks you go to Astral

March

Are you going to tell Ren?

Dan Heng
 Am I supposed to?

Stelle

Don’t tell him

Let it be a surprise

( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)

Chapter End Notes

Ren's birthday is set on his release! Don't calculate the timeline though it's not precise
(-｡-;)
 Chapter 10
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Dan Heng spent the last two weeks before his nightmare with Stelle and March. Their families
made plans together, a lot, that he was sure he didn’t see his friends’ faces for two days in two
weeks. They went into the park to play any sports. Badminton at first, until the shuttlecock fell into
the lake since they were messing around near it and since they got scolded, they figured volleyball
would be better. It wasn’t. For Dan Heng, at least. It wasn’t like he sucked at sports, but Stelle and
March were certainly a lot better than him and it was 2 v 1. He played alone.

They went to family vacations together, road trips, their parents drove seven hours straight to get to
this tourist spot, and back, the day after for more than seven hours because of traffic since it was
weekends. Most of the meetings with March and Stelle were inside their house, or his, and they
talked about a lot of stuff and that included Ren.

Very unfortunate for Dan Heng. With their puppy eyes and constant annoyance, he had to tell them
about his experiences in the amusement park without missing a single detail, excluding the part
when Ren called him ‘gege’. He thought that wasn’t necessary.

The day before school started, they didn’t meet, saying that it would be better to take a break from
seeing each other’s faces.

Although time flowed on his hands like water, Dan Heng didn’t really expect for Senior High
School to arrive that fast. He supposed it was because of vacation and vacations just had to be
shorter.

At 7:30 AM, the three of them arrived at the school, at least an hour left before the yearly gym
assembly. Stelle insisted they go early to tour themselves, not really wanting to wing it when actual
classes begin. For obvious reasons, the two of them were on the same line.

When they entered the building, Stelle hugged herself minutes later, complaining about how cold it
was inside. Which shouldn’t be a worry since it was scorching hot outside, even though it was fall
already.

The school’s interior differed from Astral’s. Which wasn’t unexpected since Dan Heng entered
once when he had to return books. Not like he had the chance to wander throughout. March and
Stelle were in awe, pleased and amazed by the school posters and banners that highlighted the
sports the school won. There were trophies and various science tools—like a microscope—
displayed behind small glass doors.

“This better be the last floor,” Stelle muttered as they approach the third floor.

“I think it is,” March said, looking at the window. “Their parking lot is huge.”

Dan Heng glanced outside to see a lone black car parked, and three people came out of it. Kafka’s
hair, although far, gave it away.

"That’s Ren’s car,” he whispered.

“Where?” Stelle turned around. March scooched herself between them to look out.
“Should we go down?” Stelle asked.

Dan Heng shook his head. “No. Let’s keep going.”

There would be no point in going down and meeting them. They’d meet eventually.

“We’re gonna see something unfold March,” Stelle whispered, loud enough for Dan Heng to
hear.

“Dan Heng’s gonna leave us,” March said, wrapping her arms around Stelle’s, dragging her beside
Dan Heng.

“I’m not going with them,” he said, to set things clear.

“At all?” Stelle asked.

“I’m hoping,” he flatly said.

“Maybe you have classes with them,” Stelle said.

That was true. His feelings about that were neutral, thinking that the chances were low. Plus, Silver
Wolf wasn’t that bad. Kafka, she was alright. Ren. Ren was okay. His guts were telling him that
Ren would annoy his entire existence if they share a class.

“Wait, isn’t that?” March paused. She pointed towards the end of the hallway. They stopped
walking.

The trio stood there, their back facing them.

“What the hell? How did they get up so fast?” Stelle asked, and she walked until Dan Heng
grabbed her wrist to turn her in the opposite direction—where they were. “Aw, Danny is feeling
shy?” Stelle teased, laughing.

Dan Heng sighed, dragging them back to the second floor without a word. He wasn’t feeling shy.
Why would he be?

----

The amounts of whining the two did were almost countless when they realized that there was a
small elevator hidden in a locker hallway. Dan Heng didn’t whine, but he felt uncomfortable when
the trio were on the same floor as them, just like that.

“Dan Heng, you’re literally going to see them in the assembly,” Stelle pointed out as he fast-
walked to the backdoor.

He knew that already. He knew what he was getting into since the beginning. It just felt weird. His
stomach was churning the whole time after he saw the three of them, so it was reasonable that he
wanted to take a breather first. Just this once. Not like he could escape them afterwards.

He pushed open the backdoor and scanned the garden that had empty flower beds. The air was
chilly, eliminating the humidity; it felt nice and he could breathe properly again.

“You okay Dan Heng?” March asked.

He nodded. “I’m fine.”

Dan Heng stretched his arms above his head and noticed the students going inside. When he
looked to the Astral’s side of the garden, he wondered if Asta and Sushang were still there. Maybe
he should contact them.

“I know we just got out but we should go to the assembly,” Stelle said, pouting towards the
students who were going inside.

“Mm. We should.”

----

When they arrived inside the gym, the bleachers were already down and there were already a lot of
students. They made their way to the top of the bleachers with Stelle pointing out the whispers
about him and joking about how popular he was. Meanwhile, March tried to spot the trio.

“Why is it so suddenly hot here?” Stelle whined as she sat down in between March and Dan
Heng.

They stayed quiet, allowing the loud chatter to fill in the silence for them. Dan Heng stared at the
gym doors, watching more and more students arrive and fill the other side of the bleachers.

After a while, he spotted Silver Wolf looking around with Kafka beside her and Ren behind. She
looked around and he watched her with his stupid heart, refusing to calm down. When Silver Wolf
paused in his direction, he naturally nudged Stelle beside him.

Then Silver Wolf kicked Kafka, pointing in his direction. That gathered Ren’s attention too, so
they all looked where her index pointed. Kafka leaned in before Silver Wolf pushed her and they
walked, two heads occasionally turning in their direction, probably trying to check if they were
seeing things.

Dan Heng’s eyes followed them before he buried his head in Stelle’s hair, who laughed
hysterically with March. Good friends, they are.

“Your hair smells bad,” he whispered.

Stelle started shoving him away. “Look, the love of your life is here,” she said, way too loudly that
if no one was chatting, Ren could’ve heard that and Dan Heng would’ve killed her.

He sat up and met Ren’s eyes, who looked at him with an expression he couldn’t read.

“Dan Heng?” Kafka called. He flashed the best pretend smile he could. Was he regretting this? A
little.

“Hello,” March said. The three looked at her. “We’re his friends, Stelle and March.”

Kafka started talking to them as Silver Wolf approached him. She snapped her fingers and pointed
at him. “Good choice. Why did you move?”

He shrugged. “Felt like it,” he answered, looking at Ren, who didn’t seem a bit fazed.

Silver Wolf frowned, clearly expecting more than that. He got it, lacking a reason was lame, but
he’d be dead saying: Oh, because Ren dared me, because that wasn’t it at all.

“No extra fees, I assume?” Kafka asked. He turned to her, nodding.

They sat down, but not without Kafka pushing Ren to get in the middle, closer to Dan Heng. He
still didn’t know why she kept pushing them together, wondering if she was trying to get them to
fight or what.

“You did it,” Ren said, patting the chair to get rid of the debris Dan Heng couldn’t see.

“Did what?” he asked, aware of what he was talking about.

Ren scoffed and returned his attention to the front.

“Is your heart doki doki-ing?” Stelle asked, leaning.

Dan Heng shoved her face, his eyes fixated on the dark, long hair in front of him. Did he want to
run his hands through it? Yes, but only because he wanted to tug it to irritate Ren. He held that urge
for now, maybe in the future, that he didn’t look forward to.

----

Before the assembly started, his friends talked to Kafka for a bit. After the assembly ended, he
found out he had shared no classes with the trio in the morning.

“They should just give this for free,” Stelle said in the middle of chewing her food.

“Why didn’t you talk with Ren?” March asked, and Stelle nodded while making random gestures
with her hands.

He looked at them, puzzled. “We’re not close.”

“You seemed very close in the Cafe though,” Stelle said.

“That was your delusion,” he answered, scraping his spoon against the plate.

March nudged him. “Stop that.” She turned to him. “Now with the Cafe. Did he call you?”

He shook his head. “No,” he said, staring at his plate so they wouldn’t suspect him of lying.

“He did,” Stelle argued. “Oh, look, he’s here.”

“Dan Heng.”

He placed his spoon down carefully and looked up. “What?”

“What are your afternoon classes?”

Dan Heng swallowed nothing. His voice was serene, alright. “Chemistry and Photography.”

“Okay,” he said and Dan Heng swore that the gege goes unsaid merely because his friends were
there. He was glad. They would’ve teased him with it and their fantasies would’ve skyrocketed.
And he was glad? At the random chocolate bar that Ren slid into their table before leaving.

Stelle and March stared at him. Dan Heng stared at the chocolate.

“Not close my ass!” Stelle shouted, standing up and March hushed her when a few students turned
in their direction. She sat down slowly. “He knew you like chocolates.”

“He didn’t,” he defended himself, which was true, but, of course, they won’t believe that.
Stelle squinted her eyes, clearly not believing him. They get back to eating as Dan Heng rested his
head on his palms, eyes following Ren in the open hallway.

----

If there was anything great today, it was the fact that Dan Heng didn’t share a class with Ren for
chemistry. That saved him from the ‘Ooh you got Chemistry" jokes from Stelle.

Dan Heng sat in the furthest spot of the photography-slash-computer-room. A couple minutes
after, a student smiled at him and placed her bag on the chair beside him. Which he ignored, since
he couldn’t care less who he sits next to.

Then Ren showed up right after attendance and the teacher asked him to sign in, so he had to leave
again. When he came back, the student sitting beside Dan Heng excused herself to the bathroom.

“I didn’t expect you’d do it,” Ren said, purposely removing the bag on the chair beside Dan Heng.
“I thought it was excessive?”

“It is,” he said, clicking his mouse to open a browser.

“Then why are you here?”

Dan Heng glared at him. “If they told me I’d share a class with you, I wouldn’t have transferred.”

Ren laughed lightly. “I was just asking. I’m trying to be nice.”

“Too bad that doesn’t stop you from being annoying,” he said, getting pushed toward his left by
Ren’s shoes.

“I guess it’s a part of me, huh?”

“Bad part of you,” Dan Heng said, pulling his chair back to his desk.

“It’s fine. You like plenty of things about me.”

He perked an eyebrow. “What?”

“My voice,” Ren said.

Dan Heng snorted. “Yeah right.”

“I thought I looked sculpted?” He grinned. Dan Heng rolled his eyes to distract himself.

“Badly,” he said.

“You didn’t put that on the paper.” Ren typed on his keyboard.

“Maybe I expected you to find it and I didn’t want to burst your ego.”

Ren glanced at him. “Sure, you did gege.”

Dan Heng moved his chair closer to the desk to hide himself with the cardboard border. “Plenty of
things and you listed two that are not even true.”

“Alright grade twelves!” Savannah, the teacher, shouted. “Let’s talk about our summer one by one,
shall we?”

We shall not.

Dan Heng slowly descended below his desk to hide. Ren watched him.

“I could just point you out,” he said.

“You won’t.”

“Oh?”

If Dan Heng knew Ren took that as a challenge, he would’ve duct taped his mouth. In the end, he
had no choice but to talk, leaving out his encounters with Ren. Ren’s turn was after him and he
talked about his summer, leaving everything out but his experiences with Dan Heng.

----

“See you,” Dan Heng said to Kafka and Silver Wolf, waiting at the entrance for Stelle and March.
He turned to look at Ren. “Sadly, I’ll see you.”

“You’ll be delighted.” Ren winked at him, shifting to stand behind Silver Wolf.

Stelle and March arrived in no time, running. “We’re leaving,” Dan Heng said, and they nodded.

On Saturday, Dan Heng messaged Sushang just to give their contact information exchange a
purpose. He told her that he was at the Express, as if she didn’t know already. Then he asked about
Asta, which she replied with: You guys left me and he almost felt bad until she informed him that
she started hanging with Jing Yuan and Luocha—who was the friend that had Ren as a classmate.
He asked if there was any chance that they’d meet, Sushang said, at some point, but not soon due to
her busy schedule of running for student council and organizing clubs.

The past four school days went well. With Stelle and March around major courses, Dan Heng was
a lot more relaxed during labs in chemistry, his biggest nightmare, since he didn’t like the teacher,
first impression. For math, they were his go-to teammates when having a solving competition,
which he found fun and they didn’t. As for arts, he was alone, which was a-okay, not a big deal. In
photography, Ren’s presence helped. At least he didn’t feel alone in a class full of loud students.

There was a collaboration scheduled between the History and the Photography class regarding
another school trip. Dan Heng didn’t have a problem with it until they said that the school trips are
all over the city, so they need to be paired up based on the places. Random pairings. He hated
nothing more than random group pairings, especially when his members didn’t exceed
his low expectations.

“Last paper all for you,” Savannah said and smiled brightly at him as she handed a paper from the
box in her hand. “Okay! Don’t open it yet!”

She made her way in front of the classroom, and the chatter stopped. “No exchange of papers or
else I will automatically give you a zero!” She scanned the classroom to look at them one by one.
“Alright open!”
Dan Heng opened the almost crumpled paper and—

“We’re together,” Ren said, and he jolted a bit, looking up in horror.

“Aeons. You’re scary.”

Ren grinned. “You’re just easily scared.”

“Go to your designated area!” Savannah commanded.

Everyone stood up, and Dan Heng followed Ren to the corner with five more students. They all
looked unfamiliar, since Dan Heng wasn’t fond of looking around, and he didn’t know their names
because they were irrelevant in his life. He only took in important informations, he supposed.

When Dan Heng looked at them, their eyes followed Ren and he rolled his eyes and when he
realized he did, he questioned himself about why he did that.

“Sit down, please!”

“Dan Heng,” Ren called. He patted the floor next to him, completely ignoring the excited student
planning to sit beside him. She looked at Dan Heng and he looked at her, and as if he told her to
scram, she left and sat on another spot.

A couple of minutes and loud talking later, Savannah stopped by their corner. She flickered her
eyes from Dan Heng to Ren and Ren to Dan Heng, not bothering to hide her astonishment.

“Wow, you guys are together?” She more pointed out than asked while she wrote their names on a
piece of paper. “This happened to me back in high school.”

“Being in a group with a friend?” a group member asked, and Savannah nodded.

“He was my friend. Now we’re together,” she answered, smiling.

Dan Heng looked at her, thinking if being a student teacher really came with the perk of being
oblivious and outspoken-ness.

A member gasped. “Oh! Really? That’s so cool.”

What’s so cool about that?

Savannah laughed. “Yep! We started dating just before graduation.”

She should really keep those words to herself.

Dan Heng swallowed heavily, kind of getting what she probably didn’t mean to imply. He tried
keeping a neutral face, and he did it flawlessly before Savannah moved on to the last group. At
least, he thought he did.

“So Ren,” someone called. There it was. Dan Heng stared at her as if it was his name. He’d been
waiting for someone to talk to Ren since most of them seemed interested. “Will you ever be
interested in dating?”

The question was not for him. It didn’t bother him. Well, maybe a little since he made a face. To
be fair, he’d been hearing the same question whenever Ren was around. The repetition was
annoying and getting old, so he didn’t know why he waited as if he looked forward to it.
“Not you,” Ren said casually. Dan Heng turned to him, his eyes wide open. Did he have to say
that? No. But it was funny that Dan Heng had to hold back a laugh to not be rude. The member
scoffed and rolled her eyes.

Look at that switch-up.

“Then anyone?” a different member asked.

“I’m only interested in one person.”

“Don’t be silly, Silvee. There’s only one person that he’s interested in.”

Kafka’s voice replayed inside Dan Heng’s head while he felt some looks piercing his head. He
didn’t wonder why they looked; he knew. All because of that stupid forum. He still liked Silver
Wolf, though. He didn’t hate her, just the people who couldn’t mind their business.

“Is that so?” “Who?” “Anyone we know?”

The questions came like rapid fire and Dan Heng leaned his head on the wall to stare at the
ceiling.

“None of your business,” Ren answered, voice stern.

The talking continued, and his ears muffled all of it. Good, he didn’t want to hear. He only sighed
and closed his eyes and waited until Savannah announced to go back to their spots and finish any
projects.

----

They focused on doing school works, Ren and Dan Heng. That was why he thought that sharing a
class with Ren wasn’t bad, since he actually focused. That bit was surprising, but he kept his
mouth shut.

Dan Heng walked towards the door, grabbing his phone from his pockets. “Glad I won’t see you
for two days.”

Ren grabbed his bag handle, putting weight and slowing him down. “Are you?”

“Hey,” he said, turning to look at Stelle and March, waiting. When he got out of the room, Ren
whispered, “Bye gege,” and ruffled his hair before walking past him.

As if his heart didn’t beat fast enough, Stelle shouted: What was that!? and he had to place a hand
on his chest, feeling each loud thump.

“Keep quiet,” he said, staring at the ghost of Ren’s presence.

Not much happened last week. Like any other school days, they had to deal with assignments and
projects and random assemblies the school would randomly announce. One of them was about
their careers and Dan Heng realized that, damn, he had no plans for that yet. He figured it was
okay when Stelle said she wasn’t too sure yet, but March was determined to get into photography.
There was another that sells rings and school merchandise, he supposed, and they were all
expensive. He didn’t get why some students willingly bought some. Even Kafka didn’t.

For the first few weeks, Dan Heng thought that his photography class was chill. It was loud, but it
was quiet during activities. Then it came rushing down to him like a waterfall that first impressions
didn’t always last when people started interviewing him and Ren in the middle of doing
assignments.

They asked questions like:

“Where are you from?”

“How did you become so close?”

“Where did you grow up?”

“Did you go to school together? That’s why you’re so close?”

Dan Heng answered all of them with either his face remaining still on the computer or saying plain
sentences that did not relate to the question. Ren answered with: none of your business every single
time it might as well become his graduation quote.

Sharing a class with Ren and being in the same school as Ren, he realized a couple of things.

First, he was wrong to judge Ren regarding the fact that he should reject more politely.

There were still plenty of people that liked Ren. So he received letters, which Dan Heng didn’t
know people still do, and gifts that were mostly wilted or fake flowers and chocolates. And no
matter how many times he says “no” they give them anyway, expecting a reaction other than a
poker face or a sigh.

Dan Heng almost felt sorry for him. Almost because the second thing he realized was the fact that
Ren probably used him as a human trashcan to throw the stuff he didn’t like—which would be all.
But he had no complaints. It was free food.

Third, the guys were either pleased with Ren’s presence or despised it. No in-between.

Dan Heng watched Ren across the cafeteria. Their admirers crowded their table and, although far,
they were all unfamiliar faces. But they were mostly girls, probably trying their hardest to receive a
single glance from either of the three.

“You might pierce him with that gaze, Danny,” Stelle said, turning around.

“He’s really popular,” March mumbled, picking her nail polish.

Kafka and Silver Wolf were popular as well, but not as much as Ren, since the majority that liked
him were girls and most of them hated his friends. Dan Heng thought it was pure jealousy, and
Stelle and March agreed.

“I guess you have a lot of competition, huh?” Stelle asked at the same time Ren glanced at their
table. She turned around. “Who am I kidding?”

Dan Heng averted his gaze, careful not to drown in the crimson eyes that he thought were unique.

----
“No drinks allowed,” Dan Heng said after Ren placed a small strawberry milk on his table. He
couldn’t help but wonder if it was another gift he received and didn’t want. Then he wondered
what he did to it last time. Give it to Kafka or Silver Wolf? Then he wondered what
the gifters would think if they saw Dan Heng consuming everything that was meant for Ren.

“Drink it after school.”

Ren sat beside him, as usual. It had been a fixed seating plan ever since the first day. They were
still free the move around though. Savannah couldn’t care less about where they sat. Unlike his
classmates, she stayed chill and well, a little oblivious and outspoken, but she was like the
freshener after being with middle-aged teachers.

“Hey, Dan Heng,” someone called, and that someone dragged her chair to his table. “Mind helping
me?” she asked, and he stared at her, trying to think about the name he should know by now. But
that didn’t matter.

Her timing was too bad, he thought before shaking his head and shouting: “She needs help!”

She panicked right after and returned to her computer while Savannah’s heels echoed in the room
filled with loud keyboard typing and smashing. Dan Heng didn’t know why he chose to be a
menace today, but oh well.

Dan Heng turned to look at Ren’s computer, watching as he open the files tab to click a file and
once it opens he stare and then delete it afterwards. He watched him do that three more times.

“You’re helpless,” he whispered. Ren looked at him.

“Are you going to call her for me, too?”

Dan Heng carried his chair beside Ren. “Give me the mouse,” he said and Ren did just that. “What
do you need?” he asked, moving the mouse around and pushing their cardboard border away for
space.

When he didn’t receive an answer, he glanced up at the worst timing since Ren was leaning closer,
so he panicked and leaned back, warmth filling him up.

“You smell good, gege.”

Dan Heng shoved his face and focused on the computer screen instead. “That’s not a proper
answer."

“I was just imitating what you said.”

Dan Heng narrowed his eyes. “What I said?”

“That night.”

Oh.

“What do you need?” he asked, ignoring the flood of memories again.

Ren grabbed the mouse from his hand and placed it on his side. “Nothing. I wanted to see what
you’ll do.”

“What?”
“Dan Heng, you better be done by the end of class.”

He turned around to Savannah, looking over his computer. He sighed and moved back.

“Sorry. I’ll finish.”

“You better.” She approached Ren. “As to you Ren, stop grabbing his attention.”

...

Still as outspoken as ever.

----

Dan Heng finished his assignment and Savannah watched him go out of the room, satisfied.

“You’re telling me you used to do this every day?” March asked.

“Not every day,” Dan Heng replied.

They sat on the outside stairs of the main entrance, doing nothing. Not much changed to the crowd
that remained as packed as before, and Ren still leaned on the same pillar with mp3 on hand, both
earphones plugged in his ears.

Kafka and Silver Wolf went to a convenience store, so for now, it was only the four of them.

“I got dragged by Kafka,” he added.

Stelle raised a brow. “And she did that when Ren transferred?”

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Then you started hanging out with them?” March asked, clicking the shutter button on the camera
she brought.

“Yeah. Technically.“

Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t exactly sure how he became friends with them. All he can
recall was a girl on her knees and Kafka dragging Ren away from that scene. That was the
beginning. Because right after, Kafka started dragging him as she tried forcing him into their group.
Which he thought was not it. She did it for Ren. To annoy Ren, which in return annoyed him too.

Dan Heng moved the strawberry milk from one hand to another. “Should we go home?”

“We can,” March shrugged, already gathering her bags.

He turned to Ren and removed an earphone from his ear. “We’re leaving.”

“Already?”

“Why gonna miss me?” Dan Heng scoffed, standing up.

“Are you going to stay if I say ‘yes’?”

“No,” he said and fixed his bag. “You can go with us to meet Kafka and Silver Wolf.”

“Nah,” Ren said and placed his earphone back in.

 “Suit yourself.” Dan Heng followed Stelle with March, who began walking already.

----

“You’re aware, right?” Stelle asked.

Dan Heng looked at her. “Aware of what?”

She sighed. “I guess not,” she said. “Well, never mind.”

He watched her walk with an eyebrow perked up. That got him curious, but he supposed he’ll let it
go.

Chapter End Notes

I'm actually contemplating again, I might change the title, remove all the days to delete
the concept since I don't think I'll be able to finish the story if I continue trying to fill
in the plot to reach 365 days.

[Actually yeah, I'm going to do what I said. Please understand my impulsivity gonna
go back to the former title since I can't think rn ಥ‿ಥ]
 Chapter 11

The past week had been weird for Dan Heng, but that was only because Stelle and March kept
mentioning how he'd been weird. Then he concluded that his week aligned with his action. But it
wasn't like he knew how he'd been weird and that only proved Stelle’s point when she said, "You’d
be the last to know if you’re acting weird."

It all started on Wednesday, the day after Stelle asked if he was aware. Aware of what? He hadn’t
asked since then. But they kept bringing up how he changed since the beginning of the semester,
then he wondered, I changed weirdly? Either way, he shrugged it off and dismissed their idea and
attended his class normally.

Today, when Stelle and March dragged him without explanation—when the lunch bell rang—
rather than being nervous, he was relieved knowing that they were most likely confronting him and
finally say what they have to say. He really wanted them to say it, since no matter how many times
he asked, they didn’t utter a word and kept commenting on his oddity. Which obviously did not
help.

They dragged Dan Heng all the way to the courtyard, by the fence, the furthest area possible. They
sat on the grass facing Dan Heng, who entered an uncalled staring contest with Stelle while March
calmly ate beside her, letting her control the situation.

He didn’t think that it would be this tense, though. So his hands fiddled on his lap as he sat
crisscrossed on the grass, waiting.

After what felt like an eternity, Stelle cleared her throat.

“Let’s be completely honest and serious. It’s just us. You and I and March,” she said.

He nodded, grabbing his water bottle to drink for his throat that had gone dry.

“Do you like Ren?”

The water inside his mouth found itself on Stelle, who leaned back with hands covering her face.
Dan Heng looked at her, mortified, before laughing.

“Sorry.”

March joined his laughter and Stelle wiped her face as he closed the water bottle.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, clearing his throat and trying to keep his lips in a straight line.

When Stelle finished wiping herself with her sleeves she raised an eyebrow and Dan Heng
remembered the question.
“Do you like Ren?”

“No!” He bit his lip and repeated, “no” in a hushed voice. “Is this what it’s all about?” he asked,
eyebrows furrowed.

Stelle placed a hand on his knees, her eyes full of sympathy? Dan Heng wasn’t too sure, but he
shifted uncomfortably, not prepared for what the hell she had to say this time.

“You’ve been acting weird.”

“That I am aware.” He nodded, slowly. Not really.

“You’ve been staring at Ren a lot. You look for him in the hallways. You give death glares to his
admirers. You look damn annoyed at them, Dan Heng, and you’re not going to tell me I’m seeing
things,” she said, her hand reaching for where his heart would be, but he stopped her.

“That’s exactly what I’m going to tell you, Stelle,” he paused and turned to March, “And March.
You guys are seeing things.”

“You know what you’re feeling. You’re just not aware that you’ve been showing it,” Stelle
insisted, retrieving her hands, eyes frozen on Dan Heng, and he felt himself heat up at the thought
of liking Ren.

“And you didn’t say ‘no I don’t like him’,” Stelle pointed her index finger up.

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Well, I didn’t expect that question.”

Dan Heng breathes shakily, his heart thumping loudly. “I don’t hate him,” he said, averting his
eyes. He heard them cackling and aeons, this will stick on his head now.

When he looked up, they stare at him with a glint on their eyes. “What?”

“You know what we mean,” March said, smiling cheekily.

Dan Heng rolled his eyes. “I’ll think about it,” he said, whether to dismiss the idea or really take it
into consideration, he didn’t care, he needed his heart to calm down.

Not to his surprise, they raised their eyebrows up and down, clearly teasing him about it. He
sighed.

“Leave me alone.”

They laughed, and he looked down, wishing to go back in time.

----

Stelle should keep everything she had to say about Ren to herself. Or at least, let it out to someone
else, like March. Which she probably did but Dan Heng, he head banged himself on his desk,
wishing for the question to go away.

Maybe it was a placebo effect. He didn’t know. But—

“Ahhh,” he whined, hitting his head a couple more times.

He sat up when he heard the chair beside him and stared at his computer, waiting for Savannah to
instruct them. He sighed and mentally jumped under this spiral of questions and moments to verify.
There were plenty of reasons to like Ren, he supposed. That was why he got a lot of admirers, but
still. He sighed again, loudly this time. The question was parasitizing his mind, and that was only
because Stelle brought it up.

She brought it up and now he thought that the unnerving feeling with Ren was because he liked
him.

That’s impossible. It’s impossibl—

“Dan Heng,” Ren called.

He glanced up, eyebrows furrowed from irritation. “What?”

No way.

Why would he like Ren? Sure he was attractive, his personality is so-so and he—

He isn’t my type.

“Dan Heng?”

“What?” he repeated.

“You can stare all you want later. We need to go out.” Ren grinned.

He scoffed and stood up. “I’d rather poke my eyes with thousands of needles.”

Ren followed him when he started walking. “Rude.”

----

The leaves crunched on their steps, the air was chilly and smelled like decomposing plants. Winter
was near. Aeons, winter was near. Dan Heng felt like he was going to thrive. If only no question
clung to his head.

Dan Heng lifted his camera in the air and pointed it towards the maple tree, where Ren was taking
pictures.

Ren grew even taller after that cafe day. Unfair. Very unfair, but at least he was a little taller than
Kafka.

Then he remembered how Stelle said that they had the perfect height difference. She talked about
the details, which would ultimately lead to the forehead kiss she went crazy about. Or they went
crazy about, excluding Dan Heng who looked at them in digust, to masked the bubbling pot of
uneasiness within him.

He knew that was gonna linger. And wow, he was right. Since there he was in the middle of the
park, watching Ren through his camera, thinking about it. His long hair flowed smoothly in the air.
Dan Heng thought the fade of red fitted him and how he wanted to touch it and see if it feels soft
since it looke—

Dan Heng swiftly turned his body when Ren looked in his direction. His blood rushing to his ears
as he lets go of the breath he unintentionally held. He cleared his throat, pulling his collar to let the
air remove the uncomfortable warmth that embraced his body.

“Dan Heng,” a girl called. He placed the camera down and looked at her. “Can we take a
picture?”

Dan Heng stared, confused. He swayed to the side and jumped a little when he saw Ren beside
him. When did he get here? He opened his mouth, not sure if he should say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. It was
just a picture, so what’s the big de—

“He doesn’t like pictures,” Ren spoke. “Sorry.”

“Ah. Is that so?” the girl mumbled and said sorry before making her way to her friends.

He placed his camera up again to take pic—

“What’s the matter?” Ren asked, pushing the camera down. Dan Heng looked at him and thought,
damn he really is handsome. But he kept his composure and perked an eyebrow as if asking,
“What?”

They locked eyes for a split second before Dan Heng walked away, slowly. He carried his camera
again, to take pictures of anything. He needed a distraction. He needed Ren to go away.

“Dan Heng,” Ren said. His voice was loud, so he assumed he was close and that was more reason
to keep taking pictures. Ren sighed, pushing the camera down again. This time, he kept his hands
there. “You’re seriously ignoring me?”

Dan Heng sighed. “You like talking to me this bad?” Say yes?

“Let’s be serious,” Ren said. Okay, I guess not.

“About what?”

“You’re acting weird.” You're totally the first to tell me that.

“I’m just out of it today,” he said, excusing himself.

“Today? You being quiet started last week.”

“Am I not quiet?” he asked, monotone.

Ren huffed out a sigh. “That’s not the point.”

“Hey, guys!!” someone shouted, and they turned to the voice. “Savannah said we’re going back!”

Dan Heng tilted his head. “Let’s go.”

“Gege,” Ren called, frustrated. He let his heart skipped a beat, not like he could do anything.

----

When they returned inside the room, the bell rang right away and Dan Heng thought about how the
timeline kept playing on his will. He grinned under his breath knowing that Ren wouldn't get the
chance to demand him to say anything.

“Dan Heng,” Ren called.

Dan Heng stopped in his tracks, a step away outside the door, and turned around.

“Did I do something?” he asked, voice sounding too gentle for Dan Heng to miss.
He shook his head. “You didn’t,” he said and stepped outside to see March and Stelle sitting on the
side.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

Stelle laughed awkwardly, standing up. “Nothing.”

They were trying to eavesdrop, he knew, but he sighed and said, “Let’s go.”

It would be safe to say that Dan Heng spent all days leading today, thinking if he really liked Ren,
because aeons, he felt like he was going to die every night when his heart keeps beating quickly the
second he thought about Ren. There was even one night when he dragged himself to his laptop,
almost searching: Symptoms of liking a person, to see if he was normal but he didn’t do it and
closed the laptop before curling into a ball to sleep.

Ren, too, dropped it. Dan Heng was really, really glad that he did. He might’ve died on the spot
since Ren, when he talked to him, always had the urge to lean, grinning like he was mocking him.

“Dan Heng?”

Dan Heng blinked and remembered that he was in the middle of a meeting. He turned to the leader
and mouthed a sorry.

“So, thirty different areas. Two groups of two and one group of three,” Alicia, the team leader,
spoke. “I would rather assign randomly but—” she pointed towards Dan Heng and Ren, “—You
two are going together.”

Well, shit. He didn’t like random pairings, but he’d rather be with the dumbest person than be with
Ren for seven hours.

“Isn’t that unfair? Then we get to be around the people we’re not close with?”

Alicia shook her head. “I’m not changing my mind.”

“But they’re friends!”

“That’s not the reason I’m putting them together. You know damn well that if they were to be in a
group with you, you would be clinging to them like a leech. We’re here for the projects. This isn’t
Tinder,” she said, handing seven papers to Ren. “You’re free to go. Those are outside and first-
floor areas.”

She dismissed the meeting for them and the member that was arguing had her mouth shut.

----

Dan Heng followed Ren outside, where the sun struck harshly, yet the air was chilly. He placed a
hand above his forehead to lessen the squinting he was doing. Ren paused and turned around.

“Are you practising social distancing?”

“What?”

He stopped beside Ren, about to complain about the sudden halt and the pesky sun—

“I thought you’d want to be with me.”

No.

Dan Heng walked, muttering, “What are you saying?” but Ren held his wrist. “Let me go.” or I
might die right now, goes unsaid, and he gulped it away before turning around.

“Gege. Did I do something wrong?”

“Stop calling me that,” he said, trying to breathe normally. “You didn’t. I told you.”

Ren reached for his hair, but he grasped his hands and placed it down. “You’re easy to read. I told
you that.”

“Then what do I look like?”

“Like you’re thinking about something,” he said. “Regarding me.”

“Regarding you?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. Oh, aeons.

“Regarding me.”

Dan Heng looked towards the highway. “It’s not about you.”

“Look at me and say that.”

He glanced up at him. “You know we’re wasting time.”

“We have seven hours. Say it.”

“It’s not about you,” he said and he swore he felt a sweat dropping down his neck.

Ren hummed, satisfied. “Alright. Let’s go,” he said, dragging Dan Heng behind him. He sighed.

Even though the group leader asked beforehand that in order to remain efficient, “everyone must
not glue to their group members when taking pictures,” they still walked side by side, taking
pictures of different starskiffs.

They’ve been quiet ever since a staff finished explaining the story behind the vehicles. And Dan
Heng would move away from Ren, but the guy followed him as if someone shackled them
together.

It was a relief that Ren didn’t force the topic any further. He really doubt he believed it though, but
it would do for now.

He scratched his head, a little frustrated at the pictures he took. It was blurry. Probably because his
hands trembled for no reason. He placed the camera down and looked around, wishing the day was
over.
In the end, everyone gathered in the school buses separated from the history class students. By the
end, Dan Heng might as well give all credit to Ren for taking better pictures.

Earlier, in the middle of wandering the Museum’s basement, their last location, Dan Heng
collapsed for a minute. Ren was there, which was fortunate and unfortunate. Since it felt awkward
when Ren assisted him. At least he felt awkward when he woke up while Ren was carrying him.

“Are you feeling better?” Ren asked, grabbing the water bottle away from Dan Heng’s hand.

“Yeah,” he said, his head getting pushed down. “What are you doing?”

“Laying your head on my shoulder.”

“Well, yes—”

“I did it once already.”

Dan Heng got the point, but he would rather have it fly off his head.

“I’m okay.”

“Dan Heng. You know I didn’t buy your lies,” he said. “At least let me do this.”

“Hey guys, good job,” Alicia said as she passed by, and Dan Heng flashed a weak smile.

“Just pull the curtains.”

“Aeons, Dan Heng. Let me fucking take care of you,” Ren said, and Dan Heng froze.

It was the first time he heard him curse and out loud. Then comes whispers. Dan Heng sighed.

“I’m really fine.”

Ren glared at him and he averted his eyes like he was getting scolded. “Stop being stubborn.”

He said nothing when Ren lowered his head to his shoulders. He pulled the curtains in. “I don’t
know why you’re acting like this.”

“How would I know,” he whispered, completely aware of why he was acting suspicious.

“Just tell me if anything’s bothering you,” he said. “We’re friends.”

“Wow,” he sang, sarcastically.

“I’m being serious.”

Dan Heng chuckled. “I know.”

He swallowed nervously, knowing that Ren sounded genuinely annoyed.

When they got out of the bus, Ren carried his bag and returned it when they arrived at the main
entrance of the Express, where the four were waiting for them.

“Was it fun?” March asked, running towards Dan Heng and giving him a light hug. Stelle followed
behind her.

It wouldn’t be a good idea to tell them what happened, so he nodded and left the school without a
word for the trio.

Dan Heng slept early last night, which surprised him, honestly. It was the first night in weeks that
he didn’t need melancholic music playing in the background. He woke up early too and when the
clock struck 3 PM, he started an online watch party with Stelle and March. It would’ve been better
if in person, but Stelle’s parents didn’t allow her and March was out of the city, staying somewhere
else.

Dan Heng

Stop pausing the video Stelle

March

STELLE

Stelle

HAHAHA

Dan Heng

Stelle act normal

Stelle

I am very normal tyvm

He sat on his bed, leaning on the headboard, watching the movie alternate between paused and
unpaused and feeling his phone vibrate.

“Oh, hello!”

When the movie finally started continuously, he lowered the volume and leaned to his right,
hoping to hear more outside.

“Ah really?”

Do we have guests?
He paused the video and opened his phone.

March

STOP PAUSING

Stelle

That wasn’t me

Dan Heng

Wait I think we have guests

“No no, come in!”

Dan Heng

I think I need to go out

Stelle

Suckers so are we going to postpone this

He pressed the spacebar to unpause the video. Then he just stared at his door, listening for
footsteps poorly.

March

Who is it?

Dan Heng

I’m still on my bed.

Stelle

Just act like you’re sleeping

Works every time

That sounded like a smart plan, so he closed the curtains, set the laptop aside and pulled the
blanket to cover his entire body.
Dan Heng

They would always say if we have guests though

Then there was a knock on the door.

Dan Heng

Someone’s knocking

Stelle

It’s actually me come out

“Dan Heng?” His mother called. He placed his phone under his pillow and half-closed his eyes.
“I’m coming in.” Then he fully closed his eyes and a faint light touched his face. “Oh honey, your
friend is here,” she said, as if she saw through his pretend sleep.

Friend?

“Dan Heng.”

What.

He opened his eyes, sat up, and alternated his eyes between the tall silhouette and his mother, not
even bothering to continue his acting.

What the fuck. What the fuck? What is he doing here.

“Dan Heng, keep him company for a while, alright?” his mother said and left and his mouth hung
open.

“Ren?” he called, pulling the curtains away from the window to get a better view. And there he
was. Ren wore a plain black t-shirt paired with black pants and he was holding a plastic bag. Dan
Heng thought about how he looked like he was attending a funeral, but that was hypocritical
considering that he was wearing the black hoodie.

Plus, that wasn’t the point.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Can’t I come?”

Dan Heng’s brows furrowed. He wasn’t mad, just confused and shocked and flustered because
what the hell.

“That’s not what—sit down,” he said and pinched his nose bridge.
This can’t be happening right now.

“I’m not staying.”

“Why are you inside, then?”

Ren placed a plastic bag on his desk.

“Your mom insisted that I go in.”

Ah. Of course.

Dan Heng reached for his phone to check the messages from Stelle and March. Then he thought he
could just read those later, so he removed the blanket and got up.

“You need to stay for a while,” he said. Would he want that? Not really. But Ren leaving right
away would terribly confuse his mom. “Either here or out.”

Dan Heng approached Ren to check the contents of the plastic bag. He stared, stunned. There were
plenty of snacks inside, possibly Ren’s admirers’ gift, but that didn’t matter.

“You—did you go here just to bring this?” he asked, turning to face Ren.

“I did.”

He cleared his throat and walked to his closet. “Get out and wait for me.”

Fortunately, Ren didn’t argue and went outside his room. Dan Heng opened his phone.

Dan Heng

You can continue the movie

Ren’s here

Stelle

WHAT

He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly.

“Let’s go,” Dan Heng said and walked to the living room.

It was a big regret to bring Ren outside. However, it wasn’t like he had another choice. They would
need to go out eventually since his mom invited Ren in to feed him. Dan Heng knew that.

It was a regret for one reason. Ren was a familiar name, and that was all the Vice Principal’s fault.
His mom ended up asking: Oh, so this is Ren? As if he talked about him at all to them.
There was no need to explain the situation to Ren, but he did. He explained, even if he felt
extremely uneasy

Ren was sitting on a dining chair, eating the fried rice his mom cooked. Dan Heng was standing in
the kitchen. He excused himself by saying that he needed to clean up the nonexistent dishes.

His parents didn’t stay for long. In fact, they left right after serving the food, as they had to meet up
with friends. Dan Heng was originally supposed to come with them and he wished they never told
him that. Because he would prefer that situation rather than being alone with Ren. In one house.

Dan Heng turned quickly to get the glass cup he intentionally left when Ren stood up. He
approached him, well, the sink.

“I’ll wash that for you,” Dan Heng said.

“I’m capable.”

“I didn’t say you’re not.”

He bit his lip and left to sit in the dining chair this time.

“How are you feeling?” Ren asked.

Dan Heng glanced at him for a second before he placed his attention on the wall again. “I’m fine.”

“You can stay,” he added, almost sounding incomprehensible since he spoke too fast.

The faucet stopped running, and he turned and saw Ren making his way to the door.

“I have work.”

Ah.

Even if he didn’t, there was no reason for him to stay. At least Dan Heng thought so. It was
disappointing, but he rested his hips on the wall, waiting for Ren to finish lacing his shoes.

Ren stood up and turned to him. “Do you want me to stay?”

“Ah. Huh?” Dan Heng stepped back, and he knew it was a dead end, so now his back rested on the
wall, breathing slowly while his eyes stayed frozen on Ren, who cornered him with his arms. “No,
uh, you have work. You should go,” he said.

“If you want me to stay, I will.”

Is he crazy? Dan Heng didn’t know if this was his plan to get him to confess, but no, Ren
shouldn’t know. If he does, he might as well faint right now.

“I—”

“Hm?” Ren leaned closer, their face not that far from each other. “Breathe, gege.”

Dan Heng raised his hand and shoved Ren’s face to the side before ducking to leave. “No. Go.”

“Okay,” Ren said and Dan Heng finally breathed for the lack of protest. He turned around when
the sound of keys became faint and followed Ren with his eyes.

When he closed the door, he rushed to the sink and splashed himself with cold water. Just what his
body desperately needed.

Stelle

Dannnnyyy hellloooo

Dan Heng

Let’s continue

Stelle

Tf you mean let’s continue

You can’t say Ren’s there and not tell us anything

Gatekeeping much?(≖_≖ )

March

Why was he there?

Dan Heng

He just dropped off something

Stelle:

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
 Chapter 12

After that...interesting incident with Ren last last week, Dan Heng did not know how to act. Ren,
though, acted as if nothing happened, well nothing really happened, but something happened and it
did something unpleasant to Dan Heng’s heart. And he was certain that damn, he did like Ren. That
was embarrassing. Too embarrassing that he kept it to himself, but aeons, if Ren wasn’t blind, he’d
know and the only thing keeping Dan Heng sane was his daily gaslight saying: Ren doesn’t know.
He doesn’t. That’s right Dan Heng.

He hoped for it to pass. But Ren made that harder with his daily pestering whenever they had free
time in photography class and with Ren calling him pet names for no absolute reason. Dan Heng
guessed that Ren wanted a reaction, and he hadn’t given that. At least he thought he remained
composed throughout the week.

Dan Heng didn’t think it was possible for the first snow to fall in the middle of a school day.
Usually, he would wake up to the sound of the heater and snow piling up outside. Fall wasn’t that
cold. It was a little windy, a little chilly, but there was not a single downpour throughout. And there
was no heads-up snow for preparation, as if.

So he sat in the Photography room, head turned to the left—where the window was—watching the
snow fall like feathers into the ground he couldn’t see. He wondered if he could walk home in this
situation without proper clothing. No one wore appropriate clothing since it was unexpected. But
the jacket he wore might suffice.

The presentation regarding the photography project went well. It was perfect.

