A Family Life Education program

sponsored by

the Assembly of Catholic Bishops of Ontario

Grade 8
Copyright © 2011 Pearson Canada Inc., Toronto, Ontario.

All rights reserved. This publication is protected by copyright and permission

should be obtained from the publisher prior to any prohibited reproduction,
storage in a retrieval system, or transmission in any form or by any means,
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regarding permission, write to the Permissions Department.
Imprimatur: Thomas Collins
President of the Assembly of Catholic Bishops of Ontario

ACBO Education Commission

Bishop Gerard Bergie (Chair)
Bishop Paul Andre Durocher
Bishop Fred Colli
Bishop Ronald Fabbro
Bishop William McGrattan
Bishop Michael Mulhall
Father Remi Lessard
Sister Joan Cronin

General Editor: Sylvia Pegis Santin

Publisher: Patrick Gallagher

Fully Alive Advisory Committee

Mary Carr, Algonquin Lakeshore Catholic District School Board
Peter Crane, Peterborough Victoria Northumberland and Clarington Catholic
District School Board
Moira McQueen, Executive Director of the Canadian Catholic Bioethics Institute
Ralph Peter, Toronto Catholic District School Board
John Podgorski, Faculty of Education, University of Ottawa
Sandra Wilson, executive member of the Ontario Association of Parents in
Catholic Education

Grade 8 Contributors
Marcelle Edinboro, Simcoe County Catholic District School Board
Nicole Lynch Marwick, Simcoe County Catholic District School Board
Christopher Perchaluk, Simcoe County Catholic District School Board

The scripture quotations contained herein are from the New Revised Standard Version
Bible: Catholic Edition copyright © 1993 and 1989 by the Division of Christian Education
of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Used by permission.
All rights reserved.

Art Direction: Donna Guilfoyle/ArtPlus Limited

Cover design: Sarah Orr/ArtPlus Limited
Interior design: Sarah Orr/ArtPlus Limited
Formatting: Miriam Brant/ArtPlus Limited

1 2 3 4 5 – TC – 15 14 13 12 11

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 Table of Contents

Theme 1
The Wonder of Creation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
The Mind: Learning, Remembering, Reasoning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
The Mind: Creating and Feeling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
The Mind: Acting Freely . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
Character . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

Theme 2
Building Bridges . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30
Roots . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
Wings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43
Friendship . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50
Friendship and Stress . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54

Theme 3
The Gift of Sexuality . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
Male and Female: In Relationship . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67
Growth and Change . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72
Young People: In Relationship . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83
The Gift of Fertility . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92
True Love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102

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Theme 4
Commitment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108
Commitment to Others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 115
Commitment to the Future . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 123

Theme 5
A Common Project . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132
Understanding Justice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 137
Some Issues in Social Justice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 143
Growing Toward Social Justice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 156

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 1
Created and Loved
by God
Your hands have made and fashioned me;
Give me understanding that I may learn
your commandments.
Psalm 119:73

Theme One is about how amazing it is to be

a person—to be the wonder of creation.
It will ask and explore questions like:

What are the special powers God has given to us?

How do we become thinking doers?
What is character, and how do we develop it?
These are questions about what it means to be
human, and to have the ability to learn, to create,
to experience a great variety of emotions, and to
act freely. Understanding and developing these
abilities is an immense responsibility. It is in
fulfilling this responsibility that we become the
people God intends us to be.
 The Wonder of Creation
As usual, Jeff was the last person to enter the classroom.
Mr. Sato greeted him with a nod and held out his hand.“You have
something for me?” he asked.
Jeff dug into his knapsack and pulled out a stack of papers.
“Math homework, up to date,” he said, and handed them to Mr. Sato.
“Not bad, eh?”
“Not bad,” he agreed,“but I’d be more impressed if your work
appeared when it’s due. Diligence, Jeff. Look it up in the dictionary.
Something you need to work on.”

2 Theme 1 ©P
 In the morning Mr. Sato’s students are often greeted
with a Mind Alert—a question, a problem, or a puzzle. Mind Alert
“You’re here, so I know your bodies are awake, but I’m
not sure about your minds,” he explained at the beginning
of the school year.“So let’s start the day with something to
get those brain cells firing!”
Usually they spent the first few minutes of the day after
prayers and announcements on the Mind Alert, and today was
no different: “What would you choose as the Seven Wonders of
the World?” There was a lot of talking and laughing as they worked.
“Okay, time’s up,” Mr. Sato announced.
When the students compared lists, they were surprised at the
number of different answers. Some of them had named natural
wonders like Mount Everest and Niagara Falls. Others had included
buildings such as the CN Tower. Several thought inventions like the
internet and antibiotics ought to be on the list. One student insisted
that hockey was definitely one of the wonders of the world.
“Before we move on to math,” Mr. Sato said,“let’s check out the
seven wonders of the world in the encyclopedia. No homework
tonight if hockey is on the list!”

The oldest list of wonders of the world is

said to have been created in the 2nd century
B.C. Just one of these Seven Wonders of the
Ancient World remains—the Great Pyramid
of Giza. The Hanging Gardens of Babylon
exist in ruins, so we can only imagine the
other remarkable wonders that represented
the very highest human achievement.
Since ancient times, a number of other
lists have been created, including wonders of the medieval world
and several modern lists. In 2007, the Canadian Broadcasting
Corporation invited people to nominate a wonder of Canada, and
then vote on a short list drawn up from the nominations. After the
vote, a panel of judges chose the final Seven Wonders of Canada.
The list includes the canoe, the igloo, and the Rockies. Hockey
wasn’t on the list, but someone did nominate the Stanley Cup.

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 “The more we
learn about the
wonders of our
universe, the
more clearly
we are going
to perceive the
hand of God.”
(Frank Borman,
Astronaut)

The seven wonders of the world are marvels, but they exist only
because of a far greater wonder—the human powers of intelligence
and free will. These are gifts each person receives from God, who
created the universe and each one of us.
Human beings are thinkers, planners, decision-makers, and doers.
We imagine and create things that have never existed before. We ask
questions about the world and about ourselves—”Who am I? Why
am I here? What will make me happy?”We are conscious of ourselves,
of our existence, and of our thoughts and feelings. We live in the world
with others, and yet we also live in a private world inside our minds. We
are mysterious to each other, and we are often mysterious to ourselves.
We are the true wonder of the world—physical/spiritual beings
made for eternal friendship with God. Our capacity to know, to love,
and to act freely is the most powerful force on earth because it is a
reflection of the knowledge, love, and freedom of our Creator. We
are God’s representatives on earth and have been trusted with many
responsibilities: to develop and use our gifts to create goodness and
peace; to care for each other and for all creation; and to work for the
coming of God’s kingdom.
Thousands of books have been written about the powers of the
human mind, and yet there is much that remains unknown. The more
we do learn, however, the greater is our sense of awe and of gratitude
toward God, who made us the wonder of creation.

4 Theme 1 ©P
 THE VIRTUE OF Humilit y
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and
humble in heart, and you shall find rest for your souls.”
(Matthew 11:29)

How are we to make sense of this? We are the wonder of creation, but Jesus tells
us that if we are to find peace, we must learn to be gentle and humble in heart.
Yes, we are the wonder of creation, but a far from perfect wonder. Each of
us has limitations and weaknesses. Among these weaknesses is the sin of pride—
wanting to be first, to be noticed, to be best, to have power and status. The
virtue of humility is the necessary remedy for our pride.
To be humble is to acknowledge our weaknesses and failings, and to
recognize our dependence on God. True humility means putting God and
others ahead of ourselves. It does not mean denying our worth and talents, or
demeaning ourselves so that others will say, “What a modest person.” To act this
way to gain attention and praise is actually false humility, which is really pride.
The society in which we live does not promote humility. The message we
absorb is that fame, power, and wealth are what really matter. We are also
encouraged to ridicule and judge people we have never met when their flawed
behaviour becomes public. And we bring these attitudes to our own lives. We
put someone down to make ourselves feel powerful. We look for compliments
instead of pointing out the gifts of others. We use electronic communication to
gossip and spread rumours without thinking about the harm we can cause.
It is difficult to develop the virtue of humility in an environment that promotes
pride. The first step, as it is for all of the virtues, is reflection and prayer.

• Do I know my weaknesses and faults?

• Am I gentle with the people around me?
• Am I jealous of the strengths and talents of others, or do I appreciate them?
• Do I push myself forward or do I encourage others to step up?
• Do I judge other people far more often than I judge myself?

Once we answer these questions honestly, we can turn to God and ask for help
and healing.
During the Mass, just before we receive the Eucharist, we recall the words
the centurion said to Jesus: “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say
the word and I shall be healed.” We say these words with deep sincerity, but too
often forget about them once we have left the church. This prayer of humility is
meant to guide our lives.

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 The Mind : Learning,
Remembering, Reasoning
The human mind is often compared to a very
Mind Alert sophisticated computer. Some people even
refer to what a computer does as “thinking.”
That’s something like saying a telephone or a
tape recorder can “talk.” No computer, however
“smart,” has personality, creativity, or imagination.
Art, medical discoveries, music, literature, and
computer technology—these exist only because
of the amazing human mind. Among its powers
are the ability to learn, to remember, to reason, to
create, to feel, and to act freely.

6 Theme 1 ©P
Learning
From the moment of birth, we humans gather knowledge and skills. I Learn
But we don’t learn everything in exactly the same way. Sometimes
we are our own teachers; and sometimes other people instruct us.
• First-hand learning: Physical skills like skating or riding
a bike are good examples of first-hand learning. Another
person can describe how to ride a bike and encourage you,
but can’t teach you how to do it. You have to teach yourself
by practising until you finally master the skill. First-hand
learning is often described as trial-and-error learning.
You discover how to skate or ride a bike by trying, making
mistakes, and correcting your mistakes.

• Second-hand learning: The skill of solving a math

problem like long division is acquired by second-hand
learning. Another person showed you how to do it.
Secondhand learning—from people, books, television,
the internet—is much quicker than learning by trial
and error because it allows you to take advantage of
other people’s knowledge and skills.

Learning to get along with friends is usually the result

of both kinds of learning. For example, as children grow
up they learn the importance of co-operation from first-hand
experience with sisters, brothers, and friends. No co-operation
—no friends! The adults in their lives also try to teach them
by explaining what went wrong when they get into conflicts
and by offering suggestions. In this way, growing children
are able to take advantage of adult knowledge and skills.

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 I
Remember

Mistakes are a normal and important part of learning.

No one learns to ride a bike without falling or to do
long division without getting the wrong answer.
But there are times when mistakes get in the way
I
Remember of learning. When people don’t know what
they’re doing wrong, they can’t correct their
errors. It’s also hard to handle mistakes
when the result is criticism or ridicule.
In order to learn, people need a safe
environment where mistakes are
accepted, explained, and overcome.

Remembering
e
I Rememb r The ability to remember huge amounts of knowledge for a long period
of time is part of the gift of human intelligence. This capacity is called
long-term memory. No matter how much we put in long-term memory,
there’s always room for more.
Another kind of memory is called short-term memory, and its capacity
is quite limited. Items put in short-term memory don’t remain there
very long. For example, if you look up a phone number, it stays in your
short-term memory just long enough for you to make your call. But if
something distracts you, you will probably forget the number and have
to look it up again.
Many people think that a good memory is a special talent,
but it’s really a skill that anyone can develop with practice and an
understanding of how memory works. This is especially true for the
kind of memory work students do when preparing for tests.

Long-term memory is
something like a computer
hard drive with no limits
to its capacity.

8 Theme 1 ©P
 For example, Mr. Sato recently gave a science test, and two of his
students, Jeff and Meniki, did very poorly. Both students had studied
for the test and had no problem understanding the material. What
went wrong? Was this a case of memory failure?
In Meniki’s case, the problem wasn’t her knowledge. She had done
her homework regularly and had studied for several evenings before the
test. She had lots of well-organized information about the science topics
in her long-term memory, but she couldn’t retrieve it when she needed
it. The reason? She was too stressed by the test situation. Severe stress or
embarrassment can have that kind of effect on memory.
Jeff also had no problem understanding the material, but he rarely
completes his homework. Also, he set aside only one hour to study
for the test. Most of what he studied never made it into his long-term
memory, so it wasn’t there when he needed it. If you want to store I knew this! But
something securely in long-term memory, you have to: I went blank when
I saw the questions.
• care about remembering the information
• pay attention to it
• have frequent contact with it.

Jeff didn’t have enough contact with the science material.

Unless you’re a genius, it takes more than one hour of
studying to remember correct terms and be able to explain
concepts. If you want something to stay in your long-term
memory, you have to visit it frequently. That is why brief
reviews and regular homework are so important.

All that studying

and I couldn’t
remember a thing.

©P Theme 1 9
 Reasoning
o
I Reas n As children grow up and gain knowledge and skills through first- and
second-hand learning, they also begin to develop another aspect of
the mind—reasoning. Reasoning is the power to think in a logical way
and is the foundation for all complex learning. It allows us to combine
things we already know and arrive at new information.

Okay, there are two main suspects.

There’s Mr. Smith, but his wife swears he was
away on business when the crime happened.
Of course, she could be lying. Mr. Jones has
an airtight alibi, but the police still suspect
him. Why? So which one is it?

People who read mystery stories are familiar with how the
reasoning process works. The clues that are given as the story unfolds
are what they already know. The challenge is to combine these clues
to come up with something that isn’t known—the identity of the
guilty person. Most readers develop a hypothesis—an educated guess
based on the information gathered so far—about who committed the
crime. As they keep reading, however, they may discover new facts and
realize that their first hypothesis is wrong.
As people pass from childhood into adolescence, their ability to
reason and solve problems begins to change. Children can reason, but
only about concrete things—what they can see and experience. Also,
they are inclined to accept what adults tell them or what they read in
a book without questioning. Adolescents begin to reason about ideas,
and to think, not just about what is, but also about what might be. They
begin to question the information they receive. Are the facts correct?
Is there another way of looking at the situation? These new thinking
skills make life more complicated, but they also open up a new world
of future possibilities.

10 Theme 1 ©P
 I
Create

The Mind: Creating and Feeling

If the human mind did nothing more than learn, remember, and reason,
life would be something like a dull, gray day. Two other powers of the mind,
the ability to create and to feel, transform human life to one that is always
interesting and filled with colour.

Creating
Am I right
about the guitar
I Create
player? He’s a
creative genius!

Wow, that’s one

creative getup

Hey,
that’s really
creative!

The word creativity refers to a unique aspect of the human mind that
allows people to bring something new and original into existence. It might
be an idea, a solution to a problem, a painting, an invention, a poem, or a
musical or athletic performance. It could also be a recipe, clothing design,
advertisement, computer program, or game.
Is everyone creative? The answer is yes, because creativity is a
characteristic of the human mind. Not everyone has an unusual talent
for art, music or drama, but everyone can think creatively. Each person
is born with an amazing ability to ask questions, to invent, to discover,
to solve problems, and to create new ideas.

©P Theme 1 11
 People often describe creative ideas as coming in a flash of sudden
inspiration. But inspiration usually happens only to a mind that is
ready for it. Creativity is a process with several stages.
• Stage 1: Preparation—You immerse yourself in a particular area
and fill your mind with information and experiences. This stage
requires motivation, curiosity, persistence, and an open mind.
• Stage 2: Incubation—You reflect on what you have learned and
experienced. This goes on in your unconscious mind, which means
you are unaware of it. But new ideas are bubbling to the surface of
your mind, even when you’re doing something else.
• Stage 3: Inspiration—An original idea or solution to a problem
suddenly comes into your conscious mind. Sometimes people call
this an “A-ha” experience.
• Stage 4: Verification—You put your idea into action. If it’s a
solution to a problem, you find out if it works. If it’s a great idea
for a story, you begin to write.

Archimedes and the Bathtub

The most famous story about an “A-ha”
experience is that of Archimedes, an
ancient Greek mathematician and
inventor. The king of Greece gave a
goldsmith some gold for a new crown.
The goldsmith made the crown, but the king
wanted to be sure that he was honest. So the
king asked Archimedes to determine if all of
the gold had been used.
Archimedes struggled with the problem. Then, one
day when he was taking a bath, he noticed that the level
of the water rose when he got into the tub. “A-ha.” The solution came to him. He
could measure the amount of water the crown displaced, and then compare it with the
amount of water displaced by the amount of gold the king had given to the goldsmith.
According to the story, Archimedes leaped out of the bath and ran through the
streets, still naked, shouting, “Eureka!” (Eureka is Greek, and means “I have found it!”)
Now, that’s an “A-ha” experience.

12 Theme 1 ©P
Creative thinking often involves looking at a familiar situation or
problem in a new way.

In the summer of 1948, George de Mestral, a Swiss amateur inventor, went for a hike
with his dog. When they got back, both he and the dog were covered with burrs.
Mestral was intrigued by how stubbornly the burrs stuck to his pants. He decided to
put one of the burrs under his microscope, and examine its structure. He saw that it
was made up of small hooks. These hooks made it possible for the burr to grab on to
the soft loops of the cloth of his pants. At that moment, he had an “aha” experience.
He would create a two-sided fastener: one side would have hooks, and the other side
would have loops.
It took Mestral a while to get the right materials, particularly for the surface with
hooks. He also had to deal with people who didn’t think much of his idea. But he
persevered, and his invention, which he named Velcro, was finally patented in 1955.
Mestral created a company to sell his new fastener and became very successful.
Velcro is used in a large number of products, and is a convenient replacement for
fasteners like buttons, zippers, shoelaces, and buckles.

Many people have found burrs stuck on their

clothing after walking in the countryside. They may
have even wondered why they were so hard to remove.
But George de Mestral appears to be the first person to
ask the question: What is it about the structure of burrs
that allows them to stick to soft surfaces like fabric or
fur? His question led to the creation of a new fastener.

©P Theme 1 13
 “A soft answer turns away

I Feel Feeling
wrath, but a harsh word
stirs up anger.”
(Proverbs 15:1)

“The walls we build around

us to keep sadness out also
keep out the joy.”
(Jim Rohn)

“You cannot make yourself

feel something you do not “Any emotion, if it is sincere,
feel, but you can make is involuntary.”
yourself do right in spite (Mark Twain)
of your feelings.”
(Pearl S. Buck)
“The heart is half
a prophet.”
(Yiddish proverb)

“Feelings are much like waves;

we can’t stop them from
coming but we can choose
which one to surf.”
(Jonatan Mårtensson)

Grade 8 Student Survey 2010

What makes you happy? What makes you sad or upset?
1. friends 1. teasing, insults, disloyalty
2. family 2. death of family members
3. sports 3. feeling lonely or left out

14 Theme 1 ©P
Why do human beings have emotions? Where do they come from?
Are some emotions good and others bad? Wouldn’t life be simpler
without emotions?
But a human being without any feelings would be a robot, not
a person. Much of the richness of life depends on the ability to feel
deeply and to recognize that everyone experiences the same variety
of emotions.
There is no doubt that emotions create problems, particularly
anger, jealousy, embarrassment, sadness, or fear. Many people would
prefer to be a robot to avoid such feelings. Difficult emotions, however,
are only part of the story. There are also wonderful feelings like joy,
gratitude, wonder, curiosity, empathy, and a deep sense of belonging
and acceptance. All are part of the human story.
Emotions are our responses to events and people in our lives, and
to our own thoughts and memories. Emotions originate in the brain,
but are not thoughts. They are instinctive reactions to what is going on
around us and within us. We cannot control these reactions, but we do
have choices about how we respond to them.

Memory, Smell, and Emotion

Many people have had the experience of smelling something that brings back a vivid
memory. Often the memory is connected to strong emotions:

• A woman walked into a boarding school and suddenly burst into tears. She had
been a student at the school when she was 11 years old, and had been desperately
homesick. The smell of the school—a mixture of food being prepared and floor wax—
evoked the memory of her misery.
• A man was examining an old trunk at a yard sale. He opened the trunk and a strong
musty odour hit him. A clear memory came back—he was a boy again in the attic of
his childhood home with his brother and sisters. They were exploring the contents of
an old, musty wooden box that belonged to their grandfather. The memory of those
happy days gave him great pleasure.

Neuroscientists now know that memories evoked by smells tend to be more emotional
and detailed than other memories. There is a special connection between odours and
the limbic system of the brain, which is involved in the emotional lives of people. This
connection is thought to be the reason for the vivid memories people have when they
come in contact with certain smells.

©P Theme 1 15
 Strangely enough, it is often difficult emotions, like anger, jealousy,
or disappointment, that provide us with opportunities to learn more
about ourselves and to grow in self-discipline. In order for this to happen,
we have stop and ask ourselves some questions. They may seem like
easy questions, but many people have trouble answering them.

• What am I feeling?

Lydia Connolly, one of Mr. Sato’s students, is having a rough time.

Her older sister, Abby, is in the hospital with serious depression. The
doctors who are treating Abby want her to be monitored as her body
adjusts to some new medications.
Lydia knows how worried her parents are, so she helps
out at home as much as she can and spends time with her
younger brother and sister. What she refuses to do, however,
despite pressure from her parents, is to visit Abby.
“Why not?” her parents ask.“Abby keeps asking for you.
At least tell us why you won’t go!”
Finally, Lydia blurted out: “Because I want to yell at her!
I want her to stop this!”As the words came out of her
mouth, she wanted to take them back.

• Why am I feeling this way?

Lydia’s parents were surprised by her answer. So was Lydia. It is

not unusual, however, for people to be unsure about the reason
they feel irritated, annoyed, or really angry. This is particularly true
during adolescence when young people’s emotional lives are more
complicated than when they were children.

16 Theme 1 ©P
 Lydia is angry with Abby, but it’s very hard for her to admit it. Why
is she angry? The likely answer is that Abby’s illness is disrupting the
life of the family. The two younger children keep asking why Abby
can’t come home. Mr. and Mrs. Connolly are deeply worried and
exhausted. Lydia feels as if nothing will ever be the same again and
that frightens her. Abby, through no fault of her own, is the cause of
this situation. With her ability to reason, Lydia knows that it is unfair
to blame Abby, but her emotions are telling another story.

• How am I going to handle this feeling?

Lydia has already made one decision about how to handle her feelings.
She doesn’t want to yell at Abby, so she has avoided visiting her.
Fortunately, Mr. and Mrs. Connolly recognized how upset Lydia was,
and they stopped pressuring her to visit Abby. They also encouraged
her to talk to them about how she was feeling, and they let her know
that they understood why she was upset and angry.
Lydia still hasn’t visited Abby, but she has talked to her on the
phone and written her a letter. In her letter, Lydia explained that
she knew that it wasn’t Abby’s fault that she was ill, but she
wished that it wasn’t happening.

•••

©P Theme 1 17
 Lydia’s story offers some clues about handling difficult emotions.
• The first step is to stop and think, calm yourself, and avoid
expressing your feelings in a way that is harmful, not just to other
people, but also to you.
• Talk to someone—a family member, a close friend, a trusted adult,
or a counsellor. Sharing painful feelings doesn’t solve everything,
but does make the burden a little easier to carry.
• If someone has angered or hurt you badly, you may want to let the
person know how you feel. Almost always, it’s best to do this after
calming down and reflecting on the situation.

