Original: As of late, the discussion about relation between equality and personal
accomplishments has becoming more frequently. While some people believe that
individuals can reach greater heights in inclusive societies, others contend the systems
where individuals' achievements and abilities determine opportunities for success is
the only potential way to ensure personal success. Despite some obvious benefits that
egalitarian societies offer, I do side with the latter view as most of the time success
comes to people as a reward for their achievements and abilities.
Revised: As of late, the discussion about the relation between equality and personal
accomplishments has become more frequent. While some people believe that
individuals can reach greater heights in inclusive societies, others contend that the
systems in which individuals' achievements and abilities determine opportunities for
success are the only potential way to ensure personal success. Despite the obvious
benefits that egalitarian societies offer, I side with the latter view, as most of the time,
success comes to people as a reward for their achievements and abilities.
Original On the one hand, egalitarian societies seem to be utopian for the very motive
they aim to. These societies ensures equal rights, opportunities, and treatment for all
individuals, regardless of their social background or status. Such environment is
especially crucial in critical fields such as education, as they (environment-it-not they)
provide a fair and level playing field for underprivileged families. Poor socio-
economic status often serves as the (you mentioned it first so ‘’a’’ is more
appropriate) hindrance for millions of children worldwide to pursue academic goals
and ambitions at universities and even school (universities-schools) . However, when
provided equal access to opportunities and resources, such money, stationary, clothes,
many of these children are capable to fully utilize their potential and talents in their
academic journey just as those students who do not have financial obstacles in their
studies.
Revised On the one hand, egalitarian societies seem utopian for the very motive they
aim to achieve. These societies ensure equal rights, opportunities, and treatment for all
individuals, regardless of their social background or status. Such an environment is
especially crucial in critical fields such as education, as it provides a fair and level
playing field for underprivileged families. Poor socio-economic status often serves as
a hindrance for millions of children worldwide to pursue academic goals and
ambitions at universities and even schools. However, when provided equal access to
opportunities and resources, such as money, stationary, and clothes, many of these
children are capable of fully utilizing their potential and talents in their academic
journey, just like those students who do not face financial obstacles in their studies.
Original On the other hand, there is a compelling reason so as why individual freedom
and autonomy should be given higher importance in pursuing personal goals. In most
cases, success that famous celebrities, prominent sportsmen, great leaders achieve in
their respective fields, as a rule, is mainly attributed to exceptional abilities and skills
these people possess, while professionals who experience failure in lives show less or
lack impressive individual merits. In other words, in meritocracy environments, those
who excel are rewarded for their hard work, talent, and determination, which may lead
to higher levels of personal achievement.
Revised On the other hand, there is a compelling reason why individual freedom and
autonomy should be given higher importance in pursuing personal goals. In most
cases, the success that famous celebrities, prominent sportsmen, and great leaders
achieve in their respective fields is mainly attributed to the exceptional abilities and
skills these people possess, while professionals who experience failure in their lives
show less or lack impressive individual merits. In other words, in meritocratic
environments, those who excel are rewarded for their hard work, talent, and
determination, which may lead to higher levels of personal achievement.
Original In conclusion, in my opinion (no need), I admit that when personal
achievements are not limited by external factors, individuals can thrive based on their
abilities and efforts; however, I believe promoting employees based on their
performance and skills is what often makes people to push themselves to their best.
Revised In conclusion, I admit that when personal achievements are not limited by
external factors, individuals can thrive based on their abilities and efforts. However, I
believe promoting employees based on their performance and skills is what often
motivates people to push themselves to their best.
Original:
As of late, the discussion about relation between equality and personal
accomplishments has becoming more frequently. While some people believe that
individuals can reach greater heights in inclusive societies, others contend the systems
where individuals' achievements and abilities determine opportunities for success is
the only potential way to ensure personal success. Despite some obvious benefits that
egalitarian societies offer, I do side with the latter view as most of the time success
comes to people as a reward for their achievements and abilities.
On the one hand, egalitarian societies seem to be utopian for the very motive they aim
to. These societies ensures equal rights, opportunities, and treatment for all
individuals, regardless of their social background or status. Such environment is
especially crucial in critical fields such as education, as they provide a fair and level
playing field for underprivileged families. Poor socio-economic status often serves as
the hindrance for millions of children worldwide to pursue academic goals and
ambitions at universities and even school. However, when provided equal access to
opportunities and resources, such money, stationary, clothes, many of these children
are capable to fully utilize their potential and talents in their academic journey just as
those students who do not have financial obstacles in their studies.
On the other hand, there is a compelling reason so as why individual freedom and
autonomy should be given higher importance in pursuing personal goals. In most
cases, success that famous celebrities, prominent sportsmen, great leaders achieve in
their respective fields, as a rule, is mainly attributed to exceptional abilities and skills
these people possess, while professionals who experience failure in lives show less or
lack impressive individual merits. In other words, in meritocracy environments, those
who excel are rewarded for their hard work, talent, and determination, which may lead
to higher levels of personal achievement.
In conclusion, in my opinion, I admit that when personal achievements are not limited
by external factors, individuals can thrive based on their abilities and efforts; however,
I believe promoting employees based on their performance and skills is what often
makes people to push themselves to their best.
Revised:
As of late, the discussion about the relation between equality and personal
accomplishments has become more frequent. While some people believe that
individuals can reach greater heights in inclusive societies, others contend that the
systems in which individuals' achievements and abilities determine opportunities for
success are the only potential way to ensure personal success. Despite the obvious
benefits that egalitarian societies offer, I side with the latter view, as most of the time,
success comes to people as a reward for their achievements and abilities.
On the one hand, egalitarian societies seem utopian for the very motive they aim to
achieve. These societies ensure equal rights, opportunities, and treatment for all
individuals, regardless of their social background or status. Such an environment is
especially crucial in critical fields such as education, as it provides a fair and level
playing field for underprivileged families. Poor socio-economic status often serves as
a hindrance for millions of children worldwide to pursue academic goals and
ambitions at universities and even schools. However, when provided equal access to
opportunities and resources, such as money, stationary, and clothes, many of these
children are capable of fully utilizing their potential and talents in their academic
journey, just like those students who do not face financial obstacles in their studies.
On the other hand, there is a compelling reason why individual freedom and autonomy
should be given higher importance in pursuing personal goals. In most cases, the
success that famous celebrities, prominent sportsmen, and great leaders achieve in
their respective fields is mainly attributed to the exceptional abilities and skills these
people possess, while professionals who experience failure in their lives show less or
lack impressive individual merits. In other words, in meritocratic environments, those
who excel are rewarded for their hard work, talent, and determination, which may lead
to higher levels of personal achievement.
In conclusion, I admit that when personal achievements are not limited by external
factors, individuals can thrive based on their abilities and efforts. However, I believe
promoting employees based on their performance and skills is what often motivates
people to push themselves to their best.
