Urmila Pawar’s The Weave of My Life: A Narrative of Protest

Abstract
A Dalit woman is a traumatised figure who is subjected to physical violence and
verbal abuse. The rigid caste system along with other social restrictions make her
survival extremely difficult and painful. As a girl child she is always on the receiving
end because she neither gets nutrition nor priority. As a woman she is expected to
perform her chores and manage the entire household in an unquestioning manner.
This has been her sorry plight. However individuals like Urmila Pawar have managed
to break these adamantine shackles of caste system and various social evils that
continue to plague women in every sphere. This paper attempts to read the Dalit
memoir The Weave of My Life as a narrative of protest by howcasing Urmila Pawar’s
struggle against a society that still remains hostile to woman and her basic rights. As
a protagonist, we find her strong, modern and consistent in whatever he does to
improve the beleaguered status of a Dalit woman who continues to suffer under the
shadow of caste, patriarchy and other unscientific traditions that constantly
jeopardise her existence. Autobiography developed as an important literary form in
the western world. It was was one of the fastest growing fashions that took our
society by storm. It captured the intricacies of life by genuinely portraying the history
and growth of a protagonist who is constantly exposed to a specific “socio-cultural
environment” (Kumar 8). The practice of writing autobiographies had started with
Plato’s Seventh Epistle (4th BC). This was followed by several masterpieces like Saint
Augustine’s Confessions (AD 397-398), Jean Jacque Rousseau’s Confessions (1789),
Benjamin Franklin’s Autobiography (1818) and J.S. Mill’s Autobiography (1873). In
India, the genre of autobiography blossomed with Banarasidas’s Ardhakathanaka
(1641). It has been observed that:
Indian autobiographies are written by persons coming from different and divergent
fields of activities. Among them are authors, journalists, artists, academicians,
politicians, social workers, philosophers, civil servants, public figures and others.
While the autobiographies written by men outnumbered women’s autobiographies,
nevertheless Indian women had a distinction in narrating their personal life-stories in
as early as second part of the nineteenth century...(Kumar 43) Dalit writers also
became a part of this trend. They narrated their life-stories in a simple way
highlighting their ceaseless struggle against the caste-system. However, such
alarming trends were observed only after independence. They were quite popular
and they also marked the emergence of an Indian society “with a well-developed
historical manner of thinking” (Parekh 25).
Dalit autobiographies have played a pivotal role in enriching the world of literature.
They express the psyche of writers who have faced a lot of discrimination in various
fields. Such autobiographies are unique as they not only talk about the neglected
Dalit society but also explore the various ways in which their condition can be
improved. In other words, these autobiographies were “capable of bringing an
individual, a group, a whole social class out of a state of alienation into an awareness
of freedom” (Cox 7).
In the pre-independent era, the Dalits were suppressed and silenced by the caste-
system and its hegemonic forces. To these forces, Dalit autobiography was an
answer. It flourished as a part of Dalit literature that embraced modern India through
the contributions made by a group of energetic writers who were inspired by
personalities like Gandhi, Phule and Babaraob Ambedkar and the sentiments of the
oppressed Blacks in North America. Initially, Marathi language became their medium
of expression and this continued for sometime. Later, languages like Hindi, Kannada,
Telugu, Tamil and English were explored by Dalit writers to express the echoes of
Dalit sentiment. Thus, in modern India, Dalit autobiographies have managed to
capture the minds of readers through the contributions made by prolific writers like
Namdeo Dhasal, Arjun Dangle, J.V. Pawar, Namdeo Nimgade, Omprakash Valmiki,
Shankarrao Karat, Baby Kamble and Urmila Pawar. These writers have expressed the
perpetual pain of the Dalits who are compelled to live “a life full of poverty,
starvation, ignorance, insults, injustice, atrocities-practices totally against humanity”
(Dangle xxi).
Dalit women writers like Baby Kamble and Urmila Pawar have played a significant
role in the development of Dalit autobiographies. They stand as strong symbols of
feminism by depicting the tragic plight of Dalit women who have been forcefully
pushed to the margins of human civilization by Dalit men on one hand and the caste-
system on the other. These writers have penned shocking experiences in their
personal narratives that function as testimonuies. They expose a partial system that
inflicts physical and psychological pain on the Dalits (Maya Pandit) who are treated
like animals in our society.
In this society which is governed by rules, a woman has to play a number of roles.
