Whole class introduction:

There once was a mysterious day.

When a family sailed away.
Their ship was a wreck.
They fell off the deck.
Twins sadly parted in dismay.
T

Scene 2 m
Narrator 3: Hello everyone and welcome to our
production of "The Comedy of Errors Abridged.
Welcome to Day 1.
We begin with Antipholus of Syracuse and his
servant Dromio of Syracuse
(enter Ants and Dros)

NARR 3: . . .who have just arrived in a strange

city called Ephesus.
ANTS: Dromio, we have just arrived in a strange
city called Ephesus!
DROS: She just said that.
ANTS: Who just said what?
DROS: The narrator.
ANTS: Who?

DROS: The narrator already said what you just

said.
ANTS: Someone already said what I said?
DROS: That's what I said.
ANTS: Then what did I say?
DROS: I already said that you said what the
narrator said when you came in and said what
you just said when you came in which you didn't
say because the narrator already said it!
ANTS: Could you say that again? Just kidding.
Listen Dromio, in this bag is a thousand marks.
Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host, and
stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee Within this
hour it will be dinnertime; Till that, I’ll view the
manners of the town.
Dromio S: I commend you to your heart's
content.
Antipholus S: He that commends me to my
heart’s content, commends me to the one thing I
cannot get.

Antipholus S: (Annoyed) Come,tell how thou

hast dispos’d thy duty!
Dromie E: My duty was to fetch you from
the mart
ANTS: Did you hear that? The fool has lost all of
my money! I knew there was something fishy
about this town!
(a fish flies in from offstage right and hits
Antipholus in the face)
ANTS: (stares at the fish for a second) You know
what? I'm going to my hotel. This is getting too
weird.

SCENE 3
(Adriana and Luciana enter)
Dromio E: “Tis dinner time,’ said I; "My gold!
Said he;
“My mistress, said I. “I know not thy
mistress!
“I know,’ said he, no house, no wife, no
mistress.’

Adriana: I do fear an eye doth homage

elsewhere, or he'd be here.
If my fair beauty cannot please his eye,
I'll weep my life away and weeping die.
Adriana exits while crying
LUCIANA: Self-harming jealousy, fie, beat it
hence. How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!
They exit.
ADR: There you are husband! Who do you think
you are being so late for dinner? Huh? I told you
to come in! Why didn't you listen! You were
ignoring me, weren't you?
(Adriana exits) Are you coming? Yelling from
back stage

Scene 4 Part 2
BALTH: You said you'd get it!
ANG: Well I haven't gotten it yet!
BALTH: Why you blessed…
ANTE: (interrupting) Hey, hey hey, guys, guys
c'mon. Let's be cool here. Now, Angelo I want
you to make me a gold necklace for my wife and
in return I will pay Balthazar for you. Now does
that sound like a plan?
ANG: Sounds good to me.
ANTE: Balthazar, buddy?
BALTH: Hey, I don't care as long as I get paid.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS: Good Signior
Angelo, you must excuse us all; my wife is
shrewish when I keep not hours. Say that I
lingered with you at your shop to see the making
of her gold necklace, and that tomorrow you will
bring it home. You're sad, Signior Balthasar.
Pray God our cheer may answer my good will
and your good welcome here.
BALTHASAR: Small cheer and great welcome
makes a merry feast.
 (Antipholus of Ephesus attempts to open
the door of his home.)
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS:But soft! My door is
locked. Dromio, go, bid them let us in.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE FROM WITHIN: Go, get
thee from the door.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS:Who talks
within there? Ho, open the door.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE FROM
WITHIN:Right, sir, I'll tell you when an you'll
tell me wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS:Wherefore? For
my dinner. I have not dined today.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE FROM WITHIN:Nor
today here you must not.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS:What art thou
that keep'st me out from the house I owe?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE FROM WITHIN: The
porter for this time, sir, and my name is
Dromio.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS: O villain, thou hast
stolen both mine office and my name!
Adriana enters above, unseen by Antipholus of
Ephesus and his friends.
ADRIANA: Who is that at the door that keeps
all this noise?
 ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS: Are you there,
wife, You might have come before.
ADRIANA: Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you
from the door.
Adriana and Luce exit.
ANGELO: Here is neither cheer, sir, nor
welcome.
BALTHASAR: In debating which was best,
we shall part with neither.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS: Go, fetch me
something. I'll break open the gate.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE FROM WITHIN:
Break any breaking here, and I'll break your
knave's pate.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS:Go, get thee
gone. Fetch me an iron crow.

