SAY HELLO
ASSERTIVE APPROACHING

MASTER THE VIBE

THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES

WHAT TO SAY…WHERE?

ALL MATERIAL © THE SOCIAL MAN. ANY UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION IS IN

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 

CHAPTER 1: ASSERTIVE APPROACHING

OK,  welcome  to  Say  Hello  Course  One.  This  is  all  about  approach  anxiety.  That  
fear,  that  trembling  that  really  miserable  feeling  that  you  get  when  you  see  a  
woman  that  you  want  to  talk  to  and  you  just  can’t  do  it.  Our  goals  this  week  we  
want  to  identify  where  your  approach  anxiety  originates.  Then  we  want  to  give  
you  some  tools  to  combat  it.    

These  are  going  to  be  both  short  term  tools  and  things  you  can  use  in  the  
moment  when  it  hits  you  and  also  some  long  term  fixes,  some  stuff  that  you  can  
use  over  time  and  that  you  would  want  to  develop,  not  just  now  but  over  the  
course  of  the  next  weeks  months  and  years.  

The  biggest  thing  about  this  that  I  can  tell  you,  the  biggest  thing  that  holds  guys  
up  with  approach  anxiety  is  that  they  just  do  not  have  fun  when  they  are  talking  
to  women.  I  mean  if  it  is  not  fun,  you  are  not  going  to  do  it,  right?  Why  would  
you?    

If  it  is  not  fun  in  your  life,  women  are  going  to  feel  it  and  they  are  not  going  to  
want  being  around  you.  Bottom  line,  if  it  is  not  fun  your  life  is  going  to  suck.  The  
whole  angle  that  we  are  going  to  take  with  all  of  these  approaching  stuff  is  we  are  
going  work  to  have  you  enjoy  it,  to  have  you  have  fun  with  it  and  if  you  have  that  
attitude  you  are  just  going  to  rock.    

Let’s  drill  down.  What  is  approach  anxiety?  I  spent  a  lot  of  time  thinking  about  
this  and  I  remember  when  I  had  approach  anxiety  I  used  to  get  really  in  my  head.  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
It  was  not  just  about  being  in  my  head.  It  started  before  that.  Approach  anxiety  is  
a  feeling.  It  is  something  that  happens  in  your  whole  body.  It  is  a  feeling  that  
inhibits  action,  in  that  way,  it  is  kind  of  an  emotion.  Then  what  happens  is  a  series  
of  thoughts  comes  and  they  validate  that  feeling.    

You’ve  got  to  remember  that  it  starts  with  the  feeling.  It  doesn’t  start  with  the  
thought.  You  just  can’t  think  your  way  through  it.  You  can’t  be  like,  OK,  well,  I  
think  this  and  I  think  that,  therefore,  bam!  Feeling  gone.  It  just  doesn’t  work  like  
that  because  it’s  happening  at  a  level  that  is  deeper  than  the  neurological  level.  
This  is  why  alcohol  helps  people.  It  actually  diminishes  the  feeling  of  approach  
anxiety  and  can  even  replace  it  in  some  instances  with  boldness  or  confidence.  In  
any  case  it  changes  the  biochemical  composition  of  your  body  for  a  brief  period  of  
time  and  in  doing  so  it  changes  that  feeling.  

That’s  one  way  to  deal  with  a  bad  feeling.  What  are  some  other  ways  that  we  can  
deal  with  a  bad  feeling?  You  can  force  yourself  past  it.  We’re  going  actually  to  
look  at  some  ways  to  force  ourselves  past  this  feeling  but  those  do  require  
tremendous  will  power  and  if  you  are  not  careful  about  it,  they  can  be  really  
tiresome.  The  ways  I  may  give  you  are  not  going  to  wear  you  out,  they  are  just  
going  be  kind  of  shifts  and  perspectives  that  will  help  you  force  your  way  through.    

You  can  expose  yourself  past  this.  If  there  is  a  feeling  that  you  really  do  not  like  to  
have  you  can  just  continue,  put  yourself  in  front  of  it.  Some  feelings  run  really  
deep  and  the  case  of  things  that  cause  really  bad  feelings  like  soldiers  at  war.  It  
can  lead  to  post-­‐traumatic  stress  and  obviously  we  do  not  want  to  cause  you  any  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
deep  psychological  problems  here.  Exposure,  it  will  kind  of  be  a  part  of  whole  this  
program  but  not  too  much.    

You  can  condition  yourself  past  a  bad  feeling.  Essentially  changing  what  it  does  to  
you  and  the  feelings  you  have  associated  with  it.  We’re  going  to  be  doing  a  little  
bit  of  that  here.  Ultimately  you  can  change  who  you  are  relative  to  the  bad  
feeling.  That  is  not  just  changing  what  it  does  to  you  but  it’s  really  like,  if  the  bad  
feeling  is  here,  you  are  just  moving  your  whole  body  over  in  this  direction.  You  are  
saying,  “Hey,  the  bad  feeling  is  coming  this  way,  I  do  not  even  look  at  it.  The  bad  
feeling,  it  doesn’t  even  touch  me  anymore.”  That  is  our  ultimate  goal  for  Say  
Hello.  

Now,  it  wouldn’t  be  able  to  sit  here  and  talk  to  you  about  this  stuff  if  I  hadn’t  
been  through  this  myself.  I  want  to  share  with  you  what  my  feelings  were;  my  
thoughts  were  and  how  this  all  manifested  itself  and  how  it  changed  because  I  
think  that  is  very  instructive  for  you  to  be  thinking  about,  where  was,  where  was  
this  guy  a  few  years  ago?    

The  first  feeling  I  would  always  feel  scared.  When  I  would  see  women  I  wanted  to  
talk  to  I  would  definitely  feel  scared,  this  impending  sense  of  doom,  is  the  best  
word  I  can  put  it  like.  There  was  some  task  ahead  of  me  and  I  did  not  want  to  do  
it.  It  was  not  defined.  It  was  just  there  is  doom  out  there.  I  would  also,  the  closer  
that  I  got  to  having  to  do  it,  I  would  actually  start  to  feel  sick  and  the  doom  all  of  a  
sudden  took  a  form.  It  was  as  if  I  was  a  paratrooper  in  World  War  Two  and  I  knew  
that  there  were  anti  air  crafters  on  the  ground  waiting  for  me.  I  would  start  to  feel  
sick  and  get  really  nervous  and  it  just  was  not  good.  Ultimately  I  would  start  to  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
feel  weak  and  that  is  the  worst  thing  for  a  man  to  feel.  A  man  never  wants  to  feel  
weak.  

Like  the  wind  had  been  knocked  out  of  me  and  I  could  not  actually  take  action.  
There  are  a  lot  of  ways  that  this  manifested  itself  in  my  thoughts.  Some  of  my  
thoughts  included  like,  someone  should  tell  me  what  to  say.  I  wish  someone  
would  tell  me  what  to  say.  I  just  need  to  know  what  to  say  and  of  course.  What  
shall  I  say  next?  What  shall  I  go  to  next?  OK,  I  talk  to  her  for  a  little  bit  but  what  
now,  Bronco?  How  do  you  create,  how  do  I  create  that  spark?  When  I  approach  
girls  things  are  kind  of  boring,  they  are  dry,  I  do  not  know  how  to  create  that  like  
little,  entertaining  spark  that  she  and  I  would  feel.  

If  I  was  more  clever  I  would  come  up  with  something  so  I  really  got  down  to  
myself  for  not  being  clever  and  not  having  good  ways  to  approach  girls.  If  only  I  
had  more  money  or  a  cooler  place  or  more  hair,  something  like  that.  All  sorts  of  
excuses  I  would  come  up  with  for,  if  only.  Ultimately  this  is  a  big  one,  it  took  me  a  
long  time  to  figure  out  that  I  was  thinking  this,  but  if  she  is  going  to  find  me  out.  I  
had  a  fear  that  a  woman  would  find  me  out.  There  was  some  deep  part  of  me  that  
she  was  going  to  discover.  That  is  not  something  we  can  address  overnight.  That  
is  something  you  deal  with,  something  that,  it  is  going  to  take  a  long  time  to  deal  
with.  We  will  get  to  that  in  a  second.  

I’m  going  to  start  with  what  changed  for  me.  First  thing  was,  I  started  hanging  out  
with  this  guy  named  Jeremy.  I  do  not  talk  to  Jeremy  much,  and  in  fact  I  have  not  
talked  to  him  in  years.  I  remember  talking  to  him  and  he  was  one  of  the  first  guys  
who  ever  articulated  so  well.  He  said,  “I  stopped  caring  what  people  thought  of  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
me.”  For  some  reason  I  used  to  really  care  what  people  think  of  me.  You  can  
always  tell  a  guy  who  is  good  with  women  or  not  by  his  attitude  about  what  
people  think  about  him.  I  know  some  guys  who  profess  to  be  really  good  with  
women  but  they  really  care  what  people  think  about  them  and  so  they  are  not.  

A  person  who  is  good  with  people  usually  doesn’t  care  what  people  think  about  
them  because  they  are  so  confident  in  who  they  are  that  if  somebody  doesn’t  like  
them  they  say,”  Oh,  well,  they  do  not  like  me.”  Moving  to  New  York  also  helped  
this  quite  a  bit.  I  mean,  this  is,  it  is  not  a  very  forgiving  city.  There  are  a  lot  of  
people  to  meet,  a  lot  of  people  who  won’t  care  about  you  and  a  lot  of  people  who  
do  not  care  what  you  think  about  them.    

The  first  part  of  this  for  me  had  to  deal  with  taxi  drivers,  where  they  were  driving  
terribly  or  I  did  not  feel  like  they  deserved  a  certain  tip.  I  would  just  start  to  feel  
honest  about  it  and  I  would  get  at  either  to  tip  them  or  not,  telling  them,  “Hey  
look,  why  are  you  taking  this  route?”  This  is  one  of  the  things  that  clicked  for  me.  I  
stopped  caring  what  they  thought  about  me  and  I  started  caring  about  what  I  
thought  of  them  and  that  was  a  big  change.    

When  I  was  working  at  Charisma  Arts  if  you  know  my  background  at  all,  this  is  
way  back  in  2004,  2005.  A  guy  named  Jugler  and  I  started  a  company  together  
called  Charisma  Art.  It  was  one  of  the  first  and  the  time  was  the  largest  pick  up  
boot  camp  company  in  the  world.  I  came  up  with  this  thing  called  the  bombing  
opener  which  you  have  probably  heard  me  talk  about  already  but  it  is  essentially  
going  into  an  interaction  and  trying  to  ruin  it.    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
I  came  up  with  this  as  a  tool  for  myself  and  for  clients  because  I  knew  that  if  we  
could  get  past  the  fear  of  approaching,  if  we  could  bomb  and  get  that  out  of  the  
way,  then  at  least  the  worst  thing  possible  had  happened  to  us  and  it  was  just  like  
jumping  into  a  really  cold  pool  and  not  stepping  our  way  in  but  just  diving  right  in  
real  quickly.  