Alicia was a good leader able to put a leash on those who would lash out and constantly complain.
Their presentation was enough to put a smile on Savannah’s face.

Now, as for winter.

Dan Heng liked it a lot. It was his comfort season plus it was a sign of Christmas break—that
would only be applicable if winter started during the ber months. His past few years with the
seasonal break bored him. With the lack of friends outside school, he didn’t do anything fun aside
from the days when Stelle and March called whenever they had time. But that, too, was online.

It wasn’t too bad. It was just a little lonely.

Winter was a season of recollection. For him, at least. It was the season when his memories would
come rushing to remind him of all the experiences he had for the past years.

“Dan Heng,” Savannah called, trying to snap him out of his thoughts. She succeeded. He glanced
at her blankly, a little bitter that she broke him out of his daydreams.

“Yes?”
“Are you done with your project?”

“I am.”

Then she left without a word and moved on. Dan Heng followed her with his eyes and she stopped
by Ren to ask him the same question.

He averted his eyes to the time below the computer screen. 3:35 PM.

5 minutes left.

“Dan Heng.”

He glanced to his right.

“I’ll drive you home," he said. "And your friends."

He stared at him, thinking about it. If he were to argue, he wouldn’t win. Plus, he would rather
have Stelle and March inside a car, chilling than walk in the snow while it was windy out. It wasn’t
a bad idea.

“Alright,” he replied and looked away to turn the computer off.

Dan Heng thought he looked too much into it when Ren started leaving before him. Until Stelle
and March pointed it out and he knew that they were about to confront him again. They knew that
he knew, but they let it slide for a couple of days and Dan Heng continued with his week as if
nothing changed.

Then he grew worried that Ren knew something and was currently avoiding him. It should comfort
him, he said to himself, but a lone person was not enough to convince him that it was what he
wanted. Of course, he still hoped for his feelings to go away. It was too troublesome, and it was
putting their friendship in danger.

It sounded too dramatic, yes, but for once, he allowed himself and both his friends were supportive.
For a while…that is.

“You honestly need to get your shit together. It’s painful to watch you,” Stelle said, boredly resting
her head on her palms.

The day had arrived. Second confrontation day.

“Don’t watch me,” he said, making light of the situation by joking, but Stelle looked at him
unamused.

“You like him. Yes, you realized. But Dan Heng, you’re not doing anything.”
He sighed. That was true. What else was he supposed to do, though? Confess? Absolutely not on
his agenda and would never be. “I talk to him.”

“You barely,” she whispered.

Dan Heng placed his bag on his lap. “We share one class.”

“You can always talk at lunch,” Stelle argued.

“Stelle—”

The bell interrupted him, and they slide away from their chairs lazily.

“See you,” Stelle said, and March waved at him. Dan Heng brushed his hair and sighed, blending
into the hallways.

For the first time in weeks, when Ren arrived inside the Photography room, he called for Dan
Heng. And that scared him, because what was up with this timing? He didn’t want two
confrontations in one day.

“Hm?” Dan Heng hummed, eyes focused on using the lasso tool.

“Let’s talk.”

“We’re talking.”

Ren clicked his tongue. “You’re so annoying,” he said, pulling the bottom of Dan Heng’s chair so
they face each other.

“What?” he asked, eyes frozen on his computer.

“Give me your full attention.”

“Hold on.” He reached for the mouse with his dominant hand and pressed the save button.
“What?” he asked, facing Ren. He really wished he looked composed, since right now, his heart
really demanded escape.

“Tell me what’s going on.” I literally cannot.

"You tell me what’s going on.”

Ren furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“Nothing. You’ve been leaving before me. I guess I found it weird.”

“Dan Heng,” he said, laughing. Dan Heng couldn’t tell if that laugh was sarcastic or not. “If
anyone’s acting weird, it’s you.”

“No,” he spoke, quickly.

“You’re older than me, yet you’re acting so childish.”

Dan Heng raised an eyebrow. “We’re like months away.”

He shrugged. “My point stands,” he said, pulling Dan Heng closer. “Tell me gege.”

“No.”

“Dan Heng,” he whined, tilting his head and pouting. Dan Heng looked at him, as if saying,
“That’s not going to work”, and he really had to fight himself from looking down at Ren’s lips, but
his eyes flickered there anyway and he wanted to vanish when Ren grinned.

“Gege.”

“Shut up,” he said and the room door opened. “I will bite you. Remove your hands.”

“Gege,” Ren whispered, moving closer, and Dan Heng felt his heart stop. It didn’t, but he felt
suffocated, yet he stayed frozen, watching Ren tilt his head, clearly teasing him. “Gege.”

“Okay class!”

Dan Heng shoved his face away with two hands, but Ren grasped him, unbothered by Savannah’s
presence. “You’re the one acting childish. Let me go.”

Ren leaned in his ear. “Breathe, Dan Heng. You’re red as hell.”

“Fuck you,” Dan Heng replied and pushed him away to go back to his desk. Ren laughed lightly,
sounding too satisfied with Dan Heng’s suffering.

When the class ended, Dan Heng rushed out of the classroom, logging out of his computer five
minutes early.

Friday ended with Dan Heng smacking himself with a pillow for who knows how long, but his
mother looked at him, concerned when he got out for dinner, so she must've caught him. He smiled
at her awkwardly, not really knowing how to explain his behaviour. Not like he planned to explain
at all.

The two weekends he used to recall nothing but Ren. It was annoying. Too annoying, and it left
these tangled thorns in his stomach whenever he thought of Ren and he thought about him all day,
all night, daily.

He thought of how he wanted to hold his hair, how his eyes looked like a pool of blood yet he still
wanted to drown himself in it, how his smile lingered in his head, how badly he wanted to touch
his lips with his hand to feel, how he wanted to k—how he wanted to do anything and everything
and how he wanted to hear Ren call him stupid pet names.

It left him feverish in his bed. He didn’t tell Stelle and March about it. Aside from annoying, it was
too embarrassing.

The timeline was on his side since it happened the day before the weekends, but he still had no
escape from his fate. Well, he brought himself there. Now he had to deal with the consequences. If
Ren could act sane for once, then perhaps he’d be able to do the same, but he really thought that
they were both losing their mind as time pass by.
“Hi, gege,” was what Ren greeted him with and he wanted to sink on the floor then. Especially
when he remembered how he thought about Ren the entire weekends. It was too cringe, too
uncomfortable, and he took one look at Ren’s eyes and that left him extremely flustered.

Dan Heng didn’t reply to his oh so friendly greeting and opened his computer instead, focused on
the loading screen that was slower compared to other days. Ren was piercing him with his eyes the
entire time. And when the computer opened, if Ren’s eyes could really pierce something, his head
would’ve had a hole by now.

Still, he didn’t utter a word and Ren didn’t, too. Then Savannah entered the room and dimmed the
lights and had them follow her to the library.

He supposed he would be happy to have a random movie analysis during photography, if only Ren
didn’t shift close to him as if there were no other spaces. Dan Heng told him to move, but he didn’t
budge. So he moved instead, and Ren followed him like he was his tail. He ignored it, noticing the
growing clinginess he should hate but don’t.

Dan Heng didn’t know what they were watching until the end, and the movie was called five feet
apart and he could hear some of his classmates sniffing. When he turned to Ren, he was already
looking at him, and that left them staring until Dan Heng broke the eye contact first.

When Savannah turned the lights on, most of his class were wiping their tears and commenting on
the movie. He heard a couple of, “this is my third time watching it,” and some '“it’s not even that
sad,” and the rest was just crying. He wondered why Savannah had them watch such a movie until
she announced that she wanted a digital poster with the movie as inspiration.

“Dan Heng,” Ren called, his voice overly serious that Dan Heng kept staring at the transparent
library window.

“What?”

“You haven’t talked to me.”

“I am talking to you now,” he said and Savannah dimmed the lights again, the projector showing
how she was searching up YouTube.

“Dan Heng,” Ren repeated, shifting closer to him. Dan Heng moved back, and Ren shifted even
closer, and when he got what Ren was trying to do, it was too late and he found himself on a
wall. For the second time.

He tried not to panic too much, his eyes squinting to see if there were any of his classmates around,
and it just seemed rehearsed when they ended near the stairs, far away from the rest of the class.

Dan Heng breathed, shakily. That would suffice rather than him holding his breath.
“Ren. What are you doing?”

“Dunno,” he whispered, his voice gradually getting louder and Dan Heng really stopped breathing
when he felt a warm air on his neck. “Dan Heng.”

“Ren.” He placed a hand on his chest and pushed him, which was surprisingly successful. “You’re
acting too weird,” he said and breathe again.

“You’re acting weird.”

“You are.”

“No, you.”

“Whatever,” he said, dragging himself back to their spot using the faint light available, but Ren
stopped him. “Let go.”

“I feel sick,” he said.

Dan Heng turned around. “Do you really?” he asked, cupping Ren’s face before touching his
forehead. “You’re lying.”

Although he couldn’t see, he knew that Ren was grinning. “I am,” he hummed. “Were you
worried?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Ren, you’re talking too loud,” he whispered. “Let’s go back.”

“Okay,” he said. “Lead the way, baby.”

“Shut up.”

Ren chuckled and followed him back to their old spot without protest.

It was weird. What happened in the library was questionable, but Dan Heng kept his questions to
himself and let it go and focused on finishing the assignment he was supposed to finish on
weekends. Which he would’ve been successful with that if Ren didn’t haunt him. But he did, and it
was unfortunate.

“You’re really walking home?” Ren asked, not believing Dan Heng while looking outside where
the wind was obviously strong.

“It’s not that far.”

“I’m here.”

Dan Heng glanced at him. “Kay.”

“Kay?”

“I’m walking home.”

“Kafka and Silver Wolf can stay behind. I’ll drop the three of you off first,” Ren said, pushing his
chair below the desk.

He shook his head. “Stelle’s getting picked up. March is going with her.”

"Then why not go with them if you don’t want me?”

Dan Heng didn’t have an answer for that so he walked to the door, planning to leave without a
word, but Ren, before he even pushed the main entrance open, clutched the hood of his jacket and
dragged him towards the parking lot.

Stelle:

@Dan Heng are you seriously walking home

My mom’s on the way

March

I think I saw him with Ren

Dan Heng

You did

He dragged me

Careful on the way home

Stelle

He MANHANDLED you!?!?!?

Dan Heng had enough plans in his head to keep him occupied, but he didn’t expect that he would
end up at Kafka’s house again, watching five feet apart with the three of them on the couch. The
movie bored Silver Wolf enough that she used going to the bathroom as an excuse and she left ten
minutes ago. It crossed Dan Heng’s mind that perhaps the toilet ate her, cause wow, she was taking
so long. Though he knew that she just used that to escape.

Soon after, Kafka left the two of them alone in the living room. No lights aside from the TV.

Although the rewatch was for him to take inspiration and understand the movie more, he couldn’t
really focus with Ren beside him, breathing quietly, yet that was all he could hear and he just
wanted to go home.
They didn’t talk even when the movie credits rolled and throughout the movie, Dan Heng fought
for his life to not close his eyes because no way he was going to sleep on Ren’s shoulder again. He
was pleased that he succeeded. Not so pleased with the living room lacking two presence.

Dan Heng grabbed a pillow, rested his chin on it, and closed his eyes. He wanted to ask what time
they were planning on going home and wondered why his parents hadn’t called yet. They
would’ve checked up on him by now. Unless Kafka contacted them just like last time.

“Dan Heng.”

“Mm?”

“Where the hell are you?”

Dan Heng opened his eyes and sees Ren holding a phone by his ears.

“Get down. We’re leaving.” Ren stood up. “What?” He turned the lights on and Dan Heng
groaned before burying his head in the pillow. “Fine.”

“Dan Heng, let’s go.”

“Kay,” he said, forcing himself up. This wasn’t worth it, since no information entered his mind.
Maybe he’d just wing it, then. He staggered his way through the door, eyes a little blurry, and
feeling a little hazy. “Ren,” he whined when Ren started carrying him.

“Are you sick?”

He shook his head. “No,” he said, and a cold hand touched his forehead.

“You’re hot.”

“Thanks. I know.” He grinned wider when Ren scoffed. Then he heard the door open, and he
shivered. Huh, maybe he was sick or else he would’ve been throwing a tantrum like action with
Ren carrying him around. “Put me down.”

Ren didn’t answer and he just found himself in the passenger seat with a seat belt he didn’t put on.
A cloth covered his face, and he grabbed it. “What’s this?”

“Blanket. Do you want to go in the back?” Where did you get a blanket from?

“Why would I go in the back?”

Ren turned the engine on. “To lie down. What else?”

“It’s fine,” he dismissed the idea and covered himself with the blanket, feeling his head ache with
every move. “We have no school tomorrow, right?”

“No.”

“Kay.”

“Should I buy medicines?”

“No,” he paused. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Fine. Just rest.”

“Mm.”

Dan Heng was half-asleep when he heard his mother’s voice. He heard the faucet running and then
off, then Ren’s voice, so he wondered why Ren was still at their place since he was certain that he
was on his bed already. His mom said thank you to someone and someone brushed his hair up
before placing a warm towel.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“Guess.”

He sighed. “Why are you still here?”

“Why do you think?”

“Go home.”

“Go to sleep.”

“Ren,” he whined. “Go home.”

“Once you’re asleep. So sleep.”

Dan Heng groaned lightly in frustration and focused on his breathing rather than his heart. He
heard his mother come in again and talk to Ren. He didn't understand what they were talking
about, but his mother sounded pleased with having Ren around. He figured that was good and
concentrated on falling asleep so Ren could go.

Before he drifted off to sleep, he felt the towel getting removed from his head and something soft
touched his skin. He’d think it was Ren, but that was impossible. Then, before his door shut, and
the lights turned off, a warm towel kissed his skin.
 Chapter 13
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

It was fortunate that when Dan Heng got sick; it didn’t last an eternity like last year. He still didn’t
know what caused him to be ill, that he might as well blame Ren for it since he felt feverish a week
before that happened. Once again, the timeline was on his side, with Friday being a no-school day.
He thought the school was being nice to them, considering that Christmas Break was near and it
would be a day before Friday.

On Monday, he said a small gratitude of “thanks” to Ren. He definitely acted more mature that
night, he supposed, and that was better for him. Ren asked how he was doing. It was too caring that
Dan Heng hated it, but he said he was fine and well and he wanted to ask if a forehead kiss
happened that night, but he didn’t. He figured it would be better to keep his questions to himself.

Stelle brought up him and Ren, again, that he thought he was going to experience another
confrontation, but he didn’t and she merely asked if he had done anything at all. In which he
replied, “yes,” although he wasn’t sure himself. March didn’t seem to mind his business with Ren,
or she did, but let Stelle handle it by herself. After all, Stelle was more direct.

Christmas break arrived sooner than expected and the diplomas were soon. Dan Heng was just
glad that he successfully made a stupid poster for the movie before the deadline. He didn’t know if
it was satisfactory since he didn’t think so, but his only goal was to get rid of it, for the sake of his
other courses that lacked his attention.

Dan Heng sat with Stelle and March in the Cafeteria. The two talked about how the year has been
for them while making comparisons to their previous schools. Unknowingly, he smiled, to see the
two not on edge because of him. Well then, that would be a good thing knowing that he’d spend
most of his time with them, unless they were to go on vacations.

“We should spend the break together,” March suggested with her mouth full of rice.

“We definitely should,” Stelle said.

Dan Heng nodded slightly to agree, eyes focused on the friend he probably favoured more than
anyone else. Maybe just a little more than March and Stelle.

Nothing much happened in his photography class. In fact, it was free time unless they haven’t
finished an assignment. Dan Heng did nothing but scroll through the forum for fun. It was there, so
why not? He scrolled throughout the class that he managed to find the post with him and Ren.
Then he concluded that he found it, merely because it was a hot topic. Top post in the past. He
didn’t know if he should be delighted with that.

It was weird when he stared for a moment, thinking how his past self would say, “You’re crazy,” if
he told him that he liked Ren. Then Ren said something he didn’t hear and realized that he’d been
watching the entire time. He didn’t continue after that since he thought it was weird to travel the
memory lane with the other person beside him.

“Come over to my house,” Kafka said.

They all sat in the centre area, gathered for one last time before Christmas break officially begins.
Dan Heng turned to her to see if she was being serious and she seemed to be.

“I’m totally down,” Stelle said. Dan Heng glanced at her, an eyebrow perked at her confidence.
She might be down, but her parents might not be. Even if she use Dan Heng and March as a backup
to convince them.

Kafka transferred her attention to Dan Heng.

“Sure,” he said.

“Wait, today?” Stelle asked. Kafka nodded. Then she buried her face in her arms that rested on the
table, mumbling something he couldn’t make up. Until she raised her head and said, “I can’t go.”

And then March followed with, “I can’t go either.”

And then Dan Heng, even though he wasn’t against the idea, regretted saying sure right away. This
would be his third time with the trio.

Dan Heng sat on the floor, behind the projector facing the paused movie it projected.

Kafka’s room was big enough for the four of them. Her room shared the same wine-red wallpaper
as downstairs that it was possible that she asked for it. When Dan Heng saw the king-sized bed in
her room, he concluded that they really were rich. As if that wasn’t obvious enough by the design
choice in the living room.

“Why are you taking so long!?” Silver Wolf shouted from downstairs, probably itching to bring
Kafka back to her room so they can start the movie.

Her parents were out of the house again, which explained why she invited them over.

Dan Heng buried his head on his knees.

There was a blizzard earlier, just right before they left the school. Hence why it was really
necessary for Ren to drive Stelle and March home first since usually, they’d walk and commute.
They preferred to walk like Dan Heng, even if it was freezing outside. Perhaps why they get
along.

So now, despite the heater, it was cold inside Kafka’s room.

“Cold?” Ren asked, and he made a sound to say ‘yes’.

“Dan Heng.”

He raised his head and turned to Ren, who sat on Kafka’s bed. He couldn’t see him well with the
lights off.

“Come here.”

He got up without an argument, already foreseeing where it would lead if he protest and made his
way beside Ren.

“Not there,” Ren said.

“What?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Ren tapped the space between his legs. “Here.”

“Are you crazy?” Dan Heng asked, his voice shaking because of the low temperature.

“Not really.”

Silver Wolf entered the room and turned the lights on. Kafka was behind her, carrying a big plate.
He could only assume how many foods there were and think how messy it would be if that falls.

“Are we short for blankets?” Kafka asked, scanning her room.

“Nah, we’re fine,” Silver Wolf answered, not bothering to check, and sat on the circular white
loveseat.

“Hm? We’d be short of snacks if you two are staying there,” Kafka said, talking about Dan Heng
and Ren.

Dan Heng shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said, without Ren’s opinion about it.

“Suits yourself,” she said and turned the lights off.

Dan Heng thought they arrived at the perfect timing. Until Ren pushed him slightly to the front and
squished himself in the little space to get Dan Heng in between his legs.

“What are you doing?” Dan Heng whispered.

“What else?” he said. “Hand me the tip of the blanket.”

And he didn’t know why, but he did what he was told. He’d excuse it with how cold he felt right
now.

“Relax,” Ren whispered, his breath touching Dan Heng’s ears.

…How was he supposed to not be tense in this situation?

“Dan Heng.”
“This is weird.”

Ren sighed before he casually wrapped his arms around Dan Heng to pull him closer and below his
head. “Just relax,” he said, fixing the blankets to cover both of them.

It didn’t take long before Ren stopped moving, and the blanket covered them completely. His arms
were still around Dan Heng’s waist and he wanted to point it out, but he couldn’t bring himself. So
instead, he let himself sink into Ren’s touches.

Just this once.

“You okay?” Ren asked.

Not at all.

“Yeah,” he choked out, eyes focused on the movie to distract himself.

When the movie credits rolled, the light was on and Silver Wolf hugged two small pillows while
slumped down on the back of the loveseat. Kafka left the room not too long ago to wash all the
utensils she brought throughout the movie.

Dan Heng moved around, careful not to bump into anything. It was warm, yes, but he might die if
he stayed inside Ren’s grasp. After seconds of struggle, Ren squeezed him and he stopped.

“Stop moving,” Ren whispered. His voice vibrated on Dan Heng’s head. Literally. Since his chin
rested on Dan Heng’s hair.

This is too much.

His heart picked up the pace like he was running a marathon and he didn’t almost hate it. He really
hated it. But this was a circumstance that was bound to happen. Then again, his heart beating
abnormally happened daily, even if Ren wasn’t around. After all, his mind would remind him of
Ren’s existence, even if more relevant things occupied it.

He reached for his phone on the side and checked the time. It was 9:15 PM.

“Are we not leaving?” he asked and the sound coming from the speakers answered him. He
sighed.

Season of recollection.

He glanced down.

There were three times when it crossed his mind that he might be who Ren was interested in. First,
Kafka. Dan Heng couldn’t think of any other reason she would take her time and annoy Ren about
him. Second, the growing clinginess or the teasing. What it really was remained a mystery, but Ren
acted as if he knew about his feelings and was only pushing Dan Heng to the edge to say what he
has in mind. Third would be now. Would Ren just embrace anyone to keep them warm? Dan Heng
didn’t think so, but he somehow didn’t want the possibility.

Was he afraid of commitment? Maybe. But then dating a friend comes with a risk.
He sighed.

“Ren,” he whispered, careful to not wake the other person in the room. “Are you awake?”

“I am.”

“You can let go of me now,” he said, and his body shivered right after he said that.

“Should I?”

His phone buzzed in his hand. “My mom’s calling.”

Ren groaned softly and removed his arms. Dan Heng felt a little empty when he did that.

“Hello?” he answered as he made his way outside the room.

“When are you getting home?”

“Can I call you back?”

“Okay. Make it quick.”

Dan Heng turned to the side where Kafka stood, her hand on the railing.

“Are they staying over?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Silver Wolf, yes. Ren, no clue,” she answered and entered the room.

It made sense since Silver Wolf was fast asleep. He followed her back into the room.

Ren rested his head on the pillow, facing their direction.

“Are you staying?” Dan Heng asked.

“You want to go home?”

“My mom asked what time I’m going home.”

Ren sat up. “We can go now.” He turned to Kafka. “Let’s end it here. She’s the first to sleep
again.”

“Fine with me,” Kafka said as she placed Silver Wolf’s fallen blanket back on her body.

“Thanks, Kafka,” Dan Heng said, and she hummed.

“Let’s go,” Ren said. “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Kafka said.

“You hang out often?” Dan Heng asked, wrapping his hands around the honey-lemon tea Ren
bought for him.

“Throughout Christmas Break.”

“You don’t go on vacations?”

Ren’s shadow shook its head. “Our families don’t celebrate.”

Ah. Dan Heng nodded his head slowly. “That’s why you spend it together?”

“Yeah.”

Dan Heng smiled and removed his seatbelt on the last turn. Christmas wasn’t a celebratory event
in his family, too. Main reason he looked forward to being with Stelle and March.

“Thank you,” he said and got out of the car, leaving the tea in the cup holder. “Have the rest.”

“Dan Heng.”

“Hm?”

Dan Heng glanced up, hands fiddling with his gloves. Ren shook his head.

“Nothing. Go in then, I’ll leave.”

“Alright then, stay safe,” he said and closed the door.

After twisting the lock open, Dan Heng turned around and waved before going inside the house.

After spending days questioning when everyone was available, whose house they were going to
and how long it would take, they reached a schedule. Today was that schedule.

For the past few days, Dan Heng spent his time talking with Kafka and Silver Wolf. He sent the
same conversations to Stelle and March. Sure, it would have been better if he created a group chat
since that meant that he didn’t need to act like he was the string in a string telephone. But
somewhere within him did not want that, so he dealt with the consequence.

For now, he sat in the living room, eyes frozen to the fireplace while Stelle’s and March’s voices
go in and out of his ears as they talk to his parents in the kitchen. For now, he stayed glued to the
couch, waiting for a message.

The plan they ended up with was simple. Go to Kafka’s house.

Yeah, that was it. They didn’t really go into a deep discussion regarding the activities and the
purpose of going to Kafka’s house. All that mattered was them, altogether with a late-night curfew.
Dan Heng was fine with it, and so were March and Stelle. After all, it sounded more ideal than
locking himself up in his room, scrolling through his phone or reading a book. More ideal than last
year.

Dan Heng reached for his phone when it vibrated.

Ren ♡
I’m here.

He took a second look at the name and cursed them internally. It was either Stelle and March that
changed it.

“Ren’s here.” He stood up and didn’t wait for March and Stelle to finish as he made his way to the
door, where his shoes were located.

It didn’t take long before he heard them say goodbye and the laughter got gradually louder.

“You’re sitting in front?” Stelle asked, nudging him.

Dan Heng pushed her gently, enough for her to stumble and hit the door. March laughed, and he
looked at her unapologetically.

“What if we all sit in the back and treat him like a taxi driver?” March joked, busy tying the laces
of her boots.

“Good idea. Go along with it, Dan Heng,” Stelle said and opened the door. Which she immediately
regretted as she penguin-ran towards the black sedan parked outside.

March followed afterwards, and Dan Heng said goodbye to his parents before locking the door. He
walked carefully, stepping on where his friends had already stepped foot to avoid the snow.

Dan Heng closed the fence and opened the backseat door.

“I’m just kidding,” Stelle said, brushing her hands together for warmth. He scoffed and shut the
door, and went into the passenger seat.

It was warm when he got in and he sighed in relief.

“Ready?” Ren asked.

He nodded.

They arrived at Kafka’s house after fifteen minutes. Stelle’s first impression when she realized that
it was taking them a long time was: Damn, her house is far. Which she understood after they
arrived in an area that lacked houses. Stelle’s second impression, and March’s first after stepping
foot inside the house, was similar to his. They were just as mesmerized by the design choice, but
they were a lot more vocal about it.

Kafka simply laughed at them, probably aware that their place looked amazing.

When they arrived, Silver Wolf was already sitting on the couch, eyes fixated on the TV screen
that showed the ongoing Mario Kart.

“You’re so bad!” Stelle shouted beside Silver Wolf.

“You’re literally in the last place!” Silver Wolf kicked Stelle to the side when she intentionally
covered the screen.

March laughed, watching their pov on the TV. Dan Heng sat beside her on the floor, with Elio in
front of him, staring.

“I think it likes you,” March said, patting Elio’s head.

“I think it wants to kill me.” Dan Heng stood up after Elio jumped into his arms and made his way
slowly to the kitchen with Elio’s claws on his skin.

“Hey, Silvee! Don’t you have cookie cutters?” Kafka asked. Silver Wolf answered with a shout.

Dan Heng turned around and saw her side of the screen that showed seventh place. She groaned
and stomped her way to the kitchen.

“Who’s in the last place now!?” Stelle mocked, laughing harder.

“This is your fault, Kafka,” Silver Wolf said. She went around the kitchen counter to see what
Kafka was doing in the sink. “Cookie cutters for what?”

“Gingerbread houses!”

“Just use a knife. I’m not going home for cookie cutters.”

“It’s going to look bad.”

Dan Heng stopped walking when he was in front of Ren, who stood in the corner, watching.
Without saying a word, he handed Elio to Ren, who took it with no hesitation, but Elio clung to
Dan Heng by digging its claws into his sweater.

“Aeons,” he whispered, taking Elio back in his arms. It didn’t protest, but it started trying to go for
his hair. “Your cat hates me.”

Kafka laughed, and March entered the kitchen.

“Ooh, we’re making cookies?” she asked.

“He’s going to jump,” Ren said and reached for Elio. Dan Heng stood still as Ren tried to remove
its firm grasp on Dan Heng’s sweater.

After a few tries, Elio jumped down from Dan Heng’s shoulders and made its way to where Stelle
would be.

“This is not going to work,” Silver Wolf said, talking about the dough on the kitchen counter.

“Let’s just go for it.” Kafka grabbed a rolling pin.

“This is supposed to be for gingerbread houses?” March asked.

Silver Wolf nodded. “It’s not going to work,” she repeated.

Kafka hit her gently with the rolling pin. “Don’t jinx it.”

“I’m just saying.”

Dan Heng approached them. “How can I help?”

March handed him a big bowl with boxed, heavy cream and powdered sugar. “Whipped cream.
You have a mixer, Kafka?”

“It’s under that cabinet.” Kafka pointed downwards as she placed the dough properly on the
counter.

“Here,” March said, handing Dan Heng the mixer. He took it before moving back to the dining
table.

“Any plugs?” Dan Heng asked. He placed the wire on Ren’s hand when he offered it.

“I’ll assemble it,” Ren said. Dan Heng gave him the rest of the equipment while he removed the
things inside the bowl. He poured half of the heavy cream and waited until Ren placed the whisk
inside the bowl.

“I’ll hold it,” Ren said, and Dan Heng stepped back a little to give him space. He assisted by
occasionally putting more powdered sugar until it satisfied Silver Wolf.

“What’s goin—”

Stelle tripped and accidentally pushed Dan Heng to the left, where Ren stood. She glanced down at
Elio after she balanced herself and back up to Dan Heng, who hugged the bowl full of whipped
cream tightly.

“So sorry,” she apologized, laughing awkwardly. “Your cat is a hazard,” she said and went to
where the three were.

Dan Heng watched her with eyes wide open and a heart beating too fast. The bowl would’ve fallen
if Ren wasn’t there to hold him still. He placed the bowl back on the table, hands still trembling a
little.

“Dan Heng,” Ren called.

“Hm?” He turned to him and Ren reached for his hair, wiping something. “What is it?”

“Whipping cream.”

“Ah,” he mumbled, swallowing hard.

It took two hours before they turned the supposed gingerbread houses parts into disfigured cookies
with questionable shapes. Kafka only laughed when Silver Wolf brought up her point earlier. They
ate it anyway. It was still food, after all.

Stelle and March stood in front of the TV, dancing along with Just Dance.

“How are they not tired?” Silver Wolf yawned. “I’m going to your room,” she said and left.

“You can go too,” Kafka said to Dan Heng.

He nodded to let her know he heard her.

He wondered if the same situation would happen. Maybe not. It wasn’t that cold compared to last
time, but he still wanted to lie on a bed and cuddle with a blanket. The preparations and cleaning
and waiting took his energy away. It probably did the same to all of them, yet the two were having
the time of their lives, dancing.

He nodded again. “I’m going upstairs.” He didn’t wait for a reply and started making his way
upstairs, slowly, to avoid tripping.

When he entered the room, the lights were off; the curtains were down and he couldn’t see a single
thing.

“Who is it?”

“Dan Heng.”

“I’m just here to sleep.”

He turned the flashlight of his phone on. “Me too.” He made his way to the bed, eyes fixed on the
ground, just in case. He turned the flashlight off as he lay on the bed, pulling the blanket to cover
his body.

Dan Heng opened his eyes to a dim light and a moving picture he couldn’t make up. There were
two silhouettes sitting on the ground. He stretched and sat up, squinting his eyes.

“You’re awake,” Ren said. He turned around to see Ren with no blanket.

“Are you not cold?” he asked, grasping the only blanket on the bed with his hand. He pushed
himself backwards to sit beside Ren and pulled the blanket to cover them both.

“A little.”

“When did the movie start?” he asked, still a little out of himself.

“Not sure. It was playing when we went in.”

Silver Wolf must’ve started it then... I thought she was going to sleep.

“Move closer,” Ren whispered.

“I am close. Do you want us to combine into one?” He laughed to cope with the crazy idea.

“There are at least five feet between us.”

Dan Heng scoffed. “You’re overreacting,” he said and moved closer, not waiting for Ren to wrap
his arms around his waist again. He relaxed his head on the wall and closed his eyes as he breathe
slowly.

“You can go back to sleep.” Ren fixed the blanket that was falling off.

“Kafka, you have a patio?” Dan Heng asked.

Then there were a couple of voices that mixed.

“Oh, you’re awake.”

“You’re going out?”

“We do,” Kafka answered.

“I’m going out,” he said.

“I’ll go with you.”

It was crazy to Stelle and March that Dan Heng wanted to go outside. But it was only snowing
lightly. He didn’t see the big deal. He didn’t stop Ren from going with him. Not like he could,
anyway.

Dan Heng crouched near the patio, making doodles on the snow with his index finger. Ren stood
behind him, just watching.

He wanted to go out merely because he felt like it. But also because he didn’t think he’d survive
around Ren, but he followed him out, so that was a bummer.

“Do you like winter?” Dan Heng asked, attempting a small talk since it was getting too
suffocating.

“I don’t hate it.”

Dan Heng hummed and made a single stroke on the snow to make a slanted line. “I have a
question.”

When he heard no reply, he continued, “It’s about the past.”

“Go ahead.”

“You bothered me. A lot. Why?”

Ren crouched beside him, sighing. “I was jealous.”

Dan Heng paused midway from drawing a smiley face. “What?”

“I was jealous of you,” he said, eyes looking at the ground. “You were smart, well-behaved, and
you had Stelle and March.”

He started laughing. “You serious?”

“I am.” Ren looked at him, poker-faced.

“The teachers liked you. You had more friends than I did. I don’t get it.”

“My friends hated me. I hated them. The teachers liked me for my acting. It wasn’t me.”

Dan Heng smiled slightly. “You could’ve asked to be my friend.”

“It was too late for that when—” Dan Heng threw snow at Ren’s face. He laughed and stood up.

“I can’t believe that’s your reason,” he said, walking back to the door, but Ren tackled him down to
the ground. The cold embraced him, penetrating the cotton jacket he wore.

Dan Heng watched Ren on top of him. Ren watched Dan Heng. The snow fell on them gently and
when he moved slightly, it touched his skin and he jumped a little.

“It’s cold,” he said.

“No shit,” Ren replied and stood up, leaving Dan Heng behind when he walked his way towards
the door.

Dan Heng watched him with his heart beating loudly and lips forming a smile. He exhaled, the
cold air leaving traces, and followed Ren in.

“See you next time.” Dan Heng smiled, leaving half of the drink Ren brought him in the cup
holder.

“Dan Heng.”

“Hm?”

“Let’s hang out one more time. This break.”

He chuckled. “Just message me, drive safe,” he said, closed the door and went inside the house
right away in order for Ren to get home as soon as possible.

“Where are you heading out so late?” Dan Heng’s mom asked from the couch, watching her son
stuff himself with layers of jackets.

He turned to her. “I didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“I’m going somewhere with Ren. It will take maybe an hour?”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, yes. I forgot. He’s nice, isn’t he sweetie?”

He smiled and looked down. “You met him twice.”

“He seems nice.”

“He is,” he said. “He’s nice.”

“No!!” His parents shouted in unison at the basketball game they were watching on the TV.
Dan Heng pulled his coat’s zipper up and answered the call on his phone.

“Hey,” he said, biting back a smile.

“I’m here.”

“Yeah, just a sec. I’ll hang up now.”

He turned to the couch. “I’m leaving!”

“Okay!”

He hurriedly made his way outside, keys almost dropping as he twisted it in the keyhole. When he
was done with that, he carefully fast-walked to the passenger seat.

“Hey,” he greeted, putting the seatbelt on.

Ren handed him a cup. “Tea.”

“Thanks.”

Two days ago, Ren messaged Dan Heng asking if he was free this Thursday. Which he was.
Unlike the scheduling that happened last week with Kafka, they planned something together. Or
more so, Ren planned something for them. The plan was to go to the nearest uncrowded park.
Which was easy since not a lot would bother camping in this season or go out late at night during
winter.

The main reason for their plan was to see the designs. Every season, volunteers designed the parks
depending on the aesthetic of the season. Winter’s aesthetic wasn’t snowman and Santa Claus, nor
was it Christmas trees. It was lights. Fairy lights wrapped around dead trees, arch top borders
covered with lights, gazebo with lights. Just lights and colours and snow.

Dan Heng and Ren walked side by side on the cleaned sidewalk of the park. As expected, there
weren’t a lot of people around. In fact, it was only the two of them in his sight, unless there were
those who travelled to the areas that lacked designs.

Dan Heng held the tea with two hands. One on the bottom, one around the cup. If he didn’t support
it in the bottom, it would end up sliding because of his gloves.

They walked in silence, their steps in a pattern they didn’t plan as their breaths left traces. He
scanned the area in awe. The fairy lights on the trees were sky blue and white, which fitted the
vibes of winter. Further away, the colour transitioned to green, white, and red, which fitted the
vibes of Christmas.

It was Dan Heng’s first time being in a park, in winter and late at night. And to think that he missed
all of this was sad, but he smiled anyway. There was no point sobbing about the past. Since in the
present, he was there with Ren—the person he liked—he was with a friend and that was more than
enough.

They turned around to the echo of laughter and two kids were running around the park, throwing
snowballs at each other until their parents rushed in. The adults seemed to apologize to one another
before carrying their kids away.

He sipped the tea, smiling lightly. Tragic for the kids, huh? They were just having fun. He sighed,
imagining how wonderful it would be if they became childhood friends and not just strangers.

They step on the supposed grass, now stacked with snow and cold air touched Dan Heng’s face.
He gasped and looked to his right, where Ren was standing, fixing more snow into a circle before
throwing it again. This time, Dan Heng dodged it.

“This is unfair!” he shouted, talking about his incapability to fight back. He tried kicking the piled
snow to Ren, but that failed to even reach the guy. Ren threw another snowball, grinning.

Dan Heng ran and looked around. He ran faster when Ren’s footsteps became louder. Then he
spotted a table on the gazebo and he ducked, avoiding the fourth snowball. He placed the drink
clumsily on the table and turned around just for his face to get slapped by a bunch of small ice.

Ren laughed, piercing uncalled warmth in Dan Heng’s heart despite the cold season.

Dan Heng closed his eyes, wiping the snow out of his face while walking out of the gazebo. He
didn’t stop wiping his face even though there was nothing anymore, pretending as if some of it got
into his eyes.

Ren stopped laughing, and it almost throbbed Dan Heng hearing that he was approaching. When
the footsteps paused, Dan Heng bent down and gathered as much snow before throwing it at Ren’s
face and running away.

When he turned around, they locked eyes, and Ren was already about to throw another one at him.
Dan Heng ran again, fixing his gloves to protect his hands. After he finished doing that, he grabbed
enough snow, turned it into a circle and they threw it at each other at the same time.

And then another.

This time, Dan Heng didn’t run, and Ren took his time to form it into a perfect circle.

“Hey, Dan Heng.”

He shook his head, looking down to avoid the oncoming face freeze.

“I’m not throwing anything, I promise.”

He scoffed. “Yeah right.”

“I promise,” Ren said, laughing while he approached Dan Heng.

Dan Heng glanced up and threw the snowball, which almost hit Ren’s face. So that was a miss.
Ren threw one too, directly in his face.

“How are you so good at aiming?” Dan Heng whined, brushing his hair up.

“You just suck.”

“Wait, truce,” Dan Heng said, stepping back when Ren started walking towards him again.

“Quitter,” Ren teased. “This is my second win.”

“I’m serious.” Dan Heng laughed lightly, trying to catch his breath. He ran weakly when Ren
started running. It only took seconds before arms wrapped around his body and Ren pushed him
down.

He fell on the snow on his back and he huffed, looking at Ren, who was grinning on top of him.
Time seemed to freeze then, and Dan Heng took his time to stare at the crimson eyes in front of
him, not wanting to break the contact, but the view disappeared and he swallowed hard. Ren settled
beside him, as they stare at the empty night sky, breathing loudly to catch their breath.

“Ren,” he said. “Thank you.”

Ren pulled his hood on and looked to his left, where Dan Heng was. “For what?”

“This.”

Dan Heng sighed and closed his eyes.

“I didn’t think we could be like this,” Dan Heng said.

“Like what?”

“You and I together, not fighting.”

“We just had a snowball fight.”

Dan Heng clenched the snow in his hand and threw it to his right. “I thought I’d end up hating
you.”

“You just confessed that you don’t hate me.” Ren threw one back.

He scoffed. “I wouldn’t be here if I hated you.” He gathered his thoughts, inhaled deeply and
exhaled loudly before saying, “I’m happy that I’m here with you.”

If Ren said anything, his ears concealed the sound and only allowed his heart to ring on his ears.

“There’s none left,” Ren said, watching Dan Heng get out of his car.

He laughed. “I know. Drive safe, Ren.”

“Dan Heng,” he called. Dan Heng looked at him. “See you.”

He flashed a smile. “See you. Drive safe.”

It felt unusual that he went out with his parents during Christmas Break. They rarely go out. Not to
mention that they were inside one of the smaller malls in downtown, drinking coffee and eating
sweets inside the cafeteria that March’s mom recommended. Since if they were to go out, it would
probably be in a tourist spot.

They arrived at the mall earlier at 2 PM and planned to stay for an hour. Yet now, it was almost 4
PM, and it didn’t look like their parents plan to leave soon.

Before they left the house, Dan Heng tried to think about the statistics and the possibility of
bumping into Ren. Which was hard to do considering that he didn’t know what courses he had
since it was finals week and there were at least ten minutes left before the diploma’s time limit. In
the end, he left the house, paranoid just because he had a feeling that he was going to bump into
someone today.

Dan Heng brought his camera. March did too. Actually, he was the one that recommended
bringing a camera. After all, downtown during winter looked aesthetically pleasing in the eyes,
especially when the sun didn’t strike too brightly.

“Why don’t we go to a photo booth?” March suggested.

They sat at a separate table.

“Why?” Stelle asked.

“I want to print out photos.”

Dan Heng stopped looking through the pictures on his camera. “Is there one here?”

March pushed her phone to Dan Heng. It showed the navigator plus a map of the mall.

“Is it fine if we go somewhere?” Dan Heng asked, loud enough for the adults to hear.

“Where?” his mom asked.

“In a photo booth, second floor.”

Their parents looked at each other. “Don’t take too long.”

Stelle clenched one hand into a fist before moving it up and down and saying, “Yes!”

“Alrighty,” March hummed and started walking.

Stelle and Dan Heng gathered their drinks before the following March.

The photo booth was not on the second floor.

The map given by the free Wi-Fi was outdated and they didn’t check the actual navigator until they
gave up circling the second floor over and over again. They probably looked really suspicious on
the CCTVs.

It was on the first floor, near a small arcade.

Now they were inside an actual photo booth, which Dan Heng didn’t expect since he thought
March phrased it like that to describe the place that printed out pictures.
“These stickers suck,” Stelle said, clicking the shutter for the last time. The photos started printing
on the bottom left. “Can you get that? I’ll go help March.” She left through the curtains and he
stared, waiting for it to finish.

It only took a hot minute before all the pictures finished printing and he stretched around inside
before stepping out and bumping into someone.

The perfume gave it away, and he glanced up. “Ren?”

Ren glanced down at him and around. “What are you doing here?”

Then March and Stelle came running, laughing. “Oh, Ren!” March shouted. “Here,” she said,
handing Dan Heng’s camera back to him.

“When did you get this?” he asked, confused. That explained why March left the booth early.
“What are these?” He took the envelope from March.

“Pictures! I need to print out mine. Let’s go.”

Then March and Stelle ran again.

He could only guess that it was the pictures on his camera, but what? So his curiosity peaked, and
he opened the envelope and pulled the pictures from the cover.

...

“Oh?” Ren grabbed it from him. It was the photos they took at the amusement park.

Dan Heng sighed, looking in the direction where March and Stelle went. “Give me.”

“I want some,” he said, already looking through everything. “Look.” He showed the picture he
took, the one that was focused on Dan Heng. “I’m taking this.”

“For free? No way.” Dan Heng snatched the envelope back.

“I took this photo.”

“Your point?”

“I get to keep it.”

“You didn’t print it.”

Ren shrugged. “The machine did,” he said. “Why are you here?”

“Parents gathering, we got dragged.”

Ren grabbed the envelope again. “Mm. I’m taking these two.” He flipped through the two pictures.
One with just Dan Heng. Another with them.

“Fine.”

Then March and Stelle were back, huffing. “That was cardio,” Stelle said, her hands on the side of
her waist.

“What is this?” Dan Heng asked, accepting another envelope from March.
 She winked at him. “Better if you open it later.”

“Well, then—” Stelle grabbed her phone, “—what now?”

“We have to go,” he said to Ren, who busied himself by staring at the photos.

“Wait.” Ren placed his bag down and offered a small dragon plushie that looked familiar to what
he won at the amusement park. He stood up. “Take it. I have to go to work,” he said, ruffling Dan
Heng’s hair before leaving.

For a while, Dan Heng stood still, examining the plushie.

Is this from the arcade?

