Conquering Con dence - Lesson 4
The Fear Destroyer
Exercises
Exercise 1: Real or Imagined
Start coming up with things that people could be afraid of or that you have heard that
people are afraid of. Write a few of these down.
Now look at what I have written below and simply make a quick judgment… Is it real or
is it imagined.
1. You are watching at a movie set, the actors practicing at slow speed what will later
be sped up to look like a high speed chase where the police are chasing a
supposed criminal.
2. You are walking on the sidewalk and you imagine a car go past you on the other
side going about 20 miles an hour.
3. You are on a hike in the woods and you have to cross a small stream about 3 feet
wide and 1 foot deep in order to continue the hike. You must step into the creek at
least once in order to get to the other side.
4. You are talking with three friends at a co ee shop.
5. You are driving one cold winter morning and you see all the cars in front of you
begin sliding all over the road.
6. You are invited to climb a 100 foot tower that will be used to hold electrical wires
but right now there's nothing up there. Still, there's also only the tower to hold onto,
no place to sit and it's really tall. You have to climb on the lattice work of the tower
there are no steps. You imagine getting up most of the way but being too afraid to
get down.
7. Friends invite you to do a cli dive from about 40 feet into a pool of water below.
But nobody has got in the water to see how deep it is. Do you jump?
8. You are thinking about being asked to present in front of 50 of your colleagues in
the near future.
The rst thing is just to read through those eight di erent scenarios. Determine
immediately if there is any danger and if it is real or imagined.
If it is real and dangerous, imagine taking evasive action or doing what is necessary.
If it is real but not dangerous, imagine enjoying yourself.
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If it is imagined and dangerous, just let it go right by you as if it means nothing.
Get comfortable processing through these di erent scenarios.
Repeat them several times each day for one week. Notice how they just start
getting more comfortable.
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Now think of things in your own life that have made you afraid in the past.
Maybe asking a person on a date.
Maybe imagining asking for a raise.
Imagine being called in to the principals o ce for your child is going to school because
they got in trouble.
Add a number of things that have scared you.
Now, determine if they are real or imagined.
This is the beginning of interrupting your own patterns. You are beginning to analyze
them instead of just react. This is a good start.
Continue with the lesson.
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Exercise 2: Turning Down the Fear
Here is the exercise we did in the lesson on turning down the fear.
You can practice this on any fear that you want to that meet the following conditions.
• There is no real, physical danger.
• Start with something rather small until you can do this comfortably and easily and
reduce the feelings.
Identify something that makes you nervous.
Once you know what it is,
• turn down the brightness quickly until it's real dark
• while simultaneously making it very small and pushing it a long ways away from you.
• Leave it there
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Now re ect on how you feel about it making sure that it stays dark, small and a long
ways away.
Do this 6 to 8 times per day at a minimum for the next week.
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Exercise 3: Blowing Out the Fear.
• Identify a fear. Make sure it is not a dangerous fear.
• When you have identi ed it clearly, rapidly do the following…
• Turn up the brightness until it is blinding bright.
• Simultaneously make it huge.
• Keep making it brighter and bigger until it is so huge and so bright that it gets
ridiculous.
• Do this very quickly and just leave it bright and huge.
• Turn your attention to something else for a few moments and check in with how you
feel a couple of minutes later.
Do this 6 to 8 times per day at a minimum for the next week.
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Exercise 4: Change the Evidence
Pick something that you want to do that you used to be afraid of, and set the bar lower.
See if every day you can do some small thing in the direction of something that you
used to be afraid of. Just take a small step. Count that as a win if you took the step.
Do several of these every day for the next several weeks.
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Exercise 5: Claim Advantage
This one is simple.
You have to remember to do it every time you have a di culty.
Immediately when your con dence is not what you want it to be or you have a setback,
claim advantage. Say it out loud.
And then look for what this points to. How could you do it better next time?
Commit to doing it better just as you have gured out how to do.
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This one requires regular work and I do this all the time whenever something comes up.
It is probably one of the most powerful things that you can do for not just raising your
con dence but also when you have other setbacks in life.
I wish I had understood how to do this from about 9 years of age on. It would've made
a huge di erence.
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