See this helpsheet and lots of other useful information at www.ntu.ac.
uk/wellbeing
MANAGING ANGER
Introduction
Just because you get angry does not necessarily mean you have a problem. Most
people have been angry at times in their lives. It is after all part of the natural
response that helps us to protect ourselves and others. Here are some examples
of when anger is helpful and healthy:
It gives us the courage to defend ourselves or those we love.
It motivates us to improve the world by inspiring social action and justice.
It confirms our individuality, especially when we are children.
It warns others not to take advantage of us.
The person who is not able to admit any anger risks depression, low self-esteem
and victimisation!
However, frequent or excessive anger is not useful; in fact it is likely to have a
negative effect on your health, to spoil your relationship with others and to limit
your life experiences and ability to achieve happiness. If you are concerned about
this, see if you have any of the following symptoms of excessive unhealthy anger:
A pattern of repeating the same anger words or deeds in particular
situations
An inclination to shout at people or to use violent words
A tendency to brood or fantasise about angry scenes with people
Inability to deal with difficult situations without becoming angry
A temptation towards or actual recourse to violence, possibly resulting in
trouble with the law
A reliance on getting angry to make you feel better
Substituting getting angry about a problem for solving or learning to live
with that problem
Anger–linked health problems, such as hypertension or digestive trouble
Being recognised as an angry person and so teased, appeased or feared
by others
Having a strong prejudice against strangers because of their race, gender,
sexuality etc
Avoiding situations because you fear your temper
Explaining Anger
There is no simple explanation why some people are angrier than others; some of
it might depend on our character or our early experiences. However the following
contributory factors definitely act to maintain the situation:
Habit – anger can become an automatic response to certain situations –
and this habit can be reinforced by others if they have become used to us
getting angry
Fear – anger can be felt as a response to situations that we fear will
overwhelm us if we do not go on the offensive
Shame - anger can spring from feeling that we have to fight to preserve our
dignity and sense of self-worth
Loss – anger commonly accompanies the sadness which goes with a
bereavement or severe setback
Lack of assertiveness – if you cannot speak up for yourself and get some of
your own way by negotiation you may find yourself exploding instead
Low frustration tolerance – when you go on the attack to deal with
situations that most people would just put up with
Response to past trauma – if you have been badly hurt in the past you
may, understandably, be reacting over-aggressively towards anything that
seems threatening in the present
As a symptom of psychological or physical conditions – conditions that
involve constant pain, changed hormone level or mental disturbance may
trigger anger.
What Can I Do About Managing My Anger?
There are three steps to anger management:
1. Understand the payoffs and triggers
2. Learn to calm yourself down in crisis situations.
3. Learn strategies to prevent anger rising in the future.
1. Understanding the pay-offs and triggers
Undoubtedly you will get some short-term benefits from your anger. Most of these
can be gained more effectively by other means such as assertiveness. However,
in the short term, you may have to experience discomfort as you lose some of the
immediate gains of anger such as-
I feel so much better afterwards
It makes people listen.
I feel more like myself when I’m angry.
If I didn’t get angry about things I’d just cry all the time.
When I show my anger then people know where they stand and that’s
good.
Anger stops me being afraid.
If I don’t show my anger then people will think I am a wimp.
Probably even as you read this you will begin to see that some of these things can
be achieved by other more healthy means.
Now decide what particular situations trigger your anger so that you can practise
staying calm when they next arise.
2. Calming yourself down in a crisis situation
The appropriate response depends on the situation e.g. whether you get angry
when alone or when in dispute with another.
Substitute activities
Describe the room to yourself around you in purely neutral terms.
Look at things, not people.
Think of things you have to do today.
Count to 10 (it does work!).
Avoidance
Repeat what the other person has said and ask for time to consider.
Leave if you think you might otherwise lose your temper or be violent.
Change brain rhythms
Play music to yourself and listen closely, if you don’t have access to music,
listen to it inside your head.
Take exercise of some type.
Relaxation
Alter your breathing: take deep slow breaths right down to your belly, and
as you breathe out, relax your face, hands, arms, shoulders and stomach
muscles. Pause before taking the each breath.
Change posture, let your arms rest by your sides, and roll your shoulders. If
appropriate, sprawl in a chair or even lie down.
Imagery
Imagine a relaxing scene
Imagine laughing at yourself and the situation later.
Imagine neutral scenes, especially ones with people in them, like a park on
a sunny day.
3. Learning Strategies to prevent anger arising in the future
Decide whether your anger is healthy or unhealthy (see above). If unhealthy:
Avoid stimulants such as alcohol or other drugs if you are working on a
long term solution
Read about the subject
Ask others who get less angry than you how they do it and try their ideas
Develop a generally more relaxed lifestyle and try to manage stress better
Challenge your angry thoughts
Beware of disguised anger such as in sarcasm or cruel jokes
Learn to assert yourself, maybe even go on an Assertiveness Skills course
Consider the past origins of your anger
Share your concern with a counsellor
Seek out specific therapy for anger with referral to a clinical psychologist or
psychotherapist who targets this problem.
Books
Managing Anger: Simple Steps to Dealing with Frustration and Threat Gael
Lindenfield. HarperCollins Publishing
Overcoming Anger and Irritability: A Self-Help Guide William Davies. Constable
and Robinson
The Anger Habit Workbook: Practical Steps for Anger Management Carl
Semmelroth. Writer’s Club Press
Assert Yourself: Simple Steps to Getting What You Want Gael Lindenfield.
HarperCollins Publishing
Resolving Conflicts: How to Turn Conflict into Co-operation Wendy Grant.
Element Books Ltd
Support/ Websites
SupportLine National Helpline for all emotional issues : Tel: 01708 765 200
www.SupportLine.org.uk
NTUSSSSCS July 2014