After absentmindedly staring at it, he remembered that Stelle and March were with him and when
he looked at them; they were already making faces. He shook his head, rolled his eyes, and started
walking as he listened to them ramble about it until they were with their parents again, where it
was necessary to keep their mouths shut.

Chapter End Notes

I'm almosr finished with all the chapters! /Almost/ I'm planning to finish before school
starts but don't think that's gonna happen! ಥ‿ಥ
 Chapter 14

Although finals week was right after the Christmas Break without any normal school days in
between, it still passed quicker than before. Probably because Dan Heng enjoyed the break
thoroughly compared to last year.

At first, he thought the weird scheduling only goes for Express, but when he asked Sushang, she
agreed and commented on how stupid it was. Plus, they were inconsiderate of those who celebrate
the New Year. Imagine studying during the weeks of supposed vacations.

Today was the first day of Semester Two, and not a single one of them looked forward to their new
beginnings. Dan Heng, Stelle and March started the day with them gathering the physical copies of
their schedules from the office, and unfortunately, Dan Heng did not share a single class with them.
So it left him hoping to have at least one of the three.

“Hers is the thickest,” March said, as she tries shoving Stelle’s coat inside. Dan Heng watched the
locker, already struggling to fit in two coats when he was still wearing his.

“Wai—”

“What are you guys doing?”

They turned around to the voice, and the trio were approaching them. And the coats, when Dan
Heng felt something brushed on his legs, were on the floor.

“Haha...” He met eyes with Stelle and sighed. “We’re struggling,” she answered Kafka.

Dan Heng bent down to gather the coats, gesturing March to step back. “I’ll do it.”

“Our saviour,” Stelle sang and March shook her head before greeting the three.

“This looks familiar,” Silver Wolf said from behind him. “Ah! Isn’t this the same design you won
at the amusement park?”

Dan Heng slammed the locker door and looked behind to see what she was talking about. “What
is?”

“The keychain.”

What key—oh.

He nodded. “Yeah, it is.”

It was a keychain attached to the plushie Ren gave last week and what was there to do but put it
into his bag? So there it was on one of the bag’s zippers, making glass-ish noises when it bobbed
up and down.

“Oh! Perfect!” March shouted.

They turned towards them. “Are you together?” Silver Wolf asked.

Stelle nodded, dragging March and putting her arms around Kafka. “Yep!”
“We’re together then, cool,” she said flatly, walking towards them. “Wait, what’s your schedule?”
she asked Dan Heng.

“English, History and Bio.”

“Ah, you share the exact same with him,” she said, pointing towards Ren before walking again.

…His hope of getting over Ren was a lost cause.

Dan Heng grabbed his phone from his pockets and checked the time, 7:45 AM. He swung his head
around to check if other students were making their way already. “Shall we go?” he asked,
approaching Ren. Ren threw an arm around Dan Heng’s shoulder saying,

"We're going." Without giving a single second for the four to say something.

“Missed me that much?” Dan Heng joked, removing all notifications from his phone.

“If I did?”

He smiled. “Feeling’s not mutual.”

Ren squeezed him closer. “Shame.”

Dan Heng glanced up, meeting a few eyes that were looking at them. “I can sense the popularity
here,” he pointed out, pushing Ren a little. “Get away from me.”

“Nah.”

Entering their history class was too weird, especially with multiple pairs of eyes trying to dig a hole
in their heads. The uneasiness was too much that he tried removing Ren’s arms, but he was too
strong to budge and only let go when they chose a table.

“You don’t have a fourth class?” Ren asked.

Dan Heng shook his head and placed his bag down. “Spare.”

“Hey,” someone called from behind. None of them turned around until a hand tapped Dan Heng on
the shoulder and he looked at her, confused. “You’re Dan Heng, right?”

He hesitated before answering, “Yes.”

“Cool!” She pulled out her phone and offered it to him. “Can I have your number?”

Dan Heng stared at her phone, processing the situation then thinking about ways he could reject
this person, but Ren saved him when he said, “You can’t.” And he thought it would end there, but
the student rolled her eyes at him.

“Not talking to you,” she said. “So, can I?”

“He doesn’t want to,” Ren protested.

The student glared at him, and Dan Heng shook his head. “No, sorry.”

“Eh? Why not?” she whined, and he cringed internally and honestly, the people that hit on him
back at Astral was so much better. Ren placed his hand on Dan Heng’s chair and pushed him back
towards their desk. Dan Heng looked straight ahead, letting Ren take control of the situation. He
didn’t know what to do anyway.

“He’s not interested,” he heard Ren say before pulling himself back to the desk.

Dan Heng stared at the wall, heat creeping up his neck. “Who was that?”

“No clue.” Ren shrugged at the same time the History teacher went in.

Stelle laughed, ignoring the attention given to her in the hallways.

“Someone was hitting on you,” she said. “And you just allowed Ren to handle it.”

“What was I supposed to do?” He frowned and pulled a chair out to sit in the centre area.

“Just funny.”

Dan Heng watched her sit down, questioning her sense of humour. March sat beside Stelle, smiling
awkwardly at those that met her eyes.

“Hey.” He turned to Kafka’s voice. “Mind if we join?”

“Why are you even asking when you’re sitting down already?” Silver Wolf asked.

“Move,” Ren said to Kafka.

“That desperate to sit beside him?” Kafka asked, moving away. “To think that you used to glare at
me whenever I bring him up,” she said. “What a big development, Ren.”

“You were pushing too hard,” Ren defended himself, pulling a chair towards Dan Heng.

“She wasn’t,” Silver Wolf said, and Ren glared at her. “I’m just saying. Don’t look at me like
that.”

Dan Heng alternated his eyes between the three of them, and Kafka wore a huge grin on her face
the entire time.

“You gotta be more thankful she initiated.”

“Okay, Mom,” Ren said, sarcastically. Silver Wolf threw a notebook toward him, almost hitting
Dan Heng, and it landed on the floor. “All that aiming at games for you to miss.”

“Whatever.” She glanced at Dan Heng. “I don’t know how you handle him.”

He looked at her, puzzled, feeling his body heat up. “You’ve been friends with him since grade
eight.”

Silver Wolf blinked once, as if not expecting that he knew already, before she shrugged and said,
“Poor guy looked lonely.”

“We approached you,” Kafka said, sitting beside Stelle.

Silver Wolf looked at her with her eyebrows furrowed. “I defended you for your betrayal," she
gasped, dramatically.

They talked a little more while Stelle played half of the lunch time before joining in on their
conversations. Kafka told a story about Ren, and how he brought up Dan Heng into their
conversation one day. Ren tried to stop her from talking by throwing Silver Wolf’s notebook,
which landed on the wet floor, and an assignment page almost tore away. Safe to say that Silver
Wolf glared at Ren like her life depended on the assignment sheet.

Dan Heng listened intently, curious why Ren told them about him, but they kept changing the
topic, never finishing one. However, he learned that Ren talked about him during lunch, going into
details about how he treated Dan Heng and why he treated him that way. Since Stelle and March
were there listening, Dan Heng could feel their eyes waiting for a reaction, but he kept his face
neutral despite the low and tense grumble he could feel on his stomach the entire time.

Five minutes before the bell, they stayed quiet, some eyes focused on their devices, some focused
on nothing.

“I heard we have a seating plan for Bio,” Ren said, stealing Dan Heng's attention away from the
students walking by.

“Good,” he said, flashing a "genuine" smile.

Ren clicked his tongue. “You’re more annoying than me.”

Dan Heng raised an eyebrow. “So, you are aware.”

Ren leaned towards him. “I listen good to you, gege.”

He leaned back; the uneasiness reaching all the way to his cheeks. “Shut up.”

“Sure thing, love,” he whispered to his ears and stood up when the bell rang.

Semester Two wasn’t that bad for Dan Heng, even if he was with Ren all the time except for the
hour and a half he had for himself. Because even if they sat beside each other in morning classes,
they remained equally focused on the lessons. Then again, their lessons lasted for thirty to forty
minutes since it was mostly learn by yourself and ask questions if you don't get it type of learning.

Another thing they shared was the same amount of boredom during the first few hours of their
morning.
Only because they had English and history consecutively and Dan Heng’s didn’t think that they
allowed two boring subjects to be next to each other. Especially with the knowledge of many
students not liking the two subjects.

However, Dan Heng hated biology more than anything. He despised it merely because the teacher
used popsicle sticks and he had to answer so many times that he started thinking his name had a
duplicate. And Ren was right, there was a seating plan that the teacher would lift by next week,
meaning he might as well die from a heart attack with Ren beside him and with the teacher
threatening them with popsicle sticks.

At lunch time, Dan Heng and Ren sat together and the four excused themselves, according to Ren.
When he texted Stelle and March about it, they didn’t respond and he thought that they really want
him to continue suffering. It was fine. Really fine. Until Ren’s admirers gathered at their table,
looking more pleased to see Kafka and Silver Wolf gone.

They asked Dan Heng questions about himself, sometimes about Ren, and he had to hold himself
back from cursing them out and telling them to get lost. He tried getting Ren’s attention by staring
at him, trying to pierce his head, but Ren focused, typing on his laptop, busying himself with
school work. Then he thought, aeons, there was no escape, until somebody mentioned Valentine’s
day and Ren glanced up from his laptop, looking at the student clinging on Dan Heng.

When they met eyes, Dan Heng stared at him as if saying, ‘tell them to go’ but Ren ignored the cry
for help and if Dan Heng could reach Ren under the table, he would’ve kicked him long ago.

“Do you have a date on Valentines?” the student asked, and she was too close to Dan Heng that he
had to shift onto the edge of the chair, but she wasn’t letting go, invading his privacy. He furrowed
his eyebrows at Ren, telepathically crying for help, but he guessed that he waited for an answer, so
he said,

“I do.”

“Aw, really?” she asked. He nodded, removing her hands from his arm. “Who?”

Dan Heng closed his eyes. “None of your business. Can you let go?” he said, forcefully removing
her, and she leaned away, frowning. Dan Heng turned to her, as if he was in the wrong, then to
Ren, when he closed his laptop loudly.

“Let’s go,” he said, tilting his head. Dan Heng stood up, still pissed that he let him sit through all
that, but he still followed. It was an escape, just what he seriously needed.

Ren brought them inside the library. The staff was gone, and it was only the two of them sitting on
the couch. Dan Heng sat cross-legged with a book in his hand. He tried setting his attention to the
stack of words in front of him, but Ren beside him and keyboard clicking made it hard to focus.
Even more difficult, since Ren’s hair was too close that he wanted to touch it, but he couldn’t bring
himself to.
Dan Heng placed the book down and grabbed his phone. Stelle and March hadn’t replied and there
were ten minutes left. He sighed and turned towards Ren, eyes following Ren’s fingers, how it
clicked on the keys, how quick he did it, then he noticed the veins on his hand, how badly he
wanted to reach for it. He breathed, and wondered why he had a gauze before, thinking if he had
bruises on his palm, asking himself if it’d be possible to look and if there were bruises, he thought
how it’d be great to ki—

Dan Heng swallowed, averting his eyes slowly upon realizing that Ren had stopped typing.

He swore he could see Ren’s grin from his peripheral since he caught him staring. He caught him
red-handed and Dan Heng really really really wanted to just vanish, cause aeons, that was
embarrassing.

Instead of making it a big deal, he placed the book on his face, turning to face Ren to cover himself
and stared at the acknowledgements page, not a word entering his brain. His heart dropped when
he heard a laptop screen hitting its keyboard and he could only wish that Ren did not close it to
tease him about it. Dan Heng shifted towards the arm of the couch, removing his shoes and placing
his legs to put a barrier between him and Ren.

“Dan Heng,” he called, voice deep and serious, and Dan Heng wanted to pass away when that was
enough for his heart to pick up the pace again. “Dan Heng,” he repeated.

He breathed quietly before grabbing his phone and saying, “What?”

Ren started shifting towards him, his feet touching a part of Ren’s body.

“What are you doing!?” he shrieked, his legs getting pulled to straighten them out. He placed the
book down and sees Ren and sees his arms cornering his sides and he considered kicking him since
he could, but did he want that? Badly so, but he wanted Ren to stay. “What?” he choked out,
covering himself with the book, but Ren closed it before taking it away and throwing it to the table.
“Ren,” he called. “Get off.”

“Or what?” he asked, leaning closer, and Dan Heng slid his face to the side.

“I’ll kick you,” he said, looking towards the windows, then he returned his attention to the front
when Ren lifted him up to put him back down. “What are you doing?” he asked. Ren's gripped on
his back, his head resting on Dan Heng’s shoulder.

His heart thumped loudly and—he was sure Ren could feel it.

“Dan Heng,” he whispered, burying his head deeper towards Dan Heng’s neck. “Dan Heng.”

“Ren, get off. I’ll seriously kick you.”

“Dan Heng,” he called again, slowly this time.

Dan Heng placed his arm down, subtly reaching for the hair he desired to touch and when he did,
he tugged on it, receiving a groan from Ren. “Get off.”

“Do you really want that?”

“Get off.”

“But gege, your heart is—” Dan Heng tugged his hair and Ren faced him, grinning.
“Get off," he said before the bell rang.

“Fine.”

He put his shoes on, not properly, and left first.

When Ren entered the classroom, Dan Heng continued staring at the wall, pretending like he
didn’t see him. His heart was still beating quickly, and he really wanted to know what Ren was
trying to get out of this. He must know by now. So why was he still pushing him on the edge, as if
wanting to hear a confession directly from him?

He sighed, and the biology teacher closed the door, and the chatter halted. When he opened his
phone for the last time, Stelle and March replied, saying they went to the convenience store and he
rolled his eyes, knowing that they intentionally left the two of them together.

“Get in a group. No more than three in one,” the teacher announced, and Dan Heng remained glued
on his spot, waiting for the teacher to take it back because no damn way he could face Ren right
now. But, Ren. He'd always act like everything he'd done with Dan Heng so far, were normal.

“You want to be in a group?” his seatmate asked him.

“No,” Ren answered, motioning Dan Heng to follow him.

His seatmate flickered his eyes between them.

Dan Heng was stuck in a dilemma.

In the end, he had to work with Ren, avoiding all contacts while reading through the textbook in
silence. That only lasted a couple of minutes since Ren started talking to him and he felt obligated
to reply with every single question.

In the end, they finished early, and Dan Heng had to stare at Ren as if nothing happened at all.

In the end, he didn’t know why he brushed Ren’s hair up, to see both of his eyes. He regretted that
right away and retrieved his hand, trying to put it aside by talking about the topic he wanted to
avoid, which was Valentines.

“Who’s your date?” Ren asked, minutes before the class ended.

Dan Heng shrugged. “I don’t do dates.”

Then Ren told him to go with him on Valentines, not bothering to ask first, and Dan Heng agreed
and he wanted to swallow his 'fine' right after it came out of his mouth.
Dan Heng spent the past two days with Ren at lunch, not crying for any help to avoid the same
situation last week. Though it got tiring listening to Ren’s admirers and his and he really thought
his ears were bleeding by the voices that sounded like bees and flies in his head. He managed,
fortunately, and he cursed Ren mentally for not shoving them away.

Another thing that Dan Heng had to deal with was Ren’s daily pestering asking about his ideal
date, as if he’d been on a date once in his life. When he said that he didn’t care, Ren continued with
his nagging that it was so unlucky that the Bio teacher lifted the seating plan on Monday.

However, whenever a class start, Ren focused, and that was enough for Dan Heng.

Today, they had a substitute for biology, who tasked them to start the next workbook and left the
class to fend for themselves. So now, without someone watching over their class, Dan Heng could
hear nothing but the chatter and laughter and that was to continue until the teacher comes back.

“What’s an ideal date for you?” Ren asked for the hundredth time, and Dan Heng rolled his eyes,
turning his back towards Ren to ignore him.

Ren was not one to give up, so he poked Dan Heng with the tip of his pen.

“Stop,” he said, scratching his head in frustration before facing front again.

“Don’t ignore me.”

“I told you I’m fine everywhere.”

“Water park?” Ren suggested, grinning widely.

“If you plan to freeze yourself, don’t drag me.”

“Come on, give me an idea.”

Dan Heng sighed and turned to face him. “How about we don’t go?”

“No,” Ren said quickly. “Fine, just do your work,” he added, reaching for Dan Heng’s hand, but he
moved it away.

“Don’t bother me.”

Ren descended onto the desk, his arms carrying his head while he faced Dan Heng, watching him.
Dan Heng glanced at him briefly and looked away, shifting his chair from uneasiness.

“You’re so pretty,” Ren whispered.

“What?” Dan Heng looked at him, then the textbook, then down his workbook.
“Did you hear?”

“Would I be asking if I did?”

He grinned and sat up. “I guess not.”

Dan Heng watched Ren organize the trunk of his car, freezing.

When the last bell rang, Dan Heng and Ren left without meeting with any of their friends. Ren said
that he already informed them before dragging him away. So there he stood on the side, watching
Ren take out a sled from his trunk.

Sledding wasn’t on his bucket list. He didn’t even expect Ren to have a sled. But that meant that
from the beginning, despite asking Dan Heng, he already had something under his sleeves. Ren
closed the trunk and turned around, dragging two sleds with him.

He stopped in front of Dan Heng. “Are you cold?”

“I can handle it.”

Ren grinned. “You better, let’s go.”

They made their way onto the top of a non-steep hill, carefully. Dan Heng held onto nothing, solely
relying on his balance. But a step away from the top, his boots stepped on a soft surface, and he
needed Ren to pull him up.

When he scanned the area, he supposed there were no hazards, trusting Ren’s shenanigans or else
this would end badly. He watched Ren placed the sled down, realizing that they’d need to go up
and down multiple times depending on how long they planned to stay there.

“Should we race?” Ren asked, standing in front of him and brushing whatever was in Dan Heng’s
hair.

Dan Heng grabbed his wrist to stop him. “Are there any other options?”

“We go together.”

“In one sled?” he asked, looking at the width and length and imagining the aftermaths of that if
they go together.

“In one sled,” Ren confirmed.

He shook his head. “Let’s race.”

“Hm,” Ren hummed. “Let’s go together.”

Dan Heng turned to him, confused. “Why did you ask me then.”
Ren didn’t answer, but he grinned before wrapping his scarf around Dan Heng and reaching for his
earmuffs on Dan Heng’s head to fix it. “I’m not that cold,” he said.

“You got sick once.”

“Once.”

Ren stepped back, paused and stepped closer to fix the scarf. He grabbed Dan Heng’s hands to
check if he wore gloves and Dan Heng hated the funny feeling on his stomach as if someone was
punching him in the guts, feeling all uncomfortable and warm, and he wanted Ren to fix the scarf
once more.

“Go behind me,” Ren said, positioning himself on the sled. Dan Heng watched him, looking at the
extra space, thinking if he’d fit there. “Dan Heng.”

Dan Heng walked slowly, pulling his gloves up to cover up his anxiety about all this. “What do I
do?” he asked after settling down, his hands holding onto the ground while shifting to make
himself comfortable.

“Hug me.”

“…What?”

“Unless you want to fall. Then it’s fine,” Ren said, and they started sliding and Dan Heng wrapped
his arms tightly around Ren’s waist, burying himself deeper into his coat trying to avoid the cold,
cold air that brushed their skin, that played with their hair and he closed his eyes, taking in the
warmth and taking advantage of the situation to hold into Ren, as if not wanting to let go.

When they stopped, Dan Heng forced himself to pull away and Ren’s laughter echoed into his ears
and he smiled and let himself fall to the ground, grasping for air.

“Fun isn’t it?”

Dan Heng rolled his eyes, focusing on taking in the air his body desperately asked for. “No.”

Ren sat beside him. “You’ll get used to it.”

Dan Heng did not get used to it.

Dan Heng couldn’t approximate the amount of times they went up and down, the number of tries
he needed to win a race—he didn’t—and the repetition of him face planting the snow with Ren
laughing every time that he choked once and Dan Heng saw that as karma.

For now, he relaxed his head on the headrest of the passenger seat while listening to Ren talk.

“Yeah.”
The experience was scary enough that he could still feel the chilly breeze rushing to embrace him.
But it was fun. He closed his eyes for a brief second, smiling unknowingly at the replay of recent
memories. It really was fun.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks.”

Ren rolled the car window up and offered a coffee cup filled with honey-lemon tea to Dan Heng.
“Here.”

Dan Heng grabbed it without hesitation. “Thanks.”

For the rest of the ride, Dan Heng stared outside, watching the skies go darker with each passing
minute, while listening to the faint radio music.

“Dan Heng.”

“Hm?” he said, removing the earmuffs and taking off the scarf.

“What are you doing?”

He stopped. “What do you think?”

“Keep the scarf.”

“Are you planning on giving me your entire closet?” He chuckled and took the seatbelt off.

“I’m serious.”

“Fine.” He turned towards Ren and placed the earmuffs clumsily on his head. “I had fun,” he said,
opening the car door.

“That sounded half-hearted,” Ren said, fixing the earmuffs.

“It is,” he joked, smiling. “Thanks, Ren.”

“Glad to be your first date.”

Dan Heng grabbed his keys. “I’m not.”

“Hey, Dan Heng.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re so weird. Drive safely.”

“Okay, sweetheart.”

Dan Heng slammed the door shut and right before he twisted the door open, his parents appeared
before him, smiling and asking what they did and waving at Ren’s car. He laughed when Ren
rolled the window down to wave back before leaving.
 Chapter 15
Chapter Notes

A little late? But goodluck to those pulling for DH IL! <3

See the end of the chapter for more notes

When Dan Heng got home the night after the date, his parents asked where he went and what he
did with his friends. Instead of telling them what he did with Ren, he brought up what they did on
Christmas break, hoping that March and Stelle hadn’t mentioned it to them. And they seemed to
have bought his lies and he escaped from needing to explain why he really was alone with Ren,
especially on Valentine’s day.

He wished for nothing but their suspicions to go away, if they had one.

The day after Valentines, nothing changed, and they went to school and talked and Ren continued
getting on his nerves by alternating between pet names that Dan Heng internally liked and
externally hated.

If he was to be honest, he’d think that Ren knew he liked it and that would be the reason Ren
continued, even if Dan Heng pushed him away, telling him to get lost and stop bothering him.

Dan Heng spent all lunches after Valentines Day with five of his friends, and Dan Heng despised
the attention more than he despised his biology class. That bit was significant, considering how he
had to answer a whole a-b-c question in front of the classroom at some point.

However, today was different and there he was with Ren in the cafeteria, annoyed while desiring
for a pair of earplugs to block the noises away. In front of Dan Heng was Ren, who busied himself
by typing on his keyboard and it just felt like Déjà vu.

It was odd, but mostly irritating, that Ren grew his popularity by merely breathing. Dan Heng
didn’t understand their persistence.

If he didn’t stand a chance for Ren, then he’d rather move on and kiss the floor. But he did. At least
he thought so. March and Stelle thought so. Actually, they were the ones that convinced him, so
there was that. Plus, he was a friend capable of holding a conversation with Ren.

So what was up with these bunch of people fighting for his attention, knowing that they won’t get
a single glance? Dan Heng didn’t get it at all.

He sighed, aggressively pushing his fork down on the mashed potato before placing it into his
mouth. He supposed it looked weird since he got a few looks from them. But he couldn’t care less,
did the same thing, this time maintaining eye contact with a few of them. It was a sacrifice of his
sanity, but he needed them to go away and they didn’t and continued talking to the air named Ren.

He puffed out a loud sigh. If his fork was plastic, it would’ve broken by now, but it wasn’t. Thank
aeons it wasn't. The urge to stab someone with it was overpowering, and they should be glad that
he was an expert at not losing his cool. If not, he probably would find himself inside the principal’s
office wishing for no suspension.

“Hey, Re—”

“Can you leave?” he asked loudly, not masking the irritation in his voice. Why should he? They
turned to him in mutual annoyance, and Ren glanced up from his laptop. “Do you have nothing
better to do but bother people during lunch?” He dramatically rolled his eyes and stab the fork
down his plate, letting it scrape through the metal.

Inside, he cringed at himself, but again, sacrifice.

To his disappointment, not a single one of them budge and he’d be exploding right now if he was
alone. He stared at them and they looked at him, whispering things he didn’t bother to pick up.

“I’m being serious, you jobless minions,” he said, keeping up with his despicable me insults and
received a few gasped. “Leave,” he said. “Please?” he added, in a tone he hoped was convincible.

“Who are you even?” a girl asked, and he looked at her like she ridiculed him.

“Who are you?” he asked back, his fork pointing towards Ren. “I bet he doesn’t even know you.”

Instead of receiving more gasps, a lot of them snickered as if the same sentence didn’t apply to
them. He thought that meant winning. He thought he had got the last remark, but he was wrong
when none of them budged.

He opened his mouth, about to speak again until Ren cut him off.

“Please leave,” he said, closing his laptop to look at his admirers that squealed and hit one another.

What a bunch of—

“Dan Heng.”

“What?”

Ren smiled, standing up. His admirers made way for him as he approached Dan Heng.

“Move.”

Dan Heng perked an eyebrow. “Your audacity is outstanding,” he said, getting pushed by Ren to
the side as he sit beside him. He searched for the one girl earlier. “Dan Heng. That’s my name.
What’s yours?” he said, not really wanting to press on, but that left his mouth naturally.

Then entered another round of snickering. He didn’t bother to wait for an answer or a reaction. He
didn’t want it. Instead, he pulled his plate and stabbed his food, not bothering to look at Ren when
he heard him laughing.

“You’re so cute,” he whispered, and Dan Heng kicked him hard.

“I know I am,” he said sarcastically. When he glanced up, Ren’s admirers were gone, and he
sighed his leftover frustrations out. “You can go back now.”

“Hm? I didn’t move because of them.”

Dan Heng grabbed a tissue from his bag and wiped his fork with it.

He second question himself whether it was pure irritation or jealousy or maybe both. It was time to
stop excusing his actions by natural human responses. Which he had been doing in order to
invalidate his feelings and not put the blame wholly on himself.

But honestly? Those people were annoying. He didn’t get how Ren could maintain his composure
with a bunch of attention seekers that gets on his nerves yet failed to get into Ren’s. It was too
much of a hindrance that he preferred to spend lunch with just Stelle and March, no matter how
much he’d like to spend his time with Ren.

“Do you know her?” he asked, out of curiosity, nothing else.

Ren rested his face on his palm as his eyes followed the same girl that kept giving them looks.
“No.”

Dan Heng clasped his hands together and rested his chin on it. “Kay.”

Childish and ridiculous as it sounds, Dan Heng spent too many minutes bumping into the same girl
named Mara for the past few days. That was an understatement. It was more than bumping, but
more of exchanging death glares in the hallways and sometimes blabbering words to one another.

Stelle and March were always there to witness, of course. Since most of the time, it happened early
in the morning right after they step foot inside. They thought it was hilarious solely because they
found out why the girl started attacking Dan Heng—non-physically—out of a sudden. Plus, they’d
never seen her until Dan Heng and she walked past each other in the hallways and Mara turned
around to give him the middle finger. Which he saw from the reflection of a glass covering
artworks.

The first interaction confused them, and Stelle was about to fight when she saw but Dan Heng
explained the complete story and Mara got to live her life. Dan Heng might despise her but — there
were no buts. Well, despise might be too much, but he didn’t like her.

“Dan Hung,” Mara said, her voice sharp, probably filled with hatred.

They stopped in the middle of the hallway, near the principal’s office. This was another day, yet
again, of their fateful encounter at the main entrance. Truly fortunate, Dan Heng thought. If one
gets in trouble, the principal would not need a witness.

Stelle and March alternated their eyes between them with March trying to urge Dan Heng to keep
moving and leave her alone. But this was the first time he stopped to waste his time. Why not?
“I researched the meaning of your name,” he said and he did so last night, when he remembered her
name.

She scoffed. “Oh, that obsessed with me?”

Dan Heng fixed his bag. “It means bitter. Which would explain your entire personality.”

Stelle slowly covered her mouth with her hands and March looked at him with wide eyes. Mara
appeared offended, with her brows knitted and mouth cracked open. Dan Heng glanced at the
students walking from afar, thinking what else he could add, since he felt like releasing his
internalized annoyance today.

Then came to his mind the Valentine’s Day and as if it was an amazing idea he said,

“Too bad that Ren went on a date with me and not with you.”

When he returned his attention to her, instead of Mara’s eyes frozen on him, loaded with spite, she
stared behind them and Dan Heng shrugged it off until Stelle started snickering. Then he looked at
her, confused and looked at where they were looking, and Dan Heng wanted to disappear because
Ren stood there, amused and grinning widely, clearly heard the entire conversation or just the
“relevant” part.

Dan Heng opened his mouth and turned to look at Mara, who gave him the look of horror as if
even she felt second-hand embarrassment. March cleared her throat.

“Would you look at the time? Let’s go, Stelle,” March said, brushing Dan Heng’s shoulder up and
down to offer her support before leaving with Stelle, who carried her fit of laughter. He sighed and
shut his eyes, waiting to wake up from a dream as he walk.

“Not a word,” he said seriously when Ren placed an arm around his shoulder.

Ren hummed. “Okay, love.”

English and history were awful. Dan Heng forgot the due presentation, and he had to rely on
whatever Ren had, saying that they were short in time. History was plain boring. They had to
watch a documentary regarding the back-and-forth wars, and it wasn’t bad, but the narrator had a
voice that would fit on an audiobook for someone trying to sleep.

Then he remembered how he told Ren he had a pleasant voice, which he really did, but Dan Heng
would never admit that out loud and say that it was genuine.

Halfway through their history class, Dan Heng was half-asleep as he rested his head on his palm,
turned away from the teacher’s desk. It was the first time he fully gave up and closed his eyes and
he was lucky that they sat on the back with Ren covering for him instead of snitching.

At lunch, Dan Heng buried his head on his knees, sitting on the ground outside. It was almost
spring, yet the snow accumulated last night after another blizzard. Either way, it wasn’t cold
enough to stop the trio and them from going out and eating lunch with the chilly wind hitting them
as if it wasn’t out of the ordinary.

He heard Stelle explaining what had been happening for the past week and March joined in while
he listened, knowing that he was the center of the topic. He didn’t interrupt when he saw them
intrigued like it was a classic story worth of attention. Ren was part of the discussion. It was the
first time Stelle and March conversed with him for a long while and Dan Heng heard them
collectively laughing once, even with both of his earphones in.

He didn’t recall something funny, though. All of his experiences with Mara were a waste of his
time and she was like a stove, warming him up to boil and lose his composure. Thankfully, he
didn’t, and he just needed her to stop after what happened this morning. After all, it wasn’t like she
was gaining anything out of annoying him.

Dan Heng raised his head and removed an earphone when somebody nudged him and that
somebody turned out to be Ren. He looked at him, then behind and sees the four talking.

“What?” he asked, sitting up.

“Nothing. You look lonely.”

“I liked it better when you were gone,” he lied, about to bury his head, but Ren had an arm around
his waist already and pulled him.

Dan Heng grunted, intertwining his hands together and hugging his knees. “What time is it?”

“Does that matter?”

“What time?”

“Fifteen minutes.”

“Okay,” he whispered and closed his eyes, embracing the cold from the weather and the warmth
from Ren’s body. He sighed and Ren shifted closer, resting his head on Dan Heng’s. Ren felt like
home. Dan Heng allowed himself to be comfortable and leaned closer, letting himself fall deeper
into the one-way spiral of…liking someone? He didn’t know, but he smiled and silenced his
thoughts.

He was hopeless. There was no use in hoping for his feelings to go away if they keep acting like
this.

Ren grew clingier every day for a reason Dan Heng didn’t know. Maybe it was because he was a
little older and Ren chose him as a target to rely on him and annoy him constantly. He didn’t feel
uncomfortable, comfort wise, but his body was uncomfortable with it, which Dan Heng knew by
the back-to-back churning of his stomach, and his blood rushing near his skin and his heart
running an endless marathon. He didn’t know what to do, even spending some days thinking if he
should put a barrier.
Then again, he enjoyed it. He liked it, and that was only because he liked Ren. Dan Heng would
continue to accept the hugs and the pulling, he would tolerate all the annoying remarks and
comments until Ren stop himself. Since he knew that there was no way he could distance himself,
with Ren distancing himself, too. After all, he was one hell of a persevere person.

Dan Heng placed his arms on the table, watching students pass by in the open hallway while
waiting for the bell to ring.

“How many times are you going to sigh?” Stelle asked, and he turned to her, as if he wasn’t aware
that he’d been doing it.

“How many times have I sighed?” he asked, not expecting a number.

She shrugged. “I didn’t count.”

He averted his eyes and rested the side of his face on top of his arms, now looking at the wall. He
sighed and closed his eyes and used the time as a chance to think.

If he were to be with Ren…that sounded horrible. Being with Ren sounded horrible, especially
since he could be an insufferable person sometimes, but then again, he could be an annoying
romantic if he wanted.

Plus, based on experiences, Ren wasn’t that bad. Ren was a caring person and Dan Heng could see
him taking care of someone while showering them with sickening, sweet words. He bit his lip and
shook his head. He shouldn’t have pictured himself in that situation, but he did.

Now with Ren’s looks, what his admirers really admire. He was attractive yet punchable, but that
was the thing. His looks covered his attitude.

To be fair, Ren didn’t act like a nuisance when he saw him last year. In fact, Ren acted like a kind
person, soft with his words except for when he reject date invitations.

“Dan Heng.”

He sighed, ignoring the voice that replayed in his head.

“Dan Heng.”

He grunted, burying his head in his arms.

“Dan Heng!”

“What?” he said and opened his eyes and moved back that he bumped into March. “What are you
doing?”

Ren stood up. “Looking at you.”

“Creepily.”

“Adoringly.”

Dan Heng rolled his eyes and composed himself, hoping to fix his heart, too. Aeons, he swore that
with it beating abnormally quick whenever Ren was near, it might as well just break and escape
from his chest. Ren placed a hand before him and he looked at it before looking up.

“What?”

“Let’s go.”

“No.”

Ren stepped closer, and Dan Heng got up in a panic. “Fine. Just stay there,” he said.

He placed his bag on his shoulder and said, "See you." To March and Stelle before following Ren
to biology.

Why did Ren pull him into biology fifteen minutes early? He didn’t know. Dan Heng asked him
and received a stupid reply of, why not? Then he pointed out how he just stole some of his quality
time with Stelle and March and Ren said, we’re spending quality time together. Dan Heng replied
with we’ve done that the entire day. Which wasn’t false. After all, they shared three classes in total
and they were together in the centre area during English and history.

Ren asked what he was thinking about earlier and for a moment, the truth was at the tip of Dan
Heng’s tongue, but he bit it off and said, not you as if that didn’t sound suspicious. Few minutes
later, Ren mentioned Spring break, interrupting Dan Heng in the middle of him playing an offline
game he downloaded earlier during English class.

“What of it?” he asked, shoving his phone down inside his bag.

“We should spend it together,” Ren answered.

Dan Heng glanced at him before going through his folders to find the right workbook. “Not even
asking me first?”

“Why? Are you going to tell me you have a date again?”

“Maybe I do.”

“Impossible.”

Dan Heng pulled the workbook out. “You underestimate my capabilities of finding a partner.”

“Well, that’s because you’ve been single your entire life.”

“Not like you haven’t.”

“I’ve dated already.”

Dan Heng stopped moving and looked at him, trying to see if he was serious, but that certainly felt
like a sword skewering his heart. Well shit, he guessed. “Good for you,” was all he said.

Ren laughed. “I’m just kidding.”

And that felt like a waterfall of relief showered his entire body and mind and cleansed his soul.
“Not like I believed you,” he replied. “I’d feel sorry for your ex.”

“I commit greatly into a relationship.”

“You can’t even say that if you haven’t had one.”

The teacher entered the room and closed the door, and the chatter still continued. One thing that
changed about their biology class was the fact that the talking continued even when the teacher
entered the classroom. It didn’t feel that suffocating. Dan Heng liked it better, and he’d like it more
if the teacher rid of the popsicle sticks existence.

“I’m extremely loyal.”

Dan Heng turned to him with a look of, how are you gonna prove that?

“You see for yourself,” he whispered. “If you date me.”

“I’d rather kiss a bathroom floor,” he lied, distracting himself by tapping for his pencil case.

“You don’t wanna date me that badly? I’ll give you my life, gege.”

Dan Heng rolled his eyes and sat up. “I have my own life. No thanks.”

“Turn your textbooks to page 459!”

Ren turned to Dan Heng. “I love you,” he said.

He looked at him, his heart panicking, his brain panicking, him panicking. “What?” he blurted out.

“The page number means I love you.”

Good aeons, the hell is wrong with this guy?

Dan Heng scoffed, furrowed his eyebrows, and placed his attention on the workbook. “Good
information.”

By the end of the day, when Dan Heng parted ways with Stelle and March, his music getting
interrupted for reasons he didn’t know. At first, he thought it was his earphones having problems,
or the connection being awful, but when he checked, he had five missed calls from Ren and a spam
of messages.

Ren

Dan Heng

Dan Heng

Dan Heng

Dan Heng

Dan Heng
What?

Ren

Can I go to your house

Dan Heng

No.

Ren

Why not

Hey

I will show up if you don’t reply

Dan Heng

Leave me alone

I’m tired of seeing your face

Ren

Gege :(((

You’re so mean

Dan Heng

Stop it you’re cringe

Ren

You won’t see me tomorrow

Dan Heng

Well yeah we don’t have school

Ren

Exactly so why can’t I go

Dan Heng

I’m sick of your face

Dan Heng
I’m going to block you if you call me again

Ren

:(

Dan Heng

Ew

Ren

Why are you like this

Dan Heng

Why are YOU like this

Ren

Can’t I go

Dan Heng

No

Ren

I doubt that you don’t wanna see me

Because you like me

Dan Heng

Dan Heng

See you’re not replying

I’m going to show up

Dan Heng

Stop being delusional

I had to open my door

Ren

So you’re home

So I can go now right

Dan Heng

No
I will seriously get mad if you come

Ren

Gegeeeeeee

Dan Heng

Next time I’m leaving

Ren

Where are you going

Hey

Hey

Hey

Dan Heng

Shut up

Ren

I asked nicely

Dan Heng

I have a date

Ren

No you don’t

Ren

You don’t

Right

Hey

I’ll leave you once you reply

Dan Henggg

Aeons you’re so annoying

Dan Heng
You’re the annoying one between us

Ren

Are you on a date

Ren

You seriously ignored me

Are you actually

Dan Heng

No

Ren

Okay

Okay

Okay

Dan Heng

Ren please

Ren

Okay sorry

Serious this time

Dan Heng

One more message and you’re blocked

Ren

ILYSMYKN

WAIT

I was just checking

Don’t block me

Dan Heng

You’re so stubborn

[You blocked Ren. You can’t message or call Ren in this chat, and you won’t receive any messages
or calls.]

[Unblock]

[Report]

Yesterday, Dan Heng went to school without the knowledge of him having blocked Ren, since he
meant to remove it by the end of Thursday.

When he excused himself, saying he was on a date, he didn’t lie. He was on a date with his school
works that he desperately needed to finish. It was not him not to finish his duties on time, but then
again, Ren was with him in each class and although he could focus, he was more fixated on Ren
beside him. His spare came in clutch, giving him more time, but not enough.

Since Dan Heng didn’t know that he still had Ren blocked, Ren rushed to him before he could
even enter the school, asking why he blocked him. At first, he was confused, then he turned the
tables by bringing up his warning, not mentioning that he meant to unblock him the same day.
Then he really had no choice but to unblock Ren, who desperately demanded for it.

Yesterday and throughout today, Ren still asked if he can go to Dan Heng’s house, for reasons he
wouldn’t say. Dan Heng repeatedly rejected the idea, not really wanting to be alone with Ren in his
room, since that sounded like a very, very, very bad idea. But Ren refused to stop, like a spoiled kid
not giving up on what he wanted. That was why now, Dan Heng sat in the centre area for his spare
and Ren—who had an ongoing class—was standing in front of him.

“Why not, Dan Heng?” Ren asked, faking his voice that Dan Heng rolled his eyes while examining
his essay draft.

“Go back to class,” he said, flickering his eyes between his laptop and his paper.

“Please.”

“Why do you even want to go?”

“Gege.”

“Go back to class, Ren.”

“I will.”

Dan Heng sighed and looked at him. “Go.”

“Why can’t I g—”

“Go back to class. I already asked.”

Ren’s frowning face brightened up and he grinned, as if he knows that Dan Heng’s parents would
say ‘yes’.

“Wait for me, later.”

“Go back to class.”

“Dan Heng.”

He clicked his tongue. “I will.”

Ren hummed, his footsteps getting fainter while Dan Heng watched him enter the corner, losing
sight of him. He sighed, returning his attention down to his paper, and cursed under his breath
when Ren intentionally distracted him. Now he was to be inside his head for the next thirty
minutes. His brain worked that way, so he gave up and packed up his things, shoving everything
inside his backpack.

When he finished, he rested both his arms on the table and laid his head, faced down. It still
confused him, not really getting whatever was going on inside Ren’s head and why he wanted to go
while refusing to say any valid reason. He was sure that his parents were fine with Ren, since they
trusted him alone with Dan Heng on Christmas break. Still, he can’t just invite a guest without a
heads-up.

“Hello?” he mumbled, after getting his vibrating phone.

“I have an overtime today,” his mother said on the other line.

“Ah.”

“I talked to your dad. He can come over.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Be nice!” his mom cheered, and he forced a laugh.

“I will.” I won’t. “Thanks, mom, see you later.”

“See you, bye.”

He sighed. Well, he could lie, but there was no way Ren would stop there. He might as well get rid
of Ren’s demands now than later.

Ren

Where are you?

Did you leave?

Dan Heng

I’m at the library

Ren

Wait for me

Ren

Where are you now

Dan Heng

Wait

Dan Heng

Should I go to the parking lot?

Ren

Where are you

Dan Heng

Office

Ren

Wait for me

Dan Heng are you playing with me

Aeons you are

You’re so annoying

Dan Heng

I’m in the parking lot

Ren

I’m going to kiss you if you’re not there

Dan Heng

Your typo sucks

Ren

What typo

You better be there

Ren

DAN HENG

Dan Heng

What?

I’m here

Ren

Dan Heng.

Dan Heng

I’m literally beside your car

Ren

No you’re not

Whose car are you waiting at

Ren

Dan Heng it’s been a minute

Where are you

Dan Heng

I’m on the way

It took quite a long time before Dan Heng finally gathered his thoughts and stopped playing
around. When he got inside Ren’s car, he stared at him unamused and Dan Heng felt like he just
accomplished something for successfully annoying Ren. But he really waited beside an unknown
car and he wouldn’t have known if Ren hadn’t commented on it and if he hadn’t seen Ren from
afar, looking around.

At one point, they made eye contact when he said that he was at the office when, in reality, he was
in the hallway, looking at Ren through the library’s transparent windows.
He didn’t know what got into him, but he excused it by thinking that he was delaying the time as
much as possible to lessen the amount they’d have together. Plus, Kafka and Silver Wolf weren’t
with him, and he merely used that to his advantage.

When they entered the house, Dan Heng told him to stay put outside his room. But, of course, Ren
didn’t listen and rushed to his room, as if he’d been there multiple times. Dan Heng ignored it,
since he’d eventually invite Ren inside, until he remembered the envelope that March gave. The
one when she said, "Better to open later."

When he turned the faucet off and rushed inside, it was too late. Ren already held an envelope in
his hand, looking through the pictures, and grinned playfully when they locked eyes. Dan Heng
scoffed and explained that March took the photo. Ren didn’t seem to care about who took it
though, all he cared was the fact that Dan Heng possessed a solo photo of him and hadn’t thrown it
yet.

Dan Heng didn’t plan on throwing it away. Aside from being a waste of money, he didn’t want to.

He left Ren alone after that and went to the kitchen to wash the remaining utensils. When he
returned to his room, his blanket hugged Ren, and he wished that was him, but he ignored his
thoughts and stared, disappointed, at the camera on Ren's hand.

Ren didn’t pay any mind to his presence, so Dan Heng took a quick shower, fully trusting Ren to
not do anything weird.

Dan Heng hung the last jacket inside his closet. “So?”

“Hm?”

“Why did you want to come here?”

Ren turned around, facing him. “I want to.”

“Are you serious?” he asked. The lack of reason didn’t surprise him, but still.

“Come here,” Ren said, patting the space beside him.

