Scene 1
Song:
(Everyone start setting up places and everything mainly zanni)
Phoo-marie:There goes that couple, always hiding secrets
Agnetha: The master never does approve
Phoo marie: They scurry and they hide
Agnetha: Don’t worry they’ll be fine (Phoo Phoo and Agnes together)
Hailesberry: I swear I’m gonna marry this duke
(Zanni fall)
(Both carry a large basket with script in it)
(End Song)
Phoo marie: Oh wow, if they go around acting like they're ‘not’ a couple, their father Edgario will
find out.
Agnetha: And that's never a good thing.
(Lovers are holding hands when edgar comes quickly stop holding hands)
Edgar: OUT OF THE WAY! I must go to the post office to receive a letter from the lord.
Scene 2: Parlour room (living room)
(Hailesberry holding a mirror with a script)
(Her footsmaid Agnetha is beside her)
Hailesberry: I'm in love. With a man my father would not approve of. But I know he’s the one. Juan is
a great man, just not a rich man. Oh,he also wants me to marry some lord from somewhere.
Agnetha: (annoyed gestures) Oh really? (Acting sympathetic BUT we all know its acting) Oh my dear
that’s so sad. I think-
Hailesberry: I THINK-
Edgario: HELLO dear. (Hailesberry is annoyed because she was interrupted which is irony)(Agnes
holds in her laugh) I just got news about this Lord you will marry. His name is…(squints and
stutters) One-Onario and he’s this great warrior. He roams with a big sword
Hailsberry: A big sword? (Innuendo)
Edgario: And he duels the greatest knights
Hailsberry: He does sword fights? (innuendo)
Edgario: It will be great for our social standing (Edgar and Hailey do this like portrait pose and
Agnetha goes and takes a picture.) Now dear come with me, you will write a letter back to your
wealthy (pitch in voice needed) future husband.
Agnes: Ah yes, rich in gold and poor in charm!
(Agnes curtsies and leaves)
Scene 3: Bedroom
(Both folding clothes)
Juan: (Knock knock) Hello dear, (Agnes swoons) I’m guessing my dear Berry isn’t here. Well since
you're her maid, please wash these clothes will you? (Clothes aren’t even dirty so Agnes side eyes)
Agnes: Right, I’ll have these DIRTY DIRTY (hand brackets) clothes cleaned.
Juan: Thank you dear, best be on my way before the master of the house grace us with his presence.
(Rolls eyes)
Agnetha: I shall take these clothes to the washing room. Phoo marie, please continue folding her
attire.
(Agnes takes the suitcase and slips)
Scene 4: Corridor to bedroom
Agnes: These clothes do look rather defined for a hunk (pitch needed) of a man, and they do seem
to fit me… (looks around dramatically)
I don’t think anyone minds me wearing it for a while. (pretends wears clothes) Hmm this moustache
keeps slipping off, a little glue should help.
(Wears trousers on the wrong side so she's jumping frantically trying to get it of)
SHOOT THE TROUSER IS ON THE WRONG SIDE AND ITS NOT COMING OFF
(Hailesberry comes barging in)
Hailesberry: Oh Juan dear you’re here. I’ve had a rough day, father made me write a letter to this
lord again. But I would never choose anyone over you.
Agnetha: Well, that’s so sad. BUT I BEST BE ON MY WAY. (Start running away from hailey, off stage,
hailey runs after her while ranting )
Hailesberry: Dear, please don’t go. Life is terribly hard (just keep saying stuff)
Scene 5: Laundry room
Agnetha: AHHH HELP ME TAKE OFF THIS MOUSTACHE!
Phoo marie: WHAT DID YOU DO?
(Tries to pull of but fails multiple gags)
Phoo marie: WHY IS IT (struggle) ATTRACTED TO YOUR UGLY FACE!
Agnes: FIRST OF ALL I AM VERY PRETTY AND SECONDLY, I GLUED IT TO MY FACE!
Phoo marie: Oh great, WHAT DO WE DO NO-
Juan: WHEN WILL IT BE READY?!(Pacing around on the other side of the stage)
Phoo marie: Why is he screaming?
Agnetha: Come on!