When  I  started  doing  the  bombing  opener  that  definitely  changed  things  but,  
yeah  I  still  had  a  little  bit  of  fear.  Getting  other  parts  of  my  life  handled,  they  had  
been  times  in  my  mid  20s  when  I  was  completely  broke,  where  I  was  completely  
in  debt.  There  were  times  when  I  was  getting  high  all  the  time,  smoking  a  lot  of  
weed.  There  were  times  when  I  was  drinking  way  too  much,  when  my  health  was  
out  of  order.    

That  was  one  of  the  worst  things  was  that  when  I  had  got  like,  I  started  to  have  a  
pear  shaped  body  and  I  was  like,  just  having  my  life  out  of  order  was  not  good.  
Having  my  professional  life  out  of  order  was  really  bad.  Having  my  life  in  order  
changed  a  lot.  It  certainly  changed  the  sense  of  entitlement  that  I  had  when  I  
walked  up  to  a  woman  and  I  could  say,  “Hey,  my  life  is  in  order.  I  can  bring  this  
woman  into  my  life.”    

 Lots  in  approaching  and  just  lots  of  women  in  my  life.  That’s  something  we  want  
to  work  on  over  the  n  ext  four  weeks  and  we  want  to  get  you  approaching  more  
girls.  I  know  some  guys  come  into  this  course  and  they  have  approached  like  700,  
1000  girls  before.  Other  guys  come  in,  they  have  approached  five.    

Having  a  lot  of  approaches  in  your  life  and  ultimately  having  women  in  your  life  
who  have  been  girlfriends  and  who  you  have  been  intimate  with,  that  adds  a  lot  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
of  confidence.  That  is  just  not  something  that  can  be  faked.  I  think  a  lot  of  guys  
look  for  shortcuts  and  all  there  is  in  life  but  straight  up,  that  is  not  something  you  
can  fake.  That  is  like  the  US  dollar  is  a  currency  that  isn’t  pegged  to  any  specific  
precious  medal.                

The  US  dollar  could  be  the  value  can  be  faked  in  the  world  economy.  The  value  of  
gold  cannot  be  faked.  If  you  want  to  become  gold  you’ve  got  to  have  women  in  
your  life.  You’ve  got  to  have  your  life  together.  It’s  just  that  simple.  Another  part  
of  being  a  gold  in  a  person  if  you  will,  is  certainly  something  that  happened  to  me.  
Coming  to  know  who  I  am  and  finding  joy  in  my  life.  I  mentioned  that  I  used  to  
smoke  a  lot  of  weed  and  it  is  funny  because  in  the  last  year  or  so,  whenever  I  have  
tried  to  do  that  I  feel  really  crappy.  It  used  to  be  something  that  totally  released  
me  and  it  has  changed  into  something  that  really  boxes  me  in.  

What  I  realized  is  that  and  it  could  be  fun  but  for  me  marijuana  was  some  way  to  
kind  of  escape  the  existential  pain  of  having  debts  and  not  being  happy  and  all  
that.  Now  that  my  life  is  on  track,  now  that  I  am  happy,  now  my  profession  is  
together,  I’ve  got  great  people  around  me,  I  am  secure  and  in  my  place  in  the  
world  and  certainly  in  my  faith  and  my  life  and  all  that  stuff.  Having  that  all  
together,  all  those  traditional  escapes  bring  me  down  and  they  take  me  away  
from  a  reality  that  I  really  enjoy.  

That  has  taken  a  long  time  to  get  to.  I’m  not  going  to  lie.  Finally  changing  my  
perspectives  and  interactions  and  that  is  a  lot  of  what  we  are  going  to  work  on  
here  is,  I  used  to  think  one  thing  about  how  women  thought.  I  used  to  think  one  
thing  about  how  people  would  respond  to  me.  Through  both  experience  and  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
being  taught  to  think  differently,  I  changed  my  perspectives.  What  can  we  work  
on  here?  Let  us  go  through  each  of  those  and  figure  out  how  they  are  going  to  
work  for  you  and  how  they  are  going  to  factor  in.  

The  first  one  is  not  caring  what  people  think,  OK?  That  is  going  to  come  with  time;  
it’s  going  to  come  with  exposure  to  people.  You  can  certainly  use  the  bombing  
opener  to  help  out  with  that.  Ultimately  what  it  comes  down  to  is,  can  you  be  
bigger  than  your  environment?  Can  you  own  your  environment  rather  than  letting  
your  environment  own  you?  Now  in  small  towns  are  a  lot  harder  than  a  big  city  
like  New  York.  You  can  come  hang  out  with  us  in  a  big  city  like  New  York.  If  you  
are  in  a  big  city  then  by  all  means  you  need  to  be  bigger  than  your  environment.  
You  have  to  be  of  the  world  not  in  it  so  to  speak.  That  is  really  important.  It  is  just  
being  of  the  world  not  being  in  the  world.  

I  remember  when  I  was,  when  I  first  came  to  New  York,  I  was  really  wrapped  up  
with  like  the  club  scene  here.  I  let  its  values  permeate  me.  I  let  it  touch  me.  These  
days  when  I  go  to  clubs,  I  think,  “I’m  of  this  but  I  am  not  in  this.  This  surrounds  me  
but  this  is  not  me.”  That’s  a  really  important  concept  to  have  when  you  are,  just  
relative  to  the  world  around  you  not  caring  about  things.  Getting  other  parts  of  
your  life  handled,  that  is  another  one.  This  isn’t  for  us  to  hear  now.  Actually  there  
are  some  other  courses  that  we  have  for  that.  Unbreakable  goes  into  that  a  little  
bit.  We  have  another  course  called  the  “Ten  Code”  that  will  come  out  eventually  
and  that  is  going  to  into  new  more  depth,  but  that  is  not  for  here  now.  

Lots  of  approaching,  lots  of  women  that  is  an  eventual  process.  I  want  you  to  be  
approaching  a  lot  of  women  on  this  course.  I  want  you  to  have  a  lot  of  women  in  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
your  life  if  that  is  what  you  want.  That  is  going  to  be  eventual.  It’s  not  something  
that  I  can  just  snap  my  fingers  and  give  to  you.  Coming  to  know  who  you  are  and  
finding  joy  in  your  life  that  is  a  lifelong  goal.  It  is  something  that  I  still  work  on,  on  
a  daily  basis.  I  still  work  on  it  with  respect  to  spirituality,  I  work  on  it  with  respect  
to  health,  I  work  on  it  with  respect  to  my  intellect,  my  wisdom  and  my  
professional  skills  and  even  my  relationship  abilities.  

Knowing  who  you  are  and  accepting  who  you  are  is  not,  I  think  about  this  in  all  
realms.  It  is  never  as  end  point,  it  is  always,  when  you,  let  us  say  that  you  come  
into  a  new  faith  or  you  decide  that  you  are  going  to  get  good  at  approaching  
women  or  you  are  going  to  become  a  writer.  Making  that  decision  is  a  starting  
point  and  there  is  no  end  point  in  your  life.  The  end  point  is  when  you  die  but  it  is  
always  a  process  of  continual  evolution,  of  getting  better  at  this  stuff,  et  cetera,  et  
cetera.    

A  change  in  your  perspective  and  actions,  that’s  our  primary  focus  for  this  
particular  part  of  the  course  right  now.  We  are  going  to  work  on  looking  at  how  I  
see  interactions.  How  guys  who  I  know  who  do  really  well  with  women  see  
interactions.  We  are  going  to  give  you  the  tools  to  do  all  in  that  regard  too.  
What’s  the  eventual  outcome?  Well,  we  want  to  give  you  a  different  feeling  about  
women.  That’s  really  critical.  You  have  that  feeling  in  your  heart,  that  fear  and  
some  of  it  is  related  to  women.  I  want  to  give  you  a  different  feeling  about  
women.  

Another  outcome  I  want  is  a  different  feeling  about  yourself  relative  to  women.  
Finally  a  different  feeling  about  approaching  women  specifically.  What  is  the  rest  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
of  this  course  going  to  be  about,  specifically  this  module  of  the  course?  Well,  
we’re  going  to  talk  about  why  everything  else  that  you  have  studied  up  to  this  
point  has  not  worked  and  why  a  lot  of  other  stuff  in  the  dating  advice  community  
doesn’t  work  when  it  comes  to  getting  over  this  particular  problem.  We  are  going  
to  learn  some  of  the  perspective  shifts  that  I  want  to  share  with  you.  

 We  are  going  to  talk  about  how  to  put  these  perspective  shifts  into  action  and  we  
are  going  to  see  how  they  work  for  you  and  we  are  going  to  see  the  truth.  That  is  
the  next  step  here  and  we  are  going  start  with  common  fallacies  of  that  guys  have  
when  they  go  into  trying  to  fix  this.  

 Some  of  the  common  fallacies  of  guys  who  are  trying  to  get  better  at  this  stuff  
and  who  are  just  being  held  back.  There’s  four  of  them  that  I  have  noticed  again  
and  again  and  again  and  again.  These  are  things  guys  say  “I  can’t  do  it  because  of  
this.”  The  first  one  is,  I  need  game.  The  term  game,  I  mean,  of  course  you  need  
game.  You  need  to  be  able  to  be  good  with  the  girls.    

I  think  sometimes  guys  put  game  above  girls.  When  guys  put  game  above  girls,  
what  happens  is  that  they  end  up  spending  a  lot  of  time  with  guys  talking  about  
game,  talking  about  the  ins  and  outs  of  game,  talking  about  the  things  they  can  do  
with  game.  They  do  not  actually  spend  time  with  girls.    

That  is  actually  fine.  Here  is  why  I  think  that  is  fine.  I  think  every  guy  needs  sort  of  
a  group  of  men  who  he  comes  together  with,  who  he  bonds  with,  who  he  has  got  
almost  this  rite  of  passage  with.  It  just  so  happens  in  our  modern  society,  one  of  
the  ways  that  guys  come  together  and  bond  is  to  talk  about  game  and  talk  about  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
getting  girls.  They  do  not  actually  end  up  with  girls  until  they  are  like  in  their  late  
20s,  early  30s.  That  is  fine.  

What  I  am  just  going  to  tell  you  is  that  if  you  think  that  you  need  more  game,  and  
you  are  constantly  focused  on  game  and  you  are  constantly  trying  to  learn  game,  
it’s  going  to  take  you  away  from  girls.  You  can  have  one  of  those  two  things,  you  
are  on  point.  If  you  want  girls  then  you  shouldn’t  be  so  focused  on  game,  you  
should  be  focused  on  women  and  on  girls  and  unlike  the  human  condition,  I  
mean,  I  have  got  to  be  honest,  you  might  have  heard  this  before.  You  learn  more  
from  reading  fiction  literature  about  the  female  condition  than  you  will  from  
learning  from  most  courses  on  dating  advice.  