An important goal during adolescence is to become an emotionally

intelligent person. A number of researchers are convinced that
a person’s emotional intelligence is even more important than
intellectual intelligence when it comes to having a successful and
fulfilling life. What does an emotionally intelligent person look like?

Emotionally intelligent people:

• are self-aware and familiar with their own emotions.
• are aware of and tuned-in to the emotions of other people.
• have developed self-control over how and when to express their emotions.
• recognize when they are stressed and likely to overreact.
• don’t get worked up over small irritations. They know how to let them go.
• don’t hold grudges. They realize grudges are an unnecessary burden.
• know when it’s time to apologize and ask for forgiveness and do it sincerely.

Can you think of other characteristics?

No one goes through life without the experience of anger, sadness,

or disappointment. It is possible, however, to respond to these feelings
in a healthy, intelligent way, one that respects our dignity as persons.
God created us as emotional beings. Emotions are a gift, not a burden.
They are at the heart of our most important relationships.

18 Theme 1 ©P
The Mind: Acting Freely
Mr. Sato’s students were involved in a number of different actions today:

• Jeff went to the mall after

school and met up with a
bunch of older boys he knows.

• Meniki went home

after school, talked to
• Lydia made plans with
her mom for a while,
Megan to go shopping
and decided to start her
on Saturday for jeans.
homework before dinner.

• Megan teased
Michael about being
a big know-it-all.

• Joe told the teacher who coaches • Michael got into an argument
the baseball team that he was with Mr. Sato about his mark
going to quit. on the science test.

©P Theme 1 19
 Acting Freely
I Act As we go about our lives, we usually take for granted our uniquely
human capacity to act deliberately and freely. One way of describing
human beings is to say that we are meant to be “thinking doers.”We
reflect, make decisions, and then act. To be truly free, however, we
have to be in conscious control of our thoughts, emotions, and actions.
Take Jeff for an example. He went to the mall to meet up with
some boys he knows. Yet, earlier in the day when he got his science
test back, he had decided to do something about his grades and stop
hanging out at the mall. By the time he left school, however, this
decision was put aside.
Jeff’s behaviour would not surprise people who study the human
brain and its development. The term they use for a person’s ability
to exercise conscious control over his or her actions is the executive
function of the brain. Like the captain of a ship or the president of a
company, the executive function of the brain decides what is to be
done, gives instructions on how it is to be done, and then carries out
the decision.

frontal lobe

prefrontal cortex

Research shows that the areas of the brain most involved in the
executive function are the frontal lobes, especially the prefrontal cortex.
As it happens, these areas of the brain are among the last to develop.
This research also indicates that the development of the prefrontal
cortex is not complete until humans reach their early 20s.

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 You know
Let’s look inside Jeff’s brain Okay, I know what? How much
and read his thoughts: I need to spend less time difference is one day
at the mall. That’s it. No going to make? I’ll
mall. Home after school, do extra homework
I have to do get the work done. tomorrow.
something about my marks,
or my dad’s going to be on
my case as well as Mr. Sato.
School all day, go home,
more work. Boring.

Jeff’s executive function wasn’t working very well.

He briefly thought about the consequences of bad
marks, and then complained about working all day
at school followed by more work at home. Then he
made a decision—home, study, no mall. At the last
minute, however, the decision disappeared. The mall won.
When strong emotions are involved, and Jeff’s were, it is even more
difficult to exercise conscious control over actions. Schoolwork bores Jeff
and hanging out at the mall energizes him. He’s on top of the world—
cracking jokes, bragging, and relishing the feeling of being accepted.

©P Theme 1 21
 Well,
what did you expect Sorry, it was a
with my immature failure of my brain’s
prefrontal cortex? executive function.

It might appear that research on brain development has provided a

great excuse for making impulsive and sometimes risky decisions. But in
Mr. Sato’s class there are a number of students the same age as Jeff who
are much more self-disciplined. Why is this so? Here are a few possibilities:

PERSONAL HABITS—Habits are acquired behaviour patterns that become

almost automatic. This could be something as simple as looking both ways
before crossing a street, a behaviour that is drilled into young children.
The value of habits is that they are almost automatic. Among the
important habits to develop are:
• self-discipline (doing what needs to be done without urging or nagging)
• self-control (keeping behaviour and impulses in check)
• a sense of personal responsibility (recognizing and accomplishing the
daily tasks of life).

In Mr. Sato’s class, Meniki and Michael stand out as self-disciplined

students. They have a regular time for doing homework and a strong
sense of responsibility. In contrast, Jeff is disorganized. His lack of good
habits is interfering with his ability to meet the challenges of developing
his mind, maturing emotionally, and gaining conscious control over his
decisions and actions.

PERSONALITY—Some people are outgoing; others are quiet and

reserved. Some are easily stressed; others are easy-going. Some are
self-disciplined and orderly by nature; others are impulsive and act on
the spur of the moment.

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 Every personality has limitations. Michael,
for example, is orderly and self-disciplined, but he
tends to be a perfectionist and judges others by his
standards. As a consequence, he has few friends. Jeff is very
different. He’s messy, talks a lot, doesn’t work, but is generally
liked by his classmates. Unlike Michael, Jeff’s personality is
spontaneous and rash. He acts first and then thinks.

FAMILY—Some families are orderly, others are not. One family may
place a high value on doing well in school. Another may concentrate
on sports or music. Some are lively and talkative, and some are quiet.
All families, however, can help their children by encouraging them to:
• take on appropriate responsibilities as they grow up
• recognize that all decisions have consequences
• make some decisions for themselves
• review their decisions when something goes wrong
• learn from past mistakes.

Jeff has not had much of this kind of encouragement. Jeff’s father is
a sports reporter, so he often works late, and his stepmother works as
a real estate agent. They care about Jeff, but they aren’t around enough
to recognize what he needs in order to develop as a responsible person.

FRIENDS—The experience of friendship contributes enormously to

each person’s development. But there are times when the desire to
belong can interfere with making responsible decisions.
Jeff’s recent friendship with a group of boys who hang out at the
mall is a problem. The boys are older than Jeff and their main interests
are bragging about cutting school, drinking, and shoplifting. Their
attention flatters Jeff. Instead of encouraging him to be who he is—a
Grade 8 student who needs to learn how to make good decisions—
this group is pushing him in the opposite direction.

©P Theme 1 23
Character
We are the only creatures on earth who can act freely and make the choice
to accept or to reject the invitation to be fully human. A cat has to behave
like a cat. A dog has to behave like a dog. Human beings do not have to
behave like humans. In fact, the word “inhuman” is often used to describe
persons who act in a ruthless and cruel way.
We are free to strive for goodness and service to others or to strive for
pleasure and power. We are free to make choices between right and wrong,
and as we do, we create our character. Character is a person’s moral self.

24 Theme 1 ©P
 Unlike personality, character is built over a lifetime. Parents and
other adults begin to teach children about right and wrong when they
are very young—share your toys, don’t hit people, say you’re sorry, tell
the truth. Since children have very limited opportunities to act freely,
their lives are fairly straightforward.

©P Theme 1 25
 Life gets more complex as children grow up. Young people have
more freedom to make their own decisions, so they have to take
more responsibility for themselves. It could be a lot
of fun, and it could
The essential tools for developing character are four virtues,
be a lot of trouble.
known as the cardinal virtues. The word cardinal comes from
the Latin word, cardo, which means “hinge.” All other virtues
depend on (hinge on) these four virtues: prudence, justice,
fortitude, and temperance.

PRUDENCE—The virtue of prudence is the habit of making

wise decisions in our daily lives, decisions that we make
according to reason. In order to do this, we have to:
• keep in mind our past experience
• realize when we need to get advice about a decision
• put our knowledge into action and make the decision.

Over time, learning to make prudent decisions—identifying

the right thing to do and doing it—becomes a habit.
• Someone in your class invites you to a party that you
know won’t have much adult supervision. You’ve never
been invited before, your parents are away that weekend,
and your aunt, who’s going to stay with you, doesn’t ask
a lot of questions. What is the prudent decision in this
situation? Why?

If I help the JUSTICE—To develop the virtue of justice, we have to

group, how will it give to each person what is due to him or her. Justice
affect my mark? requires that we live in right relationship with others.
This includes respect for a person’s property, honesty
in our dealings with people, and willingness to meet
our commitments.
• You are part of a small group of students working
on a science project. The teacher’s instructions are
to discuss the project and then decide which part
of the project each person will work on. Science is
your best subject and you have some good ideas for
the project. You aren’t sure, however, if you want to
share them with the group. What is the just thing to
do in this situation? Why?

26 Theme 1 ©P
 I’m going to
FORTITUDE—Fortitude is the virtue that allows us to be lose no matter
strong in the face of difficulties and injustices. It is often what I do.
described as courage or bravery. Perseverance is an
important part of fortitude—sticking to something
even through setbacks and disappointments.
• You are part of a group of students who have
very definite ideas about who’s in and who’s out.
Recently, the group has been circulating rumours
about another student in the class. You have
participated, but aren’t comfortable with it. If you
speak up, however, it could cause problems. What
is the courageous thing to do in this situation? Why?

TEMPERANCE—Temperance is the virtue

What’s wrong
with online that guides our desire for pleasure. Instead
games? of giving in to temptation, we use our
ability to reason to restrain ourselves. Self-
indulgence is the opposite of temperance.
• You spend a lot of time playing online
games and surfing the web. In fact, these
are your main non-school activities. You
make resolutions to get involved in other
things, but never keep them. Your dad has
threatened to take the computer away,
but he’s said that before and never done
it. What is the temperate thing to do in
this situation? Why?

These cardinal virtues are the foundation of good character. It takes

time to develop them, and a lot of reflection. What is the right thing
to do? What is my conscience telling me? Conscience is the ability to
make a judgment about the rightness or wrongness of something we
are planning to do or have already done. To make a good moral choice,
our conscience has to be educated. We need to form our conscience by
learning from scripture, the teachings of our Church, and the advice of
trusted adults.
•••

©P Theme 1 27
 It is an immense responsibility to be human­—to be the wonder of
creation—and have the freedom to determine how to live. There is
much to discover, many new experiences to explore, and countless
choices and decisions to make. Adolescence is a time for learning
how to use the gift of freedom wisely. You will make some mistakes
and there will be moments when you feel completely discouraged.
This happens to everyone. But there will also be times when you meet
challenges successfully and can take pride in yourself and in your
growing maturity.
God created you, and loves you because you are
you. Your life is a gift that can never be repeated. You
have the freedom to accept this gift and become the
person God intends you to be.

“Almighty God influences

us and works in us through
our minds, not without them
or in spite of them.”
(Cardinal John Henry Newman)

28 Theme 1 ©P
 2
Living in Relationship
Love one another as I have loved you.
John 15:12

Theme Two is about living in relationship with

others. It will ask and explore questions like:

Why is loneliness so painful?

How do families help children mature?
What is the role of friendship in our lives?
Why is friendship difficult at times?
These are questions about what it means to be
persons who are intended to live in relationship
with others. We are created for love, and are
meant to open ourselves to others so that together
we might become part of each other’s lives.
Building Bridges
Mind Alert
“Take a moment to reflect. Then jot down your thoughts,”
Mr. Sato said.“Five minutes, people.”
Meniki made a few doodles in her
notebook. All she could think was that
she didn’t feel lonely at home, but she
did at school. No one was mean,
but the people in her class just
didn’t seem to notice her.
Maybe it was her fault.

Joe looked at the Mind Alert and thought about his cousin Rick,
who left home three months ago after a big fight with his father. Joe
can’t understand why his uncle refuses to talk about it.“Doesn’t he
care?” he asked his mother.“Doesn’t he wonder where Rick is?” “He
cares,” she said,“but he’s stubborn and won’t admit how worried he is.
Rick is just like him. Two hard hearts, hurting themselves and the rest
of the family.”

30 Theme 2 ©P
 Lydia thought about her sister. When Abby got ill,
it was as if there was a big wall around her and no one
could reach her. It hurt to think about how lonely her
sister must have been.

Michael sighed when he read the Mind

Alert. He much preferred problems to solve,
not stuff about feelings. He wrote in his
notebook,“I have no idea if it’s true or not.
It’s just someone’s opinion.”

©P Theme 2 31
 Megan thought about her best
friend, Lydia, when she read the
Mind Alert. Megan is trying hard to
understand how upset she is about
her sister. But sometimes it feels
as if Lydia is somewhere else
when they’re together.

Jeff wasn’t sure what it meant to build a bridge—

to be close to someone? He used to spend a lot of
time with his dad after his mother died. Now it seems
as if he hardly ever sees him. Jane, his stepmother,
is also busy with work. Coming home to an empty
apartment isn’t much fun.
The class spent a few minutes discussing
Mr. Sato’s Mind Alert. Most of the students agreed
with it, but there were some disagreements too.
“Sometimes,” one of the students pointed out,
“people are lonely because of the way they’re treated.”
“You mean if other people ignore them?”
Mr. Sato asked.
“Yeah, or are really mean to them.”
“That’s true,” Mr. Sato answered.“I think what
you’re saying is—sometimes people are lonely
because other people build walls instead of bridges.”

32 Theme 2 ©P
 Where there’s a Wall
where there’s a wall
there’s a way
around, over, or through
there’s a gate
maybe a ladder
a door
a sentinel who
sometimes sleeps
there are secret passwords
you can overhear
there are methods of torture
for extracting clues
to maps of underground passageways
there are zeppelins
helicopters, rockets, bombs
battering rams
armies with trumpets
whose all at once blast
shatters the foundations
where there’s a wall
there are words
to whisper by a loose brick
wailing prayers to utter
special codes to tap
birds to carry messages
taped to their feet
there are letters to be written
novels even
on this side of the wall
i am standing staring at the top
lost in the clouds
i hear every sound you make
but cannot see you
i incline in the wrong direction
a voice cries faint as in a dream
from the belly
of the wall.

Joy Kogawa

©P Theme 2 33
 To love one another as God loves us is the greatest challenge in our
lives. We are meant to open ourselves and allow other people to be
part of our lives, just as we are meant to be part of theirs. When we
build walls instead of bridges, we are rejecting the image of God
within us. This is why the experience of loneliness is so painful.

It takes time to develop a relationship. Most of us know a lot of

people, in the sense that we recognize them, say hello, and perhaps
spend a little time together. It could happen that some of these people
become our friends. Others remain acquaintances.
Only a few of our relationships can be described as close and
intimate. These are the relationships that are truly personal and have
an influence on our identity. They become part of who we are. That is
why, in one sense, a close relationship can never really die. It leaves its
mark on us; it is a chapter in our life history.

34 Theme 2 ©P
 THE VIRTUE OF Mercy
“The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger,
and abounding in steadfast love.”
(Psalm 145:8)

Mercy is essential for living in relationship with others. Without this virtue,
people become hardhearted, and they build walls instead of bridges.

• They respond to conflict, not with forgiveness, but with retaliation.

• They think people who do wrong deserve to be punished, especially someone
who offended them.
• They believe people should solve their own problems and not inflict them
on others.
• They hoard grudges and keep them alive as long as possible.

The virtue of mercy points us in another direction. Mercy guides us to have gentle
hearts, hearts that are open to others. People with open hearts build bridges.

• They respond to conflict by finding a way to forgive and to mend the relationship.
• They realize the desire to punish can be motivated by revenge, not justice,
and try to find another way to respond.
• They make an effort to listen to people who are upset or worried.
• They try to let go of grudges, because angry feelings harden their hearts.

Jesus became one of us to show us how to reflect the goodness of God in our
lives—to be gracious and merciful toward others, slow to anger and quick to
forgive, and ready to open our hearts to the people around us because we
recognize that they also are made in God’s image.
The virtue of mercy involves both our feelings and actions. When we see
someone who is suffering, our hearts are moved. We want to remove the
suffering from the person’s life. We know we can’t, so we put our feelings
into action in the hope we might help in some way. It might be as simple as
spending time with someone in need, raising funds after a disaster, or making
an effort to see the people around us, especially those who offend us, with
more open hearts.
Each one of us is in need of God’s mercy. When we look upon each other
with open hearts and act with mercy, we are truly a reflection of our Creator.

©P Theme 2 35
 Roots
A plant cannot grow without rich soil for its roots, sunshine, and
water. In the same way, a developing person cannot flourish and
mature without love and attention from others. For almost all people,
this happens in a family. Families are meant to provide growing
persons with secure roots for their lives.

“There are two lasting bequests

we can give our children:
One is roots, the other is wings.”
Hodding Carter

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 The best possible way to reach full maturity is to grow up in
a loving family. This does not mean a perfect family, one with no
conflicts or difficulties. All families have some difficulties and go
through stressful times. What matters is that family members care
about each other and are committed to each other no matter what.
When this basic commitment is lacking, children’s freedom to
develop as whole human beings is seriously limited. This obstacle,
however, does not have to be permanent. Some people who have
grown up in very difficult family situations have overcome their past.
They have learned to depend on trusted friends, to ask for help when
they need it, and to believe in God’s love for them. With faith and
courage, they have prevailed, and are able to give their own children
the love and care they were denied when they were growing up.

Victor Malarek
Victor Malarek’s father was an alcoholic who abused his wife.
When his parents first separated, Victor was seven and was
sent to live in a foster home. Several years later he and his two
brothers were placed in Weredale House, a home for children
who were delinquent or came from families who could not
care for them. Victor spent three and a half years at Weredale,
and learned more than he ever wanted to know about
beatings, humiliation, neglect, and fear. During all this time,
he had only one desire: to be back home with his parents.
When Victor did return home, he was an angry and bitter
young adolescent. His parents were together again, but the family
continued to have serious problems. By the time Victor was seventeen he
had been arrested for armed robbery. But the judge who heard his case
looked beneath the tough surface and saw a boy who had been badly
hurt. He took a chance on Victor and made the decision not to send him
to jail. At that moment, Victor began to turn his life around.
Today, Victor Malarek is a successful journalist who has worked
for The Globe and Mail, the CBC and CTV. In his autobiography, Hey,
Malarek! he names two factors that helped him overcome the violence,
disruptions, and disappointments of his childhood: his unshakeable
belief, despite everything, in his parents’ love, and the role of religion
in teaching him the difference between right and wrong.

©P Theme 2 37
 Victor Malarek’s story touches on two aspects of abuse of children.

Alcoholism—When children grow up with a parent who is alcoholic

they are deprived of basic care and security. Since alcoholics are often
unpredictable and unreliable, their behaviour teaches their children
a very destructive lesson: don’t trust or depend on anyone because
they may fail you. If the alcoholic parent is also physically abusive, the
situation is all the more frightening.
Children of alcoholic parents experience a variety of emotions:
helplessness, embarrassment, anger, guilt, and fear. They cannot
safely invite friends to their home, and often have to assume family
responsibilities that should be handled by adults.
Until the person with the problem is willing to admit it, he or she is
not going to change. But other members of the family can get help for
themselves. Hospitals, addiction centres, and Alcoholics Anonymous offer
programs for spouses and children of alcoholics.

Physical Abuse—Parents who are physically violent toward members of

their family—children or spouses—cause far more than just physical pain.
They inflict deep emotional and spiritual wounds. Their children are denied
the right to feel safe within the family, and, by example, are taught that
violence is an acceptable way of handling frustration and anger.
The pattern of violence cannot be broken until someone asks for
help—and that takes a lot of courage. Child protection and family service
agencies can assist family members to put an end to the violence.

•••
When people grow up in abusive families, it is hard for them to imagine
that family life can be loving and happy. As they become adults, they
often look back and feel that a great injustice was done to them. They
are right—any kind of abuse in the family is wrong. They have been
deprived of a safe and caring family environment, which is the birthright
of every child.
Sadly, as abused children reach adult years they are at risk for
continuing the pattern of abuse they learned in their families. For some,
their capacity to create a loving family environment, handle stress, and
control their anger is damaged. This is why it is so important for children
who are suffering abuse to tell a trusted adult. It takes great fortitude
to do this, particularly if the abuser has made threats about what will
happen if anything is said. If the first person they tell isn’t helpful, then
they must find another person. Abuse has to stop somewhere. And the
harm it causes can be healed.

38 Theme 2 ©P
Families: One of a Kind
Just as persons are unique, so are families. They differ in size, structure,
customs, history, and interests, and in the mix of personalities of family
members. They also differ in the challenges they face.
All families have difficulties, but some have to deal with very tough
situations, such as building a life in a new country, unemployment,
poverty, addiction, divorce, serious illness, or the death of a family
member. Big challenges require a strong commitment from all family
members to persevere, remain hopeful, and trust in God’s love.
Most of the families of Mr. Sato’s students have the usual worries
and difficulties all families experience. But some of them face big
challenges. Here are four of their stories.

MENIKI DA SILVA’S FAMILY—Meniki’s parents came to Canada

in the early 1980s, where Meniki and her younger brother, Roshan,
were born. The marriage of Meniki’s parents, Kumera and Nimala,
was an arranged one. Their families knew each other and thought
they would make a good match. It turned out that they were right.
Meniki’s father, a chemical engineer, is part of a team that
evaluates the impact of projects on the environment. He is quiet,
serious, and tends to worry. Meniki’s mother doesn’t work
outside the home, but is active in promoting Sri Lankan culture.
Unlike her husband, she is lively, talkative, and laughs easily. Roshan,
their son, is like her—outgoing and full of stories.
Getting a good education and doing
well in school are very important to
Mr. Da Silva. He asks his children
many questions about school,
checks their homework, and
expects high marks. His wife
has been trying to tell him
that he is putting too much
pressure on them, but so
far, he doesn’t seem
to be listening.

©P Theme 2 39
 JOE MORANO’S FAMILY—Joe’s family includes his mother, Angela,
his 16-year-old sister, Linda, and two younger brothers. Joe’s father
abandoned the family six years ago. He used to turn up once in a
while, but hasn’t contacted the family in the last two years.
Joe’s parents married when they were very young. Mr. Morano
had trouble keeping a job because of his gambling and bad temper.
As the children were born, his responsibilities overwhelmed him,
and he solved the problem by walking away.
The younger boys hardly remember him, but Linda and Joe do.
Linda hates everything that goes with being poor—being on welfare,
trips to the food bank, and no spending money when she’s out with
friends. She blames her dad for all this, but still wishes he would come
back. She remembers him singing to her as she fell asleep when she
was a little girl.
Joe is angry with his father, too, but unlike Linda, he wants his dad
to stay away forever. It was much worse when he would come back for
a while, leave again, and then come back again. Joe hated how hard it
was on his mother.

MEGAN BAUER’S FAMILY—Megan is an only child and was adopted

by her parents when she was a baby. She has cerebral palsy, a condition
caused by brain damage around the time of birth that affects control
of muscles and coordination. She walks with canes and her speech is
slow and sometimes a struggle for her.

40 Theme 2 ©P
 Megan’s parents, Anne and Tom Bauer,
married when they were in their early 40s.
A year later, they adopted Megan. Mrs. Bauer
had grown up with a sister who had severe
disabilities and this motivated her to become
a doctor and specialize in brain injuries.
Megan is realistic about her physical
condition and isn’t embarrassed to ask for
help when she needs it. She is outgoing
and self-confident. Her parents have
encouraged her to see herself as a person
with a disability, not a disabled person.
They are proud of her positive attitude
and her perseverance.