“That’s literally my bed you’re on.”

“That’s why I’m inviting you.”

“If you leave, maybe I will,” he said, opening his laptop.

“Are you going to do schoolwork?”

“Essay.”
Ren stood up and Dan Heng glared at him when his blanket touched the floor. “You better keep
that on my bed,” he said, returning his attention to his device.

When his laptop finished loading, Ren hugged him from behind with the blanket and Dan Heng sat
still, glancing down to check if the blanket was draping on the floor. It wasn’t, so that was minus
his annoyance. Yeah, that was minus an annoyance, exactly what he needed to get rid of when Ren
was straight on hugging him.

After seconds of not moving, he tried rocking the chair to push Ren, but nothing happened.

“You’re really doing schoolwork when I’m here?” Ren asked, and Dan Heng wondered what the
hell he was implying.

“You went here because you wanted. I had plans.”

“Your plans are boring.”

“You’re boring.”

Ren pulled him tighter.

“Stop, stop!” he screamed and fell onto the floor with his chair. Ren brushed his face with the tip of
the blanket and he stood up to fix himself and the chair. “What do you want?”

“Will you do anything?”

“No,” he said, walking back to his chair, but Ren wrapped his arms around him again. “What’s up
with you acting like a child?” he whined, letting his head fall on the back out of frustration. “Let
me go.”

“No.”

“Ren I’m lite—what—”

Ren pushed him on the bed, and Dan Heng placed his arms between them as a wall. The blanket
draped over them and if it wasn’t for Ren's breathing, Dan Heng wouldn’t have noticed that he
stopped breathing himself. “Get off.”

Ren carried him and dragged him towards the pillow before falling completely, leaving Dan Heng
to deal with his weight.

What the fuck is going on.

Dan Heng swallowed slowly, warmth creeping up throughout his body. He wasn’t sure if it was
because Ren hugged him like a koala or because the situation was too weird and odd and weird and
too much and weird and—he felt like crying, since he felt like he’d explode soon.

“Mmm,” Ren hummed, moving his head towards Dan Heng’s.

“Ren.”

“Hm?”
Dan Heng closed his eyes, feeling like he was on cloud nine even when he refused to hug back.

“What is it, gege?”

“Get off.”

Ren didn’t budge. Dan Heng didn’t budge. Instead, he stared at the ceiling, focusing on his breath
so he won’t have Ren on top of him as his cause of death.

Dan Heng lost his sense of time. He had no clue how long Ren had been on top of him, not
moving, obviously sleeping. When he removed the blanket, it fell to the ground and Dan Heng
couldn’t reach for it, since Ren was too heavy that his bones might break under the pressure if he
continued. He closed his eyes and sighed, weeping internally.

He could choose the gentle way of waking Ren up, where he would say something, or the violent
way where he kicks him out of the way and lets him fall off the ground. He sighed, louder this
time. Maybe he should keep sighing until the dead-asleep Ren gets the gist. He sighed again, and
Ren grunted softly. The noise echoed in Dan Heng’s ears when Ren moved closer to his neck that
he could feel his breath.

If his parents arrive in the middle of this, he would resort to kicking Ren. For now, he’ll stay kind
and let him be.

“Mmm.”

Dan Heng stayed still when Ren wrapped his arms tighter as he moved his face around.

“Dan Heng?” he called, his voice all raspy, sending butterflies to Dan Heng’s stomach. Ren raised
his face from the pillow and their eyes met. To his dismay, Ren slumped his face down on the
pillow again and moved as close as he can to Dan Heng’s face. It was as if he checked if hugged
the right person.

“Ren, get up. My body’s numb.”

“Mm. You didn’t hug me back,” Ren whispered. Dan Heng carried his head to the side to put some
distance, but Ren copied his action. “Why?”

Dan Heng sighed. “You’re asking too many questions.”

“I asked one,” he said.

“You’re heavy,” Dan Heng said before he placed his arms on Ren’s back.

“I like you.”

“What?” Dan Heng furrowed his eyebrows.

“I like you.”

“Okay.”
“Okay?” Ren raised his head.

“What?”

“That’s all you have to say?”

“I didn’t hear shit, Ren.”

“Oh,” he said, laughing lightly. “Okay.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.”

Dan Heng groaned. “You’re so annoying.”

“Mmm.”

“Get off or I’ll kick you.”

Ren laughed and pulled himself up, which pulled Dan Heng up, and the rest of the blanket fell on
the ground. Dan Heng leaned to his left to place it back on his bed.

Dan Heng looked at his desk. “You wasted enough of my time. Let me go.”

“Look at me.”

“Ren,” he whined.

“Look at me,” he repeated, and Dan Heng turned to him. “You’re so pretty.”

Dan Heng covered himself with his hands and groaned in frustration. This was too much. He really
wanted to pull Ren to shut him up, but he didn’t and he controlled himself. “Let me go.”

Then he heard the door making sounds outside. “Ren.” He panicked, trying to get himself off.

“It’s fine,” he said, pushing them down the bed again.

“Ren no—no it’s not. Let me go,” he cried out.

“Gege, it’s fine,” he whispered, his lips brushing against Dan Heng’s ears.

“Ren,” he called with his voice shaky, and then he heard the door open. “Fuck, Ren. Let me go.”

Dan Heng rushed outside, smiling and fidgeting with his fingers. “Hey, Mom.” She looked at him
smiling before her expression changed to a concerned look. “What’s the matter?” he asked,
panicking if she had seen something even though she just got in.

“Are you sick?” she said, putting a hand on his forehead.

“Ah. Huh? I’m not.”

“Hello,” Ren greeted from behind, startling him.

His mom smiled at him. “Hello, Ren. I didn’t know you were still here.” She laughed. “Has he
been treating you well?”

Dan Heng looked at the ground, avoiding eye contract. “He had been.”

“That’s great then.” She returned her attention to her son. “Why are you so red?”

Dan Heng sighed, stepping on Ren’s foot subtly. “It was hot.”

“Mm. It was hot in his room,” Ren agreed, and Dan Heng bit his lip, trying to refrain himself from
swearing.

His mother stared at them, confused and maybe a little suspicious, but she nodded and told them to
go back to whatever they were doing.

“You’re so annoying,” Dan Heng whispered, and he slowly fell on the ground, his hands covering
his face.

Ren crouched beside him, and he knew he was grinning. “I’m going.”

Dan Heng grunted. “Good. Go,” he said, about to stand up, but Ren pulled him into a hug.
“...What’s with you?”

”Ren. I will shut the door right at your face if you don’t go,” Dan Heng said, his arms crossed.

“Come here.”

“What?” he asked, eyeing the ground to look at their small distance.

Ren placed his arms around his waist, and Dan Heng furrowed his eyebrows. “What now?”

Ren leaned in to his head, before he brushed his hair up to kiss his forehead. “See you tomorrow,”
he said, satisfied at Dan Heng’s flushed face when he stepped back, his other arm still on Dan
Heng’s waist. “What?”

“Dan Heng! Go in once he’s gone. It’s cold!”

“Ah, I—just go. Go,” he said, averting his gaze and pushing Ren away.

He laughed. “Okay I will. See you.”

Dan Heng stood still on the stairs, watching as the black sedan drive away.
 What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck.

What does this mean.

Chapter End Notes

I just saw the comments from yesterday's post! HAHA they all made me smile tysm!

[Think ao3 was down for a little while after I posted]

 Chapter 16
Chapter Notes

Posting earlier than usual~

[Can't believe I have to drag myself out of bed for this weird school scheduling ]

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The timeline was not on his side.

Dan Heng hated how he needed to go to school after the uncalled forehead kiss as if it was nothing.
He hated how he had to talk to Ren as if nothing had happened. He hated how he wanted to choke
out the question out of his mouth, but he couldn’t. He hated how he felt hopeless, yearning for an
answer to the question he couldn’t bring himself to ask. He hated how he was not capable of
confronting Ren about it, how he couldn’t ask, how he had no answer, how he was stuck in a
crisis.

He hated how he was the only one stuck in a crisis.

So much. He hated it so much that before school, he desperately told (begged) March and Stelle to
drag him to lunch to get some time away from Ren. He desperately asked when he could go to their
house. He said that he needed to talk to them, that he had to let out something, that he wanted their
opinions.

He had to wait three days after that day to talk to Stelle and March after school, in person, refusing
to say what he’d been keeping, in school, in person or online.

They were worried, but Dan Heng was far beyond worried. He already lost it, that when they got to
Stelle’s room, her parents all gone, he had to cover his face with a pillow and scream and that
wasn’t enough, but he couldn’t do more unless his friends let themselves be his personal punching
bag.

They didn’t start the conversation with him talking about what he had on mind since he’d told
them prior to bring up the topic slowly, not really looking forward to telling them, but he knew he
had to or else he’d keep over-thinking about it.

So, for a couple of minutes, or maybe even hours, they talked about plenty of things. How they had
a blast with Kafka and Silver Wolf in their class. How they all won this gift card for having the
best posters. Dan Heng listened to their fun experiences, hoping it would overlap his own. He
wanted their happiness to overthrow his dilemma.

Then a few more minutes passed and Stelle and March successfully built up the topic and when
they did, they turned to him, nibbling on his nails. March nudged him and grabbed his hands away.
Her face was full of worry that Dan Heng wanted to laugh. He didn't to take himself seriously and
he started slow, and directm straight to the point to not waste time.
He started all the way back to Christmas, how Ren hugged him on the bed, how Ren clung on him,
how he got into a snowball fight with Ren, how they spent the Valentines together, how Ren’s
admirers annoyed him, though that bit was a little irrelevant, how Ren joked about dating, how
Ren joked saying ‘I love you’ and lastly how Ren went to his house and hugged him for too long,
how he scooted to his neck, to sleep as if it was his safe place, and how Ren kissed him on the
forehead.

When he finished rambling, they exchanged glances, louder than thunder and Dan Heng felt so
helpless and wondered what they were thinking.

Then they started asking questions and started asking if he missed a detail. He was certain he
didn’t skip any detail aside from the pet names. He thought that was irrelevant, but maybe he
should have.

The discussion lasted for a long time and Dan Heng went home at 11 PM, his parents all confused
at his worn-out face, but he shrugged it off and said he was fine without them asking.

That night only one sentence from Stelle glued on his mind and that was:

“You’re not just friends with Ren. I’ll tell you that.”

Then the timeline was on his side, and the weekends greeted him gracefully.

He woke up on Saturday, tired. He’d forgotten that Spring Break had just started, and Ren was the
one that reminded him through a message asking if he had any plans. Which Dan Heng
didn’t seen, thinking he needed more time to thoroughly process. But the message haunted him and
he had to give up before evening asking—

“Why?”

—as if he didn’t know the answer to that already.

Ren didn’t reply until 11 PM when he supposedly finished work and asked—

“You have time today?”

—and Dan Heng thought he was crazy, and said,

“No.”

Ren didn’t push further, and asked him questions like how he was, what he did, but he never
brought up what happened that day. And Dan Heng was a click away from asking, but he deleted
the message and answered the questions, instead.
On Sunday morning, Ren asked if he had time and Dan Heng replied I don't which Ren accepted as
an answer after a "debate" and they didn’t talk anymore until midnight when he called.

Dan Heng thought that Ren had a weird contact schedule. Who calls early in the morning and late
at night? He didn’t answer the call, pretending that he was asleep, but he’d forgotten that he clicked
on their chat and Ren saw that he seen him. So they talked about random things. Dan Heng asked
about his work, Ren asked how he’d been as if they didn’t talk the day before.

Then Ren mentioned that Kafka had this upcoming party, and she was likely to invite Dan Heng.
He replied, K, before drifting off to sleep, ignoring the next few messages.

Spring Break officially began when it hit Monday. Dan Heng went out with Stelle and March that
day. They went to downtown, while he shoved the statistics of seeing Ren out of his head.

He wanted to see him.

But not at the same time.

He missed a couple of things he guessed. Like Ren’s touches, teasing, annoyance, his entire
existence. He missed Ren being a good burden for him and a bad burden for his heart. He
missed Ren.

His eyes, how they glow like warm pretty sunset in light and how it pulled Dan Heng into the
depths of it in dark. His cheeks, that Dan Heng wanted to see, rosy, but he didn’t. His lips left him
wondering.

In a food court they spotted at a mall, Dan Heng spent his time daydreaming more than eating. His
eyes constantly flickering on where Ren’s work would be. Then he unconsciously muttered,

“What if Ren’s at work?”

Then he got dragged by March and Stelle at Ren’s work. Dan Heng was so confused, still no clue
that he said what he said, but it left him disappointed when he didn’t see Ren. There was a tinge of
relief within him, though.

March said that they have time and they should stay for a little longer in case Ren’s shift was late.
Stelle suggested to text him. Which was an idea that lingered on Dan Heng’s head since the
beginning. An idea he didn’t want to do, but he did, since Stelle mentioned and she’d keep
convincing him.

Dan Heng

You have work today?

Ren

Why

Are you there?

Dan Heng

Just asking

Ren

I just got off

Ten minutes ago

You there?

I’m going to drive back if you don’t answer me rn

Dan Heng

I’m not

Dan Heng didn’t say that Ren got off ten minutes ago. Instead, he said that he didn’t have a shift
and they should leave, since he had this gut feeling that Ren was on his way. Five minutes passed
before they left, and Dan Heng sighed in relief that Ren didn’t go. Or at least, he thought, until Ren
messaged him when he was inside the train.

Ren

You were there

I asked my coworkers

I could’ve seen you

I miss you

Dan Heng

They saw wrong

Ren

Should I ask my manager for the cctv

Dan Heng

I was there

Ren
Why didn’t you say

Dan Heng

I knew you were going to drive back

Ren

Still

Dan Heng

It’s just two weeks

Go home

Ren

Just?

I am going home

Are you home?

Dan Heng

Don’t text me I know you’re driving

I’m on the train home

Don’t reply

Ren

Are you home?

Dan Heng

No

Ren

It’s been an hour

Dan Heng

I’m at someone’s house

Ren

Whose?
Dan Heng

I’ll talk to you later

Ren

What

Dan Heng

You’re so unfair

That night, he stayed at Stelle’s house, playing Monopoly for hours. He found it reasonable to not
tell Ren anything at all since he knew where Stelle lived and he could just show up.

For the first time, he didn’t hide his conversations with Ren. He told them about it and they
laughed, saying that there was no way Ren didn’t like him back.

Still, the possibility scared him.

It wasn’t like he didn’t trust Ren with his heart if their feelings were mutual.

Just.

Yeah.

The second day of Spring Break arrived. Dan Heng saw Ren four days ago.

His parents announced that they planned the entire week for vacations. That got Dan Heng excited,
looking forward to spending time with his family.

Tonight would be their four hours drive to go to another city. Dan Heng opposed with the idea and
suggested that they should go tomorrow instead since four hours drive, at night, sounded
ridiculous.

They reassured him, and he had no choice but to pack up his clothes in his school bag after he
removed everything.

Ren

You have time?

Dan Heng

Can’t
Ren

Tomorrow?

Dan Heng

I’ll be gone for a week

Ren

Seriously?

Can I see you

Dan Heng

Next week

Ren

No right now

What time are you leaving

Dan Heng

Dan Heng

Hold on

“Dan Heng!” his mother called, and he dropped his phone on his bed and rushed out.

“Yes?”

“You ready?” she asked. “We’re leaving in an hour.”

Dan Heng looked at her, confused. “I thought we’re leaving at night?”

“Change of plans. We’re going with Stelle and March.”

Dan Heng smiled. At least he’d have his friends. “Okay, I’ll get ready.”

Ren

You still there

Dan Heng

I don’t have time

We’re leaving now

Ren
Really

Dan Heng

Wait

When Dan Heng finished getting ready, he took another look in the mirror and checked if he had
all necessities inside his bag before he grabbed his phone.

Earlier, when he got out of the shower, his mother told him that there wouldn’t be good Wi-Fi, and
they need to rely on their mobile data. But Dan Heng knew that would be expensive, so he packed
up a book he hadn’t started yet with the hope of fully occupying himself without needing internet.

He squished his camera somewhere, eager to capture so many memories with Stelle and March.
The trip would be the perfect opportunity to compensate for all the years lost.

Plus, a time off from Ren sounded good. His mind was due for a Ren break. He’d been occupying
his brain cells since the beginning of the Semester.

Dan Heng

Are you there?

“Mom! How much time!?”

Ren

I am

“Fifteen minutes! Are you ready?”

Dan Heng stared at his message, reading it over and over, contemplating if he should really send it.
He sighed, his mind telling him to give in, so he did.

Dan Heng

We’re leaving in 15 minutes

He rushed outside with his backpack to put it on the trunk.

Ren

I’ll be there

For five minutes, Dan Heng stood still right outside the door, waiting for Ren and waiting just in
case his parents call for help. For five minutes, he didn’t know what to think. He saw Ren four
days ago; which wasn’t that long ago, but Dan Heng, he wanted to see Ren before they leave.

“What are you doing?” his mother asked, and he turned to her, smiling awkwardly. “Oh, is that
Ren?” When she asked, he looked back and saw a black car parallel parking.

“Yeah,” he said. “Um. You need help?” he asked. His mother laughed and patted him on the
shoulder before she replied, “No, go to your friend.”

And off he go.

He fiddled with his fingers as he walked, his nose scrunched on the way out of the fence because of
his cold. When he went around their SUV, he heard a car door, slammed loudly, and saw Ren step
to the sidewalk and thought how he looked like a lost puppy, so he laughed. That was enough to
gather Ren’s attention, and he ran towards Dan Heng and pulled him into a hug. A tight, tight one
that Dan Heng had to stretch his neck to not choke.

“I missed you,” Ren whispered and nuzzled into Dan Heng’s hair. Dan Heng hummed, careful not
to say words he would regret. “I missed you so much.”

“Calm down. It’s been four days,” he said, though he missed him too, but he won’t admit that out
loud.

“I’m allergic to days when you’re absent.” Ren squeezed him and pulled away. Their eyes met, and
Dan Heng reached for his forehead and furrowed his eyebrows.

“Are you sick?”

“No,” he said, but Dan Heng noticed him breathed through his mouth and concluded that Ren was
sick. “I have a cold. Not that severe.”

“Oh, hello Ren.” Dan Heng looked behind to see his father opening the trunk of the car.

“Hello,” he greeted back, and Dan Heng smiled. “I should go.”

Dan Heng grabbed his phone from his pockets. “Mhm. Next week, then. I guess.” He nodded
slowly, his eyes stuck on the ground. “I guess,” he repeated, quietly.

When his father stepped away, Ren pulled him into another hug and Dan Heng returned it, his
heart and Ren’s breath so audible in his ears. “Have fun.”

“Yeah,” he whispered, patting Ren’s back. “You’re sick. Go rest.”

“Mm, I will.” He inhaled deeply. “See you, gege.”

“Mm.”
“Okay. I’ll let go now.”

Dan Heng laughed. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay, I’ll see you. Have fun,” was the last sentence he heard Ren say before they left to meet with
Stelle and March’s family.

Dan Heng grew restless for the next few days.

Maybe it was the first-night effect of sleeping in a new bed. Maybe his body didn’t want to sleep,
his mind refusing to shut down, preferring to calculate how the next days would go for him.

He was alone in one room, so he had the bed for himself and that was comfortable, but not enough
to get him through the first night.

On Tuesday’s midnight or Wednesday’s early early morning, Dan Heng woke up. His eyes
demanded for more sleep and his body asked for water.

Few minutes after contemplating whether he should go back to sleep or do his body’s wishes, he
got up. It was dark and quiet and he had to rely on the faint moonlight penetrating the grey
curtains. When he entered the bathroom, he closed his eyes after turning the lights on and splashed
his face with cold water.

Exactly what his body “needed” to sustain for dehydration and what his eyes wanted to stay
awake.

He walked back slowly to his bed, careful not to trip, and he laid, staring at the ceiling before
turning towards his curtains. He stayed still for a while, thinking. Until he gave up and grabbed his
phone.

Ren

Have you arrived?

Make sure to eat

I guess you’re sleeping already

Dan Heng read the messages with a smile. His heart thumped softly while his brain attempted to
create images of Ren.

Earlier, Ren smelled like mint, like medicine. He smelled like out of a garden, nature and earthy
and right now Dan Heng yearned for it.

He typed quickly on his phone, pressing the delete button to avoid typos.

Dan Heng

I woke up too early

Dan Heng stared at his message and waited to see if his eyes would falter with the brightness. Then
a message popped up.

Ren

It’s 2AM

Dan Heng

You’re awake too

Ren

Not the point

Dan Heng

Why are you not sleeping?

I woke up so what’s your excuse

Ren

You woke me up

Kidding

I’m revising the recent essay

Dan Heng

At 2AM?

What time did you start?

Ren
I’m not as good as you

Dan Heng

I’m literally failing

Ren

Failing my ass

You have a 95 for overall

Dan Heng

I don’t

What time did you start?

Ren

Yes you do

Does that matter

Dan Heng

Well if you’ve been revising since 9 PM then that’s concerning

Dan Heng

Ren?

Are you serious.

You need to rest

Ren

Worried about me?

Dan Heng

Why are you even revising now?

Do it after the break

Ren

I can’t

Finishing in advance is better

You told me that

Dan Heng

I didn’t tell you anything

Stop pinpointing me to your stupid ideas

Go to sleep

Ren

I’m on my conclusion

Dan Heng

You’re going to read it again at some point anyway

That’s a draft

Trust me you’ll find so many mistakes

Ren

Is gege worried about me

Dan Heng

I’m calling you stupid

Ren

I’m being efficient

Dan Heng

No

Go to sleep Ren like seriously

Why are you awake at 2AM revising a stupid essay

Didn’t you get an 89

She’s a strict grader

It’s not worth it.

Ren

You’re so cute

Dan Heng

I hate talking to you

I’m going back to sleep

Ren

I didn’t get an 89

You have high expectations

Dan Heng

You told me you got an 89

Ren

That’s for history

Dan Heng

My point stands

It’s late, she’s a strict grader, go to sleep Ren.

You can always revise later

Ren

Okay I will turn it off

You’re the first to scold me

I do this every time with Kafka and Silver Wolf

Dan Heng

Revising at midnight?

You guys are not okay in the head

Ren

We’re hard workers

Dan Heng

You’re stupid

Ren

Ok maybe that too

But you’re so adorable

Dan Heng

I’m never talking to you again

Ren
Yeah go to sleep

Dan Heng

You go to sleep

Ren

Don’t talk to me

Go to sleep

Dan Heng

No

Ren

Didn’t know you like talking to me that bad

It’s 3 AM go to sleep

Dan Heng

Why are YOU still awake child

Ren

We’re months away

Dan Heng

Okay.

Ren

Are you alone

Dan Heng

I’m with my lover

Ren

Lover?

You’re so old fashioned

And you don’t have one

Dan Heng
Who said?

You’re just jealous

Ren

I'd be if you're telling the truth

But you're not

Your future one is four hours away though

Dan Heng

???

Ren

I want to hear your voice

Can you call?

Dan Heng

I’m going to sleep

[Waiting for Ren to answer]

Dan Heng set the call on speaker, placed his phone down, curled into a ball and closed his eyes,
waiting for Ren with the warm, summery feeling in the middle of spring on his stomach.

“Hey,” Ren called. His voice sounded like music in Dan Heng’s ears.

“Mhm.”

“Say something.”

He smiled, recalling that Ren wanted to hear his voice. “What?”

Ren laughed lightly. “I didn’t expect for you to actually call.”

“Should I end it then?”

“No. Just weird, you’re not resisting.”

He yawned. “Don’t know what you’re saying. I want to sleep.”

“Go to sleep then.”

“Okay, I’ll end the ca—”

“Don’t.”

“What’s the point?” he asked, not wanting to end it either, but he wanted Ren to say something, to
say that he missed him so, so much.
Dan Heng swallowed slowly. He still wasn’t sure what kind of relationship he had with Ren, but he
liked it and he supposed that was enough.

For now.

For now, it was enough.

“Don’t talk. I’ll end it.”

“Are you going to read me a bedtime story?” Dan Heng joked, smiling.

“I will so shut up.”

Ren told him about his work, how Silver Wolf was the one that put a good word for him. He told
him that the drink he made last time for him was entirely experimental. Then he went on about his
English essay that Dan Heng wanted to scoff but he didn’t and covered his mouth with the blanket,
listening to Ren’s voice like a piece of classical music.

Ren sounded so good. Too good. He sounded serene, so calming, like an ocean at night while the
waves splashed against each other, creating cozy melodies. His voice was deep, pulling Dan Heng
and he felt himself falling deeper, deeper and further further, but he didn’t resist. He wanted Ren.

He liked Ren way too much. He liked the feeling of liking Ren. He liked it, no matter how
confusing.

“You asleep?”

Dan Heng wasn’t sure if Ren wanted an answer, but he hummed to let him know that he was on
the verge of falling asleep.

Ren continued talking. Dan Heng stopped hearing them clearly. His ears concealed the noises and
his mind created a picture of Ren, which helped him sleep, unlike before.

Half-asleep, Dan Heng heard,

“Where’s your pretend lover?”

And he smiled and kept his mouth shut, letting himself fall into a possible dreamland, and hoped
that Ren would sleep right after.
Dan Heng woke up at the sound of someone knocking on his door. He woke up grumpy, groaning
and craving mint. The fragrance on the jacket he wore yesterday was faint. Too faint that he
brushed his hair in annoyance, but opened the door with a smile.

Stelle and March greeted him with a smile, clearly more awake than he was. He let them in and
asked what their parents planned. They said that they were getting brunch somewhere, not that far
from the hotel and he questioned why not the hotel food and they made a face, saying that they
tried it, and claimed that dog food was better.

He didn’t ask how they knew the taste of dog food.

Wednesday afternoon, they found themselves a bridge away from a waterfall. Birds flew around it
and there was still snow on the land, waiting for the sun to melt them down.

Wednesday afternoon, Dan Heng realized that there was a signal, and he could call Ren. Then he
asked himself if he wanted to do that, considering how he told himself that this vacation should be
anti-Ren. Though he already broke his ‘policy’ earlier.

Stelle and March showed up in the middle of his contemplation and asked what he was doing. At
first, he hesitated, but he guessed it’d be better to say what he needed to say rather than building it
just to release later on.

It didn’t surprise them when he said that it was about Ren. Not even a bit taken-aback when he
mumbled that he missed Ren. Instead, they teased him and convinced him to call and said that it
was okay for him to miss Ren. That it was okay, since Ren most likely missed him, too.

When their family gathered for food, he excused himself and walked under a tree to block the sun,
and texted Ren. Just this once, he told himself, but he told himself that many times already.

Dan Heng

Did you sleep right after?

Ren

Afternoon to you too

First time you texted first

Missed me?

Dan Heng

Don’t make me regret this

Ren

Yes gege I slept right after

I’m at work
Dan Heng

Get back to work

I’ll talk to you later

Ren

I’m on my break

Was about to message you

Dan Heng

Are you still sick?

Ren

I’m starting to think that you’re worried about me

Dan Heng

It’s a yes or no question

Ren

I am a little

Dan Heng

Do you take medicines?

Ren

Why gonna send me some

I let my body deal with it

Dan Heng

Your immune system

Ren

Let’s not talk about bio

Don’t you hate it

Dan Heng

Hate is a strong word

What time do you get off?

Ren
Why are you suddenly interested when you’re away

Are you trying to make me go to you

Dan Heng

Why do you always answer a question with another

Ren

11 PM

Closing

Dan Heng

You work for ten hours?

Ren

No

Dan Heng

Thought you start at 2 PM everyday

Ren

You calculated my schedule last time

Dan Heng

Don’t look too much into it

I have to go

Ren

:(

Talk to me later

Not at midnight

Dan Heng

Don’t revise at midnight

Ren

Okay gege

I’ll listen to you

They went to a few more hiking spots, full of lakes and waterfall and Dan Heng was tired by the
end, that he threw himself on the bed face first and fell asleep. Of course, that didn’t last long, and
he woke up way too early again.

He woke up, puzzled, since his lights were on and the curtain was open and he could see that it
was dark out. He didn’t look for his phone and tidied up first to get rid of the sticky feeling because
of the sun, earlier.

Spring wasn’t supposed to be this hot, but it was and it was killing him since the air conditioning in
his room had problems. He considered calling for the management, but he shrugged it off, let it go
and returned to bed with a phone in hand.

Ren

You there

I’m going to revise if you’re not going to answer

I regret saying that

Dan Heng

I woke up again

Ren

Well it’s not good if you don’t wake up

Dan Heng

Why are you awake?

Ren

I did you what said

But you didn’t do what you said

Dan Heng

Idk what you’re saying

I’m tired

Go to sleep

Ren

I waited for nothing

Dan Heng
I didn’t tell you to wait for me

You said not to talk at midnight

Ren

You messaged me

Dan Heng

I know but let’s talk later

I’m tired

Go to sleep

Ren

Can I hear you

Dan Heng

No

Goodnight Ren

Ren

Not even a sorry :(

Dan Heng

Too bad you’re not cute in text

Ren

I’m cute then

In person?

Dan Heng

Whatever fit your delusions

Ren

Just one second of your voice

Dan Heng

No

My phone’s dying

Go to sleep
Okay?

Ren

Maybe I prefer you talking to me at midnight

You’re so cute

Dan Heng

I’m giving up on you

You’re annoying

Ren

You won’t

Dan Heng

You’re right I won’t

Goodnight Ren

Go to sleep you’re still growing

Ren

Aeons you’re texting as if you’re drunk

Why can’t you be this cute in person

Dan Heng

Should I be offended?

Think I’m gonna regret every message here

Don’t take anything seriously

I’m 0.1% awake

Ren

I will take everything seriously

Text me in the morning

I’ll haunt you in your dreams

Dan Heng

You’re already in my dreams

Ren

What
How come you only know how to flirt online

I hate you

On Thursday noon, the three of them gathered in Dan Heng’s room and Stelle placed a peppermint
essential oil beside Dan Heng’s phone without a word. He didn’t question the coincidence and
asked her to charge his device, before he half-asleep hopped in the shower to wake him up.

Then he shut his eyes for the third time while the cold water rushed through his skin, and
remembered that shit, he texted Ren and he couldn’t recall a single thing he said, as if he was drunk
and his brain completely blocked that memory.

He knew Stelle. He knew she would see the messages, since she always turn the phone on rather
than letting it charge alone. That would lead her to the lock screen. And the lock screen was all she
needed to see Ren’s messages, and he was certain Ren sent one or more.

So when he finished getting ready, it didn’t surprise him to see Stelle beaming while March was
beside her, with his phone in hand, not bothering to hide that they were snooping. He didn’t change
his password. That was most likely why March still had it on her hands. Not even sorry for
intruding.

Dan Heng didn’t rush to them, instead he focused on adjusting his camera and transferring the
photos on March’s laptop. Then they snickered and slid his phone towards him and saw that Ren
had texted.

Ren

Hey baby

You awake

And he sighed loudly, shrugged the idea off his friends’ heads before saying, “Don’t answer.”

And they, in fact, didn’t answer since his parents knocked on the door and said that they had to
leave.

They spent the rest of the day touring the city, walking around expensive neighbourhoods, taking
pictures in famous spots and eating their money away. This time they got home before 10 PM and
Dan Heng didn’t fall on his bed right away, solely because March and Stelle followed him inside
his room and suddenly proposed the idea that they should talk about Ren!

And Dan Heng immediately said, “No.”

And they looked at him, confused, and asked, “Why?”

“I’m taking a break from him,” he answered.

And they grew even more confused and said, “You literally talked to him earlier.”

Earlier being midnight, and he still had no clue what he messaged. But that didn’t matter. He
wanted to take a break, for real this time. When he said that, they pointed out that it would do no
good if he avoid Ren and that he should use it to his advantage and get closer to him.

Dan Heng said, “We’re close enough."And that dismissed the whole idea, and Stelle pulled out an
UNO from her purse and that was how they spent the next two hours until their parents said that
they were to leave early the next day.

Dan Heng went to sleep that night without his mind being a hindrance, demanding to answer Ren.

Dan Heng woke up at 5 AM and found himself inside the back seat at 5:15 AM. It was sudden, too
sudden, and he lacked sleep, but he couldn’t snooze on the car since the road was overly bumpy
and rocky and the sounds echoed in Dan Heng’s ears. He opened his chat with Ren as if he had no
other choice but to do so.

Ren

Are you ghosting me

Dan Heng

Dan Heng

Dan Heng

Why are you like this

You saw my message why are you ignoring me

Dan Heng

What?

Ren

You’re awake early

Dan Heng

Thanks for telling me

Ren

Why do you sound like I did something

Dan Heng

Didn’t know you can hear my messages

Miss me that much?

Ren

I do

What about it

Dan Heng

One sided

Ren

Don’t think so

You like me

Dan Heng

It’s nice talking to you too

Ren

How many days left

Dan Heng

Four

Ren

Are you sure

Dan Heng

Why are you going to tell me otherwise?

Ren

I want to see you

Come home faster

Dan Heng

No

Ren

I miss you
Badly

Dan Heng

Ren

You’re so annoying

Dan Heng

I’m taking advantage of the situation

Ren

You’ll regret it

Dan Heng

Happiness is temporary

What’s your point?

Ren

You’ll see once you come home

Dan Heng

If I come home

Ren

You will

Since you want me

Dan Heng

I feel dizzy

You’re making me throw up

Ren

Good throw up then

Dan Heng

I hate talking to you

Ren

Yet you keep talking to me

Dan Heng

You’re right

Maybe I should block you again

Ren

You won’t

Dan Heng

You’re too confident

I blocked you last time

Ren

You unblocked me

Dan Heng

That’s because you keep demanding for it

Ren

Don’t block me

You’ll unblock me eventually

Dan Heng

When did you start being so delusional?

Ren

The moment I realize that you like me

Dan Heng

Was that when I said I don’t hate you

Then you twisted my words to your liking

Ren

I’m just speeding up the process

When will you confess

Or do I have to make you

Ren

Look at you avoiding the conversation

How will you act if I do this in person?

Dan Heng

I prefer not to deal with your stupidity

Ren

Sure baby

Dan Heng

Disgusting

Dan Heng dozed off inside the car, even when the tires screech on the uneven road, even when the
air was loud with the windows closed, even after his conversation with Ren, he fell asleep and he
did, regretting and taking the recent messages as his second warning to never text Ren if he was not
fully awake.

Two hours passed when his parents woke him up. His earphones fell out of his ears, down to the
floor with his phone and he saw Ren’s messages but didn’t bother going through it and went out
without a word.

They were in a tourist place, a small town, and he spotted Silver Wolf from afar, but Stelle and
March called for her. When they did, she looked at them as if they didn’t know who they were
until Kafka showed up too, and Dan Heng knew they’d tell Ren about this.

His parents recognized Kafka, and they talked until Dan Heng finished taking pictures with March
and they parted ways shortly after. He didn’t ask why they were there together, and thought that it
was fortunate that Ren wasn’t with them, probably drowning in work hours.

At the end of the day, Dan Heng had to struggle again, sleeping in another unfamiliar setting, but
at least the air conditioning worked. He cuddled up in bed, fully trusting the blanket to be clean, as
he pulled it all the way to his mouth.

He wasn’t fully awake, but he wasn’t that tired and he figured that it’d be an okay idea to message
Ren, wholly shoving his policy away and throwing it into the furthest ocean.

Ren

Kafka and Silver Wolf saw you

Tell me they’re not being serious

I was supposed to go

But I didn’t

The hell

Dan Heng

Should I lie to make you feel better?

Ren

They’re not joking?

I know where you’re at though

What if I show up

[Ren wants to call.]

Dan Heng stared at his screen, thinking if he should press the green or the red button or maybe he
should wait it out.

Ren

Let me hear you

:(

Dan Heng

No

You’re so weird

Ren

I just want to call

How is that weird

Dan Heng

You’re acting out of character

Why are you so clingy?

Ren

Am I not allowed to

Dan Heng
It’s not like you

It’s weird

Ren

Sorry that I don’t go around asking to hear people’s voices aside from yours

Imagine me calling March or Stelle asking to hear their voice

Isn’t that more weird

Dan Heng

I prefer not to put that image in my head

I’m just saying

Do you wanna know my thoughts?

Ren

Enlighten me

Dan Heng

Actually nvm

I’m going to sleep

I don’t wanna send messages I’ll regret first thing in the morning

Goodnight

Ren

Wtf

What’s wrong with you

You can’t leave me hanging like this

On Monday, it snowed, and they were just an hour away from home, staying at a hotel near
downtown. They didn’t do much on the weekends. On Saturday, they walked around, trying
different street foods, ranking them, commenting as if they were chefs and professional food critic.
On Sunday, they stayed in the hotel. March and Stelle went to Dan Heng’s room, and they played
board games, online and offline, and they tried learning chess just to give up a few minutes after.

Three days.
Three days, Dan Heng and Ren didn’t talk. Well, Dan Heng didn’t talk to Ren, but Ren tried
talking to him, not giving up, always sending a message or two or more like a spoiled child telling
him to answer.

Three days passed when Dan Heng told March and Stelle what he’d been doing when they asked
how he was progressing with Ren and they caused a quiet, frantic ruckus asking why and spent
quite some time telling him to answer.

In the end he didn’t and continued his day as if Ren didn’t exist.

They went home on Monday. Late evening, around 11 PM and before they did, his parents stopped
by Ren’s work and had Dan Heng come out of the car and order for them. That was one
unfortunate errand he had to run. Then he found out that Stelle suggested it to her parents and so
the three of them had to get out of the car.

Dan Heng knew she did it intentionally, but he had to keep his composure and pretended like the
person he’d been ignoring wasn’t inside.

And Ren really wasn’t inside, so that was a relief.

Next morning, when Dan Heng woke up, he didn’t know what got into him but he opened the chat
with Ren, to check and see before he gets confronted personally.

Ren

You’re going home today right?

You better answer

Dan Heng

Yeah

Dan Heng spent his morning hours cleaning out their backyard, organizing the plants on their
porch and using the dead ones as fertilizers. As for his afternoon hours, he tried revising his own
essay for fun, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to do it since it reminded him of Ren and
guilt creeped from his stomach to his heart to his mind so sudden, so unexpected.

Seven days since they last saw each other. Seven days since he last heard Ren’s voice. A couple of
hours since he last messaged Ren.

He started asking himself why he avoided Ren, just for him to say that it was his stupid, useless
policy that he built because he can.
Dan Heng laid on his bed at 11 PM, unable to sleep, his mind finally bringing up his selfish act of
distancing from Ren without valid reasons. To be fair, it was too much. Maybe a little too much.
His feelings were. But then again, Dan Heng would need to deal with it. After all, it was Spring
Break, not Summer Break, and he would still see Ren for months.

So really, his point and his reason, if there was one at all, would’ve flown off hand-in-hand with
the wind to the nearest trashcan.

His phone vibrated on the side of his pillow. He continued to stare at the ceiling before he pressed
the open key button to answer whoever called him in the middle of the night.

“Hey.”

Dan Heng blinked, hard. Very hard and pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Then he
placed the phone in front of his face and his jaw hung open when the word Ren was on his
screen.

”What?” he whispered calmly, but his insides were in SOS mode.

”I want to see you.”

“Do you have any idea what time it is, Ren?”

“Almost twelve.”

“I’m not going out for you in the middle of the night. Go away."

“Even if I’m outside?”

Dan Heng sat up, his heart beating frantically. “What?”

“I’m outside.”

“You’re not.”

“I am.”

This was bad. Dan Heng knew it would be bad if he go out, to verify. It would be bad if his parents
catch him sneaking out.

So why did he end the call without a word, his foot stepping carefully on the floor to avoid making
creaking noises, about to twist the main door open in his pyjamas? He’d freeze outside, he really
would since he could hear the air blowing aggressively against their window, but that wasn’t the
point.

Why couldn’t he just say, no, leave, rather than risking himself, without prediction on how this
would unfold?

When he successfully opened the door without one of his guardian rushing to ask what he was
doing, he sighed and the air messed up his hair. With his bangs on the way, his face frozen on the
ground, he walked as he hugged himself and he didn’t bother to glance up from Ren, whom he
spotted seconds after going out.

“You’re so annoyi—”

Ren pulled him into a hug. Dan Heng saw it more of an attempt to crush him into dusts but he
stayed and leaned in and wrapped his arms around Ren. He didn’t smell like mint anymore, not
earthy, but he didn’t smell like his usual cologne. Ren smelled like coffee. Dan Heng wondered if
he got off from work and instead of going home, he went to Dan Heng, as if he was his home.

That’s too delusional, Dan Heng.

Dan Heng closed his eyes.

He let Ren nuzzle all the way to his neck, let him drag his hands to his hair, let him play with it, let
him feel the way his heart pulsed so abnormally around him. Dan Heng let Ren, because he liked it
so much it was nauseating. So addicting that it reached his stomach, giving this overly sweet
sickening pain.

Ren was so addicting.

This was bad. Really really bad.

“Ren,” he choked out, his voice disappearing with the wind, his words grabbing onto it, since Ren
didn’t answer. “Ren,” he repeated. This time, Ren hummed, pulling him closer to
the nonexisting gap between them. “You wanna come in?” he asked, and the second he asked he
regretted asking.

Ren let him go, and he felt extremely empty that he regretted asking a little less, because maybe
Ren would say yes. Dan Heng stared, examined him, and realized that Ren’s hair didn’t appear that
messy. He subconsciously reached for it, but Ren spoke.

“You ignored me,” Ren said, sharp and clear, and his voice was so magnetic that it pulled Dan
Heng and he craved to hear more.

“That I did.” He nodded, looked to his left paranoid that his parents might see.

“And now you’re inviting me inside.”

“I’m no—”

“You’re confusing,” Ren said and stepped closer. Dan Heng stepped back. “Do you know that?”

Dan Heng continued to step back, aware that Ren planned just that. “No,” he said, tripping and
when he looked down, they were on the stairs already. “Is this your yes?” he asked, and the
moment he asked, Ren pushed him inside the door and the floor creaked. “Ren, what the fuck,” he
whispered and place two hands on each of Ren’s shoulder in order to fight back the aggression.
Ren pinned him down the wall and he exhaled heavily, the door moving back and forth.

He tried to lean forward, to check in case his parents woke up, but Ren gripped him. “Wait,” he
said and duck his head to escape, but Ren, Ren knew how to get him on the edge and he got
slammed onto the wall. “Aeons. What’s your problem?”
“What’s your problem?” Ren repeated, and Dan Heng had no clue why he sounded that mad.
Because of what? Ignoring him?

“Get in my room,” he said, not meaning to imply anything. His head filled with Ren, and the
opened door and Ren and his parents waking up and Ren and the floor and Ren and the sounds
they were making. “They’re going to wake up,” he said and Ren, thanks aeons, Ren followed what
he said and Dan Heng fell onto his knees briefly before getting up and closing the door,
anxiously.

When Dan Heng entered his room, his curtains were open and Ren sat on his bed, waiting. He
sighed heavily, closed his door, debated if he should turn the lights on. He didn’t, and he
approached Ren, his arms crossed, and he stood there for a while, thinking about what he could
say.

Ren stared at him, the colour of his eyes faint from the moonlight, but it still made Dan Heng
overly nervous that he had to remind himself to breathe from time to time. He didn’t know what to
say; he didn’t know what happened out there. He only remembered that Ren embraced him, then
the next second, he was on his rampage.

The situation was harder with Ren not talking at all, as if trying to see if Dan Heng knew his fault.

He didn’t know how long he stood, how long Ren stared at him, how long it took to say, “Sorry.”

“Come here,” Ren said and Dan Heng glanced at him, hesitant.

“Feel like you’re going to kill me.”

“Maybe next time,” he replied, dragging the blanket to his body and inviting himself to the bed as
if it was his. Dan Heng watched him, thinking what he should do and hoping that his parents would
not barge in tomorrow morning. It’d be hard to explain Ren’s presence.

The second Dan Heng sat on his bed, Ren dragged him down and hovered above him. And he was
glad that the light was faint and he couldn’t see Ren properly or else—

“Why did you ignore me?”

—he’d be exploding.

“If I say there’s no reason, would you believe me?”

Ren scoffed. “It does sound like a you thing.”

“Does it?”