I  have  learnt  so  much  about  women  from  having  women  in  my  life  and  from  
reading  things  they  read  and  from  learning  about  their  hearts.  That  is  kind  of  a  
cheesy  way  of  saying  you  are  learning  what  they  are  all  about  and  what  they  think  
about  and  what  moves  them.  The  more  that  you  actually  spend  your  time  
thinking  about  women  and  thinking  about  what  moves  women,  what  women  
think  about,  the  more  that  you  will  be  able  to  get  closer  to  them.  The  more  time  
you  spend  thinking  about  game,  we  will  see  how  far  that  takes  you.  We  want  you  
to  be  getting  girls  not  game.  

Another  thing  that  is  a  fallacy  is,  what  I  say  matters  most.  That’s  just  not  true  and  
I  can  prove  it  to  you  with  the  bombing  opener.  I  mentioned  this  a  few  times  
already.  If  you  do  not  know  the  bombing  opener,  basically  it  is  something  you  say  
where  you  are  kind  of  trying  to  get  rejected  but  you  are  not  trying  to  offend  the  
woman.    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
My  favorite  bombing  opener  is  I  walk  up  to  someone  and  I  will  say,  “Hey,  you  
guys,  I  have  got  to  say  you  both  are  really  attractive.  My  girlfriend  is  out  of  town  
tonight.  I  am  wondering  if  you  would  be  interested  in  a  threesome.”  This  is  the  
sort  of  thing  that  would  at  least  on  paper  should  get  you  slapped.  The  reason  that  
I  can  get  away  with  it  is  because,  what  they  are  evaluating  about  me  is  not  the  
words  coming  out  of  my  mouth  so  much  as  it  is  my  intention,  my  intonation,  my  
body  language,  my  eye  contact.  All  those  subtle  cues  that  are  telling  them  I  am  
not  a  creep  bag.  

Knowing  what  to  say  is  definitely  helpful  but  getting  that  ever  looser  vibe  thing  
right  is  a  lot  more  helpful.  That  is  going  to  be  in  the  next  course.  I  want  you  to  just  
spell  that  myth  right  now  that  you  absolutely  know  what  to  say.  A  third  myth  I  see  
a  lot  of  guys  get  hang  up  on  is  I  need  to  be  to  be  in  state.  State,  I  think  I  
mentioned  that  already.  It’s  a  term  that  came  about  with  real  social  dynamics.  
The  whole  idea  is  if  you  are  in  a  heightened  emotional  state  you  can  do  anything.  
You  can  be  superman.  I  think  they  use  the  term  nimbus;  it’s  like  when  you  are  
glowing.    

The  fact  that  matters  though,  to  think  that  you  can  be  in  state  all  the  time  is  
retarded.  You  are  just  not  going  to  be  I  state  all  the  time.  Your  emotions  are,  your  
emotions  are  an  ocean  and  you  can’t  control  the  direction  they  are  always  going  
to  go.  Most  people  I  know  who  try  end  up,  they  fail  because  you  can’t  control  
your  emotions.  At  the  same  time,  you  can’t  let  your  emotions  control  you.  If  you  
find  that  you  are  not  in  state  but  there  is  a  girl  who  you  want  to  go  talk  to,  the  
question  is,  are  you  going  to  let  your  emotions  control  your  actions  or  are  you  
going  to  just  take  the  action  that  you  need  to  take?    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
Eventually  get  the  emotion  you  want  out  of  it  because  you  took  that  action.  It  is  a  
very  subtle  distinction  but  if  you  think  about  it  is  kind  of  like  going  to  the  gym.  You  
may  not  feel  like  going  to  the  gym  when  the  decision  comes  up  about  whether  
you  should  go  to  the  gym  or  not  but  what  is  it  that  you  are  ultimately  after?  You  
are  after  that  feeling  of  leaving  the  gym  and  be  like,  ah;  I'm  in  good  shape  now.  
Even  though  you  might  not  have  that  feeling  beforehand,  you  take  the  action  
because  you  are  like,  all  right,  I’m  going  to  go  to  the  gym  and  I’m  going  to  get  a  
good  feeling  about  myself.    

That  will  be  great,  getting  in  good  shape,  all  that.  What  you’re  ultimately  after  
here  is  the  feeling  of  success  of  having  women  in  your  life  and  the  great  feelings  
that  accompany  that.  If  you’re  just  trying  to  preempt  that  by  just  being  in  the  
state  all  the  time,  well,  good  luck.  I  just  want  to  get  that  one  out  there  too.  

The  fourth  thing  that  I  see  is,  and  this  is  a  common  one.  I’ve  got  to  be  rich,  I’ve  got  
to  be  good  looking,  I've  got  to  have  a  cool  place,  I've  got  to  have  better  hair.  Any  
sort  of  excuse  that  you  can  come  up  with  about  why  you  are  deficient  and  why  
you  can’t  do  it  and  why  somebody  else  can.  The  way  reality  works  is  anywhere  
you  look  you  can  find  somebody  who  is  got  the  same  deficiency  as  you  do  and  
who  is  crushing  it.    

I  used  to  get  hung  up  about  my  blondness,  believe  it  or  not.  I  would  say  blonde  
guys  do  not  do  well  with  women.  I  was  looking  at  Tom  Cruise  and  Brad  Pitt.  I  
mean  he  is  blond-­‐ish.  He  does  great.  I  mean,  look,  I’m  not  above  any  of  these  
things.  I  mean,  I  have  thought  all  these  things  in  the  past  and  they  certainly  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
afflicted  me.  The  point  is,  I  got  past  them  and  you  need  to  as  well  if  you  are  going  
to  be  good  with  women.  

 Now  why  has  everything  not  worked  for  you  up  to  this  point?  What  is  holding  
you  back  if  you  are  sitting  here  right  now?  The  number  one  determiner  of  success  
in  being  good  with  women  and  being  good  on  the  approach  is  actually  doing  it.  
You  just  got  to  go  out  there  and  do  it.  There  are  a  very  small  percentage  of  guys  in  
this  course  who  have,  they’ve  like  done  700,  1000  approaches  or  whatever.  
They’ve  been  doing  it.  Most  guys  have  done  a  very  few  number  of  them.  They  
have  not  gone  really  well  and  so  you  keep  reading  more  information.  The  
problem  is,  what  this  does,  is  it  gives  you  what  I  like  to  call  a  pick  up  ego.    

Pick  up  ego  is  where  you  think  you  are  good  at  picking  up  women  and  you  can  
probably  talk  to  other  people  about  the  fact  that  you  are  good  at  picking  up  
women,  but  you  are  not  good  at  picking  up  women.  You  have  this  ego  around  this  
whole  thing  but  you  don’t  actually  go  out  and  do  it.  Believe  it  or  not  I  know  
coaches  who  are  like  this,  I  know  guys  who  head  up  companies  who  have  popular  
podcasts,  who  have  popular  mailing  list.  They  suck  with  women  but  they’ve  got  
this  ego  because  they’ve  spent  so  much  time  talking  about  it.  They  can  talk  
through  the  intricacies  of  it.  

At  the  end  of  the  day  is  like  Jay  Z  said,  game  recognize  game,  whores  do  too.  A  
guy  who’s  good  with  women  knows  that  other  guy  is  good  with  women  and  we  
can  discern  guys  who  aren’t.  No  matter  how  much  you  want  to  talk  it  up,  it  comes  
down  to  all  those  nuances  and  subtleties  of  the  interactions.  You  pick  up  ego,  just  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
drop  it,  get  it  out  of  the  way,  stop  reading  a  whole  bunch  of  stuff,  start  talking  to  
more  women.  

They  are  related  to  the  pickup  egos,  what  I’d  like  to  call  the  knowledge  identity.  
The  knowledge  identity  is  the  guy  who’s  read  so  much  information  that  his  whole  
identity  is  one  of  knowing  information  and  knowing  stuff  about  how  to  talk  to  
girls  and  knowing.  His  identity  is  not  one  of  doing,  it’s  of  knowing.  Knowing  facts  
and  having  the  right  stuff  and  being  able  to  share  them  with  other  guys,  hey  if  you  
want  to  do  that,  I  honestly  think  its  waste  of  time,  but  you  can  do  it.  Honestly  
that’s  not  going  to  put  more  women  in  your  life.  Doing  it  is  going  to  put  more  
women  in  your  life.  

The  scary  thing  about  having  that  knowledge  identity  is  every  time  you  go  talk  to  
a  new  woman;  you're  putting  that  at  risk.  You're  saying,  OK,  I  know  all  the  stuff,  
let’s  see  if  it’s  going  to  go  to  work.  If  you  spent  a  lot  of  time  working  on  this  and  if  
you  spend  a  lot  of  time  learning  this  stuff,  then  that’s  a  big  risk.  It’d  be  like  
accumulating  a  bunch  of  money  and  then  reading  a  bunch  of  books  on  how  to  
trade  stocks  and  then  having  to  place  your  first  trade.  It  can  be  really  nerve  
wrecking  and  you  could  be  like,  I  know  how  to  do  this  but  I'm  not  willing  to  risk  it  
all  now,  but  I've  got  it.  

You’ve  got  to  be  able  to  risk  it  with  women;  you  have  to  actually  be  doing  it  
regularly.  Otherwise  you're  just  not  going  to  get  good.  The  way  I  like  to  think  
about  it,  you're  shit  until  you're  the  shit.  Until  you  can  actually  go  do  it,  until  you  
can  prove  to  yourself  that  you  can  go  do  it,  you're  shit.  Take  heart  in  that.  I  mean  
it’s  pretty  binary  that  you're  good  at  it  or  you're  not.  If  you're  not  good  at  it  right  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
now,  hey  that’s  why  you're  here.  You're  here  to  get  good  at  it.  You’ve  got  to  move  
past  that  ego,  you’ve  got  to  move  past  that  identity.  If  you're  shit,  just  accept  it  
man.    

I  used  to  be  shit  at  cold  calling,  I  hated  cold  calling.  I  ended  up  making  like  500  
cold  calls  in  a  couple  of  months.  I  got  to  be  good  at  it.  It  sucked  along  the  way  but  
I  became  the  shit  and  so  to  with  women.  If  you  suck  at  approaching  women,  hey  
that’s  fine.  All  that  is  good  and  well  and  all  that.  When  will  anything  work?  This  is  
a  longer  term  thing  here.  Because  you  can  go  through  this  course  and  I  know  that  
if  you  actually  put  it  in  practice  it’s  going  to  work  for  you.  I've  also  worked  with  
guys  who  they’ve  got  issues  that  run  so  deep  that  we  are  not  going  to  be  able  to  
solve  them  in  a  four  week  course.  There  are  some  guys  who  are  going  to  keep  
coming  back  to  this  stuff.  Hey  that’s  fine.  Sometimes  you  need  more.  

