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● Introduction: We live in the modern era, we are suffering from a great deal of
serious diseases day to day life. Therefore, we are able to encounter using animals
in scientific research in terms of medicine. In my humble opinion, I agree partly with
using animals in medical research, and I will discuss it clearly.

○ Feedback for Introduction:

■ Clear Position: The introduction effectively states a partial agreement

with using animals in medical research, which sets a clear stance for
the essay. However, it could be strengthened by explicitly stating the
reasons for this partial agreement to provide a clearer foundation for
the argument.

■ Relevance: The introduction is relevant to the essay question as it

introduces the topic of using animals in medical research and sets up
the author's stance. However, it could be more specific about the
types of diseases and the benefits of animal research to better align
with the question's focus on the ethical implications of animal testing.

■ Brief Overview: The introduction lacks a brief overview of the main

points that will be discussed in the essay. Including a sentence that
outlines the key arguments for and against animal testing, as well as
the author's own perspective, would provide a clearer roadmap for the
reader and enhance the introduction's effectiveness.

● Main Point 1: On the one hand, animals play a vital role in our life, since it supplies
the staple food resources for humans. It is noticeable that animals are one of the
essential foods such as ducks, chickens, and pigs, which assists us to survive to the
present. For instance, according to a survey, each day there are thousands of animal
tonnes which are supplied to maintain our lives, as well as rejecting famine.
Furthermore, animals also contribute to environmental development. It is believed
that animals are indispensable in our environment, creating a balanced ecosystem.
Consequently, if it disappears due to use in medical research, we are able to face
substantial hazards.

○ Feedback for Main Point 1:

■ Argumentative Logic: The argument that animals play a vital role in

providing food and maintaining a balanced ecosystem is logically
sound and effectively supports the idea that animals are essential for
human survival and environmental health. However, the connection
between this role and the ethical implications of using animals in
medical research is not fully explored, which could strengthen the
argument.

■ Overgeneralizations: The statement that animals are "indispensable

in our environment" is an overgeneralization. While animals do play a
crucial role, their importance can vary depending on the ecosystem
and the specific species. This could be nuanced to acknowledge the
diversity of animal roles in different environments.
 ■ Relevance and Effectiveness of Supporting Ideas: The examples
of ducks, chickens, and pigs as staple foods are relevant and
effectively illustrate the practical importance of animals. However, the
argument could be strengthened by discussing specific examples of
how these animals contribute to medical research, which would
directly address the essay question.

■ Unclear or Ambiguous Expressions: The phrase "each day there

are thousands of animal tonnes which are supplied to maintain our
lives, as well as rejecting famine" is awkward and unclear. Clarifying
this to "thousands of tons of animal products are supplied daily to
sustain human life and prevent famine" would improve clarity.

■ Unwarranted Assumptions: The argument assumes that the use of

animals in medical research directly leads to their disappearance,
which is a simplification of the complex ethical and scientific debates
surrounding animal testing. This assumption could be challenged by
discussing alternative methods or the ethical considerations involved.

■ Overly Assertive Language: The assertion that animals are

"indispensable" and that their disappearance would lead to
"substantial hazards" is overly assertive. A more balanced approach
could acknowledge the complexity of the issue and the ongoing
debates about the ethics of animal testing.

○ Overall Evaluation: Extended and Supported but Over-Generalized

○ Suggestions for Improvement:

■ Detail the Role of Animals in Medical Research: Expand on how

animals specifically contribute to medical research, including the
development of vaccines, treatments, and understanding of human
diseases. This would directly address the essay question and provide
a clearer link between the importance of animals and their use in
medical research.

■ Clarify and Refine Language: Improve the clarity of expressions to

ensure that the argument is easily understood and effectively
communicates the intended points.

■ Balance the Argument: Introduce a more balanced view that

considers both the benefits and risks of using animals in medical
research, acknowledging the ethical and scientific complexities
involved. This would provide a more comprehensive and nuanced
argument.

● Main Point 2: On the other hand, animals are a pattern in a multitude of researches
to diminish the risks of humans. Actually, we obviously need to produce a variety of
medicine, enhancing our quality of life. A case in point, inspecting medicine in
experiments play a crucial role as ensuring safety for people. Nevertheless, most
experiments in the first time contain a wider array of risks, leading to get nowhere
which can cause death. Therefore, it is supposed that using animals in medical
research gets in the way of human life.

○ Feedback for Main Point 2:

 ■ Argumentative Logic: The argument that animals are used in
research to diminish human risks is logically sound, as it directly
addresses the benefits of animal testing in medical research.
However, the transition to the second part of the sentence, which
discusses the risks of experiments, is somewhat disjointed and could
be more smoothly integrated into the main point.

■ Overgeneralizations: The statement that "most experiments in the

first time contain a wider array of risks" is an overgeneralization. While
it's true that some experiments may have risks, not all do, and the
risks can vary widely depending on the type of research and the
species used.

■ Relevance and Effectiveness of Supporting Ideas: The idea that

animal testing helps ensure the safety of human medicine is relevant
and supports the argument. However, the effectiveness of this support
could be enhanced by providing more specific examples of how
animal testing has led to significant medical advancements.