(Agnes drags Phoo Phoo behind 2 boxes, both hide)
Juan: Soon, the woodcock near the gin will come, and everything will unfold nicely. (menacing
hands)
Zanni: (Look at each other) We’ve gotta tell Edgario.
Scene 6: Edgario’s room
Zanni: EDGARIO (Both start ranting and nothing is audible)
Edgario:What is going on?!
Zanni: Our lady is in trouble! Juan wants to take your money!
Edgario: WHAT?! MY MONE- I MEAN MY DAUGHTER IS IN DANGER? WHY DIDN’T TELL ME!
Phoo marie: They are in the parlour-
Edgario: WHAT ARE YOU SERVANTS STANDING STILL FOR! WE MUST GO NOW!
(All of them run corresponding to their character, edgar jogging and after a few steps already out of
breath, agnes & phoo phoo stumble everywhere funnily)
Scene 7; Living room (fight)
(Edgario marches over to Juan who standing with Hailsberry)
Edgario: YOU SCUMBAG! YOU-
Agnetha:WAIT!(Edgar looks at her annoyed) I gotta go to the loo first! Ok now you can start(Annoyed
but edgar gestures for her to go agnes goes and comes back)
Edgario: DARE TAKE MY PRECIOUS MONEY AND MY RI- (looks at hailey) oh right, my daughter!
Hailesberry: DAD! WHATEVER ARE YOU SAYING!
Juan: SCUMBAG? WHAT DID I DO? I SWEAR I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG!
Phoo marie: Are you sure? Cause I heard you plotting against my lady!
Juan: What reason would I have to harm MY dearest?
Hailesberry: Is this true dear?
Agnetha: THOU was talking about the “woodcock near the gin” and that “everything will unfold
nicely”(sarcastic tone)
Hailesberry: WHY…HOW COULD YOU?
Juan: (fidgets and looks uncomfortable) Well.. (takes out the ring box) I was talking with the jeweller
because.. I wanted to propose to you and get your father’s blessing. (smiles sheepishly)
(everyone gasps)
(Hailey swoons)
Hailesburry: Oh Ju-(interrupted)
Edgario: I WOULD NEVER LET A PEASANT WITH NO MONEY DATE MY DAUGHTER. SHE IS GOING TO
MARRY THE (aside) rich LORD!
Hailesberry: DAD WE ALL KNOW YOU DON’T CARE IF I’M HAPPY (fluctuation in the voice)(point to
herself)YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT MONEY(hands stretched out) AND JUAN IS THE MAN FOR ME.
Juan: Really? I LOVE YOU TOO. (Hailey faints)
Edgario: FINE! I don’t like it but if it will make you happy, I give you my blessing, as long as he starts
making money and doesn’t steal ANY of mine.
Juan: I will do my best for your daughter.(serious tone)
Edgario: I suppose being a commoner doesn’t necessarily mean you're after my mo-I mean my
rank.
Juan: What? No! It never meant that
Edgario: HERE! Take this (holds out money) as a blessing and an apology. (takes out a mere ten
bucks)
Juan: Thank you sir! (tries to take it from him but Edgario isn’t letting go)
Edgario: What are you doing? Take it boy! You're wasting my time! (hesitantly says it)
Juan: I’m trying to but you won’t let go?
Edgario: Typical commoner. If you don’t want it... YOU CAN’T HAVE IT!(sassy tone) (struts away)
Juan: BUT SIR! (chases after Edgario confused)
Song:
Juan: My dear, my love, Your hand in marriage.
Hails: I do, I do, I do accept it
Edgar: I now pronounce you both as love birds!
Agnetha:Now they have their-
Phoo marie: Happily ever end
Edgar: (groans)
Character:
Edgario: Master, a man who only cares for his money and riches, even sometimes forgetting his
daughter is in trouble. He only looks at the money.
Hailsberry: Lover, too infatuated with Juan but stands up for herself.
Juan: Lover, a commoner who is in love with Hailsberry. He usually words things wrongly so people
get confused about his true intentions.
Agnetha: Servant, a clumsy person who always messes and fools around with everything. Also loves
herself a good hunky man.
Phoo marie: Servant, is very serious about her job but is also clumsy. She is always trying to be as
useful as she can but her and Agnetha are the clumsy duo.
