Always Judge a Book by its

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H ow to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety
Do you love your cat? Well, no self-respecting cat mom or dad would let their baby grow up without a solid
grounding in gun safety.

Not only does this resource cover gun safety, which can be at times a difficult subject to breach with
your kittens, it also covers abstinence, drugs, and satanism!

Nine lives arent an excuse to be ignorant of the dangers as well as the ups and downs of living a
healthy and safe life, free from gun-related accidents.

With this book you’ll sleep easy, knowing Whiskers has all the tools that he needs to go out into the
world in a safe and positive manner.

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Outwitting Squirrels: 101 Cunning Stratagems
The full title is quite the mouthful. “Outwitting Squirrels: 101 Cunning Stratagems to Reduce Dramatically the
Egregious Misappropriation of Seed from Your Birdfeeder by Squirrels”

Do squirrels always seem one step ahead of the game to you? I know they did for me… but after this
book, I can call them thoroughly and utterly outwitted.

Honestly, I can say that now as I walk down the street, the squirrels turn their heads as to not make
eye contact. It’s truly a liberating feeling.

There are, as the title suggests a full 101 stratagems within these 240 pages, and honestly, it proves
itself to be the best guidebook out there since the 2nd, and 1st edition.

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Coloring Books!
H ow to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack
Crucial survival information when dealing with one of the world’s smallest menaces.

I’m going to even with you on this one, it wasn’t until reading this book that I discovered how menacing
these little creatures can be, at first you’ll see one, then two, three, five, eight, and just like a Fibonacci
tornado of tiny shovels and pickaxes you’ll be on your back foot dealing with a great uprising! You need
to nip it in the bud as soon as possible.

Identification is the first step to securing you and your family’s future, the garden gnome can be a
tricky beast but at the same time, you may find you’re often mistaking them for less aggressive
gnomes… at the end of the day the more information you have the better, which is why this book will
come in handy.

Last but not least, you’ll gain vitally important knowledge about the possible infiltration methods, and
before too long you’ll know just how to identify that the draft of air blowing through your house is a
sign of an intruder newly entered!

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Eating People is Wrong
The all in one book for the person on the fence.

So you’re considering eating someone!? You may have also read our previously reviewed “How to Raise
Your IQ by Eating Gifted Children” and been swayed by its convincing ways, well it’s almost certainly
time to consider other options, and this book will be your guiding light to finding them.

This book will take you through the many alternative, including regularly farmed vegetables and meats,
processed foods, and raw foods such as grass… you may find yourself delightfully surprised at the
options we have these days.

At the end of the day you are your own person, that said, a deep understanding of the philosophical
dilemmas related to cannibalism can never go amiss.

Eating People is Wrong on Amazon

Crafting with Cat Hair: Cute Handicrafts to Make
with Your Cat
Have you been storing your cat’s hair, waiting for your moment? Well, your moment is now.

Crafting with Cat Hair is the kind of page-turner that keeps you up at night. Not only will do I love it, but
my Cat (always loving the brush) also can’t put it down either.

Kaori Tsutaya goes above and beyond in the hunt for literary perfection, covering the topic from the
garden of Eden (gathering the cat’s hair) right through to the completion of the world (crafting cats
from your cats).

The Huffington Post says: “It caught our attention.” … and that’s all you really need to know before you
take the leap and join the immensely immense world of crafting with cat hair.

Crafting with Cat Hair on Amazon

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Crap Taxidermy
At the end of the day, there’s nothing interesting about good taxidermy.

It’s often overlooked that when you’re on your way to mastering an art, you have to sometimes make a
few crappy versions of, well, whatever you’re working on to get to the top. You won’t really be
surprised to find that taxidermy is no exception to this rule.
Now, if staring at re-animated animals like that weird guy in American Beauty does it for you, then
you’re in for a true treat, as Crap Taxidermy puts on display some of the strangest, weirdest, spine-
tingling, very often act-against-mother-nature level displays including many a one-eyed beast.

For me though, I consider this book the opposite of a coffee table talk piece. Something that will make
your guests perfectly uncomfortable, and make in-laws, who have known you for 10+ years begin to
question whether they ever “actually” knew you at all…

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The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America
You may be outwitted by the smart ones, but these ones are more in your grasp.

There is a difficult problem to solve in national parks, as people often leave behind (rudely I might add)
trash quite often near the trash cans, but surprisingly not always within them, as some of the bins
have bear proofing. A park ranger was quoted:

“There is a significant overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest people.”

This book is for those people (and those bears).

