ASSESSMENT GUIDE
IN THEATERS
MAY 1, MAY 3
FIND A THEATER NEAR YOU
I’m so thankful to say that I am now learning less know that the rest of the story is in His hands. We do
about what not to do and more about what should our part in obedience and watch as God leads and
be done. And, I see that the wisdom I’m gleaning is guides our spouse and each of our children.
having a positive impact on my adult children as well
Movies like Like Arrows can leave us with one of
as our teenagers still at home.
two responses. Either we see a checklist that we
As much as I would love to say I have learned the need to follow to make our problems resolve just
secret to a solid family, I recognize that it can be hard like those in the movie, or we discover a desire in
to even give an example of what “works” without our hearts to be intentional about chasing after God.
seeming like I’m sharing a checklist. Even when we The first leads to following a set of rules that may or
share our hearts and have the best of intentions, we may not touch the hearts of our family. The second
A Life of run the risk of presenting a formula that may or may leads us to the foot of the cross, seeking Christ for
Intentionality not create positive results in other families. guidance on what He wants for our family.
When I was a young mom, I But, there is one common thread in all of the In the following pages, you will find a series of
desired the ideal family. I wanted aspects of what I see in my own family and in the questions and challenges that came to my mind
to know the secret formula to lives of others whose families are growing and after I watched Like Arrows. Your responses and
raising my five kiddos to be thriving. That thread is intentionality. your results will differ from mine, and that’s the way
well-behaved and godly. But all I Ironically, a lack of intention in building a family does it should be! We are all different!
ever found was rules and expec- not guarantee failure, just as intentionality does not My prayer is that we will all be intentional about
tations that made family life look guarantee that marriage will be perfect and every processing through these challenges in a way
good on the surface but always child will grow up to follow God with their whole that will help us walk toward the perfect guidance
broke down somewhere along heart. But, intentionality allows us to live by faith. of Christ as we seek to be intentional and faithful
the way. I picked up a good deal stewards of the families He has given us.
By taking the time to learn, meditate, or ask advice of
of information about what does
not create a solid family, but
how could I turn that around and
others, we can fulfill our responsibilities in marriage
and parenting in a manner pleasing to our Lord and Enjoy the Journey
Savior. This also allows us the grace and peace to
discover the opposite?
Rebecca Farris, the Well Planned Gal
Marriage
LIKE ARROWS - IN THEATERS MAY 1 AND MAY 3
We often see inspirational movies and stories, or even the lives of
exemplary couples we know, that seem to reveal flawless marriages
- either those that have always seemed great or those that overcame
trials to find harmony. The secret we miss is that no marriage
escapes the curse of sin. Even the most harmonious marriage
requires intentional work and effort to maintain.
Two things are critical if we are going to faithfully exemplify a godly
marriage in our homes. First, we must be willing to put the intentional
effort into maintaining harmony in marriage by working through the
challenges thrown at us because of the curse of sin. Second, we
must be willing to be transparent in front of our children as we put
forth that effort. They do not need to hear every discussion or see
every detail, but we are the ones responsible for teaching them how
to live harmoniously with others.
Our marriage is one of the foundational relationships that teaches
communication
our children a great deal about how to treat other people, how to Healthy communication is a vital part of feeling fulfilled in a marriage. Consider
view other people, how to be, and what to be. Being an intentional the following areas of communication in your marriage. How would you rate
parent starts with having an intentional marriage. Take some time them? How would you improve them?
to walk through the assessment that follows and evaluate five key
areas in your marriage relationship: communication, time, family
CONFLICT / DISAPPOINTMENTS
vision, responsibilities, and community. From areas of success to
areas that need improvement, often we simply need to make time to
evaluate before we know the next step to take.
time
When it comes to creating a successful marriage, MONEY / WORK
how much time should couples spend together? How
would you evaluate your time with your spouse?
WE SPEND TIME... I WOULD LIKE TO SPEND TIME....