MICHAEL CORMIER’S FAMILY—Michael lives with his parents,

Paul and Adele, and his younger brother, Paul. His father is an
accountant and his mother illustrates children’s books.
Ten years ago, Mrs. Cormier’s older sister, Elly, was diagnosed
with chronic leukemia, which is a cancer of the bone marrow
where blood cells are made. When her disease began to worsen,
the Cormiers asked her to come and live with them.
Michael and Elly became good friends. Unlike most
people, she had a way of drawing him out, and even
got away with teasing him, which astonished his
parents and his younger brother.
A month ago Elly moved into a hospice
wing of a hospital. The family visits her
frequently, visits that Michael finds very
difficult. His parents recognize that Elly
is not going to live much longer, but
Michael does not want accept it.
•••

©P Theme 2 41
 In 2006, there were almost five and a half million Canadian families
with children living at home. Like the families of Meniki, Joe, Megan,
and Michael, each of these millions of families has a unique story
to tell.
Yet despite their many differences, all these families face the same
challenge—to nurture their children and help them become mature
adults with deep roots that will provide stability and strength in
their lives.

42 Theme 2 ©P
 ask
S op h i a
Wings
a s kcolumnist. As you can see from these questions she
a s k Sophia is an advice
h i a S notp
received, it’s o h i aeasy for young people or parents during the
always
S op early years of adolescence. How would you respond to these questions?

sk ask
phia S op h i a My parents just don’t get it. Things have changed a lot since they were
growing up. Almost all the people in my class have much more freedom
than I have. They buy the clothes they want, not what their parents want.
They don’t have to answer a lot of questions about where they’re going or what they’re
doing. I think I’m old enough to make my own decisions about where I go and what
I do. I’m a good person and it’s my life, not theirs.    Heather

•••
I’m having a problem at school. A bunch of guys in my class are giving me a hard time.
I used to be friends with them, but this year they’re into stuff I don’t want to do. I lose
no matter what I decide. If I go along with them, I’m going to get into trouble. If I don’t
go along with them, they’ll freeze me out. I can’t talk to my parents about this because
they’ll freak out. First, they’ll tell me I have to do the right thing, which I already know.
Then they’ll probably call the principal and make a big deal about it.    Matt

•••
I am totally baffled. It seems like overnight my 13-year-old daughter has turned into a
stranger. She disagrees with everything I say, argues about the smallest things, and is
disrespectful. We used to be so close, and now she acts as if she hates me. I’m trying
to be a good mother, but I’m obviously failing.    Susan

•••
My 14-year-old son got drunk at a party. On his way home, he fell asleep on the bus,
and the driver couldn’t wake him. The driver called an ambulance and my son was
taken to the hospital. He’s going to be okay, but I’m not sure I will. Part of me is furious
with him for being so stupid and the other part of me is terrified by what could have
happened. How do I handle this situation?    Frank

©P Theme 2 43
Roots keep us grounded. Wings let us fly.
Becoming a mature person is
something like learning to fly, although
it takes much longer for a person than it
does for a bird. Baby birds usually have a
few hard falls from the nest before they
master the skill, but within several weeks,
they’re accomplished fliers. For humans it
takes many years to be fully mature and
independent, and they, too, have some
falls along the way.
For humans, wings are a symbol of freedom.
Just the idea of overcoming gravity and soaring
through the air appeals to us.

The process of growing up starts with

conception, and nine months later the new
life has developed enough to live outside the
mother’s body. Years later the child has
mastered a huge number of basic skills, but
is still in need of family care and protection.
Before puberty, children generally accept
the fact that parents and children aren’t equal
in authority. It’s not usually a big issue for
them. In most homes, parents make rules and
apply consequences if these rules are ignored.
Children may not like some of the rules and
don’t always obey them, but it is rare for them
to challenge the right of adults to be in charge.

44 Theme 2 ©P
 During adolescence, young people feel a new urge to assert
themselves. They start to question family rules and decisions. Some
young people experience this urge very strongly—they want to fly now,
not later. For others, the urge to be independent develops more slowly
and they are able to work out the issues of freedom and responsibility
with minimal conflict.
To become truly adult and not just physically mature, young being left out
people must achieve independence from their parents. During going to high school
this new stage in life, both young people and parents have arguments with my family
what other people think
a number of worries.
about me

my appearance
my reputation
problems with my friends
my marks
finding time for everything

how friends influence her

his safety being too strict or too permissive
her schoolwork his judgment in difficult situations
staying calm not knowing what’s going on in
when provoked her life

These worries create stress. Stress is a normal part of most

people’s lives—too much to do, trying to meet the expectations of
others, frustrations, and the strain of trying to manage everything.
Although too much stress can be harmful, some stress is necessary. Stress
pushes us to set goals, strive to achieve them, and do the best we can.

©P Theme 2 45
 In many families, the relationship between young people and
parents becomes stressful in the early years of adolescence. If you
look at the list of worries each group has, the reason is obvious.
The main concern of many young adolescents is:
• their relationships with peers—fitting in, being accepted, having
loyal friends, spending as much time with friends as possible

The main concern of many parents is:

• vigilance—ensuring their children’s safety, finding a balance
between too much freedom and too little, keeping in touch with
what is going on in their children’s lives

Two groups of people with different concerns.

Both groups have to make some adjustments.
This doesn’t happen overnight; it is a process
that takes place over years.

Young people need to

learn to manage their
lives in a responsible
and prudent way:
• meet their obligations
• make thoughtful decisions
• learn from their mistakes
• be open to advice or
help when it is needed

Parents need to learn to withdraw from

the day-to day supervision of their
adolescents’ lives:
• encourage problem-solving and decision-making
• listen more than talk
• avoid taking over when something goes wrong
• offer assistance and advice when asked

46 Theme 2 ©P
 At some time or other, in most families the differing
concerns of young people and parents result in conflict.
In some families, conflict is handled with firm rules,
no discussion, and no compromises.

MENIKI’S FAMILY—Mr. Da Silva is quite strict. He is not

unkind, but his children are expected to obey his rules. In
his view, this is his responsibility as a father. Since Meniki
never questions his authority, it isn’t a problem for her,
but it is for Roshan. Unlike Meniki, Roshan has
started to rebel. He wants more free time to spend
with friends. He is also angry about having his
homework checked and being forced to redo
it if it’s not satisfactory. The last time this
happened, Roshan ripped up his homework.
A family with very strict rules may be a good,
loving family, as Meniki’s is. But it doesn’t offer
children opportunities to practise making some
decisions for themselves or to learn how to handle disagreements
in a respectful way. As often happens, Mr. Da Silva has based his role
as a father on his own father, whose word was never questioned.
•••
In other families, disagreements turn into fights. People become defensive,
accuse and insult each other, and the conflict remains unresolved.

JEFF’S FAMILY—Jeff’s father is away a lot and his stepmother is

hesitant to make rules for him, so Jeff more or less does what he
wants. Yesterday, Jeff arrived home after school in the early evening.
He had been hanging out at the mall. To
his surprise, his father was home. He was
supposed to be out of town, but the trip
was cancelled. Within minutes, they
were having a huge argument and
shouting at each other. Nothing
was resolved and they both went
to bed exhausted and furious.
The next morning, they ate
breakfast in silence.

©P Theme 2 47
 Turning a conflict into a major battle accomplishes nothing
except hurt and angry feelings. For family conflicts to be resolved
people have to
• talk to each other with respect
• listen to each other with open minds
• try to understand the other person’s perspective.

The ability to understand another person’s perspective is a major

achievement. It takes maturity, imagination, and motivation. In some
ways, this is a bigger challenge for young people, since they have
never had the experience of being parents. To meet this challenge
young people need to:

1) use their imagination—Imagine you are a mother or father of a

young teenager. What kind of parent would you be? What rules
would you make? What if your teenager refused to accept the
rules? What would you do?

Your son Chris received some money from

his grandparents at Christmas. His plan
is to buy a video game that just came out.
This particular game is extremely violent
and Chris is aware of your objections to
violent games. His view is that the money
was a gift and he should be able to buy
what he wants.

Your daughter Karen has just received her

first-term report and her marks are not good.
She has no idea why she didn’t do better.
You think the problem is the amount of
time she spends messaging her friends.
But she says that she’ll lose her friends if
she doesn’t keep in touch with them. Then
she’ll be miserable and her marks will be
even worse next term.

48 Theme 2 ©P
2) listen with an open mind—When parents are explaining their
reasons for a decision, their teenagers sometimes tune out because
they don’t like what they’re hearing. Or they don’t listen because
they’re too busy thinking of answers to their parents’ reasons. It is
also true that parents don’t always listen to their teenagers. They
may tune out because they also don’t like what they’re hearing or
they’re trying to avoid an argument.

I think he’s
winding down,
I’m trying to be
he’s definitely
reasonable, but
weakening.
it’s exhausting.

Sometimes adolescents complain that their

parents never try to understand them, so why Not now, please.
should they try to understand their parents? It’s been a
There are two answers to this complaint. horrible day!

• Parents aren’t perfect. Sometimes they are

unreasonable and difficult to get along with.
Like all humans, they have good days and
bad days. It takes a big effort not to respond
by being just as unreasonable.
• Young people might find that an effort to be
more understanding would result in more
understanding and sympathetic parents.

Life has ups and downs for both young people

and parents. They have new roles to play, but
in the end, the goal is the same—thoughtful
young people headed toward full maturity.

©P Theme 2 49
Friendship
What is a friend?

As children become young adolescents, friendship grows in importance.

It’s no longer about someone who’s fun to play with—it’s about having
a relationship with another person.
The old saying,“the only way to have a friend is to be one” points
to an important truth. When it comes to being a friend, it is not what
you get, but what you give that counts. Whether someone has one
friend or many, the personal qualities people express in friendships
are what are important.

I first met my best friend, Kevin, when I was in grade 10. We lived very
close to each other, so I spent a lot of time at his house after school. We
soon became close. Oddly enough, we had very different interests when
we first met. Still, we would play video games, laugh about the day, and
talk about the people around us. Best of all, we learned together. It is with
Kevin that I learned how to fix bicycles and ride them until they broke again.
Our friendship has had its ups and downs. We’ve fought,
put distance between us, and done very different things
with our lives. Right now I’m nearly finished university and
he’s working in Australia. Our friendship has always been
worth it, though, and we’ve always found time to laugh
together, to play video games, and to talk about things.
Most importantly, Kevin has taught me what it means to
be a good friend. I know that Kevin will always be there for
me. He will tell me what he thinks, whether I want to hear it
or not, and will help me when I need it most. And I promise
to do the same.   Ned

50 Theme 2 ©P
True friends have the ability to:
• accept people for who they are—When people
are looking for what they can get from a friend, not
what they can give, they don’t really have a friendship.
For example, sometimes people want to get status
or power through a friend. That’s exploitation, not
friendship. In a genuine friendship, people don’t use each
other; they accept each other for who they are, including
their faults. True friendship is a mutual relationship.
Joe and Jeff are good friends. They’ve known each
other since Grade 1. Jeff drives Joe crazy sometimes,
but it doesn’t seem to affect their friendship. In
fact, Joe worries about Jeff and tries to help him
stay out of trouble. What happens to Jeff matters
to Joe and Jeff feels the same way about Joe. For
example, he is aware that Joe’s family has very little
money, so when they’re out together Jeff doesn’t
suggest buying snacks. He knows it would offend
Joe if he offered to pay for it.

• listen to each other—Hearing and listening are not the same. To

listen to another person means to pay attention with an open mind
and heart. It might involve a problem or some exciting news. When
a friend confides something personal, it is a big responsibility
for the listener to respect the other person’s trust.
Megan is more of a talker than a listener,
but she has made a real effort to listen to
Lydia. When Lydia first talked about Abby’s
depression, Megan had no idea what to
say, except that she was sorry. When she
asked her parents about depression, they
were able to give her some information, and
an important piece of advice: “This isn’t a
problem you can solve for Lydia or Abby. What
you can do is listen and let Lydia know you care
about her and her sister. ”That is what Megan
has tried to do.

©P Theme 2 51
 • be loyal—In friendship, each person gives and receives the gifts of
acceptance, an attentive ear, and loyalty. There can be no friendship
without faithfulness. Some young people confuse loyalty with
possession. To have a loyal friend is wonderful, but to try to own
the person is not part of true friendship. Friends have to be free.
Three girls in Mr. Sato’s classroom, Sarah, Alexis, and Jessica,
have a strong friendship that began when they were in daycare.
Over the years, they have played together, confided in each
other, and resolved disagreements. They are loyal friends. Lately,
however, Sarah has become friendly with another girl in their
class, Heather, and wants to include her in the group. Alexis likes
Heather, but Jessica isn’t happy with the situation. She thinks
Sarah should stop being friends with Heather.

• forgive—Forgiveness is part of all true

Are we cool? friendships. When people care about each
other, they have the power to hurt each other.
Sometimes they’re careless—they speak before
they think, or forget about a promise they
made. On these occasions, it’s not hard to say,
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” and to respond,
“That’s okay, I know you didn’t.” Forgiveness
after a conflict or a betrayal is more difficult.
When people are angry or hurt, their instinct is
to retaliate, not to forgive. This is why the virtue
Yeah, don’t of mercy is so necessary. It leads to forgiveness,
worry about it. and forgiveness restores the friendship.

52 Theme 2 ©P
 ask ask
S op h i a S op h i a

sk ask
phia S op h i a How come girls always show so much drama when dealing with issues?
Like, some girl is upset about something, and her friends get really worked
up. Or two girls have a fight, and everyone else gets involved, and it turns into
a big deal. Why do they do this?    Justin

•••
Dear Justin,
The short answer is that friendship means different things to girls and boys. For boys,
friendship is mainly about doing things together, kidding each other, and having a good
time. Friendship is more emotional for girls—sharing thoughts and feelings, and looking
after upset friends. Have you noticed that boys often express concern for a friend not in
words, but by trying to involve the friend in an activity?
Female friendships often include a deep sense of betrayal when friends aren’t loyal—
gossiping, spreading rumours, or sharing private information. Male friendships also
involve conflicts, of course, but are usually resolved more quickly—sometimes with insults
or even physically, followed by time to let the issue blow over.
This pattern evens out to some extent as girls and boys mature, but some differences
remain in the expression of friendship among adult females and among adult males.   
Sophia

As children develop they become more aware of each other as

males and females. Until now, their friendships have usually been with
people of the same sex, and they begin to wonder what it is like to
have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. The foundation
of strong relationships between males and females is the same as the
foundation of any friendship—accepting each other, being a good
listener, loyalty, and having the capacity to forgive.

Grade 8 Student Survey 2010

What is the best quality in What is the best way to resolve
a friend? a conflict with a friend?
1. sense of humour 1. talk it out
2. loyalty 2. apologize
3. trustworthiness 3. wait until people calm down

©P Theme 2 53
 Friendship and Stress
Friendship is wonderful, but it can also be a source of stress. And since
friends are important to young adolescents, when things go wrong
they find it very upsetting.
Some friendship problems are unavoidable. A person you thought
was a friend loses interest in you. Someone you really wanted as a
friend isn’t interested in getting to know you. This can be hurtful, but
there’s not much that can be done to change it.
There are other relationship difficulties, however, that young people
can do something about. They can learn to recognize and try to avoid
behaviours and attitudes that end up being roadblocks to friendship.
Here are some examples.

EXPLOITATION: Exploitation means to use people for selfish reasons:

to humiliate a person; to achieve status; to gain power; to get sexual
favours; or to get even. No matter what the reason, exploitation is
always wrong. It is a form of bullying. People are not things to be used.
They are persons made in God’s image. When we exploit people
we not only harm them, we harm ourselves.

Three boys decide to send

a message to a girl in their
class, saying that one of
them wants to go out
with her. She is thrilled,
messages him back and
says, yes, that would
be great. His reply is:
“Are you kidding?
Not in this lifetime!”

54 Theme 2 ©P
JEALOUSY AND ENVY: When people are jealous they are afraid they’re
going to lose something important, like a friend. The idea of this loss
threatens them and often makes them angry. When people are envious,
they’re not worried about losing something, but want something
another person has, for example, popularity, talent, or designer clothes.
Like all negative emotions, the best way to handle them is not to feed
them with angry thoughts and resentments. These two emotions can
destroy relationships.

GOSSIP AND RUMOURS: Human beings fascinate each other—

what they do, what they say, and how they look. If this weren’t true,
the huge number of magazines, web sites, and television programs
that focus on gossip and rumours wouldn’t exist. But gossip can be
harmful for several reasons:
• It is used by some people to feel superior • It encourages people to get pleasure
to others. from another’s difficulties.
You’re
kidding. He
She started
really did that!
crying in front
What a loser!
of everyone.
It was pathetic!

• It is often used as a weapon to

get revenge.
When this
gets around,
her reputation
is gone!

©P Theme 2 55
 ask
S op h i a Putting people down, spreading harmful rumours, and ruining
a person’s reputation are unworthy behaviours. Unfortunately, with

ask ask electronic communication—instant messages, e-mails, comments

S op h i a
posted on social networking sites—people can remain anonymous

S op h i a when they behave in this way. A quick way to decide whether to send
or post the message is to answer this question: Would I say this to the
person’s face?

ask
ia S op h i a If you know someone doesn’t have a lot of friends, and your friends
don’t really like the person either, but you know that you need to help
make the person feel accepted, how can you include her without your friends
making fun of you?    Lucy

•••
Dear Lucy,
You have a good heart. It’s important to be aware of people who lack friends and need
some help.
Here are some questions to think about: Are you sure your friends will make fun of
you if you try to include the person? Have they told you or are you just guessing? If you
haven’t discussed it with them, this is the first thing to do. You might explain why you’re
concerned about the person and ask them to make an effort to include her.
Is there a particular reason this person isn’t well liked? Is it because she ignores
everyone or did something to offend other people? Or is it because she’s different in
some way—shy, has learning problems, or an odd appearance? People who are different
are often left out of friendship groups, which is unjust.
Your instinct is to help the person feel accepted. You can’t force your friends to include
her but you can challenge them to give it a try. If they’re good friends, they will. If they
refuse, and make fun of you just for asking, then maybe you have the wrong friends.   
Sophia

CLIQUES: A clique is usually defined as a small exclusive group of

people. The difference between a group of friends who enjoy being
together and a clique is this: a clique is concerned about keeping
people out.
When people spend a lot of time together there is always the
possibility that the group will become a clique. This happens for
several reasons:

56 Theme 2 ©P
• Status—It makes people feel
important to be in a group Not everyone would
that not everyone can join. fit into our group. You
have to be a certain • Power—Cliques often have
kind of person.
leaders who say who’s in
and who’s out.

Look, I don’t
want him hanging
around with us.
So just forget it.

• Security—The members of the

clique feel safe.
You know there’s
always someone to
hang out with and
to support you.
It’s great. You
don’t have to worry
about being left out.
Your friends are always
right there.

During early adolescence, most people don’t want to be outsiders.

That’s why there is a strong tendency for groups to become cliques.
Some adolescents are willing to live by the rules of the clique, which
might include dress, interests, attitudes toward school, taste in music,
behaviour, and values.
The instinct to exclude, however, can become destructive and
lead to injustice. When people are excluded based on characteristics
like appearance, popularity, race, or disability, they become outsiders.
It’s as if there’s a big sign saying,“You don’t belong.” But the law of
Christian love is to welcome the outsider.

©P Theme 2 57
 Wanting to belong, to be part of a group, especially if your life is
hard, can lead some young people to make risky decisions. In some
communities, the word gang refers simply to a group of friends. But
sometimes the word describes people who are involved in illegal and
dangerous activities.

During the summer of 2010, wherever you

turned you could hear one song over and
over. Everybody seemed to know the words
to the chorus:
When I get older I will be stronger
They’ll call me freedom
Just like a wavin’ flag
And then it goes back
And then it goes back
And then it goes back….
The song was called “Wavin’ Flag,” and
it was the theme song for the World Cup of
soccer, perhaps the most popular sporting
event in the world. “Wavin’ Flag” was written
by a Somali-Canadian singer named K’naan.
But K’naan’s life was not always so successful. He was born in
Somalia, Africa, and he was still a child when the Somali Civil War began.
Young K’naan was badly affected by what he had seen, but eventually
his family escaped, and he ended up in Canada. As a teenager, he taught
himself English by listening to hip hop albums, and eventually started
making his own music.
But life in Canada was not easy, either. “Toronto was great in all the
textbook things: good culture, opportunities, schools. But they don’t
belong to everybody equally, all the time.” He got involved in gang
life and ended up in prison more than once. He had friends who were
murdered and others who ended up in prison, too.
“When there was a fight, I was the guy in the front. When people
were getting checked for guns they would find one in my waist. Because
I lived in that. I really did. Music saved my life. It took me out of that. It’s
better to light a candle than to curse the dark. My music is lighting that
candle. I just want people to understand. I am not positive because I’ve
had positive experiences. I’m positive because I chose to make positive
experiences out of negative.”

58 Theme 2 ©P
 ask
S op h i a
PEER PRESSURE: Friendship groups, sometimes called peer groups,
are important to young people. They offer friendship and security. But
most peer groups also have unspoken rules about appearance, dress,

ask ask
interests, activities, and attitudes toward school. These rules lead to
pressures to conform. Pressure within a group to do well at school and

S op h i a S op h i a
avoid risky behaviour is a positive influence. Pressure to cut school,
shoplift, drink alcohol, and smoke is a negative influence.

sk ask
phia S op h i a Why is it that when you read about “dealing with peer pressure” it
makes it sound so easy, but when it comes time to deal with it, it’s
so hard?   Brandon

•••
Dear Brandon,
Good question. There’s a big difference between knowing the right thing to do and
actually doing it. In the case of negative peer pressure, it’s especially difficult when
other people are pushing you to do the wrong thing. To make it worse, there are likely
unhappy consequences if you refuse to give in. So, you’re right—it is hard.
Self-confidence is important for resisting negative peer pressure. People who have
the most difficulty are those who are unsure of themselves and need approval and
acceptance. We all want to be accepted, but this need has to be balanced with our
beliefs and values. If you believe in yourself, you are less likely to give up part of yourself
in order to avoid being teased and insulted.
Two other ideas to think about: plan ahead if you know that you’re going to be in
a situation that may involve risky behaviours—shoplifting, alcohol, smoking—and try to
figure out a way to handle it. You might also think about this: if your group of friends
is involved in risky behaviours that are illegal for your age group, then you’re in the
wrong group.   Sophia

Negative peer pressure is often a form of exploitation. Everyone in

the group knows that people don’t want to look bad in front of their
friends. No one wants to be seen as a baby or a loser.
Some people will do almost anything to be popular. It’s good to
be admired, but popularity should not become the only goal. A much
more worthwhile goal is to become a good, loyal friend, who avoids
causing harm to others and knows his or her own worth.

©P Theme 2 59
 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all
mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith,
so as to remove mountains, but have not love,
I am nothing. If I give my body to be burned,
but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant
or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears
all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.
I Corinthians 13: 1–8

60 Theme 2 ©P
 3
Created Sexual:
Male and Female
. . . male and female he created them.
Genesis 1:27

This theme is about human sexuality.