When  will  anything  work  really?  When  will  all  this  stop  being  something  that  you  
actively  have  to  really  put  your  time  into  it  and  you  can  start  thinking  about  other  
stuff?  Well  it’s  going  to  be  when  it  stops  being  so  focal  point  of  your  life,  and  
when  it  becomes  one  of  many  paths  that  you’re  pursuing.  You  have  to  become  
your  own  source  of  authority.  The  only  way  you're  going  to  be  become  your  own  
source  of  authority  is  if  you're  good  at  this  stuff  and  if  you're  your  own  source  of  
authority  at  work,  if  you're  your  own  source  of  authority  in  hobbies,  if  you're  your  
own  source  of  authority  on  faith.    

Ultimately  you're  the  one  who’s  able  to  best  judge  what's  right  for  you.  Here’s  
why  this  is  important.  Is  because  when  you're  your  own  source  of  authority,  then  
it  doesn’t  matter  who  you  see,  it  doesn’t  matter  who  you  want  to  interact  with,  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
you  just  say,  “Hey  you  know  what?  I  know  what  my  values  are,  I  know  what's  right  
for  me,  I  live  in  integrity  and  if  it  doesn’t  work  out  with  this  person,  oh  well  it  
doesn’t  work  out  but  I  still  know  who  I  am.”  I  think  that  the  problem  that  a  lot  of  
guys  run  into  especially  the  thing  that  holds  them  back  from  approaching  women  
is  they  think  that  the  women  they  see  are  better  authorities  in  the  world  than  
they  are.  

I  see  a  woman  and  I  say,  she  knows  what's  up,  she  knows  the  world  better  than  I  
do,  she's  going  to  see  right  through  me.  I  don’t  know  myself.  The  more  that  you  
do  know  yourself,  the  better  that  you're  going  to  be  able  to  look  at  a  woman  and  
discern  her  and  figure  out,  this  is  somebody  who  I  want  in  my  life.  The  less  weight  
you're  going  to  put  in  any  particular  interaction,  you  can  actually  approach  
interactions  with  lightheartedness,  in  a  fun  vibe  because  you're  not  worried  about  
being  found  out  about  anything.  You're  interested  in  finding  out.  

When  your  world  view  works  for  you  and  others,  when  you're  living  in  integrity  
between  your  beliefs,  your  perspectives,  your  personality,  your  actions,  that  your  
lifestyle,  the  people  in  your  life,  when  there's  joy  in  your  heart,  that’s  when  things  
will  really  start  working  for  you.  Ultimately  you  have  to  become  your  own  
authority  on  everything.  On  everything  from  faith  to  politics,  to  business,  
everything.  That’s  when  it’s  ultimately  going  to  work  for  you.    

With  all  that  said,  that’s  just  what  if  nothing  else  works.  Hey,  I  know  that  these  
things  are  going  to  work  for  you.  I  want  to  now  shift  to  the  shifts.  I  want  to  talk  
about  the  shifts  in  perspective  that  you're  going  to  experience,  that  are  going  to  
help  you  get  past  your  approach  anxiety.  These  are  the  long  term  and  short  term  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
stuff  that  you  can  do  to  address  it  directly  head  on  and  move  past  it.  Let’s  jump  
into  that  now.  

Shift  one,  I  love  talking  about  this  one,  this  is  about  owning  your  manhood.  Man  
this  is  fun  to  talk  about.  I  just  sometimes  look  around  and  I  think  like  we've  lost  
our  way.  The  reason  the  fight  club  resonated  with  so  many  guys  was  that  line  
when  Tyler  Durden  looks  in  the  camera  and  he  said,  “We  are  a  generation  of  men  
raised  by  our  mothers.”  I  think  that  that  has  a  lot  of  truth  to  many  men  in  our  
hearts.  We've  really  allowed  ourselves  to  be  castrated,  we  allow  ourselves  to  
make  excuses,  we  shift  responsibility  off  of  ourselves.    

I  was  reading  some  interesting  statistics  recently.  More  women  are  graduating  
from  college  right  now  than  men.  Women  on  average  have  higher  GPAs  than  
men.  Women  are  getting  more  jobs  in  the  workforce  than  men  and  we  are  not  
going  to  spend  a  bunch  of  time  talking  about  the  last  40  years  and  what  the  
feminist  women  have  done.  Men  have  definitely,  they’ve  allowed  women  to  step  
up  and  they  haven’t  really  stepped  up  with  an  equivalent  response.  What's  
happened  to  this  pick  up  community  is  really  interesting  to  me.  It’s  like  men  don’t  
know  how  to  relate  to  women  anymore  because  women  have  stepped  up  their  
game.  

Men  have  this  attitude  of  like  fuck  her.  Pardon  the  language  but  the  whole  thing  
is  like  fuck  her  and  I  want  to  fuck  her.  It  has  not  respect  for  women;  it  has  no  
respect  for  what  they’ve  done.  It  comes  from  a  position  of  really  low  value.  A  
position  of  high  value  would  be  like,  “Damn  girl,  that’s  awesome.  Congratulations  
on  the  progress  you're  making.  That’s  fantastic,  I  wish  you  all  the  best  and  more.”  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
I  know  that  I  got  up  my  game  because  if  I  don’t,  you're  going  to  leave  me.  You're  
going  to  find  somebody  else  who  can.  Or  you  and  all  the  rest  of  women  are  going  
to  go  off  and  form  a  lesbian  society  and  kick  ass.  Us  men  are  going  o  get  pushed  
away.    

The  point  is  that  as  men  we  got  up  our  game.  As  a  man  the  responsibility  is  always  
on  your  shoulders.  Women,  you  might  have  your  theories  about  this  but  my  
theory  is  that  women  are  meant  to  be  child  bearers.  It’s  in  their  biology,  in  their  
physiology.  We  are  the  ones  who  are  supposed  to  be  out  there  hunting  the  
jaguars,  fighting  for  bread.  Or  competing  with  others  of  our  kind  and  women,  they  
shouldn’t  necessarily  be  doing  that.  

 I  think  it’s  great  that  they're  allowed  to  do  that.  That’s  fine;  I  think  it’s  amazing  
they’ve  stepped  up.  That  women  are  able  to  achieve  whatever  they  want  to  
achieve.  That  they  have  the  tools  and  society  allows  that.  If  you're  a  man  who  is  
letting  women  get  the  best  of  you  and  if  you  feel  like,  “Ah  man.  Fuck  women.”  I’ll  
tell  you  what;  real  men  are  still  in  high  demand  in  the  society.    

I  live  in  New  York  City,  I've  dated  a  lot  of  girls  and  they  always  complain  that  real  
men  are  hard  to  find.  There's  a  lot  of  boys,  there  aren’t  a  lot  of  real  men.  I  want  
you  to  be  aware  of  this  struggle  between  the  best  man  you  can  be  and  the  boy  
you’ve  been  taught  who  you  are.  Especially  if  you're  a  younger  guy,  if  you're  in  
you're  in  your  30s  or  40s  this  might  not  be  as  relevant  for  you.  

 Although  I  have  talked  to  guys  who  are  in  their  mid-­‐late  30s  and  they  still  act  like  
little  boys.  There's  a  nonstop  test  of  a  fire  in  a  man’s  heart  and  that  is  to  step  into  
fear  when  he  feels  it.  It’s  not  to  step  away  from  the  fear.  If  you  think  about  the  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
movie  Braveheart  it’s  like  Braveheart  had  the  choice  of  walking  away  or  picking  a  
fight.  He  went  to  pick  a  fight.  When  you  have  fear  in  front  of  you,  it’s  like  the  test  
of  your  manhood.    

Are  you  going  to  take  that  fear  on  or  are  you  going  to  let  it  take  you  on?  Here’s  
the  other  really  cool  thing,  is  there's  a  lot  of,  there  are  a  lot  of  things  in  the  world  
you  can  look  at  and  argue  about.  You  could  argue  about,  you  could  argue  about  
whether  unions  should  have  the  right  to  collective  bargaining.  You  can  argue  
about  whether  Christianity,  Islam  or  Buddhism  is  the  one  right  religion.  

 You  can  argue  about  a  lot  of  things.  What  you  can’t  argue  about  is  that  as  the  
man,  you  are  physiologically  enabled  as  the  penetrator  of  women.  You  are  the  
one  who  is  required  to  penetrate  her  and  to  impregnate  her  and  to  bring  new  life  
in  the  world.  You  are  a  crucial  part  of  this  equation.  Stepping  forward  into  the  role  
of  manhood,  looking  your  fear  in  the  face  and  pushing  past  it.  It  is  a  very  
righteous  cause  and  there's  nothing  spiritual  about  that.    

There’s  nothing  religious  about  that.  That  is  pure  biology.  There  is  a  righteous  
cause  for  you  to  look  your  fear  in  the  face  and  say  “Hey,  it  is  my  responsibility  to  
be  a  man.  To  find  a  woman,  to  pass  my  seed  on.  To  pass  my  genes  on,  to  be  a  
father  one  day.”  That  is  an  extremely  righteous  cause;  it’s  the  only  thing  that  you  
can  really  hold  on  to  outside  of  faith.  I  want  you  to  really  take  that  to  heart.  Your  
goal  of  claiming  your  manhood  is  to  become  a  person  of  responsibility.    

I've  talked  about  having  fun  for  a  long  time.  I  think  that  the  thing  that  happens  
when  a  boy  becomes  a  man  is  that  he  accepts  that  he  is  responsible  for  others.  He  
accepts  that  he’s  a  caretaker  of  the  world.  For  the  last  few  years,  I've  thought  of,  I  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
came  up  with  this  short  form  of  saying  that  I  like  to  think  of  myself  as  the  kind  of  
like  Tom  Sawyer  if  he  was  a  grown  up.  Another  way  of  putting  it  and  this  was  even  
on  an  online  dating  profile  when  I  was  doing  online  dating  is  balancing  fun  and  
responsibility  and  having  a  blast  doing  so  and  doing  a  pretty  good  job  of  it  so  far.  
I'm  not  going  to  tell  you  to  go  off  and  lock  yourself  in  an  office  and  just  work  for  
others.  I'm  a  firm  believer  in  a  lot  of  Ayn  Rand  philosophy.  

At  the  same  time,  you  got  to  have  fun.  Absolutely  have  to  have  fun.  I  do  want  you  
to  be  caretaker  of  the  world.  I  want  you  to  have  confidence  in  your  strength.  I  
want  you  to  have  confidence  in  your  ability  to  hold  a  woman,  to  really  hold  her.  
To  know  that  you  can  keep  her  safe,  that  you  can  deliver  her  to  adventures.  That  
you  can  be  somebody  she  relies  on.    