She is a wife and also a mother. She is also someone’s daughter. Unfortunately, a
woman is also a victim of violence. This violence against women is a serious issue
that has caused a lot of stir around the globe. There are several factors like child
marriage, female foeticide and domestic violence that has gradually weakened the
position of the girl child. It has also been observed that the status of a Dalit woman
is far worse than those who belong to the upper strata of the society. A Dalit
woman is a perpetual victim of the caste-system that paralyses her socially and
economically. She is tortured by the upper class men who treat her like an
animal. At home, too, she helplessly faces domestic aggression and violence.
Thus, she is doubly marginalised. The words of Simon and Varghese aptly
present the miserable situation of Dalit woman: ‘The eternal other’, ‘the
perpetual minor’, ‘an occasional and incomplete being’ ‘a kind of imperfect
man’-a woman is everything but a person...At the lowest level, a wretched
landscape presents itself: Dalit women are paraded naked, raped; her children
and husband are forced to drink urine; she is made to carry shit on her head
and told to force it down her throat too. She is ostracised. She is prostituted;
her sexuality is religion’s playground. Even Dalit men have debased her to a
level lower than where they find themselves in; from where they are crying for
emancipation. (Prasad and Gaijan 240) Hence we need to change the system
that has ostracised her in every way. Her emancipation lies in it. Researches
show that Dalit women are pathetic figures who have been doubly
marginalised by those who are in power. She remains in a suffocating
atmosphere of fear and trauma. She is subjected to physical and verbal abuse
which makes her survival extremely difficult and painful. As a girl child, she is
cursed and deprived of food and other basic amenities. As a woman, she is
expected to perform all the household chores in an unquestioning manner. This
has been her sorry plight. Dalit autobiographies have graphically explored this
situation. According to Nayar, a Dalit autobiography acts as a “testimonio, an
atrocity narrative by witnesses” (109). A testimonio, as observed by William in
Beverley’s Testimonio: On the Politics of Truth (2004), represents the miserable
plight of weak subjects like women and children who are denied “authorised
representation.” As readers, we come across the “problem of repression,
poverty, subalternity, imprisonment” and a “struggle for survival” in
“testimonio-like texts” (Beverley 31). Through this powerful observation, we
may firmly conclude that Urmila Pawar’s The Weave of My Life (2008) is one
such text that serves as a narrative of “trauma, pain, resistence, protest, and
social change” (Nayar 109). Urmila Pawar’s The Weave of My Life (2008) is an
attempt that showcases her protest and struggle against a society that still
remains hostile to woman and her basic rights. In this Dalit memoir, she
presents herself as a protagonist who is strong , modern and consistent in
whatever she does to improve the beleaguered status of a Dalit woman who
continues to suffer under the shadow of caste, patriarchy and various other
unscientific traditions that constantly jeopardise her existence and leave her
“on the receiving end” (Alexander 1-2). Pawar’s childhood was spent on the
rugged Konkan coast. She was a Mahar Dalit and the description that she gives
in her memoir of her community is tragic: ...the Mahars could be summoned
anytime by the upper castes, or could be attacked from all sides if anything
went wrong. They were supposed to work hard during the preparations of
festivals like holi but they were not entitled to participate in it like the upper
castes. If they tried to do so they were beaten up till they bled (Weave of My
Life xvi-xvii). Such “assaults” that cause “intense anxiety” (Alexander 8) were
quite common in the Mahar community. These tragic descriptions prick our
conscience and make the readers realise that: Life is difficult if u happen to be
poor, even though you are born into the upper castes. When this is the case,
the condition of those who are born into the Paraya community, as the poorest
of the poor struggling for daily survival, dosen’t need spelling out (Bama 67-
68). Even as a student she and other Dalit girls were not treated well by the
teacher. There was one teacher, Pawar recalls, who had slapped her once. He
was called Kerlekar Guruji. Guruji thought that it was their cow Kapila who had
made the class dirty with her dung. So, Pawar was asked to clean the place.
When she refused, the teacher slapped her. When Pawar’s mother saw her
swollen cheeks, she went to him and demanded for an explanation: My girl
studies in your class, Guruji! What did she do today that you beat her up so
much? She pulled me towards him and showed him my swollen cheek. ‘Your
white cow shits in the verandah’. ‘Our white cow? She shits there, eh? Why, did
you see her doing that? Guruji, you are educated and yet you speak so
foolishly? Look,I am a widow; my life is ruined. Yet I sit here, under this tree
and work. Why? Because I want education for my children so that their future
will be better...” (Weave of My Life 68-69). These words were enough to
strengthen Pawar that day. She could clearly see the presence of a tigress in
her mom. Baby Kamble is one more Dalit woman who narrates similar
situations in her autobiography Jina Amucha or The Prisons We Broke (2008).