It will ask and explore questions like:
Why are we created male and female?
What is the true meaning of sexual intimacy?
How do we learn to handle sexual feelings?
How do we protect the gift of fertility?
What is true love?
How do we remain faithful to the Christian
vision of sexuality?
These questions are about the gift of sexuality.
This gift involves much more than the body.
It involves body/spirit persons, relationships,
feelings, attractions, development, responsibilities,
growth in the virtue of chastity, and a challenge
for young people to become loving and
life-giving males and females.
The Gift of Sexuality

At first glance, it doesn’t seem that difficult to understand sexuality:

• The sex of a new human life is determined at conception.
• Baby girls are born with female reproductive organs and baby boys
are born with male reproductive organs.
• During puberty, the secondary sexual characteristics develop and
girls and boys begin to look more like adults. At the same time, the
primary sexual characteristics, the parts of the male and female body
that are directly involved in fertility, mature.

The physical aspects of sexuality are so obvious that we often assume

that the word male or female is just a description of a person’s body.
This common misunderstanding happens, not because we aren’t
intelligent, but because we are. We are the only creatures on earth
who can think and talk about ourselves, including our bodies.
This remarkable ability leads us to see our bodies as separate from
ourselves, as if they were something we have.
But, in fact, we don’t have bodies, we are our bodies. We are
body/spirit persons. When we respect our bodies, we are respecting
ourselves. When we abuse our bodies, we are abusing ourselves.
What is done to our bodies is done to us. Body and spirit are
inseparable during our life on earth.

62 Theme 3 ©P
 The whole person—the body/spirit person—is male or female.
Sexuality is a fundamental aspect of our identity as persons. We
experience ourselves, including our thoughts, feelings, attitudes,
beliefs, and values, as females or males. We also express ourselves
and live in relationship with others as males or females.
How do we do this? How do we let people know who we are?
There is only one way—through our bodies. The body is the expression
of the person. We share ideas with others by talking or writing. We
communicate friendship and love through our bodies—a hug, a kiss,
a pat on the back, or a friendly tap on the shoulder. With every smile,
frown, tear, glance, and gesture, we let other people know what
we’re feeling.
Christians consider sexuality—maleness and femaleness—to be
part of God’s gift of creation. To understand the meaning and purpose
of this gift, we have to go back to the beginning. The beginning is
God’s plan for us, which is revealed in Scripture, in creation, and
through the teachings of our Church.

©P Theme 3 63
 The story of our origin is told in the Old Testament. We are created
in God’s image, male and female we are created, and we are intended
to be loving and life-giving people. This is the destiny God has
planned for us:
• Together male and female persons are called to build loving
relationships with each other.
• Together male and female persons have been given the power to
co-operate with God and bring new life into the world.

Like the amazing powers of human intelligence and

freedom, the gift of sexuality is a responsibility. In a
mysterious way, sexuality is a reflection of the creative
love of God. When we accept responsibility for the gift
of being created female and male, we are honouring the
image of God within us.

64 Theme 3 ©P
 Learning to understand the true meaning of the gift of
sexuality and accepting responsibility for it is one of life’s great
challenges. Some people begin to face this challenge early in
adolescence. For others, it may be a few years later. The timetable
varies, but all young people will face:
• questions about how to behave
• sexual feelings that are exciting and confusing
• joys and worries about relationships
• pressures from other people that cause
uneasiness and distress.

No one faces this challenge without making

mistakes. Growth toward maturity takes time,
patience, reflection, and prayer. It also requires the
ability to recognize what went wrong when mistakes
are made and to learn from these experiences.
We live in a world in which we are surrounded
with misleading and often dangerous messages about
sexuality. These messages distort the true meaning of
sexuality and make the challenge of living according to
God’s plan difficult.
Learning about sexuality is too important to be left to
the media, the internet, or peers. Talking to friends can be
helpful, but cannot replace the wisdom of the Christian
community—the scriptures, the teachings of our Church,
the advice of trusted adults, and the experience of countless
men and women who have struggled to live good lives and
serve God. The wisdom of the Christian community is there
to guide you along the path that leads to full maturity as a
loving and life-giving man or woman.

©P Theme 3 65
 A Prayer for Wisdom
Creator God, you have made us in your image,
male and female.
You are life and you are love.
Open our hearts so that we may reflect your image
in all we say and do.
You know and love each one of us.
You have known and loved us from the moment
we were conceived.
Open our hearts to your plan for us so that
we may be fully alive.
You have given us the blessing of other people
to share our lives.
Family members, friends, teachers, and others
who reflect your wisdom.
Open our hearts so that we may welcome their
words of guidance.
You have given us the promise of forgiveness,
through your son, Jesus.
You ask us to be honest with ourselves and
recognize our weaknesses and sins.
Open our hearts so that we may be healed and,
with your help, start anew.
Amen.

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Male and Female:
In Relationship
We are created to live in relationship with others. In order to be fully
human we need to be loved and to offer love to others.
There are many different kinds of love. There is the love that exists
between a man and a woman. There is the love that exists within
a family—parents and children, brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles,
cousins, and grandparents. There is the love shared by close friends.
The love of parents for their children has a special place in God’s
plan of creation. It is through this love that children learn how to
live in relationship. No parent meets this challenge perfectly, and,
sadly, some fail. But most parents help their children learn how to
open themselves to others, to discover the joy of helping others, to
value friendship, and to grasp the importance of forgiveness and
faithfulness. These first lessons in living in relationship are
also lessons in intimacy.

INTIMACY—An intimate relationship is a close, personal

relationship. Intimacy is expressed in many different ways—
doing things together, wanting the best for each other,
sharing a good laugh, talking about disappointments or
painful experiences, comforting each other, worrying about
each other. These experiences can be shared by a husband
and wife, close friends, a young couple in love, parents
and children, sisters and brothers, and grandparents and
grandchildren. Each of these is a unique relationship, but they
have in common their intimacy. They are built on acceptance,
openness, trust, and faithfulness.

©P Theme 3 67
 SEXUALITY, RELATIONSHIP, AND MARRIAGE—Where does
sexuality fit in? Sexuality is like a special language of love. Maleness
and femaleness draw us out of ourselves toward others. We are not
meant to be alone. God created us to live in relationship as males and
females, and to express love, affection, interest, and concern through
our whole selves—body and spirit.

As people reach maturity, most of them respond to God’s call to

be loving and life-giving persons through marriage. But preparing for
this decision started many years earlier in their families. It continued
with friends, and especially with the friendships they made in later
childhood and adolescence. During puberty, they discovered a new
aspect of being male and female—attraction between the sexes. This
strong attraction drew them together and encouraged them to begin
a wonderful time of discovery. They learned to know each other and
to share experiences. They discovered differences and similarities,
and began to understand how males and females complement each
other. With maturity, sexual attraction can lead a man and woman into
a deeply intimate friendship. They want to be together always and
to share their lives. In the presence of the Christian community and
before God, they promise to accept and love each other, and to accept
and love their children—”for better, for worse . . . all the days of my life.”

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SEXUAL INTIMACY—In all intimate relationships, people want
to know each other and share their thoughts, feelings, hopes, and
dreams. The closeness of the relationship is communicated in many
ways—a hug, a private joke, a loving glance, the pleasure of sharing an
exciting piece of news. The love between friends, a husband and wife,
or a parent and child is expressed in countless ways.
Between married people, sexual intimacy is an extraordinary way of
knowing each other. In sexual intercourse, two people give themselves
completely to each other. It is a total gift; nothing is held back.
Sadly, in our society, many people seek sexual intimacy without
the committed love of marriage. Some think that sexual intercourse
is a purely physical experience, and has little to do with relationship.
For them, it may mean,“I want to use your body to satisfy my sexual
desire.”Others believe they can create intimacy and love through
sexual intercourse. Instead of“I love you,” perhaps they are really saying,
“I want you to love me.”Still others use sexual intimacy to communicate
friendship or deep affection:“I care very deeply about you.”
But sexual intercourse is meant to be a sign of the deep intimacy
between a man and a woman who have committed themselves to each
other in marriage. Without words, a husband and wife say to each other:

“I love you completely. I give myself to you, and I accept you.

I will be faithful to you, not just now, but always.
I want us to share our love with children.”

©P Theme 3 69
 Only between married people, however, can sexual intercourse
express the full truth about love, intimacy, and commitment. Sexual
intimacy is for faithful and permanent love, a love so powerful that it
is life-giving, both physically and spiritually. This meaning of sexual
intimacy is God’s creation, not ours. Because we are free, we can
choose to ignore it, deny it, or abuse it. But in the end, we only harm
ourselves and others. We are created to speak the truth—with our
words and with our bodies.

THE SINGLE STATE AND CELIBACY—Marriage is not the only

response to God’s gift of sexuality. People who remain single, whether
by choice or by circumstance, are still loving and life-giving males and
females. They do not express their sexuality in an intimate physical
relationship as husbands and wives do, but in their friendships, in
their concern for other people, and through their work.
For some, the decision to remain single is made for religious reasons.
As they reach maturity, they realize that God’s plan for them does not
include marriage and children. They respond to the call to be loving and
life-giving men and women by becoming priests, sisters, or brothers,
and offering themselves and their gifts in service to many people. They
freely choose celibacy, a way of life that does not include an intimate
sexual relationship with a husband or wife. This choice is a special sign
to all of us about the meaning of our existence—we are meant for God.

How the Lord works in our hearts is always a mystery; but that he
does work in us is clear as a bell. I was going through life on easy
street—many brothers and sisters, living a happy day-to-day
existence. But somehow, the Lord placed in my heart the idea
that serving him alone would help countless people achieve
something similar to the satisfying life I had as a child.
There was a catch however. I would have to give up marriage
and children to be able to serve our Lord with total dedication. I had
to debate that for many hours, many days and even years before I
could honestly say “yes” to him. I did and all these many years later,
I am happy that I did. I have lived through some hard times, but many
more good times. And now, at the end of my life, I look back and have
this wonderful feeling of having made the right choice.

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 THE VIRTUE OF Chastity
“. . . do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit
within you, which you have from God, and that you are not your own?
For you were bought for a price; therefore glorify God in your body.”
(1 Corinthians: 19-20)

The virtue of chastity helps us control our desire for sexual pleasure, and is part of
the virtue of temperance. It’s not easy in our society to develop this virtue. There are
many temptations to think and act in a way that is in conflict with Christian values.

• Intimate sexual relationships outside of marriage are part of many television

shows and movies, and are presented as if they were normal.
• Entertainment news sources offer a continuous stream of gossip and rumours
about the sexual lives of celebrities.
• Some music degrades the gift of sexuality with stereotypes of males as
aggressors and females as sex objects.
• Pornography is easily available to people of any age.

The message from these sources is: sex is not a big deal. Sex is just about bodies
and pleasure. Why not enjoy it?
This message diminishes the dignity of body/spirit persons and the gift of
sexuality. Where is relationship? Where is love? Where is respect for self and
others? Where is self-discipline? Where is the image of God?
God created us male and female and designed us to be attracted to each other
and to seek friendship, intimacy and love. Sexual feelings are very powerful, but
we are not at their mercy. Through the new life we received in baptism, which is
strengthened by Eucharist and Reconciliation, we are given the grace to meet the
challenge of becoming truly loving people who honour the gift of sexuality. This
challenge includes learning how to be thoughtful consumers of media, to ignore
gossip or rumours about sexual matters, and to avoid situations that may lead to
pressure for sexual intimacy.
When we respond to the gift of sexuality by living in the way God asks, we are
practising the virtue of chastity. Like all virtues, the more we practise chastity, the
easier it becomes. Intimate sexual relationships are intended for marriage and sexual
intercourse is a unique sign of the enduring commitment of a husband and wife. The
virtue of chastity strengthens them so they will always be faithful to each other.
Unmarried people—adolescents, adults, those who hope to marry, and those
who have decided to remain single—show their respect for the gift of sexuality
by expressing love and affection, but abstaining from intimate sexual acts.
Strengthened by grace and their efforts toward self-discipline, they learn to follow
God’s plan and grow in the virtue of chastity.

©P Theme 3 71
 Growth and Change
The journey toward maturity is new for each person. Young people
often feel that no one has ever felt the way they do. In one sense, this
is true. For each person it is a new experience—confusion about life,
concerns about appearance, curiosity about sexuality, moods that go
up and down, and the stress of balancing school, family, and friends.
Other people can listen and offer helpful advice and support, but they
can’t change the journey.
What do developing adolescents need for a successful journey?
• love and guidance from their families

• the experience of friendship

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• interest and concern from caring adults

• a maturing relationship with God

Adolescents also need a sense of perspective.

This means understanding and accepting
themselves as they are now and keeping in mind the people they hope
to be later. Without this perspective, it’s hard to make wise decisions
about themselves and their hopes for the future.
A Christian understanding of sexuality is an essential part of this
perspective. It guides young people toward full maturity and reminds
them of their true value.

A Changing Appearance
Since the development of the secondary sexual characteristics is the most
obvious sign of change, it tends to be what young adolescents think about
most. Many of them have concerns about their changing appearance.
• Is it normal to develop earlier or later than other people?
• Is it normal for some parts of the body to grow more quickly than others?

Most young people know that the answer to both questions is “yes.” But
the timing of changes during puberty and temporary awkwardness still
worry and sometimes embarrass them.

©P Theme 3 73
 Young children don’t think a lot about their appearance,
but the arrival of puberty leads to increased self-awareness.
My nose is too big.
In turn, this awareness often causes self-consciousness I hate my thighs,
and a tendency to obsess over small imperfections. My hair is pathetic.
I am never going to
be attractive.
My feet are the
only thing that’s growing.
My arms are too skinny.
No one believes I’m in
Grade 8. My nickname
is babyface.

It’s normal to have some concerns about appearance,

but to let these concerns become a preoccupation is not a
good idea. In fact, anything that prompts people to fixate on
themselves is usually harmful.
Just as people who are preoccupied with their health may become
convinced that they have many terrible diseases, people who are
preoccupied with their appearance may become convinced that they
will never be attractive. No one will ever be interested in them. This
can lead to unhealthy dieting or excessive exercise, both of which can
be dangerous for health and interfere with growth and development.
It’s a challenge to develop a sense of perspective about appearance.
The way a person looks, however, is only one aspect of who he or she
is—there is also the person’s personality, interests, sense of humour,
friendships, and plans for the future. And since young people’s
appearance is in a state of change—a work in progress—it makes
good sense not to waste too much energy worrying about it.

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 ask ask
S op h i a S op h i a

sk ask
phia S op h i a How can I deal with the physical changes of growing up?    Jenna
How can dressing affect how you feel?    Denise
How do you keep from letting body concerns annoy you, especially if someone is making
fun of you?    Jacob

•••
Dear Jenna, Denise, and Jacob:
Since all of your questions have something to do with appearance and the experience of
the physical changes of puberty, they seem to belong together.
It’s important to realize that everyone your age—and that includes people who appear
to be so self-confident—has concerns about appearance and physical development. Self-
consciousness and sensitivity are part of this stage of life, but they do lessen over time.

Jenna: The short answer to your question is: with patience. It takes time to go through
the changes that lead to physical maturity. You may wish this part of your life was over,
but these are also good years—a time to deepen your friendships, learn more about
yourself, and become more independent.

Denise: Wearing flattering clothes helps many people feel more confident and attractive.
The old saying that what’s inside matters more than what’s outside is true, but that
doesn’t mean that appearance and dress should be ignored. But it does mean that the
kind of person you are is more important than what you wear.

Jacob: At a time when most young people are sensitive about their bodies, it seems
strange that so many are thoughtless or nasty. Sadly, some people deal with their
own insecurities by attacking others. The best way to keep the changes of puberty in
perspective is to avoid focussing on them. Make sure other aspects of your life occupy
your mind and body—friends, plenty of exercise, and time for new interests. Ignore
the person who is making fun of you. Don’t respond, and try not to let your feelings
show. People who make fun of others want a reaction. No reaction makes you the
winner.   Sophia

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 Moods and Stress
The hormones involved in sexual development have an effect on moods
and feelings. It takes time for the whole system to work smoothly, and
the changing blood levels of certain hormones have some influence on
the moods of developing adolescents.
A mood is a state of mind that is experienced at a particular time—
restless, miserable, elated, irritable, hopeful, distracted, relaxed or
anxious. Everyone experiences moods. The difference for developing
people is that their moods tend to come and go more frequently than
those of adults.
Many young people also find their changing lives stressful. More is
expected of them at home and at school, they have outside activities,
and their social life is complex. Stress can cause a person to feel
distracted, anxious, or irritable. A bad mood can also make everyday
stresses, like schoolwork or family obligations, seem enormous.

Ideas for Managing Stress and Moods

• Talk to someone you trust if something is really bothering you or you can’t shake a
bad mood. Everyone needs help sometimes and it’s a sign of strength to ask for it.
• Feeling annoyed? Don’t take it out on others. Spend some time alone—listen to
music, read a book or a magazine, go for a walk or run, or take a short nap.
• Regular physical exercise is an excellent way to combat bad moods and stress
• Learn some relaxation methods—deep breathing, visualization, yoga, or tai chi.
• Eat good food and get enough sleep. Junk food and lack of sleep are a recipe
for stress.
• Develop a plan to manage your activities and obligations. If you need help, ask for it.
• Don’t leave things to the last minute—it increases stress and anxiety.

Grade 8 Student Survey 2010

What makes you most stress? How do you manage stress?
1. school (tests, homework, projects) 1. listen to music
2. family difficulties (fights, divorce) 2. talk to someone (mom, friend)
3. presenting in front of a group 3. deep breathing

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Sexual Attraction and Feelings
What attracts one person to another is a bit of a mystery. Appearance
has something to do with it, but attraction is based on more than
looks. An attraction between people is sometimes described as
chemistry—a strong connection that cannot be described in words.
As part of the process of maturing, adolescents find they become
more aware of the opposite sex. They become conscious of things they
haven’t noticed before—the appearance of people of the opposite sex,
feelings in their own bodies, or images that call attention to the sexuality
of the body. They may feel distracted and restless and find themselves
daydreaming about relationships. Like physical development, this may
happen early in adolescence or several years later.
All this is normal. As people begin to mature, males and females
are drawn to each other. The capacity to be attracted and to experience
sexual feelings is part of the gift of sexuality.
I’d really like
to get to
know Linda!
Semi-finals! It’s Tony is
going to be a so-o-o cute.
great game.

Why is Greg Yeah, Anna

staring at me? really likes me.
It’s weird.

©P Theme 3 77
 Sexual attraction and these new physical sensations and urges
have a biological purpose—to ensure the human species survives
by reproducing itself. But human sexuality is vastly more complex
and mysterious than that of animals. It is not the body alone that
experiences sexual feelings; it is the whole person. Sexual attraction
and feelings have a purpose in God’s plan of creation: to bring about
a strong, loving bond between a man and a woman and to encourage
them to have children.
Understanding sexual attraction and feelings is part of the
challenge of growing up. Having accurate information is helpful in
meeting this challenge, but more important is a commitment to be
persons who respect the gift of sexuality and live according to God’s
plan. Without this commitment and the self-discipline it requires, it is
only too easy to reach the end of adolescence with an immature and
self-centred view of sexuality and relationships.
• Sexual feelings, males and females—This is one of
those areas of life where there are some differences
between the sexes. In general, males become aroused
sexually more quickly than females. They also react
more strongly to visual images that involve sexuality—
photographs, movies, videos, and websites. This
difference is something that both sexes need to know as
they learn to understand and control their sexual feelings.

• Romantic fantasies—It’s natural for adolescents

to think about the kind of relationship they
might have in the future. A girl imagines a
good-looking man falling in love with her or
creates a fantasy about meeting a famous singer
who will sweep her off her feet. A boy imagines
himself with a beautiful woman who has eyes
only for him. In the world of romantic fantasies,
relationships are absolutely perfect—no worries
or conflicts.

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 Romantic fantasies are a way of preparing for future relationships.
They help young people handle some of their feelings in a way that
is safe and uncomplicated. But people who spend most of their time
daydreaming and imagining a perfect relationship, are probably
ignoring other aspects of their lives—developing as a person,
friendships, family relationships, and schoolwork.
• Sexual Fantasies—Some fantasies aren’t about relationships, but
about the physical experience of sex. When something prompts
a young person to think about sex, the body often responds by
becoming sexually aroused. At a certain point, there is a strong urge
to act on these feelings, which may lead to masturbation. This is a
situation that calls for the habit of self-discipline. Masturbation may
lead people into self-centredness, and makes it difficult for them to
grow in maturity. For this reason, it best to avoid focussing on sexual
thoughts and find a distraction of some kind.
Sexual fantasies are normal, and people can’t control the images
that pop into the mind or the way the body responds to these
thoughts. But a decision to indulge in sexual fantasies and abuse
the gift of sexuality in a self-centred way is wrong.

• Pornography—Pornography is the term used for films, internet

sites, magazines and other written materials, and photographs
that are sexually explicit and are intended to cause sexual arousal.
Some young people are motivated by curiosity to look at these
materials. Curiosity is normal, but the deliberate choice to look
at images that have only one purpose—to arouse sexual feelings
that have no connection to love or relationship—is morally wrong.
Young people should also know that it is easy to become addicted
to watching pornography.

©P Theme 3 79
 Some Pornography Facts
• In 2006 it is estimated that the worldwide pornography industry
earned at least 97 billion dollars, and that the Canadian pornography
industry earned about 1 billion dollars.
• In 2006, there were 4.2 million websites containing pornography.
• Approximately 20% of all internet pornography is illegal child
pornography.
• In an anonymous survey of teens in 2009, 96% had internet access,
and 55.4% indicated that they had visited a sexually explicit website.
• More than twice as many males as females visit pornography
internet sites.

Pornography distorts the meaning and purpose of sexuality

by portraying people as things to be used for sexual pleasure.
Pornography also often connects sexuality with power, aggression,
and violence. The image of females as objects of violence and of males
as sexual aggressors is a corrupt and dangerous vision of human
sexuality and of relationships between males and females. At a time
when young people are forming their ideas and values, pornography
can do nothing but damage them.
•••
It may seem as if sexual feelings involve nothing but problems. From
one perspective this is true, not because they are bad, but because
they are powerful and it takes time to learn how to handle them. This
is why a long-range perspective is so important. What kind of person
do you want to be as you reach the end of adolescence? Someone
who has never learned self-discipline, or a person who accepts the
challenge of living according to Christian values?
Everyone makes mistakes as they learn to understand sexuality.
There are moments in our lives when we are inclined to sin—to use
other people selfishly. But we are not alone in our struggle to be
chaste. God is with us, inviting us to respond through prayer, the
sacrament of Reconciliation, faithfulness, and perseverance.

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 Developing Perspective: Homosexuality
It’s not easy to move from childhood to adulthood Is it normal
and all young people experience confusion and to be attracted
to someone of the
worries along the way.
same sex?

Is it normal if you’re
not interested in
having a boyfriend If everyone keeps
or girlfriend? calling you gay does
that mean you are?