Seriously, if you’ve tried birding, but the red cardinal and the blue Herron look no different to you. The
nuance of focusing the binoculars escapes you, and you’re nearly giving up… now you can look at
birding from a whole different, slightly less sophisticated angle in a way that will bring you joy for the
rest of your life.

Also good for birder friends who are a little over the top. You know who they are.

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H ow to Raise Your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children
Children are the new Super Food.

The topic of cannibalism is not a sticky one. It’s pretty set in stone, so you won’t find any strange
information coming from me when it comes down to brass tacks… that said, in this world’s competitive
environment, you’re going to need to find an edge. And if you don’t, someone else will.

That being said, if you are the kind of person who likes to talk about their I.Q. … perhaps casually
bringing it up in conversation at the dinner table, parties, or generally silent rooms, then maybe there
is some useful information in here that might pique your fancy, and give you those extra few
intelligence quotient points, allowing you to topple the inferior squabble that is the humans of this
world.

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Microwave for One
Microwave cooking turned all the way up to 1.

If you’ve ever needed a reason to kick out your friends and treat yourself to a warm all the way
through, slightly soggy meal, well now you have one.

Microwave for One is really the book that put Sonia Allison on the map, some say she meditated alone
for in solidarity for an entire year, working her way into a trans-like state and accepting wholly and fully
what it is like to be one with the microwave, and then one by one ripped the recipe’s out of the void
and wrote them into this book.

Each day when I get hungry, I look to the skies and think to myself, “What would Sonia Allison do”, the
path quickly becomes clear, and a soothing wave washes over me as the gentle hum and rotation of
the microwave eases my troubled soul.

Microwave for One on Amazon

Extreme Ironing
For the adrenaline junky looking to get their fix in this modern crazy world.

If you’re like me, crumpled shirts are an absolute no-no, I won’t even leave the house with one.

Before I read this book I felt alone… when accidents happened, accidentally causing a crease in my
otherwise perfectly cardboard-esque flat shirt, I would retreat to safety in my home… now, I’ve seen
the light, and the light is all about carrying with you the tools to iron your shirts.

Be it on the steep rockface of El Capitan, or the blue depths of the Great Barrier Reef, I feel
comfortable knowing that I have the tools at my disposal to quickly, quietly and efficiently iron out any
crumples on my clothing, and in my life.

Extreme Ironing on Amazon

Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes
Deep down you feel it. The time is now. Take the plunge and raise your Crocheting to the next level.

Forget scarves. Forget Socks. Forget Sweaters. Forget anything Euclidean… from now on, it’s all about
non-Euclidean geometries.

Get those crocheting needles ready, because this book is the jumping-off point… no longer will you be
making useful items to keep you warm during the winter. Now you’ll be turning your left frontal lobe
into the thundering thermos that will keep you in a heated sweat for the rest of your life.

These creations will not only prove to be a mind-bending, awe-inspiring blob of fabric within your
home, but also a great talking point for your favorite mathematician friends.

Crocheting Adventures on Amazon

The Manly Art of Knitting
A man needs to know many things. On the top of that list, is the noble art of knitting.

Hey there cowboy. You’ve got the ranching part down, sheep are your game. Herding sheep, shearing
sheep, and selling that fine A grade wool. The wool goes to the stores, people buy the wool, people
knit with the wool, and when the winter rolls around, you’re buying your own wool back!?

With this book, you can cut out the middle man. Start with a scarf. Move up to gloves. Next the saddle.
These are life skills that will last forever.

Soon you’ll be the fastest needle twizzler in the west, and the world will look to you in awe.

The Manly Art of Knitting on Amazon

Dancing with Cats.
You’ve seen Dances with Wolves 1000 times. You never miss an episode of Dancing with the stars. Well, now
you’re ready for Dancing with Cats!

This book isn’t about that cat and mouse that’s between a cat and a mouse. It’s about the cat and
mouse that’s between a human and a cat. “Please for the love of all that is holy let me love you” would
be the words I would utter within my brain, trying to win the affections of my beloved cat.

I grew tired of the same ole tango, the same old two-step, the same regular cat and mouse and
invested in Dancing with Cats.

Now, my cat and I are two peas in a pod. Dance partners who start with ballroom as the sun goes
down… explore contemporary dance throughout the night, and bring the sun up with a powerful
foxtrot.

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Don't Sit On the Baby!
Often things come easier to some peope, and others, just have to learn the hard way.

Whether you’re considering a new life with a baby in it or reflecting on your days of carefree sitting,
there’s always something that can be learned.