BALTHASAR: Have patience, sir. O, let it not

be so. Be ruled by me; leave in patience, and
let us to the Tiger all to dinner, and about
evening come yourself alone to know the
reason of this strange restraint.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS: You have
prevailed. I will leave in quiet and, in despite
of mirth, mean to be merry, I know a wench
of excellent discourse, pretty and witty, wild
and yet, too, gentle.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS TO ANGELO
 Get you home and fetch the chain. Bring it, I
pray you, to the Porpentine.
ANGELO:I'll meet you at that place some
hour hence.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS:Do so. This jest
shall cost me some expense.
 They exit.

SCENE 5
(enter Luciana followed by a drooling
AntipholusS)
LUC: How could you be so rude to my sister!
She's trying to talking to you and all you do is
look at me! You're her husband! Can't you at
least pretend that you love her?
ANTS: Why should I pretend I love her when I'm
really in love with you.
LUC: But you're her husband!
ANTS: No I'm not.
LUC: Yes, you are!
ANTS: I think I would know if I were married.
LUC: But-
ANTS: (on one knee) Lady, I love you! Will you
marry me?
(Luciana gasps and runs away)
ANTS: Wait! . . . shucks.
(DromioE enters running and grabs AntipholusS'
leg)
DROS: Master, help me! The big fat lady who
works in the kitchen is insisting that I'm engaged
to her!
ANTS: Where is she?
DROS: Right behind me, sir!
ANTS: This is way too weird, let's get out of
here!
They ran out.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Go, hie thee presently. Post to the road. And
if the wind blows any way from shore, I will
not harbor in this town tonight. If any bark
put forth, come to the mart. ‘Tis time, I think,
to trudge, pack, and be gone.
 Act 2, Scene 1
 Adriana and Luciana are on stage.
ADRIANA: Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Might'st thou perceive that he did plead in
earnest, yea or no?
LUCIANA: First he denied you had in him no
right. Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
Then I pleaded for you.
ADRIANA: And what said he?
LUCIANA: That love I begged for you he begged
of me.
ADRIANA: With what persuasion did he tempt
thy love?
LUCIANA: With words that in an honest suit
might move. First he did praise my beauty, then
my speech.
ADRIANA: Did'st speak him fair?
LUCIANA: Have patience, I beseech.
ADRIANA: I cannot, nor I will not hold me still.
My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his
will.
LUCIANA: Who would be jealous, then, of such a
one?
ADRIANA: Ah, but I think him better than I say.
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do
curse.
 Dromio of Syracuse enters with the key.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Here go----the desk, the purse! Sweet, now make
haste.
ADRIANA: Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he
well?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: No, he's in Tartar
limbo. A devil in everlasting garment hath him,
one whose hard heart is buttoned up with steel.
ADRIANA: Why, man, what is the matter? What,
is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: I know not at whose
suit he is arrested well. Will you send him,
mistress, redemption-----the money in his desk?
ADRIANA: Go fetch it sister.
 Luciana exits.
ADRIANA: Tell me, was he arrested on a band?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: Not on a band, but on a
stronger thing: a chain, a chain. Do you not hear
it ring?
ADRIANA: What, the chain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: No, no the bell. ‘Tis
time that I were gone.
 Luciana enters with the purse.
ADRIANA: Go, Dromio. There's the money. Bear
it straight and bring thy master home at once.
 Act 2, Scene 2
 Antipholus of Syracuse is walking through town,
wearing the gold chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE: There's not a man
I meet but doth salute me as if I were their well-
acquainted friend. And everyone doth call me by
my name. Some tender money to me; some
invite me; some other give me thanks for
kindnesses. Sure these are but imaginary wiles,
and Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

(Dromio of Syracuse enters)

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: Master, here's the gold
you sent me for. Where is the jailer?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE: What gold is this?
What Jailer dost thou mean?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: That Jailer that keeps
the prison. He that came behind you , sir, like an
evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE: I understand thee
not. Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there
any ships puts forth tonight? May we be gone?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: Why, sir, I brought you
word an hour since that the bark Expedition put
forth tonight. Here are the angels that you sent
for to deliver you.

