Little Shop Of Horrors

ACT ONE
(S1) PROLOGUE

[The girls hustle and bustle through the audience. (MUSIC CUE 1) A VOICE NOT UNLIKE GOD’S thunders in
serious, prophetic tones:]

VOICE: On the twenty-first day of the month of September, in an early year of a decade not too
long before our own, the human race suddenly encountered a deadly threat to-
TAYAH No no no Ash stop!, Stop the music, Is this really how you want to tell this story. That’s
so boring. Come on girls!

TAYAH On the twenty-first day of the month of September,

ROBYN In an early year of a decade not too long before our own,
JESSIE the human race suddenly encountered a deadly threat to It’s very existence.
SOPHIE And this terrifying enemy surfaced
TOM – as such enemies often do –
SAM in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places.

(S2)- “LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS”

THE RONNETTES: LITTLE SHOP, LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS

LITTLE SHOP, LITTLE SHOP OF TERROR
CALL A COP, LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS,
NO! OH OH OH NO-OH!

LITTLE SHOP, LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS

BOP SH’BOP, LITTLE SHOP OF TERROR
WATCH ‘EM DROP, LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS,
NO! OH OH OH NO-OH!

SOPHIE: SHING-A-LING, WHAT A CREEPY THING TO BE HAPPENING

JESSIE Look out!
TAYAH Look out!
SOPHIE Look out!
THE RONNETTES Look out!
SOPHIE SHANG-A-LANG, FEEL THE STURM AND DRANG IN THE AIR
THE RONNETTES YEAH YEAH YEAH!

1
 SOPHIE SHA LA LA, STOP RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE DON’T MOVE A THING
RONNETTES YOU BETTER
YOU BETTER, TELLING YOU, YOU BETTER
TELL YOU MAMA SOMETHING’S GONNA GET HER
SHE BETTER, EVERYBODY BETTER BEWARE!

[Behind them, the screens open to reveal the shop. MUSHNIK sits frozen in semi-darkness at the stage R. work
table, his face hidden behind a newspaper.]

ALL: COME-A, COME-A, COME-A

LITTLE SHOP, LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS
BOP SH’BOP YOU’LL NEVER STOP THE TERROR
LITTLE SHOP, LITTLE SHOP HORRORS
NO! NO NO N’NO!
NO NO N’NO! NO NO N’NO-OH OH OH!

2
 (S3) SCENE 3

MUSHNIK: What did you break now, Krelborn?

SEYMOUR: [offstage] Nothing, Mr Mushnik.

[The clock advances. when it hits eleven, AUDREY appears down L. sporting a black eye.]

MUSHNIK: So, she finally decides to come to work

AUDREY: Good morning Mr Mushnik. [She starts putting on her apron]
MUSHNIK: [Scolding her] What morning? It’s two o’clock in the afternoon. Not that we had a
customer. Who has customers when you run a flower shop on Skid Row?
AUDREY: I’m sorry.

[There is another loud crash from the workroom]

MUSHNIK: Seymour! What is going on back there?

SEYMOUR: [offstage] Very little, Mr Mushnik!
MUSHNIK: Audrey, you’d better go back there and see what she’s…
[He gets a good look at her for the first time] Audrey. Where’d you get that shiner?
AUDREY: Shiner?
MUSHNIK: Audrey, that greasy girlfriend of yours – she’s been beating up on you again? [she doesn’t
answer] I’m beginning to think she’s maybe not such a nice girl.
AUDREY: You don’t meet nice girls when you live on Skid Row, Mr Mushnik.

[SEYMOUR enters up R with a tray of plant pots]

SEYMOUR: I got these plants repotted for you, Mr… [She trips over his feet and falls, sending the pots
flying across the room]
MUSHNIK: Seymour! Look what you’ve done to the inventory!
AUDREY: Don’t yell at Seymour, Mr Mushnik.
SEYMOUR: [They lock eyes] Hi Audrey. You look [She thinks of the word] radiant today. Is that new
eye-make up?
AUDREY: I’ll clean it up before any of the customers get here.
MUSHNIK: Well that ought to give you plenty of time. Look, god what an existence i got! Misfit
employees, bums on the sidewalk, business is lousy. My life is a living hell You! Urchins!
Off the stoop! It aint bad enough I got the Wino’s permanently decorating the store front
I need three worthless ragamuffins to complete the picture.
TAYAH: Aw, we ain’t bothering nobody. Are we?
TOM: No we’re not.
MUSHNIK: You ought to be in school
JESSIE: We’re on a split shift
ROBYN: Right. We went to school ‘til the fifth grade, then we split!

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 MUSHNIK: So how do you intend to better yourselves?
TAYAH: Better ourselves? Mister, when you’re from Skid Row, ain’t no such thing.

4
 (S4) “DOWNTOWN (SKID ROW)”

SOPHIE: ALARM GOES OFF AT SEVEN,

AND YOU START UPTOWN
YOU PUT IN YOUR EIGHT HOURS,
FOR THE POWERS THAT HAVE ALWAYS BEEN
TAYAH: Sing it child
SOPHIE: TILL IT’S FIVE P.M
WINO #1: THEN YOU GO
RONNETTES: DOWNTOWN,
WHERE THE FOLKS ARE BROKE
YOU GO DOWNTOWN,
WHERE YOUR LIFE’S A JOKE
YOU GO DOWNTOWN,
WHEN YOU BUY YOUR TOKEN YOU GO-
HOME TO SKID ROW!

SOPHIE: HOME TO SKID ROW!

RONNETTES: HOME TO SKID ROW
WINO #1: YES YOU GO

RONNETTES: DOWNTOWN
TAYAH: WHERE THE CABS DON’T STOP
RONNETTES: DOWNTOWN
MUSHNIK: WHERE THE FOOD IS SLOP
RONNETTES: DOWNTOWN, WHERE THE HOP-HEADS FLOP IN THE SNOW DOWN ON SKID
ROW!

RONNETTES: UPTOWN YOU CATER TO A MILLION JERKS

UPTOWN YOU’RE MESSENGER AND MAILROOM CLERKS
EATIN’ ALL YOUR LUNCHES AT THE HOT DOG CARTS
THE BOSSES TAKE YOUR MONEY AND THEY BREAK YOUR HEARTS

RONNETTES: UPTOWN YOU CATER TO A MILLION WHORES

YOU DISINFECT TERRAZZO ON THEIR BATHROOM FLOORS
YOUR MORNING’S TRIBULATION, AFTERNOON’S A CURSE
AND FIVE O’CLOCK IS EVEN WORSE

WINO #1: THAT’S WHEN YOU GO

RONNETTES & A: DOWNTOWN

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 AUDREY: WHERE THE GUYS ARE DRIPS
RONNETTES & A: DOWNTOWN
AUDREY: WHERE THEY RIP YOUR SLIPS
RONNETTES & A: DOWNTOWN,
AUDREY: WHERE RELATIONSHIPS ARE NO GO

AUDREY: DOWN ON SKID ROW!

ALL: DOWN ON SKID ROW!
AUDREY: DOWN ON SKID ROW!
ALL: DOWN ON SKID ROW!
AUDREY: DOWN ON SKID ROW!
ALL: DOWN ON SKID ROW!
ALL: DOWN ON SKID ROW!

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 SEYMOUR: POOR! ALL MY LIFE I’VE ALWAYS BEEN POOR
I KEEP ASKING GOD WHAT I’M FOR
AND HE TELLS ME “GEE I’M NOT SURE”
SWEEP THAT FLOOR KID
ALL OH!
SEYMOUR I STARTED LIFE AS AN ORPHAN
A CHILD OF THE STREET,
ALL HERE ON SKID ROW!
SEYMOUR [refers to MUSKNIK outside]
HE TOOK ME IN,
GAVE ME SHELTER A BED,
CRUST OF BREAD, AND A JOB-
TREATS ME LIKE DIRT,
CALLS ME A SLOB WHICH I AM!
SO I LIVE…

ALL: DOWNTOWN
SEYMOUR: THAT’S YOUR HOME ADDRESS, YA LIVE
ALL: DOWNTOWN
SEYMOUR: WHERE YOUR LIFE’S A MESS, YA LIVE
ALL: DOWNTOWN
SEYMOUR: WHERE DEPRESSION’S JUST STATUS QUO
ALL: DOWN ON SKID ROW
SEYMOUR: SOMEONE SHOW ME A WAY TO GET OUTA HERE
CAUSE I CONSTANTLY PRAY I’LL GET OUTA HERE
PLEASE WON’T SOMEBODY SAY I’LL GET OUTA HERE
SOMEONE GIVE ME MY SHOT OR I’LL ROT HERE!

SEYMOUR: SHOW ME HOW AND I WILL ALL: DOWNTOWN

I’LL GET OUT OF HERE THERE’S NO RULES FOR US
I’LL START CLIMBING UPHILL DOWNTOWN
AND GET OUTA HERE COS IT’S DANGEROUS
SOMEONE TELL ME I STILL DOWNTOWN
COULD GET OUTA HERE WHERE THE RAINBOW’S JUST
SOMEONE TELL LADY LUCK A NO-SHOW!
THAT I’M STUCK HERE! WHEN YOU LIVE…

SEYMOUR
& AUDREY: GEE IT SURE WOULD BE SWELL ALL: DOWNTOWN

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 TO GET OUTA HERE WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE
BID THE GUTTER FAREWELL DOWNTOWN
AND GET OUTA HERE PAST THE BOTTOM LINE
I’D MOVE HEAVEN AND HELL DOWNTOWN
TO GET OUTA SKID GO ASK ANY WINO, HE’LL
KNOW
I’D DO I DUNO-WHAT
TO GET OUTA SKID
BUT A HELL OF A LOT DOWNTOWN
TO GET OUTA SKID
PEOPLE TELL THERE’S NOT DOWNTOWN
A WAY OUT OF SKID
BUT BELIEVE ME DOWNTOWN
I GOTTA GET OUTA

ALL: SKID ROW!

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 (S5) MEETING AUDREY 2
[At the end of the number, life returns to normal. [MUSIC CUE 2A] RONNETTES and CHORUS exit; TARQUIN
enter R. Ethan enter L. they sneak in on beat. TARQUIN taps MUSHNIK on the shoulder and ducks behind cart.
MUSHNIK turns on music cue. ETHAN steals object from CartL. They run away]

MUSHNIK: Look at that! Six o’clock and we didn’t sell so much as a fern. I guess this is it. Don’t
bother coming in tomorrow.
AUDREY: You don’t mean
SEYMOUR: You can’t mean
MUSHNIK: What, what what don’t I mean? I mean I’m closed, forget it, Kaput!
AUDREY: You can’t!
MUSHNIK: Kaput! Extinct! I’m closing this God and customer foresaken place!

[AUDREY nudges SEYMOUR forward]

SEYMOUR: Mr Mushnik, forgive me for saying so, but has it ever occurred to you that maybe what the
firm needs is to move in a new direction?
AUDREY: What Seymour’s trying to say, Mr Mushnik is… Well we’ve talked about it and we both
agree… [to SEYMOUR] Seymour, why don’t you run in back and bring out that strange and
interesting new plant that you’ve been working on? [SEYMOUR exits ] You see, Mr
Mushnik, some of those exotic plants Seymour has been working with, are really unusual,
and we were both thinking that maybe some of his strange and interesting plants-
prominently displayed and advertised- would attract business.
SEYMOUR: [re-enters L pushing trolley concealing pod #1 – a large but sickly looking plant – unlike
any you have ever seen.] I’m afraid it isn’t feeling very well today.
AUDREY: There. Now isn’t that bizarre?
MUSHNIK: [joining her] What kind of weirdo plant is that Seymour?
SEYMOUR: I don’t know iy ,looks like some kind of flytrap, but i haven’t been able to identity it in any
of my books. So I gave it my own name. I call it an Audrey Two.
AUDREY: [deeply moved] After me?
SEYMOUR: [shyly] I hope you don’t mind. You see sir, if you put a strange and interesting plant like t
his, here in the window, maybe –
MUSHNIK: Maybe what? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound. Just because you put a
strange and interesting plant in a window, people don’t suddenly…

[MUSIC CUE 3A. Door chimes and opens. All three heads turn. 2 CUSTOMERS enter the shop]

CUSTOMER: Excuse me. I couldn’t help noticing that strange and interesting plant. What is it?
AUDREY: It’s an Audrey Two
CUSTOMER: I’ve never seen anything like it before
SEYMOUR: No one has
CUSTOMER: Where did you get it?