■ Unclear or Ambiguous Expressions: The phrase "inspecting

medicine in experiments play a crucial role as ensuring safety for
people" is awkward and unclear. It would be clearer to say "animal
testing plays a crucial role in ensuring the safety of human medicine."

■ Unwarranted Assumptions: The assumption that using animals in

medical research "gets in the way of human life" is a strong and
potentially misleading statement. It implies that animal testing is
inherently harmful, which is not necessarily the case. A more balanced
approach would acknowledge both the benefits and risks of animal
testing.

■ Overly Assertive Language: The use of phrases like "it is supposed

that using animals in medical research gets in the way of human life"
is overly assertive and could be perceived as biased. A more neutral
phrasing would be "some argue that using animals in medical
research raises ethical concerns."

○ Overall Evaluation: Insufficiently Developed or Lack Clarity

○ Suggestions for Improvement:

■ Clarify and Refine Language: Improve the clarity of the language

used to describe the role of animal testing in medical research. For
example, replace "inspecting medicine in experiments" with "animal
testing."

■ Balance the Argument: Introduce a more balanced view that

acknowledges both the benefits and risks of animal testing. This could
include discussing alternative methods to animal testing and the
ethical considerations involved.

■ Provide Specific Examples: Include specific examples of medical

advancements that have been made possible through animal testing,
which would strengthen the argument by providing concrete evidence
of the benefits.
 ● Conclusion: In conclusion, animals are used in research which is known as a
reasonable measure to persevere humans. However, we should tread carefully when
conducting the experiments to decrease the minority of risk for animals.

○ Feedback for Conclusion:

■ Clear Position: The conclusion attempts to balance the discussion by

acknowledging the use of animals in research as a reasonable
measure but also emphasizing the need for caution. However, it could
be clearer in stating a definitive stance on the issue. The phrase "we
should tread carefully" suggests a more nuanced approach, but it
could be strengthened by explicitly stating whether the benefits of
animal research outweigh the risks or vice versa.

■ Relevance: The conclusion addresses the main points of the essay

by summarizing the arguments for and against the use of animals in
medical research. However, it could be more relevant to the essay
question by directly addressing the ethical implications of animal
testing. The question specifically asks for a discussion of the ethical
views on the matter, so the conclusion should focus more on the
ethical aspects of the issue rather than just the practical benefits or
risks.

Task Response
Band Score for Task Response: 5

● Answer All Parts of the Question:

○ Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the

argument regarding the use of animals in medical research. It acknowledges
the benefits of using animals, such as their role in providing essential
resources and contributing to environmental balance, while also recognizing
the ethical concerns and potential risks involved.

○ How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide a more
nuanced exploration of the ethical considerations surrounding animal
experimentation. Additionally, offering more concrete examples or statistics to
support the discussion would strengthen the analysis.

● Present a Clear Position Throughout:

○ Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance, expressing partial

agreement with the use of animals in medical research. It consistently
presents arguments supporting this position while acknowledging the
opposing viewpoint.

○ How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay
could explicitly state the reasons for the partial agreement and provide a
stronger rationale for supporting the use of animals in specific medical
research contexts.

● Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

 ○ Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with reasonable coherence,
providing examples to support key points. However, the development of ideas
could be more thorough, with deeper analysis and elaboration on the
implications of using animals in medical research.

○ How to improve: To extend and support ideas more effectively, the essay
should delve into the potential benefits and drawbacks of animal
experimentation in greater detail. Providing more specific examples and
discussing real-world consequences would enhance the depth of analysis.

● Stay on Topic:

○ Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic by discussing the

use of animals in medical research as prompted. However, there are
instances where the connection between the discussion and the central
theme could be strengthened.

○ How to improve: To ensure greater relevance to the topic, the essay should
maintain a more focused discussion on the ethical considerations and
practical implications of using animals in medical research. Avoiding
tangential points and maintaining a clear link to the prompt would improve
coherence.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of
the argument and maintaining a clear position, there are opportunities for improvement in
providing more comprehensive analysis, supporting ideas with stronger evidence, and
ensuring greater coherence and relevance throughout the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

● Organize Information Logically:

○ Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic organizational

structure. The introduction briefly introduces the topic and the writer's opinion.
Body paragraphs discuss different viewpoints but lack clear transitions
between ideas. For example, the transition between discussing animals as
food and using animals in medical research is abrupt. The conclusion
attempts to summarize the main points but lacks a clear restatement of the
writer's opinion.

○ How to improve: To improve the logical flow, ensure that each paragraph
focuses on a single main idea related to the essay prompt. Use topic
sentences and supporting details to provide clarity and cohesion. Consider
using linking words or phrases (e.g., "on the one hand," "furthermore,"
"however") to connect ideas and create a smoother transition between
paragraphs.

● Use Paragraphs:

○ Detailed explanation: The essay consists of three paragraphs: introduction,

body, and conclusion. Each paragraph generally addresses a different aspect
of the topic but lacks strong internal coherence. For example, the body
 paragraph discussing the benefits of animals as food doesn't effectively
connect to the paragraph about animals in medical research.