I  want  you  to  feel  confident  in  your  ability  to  hold  a  family.  To  hold  a  family  
together  and  ultimately  to  hold  yourself  together.  I  have  a  selfish  motive  in  doing  
this.  I  have  dated  a  lot  of  girls  who  are  damaged.  For  better  or  worse,  I  have  dated  
girls  who  had  really  bad  father  figures.  Some  of  their  fathers  were  emotionally  
abusive;  some  of  their  fathers  were  alcoholics.  

What  I  have  seen  is  I've  seen  the  hearts  of  some  very  beautiful  women  deal  with  
extreme  hurt  and  extreme  pain  because  their  fathers  were  not  responsible  men.  
Because  their  fathers  didn’t  own  everything  that  they  were  responsible  for.  Didn’t  
step  up  and  be  men  when  their  daughters  needed  it.  The  world  that  I  want  to  
create  is  a  world  where  men  are  responsible  are  responsible  for  the  women  in  
their  life.  Where  men  do  not  just  have  fun,  where  they  accept  the  consequences  
of  their  fun  and  they're  responsible  for  things.  What  I  can  tell  you  is  if  that  is  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
something  that  you  can  take  on.  If  that  is  a  responsibility  that  you  can  bear,  your  
confidence  level  will  sky  rocket.    

Because  if  you  know  that  you  can  take  care  of  somebody  else,  if  you  know  that  
truly  and  deeply  that  you  can  look  around  the  room  and  you  can  see  a  lot  of  little  
boys  who  can’t  take  care  of  a  woman.  You  can  see  a  lot  of  women  who  wish  that  
there  was  a  man  who  could  take  care  of  them.  I'm  not  saying  about  this  in  purely  
a  provider  sense  or  purely  in  the  sense  of  a  finances.    

Truly  what  I  mean  is  that  you  can  look  into  a  woman’s  heart.  That  you  can  know  
what  she  needs.  That  you  can  be  the  one  to  deliver  it  to  her.  How  do  we  put  this  
into  practice?  Well  there's  going  to  be  some  homework  and  exercises  for  you.  The  
first  part  of  really  owning  your  manhood  is  being  somebody  who  can  take  action  
when  there  is  something  that  he  wants.  When  you  see  something  you  say,  “I  go  
after  this.  I  want  it,  I'm  a  man.”  You  go  out  there  and  claim  it.  

 If  you  can  put  this  action  principle  into  your  life.  If  you  can  take  action  when  
there's  things  that  you  want.  That’s  the  first  very  step  to  claiming  your  right  
among  men.  Can  you  push  past  excuses?  Not  blindly  but  with  the  courage  of  a  
guy  like  Braveheart.  You  are  going  to  have  excuses;  you're  going  to  say,  “Oh  she's  
too  beautiful.  She's  with  her  friends,  whatever.  ”  Those  excuses  that  ultimately  
you  do  have  to  push  past  because  they're  going  to  be  times  when  you  have  a  lot  
of  fear.  When  there  are  things  that  look  difficult  and  you  know  heck.  Approaching  
women  is  going  to  be  a  small  part  of  it.  There  could  be  a  day  when  you're  child  is  
diagnosed  with  some  horrible  terminal  disease.    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
When  something  terrible  happens  in  your  life  that  requires  a  lot  more  courage  
than  approaching  a  woman.  I  want  you  to  be  ready  for  that.  I  want  you  to  be  
somebody  who  can  look  at  fear  in  the  face  and  face  it  with  courage.  Face  it  with  
strength  and  be  responsible  for  taking  it  on  and  carrying  it.  Can  you  look  at  your  
approaches?  It  comes  down  to  this  very,  very  small  crucible  of  interaction.    

Where  you  and  her  starting  a  conversation,  can  you  look  at  this  very  small  
moment  as  an  opportunity  for  you  to  be  a  man?  For  you  to  relish  the  challenge  
that  it  puts  in  front  of  you.  A  lot  of  men,  they  look  at  that,  they  say,  “Ah,  I  can’t  do  
it,  she’s  too  pretty.”  Relish  the  challenge,  take  hold  of  it  say,  “This  is  awesome.  I  
get  the  opportunity  to  prove  to  myself  whether  I'm  a  man  of  action  or  not.    

Whether  I  can  actually  go  and  do  this.”  When  you  start  thinking  in  that  way,  
you're  not  going  to  do  it  every  time.  I  promise  you  there  are  times  you  won’t  feel  
like  it.  If  you  can  bring  that  to  yourself  and  you  can  remind  yourself  of  that.  Then  
there's  always  going  to  be  this  voice  in  the  back  of  your  head  that’s  says,  “I  know  
that  there's  somebody  who  I  could  be  and  I'm  not  being  that  right  now.”    

That  voice  will  be  somebody  who  pushes  you  to  be  somebody  better.  To  be  
somebody  who  takes  action.  To  be  somebody  responsible  and  more  and  more  
you'll  see  your  actions  lining  up  with  that.  Because  every  time  that  you  don’t  
action  towards  something  that  you  want.  Every  time  you  don’t  approach  a  
woman  you're  going  to  find  yourself  letting  yourself  down.    

You're  going  to  say,  there's  a  higher  ideal  to  which  I  can  strive.  There's  a  higher  
person  that  I  can  be.  I'm  not  being  that  person  right  now,  I'm  letting  myself  down.  
Not  being  the  best  man  I  can  be.  If  that  voice  is  something  however  faint  in  your  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
head.  If  that  voice  is  something  that  you  hear,  than  that  is  something  that  will  
constantly  be  reminding  you  to  do  better.    

Ultimately  you  need  to  accept  responsibility  for  yourself,  for  the  people  in  your  
life  and  or  the  world  you're  creating.  Every  time  you  take  action  you  change  the  
world.  If  you  know  that  you're  somebody  who  acts  upon  what  he  wants.  Who  
takes  responsibility  for  the  changes  that  he  makes  in  the  world.  Who  is  owning  up  
to  his  righteous  place  amongst  men?  Amongst  men  who  must  go  out  and  
approach  women  who  must  go  out  and  bring  women  into  their  lives.  Who  must  
go  out  and  create  new  life.  

Then  that  will  give  you  so  much  confidence.  That  is  the  first  shift  in  perspective  
that  I  want  you  to  think  about.  Every  time  you  see  the  opportunity  to  approach  a  
woman.  Can  you  enjoy  that  opportunity  to  prove  your  manhood  to  yourself?  Can  
you  look  at  this?  Can  you  say,  “Ah  this  is  fun.  This  is  what  life  is  about.  This  is  what  
my  masculinity  is  about.  I'm  going  to  go  talk  to  that  girl.”  That’s  shift  number  one,  
shift  number  two  it’s  all  about  finding  humor  in  interactions.  This  is  not  about  
finding  humor  in  the  world;  this  isn’t  about  being  a  comedian.  I  want  to  make  that  
really  clear.  I'm  not  trying  to  turn  you  to  Seinfeld  here.  It’s  about  finding  the  
humor  in  interactions  themselves.    

Are  the  interactions  fun?  Are  they  challenging?  Are  they  funny?  When  you  look  to  
make  things  ridiculous  in  an  interaction,  and  silly  and  even  childish  that  
interaction  becomes  fun.  I  remember  working  with  clients  in  the  past  and  talking  
with  them  about  why  they  weren't  good  with  women.  There  were  some  guys  who  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
were  really  tough  cases.  They’ve  taken  a  lot  of  programs;  they’ve  been  coached  
by  three  different  guys.    

What  I  found  consistently  about  these  guys,  there  are  few  things  and  one  thing  
that  always  stood  out  is  they  didn’t  actually  have  fun  interacting  with  people.  
They  didn’t  try  to  make  it  something  fun.  It  was  something  serious  for  them,  or  
something  goal  oriented  or  what  have  you.  Your  humor  should  be  a  form  of  
expression.  It’s  almost  an  art  form.  When  I  think  about  my  interactions  with  
somebody,  I  think  about  trying  little  things  on  a  canvas.  How  can  I  make  this  more  
fun?    

How  can  I  add  some  flair  to  this?  How  can  I  add  a  big  splash  of  red  right  here?  This  
is  as  I  said,  not  about  being  Seinfeld.  It’s  not  about,  one  of  my  favorite  jokes  about  
Seinfeld  is  if  aliens  were  looking  at  us  from  outer  space  and  they  watched  us  
walking  dogs.  They’d  think  that  dogs  were  in  charge  because  basically  we  follow  
behind  the  dogs.  The  dogs  take  a  crap  and  then  we  pick  it  up.  Of  course  his  
delivery  is  great.  He  tells  it  much  better  than  I  do.  That’s  observational  humor  
about  the  world.  That’s  not  what  I'm  getting  at  here.  What  I'm  getting  at  is  that  I  
want  you  to  find  humor  with  another  person.  In  the  experience  you're  having  and  
mess  with  that  person.  

 That’s  the  whole  point;  you  want  to  mess  with  the  person.  Your  approach  to  the  
interaction  should  be  let’s  play.  Why  is  this  important?  Why  is  this  a  good  goal?  
For  one  thing,  if  you  can  find  humor  in  interactions  and  you're  lighthearted  about  
them.  Then  you’re  not  going  to  approach  any  particular  interaction,  or  any  
particular  woman  with  a  great  sense  of  weight.    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
You're  not  going  to  look  at  her  and  be,  “I  have  to  get  this  right.”  You're  going  to  
say  let’s  play,  let’s  see  how  fun  this  is.  I'm  going  to  go  mess  with  this  girl,  see  what  
happens.  Honestly  that’s  become  my  attitude  with  99%  of  the  women  who  I  
meet.  How  can  I  mess  with  them  a  little  bit?  Not  mess  them  up,  but  it’s  like  
childish  playground  and  stuff.  That’s  what  flirting  is  all  about.    

If  you  can  take  that  interaction  a  little  further,  hey  all  the  better.  This  is  really  
about  stringing  somebody  along  in  a  game  of  back  and  forth  to  enjoy  the  act  of  
interaction.  This  is  not  a  course  on  humor  but  I'm  going  to  give  you  a  few  things  
that  I  do.  That  would  show  you  how  you  can  use  humor  and  how  humor  can  come  
out  with  practice.  One  of  them  is  leading  someone  down  a  particular  path  of  
thinking  that  is  not  really  reflective  of  how  you  actually  think.  I’ll  clarify  this,  I’ll  
give  you  examples.    