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 SEYMOUR: Well…

[MUSIC 03 cue]
SEYMOUR: You remember that total eclipse of the sun a couple of weeks ago?

(S6) “DA DOO”

RONNETTES: DA-DOO
SEYMOUR: I was walking in the wholesale flower district that day
RONNETTES: SHOOP-DA-DOO
SEYMOUR: And I passed this place where this old man
RONNETTES: DAMN-DA-DOO
SEYMOUR: He sometimes sells me weird and exotic cuttings
RONNETTES: SNIP-DA-DOO
SEYMOUR: Cause he knows, strange plants are my.hobby!
RONNETTES: DA-DA-DA-DA-DA DA-DOO
SEYMOUR: He didn’t have anything unusual there that day
RONNETTES: NOPE DA-DOO
SEYMOUR: And I was just about to – you know – walk on by
RONNETTES: GOOD FOR YOU
SEYMOUR: When suddenly and without warning, there was this…
ALL : TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE SUN
SEYMOUR: It got very dark. And then I heard a strange humming sound, like something from another
world.
RONNETTES: DA-DOO
[LIGHTS back up]

SEYMOUR: And when the light came back, this weird plant was just sitting there.
RONNETTES: OOPS-EE-DOO
SEYMOUR: Just stuck in, you know, among the Zinnias?
RONNETTES: AUDREY TWO
SEYMOUR: I coulda sworn it hadn’t been there before. But the old man sold it to me anyway.
RONNETTES: SHA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO!
SEYMOUR: For a dollar ninety-five

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 (S7) BUYING ALL THE FLOWERS

CUSTOMER : Well, that’s an unusual story and a fascinating plant. Oh I may as well take fifty dollars
worth of roses while I’m here.
MUSHNIK: Fifty dollars!
AUDREY: Fifty dollars!
SEYMOUR: Fifty dollars!
MUSHNIK: Yes Sir! Right away Sir!
CUSTOMER 2: Can you break a hundred?
MUSHNIK: A hundred? Er… no…I’m afraid we uh…closed the register for the day
CUSTOMER 2: Well then, I’ll just have to take twice as many won’t I?
MUSHNIK: Twice as many!
AUDREY: Twice as many!
SEYMOUR: Twice as many!

[AUDREY quickly grabs a handful of limp, dead roses and hands them to SEYMOUR for lightning-fast wrapping in
a sheet of MUSHNIK’s newspaper at the work table]

MUSHNIK: One hundred dollars worth? Yes sir! Right away sir! Audrey my darling kindly fetch this
gentleman one hundred dollars worth of our very finest red American beauty roses.

[AUDREY presents the pathetic looking bundle to CUSTOMER ]

CUSTOMER Thank you very much. Yes sir. That is one strange and interesting plant.
[CUSTOMERS exit]

MUSHNIK: Well don’t just stand there quick quick quick, put that plant…. whatdya call it?
SEYMOUR An Audrey 2
MUSHNIK Put that Audrey 2 in the street where the passers by can see. [SEYMOUR Pushes the
trolley slightly forward] My God I’d never have believed it. My children, I’m
taking us all to dinner!
AUDREY: Oh, I’d love to, Mr Mushnik, but I have a date.
MUSHNIK: With the same nogoodnik? I’m telling you Audrey, you don’t need a date with her, you
need a major medical. She aint a good clean kind of girl.
AUDREY: She’s a professional
MUSHNIK: What kind of a professional drives a motorcycle and wears a black leather jacket?

11
 AUDREY: She’s a rebel Mr Mushnik. But she makes good money. And besides… she’s the only girl
I’ve got. Enjoy dinner. Goodnight Seymour.
SEYMOUR: Goodnight

[AUDREY exits L]

MUSHNIK: Poor girl

SEYMOUR: Are we still going to dinner?

[MUSIC 3D] [THE PLANT wilts]

MUSHNIK: You’re not going anywhere, Krelborn. You’re staying right here and taking care of this sick
plant. How come it’s fainting all the time?
SEYMOUR: I told you, it’s been giving me trouble. It just wilts like this. The Audrey Two is not a
healthy girl.
MUSHNIK: Strictly between us, neither is the Audrey one.
SEYMOUR: If only i knew what breed it is, what genus. But it’s nowhere in the books.
MUSHNIK: Well Krelborn, my advice to you. is you better figure it out and fast. Look what this exotic
little beauty did for business.
SEYMOUR: I know
MUSHNIK: So work Seymour, work the plant back to health, i’m counting on you
SEYMOUR: I know
MUSHNIK: You do?
SEYMOUR: I do
MUSHNIK: So fix. Goodnight

[He exits. (MUSIC CUE 4.) SEYMOUR talks to the plant]

SEYMOUR Aw Twoey, I don’t know what else to do for you. Mr Mushnik and audrey, they just met
you, But I’ve been going through this with you for weeks- Grow and wilt, spirt and
flop. Are you sickly little plant or just plain stubborn? What is it you want? What is it you
need?

12
 (S8)“GROW FOR ME”
SEYMOUR: I’VE GIVEN YOU SUNSHINE,
I’VE GIVEN YOU DIRT
YOU’VE GIVEN ME NOTHING BUT HEARTACHE AND HURT
I’M BEGGING YOU SWEETLY,
I’M DOWN ON MY KNEES
OH PLEASE – GROW FOR ME

I’VE GIVEN YOU PLANTFOOD AND WATER TO SIP

I’VE GIVEN YOU POTASH, YOU’VE GIVEN ME ZIP!
OH GOD HOW I MIST YOU, OH POD HOW YOU TEASE
SO PLEASE – GROW FOR ME

I’VE GIVEN YOU SOUTHERN EXPOSURE TO GET YOU TO THRIVE

I’VE PINCHED YOU BACK HARD LIKE I’M SUPPOSED TA,
YOU’RE BARELY ALIVE
I’VE TRIED YOU AT LEVELS OF MOISTURE FROM DESERT TO MUD
I’VE GIVEN YOU GROW LIGHTS AND MINERAL SUPPLEMENTS
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
BLOOD?

[As he works, he pricks his finger on a rose thorn.]

SEYMOUR: [spoken] Ouch! [The PLANT opens it’s flytrap-like “mouth”. But SEYMOUR doesn’t
catch it] Damned roses! Damned thorns! Clumsy me. Look what I did Twoey! [He shows
the finger to THE PLANT and notices that it is open] Hey! You’re opening up! What
made you do that?

[SEYMOUR unconsciously drops his finger to his side as he does. As the finger disappears from it’s “view”, THE
PLANT closes. SEYMOUR looks at the THE PLANT again, sees that it is closed, and shrugs. He lifts his finger to
look at the wound. THE PLANT opens. SEYMOUR notices this. He begins to catch on. He slowly hides his finger
behind his back and as he does THE PLANT slowly closes. Now SEYMOUR decides to trick it. He very quickly
hides his finger, then quickly lifts it again. As he does this, THE PLANT closes and opens, mirroring his timing
exactly. SEYMOUR turns away with an “uh-oh” expression]

SEYMOUR: I think I know what made you do that. Well, I guess a few drops couldn’t hurt. Long as you
don’t make a habit out of it or anything.

13
 SEYMOUR: I’VE GIVEN YOU SUNLIGHT, I’VE GIVEN YOU RAIN LOOKS LIKE
YOU’RE NOT HAPPY ‘LESS I OPEN A VEIN!
I’LL GIVE YOU A FEW DROPS IF THAT’LL APPEASE NOW PLEASE –

[SEYMOUR extends his bleeding finger toward THE PLANT. THE PLANT vibrates in anticipation]

OH, OH OH PLEASE –

[SEYMOUR squeezes his finger over THE PLANT, extracting a drop or two of blood. The pod opens, snapping at
the drops like a puppy, begging for more.]

SEYMOUR: [spoken] Grow for me?

[SEYMOUR exits into the back room. As MUSIC builds, we see THE PLANT begin to grow… and grow… and
grow… until, on the last chord of the music, it gives a little circular flourish – almost seeming to bow]

BLACKOUT

14
 (S9) SCENE
[MUSIC CUE 5] Forestage, MUSHNIK, THE RONNETTES sit on stage L
stoop, gathered around a little transistor radio. We overhear the program they are listening to: the end of an interview
with SEYMOUR. SOUND: interview tape.]

INTERVIEWER: [tape] And thus we conclude our interview with Seymour Krelborn, the young botanical
… Do you mind if I call you a genius?
SEYMOUR: [tape] Gosh. No.
INTERVIEWER: The genius who has developed a new breed of plantlife, hitherto unknown on this planet.
The Audrey Two. Oh, just one last question, Ms Krelborn. Do you feed it anything
special?
SEYMOUR: Special? Er… no… it’s a secret formula, but it’s … uh… not hard to come by.
INTERVIEWER: I see. Well thanks for dropping by and-
[Overlapping Speech]
SEYMOUR: I’d like to remind our listeners that the Audrey Two is on display exclusively at
Mushnik’s Skid Row florists.
INTERVIEWER: Well thank you. Open six days a week!This is radio station Ten to six! WSKID
MUSHNIK: The address, the address! Mention the … oh well. It’s still great advertising.

15
 (S10) YA NEVER KNOW 1

MUSHNIK: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

IT COULDN'T BE HAPPENING!
PINCH ME GIRLS!
IT COULDN'T BE HAPPENING!
ALL OF A SUDDEN SUCCESS COMING OUT OF THE BLUE!
RONNETTES: D’OO DOO DOO DOO
D’DOO DOO DOO

MUSHNIK: I PUT A SIGN UP

RIGHT IN THE FRONT WINDOW
AN ADVERTISEMENT
RIGHT IN THE FRONT WINDOW
STOP IN AND SEE THE AMAZING NEW PLANT "AUDREY II"
RONNETTES: T’TWO TWO TWO TWO
D’DOO DOO DOO

MUSHNIK: AND THE REALLY REMARKABLE THING IS THAT PEOPLE THEY DO

SEYMOUR, THAT TWERP OF A CLUTZ,

FINALLY DID SOMETHING RIGHT
AUDREY II DRIVES HIM NUTS
WHAT A BLESSING THIS WONDERFUL PLANT SHOULD EXIST
AND SHOULD RAKE IN THE BUCKS FOR ME HAND OVER FIST!

(S11) YA NEVER KNOW 2

SEYMOUR: Well, how’d I do?

ROBYN: [running to him] You was great Seymour!
SAM: You sounded sexier than the wolf man
MUSHNIK: But you didn’t mention the address of the
shop. How many times have i told you
SEYMOUR: I’m sorry. I was nervous. Where’s Audrey? She said she’d be here.
MUSHNIK: Forget about Audrey. I’ve got three more radio interviews lined up for tomorrow, and
the Skid Row Examiner wants a picture!

[With a flourish MUSHNIK produces a small camera. The GIRLS ad lib excitedly: “A picture. Oh
Seymour. How exciting.”]

SEYMOUR: If I had a mother, she’d be so proud

SOPHIE: You’re an overnight sensation, Seymour.

[MUSIC CUE. Beat. She crosses her legs and turns to the audience.]

TAYAH: Who’d a believed it?

16
SOPHIE: ONE DAY HE
JESSIE: PUSHED A BROOM NOTHING IN HER NEWS
ROBYN: BUT GLOOM AND DOOM
TAYAH: THEN SHE LIT A FUSE
ROBYN: AND GIVE HER ROOM
SAM: STAND ASIDE WATCH THAT MOTHAH BLOW
RONNETTES: EXPLOSION!
SOPHIE: BANG! KERBOOM! DON'T IT GO TO SHOW YA NEVER KNOW?

RONNETTES: SEYMOUR WAS IN A FUNK

SHE WAS NUMBER ZERO
WHO'DA THUNK SHE'D BECOME A HERO?
JUST A PUNK, SHE WAS A FORGOTTEN SO-AND-SO
THEN ONE DAY-CRASH! KERPLUNK!
DON'T IT GO TO SHOW YA NEVER KNOW?