He gives him the purse.

 ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE: The fellow is
distract, and so am I, and here we wander in
illusions.

 Act 2, Scene 3
 Antipholus of Ephesus is on stage with a Jailer.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EHPESUS: Fear me not, man. I

will not break away. I'll give thee, ere I leave thee,
so much money, to warrant thee, as I am ‘rested
for.
Dromio of Ephesus enters with a rope's end.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS: Here comes my man.

I think he brings the money. Have you that I sent
you for?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS: Here's that, I warrant you,
will pay them all.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS: But where's the
money?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS: Why, sir, I gave the money
for the rope.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS: To what end did I bid
thee hie thee home?

He beats Dromio with the rope.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS: Thou senseless

villain.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS: I would I were senseless,
sir, that I might not feel your blows. I have served
him from the hour of my nativity to this instant,
and have nothing at his hands for my service but
blows.

All exit
Narrator 1. Hello? Heeelllooooo
Narrator 2. We are all alone, they have all left.
Antipholus of Syracuse is with Dromio of
Syracuse. Antipholus of Syracuse is confused.
He arrives in Ephesus, and everyone seems to
know him.
Narrator 3: Antipholus of Ephesus is with
Dromio of Ephesus. Antipholus of Ephesus is
being accused of all sorts of misdeeds.
Act 2, Scene 4
 Angelo and the Second Merchant, his creditor, are
on stage.
ANGELO :I protest he had the chain of me, though
most dishonestly he doth deny it.
SECOND MERCHANT: How is the man esteemed
here in the city?
ANGELO: Of very reverend reputation, sir, of credit
infinite, highly beloved, second to none that lives
here in the city.
SECOND MERCHANT: Speak softly. Yonder, as I
think, he walks.

Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse enter,

Antipholus wearing the gold chain.
ANGELO: Signior Antipholus, this chain you had of
me. Can you deny it?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE: I think I had. I never
did deny it.
SECOND MERCHANT: Yes, that you did, sir, and
forswore it too.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE: Who heard me to
deny it or forswear it?
SECOND MERCHANT: These ears of mine, thou
know'st, did hear thee. ‘Tis pity that thou liv'st to
walk where any honest men resort.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE: Thou art a villain to
impeach me thus.
SECOND MERCHANT: I dare, and do defy thee for a
villain.

They draw their swords. Adriana, Luciana, the

Courtesan and others enter.
ADRIANA: Hold, hurt him not, for God's sake. He is
mad. Some take his sword away. Bind Dromio too,
and bear them to my house!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: Run, master, run. For
God's sake, take a house. This is some priory. In, or
we are spoiled.
Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse exit into the
Priory.

The Lady Abbess (EMILIA) enters.

ABBESS: Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you

hither?
ADRIANA:To fetch my poor distracted husband
hence.
ABBESS:What sorrow is he subject to?
ADRIANA: Some love that drew him oft from home.
ABBESS: You should for that have reprehended him.
ADRIANA: Why, so I did, as roughly as my modesty
would let me./
ABBESS: Haply in private.
ADRIANA: And in assemblies too. It was the copy of
our conference. Alone, it was the subject of my
theme; still did I tell him it was vile and bad.

The Duke of Ephesus, Egeon and officers enter.

DUKE: Yet once again proclaim it publicly, if any
friend will pay the sum for him, he shall not die;
so much we tender him.
ADRIANA: Justice, most sacred duke, against
the Abbess.
DUKE: She is a virtuous and a reverend lady. It
cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.

DUKE: Go, some of you, knock at the abbey

gate, and bid the Lady Abbess to come to me. I
will determine this before I stir.