PARENTING / CHILDREN
GOD / FAITH
EXTENDED FAMILY / FRIENDS
family Vision
Are you and your spouse working toward the same long-term goals, or
Marriage
are you just trying to keep up with the demands of each day?
Take some time and think about a vision for your family. Begin by LIKE ARROWS - IN THEATERS MAY 1 AND MAY 3
listing your top 5 priorities, then list how you can be intentional with
these goals. Compare notes with your spouse and make a plan!
GOAL IMPLEMENTING responsibilities
1 Daily responsibilities somehow triple when you become a parent. Because of
this, it is important to take the time to communicate clear expectations. Also
remember that sometimes a spouse can feel unappreciated when one spouse
expects but doesn’t remember to appreciate.
As parents, showing our children the team effort it takes to be a family will result
2
in healthy habits that form naturally as they grow in an atmosphere of coopera-
tion. Take some time to review expectations and communicate appreciation.
3
MY RESPONSIBILITIES MY SPOUSE’S RESPONSIBILITIES
community
How important is having a circle of friends or a church family? Even
if you’re busy with career and family life or are a strong introvert, it
is vital to have outside influences that help give you perspective on
marriage and parenting. Use this area to define your community and
think through how it benefits your marriage.
MY COMMUNITY BENEFITS I NEED TO I WOULD LIKE MY SPOUSE TO
LIKE ARROWS - IN THEATERS MAY 1 AND MAY 3
Parenting
Hundreds of parenting books line the shelves of bookstores, attempt-
ing to provide that ideal guidebook we all long for. We wish we could
find the perfect checklist to ensure our children will turn out just right.
Unfortunately, we all know that such a checklist does not exist and
never will. There are just no guarantees when it comes to raising a
family. Even the best of parents can have a rebellious child, and that
truth can be very discouraging. Where is our hope?
Our hope lies in the knowledge that godly parenting is not about
checking off all the right boxes or doing all the right things. It’s not
even about guaranteeing that our children will follow Christ. Instead,
it’s about intentionally following Christ with our whole hearts, model-
ing that in front of our children, and trusting Him with the results.
Becoming and staying an intentional parent is rarely what consumes
our minds on the average busy day. We are often just trying to get
character
dinner on the table and laundry cleaned! But frequently it’s those Our responsibility as parents is to train our children in character that produces a
very busy days that can cause intentionality to slip through the softness and tenderness to the gospel message. Character, much like habits, is
cracks. Choose to be intentional by scheduling time to assess the taught by example first and then through training. Use this area to think through
following areas in your children and communicate your observations different character traits you and your spouse would like to develop in each
with your spouse. child. Then brainstorm ideas on how to be intentional in this area.
Intentionality
CHILD:
habits
Remember to set the
Whether your child is two, ten, or a teen, there
are healthy habits to form in every stage of
growth. Use the areas below to determine the
habits you can help your children establish,
Character Trait(s)
example before expecting
growth from your children. then formulate ideas for training.
HABITS TRAINING EFFORTS
Intentionality
CHILD:
Character Trait(s)
Intentionality
CHILD:
Character Trait(s)
Intentionality
CHILD:
Character Trait(s)
boundaries & consequences
Parenting
As parents, we are raising future adults. With this in mind, our
responsibility is to realize that they need to be prepared for how
the adult world works. Boundaries are the lines created for what is
expected and what is not acceptable. As adults, we operate with
boundaries all around us. There are speed limits to adhere to, taxes
to file, dishes to wash, jobs to show up at, and so much more.
With children, boundaries begin when we communicate expecta- LIKE ARROWS - IN THEATERS MAY 1 AND MAY 3
tions and house rules. These can be bed times, TV times, chores,
curfews, and more. Once boundaries are set, following through with
consequences is equally important. As an adult, if you don’t show
up for work, you could loose your job. If you don’t pay taxes, you
could go to jail. When you speed, you might get a ticket.
relationship
When a child does not face consequences for breaking the bound- Training in good habits and building strong character while
aries, later in life they pay a high price - sometimes an eternal price. setting boundaries and consequences are the building
Boundaries and consequences are fundamental to the gospel. blocks to raising a child. But the mortar that holds it all
together is the relationship you build during the process.