“Yeah,” he said, shifting closer to Dan Heng that he thought, he thought they were about to cross a
boundary. But Ren rested his face beside Dan Heng’s, like last time. “Still unfair,” he whispered.
 Ren said something. Dan Heng was sure Ren said something, but his voice was indistinguishable
and he drifted off to sleep before he could ask him to repeat.

Chapter End Notes

Ren moving on quick—he's just that kind (simp) for DH

 Chapter 17
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Dan Heng woke up to the sound of something clicking like a shutter. He groaned at the sound,
covered himself with his blanket, and rolled to his left, his eyes blinking slowly. When he saw a
shadow on his desk chair, he shrugged it off, thinking he was seeing things until a bright white
light flashed on his face.

“Morning.”

He half opened his eyes, the voice sending warm tingles on his lower stomach, and dragged the
blanket to his mouth, watching Ren watch him, smiling with a camera in hand.

Is this what I’ll see every morning if—no, Dan Heng. Stop.

Ren placed the camera on his desk, walked towards the bed, and sat right before Dan Heng’s
stomach. He reached for Dan Heng’s hair, stroking it up and down, and Dan Heng sighed softly,
closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, feeling all warm and cozy.

“Come with me later,” Ren said.

“Where?”

Ren shifted closer. “Kafka’s party.”

“What party?”

“You’ll see.”

Dan Heng hummed, buried himself on the blanket, his mind fixated on Ren’s touches. How his
hands moved gently, how he could hear his hair and his heart, and how he wanted to hug Ren right
now. Badly wanted.

“I need to ask first,” Dan Heng said, yawning as he tapped for his phone on the other side. He
opened his eyes and lifted his phone before him. It was 10:45 AM. His parents should be at work.
“You didn’t go out, right?”

“I did.”

He shot him a look, asking for elaboration on what time he went out and if his parents saw.

“I surprised them,” he added, and Dan Heng sat up, his heart beating way too fast early in the
morning. Well, not that early. Dan Heng sighed out of relief when Ren started laughing, pushing
him down on the bed. “Join me later, hm?” he whispered, burying his head in Dan Heng’s neck.

Dan Heng swallowed hard, placed his phone above Ren, and dialled his mother. “Get off,” he said.
When his mom picked up and Ren didn’t budge, he put the call on speaker. “Keep quiet.”

“Hello?”

“Hey Mom, can I go somewhere later?”

“Where?”

“Kafka’s hou—” he choked when Ren moved closer, his other hand tugging on Ren’s hair to
remove him. He cleared his throat. “Kafka’s house.”

“Are you okay? What time?”

Dan Heng sighed, pulling harder on Ren’s hair. “Yeah, I’m fine. What time?”

“Starts at three,” Ren whispered.

“It starts at three.”

“Okay, you going with anyone?”

“Depends. Stelle and March.” He swallowed. “If not, Ren.”

Ren hummed in his ears. “Okay, have fun!”

“Thanks Mom, careful on the way home.”

“Okay, hun.”

When the call ended, he really tugged on Ren’s hair and he released an ‘ow’ when his face was
away from Dan Heng’s. He breathed slowly, calming himself, and sat up. “I’m going to get ready.”

“This early?” Ren watched him go to his closet.

“Go back home.”

“Why?”

Dan Heng turned around, a black jacket in his hand. “What do you mean, why? Get ready.”

“It’s too early.”

“Go home,” he said and threw the jacket, landing beside Ren. “It’s cold out. Go home,” he added
before leaving the room with clothes in hand. “If you’re not home by the time I finish, I’m not
going!”

It snowed at 2 PM.

Dan Heng asked if Stelle and March were aware of the party happening and if they were going.
They said yeah, and that gave him hope that he’d be fine. Ren called him three times. He ignored
all three of them, eyes focused on cooking and on his book.

It took him thirty minutes to finish eating.

Someone knocked the moment he finished and sees Ren outside, saying they had to go.
“We have to go in time?” Dan Heng asked, ruffling his hair in front of the bathroom mirror. Ren
studied him behind, his eyes fixed on Dan Heng that it made it hard for him to breathe. “Are you
going to answer?”

“Not really.” Ren shrugged, pulling his phone out of his pockets. “Do they have a ride?”

Dan Heng glanced at him briefly. “Yeah,” he answered and turned the lights off before walking
past Ren. “Give me a moment.”

He entered his room and settled his camera in the bottom right desk drawer, with a phone in hand,
waiting for a message.

Stelle

You on the way?

Dan Heng

Ren’s here

Idk I’ll delay as much as possible if you’re not on the way

Stelle

Lol

I’m just waiting for March

You should go

Dan Heng

Okay

See you

Stelle

Yep

“Let’s go,” he said to Ren, his house key making sounds on his hand.

They arrived at Kafka’s house at 3:15 PM.

The party was a family plus friends because why not party.
When he entered, loud chatter and cries greeted him. There were so many people. Many adults
talking, greeting him, many children approaching him, staring. Many unfamiliar faces.

He spent hours talking to Kafka’s family. Not sure why he did, but he did, and he talked to them
about school. They talked about Kafka and how she had this childhood friend, Himeko, that
studied overseas so she couldn’t go. They asked how they met, and he had to filter some details and
changed the story a bit.

The talking was long and loud and he lost sight of Ren, but he spotted Silver Wolf playing with
children, completely blending in. Some played with her hair and Dan Heng thought that was
adorable, but Silver Wolf didn’t look so pleased.

Kafka’s cousin approached him when he was alone on the corner, waiting for Stelle and March.
She introduced herself, told her life story and Dan Heng had to introduce himself too, but he didn’t
tell her his life story. Then, out of a sudden, she mentioned Ren and asked if he knew him. Dan
Heng simply nodded, and she continued ranting and babbling and he didn’t take in a single word
she said about Ren.

It didn’t interest him. Other’s experiences with Ren that wasn’t his friends.

Shortly after, Silver Wolf snapped her fingers in front of him and tilted her head towards the stairs.
He followed her and informed Stelle that they were going upstairs. In Kafka’s room was no one,
which was surprising considering how many kids there were. Then he saw the keys in Silver
Wolf’s hand and nodded in realization. She locked the door after, probably drained dealing with
kids.

He spent time with her playing snake and ladders that she found somewhere before Stelle and
March called him and said that they were right outside the door.

“I didn’t expect to have this much people,” was what March said, and everyone else in the room
nodded. But Silver Wolf explained that this happens every year and Kafka invites those who were
close enough with her. Dan Heng wasn’t too sure if he should be glad, or not, but it wasn’t too
much since the room isolated them.

At 6:30 PM, Kafka told them to come down, that they should eat. They had no choice but to, plus
they were starving after being locked inside a room for two hours.

Dan Heng spotted Ren on the couch talking to Kafka’s cousin that talked to him, and he stared,
tried to see if there was something between them. He squinted when he did so and March pointed it
out, laughing, asking if he was jealous. He denied the claims. Why would he be jealous?

He stared for who knows how long until Ren turned around, probably felt someone looking and he
turned away, eyes tracing the fork he circled around his plate. Kafka joined their table and talked to
them, finally away from all her relatives and finally back with her friends. She asked what they
were doing in the small town last week, and mentioned that they invited Ren, but he didn’t go.

Dan Heng felt pairs of eyes on him after that until Kafka continued talking, saving him from the
unwavering eyes that waited for a reaction.

At 7:24 PM, they returned to Kafka’s room. Dan Heng asked if there were alcoholic drinks, just to
be safe. She answered, yeah and added, they’re separated before she left the room. They didn’t feel
the need to lock the door, since it was quiet downstairs and most of the children were tired,
anyway.

At 8 PM, Stelle informed him that her parents were looking for her. He said that she should go, and
he’d be fine before saying the same thing to March. Stelle left ten minutes after then March
followed ten minutes after her and Dan Heng considered going with them, but he supposed it was
fine. Since his parents still haven’t checked up on him. Then Silver Wolf excused herself, saying
she was going downstairs to play with the PS5 again and Dan Heng was all alone in the room.

Dan Heng didn’t have any plan to go down, not wanting to deal with the people. He figured it’d be
better since he was drained anyway, and the remaining social energy within him would amount to
zero. He went to Kafka’s bed, cuddled with her fresh blanket as he went through his phone, texting
his friends since he had nothing better to do.

Stelle

Are you still there

Dan Heng

Yeah idk what to do

I’m in Kafka’s room doing nothing

March

You waiting for Ren?

What if he left with the girl

Stelle

LMAO
Dan Heng

Screw him then

How am I supposed to go home

Stelle

Thought you’d be more pissed with him leaving with someone else

March

The chances are low

That’s why he’s not so worried

Right

Dan Heng

Idk

I haven’t texted him since I got here

Stelle

Well maybe you should do that now dumbass

Hurry maybe he’s waiting for you to call him

Then he’ll join you in bed

March

You’ll cuddle

Your heart will go ba thump ba thump

Stelle

HAHAH

Dan Heng

Why are you my friends

March

Hey you cuddled before

I remember he pulled you

AHDHGzf can’t get over that so cute

Stelle
Right

There’s no way that he only sees you as friend

But again I said you’re not JUST friends

Dan Heng

You said that how many times now?

Stelle

I’m just saying again

Tattoo it at the back of your head

Or front idk

March

Gotta keep reminding you

You can be stupid sometimes Dan Heng

Dan Heng

No need

I know what’s going on between us

Stelle

No you don’t

That’s literally the reason why you talked to us

March

When will you confess though

Stelle

Fr

Like

He clearly likes you too

Dan Heng

Am I supposed to confess

Stelle

Better than dragging it when you’re going to confess eventually

Dan Heng

There’s no eventually

I’m not planning

March

WHYYYYYY

Stelle

Yeah WHY?

I don’t get you sometimes

Do you want to be his boyfriend or what

Dan Heng

I’m fine with what he have now

Stelle

NO

Think dannnnyyy

You won’t be able to cross boundaries

You can hug and shit

March

But you can’t kiss him

Stelle

EXACTLY

Like

???

Don’t you want that

Why am I asking ofc you do

Dan Heng

It’s fine

Stelle

Why are you like thisssssssss

March

We’ve been waiting for how long but that doesn’t matter

What matters is when you’re going to confess and you have to do it before college

I feel like if you don’t you’ll lose your chance

Imagine that

Imagine parting ways with Ren

You never see him again after

Stelle

Because your dumbass will ignore his messages ik

Dan Heng

It’s fine

Stelle

It’s not

Like really not

This is the first time you told us you like someone and you’re not taking the chance to date him?

Listen time will tell and you might break up but it’s better to have those memories

Seriously Dan Heng

March’s right

Confess before college idgaf how you’ll end up we might hate him if he does anything to you but
like???

March

I highly doubt it

I don’t think Ren’s able to like anyone else

Idk him that much but he doesn’t seem to be the person to just like anyone

He has so many pretty admirers but he likes you we know he do so what’s stopping you?

You know he likes you

So many signs you choose to ignore

Stelle

Yeah
Dan Heng

I’ll see

Stelle

Gosh

Dan Heng

March

:’)

Stelle

If it’s the possible fall out that you’re afraid of

Then BRUH

Can’t really STRESS enough how you falling out with Ren is so so so so so fucking low

March

Agree

Dan Heng

Let’s stop talking about Ren

Stelle

Okay fine

Just tell us if anything happens ig

March

Text him now and ask what time you’re going home

Dan Heng set his phone down, leaned his head on the wall, and closed his eyes.

“Imagine parting ways with Ren.”

He sighed and shut his eyes tight as he controlled his breathing. A horrible attempt at swallowing
the tears demanding escape.

Holy shit. This is too dramatic, he thought to himself when it rushed to him like a waterfall. His
tears flowed to his cheeks, neck, some to his ears like raindrops, and something in his chest felt like
it was tearing apart. He blinked hard to put a halt and wiped quickly, in case someone comes in, but
it was endless. His tears kept coming and going, pausing, then continuing and—
Maybe it was endless. Because the thought of losing Ren hurts. It really really hurt that he choked,
gasped with the same script reciting in his head telling him how stupid, stupid, stupid, it was to cry
now, cry about Ren, to think about Ren being gone, when he was still there, still present.

—he panted. Swallowed the lump in his throat. Tried to. He pressed his sternum like that would
help him breathe and applied pressure in his stomach to stop the growing feeling that was so
uncomfortable, so painful.

But nothing. Nothing helped. He sat up to inhale deep, and he did so but too deep that he felt a
quick spasm and he had to exhale quick. Then he did the same thing, inhale deep, exhale quick
until his breathing got shorter and shorter, quicker and quicker and for a moment he thought he was
actually dying.

He leaned forward, held onto his trachea like his sobs choked him up, and gasped loud when the
door opened.

“Dan Heng?”

Silver Wolf rushed beside him. Calmed him down, repeating inhale, exhale, a few times. Her voice
sounded collected, but Dan Heng knew she panicked when she left the room, almost tripping on
one cushion on the ground.

He leaned against the wall. Breathed through his mouth and counted in his head. He didn’t know
what that did, but it helped, and that was all he needed. Help. Desperately so, and Silver Wolf
barged in, shut the door with a glass of water in hand.

They sat in silence for a minute. It felt like a very long time for Dan Heng. Getting caught “red-
handed” or well, crying, filled him with embarrassment. It was awkward that he wanted to lock
himself in a coffin, bury himself on the ground.

He pulled his knees to his chest and said, “I’m fine, sorry.” Silver Wolf grasped the glass in his
hand, waiting. “I’m really fine. Thanks.” With that, she took it from him, stood up, and paused.

“Don’t say sorry,” she said. “If this is about Ren, just tell me I’ll make his life terrible for free,”
she added and he laughed, raising a thumbs-up.

Dan Heng leaned on the wall, his eyes closed, his breathing controlled for a long time. He hadn’t
checked his phone, never checked if his parents called, didn’t ask Ren what time they were leaving.
He had no clue what time it was when the door opened and closed and a weight was on top of him
and arms wrapped around his waist.

He opened his eyes and saw a dark hair on his chest. Ren clung to him, his hands on his waist, his
head on where his heart would be. “Ren?” he called, his arms on his side, his hands urged him to
brush Ren’s hair. “Hey.”
Ren raised his head, pulled himself closer, and Dan Heng had to move back into the wall like he
could sink within it. “Ren,” he repeated and tapped the side of his face, gentle and slow. Ren
dragged his hands up to his back and he jumped. “Ren.”

“I like you.”

Dan Heng looked at Ren—

His world froze. His body froze. His mouth tried to utter a word, but it couldn’t. Then it clicked.
Drinks. He asked Kafka if there were alcohols. It was like the word drunk answered his worries
and he freed the breath he’d been holding, realized that he thought too much.

Still, it wasn’t good. Ren was drunk, and he uttered the three words Dan Heng desired to hear. He
said the three words Dan Heng wanted to say, easily, just like that. Too easy that Dan Heng
furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, rejecting the three words he didn’t think were genuine.

“No,” he said. “No, Ren. You’re drunk,” he claimed.

—Ren looked at Dan Heng

He groaned and moved closer to his face, a gap away. “I’m not,” he argued. “I’m more than
sober.” He leaned in, Dan Heng leaned back, nervous, wondering if there was truth in that word.
Ren didn’t smell like alcohol. But he can’t. He can’t. He didn’t know how alcohol smell like. He
can’t.

Right now, he was between the border of happy and confused, but he felt more sad. He tried
removing the arms around him, but Ren was too strong that Dan Heng stretched his neck up in the
air saying, “No, Ren. No,” in hushed whispers, his voice down to the ground.

Ren pulled him up, his eyes serious and blank, and it pained Dan Heng. He didn’t know what to
do; he didn’t know what to say, what to think because hours before this he read his friend’s opinion
on confessing, minutes before this he cried because of the thought of Ren leaving.

He didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t know if Ren was drunk, but he can’t rely on himself.
His knowledge. Resistance. He had to resist himself. “No,” he repeated, eyes not wavering away
from their contact.

Ren tilted his head. “No?” he said. “I like y—”

“No, no,” Dan Heng interrupted, being pushed down on the bed again. “No, Ren. Please. Don’t say
that.”

Ren reached for his face and he grabbed his wrist before he could touch and shook his head.

“Dan Heng.”

“No.”

“I didn’t drink. I’m not allowed to. I’m not drunk,” he recited and leaned close enough to share
their breaths. “Do I smell like alcohol to you?”

Dan Heng placed a hand on his jaw, and Ren leaned in to the touch that it hurt. Dan Heng wanted
more. But he can’t. Right now, he can’t.

“No, Ren,” he huffed out and closed his eyes briefly. “No.”

He breathed heavily, deeply. It ached. He lifted his hand up to Ren’s neck to pull him down onto
his shoulders. “Everything that comes out of your mouth now I will invalidate,” he whispered. “So,
stop. Please.”

Ren didn’t say more, his arms holding tighter, his breath audible in Dan Heng’s ear. Dan Heng
used his other hand to feel for his phone.

“Hey, Mom,” he said, swallowing the sob from his throat.

“Hey what time are you going home?”

“Um, so—” Ren shifted closer to his head. This time it hurt. It didn’t feel nice. “I don’t think I can
go home tonight,” he continued.

“What?”

“Yeah, I—I’m sorry Mom, tomorrow morning, please? I can go home tomorrow morning. I
promise.”

“How about Stelle and—”

“Yeah, um, they already went home. Hours ago,” he paused, tilted his head to the left where Ren
was. “I’m here with Ren, though. I—” He sighed. “I need to take care of him. Is that okay?”

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” she asked, and Dan Heng nodded his head to the worry in her voice.

“I am, Mom. Sorry, I can’t come home.”

“That’s fine. Be careful, okay? Is Ren okay?”

Dan Heng nodded and dragged his other hand to Ren’s hair. “Yeah, he’s okay.”

“Okay. See you tomorrow, love you.”

“Thanks Mom, love you too.”

He sighed when the call ended. Not a single weight lifted off his chest as his arm gave up and fell
to his side.

“Ren. Get to bed,” he said, and the door opened. Kafka looked at him, then at Ren, and grinned.

“You’re gonna crush him, Ren,” she said and walked towards the loveseat to throw another blanket
at them. “He’s not gonna budge. You can sleep in my bed.” She shrugged. “Not like you have any
other choice.”

Kafka went to her closet, grabbed a charger and left.

Dan Heng fixed the blanket between them, his eyes stinging. “Can’t you let go?” he asked. Ren
 shook his head.

Good aeons.

Morning. He needs to get away from this as soon as morning struck.

Chapter End Notes

haha...kiss? okay sorry <3

 Chapter 18
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Numbed body, puffy eyes, runny nose and a heavy heart. Dan Heng woke up, left the house, and
got inside a taxi like that.

It wasn’t simple work to get Ren out of the way. Since he held onto Dan Heng too tightly even
when he was asleep that it almost felt like he didn’t want to let go, didn’t want to release Dan
Heng, like he secured him in place knowing that he would leave the next morning.

Turned out he was right.

It wasn’t simple work, but Dan Heng managed and on the way out, he saw Kafka outside and they
talked for a bit as he waited for the taxi he called to arrive.

Dan Heng got home around 6 AM. His parents were still home, so they asked what happened,
asked who dropped him off, asked about Ren. He answered all questions with lies, lies, lies and
said that something came up, Ren dropped him off and Ren was well. He didn’t know if they
believed him, but they let it go and Dan Heng let himself fall onto his bed. A scent of coffee
lingered in his blanket.

When Dan Heng woke up, his parents were gone. The skies were dark shades of blue, with no
clouds, and the sun sparked brightly. He woke up at noon, with his mind telling him to check his
phone for messages from Ren. And he did and found nothing. But Stelle asked if he got home,
March asked if anything happened and he answered yes and no, respectively.

He needed to tell someone, since there was no way his mind will let it go. Then again, he didn’t
think that it was serious. He’d tell them once an actual problem accumulate, because right now,
they were fine. He thought it was okay, that he’d eventually forget. He hoped Ren forgot.

It was on the living room couch, watching the snow drop from the roof, when Dan Heng decided
that if they were okay, he should be fine to talk to Ren. It should be fine. Uncomfortable, but fine.
Doable.

Dan Heng

Are you awake?

Ren

You left

How did you go home?

Dan Heng
Taxi

Ren

What time did you leave?

Dan Heng stared at the message. He could lie and said last night, or tell the truth. Then again, if
Ren had some fragmented memories of last night, he could lie and debunk that and let him think
that it was just a dream. Just a dream, nothing more. Then another message popped up.

Ren

Can I come over?

How good of an idea would it be to have Ren over? Not that good.

Dan Heng was unfair. Ren was right. Since he waited, they waited, but he was backing up on the
schedule that Ren probably planned for them, for him.

Dan Heng

Can’t right now

Ren

Tomorrow?

Dan Heng

I’ll see

Ren

Did you leave last night?

Unfair was one thing.

Dan Heng

Earlier

Being a coward was another.

Ren

Why didn’t you wait for me?

Dan Heng

Had to go back

My parents waited

Ren

Sorry

You could’ve woken me up

Dan Heng

It’s fine

I told them you drop me off

Ren

They weren’t mad?

Dan Heng

No

I told them beforehand

Ren

That you’ll stay?

Dan Heng

Yeah

Ren

Dan Heng

Dan Heng

Hm?

Ren

Did I do anything last night?

Dan Heng
No

Ren

You sure?

Dan Heng

I am

Ren

If I found out that you’re lying what should I do?

Dan Heng

Nothing

Since I’m not lying

Ren

Kafka’s not talking

For once

Dan Heng

What?

Ren

Just feel like you’re hiding something

Dan Heng

I’m not

You’re overthinking

Ren

Is that so

Dan Heng

I gotta go

Glad. Dan Heng was glad. Ren recalled nothing. What a relief.
Dan Heng spent Thursday afternoon walking. He walked to his school, went inside the courtyard,
and back to the fence where it lead to the train station. He looked around shops he’d been seeing a
lot, entered some of them to leave shortly after.

He didn’t know what to think of the situation. Pretend. That was what he came up with. He wasn’t
the best at pretending; he guessed, but it would do. No one knew aside from him what happened
that night and he’d rather have it stay that way.

Dan Heng rocked back-and-forth, his eyes frozen on the ground as he pulled the scarf Ren lent him
to his nose. It smelled like nothing and it made him just a little queasy and empty and he wanted to
see Ren badly and wondered if he’d show up if he say so.

He didn’t say.

The city smelled like winter. Far from spring. The city looked dead. It lacked greens, lacked
flowers, lacked colours. It reeked of pollution. The air was chilly and strong. It stung. He kicked a
pile of snow, hard snow that he immediately regretted it and he decided that it’d be better to go
home.

Thursday night, dinner, Dan Heng knew his parents were still worried. Then he really thought, am
I that bad at pretending? But they said nothing and Dan Heng slept soundly even if there was a
tsunami of thoughts flooding his mind.

The next day, when Dan Heng arrived at Stelle’s house for a sudden meet up, her face said a lot
and she was surely suspicious of something. Dan Heng thought she, too, was easy to read, but then
he realized it was intentional. Stelle rarely hides her concerns. She refused to, if she really wanted
someone to see. And she wanted Dan Heng to know that she knew something was up, and he
would need to spill it out soon.

They spent around thirty minutes together until March arrived with photo albums in her hands. It
was the pictures of their recent vacation. Dan Heng was happy to see the traces of what they’d
done last week, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Ren. His mind was full of Ren, Ren, Ren, and
Ren texted him earlier that morning.

A text he didn’t check until he had to go home at 7 PM.

Ren

Do you have time?

Dan Heng

Sorry
Didn’t see

Maybe tomorrow

Ren

Am I stupid

Dan Heng

What?

Ren

You think I’m stupid don’t you

I did something didn’t I?

Dan Heng

I told you no

I was with Stelle and March

Ren

You’re not telling me something

I know

Dan Heng

What?

Ren

Nothing

Tomorrow then?

Dan Heng

Maybe

I’m going to bed

Ren

This early?

You can say you don’t want to talk to me

Dan Heng

Stop it
You’re being too dramatic

Ren

Dramatic?

Dan Heng

Let’s talk tomorrow

Ren

I hate that I can’t bring myself to hate you

Goodnight

Tomorrow didn’t come.

At least it didn’t until Spring Break ended and school started again.

Dan Heng had to see Ren again.

Throughout their lessons, Ren stared at him, as if he wanted to say something or for Dan Heng to
say something. Neither of them said anything, and silence filled the space between them for the
two boring classes. At lunch, Dan Heng didn’t go with Stelle and March. They informed him that
they’d go with Kafka and Silver Wolf a minute before the bell rang. He didn’t see their messages
until he got to the cafeteria, and he walked away from the place, unsure if Ren was behind him, to
go to the library.

If Ren was behind, he didn’t follow, and Dan Heng had no clue where he was.

In the end he needed alone time and Ren, thankfully, gave him that. He spent his time
contemplating, trying to figure out what to do, but it got too overwhelming that he stopped. He
concluded he had to do nothing. Nothing but forget about it. He knew that required a lot of time,
but it’d be doable, he supposed.

Few minutes into lunch, Ren showed up, sat beside him, without a word, and watched him. Dan
Heng let him be. Well, he didn’t have any choice but to. It felt comforting above everything else.
Even if he felt thorns drilling all over his body, urging him to throw it up, release it, say what he
had to say, Ren’s presence soothed him. More so, when Ren shifted closer, his hands clasped,
placed before his knees.

He didn’t need alone time.

That was merely his own manipulation, trying to tell himself that Ren in his life did not have any
difference.
Minutes before the bell rang, Ren said, you're so weird and left Dan Heng alone for his spare class.

That left him confused more than anything, but he let it go, didn’t think much of it, and spent an
hour and a half of his life recalling the party. Again.

“I like you.”

Three words.

Three words and one voice that kept repeating in his head throughout their biology class.

Dan Heng didn’t take in anything aside from the fact that Ren smelled like honey. Too sweet that it
made him bitter.

Three school days.

Ren spent three school days pointing out how weird Dan Heng was and he would always do it
minutes before the bell for his spare. So even during biology, Ren would recite the two words,
you’re and weird, before leaving to go to his next class.

It didn’t bother Dan Heng. In fact, he didn’t care about it, seemed like a usual Ren attitude, but he
was so confused. Since for the past three days, Dan Heng would leave him alone at lunch for him
to show up minutes after. He did nothing, said nothing, and he would sit beside Dan Heng and
stare like he was some specimen.

Then he thought, maybe it’s his way of revenge. Maybe it was Ren’s soft revenge for all the Spring
Break day invites that Dan Heng rejected by making up excuses.

Today, though, was different. Ren didn’t show up for lunch, and Dan Heng almost grabbed his
phone to ask where he was. Almost. His English essay definitely helped him stress about school
more than his “love” life.

Still, it felt empty. Like something was missing because Ren was not there. He tried to convince
himself that it was okay, but nothing was. Nothing was okay. Something changed.

It felt empty because Ren hadn’t been that clingy. He hadn’t been teasing him, hugging him. He
hadn’t been a nuisance that Dan Heng would hate to say it out loud, but he missed it. He missed
Ren, and that was pathetic, since Ren was just there, literally right beside him for three classes.

Aeons. Three days. Only three days had passed.

Dan Heng missed Ren so much that when they gathered outside, he stood beside him, taking in the
honey fragrance mixed with cold air. It smelled so sweet. Sickening sweet and Dan Heng wanted to
hug Ren, so the fragrance cling into his jacket.

He didn’t. Like a coward, he stayed still, watching the four of his friends talk.

It was as if they were in the same world, but separated. In a different timeline. Because Dan Heng
was stuck thinking about last week and Ren was present and their paths didn’t align.

It sucked that it didn’t align.

They stayed there for a long time. The four talked for a long, long time. None of them budge until
someone bumped Dan Heng on the side and he fell into Ren’s arms. The fragrance was so pure
then, and he wanted to stay but didn’t and he turned around to the view of Sushang, grinning.

“Sushang,” he greeted, standing back up as if nothing happened.

She opened up her arms.

Dan Heng smiled and stepped away from Ren to hug her.

It felt nice. To hug someone again. But something was missing.

Maybe it was because Sushang didn’t hug that tightly. Maybe because she didn’t nuzzle her way
into his neck. Maybe it was because she didn’t play with his hair.

It felt so so so nice, but it lacked something.

His emotions bloomed like a flower, too quickly that it wilted right after.

They talked for a while.

Sushang mentioned Jing Yuan, what they had been doing in the student council. Then Luocha and
she exchanged four or fewer sentences with Ren about him. Dan Heng introduced Stelle and March
when they approached them, and Sushang greeted them cheerfully.

They clicked well.

Sushang, March and Stelle clicked so well that it brought warm in his heart and temporarily forgot
his worries.

He listened to her intently, taking in every bits of her happiness. Sushang was good at storytelling,
was his takeaway.
She left too soon, though. Luocha and Jing Yuan showed up, telling her to come, and Luocha
waved a little. Dan Heng wasn’t sure if that was meant for him, or for Sushang, or perhaps for
Ren, who was his former classmate.

He watched them go, his smile disappearing.

“Who’s that?” Ren asked from behind and he jumped a little.

“A friend,” he said. “Sushang.”

“Since when did you have other friends?” he asked, and Dan Heng turned to him, offended.

“Before you were here,” he answered, crossing his arms and Ren—

Ren pulled him into a hug.

It was so sudden that he stood still. His hand felt strong heartbeats. He couldn’t tell if it was his or
Ren’s, but he believed it was his and—

They haven’t hugged in so long that he considered crossing the boundaries earlier so he could do it
without a second thought.

They haven’t hugged in so long that his pulse rang in his ears and he felt like he was melting like
wax, his body warming up.

He inhaled deeply and wrapped his arms around Ren.

—it felt so nice. Too nice. Overwhelmingly nice.

It was warm inside Ren’s arms, so comfortable, like they were each other’s last puzzle pieces.

Ren felt like a fireplace in winter, where Dan Heng would be near at with a book in hand, feeling
cozy, so comforting.

Dan Heng felt like a dead tree from winter, suddenly flourishing so quick, so good, so healthy
inside Ren’s grasp.

It made him sick. So so sick that he didn’t know if that was good or bad, but he tightened the hug,
to let him know he missed him even though they were always around each other.

“I hate you,” Ren whispered, and Dan Heng opened his eyes, not sure if he should laugh. “I hate
you,” he repeated. His voice lacking spite and hatred, contradicting what he was saying.

“I like you.”

Dan Heng hummed and drew circles on his back. “Do you?”

Ren exhaled quietly, his hands playing with his hair. “Yeah. I hate you so much,” he said. “This is
confusing. We’re so confusing.”
He smiled bitterly. Seemed like he wasn’t the only one having a crisis. That made him feel better.

“I missed you,” Dan Heng said and closed his eyes. He swallowed his hesitation, his regret
nowhere to be found.

“You can’t say that,” Ren said. “You’re so unfair.”

The whispers around them quieted and he could feel two piercing gazes at the side of his face that
he refused to look at. “Why am I not allowed, but you are?” he joked, his laugh small and soft.

Ren didn’t answer.

When they parted, Dan Heng wanted to do something, wanted to say something but everything he
desired, he inhaled and they left, thinking that everything was back to normal.

Dan Heng ended going through his week, feeling great, like he thrived, and his flood of thoughts
swam back to the Pacific Ocean.

School was stressful, very stressful. But Ren was enough to get him through the day. He might as
well be the reason Dan Heng still goes to school. Kidding, he really had no choice but to. His
future relied on education, he'd say.

Dan Heng would never admit how much he liked, loved Ren’s presence. Even if Ren acted like his
usual self, always teasing and flirting, sometimes blurting out pet names, and the tight hugs and the
leaning like he wanted to kiss Dan Heng. He liked Ren. Loved was too early. He was too young to
think that but his mind would always autocorrect like to love like a broken keyboard.

It didn’t matter, though. He wouldn’t say those three words out loud. Not now. Maybe, maybe in
the future.

Dan Heng regretted one thing.

He regretted avoiding Ren when he was back for Spring Break, because, aeons, school wrecked
him. It was like an earthquake 24/7 and he was a lone building, rocking back and forth while on the
verge of falling apart, of breaking, but Ren was there, and Ren kept him still, supported him.

Oh, aeons. He was in love. He didn’t know it yet.

His birthday week was a surprise, solely because he wasn’t aware that his classmates knew his
birthday. Ren knew his birthday and Dan Heng had a feeling that Ren planned something that it
sent this tingly feeling low low in his stomach. It was uncomfortable, but his insides overflowed
with excitement.

First birthday in years with his friends.

And the person he liked (loved).

His birthday week was a damn surprise because there was suddenly a week worth of paragraphs
and project due for English and history and Dan Heng when they announced it in class as if it was
good news, he wanted to break down and ask, are you fucking serious?

See, it wasn’t like he was bitter because it was his birthday week. He didn’t care. 0% cared, but it
was too stressful that he wondered how Ren remained unfazed.

Too stressful that it brought an actual good aftermath.

On Tuesday, Ren announced that Silver Wolf passed her driving test, and it surprised Dan Heng,
worried for her, and for her passengers. When Ren told Silver Wolf about his reaction, she squinted
her eyes and Dan Heng remembered how she was the one that found him wailing his soul out in
Kafka’s room.

He didn’t know how that was relevant though, why Ren told him like it was a big big deal.

He didn’t know until on Wednesday afternoon, Ren proposed the idea of coming to his work after
school. To do school works, he said. Dan Heng took it more of an invitation to hang out more, he
said nothing but, "I’ll ask them, first," them being his parents.

It was on Thursday when his parents seemed fine with the idea, fully trusting Ren to take care of
their son.

His birthday was on Thursday.

On his birthday—

March and Stelle showed up way too early in the morning. Early like 5 AM and they barged into
Dan Heng’s room when he was still asleep, shouting, “Happy birthday!” And threw themselves on
top of him, moving him back and forth to wake him up.
That worked, and he threw them off of him and his bed, laughing, and they laughed at his bed hair
before messing it up more, commenting and mentioning Ren as if his life depended on Ren, alone.
They asked what they planned, and Dan Heng shrugged and hopped into the shower without
touching his phone.

When he finished, they were eating at the dining table with his parents laughing and when they
spotted him, March dragged him and took pictures. Dan Heng ended up with a frosting on his face
minutes after he washed his face and he threw a pillow at Stelle so hard it was like he had some
internalized anger for her.

When the clock struck 6:30 AM, they went inside Dan Heng’s room again, paper plates on their
hand full of food they sneaked in. His only worry during that was the stuff falling onto the carpet.
They didn’t care, since it wasn’t their room and he shook his head at the chaotic scene of March
and Stelle stealing food from each other’s plates.

Then he grabbed his phone, heart escaping from his chest, and turned it on.

Ren

Happy birthday baby

Dan Heng smiled sheepishly, biting his lip and turning around to hide from March and Stelle, but
they already saw and rushed to him, abandoning their plates on the floor. He ended up showing
them in the end, and they talked too loud that his parents had to tell them to quiet down. March
pointed out how Ren sent that at exactly 12 AM. Then Stelle kept emphasizing until it was time to
go to school.

Dan Heng

Gross

Thank you

They walked to school, side by side, March in the middle, swinging both her arms up and down.
Stelle hummed a song he wasn’t familiar with and March joined. His two friends’ humming
sounded like a lullaby and it touched his heart, gentle like it was delicate. Maybe because it was.
Then it snowed minutes before they arrived at school, and Dan Heng blamed it on their singing.

Upon arrival, the trio waited inside and they greeted him with, “Happy birthday." And Silver Wolf
shoved a cake pop into his mouth before he could say thank you.

Ren threw an arm around him and they stayed close, like they were inseparable, until they needed
to put distance between them in classes.
After a long day of working in essays and projects and pre-labs, Dan Heng wanted nothing more
but to go home. There was plenty of happy birthday throughout the day, and it was new, since he
didn’t remember being so popular amongst his classmates and teachers. Then he thought if that
was a side effect of hanging out with someone popular.

Before he parted with Ren, he said that his parents allowed him to go for the after school meet-ups,
but had a curfew of 12 AM. Ren asked if he wanted to go now, at the same time Dan Heng asked if
he wanted to go to his house. A bold invitation, Ren said.

Ren preferred Dan Heng’s idea, fortunate that he didn’t have any shift today. His parents talked to
him a lot. Like they were interviewing him, trying to see if he was the right guy for Dan Heng. Dan
Heng was sure that wasn’t it though, but that thought lingered inside his head even when Ren
finished talking and he joined him in his room.

“You have a new perfume,” Dan Heng stated absentmindedly when he heard the floor creaked
behind him. The perfume got closer, way too close that he had to slow his breathing so his craving
for it wasn’t visual.

“Kafka gave me it,” he said, resting his head on Dan Heng’s. “She demanded that I use it or she’ll
spray me some in school.”

Dan Heng smiled, his eyes focused on his screen while he hummed the same tune that Stelle and
March sang earlier. He sighed, slowly. He wanted to hug Ren. So bad that the words he typed were
incomprehensible. Dizzy. He felt so dizzy at the smell.

“You like it?” Ren asked, wrapping his arms around him, making it harder to type sentences that
made sense. “The flowers bloom like honey, sweet and—”

Dan Heng closed the laptop. Ren laughed.

“That’s your draft?” he asked, still laughing, and he paused. Dan Heng died a little when he
paused. “So you do, huh?” he said, and although Dan Heng couldn’t see, he heard a grin in that
voice.

“She has good taste,” he said, removing Ren’s arms to get up from his chair. Ren followed him
from behind, the sound of zipper echoing in his eyes and Dan Heng almost almost screamed
internally, cause aeons, Ren planned to give that. He planned to.

Fuck. This feeling is overwhelming, he thought, his hands clenched on his shirt. And it got even
more overwhelming when Ren placed the jacket around him, trapping it in between them when he
hugged Dan Heng from behind and dragged him back his room.

“Yeah, I agree,” he whispered, warm air touching Dan Heng’s ears, sending shivers throughout his
body. “Your heart is beating really fast.”

Dan Heng exhaled loud and received a chuckle from Ren, not teasing, not mocking, just genuine
and that made him feel so weird. So warm and hazy. But he let himself sink into Ren’s embrace,
even if he had no idea how he’d explain this to his parents.
“You know he likes you.”

“Thanks for informing me. I didn’t know,” he said.

“You’re welcome baby.”

—he had fun.

Dan Heng did not expect another talking session with his friends. Let alone a day after his birthday.
It was as if they gave him a day of happiness, since they planned to talk to him and get real.

Friday.

Friday, they had no school.

Friday, Dan Heng chilled on his bed, reading a new book, Ren’s jacket embracing his body as he
breathed calmly, taking in the sweet sweet fragrance, occasionally grabbing the hot chocolate on
his desk.

It was a vibe. His day was a vibe. Winter vibe, like he refused to accept the fact that it was Spring
already.

To be fair, it didn’t look like Spring. The trees were still dead, the grasses ungrown, decomposed
flowers, the surroundings lacked colours. Plus, there were still snow all over.

But it felt like Spring.

He thought he was blooming.

March and Stelle went to their house unannounced.

They arrived in the afternoon, and Dan Heng had to move away from the comfort of his bed to
answer the door. When he did, he didn’t know what to expect. He asked them why they were there
and they said, to hangout! and that did not sound believable. It did not convince him a bit.

First and last thing they did was go into his room.

And he watched them sit on the floor, playing UNO while he tried reading his book with all their
shouts of, reverse! ha! get four! His attempt at reading was unsuccessful, of course, and he closed
his book, set it aside and asked,

“Why are you really here?”

They said the same answer until they finished the game and Stelle said,
“We have to talk.”

Dan Heng didn’t know four words were enough to scare the hell out of him. Where did that come
from? At first, he looked at her, confused, not really sure why they need to talk. Why he needed to
talk again, and she said it as if she was about to confront him about something again.

Stelle asked him to settle on the floor, and he did, and they formed a circle where they placed the
UNO box. It felt like a ritual, more than anything else. Like they were performing some voodoo,
curse, whatever using the UNO cards and all they were missing were candles and dark lighting to
really get into the vibe of it.

Then he realized it was much, much worse than what he imagined when Stelle said,

“What happened that night?”

Dan Heng stared at her, his mind recalling the memories he’d already buried by the euphoria he’d
felt for the past weeks. It left him baffled. He didn’t know if he should be mad at Stelle for
bringing it up when they’d been fine or if he should be glad that she brought it up since it would
come back for him, like a ghost, and haunt him at night. Eventually.

After minutes of silence, he answered,

“Nothing.”

His words, she did not buy. March didn’t appear to know anything at all. That it was just Stelle that
knew. That it was because he visited her, when his thoughts were still dishevelled and she saw
right through him.

That was his mistake. A big one.

Then she boasted,

“I know that you seem fine with Ren now and I don’t—I really don’t wanna intrude, but it’s hard
for me to keep ignoring and pretending like I didn’t see you bothered when you came to my place.
Sure, fine. Your relationship with Ren had been okay, still no labels, that’s fine. But I can’t let go
how horrible you looked that afternoon. Something happened that night. What happened?”

In the end, he ended up telling them. Since Stelle was one heck of a persevere person, too.

He told them the last five, ten minutes of his night before he drifted off to sleep with Ren on top of
him, "drunk". Then Stelle argued, “Are you sure he was drunk? He’s not allowed to drink.” And he
had to tell them that he wasn’t sure, he didn’t think so, but he couldn’t rely on himself. He did not
want to make a mistake he’d regret.

Then he said, “He doesn’t remember.”

March replied, “He pretended.”

Stelle added, “True. He’ll eventually confront you with it.”

And that was the only thing he remembered throughout the hours of chatting.

He pretended.

That was possible. How did he not think of that?

 They were fine now, so there’d be no point in bringing that up.

Right?

Chapter End Notes

They're fine!
 Chapter 19
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Pretending. Two can play that game.

Two weeks passed. A lot has changed. Well, not so much in other people’s perspective.

The flirting wasn’t one-sided. They always look like they flirted every inch of a second, so—not
the outsider's perspective fault.

If Ren says, I missed you, Dan Heng would reply with, I missed you too, so naturally, as if he didn't
turn a blind eye before.

Then again, is it really flirting if they were only saying honest feelings? Maybe.

Yearning. Yearning for each other's presence occurred even more when they started clinging to
each other.

The hugs Ren gave, still as tight as before, like Dan Heng would go away, like he would go find
someone else that wasn’t him. As if.

The hugs Dan Heng returned without hesitation, his hands drawing circles on Ren's back,
sometimes brushing up and down while he closed his eyes, listening to Ren. His breathing, his
heartbeat, every sound he made when he try going deeper into Dan Heng’s nape.

Ren had been more direct, showing even more signs that he liked Dan Heng.

Dan Heng had been more accepting, letting himself fall deeper without hesitation.

Two weeks passed.

Two weeks passed already, so why was there much school work!?

Dan Heng descended on the table, inhaling deeply, exhaling loudly, feeling like he was forty feet
under the ocean, drowning in school work. Now he felt like he’d rather drown in the actual ocean
than school. He’d rather drown in Ren’s eyes than at school. He didn’t like school. He never liked
school.
Dan Heng dragged himself up when he heard footsteps coming towards him.

“Here,” Ren said, placing a cup of matcha latte, sliding to sit beside Dan Heng, who narrowed his
eyes on the paper article their history teacher gave. “You looked stressed.”

Dan Heng grabbed the latte and bit the plastic straw as he drank. “I am stressed.”

Too sweet. He turned the cup around and furrowed his eyebrow when it says, 50% sugar. Was this
an attempt to wake him up or murder? He didn’t ask.

“You need a hug?” Later.

He said, “No. Get away from me.” With a voice lacking seriousness. He sounded irritated either
way. The drink was too sweet, but he had to force it down his throat now. Ren seemed aware that
Dan Heng didn’t mean what he said when an arm found its way around Dan Heng’s waist that he
didn’t shove away. Why would he?

Dan Heng’s waist.

Ren loved his waist—

Two types of hugs. Quick hugs and long hugs.

Quick hugs rarely happen. They only happen at night, when they need to part ways. The process
would be Ren’s arms above Dan Heng’s, Dan Heng’s arms on his side or trapped in between him
and Ren. It would last five seconds, at best.

Long hugs, on the other hand, were a daily occurrence. It was like, after they didn’t hug for five,
six days, they couldn’t go through their day without a long embrace. Ren would usually be the one
to hug first, the non-clingy guy to everyone excluding Dan Heng. His arms would wrap around
Dan Heng’s waist for a few seconds before pulling him closer, snuggling his way deeper into his
neck. Once they hugged long enough, Ren would play with his hair, and Dan Heng would lean
towards Ren, feeling all warm and flustered. It would last—time varied. But more than twenty
seconds, really.