SOPHIE: ALL THE WORLD USED TO SCREW THEM

BIFF-WHAM-POW! NOW THEY INTERVIEW THEM
AND THEY CLAMOR TO PUT HER REMARKS
ON THE AIR
ALL THE WORLD USED TO HATE THEM
NOW THEY'RE STARTIN' T'APPRECIATE THEM
ALL BECAUSE OF THAT STRANGE LITTLE PLANT
RONNETTES: OVER THERE

RONNETTES: OBSERVE HER! HERE'S A CHAP

EVERYTHING IS LANDING IN HER LAP
SEYMOUR: I JUST CUT MY HAND AND IN A SNAP
SOMETHING OUT OF EDGAR ALLEN POE HAS HAPPENED
RONNNETES; ZAM! KAZAP!
DON'T IT GO TO SHOW YA NEVER KNOW?

ONE DAY YOU'RE SLINGING HASH

FEELING SO REJECTED
LIGHTNING FLASH, YOU GET RESURRECTED
MAKE A SPLASH-NOW YOU RATE THE BIG
BRAVISSIMO
AND WITH A THUNDERCLASH-
CRASH KERPLUNK, BAM KERBOOM,
ZANG KAZUNK, ZAM KAZOOM
ZOWEE POWEE HOLY COW SHE
ORDERED UP A RAINBOW TO GO
WOW! POW! LOOKOUT BELOW!
DON'T IT GO TO SHOW YA NEVER KNOW

17
 (S12) AUDREY MISSES RADIO SHOW

MUSHNIK: [offstage ] Krelborn!

TAYAH: [Sees AUDREY] Well look who’s here.
AUDREY: Hi Girls. Am I late? Did I miss it?
ROBYN: Sure are
JESSIE: And sure did
AUDREY: Seymour’s first broadcast. I wanted to cheer her on. I tried to be on time but…
SOPHIE: Don’t tell me.
RONNETTES: You got tied up?
AUDREY: No, Just … handcuffed… a little
SOPHIE: Girl, I don’t know who this mess is you hangin’ out with, but she is hazardous to your
health.
AUDREY: That’s for sure. But I can’t leave her.
JESSIE: Why not?
AUDREY: She’d get angry. And if he does this to me when she likes me, imagine what she’d do if she
ever got mad.
TAYAH So dump the chump, get another girl, and let her protect you.
SAM: And we got one all picked out.
JESSIE: A little botanical genius
TAYAH And she aint talking about no Mirriam Margolyes
AUDREY: Seymour?
GIRLS: Bingo
AUDREY: Oh we’re just friends. I could never be Seymour’s girl. I’ve got a past
ROBYN Who amongst us has not?
AUDREY I don’t even deserve a sweet, considerate, suddenly successful girl like Seymour.
SAM: Mm mm mm. This child suffers from low self-esteem.
JESSIE: You got a point
TAYAH: She got a problem

18
 (S13) “SOMEWHERE THAT’S GREEN

AUDREY: I KNOW SEYMOUR’S THE GREATEST, BUT I’M DATING A

SEMI-SADIST SO I’VE GOT A BLACK EYE, AND MY ARMS IN A
CAST
STILL THAT SEYMOUR’S A CUTIE, WELL IF NOT SHE’S GOT INNER
BEAUTY AND I DREAM OF A PLACE WHERE WE COULD BE
TOGETHER, AT LAST –

SOPHIE: What kind of place is that honey?

TAYAH An emergency room?

AUDREY [As music continues under] Oh no. It’s just a day-drema of mine. A little development I
dream of. just off the interstate. not fancy like Trowbridge. just a little street in a little
suburb, far far from Urban skid Row. the sweetest, greenest place- where everyone has the
same little lawn out front and the same little flagstone patio outback. And all the houses
are so neat and pretty… ‘Cause they all look alike. Oh, I dream about it all the time. just
me. and the toaster. And a sweet little girl. like Seymour.

AUDREY: A MATCH BOX OF OUR OWN, A FENCE OF REAL CHAIN LINK

A GRILL OUT ON THE PATIO, DISPOSAL IN THE SINK
A WASHER, AND A DRYER, AND AN IRONING MACHINE
IN A TRACT HOUSE THAT WE SHARE,
SOMEWHERE THAT’S GREEN

SHE RAKES AND TRIMS THE GRASS,

SHE LOVES TO MOW AND WEED I COOK LIKE BETTY CROCKER
AND I LOOK LIKE DONNA REED
THERE’S PLASTIC ON THE FURNITURE TO KEEP IT NEAT AND CLEAN
IN THE PINE-SOL-SCENTED AIR,
SOMEWHERE THAT’S GREEN

BETWEEN OUR FROZEN DINNER,

AND OUR BEDTIME NINE-FIFTEEN
WE SNUGGLE WATCHING LUCY,
ON OUR BIG ENORMOUS TWELVE INCH SCREEN
I’M HER DECEMBER BRIDE, HER MOTHER, SHE KNOWS BEST
OUR KIDS WATCH HOWDY-DOODY, AS THE SUN SETS IN THE WEST
A PICTURE OUT OF BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS MAGAZINE
FAR FROM SKID ROW,
I DREAM WE’LL GO
SOMEWHERE THAT’S… GREEN

19
 (S14)“CLOSED FOR RENOVATION”

SEYMOUR: WE’RE CLOSED FOR RENOVATION, FOR SPIFFING UP AND GROOMING

‘CAUSE CUSTOMERS ARE FLOCKING
AND BUSINESS HAS BEEN BOOMING
WE NEED REFRIGERATION IN OUR NEW IMPROVED DISPLAY SO WE’RE
CLOSED FOR RENOVATION TODAY

MUSHNIK: [on phone] Yes indeed. This is the shop you heard about on Channel Five News. Yes, the
Audrey Two is on display exclusively here!

SEYMOUR: WE’RE CLOSED FOR DECORATION

& AUDREY CAUSE FORTUNE HAS BEEN SMILING
SO NOW WE’RE DUE FOR PAINTING NEW
PLUMBING, AND RE-TILING
WE’LL MAKE A SHIP SHAPE SHOWPLACE OF OUR LITTLE SHOP AND THEN
TOMORROW WE’LL BE OPEN AGAIN

MUSHNIK: Aren’t you finished yet?

SEYMOUR: I’m doing my best, but all these band-aids make it kinda hard.
AUDREY: You’ve been getting hurt so much lately
SEYMOUR: Er… I know… seems like every time I pick up a pruning shears, I slip.

ALL: WE’RE CLOSED FOR RENOVATION

FOR SWABBING-DOWN AND BROOMING
‘CAUSE BUSINESS HAS BEEN THRIVING
SINCE AUDREY TWO’S BEEN BLOOMING
THE PHONES HAVE NOT STOPPED RINGING WITH THE CUSTOMERS WHO SAY:
SEYMOUR: ANOTHER BUNCH OF PEONIES
AUDREY: ANOTHER DOZEN OF DAISIES, PLEASE
SEYMOUR: GERANIUMS, ANEMONES
AUDREY: FORGET-ME-NOTS AND FLEUR-DE-LIS
MUSHNIK: WITH GRATIS HOME DELIVERIES
ALL: ON PAID-IN-FULLS AND C.O.D’S
WE’RE CLOSED FOR RENOVATION –
ALL: TODAY!

20
 (S15) AUDREY AND SEYMOUR
MUSHNIK: Seymour, did you send out that order for Mrs Shiva?
SEYMOUR: Mrs Shiva…
AUREY Mrs shiva
SEYMOUR Mrs Shiva…..er, I forgot.
MUSHNIK: [exploding] You forgot? How could you forget an order like that? The Shiva’s are our most
important funeral account! A big, enormous family and they’re dropping off like
flies! I’m telling you Krelborn, if we lose their business over
this…..YOU……ARE….FINISHED!!!
[MUSHNIK Exits]

AUDREY: You know, sometimes I think Mr Mushnik’s too hard on you.

SEYMOUR: Oh, I don’t mind. After all, I owe him everything. He took me out of the Skid Row Home
for girls when i was just a little tyke.Gave me a warm place to sleep, under the trollies.
Floors to sweep and toilets to clean and every other Sunday off…
AUDREY: You know, I think you oughta raise your expectations Seymour. No that we’re getting
successful, I mean. Why don’t you start with some new clothes? No offense, but a big,
important botanist has to look the part.
SEYMOUR: I’m a very bad shopper, Audrey. I don’t have good taste like you.
AUDREY: Well, I could help you pick things out.
SEYMOUR: You could?
AUDREY: Sure.
SEYMOUR: You’d go shopping with me?
AUDREY: Sure
SEYMOUR: You’d be seen with me in a public place?
AUDREY: Sure
SEYMOUR: Tonight?
AUDREY: I can’t tonight. I’ve got a date. But I’d like to go with you another time.
SEYMOUR: Sure. I’ll pencil you in.
AUDREY I’ll bet you’ve got alotta dates now, huh?
SEYMOUR Not dates exactly. But alotta garden clubs have been calling- asking me to give lectures.
AUDREY Gee
SEYMOUR Imagine me, giving lectures. I never even finished grade school.
AUDREY That doesn’t matter. you have life experience
SEYMOUR Some experience. I don't even know what it’s like to fly in a plane.
AUDREY Me neither
SEYMOUR Or eat a fancy fancy dinner at the KFC
AUDREY Me neither
SEYMOUR Or ride a motorcycle
AUDREY Oh, it’s no big deal. And besides, it’s dangerous
SEYMOUR It is?
AUDREY: Extremely dangerous [beat] Gee, I’d better fix my face. My date’ll be here any minute.

21
 (S16) INTRODUCTION TO ORIN

ORIN: Excuse me ladies. Which way to thirteen-thirteen Skid Row?

TAYAH I’m afraid that information will cost you dollar.
ORIN No problem. here you go
ROBYN It’s right over there. But if you’re like the thousands of others flocking down to see the
Audrey Two, you better come back tomorrow, maam. This shop is closed today.
Ohhhh, took his dollar!
ORIN I’m not here to buy posies, girls. I’m here to pick up my date.
SAM Your date?
TOM You aint by any chance talkin about a girl with a black eye?
SOPHIE And several other medical problems?
ORIN As a matter of fact…..

[Suddenly the GIRLS descend upon him full-force, ad lib]

RONNETTES: That’s her! That’s the one!/ Who do you think you are treating her that way?/ Get outa here
and don’t come back/ Beat it! Get lost!
ORIN: Ladies! Ladies! Please! I’m friendly! Truce! Pacem! [She removes an inhaler from her
pocket and `offers it] You want some nitrous oxide?
TAYAH Why don’t you get lost, vitalis-brains? the last thing Audrey needs is more of your
kind
ORIN I would call it an occupational hazard
JESSIE Say what?
ORIN You see girls, my line of work requires a certain fascination with human pain and
suffering. [He inhales again and whoops] This stuff is great. Allow me to explain.

22
[MUSIC CUE 8B] GIRLS clap out a rhythm and move into a back-up group formation. BACKING GROUP enter and
join the formation.]
(S17)- “DENTIST”
ORIN: WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, JUST A BAD LITTLE KID
MY MAMA NOTICED FUNNY THINGS I DID –
LIKE SHOOTIN’ PUPPIES WITH A B.B GUN
I’D POISON GUPPIES, AND WHEN I WAS DONE
I’D FIND A PUSSYCAT AND BASH IN IT’S HEAD
THAT’S WHEN MY MAMA SAID –
RONNETTES: What did she say?
ORIN: SHE SAID MY GIRL I THINK SOME DAY
YOU’LL FIND A WAY, TO MAKE YOUR NATURAL TENDENCIES PAY
[He unzips his leather jacket, And removes it, revealing a white Dentist’s uniform]
YOU’LL BE A DENTIST!
RONNETTES: YOU’LL BE A DENTIST!
ORIN: YOU HAVE A TALENT FOR CAUSING THINGS PAIN
RONNETTES: PAIN!
ORIN: GIRL, BE A DENTIST!
RONNETTES: GIRL, BE A DENTIST!
ORIN: PEOPLE WILL PAY YOU TO BE INHUMANE
RONNETTES: INHUMANE!
ORIN: YOUR TEMPERAMENT’S WRONG FOR THE PREST-HOOD
AND TEACHING WOULD SUIT YOU STILL LESS!
ALL GIRL, BE A DENTIST!
YOU’LL BE A SUCCESS!

JESSIE: Here She is girls the leader of the plaque!