 Enter Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.

ADRIANA: Ay me, ti’s my husband.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Justice, most gracious duke. O, grant me justice.
EGEON ASIDE
Unless the fear of death doth make me dote, I
see my son Antipholus and Dromio.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there.
Beyond imagination is the wrong that she this
day hath shameless thrown on me.
DUKE
Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon
me while she feasted in my house.
DUKE
A grievous fault. Say, woman, didst thou so?
ADRIANA
No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister
today did dine together.
LUCIANA
Ne'er may I look on day nor sleep on night but
she tells to your Highness simple truth.
ANGELO
O perjured woman! They are both forsworn. In
this the madman justly chargeth them.
 Last Scene

 Aegeon to Antipholus of Ephesus

Most mighty duke, haply I see a friend,

Close to me, who'll save my life and extend
The sum to deliver me. I am sure
You remember me. You know me well. Grief
Hath changed me but doth not my voice confer
It's I who speak? Hast time in seven brief
Years so cracked my poor tongue that my one
gained
Son knows not my feeble key? Though this
grained
Face be hid in drizzled snow with once free
Conduits froze up leaving blood bereft,
Yet in my night of life some memory,
My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,
Though these dull deaf ears mostly now useless.
Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS: I never saw you in my
life till now.
EGEON: Dromio, nor thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS: No, trust me, sir, nor I.
EGEON: I am sure thou dost.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS: Ay, sir, but I am sure I do
not.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS: I never saw my father
in my life.
EGEON: But seven years since, in Syracuse, boy,
thou know'st we parted. But perhaps, my son, thou
sham'st to acknowledge me in misery.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS: The Duke and all that
know me in the city can witness with me that it is
not so. I ne'er saw Syracuse in my life.
DUKE
I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.
Emilia the Abbess; Antipholus and Dromio of
Syracuse enter.
ABBESS: Most mighty duke, behold a man much
wronged.
ADRIANA: I see two husbands, or mine eyes
deceive me.
DUKE: One of these men is an image to the other.
And so, of these, which is the natural man. And
which the spirit?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE: Egeon art thou not,
or else his ghost?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: O, my old master. Who
hath bound him here?
ABBESS: Whoever bound him, I will loose his
bonds and gain a husband by his liberty.

Abbess to Egeon

Speak, Egeon, if thou doth be'st the

Man that hadst a wife Emilia,
That bore thee two fair sons. If thou be'st
The same Egeon, speak unto the same
Emelia. If I dream not, see'st
Thee, the father of my sons, each who came
This his way. Here, we, together. Renowned
Duke, join in the abbey to hear the sound
Of our fortunes. Took Dromio and my
Son, the rude fishermen of Corinth did,
And me they left. Thirty-three years have I
Missed you, sons, until this present hour bid
My heavy burden ne'er delivered. We
Release our grief in this nativity.

EGEON: If I dream not, thou art Emilia.

ADRIANA: Which of you two did dine with me
today?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE: I, gentle mistress.
ADRIANA: And are not you my husband?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS: No, I say nay to that.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE: And so do I, yet did
she call me so, and this fair gentlewoman, her
sister here, did call me brother.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE TO LUCIANA: What I
told you then I hope I shall have leisure to make
good if this be not a dream I see and hear.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE TO ADRIANA:I see
we still did meet each other's man, and I was ta'en
for him, and he for me, and thereupon these errors
are arose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS TO THE DUKE: These
ducats pawn I for my father here.
DUKE: It shall not need. Thy father hath his life.
With all my heart I'll gossip at this feast.

All but the Dromio brothers exit.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS: Will you walk in to see

their gossiping?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: Not I, sir. Your are my
elder.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS: That's a question. How
shall we try it?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: We'll draw cuts for the
signior. Till then, lead thou first.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS: Nay, then, thus: we came
into the world like brother and brother, and now
let's go hand in hand, not one before another.
They exit.

Narrator 1: Which timetable are we following?

Narrator 2. We shall be following the Tuesday
timetable, right?
Narrator 3: Sssshhhhh they have left….
Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.
Herein ends our Errors.