Long hugs would happen at school, at the start of the day, at the end, inside, outside, in class, and
outside class, when Ren would excuse himself to the “bathroom” to hug Dan Heng during his
spare.

—that was his takeaway after all the hugs they’ve done.

This was exactly why he’d been having a crisis. Better crisis.

Ren’s perfume danced in the air.

After Ren found out that Dan Heng liked the new perfume, it became stronger, so Dan Heng could
only assume that he sprayed more that he almost felt sorry for those who had sensitive noses. Poor
them, Dan Heng thought, unable to appreciate the honey-lavender fragrance. Then again, it meant
he had it for himself.

Allow him to be delusional.

For himself? What a joke. Plenty of his admirers appreciated the change of fragrance too, that Dan
Heng would naturally roll his eyes at them, to receive either a laugh and a nudge from his friends
or a smirk he wanted to wipe off from Ren.

Ren watched him, before turning to the side to grab his laptop. “Is it good?”

Why thank you for asking goes unsaid as Dan Heng spoke. “It’s sweet,” he complained, sticking
his tongue out to emphasize his disgust. Ren laughed.

Dan Heng loved his laugh—

Two types of laugh. Gentle and Loud.

Gentle laugh only for Dan Heng to hear. It would usually be a quiet, low-toned laugh that
happened whenever they were out in public. So, that recent laugh was a gentle one, avoiding other
people’s attention. Because honestly? They were in their own worlds, anyway. They did not wish
for anybody else’s attention.

Loud laugh for everyone to hear. It sounded like a crazy, loud as hell speaker that echoes in Dan
Heng’s ears back-and-forth, which would linger for the longest time, sometimes even before he
drifts to dreamland. Ren would usually laugh loud around their friends, so it was a blessing to those
admirers who still wanted him, since they’d been eating altogether during lunch. If not together,
then he and Ren, alone. Plus his admirers. Aeons. Dan Heng despised his admirers. But nowadays,
if they were to eat together, Ren would drag Dan Heng away without waiting for a cry for help.

They would end up in the library most of the time, alone. Sometimes, Dan Heng would read.
Sometimes, Ren would be catching up in school. Often, Dan Heng would lay his head on Ren’s
shoulder, and Ren would rest his on Dan Heng’s until the bell interrupt their peace.

If not at the library, then outside on the backdoor of the garden, with Dan Heng laying on Ren’s
lap, a book in the air as he tried to read rather than stare at Ren.

Dan Heng hears his laugh every single day, but it still sends this warm tingles all over his body
whenever it happens.

—it never fails to fill all the empty spaces in his body. Mostly his heart, though.

Ren placed his elbow on the table, rested his face on his palm, looked at Dan Heng while his
laptop tried its best to get through the loading screen. “It’s almost May,” he said, voice cracking in
the middle that had Dan Heng spare him a soft, quick glance. “What?”
Dan Heng sighed, his pen losing its ink as he circled the word ‘boundaries’ on the paper. “You’re
still sick,” he said, quietly. “Also, tomorrow is May,” he added. Almost made it sound like it was a
week away.

Ren grinned, giving his laptop a brief glance. “You worried?”

The amount of times Ren asked that question was countless. He would always say the same two
words to tease Dan Heng, not really expecting him to answer the question seriously. Then, Dan
Heng thought at that moment, how it was a perfect opportunity to answer and honestly.

He, too, rested his chin on his palm, facing Ren. “I am.” He smiled, sweetly, he hoped. “What
about it?”

Flirting. Two can play that game.

Cross the pretending. There was no pretending, just a minor event between them.

Ren’s lips formed a line after he answered, his cheeks flushed as his lips raised into a shy, no more
like a proud grin. Dan Heng watched his expression change, satisfied, but also a bit taken aback.

That was a first.

Dan Heng reached for his face, his hand feeling just right on his jawline. Their eyes locked,
flickering up and down, while Dan Heng caressed his face with his thumb. He caressed his face
like he wanted to take the rosy hue away for safekeeping.

“If you kiss me, maybe I’ll get better.”

Dan Heng smiled, rolled his eyes, withdrew his hand, and returned his attention down on the
article.

The sooner they finish, the better. The lesser the work, the better. The more time with no worries,
the better.

The daily downtown visit after school began on Monday after his birthday. At first, Dan Heng was
hesitant. He wanted to be with Ren, but his friends planted something new in his head. It was too
new. It scared him.

His fear did not last long.

Before school started, Dan Heng wasn’t too sure how to act, but when Ren greeted him with a hug,
it soothed him. He relaxed and let himself forget about it, saying it shouldn’t matter right now.
Later it might, but for now, it doesn’t.

On their second day, Ren had a shift, and they studied for half an hour together. Dan Heng stayed.
His eyes gave up hours before Ren finished, but he waited, his head falling out of his hand when he
rested, but he watched Ren when his eyes didn’t falter.

Ren didn’t finish until 11:30 PM and Dan Heng, when he saw the time, felt so worried. He was so
worried that Ren worked that late, even with school, even when he was drowning with stress. Even
with the busy schedule, Ren made time for him.

When Ren started approaching him, he had to blink the burning feeling on the back of his eyes and
stood up, almost tripping on the cables of his laptop charger and opened his arms wide, hugging
Ren, pulling him and his eyes gave up, so did his body, like Ren was his home.

Ren hugged him back. No word spoken between them as they stay like that for—Dan Heng didn’t
know how long, he didn’t care. He was too tired to care. He just wanted to hug Ren after a long
day.

They see each other almost 24/7. They met every day, after school, to go to the cafe, and worked
on their assignments in silence, drinking, hopefully not too sweet, milk tea. There were days when
they still went, even with finished school works. After all, it was an excuse to be together.

They both knew that.

Whenever Dan Heng had nothing to do but think, it always came down to his relationship with
Ren. It felt fine. Actually, it felt too good to be true, but there they were, acting all affectionate as
friends. Overly affectionate.

Dan Heng questioned the use of labels. The thoughts of boyfriends sent this prickly feeling into his
lower stomach. He sighed, too loud, he supposed, since Ren looked at him and kept his eyes on
him. Turning around, he mouthed, what? and Ren rolled his eyes, smiling, probably glad that Dan
Heng seemed fine, his fingers tapping hastily on his sage green bluetooth keyboard.

Sage green. Dan Heng loved it.

But Ren, using a sage green keyboard, confused him.

There was a day when Dan Heng brought up the colour of his keyboard and Ren gave him a look
of, what? You have a problem with it?

The conversation went:

“Why sage green?” Dan Heng asked, crossing his arms. The colour looked nice, but he
remembered Ren saying that he liked red.

Ren raised an eyebrow, examined his keyboard before looking at Dan Heng. “Why not?” he asked,
placing his attention on his keys again. Dan Heng bit back a grin at the view.

Ren looked cute.

“I’m just asking.” He shrugged, crumpling his first draft paper and throwing it into the trash.
Except it fell to the ground and Ren saw, so he laughed.
“Your aim did not age well,” Ren said. Dan Heng stood up to throw his litter properly and returned
to his spot beside Ren. “You like green,” he answered, eyes following Dan Heng.

“Lame reason,” Dan Heng said with a smile, eyes focused on searching up synonyms of—sage
green? Why am I searching up sage green?—he pressed backspace multiple times. “Should I
change my keys to red, then?”

Ren laughed. “You remembered.” How could I not? You stranger zoned me that day. “You can’t
even change your keys.”

Dan Heng closed all his tabs, except for the google document full of his brainstorm. “I know.”

Dan Heng stretched his arms, his neck, his entire body, and his spine cracked. So loud that Ren
turned to him, his eyes wide, enough to communicate what he was thinking, and it was, what the
fuck, Dan Heng?

He met eyes with Ren and laughed softly. He was so tired. English was so tiring that he hated all
the books assigned for them to read. To be fair, who would get excited reading a book forcefully
shoved right at their faces, while there was a demand of explanation, paragraphs of explanation,
waiting?

Ren watched him.

It made him feel like he was some attractive model, so captivating that Ren couldn’t take his eyes
off of him. And it became so uncomfortable, even if he’d been doing that since forever. He
mumbled, “What?”

“Ren,” he whined when Ren pulled him closer, his hand resting on Dan Heng’s stomach. It felt so
warm. Dan Heng felt like he was burning. “Don’t put sugar on my order,” he said, totally ignoring
the reason he whined. Ren laughed, his voice entering Dan Heng’s ears, staying there for quite
some time while his brain archived his voice for later.

“You should’ve told me then,” he said.

“Telling you now,” Dan Heng whispered, closing his eyes. He was so tired.

“You wanna go home?”

He shook his head. “I wanna stay,” he answered loudly, that soon turned into whispers.

“What did you say?”

"I wanna stay with you.”

He felt tipsy. Maybe it was the sugar’s side effect, but Dan Heng was not regretting a single word
he said today. Maybe he’d let himself slide this time. Leave the memory later for him to cringe at
and regret and have it haunt—

“Okay,” Ren whispered, his breath clear and quiet. “I’ll stay however long you want.”
If he counted right, it had been two minutes.

“Ren.”

“Hm?”

“Is there anything you’re not telling me?”

Actually, that was unfair of him to ask. If there was anyone that need to say something, it was him.
What happened that night, they should share, but Dan Heng kept it to himself, not even treasuring
it a little, because that night—that night was a mistake. Not like anything happened. Thank Aeons,
nothing happened. But—

“How about you?”

Dan Heng groaned, his question leaping back to him. “Yeah,” he said and sighed. No turning back
now. “...Yeah.”

“Mm. Me too,” Ren said.

Dan Heng closed his eyes.

He did not expect the…honesty? It was as if Ren wanted him to be honest at first, and see if he was
willing to say his thoughts before he could say his. That increased the probability of Ren
pretending that he didn't remember shit. Either way, it felt like a weight, with too much pressure,
was lifted off of his body. Mainly in his chest, his heart, and his mind, and he felt happy, not
scared.

“You wanna talk about it?” Ren asked.

He shook his head. “Not right now,” he said, opened his eyes to see and saw sky with red and
orange gradient. It reminded him of Ren’s eyes. Crimson red. Warm red. Pretty. “Next time.” He
turned to Ren, faced him, and he looked so gentle that Dan Heng wanted to have him pocket sized
and keep him in his heart forever.

That sounded like kidnapping.

“Okay,” Ren said and stretched his arms wide. An invitation for a hug that Dan Heng accepted
willingly. It felt uncomfortable. Their position. Dan Heng had the chair in between his legs, his
arms under Ren’s. Ren faced the table, his shoes touching the ground, and he turned sideways to
wrap his arms around Dan Heng’s back. Dan Heng wanted to pull him even closer, but there was
no more space. “You look homesick,” he whispered. “Am I stealing your family time?”

Dan Heng didn’t know if that was a joke, but he rested his head near Ren’s shoulder and closed his
eyes, saying, “You feel like home.”

Ren made a sound akin to a purr, and Dan Heng laughed lightly, small like he only wanted Ren to
hear. No one else. “What happened these past weeks?”

He hummed, leaned to his left where Ren’s head was. “The perfume,” he said, serious. “It’s the
perfume.”
Ren chuckled. “You like it that much? Is it better than the other one?” I like you.

“Which other one?”

“Hm? I only have two.”

“You smelled like mint before I left,” he reminded. “For spring break.”

“Oh.” He laughed. “Silver Wolf set a diffuser in my room. Peppermint.”

Dan Heng hummed, not wanting to talk anymore. For now, he wanted to stay quiet inside Ren’s
grasp, listening to the faint music playing through the speakers.

The red sky turned into dark blue, empty skies, lacking stars, lacking clouds, lacking beauty, but
Dan Heng saw it as the loveliest view ever. Or maybe—just maybe—that was because he looked
at Ren, not above.

“I’m tired,” Dan Heng sang, blinked his eyes couple of times, hard and soft, to keep himself awake.

“We don’t have to keep doing this,” Ren said, turning the left signal on. The sound reverberated in
Dan Heng’s ears.

“Are you not tired?”

“I can’t let myself be tired or we’ll crash,” he answered, laughing. Dan Heng felt bad, though. If he
put a stop, then both of them could rest, no? But he didn’t want to stop. But this was bad for them,
their health, not them. It was good for them, whatever they had.

“You need to rest.”

“I will.”

“You work too hard.”

“I work enough.”

“No, Ren,” he argued, pushing the seatbelt away from his neck. It suffocated him. “You work too
hard.”

“I’ll rest.”

Silence.

Then, Dan Heng spoke. “Really wanna take care of you.”

Ren turned his head to him briefly. Just briefly, since the road demanded for his attention. “You’re
too tired.”

“I know what I’m saying.”

“You’re mumbling,”

“You still heard me.”

“I did.” He sighed. “Yeah.”

Ren had to assist Dan Heng as if he required assistance. He didn’t. It was the exhaustion finally
hitting, but Ren insisted that he would go in with him. And he did. He went in with Dan Heng on
his arms, his bag on one side of his shoulder. It was fortunate that they went home earlier than
usual, since his parents were still awake and in the living room, and they opened the door for them.

Second time.

It was the second time they saw their son getting carried by Ren that he wondered, when Ren put
him down on the bed, if his parents would be okay if he dated him. He smiled. Silly thoughts.
They’d probably be. Most likely.

His mom liked Ren.

His dad didn't look like he hated Ren.

Dan Heng liked Ren. Ren liked him back, unless he was just playing around.

“Hey,” Dan Heng called, feeling Ren shift on his bed, not laying down. “Get home. We have
school tomorrow.”

Ren hummed, brushed his hair up, and he had to try to so hard to peel his eyes open. Ren smiled at
him, leaned in, left a quick kiss on his temple.

His world was fireworks. It sparked so brightly when Ren pulled away, waiting for a reaction or,
well, waiting for him, to sleep. Dan Heng raised his arms up, really wanting to do something else,
but he said, “Let me hug you.”

And they did hug. Dan Heng looped his arms around Ren's neck, not too tightly, so Ren could go
back home without a strained neck. He stayed like that, feeling all comfortable, like he could sleep,
then he remembered that it was an awkward hug and Ren was probably not enjoying it as much.

“What are we?” he whispered, too hushed he didn’t think Ren heard it.

He didn’t think Ren heard it until they parted and he answered, “We’ll get to it.” Ren leaned in,
placed another kiss on his hair, this time. “Go to sleep. Goodnight.”

“Mm. Goodnight.”

“Careful on the way home.”

“I will.”
Before Dan Heng woke up extremely cold but hot at the same time, like he was in Antarctica,
covered in ice, but the temperature was 40 Celsius, he heard his mom open his door and say,
“Wake up.”

He heard that very, very faintly, though.

That didn’t matter. Yes he woke up, but he dragged his knees to chest, dragged the blanket all the
way to his nose, and he rolled around, and when he did, it felt like thousands of tiny needles drilled
into his head and realized he was sick.

He could only hope for his mother to pass by again and maybe check. He was certain it was way
too early in the morning anyway, with the stainless steels clashing from the kitchen and the faucet
running and the sound of oil and the not so quite exhaust fan.

It was too loud, but his body still called for sleep, so he closed his eyes. He tried to sink on his
blanket, on the animal cushion that he recently got, he tried to breathe through his nose, blocked,
through his mouth and realized that his throat was extremely dry and—he just gave up trying to be
comfortable and focused on sleeping instead.

The second time Dan Heng woke up, it was dead silence. Until he rolled to the other side and the
floor creaked.

“You awake?” his mom stopped in her tracks and asked.

“Mm.”

Totally awake.

The third time he woke up, a subtle light touched his skin and there was a weight on his head.

Seconds later, it was lifted up at the same time he heard the floor creaking near him.

“Is he sick?” he heard his mother asked.

“I think so.”

Dan Heng opened his eyes, blinked until he could make out his mom standing and Ren sitting in
his chair. He huffed out a sigh, a little out of frustration, for himself since Ren was there and
probably was to pick him up, but there he was sick, on the bed, being a hind—

“You okay hun?” His mother approached him, touched his forehead, and winced slightly. “Stay
home,” she said, as if he planned to get up at all. Even if he did, he’d fall, like last time. “We have
to go.” She turned to Ren. “Thank you.”

“No worries,” he said, his tone soft, and his mother left the room.

Dan Heng removed his attention from the door and buried his head on the blanket. “Leave,” he
said. Ren answered by placing a hand on his hair, carefully tugging many strands at a time.
“There's time.”

“Ren.” He sighed. There was no use arguing with him. He opened his eyes slightly, enough to see
Ren in his uniform. He searched for his sleeves and pulled it beside his pillow.

Ren shifted closer, to make it easier, to let Dan Heng do what he want.

“You need to go.”

“It's fine.”

“Ren.”

“Thirty minutes.”

He glanced up at Ren, who didn’t look fazed at all. Like he knew this was coming and wanted to
be there for Dan Heng. As if he didn’t care that he drove to his house, for nothing, because Dan
Heng, he wasn’t nothing.

When they met eyes, it felt magnetic and Dan Heng wanted to cup his face, pull him until no more
gap remains between them. Aeons, he really was sick. He can’t do this.

“You get sick a lot.” Ren moved closer. He chanted no no no in his head like a spell and turned
away, rolled to the opposite side, the smell of honey disappearing, making him more dizzy.

“Blame it on you.”

Ren laughed. “Holding grudges now?”

His laugh was hoarse, raspy, alluring. Dan Heng wanted to shut him up using his own ways.

“Leave me alone Ren,” he said, skin tightening at the sound of his lies. That was far from what he
wanted. Actually, he’d like Ren to stay forever, but there was school and he was sick and he really
want to kiss him right now. He really, really needed Ren to leave. Ren sat on the bed and placed
his right arm before Dan Heng’s stomach.

“You take medicines?”

He shook his head.

“You want water?”

He shook his head.

“You need anything at all?”

“No.”

“You want me to leave?”

He nodded.

Ren chuckled. “Why?” he asked, clearly not buying that. To be fair, he didn’t sound that
convincing.

Because I really want to kiss you right now.

“School,” he said, instead.

“Can I get a hug?”

Dan Heng rolled his eyes. “You sound like a highschool kid.”

“That because I am.” He shifted closer, hands brushing his hair. “We are.”

“Right.” Dan Heng turned around, spread his arms weakly and Ren leaned in, wrapped his arms
around Dan Heng like he was his safe place. Dan Heng hoped he was his safe place. “Will you go
to school after this?”

Ren hummed. “Maybe.”

“Ren,” he whined, closing his eyes, tired. “Need to rest.”

“Okay,” he whispered, removing his arms around him. Dan Heng opened his eyes to Ren moving
closer, pressing soft kisses on his temple, then his eyes, then—Dan Heng breathe shakily, asking
himself what the hell they were and if this was crossing the boundary.

Ren placed the last kiss right below his eyes and moved away, enough gap left between them. Dan
Heng flickered his eyes up and down and up and he cupped Ren’s face—he cupped his face and
pulled him—or he pulled himself closer, and he swore there were sprinklers in his stomach, filling
him up with warm warm water when their lips brushed, subtly. Subtly, he hoped as he whispered to
Ren's ears, “You should leave." And pushing him away. Gently, by the way.

He let himself fall back to bed, rolled to the side, eyes closed, his heart beating way too fast and
excused his action, his desires with his sickness. He was too dizzy. He couldn't do it. He—he
wasn't so sure what he wanted, yet. No, he was sure. Just not in this state.

“I'll come back at lunch,” Ren whispered, removing his arms around him.

“Keys,” he said, his head still having scrambled thoughts. “Get the keys on my desk. I'm not
getting up for you.”

Ren chuckled and left without a word.

Safe to say that Dan Heng spent so many hours thinking if Ren knew what he was trying to do.
Actually, before he did that, there was no thought process—Ren was close, too close, and he took
the opportunity. It was the perfect opportunity. Then when he rolled back to his bed, he waited—
well, not waited waited but knowing Ren, he thought he’d try to tease him, tease him so much that
they end up kissing for real.

Thank aeons, he didn’t. He was sick. He couldn’t handle any more additions to their relationship.
Everything was making him nauseous, every action, touch, words—he was touch starved the
whole time Ren was gone, and Ren was still gone, and he would still be gone for the next hour.
Unless he decides to leave one class. Then he wanted to hear Ren, so bad that it was cringe, so bad
that he stared at his phone, his eyes trying to peel itself close, but there was nothing, nothing,
nothing at all, and Dan Heng was slowly growing more and more desperate.
He got up around fifteen minutes ago, or sat up per se. He just drank the water on his desk, which
wasn’t there before, but he didn’t hear Ren place it before he left, so honestly, he had no clue how
long it had been there or if it was clean at all. He didn’t care, his throat was drier than the Sahara
Desert.

Then minutes after that, he stared at his wall, if not at his ceiling, counting the amount of
“popcorns,” then wondered why they were called popcorn ceilings in the first place.

That didn’t matter. What mattered was the reply he got five minutes ago, that he stared at five
minutes ago, that he ignored five minutes ago, that he answered right about now.

Stelle

Holy shit you’re being serious

Crying screaming throwing up right now

YOU KISSED????

Dan Heng

You need to work on your reading comprehension

Stelle

Okay listen

Brushing lips = kissing

Dan Heng

Why do you say it like that

Stelle

That’s literally how you described it to me

Can’t believe you’re acting risky when you’re sick

Maybe you should get sick more

Dan Heng

Thank you for your support and care

Let’s not be friends anymore

Stelle

U love me

Dan Heng

If you stop confronting me about my business maybe I will love you

Stelle

I said sorrryyy

Please forgive me darling

Dan Heng

Why are you on your phone

Stelle

WHY are YOU

You’re the one sick here

BUT I can’t believe you’ve made so much progress with Ren

AWW

Dan Heng

I hate talking to you now too

Stelle

Too?

Who’s the other one

Dan Heng

Not you

Stelle

Ren?

LOL

Okay actually the foods teacher is looking at me crazy crazy

So Ren’s gonna visit you right

Kiss him then

Dan Heng

Why did I tell you

Stelle

I’m a good adviser

Good advice-r
Dan Heng

Hope your phone gets taken away

Stelle

I hope you trip on your steps and kiss Ren

The bell just rang

Dan Heng

What

Stelle

OH

It’s short classes

Dan Heng

Tell me what to do

Stelle

Wow looking for advice

First time

Is this what it’s like when you’re inlove

Dannyyy

Dan Heng

Nvm

Forget I asked

Stelle

I just saw him

Go to the parking lot

Goodluck ( ʃƪ˘ ˘)(˘ ε˘ʃƪ)

Restless.

Dan Heng grew restless, but that was probably because he was sick and was using his phone
instead of resting, staring at the wall instead of closing his eyes, counting the things tiny rubble
markings on the ceiling rather than counting the minutes he had left before he officially die of a
heart attack.

Heart attack since my heart beat way too fast for you, sounded romantic but tragic it was eurgh.
Yeah, eurgh.

To be fair, he wasn’t that sick. He was earlier, but now, not really. Maybe the two hours nap was
enough, maybe the water was actually potion, but he was better. He felt better, not the kind of
better where he could stand up and get another glass of water, but better that would suffice for him
to sit up and strain his neck on the headboard instead of his spine when laying down.

He waited.

Minutes.

Then he jumped, slumped back on his bed, when he heard keys.

Ren.

Ren was there.

Now that he was more awake, he had no clue how he was supposed to face him.

“Dan Heng.”

He bit his lip, taking short breaths under the covers.

“Hey,” he called, his hands reaching to get the covers off. “Why are you resisting?” He laughed,
and he sounded so good in Dan Heng’s ears. Aeons.

Aeons. Aeons. Why was he feeling this way out of a sudden? He hadn’t lost his cool since last
week. Dan Heng swallowed, hard enough to rid of the thing blocking his throat. What thing? He
didn’t know. But he did that a couple more times and removed the blanket himself, sitting up, not
facing Ren, his face burning.

“You look worse.”

“Thanks, Ren,” he said, refusing to look, since his friend’s fantasies had come to haunt him, now,
out of all times. Yes, it was only reasonable to blame Stelle and March for his lovesickness,
whatever you call it. “Short classes today?”

Ren carried the chair closer to the bed, closer to Dan Heng, and he could smell the same fragrance
he craved for, every day, that he gets to breathe every day. It filled up his lungs like the scented air
was a premium temporary subscription that his lungs wanted. Always want. Always. It was
disgusting.

“Yeah,” Ren answered. “You need to eat.”

Dan Heng grabbed his phone on his side, checked the time, 11:15 AM. “Early.”

“It’s not that early,” he argued, placing a plastic spoon in front of him. Dan Heng turned to Ren,
and sees a takeout box on his hand. “What?”

He stared at the spoon. Intently like he wanted it to vanish. He did want it to vanish. He couldn’t
act right, he just couldn’t. His heart was beating too rapidly, felt like he was in life support. He still
had the low warm grumble in his stomach that crawled up his neck, to his face, to his ears and—

“You need to open your mouth to eat Dan Heng. Not stare at it.”

Dan Heng sighed. “I don’t have an appetite.”

“Just one.”

“Ren.”

“Just one,” he demanded, letting the spoon touch his lips and Dan Heng opened his mouth—and he
imagined—no, aeons, what the fuck. He turned his head away.

“Done.”

The spoon stayed in the air.

Dan Heng glanced at Ren, like side eyed him and he stared, like he knew something and damn, the
temperature dropped around him like he, or they were inside a fireplace.

“What?” he choked out, reaching for the cable of his fan, since the warmth—it was too much. Ren
helped him, took the spoon away, grabbed another spoonful of rice.

“One more.”

He plugged the fan, and it turned on, finally giving him the air he needed. The non-premium one.
“This is a ploy.”

“One more.”

“Ren.”

“Dan Heng.”

“If I feel like throwing up, I’ll throw up on you,” he said, trying to take the spoon so he could
avoid imagining—but Ren—

“Trying to do a good deed here,” he said, talking about feeding Dan Heng.

“I’m not a child.” He rolled his eyes and placed the spoon in his mouth, his hand resting on Ren’s.
“Happy?” he mocked, averting his gaze away.

“O—”

Dan Heng grabbed the stuffed animal beside him and smacked it toward Ren, and he immediately
gasped. “Sorry,” he said, trying not to laugh at the spoon falling off the ground and Ren blinking
hard to regain focus.

“Sorry,” he repeated, eyes flickering up and down and down and down and he looked away. “Are
you not leaving?”

“I just got here.”

“I can attend bio,” he said, removing the blanket—and that was a mistake since he’d forgotten that
the jacket Ren lent him, he hugged earlier and was now on his lap. It helped him sleep cut him
some slack.

He stared. Or well, they stared, and Dan Heng pulled the blanket back in to cover and sneaked out
to the side. He ignored the pair of eyes following him and opened his closet and stared. Processing.
Forgetting.

Factory reset. That was what he needed.

“It’s still early,” said the voice behind him that made him jump forward. Ren pulled him away
from the closet, his clothes, away—away from everything but the bed. “Miss you,” he whispered,
hugging Dan Heng, nuzzling his way to his neck again, and Dan Heng tried breathing normally.
He failed.

They stayed like that for however long Ren remained frozen on top of Dan Heng, his breathing
audible in Dan Heng's ears. Dan Heng figured that he ended up falling asleep and he tried to wake
Ren up for the next class when he saw Stelle's reply for his question of, when is the bell
ringing? He tried and failed and he let him be and fell asleep for a couple of minutes at some
point.

In the end, Ren hugged him like a koala until he woke up, in time for the biology class he had to
attend for Dan Heng's sake (for notes). Dan Heng planned to go, saying, "I'm fine." But Ren told
him to stay in, planting a forehead kiss before he left with Dan Heng's keys on his pockets.

“Why do you keep circling those words?” Ren asked.

A week. It had been a week since Dan Heng realized that he was fucked. Like really, really
overwhelmingly, no backing out fucked. Well, he knew that he liked Ren, and he knew what he got
into when he started flirting. But wow, there was no escape. He was dead. He knew that the
process of falling for Ren was kinda one-way, but still.

Still.

It was hard to resist every day. That when he mentioned it to Stelle, she blatantly said, just kiss
him, what’s the big deal? and he did not take that advice. Her words entered his ears for a brief
second, and exited, its baggage (the point) flying away with the air. Because really, it was a big
deal, no? At least, he thought it was. He waited.

Waited for what? For Ren to perhaps make the first move. After all, he was the one able to kiss
Dan Heng all over his face, aside from his lips. Then again, he had a feeling that Ren wanted him
to do it. He wanted him to make the move since, after all this time, he’d been the one making it.

A week. A week passed and they still haven’t talked about what happened that night. Ren knew.
Dan Heng was sure, so that was a confirmation that they liked each other, yet they do nothing
about it. Well not, nothing, they do plenty of stuff with it—just, there was a line. There was still a
line, something that stopped them, a boundary, and Dan Heng wondered if they would cross that
someday, what would happen if they do, he wondered—he wondered if—

“Ren, have you ever thought of crossing the boundaries with me?” he thought to himself.

At least he thought he thought to himself.

“What?”

Yeah, he was gonna pretend that he zoned out while he kept circling crossing and boundaries on
his paper, alternating between the two, making this messy infinity symbol.

“What did you say?”

Keep zoning out, Dan Heng.

“Dan Heng,” he called, placing a hand to stop him from scribbling all over the project evaluation
paper.

Oh. Oh, he was—he didn’t know what to do but try to keep his breathing steady, his heart steady,
his—that was impossible. Aeons. It was impossible. He exposed himself. His thoughts. He
shouldn’t think about Ren whenever Ren was around anymore. He really shouldn’t.

“Dan Heng.”

He blinked hard, shook his head, and furrowed his eyebrows. “What?” he asked, the pretend
irritation from his voice failing to embark from within him.

“What did you say?”

“What did I say?”

“Say it again.”

It was so hot.

“Say what?”

“Dan Heng.”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about,” he said. An attempt to shove off the topic when he
returned his attention down the sheet, he couldn’t understand anymore. Blue ink covered it up.
Crossing and boundaries inside elliptical shape like goggles.

“Dan Heng.”

Not like the compliment hot. Like he was—

“Say it again.”

—boiling from embarrassment.

He heard it. He heard it. He heard it. He heard it. Dan Heng was sure he heard it. Dan Heng was
sure he’ll die of heat stroke in the middle of Spring. Blame it all on climate change but—Dan Heng
really didn’t know what to do.
Then his phone buzzed. Aeons. His phone buzzed. What a save. He used his hand that Ren held to
reach for his phone, the caller ID being Stelle.

“Hey,” he said.

“You’re at Ren’s work right? Can you—”

“Yeah. Hold on.”

“What? Get me a lyche—”

"Oh. Okay. I’ll go then.”

“What?”

“Is it that urgent?”

“Yeah, my drink is urgent. What the fuck is going on?”

“Okay. I’ll see you there.”

“What? Hey! My drin—”

Dan Heng cleared his throat, looked at Ren, apologetically, hopefully. “There’s an emergency at
Stelle, can you—” he sighed, “drop me off?”

Stelle

Is that a cry for help

You better answer I will actually call emergency

Dan Heng

I’m 2 minutes away from your house

You better act like you’re in panic

Greet me at the door

Hug me

Anything

Or else no drink for you

Stelle

What

“Hey!” Dan Heng shouted, smiled forcefully at Ren, who looked at him, suspicious, and closed
the car door. Stelle hugged him back, stared at the sedan, doing small awkward waves in case Ren
watched them.

She scratched her head and hit Dan Heng on the head when the car drove away. “What’s going
on?”

“Get in, get in, get in,” he whispered, pushing Stelle inside.

Dan Heng rested his back on the door, staring at the wall, listening to an incomprehensible ad that
did not intercept his thoughts.

March appeared in the corridor, she rested her hips on the wall. “Didn’t expect you here,” she said,
eyes alternating between the two of them as if Stelle knew anything. “What was the commotion
about?”

There was a pause.

“Commotion is too dramatic,” Stelle finally spoke and raised her arm up, walking to the kitchen.
“A turmoil, maybe.”

Dan Heng rolled his eyes, handing a plastic bag to Stelle. “That’s worse.”

“I just saved your ass from whatever you’re panicking from,” Stelle said. “I didn’t know lychee’s
piss and Shrek colour now.”

He shrugged. “Take it or—”

Without finishing his sentence, Stelle stuck her tongue out and said, “This is disgusting.” She
handed it to March, multitasking as she spit the remaining drink on the sink.

March took a sip, blinked hastily and took another, her eyebrows furrowed. “It’s okay,” she said,
nodding, pausing, then nodding again and offered a smile to Dan Heng.

Stelle brought her hands below the faucet, forming a circle as she cleanse her mouth with tap water
as if it was that bad.

“It’s good,” said Dan Heng.

“It’s not,” said Stelle, turning the aerator to spray mode.

“Gonna agree with Dan Heng on this one,” said March and offered the drink back to Stelle, who
gave her a look of get that poison away from me.

“All mine then,” March sang.

When Stelle got over her disgust over the Mango Matcha Latte like it was a trauma inducing drink,
she shouted, “Keep quiet!” to her cousins in the living room and lead them to her room.

“Okay,” Stelle said, kicking the door closed. “So. What happened?”
Dan Heng sat on the swivel chair, trying to block off how the tense feeling earlier. “Nothing,
really.”

Nothing, really.

Nothing, really, as if silence didn’t fill the car on the way to Stelle’s house. Which, by that way,
was at least a twenty minutes drive or more if there was traffic. Luckily, there wasn’t. But that
wasn’t the point. The point was—

Dan Heng said his thoughts out loud like it was something stuck in his throat that he accidentally
choked out while he was in the zoning mode.

Another point was—

Ren fucking heard it. That was for sure. If not, then there would be no point why he wanted Dan
Heng to repeat it. Not even wanted, demanded.

The last point was—

Ren let him go. Wow, thank aeons he did. He let him go, and Dan Heng did not know what to
think about that. Made him overthink even more, if anything. Then again, his bad, his fault,
something he’d been asking himself slipped out, too bad.

In the end, he ended up telling them. And what good friends they were when they said in unison,
“You’re so dramatic,” and “I can’t believe Ren’s making you a fool.” He would agree with their
second point, not the first because, listen, dramatic? He would argue it was an appropriate reaction.
But the fool part, he would agree, pretty much. After all, he was a fool.

One big of a fool for Ren.

March sighed, slumped her back on the floor, faced the ceiling like she was choosing an option
which one to say, which one would cause less emotional damage. “You could’ve had it there,” she
mumbled, glancing at Dan Heng, who met her eyes, tired. “Just saying.”

The thing was, he did not want it there. Okay, yes, he’d been head over his school shoes for Ren
but that didn’t mean he wanted to anything to happen there. Not there, no. In a cafe? In public? In
Ren’s work? Absolutely not. Well, there was also a chance that Ren was just teasing him. Still, no.

Stelle threw a crumpled paper on the wall. It slammed so hard she gasped and destroyed Dan
Heng’s train of thought. She cleared her throat. “Yeah. You could’ve had your first kiss,” she said,
raising her brows up and down while she smiled cheekily. “Imagine.”

Imagine…

…He’d rather not.

Dan Heng shut his eyes, sighed loud enough to let them know it frustrated him too, no it didn’t, he
was too nervous, that was it, and said, “Let’s not talk about us.”

Stelle whined, pointing at the drink that March finished. “I helped you with the cost of my drink,
but my drink did not exist in the first place.”
March grinned, threw the cup at her, and it splashed a couple of drops around the floor.

“March!” she shrieked and rushed to her, smacking her with a pillow she stole from Dan Heng’s
hand. “You’re cleaning that up.”

“Oh!” March said, kicking Stelle out of the way. “I have this friend, Himeko.”

Himeko? Dan Heng stared at them for a while, more in March, her expression unreadable.

“I told her about Kafka’s party and they know each other,” she continued, kicking Stelle again
when she tried throwing the pillow. “They’re dating.”

“What!?”

March told the story about Kafka and Himeko. Well, not really told, since they only went back to
their chats and found out that Himeko was an online friend she recently made, yet already knew of
her love life.

Himeko and Kafka were childhood friends, Dan Heng recalled, but that wasn’t the point…

The point was March mentioned Dan Heng and Ren and asked Himeko how she could help her
friend and Dan Heng was stunned. Absolutely stunned. Jaw hung open, wide eyes, looking at her
like she just broke their years of friendship and trust.

During their last confrontation, the day he told them what happened at the party, he said that he
didn’t really appreciate them meddling in his business. It was fine; they were fine; he wasn’t fine,
obviously, and had to spend the two weekdays meant for him to enjoy, overthinking instead. It was
fine. All was well, was good, but now—

“She knew Ren apparently. He liked you since forever,” said March, a phone on her hand that
faced Dan Heng to show receipts.

Okay. It turned out that Dan Heng was right.

Bothering did not equal crush and bothering did not equal to attention seeking, or in some way it
did. So—

Basically, Dan Heng found out that Ren, indeed, liked him during grade 7. Well, he wasn’t too
sure how credible the information was because who was Himeko, anyway? Wouldn’t she be an
outsider, too?

No, well, fate had its way.

Ren and Himeko met each other in elementary, then continued being online friends when she
moved to another city, which was the city they were now in. Ren met Kafka, coincidentally. He
had no clue Himeko was her friend and found out later on. Then he met Silver Wolf, which created
the trio that kind of started this whole thing between the two of them.

In summary, Ren knew Himeko, and Ren was talkative before. Then Ren told her about this guy
that he liked in middle school, called Dan Heng. Then it made more sense that Ren told Silver Wolf
and Kafka about him too, since he might’ve started his prime of being this cool, hot guy when
highschool started. And he kept quiet after that. Then again, it wasn’t like he had any other friends.

Good one, Dan Heng.

Honestly, now that they looked back on it, Kafka was the whole reason this all started. Because
really, Dan Heng would not dedicate an ounce of his attention to Ren, who he temporarily forgot if
it wasn’t for Kafka or, he supposed, his friends too, but mainly Kafka. Since even if Ren was the
little Ren, he wouldn’t care and they wouldn’t get in touch in any way. But Kafka was there.

Kafka did initiate.

Silver Wolf was right.

How did it not cross his mind that Ren liked him last year because why else would Kafka?—
scratch that. Ren annoyed him too much. Annoyed.

Nah, annoyed was a mask for the attraction he felt towards Ren. Yeah. The guy was, as he said in
his one page diary: attractive but not his type, based on the first semester this year. Take that, Dan
Heng. What now?

Oh well, he could excuse himself during the first semester, too. It wasn’t like the chances of Ren
liking him were low; he was just…in denial and had to deal with his own problems and had to deal
with Ren flirting with him and had to deal with his teasing, his pet names and had to deal with his
entire existence that the line between them was kind of blurred and he wasn’t too sure if Ren was
playing around or not.

Of course, he resorted to playing around. Since it was too good to be true. Ren liking him was too
weird to be true. Plus, whatever, they had satisfied him enough. Like enough enough.

That was a lie. Dan Heng craved for more. He still did, but he’d keep that to himself.

Actually, too late for that after the incident earlier.

Anyway, the story time ended with Stelle asking,

“How are you gonna face him tomorrow?”

And good aeons, Dan Heng wanted to shut her up because that would haunt him at night.

If there was an overthinker at heart, it was Dan Heng. Ain’t that surprising? To be fair, he only
overthink if someone puts an idea on his head, and Stelle always did that, if not Ren. There was a
difference between them, actually:

Stelle planted ideas through the use of questions like,

“Do you like Ren?”

Ren planted ideas through actions, which were incredibly much worse.

Forehead kiss, hugging, texting—he was so clingy. Now they were both clingy for each other, that
it was gross, sappy but not too sappy since they weren’t boyfriends yet.

Any who, all that to say that Dan Heng did not sleep soundly last night.

Okay so, Dan Heng woke up to no message. So that was a first panic response. Second, Dan Heng
walked to school, and no one was there to hug him. Third, he went to his class. Ren wasn’t there.
Fourth, the bell rang—

Dan Heng sat on his spot, alone, in history class, biting on his fingers like they were sausages,
feeling so anxious. Like overly anxious, that he breathed abnormally, taking shallow breaths.
Overly anxious that his palm tasted like salt and he had to stop chewing on his fingers. Good.
Overly anxious that he was tensed on his spot, feeling his body heat up uncomfortably, and he
hugged himself, swallowing in between breaths.

His foot tap up and down on the floor as his teacher passed by him and he grabbed his phone, not
caring if the teacher would see. There was five minutes, anyway.

Dan Heng

Where are you?

Five minutes. Five minutes passed, the discussion started and Dan Heng stared at the wall, not the
PowerPoint, waiting for his phone that he placed beside his textbook to light up.

Minutes turned into hours.

An hour and a half had passed, and Ren did not reply a single word.

Dan Heng sat in his English class, calmer than earlier, listening to his group members discuss their
team logo. Except, his brain processed zero information since he was just thinking of Ren, Ren,
Ren. He wondered what Ren was doing, why he wasn’t in school, if he plan to go tomor—
nevermind that, it would be weekends, if he skipped because of yesterday.

Was it my fault?

“Dan Heng?”

He blinked. “Yeah?” he said, mind focused not in the meeting.

“What do you think?” someone asked, and he had to tear his eyes away from the wall. She raised a
white banner with red and gold linings—red.

“Good.” He nodded to approve of the colour. Colour red. Ren. “Looks nice,” he said, smiling.

Dan Heng sighed and let himself zone out for the rest of the class, contributing absolutely nothing
but his presence in the meeting. Now he was becoming more worried about what had happened to
Ren. There was simply no way Ren would not reach out to him. No way…right?

He grabbed his phone from his pockets. Too quickly that it startled those near him, but he didn’t
care. Because where is Ren?

Dan Heng

Hey Kafka

You have any idea where Ren is?

He stared.

For a long time.

Too long that the bell rang and Kafka had not replied yet.

Dan Heng slowly stepped his way to the cafeteria, his hands clenching the straps of his bag on one
side of his shoulder. Usually, he would hurry. But usually, he’d be with Ren, to save the table far
away from everyone else. To isolate themselves, except there was no isolation because of his
admirers.

He returned a smile to those who smiled at him. They looked at him, weird. That was either
because he was alone for the first time in fucking forever, or he looked miserable.

The library would be his destination since Ren wasn’t here, but he still had friends. Plenty. Four
was plenty. He sighed and glanced down at his shoes, hoping that he would not bump into anyone.
He sighed over and over again until his phone buzzed and he took it without missing a beat.

Ren

Hey

Sorry

Dan Heng

You okay?
Ren

My head hurts

Dan Heng

Oh

Rest

Don’t talk to me

Ren

I miss youuuu

Dan Heng

Ren

Ren

Won’t you say it back

:(

Dan Heng

I missed you too

Ren

I love you

Dan Heng

Don’t be sick anymore you’re disgusting

“I can’t tell if you’re happy or sad,” someone said, throwing their arms around him. Dan Heng
turned around to Stelle and March, smiling, eyes on his phone. He faced it down, feeling his neck
get warmer. “I love you? So cute,” Stelle teased, nudging him and he bit back a smile, shoving her
off.

Lunch was pleasant.

It was nice even though Dan Heng spent his time thinking how Ren was, what he was doing, if he
turned the diffuser on, if he was resting now.
Dan Heng slumped on the wall behind him and stared at nothing.

He imagined Ren resting, all cuddled and comfortable under the sheets. He imagined how he
would look worn out, and that—was a terrible image. Dan Heng sat properly and swung his head
around, blinking hard to try if he could spot Kafka.

“You haven’t touched your food,” March pointed out, and he turned to her, then down his food.

Yep. His plate was still full that it would be a waste to throw it aw—

March pushed a container beside his plate. “Put it here if you’re not eating.”

He smiled at her, mouthed ‘thanks’ before turning around to look for two familiar figures.

That—he did not need to do when his phone suddenly lit up.

Kafka

He’s sick!

He raised an eyebrow, painting a picture of Kafka saying that in a bright voice.

Kafka

Want to visit him?

Visit him?

Dan Heng stared at his phone and watched the screen turn black.

That didn’t sound like a bad idea. Especially since Ren took care of him how many times now?
Three? He thought it would only be fair to take care of him too, or just gift him with his presence.
That was all they needed from each other, anyway. Their presence. Their presence was enough.
Plus, even if he had no choice but to visit Ren right now, he would gladly do so. Because really, he
missed him.