Use the area below to think through how you and your spouse can
create healthy boundaries, communicate them to your child, and If you have set the example while putting the blocks together,
plan for the follow-through of rewards or consequences. your child, regardless of age or stage, will tend to desire a
relationship and your guidance. Use the area below to eval-
uate your relationship with each child and brainstorm ideas
about how to continue or improve this vital part of parenting.
BOUNDARIES CONSEQUENCES OR REWARD
Child
CHILD:
Child
CHILD:
Child
CHILD:
Child
CHILD:
4
Siblings
When we are intentional about our marriages, we can provide a model of
Christ-like relationships for our children. And that is critical! But, our
LIKE ARROWS - IN THEATERS MAY 1 AND MAY 3
marriages are not the only relationship model our children see.
It is said that the way a child relates to their family is the way they will
relate to their future spouse. The world in which we live loves to convince
us that children are supposed to be at odds with their parents and siblings
are not supposed to like one another. What does that mean for marriage?
If you have multiple children, the sibling interaction provides yet another
avenue for being intentional about modeling and shaping solid relationship
skills in your children. The habits they develop within the confines of the
family will strongly influence how they treat people outside the family.
Although we don’t always know the road our children will take, sibling relationships can give
us a tremendous insight into the direction they are heading. But, it doesn’t do any good to
notice this insight if we don’t intentionally do anything about it. Use this assessment to see
how your child is relating to parents, siblings, cousins, classmates, etc. conflict
From the earliest age, conflict allows parents the oppor-
There is a natural bent towards bullying in every single tunity to observe, intervene, and guide children as they
kindness child. It’s called a sin nature, and when it is coupled with
the world’s glorification of super heroes and tough
characters in movies and video games, traits like thought-
fulness and meekness seem to be old fashioned ideas. But the one characteristic that will
learn how to resolve issues. Proper conflict resolution
improves mental, emotional, and physical health.
Use this area below to evaluate how well your children
handle conflict. Discuss with your spouse concrete ways
aid a child in life and society more than any other is kindness. to work on areas of weakness while affirming children
In sibling relationships, kindness is put to the test. But it’s also a great place to begin when they are humble with each other.
evaluating a child’s true colors. Use the space below to evaluate kindness in your child.
Then brainstorm how you as the parent can be intentional in creating, suggesting, and In conflict my child can:
training in acts of kindness. CHILD: • listen to others.
• admit when they are wrong.
My child is rarely, occasionally,
KINDNESS IN WORDS KINDNESS IN DEEDS or frequently involved in conflict: • apologize to the other.
• exhibit remorse.
Does your child compliment others? Does your child smile at others?
In conflict my child can:
CHILD: • listen to others.
Does your child acknowledge the good Is your child aware of others around them • admit when they are wrong.
others do? and their needs? My child is rarely, occasionally,
or frequently involved in conflict: • apologize to the other.
• exhibit remorse.
Does your child ask about others? Does your child help others? In conflict my child can:
CHILD: • listen to others.
• admit when they are wrong.
My child is rarely, occasionally,
or frequently involved in conflict: • apologize to the other.
• exhibit remorse.
INTENTIONAL IDEAS
In conflict my child can:
CHILD: • listen to others.
• admit when they are wrong.
My child is rarely, occasionally,
or frequently involved in conflict: • apologize to the other.
• exhibit remorse.