○ How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure each paragraph

focuses on one main idea related to the prompt. Start each paragraph with a
clear topic sentence and support it with relevant examples and explanations.
For instance, the paragraph on the use of animals in medical research could
focus on the risks and benefits in separate sentences, followed by specific
examples.

● Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

○ Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as

pronouns ("it," "they"), but their use is inconsistent and sometimes confusing.
For instance, "it" is used to refer to different ideas within the same sentence,
which can lead to confusion. Linking words and phrases (e.g., "on the one
hand," "however") are used occasionally but not consistently throughout the
essay.

○ How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, ensure

pronouns have clear antecedents and are used consistently throughout the
essay. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas logically.
For example, use "furthermore" to add information and "however" to show
contrast. This will help improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the
essay.

Overall Feedback: The essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but lacks
consistent logical organization and clear use of cohesive devices. To improve, focus on
developing a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct idea.
Ensure cohesive devices are used consistently to guide the reader through the essay. With
these improvements, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Coherence and
Cohesion.

Lexical Resource
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

● Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates

a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "modern era," "vital
role," "indispensable," and "persevere." However, there is a notable repetition of
vocabulary throughout the essay, such as "animals" and "research," which limits the
variety and sophistication of expression. How to improve: To enhance the lexical
resource, consider utilizing a broader array of synonyms and advanced vocabulary to
convey ideas more precisely and engagingly. For instance, instead of repeatedly
using "animals," employ synonyms like "fauna," "creatures," or specific species
names where appropriate. Similarly, vary expressions related to "research" with
terms like "scientific inquiry," "investigation," or "exploration."

○ Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of

vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "modern era," "vital role,"
"indispensable," and "persevere." However, there is a notable repetition of
vocabulary throughout the essay, such as "animals" and "research," which
limits the variety and sophistication of expression.
 ○ How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider utilizing a
broader array of synonyms and advanced vocabulary to convey ideas more
precisely and engagingly. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "animals,"
employ synonyms like "fauna," "creatures," or specific species names where
appropriate. Similarly, vary expressions related to "research" with terms like
"scientific inquiry," "investigation," or "exploration."

● Use Vocabulary Precisely: Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs

vocabulary with precision, such as "staple food resources" and "balanced
ecosystem." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "a pattern in
a multitude of researches" and "perverse humans," which could be clarified or
substituted with more precise terminology. How to improve: Aim for greater
precision by using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For
instance, instead of "a pattern in a multitude of researches," consider rephrasing as
"integral components of numerous scientific inquiries." Similarly, replace "perverse
humans" with a more accurate term like "safeguard human interests" or "preserve
human welfare."

○ Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs vocabulary with

precision, such as "staple food resources" and "balanced ecosystem."
However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "a pattern in a
multitude of researches" and "perverse humans," which could be clarified or
substituted with more precise terminology.

○ How to improve: Aim for greater precision by using vocabulary that

accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "a pattern
in a multitude of researches," consider rephrasing as "integral components of
numerous scientific inquiries." Similarly, replace "perverse humans" with a
more accurate term like "safeguard human interests" or "preserve human
welfare."

● Use Correct Spelling: Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level
of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors detracting from comprehension. However,
there are some minor spelling errors, such as "rejecting famine" (suggesting
"preventing famine") and "perverse humans" (likely intended as "preserve humans").
How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading
techniques such as spell checkers and manual review to identify and rectify minor
errors. Additionally, expanding familiarity with commonly misspelled words and
practicing their correct usage can contribute to improved spelling precision.

○ Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling

accuracy, with no glaring errors detracting from comprehension. However,
there are some minor spelling errors, such as "rejecting famine" (suggesting
"preventing famine") and "perverse humans" (likely intended as "preserve
humans").

○ How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing

proofreading techniques such as spell checkers and manual review to identify
and rectify minor errors. Additionally, expanding familiarity with commonly
misspelled words and practicing their correct usage can contribute to
improved spelling precision.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

● Use a Wide Range of Structures:

○ Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence

structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However,
there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further to
enhance the overall sophistication of the writing. For example, while there are
instances of complex sentences, they are not consistently utilized throughout
the essay.

○ How to improve: To improve the range of structures, consider incorporating

more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences, relative
clauses, and passive voice constructions. This can help add depth and
complexity to your arguments. Additionally, vary the lengths of your
sentences to create rhythm and maintain the reader's interest.

● Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

○ Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of

grammatical accuracy, with few errors affecting comprehension. However,
there are some instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasings
throughout the essay. For example, there are issues with subject-verb
agreement ("we are suffering," "each day there are thousands of animal
tonnes") and awkward word choices ("since it supplies the staple food
resources for humans").

○ How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to

subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper word choice.
Reviewing grammar resources and practicing sentence construction can help
refine your skills. Additionally, consider using punctuation more effectively to
enhance clarity and readability. Be sure to proofread your work carefully to
catch and correct any errors before submission.