It was like they were a pair, a duo, an unbreakable duo.

Dan Heng and Ren unable to live a day without seeing each other.

Ren and Dan Heng unable to live a day without their shared warmth.

Dan Heng unable to live without Ren’s hands on his waist at least once.

Ren unable to live without Dan Heng’s amusing reactions to his fluttery.

They were a pair, a duo, an unbreakable duo.

Dan Heng

Yeah

What’s his address?

Lunch was nice.

Sure, he might’ve zoned out for the entire forty minutes. Sure, he might’ve felt empty even with his
friends around. Sure, there might’ve been not a single food in his system since morning. Sure. But
Kafka messaged Ren’s address and his mom already approved of his possibly stupid, but it would
do, plan.

Biology sucked. Like always. More so, with Ren absent.

Actually, it was fine. The teacher just gave Dan Heng a little scare.

The thing was, they had to do a lab write-up at the beginning of the class and Dan Heng was so
confused, so nervous, that he would need to pair up for a lab with someone that wasn’t Ren. With
someone that he didn’t know. But no, thankfully, that wasn’t the case, and the teacher just wanted
to do it in advance. Too advance.

See, it wasn’t his fault that it scared him. Since usually, creating a pre-lab sheet would take place
after the lesson or near the end of class, never in the beginning.

Spare was a lot better. Because it was spare.

Dan Heng slouched down on the couch, his go-to spot whether he goes with Ren or alone. He
carried his bag up to his side, where Ren would be, to feel something. His bag as a replacement for
Ren was terrible, but it was better than nothing.

He grabbed a book from his bag, one from English, because he really had to finish the essay due
yesterday. It was fine, though. There were at least five classmates that hadn’t turned it in yet. That
included, Ren. They worked together for it, but they never finished and gave up to move on to a
history project, due today.

Too bad, though. For him and for his teacher. With his school workload, there was no way he’d be
able to finish history. There was no way that later, he’d be doing history.

He might create some history, though. Might.

When his alarm rang loudly in his earphones, he had spent thirty minutes hyper focused on
English. There was progress, at least. Better, definitely better than earlier. He got stuck mid-way to
his conclusion that he ended up editing all the other paragraphs until his alarm interrupted him and
he closed his laptop, cause that was enough.

That was more than enough.

Plus, he couldn’t focus.

He couldn’t focus since Ren decided to message him.

But he had to ignore it to focus, hyper focus.

Least to say, that didn’t really work out properly. Even though he was nonstop typing on his
keyboard, his brain would constantly remind him that Ren texted and he should probably check it
out.

There was a certain point in his third paragraph, his eyes sort of giving up, that he just typed Ren
and stared and was about to give up until he remembered that he timed himself, and it would only
take a speck of his patience before he could finally shove the laptop down his bag and engulf
himself with the radiation from his phone.

Now was the time for that. It didn’t even matter if Ren was awake. He just seriously needed a
break longer than his work time.

Ren

What you doing

You busy?

I guess you are

I wanna see you so bad

Dan Heng

I was doing the essay

How are you feeling?

Ren

Better now that you replied

Dan Heng

Did you eat?

Ren

Yeah

You?

Dan Heng

You want me to be honest or

Ren
That’s a no

Eat

Dan Heng

I will

Ren

Will you be mad if I drive to you rn

Dan Heng

Don’t even think about it

Ren

That’s a yes

I wanna see you

I’ve been holding your picture

Dan Heng

What picture?

Ren

Ferris wheel

Holding it close to my heart

Dan Heng

Good to know Ren

How about you go back to sleep?

Ren

Do you not want to talk to meee

:(

Dan Heng

You need to rest

Ren

I will rest again later

Right now I wanna talk to you

Tell me about your day

Dan Heng

It’s been fine

Ren

That’s vague

Dan Heng

Do you want me to repeat each word from every class?

Ren

Not really

Tell me more

Dan Heng

There’s a lab on Monday

There’s a history project due today

The essay we’ve been working on was due yesterday

Ren

I hate you

Dan Heng

You said you love me

Ren

I lied

Dan Heng

Dan Heng

What?

Ren

What happened at Stelle’s yesterday?

Dan Heng

False alarm

Ren
False alarm?

I wanted to take you back home

Dan Heng

Too bad

I wanted you to rest

Cry about it

Ren

I might

Can’t I really see you

Dan Heng

You’re bedridden

Ren

I can drive

Dan Heng

Didn’t ask

Also don’t

Ren

I’m not going to survive if I don’t get to hug you

Dan Heng

You will

Ren

I won’t

Dan Heng

Hug someone else

Ren

I don’t want to hug someone else

I only want to hug you

Dan Heng
What did I tell you

You work too hard

Ren

Why are you scolding me

You should be showering me with sweet words Dan Heng

Dan Heng

Keep wishing

Ren

I will

I’m serious though

Dan Heng

Is this your way of trying to make me go to your house?

Ren

You don’t even know where I live

Dan Heng

Why don’t you tell me then

Ren

We can meet tomorrow

Dan Heng

See

Tomorrow

I can’t

Ren

What

Why?

Dan Heng

Family plans

Ren
I’m part of your family

I’m with their son 24/7

Dan Heng

Not 24/7

Ren

My point stands

If you want it to be 24/7 just say so

Dan Heng

???

Ren

I will lock you in a cage

Dan Heng

What am I

A dog?

I believe that’s called kidnapping Ren.

Ren

What if I’m on the way rn

Dan Heng

I will not hug you

Ren

Okay

I’m turning around no point

Dan Heng

You’re so

Ren

So what?

Dan Heng

Idk
Ren

How about we talk about yesterday

Dan Heng

What yesterday

Ren

Not Stelle before you even say that

Won’t you repeat what you said

:)

Dan Heng

That’s creepy

Ren

This :) is creepy?

Dan Heng

It is

Ren

If you think I’m gonna let you change the topic that easy you’re wrong

:)

Dan Heng

I need to leave

Ren

What?

There’s like 40 minutes

Dan Heng

I’m on my spare

I can leave

I’ll talk to you later

Rest

Okay?
Ren

Fine

Three. It was around three when Dan Heng stood in front of a beige family house, supposedly
Ren’s place.

And his place was not far off from Dan Heng’s.

Actually, it was a little far, but it still left him stunned by how he could walk to Ren’s house every
day and show up. Of course, he wasn’t planning on doing that. That would be crazy. Anyway, he
informed his mom after circling around the neighbourhood, since he didn’t believe that he lived
close enough to Ren, and she was even more pleased at the information and said,

“You can stay over to theirs!”

And Dan Heng thought she was kidding, because he did not even ask, that he laughed awkwardly
on the phone call until she mentioned how close they’ve gotten and—Dan Heng was sure that she
knew something. It was possible that she knew he liked Ren, or Ren liked him, but she knew
something. Definitely.

He walked to the nearest trash can, which he assumed was Ren’s, and threw the candy wrapper.

Earlier, instead of going out the main door, which was the closest to the library, he went around
and passed by Stelle’s and March’s class, to wave goodbye since it was Friday. When he passed by
Stelle’s class, she saw him, and her eyes lightened up and the next thing he knew was the fact that
she offered a cherry flavoured candy that he took, confused and she left winking and said, “Eat it
now.”

He did eat it right away, merely because he might be walking calmly on the sidewalk, but he was
nervous as shit, making his way to Ren’s. His only wish was Ren wouldn’t be out in the living
room, that he would be in his room, since he didn’t think he’d know how to act right if he sees him
right away. Then again, he had no clue if someone’s in the house aside from him.

He asked Kafka about it, and she said, “His mom’s usually home until eight.” So there was that.

Yeah. There was that.

He sighed heavily, shut his eyes, turned his music off, shoved his gadgets in his pockets and
walked, and walked, and knocked.

Then there was the wind that answered him.

He clenched his hand, lifted it up, about to knock until—

“Hello,” a woman just as tall as him answered, her voice calm. “Can I help you?”

Dan Heng stood still for like a moment until he realized that this was most likely Ren’s mom. “Um
—I.” He looked behind her and sighed in relief that he was just seeing false shadows. “I’m Ren’s
friend.” The woman looked at him, as if waiting for further elaboration, because to be fair, she did
not ask who he was. “I’m here to visit him,” he said, but it sounded more like a question. “If that’s
fine,” he added and smiled, for the plus points.

Might as well have a good first impression.

The woman stared at him. He stared at her, nervous, gulping at 1000km/hr until she brightened up
and showed him a smile so similar to Ren. Dan Heng smiled wider, naturally.

“Come in,” she said.

First impressions.

Their house did not smell like Ren. That wasn’t surprising, also thank aeons it wasn’t or he
might’ve gone crazy. The house was simple. It had light brown walls, their floor was half wood,
half carpet, like theirs, there was a ceiling fan above the dining table, like theirs, and their interiors
were simple, like theirs.

He was in somebody else’s home but—

The woman, who was indeed Ren’s mother, invited him kindly to the living room, without asking
his name, like she knew who he was.

Then she asked,

“Are you Dan Heng?”

And although he was dumbstruck at that question, he nodded and answered,

“Yes.”

Ren’s mother hummed, and it reminded him of Ren. She was so similar to Ren. Her laugh was
gentle, her smile warm, her presence calming, her—she was so kind to him that he wondered why
she asked a question so…straightforward. Then she walked toward him, offered a honey-lemon tea
he gladly took, and said in a hushed voice,

“Ren mentions you a lot.”

He guessed he might’ve flushed bright red when she laughed, placing an arm on his shoulder like
she was grateful for him, like he’d done something worth of praise, like—

She started telling him about Ren, fully trusting him with the information. His past, his attitude,
what happened during this and that, how he changed a lot this year, how he changed a lot because
of him. That left him puzzled, but also good. It felt so good to know that Ren warmed up to her
because of him. Because of him.
They talked in whispers, like his mom knew that Dan Heng did not want Ren knowing. They
talked for a long time, and it didn’t take long for Dan Heng to settle comfortably without his
shoulders tensed beside his mother. In fact, five minutes into their conversation, Dan Heng let
himself be himself, and he forgot that he wanted to leave good first impressions.

They talked and talked, their topics always connecting to Ren, until she smiled and said, “I should
let him have you now.”

—he felt like was home.

He was in somebody else’s home, but he felt like he was home.

On the stairs, he stepped quietly; her smile replaying on his mind because she looked…she looked
like she knew something and he had to stop, to compose himself because, just how much did Ren
tell her that—that she smiled at him like she was letting him know she was fond of him already?
That he shouldn’t worry about first impressions, because she was thankful enough?

Now, Dan Heng stood in front of a door, his hand a twist away from the knob. Was he ready?
Absolutely fucking not because he did not predict what would happen after yesterday. After yes—
okay. Keep yourself together. He sighed. Then sighed again. And again. And again. Until he got
tired of sighing and twisted the knob and went inside. He went inside and it smelled like Ren. He
went inside and it was so dark he could barely see anything. He went inside and saw Ren’s
silhouette on his bed, facing the other direction.

For a moment, he stood there. Still. Unmoving. Since he wasn’t too sure if Ren was awake. But
then Ren spoke, his voice raspy. “What is it, mom?”

And—and Dan Heng wanted to make a joke, to say something, to lift how tense he was but—but
he was too fucking nervous, aeons. But hey! He did not hear him from downstairs, so that was
good. Actually, if Ren heard, he would’ve rushed to him.

Dan Heng breathed. Good for him. That was a good development after he didn’t breathe for five
seconds upon entering. He walked, and walked, and walked ‘till he was close enough to drag the
swivel chair he spotted toward Ren’s bed. And he pulled and pulled until he paused and sat slowly
when Ren turned around—when Ren turned around, he had to bite his lip to avoid laughing.

“Dan Heng?” he called, and Dan Heng was certain he was squinting because his curtains were all
closed. He felt Ren sat up, move closer, and he laughed, lightly. “Aeons. What are you doing
here?”

The light outside must’ve been enough for Ren to see that Dan Heng spread his arms out, it
must’ve been enough since Ren dragged himself closer and wrapped his arms around Dan Heng’s
waist, pulling him closer until Dan Heng was able to rest his head on Ren’s shoulder. The hug was
tight. Like never wanting to let go tight, which was their usual, but this one in particular was
something else. It was a hug that said more words, that expressed more of their emotions. It was a
hug that Dan Heng loved. It was a hug he wanted to last; they wanted to last. Clearly by the way
Ren dragged his hands up Dan Heng’s back, clearly by the way Dan Heng pushed himself closer,
using his legs.

It was a hug that lasted for a long time since neither of them wanted to let go.
Well, they couldn't just stay in each other's grasp like that. That wasn't what Dan Heng planned. He
might've missed Ren more than Ren missed him, but he was there to take care of him above giving
physical affection.

When they parted, Dan Heng knew Ren wanted him to sit beside him on the bed, but he
immediately dismissed the idea by moving back and—

“Am I not allowed to be here?” Dan Heng answered, pulling the curtains a little to get a bit of light
inside. He'd considered closing the door…for privacy. He didn't really want Ren's mom to catch
them acting like they've never seen each other in years. He considered. For now, it was still wide
open.

“Did Kafka tell you?”

He sat on the swivel chair, able to see Ren clearer. “I’ve been stalking you for ages,” he joked.
“How are you feeling?”

“I'd feel better if you come here.”

“Too bad, then.” He grinned, biting his lip to refrain himself from grinning too wide. “You need
water?”

“I need you.”

He rolled his eyes. “What's exactly wrong with your body?”

“It's missing you.”

Dan Heng released an exasperated sigh and walked towards the door with Ren behind saying,
“Wait, don't go.” Which ultimately made him smile wide wide, and he really, only acted like he
was going to leave, to close the door (almost). He left a small gap.

He walked back, searching around to see if Ren had been taking care of himself, and it seemed like
he was when he said,

“Closing the door, huh?”

Dan Heng spotted the diffuser Silver Wolf and considered prepping it but, he didn't think honey
and peppermint would go hand-in-hand. “You better answer my questions properly.”

“Headache. That's it,” he said. “I have no cold.”

See, Dan Heng did not have a clue what that relevancy of that was since when he turned around,
Ren grinned at him while he rested his head on his knees like he said something that Dan Heng
was supposed to understand. He shrugged it off anyway. If Ren wasn't going to elaborate, then too
bad. He did not have the time to think about things.

When Dan Heng approached Ren, he scanned the bedside and saw an emptied glass of water. “I'll
fill this up,” he said, reaching for it, but Ren stopped him. “What?”

“Don’t go.”
“I’m just going downstairs.”

He shook his head. “Don’t go.”

“Ren. You’re going to be dehydrated.”

“I won't,” he argued. “I—

There was a knock on the door.

Dan Heng turned around and Ren’s mother walked in, handing him a glass of water. They
exchanged glasses, and he smiled. “Thank you,” he said. “Our patient is being stubborn.”

She only laughed as a reply and left the room…closing the door entirely.

He turned around to Ren and offered the glass of water. “Drink.”

“So demanding,” he said, and Dan Heng could hear the grin in that voice. “Help me.”

“Help you?” He perked an eyebrow. “You want me to shove this down your throat?” he asked,
serious.

Ren laughed lightly. “I was suggesting you kiss me.”

He forcefully had Ren take the glass off of his hand and mumbled, “That's disgusting.”

Ren returned the glass in his hand. “Done. Will you join me now?”

Okay, main difference between them when sick:

Dan Heng wanted Ren to go away so he could control himself.

Ren wanted Dan Heng to be beside him for what reasons? Dan Heng didn't know.

But he let Ren have his way and sat in front of him, crisscrossed.

“Were you resting when I went in?” Dan Heng asked, playing with Ren's hair, who leaned into the
touch.

“I was waiting for your reply.”

He laughed. “Told you to rest.”

Ren gripped his wrist and sat up.

“What are you do—aahh!”

Ren pulled him, like with so much force that he ended up sitting on his thighs, his legs almost
wrapped around Ren's waist (it naturally happened) and his hands were by Ren's shoulder as they
stare at each other.

Dan Heng kept quiet. His breath was shallow as he struggled to breathe through his nose. They
were too close, they—
“Just kiss him. What's the big deal?”

His eyes flickered down, and he really, really tried to not do that since Ren watched him, but his
eyes stayed looking down until Ren pulled him closer.

“My eyes are up here,” he teased, arms wrapping tightly around Dan Heng's waist. “You should
breathe, Dan Heng.”

He rolled his eyes and swallowed heavily, moving his head back a little to breathe. Ren stared at
him so intently that Dan Heng wanted to vanish. It felt like he was putting some sort of pressure.
There was no pressure.

But, their position is kind of…

“How long are we staying like this?” he asked, just to lessen his tension.

“Guess.”

Dan Heng scoffed and leaned in, pressing soft kisses on Ren's hair and temple and aeons he died
inside every time. He closed his eyes when Ren dug his nails into his side, and he swore that was
intentional.

Dan Heng moved down, his lips tracing from Ren's forehead to his cheeks, and he leaned away,
flustered at himself while he stared at Ren.

That should be fine.

Ren did it before.

But—he glanced down.

It really didn't feel enough.

He was in control, he figured since both his hands were available, since Ren was holding him up.
He was in control so—

Dan Heng dragged his hands away from Ren' shoulder and let it traced his neck before cupping his
face.

He must've froze for a while when Ren squeezed him, as if to ask if anything was wrong and when
they met eyes, Dan Heng tilted his head up, and leaned in, closing the gap between them.

The second their lips brushed, Dan Heng immediately slid away to Ren's shoulders, burying his
head on his neck. He could hear the echoes of his own heart, breathing slowly to calm down.

“Ren,” he called, sounding more like a whine that he received a chuckle as a reply.

He had to do this. Ren knew what he was doing. He had to. He sighed. He can't. Above everything,
this whole thing was embarrassing, solely because he had no experience about this and—he wasn't
too sure if Ren—

“You okay, baby?”

He groaned, pinching the side of Ren's shoulder. “Shut up.”

Ren laughed. “Hey,” he called. “What's wrong?”

Dan Heng placed his mouth on his shoulder to muffle himself out. “I don't know how to do this.”

And he was successful at muffling himself when Ren asked, “What?”

He sat up anyway, his face burning, his neck burning, his body burning, and he spoke. “I don't
know how to.”

Ren grinned. “How to what?”

“You're so annoying,” he answered, averting his gaze. But he looked back, slid his hands back to
Ren's shoulder. “Kiss me.”

Ren's grin only grew wider. “But I'm sick, gege. You're more capable.”

Dan Heng huffed out of frustration, or, well, desperation. “You're right,” he said. “You're sick, so I
shouldn't kiss you.”

“Hey,” Ren called, and Dan Heng bit back a smile when his face frowned. “I told you I have no
cold.”

… Oh.

Still, Ren didn't remove arms around Dan Heng when he could take control and initiate. That was
enough for Dan Heng to know that Ren really wanted him to suffer right now.

“Dan Heng,” he called, voice sounding so fond. “It's fine. Do what you feel is right.”

“If I try to pull your hair out of your scalp, is that fine?”

“You're so unromantic,” Ren said, grinning.

“Shut up,” Dan Heng whispered and cupped his face again for the second attempt at his possible
humiliation.

He pressed forward, hands gripping on Ren's shoulder. He didn't know what he was doing but Ren
started kissing back, his lips warm against Dan Heng's as he try to pull him even closer. When Ren
bit his lower lip, he released a sound, one that made Ren do it again and a couple more times after.
He moved his hands from Ren's shoulder to his neck, looping and pulling closer in the hopes of it
doing something.

Ren kissed him slow, that it sent this warm warm feeling throughout his body but he kissed faster
when he got used to it to tell Ren what he really wanted and Ren took the lead, kissed him hastily
like they’d been wanting this since forever.

Dan Heng slid a hand to Ren's chest to push him and they parted, huffing for their breaths, and Dan
Heng leaned in to leave a kiss near Ren's lips.

“You taste disgusting,” Dan Heng joked, quite the contrary because Ren—

“You taste like cherry so,” Ren paused and grinned. “I can assume that you saw this coming.”

Cher—Stelle!

He cleared his throat. “No,” he flatly said, shutting his eyes for a brief second with the idea of a
friend knowing what was about to go down. He tightened his hold on to Ren's neck and for a
while, they just stare.
They always stare. Like they were trying to find something within their eyes, but both of them
could only see how they were mutually fond of one another. How one did not like one so much
more, because they—

“I love you,” Ren whispered.

Dan Heng furrowed his eyebrows to hide the happiness on his face. “Love is too early.”

“Then,” he hummed. “I'll die for you?”

Dan Heng laughed, quietly. “So cliché,” he said, leaning in. “I'll die for you too,” he whispered and
let their lips brushed once again.

They kissed and kissed until their lungs really demanded for air and they did it again, and again,
and again, until Dan Heng was down on the bed, his arms looped around Ren's neck, who kissed
him tenderly, his arms barely wrapped around Dan Heng's waist.

When he felt that Ren was about to pull away, he opened his mouth and Ren continued and he felt
so warm, so so warm with Ren's hand under his clothes, tracing his spine that sent shivers
throughout his body. The kiss was thorough, not messy, just gentle, alternating between fast and
slow, but Dan Heng's takeaway from this was the fact that Ren started tasting like cherry, too.

Ren pulled away, breathing softly, while Dan Heng huffed, his lips still feeling the ghost of
somebody else's. He smiled, brushing Ren's hair until he leaned down and rested his head on Dan
Heng's neck. Ren kissed him right below his ears and whispered,

“I've always wanted to cross boundaries with you.” He planted another kiss. “Just to answer your
question yesterday.”

Dan Heng laughed, softly.

“Sorry about the party,” Ren whispered, leaving another trace of his lips on Dan Heng's neck.

“Hm?”

“That was a terrible time to confess.”

He smiled. “Yeah,” he mumbled, grabbing Ren's face away from his neck to give him a chaste
kiss. “Very terrible.”

Ren pulled him up, his arms still on Dan Heng’s as Dan Heng leaned in, pressing his already
swollen lips to another swollen one. One hand remained on the curve of Ren’s jaw, his other
sliding to Ren’s neck, his shoulder, his arm, then back behind Ren’s neck with his other hand. Ren
let himself fall onto the bed, hands cold against Dan Heng’s skin, and he groaned, faintly, enough
for Dan Heng to crave for more.

With a final ceaseless touch, Dan Heng smiled, two pairs of eyes locked at each other, looking so
tenderly.

“Ren,” he called.

“Hm?”

Dan Heng leaned one more time. He swore one last time. “I love you.”

For the first time, Ren dragged his hands to Dan Heng’s face to place a quick kiss on his cheeks.
 “Thought love is too early?”

“I love you,” he repeated, resting his head on Ren’s chest, listening to the fast, heart beats that
synchronized with his.

“Okay.”

“I hate you.”

“I love you too,” Ren said with a grin, enfolding his arms on Dan Heng’s body. “Are you staying?”

“You want me to leave?”

“You won’t,” he said with certainty.

Dan Heng sighed, pulling himself upwards so his head rested beside Ren’s. “You’re right. I won’t.”

Chapter End Notes

I did not expect this chapter to be this long. Still!! I hope you like it as much as I do
<3!

[They're so CHEESY good for them]

 Chapter 20
Chapter Summary

What happened after.

[they kissed

a lot.]

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Dan Heng’s and Ren’s relationship only progressed in the positive direction since that night.

Let’s start off with the exchange of “I love you.” Okay, sure, it was too quick. Dan Heng thought
it was too quick before he fell asleep inside Ren’s arms, just below his collarbone that night. Then
again, how long did they wait? Well, how long did Ren wait? He figured it was fine, and they were
merely confessing their genuine feelings. Plus, they’d eventually say the exact three words,
anyway.

Not a lot changed after that night. After all, they were already affectionate with each other days
prior to it occurring. However, Dan Heng thought otherwise. If he knew that he’d get to hold hands
with Ren first thing in the morning, that he’d be able to give and receive quick kisses the second he
stepped foot in school, that he’d be able to do what he wanted, he would’ve confessed much, much
early.

Sure, thing. Confessed much early, said by the guy who told his friends that he had no plans on
confessing.

Three words could summarize what exactly changed in their relationship.

No more boundaries.

(The next day)

When Dan Heng woke up the next day, it was warm. It was warm and comfortable and he felt like
that morning was the best morning of his life only because he was inside Ren’s arms, who stroked
his hair gently. He stayed still, let Ren do what he wanted, until he moved away and Ren pulled
him right back into a kiss.

That morning, when Ren left his room to take a shower, Dan Heng was certain that his friends
knew what had happened. He was certain because of their messages, saying, you didn’t go home
last night!? and that made him smile, but also, nervous, wondering if he was supposed to explain
why he stayed over at Ren’s last night even if his mother allowed him.

That morning, he went to check Ren’s closet, choosing clothes for himself. He ended up with loose
ones. They were all big on him. When his mix and matching of Ren’s clothes satisfied him, he
opened the curtains, and the sun struck brightly inside the room, exposing how clean the room
was. Which was somewhat…surprising?

Don't get him wrong, he didn’t think that Ren was a messy person, but it was too clean, too
organized, to be his room. But it was his room. It was his room that Dan Heng was in. Dan Heng
placed the clothes neatly on the bed before pulling the swivel chair back to its original spot and
sitting in front of Ren’s study desk.

First things he noticed were the books on the upper shelf. Now, that was surprising. Dan Heng
naturally reached for a book, then he reached for another, then another, then he stared at the three
books he placed on the table, stunned, and smiled at the realization. The books were the exact
same he had read around Ren.

He dragged his attention below the shelves, leaning closer to see the sticky notes on the wall. His
smile turned small when he noticed that it was the plans Ren listed for the Spring Break. He
reached for it, ran his thumbs through the words, and turned his attention to the picture frame
resting on the wall. The picture Ren took in the amusement park was behind a glass cover. He
grabbed it to see better. It was the two of them, with Ren staring directly at the lense, wearing his
usual blank face and him looking confused, eyes focused on Ren.

When he heard the door open, he turned the swivel chair around and held it up to show Ren.

“You love me that much?” he asked, grinning playfully. Ren stopped midway from wiping his hair
with a towel and walked towards him and rolled his eyes when he got close enough.

Seconds after Dan Heng turned the swivel chair around, a cold hand reached under his chin, raised
his face up, and Ren leaned in to give him a quick kiss. “I do,” he admitted, about to lean again,
but Dan Heng turned his face to the side.

“Your hair is drenched.”

Ren kissed him anyway. “I didn’t shower to dry myself,” he said, disappearing from Dan Heng’s
sight.

Dan Heng huffed, smiling as he placed the frame facing him. He stared, noticed how red he was in
the picture, and wondered if he liked Ren before Senior highschool and Stelle just made him
realize. He alternated his eyes between him and Ren and got up to get ready when his brain
finished storing the image in his memories.

By the time Dan Heng finished, it hit him. How was he supposed to explain? Was he supposed to
explain at all? Was he just overreacting, since his relationship with Ren wasn’t as vague as overly
affectionate friends anymore?
By the time he finished, he noticed another closed door and felt warm at the realization that it was
probably Ren’s mom’s room. He shook his head, walked inside Ren’s empty room.

Ren’s probably downstairs.

He crouched to reach for the photo album under the bedside table. Well, maybe this was a little
invasion of privacy, but the album piqued his interest when he spotted it earlier. Consider this as
his “revenge” for Ren, who had rummaged through his stuff before.

He brushed the front cover, sat on the bed, and turned the pages. The album had pictures of young
Ren. He turned a couple more pages and confirmed his suspicion that these were from middle
school. He paused at the next page to let his eyes wander at the class photos their teachers took for
the yearbooks.

His eyes stopped at the one with him and March close to the camera, with Ren behind, sitting
alone. Then moved to the next picture that looked similar to the previous image, except young him
turned around and the two of them appeared to had made eye contact while March stuck her tongue
out.

He smiled.

“Hey! Dan Heng, look, look!” March called, forcing Dan Heng to get up from his desk. The
teacher holding the camera laughed as she turned the camera towards March, who was fond of the
device compared to her classmates.

March struck plenty of poses, whilst Dan Heng formed a peace sign in his hand and smiled
awkwardly before turning around. Ren looked at him, as if asking, “What?” And Dan Heng stared
before his eyes wandered to his classmates that started running around.

“Dan Heng,” March whined, turning her back from the camera to check what her friend was
doing. “Hey!”

Dan Heng glanced at Ren, then at her. “Huh?”

“Don’t stare at him, he’ll piss you off,” she whispered, and the room was quiet enough for Ren to
hear that he looked at her, his eyebrows furrowed. Dan Heng nudged her, smiling at Ren,
apologetic. Ren averted his gaze down his homework, his lips pursed into a small pout.

“What are you doing?” Ren asked, glancing down at the album, then up at his face.
“Reminiscing?” He sat beside Dan Heng, pulling him closer.

“Heard you liked me in grade seven,” Dan Heng teased, turning to his left to look at Ren. “I
remember you denying my accusation.”

“You didn’t remember me, but remembered that?”

Dan Heng placed the album beside him, one hand reaching for the curve of Ren’s jaw. “Yeah, you
were annoying.” Ren rolled his eyes, tilted Dan Heng’s head before closing off the gap between
them. “Wait.” He breathed. “Ren—” Dan Heng fell on the bed, his hand sliding from Ren’s jaw to
the back of his neck. Ren’s hands crawled from Dan Heng’s face to his back, to his waist, and the
photo album fell on the ground as he hovered above Dan Heng, kissing him slowly.

Dan Heng used his available hand to push Ren, gasping for air shortly before Ren got back on his
business. He smiled, tugging Ren’s hair. “I need to go home, Ren,” he said, breathless, their lips
brushing again. “Ren,” he whined.

Ren might as well become deaf at this point when he carried Dan Heng up, pressed him against the
wall with a hand on Dan Heng’s head to prevent him from bumping too hard. Ren pulled away,
planting quick, soft kisses on Dan Heng’s eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his jaw, his neck—

“Ren, aeons,” he whimpered, nails digging deep into Ren’s hair. Ren moved up, back to his lips,
and really pulled away this time. Dan Heng sighed, letting his head fall back, grinning. “You’re so
greedy.” He ruffled Ren’s hair when their eyes met. Ren leaned in and Dan Heng retrieved his
hand quickly to use it as a barrier between them.

“One more,” Ren said, his voice muffled.

Dan Heng chuckled. “No,” he rejected, pushing Ren’s face away, who left wet kisses on his palm
instead. “Let me go home,” he said, letting his hands retreat when Ren shifted closer.

“Dan Heng,” he called, trying to remove his hands. “Just one more.”

He rolled his eyes, removed his hands, and allowed Ren to have his way.

Dan Heng got home at noon the same day. Two hours late from what he told his mom, but she
didn’t seem to care when she saw him enter. Actually, she approached him, peeked through the
door and opened it up to wave at Ren. Dan Heng shook his head, thinking that she, too, knew what
was up and was not against it a little.

Good for them. Each other’s mothers already fond of them without trying.

When Ren left, Dan Heng looked at his mother, confused, flashing the best smile he could to cope.
His mom said nothing aside from you had fun? and she asked that when Dan Heng was in the
middle of drinking water and he choked, and instead of feeling sorry, she laughed.

On sunset of the same day, Dan Heng had his parents’ permission to go to downtown by himself,
commuting. They were a little worried about him going alone, wondered why he wanted to go
there and he said to walk around.

Walk around equated to visiting Ren in his vocabulary. Unannounced too.

Walk around in a place so far away from their house.

Yep. His parents definitely did not believe his lies, but they let him go after exchanging unreadable
looks.

Dan Heng waited for the last sidewalk, his earphones plugged in his ears—

You wrap around me and you give me life

And that’s why night after night
I’ll be lovin’ you right

—feeling like a college student fresh out of exams. Except he wasn’t in college and there was a
stack of physical and online documents waiting for him. The music playing was the song that
March and Stelle hummed on the way to school during his birthday. Surely, he didn’t play it while
thinking about someone.

When the sidewalk count down turned zero, he removed his hands from his pockets. Oh, by the
way, he was still wearing Ren’s clothes. Why? Because it was Ren’s and it smelled like him.

Dan Heng opened the door, the same smoky aroma greeting him. He looked around, noticed that
there weren’t a lot of people, and paused at the cashier, where Ren glanced at him briefly before
returning his attention to the customer.

He grabbed his phone, turned the music off and stepped first in the line, grinning.

“Serving me today too?” he asked, teasing.

Ren scanned him up and down. “You’re still wearing my clothes.”

Dan Heng perked an eyebrow. “Can’t I wear my boyfriend’s clothes?”

“What can I get for you, sir?” Ren asked, mocking. “I will put a whole gallon of sugar in your
drink,” he whispered.

Dan Heng gasped dramatically and swung around once to check the line behind him. “Make
something good or we’ll break up,” he said, tapping Ren’s cheeks. Ren rolled his eyes, leaned
closer, but Dan Heng moved back, sticking his tongue out for a second. “My order please,” he said,
grinning widely before leaving Ren dumbfounded.

Ten minutes. Dan Heng waited ten minutes for his name to get called.

He got called when all the customers after him were served.

Yes, he counted since he was counting down Ren’s death along with his patience. When Ren
called him with a pretend professional voice, he scoffed and walked to him, arms crossed.

“Let’s break up,” Dan Heng said, about to grab the purple drink, but Ren yanked it away. He
glanced up, biting back a smile. “This it zero out of five service.”

Ren looked around, clenched his clothes and planted a kiss on his lips

Dan Heng grinned. “Negative one. That sucked,” he said. “Give me my drink.”
“You’re annoying,” Ren said, pushing the drink into Dan Heng’s hand. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“Cry about it,” Dan Heng teased, cupped Ren’s face, brushed their lips quickly and pushed Ren
when he started kissing for real. “What time does your shift end?”

Ren glanced behind and back at him. “Probably in an hour,” he said. “Give me one more.”

Dan Heng stabbed the straw on the lid and took a sip. He turned it around, no information, and
realized that he didn’t pay. He paused, processing the flavour, nodded in approval after and kissed
Ren. “It’s good,” he admitted. Ren grinned, then frowned when someone called his name. Dan
Heng looked behind at Ren’s coworker.

“You’re needed, sir,” he mocked. “Ten out of five rating, since I’m a better kisser.”

“You practice—”

“Ren!”

Dan Heng carried his drink, sipping it blankly at its creator. “Go back to work,” he said and
watched Ren turn his back on him before returning to their usual table.

On the evening of the same day, Dan Heng sat beside Ren on the outside stairs of his house, their
bodies leaning against each another. Dan Heng stared at the crescent moon, eyes failing to spot
stars as Ren traced his palm.

He closed his eyes. “You should go.”

“Hm?”

Then opened his eyes, blinking hard. “I want to sleep.”

They looked at each other, Ren glancing at the window and the door and—Dan Heng cupped his
face and kissed him. It would be bad if they get caught, but he was too sleepy to care. They kissed
until the wind quieted and the rustling leaves halted.

“Drive safe,” Dan Heng said, hand touching the door. Ren tucked a hair behind his ears and
nodded. “You’re making it hard to leave,” he joked, stepped closer and wrapped his arms around
Ren’s waist. “I love you.”

“You’re cringe.” Ren grinned and froze in the middle of hugging him back. “Hello.” Dan Heng
pulled away, turned around to his mother, watching them. He smiled, teeth out, awkwardly.

She laughed. “What?”

“Mom.” He sighed, faced Ren, and whispered. “Go home.”

Dan Heng basically spent the night talking about Ren with his parents—so he explained their
relationship, slowly as he chose his words carefully, and his parents were collectively confused and
thought that they dated a long time ago—that too, he had to explain and the only comment that
stayed in his head was his mom saying, aw that's cute, darling since it sounded like something out
of his friend’s mouth.

(Changes)

On the first school day after they were officially boyfriends, the trio and his friends were by the
entrance, near the principal’s office, talking about him and Ren. When Stelle and March spotted
him, they smiled, their eyebrows going up and down like they knew what exactly happened. Dan
Heng allowed his friends to mess up his hair as his eyes flickered between Kafka and Silver Wolf,
who wore unreadable expressions.

“What?” he asked, looking at them. Silver Wolf shrugged, her eyes going from Kafka to Ren, then
to him again. Kafka grinned, tapping Ren on the arms.

“Are you together?” Kafka asked.

Dan Heng and Ren locked eyes. “Are we?” he asked and Silver Wolf clasped her hands, loud,
saying, I told you he’s bluffing.

“Hey! You gotta pay up,” Stelle said to Silver Wolf and turned to Dan Heng. “You’re together
now. Right?”

Pay up?

“Did you bet about us?” he asked and she laughed, denying the accusations while March nodded
beside her. “We’re not,” he said. “He’s tiring to deal with.”

Stelle repeated, he’s lying, you're lying and followed them all the way to their history class,
begging for honest answers, and he had no choice but to say, we are since the attention they
gathered from Stelle’s shouting were too much.

On the first lunch of them being boyfriends, they sat in the cafeteria since students from another
school occupied the library for a presentation. Dan Heng sat across an empty chair, sighing tiredly
as he listened to the layers of voices around him. Ren was beside him, dismissing his admirers, but
they won’t budge, and Dan Heng gripped his fork tightly, trying to refrain himself.

When someone invited herself to their table and sat beside Ren, Dan Heng dropped his fork on the
plate and pulled Ren towards him and the student almost fell on the sudden available space.

“Back off,” he spat, ignoring the looks given to him. Ren laughed lightly, grabbing a strawberry
from his container.
“You wanna go out?” he asked, throwing an arm around Dan Heng’s shoulder. He shook his head
and grabbed his fork again, stabbing the lone blueberry on his plate. Before he could eat the fruit,
Ren leaned in, stealing it from him before completely pushing Dan Heng on the wall behind them.

Dan Heng carried the fork with him, his hands cupping Ren’s face. “Wait—” He gasped, kicking
Ren in the shin and he moved back, saying ‘ow.’ Dan Heng scanned the area, chewing the damn
blueberry as he made eye contact with Ren’s admirers. “Aeons,” he whispered and received a laugh
from Ren.

“I have a boyfriend. He gets really mad if you get near me,” Ren teased, looking at them and then
at Dan Heng again. “He bites,” he added, and Dan Heng shoved his face.

“You’re disgusting,” Dan Heng whispered, drowning in the eyes still staring at them. He sighed.
“Let’s go out.”

In the first biology class of them being boyfriends, Ren and Dan Heng were partners for a lab.
After checking the lab write-up, Dan Heng made his way to the back of the classroom, where the
equipments were and Ren followed behind.

After a few minutes, the teacher started explaining the procedure, his stick pointing throughout the
PowerPoint. Dan Heng stood still, eyes frozen on the screen, ears listening poorly as Ren hugged
him from behind, his head resting on Dan Heng’s head. He blinked when the slides turned black
and looked at the teacher, who stared at them, his lips thin. Dan Heng nudged Ren, whispering,
“Get off.”

After a few minutes, the teacher finished with his explanation and approached his students to check
what they were doing. When Dan Heng saw the reflection of his teacher through a room window,
he glanced down, his heart beating quickly as he read the instructions. Ren turned around and he
heard his teacher say, if you don’t get a decent grade, I’ll separate you two, before leaving without
another word.

Dan Heng sighed. “Let’s focus.”

See, let’s focus turned into Ren mistaking a solution and Dan Heng had to control himself from
getting pissed off when Ren laughed it off, saying, “It’s fine. Our grades depend on the question.”
Dan Heng knew that already, but every time he looked at the teacher, they’d make eye contact and
he figured that the teacher was watching their every move instead of doing something more
relevant.

Well, safe to say that the teacher didn’t separate them. It was all thanks to the one answer that Ren
copied from another group. Of course, he didn’t copy it word-by-word. That’d be plagiarism.
Either way, it was fortunate that their classmates weren’t the best at labs too, and the teacher was
more disappointed in them than him and Ren.
When Dan Heng told Stelle and March about what happened, they simply agreed at,

“He’s a hater.”

And Dan Heng nodded, accepting that as a reason.

(Same routines)

Even after they became boyfriends, Dan Heng and Ren continued with their daily meet up after
school to go to downtown, at Ren’s work, to study. However, Ren started having more shifts and
Dan Heng had to be alone as he suffer through all the due assignments that cried for his attention.

There would be times when the cafe wouldn’t be that busy and Ren would join Dan Heng, as if he
wasn’t using his work time to talk to a customer. When Dan Heng pointed that out, Ren reassured
him and shrugged it off, saying, “It’s fine. I’m close with the owner.”

He was indeed close with the owner.

One day, Dan Heng was on the verge of crying and finishing a recent English essay when a
middle-aged woman approached him. She introduced herself as the owner, and—she was Silver
Wolf’s mother and he nodded, looked at Ren, finally getting why he was not a tad bit afraid that
he’d lose his job.

They talked for a while, like she was interested in Dan Heng’s life and he took that as a chance to
take a break from school and clear his head. When Ren had to leave them to work, she started
telling Dan Heng how Ren used to talk about him to Silver Wolf and Kafka. And he smiled,
assuming that Ren did that in grade eight.

They talked until she remembered that she had errands, and Dan Heng smiled goodbye to her and
placed his attention on his laptop again.

Dan Heng worked until sunset, when the skies were golden red and bright orange. He worked until
he closed the laptop to remove the paragraphs he’d read repeatedly for days. He worked until the
smell of coffee got near him and Ren reached for his jaw and turned his head before kissing him.
Dan Heng looked at the skies until Ren interrupted him. His eyelashes brushed against Ren’s skin
as he got pushed down on the chair, the thought of PDA rushing out of their heads.
(Visits)

A month into their relationship, Dan Heng visited Ren enough that he had his own pair of a
toothbrush in the bathroom. He visited Ren enough that his room started smelling like Ren. He
visited Ren enough for his closet to be stacked with clothes that weren’t his.

Dan Heng sat on Ren’s bed, eyes frozen on the book Ren gave him earlier.

It was during no-school Friday when Dan Heng decided to go to Ren’s house without his parents’
permissions. Well, he didn’t sneak out. They were gone, and he figured it would be fine as long as
he go home before his parents.

Ren’s mother didn’t seem to mind his presence. If anything, she would always look pleased
whenever she opened the door to Dan Heng wearing a school uniform or casual clothes that he
picked randomly from his closet.

Ren entered the room, said a word Dan Heng didn’t catch and closed the door.

They still hadn’t told Ren’s mom what they were. Then again, did they have to? Perhaps. But Ren
said that even before Dan Heng visited, she already knew who Dan Heng was to him. That left him
wondering just how much Ren blabbered about him that she’d know.

To be fair, his parents also knew something was happening. They even thought that they dated
before they actually dated.

“Ugh, Ren,” Dan Heng whined, raising his arms as Ren snuggled his way to his neck, his hands on
Dan Heng’s back. “Dry your hair, first.”

Ren groaned, lifting his head to plant soft kisses on Dan Heng’s cheek.

Dan Heng turned his head to the side, their lips meeting. “You’re going to ruin the book.”

“I love you too,” Ren said, his head slumping back on Dan Heng’s neck. “Is the book more
important than me?” he asked, lips brushing against Dan Heng’s skin. “Hm?” He opened his mouth
—
Dan Heng dropped the book, grunting. “Aeons,” he whispered, voice shaky, his other hand trying
to tug Ren away. “Aeons, Ren.” Ren moved away, leaving wet traces from his neck to his jaw, then
to his lips. Dan Heng loosened his grip and dragged his hands to Ren’s neck, tilting his head as
Ren forced him to lie flat on the bed. “Ren,” he called, breathless.

Ren grinned, planting one last kiss before nuzzling his way to Dan Heng’s neck again. “You’re so
pretty.”

Dan Heng rolled his eyes, one hand tapping around for the book, the other sliding on Ren's back.

On Dan Heng’s sixth visit to Ren’s room, he spotted a crumpled paper almost on the edge of Ren’s
study desk, and he approached it, one eyebrow arching in suspicion. He huffed at the familiarity of
his handwriting, his brain flashing a flood of embarrassing memories when Ren confronted him
about his one-page diary from last year.

“Oh?” he heard Ren say, his arms wrapping around his waist as Ren rested his head on his
shoulder.

Dan Heng sighed in disappointment and folded the paper into its original form. “I’m taking this,”
he said, forcing himself around with Ren’s weight.