SOPHIE: Watch her suck up that gas! Oh my God!
TAYAH: She’s a dentist and she’ll never-ever be any good!
RONNETTES: Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?
RONNETTES: Oh that hurts! I’m not numb!
ORIN: Aw shut up! Open wide! Here I come!
I AM YOUR DENTIST
RONNETTES: GOODNESS GRACIOUS!
ORIN: AND I ENJOY THE CAREER THAT I PICKED!
I AM YOUR DENTIST!
RONNETTES: FITTING BRACES!
ORIN: AND I GET OFF ON THE PAIN I INFLICT!
RONNETTES: You really love it!
ORIN: WHEN I START EXTRACTING YOUR MOLARS –
RONNETTES: DON’T TRY IT!

23
ORIN: YOU GIRLS WILL BE SCREAMING LIKE HOLY ROLLERS!
RONNETTES: DENTIST!
ORIN: AND THOUGH IT MAY CAUSE MY PATIENTS DISTRESS
RONNETTES: DISTRESS!
ORIN: SOMEWHERE, SOMEWHERE IN HEAVEN ABOVE ME,
I KNOW THAT MY MAMA’S REALLY PROUD OF ME!
Oh mamma
COS I’M A DENTIST, AND A SUCCESS!
ORIN: Say “Ah!”
RONNETTES: Ah
ORIN: Say “Ah!”
RONNETTES: Ah
ORIN: Say “Ah!”
RONNETTES: Ah
ORIN: Now, spit.

24
 (S18) ORIN MEETS AUDREY2 AND SEYMOUR

ORIN: [MUSIC OUT] Hey, how ya doin’?

SEYMOUR: Fine thank you… But the shop’s closed.
ORIN: I’m not here to shop. I’m here to… [sees the PLANT and crosses to it] Hey this must be
the plant they’re talkin’ about on the news. Whatdya call it?
SEYMOUR: An Audrey Two.
ORIN: Cute name. Catchy. Nice plant. big
SEYMOUR: Thank you I raised it myself. Now, if you don’t mind I’m not really supposed to let
anyone…
ORIN: I hear it’s some kind of new species or something.
SEYMOUR: That’s what they tell me. But you’ll have to leave now, we….
AUDREY: [enters from the backroom] It’s okay Seymour. This is my girlfriend. Seymour, Orin
Scrivello. [ORIN snaps his fingers at her] D.D.S.
ORIN: I’ll tell you some thing girl. you say you raised this thing right?
SEYMOUR: Right.
ORIN: Well if i were you i sure as hell wouldn’t keep it under a barrel down in skid row dump like
this. This avocado here could be your one way ticket to the stars. you could take it to any
florist shop in town and name your price. hell somebody’d make you a goddam
partner to get their hands on this
SEYMOUR: I don’t care. I’m happy here.
AUDREY: Seymour’s very loyal
ORIN: [turns to her sharply] Somebody talking to you?
AUDREY: Oh… No…. (Beat) Excuse me.
ORIN: Excuse me what?
AUDREY: Excuse me doctor
ORIN: (pleased) that’s better

[outside the shop, MUSHNIK enters and stands by the door eavesdropping. inside, ORIN turns to AUDREY and
resumes his aggressively friendly manner]

ORIN: [Continue] I’m telling you kid, this thing’s a big green goldmine. get your ass outta a
dump and take the plant with you.
MUSHNIK: [To himself] What?!
ORIN: Mushnik’s skid row florists? Feh. It’s like a joke. You hear me talkin?’
SEYMOR: I hear you
AUDREY: Shouldn’t we be leaving now?… [ORIN turns quickly toward her with a threatening
attitude]
I’m sorry.
ORIN: Sorry, what?
AUDREY: [desperate to calm him down] I’m sorry, doctor… doctor… Sorry, doctor.
ORIN: [satisfied she turns to SEYMOUR] You gotta train ‘em, eh stud? Well, my bike’s outside
and double-parked. But you think about what I said scout….. I mean it. You think about it

25
 SEYMOUR: [Just trying to get rid of him] Sure. Sure I’ll think about it.
MUSHNIK: He’ll think about it!
ORIN: You do that Okay, Audrey! [she obediently joins her] You got the handcuffs?
AUDREY: [Embarrassed and miserable] They’re right in my bag
ORIN: Then let’s Go.
[They exit. Music Cue 9]

(S19) MUSHNIK AND SON

MUSHNIK: SHE'LL THINK ABOUT IT? SHE'LL THINK ABOUT IT?

SEYMOUR: I DON'T LIKE THAT GIRL, MR. MUSHNIK. YOU SHOULD HEAR THE WAY
SHE TALKS TO AUDREY.
MUSHNIK: GOTT IN HIMMEL, NO. THE KID JUST SAID SHE'D MULL IT OVER!
SEYMOUR: NO WONDER SHE LOOKS SO UNHEALTHY. IT'S ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU
SICK.
MUSHNIK: IF SHE LEFT ME. IF SEYMOUR LEFT ME
WHY THEN I'D BE RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED WHICH WAS BROKE
AND STARVING.
SEYMOUR: SWEET AND GOOD AND BEAUTIFUL AS SHE IS, SHE DESERVES A
PRINCE, NOT A SADISTIC CREEP LIKE HER!
MUSHNIK: CLOSE TO BANKRUPT.
SEYMOUR: WHAT A LOUSE.
MUSHNIK: BESET, BEFUDDLED, AND BEREFT. THAT'S WHAT I'D BE IF SEYMOUR
LEFT.
SEYMOUR: SHE'S A DISGRACE TO THE DENTAL PROFESSION.

MUSHNIK: SEYMOUR!
SEYMOUR: SIR?

MUSHNIK: SEYMOUR? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY SON?

SEYMOUR (But mr Mushnik i’m a girl)
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY OWN
ADOPTED BOY?
(Thats no..)
[ASIDE] I NEVER LIKED HIM MUCH BEFORE,
BUT COUNT THE CASH THAT'S IN
THE DRAWER
I'VE GOT NO CHOICE- I'M MUCH
TOO POOR-
SAY YES

26
 SEYMOUR: WHAT FOR?

MUSHNIK: SEYMOUR I WANT TO BE YOUR DAD.

I WANT TO SEE YOU CLIMBING UP MY FAMILY TREE.
I USED TO THINK YOU LEFT A STENCH,
BUT NOW I SEE THAT YOU'RE A MENCH,
SO I'M PROPOSING BE MY SON!
SEYMOUR (That genuinely makes no sense)
MUSHNIK AND SON. SOUNDS GREAT?
THREE WORDS WITH THE RING OF FATE.
SO SAY YOU'LL INCORPORATE WITH ME.
A FLORIST'S DREAM COME TRUE.
MUSHNIK AND HIS BOYCHIK, YOU.
WHAT BUSINESS WE'LL DO FOR F.T.D.
HOW BOUT' IT, SEYMOUR? BE MY SON!
SEYMOUR (I still don’t understand what you mean)
JUST SAY THE WORD, I'LL HAVE MY LAWYER ON THE PHONE!

SEYMOUR: NOW, MR. MUSHNIK, DON'T BE RASH. YOU ALWAYS SAID THAT I WAS
TRASH.
MUSHNIK: OH, I WAS JOKING!
SEYMOUR: SIR, I'M CHOKING!
MUSHNIK: SCUSE THE PHYSICAL EXPRESSION OF MY PRIDE OF THE SWEET
PATERNAL MISHEGOSS I'VE HELD PENT-UP- INSIDE

SEYMOUR: GEE.
MUSHNIK: SO?
SEYMOUR: WELL.
MUSHNIK: WELL?
SEYMOUR: I?
MUSHNIK: YOU!
GO AHEAD AND SAY IT, SEYMOUR. TELL ME THAT YOU WILL...
SEYMOUR: GEE, I'D REALLY LIKE TO, BUT...
MUSHNIK: I'LL HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL...

SEYMOUR: OKAY... YOU WIN... I'LL BE YOUR “SON”!

MUSHNIK: HOORAY, I WIN! HE'LL BE MY SON!
SEYMOUR: DRAW UP THE PAPERS, DAD. I'M TOUCHED, I REALLY AM. AND
SOMEDAY WHEN YOU'RE EIGHTY-THREE. I'LL LET
YOU COME MOVE IN WITH ME.
MUSHNIK: YOU SWEAR?

27
 SEYMOUR: I PROMISE!
MUSHNIK: WHAT A SON!

BOTH: MUSHNIK AND SON, THAT'S THAT!

SEYMOUR: OFFICIALLY I'M YOUR BRAT!
BOTH: CONSIDER THE MATTER CLOSED AND DONE. NOW, TO THE WORLD,
LET'S STICK. OUR SENIOR AND JUNIOR SHTICK. THROUGH THIN AND
THROUGH THICK. THROUGH SLOPPY AND SLICK.
SEYMOUR: SO COME KISS ME QUICK!
MUSHNIK: PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME SICK
BOTH: MUSHNIK AND SON!!!

[As music plays out, MUSHNIK happily dances off L. SEYMOUR looks off in his direction, then turns back and
says to herself:]
SEYMOUR: His son? I’m his son?

(S20) SUDDEN CHANGES

SEYMOUR: SUDDEN CHANGES SURROUND ME

LADY LUCK CAME AND FOUND ME
THANKS A MILLION FOR MAKING THE MAGIC YOU DO

THANKS TO YOU, SWEET PETUNIA

MUSHNIK'S TAKEN A JUNIOR
AND SOMEDAY WHEN I OWN THIS WHOLE SHOP
I'LL REMEMBER I OWE IT TO YOU

Who cares if I've been a little on the anemic side these past few weeks?
So what if I've had a few dizzy spells?
A little light-headedness?
It's been worth it, old pal
Well Two-ey, I'm a little hungry.
I'm gonna run down to Schmendrick's and get a bite to eat
I'll see ya in the...

[MUSIC CUE: WILT.] [THE PLANT wilts suddenly, tilting sharply to one side and remaining there, very still]

SEYMOUR: Oh boy. Here we go again. Look, I haven’t got much left. Just give me a few days to heal
okay?
Then we’ll start again on the left hand and…

(S21) AUDREY2 TALKS

28
 [Suddenly THE PLANT opens it’s snout and speak. SEYMOUR is stunned. See appendix note 6]

PLANT: Feed me!

SEYMOUR: I beg your pardon
PLANT: Feed me!
SEYMOUR: Twoey, you talked. You opened up your…. trap, your thing, and you said-
PLANT: Feed me, Krelborn! Feed me now!
SEYMOUR: [looking at his hand] I can’t!
PLANT: I’m starving!
SEYMOUR Oh boy, maybe i can squeeze a little out of this one, but-
PLANT I need some food!
SEYMOUR: I know! I know! But you can’t get blood from a…
PLANT: More! More!
SEYMOUR: I haven’t got any more! What do you want me to do? Look… how ’bout I run down the
corner and pick you up some nice chopped sirloin?
PLANT: Must be blood!
SEYMOUR: Twoey! That’s disgusting!
PLANT: Must be fresh!
SEYMOUR: I don’t want to hear this!

29
 (S22)- “GIT IT”
PLANT: FEED ME!
SEYMOUR: Does it have to be human?
PLANT: FEED ME!
SEYMOUR: Does it have to be mine?
PLANT: FEED ME!
SEYMOUR: Where am I supposed to get it?
PLANT: FEED ME, SEYMOUR
FEED ME ALL NIGHT LONG
That’s right boy, you can do it!
FEED ME, SEYMOUR
FEED ME ALL NIGHT LONG
Hehn, hehn, hehn
‘CAUSE IF YOU FEED ME SEYMOUR
I CAN GROW UP BIG AND STRONG

SEYMOUR: You eat blood, Audrey Two. Let’s face it. How’m I supposed to keep feeding you? Kill
people?
PLANT: I’ll make it worth your while.
SEYMOUR: What?
PLANT: You think this is all coincidence? The sudden success around here? Your adoption papers?
SEYMOUR: Look, you’re a plant. An inanimate object.
PLANT: Does this look inanimate to you punk? If I can talk and I can move, who’s to say I can’t
do anything I want?
SEYMOUR: Like what?
PLANT: Like deliver pal. Like see you get everything your secret greasy heart desires.
WOULD YOU LIKE A CADILLAC CAR?
OR A GUEST SHOT ON JACK PAAR?
HOW ABOUT A DATE WITH HEDY LAMARR?
YOU GONNA GIT IT!
SEYMOUR No thanks, Twoey. Kind of you to offer, but-

PLANT: HOW’D YOU LIKE TO BE A BIG WHEEL,

DININ’ OUT FOR EVERY MEAL
I’M THE PLANT WHO CAN MAKE IT REAL,
YOU GONNA GIT IT!
PLANT: I’M YOUR GENIE, I’M YOUR FRIEND,
I’M YOUR WILLING SLAVE
TAKE A CHANCE, JUST FEED ME AND
Y’KNOW THE KINDA EATS, THE KINDA RED HOT TREATS
THE KINDA STICKY, LICKY SWEETS I CRAAAAAAAVE!