Don’t sit on the baby is a practical guide to get you through those early days with some very clear do’s
(feed the baby) and dont’s (sit on the baby)… these are just a couple of little teasers if you want more,
and i can tell you do, you’re going to have to delve deep into the pages yourself!

Once you’re finished, you’ll have a book full of post-its and a solid understanding of how to get your
baby out of those baby years, and into those toddler years where you’ll find sitting on them is still not a
thing you should do.

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The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North
America
Are you considering a trip to Eastern North America? It would be a huge missed opportunity to go without
knowing how to identify the shopping carts of the local areas.

For those in the know, the differences between Eastern and Western North American shopping carts
are just night and day.

Honestly, I sometimes lie awake at night cringing at the cart misidentification of my past.

Those days are long behind me though, whether it be the northern four-wheeled whistler, to the
eastern tri-tailed wongler.

When it comes down to brass tacks, with this book, you’ll never be ignorant again.

The Stray Shopping Carts on Amazon

Be Bold with Bananas.
You’re bold with apples. You’re bold with oranges. Well now, its time to be Bold. With. Bananas!

An instant classic that will take you right back to its publishing date, 1974.

An instant beloved treasure that will open your eyes to the world of bananas.

An instant friend that will sit quietly on the bookshelf at your home… you’ll look across the room in a
small gathering and make gentle eye contact, and feel true comfort.

An instant memory, from the first time you open the book entering your new bold banana life.

And an instant life long wondering that will sit deep in your soul, as you wonder how you ever looked
at bananas as boring.

Bold with Bananas on Amazon

Identifying Wood
Yep, It’s Wood.

You may not know it, but you are surrounded by wood. Your Dining table and chairs? Wood. The walls
of your house? Wood. Literally every single tree? Wood.

Oh my, you’re realizing that your ability to identify wood might be a little more important than you first
thought!

Next, you’re going to learn that there are hard and softwoods… try to fathom the intense power you
would have if you could walk into a room and say “yep, that’s a soft cedar hybrid”. Phew, that’s a lot of
power that needs to be wielded with extreme care.

Now, I’m imagining the look on your face when, and this is a little spoiler, you then realize that the
book itself, in an act of meta genius that would truly make M. Night Shyamalan weep, is also MADE OF
WOOD. Yes, just like the mind-warping idea of the brain trying to analyze itself via the medical branch
of neurology, this wood is trying to explain to you who it is, and what it is all about!

Identifying Wood on Amazon

A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal
Deviates
The perfect guidebook for numbers 0 to 9 in random order!

When was the time you read a book that contained every single number in it… probably never!

Not only does this book contain 0’s and 1’s, but it also has 2’s and 3’s. In fact, it contains all ten
numbers that exist.

Now, the book touts that these digits are in completely random order, but some dark edges of the
internet believe there is a pattern in this book, waiting for someone with rain-man like abilities to truly
decode its secrets.

Each night, my young son lies eagerly for me to sit and in the most monotone voice read out these
numbers. A quick search says it will take approximately 12 days of straight reading to get to the end. I
expect to finish by the time he turns 23.

A Million Random Digits on Amazon

All That the Rain Promises and More
Trumpets, tuxedo’s, mushroom’s and more.

This beautiful pocket guide to mushrooms is one of the most confusing covers that have ever existed,
it can only be assumed that upon finishing the book, David Arora, who has has previous mushroom
based publications (that themselves have fully sensible covers) realized on his way to perform with his
local philharmonic, trumpet in hand reached out into the forrest and ripped up some mushrooms
taking careful care not to get any dirt on his freshly rented tuxedo and snapped a quick pic… sent it off
to the publisher and bam, straight onto the cover it went.

All things considered though, while “all that rain promised” this day was a neat and small guide to local
mushrooms, there is a lot of love to this practical guide. With this in your pocket you too should never
be too concerned or struggling to identify some special treats whenever you’re out with trumpet in
hand!

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Sun-beams may be extracted from cucumbers, but the
process is tedious.
The most boring book, for the most boring person.

As someone who prides themselves in collecting strange and boring books, I have to say, this one truly
takes the cucumber… but the process is tedious.

Now. If you love cucumbers, sun, beams, tedious processes, or have family in New Haven then there is
a chapter within this marvelous oration for you.

But for real, if you’re into 1800’s history, and have the true strength of will and mind to look past the
red flags that are the cover and title of this wonder, then you’re in for a treat; That is, a series of
manuscripts for your trouble, providing insights into the lives and troubles of people who would
definitely not read this if it was between that and eating 15 raw cucumbers in a row.

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Always Judge a book by its cover by Tim Holman

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