There are simple answers to the first three questions:

Yes, Yes, No. The fourth question is a little more complicated.
First, the word homosexual is a description of a person’s
sexual orientation. A homosexual orientation is an exclusive
or predominant sexual attraction to members of the same sex.
A heterosexual orientation is an exclusive or predominant
attraction to the opposite sex. The most reliable statistics
indicate that about 2–5% of the population is homosexual.
Why are some people homosexual? The most likely
answer is a combination of genetic make-up and the influence
of the social environment. Whatever the reason, in most cases
Why are
homosexuality is not something that is deliberately chosen. some people
It’s completely natural for young people to be comfortable homosexual?
with their own sex and to find relationships with the opposite
sex more stressful. This is one of the challenges of adolescence—
to learn how to relate to the opposite sex, deal with new feelings,
and continue to nurture friendships with people of the same sex.
Some young people are drawn to the opposite sex early in
adolescence. Others develop friendships, but aren’t interested in
closer relationships until much later. Something else to keep in
mind: masculinity and femininity are not defined by a person’s
interests or behaviour. Negative or intrusive comments about
any aspect of a person’s sexuality—their body, behaviour,
appearance, interests—are unacceptable and harmful.

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 Many different feelings, some of them very powerful, come and go
during adolescence, and the experience of being strongly attracted to
someone of the same sex does not mean the person’s orientation is
homosexual. The same is true for a young person who has an isolated
sexual experience with someone of the same sex. In general, it is not
until the later teen years that people have a clearer sense of their
sexual orientation.
It is important to understand that being attracted to a person of the
same sex and having an intimate sexual relationship with the person
are not the same thing. A homosexual orientation is not sinful, but
sexual acts between people of the same sex are morally wrong. The
same is true for sexual acts between unmarried heterosexual people.
An intimate sexual relationship is for marriage. Human sexuality,
which is part of God’s gift of creation, has a purpose. That purpose is
love and life. Love brings a man and woman together and strengthens
their bond, and new life flows from that love.
Since most people are heterosexual, those who are homosexual
find themselves living in a world where they are “different.” This can
cause much confusion, pain, and rejection by others. At times they are
treated in ways that are cruel and deeply disrespectful—name-calling,
stereotyping, or assuming they are not unique individuals who need
love and friendship in their lives, as all people do.
As Christians, we are taught to treat others with the same respect
that we expect others to offer us. We all need to recognize that God’s
plan for us is mysterious. Each person has challenges in life that can
seem overwhelming. Like everyone else, people whose orientation is
homosexual need committed friendships, a deep belief in God’s love,
and the support and prayers of the Christian community. All of us,
heterosexual or homosexual, who are trying to live as good Christians
struggle with our sexual feelings and desire for physical intimacy. Yet all
of us are called by God to be chaste and to honour the gift of sexuality.

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Young People: In Relationship
By the time people reach adolescence, they already know a lot
about relationships. Growing up in a family, making friends, being a
classmate, being in a club or on a team—all these experiences teach
people how to live in relationship with others.
Until now, most young people’s friendships have been with people
of the same sex. Within these friendships, the fact of being female or
male is taken for granted. Sexual attraction introduces a new element
into relationships.
Sexual attraction often begins with self-consciousness. Suddenly
young people find they are aware of themselves as males and females,
and are not completely at ease around the opposite sex. They wonder
and worry about what kind of impression they are making.

I’m telling you,

Okay, but did she was looking
he actually say at me, not you!
he liked me?

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 Years later, when adults recall this stage in their lives, they
can often remember the name of the first person who caught
their attention and occupied their thoughts. They might
describe the experience as a crush or an infatuation. Here
are two memories.

I was in Grade 8, and we were

playing spin-the-bottle at a party. I
really liked a red-haired girl named
Annie, and wanted a chance to
kiss her. When it finally happened
I was so nervous I didn’t even
enjoy it. That was the end of
my big crush on Annie.

Infatuations are the first stage of sexual attraction,

When I was about 13, I had
a crush on Patrick, an “older” and the strong feelings are an indication of how powerful
boy (he was about 15) who this experience is. These feelings are quite different from
lived down the street. About those in other relationships. In fact, often there is no real
15 times a day I found a
relationship, just an attraction. The experience of being
reason to walk past his house
hoping that I would see him infatuated tends not to last for long, and is usually replaced
and could casually say, “Hi.” with a new infatuation.
It rarely happened. As young people become interested in each other, they begin
to think and talk about spending time together—dating or going
out. Going out can mean a number of things. It might mean being
part of a group going to a skating rink, a party or a concert. Or it
could mean one boy and one girl going out together. If they don’t
go out with other people, they’re usually described as a couple.

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 Some parents have very strict rules about young people going
out. They might agree to mixed parties with adult supervision, or
other activities that involve a group of males and females, but won’t
allow their children to go out as a couple until a certain age. Their
children may resent these rules, but parents are looking to the future,
not just today.
Parents recognize that adolescence has many tasks, and learning to
relate to the opposite sex is only one of them. It’s certainly important,
but it can get in the way of developing personal interests, talents, and
other friendships. Parents also know that sexual attraction can get out
of hand when young people spend a lot of time alone together. And
they don’t want anything to harm their children’s future.
In our society, there are strong pressures to become involved at
an early age in exclusive male-female relationships and to engage
in sexual activity. These pressures are both external (the social
environment) and internal (personal needs).

External Pressures
MEDIA—Media includes television, advertising, magazines, popular
music, and the internet, especially social networking sites. A constant
diet of media that involve romantic and sexual relationships among
young people, or of sexual gossip and rumours on social networking
sites has an impact. In particular, it can have a negative influence on
developing people who are forming their ideas about male-female
relationships and the significance of sexual intimacy.

Teens, Sex, and TV

(A random sample survey of 503 teenagers (age 15–17), 2002)
• How much, if at all, do you think that sexual behaviour on TV influences the sexual
behaviour of teens your age?
• How much, if at all, do you think the sexual behaviour on TV influences your own
sexual behaviour?

A lot Somewhat Only a little Not at all

Influences people my age: 32% 40% 22% 6%
Influences me: 6% 16% 28% 50%

Kaiser Family Foundation

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 Popular media often send the message that romantic and sexually
intimate relationships among unmarried people, some of them
teenagers, are normal, healthy, and morally acceptable. This message is
in conflict with basic Christian values and rarely mentions the negative
consequences of such relationships, especially among young people:
the possibility of pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection, and a
sense of loss and regret. These are not minor consequences, because
they can change a person’s life, as this story shows.

I was always a “good” girl. I was on the honour roll, played hockey,
a member of the student council, went to church and was involved in
the parish youth group. I never thought I would be a teen mother.
But then I met Sam—he was charming and handsome and funny.
We met at a party when I was 16 and he was 17. I fell instantly in love
and we started dating pretty much right away. We spent all summer
together.…
At the end of the summer I learned I was pregnant. I was so afraid,
I waited three weeks to tell anyone. When I finally told Sam, he freaked
out. First he accused me of cheating on him. Then he accused me of
getting pregnant on purpose to “trap him.” I told him that I didn’t
want anything from him, but that I was having my baby.
After I told Sam, I told my best friend, Kathleen, who was very
supportive and helped me tell my parents. I was so scared. I hated to
disappoint them—I was their perfect, university-bound, honour roll,
star hockey-player daughter, and now I was pregnant.
My daughter, Nora, was born that spring.
Nora is almost nine now, and I work as a dental assistant. At first it
was so hard I didn’t know what I would do, but I was lucky because my
family really helped me. Life is still very busy but it has turned out okay
for us. But if I had a choice I would have waited to have a baby.
Getting pregnant as a teenager can happen to anyone, not just the
girls who sleep around—Nora’s father was the first boy I had sex with. It
changed my whole life, and I missed out on doing a lot of things I wish
I could have done. But I love my daughter more than I love anything
else. She is the one good thing that came out of a bad situation.   
Rachel

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PEERS—Since young people become interested in the opposite
sex at different times during adolescence, it can be difficult to be
the person who isn’t interested in having a girlfriend or a boyfriend. What don’t
Some young people who feel this way start to wonder if there’s you get? I’m not
something wrong with them, which, of course, there’s not. sending him a
message. I’m not
Pressure from peers, especially in the form of teasing or
interested!
putdowns can be hard to handle. The best defence is a
strong sense of self-confidence, loyal friends, and
involvement in a variety of interesting activities.

Look, you don’t have

to talk to him. Don’t
be such a baby. Just
send him a message.
He likes you.

Internal Pressures
Sometimes people think teenagers get
involved in sexual activity because they haven’t
yet mastered their sexual feelings. This can certainly
be one of the reasons, but there are others: to gain status
and popularity, to feel more grownup, to get attention and
feel loved, or to compensate for difficulties at home or at school.
Some of these reasons describe important human needs. Everyone
wants to be liked and accepted, and to feel loved and appreciated. But
these needs cannot be met in a passing relationship that involves sexual
intimacy. When people are pushed by their need for affection, love, and
support, they tend to make risky decisions when it comes to relationships
with the opposite sex. Healthy male-female relationships are built on a
personal friendship—accepting the other person for who he or she is,
appreciation of the person’s qualities, and respect for each other.

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 ask ask
S op h i a S op h i a

ask
ia S op h i a Do you think a person’s cell phone should be private? My mom saw this
program about “sexting,” and now she wants to check my cell phone
messages all the time. I send a lot of messages, and I don’t want her to know
what I’m saying. I’m not a little kid, I’m 14, and it’s my business. Am I right?    Eric

I had a sleepover with a few friends, and we took pictures of each other. We weren’t
totally naked or anything, but we got silly, and did all these poses like models. We sent
them to some friends, and now everyone in our class has them. It’s embarrassing and we
feel like idiots. What can we do?   Anna
•••
Dear Eric and Anna:
Both of your questions have something to do with sexting, which is a combination of
the words sex and texting. Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or
photographs, usually from a cell phone. Although most teens are aware of the risks
to privacy, that doesn’t seem to stop them. And privacy is not the only issue. Is it
appropriate for young people to be sending sexually explicit messages and photos
to each other?

Eric: I would have to know you to be able to answer your question. If you are a
thoughtful, reliable person who doesn’t get into trouble, then I would say you have
a right to some privacy.
Have you had a conversation with your mother about sexting, and other issues
related to messaging? Are you aware of the risk that any message or photo you send
could be shared with just about anyone? Are you aware that electronic information is
permanent? If you haven’t talked to your mother about being safe and cautious when
you use your cell phone, then it’s time to. Like many teenagers, you probably know more
about electronic communication than your mother does, but she knows more than you
do about the dangers of acting without considering the consequences.

Anna: I don’t want to be mean, but you feel like idiots because you did something
idiotic. You didn’t stop and think about the almost certain outcome that your photos
would be sent on to others. There really isn’t anything you can do since what happened
can’t be undone.
When you and your friends get over feeling embarrassed, which you will, you
might want to do some thinking about this question: Would your sleepover with
your friends have been just as much fun if you hadn’t taken photos of your poses?
After all, the purpose of the gathering was to have a good time together, not to
take pictures.   Sophia

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 How do you let a girl
There are many reasons not to have know that you aren’t
intimate sexual relationships before marriage, interested, and you want
her to stop sending
but the most important one is that this is gross messages?
God plan’s for us. God wants only what is good
for us and what will bring us happiness. Most young
people want to do what is right. They want to meet the
challenge of becoming mature adults, but they aren’t always
sure how. The first step is to accept that there is a challenge,
and a challenge requires a response—reflection, prayer,
making thoughtful decisions, and planning for the future.
Some people don’t seem to realize that they can make
decisions. They get up each day and things just seem to
happen. In fact, that’s their explanation for everything—
it just happened, or it was someone’s else fault.

I really like him,

but I don’t know
what to say when
he keeps pressuring
me. I don’t want to
hurt his feelings.

Look, she was always

coming on to me.
So what happened
wasn’t my fault. She
started it.

Making thoughtful decisions and accepting

responsibility is a big step toward maturity.
Standing up under pressure is another
Maybe you
one. People who give in to sexual don’t want to have
pressure are allowing someone else to sex, but it just
make major decisions about their lives: happens.

• No one has the right to pressure another

person into any kind of sexual activity.
• No one owes another person a sexual favour.

The best way to say no is to say it firmly, long

before the situation gets out of hand.

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 Some Serious Abuses of Sexuality
When we ignore God’s plan for us and use the gift of sexuality in selfish and damaging
ways, we are abusing this gift. Sexuality is so powerful and so fundamental to who we
are as persons that its abuse can result in great harm.

• Sexual Assault—Sexual assault is a crime of violence. When a male or female

is intimidated or forced into sexual intimacy of any kind, a serious abuse has
occurred. Actions that are intended to express love and commitment have been
used to express hostility and power. The victim of a sexual assault has been
treated as if he or she was an object rather than a person.
When sexual intercourse is forced on a person, this abuse of sexuality is known as
rape. Rape is a violent act of aggression and a serious crime. People who have been
through this terrifying experience are urged to seek counselling.
The majority of sexual assaults in North America, many of which are never
officially reported, are what is referred to as date-rape or acquaintance-rape. Rape by
a stranger is less common. Young people need to be aware that research in Canada
and United States indicates that girls who start dating at an early age, especially
with someone who is more than two years older, are vulnerable to physical,
emotional, and sexual abuse. Their lack of experience and maturity makes it difficult
for them to develop a healthy male-female relationship and to stand up to pressure
to engage in sexual activity.

• Sexual Abuse of Minors—Perhaps the most serious abuse of sexuality occurs

when an adult involves a child or young teenager in intimate sexual activity. In
most cases, sadly, the adult is someone whom the child or young person knows
well and should be able to trust. It is for this reason that the sexual abuse of
children or young people is so destructive. It destroys trust. It violates a child’s
right to grow up in a safe, loving environment. It is also a crime.
Sexual abuse within a family is called incest. The most frequent type of
incest occurs between an older male relative (father, step-father, uncle, brother)
and a young girl. Incest not only causes immense harm to the victim, but to the
entire family.
Because children lack the maturity to give full consent to sexual activity with
an adult, they are not to blame for what has happened, even though they may
have feelings of guilt. Sexually abused children and young teens have had a
terrible wrong done to them. It is essential for them to tell someone they trust
about the abuse. If the first person they confide in does not believe them or
cannot help them, then they must find another person. Help is available for
victims of sexual abuse, but they have to take for first step by telling someone
what happened.

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 Adolescence is a special time for developing your capacity for
friendship, and this includes friendships with people of the opposite
sex. Sexual attraction adds a new dimension to relationships, but
it is not meant to cut you off from what you have already learned
about relating to others. This is what happens when young people
focus on the sexual aspect of the attraction, and ignore the personal,
friendship aspects.
Doing things with a group of males and females allows you
to become comfortable with the opposite sex, learn more about
yourself, and discover some of the differences and similarities
between the sexes. It helps you develop personal friendships that
aren’t based on sexual attraction alone. It lets you express your
interest in a new kind of relationship, and at the same time,
gives you the freedom to develop all aspects of your life.

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 The Gift of Fertility
From the beginning of this theme, we have been talking about what it
means to be loving and life-giving males and females. The maleness
and femaleness of the human body, which is an expression of the
whole person, is designed to communicate love in an intimate sexual
relationship and, through this love, to bring new people into existence.
Pope John Paul II calls this the nuptial meaning of the body.
Nuptial refers to marriage, so another way of saying this is that
the maleness and femaleness of the human body has a marriage
meaning. The physical sexuality of males and females, their
fertility, and their mutual delight in each other’s bodies are meant
to be a total and permanent gift of love that each person offers the
other in marriage. Sexual intercourse, a unique sign of this gift,
communicates a love that goes beyond the present and reaches
into the future. It is a creative love that may result in new life.
This is a deeply personal way of describing human sexuality.
If it seems somewhat mysterious, there’s a very good reason—it is.
But it’s a wonderful mystery. It helps us to see how limited some of
society’s images and ideas about sexuality are—sex is only for fun,
a good-looking body makes you sexy, virginity is old-fashioned,
fertility is a nuisance. Human beings are worth more than that.
They deserve a mystery.

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Protecting Fertility
Think for a minute about how wonderful it is to be a body/spirit person.
• the pleasure of yawning when you’re really tired
• the refreshing taste of ice cream on a hot day
• the comfort of a good, strong hug when nothing’s going right
• the sense of power when you sink a basket
• the rush of your breath and thump of your heartbeat when
you run full speed.

It’s good to be a flesh and blood person with skin, muscles,

and organs that keep your body alive, and senses that allow you to
experience the world. When you’re young and strong and healthy,
it’s hard to imagine not having a sense of power and life within
your body. You feel as if you are immortal, that you will live forever.
That is the way you are meant to feel.
You don’t experience the power of your body’s fertility in the
same way as sexual attraction, muscular strength, or even the
power of your mind to grasp ideas. As you go through puberty,
you notice signs of your fertility, but since these signs are of
something happening deep inside your body, they may not
seem that real to you. Or you may think,“Sure, I’d like to be
a parent one day, but that’s a long way off.”
This is where a sense of perspective comes in. Yes, being
married and becoming a parent is a long way off, but the choices
that people make during adolescence can have serious consequences
for their future freedom. People who become sexually active and get
a sexually transmitted infection (STI) can damage their fertility and
be unable to conceive a child later. They will certainly harm their
health and, in the worst case, people can die. That’s a frightening
message, but it’s the truth.

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 Here are some questions young people often ask about sexually
transmitted infections (usually called STIs):
• What are STIs? STIs are infections that are primarily spread by
intimate sexual contact, such as sexual intercourse. In the case of
some STIs, like genital herpes, a person can be infected by skin-to-
skin contact, and through sexual activities involving the mouth and
other parts of the body normally concealed by clothing. Most STIs
are caused by bacteria or viruses.
• How do you know if you have an STI? You may not know. STIs
do not always have obvious symptoms, or the symptoms may be
so minor that the person doesn’t pay attention to them. Some
common physical signs that may indicate an STI include: any kind
of sore on the sexual organs, a burning sensation when urinating,
or an unusual rash, irritation, itch, or discharge involving the sexual
organs. Women are less likely than men to notice symptoms because
their sexual organs are deep inside their body.
• Can STIs be cured? In their early stages a number of common STIs
can be cured with antibiotic drugs. Since there may be few or no
obvious symptoms, particularly in women, many people do not seek
treatment. An STI called chlamydia is the most commonly reported
STI in Canada. It can be cured, but in most cases people have no
obvious symptoms. Even if chlamydia is treated and cured, there
is still a high risk that scarring of the fallopian tubes has already
occurred and the person’s fertility has been reduced or destroyed.
• Do a lot of people get STIs? It is estimated in reports by Statistics
Canada that one in six Canadians will have a STI by the age of 25.
The risk is even greater if a person has had intimate contact with
more than one person. Young people between the age of 15 and 24
have the highest rate of STIs in Canada.
• Can you get STIs in any other way than through sexual contact?
Chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis are all spread through intimate
sexual contact. It is extremely unlikely, but possible, for the virus
that causes genital herpes to survive outside the body, for example,
on a wet towel. HIV is spread when an infected person’s body fluids,
such as blood or semen, come into direct contact with another
person’s bloodstream. Intimate sexual contact is the most common
cause, but HIV can also be caused by using a contaminated needle.

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Major Sexually Transmitted Infections

Consequences/
Symptoms Treatment Complications
There are usually none in Chlamydia is a bacterial It can result in sterility in both
females, but possibly an infection and can be treated males and females and can
abnormal discharge from with antibiotics. Since this be passed on by a pregnant
CHLAMYDIA

the vagina or a burning infection may not have woman to her child.
sensation when urinating. symptoms, many people
Male symptoms may include a do not seek treatment.
burning feeling when urinating,
frequent need to urinate, and
itching or pain around the
opening of the penis.
Both males and females may Gonorrhea is a bacterial Can result in sterility in
not have any signs. If there infection and can be treated both males and females.
are any, females may notice with antibiotics. Since people It can cause serious health
an abnormal discharge from may not experience any problems and be passed
GONORRHEA

the vagina, pain in the lower symptoms, they may not on by a pregnant woman
abdomen, or a burning seek treatment. to her child.
sensation when urinating.
Males may experience
a burning feeling when
urinating, a thick discharge
from the penis, and pain in
the testicles.
In most cases, the first Syphilis is a bacterial infection Untreated syphilis can result
symptom is a sore that does and can be treated with in damage to the heart,
SYPHILIS

not hurt and eventually antibiotics, usually penicillin. brain, and other organs,
disappears. The next Once treated, people must and may lead to death. The
symptoms are usually a body have regular blood tests for a infection can be passed on by
rash, fever, and loss of hair. period of time to ensure that a pregnant woman and can
they are free of infection. result in birth defects or death.
A tingling, itching, burning Genital herpes is a viral It can be passed on by a
GENITAL HERPES

or numb sensation in the infection and cannot pregnant woman to her child
affected areas, followed by be cured, although the during birth if the disease is
a sore or blister. symptoms can be controlled. active at the time. In these
circumstances, the child is
delivered by Caesarian Section.

HPV stands for Human A vaccine for young females HPV is known to affect the
Papillomavirus, a virus that is now available, and protects cells of a female’s cervix and
can cause warts in the genital against some types of HPV. potentially lead to cancer. It
area. Both males and females For people who already have has also been known to lead
HPV

may not be aware of any genital warts, there are several to other genital cancers in
symptoms. methods by which a doctor both males and females.
or nurse can remove them,
although they might return.

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 Consequences/
Symptoms Treatment Complications
HIV stands for Human There are several antiretroviral The antiretroviral medications
Immunodeficiency Virus, medications that can slow the now available allow people
and AIDS stands for Acquired process of HIV developing with HIV to prolong their
Immune Deficiency Syndrome. into AIDS. lives. The medications must
HIV invades the immune be taken on a regular
system and reduces the schedule, are expensive, have
HIV/AIDS

ability to fight off infections unpleasant side effects, and

and cancer. AIDS is the most do not always work.
severe form of HIV. Common
symptoms are tiredness, fever,
rashes, vomiting, weight loss,
swollen glands, and muscle
aches. Newly infected persons,
may have no symptoms for
some time.

There is another group of infections, which can be spread through

sexual contact, but can also be acquired in non-sexual ways. These are
inflammations of the vagina caused by a number of different organisms.
The symptoms are itching and an abnormal discharge. The most
common, which is often called a yeast infection, can occur after taking
antibiotics, or even as a result of wearing very tight clothing that doesn’t
allow air to circulate in the genital region. A doctor can prescribe a
medication to clear up such infections.

• How can you keep from getting a STI?

– Don’t have intimate sexual contact with other people if you are
unmarried.
– If you marry, choose someone who shares your values and remain
faithful to each other.
You have probably heard other answers, like, be responsible and wear
a condom. But the protection that condoms offer you is by no means
certain. And there’s another important question: is it responsible
for unmarried people to be sexually intimate with each other? Your
Christian values tell you that it is wrong, and wearing a condom
doesn’t make it right.