30
 COME ON SEYMOUR, DON’T BE A PUTZ
TRUST ME AND YOUR LIFE’LL SHORTLY RIVAL KING TUT’S
SHOW A LITTLE ‘NITIATIVE, WORK UP THE GUTS,
AND YOU’LL GIT IT!

SEYMOUR: I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T KNOW,

I HAVE SO, SO MANY STRONG RESERVATIONS
SHOULD I GO AND PERFORM MUTILATIONS?

PLANT: You didn’t have nothing til you met me. C’mon kid, what’ll it be? Boys? Girls? One
particular girl? How ‘bout that Audrey? Think it over! There must be someone you could
eighty-six real quiet-like and git me some lunch!

HOW’S ABOUT A ROOM AT THE RITZ,

WRAPPED IN VELVET, COVERED IN GLITZ
A LITTLE LOVE’S GONNA CLEAN UP YO ZITS,
AND YOU’LL GIT IT!

SEYMOUR: GEE I’D LIKE A HARLEY MACHINE,

TOOLIN’ AROUND LIKE I WAS JAMES DEAN
MAKIN’ ALL THE GUYS ON THE CORNER TURN GREEN
PLANT: SO GO GIT IT!
IF YOU WANNA BE PROFOUND,
YOU REALLY GOTTA JUSTIFY
TAKE A BREATH AND LOOK AROUND
ALOTTA FOLKS DESERVE TO DIE!

SEYMOUR: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. That’s not a very nice thing to say.
PLANT: But it’s true, isn’t it?
SEYMOUR: No. I don’t know anybody who deserves to get chopped up and fed to a hungry plant.
PLANT: Mmmm…. Sure you do.
[ORIN and AUDREY enter SR Audience]

ORIN: Stupid woman! Christ What a scatter brain!

AUDREY: I’m sorry doctor! I’m sorry doctor!
ORIN: Get the hell in there and pick up the goddam sweater you dizzy cow!
AUDREY: Yes doctor! Right away doctor! [to SEYMOUR, who remains motionless in the shop,
watching] Hi, Seymour. I left my sweater here before.
[Audrey exits up SLto grab sweater]
ORIN: C’mon, move it ya little slut. How do ya like that stupid dame? Forgets her frigging

31
 sweater [as AUDREY re-enters with sweater, leaves shop and goes to him] Christ If your
stupid head weren’t screwed on! [slaps her]
AUDREY: Orin! That hurt!
ORIN: Move it!

[ORIN and AUDREY exit As MUSIC builds, s he and THE PLANT slowly turn toward each other to exchange a
dark look of mutual understanding]

ALL: IF YOU WANT A RATIONALE, IT ISN’T VERY HARD TO SEE

STOP AND THINK IT OVER PAL
THE GIRL SURE LOOKS LIKE PLANT FOOD TO ME!
THE GIRL SURE LOOKS LIKE PLANT FOOD TO ME!
THE GIRL SURE LOOKS LIKE PLANT FOOD TO ME!
SEYMOUR: SHE’S SO NASTY, TREATIN’ HER ROUGH
PLANT: SMACKIN’ HER AROUND AND ALWAYS TALKIN’ SO TOUGH
SEYMOUR: YOU NEED BLOOD AND SHE’S GOT MORE THAN ENOUGH
PLANT: I NEED BLOOD AND SHE’S GOT MORE THAN ENOUGH
ALL: (I) (YOU) NEED BLOOD AND SHE’S GOT MORE THAN ENOUGH!
PLANT: SO GO GIT IT!

BLACKOUT

32
 (S23) DENTIST SCENE (GUN)
[MUSIC CUE 12] Forestage. Eerie organ MUSIC plays.

ORIN: Next!
SEYMOUR: I guess that’s me, Dr Scrivello
ORIN: Do you have an appointment?
SEYMOUR: We met yesterday. Seymour Krelborn.
ORIN: Oh of course. The girl with the plant.
SEYMOUR: Right.
ORIN: And the band aids.
SEYMOUR: Right. [Orin turns around]
ORIN: And the gun
SEYMOUR: R…right
ORIN: So why are you pointing a gun at me, Seymour?
SEYMOUR: I…. I….
ORIN: Are you a bit nervous about seeing a dentist?
SEYMOUR: No… no, I’m not nervous I…
ORIN: It’s only gonna hurt a little.
SEYMOUR: No, you don’t understand. I don’t want my teeth examined, I –
ORIN: Of course you want your teeth examined. Sah “Ah!”
SEYMOUR: No!
ORIN: Say Ah!
SEYMOUR: Aaah!
ORIN: Ooh your mouth is a mess, kid. You’ve got cavities. You’ve got plaque. You’re impacted.
you’re abscessed!
SEYMOUR: I am?
ORIN: You need a complete examination. We’ll start with that wisdom tooth!
SEYMOUR: No!
ORIN: We’ll just rip that little bugger there. Whatdya say?
SEYMOUR: I gotta go!
ORIN: There’s always time for dental hygiene, Seymour! Have you ever seen the results of a
neglected mouth? [Mouth projected on curtain] Look Seymour! This could happen to you
SEYMOUR: It could?
ORIN: unless I take immediate action. let’s get started!
SEYMOUR: Wait! Aren’t you gonna give me Novocain?
ORIN: What for? Dulls the senses!
SEYMOUR: But it’ll hurt!
ORIN: Only till you pass out!
SEYMOUR: What’s that?
ORIN: That’s the drill Seymour
SEYMOUR: It’s rusty

33
 ORIN: [Fondly] It's an antique. [With sincere respect and admiration] they don't make
instruments like this, any more. Sturdy, heavy, dull. This is gonna be a challenge. this is
gonna be a pleasure. I’m gonna want some gas for this one!
SEYMOUR: Gas?
ORIN: Nitrous oxide
SEYMOUR: Thank God. I thought you weren’t going to use any.
ORIN: Oh the gas isn’t for you Seymour. It’s for me. [getting excited again] I really want to
enjoy this and I find a little giggle gas before we begin increases my pleasure enormously.
In fact…. [A great idea dawns on him] I’m gonna use my special gas mask! Just relax
Seymour! I’ll be with you in a moment!

34
 (S24) NOW (IT’S JUST THE GAS)

SEYMOUR: NOW, DO IT NOW

WHILE SHE'S GASSING HIMSELF TO A PALPABLE STUPOR
THE TIMING'S IDEAL AND THE MOMENT IS SUPER
TO READY AND FORE AND BLOW THE SICK BASTARD AWAY

ORIN: [laughing off stage] Hahahahaha hehehehehe!

NOW, DO IT NOW
JUST A FLICKER OF PRESSURE RIGHT HERE ON THE TRIGGER
AND AUDREY WON'T HAVE TO PUT UP THAT PIG FOR ANOTHER DAY
ORIN: [laughing off stage] Hahahahaha hehehehehe!

NOW- FOR THE GIRL,

NOW- FOR THE PLANT
NOW- YES I WILL...
ORIN: [laughing off stage] Hahahahaha hehehehehe Hahahahahahahaha Heheheheheheheheh
SEYMOUR: BUT I CAN'T

[ORIN re-enters wearing a gas mask.]]

ORIN: Oohhboy! Seymour, I am flyin’ now! Oh the things we’re gonna do to your mouth!
Hahahahahaha! Well, I guess I’ve had about enough of this stuff! I’ll just take the mask off
now and… [on a MUSICAL CHORD, She tries to pull it off, It won’t come. MUSICAL
CHORD. She tries again.] Hey… Seymour…. Guess what?
SEYMOUR: What?
ORIN: It’s stuck

35
SEYMOUR: What?
ORIN: The mask! It’s stuck! I can’t get it off! Jesus Christ i could asphixiate in here. Hey
Seymour – gimme a hand will ya?
SEYMOUR: Well –
ORIN: [taken aback] Well? [beat] She says well? [another beat. Slow and quietly with a good
natured but serious “c’mon kid i don’t think you understand attitude] Uh, Seymour… I don’t think you
understand…

ORIN: DON'T BE FOOLED IF I SHOULD GIGGLE

LIKE A SAPPY, HAPPY DOPE
IT'S JUST THE GAS,
(laughs)
IT'S GOT ME HIGH
BUT DON'T LET THAT FACT DECEIVE YOU
ANY MOMENT I COULD DIE
THOUGH I GIGGLE AND I CHORTLE,
BEAR IN MIND I'M NOT IMMORTAL
WHY THIS WHOLE THING STRIKES ME FUNNY
I DON'T KNOW-
'CAUSE IT REALLY IS A ROTTEN WAY TO GO

SEYMOUR: WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS AN ETHICAL DILEMMA

'LESS I HELP HER GET THE MASK REMOVED,
SHE DOESN'T HAVE A PRAYER
TRUE THE GUN WAS NEVER FIRED,
BUT THE WAY EVENTS TRANSPIRED,
I COULD FINISH HER WITH SIMPLE LAISSSEZ FAIRE
WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS (NOW!)
A TRICKY MORAL PROBLEM
DO I HELP REMOVE THE (DO IT NOW!)
MASK OR LET HER GO
FOR LACK OF AIR?
COULDN’T SHOOT HER (HELP ME NOW!)
WHEN I TRIED
BUT THE FATES ARE ON MY SIDE
I CAN OFF THE GIRL BY (NOW!)
STAYING IN THE CHAIR
ORIN (Convulses with laughter..) Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahehhehehehehehehehehehhe

ORIN: DON'T BE FOOLED IF I SHOULD CHUCKLE

LIKE HYENAS IN A ZOO
IT'S JUST THE GAS,
[Laughs weakly]
IT TURNS ME ON
BUT DON'T LET MY MIRTH DECEIVE YOU
ANY MOMENT I'LL BE GONE

36
 ALL MY VITAL SIGNS ARE FAILING
'CAUSE THE OXIDE I'M INHALING
MAKES IT DIFFICULT AS HELL TO CATCH MY BREATH

ARE YOU DUMB OR HARD OF HEARING?

OR RELIEVED MY END IS NEARING?
ARE YOU SATISFIED?
(With his last breath)
I ……..LAUGHED ……..MYSELF…… TO…
SEYMOUR: DEATH?
[orin suddenly drops to the floor]
BLACKOUT

(S25) CODA “ACT ONE FINALE”

[MUSIC CUE 13A]

JESSIE & TAYAH: SHING-A-LING, WHAT A CREEPY THING TO BE HAPPENIN’

PLANT: [off stage] Feed me!
JESSIE & TAYAH: SHANG-A-LANG, FEEL THE STURM AND DRANG IN IN THE AIR!
PLANT: [offstage] More, more! More More!

BLACK

OUT

END

ACT

ONE

37
 ACT TWO
(S26) CALL BACK IN THE MORNING

MUSHNIK: [on phone A] RONNETTE: AUDREY: [on phone B]

Skid Row Florists. Please hold. Step right up and see the amazing Five thousand dollars
worth of Audrey will be right with you. Audrey Two. The strangest, the most violets, two thousand
[hangs up, crosses to CRYSTAL, interesting …. dollars worth of baby-blue eyes.
DIAMOND & CHIFFON on forestage] CUSTOMER 1: The pink,
Urchins! Look here’s ten apiece. I’ve seen it. The green
Deliver these to the Dutch pavillion RONNETTE: The
yellow and these to the Japanese consulate
[GIRLS exit, one right Not unless you’ve seen it recently The
purple and one left] Audrey I’m late for the
She’s got amazing, multi-coloured
the lawyers. Tell Seymour to see that warts
Corman gets his wolfsbane! CUSTOMER 2: Warts? Yes ma’am. Nice delphiniums
[He goes though the shop LIBERTY: geraniums, wisteria,
[door and crosses Forestage to exit R And she’s over six feet tall! You name it, we sell it!
SEYMOUR enters Forestage R] CUSTOMER 3: [Hangs up phone B]
. [Phone A rings. She
picks it up] [SEYMOUR heads L toward Skid Row’s Favourite
Florists.
the shop. As they pass each other, Let’s go Oh yes sir!
SEYMOUR calls to MUSHNIK:] RONNETTE: Funeral’s are our speciality!
[leading him to the shop] You won’t
believe it. Simply won’t believe it. Daisys, poppies, sunflowers
SEYMOUR: There it is! and gorgeous lillys!
I got those bridal wreaths to CUSTOMER 1: Yes of course sir. Right away!
Elizabeth Taylor’s suite. She’s Remarkable! [Hangs up Phone A]
real pretty. [MUSHNIK exits, stage R. LIBERTY:
SEYMOUR enters the shop and takes You said it! You want some flowers? [Phone B rings. She
picks it up] over from RONNETTE and LIBERTY CUSTOMER 2:
Skid Row’s Favourite Florists who have been
CUSTOMER 3:
hustling You bet. I’ll take three of those [Phone A rings]
the CUSTOMERS. They exit] Can you hold please?
To CUSTOMER: and six of those and ten of those… [rushes to phone A]
Here you go. Goodbye now. Skid Row’s favourite florists.
Come again! [CUSTOMERS exit] Can you hold?