She writes: “A majority of girls in our class belonged to the higher castes. For
the first time in their lives, they had girls like us- who could pollute them-
studying with them. They treated us like lepers, as if our bodies dripped with
dirty blood or as if pus oozed out of our rotten flesh” (Prisons We Broke 108).
Pawar also cites a similar kind of incident in her memoir. It happened in a
school picnic where she was not allowed to touch anything or do any work:
They did not allow me to touch anything though we all ate together. I really
enjoyed the meal. The next day I was horrified to hear that my eating had
become the hottest topic for juicey gossip. Girls were whispering in groups
about how much I had eaten...It was so humiliating that I died a thousand
deaths that day! (Weave of My Life 102) Thus, the world of Kamble and Pawar
is filled with humiliation. Other Dalit and NonDalit writers like Valmiki and
Premchand have narrated similar excruciating incidents where Dalits have lost
their self respect due to their Dalit background. Such incidents also cause a lot
of trauma to the victims who can never forget these experiences. As a wife,
Pawar’s journey was not at all eventful. She was not treated well by her
husband. Her marriage to Harishchandra was not smooth journey because she
was squarely blamed for his illness and bad luck: Even in his last days, I got
squarely blamed for Harishchandra’s illness. First it was said that he was
completely heartbroken by his daughter’s rebellious marriage. Gradually, my
education, my job, my writing, my social work, my meetings, my programmes
and finally I, because of what I was, were held responsible for his illness. But
nothing affected me anymore! Nothing! Neither Harishchandra’s harsh words,
nor his tantrums, nor our fights! All that I was able to see was a great wave of
darkness, pitch-black as coal powder, rolling towards Harishchandra who faced
it with his back turned to me... (Weave of My Life 317) Thus, there was a lot of
criticism that she had to face and she did it through “advocacy literature”
(Alexander 12). This act of writing was actually her weapon as it helped her to
present her point and position from where she observed and absorbed: Writing
about is a conscious act as it represents the subject’s desire to express-and
thus record-feelings and emotions, as well as events. Though an individual
diarist may start writing initially at random, the fact that the momentum is
sustained over a period of time implies that the act of writing is fulfilling a
certain role. It helps in the formation of a distinct identity and of a sense of self,
as the writer is able to physically view on palm leaves or paper what she feels
about herself. Often it can be followed by a period of reflection, observation
and recantation. Out of all this, a being emerges, a creation often of fractured,
disjointed accounts of life, which do not follow a chronological pattern.
Sometimes, this self expression comes at a specific time of life when, due to a
number of reasons, opportunities coincide with the desire to write. (Karlekar
15-16) Her writing skills were appreciated but at the same time she was made
aware of her status as a Dalit. The words of her colleague make this claim clear:
“Great! You write beautifully. You have lived abroad but it has not affected the
excellent grasp you have on the language. How is it so civilized, so cultured, so
rooted?” (Weave of My Life 232) This was an unwelcoming remark that Pawar
could never absorb. But she went on with her work. In those days Dalit women
were treated like dumb animals who could be sacrificed at slightest
provocation. The words of Kamble in her autobiography prove this claim: In
those days, at least one woman in a hundred would have let her nose chopped
off. You may well ask why. Its because of the sasu, who would poison her son’s
mind. These sasus ruined the lives of innocent women forever. Everyday the
maharwada would rebound with the cries of some hapless women in some
house or the other. Husbands flogging their wives, as if they were beasts,
would do until the sticks broke with the effort. The heads of these women
would break open, their backbones would be crushed, and some would
collapse unconscious. But there was nobody to care for them. (Prisons We
Broke 98) Pawar also faced a lot of obstacles and criticism but nothing could
stop her. She with the power of education fought against the exploitation of
women and through her writing was able to break her silence. Individuals like
Pawar, Kamble and Valmiki have narrated many disturbing incidents of
humiliation and discrimination. However, they have also managed to establish
their identity as individuals who could serve the society and build a strong
future. Finally, we may conclude by saying that Dalit narratives are “life
narratives.” They present a protagonist with a lot of potential. These narratives
“cannot be accused of bringing an undesired past into the present, for they are
one of the most direct and accessible ways in which the silence and
misrepresentation of Dalits has been countered” (Rege 13).