Maybe  it’s  regarding  your  work,  your  ambitions.  Your  plans,  things  you  want  to  do  
with  them.  When  you're  talking  to  somebody  it’s  all  about  making  them  think  one  
thing  that  is  probably  absurd  or  ridiculous  or  off  topic.  Leading  them  down  that  
path  to  the  point  you  say  “Ah,  just  kidding  I  didn’t  actually  mean  that.”  They  go,  
“Oh  you.”  Very  simple  example  of  this.  This  is  the  classic  example  in  the  dating  
advice  community.  

 A  woman  asks  you  what  you  do  and  you  say,  “Oh  I'm  an  ass  model.”  I've  never  
said  that,  I  don’t  know  if  you  should  say  that  or  not.  You  should  say  it  if  you  can  
pull  it  off  with  any  sort  of  reasonable  humor.  That  sort  of  thing  never  stood  out  to  
me  but  that’s  an  example  of  leading  somebody  down  a  path,  sort  of  diversion.  I’ll  
give  you  an  example  and  I  actually  pull  myself.    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
This  is  an  example  of  a  conversation  I  had  with  my  girlfriend  earlier  today.  This  is  
an  example  of  diversion.  I'm  just  trying  to  find  it  here,  perfect.  What  we  were  
talking  about,  we  were  talking  about  where  we  might  want  to  live  in  the  future,  
what  we  might  want  to  do.  Both  of  us  have  talked  about  how  we  don’t  want  to  
end  up  in  the  suburbs.  How  we  don’t  want  to,  we  just  don’t  want  to  have  an  
ordinary  life.  

 We  want  to  travel  around  the  world,  we  want  to  see  people.  We  want  to  change  
the  world.  Right  now  we’re  both  in  New  York;  we’re  talking  about  moving  to  LA  
together,  who  knows.  I  said  something  about  how  I  better  make  big  bucks  and  
she  said  I  thought  that  was  the  plan.  Here’s  where  it  starts  leading  somebody  
down  a  path.  I  said  I  thought  the  plan  was  to  make  babies  and  settle  in  Iowa  very  
close  to  Wal-­‐Mart.  That’s  obviously  a  complete  diversion  from  the  actual  plan.  
The  I  said  with  a  middle  management  beige  Ford  Taurus.    

There's  this  color  of  paint  that  is  in  cars  that  I've  joked  with  her.  It’s  kind  of  a  
beige,  it’s  like  what  they  buy  for  corporate  fleets  and  I  call  it  middle  management  
beige.  She  wrote  back  LOL,  you  are  getting  it  when  I  see  you  next.  No  way,  post  an  
ad  for  a  new  girlfriend  right  away.  I  wrote  back  and  said  baby  stop  killing  my  
dreams.  If  they  die  life  is  broken  wing  bird  that  can’t  fly.    

That’s  actually  a  quote  from  a  poem.  That’s  an  example  of  diversion;  it’s  coming  
up  with  something  absurd  or  ridiculous  in  a  conversation.  In  this  case,  I  talked  
about  my  ambitions  and  what  I  wanted  to  do  with  her.  There's  any  number  of  
ways  you  can  do  this  but  the  point  is  if  you're  looking  for  opportunities  to  mess  
with  people  you're  going  to  find  them.    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
This  is  a  great  way  to  mess  with  people.  Say  what  do  you  do  for  a  living;  you  can  
come  up  with  something  diversionary.  My  friend  Bill  who  runs  a  site  called  
puaforums.  I  remember  one  time  he  told  a  girl  something  about  he,  I  think  he  said  
he  was  an  alligator  tamer.  He  went  on  this  long  story  about  how  he  tamed  
alligators  for  a  living.  

 One  time  I  told  a  woman  what  I  did  for  work  was  that  I  threw  organic  material  
into  aircraft  turbines  to  see  how  the  turbines  reacted  to  it  because  sometimes  
birds  fly  into  them.  I  really  led  her  down  this  path  for  a  long  time.  Now  again  it  
doesn’t  have  to  be  about  your  job,  it  can  be  where  you’re  from.  You  can  have  
shortened  versions  so  for  example  whenever  women  ask  Nick  Sparks  where  he’s  
from,  he  says  I'm  just  a  sweet  gentle  boy  from  the  Midwest.    

They  have  to  ask  another  question.  Where  in  the  Midwest?  Doesn’t  matter,  it’s  
usually  what  he  says  but  he  might  say  Michigan.  That’s  diversion  in  practice.  Let’s  
move  onto  another  little  thing  you  can  do  with  humor.  You  can  use  some  frames.  
Frame  is  a,  this  is  something  we  talk  about  extensively  on  Unbreakable  It’s  
something  you  apply  to  an  interaction;  it’s  the  way  that  the  interaction  looks.  
What  you're  basically  doing  is  you're  casting  characters  in  their  interactions.  
You're  assigning  values  to  those  characters.  

 One  frame  that  you  can  apply  to  an  interaction  is  she’s  not  to  be  trusted.  A  girl  
could  say  something  and  you  could  look  at  her  close  your  eyes  a  little  bit,  are  you  
sure?  Maybe  you  say,  so  what  do  you  do?  She  says,  “I'm  an  accountant.”  You  go,  
“I  don’t  know  if  I  believe  you  about  that.”  That’s  the  you  can’t  be  trusted  frame.    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
Another,  just  at  lunch  as  I  was  working  on  this  presentation  I  was  sitting  at  a  
coffee  shop  and  there  were  two  women.  They're  probably  in  their  50s  and  they  
were  sitting  at  the  table  nearby  me.  An  old  friend  of  theirs  came  along  and  tried  
to  move  my  jacket.  I  kind  of  grabbed  my  jacket  and  I  moved  it  for  her.  The  woman  
looked  at  me  and  she  said,  “Don’t  worry  we  weren't  trying  to  steal  it.”  I  said,  “I  
got  to  be  honest  with  you,  I  kind  of  had  you  pegged  as  a  thief  a  long  time  ago.  If  
you  steal  it,  I'm  going  to  take  that  pink  hat  of  yours  so  it’ll  be  an  even  trade.”  The  
women,  they  cracked  up.  This  is  again  a  frame  I'm  just  applying  to  them  of  you  
can’t  be  trusted.  They  were  having  a  blast  with  it.    

Another  frame,  same  women  50  year  old  women,  I  wasn’t  even  trying  to  pick  
them  up.  They  asked  to  borrow  my  pen  and  I  could  see  that  they  had  this  pen  that  
wasn’t  working.  I  picked  up  the  pen  and  I  handed  to  them  and  said,  “You  guys  can  
have  the  pen  but  if  you  break  this  so  help  me.”  Again  they  laughed  and  were  
having  fun  with  it.  One  of  the  things  that  my  friend  always  used  to  joke  was  he  
would  talk  about  girls.  He  would  say,  “You  can  over  to  my  house  as  long  as  you  
don’t  pee  on  the  carpet.”  By  this  point,  he’s  got  a  good  flirtatious  vibe  with  the  
girl.  You're  not  going  to  say  that  on  the  onset.  

By  this  point  he's  got  a  good  flirtatious  vibe  with  the  girls,  you're  not  going  to  say  
that  at  the  outset.  That’s  the  frame  of  you  trying  to  break  something.  Another  
one  is  you're  trying  to  kill  my  dreams.  I  did  that  with  my  girlfriend.  I  said,  “Why  
are  you  always  trying  to  kill  my  dreams?”  That  can  be  funny.  You  can  put  these  
frames  together.  You  can  do  killing  your  dreams  with  anything.  You  can  talk  about  
some  wildly  ambitious  thing,  you  can  lead  her  down  the  path  as  I  showed  you  
earlier  and  then  you  can  apply  the  frame  that  she's  always  trying  to  kill  your  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
dreams  and  you're  going  to  have  to  go  find  somebody  else  who  doesn’t  do  that.  
It’s  very  playful,  it’s  very  funny.  

I  alluded  to  phases  and  expressions,  that  I  don’t  trust  you  expressions,  that’s  
definitely  one  of  them.  Sometimes  what  I  like  to  do  is  I  just  like  to  mirror  a  girl.  If  
she  says  something  surprising,  I’d  be  like  something  like  that.  Maybe  I’ll  just  go,  
oh  my  god!  Just  funny  little  faces  and  expressions.  I  talked  about  this  during  our  
Fearless  seminar  that  Nick  gave,  is  time  and  time  again  I  see  guys  who  aren’t  good  
with  women  and  they're  expressionless.    

Guys  who  are  good  with  women  and  they  get  their  expression  right.  Course  two  
we  are  going  to  be  talking  about  a  lot  of  facial  expressions,  but  I  just  want  you  to  
be  aware  that  facial  expressions  is  a  huge  part  of  being  flirtatious.  If  you  can  use  
them  properly,  it’s  so  great.  Being  descriptive  about  stuff.  This  is  an  area  where  
you  can  sit  wherever  you  want.  One  example  that  just  came  to  mind  was  I  was  
talking  to  a  person  and  she  was  saying,  “What's  the  difference  between  the  Mac  
Book  and  the  Mac  Book  Pro?    

Now  typical  guy  is  going  to  answer  very  technically.  He's  going  to  say,  “Oh  well  
the  Mac  Book  Pro  has  much  higher  specs.  It’s  got  a  dedicated  GPU  and  blah,  blah,  
blah.”  I’d  go,  “Oh  well  the  Mac  Book  Pro  is  the  pretty  one,  its  silver.”  She's  like,  
“Oh  I  like  silver.”  I  was  like,  “You  better  get  one  of  those.  It’s  a  little  more  
expensive  but  you  definitely  want  the  silver.  I  don’t  see  you  like  a  white  person.”  
that’s  where  being  descriptive  about  something  is  funny.  You  can  do  that  with  
anything  that  somebody  asks  you  to  clarify  on.    
 

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
She  says,  “Oh  what's  the  difference  between  this  and  that?”  You  can  always,  the  
point  is  that  you're  trying  to  simplify  the  description  and  not  be  technical  about  it,  
but  be  almost  stupid  about  it  as  if  your  were  looking  at  it  like  a  total  child.  For  a  5-­‐
year  old  who’s  looking  at  the  difference  between  the  Mac  Book  and  the  Mac  Book  
Pro,  he's  not  going  to  know  the  text  specs  unless  he’s  a  genius.  He's  going  to  say,  
“Ah  that  one  is  silver.”  Looking  at  things  like  you're  5-­‐year  old  and  trying  to  
describe  them  in  that  way.  That’s  a  funny  way  to  describe  things.  

Finally,  just  being  a  cheese  ball,  so  for  example  in  that  text  message  that  I  sent  
earlier,  don’t  try  to  kill  my  dreams,  if  they  dry  life  is  a  broken  wing  bird  that  can’t  
fly.  That’s  a  great  example  of  just  being  super,  super  cheesy.  Race,  my  buddy  Race  
the  priest  who’s  producing  programs  with  us,  he  says  all  sorts  of  cheesy  stuff.  Like  
Okey-­‐dokey  little  smokey.    