[SEYMOUR and AUDREY are now alone in the shop, coping with the ringing telephones:]

38
 AUDREY: [back to phone B] Seymour, can you help me with these phones?
[He puts Phone A on the desk and picks up Phone B.]
AUDREY. [into Phone C] Now, you were saying?
FLOWERS FOR A PROM CORSAGE?
[She hangs up Phone C and picks up Phone D.]
SEYMOUR [into Phone B]
FLOWERS FOR AN ENTOURAGE?
AUDREY. [into Phone D]
FLOWERS TO THE FUN'RAL HOME?
SEYMOUR. [into Phone B]
LEAVING FROM ST. ANDREW'S ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH AT NINTH AND
VINE?
[Phone C rings. SEYMOUR hangs up Phone B and picks up Phone A from desk.]
AUDREY. [still on Phone D]
FORTY DOLLARS.
[Picking up Phone C, she sings into it:]
HOLD THE LINE.
SEYMOUR. [into Phone A]
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
AUDREY. FINE.
[Hangs up Phone D. Puts Phone C to her ear and hears some terrific news!]
SEYMOUR [still into Phone A]
THEY'LL BE THERE IN THE MORNING!
[hangs it up]
AUDREY [into Phone C]
CAN YOU HOLD?
[She covers mouthpiece of Phone C with her hand and excitedly sings to SEYMOUR:]
THE ROSEBOWL!!
SEYMOUR, THE ROSEBOWL!
YOU KNOW THAT BIG, INFLATED ESTIMATE WE WROTE?
FOR THE ROSEBOWL?
WELL, IT'S THE ROSEBOWL!
IT SEEMS THEY WANT TO BUY THE FLOWERS HERE FOR EVERY SINGLE
FLOAT!
[Phones ring in rhythm: D-B-A-A.]
AUDREY [spoken] You can't keep the tournament waiting!
SEYMOUR [picks up Phone D and sings into it, still holding Phone C in his other hand]
MUSHNIK AND SON ...
AUDREY [picks up Phones A & B and sings into Phone B]
CAN YOU HOLD?
SEYMOUR. [into Phone D]
PLEASE HOLD

39
 [puts Phone D on desk]
AUDREY. [into Phone A]
CAN YOU HOLD?
SEYMOUr. [Holding Phone C receiver to his chest, he sings, aside.]
IT'S JUST AS THE PLANT FORETOLD
AUDREY. [sings into Phone B]
JUST A MINUTE
[then hangs it up, still holding Phone A]
SEYMOUR. IT'S BUSINESS LIKE WHO'D HAVE EVER GUESSED.
[puts Phone C back to his ear]
AUDREY [into Phone A]
MUSHNIK AND SON
SEYMOUR [into Phone C]
THAT WAS ME!
AUDREY [into Phone A]
PLEASE WAIT
SEYMOUR [into Phone C]
THAT WAS ME
AUDREY [Holding Phone A to her chest, she sings, aside.]
THE BUSINESS IS DOING GREAT..
SEYMOUR. [into Phone C]
ON CHANNEL THREE!
AUDREY. SO WHY AM I FEELING SO DE-PRESSED?
SEYMOUR. [hangs up Phone C and speaks to AUDREY:]
I get two tickets to the game!
[He picks up Phone D from desk and speaks into it.]
Mushnik and Son, Skid Row's Favorite Florists!
AUDREY. [into Phone A]
SEVEN THOUSAND BOUTONNIERES?
[Phone C rings and SEYMOUR picks it up. AUDREY speaks, making a note of something.)
Carnations or the yellow roses?
SEYMOUR [into Phone C. Phone B rings.]
PLEASE, I'VE ONLY GOT TWO EARS!
[into Phone D] Allergic to chrysanthemums?
AUDREY. [into Phone A]
HOLLYHOCKS ARE HARDIER
WHICH ONES WOULD YOUR WIFE PREFER?
[She puts Phone A down on desk and picks up Phone B.]
SEYMOUR. [puts Phone D on desk and sings into Phone C]
WERE YOU WAITING LONG?
I'M SORRY, SIR!
One minute and I'll get her for you!

40
 AUDREY. SEYMOUR, THAT REPORTER-
SEYMOUR Her? I thought we finished yesterday.
AUDREY [They switch places again: she crosses to SEY-MOUR and hands him Phone B.]
SHE WANTS ANOTHER INTERVIEW SAID TO BRING THE PLANT WITH YOU
SEYMOUR [handing her Phone C]
IT'S THAT NEW ACCOUNT AUDREY.
AUDREY, [into Phone C] SORRY, THAT'S THE RIGHT AMOUNT
SEYMOUR [Still holding Phone B in one hand, he picks up Phone A from the desk with the other, and
sings into it.]
DAISIES ONLY COME IN WHITE
AUDREY [into Phone C]
SIR, IM TOO WORN OUT TO FIGHT.
[She hangs up Phone C.]
SEYMOUR [into Phone A]
SORRY, THOSE ARE OUT OF STOCK.
AUDREY [turning to the clock]
SEYMOUR, LOOK! IT'S SIX O'CLOCK!
SEYMOUR [into Phone A]
CALL BACK IN THE MORNING, WILL YOU? (hangs it up)
AUDREY [into Phone D]
CALL BACK IN THE MORNING, WON'T YOU?
[hangs it up]
SEYMOUR [Into Phone B. Phone C rings.]
CALL BACK IN THE MORNING, CAN YOU?
[hangs up Phone B]
AUDREY [into Phone C]
CALL BACK IN THE MORNING, THANK YOU!
[hangs it up]
[On MUSIC, all four Phones ring at once.]
BOTH CALL BACK IN THE MORN-ING!

[AUDREY and SEYMOUR pick up two Phones each, and slam them down sideways in their cradles. The ringing
abruptly stops. On the last beat of MUSIC, they sink onto their stools- exhausted.]

41
 (S27) SEYMOUR’S LEATHER JACKET

AUDREY. What a day, what a day. Seymour, do you mind locking up for me? I'm all in.
Seymour.
SEYMOUR Uh, one minute, Audrey. I want to show you something.
AUDREY. Can't it wait til tomorrow
SEYMOUR. [offstage] It won't take long. I've been shopping for a new wardrobe like you told me to
and . . . [He reappears wearing a black leather jacket.] Ta da... [beat] What do you
think?
AUDREY. (in shock) Seymour.
SEYMOUR. You don't like it?
AUDREY. [She is overcome with emotion. She can barely speak.]
I ...I:.. I don't know. I …
[She runs out of the shop onto stage I. Forestage, stopping at the stoop and wilting gracefully against the rail.]
SEYMOUR [removing the jacket and dropping it to the floor]
I'll take it off. I'll take it back. I'll burn it. Just don't cry. Please. (to himself, miser-ably)
Look what I did. (to her) I only bought it to impress you. That's all i ever meant to do
AUDREY. I don't know what's come over me. I guess I've been a little under the weather, lately.
SEYMOUR It's Orin isn't it? You've been down in the dumps ever since her mysterious
dis-appearance. You miss her, don't you?
AUDREY Miss her? I never felt so relieved as when they told me she'd vanished. It was like a
miracle. [beat] Not to mention all the money I've saved on Epsom salts and ace
bandages.
SEYMOUR. Then what's the matter?
AUDREY I feel guilty, I guess. I mean, if she met with foul play or some terrible accident of some
kind ... then it's partly my fault, you see. Because secretly ... I wished it.
SEYMOUR Audrey, you shouldn't waste one more minute worrying about that creep. There's alotta
girls would give anything to go out with you. Nice girls.
AUDREY I don't deserve a nice girl, Seymour.
SEYMOUR That's not true.
AUDREY [Getting emotional.] You don't know the half of it I've led a terrible life.
SEYMOUR Audrey, don't-
AUDREY I deserved a creep like Orin Scrivello, D.D.S. You know where I met her? In The
Gutter.
SEYMOUR the gutter?
AUDREY The Gutter. It's a nightspot. I worked there on my nights off when we weren't
making much money. I'd put on cheap and tasteless outfits. Not nice ones like this. Low
and nasty apparel and I'd ...
[starting to cry softly. [MUSIC CUE 15./ SEYMOUR rises and goes to her.)]
SEYMOUR. Audrey, that's all behind you now. You don't have anything to be ashamed of.
You're a very nice person and I always knew you were. Underneath the bruises and the
handcuffs, you know what I saw? A girl I respected. I still do.

42
 (S28) “SUDDENLY SEYMOUR”

SEYMOUR: LIFT UP YOUR HEAD, WASH OFF YOUR MASCARA

HERE, TAKE MY KLEENEX, WIPE THAT LIPSTICK
AWAY SHOW ME YOUR FACE, CLEAN AS THE
MORNING
I KNOW THINGS WERE BAD, BUT NOW THEY’RE OKAY

SUDDENLY SEYMOUR, IS STANDING BESIDE YOU YA

DON’T NEED NO MAKEUP, DON’T HAVE TO PRETEND
SUDDENLY SEYMOUR
IS HERE TO PROVIDE
YOU SWEET
UNDERSTANDING
SEYMOUR’S YOUR
FRIEND

AUDREY: NOBODY EVER TREATED ME KINDLY

DADDY LEFT EARLY, MAMA WAS POOR I’D
MEET A MAN AND I’D FOLLOW HIM
BLINDLY HE’D SNAP HIS FINGERS
ME, I’D SAY “SURE”

SUDDENLY SEYMOUR IS STANDING BESIDE ME

HE DON’T GIVE ME ORDERS, HE DON’T
CONDESCEND! SUDDENLY SEYMOUR, IS HERE
TO PROVIDE ME SWEET UNDERSTANDING
SEYMOUR’S MY FRIEND

SEYMOUR: TELL ME THIS FEELING LASTS TIL FOREVER

TELL ME THE BAD TIMES
ARE CLEAN, WASHED AWAY

43
 AUDREY: PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT IT’S STILL STRANGE AND
FRIGHTENIN’ FOR LOSERS LIKE I’VE BEEN, IT’S SO HARD TO
SAY…

[THE RONNETTES enter stage R Forestage and take positions just outside the shop, watching and smiling.]
AUDREY: SUDDENLY SEYMOUR!
ALL: SUDDENLY SEYMOUR!
AUDREY: SHE PURIFIED ME!
ALL SHE PURIFIED YOU!
AUDREY: SUDDENLY SEYMOUR!
ALL: SUDDENLY SEYMOUR!
AUDREY: SHOWED ME I CAN
ALL: YES YOU CAN!
ALL: LEARN HOW TO BE MORE
AUDREY: THE GIRL THAT’S INSIDE ME
ALL OOH, OOH, OOH
SEYMOUR: WITH SWEET UNDERSTANDING…
AUDREY: WITH SWEET UNDERSTANDING…
SEYMOUR: WITH SWEET UNDERSTANDING…
AUDREY: WITH SWEET UNDERSTANDING
ALL: WITH SWEET UNDERSTANDING!
SEYMOUR’S MY (YOUR)
GIRL

(S29) SUPPERTIME

MUSHNIK. So!
[AUDREY and SEYMOUR pull apart quickly.]
It seems the plot is thickening among my employees.
SEYMOUR Please Mr… Daddy.
MUSHNIK. Don't you "Mister Daddy" me, Krelborn. Audrey, I wonder if you'd excuse Seymour and
me for a little while. Perhaps you'd like to go visit your Dentist friend.
SEYMOUR That's not very funny, Dad. You know he disappeared.
MUSHNIK. Oh, that's right. He did, didn't he? Forgive me, boychik.
AUDREY. Seymour, what's he talking about? What's he doing?
SEYMOUR. Why don't you run along like he asked, Audrey? I'll catch up with you later. I'll call for you,
if that's okay.
AUDREY. Of course it is. Goodnight, Seymour. Goodnight, Mr. Mushnik.