Consideration
Siblings
Along with being kind towards others and humble in conflict resolution,
another area where having siblings can help intentional parents is the
area of consideration to others. In a day and age where it’s hard to get a
kid’s attention away from electronics, selfies have become an art form,
and entitlement is rampant, we need intentionality to bring awareness of
others to the forefront of children’s minds (and sometimes ours!). LIKE ARROWS - IN THEATERS MAY 1 AND MAY 3
Consideration, thoughtfulness, and manners go hand in hand. These are
not traits learned through osmosis. In fact, selfishness, rudeness, and
time together
inconsideration are often the default modes we find in toddlers and,
unfortunately, sometimes teens as well.
Use the space below to think through ways your child could improve in
consideration, thoughtfulness, and manners. Use the strategies column Our culture is set up to segregate children within their age
to discuss with your spouse ways to be intentional in helping them. group. This is done in school, churches, clubs, and organi-
zations. Although it’s great to have socialization within the
EVALUATION STRATEGIES same age demographic, it’s also important to learn how to
relate to those older and younger than yourself.
Child
The sibling relationships offer a great opportunity for this,
and yet, it seems kids are growing up in the same household
with little to no deliberate interaction together. Use the area
1 below to develop ideas on how siblings can interact together.
Child
Child
Child
4
Family
Like with any other challenge we take on, being intentional in marriage
and parenting can become just another checklist. We go through our days
LIKE ARROWS - IN THEATERS MAY 1 AND MAY 3
and weeks making sure to maintain communication, build character in our
children, and evaluate and guide our children’s interactions. But, as these
points of intentionality become a natural part of the rhythm and flow of our
lives, we risk the temptation of making them our focus.
It is important - vital, even - to remember that the purpose of our inten-
tionality is not to guarantee results, but to build relationships grounded in
obedience to Christ and devoted to honoring Him and trusting Him with
the results.
Even when being intentional, it’s easy for a week to go by without really
connecting with your spouse or children under your own roof! You can be
involved at work, school, church, or your community, yet relationships at home can fall to
together
the back burner. It’s critical that family intentionality includes spending time together just for
the sake of enjoying one another’s company - not just around a TV, but at meal times and in
conversations. Use these assessment questions to help gauge your family togetherness.
In addition to a family routine, another great way to
Intentionality often requires a plan. If you want long-term develop a family culture and train children to relate well to
routine results, your plan needs to including building a routine.
Creating and maintaining a family routine allows couples to
prioritize the family while communicating the importance of
family time to children. Routines do not have to be complex and rigid; in fact, they should
one another is by serving together. Use the area below to
brainstorm community involvement, church ministries, or
other activities that your family can enjoy together while
serving others.
include times set aside for family enjoyment. This could come in the form of dinner, a
game, reading out loud, attending church, or enjoying walks and other outdoor activities.
Each family is unique in regards to what is both enjoyable and feasible. Take some time,
involve the kids, and be intentional about creating a routine that puts family first.
DAILY WEEKLY
MONTHLY ANNUALLY
LIKE ARROWS - IN THEATERS MAY 1 AND MAY 3
Christ
Alone
As Christians, we know that no relationship can be full and
harmonious without Christ. Yet, we also all know couples
who have good, solid marriages but are not Christians. We
know families whose children are well-behaved, kind to one
another and others, and moral in every way, yet none of
them know Christ as their Lord and Savior.
daily life
How often do you share answered prayers, a new under-
When we look back over each point of intentionality, we may
standing of God, a deeper biblical truth, or a conviction
argue that it all comes back to being obedient to Christ and
with your children?
trusting Him with the results. But, if non-Christians can have
the same results through worldly intentionality, why do we
so strongly highlight the importance of obedience to Christ?
As Christians, we recognize something the world does not: it
does not all end here. True, we want our children to live this
life well. But we also recognize that there is an eternity that
is much more critical than our time here. And that eternity In every day conversations, do you intentionally bring
demands that our children follow Christ for themselves. Christ into the conversation?
If we want our children to follow us in our faith, then it is
crucial to be intentional about bringing the conversation
about Christ into our daily lives. A natural flow of grace
should abound in our home! Use these assessment
questions to evaluate the conversation in your home.