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 Dear Students,
My name is Paula. That’s my real name. I am infertile. My husband and
I have been trying to have a baby for five years now.
I can’t get pregnant because my fallopian tubes are severely damaged.
Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I had pelvic inflammatory disease a
number of years ago, probably as a result of an STI. During microsurgery,
the surgeon found great sheets of scar tissue like saran wrap around my
ovaries, and more scar tissue that had blocked both tubes. Only one of
the tubes could be repaired during the three-hour operation. I was told
afterwards that I had a one in three chance of getting pregnant.
After three years of medical treatment, after countless tests, scores of
injections, and half a dozen surgical procedures, what can I tell you about
what it feels like to be infertile?
The tests, needles, and surgery are the easy part. It is the emotional
pain that is the hardest to bear. I always wanted to have children—I like
them, I want to share my life with them. I wanted to be pregnant and give
birth, to feel connected to the flowers and the animals and to the whole of
the fertile, creative world. But now, my body weeps for the loss. My womb
is empty, and it always will be. While my friends, one after the other,
celebrate the conception and birth of their children, I have to grieve for
my children who will never be.
I am also terribly, profoundly angry that I never knew anything
about STIs. Perhaps, if I had known, I could have saved my body from
being ravaged and my heart from all that pain. I would never wish such
emptiness on anyone. All I can say to you—or beg of you—is respect
yourself, respect your body. Think very carefully about your choices.
Please don’t cut yourself off from the flowers.

Paula

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 No one sets out to get an STI, but far too many young people
become infected because they do not think about the consequences
of their behaviour for their health and their fertility. Because they feel
young, strong, and alive, they don’t believe it will happen to them.
Their perspective doesn’t reach into the future. They aren’t imagining
the young adults they hope to be.
This information about STIs is intended not to frighten you, but
to make you think. We harm ourselves and others when we lose
sight of God’s vision of us and our sexuality and decide that what we
might want at the moment is more important. Risky behaviour has
consequences. Getting an STI is a very serious one.

Living in Harmony with Fertility

Human fertility is an amazing gift. It allows us to share
in God’s creation. The loving and life-giving nature of
human sexuality is reflected in the fertility of the male
and female body in an extraordinary way. When we
recognize the value of the gift of sexuality, we are also
recognizing the value of fertility. As human beings, we
Couples who are getting married have to find ways to live in harmony with the life-giving
in the Catholic Church participate power of our bodies and with God’s plan for us. The
in marriage preparation courses choices people make about fertility have a significant
to help them fully understand the
effect on their lives and their relationships. Are they
commitment they will be making.
loving choices? Unselfish choices?
The question of when to have children, and how many children to
have, is one that each married couple has to think and pray about very
seriously. To be life-giving is not only the ability to conceive a child,
but also includes a commitment to love, nurture, and guide the child
toward maturity. This is a huge responsibility.
Sexual intercourse is intended to be a total expression of love
between a husband and a wife, a love that is open to God’s plan
for them. The gift they offer each other includes their fertility, even
though they know that only on a few occasions will they conceive a
child. There are natural methods of family planning that allow married
couples to determine the time of fertility with great accuracy. If they
do not wish to conceive a child, they refrain from having sexual
intercourse for a number of days around the time of ovulation. If,
however, they want to become pregnant, they express their love for
each other through sexual intercourse during this time of fertility.

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 The two best-known modern methods of natural family planning are:
• Sympto-Thermal: This method is based on a number of different
symptoms women experience during their fertility cycle, including a
rise in body temperature around the time of ovulation, and changes
in the mucus that comes from the cervix.

• Billings Ovulation: This method is based on the changes in

cervical mucus that occur during the woman’s fertility cycle.

Natural family planning involves no health risks and is highly

effective when couples are trained to use the method properly. It
allows husbands and wives to live in harmony with the life-giving
nature of their sexuality, and in deep intimacy with each other. It
encourages them to place their trust in God, who created them and
gave them the gift of fertility. When this method of family planning
is used unselfishly, it expresses a special awareness of the value of
fertility and of children. Children are a priceless gift, and while there
are legitimate reasons for limiting family size, this is a decision that
married couples are called to make with generous and loving hearts.
There are, as most people know, other methods of family
planning. Some people choose to control fertility by using
contraceptives, or artificial methods of birth control. These devices
or chemicals interfere with fertility and prevent conception. Some
of these methods involve health risks, and all of them alter the
body by deliberately making it infertile.

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 Anything that is done to the body is done to the person.
When fertility is rejected, men and women are no longer living in
full harmony with themselves. The life-giving meaning of sexual
intercourse cannot be shared when fertility has been suppressed or
eliminated. A husband and wife may love each other deeply, but their
sexual intimacy is incomplete. It is for this reason that our Church
teaches that contraception is wrong.
The most common methods of contraception in Canada at this
time are condoms and the birth control pill. Condoms are an example
of a barrier method of contraception, and the birth control pill is an
example of a chemical method of contraception.
• Barrier methods: As the word barrier suggests, something is
put between the sperm and the ovum. The most common barrier
method is the condom, which is a rubber sheath worn by the man.
Other barrier methods include the diaphragm and the cervical
cap, which a woman inserts into her body to cover her cervix. The
diaphragm and cervical cap are often used in combination with a
spermicide, a chemical foam or cream that kills sperm.

• The Oral Contraceptive Pill: The birth control pill, which is

taken by women, contains artificial hormones that suppress the
natural cycle of fertility. In high doses, the birth control pill prevents
ovulation. In lower doses, it thickens the mucus from the cervix so
that sperm cannot move into the uterus, and also causes changes in
the lining of the uterus. If conception occurs, these changes make
it likely that the embryo would not be able to implant in the wall of
the uterus. When this happens, the birth control pill causes a very
early abortion.

What are the consequences of these methods of contraception? Are

these methods of controlling fertility safe?
• The barrier methods of contraception do not appear to place
people’s health at risk. They are not, however, highly reliable.
• The birth control pill, although highly reliable, has a number of
negative side-effects, some of them more serious than others.
Serious health risks include blood clots (which can lead to heart
attacks and strokes), high blood pressure, and gall bladder disease.
When used by teen-agers, the pill may interfere with normal growth
and the development of fertility.

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 God has entrusted us with the responsibility of valuing and
protecting the gift of fertility. The female cycle of ovulation and
menstruation is not a disease or illness that requires treatment, but
a healthy and normally functioning body system. As our knowledge
of human fertility has grown, so have our attempts to control it. We
can now make conscious decisions about when to have children, how
many children to have, and whether or not to become pregnant.
But all methods of family planning have consequences and
involve fundamental human values—the person and sexuality,
chastity and intimacy, love and life—and the decisions we make
must respect these values. This is why it is so important to learn
about this issue and to listen to what our Church is saying. As
Catholics, we believe that Jesus Christ gave the Church a special
authority to teach us about the meaning of life and how to
live in harmony with God’s plan for us.

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True Love “Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which
“When you love the first was made …
someone, you love the (Robert Browning)
whole person, just as he
or she is, and not as you
would like them to be.
(Leo Tolstoy)

“That Love is all there is,

Is all we know of Love.”
(Emily Dickinson)

“We say we exchange

There is no remedy for
words when we meet.
love but to love more.
What we exchange
(Henry David Thoreau)
are souls.”
(Minot J. Savage)

“True love begins when nothing

is looked for in return.”
(Antoine de Saint-Exupery)

Forgiveness is
choosing to love.
The first duty of love
It is the first skill
is to listen.
of self-giving love.
(Paul Tillich)
(Gandhi)

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 . . . God is love, and Love at first sight is easy
those who abide in to understand; it’s when
love, abide in God, and two people have been
God abides in them. looking at each other
(1 John 4:16) for a lifetime that it
becomes a miracle.
(Amy Bloom)

Love is the condition

in which the happiness
of another person is
essential to your own.
(Robert Heinlen)

To find someone who

will love you for no
reason, and to shower
Those who love deeply never
that person with
grow old; they may die of old
reasons, that is the
age, but they die young.
ultimate happiness.
(Arthur Pinero)
(Robert Brault)

Little children, let us

love, not in word or
speech, but in truth
and action.
(1 John 3:18)

One word frees us of all the

weight and pain of life:
That word is love.
(Sophocles)

All love that has not

friendship for its base,
is like a mansion built
upon the sand.
(Ella Wheeler Wilcox)

©P Theme 3 103
 What is true love? What is the kind of love that leads to a permanent
commitment in marriage? So many people have tried to capture its
meaning in songs, poems, letters, and stories.
In some ways, it is harder to say what true love is than to say what
it is not:
• True love is not a feeling. Many feelings are involved in loving, but
love itself is not a feeling. Feelings come and go, but true love lasts.

• True love is not sexual attraction. Sexual attraction often leads to

a relationship, but whether the relationship develops and becomes
true love is unknown at the beginning.

• True love is not sex. An intimate sexual relationship between

married people is an expression of true love, but sex itself is not love.

104 Theme 3 ©P
• True love is not ownership. There is no place for possessiveness
and jealousy in true love. Instead, there is trust and confidence.

• True love is not instant. There can be instant attraction, but true
love grows over time as people get to know each other—personality,
character, interests, and hopes for the future.

True love is a choice. It is an enduring commitment that a man and

woman offer each other. The promises they make on their wedding
day are a very good description of true love. As they stand at the altar,
they exchange these vows:

• I, John, take you, Mary, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in

good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and
honour you all the days of my life.

• I, Mary, take you, John, to be my husband. I promise to be true to

you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love
you and honour you all the days of my life.

When two people commit themselves to marriage, they do so without

knowing what the future will bring. They can be sure there will be
good times and bad times, because every marriage has ups and downs.
But they also know, and have promised, that whatever the future
brings they will face it together.

©P Theme 3 105
 True love is enduring love. God is love, and created us, not for a
small love, not for a love that has lots of conditions, but for a total
self-giving love. In marriage, this is what a man and woman commit
themselves to give each other. Will they fail sometimes? Yes, of course,
because we are all flawed. But when we depend on God’s help,
when we recognize our failings and ask forgiveness, we discover new
strength and hope.
It is difficult for children and young people who have grown up
with the experience of separation or divorce, or with serious ongoing
problems between parents, to have faith in true love—to believe that
it is possible. But it is possible, because God is true love. They can rely
on this love to heal the past, and give them the courage to trust and
believe in the possibility of an enduring commitment between two
people. Everything is possible with God’s help.
•••
When you reach the end of adolescence, you may begin to think
seriously about marriage. Or perhaps you will be well into adulthood
before considering this decision. You might also decide to remain single,
or realize that you have a vocation to the priesthood or religious life.
But whatever happens, you will want to reach adulthood as a loving and
life-giving person who is faithful to the Christian vision of sexuality.
It will not always be easy and you will make some mistakes along
the way. But you don’t want to make the mistake of dismissing the
challenge or giving up on the struggle for growth and maturity. You
are created for love and life. There are wonderful discoveries to be
made as you develop into a young woman or a young man. Don’t
settle for anything less than what God has planned for you.

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 4
Growing in Commitment
I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7

Theme Four is about commitment.

It will ask and explore questions like:

What is the meaning of commitment?

What is a commitment to oneself?
What does it mean to be committed to others?
What is a commitment to the future?
How do we learn how to make good moral choices?
Human beings are happiest when they are
deeply involved in and committed to their
relationships and activities. This theme looks
at the meaning of commitment for developing
persons. Learning to be committed is part of the
journey from childhood to maturity. As people
grow up and try to live up to their commitment to
themselves, to others, and to their hopes for the
future, they discover that it is more difficult than
when they were children. They also discover,
however, the joy of being committed persons who
are fully present and engaged in their lives.
 Commitment
What makes people happy? Wealth? Lots of free time? Good looks?
Fame? Not according to people who investigate happiness. Based on
their research, here are some happiness habits.

• Take pleasure in everyday moments—Instead of hurrying

through the events of each day, we need to take time to enjoy the
ordinary moments of life.
• Don’t try to keep up with other people—Comparing ourselves to
others leads to dissatisfaction. Counting our blessings is much more satisfying.
• Value people, not money—Trying to find happiness in money and what money
can buy doesn’t work.
• Have meaningful goals—We all need purpose in our lives. We are happiest when
we are engaged in achieving goals that matter to us.
• Be involved in whatever you do—Whether it’s chores, a job, or homework, if we
immerse ourselves in what we are doing, it becomes more rewarding. Doing our best
makes us feel good.
• Spend time with family and friends—Relationships with people we can depend
on make a big difference in our lives and are a source of true happiness.
• Try to have a positive outlook—If we make it a habit to focus on everything that
has gone wrong or could go wrong, we end up miserable. A better habit is to think
about what went well and look forward to future possibilities.
• Be grateful—When we communicate how grateful we are for the good things we have,
we increase our happiness. Some people keep a “gratitude journal” to remind themselves
of the positive role others play in their lives.
• Don’t hold grudges—Grudges are heavy to carry and cause misery. Forgiveness
eases this burden and brings a sense of happiness.
• Be generous—Giving to others, for example, volunteering, listening to a friend,
donating money, or helping a neighbour contributes to happiness. Being concerned
with the well-being of others has a positive effect on our lives.

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Exploring Commitment
In order to be happy, human beings need challenges. We
need to give ourselves to what we are doing, to be deeply
involved, and to be committed. We find happiness in meeting
a challenge, in getting so absorbed that we don’t notice the
time passing. We find happiness in committing ourselves
fully to the people we love. It is this kind of involvement
and commitment that gives life meaning and purpose.

Commitment is a special kind of choice—a choice to be involved.

When we make commitments, we are deciding to give ourselves to
something or someone. It’s not like deciding between an apple and
an orange, or a jacket and a sweatshirt. These preference choices are
made for the moment. A commitment choice is made for a longer
period of time. It might be a small matter like agreeing to come to
school early to help reorganize the gym equipment room. Or it could
be a longer commitment like taking music lessons or joining a team.
It could also be a huge lifetime commitment like marriage.

Grade 8 Student Survey 2010

What is your favourite activity? What’s your least favourite activity?
1. sports (hockey, soccer) 1. homework
2. arts (music, drawing, writing, drama) 2. schoolwork
3. being with friends 3. sports

©P Theme 4 109
 Another way to explore commitment is to consider the roles people
have at different stages of life. Young people have a variety of roles—
daughter or son, friend, student, member of a class, member of a parish
community, and perhaps of a team or club. Depending on their interests,
they may also have the role of volunteer, musician, athlete, or artist. Each
of these roles is a commitment that comes with a set of responsibilities.

Young people have another significant role in their lives: the role
of being a developing person. This role is also a commitment—a
commitment to develop as a faithful, thinking, feeling, acting person,
and to prepare for the future. Without a commitment to self, it is very
difficult to be committed to others.

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 Commitment to Self
“Are you working or gossiping?”
Mr. Sato asked as he listened to the
Mind Alert buzz in the classroom.“Ready to share
your thoughts?”
“It means you have to be yourself,”
Joe offered.
“And how do you do that?” Mr. Sato
replied.
“Well, I’m me. If I act like someone
else or go along with someone when
I really don’t agree, I’m not being true
to myself,” Joe explained.
“That’s a good way to put it,” Mr. Sato said.“Meniki,what do
you think?”
“I think it means that you have to do what is right.”
“Good insight,” Mr. Sato said.“Is doing something you know is
wrong being untrue to yourself?”
“I think so,” Meniki said.
“Any other opinions?” Mr. Sato asked.
“If you don’t go along with other people, they might give you a
hard time—act like there’s something wrong with you,” Megan said.
“In other words, being true to yourself can be hard,” Mr. Sato said.
•••

©P Theme 4 111
 William Shakespeare wrote the words that Mr. Sato’s class has
been discussing, and they have become a familiar saying. Familiar
sayings capture a kind of wisdom about human nature, relationships,
and the ups and downs of life. This wisdom is handed down from
generation to generation so that the experience of the past is still alive.
Sayings often capture a truth or a value that has stood the test of time.
Over the next few pages, you will see some of these sayings.
Shakespeare’s words are really about commitment—a commitment
to be the person God intends you to be. This commitment can be
described in a number of ways. It is a commitment to be:
• persons who are thinking doers
• persons who live in relationship with others and are capable of love
• unique persons, each with strengths and weaknesses
• persons who are faithful to their values and beliefs.

Each person is created for a reason and it is the

work of a lifetime to be true to that reason. God
asks that we commit ourselves to this work, the
work of being ourselves. To commit ourselves
means to be deeply involved in this task, the task of
being unique persons created in the image of God.

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 A commitment to self does not mean being self-satisfied or self-centred,
worrying only about our own wants and needs. It’s just the opposite: this
commitment is about trying to be everything God wants us to be.
During adolescence, the work of being true to oneself is especially
challenging. Young people may wonder,“How can I be true to myself when
I’m not even sure I know who I am?” Here are some ideas that may help
with that question.

• Be patient with yourself—You are at the beginning of a long

process of maturing. Adolescence is not a race. It is a time of life for
development, friendships, achievements, and reflection. Take yourself
seriously, but learn to laugh at yourself as well.
• Don’t give up on yourself—As long as you’re taking more steps
forward than back, you’re headed in the right direction. And if you need
to change direction, you can turn around and make a new beginning.
God always offers a chance to start over, and is ready to help.
• Find a balance between being too easy and too hard on
yourself—If you’re constantly making excuses, you’re probably not
being tough enough. But if you spend a lot of time criticizing yourself
or expecting to be perfect, then you may need to ease up.
• Stay involved—Invest your energy and attention in your friendships,
your schoolwork, your home life, and your activities. If you’re just
going through the motions, you will feel even more confused.
Involvement and commitment will help you discover who you are.
• Pay attention to your relationship with God—Make time
each day for prayer—a time to say thank you for all the good
things in your life, and a time to ask for help with worries
and failures. You are always present to God, and
God is always present to you.

©P Theme 4 113
 THE VIRTUE OF Temperance
“. . . the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”
(Galations 5:22)

• Kyle, age 13, is obsessed with online games. His teacher describes him as
living in another world. His homework is never done and he isn’t getting
enough sleep.
• Rita, age 14, is preoccupied with gossip, especially about her classmates—who
broke up, who’s popular, who has a really bad reputation. In person and online,
she circulates everything that’s going on.

St. Paul, who reminded the Galations about the importance of self-control, and the
famous Greek philosopher, Aristotle, who advised moderation in all things, would
be concerned about Kyle and Rita. They are in need of the virtue of temperance.
Temperance is the virtue that guides and helps control our desire for pleasure.
When we fail to manage our desire for pleasure, we are no longer free. Instead of
being in charge of our lives, we are governed by our desires, like Kyle and Rita are.
The virtue of temperance also helps us control our emotions. This doesn’t mean
repressing them, but being in charge of the way we express them. Uncontrolled
anger, for example, can lead to serious consequences. When people are not in
charge of their emotions, their freedom to make good decisions is limited.
Small children know nothing about the virtue of temperance. They want
what they want when they want it. Since their ability to reason and be responsible
for themselves has not yet developed, other people have to do it for them. As
they grow up and assume more control of their lives, they begin to discipline
themselves.
Adolescence is an important time of life for developing the virtue of
temperance. This virtue can be helpful with handling stress. There are some
stresses in life that are unavoidable. But there are others, like ignoring work that
has to be done in order to do something more enjoyable, that are the result of
not controlling the desire for immediate pleasure. At some point this happens to
almost everyone, and creates stress. It takes time to realize that there are a limited
numbers of hours in a day, and if most of those hours are spent online or hanging
out with friends, other parts of life will suffer.
Denying ourselves what we want is not a popular idea these days. But God
created us for much more than a life of comfort and pleasure. We are created
to use the gifts of reason and freedom to make choices that lead us to a life of
goodness and self-giving.

114 Theme 4 ©P
Commitment to Others
The words that Shakespeare wrote about being true to ourselves are
followed by two more lines:

This above all, to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Today, we might express this idea by saying: “If you are true to yourself,
you can be sure that you will be true to other people.”
Our closest relationships, with family members and friends, are, in a
sense, part of who we are. We often describe ourselves with words that
point to these relationships—son, daughter, sister, brother, friend. If we
are to be true to ourselves, we must be true to these relationships. Our
commitment to them is tied to our commitment to ourselves.
Even our closest relationships, however, change over time. This is
especially true during adolescence. Changing relationships raise new
questions. What does it mean to be a committed family member or
a friend?

COMMITMENT TO FAMILY—As young people become more

independent, their commitment to their families becomes more
complicated and, at times, stressful. Often, the relationships they are
most concerned with are their friendships, and spending time with
family is less appealing.
Some disagreements between young people and their parents
are normal, and most of the time the stress of changing relationships
does not threaten the fundamental commitment that exists within a
family. Family life is a mixture of good times and difficult times, but
what allows families to get through difficulties is their unconditional
commitment to being a family. This commitment to each other, no
matter what, is what makes it possible for families to face enormous
challenges with courage and hope—a family member in serious
trouble, a bad accident, a life-threatening illness, or the death of a
family member.

©P Theme 4 115
Michael and Aunt Elly
Friday afternoon
When Michael got home from school, his mother was still visiting Elly in
the hospice. When he heard his mom come in, he called to her. She smiled
at him as she came into his room, but he could tell it wasn’t a real smile.
“How’s Aunt Elly today?” he asked.
“Very weak,” his mother said.“But she asked about you and sent you
a message.”
“What did she say?”
“That she loved you and wanted you to grow up to be a good man.
And there was something else. She said to tell you this was an order, not a
suggestion: smell the flowers, don’t be too hard on yourself, and laugh at
yourself once a day.”
Michael smiled.“She likes giving orders. She should have been a general.”
“Your dad and I are going back again this evening, Michael. It’s not
going to be long and I want to be with her.”
“Can I come?” Michael asked.
“Of course,” his mother said.“I thought you didn’t
like going to the hospice.”
“I don’t,” Michael said,“but I want to see her.”

Saturday morning
Michael woke up and looked at his clock. Almost noon.
He never slept that late. Why did he feel as if he hadn’t slept at all?
He lay in bed thinking about last night. Aunt Elly died last night.
Mom and I were holding her hands and I said goodbye, even though I didn’t
want to. I wasn’t scared, although I thought I would be. I wanted to tell her
not to go, but I didn’t. Father Rossi was there, and he said that she would
always be with me and watch over me. I sure hope he’s right.

116 Theme 4 ©P
Monday
Over the weekend the family was busy making arrangements for Elly’s
funeral. They met with Father Rossi, the pastor, and chose the readings
and the music for the mass. Father Rossi asked Michael if he wanted to
be one of the readers. His parents worried that it might be too difficult
for him, but to their surprise Michael said he wanted to do it. His
brother Paul asked to read the intentions for the prayer of the faithful.
The family spent the afternoon and evening at the funeral home.
Many friends came to visit and express their sympathy. One of Elly’s
childhood friends, Christine, travelled a long way to be there. She
told stories about the fun they had together when they were young
women, how fearless Elly was, and how easily she laughed or cried.
To Michael’s surprise, Mr. Sato made a visit in the evening.
“Michael, I know from your mother how important your aunt was
to you,” Mr. Sato said.“I will pray for her and for your family. Keep her
in your heart, Michael, and you will never lose her.”

Fr. Rossi led the prayers for Elly and for her family and friends. He asked everyone
there to remember Elly and her family members in their prayers and to offer support
to those who are grieving.