44
 [She exits. MUSIC CUE 15-A:]

MUSHNIK Little red dots. All over the floor.

SEYMOUR. You're acting pretty strange, Pop.
MUSHNIK. [taking an envelope from his jacket pocket] I had a pretty strange afternoon, son. After my
lawyer's appointment, I was called to the police station.
SEYMOUR. The police.
MUSHNIK. Yes. It seems they made a routine investigation into the disappearance of this motorcycle
dentist. And when they did - It seems they found a Mushnik's Skid Row Florists bag ...In ...
His . .. Office!
SEYMOUR What's that supposed to mean?
MUSHNIK. Exactly what I asked myself, Seymour. And then I began to think about certain things I've
noticed around here, lately. Little red dots all over the linoleum!
SEYMOUR. I ... I spilled some Hawaiian Punch and it stained.
MUSHNIK. Hard to keep things clean around here, isn't it? Especially when they only remove our
garbage once a month!

[MUSIC CUE 16.]

SEYMOUR. What does that have to do with . . .Where are you going?
MUSHNIK. If you want something removed in a hurry, it's best not to dispose of it on Skid Row!
SEYMOUR. What are you talking about?

[MUSHNIK reaches into a trash can and pulls out ORIN's dentist's uniform.]

MUSHNIK. THIS! A dentist's uniform!

AUDREY2. HE'S GOT YOUR NUMBER NOW.
MUSHNIK. I saw it last week and didn't think twice.
AUDREY2 HE KNOWS JUST WHAT YOU DONE.
MUSHNIK And the little red dots seemed innocent enough.
AUDREY2 YOU GOT NO PLACE TO HIDE.
MUSHNIK But then I catch you kissing the Dentist's girlfriend ...
AUDREY2 YOU GOT NOWHERE TO RUN!
MUSHNIK And it begins to look like a motive!
AUDREY2 HE KNOWS YOUR LIFE OF CRIME!
MUSHNIK Once she's out of the way, you move in, right?
AUDREY2 I THINK IT'S SUPPERTIME!
SEYMOUR I'm innocent! I'm innocent!
MUSHNIK Then how do you explain this?!
SEYMOUR. A picture of a baseball cap?

45
 MUSHNIK. Your baseball cap .The police found it in Scrivello's office, showed it to me, and asked if
1 could identify it.
SEYMOUR Did you?
MUSHNIK No. They don't suspect you at all, Seymour. But they don't know about the dots, the
uniform, the girlfriend
SEYMOUR. I didn't do it!
MUSHNIK. Then come with me to the police and tell them that!

AUDREY2 HE'S GOT HIS FACTS ALL STRAIGHT

MUSHNIK. Just so my conscience will rest easy.
AUDREY2 YOU KNOW HE'S ON YOUR TRAIL
MUSHNIK. If you don't, I'll have to go tell them myself.
AUDREY2 HE'S GONNA TURN YOU IN!
MUSHNIK. Now, will you come?
AUDREY2 THEY'RE GONNA PUT YOU IN JAIL!
SEYMOUR O... Okay.
AUDREY2. HE'S U.S.D.A. PRIME
MUSHNIK. I'll go lock up; we'll head over.
PLANT. FOR MY SUPPERTIME!

46
 PLANT: COME ON, COME ON, THINK ABOUT ALL THOSE OFFERS!

COME ON, COME ON, YOUR FUTURE WITH AUDREY!

COME ON, COME ON, AIN’T NO TIME TO TURN
SQUEAMISH! COME ON, COME ON, I SWEAR ON ALL
MY SPORES –
WHEN HE’S GONE, THE WORLD WILL BE YOURS.

MUSHNIK: Okay, Seymour. Let’s go.

SEYMOUR: Er… don’t you want the receipts so you deposit them in the morning?

MUSHNIK: You put them in the safe, didn’t you?

SEYMOUR Err… no GIRLS: COME ON, COME ON
MUSHNIK: Why not?
SEYMOUR I… forgot
It’s thousands of dollars. Where is it? GIRLS: COME ON, COME ON
MUSHNIK: In the plant
SEYMOUR: In the plant? GIRLS: COME ON, COME ON
MUSHNIK:
I… thought that’d be the safest place.
SEYMOUR: The money’s inside the plant? GIRLS: IT’S SUPPERTIME
MUSHNIK:

[SEYMOUR nods]

MUSHNIK: How am I supposed to get it? GIRLS: AW, SUPPERTIME…

SEYMOUR: Just … Knock
MUSHNIK:
[beat] Knock?
RONNETTES:
SUP-PER-TI-HI-I-IME…

[MUSHNIK gets eaten. MUSICAL CHORD. MUSHNIK screams “Seymour!”. A second MUSICAL CHORD
Another scream. A third, more sustained MUSICAL CHORD]

BLACKOUT

47
 (S30) THE MEEK SHALL INHERRIT

[MUSIC is continuous from the previous scene. When LIGHTS restore, Screens are closed and SEYMOUR stands
c. on Forestage.]
TOM. [with a squeal] There he is girls! I found him! There's Seymour!
RONNETTES.. [Ad. Lib.] Seymour! Seymour! Ooooh! Seeeeymour!
TAYAH Can we have your auto-graph?
ROBYN We saw you on Channel Five News!
SAM You looked so gorgeous!
JESSIE And you gonna be so rich!
SEYMOUR. Please girls, not now.
[He tries to get away. They hold him c. with a "basketball!" maneuver. RONNETTE looks
on cooly, stage R. of them.]
TOM Is it true Audrey Two is Grand Marshal for the Rose Bowl?
TAYAH Is it true the shop is decorating the Senior Prom?
SEYMOUR. Yes, it's all true. Now please.
ROBYN. There's another big hotshot lookin' for you, Seymour. From uptown. He's been askin' all
over, where can he find you? You're famous, Seymour.

BERNSTEIN. Is that him?

JESSIE. That's him, Mr. Bernstein.
BERNSTEIN. Thank you, girls. Seymour Krelborn! Sweetie, honey, baby, pussycat!
SEYMOUR Er ... do I know you?
BERNSTEIN. [standing beside him, one foot on stage R. stoop]
Of course not, but are you gonna be happy when you do
Seymour. ... sweetheart ... dollface . . . bubbe-lah . . .
HEY, SEYMOUR KRELBORN, YOU PRINCE YOU
MY NAME IS BERNSTEIN I'M WITH NBC
I CAME DOWN HERE TO CONVINCE YOU
TO DO A WEEKLY T.V. SHOW FOR ME
"SEYMOUR KRELBORN'S GARDENING TIPS"
FOR HALF AN HOUR, ON SUNDAYS, AT FOUR
(I LOVE IT, I KNOW YOU’LL LOVE IT)
T.V.'S FIRST HOME GARDENING PROGRAM
YOU'LL MAKE A MINT AND OUR RATINGS WILL SOAR

RONNETTES. THEY SAY THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT

YOU KNOW THE BOOK DOESN'T LIE
IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF MERIT
IT'S NOT DEMAND AND SUPPLY
THEY SAY THE MEEK GONNA GET IT

48
 AND YOU'RE A MEEK LITTLE GUY
YOU KNOW THE MEEK ARE GONNA GET WHAT'S COMIN' TO 'EM BY AND BY.

SOPHIE Your own T.V. show!

TAYAH. Coast to coast!
JESSIE. Your name in lights!
SAM. Your face on screens!
ROBYN. Sign it!
JESSIE. Sign it!
ALL. Sign that contract!
TOM. Isn't it exciting?
SOPHIE. Here she is, Mrs. Luce! We found her! He's right here!
SEYMOUR Look girls, I don't want to see anybody else today!

MRS LUCE My darling, my precious, my sweet, sweet thing. So delighted to make your
acquaintance. Cutie... sweetness . • . Seymour ... babydoll ...
ID LIKE A WORD WITH YOU, LOVER
I'M SURE YOU KNOW ME ... THE EDITOR'S WIFE
WE WANT YOUR FACE ON THE COVER
OF THE DECEMBER THIRD ISSUE OF LIFE.
YES, THE FRONT OF LIFE MAGAZINE.
NOW THAT'S AN HONOR WE SO SELDOM GRANT.
WE'LL SEND SOMEONE DOWN, LET'S SAY THURSDAY
FOR SHOTS OF YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL PLANT.

RONNETTES. THEY SAY THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT YOU KNOW THE BOOK DOESNT LIE IT'S
NOT A QUESTION OF MERIT IT'S NOT DEMAND AND SUPPLY
THEY SAY THE MEEK GONNA GET IT AND YOU'RE A MEEK LITTLE GUY
YOU KNOW THE MEEK ARE GONNA GET WHAT'S COMIN' TO 'EM BY AND BY!
JESSIE. Life Maga-zine! Oh my goodness, Seymour! You're gonna make it straight to the top!
ROBYN. How did you do it?

SAM. Here he is, sir! The incredible Seymour Krelborn! Owner of the fabulous Audrey Two.
America's most amazing — and largest- unidentified plant.
SNIP. So this is Seymour Krelborn. We’ve been trying to reach you baby. Have your phones
been busy! Did you get our telegram?
SEYMOUR I don't think so.
SNIP. Well it's a good thing I came down in person then. Pleased to meet you, kid. Skip Snip.
William Morris Agency.
FORGET THE CABLE WE SENT YOU

49
 IT'S NICE TO MEET ME, THE PLEASURE IS YOURS
NOW LET MY FIRM REPRESENT YOU
WE WANT TO BOOK YOU ON LECTURING TOURS
COLLEGE CAMPUS, ROTARY CLUB-
THE KINDA BOOKINGS MY OFFICE CAN DO-
SHOW THE PLANT, THEN TALK, ANSWER QUESTIONS.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL, LUCRATIVE TOO.

SEYMOUR. MY FUTURE'S STARTING I'VE GOT TO LET IT

STICK WITH THAT PLANT AND GEE,
MY BANK ACCOUNT WILL THRIVE.
WHAT AM I SAYING?
NO WAY, FORGET IT!
IT'S MUCH TOO DANGEROUS TO KEEP THAT PLANT ALIVE!

I TAKE THESE OFFERS, THAT MEANS MORE KILLING

WHO KNEW SUCCESS WOULD COME WITH MESSY, NASTY STRINGS?
I SIGN THESE CONTRACTS, THAT MEANS IM WILLING
TO KEEP ON DOING BLOODY, AWFUL, EVIL THINGS!

NO! NO! THERE'S ONLY SO FAR YOU CAN BEND!

NO! NO! THIS NIGHTMARE MUST COME TO AN END!
NO! NO!
YOU'VE GOT NO ALTERNATIVE,
SEYMOUR OLD BOY
THOUGH IT MEANS YOU’LL BE BROKE AGAIN
AND UNEMPLOYED, IT'S THE ONLY SOLUTION,
IT CANT BE AVOIDED THE
VEGETABLE MUST BE DESTROYED!

BUT THEN
THERE'S AUDREY, LOVELY AUDREY.
IF LIFE WERE TAWDRY AND IMPOVERISHED AS BEFORE
SHE MIGHT NOT LIKE ME
SHE MIGHT NOT WANT ME
WITHOUT MY PLANT, SHE MIGHT NOT LOVE ME ANY MORE!

ALL. THEY SAY THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT

SEYMOUR. WHERE DO I SIGN?

50
 ALL. YOU KNOW THE BOOK DOESNT LIE
SNIP. RIGHT ON THE LINE
ALL. IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF MERIT
SNIP. THAT'LL DO FINE.
ALL. IT'S NOT DEMAND AND SUPPLY:
SNIP. THIS COPY'S MINE.
ALL. YOULL MAKE A FORTUNE, WE SWEAR IT
SNIP. COULDN'T GOT WRONG.
ALL. IF ON THIS FACT YOU RELY -
SNIP. BYE-BYE, SO LONG.