Do your children see you reading your Bible, praying
alone, praying with your spouse, or journaling?
Do you attend church faithfully?
You shall teach them to your children, talking
of them when you are sitting in your house, and
when you are walking by the way, and when you
Do your children see you living out the gospel by pouring
lie down, and when you rise. into the lives of others?
Deuteronomy 11:19
LIKE ARROWS - IN THEATERS MAY 1 AND MAY 3
Alone
While viewing the Like Arrows film and developing this e-book, I
was often torn between joy and sadness. Today I am a grand-
mother to two amazing boys and have the joy of watching my
married daughters, with amazing husbands, being intentional in
marriage and raising kids. However, as I thought back to how I
raised my children, there was the ever-present sting of the
memory of doing it alone and the many hardships that
accompany aloneness.
You see, I didn’t start the parenting journey with an ideal recognizing the situation
marriage. I survived an abusive marriage for years, then lived Getting stuck thinking about what could have been or should be often prevents us
the life of a single mom. During those difficult years, I would see from going forward. I vividly remember the day I recognized my situation and the
films inspiring families towards goodness and faith and become work, the very hard work, of raising five kids alone. I stopped focusing on how
frustrated and full of sadness, knowing it wasn’t possible for me. unfair it seemed and trying to change the situation when it was unchangeable,
So for those of you out there who have the desire to raise chil- and I began developing a plan for doing what was needed.
dren to know and love the Lord while giving them an example
of a Christ-honoring marriage, yet are going at it alone (whether content with hardship
married or single), I wanted to share a few encouraging words. By the grace of God, as I pressed forward and gave all I could give each day, I
learned that contentment is more valuable than an ideal. I had the opportunity
cling to Christ to experience God at levels I would have never seen Him had I not known the
In the many years during which I found myself the only parent difficulties of going at life alone.
who cared about our children, I quickly learned that I had to cling I watched as the Lord protected my children and answered prayers by creating
to Christ if I were to have any chance at success as a woman opportunities for them to have additional sources of mentoring as they
or a mom. I needed supernatural intervention. I began each approached their high school and college years. I also watched God provide
morning on my knees in an hour of prayer, followed by reading our every financial need as I stayed home and built a business at night while
my Bible and journaling. These tender, quiet mornings were my homeschooling during the day.
life saver. With frustrations laid at the feet of Jesus and wisdom
gained through the stillness of letting Scripture sink in, I found the there is a calm after a storm
strength and energy to handle the difficulties I knew I would face
each day. Today, I am remarried and experiencing that amazing picture of Christ and the
church. I have an incredible husband and a rich family life, and I wake up living
my ideal life! I remember losing hope several times over my twenty-three year
alone isn’t lonely storm, but (and again by God’s grace) I obeyed the direction of the Lord and am
For many years, I was married but lacked the emotional, experiencing a life of calm.
physical, or financial support of a spouse. Yet, through a rich
Only God knows what each of us will encounter in life. For some of us, it’s a brief
and vibrant relationship with Christ, I was never lonely. The Spirit
storm here and there. For others, the storm will not end this side of eternity. But
of God is a comforter and constant companion. When I faced
no matter what you are facing, you are not alone, and it doesn’t have to be lonely.
doubts and had questions about how to parent, I quietly whis-
There is power in Christ, and it is always available.
pered a prayer, and my loving God would softly speak wisdom.
Do not be discouraged when you see the ideal families. Do not waver when
ideal is just a word things look impossible. And do not lean on your own strength to try and get what
you desire.
There were times when I found myself struggling with resentment
as I observed other families who seemed to have it all together. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own under-
I found myself lost in the world of thinking there was an ideal. If standing. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your
I could just have the ideal, so many problems would be fixed. paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
But what I learned is that ideal is just a word. The Lord takes us
where we are and uses our situations and circumstances for His
glory and our good.