My  buddy  Rob  Judge  who  was,  he's  done  teleseminars  with  us.  One  thing  he’ll  
always  do  is  interactions.  If  you're  from  the  80s  or  if  you’ve  watched  saved  by  the  
bell,  you'll  definitely  know  this  one;  is  he’ll  be  talking  at  some  girls  and  says,  “OK,  
OK,  Zack  Morris  time  out.”  Anybody  who  knows  Zack  Morris  would  just  get  a  huge  
crack  out  of  that.  That’s  almost  a  pop  culture  reference  but  really  what  you're  
doing,  you're  just  being  a  cheese  ball  and  that  sort  of  stuff  is  really  funny.    

Those  are  just  a  few  examples  of  how  to  have  humor  interactions.  Again  those  
aren’t  things  you're  going  to  use  right  away  at  the  outset,  but  they  might  be.  You  
never  know.  You  might  find  an  interaction  where  you  can  be  really  cheesy  right  
off  the  bat.  As  the  course  goes  on,  I'm  going  to  give  you  some  ways  to  insert  
humor  very  very  quickly  so  that  you  can  create  that  spark.    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
For  now  I  hope  some  of  this  stuff  is  useful  for  you  in  understanding  how  if  you're  
looking  at  an  interaction  in  a  humorous  way,  you  have  a  lot  of  fun  with  it.  This  is  
the  sort  of  stuff  and  if  you  do  this  with  beautiful  girls,  they're  going  to  be  hooked  
like  that.  This  is  the  sort  of  stuff  that  I've  always  used  with  beautiful  girls  because  
it’s  just  fun.  

My  approach  is  just,  heck  I  don’t  care  who  they  are.  I'm  just  going  to  have  fun  
with  this  interaction.  I  had  to  obviously  give  you  some  examples  of  how  you  can  
have  fun  with  interactions.  The  thing  that  I  want  you  to  take  away  from  this,  the  
mindset  and  the  shift  that  I  want  you  to  take  away  is,  you  can  do  this  with  
anyone.  Maybe  not  your  employer  when  you're  on  job  interview,  your  potential  
employer.  Yet  I  know  people  who  have  fun  with  their  employers  when  they're  in  
job  interviews,  maybe  don’t  do  it  if  you're  going  to  work  at  an  insurance  
company.  If  you're  going  to  apply  for  a  dot  com,  this  sort  of  stuff  can  go  over  
really  well.    

It  shows  you're  comfortable  with  yourself,  it  shows  you  have  fun  with  the  
interaction,  it  shows  that  you're  not  so  in  your  head  that  you  can’t  be  in  the  
moment.  I'm  going  to  give  you  some  exercises  on  how  to  practice  this  stuff.  I  
know  that  once  you  start  introducing  the  stuff  into  your,  let’s  call  it  your  social  
library  and  skill  set,  you're  going  to  be  having  so  much  more  fun.  Start  looking  for  
the  human  interactions  in  ways  that  you  can  just  have  fun  with  it.  I  know  you're  
going  to  come  up  with  some  of  your  own  and  when  you  do,  I  really  hope  that  you  
can  bring  them  back  to  this  course  and  report  them  in  the  forum  and  share  them  
with  us.  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
Shift  three  is  a  shift  that  when  you  get  it,  it’s  going  to  blow  you  away,  it’s  
awesome.  It’s  so  cool.  It  comes  from  this  book  right  here.  This  book  is  called  Over  
Achievement  and  it’s  by  John  Elliots.  It’s  got  some  stuff  in  it  that’s  so-­‐so,  stuff  in  it  
that’s  great.  We  are  going  to  talk  about  one  of  the  great  things  right  now.  I'm  not  
even  going  to  pretend  that  I  came  with  this  stuff,  because  I  didn’t,  but  I  would  be  
a  fool  not  to  share  it  with  you.  Because  it’s  so  relevant  to  that  feeling  of  
approaching  inside  that  you  get.  That  feeling  that  you  get  is  a  biological,  
physiological  response  to  pressure.  A  quote  directly  from  this  book  is,  pressure  
occurs  at  moments  when  meaningful  accomplishment  is  possible.    

Let’s  think  about  that  again,  when  meaningful  accomplishment  is  possible,  you  
feel  pressure.  I'm  sure  you  can  relate  to  that  to  various  parts  in  your  life  whether  
it’s  been  having  a  project  that’s  due,  having  a  presentation  that  you  have  to  give,  
having  to  get  something  done  on  time  or  having  to  approach  a  woman.    

Now  I  can’t  say  that  I've  always  done  well  with  pressure.  In  fact  I'm  pretty  terrible  
at  hitting  deadlines.  I  know  that  when  I  used  to  feel  afraid  about  women,  I  
actually  want  to  throw  up  and  I  did  a  few  times.  I've  shared  with  you  already.  
What  I  was  fascinated  to  read  in  this  book  was,  he  talks  about  Bill  Russell,  I'm  
sorry.  Bill  Russell  was  one  of  the  best  basketball  players  of  all  times.  Bill  Russell  
used  to  throw  up  before  games.    

He  would  actually  get  this  sort  of  nervous  anxiety  and  then  he’d  throw  up  and  
then  he’d  like  go  out  there  and  crash  it,  he’d  be  great.  What  we  learn  when  we  
read  this  book  and  Elliots  has  learnt  in  his  research,  is  that  what  actually  happens  
with  that  feeling  of  fear,  those  butterflies  in  your  stomach,  that’s  a  really  good  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
thing.  When  you  feel  that,  that’s  great.  That’s  when  something  you  want  is  right  
in  front  of  you.  What  happens  is  your  body  becomes  aroused,  it’s  the  flight  or  
fight  response.  Fight  doesn’t  literally  mean  like  put  up  your  dukes  and  throw  
punches.    

Fight  means  getting  to  a  position  where  your  adrenaline  is  pumping  a  little  bit,  
where  you're  thinking  a  little  bit  more  clearly,  where  you're  able  to  take  action  on  
stuff  that  you  know  you  need  to  do  and  get  into  that  zone.    

You  get  aroused  and  not  like  hard  but  your  body  gets  aroused,  you  enter  the  state  
of  arousal.  What  happens  with  people  who  have  approaching  eyes,  certainly  this  
isn’t  the  case  for  me,  is  that  I  mistook  that  arousal  for  anxiety.  Arousal  and  anxiety  
are  not  the  same  thing.  

 The  specific  quotation  from  this  book  that  I  can  give  you  is  anxiety  is  cognitive  
interpretation  of  the  fight  or  flight  response.  What's  really  happening  is  your  body  
is  entering  a  chemical  induced  state  that  is  changing  certain  elements  of  how  you  
react  to  and  feel  about  the  world.  Then  your  mind  is  filtering  that  chemically  
induced  state  as  bad  and  it’s  a  planning  anxiety  to  it.  This  is  just  a  habit  that  some  
people  have.  

I  remember  even  back  in  6th  grade  when  I  was  going  to  play  hockey  games  and  
obviously  I'm  not  a  big  guy,  there  were  bigger  guys  than  me  and  I  hated  when  
they  introduced  checking.  Checking  is  when  you  can  go  up  to  somebody  and  
check  them.  I  had  been  playing  midget  hockey  and  you  couldn’t  check.  Once  we  
entered  squats,  we  can  start  checking.    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
I  was  so  nervous  and  I  had  that  same  feeling  that  I  had  15  years  later  when  I  want  
to  go  and  approach  women.  Again  that  was  state  of  arousal  that  my  body  
entering  into.  In  my  own  case  I  was  so  overwhelmed  by  their  state  of  arousal  and  I  
let  it  control  me  rather  than  controlling  it.  Whether  be  it  with  hockey  with  as  a  
6th  grader  or  approaching  women  as  a  21-­‐year  old.  

What  I've  learned  to  do  and  this  is  something  that  you  have  to  bring  
consciousness  into,  is  I've  learnt  to  enjoy  that  state  of  arousal  and  say,  OK,  there's  
something  I  want.  That  feeling  in  my  stomach,  that’s  a  good  thing.  What’s  the  
goal  of  this  whole  thing?  I  want  you  to  recognize  when  the  body  is  giving  you  this  
power  and  tune  it  into  it.  That’s  really  what's  happening.    

Your  body  is  giving  you  power  in  this  moments  and  you  don’t  even  realize  it.  I  
want  to  read  to  you  at  the  risk  of  plagiarizing,  I'm  just  going  to  read  through  this  
list  of  things  that  happen  under  pressure  when  let’s  say  he  says  he's  activated  the  
sympathetic  nerve  system  as  energy  is  re-­‐distributed  from  parasympathetic  task  
to  maximize  sympathetic  tasks.  Fascination,  right?  Again  go  buy  this  book.  

I'm  going  to  read  to  you  some  of  the  things  that  happen  when  you  enter  this  
state.  The  mouth  goes  dry,  sometimes  called  cotton  mouth  because  the  body  is  
channeling  effort  into  tasks  more  important  than  producing  saliva.  We  don’t  need  
extra  spit  to  see  the  free  throw  at  the  buzzer.    

The  sensation  of  butterflies  occurs  in  the  stomach  resulting  from  excess  stomach  
acid  because  the  digestive  system  is  shutting  down.  During  a  major  presentation  
to  the  board  whose  eating  lunch.  The  stomach  cramps  because  the  stomach  lining  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
is  shrinking.  The  body  has  stopped  producing  bile  and  it’s  trying  to  get  rid  of  any  
remaking  food.  Bill  Russell  was  a  text  book  case.  

Sweat  flow  is  a  safety  mechanism  to  prevent  the  body  from  overheating.  Even  an  
audition  from  the  New  York  philharmonic  is  now  worth  boiling  vital  organs.  
Hands,  feet  or  knees  begin  shaking.  That’s  body  sending  faster  motor  signals  from  
the  cortex  through  the  motor  and  runs  out  to  the  extremities  which  will  be  
running;  throwing,  illustrating,  acting,  keyboarding,  etc.  the  heart  beats  faster  to  
get  more  blood  going  through  the  arteries  carrying  nutrients  and  oxygen  to  the  
working  muscles  and  brain  cells  so  they  can  perform  at  a  higher  level.    

The  eyes  dilate  and  the  vision  becomes  more  acute.  The  mind  races  producing  a  
greater  amount  of  information  in  a  shorter  amount  of  time.  All  this  adaptation  is  
the  body’s  way  of  making  us  perform  more  efficiently  when  we  are  under  the  
gun.  Most  people  as  I  said  already,  most  people  have  come  to  believe  that  anxiety  
and  stress  go  hand  in  hand.    