ALL. YOU KNOW THE MEEK ARE GONNA GET WHAT'S COMIN' TO 'EM!
YOU KNOW THE MEEK ARE GONNA GET WHAT'S COMIN' TO 'EM!
YOU KNOW THE MEEK ARE GONNA GET WHAT'S COMIN' TO 'EM!

BY ... AND ... BY!

[As MUSIC plays out, we see on SEYMOUR's face that he's trapped, guilt-ridden, and miserable. He's aware that
his
"pact with the devil" is now complete... and he's doomed. MUSIC ends.]

BLACKOUT

51
 (S31) SEYMOUR IS HYSTERICAL

PLANT: FEED ME! FOOD! FOOOOD!

SEYMOUR: Lay off Twoey. Can’t you see I’m busy?
PLANT: Tough titty!
SEYMOUR Watch your language!
PLANT. GRUB!!
SEYMOUR. Gimme a break! I’ve gotta finish my speech for the lecture tour. It’s all about you. Gimme
some peace and quiet or i’ll tell ‘em the truth.
PLANT. Don’t get cute with me. i made you and I can break you.
SEYMOUR. Go ahead break me! You think it’s easy living with the guilt?
PLANT. Aw cut the crap and Bring on the meat!
SEYMOUR: If only you’d eat meat. But no… you’re so particular.
PLANT: C’mon Krelborn. I ain’t et since Mushnik and that was a week ago!
SEYMOUR: Look, just hold out one more night, can you? Life magazine will be here in the morning to
take our pictures…
PLANT: And then you’ll find me somebody?
SEYMOUR: Then you’ll never be hungry again. I promise.

[A beat of silence and then an earthshaking bellow:]

PLANT: Chowtime Krelborn! Food! Food! Food! Feed me food!

[ THE PLANT continues to chant “Food! Food! Food! Feed me food!” as SEYMOUR loses control and starts
shouting:]

SEYMOUR: I can’t take it!Stop squalling! you’re driving me crazy! Just shut up, will ya?
For God’s sake, Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

AUDREY: Seymour! What’s the matter with you?

SEYMOUR: It’s the matter with me! Don’t you think I know it’ll die if i don’t feed it and soon? Don’t
you think I’m trying to think of someway… something… someone…
AUDREY: Seymour – You’re hysterical. [beat] Whats the deal about a little plantfood? I think
running this place all by yourself is too much for you. When did Mr Mushnik say he’d be
back?
SEYMOUR Huh?
AUDREY You know, in that note you told me he left you? The one that said he was going out to his
sisters house?
SEYMOUR: Right. He could be gone a very long time. Audrey… could I ask you something?
AUDREY: Anything
SEYMOUR: Well, just suppose for a minute that I was just a nothing again, a nobody. Would you still

52
 like me?
AUDREY: I’d still love you, Seymour
SEYMOUR: Then it’s settled.
AUDREY: What’s settled? [He pulls out a gun. MUSIC CUE 18] A gun!
SEYMOUR: And bullets…and rat poison ….. and a machete. tomorrow morning right after Life
Magazine takes our picture – you know who bites the dust!
AUDREY Seymour!
SEYMOUR right they’ll snap the photo, We’ll be famous, I’ll take that TV job, and we’ll live a nice,
quiet, normal life together. No more night feedings. No more squalling for blood!
AUDREY: What feedings? What blood? I don’t get it Seymour.Bullets, knives, rat poison. You’re
scaring me.
SEYMOUR: There’s nothing to be scared of. [Beat. MUSIC becomes lyrical: Somewhere that’s green
theme] We’ll go away from here. I’ll take you to that little development you always
dreamed about and once we’re there we’ll live happily ever after, I promise. Nice little
house, nice little car…and no plants. no plants at all!
AUDREY You’re talking so peculiar, Seymour
SEYMOUR I’ll explain everything to you tomorrow. Just go home now, Audrey. Please
AUDREY: I can’t leave you in this condition
SEYMOUR: Don’t worry about me. Don’t worry about anything.

[AUDREY exits.MUSIC: Tic toc theme. As the clock chimes twelve, THE PLANT speaks threateningly:]

PLANT: Feed me!

SEYMOUR: Under no circumstances.
PLANT: Feed me!
SEYMOUR: I will not, so stop asking.
PLANT: Feed me!
SEYMOUR: I can’t take much more of this. Look I’ll run down to the corner and get you a pound of rare
roast beef. Maybe that’ll hold you till Life Magazine gets here.
PLANT: Uh uh. No way.
SEYMOUR: Look, it’s my last offer. Yes or no?

PLANT: It’s better than nothing.

SEYMOUR: Done.Fine. Great And don’t think you’re getting desert

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 (S32) “SOMINEX/SUPPERTIME (REPRISE)”

AUDREY: I COULDN’T SLEEP

I TOOK A SOMINEX
BUT THE VOICES IN MY HEAD KEPT SAYING
GO TO SEYMOUR
TALK TO SEYMOUR
I DRANK SOME TEA
BUT GEE THE FEELING WASN’T GONE
SEYMOUR SWEETHEART
TELL ME DARLING
WHAT’S BEEN GOING ON
PLANT: HEY, LITTLE LADY, HELLO
AUDREY: Who… Who said that?
PLANT: YOU’RE LOOKING CUTE AS CAN BE
AUDREY: Is somebody in there?
PLANT: YOU’RE LOOKING MIGHTY SWEET!
AUDREY: Seymour? Seymour?
PLANT: NO IT AIN’T SEYMOUR –
PLANT: IT’S ME!
AUDREY: Oh my God!
PLANT: YOUR FRIENDLY AUDREY TWO!
THIS PLANT IS TALKING… To you.
AUDREY: I don’t believe it.
PLANT: Believe it baby. It talks.
AUDREY: Am I dreaming this?
PLANT: No. And you ain’t in Kansas neither.
AUDREY: Something’s very wrong here.
PLANT: Relax and go with it doll. Do me a favour will ya sweetheart?
AUDREY: A favour?
PLANT: I need some water in the worst way. Look at my branches.I’m a goner, honey.
COME ON AND GIMME A DRINK
AUDREY: I don’t know if I should.
PLANT: HEY LITTLE LADY BE NICE
AUDREY: You just want water right?
PLANT: SURE DO, I’LL DRINK IT STRAIGHT
AUDREY: Your branches are dry, poor thing.
PLANT: DON’T NEED NO GLASS AND NO ICE
AUDREY: I’ll get the can.

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 PLANT: DON’T NEED NO TWIST OF LIME!
AUDREY: Here you go.
PLANT: AND NOW IT’S SUPPERTIME!

55
 PLANT: Relax sweetheart and it’ll be easier. Come on, join your dentist friend and Mushnik.
They’re right inside!

AUDREY: Help!
SEYMOUR: Audrey! No! Get off her! Get off her!
Audrey! Are you alright?
AUDREY Yes. [She collapses] no
SEYMOUR Don’t die Audrey. i need you. Please don’t die
AUDREY you know, the plant just said the strangest thing just now. It said that orin a nd Mr
Mushnik were already inside
SEYMOUR I did it! I fed them to it
AUDREY And that’s what made it so big and strong and you so famous?
SEYMOUR I’ve done terrible things. but not to you. Never to you
AUDREY But.. I want you to Seymour
SEYMOUR What?
AUDREY When i die, which should be very shortly, give me to the plant, so it can live to bring you
all the wonderful things you deserve
SEYMOUR You don’t know what you’re saying
AUDREY But I do! It’s the one gift i can give you and if i’m in the plant then i’m part of the plant so
in a way ….. We’ll always be… together

(S33) SOMEWHERE THAT’S GREEN REPRISE

AUDREY YOU’LL WASH MY TENDER LEAVES

YOU’LL SMELL MY SWEET PERFUME
YOU’LL WATER ME AND CARE FOR ME
YOU’LL SEE ME BUD AND BLOOM
I’M FEELING STRANGELY HAPPY NOW
CONTENTED AND SERENE
OH DON’T YOU SEE
FINALLY I’LL BE
SOMEWHERE……
THATS…..
GREEN!

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 [She gets fed to plant]

57
 (S34) BIGGER THAN HULA HOOPS

CHIFFON: That’s her, Ms Martin. She’s right in there.

MARTIN: Thanks sweetheart, wait for me. .Krelborn? Seymour Krelborn?
SEYMOUR: Leave me alone.
MARTIN: Patricia Martin, Licensing and Marketing Division, World Botanical Enterprises. I’ve got
a gilt-edged proposition for you girl.
SEYMOUR: I’m not interested
MARTIN: Let me explain in more detail. We take leaf cuttings, develop little Audrey Twos, and sell
them to florists across the nation. Pretty soon, every household in America will have one.
I’ve got a truck waiting outside and some pots. If you don’t mind, we’ll start taking cuttings
right now. Imagine girl, Audrey Twos everywhere. Why, with the right advertising, this
could be bigger than Hula Hoops.
SEYMOUR: Bigger than hula hoops
PLANT: MUCH BIGGER!
SEYMOUR: Every household in America… thousands of you… That’s what you’ve had in mind all
along, isn’t it?
PLANT NO SHIT SHERLOCK!
SEYMOUR We’re not talking about one hungry plant here. We’re talking about… World conquest!
PLANT And i want to thank you!
SEYMOUR| You’re a monster and so am I!
PLANT: FEED ME!
SEYMOUR: You ate the only thing I ever loved!
PLANT: Too bad!
SEYMOUR: Take that. [drums plays two rim-shots to indicate the sound of the gun firing. THE PLANT
laughs.] And that. [Two more rim-shots] And that. And that. And that. And that and –
PLANT: GIVE UP, KRELBORN!
SEYMOUR Never! Here rat poison! Eat that EAT IT! EAT IT! EAT IT!
PLANT. Maybe you’re tough on the outside. but in that pod…. i’ll hack you to bits! i’ll get you
from the inside! Open up! OPEN UP! OPEN UP! OPEN UP!
NOW!

MARTIN. Ms Krelborn? Ms Krelborne? okay girls. All you have to do is snip spoke of the smaller
leaves and replant them in these pots. the truck’s waiting outside. open the van, boys!
We’re ready to start loading

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 (S35) DON’T FEED THE PLANTS

TAYAH SUBSEQUENT THE THE EVENTS YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED

SAM SIMILAR EVENTS IN CITIES ACROSS AMERICA
JESSIE EVENTS WHICH BORE A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE
TOM TO THE ONES YOU HAVE JUST SEEN BEGAN OCCURRING

RONNETTES SUBSEQUENT TO THE EVENTS YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED

UNSUSPECTING JERKS FROM MAINE TO CALIFORNIA
MADE THE ACQUAINTANCE OF A NEW BREED OF FLYTRAP
AND GOT SWEET TALKED INTO FEEDING IT BLOOD
THUS THE PLANTS WORKED THEIR TERRIBLE WILL
FINDING JERKS WHO WOULD FEED THEM THEIR FILL
AND THE PLANTS PROCEEDED TO GROW AND GROW- AND GROW

AND BEGIN WHAT THEY CAME HERE TO DO

WHICH WAS ESSENTIALLY TO
EAT CLEAVELAND
AND DE MOINES
AND PEORIA
AND NEW YORK
AND THIS THEATRE

ALL THEY MAY OFFER YOU FORTUNE AND FAME

LOVE AND MONEY AND INSTANT ACCLAIM
BUT WHATEVER THEY OFFER YOU
DON’T FEED THE PLANTS

THEY MAY OFFER YOU LOTS OF CHEAP THRILLS

FANCY CONDOS IN BEVERLY HILLS
BUT WHATEVER THEY OFFER YOU DON’T FEED THE PLANTS

LOOK OUT! HERE COMES AUDREY TWO

LOOK OUT
PLANT. HERE I COME FOR YOU
MUSHNIK HERE I COME FOR YOU
SEYMOUR HERE I COME FOR YOU
ORIN AND AUDREY HERE I COME FOR YOU

ALL HOLD YOUR AT AND HANG ONTO YOUR SOUL

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 SOMETHING’S COMING TO EAT THE WORLD WHOLE
IF WE FIGHT IT WE;VE STILL GOT A CHANCE
BUT WHATEVER THEY OFFER YOU
THOUGH THEY’RE SLOPPING THE TROUGH FOR YOU
PLEASE WHATEVER THEY OFFER YOU
DON’T FEED THE PLANTS

SEYMOUR WE’LL HAVE TOMORROW

& AUDREY
ALL DON’T FEED THE PLANT

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