©P Theme 4 117
 Tuesday morning
When it was time for the funeral, the family stood in the back of the
church with the coffin that held Elly’s body. Michael was shaking and
his dad put his arm around him. Fr. Rossi came up the aisle with the
altar servers to welcome Elly and her family. The coffin was moved to
the front of the church and the funeral mass began.
Michael read Psalm 23, The Lord is my Shepherd, and in his
homily Fr. Rossi reflected on the words from the psalm,“I shall dwell
in the house of the Lord my whole life long.” He spoke of Elly’s great
faith in God and her lack of fear.“I know,” he said,“that she would
want all of you to rejoice in her life and to pray that the Lord will
welcome her to the peace of his house.”

“Into your hands,

Father of mercies,
we commend our
sister Elly, in the sure
and certain hope
that, together with
all who have died
in Christ, she will
rise with him on
the last day.”

•••
The weeks after Elly died were difficult for Michael. Since she had been
at the hospice for several months before her death, he was used to not
seeing her at home. But he would often think of something he wanted
to tell her. Once he actually picked up the phone before he remembered.
So he had long conversations with her in his mind and told her he was
trying to do what she asked—smell flowers, tell a joke, laugh at himself.
Fr. Rossi was right. She would always be with him, but what he longed
for, and could not have, was to see her and hear her voice.

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 Grief is part of life. The only way to avoid it is by refusing to give
our hearts to others, refusing to love. But a life without love is not a
fully human existence. We are created for love, and both happiness
and sorrow are part of life.
There is no correct way to grieve after a death. Some people
keep their feelings to themselves and seldom speak of the person
who died. Others express their sadness openly and want to share
memories. Friends often feel that they don’t know what to say to
someone who is grieving. A few words like,“I am so sorry for your
loss. Is there anything I can do for you?” can make a difference. But the
most important thing we can do for the living and the dead is to pray.
Praying for those who have died and for those who are grieving is part
of our commitment as members of the body of Christ.

My name is Susan Morgan and I am a community chaplain with

Saint Elizabeth Health Care. Instead of visiting patients
in hospitals or men and women in prison, as most chaplains
do, I spend time with people who are sick and dying in
their homes.
The visiting nurses giving medical care ask me to add
my support to their own when they find individuals who are
isolated, afraid, depressed, anxious or discouraged. Often I am
also asked to offer encouragement to family members who are
trying their best under difficult circumstances to take care of their loved
one. My role is to give emotional and spiritual support and religious care.
When a person is very sick or approaching death, it is not only care of
the body that is needed but also care of the heart and spirit.
My friends and family members sometimes ask me if I find my
work sad or depressing or even frightening. I assure them that I have
never been so fulfilled or happy in my work. I think this is because
I have the opportunity many times each day to meet people who are
vulnerable and also courageous, grateful, and wanting to receive and
offer forgiveness. People facing tremendous challenges and losses are
wonderful teachers. With loving attention people who are dying
continue to grow and experience their dignity. They inspire me to
live my own life with greater appreciation and with as much love and
awareness as possible.

©P Theme 4 119
 COMMITMENT TO FRIENDS—Young people’s commitment to friends
is an important part of their identity. These relationships are an
expression of who they are and of what they value in other people.
True friendship built on trust, acceptance, and faithfulness makes a
unique contribution to the lives of young people.
Unlike family relationships, however, adolescent friendship is a
peer relationship between people who are both experiencing many
changes. Sometimes people who have been friends since they were
young discover they no longer have a lot in common. Their interests
have changed and they aren’t as comfortable with each other as they
used to be. This is not uncommon, but it can be difficult to handle,
especially if one of the people does not want to end the friendship.
Joe is having a different kind of problem with his friendship with
Jeff. They have many interests in common—sports, video games, and
jokes that no one else thinks are funny. When they were younger, they
once tried to invent a new language, and even now one of them will
shout out a word that no one understands except Joe and Jeff.

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 Joe is troubled because he can feel his relationship with Jeff
slipping away. He still has a strong sense of loyalty to Jeff and can’t
imagine not being friends with him. But Jeff is spending more and
more time with his friends at the mall. He brags about his exploits and
seems to think Joe will be impressed. A few days ago, Jeff tried to give
Joe an MP3 player. Joe was pretty sure it was stolen and said he didn’t
want it. He has tried to warn Jeff that he could get in big trouble, but
Jeff just brushes him off.
Joe has no idea what to do. Stop being friends with Jeff? Tell
someone what’s happening? Hope the problem will disappear?

COMMITMENT TO RESPECT OTHERS—We are surrounded each day

by people: classmates, students from other grades, neighbours, people
who work in the community, and complete strangers—customers in
a store, passengers on a bus, or people just walking down the street.
What commitment do we have to these people? The answer is
simple: to respect them. Respect is not something that people have to
earn. It is a basic human right to be treated with respect and it is what
our faith asks of us—to love one another as God loves us, and to treat
others as we want to be treated.
It is natural that some people’s
qualities appeal to us more than those of
others. Commitment to respect others is
not a commitment to like everyone. But
it is a commitment to love everyone—to
see the image of God in each person
who crosses our path. It is a commitment
to refrain from making judgements
about others based on their appearance,
abilities, behaviour, or circumstances.
We are all members of God’s family, and
we owe each other the loyalty of sisters
and brothers in Christ.

©P Theme 4 121
 “I give you a new
commandment, that you
love one another. Just as
I have loved you, you also
should love one another.
By this everyone will know that
you are my disciples, if you
have love for one another.”
(John 13:34-35)

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 Commitment to the Future
“To thine own self be true” means something different at each stage
of life. During adolescence, it means a commitment to change, growth,
and maturation. Adolescents are no longer children, but are not yet
adults. They are moving toward maturity and adulthood.
Unlike physical maturity, which happens automatically, full
maturity is an accomplishment. Young people can’t just sit around
waiting to be adults. They have to make it happen, something they
can’t do alone. Personal effort and perseverance are essential, but
growth toward maturity also requires them to
• grow in knowledge of themselves • accept guidance from the Church,
• experience relationships with God parents, and others who are fully mature
and others • be open to the Holy Spirit and the grace
• use their freedom responsibly to choose of God.
what is right and good
Not everyone reaches adulthood as a mature person. In fact, some
people seem to get stuck in childhood or adolescence. It’s wonderful
to be a child or an adolescent, to be free of big responsibilities, but
these life-stages aren’t meant to last forever. And as people
grow up, they have to leave some things behind.

Remember to bring your sweater home from school

Eat your carrots

teeth?
Have you brushed your
Where is your bike helmet?

Do you have any homework?

It’s too late to play outsid

e

Each life-stage has its special tasks, its strengths, and its
weaknesses. During the childhood stage of life, for example,
other people look after the future, while children enjoy themselves
without big worries. Adults don’t expect children to accept a lot of
responsibilities, and certainly not responsibility for the future.

©P Theme 4 123
 Giving up living only in the present is the price of moving from
childhood to adolescence. This doesn’t mean young people shouldn’t
enjoy life today, and each day as it comes along. But it does mean that
they have to assume a lot more responsibility for themselves and pay
attention to the choices they make in order to fulfill the hopes and
dreams they have for the future.

Trouble for Jeff

On a Friday afternoon, Jeff, Nick, Jim, and Nathan were arrested for
selling stolen property. Nathan also had a small amount of pot in his
pocket and was charged with possession of an illegal substance. They
were taken to the nearest police station and held there until their
parents or guardians were contacted.
Jeff’s father was out of town, but his stepmother, Kathy, was home.
She came immediately and Jeff was released to her. He was given a
date to appear for a hearing the following month.

By Monday, news of the arrest was buzzing around the

school. Nick, Jim, and Nathan had all gone to the same
elementary school and some older students remembered
the three boys. Jeff was not at school on Monday.

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 “Good morning,” Mr. Sato greeted his students.“I gather there’s
been a lot of activity in cyber-land this weekend. The rumours I’ve
heard include a long prison sentence for all four boys. So, let’s take
a minute to get back to reality.”
“Jeff won’t really go to prison, will he,” Megan asked.
“No, of course not,” Mr. Sato said.“Jeff is only 14. We don’t put
14-year-olds in prison in this country!”
“What will happen to him?” Joe asked.
“I’m not sure, Joe, but most likely a conditional discharge, which
means he won’t be charged with a crime. He may have a curfew or be
required to make some compensation for the items that were stolen.”
“How could he do something so stupid?” Michael asked.
“He knows better.”
“Knowing better and doing better are two different things,”
Mr. Sato said, and he went to the chalkboard and wrote several
questions.“Let’s think about these questions.”

• What is a moral choice? Human beings have the freedom to make

decisions and to choose what is right and good. A moral choice is a
decision a person makes in his or her life that involves a judgment
of what is right and wrong, sometimes described as choosing
between good and evil.

©P Theme 4 125
 • How do we learn to make moral choices? We learn first in our
families. Parents teach us small lessons in being a good person—tell
the truth; keep your word; don’t hit people; be generous with others;
think before you act. They also explain that actions have consequences:
• if you tell lies, people won’t believe you
• if you don’t keep your word, people won’t trust you
• if you refuse to share your toys, you won’t have any friends.
As children grow up, they want to know and do what is right.
They learn that their moral choices must be guided by the word
of God and what our Church teaches about our faith and morals.
They also learn that persons want to do what is right, but have
weaknesses that pull them toward sin.
We grow in freedom when we make choices that reflect the truth
and goodness of our dignity as persons. These choices help develop
the virtues that guide us. When we use our freedom to choose what
is wrong, we harm ourselves and our relationship with God and
others. This is why the sacrament of Reconciliation is so important—
to acknowledge that we have done wrong and to ask for God’s
mercy and forgiveness.

• What is conscience? Conscience is related to the power of the

human mind to reason and make a judgment to choose what is
right and good in particular situations in our lives. If we choose to
act wrongly, conscience also allows us to judge this action, and we
are likely to feel guilty.
Our conscience has to be educated to search for, to know, and
to act for what is morally right and good. We must be formed in the
truth through scripture, Church teachings, and the advice of wise
adults. God gives us the gift of reason and the freedom to make
moral choices. The more we use our freedom to act for goodness,
the closer we grow to God.
• Why is it hard sometimes to choose what is right? We are
created for goodness, but we are inclined to sin. At times we develop
bad habits, known as vices: looking down on others (pride), wanting
more money and things (greed), and avoiding our work (laziness).
The more we develop these bad habits, the more difficult it is for
our conscience to judge what is right and choose what is good. We
may no longer care about moral goodness.
•••
126 Theme 4 ©P
 Autobiography in
Five Short Chapters
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost . . . I am helpless
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place,
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it’s there.
I still fall in . . . it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street,
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.
Portia Nelson

©P Theme 4 127
 ask ask
S op h i a S op h i a

ask
ia S op h i a What do you do when you are caught between not wanting to snitch
and your conscience urging you to tell?   Brian
•••
Dear Brian,
The standard for your decision is how serious the matter is. Some people have very rigid
rules about snitching, but there are times when their unwillingness to speak up results in
significant harm to others. If you know that a person is doing or going to do something
that could cause serious harm, you have a responsibility to tell a trusted adult.
If it is a minor matter, you may not be obligated to tell others, especially if doing
so would cause more harm and be disrespectful to the person. Since your conscience is
bothering you, however, it seems likely that your question is not about a minor matter. Is
there someone who could help you with this decision—a parent, a close relative, or your
parish priest?   Sophia

Jeff came back to school on Wednesday. Before his return, Mr. Sato offered
one piece of advice to his class: “When Jeff comes back, I want each one
of you to say to yourself: ‘I am Jeff. It’s really hard for me to walk into the
classroom and face everyone. I’m embarrassed and I’m scared.’ OK?”
A few students from other classes gave Jeff a hard time, but most of his
classmates made an effort to act as they usually did with him and to avoid
talking about the incident. Mr. Sato was very pleased.
•••
Jeff, like many people, doesn’t really think about his decisions or consider
their consequences. He does whatever feels good. The future doesn’t seem
to exist and, as a result, he has found himself in serious trouble.
Some young people, like Jeff, are drawn toward risky moral behaviour—
shoplifting, early sexual activity, illegal drugs, or alcohol. Some are
motivated by the desire to feel grown up and independent. Others are
motivated by the desire to be popular. But the truth is, doing adult things
like drinking or getting involved in sexual relationships is morally wrong
and does not make them adults. It also threatens their ability to make good
moral choices for their future commitments in life.

128 Theme 4 ©P
 A commitment to the future is a commitment to be persons who
are preparing to be mature adults and growing in their ability to:
• accept the challenge to grow in freedom by being responsible
• make thoughtful decisions
• ask for help in difficult moral situations or when they are
overwhelmed
• seek balance in their lives and handle stress in a healthy way
• pay attention to their physical and spiritual well-being.

This is not easy. But the more committed you are to being who you
are now—student, friend, family member, young Catholic, developing
person—the more likely it is that you will fulfill your dreams and
hopes for the future. This is what God wants for you.

©P Theme 4 129
 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
he leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul.
He leads me in right paths
for his name’s sake.
Response: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley,

I fear no evil;
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
Response: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Response: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
my whole life long.
Response: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
Psalm 23

130 Theme 4 ©P
 5
Living in the World
You shall love the Lord your God with
all your heart, and with all your soul,
and with all your mind . . .
You shall love your neighbour as yourself.
Matthew 22: 37–39

This theme is about being a member of human

society. It will ask and answer questions like:
What are our responsibilities as members of society?
What is individual justice? Social justice?
What can be done to lessen poverty in our world?
How do we protect the value of life for the
most vulnerable?
How do we prepare ourselves to work for change
in the world?
To be a person created in God’s image is much
more than private affair. We are members of
society and the world is our home. Just as it matters
that our small homes be places of love and
respect, so it matters that our world reflects the
dignity and value of all persons. Each person has a
contribution to make. When we act justly, educate
ourselves about the issues, and work for change for
those who are most vulnerable, we are continuing
the work of our Creator in our earthly home.
 A Common Project
Three weeks ago, Lydia started working on a
history project about the social and working
d , a n d
opeful, com
mit te conditions in factories at the beginning of the
Wanted: h sp e c ia l
hristian fo
r a 20th century. She did a lot of research but found
empathic C g sk il ls
od critical
thin k in it difficult to organize all of her material. She
project. Go p e ri e n c e
y an asset. N
o ex finished the project last night and handed it
and creativit n form to b e
o applicatio in this morning.
necessary. N re q u ir e d .
No intervie
w Michael is also involved in a project, but
filled out. our wh o le li fe !
! Continue y not for school. He is interested in World War I,
Begin today
especially in the role of Canadian soldiers.
Michael’s great-grandfather fought in this
war, and was badly wounded. He survived,
but died a few years after he came home. His only child, Michael’s
grandfather, knows a lot about military history and has encouraged
Michael’s interest.
Two different kinds of projects. Lydia’s was a three-week effort.
Michael’s will last as long as he remains interested. Some projects are
so challenging that they last for many years, and require the talents
and energy of thousands of people—medical research, investigations
of the effects of industry on the environment, the creation of an
encyclopedia of world knowledge.

132 Theme 5 ©P
 All projects have something essential in common—thought,
creativity, and action. Projects require time, energy, and personal
involvement. Only human beings, who are “thinking doers,” can
plan and carry out projects.
Since the beginning of the year, we have been talking about
the most extraordinary project of all—being a unique, developing
person made in God’s image. We have explored the gifts of thought,
emotion, and free will; the importance of relationships; the meaning
of sexuality; and the challenges of being a committed person.
But the project of being a unique, developing person is
more than a private, personal affair. We are created to live
in relationship and our lives are rooted in our families and
friendships. Outside of this small circle of relationships,
we are also members of local communities, like schools,
neighbourhoods, and parishes. Then, beyond our local
connections, we are citizens of a country who share an
earthly home, and members of human society. Our life
projects take place in a complex, and often troubled, world.

Grade 8 Student Survey 2010

What are your hopes If you had one wish to change
for the future? the world, what would it be?
1. a nice family 1. peace in the world
2. lots of money 2. the end of poverty
3. be successful 3. a cure for cancer

©P Theme 5 133
 These are some of the goals of the United Nations:
• to save succeeding generations from the scourge
of war
• to reaffirm faith in fundamental human rights,
in the dignity and worth of the human person,
in the equal rights of men and women and of
nations large and small
• to establish conditions under which justice
and respect for the obligations arising from
treaties and other sources of international law
can be maintained
• to promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom
• to practise tolerance and live together in peace with one another as
good neighbours
(Source: Preamble to the Charter of the United Nations)

We cannot fulfill God’s plan for us without being involved in human

society. The world is our home. The nearly seven billion people who
live on the earth are our brothers and sisters. Each is created and loved
by God and has immeasurable dignity and value. Together, we have a
common project—to build a society that reflects this human dignity and
value, and work for a world filled with love and justice.
I want all people
What would such a world look like? I want a world
in the world to
with no global
have a daily meal.
warming.
Everyone should
have an equal
chance.

No one should
be poor and
homeless.

134 Theme 5 ©P
 Christians believe that Jesus Christ, who lived and worked in this world,
is still among us, showing us how to care for each other. Our faith is not a
private affair; since we are part of society, it has a social dimension. Christ
has given us a vision of the Kingdom of God in which there is a special
place for the poor and defenceless. We continue Christ’s work
when we commit ourselves to changing society so that it
better reflects the intention our Creator.

©P Theme 5 135
 The advertisement at the beginning of this section
describes the kind of people who are needed for the
project of creating a more just and peaceful society.
And like all projects, it can be accomplished only with
the help of God’s grace and through human thought,
creativity, action, personal involvement, and the gift of
energy and time.

136 Theme 5 ©P
Understanding Justice
Most of us have a keen sense of justice when it comes to ourselves.
Even very small children who don’t know the meaning of the word
justice want to make sure they’re being treated fairly. But what does
justice look like?
Look, I let
you use my soccer
ball, and you lost
it. I want it back,
so you have to do
something.

• Justice requires that we give other people what is their due—

This aspect of justice has to do with our relationships as individuals.
What if the boy who lost the soccer ball refused to replace it? He
might say that he didn’t intend to lose it, and besides, he doesn’t
have any money to buy another one. But if he is to act fairly, he has
to find the ball or figure out a way to pay for another.
When we meet our obligations to each other as individuals, we
are practising justice. This includes respect for personal property,
but it also means being honest in our dealings with others, paying
people a fair wage, and working hard for the money we earn. Above
all, it involves sharing what we have with those who are in need.

©P Theme 5 137
• Justice requires that individual members
No fair! Her
of society be treated fairly. piece is bigger
than mine!

We belong to many different groups, from the small communities of

the family, classroom, and neighbourhood, to the large societies of our
country and the world. As members of a group, we expect to be treated
fairly. It is this aspect of justice that children are talking about when
they complain about the size of their piece of cake or compare their
bedtime with that of an older sister or brother.
It takes a while for children to learn that to treat people fairly
doesn’t mean to treat everyone in exactly the same way. We all have
equal value and dignity, but we are not identical. Younger children go
to bed earlier because of a difference in age. Some students get higher
marks because of a difference in ability. But if teachers gave marks
based on how much they liked the person, the other students could
rightly complain that they were not being treated justly.

• Justice requires that members of society carry out their

responsibilities toward that society.

Just as we have rights as members of society, we also have

responsibilities. When people gather in groups, they have to find
ways to protect the rights of the group, as well as those of individuals.
In a classroom, for example, there are rules about behaviour. These
rules are intended to benefit everyone. If the class is disrupted by the
behaviour of some members, the whole group loses since no one can
learn. If the whole group is punished because of the behaviour of some
members, some people will suffer an injustice.

138 Theme 5 ©P
 The smaller the group, the easier it is to see the effects of
injustice. For example, if one family member refuses to share the
work of the home, the whole family suffers. The other members feel
hurt and resentful, the atmosphere becomes tense, and arguments
become more frequent.
But what happens in larger groups when individual members
fail to meet their responsibilities? For example, citizens of a country
have an obligation to pay income tax. When individuals cheat on
this tax, they harm the entire society. There is less money available
for education, health care, aid to poorer countries, and for assistance
to low-income families, people with disabilities, and children. The
benefits that come from being a citizen are diminished.
When we act justly, we are demonstrating that we recognize and
respect the rights of others as individuals and as members of society.
Justice is the virtue that helps us to respond to the dignity of each
person created in the image of God. It is a way of life that is guided
by Christ’s commandment to love each other.

It’s not fair

that the whole
class is in trouble.
We weren’t the
ones giving the
music teacher a
hard time.

©P Theme 5 139
 But there is still another aspect of justice. We are members of
a particular society, with social customs, laws, governments, and
institutions that have developed over the years. Sometimes the word
system is used to describe the various structures and organizations that
exist in any society—for example, the political system, the economic
system, or the educational system.

Canada’s Parliament in session.

• Justice requires that societies be organized in such a way that

the rights and dignity of all members of the human family are
recognized and respected.

This aspect of justice is called social justice. As members of human society,

we share responsibility for the way it is organized. In order to discover
if our community or country is just, we have to ask some questions.
• Are the rights of individuals protected?
• Are resources shared fairly?
• How are the least powerful members of our society treated—the
poor, the disabled, the very young, and the very old?
• Does our society promote attitudes that encourage people to
behave justly?

As we look for answers to these questions, we may discover that some

of the social structures and practices in our communities and country
need to be changed.

140 Theme 5 ©P
 Here is an example that may help you understand the meaning of
social justice.

Food banks have become a common feature in North American

cities and towns. There are times when people who are unemployed
or work for a minimum wage must depend on these organizations to
feed themselves and their families. Some members of the community
give food regularly to their local food bank or donate several times a
year, for example, at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. Others offer
assistance by packing and sorting donations.
Justice requires that we share what we have with those in need.
This is what people are doing when they donate food and money or
volunteer their time to sort and pack groceries.
But in a truly just society, there would be no need for food banks.
And so we must ask the question: Why are so many people unable to
feed their families? To answer this we have to look for the
causes and work for change. To practise social justice, our
goal must be to create a society in which people do not
need to depend on food banks.
Individual justice and social justice complement each
other. Each enriches the other, and both are essential if
we are to accept the challenge of loving each other as
God loves us and of working for the common good
of all members of society.

©P Theme 5 141
 THE VIRTUE OF Solidarity
“The joys and hopes, the grief and anguish of the people of our time,
especially of those who are poor or afflicted, are the joys and hopes, the
grief and anguish of the followers of Christ as well. . . . That is why they
cherish a feeling of deep solidarity with the human race and its history.”
(The Church in the Modern World, #1)

“We’re all in this together.” “One for all and all for one.” These common
expressions capture the meaning of solidarity. They apply to a family, classroom,
team, community, city or town, and country. They also apply to the world—the
human family. What happens to one of us, happens to all.
Pope John Paul II described the virtue of solidarity as a total and ongoing
commitment to the common good—the good of all people and each individual
person. Solidarity is a social virtue, a virtue concerned with the dignity and rights
of the entire human family.
How do we demonstrate this virtue? Within our own families, we share resources,
listen to each other, and recognize our responsibilities to each other. We live in
relationship with each other, and what happens to each other matters to us. We
are bound together in love and solidarity.
Ideally, the whole human family reflects the love and solidarity of the smaller
family. We, the people of the world, want what is good for all people and for each
individual person. As we do in our families, we demonstrate our commitment to
the common good by:

• sharing resources with each other—Those who are more fortunate have an
obligation to share with those who have less.
• listening to each other—When we accept that we do not have all the
answers and listen to the voices of those whose way of life is quite different from
ours, we are practising solidarity. We have much to learn from each other.
• being responsible for each other—The virtue of solidarity asks us to accept
our responsibility as members of the human family. When people suffer from
unjust laws, corrupt governments, or lack of access to resources they need, we
must find a way to create change.