“Hey.” Ren reached over and grabbed it. “This is mine,” he said, opening the paper, but Dan Heng
yanked it away. “What?” he asked, laughing. “You’re so cute.”

“Shut it,” he said, ignoring the warmth on his body as he tried to step away from the table.

“Aw. You’re shy?” Ren said, his voice playful. “Hey, Dan Heng,” Ren called and although Dan
Heng did not want to hear whatever he had to say, he answered,

“What?”

"I love you.”

He sighed, taking the paper away from Ren and place it on the table. “No.”

“I love you,” Ren repeated.

“Okay,” he replied, his heart beating fast when Ren started pulling him to where the bed would be.
“Hold on.” He breathed before he got pushed down on the bed with Ren above him. “What?” he
asked flatly, to mask the nervousness in his voice.

Ren leaned in, to his side, to his neck, and breathed warmly, causing Dan Heng to jump a little.
“Say it back,” he demanded.

“This is foul play,” Dan Heng said instead, breathing heavily when Ren started nibbling on his
earlobes. “Okay, move—Ren.” He panted when Ren started moving on the side where his jaw
was. “Okay, okay.” He laughed. “I love you too.” Ren stopped and Dan Heng could feel the grin
against his skin. “You’re disgusting.”

“You’re disgusting,” Ren mocked and Dan Heng pulled his hair and pulled him back again, their
lips brushing subtly before Dan Heng raised his legs up to kick Ren down the floor and they both
fall on the ground, with Dan Heng hovering over Ren, this time. “This is a good view,” Ren teased,
and Dan Heng looked at him, unimpressed.

“What are you doing?” asked Ren when Dan Heng gathered his dried hair.

Dan Heng ignored his question, eyes focused on twisting Ren’s hair with a claw clip in hand. “Dan
Heng,” Ren called, annoyed, and he raised his head to be pushed down again shortly after. “What
are you doing?” He sighed and buried himself on the pillow behind Dan Heng’s shoulder.

“March gave me something,” he answered and released the grip, its claws digging deep into Ren’s
hair. “Huh.” He stared, entertained.

“A hair tie is satisfying you?” Ren asked, his voice muffled against the pillow covers.

“It’s a clip, actually.”

“Same thing.”

“Obviously not,” Dan Heng argued. “Get up. Let me see.” Ren did what he was told like it was a
command and Dan Heng scanned his face, smiling. “You look decent for the first time,” he said,
and Ren rolled his eyes, cupping his face. Dan Heng placed his hands on the side of Ren’s face,
turning him around as if inspecting to catch a fault in a robot.

“I’m waiting,” Ren said, and Dan Heng raised an eyebrow. “I need a reward for being used like
this,” he added, leaned in and stopped when there was little gap between them. “No?”

“No,” Dan Heng agreed and tilted his head, still busy examining how Ren looked with his hair up.
He nodded in approval and locked their eyes. “Hm.” Ren furrowed his eyebrows. “You look better
annoyed,” he said before leaving no distance between them. When Ren started kissing deeper, Dan
Heng pushed himself up and pulled away. “Enough.”

Ren frowned, pursing his lips into a pout and Dan Heng looked away, hugging him instead.

(Yearning)

Some day in early summer, Dan Heng showed up at school with a scarf wrapped around his neck.

Stelle and March questioned his sanity when he saw him like that, especially with the sun that had
been out since morning. He simple shrugged it off, saying, it will be cold later.
It wasn’t cold later.

Dan Heng walked outside the school, ignoring the eyes, looking at him like he was crazy. Okay,
maybe it was a little crazy, he’d admit. But he didn’t care since Ren was gone, and the only recent
fabric that smelled like Ren was the scarf that he gave Dan Heng on Valentines, that he stored
inside his closet after the Spring Break incident until he brought it with him on Ren’s room,
searching for the perfume Kafka gave.

It had been a routine.

After they got together, the perfume that looked almost full became half empty-half full, and Dan
Heng was the one to blame for that. After visiting Ren multiple times, wearing his clothes, and all
that jazz, Dan Heng got used to the honey-lavender fragrance. Too used that there were nights
when he couldn’t sleep without the scent and usually, Ren would out of a sudden message him
asking if he was asleep.

Then he’d confess that he couldn’t sleep.

Then Ren would show up in front of his house, with something he could hug to sleep.

In short, no Ren equated to no sleep.

Both of them were to blame for that.

(Graduation)

Days before graduation, after they were all done with diplomas, they gathered outside the school,
planning and talking about what they were going to do after. March was still determined with
photography, while Silver Wolf said she’d probably go to computer programming. Dan Heng
planned to—

That didn’t matter.

What mattered was what they were going to do right after graduation.

Stelle suggested a celebratory party, just the six of them and a few other friends, to avoid
overcrowding and commotion and too much people would be too much of a headache, said Silver
Wolf. They agreed on her comment and settled into a small gathering, to whoever’s house. Mostly
Kafka’s. They always go to Kafka’s.
On their graduation day, it was loud. Really loud.

It was an outdoor event, so really, it was hot and loud, and everyone was just complaining about
the heat until rain poured lightly and everyone complained about it, instead. It didn’t last long, and
the skies were dark blue, but the sun struck bright above them.

Dan Heng stood beside Ren, their hands intertwined as he swung around looking for Stelle and
March, but to no avail, there were no grey and pink hair to be seen. Ren squeezed his hand, and he
faced forward to Savannah, their photography teacher, approaching them.

“Hey!” she greeted, and Dan Heng flashed a smile, hiding his confusion within it. “Just hear to
congratulate you guys!” she said cheerfully.

The congratulate speech turned into a waterfall of compliments from Savannah to them. Especially
with Dan Heng, for the movie poster that he created with 90% of his efforts gone. She talked
endlessly, and Dan Heng talked endlessly, and Ren talked a little, sometimes commenting here and
there and responding to Savannah’s questions.

When she glanced down at their hands, she brought up the social and photography museum
collaboration and Dan Heng just nodded, trying to recall what had happened that day until she left
and Ren said,

“Remember her friend?”

“We started dating just before graduation.”

Then his mouth cracked open, realizing that she’d unintentionally called their relationship.

“How’d you remember?” he asked Ren, raising their intertwined hands to wave at Sushang. Ren
forced their hands back down, and he turned to him, confused, before smiling cheekily. “Sushang?
Really?” Ren looked away, his face blank, and Dan Heng laughed. “Out of all people you could be
jealous of, you chose Sushang?”

Dan Heng stopped walking and reached and placed his palm under the curve of Ren’s jaw,
gathering his attention. “We’re literally dating.”

Ren huffed. “Thanks for informing me.”

Dan Heng rolled his eyes. “The day she hugged me—”

“I hugged you,” he cut him off. “I was jealous.” Dan Heng’s smile widened, thanking Sushang
internally since that was the day they realized that they could barely go through a day without
them hugging. Ren used his other hand to grasp Dan Heng’s hand on his jaw, and pulled him close
into a kiss that lasted until they heard a cheer of,

“PDA! PDA!”

When he pulled away and glanced toward the voice, he sees Stelle making disgusted faces and
March clapping, excitedly. His eyes wandered to the other people, now watching his two friends
approach them.
“That’s gross, guys,” Stelle commented, pulling out her phone to show a picture of them.

“Delete that,” Dan Heng said, and she shrugged.

“I did.” She smiled. “It’s on the group chat.”

He rolled his eyes, bit his lip to not smile too widely, and didn’t drag the topic further.

The four of them walked around, saying hi and hello to familiar faces, bidding goodbye to the
classmates they liked, going around the field thanking their favourite teachers.

An hour and a half after the ceremony, Kafka and Silver Wolf met them, with their parents behind.
They talked with their parents for a short time before spending minutes planning the gathering for
the last time to make sure everyone was on the same page. When they were done with that, a
photoshoot with all of them took place—

Stelle nudged Dan Heng. “Kiss him, kiss him,” she whispered, loud enough for their other friends
to hear. He rolled his eyes, recalling how earlier she said that it was PDA now she wanted them to
do it in front of their parents.

“Shut up,” he whispered back, pressing his elbow on her side, and she winced. He faced the
camera, his body leaning towards Ren even with Stelle’s arm around him.

March ran towards the camera, then Stelle removed her arms around Dan Heng and followed her,
then Kafka, then Silver Wolf, then March grabbed the camera from her mother and Ren turned him
around, smiling. Dan Heng’s mouth opened slightly, looking back and forth between Ren and his
friends and family, laughing lightly.

“Go, go!” he heard March shout. He turned to Ren and paused and they shared a smile before Dan
Heng wrapped his arms around Ren’s neck and Ren pushed him halfway down, leaning as they
closed their eyes before feeling the warmth of each other’s lips. Dan Heng smiled at the cheers
he’d heard, and dragged Ren closer, his waist getting supported by Ren as they kiss, slow and
tender. “Perfect!” March shouted, giggling as the two of them parted, their eyes filled with obvious
fond for one another.

Ren pulled him back up and Dan Heng shook his head, feeling all warm as he rested the side of his
face on Ren’s shoulder, watching their parents laugh along with their friends when they showed
the picture. March ran towards them, beaming, and showed the screen of the camera, her hands on
the top to cover the sun.

“So professional, am I right?” March asked, and Stelle threw an arm around her shoulder, shouting,
“You’re so right!” Dan Heng laughed—

Feeling like this was the best day of his life

—and nodded.
The gathering did not involve their parents. Although it’d be reasonable to have an adult figure to
watch over them, most of them had work and the rest trusted their children enough not to go. Like
Dan Heng’s parents, who wholly trusted him in Ren’s care.

It happened in Kafka’s house, as usual, and when he and Ren got out of the car, they spotted Kafka
hugging someone. That someone turned out to be Himeko, and she came back, her graduation just
the day before she took a flight back to celebrate the day with Kafka.

Dan Heng talked to her for a long time, with Stelle and March chiming in occasionally. At first, she
was stunned when Ren introduced him, and asked, Dan Heng? That Dan Heng? and when they
nodded, she looked delighted, patting Ren on the shoulder, mouthing, wow good job like it was a
grand achievement.

There were a few unfamiliar faces, but Dan Heng didn’t bother introducing himself to them. There
were also familiar faces. When he saw Jing Yuan with Luocha on the couch, he wondered if
Sushang was there and he asked her through text and she said that she had to go to a family
celebration.

“What’s that?” Dan Heng asked, watching Stelle slide a shot glass in front of him. She mouthed,
try it, and left without a word. He grabbed the glass, his eyebrow arched up, and he glanced at Ren
when he sat beside him.

“What’s that?” he asked, leaning forward to check. Dan Heng shrugged and took the glass into his
mouth, immediately regretting that he drank all of it in one ago. He coughed, blinked his eyes hard
as he held the glass above the table. “What is it?” he repeated, and Dan Heng sighed, his eyes
searching for Stelle.

“I’m not sure,” he said. Ren grabbed his chin, turned his face towards him and leaned in. Their
chair squeaked as Dan Heng got pushed closer to the table, his hands loose on the glass. Ren tilted
his head, pulled away briefly for Dan Heng to pant for air, and kissed him deeper.

“Get a room!” Stelle shouted through the new loud music playing through the speakers and Dan
Heng smiled, his hand completely letting go of the glass.

When Ren leaned away, he breathed heavily, eyes frozen on Dan Heng’s flushed face and messy
hair. “Peach,” he said, and Dan Heng chuckled at the realization. Ren pulled him back up. “Drink
one more time.” He grinned. “To check.”

Dan Heng rolled his eyes. “Drink one yourself,” he said, letting his head rest on Ren’s shoulders.

Near the end of the gathering, Dan Heng talked to Jing Yuan and Ren talked to Luocha, recalling
memories. Jing Yuan mentioned that the books he'd gave Dan Heng last year were a part of a
scheme, and said that Kafka planned the whole thing, told him what she wanted him to do a day
prior to that happening.

That wasn't surprising. After all, it was Kafka, and she was born unpredictable. He'd never really
expected that they interacted. He'd never seen them interact before. So, Kafka, the most successful
initiator of somebody else's love story?

When she passed by and heard them talking, she said, I only wanted the best for my best friend,
before messing up Ren's hair, clearly joking.
Luocha told them the story about Ren getting in trouble with a senior student and how he didn't
fight back and stood still and Luocha thought at that moment that he was so cool, but the lack of
reaction pissed the senior off.

Then Ren had to say, when he was alone with Dan Heng, that he got the gauze for scraping himself
with a cheese grater and Dan Heng laughed at him for being foolish, completely stunned by why
he'd wore them. Ren, a little tired to care, kissed Dan Heng deep, his hands travelling all over Dan
Heng's body, who in contrary kept his hands intertwined behind Ren's neck.

By the end of the gathering, Dan Heng told his parents that he was sleeping over in Kafka's house
when, in reality, he was inside Ren's room, covering himself with blankets even if it was hot. Ren's
mom was already at work when they came back, so that was fortunate. Dan Heng would need to
sneak out the next morning, though.

Ren entered the room and closed the door and turned the lights off, his lamp still on at the bedside
table. Dan Heng moved to his side of the bed and Ren sat on his side, his hair inside a claw clip
and his eyes clearly tired.

Dan Heng chuckled and Ren looked at him, slide halfway down and Dan Heng reached for the
back of his head, removed the clip before leaning over and planting a short kiss. Then he extended
his body until he could reach the bedside table, and Ren ran his hands through Dan Heng's hair.

“Let's sleep,” Dan Heng said, after slumping down the bed. He glanced up at Ren and turned his
body sideways, facing him. “Come here.” Ren settled down on the bed, fixed the blanket so it was
covering them both and got inside Dan Heng's arms, resting his head on Dan Heng's chest.

With a brief kiss on Ren's hair, Dan Heng closed his eyes and let himself fall into the dreamland
with Ren breathing softly as his lullaby.

(Birthday)

The week before Ren’s birthday, all six of them gathered in Kafka’s house to hang out and stay
connected. When Dan Heng entered the house, Stelle and March were already there and Kafka
smiled a little differently, like she was trying to be genuine but couldn’t flash it out. He assumed
that was because Himeko had to return overseas two weeks after their graduation.

Dan Heng sat with March and Stelle on the dining chairs. They’d been talking about what they
could do for Ren’s birthday while Ren was upstairs, after getting dragged by Silver Wolf to play
games. March suggested beach and sparklers, and that sounded something out of a movie that it
piqued Dan Heng’s interest, and he considered it. Stelle said to go buy flower shopping before or
after, reminding him how he gave Ren a flower last year, the day before the dance.
They settled with March’s suggestion, but Kafka joined them, asking how they were going to plan
that. Especially since the nearest shore was at least two hours drive away. They sat in silence until
Silver Wolf showed up, asking what’s up with you guys? and they shrugged it off, since Ren was
there and Dan Heng told them to not mention any of the preparations to him.

Dan Heng stared at the floor, sighing softly, and Ren cut him off from his trance by kissing him
briefly. He glanced up. “What’s the matter?” Ren asked, eyes filled with worry that Dan Heng
smiled and shook his head.

“Nothing,” he said, head full of what and how they were going to surprise Ren for his birthday.
Ren sat beside him, gently guiding Dan Heng’s head to his shoulder. “You want anything for your
birthday?” he asked. Ren grabbed his hand and clasped it with his.

“You,” he answered seriously, and Dan Heng laughed.

“I can’t give what you already have,” he said, carrying his available hand to the side of Ren’s face.
“Do you know?” He sat up, their eyes locking. “Nevermind,” he said. When Ren furrowed his
eyebrows, he chuckled. He settled his head on Ren’s shoulder, closed his eyes, and listened to the
music coming from the game his friends were playing on the TV. “I love you.”

For Ren’s birthday, they went to the beach with sparklers, just like March planned.

Okay, so it wasn’t easy to plan everything, since the place was far and their parents were rightfully
concerned for their safety. It was all thanks to Silver Wolf’s relative, who gave them permission to
stay in the house near the beach. Still, out of everyone, Stelle struggled with convincing her
parents, but they said fine in the end.

Their plans remained a secret from Ren until the night Kafka dragged him to the beach, and the
rest of them were already waiting by a nearby table, with Silver Wolf carrying a cake and March
and Stelle on the side, singing happy birthday with a camera on hand. Dan Heng stood by the other
side, smiling at Ren’s confusion, that soon turned into a look of disapproval. Kafka accompanied
him until he had to blow the candles out and Silver Wolf swiped her index finger on the cream
before wiping it on Ren’s cheeks. She placed the cake back on the table, stuck her tongue out, ran
and hid behind Dan Heng for safety.

Ren rolled his eyes, removed the cream from his cheeks, and licked it off before pulling Dan Heng
into a kiss, and Silver Wolf made a sound of disgust as the others laughed. Dan Heng smiled,
whispering, happy birthday in between, then let himself to fully melt into Ren’s kisses, sweet and
warm.

They spent all hours leading up to midnight, talking, laughing, running around the shore,
sometimes dipping their toes in the water until the four of them gave up, said a last happy birthday
to Ren before walking back to the house.

In the end, it was just Dan Heng and Ren, hands intertwined, walking near the water, the tides
calmly going up and down and the wind cold and weak. Ren was the first to talk, asking what Dan
Heng planned for the next two months out of school and he shrugged, and said, I wanna spend
time with you, and Ren huffed, thinking it was just a joke.

Dan Heng asked him what he planned for college, and Ren said that he might take a gap year to
focus on work since he wanted to move out of the house. When Dan Heng asked why he wanted to
move out, he said, I want a place for you and me, and Dan Heng rolled his eyes, smiling and
replied, well do I wanna move in with you? and Ren answered him with a tug on his waist, and a
kiss that lasted until they grew short of air.

(Monthsary)

For their fourth monthsary, Dan Heng showed up in Ren’s house with the white roses he’d been
taking care of in secret, and Ren invited him in, the breakfast he cooked ready for Dan Heng on the
dining table. They spent the morning eating together and spent noon to three, cuddled in the couch,
sometimes in bed. At some point, Ren fell asleep while hugging Dan Heng, who was in the middle
of reading a book. Soon, Dan Heng dozed off too, his hands on Ren’s back. When they woke up,
they talked, suggesting things they could do for the day, and when they settled into a plan, they got
ready.

At four, the skies were gloomy, and the wind was almost nowhere and they stood by the bus
station, waiting. Dan Heng suggested a stroll around the city, and Ren suggested the idea of
commuting like that wasn’t what Dan Heng had in mind. So there they were, Ren’s scarfs around
Dan Heng’s neck, their hands intertwined, sharing warmth, and Dan Heng rocked his feet back and
forth, as if that would make the bus arrive faster.

After Ren’s birthday, Dan Heng got a job in the same place. Of course, their shifts didn’t align, but
that didn’t matter. As long as they had a shift on the same day, they’d always wait for one another,
no matter how late it was. With the exception of needing to go somewhere, because in the end,
they still had their own lives that they need to take care of.

“What are you thinking?” Ren spoke, and Dan Heng stopped moving, eyes glancing up at Ren.

“You,” he flatly answered. Ren huffed, smiling, his face flushing, and Dan Heng unintentionally
mumbled, cute. Dan Heng shrugged when he realized he’d said it out loud. “Just saying,” he
added, and Ren turned him to the side so they face each other. He leaned in, his lips brushing
against Dan Heng’s, who smiled, his eyes open, watching Ren.

“Dan Heng.” Ren groaned from frustration. Dan Heng continued smiling, trying to resist himself
from kissing back, just to tease him a little more. Ren sighed and moved back, his face irked. “I
hate you.”

“So romantic,” Dan Heng whispered, raising one hand to trace the curve of Ren’s jaw. “You.
Romantic,” he said, dragged his hand on the back of Ren’s neck and pulled him, smiling as their
lips met. Ren kissed him, fast, the sound of vehicles passing by them and Dan Heng played with
his hair, pushing him lower. “Wait, Ren.” He panted. “We’re in public,” he pointed out, breathless,
but Ren continued, freed their hands from one another and wrapped his arms around Dan Heng’s
waist, pulling him closer. Dan Heng tiptoed, two of his hands now on Ren’s back as Ren stood
straight, not giving themselves any break in between.

They continued, again and again and again until Dan Heng pulled away forcefully when the bus
came. He dragged Ren towards the door, head down, gasping for air, ignoring the looks given to
them.

They didn’t talk on the bus, but they sat together and shared Ren’s earphones, waiting for their
stop. Throughout the ten minutes’ ride, Dan Heng expected it to rain by the time they leave, but it
didn’t.

When they got out, Dan Heng pointed at different shops, coffee, flowers, antiques, introducing Ren
to them like he hadn’t been living in the same the city for as long as he was. Ren listened intently,
hands grasping Dan Heng’s gently, moving forward and back as they walked in sync.

They walked for a long time, talking in whispers like they were in their own world. They talked
about highschool, recalling memories, bringing up their encounters on Junior high. Dan Heng
mentioned how Ren started acting so clingy, then Ren mentioned how it was pretty obvious that
Dan Heng liked him, and he was curious about what would happen if he acted based on that
information. Basically, when he saw Dan Heng’s reaction to his flattery, it amused him, so he
continued, and pressed on until Dan Heng gave in or they gave in.

That confirmed Dan Heng’s theory of Ren waiting for him to make a move. Which Ren defended
himself by saying, hey, I flirted enough. To be fair, he did and Dan Heng didn’t do anything about
it but let him, thinking Ren was just playing around. Ren looked at him, offended when he said
that, and said, I’ll never like anyone else.

Dan Heng hummed, eyeing a flower shop from afar. “Ren, let’s check that out,” he said, pointing
towards the shop, and immediately dragged his hand down when strangers turned to him and
behind, where he was pointing.

Upon entering, the colours from the plants struck them and the bell chimed as the door opened,
then closed. The shop owner, a lady that looked like to be in her late 20s, greeted them with a smile
and a short welcome, before another young woman showed up behind her.

“Hello,” she said, her voice flat until the lady hit her with a broomstick and she cleared her throat,
repeated, hello, her voice a little high-pitched than before. Dan Heng smiled at her, getting dragged
by Ren to the side.
“What’s your problem?” Dan Heng whispered, furrowing his eyebrows, but that soon settle into
their usual place when he saw the potted white orchids on a shelf.

“Stay here,” Ren said and walked away. Dan Heng’s eyes followed him, staring as Ren converse
with the woman and turned around, taking little steps as his eyes wander the shelves, row by row
and column by column.

Minutes passed, Dan Heng had reached the end of the shelves and he turned around, closed his
eyes from something brushing his face. He stepped back, opened his eyes, blinked once. “What’s
that?” he asked, glancing up at Ren, then down at the pale purple flowers he was holding.

Ren grabbed his hand, opened it and had him hold the stem. “Forget me nots.” Dan Heng held it
away from his face, twisting it like he was examining something complicated. Ren took his other
hand, intertwining it with his. “You wanna get those?” he said, pouting towards the orchids.

Dan Heng moved the flowers near his heart, smiling and leaning towards Ren. “What a real
romantic,” he teased, brushing his face against Ren’s arms. Ren huffed, hand reaching for the
orchids.

“Let me get one for you,” Dan Heng said, and they locked eyes. Ren shook his head.

“It’s fine.”

“Ren,” he whined. “I will get the most e—” Ren kissed him once, they stared, then twice.

“It’s fine, baby.”

Dan Heng rolled his eyes, averting his gaze. “You’re using pet names now?”

Ren laughed, softly. “I used pet names before.”

“We weren’t together.”

“We acted like it,” Ren said. Dan Heng took the pot away from his hands and placed it in its
original spot.

“This is enough,” he said, dragged Ren behind him towards the door. Before they leave, Dan Heng
said a quick thank you, and pushed the door open.

“Dan Heng.”

“Hm?”

“You wanna look for a place with me?”

Dan Heng stopped walking and looked at him, his heart beating fast for no reason. “Here?” he
asked. Ren nodded to confirm. “Yeah.” He tiptoed, lips brushing on Ren’s cheek. “I’d like that.”
Ren pulled him up, and Dan Heng stumbled back when they kissed. “My lips are swollen,” he
complained, huffing.

“It’d get worse.” Ren grinned.

(Moving out)

Ren looked for a place the entire month. Sometimes Dan Heng was with him, sometimes Silver
Wolf and Kafka tagged along and sometimes Stelle would go with them, and sometimes he was
alone. Most of the time, he was alone.

One place they looked at was a house where he’d be roommates with someone. Then he and Dan
Heng locked eyes and realized that he did not want to be roommates with anyone but Dan Heng.
“Roommates.” Dan Heng rolled his eyes at him, exactly aware of what he was thinking about, and
they left the place faster than the time they took to check it out. Dan Heng told Ren to not consider
him in his thought process, but that was inevitable.

Plus, he was looking for a place where Dan Heng would be able to visit anytime. Another place he
checked was an apartment. It was fine. Just fine, so he needed his friends input on it and they said,
check the next place first.

The last place he checked was another apartment. It was the ideal one, and he waited until Dan
Heng was free so he could take a look.

“Looks good,” Dan Heng muttered, peeking through the supposed single room. “Are you sure
about this Ren?” he asked, turning around, just a little worried since it was a big responsibility. Ren
nodded, pulling him into a hug.

“I’m certain.”

Weeks after checking it out, the owner said that he was lucky no one had rented it yet, and he
moved in, with his friends and mother, assisting him. When they finished dragging all the boxes of
stuff, Ren was outside, sharing a word with his mother, and Kafka, Silver Wolf, and Dan Heng sat
on the floor, breathing loudly.

“He’s crazy,” Silver Wolf said. “I don’t get it. What’s the point of this?” she asked, letting herself
fall on the floor. “I mean, he’s still in the city, he didn’t move that much at all. So, I don’t get it.”
She turned to Kafka. “Do you get it?”

Kafka only offered a smile at her and the door opened, and Ren entered alone. Ren glanced down
at Silver Wolf and looked away, like he was used to her acting like that. Dan Heng sighed. Silver
Wolf wasn’t wrong, but he knew one thing about the place, and it was the fact that it was closer to
the college he mentioned to Ren.
Although he didn’t know if that was the motive, he still felt guilty, like something was boiling in
the pit of his stomach and he just—he felt sick sick and a little pressured, no not pressured, just—
Dan Heng sighed, and copied Silver Wolf’s action, stared at the ceiling, hoping that what he was
thinking wasn’t the reason.

They helped Ren a little more. They assembled furnitures, tables, desks, Dan Heng cleaned the
sofa, threw few pillows on it, Kafka scanned the area, mumbled what Ren could add here and there
for decorations and he quickly dismissed her idea saying, I’m not that rich, Kafka, and she stared at
him before she spoke, I’m always here. Dan Heng went to his room next, arranged the sheets
properly after playing tug of war with the bed, and Silver Wolf and Kafka soon joined him in the
room, carrying the bedside table they’d assembled.

Kafka and Silver Wolf left around ten minutes ago and Dan Heng stared at the door, his mind
flooded with thoughts and a question grew hastily inside him, crawled all the way up his throat,
waiting for him to choke it out.

“Hey,” Ren called. “You okay?”

Dan Heng turned to him, nodding. “I’m okay,” he said. Ren sat beside him on the floor and gently
pushed Dan Heng’s head to his shoulder.

They stayed like that for a while. Dan Heng wanted to go, really wanted to go the second Ren sat
beside him, but he stayed. He stayed because it felt right to stay with Ren. That it would be unfair
to leave right away.

“I’ll go home,” Dan Heng said, got up, walked towards the door, and opened it. Ren grabbed his
wrist and he turned around.

“I’ll drive you home,” Ren said.

Dan Heng smiled, weakly. “It’s fine. You should rest.”

Ren furrowed his eyebrows. “Did I do anything?” he asked, voice soft.

Dan Heng reached for his cheek and kissed him. “No,” he reassured. “See you.” Ren nodded,
hugged him tight.

“Okay. I’ll see you,” Ren said, leaning in for a goodbye, see you again, kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Dan Heng whispered, ruffling Ren’s hair before stepping away from the door. He
waved for the last time and took his first step on the stairs and he finally breathed, letting the
suffocating air trapped in his lungs escape.
(Disagreements)

No relationship is perfect.

That goes the same to Ren and Dan Heng, no matter how many times Stelle emphasized that there
was no way things would go wrong for them. Well, she wasn’t entirely wrong. But fights, no, more
like disagreements were unavoidable.

Dan Heng hadn’t seen Ren as much when he moved to the apartment. And even if they see each
other, they wouldn’t talk as much, sometimes leaving without a single I miss you and I love you,
and Dan Heng hated it that he began to doubt their relationship. Then again, he too, didn’t say
those words to Ren.

Dan Heng was easy to read. Which was fortunate and unfortunate when Stelle knew that
something was up the second she sees Dan Heng during a family gathering.

She didn't consider her worry as meddling in their relationship, but merely a worry for the best
friend she cared for and there was no way she'd let Dan Heng leave without an ounce of comfort.

March, Stelle and Dan Heng talked inside Stelle’s room, door locked, curtains closed, lights off.
Lights off. Lights off, because it was much easier to let it all out in darkness, where he felt safe,
which he thought was odd until Stelle normalized it saying, I understand. In darkness, no one can
judge you. So tell the darkness and let it listen to you.

By the time they finished, Dan Heng was already tearing up, hands covering his face, when Stelle
turned the lights on. The two of them sat beside him, brushed his back, stroked his hair, and did
anything that they thought would help.

Stelle suggested that they should talk. She suggested, no, don’t tell him “let’s talk” through text
that shit will leave him overthinking, then sighed, we’re trying to do damage control here.

March agreed with Stelle, she said, yeah, don’t worry though, you’ll be fine. I know you’ll be fine.
And they hugged him before he had to go saying, you’ll be fine, Ren loves you, we know he does
and you do too, that’s why you’ll get through it.

Dan Heng and Ren met up two weeks after the conversation with March and Stelle. They met up
after dry texting for the past four days. They finally met up properly, planned and not just at work,
where they’d see each other merely because of their shifts.

They met up when it was almost sunset. They met up and sat in silence. They sat in silence until
Dan Heng asked, do you love me? and Ren looked at him confused and said, of course I do. I love
you. A lot. Then they sat in silence again and Dan Heng felt suffocated, eyes frozen on the ground,
blinking hard in hopes of the burning feeling in the back of his eyes to disappear. They sat in
silence until Ren shattered the barrier between them by asking, what’s going on?

Dan Heng didn’t answer for a long time and Ren stared at him, waiting patiently, without pressure,
giving Dan Heng all the time to think. And Dan Heng did think think think, until he realized that
there was no point in dragging the distance between them further. Because honestly? It sucked. It
really did, and he felt like he was gasping for air even when he was static on the couch. Like
something was forcefully taking the air away from his lungs and the amount of air he was inhaling
didn’t compensate for the loss.

He felt like that until he talked and talked, and Ren listened and listened and when he stopped, the
sound of air banging against the window filled the silence in. Then Ren shifted on the couch,
placed his elbow down on his lap, hands clasped, rested his face on his hand and said something.
He said something that Dan Heng didn’t agree with, so he glared at him, and said something. Then
Ren sat up and said something. And they said something, anything, everything. They talked back
and forth, sometimes cutting each other off until things got worser and worser and their
conversation was going nowhere.

Now, Dan Heng sat on the couch, head resting on the back of the sofa, breathing heavily,
wondering why the fuck he was inside the apartment and Ren was the one that left. He inhaled
deeply, exhaled loudly and stood up, noticed how dark it was outside, thought how cold the wind
was. With a final exasperated sigh, he walked toward the door, in hopes of fetching Ren, because
they might be in a middle of an argument but, aeons, he still cares, he twisted the knob and pulled
it and Ren stood in front of him, hand frozen in air.

Dan Heng glanced up at him before stepping to the side to make space for Ren to enter, and he did.
Ren entered without a word, and stood still, waiting for the door to click. Dan Heng pushed the
door closed, licked his lips, turned around, and made his way in front of Ren.

He swallowed hard and sighed. “You look miserable,” Dan Heng said. “I’m sorry. I
misunderstood,” he continued, eyes locking with Ren’s. “I—” He breathed. “I’m sorry.”

Dan Heng continued with his “speech”, not only consisting of apologies but also the points he tried
to make earlier, yet failed to do so because of frustration. Ren listened. Then he said everything he
wanted to say, more calmly than earlier, before pulling Dan Heng into a hug, hands playing with
his hair as he whispered, I’m sorry too. I love you. You hear that? I love you so much, and Dan
Heng laughed, his voice muffled by Ren’s sweatshirt.

When they parted, Ren kissed Dan Heng, slow, and carried him to the couch. Dan Heng’s neck
rested on the arm of the couch, his hands on the side of Ren’s face. When Ren’s hands crawled its
way to Dan Heng’s back, he jumped, and every cold touch that traced the ridges of Dan Heng’s
spine lingered.

“Ren,” Dan Heng called, softly, their lips brushing briefly before Ren moved down his neck,
leaving quick kisses everywhere, not leaving a single space unkissed. Dan Heng gasped quietly,
hands falling down to Ren’s back, his nails digging into his shirt. Ren went up his ears, whispered,
I love you, before tugging on Dan Heng’s lower lip, opening his mouth, kissing deep deep and
careful. Dan Heng groaned faintly, dragged his hands back up and brushed Ren’s hair as he tilt his
head, following Ren’s movements, and they kissed and kissed, and he felt so loved, they felt so
loved, then he breathed when Ren gave him the chance to do so.

“I love you,” Ren whispered, leaning to his neck, his warm breath against Dan Heng’s skin. “I miss
you,” he said, kissing just below Dan Heng’s jaw. “I love you so much.” Ren fully wrapped his
arms on Dan Heng’s back, let himself fall for Dan Heng to carry his weight when he straightened
his legs, he raised his head, looked at Dan Heng intently. “I love you. You hear that?” Dan Heng
smiled and cupped his face before squishing it.

“I love you too.”

“It’s a yes or no question,” said Ren, his voice muffled because of the hands squishing his face.

“I heard it. Mm. Come here,” Dan Heng said and Ren dragged himself up, kissing Dan Heng
again, still as slow as before, because really, they have all the time, even though time is not infinite,
but they have all the time to love each other. “I love you,” Dan Heng whispered, kissed Ren once.
“You hear that?”

Ren grinned. “That’s my line,” he said, pressing soft kisses on the side of Dan Heng’s eyes, tasting
like salt. “I love you more.”

“No,” Dan Heng argued, planting quick kisses near Ren’s lips. "I love you more.”

Ren opened his mouth, pushed Dan Heng down again. “I love you more.”

Dan Heng rolled his eyes, smiling as his hands rested on the curve of Ren’s jaw. “This isn’t a
competition.”

“Hey, you’re the one that started,” Ren pointed out, grabbing Dan Heng’s hand away from his
face, intertwining it with his as he moved it to his lips, Dan Heng’s knuckles brushing on warm
warm, swollen lips. “We’re so cliché.” Ren grinned.

“For one another,” Dan Heng said, smiling. “I missed your annoying face.”

“You see me at work.”

“No.” Dan Heng shook his head. “You looked miserable, then,” he said and lifted himself up to
kiss Ren, pushing him down on the other end of the sofa. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, I told you it’s fine,” Ren said, cupping Dan Heng’s face. “I’m fine. Are you fine?” Dan
Heng nodded and Ren pulled him down, kissing Dan Heng’s forehead. “Then we’re fine,” he
whispered, stroked Dan Heng’s hair and repeated, we’re fine. Dan Heng leaned to his touches, tried
sinking into Ren so much that they might as well combine into one, and let himself close his eyes,
his breath touching Ren’s collar bone.

(Gifts)
After their argument, Dan Heng started visiting Ren more often, if not daily, then five or six times
a week. He visited even when Ren was at work. He visited even when he was busy and tired. He
visited even when it was late at night since he had his own keys then he would end up sleeping
over, catching Ren off guard whenever Dan Heng place himself under his arms, unannounced.

For every visit, Dan Heng would bring a potted plant, cactus, succulent, you name it and he would
put it where he sees fit. When he visit with Ren at home, Ren would greet him with a hug, then
they’d decide together where to put the plant he brought. When he visits with no Ren present at the
apartment, he would find a place to put it and take a picture afterwards for Ren before going home.

All of Dan Heng's visits filled Ren’s apartment with colour, that every time their friends visit, they
would joke about the apartment looking like a step forward to becoming a jungle. Of course, when
Dan Heng did it for the first week, Ren asked him why are you doing this? with pure confusion and
Dan Heng answered, why not? It’s my gifts.

Then Ren began giving him something, not as a payment, but as a gift, too. He would give
chocolates and bouquets that Dan Heng joked, saying, are you trying to kill me? For the days Ren
wasn’t present, he would leave a gift on the dining table, where Dan Heng would see it. The most
romantic he’d given Dan Heng was a scrapbook of their pictures, with the help of March and
Stelle’s. When Dan Heng found out that his friends were part of the planning, he shook his head,
smiling, wondering when did they get so close to Ren.

The gifts exchange brought up the question of, how do you still have money? Ren and Dan Heng
answered with a shrug, thinking it was all worth it.

At some point, Ren started joking about Dan Heng moving in, saying you should just move in,
since he was decorating the apartment, anyway. Dan Heng always answered with him rolling his
eyes and shaking his head, saying, I don’t wanna live with you.

Sometimes, instead of a flower, Dan Heng would bring a bag full of decorations. There was a day
when he visited without Ren at home and he designed his room by putting polaroids of them
together. When he finished, he went home, not waiting for Ren’s reaction, but when Ren found out,
he drove all the way to Dan Heng’s house, giving him hugs and kisses.

Gifts.

They loved giving each other gifts.

They loved spoiling one another.

(Moving in)

Weeks of visiting Ren, weeks of decorating, weeks of leaving his laundry at Ren’s apartment,
weeks of joking about Dan Heng moving in lead to this day:

Dan Heng fixed the bag on his shoulder, his other hand patting for the card of Ren’s apartment,
and when he found it, he scanned the card, pushed the door in and saw Ren in the kitchen.

“Hey,” Ren said, turning around briefly, with a knife in hand.

“Hey,” Dan Heng said. He placed his bag on the floor before the couch and stared at Ren. “What
are you doing?”

“Cooking.”

Dan Heng sighed softly, failing to bite his smile back that when Ren turned around, he looked at
him with an eyebrow perked up. “What?” he asked, their eyes remaining lock as Ren grabbed a
bowl on the kitchen counter. Before turning around, his eyes glanced down at Dan Heng’s bag. “Is
that your decorations, again?” he asked.

“No,” Dan Heng answered. “Ren.”

“Hm?”

“I got accepted to college,” he said and Ren turned around, his eyes bright, like he was so, so happy
for him. Dan Heng swallowed nervously, his smile refusing to go away. “I’m staying here,” he
continued and Ren stared at him, as if waiting for an elaboration, even though it was clear enough.

“Are you serious?”

Dan Heng nodded. “Aeons! Ren! Put the knife down!” he shouted, laughing, and Ren stopped
running, looked at his hands, turned around, placed the knife on the edge of the kitchen counter
and ran again. When he got to Dan Heng, he lifted him up, his arms wrapped around Dan Heng’s
waist, and Dan Heng wrapped his legs around Ren’s waist, giggling. “Which part are you excited
about?” he asked, leaning back to see Ren’s face.

“Both,” Ren answered. Dan Heng cupped his face, leaned down and kissed him softly. “You’re
serious, right?” he asked again, and Dan Heng nodded, his forehead touching Ren’s. “Today?”

“Mm,” he hummed. “Today.”

“Kiss me,” Ren said. Dan Heng did what he was told, smiling, and Ren pressed him on the wall as
he slowly removed his legs around Ren’s waist. “I love you.”

“Just saying that because I’m moving in,” Dan Heng joked. “I love you too.”

“Guess I won’t poison you today,” Ren said, grinning. Dan Heng rolled his eyes. “But you’re
seriously allowed?”

“I am,” he confirmed. “I just waited.”

“Waited?”

He smiled. “For the perfect timing,” he said, glancing behind to the kitchen. “Looked like you
wanted to kill me, though.”

“You said it out of a sudden,” Ren defended himself. “That’s why you didn’t approach me right
away,” he added, his lips brushing on Dan Heng’s forehead.

“I wasn’t trying to die.” Dan Heng shrugged, smiling as he reached for the side of Ren’s face. “I
love you.”

Ren leaned in, hands supporting Dan Heng’s head and kissed him slow. “I love you too.”
(Living together)

Living together didn’t make much of a difference, especially since Dan Heng had been visiting a
lot prior to it happening.

One thing that changed, though, was their night routines, where now they always see each other.
Sometimes Ren would be brushing his teeth while Dan Heng cleaned the kitchen, and he’d walk
all the way to the kitchen to hug Dan Heng behind. Sometimes Dan Heng would be changing the
bed sheets and Ren, despite being tired, would purposely annoy Dan Heng by removing the bed
sheets again. Then in the end they’d end up sleeping, the bed sheets all loose since it got too tiring
with one person removing it and the other trying hard to fix it.

Living together meant getting to eat Ren’s cooking every day. It meant rushing to get to the
bathroom first. It meant greeting one another by the entrance if they get home at the same time. It
meant Dan Heng getting carried by Ren when he fall asleep on the couch, waiting for Ren to get
home.

Living together meant more time for each other, more communication, more cuddling, more kisses
and hugs.

Living together meant fewer gifts, because really, they were each other’s biggest gift.

(College)

Weeks before college start, Ren accompanied Dan Heng to commute to the school, since there
would be days where Ren wouldn’t be able to drop him off. After all, he started working in two
places and his week would either be full or not.

They did that a couple more times. Sometimes they’d stay near the college, walking around, eating
and talking until four. Then they’d commute back home or to Dan Heng’s work.

Ren insisted they do it a couple more times, since he was trying to set himself on Dan Heng’s foot
to see his future routine. Some days were good, some were just fine, some were bad, only because
Dan Heng would need to stand up and Ren didn’t like that.

There were days when Dan Heng would commute by himself, and he would text Ren at noon, and
Ren would show up in his car. Then they’d go somewhere for lunch, time themselves until the end
of lunchtime. They did it even when Ren had work, because they knew that they wouldn’t see each
other that much once it starts and they wanted to see which times would be ideal.

In the end, it was too much. They were too busy. Dan Heng would be busy with college and work.
Ren was busy with his work.

In the end, Dan Heng had to tell Ren that it was fine. That they would figure it out together once
school begins. In the end, Ren had to resort to packing up Dan Heng’s lunch so Dan Heng would
remember him. In the end, they accepted that it would be hard to make time for each other, but
they would figure out. They would.

Dan Heng wore Ren’s scarf, his hands in his pockets as he scanned the amount of people outside
the school. He turned around to Ren, their eyes locking. Dan Heng smiled, walked in front of him,
and reached for his cheek. Ren leaned into his touch, sighing softly.

“Hey,” he called, his voice small. “We’re still seeing each other.”

“I know,” Ren said. “I hate to see you go.”

Dan Heng tiptoed, clasped his hands behind Ren’s waist and kissed him, their lips warming one
another despite the cold wind. “I love you,” he said and pressed another kiss. Ren pulled him
closer, his arms around Dan Heng’s waist. “I love you,” he repeated, smiling.

“I love you too.”

Dan Heng got on his foot and hugged Ren, his face resting on Ren’s shoulder. “We’ll be fine.”

“Mm.”

They stayed like that even when the wind got colder. They stayed like that even when they felt the
drizzle. They stayed like that even when the chatters disappeared. They stayed like that until they
had to part.

“I love you,” said Dan Heng, planting soft kisses all over Ren’s face. “We need to go.”

“I love you too," Ren said. "See you later."

Ren watched Dan Heng walk towards the entrance.

Dan Heng turned around, motioned him to go, and smiled when Ren beeped once before driving
away.

Dan Heng

I love you

Ren
 Aeons

I will turn around if you don’t stop

Dan Heng

<3

Text me once you get to work

Even with new beginnings—

Ren

I’m at work

See you later

I love you too

—they'd remain at each other’s side.

fin.

Chapter End Notes

AAAA okay final chapter, finally? Still in between sad and glad that I managed to
finish this. Either way I did not expect this fic to be this long LMAO I didn't really
expect it to go past 50k words but here we are.

Thank you for reading! All of the comments made me smile, really, even if I wasn't
able to respond to all of them! I appreciate every single one of you so I hope that this
was worth the wait! <3

[hoping the last few chapters weren't too quick :')]

Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!