Jesus didn’t just suggest that we love our neighbours. He told us that we must love
our neighbours. When Jesus was asked, “Who is my neighbour?” he told the story
of the good Samaritan, who helped an injured man who was a stranger to him.
In the end, however, the injured man was not a stranger—the good Samaritan
understood that he was his neighbour.
The virtue of solidarity helps us to see that there are no strangers. There are
only brothers and sisters in the family of God, with whom we share the world.

142 Theme 5 ©P
Some Issues in Social Justice
In order to live a life that reflects our dignity as people created and
loved by God, there are certain things we need. These needs are
usually described as rights. Here are some examples of these rights.

• the right to life, bodily integrity (wholeness) and well-being

• the right to the means to maintain a decent standard of living—
food, clothing, shelter
• the right of the elderly, children without families, and the sick to
the care and assistance they need
• the right to work and develop one’s personality and talents
• the right to decent working conditions and to a reasonable
amount of free time
• the right of children and young people to education and to
morally sound conditions of social life
• the right of women to equality with men in participating in
educational, cultural, economic, social, and political life
• the right to worship according to one’s beliefs without interference

Some of these rights are protected through laws. In Canada, for

example, we have laws against taking another person’s life or causing
physical harm to anyone except when we are defending our own
lives. But other rights, for example, the right to work or the right to a
decent standard of living—depend on social and economic programs
that recognize and protect them. Social justice is concerned with the
protection of these rights for all people.

©P Theme 5 143
 We, the people of the world, are a family, and are related to each
other as brothers and sisters. Social, economic, and political conditions
that fail to respect human rights harm all of us. It’s not just tough luck
that many are unemployed or that children from the poorest countries
die from hunger. It is a tragedy for the whole human community, and
a challenge to everyone to bring about change.

Poverty
Mr. Sato’s class was discussing the topic of poverty in Canada. One
of the students, Frank, said,“If people worked harder they wouldn’t
be so poor.”
“What if they don’t have any work?” Mr. Sato asked.
“Then they should get a job,” Frank said.
“What it they can’t get one?” Joe asked.“How are they supposed
to look after their families if they have no job, or have a job that pays
peanuts?”
Frank shrugged his shoulders.“I don’t know.”
“That’s what welfare is for, isn’t it?” Megan said.“People have to
have money to buy food.”
“My dad says that welfare is for people who are too lazy to work,”
Frank said.
“Does your dad say a lot of stupid things?” Joe said, and he picked
up his knapsack and walked out of the classroom.

•••

144 Theme 5 ©P
ABSOLUTE POVERTY—When people lack the basic necessities of life, for
example, clean water, sufficient food, health care, education, clothing, and
adequate shelter, they are described as living in absolute poverty.

• Close to one and a half billion of the world’s people live in absolute poverty.
• Nearly a billion people entered the 21st century unable to read a book or sign their names.
• In 2005, the wealthiest 20% of the world accounted for almost 77% of total private
consumption. The poorest 20% accounted for just 1.5% of private consumption.
• Close to 1.5 billion people live without electricity.
• More than 1 billion people have inadequate access to water and 2.6 billion people lack
basic sanitation.

There are many complex reasons for such terrible poverty around the
world: ineffective or corrupt government; exploitation of workers and
resources; the inequality between the rich and poor, which leads to social
unrest; foreign aid that does not reach the people who need it most; unfair
trade rules; and crushing debt payments, especially in African countries,
which leave little money for essentials like education and health care.

Working Together for Christ’s Kingdom

of Justice, Love, and Peace
Social justice issues—poverty, homelessness, fair trade, respect for life at all stages,
relieving debt in poor countries, environmental concerns, or human rights—are at the
heart of our Church’s mission. For this reason, all levels of the Catholic Church in Canada
are deeply involved in efforts to create social justice in the world, in our country, and in
all of our communities.
The international development organization, Development and Peace, was founded
by the Canadian bishops in 1967, and is involved in projects that support the poor in
Africa, Asia, Latin America, and the Middle East. Development and Peace is also involved
in emergency relief for natural disasters. Each Lent, Catholic parishes throughout Canada
participate in raising funds for these efforts.
The Canadian bishops regularly communicate with federal and provincial
governments to express the Church’s positions on matters such as the treatment of
refugees and migrant workers, respect for life, protection of the environment, poverty
relief, and fair trade. These concerns and others are also discussed in pastoral letters
to Catholics around the country, encouraging them to understand the issues and
participate in the work of social justice in their communities.

©P Theme 5 145
 Making a Difference: Microcredit
In 2006, Muhammad Yunus and the Grameen
Bank, which he founded, won the Nobel Prize for
economics. Yunus is a banker and economist who
lives in Bangladesh. He and his bank won “for their
efforts to create economic and social development
from below.” In an interview Yunus explained it
this way.

“. . . Charity is not the way to help people in need;

it is not a healthy basis for a relationship between
people. If you want to solve poverty, you have to put
people in a position to build their own life.”

Yunus received the prize for the concept of

microcredit, an idea he put into action through the
Grameen Bank. It works like this. People living
in poverty are unable to borrow money from
traditional banks. They have no jobs and
don’t own anything with which they could
guarantee their ability to repay the loan.
Microcredit is a system of making very small
loans to people that allows them to establish
a small business. A small business might be
selling clothes or cooked food, raising chickens
and selling the eggs, or buying a sewing
machine in order to repair clothes. Often, the
loans are given to a small group of people whose
members guarantee each other’s loans.
Microcredit is an effective way to combat
poverty, especially in the developing world. The
World Bank reports that 30 million microloans
are made across the world each year. The
Grameen Bank alone has lent more than
2 billion dollars to more than 2 million people,
most of them women.

146 Theme 5 ©P
RELATIVE POVERTY—Joe does not live in absolute poverty. The term
relative poverty is used to describe individuals and families who are
substantially worse off than others. Families headed by a single mother
have the highest rate of poverty in Canada.
Relative poverty does not threaten people’s physical survival, but it
does have a serious impact on their lives. It creates stress and feelings
of helplessness. People who live in relative poverty cannot afford good
housing, find it expensive to travel by car or public transportation, and
don’t have the means to participate fully in their communities. They
often feel as if they are not complete members of society.
What are we doing about poverty in Canada? There are several
government programs and policies that are intended to help, for example:
• government transfers to assist low-income people, for example
welfare and the Old Age security program
• Employment Insurance program for people who become unemployed
• Subsidized housing for people with low-incomes
• Canada Child Tax Benefit and provincial child tax credit or benefits
• minimum wage laws, which are set by the provinces and territories

These programs and policies do make some difference, but, as many

people point out, not nearly enough.
• Over the past years, welfare payments have failed to keep up with
the cost of living. They do not provide a decent standard of living,
which is a basic human right.
• There is a great need for more subsidized housing. The waiting lists
are long, and some people have lost hope.
• Not everyone who is out of work qualifies for Employment Insurance.
• Canada’s tax system could do more to close the difference the very
rich and the very poor and create more just conditions.

As well as improving government policies and programs, we need

to examine our attitudes toward poverty. For example, many believe
that people are poor because they don’t really want to work. But most
of those receiving welfare are unable to work because of disabilities,
serious health problems, or because they are single mothers with
young children.

©P Theme 5 147
 Another opinion often expressed is that everyone has an equal
opportunity and with hard work all people can achieve an adequate
income for themselves and their families. But do we really all start
off equal?
• Frank, the boy in Mr. Sato’s class who upset Joe by his comment
on welfare, comes from a well-educated family with a comfortable
standard of living. His older sister is in university, and, although
it’s still a long way off, Frank takes it for granted that he will also go
to university. He also takes it for granted that his parents will pay for
his tuition and other expenses.
• Joe’s mother did not finish high school, and no one in her extended
family has ever gone to college or university. If Joe did decide to
continue his education beyond high school, it would be a big
challenge. He would qualify for financial assistance, but would finish
school with a large debt. He would also have to have a part-time job
while going to school to cover other expenses.

There are people in Joe’s situation who complete

their education and go on to find good jobs. But
they do it despite their disadvantages, and not
everyone is able to do this. We do not begin life
with equal opportunities and resources, and
this has to be taken into account when we
are searching for ways to overcome poverty.
Justice requires that all members of
society are treated fairly. This means
we have to find ways to lessen the
effect of disadvantages in some
people’s lives.

148 Theme 5 ©P
 How can you respond to poverty? You can begin by becoming
more aware of the issues and by developing thoughtful opinions.
You can also offer time and energy to organizations and groups
that provide food, clothing, and shelter to people in need. The
sacrifices you make by donating your time and money have
real meaning. Not only are you helping, but your actions are a
witness to your faith and your commitment to justice.

You might also look at some of society’s values. Christians

understand that possessions and money must never become an
overpowering force in life. In fact, the more we have, the more we are
in danger of losing sight of what is really important—our relationship
with God and with others.
North American society tends to be very concerned with wealth
and acquiring more and more things—the latest fashions, expensive
vacations, huge houses, new cars, and the latest electronic equipment.
It’s hard to resist this temptation. But that is exactly what Jesus teaches.
When our lifestyle is simple, we are witnesses to this teaching. When
we share with those who are struggling to survive, we are building a
just and loving society.

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 Respect for Life
All human beings have equal value and dignity—from
the oldest to the youngest, from those who are strong
and healthy to those who are vulnerable because of
illness or disabilities, from those who can speak for
themselves to those who cannot. Yet our society does
not always reflect this belief, and some members of our
human family are not treated justly.
Two groups within the human family are particularly
vulnerable: those whose lives have begun, but are as yet
unborn, and those who are coming to the end of their
lives. What we do as a society to meet the needs of the
unborn and the dying is a measure of our commitment
to respect the lives of all members of our human family.

ABORTION—One of the urgent issues is the right to life, the

first and most basic right of all human beings. Abortion was
made legal in Canada in 1969. Between that year and 2005, close
to three million unborn children died. Their lives, which were gifts
from God, were destroyed before they had a chance to be born.
When the 1969 law was struck down by the Supreme Court, efforts
to pass a new law failed. At the present time, Canada is one of a
very few nations in the world that has no abortion law.

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 Abortion has caused great debate in this country and in others.
On one side are those who are committed to protecting the life of the
unborn child, and want a law that would make abortion illegal under
all circumstances. Many of them are motivated by their Christian
beliefs in the dignity of human life. On the other side are those who
believe that a woman should have the right to make a personal
decision for or against abortion. This group wants to maintain the
present situation—no legal restrictions on abortion.
It’s important to understand the issues that are involved. As
Christians, we are committed to the value of all human life, especially
those who are most defenceless. But in order to defend the unborn
child, we have to be able to respond to those who believe in a woman’s
right to have an abortion. These are some of their arguments and
responses to these arguments:
• A woman has the right to control her own body. A woman
does have the right to protect her own body. But her child also
has rights, beginning with the right to live. From everything we
know about conception and pregnancy, it is clear that the unborn
child is not part of its mother’s body. It has a unique genetic
make-up, and although it is growing inside her uterus, it is a
separate human being.

• A woman has the right to choose whether or not to have an

abortion. People are free to make many choices, but they are not
free to make a choice that denies another human being the right to
life. The right to existence is so fundamental that it comes before all
other rights.

When there is a conflict between the right to life and freedom of

choice, we have to examine what each side must sacrifice. In order
to protect the child’s life, the mother must spend nine months in
pregnancy. After the baby is born, she has the option of raising the
child herself or offering the baby for adoption. In comparison, if the
woman is free to choose abortion, the child loses, not nine months,
but all the remaining years of his or her life.

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 • It is better to allow abortion than to bring unwanted children
into the world. The right to life does not depend on being wanted.
It is certainly not part of God’s plan that a man and woman would
conceive a new life but be unwilling to accept and cherish it. But, no
matter what the circumstances, a new human life is always wanted
and loved by God from the first moments of his or her existence. It
is of priceless value.
We also have to ask the question: Who doesn’t want the
child? There are thousands of couples that cannot conceive and
desperately want to share their love with children. Abortion is one
of the reasons that there are so few babies available for adoption.
•••
Abortion is not only an issue of personal morality and
justice. It is also an issue of social justice. Here are just two
of the attitudes in our society that contribute to the frequency
of abortion.
• Although men and women are both involved in conceiving
children, we rarely hear about the fathers of babies who
are aborted. Under the old 1969 abortion law, men had
no legal rights in the decision to have an abortion. When
the role of fathers is ignored, the whole society suffers. Too
many people think of abortion as a women’s issue, and
too many men are unwilling to accept the consequences
of their sexual behaviour. Without a partner who accepts
equal responsibility for pregnancy, women are more likely
to choose abortion.
• Our society’s attitude toward the gift of sexuality is far
from what God intends. As more and more single people
engage in intimate sexual relationships, there is a growing
number of unintended pregnancies. Far too many people
think that since they did not mean to become pregnant,
they can correct their mistake with an abortion.

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 Each of us has to do what we can to change these attitudes and
help create the kind of society in which the true meaning of sexuality
is understood and respected and in which every child is welcomed.
There are many groups trying to do this. Some offer assistance to
women during pregnancy and after the baby is born. Others educate
the public about the life of unborn children and their priceless value.
A law that will protect the unborn child is badly needed. Abortion
is an issue of human rights, and when a society fails to protect the
rights of all of its members, justice has been violated. Many people
have worked for years on this task and have refused to give up, even
when they see little progress.
Young people have also responded to the abortion issue with
their prayers, their time, and their energy. They have participated in
demonstrations, signed petitions, and organized pro-life groups in
their schools. Your contribution to these efforts is needed. Action in
defence of the unborn is part of the work of social justice.

EUTHANASIA AND ASSISTED SUICIDE—Euthanasia is the deliberate

killing of someone by action or omission, with or without that person’s
consent, for compassionate reasons. Assisted Suicide is a deliberate
act of helping another person to end his or her life, for example, by
supplying drugs or by some other means.
For more than twenty years, there has been discussion among
Canadians about the end of life and whether individuals have the right
to control how and when they will die. Several efforts have been made
by some members of Parliament to legalize euthanasia and assisted
suicide under certain circumstances. So far these efforts in Canada
have not been successful.

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 Death is part of life. Inevitably, our life on earth comes to an end.
We hope that we will live a long life, and most of us do. We hope that
we will die peacefully, surrounding by the people who love us and
whom we have loved in this world.
Advances in science and technology have greatly improved the
ability of the medical community to cure illnesses, to relieve pain, and
to prolong life. This ability to sustain and prolong life raises a number
of questions about the meaning of life, of suffering, and of the ability
of persons to make choices about their death.
Christians believe that life is a gift from God, and a gift of love.
We do not control our lives as if they were things that we own, like
cars or laptops. We come from God and we return to God. Each of us
has great dignity and value. Our dignity and value do not lie in our
accomplishments or gifts, but in our origin and our destiny.
Just as we have to be able to respond to the arguments of those who
defend abortion rights, we must also learn to respond to the arguments
of those who favour making euthanasia and assisted suicide legal.
• People have the right to make private decisions about their lives.
First, the rights of persons and the good of society have to be balanced.
The right to kill another person, even out of a sense of compassion,
or to help a person end his or her life, is not a private matter. Such
decisions have an impact on medical caregivers, family members and
friends, and the whole society. There is also a huge potential for abuse
if euthanasia and assisted suicide are made legal. What would happen
to those who are chronically ill, the disabled, and the very elderly?
• Why should dying people have to suffer unnecessarily?
There have been great medical advances in the relief and control
of physical pain. Under most circumstances, physical pain can be
controlled without interfering with the person’s ability to interact
with family members and friends.
• When people are no longer able to look after themselves and
are a burden on others, why should they continue to live? Our
dignity as persons does not lie in our ability to look after ourselves.
There are times in life when our needs are great, and we turn to
our family members and close friends. Depending on others in our
living and our dying is not weakness. It is a recognition that we are
members of the human family and have a deep need for other people.
•••

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As efforts to legalize euthanasia and assisted suicide increase in our
country, it is important that we respond. One concrete action people
can take is to insist on adequate palliative care services. Palliative
care is a service for people who are dying. It involves a team of health
professionals and volunteers who provide physical, emotional, and
spiritual care for patients and families. The goal is to provide comfort
and care when the hope of a cure is no longer possible.
A society that respects the dignity and value of human life does not
include abortion or euthanasia and assisted suicide. Our willingness to
care for the most vulnerable members of society—the unborn and the
dying—is a reflection of our conviction that we are sisters and brothers
in the human family.

I have called you by

name, you are mine.
Isaiah 43:1

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Growing Toward Social Lots of people

Justice are trying to change

the world, but it takes
such a long time to see
When young people first learn about social any progress.
justice, they react in a variety of ways.

I hate thinking
about sad things,
I’m just one
like people dying
person. What
of hunger.
can I do?

These are natural reactions. The issues are complicated, change

takes time and patience, and social justice issues make everyone
uncomfortable.
Understanding social justice begins when children first learn
about the importance of fairness and generosity at home and at
school. During adolescence, people are ready to take a closer look at
their society and its challenges. Growing toward social justice is part
of a developing person’s commitment to the future—to become a
person with the personal qualities and skills to work for change.
Some of these qualities and skills are in the advertisement on
page 132—hopefulness, commitment, empathy, critical thinking
skills, and creativity. It’s easy to see why commitment is so
important—it takes people who are willing to get involved and
stay involved to find solutions for social problems. But the other
qualities and skills are a little less obvious.

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HOPEFULNESS—Hope, along with love and faith, are the special signs
of a Christian. Hope is an expression of our belief that the world and
each person in it is loved and cared for by God. Jesus Christ lived
among us, died for us, and rose again. No one is excluded from God’s
love. To be hopeful doesn’t mean we are blind to how much is wrong
with the world. The effects of human sin are obvious in our lives and
in our society. But our sins are not stronger than God’s love. We are
always given a chance to begin again. And if God believes in us, then
we have to believe in each other. The work that we do in the world
with each other and for each other to create a just society is a sign of
our hope in God.

Clara Hughes and Right to Play

When Clara Hughes was 13 years old, she regularly skipped school, drank beer, and
tried drugs. She even ran away from home several times. Three years later, she was
mesmerized as she watched the 1988 Calgary Olympics. She was looking at what she
wanted to be—an Olympic speed skater. Her mother investigated and discovered that
there was a spring training camp Clara could attend.
Making her dream a reality wasn’t easy, but with the help of coaches she persevered.
She had a goal. Instead of wandering through life doing whatever she felt like, she
developed self-discipline, not only as an athlete, but also as a person.
After winning a gold medal at the 2006
Olympics, Clara donated $10 000 to the group,
Right to Play. This group works to improve the
lives of children in disadvantaged areas of the
world through the power of sport and play.
Clara had been deeply moved by Right to
Play, and especially by the spirit and joy of the
children who were participating in sports. In her
online journal she wrote, “I knew I had to give
something back to these children after what they
taught me . . .” Her generosity encouraged other
Canadians to donate almost $500 000 to Right to
Play. She continues to support Right to Play and
encourages other athletes to get involved.

Clara Hughes was chosen to be the flag bearer for the

Canadian team at the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver.

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 EMPATHY—Empathy is the capacity to feel other people’s needs,
anxieties, hurts, and sorrows as if they were our own. It is more than
pity. It is the ability to identify with others so strongly that we are
motivated to help however we can. It is easy to feel empathetic with
those we love—family members and friends. But it is harder to feel
the needs of those we don’t know—the disabled, the unemployed,
or recently-arrived immigrants. This is why volunteer activities are
so important—in soup kitchens, food banks, hospitals, and nursing
homes. These experiences bring us into contact with the needs, hopes,
and frustrations of real people.

Sophia Gran-Ruaz and Snug as a Bug—

Kids Helping Kids
When Sophia was a baby, she and her mother spent a brief
time in a shelter. At the age of 10, she wrote a speech
on homelessness. As part of her research, she and her
father interviewed people who lived on the street.
This experience led to her desire to do something
for children living in shelters.
In 2004 , when she was 12 years old, Sophia
created an organization called Snug as a Bug—Kids
Helping Kids. Her organization makes gift packages
for children and teenagers in shelters. Sophia
approaches businesses and organizations to ask for
donations of money or items (toys, books, clothing,
make-up, school supplies, etc.). With the help of a
large group of volunteers, the packages are assembled
for both children and teenagers.
In 2010, Sophia won an award for her work. People often tell
Sophia’s mother that she must be so proud of her daughter. Her mother’s
response is: “But kids just want to help. If you ask a 10-year-old, ‘Do you
want to do something?’ they say yes.”

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CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS AND CREATIVITY—The ability to
think and create is essential for social justice. It is challenging mental
work to be open-minded about our own way of life. Social justice
issues are complex; there are many facts to gather and analyze. Is the
information accurate? Does it come from a reliable source? What has
been tried in the past? Can we find creative solutions?

Ryan Hreljac and Ryan’s Well Foundation

Ryan Hreljac discovered his passion for social
justice when he was in Grade 1. His teacher
told the class about the lack of clean drinking
water in parts of Africa. Ryan’s response was
to ask his parents for money to dig a well.
They encouraged him to do extra chores for
money, which he did. After he had saved
$70, he discovered it would take another
$2000 to dig a well.
With more chores from Ryan, donations from people who heard
about the project, and a grant from the Canadian International
Development Agency, the goal of $2000 was reached. Ryan’s first well
was located in Uganda at the Angola Primary School.
Ryan’s Well Foundation was formed in 2001. Today, the foundation
has helped to build water projects in 16 countries, and has developed
programs to educate students about safe water and to motivate them
to get involved and make a difference in the world.
This is what Ryan said in an interview: “God puts us on earth, but
he doesn’t make us perfect on purpose. If God made us perfect, we
wouldn’t need to make the world a better place.”

Commitment, hopefulness, empathy, critical thinking skills, and creativity.

These are all needed to prepare people to work for justice in the world.
Poverty and respect for life are only two examples of social justice
issues. As you learn more about the needs of people in our society, you will
discover that there is much to be done. Right now, you are at the beginning
of this process of learning and discovering. As you grow toward maturity,
your participation in the project of building a just and loving world will also
grow. Little by little, day by day, you will become more aware of what God is
asking of you.

©P Theme 5 159
 “This is what the Lord asks of you:
only this, to act justly, to love tenderly
and to walk humbly with your God.”
(Micah 6:8)

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Features/Canadian Press Images; (bottom row) 74; Lynn Shwadchuck: pp. 11, 45, 54, 55, 57, 83, 134;
© WP Wittman Photography; Richard Kendall/Getty Bill Suddick: pp. 8, 22; Sue Todd: pp. 1, 29, 61, 107, 131;
Images News; J.P. Moczulski/AFP/Getty Images; RistoTurunen: pp. 155, 160; Jane Whitney: p. bottom
136 (top) Courtesy of Canadian Feed the Children; 20; Sacha Warunkiw: pp. 12, 108, top 124

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