The  assumption  however  is  dead  wrong,  stress  not  need  produce  anxiety.    
Maybe  you  just  feel  as  I  told  you  that,  like  a  great  weight  got  lifted  off  your  
shoulders.  That  feeling  is  not  going  to  go  away  any  time  soon.  I  know  that  even  to  
this  day,  I  have  a  beautiful  girlfriend  who  I'm  completely  in  love  with.  When  I'm  
on  a  coach  program  and  I  have  to  approach  a  new  woman,  I  still  get  a  little  bit  of  
that  approaching  side.  I  still  get  those  biochemical  reactions  going  on  in  my  body.  
What  I've  started  to  do  and  what  my  goal  is  for  you  is  I  want  you  to  begin  enjoying  
this  nervousness  because  that  nervousness  it  means  you're  alive.  I  know  that  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
sounds  cheese  ball  has  hell,  but  that  nervousness  is  the  greatest  sing  that  what  
you  want  is  right  in  front  of  you  and  you're  alive  and  you  can  go  get  it.    

What  I  started  to  do  is  I  actually  started  laugh  at  it  and  I  say,  “Wow!  That’s  great.  
I'm  feeling  that  right  now.  This  is  exciting.  Awesome.  I  don’t  always  feel  this  
nervousness,  this  is  great,  I'm  going  to  use  this.  Its  fuel  and  I  want  you  to  harness  
it.”  Just  a  couple  of  questions  for  you  to  think  about  and  then  we've  got  
homework  and  exercise  for  you.    

When  you  feel  that  body  response,  can  you  consider  it  differently?  I  hope  you  will  
know,  you'll  start  to  feel  your  mouth  drying  up,  you  feel  your  stomach  lining  
shrinking,  you'll  be  thinking,  oh  my  pituitary  or  my  saliva  glands  are  turning  off  
because  I  don’t  need  saliva  right  now.  My  stomach  is  constricting  because  I  need  
to  have  energy  going  out  through  my  eyes.  

You're  going  to  be  bring  some  consciousness  into  that  moment  and  it’s  still  going  
to  produce  a  little  bit  of  the  anxiety,  but  my  hope  is  that  it  will  also  give  you  some  
perspective  and  help  you  understand  that  it  doesn’t  have  to  be  produce  the  
anxiety.  Then  you  can  step  back  and  you  can  say,  “OK,  I'm  in  this  moment.    

Who  owns  the  moment?  My  fear  or  me?  Am  I  going  to  allow  this  one  little  
thought  up  here  that’s  interpreting  this  body  response  in  a  certain  way,  to  own  
this  moment  or  am  I  going  to  own  this  moment,  the  whole  of  me,  my  desires,  is  
what  I  want  going  to  own  this  moment?”  it’s  a  big  difference.  Then  you  have  to  
say  what  actions  can  I  take  to  turn  this  nervousness  into  good  energy.  Do  I  need  
to  think  about  it,  do  I  need  to  act  on  it?  I  know  that  for  example  before,  this  is  
when  we  used  to  do  boot  camps  weekend  in  and  weekend  out.  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
 I  would  get  really  tired  and  I  get  really  nervous  and  I’d  have  all  this  nervous  
energy  before  I  went  out.  What  I  started  to  do  was  just  put  on  really  good  music.  

When  I  felt  that  music  and  like  it  was  songs  like  Love  Generation  by  Bob  Sinclair,  
it’s  kind  of  a  dance  song.  I  felt  that  stuff,  I  had  to  realize  to  myself  and  be  OK,  I'm  
starting  to,  I'm  feeling  nervous  but  it’s  a  good  nervousness,  I'm  getting  excited  
now.  Maybe  you  go  out  and  you  do  a  bombing  opener  for  maybe  you  just  interact  
with  some  people  at  the  bar,  maybe  you  do  shots.  Maybe  it’s  that  you  run  up  and  
down  the  stairs.  It  doesn’t  matter  but  the  point  is  when  you're  feeling  that  
nervousness  and  when  you're  feeling  excitement  that  can  definitely  happen  
before  a  big  night  out,  I  want  you  to  figure  out  how  to  channel  that  into  good  
energy.  Associate  that  feeling  with  actually  feeling  good  and  doing  fun  things.  

Again  for  me  when  I  feel  that  stuff,  I  put  on  music  that  I  really  love  and  I  just  get  
really  into  it.  Heck,  half  the  time  if  I've  got  some  people  over,  it  becomes  a  dance  
party  and  we  are  having  a  great  time  by  the  time  I  head  out  to  the  bars.    
The  final  thing  here  is  if  you  can  enjoy  that  energy  and  turn  it  into  what's  called  
social  momentum.    

One  of  the  things  that  I  learned  when  I  was  at  Chris  Mark’s  boot  camps,  
something  really  interesting  happened  to  me.  There's  a  very  first  time  that  I  had  
ever  run  a  boot  camp,  I  was  out  in  London.  I  had  to  be  approaching  girls  for  like  
four  hours  straight.  At  a  certain  point  I  was  like  man,  this  is  awesome.  I'm  feeling  
so  good  right  now;  I  don’t  want  this  to  stop.  Even  though  I  had  been  rejected  a  
few  times,  I  had  what  I  came  to  call  social  momentum.  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
 Social  momentum  is  when  that  energy  just  becomes  part  of  your  emotional  state.  
That’s  really  what  I  think  the  RSD  guys  talk  about  when  they  talk  about  state.  
State  is  something  that  you  can  bring  upon  yourself.  It’s  something  that  more  
often  than  not  is  a  result  of  a  lot  of  interactions  and  it  builds  and  builds  and  
builds.  It  does  start  with  that  hint  of  anxiety  and  that  hint  of  nervousness.  How  
can  you  use  that  in  your  nights  out  when  you're  having  fun,  when  you're  out  with  
your  buddies?  How  can  you  make  the  best  use  of  that  energy?  That’s  something  
that  we  are  going  to  consider  in  the  homework,  in  the  exercises.  

 For  now  I  hope  you  have  a  whole  new  thought  about  how  you  can  look  at  that  
and  how  when  you  feel  that  energy  and  that  anxiety  inside  of  you,  how  you  can  
come  to  enjoy  it  and  make  use  of  it  rather  than  letting  it  make  use  of  you.  
OK  so  shift  four  is  what  I’d  like  to  call  what  it  is.  This  is  named  after  a  song  by  a  hip  
hop  group  I’d  like  to  call  the  Cool  Kids.  What  it  is  this,  the  assumptions  that  you  
make  are  not  the  reality  of  the  situation.  I  know  there  are  a  lot  of  guys  who  do  
something  like  this.  They  go,  she's  got  a  boyfriend,  she's  not  going  to  want  to  talk  
to  me.  She  and  her  friends  are  having  a  great  time,  they  don’t  want  me  to  invade,  
they  don’t  want  to  talk  to  guys  tonight.  

 I'm  going  to  impose  on  her,  she  doesn’t  want  to  talk  to  guys,  she  definitely  
doesn’t  want  to  talk  to  me.  She's  probably  married  or  she  doesn’t  like  guys  who  
have  blond  hair.  What  guys  do  and  I'm  certainly  guilty  of  this,  is  that  we  make  
assumptions  about  what  the  reality  of  the  world  is  and  then  that  becomes  the  
reality  because  we  don’t  do  anything  about  it.    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
I  want  you  to  understand,  the  assumptions  that  you  create  are  not  the  reality  of  
the  world.  The  personality  that  you  assign  to  any  particular  girl  is  not  yet  born  
out.  I  know  that  sometimes  in  the  past  when  I  would  see  really  beautiful  girls,  I’d  
say,  oh  she's  got  to  be  really  bitchy  because  she's  sitting  there  cold,  kind  of  closed  
off.    

Then  what  I  realized  after  talking  to  them,  was  oh  they  were  just  cold  and  closed  
off  because  nobody  was  talking  to  them.  What  is  at  the  heart  of  a  cold  woman,  of  
a  warm  woman,  of  any  woman,  you  just  don’t  know  it  until  you  start,  talk  to  her.  
The  other  question  is  what  is  it  at  the  heart  of  your  experience  with  a  woman?  
Not  just  in  her,  but  in  the  two  of  you  coming  together.  That  is  what  it  is.  You  don’t  
know  that  until  you  start  to  approach  her.  The  goal  of  this  shift,  of  understanding  
this,  is  that  you're  putting  a  frame;  an  interaction  is  holding  you  back.  Whenever  
you  say  she's  got  a  boyfriend,  she  doesn’t  want  to  talk  to  me,  I’d  be  imposing,  
whatever.    

I  want  to  replace  that  frame  with  a  natural  discernment.  You’ve  got  really  silly  
assumptions  right  now  and  I  want  you  to  replace  these  assumptions  with  
discernment  of  looking  at  something  and  saying,  “OK,  this  is  actually  what  it  is  and  
I'm  going  to  look  at  it  for  what  it  is  rather  than  for  what  I  assume  it  to  be.”  
Ultimately  what  you're  doing  is  you're  living  for  the  truth.  My  buddy  Rob  Judge  
who  I  mentioned  once  already,  Rob  has  this  great  way  of  looking  at  interactions.    

He  says,  “When  I  approach  a  woman,  I  want  to  find  out  the  truth.”  The  truth  
could  be  that  she  could  accept  me  right  away  or  she  could  reject  me  right  away.  
The  truth  could  be  that  she's  my  girlfriend  and  long  lost  soul  mate  or  the  truth  can  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
be  that  we  are  going  to  hate  each  other.  I  don’t  know  any  of  that  until  I  approach  
her.  That’s  really  what  it  is.  

 What  is  the  interaction?  A  little  bit  more  metaphysically  if  I  may  introduce  a  big  
vocabulary  word  here.  I  think  of  layers  of  interactions.  The  top  layer  is  like  the  
fun,  dorky  layer.  Chris  Rock  likes  to  call  it  your  representative.  Chris  says,  and  I'm  
not  going  to  try  to  imitate  him  too  badly.  It  goes  like,  when  you're  meeting  
people,  you  ain’t  meeting  them,  you're  meeting  their  representative.  She  don’t  
like  that,  her  boobs  ain’t  that  big,  her  legs  ain’t  that  skinny,  that’s  her  
representative.  Sorry  for  the  terrible  Chris  Rock  impression  by  the  way.  When  
you're  meeting  someone  for  the  first  time,  usually  are  meeting  the  
representative.  What  it  is,  is  a  very  playful  back  and  forth  surface  interaction  just  
to  see  if  you  two  vibe.  Some  people  aren’t  going  to  vibe  with  others.    

There's  definitely  some  girls  who  I  meet  and  I'm  like,  they're  way  too  serious  or  
there  are  other  girls  that  I  meet  and  I'm  like  they're  way  too  silly.  There's  girls  I  
meet  and  I'm  like  they're  not  smart  enough.  There's  girls  I  meet  and  I'm  like  
they're  too  damn  smart  for  me.  The  very  first  layer  of  the  interaction  that  you  
have  with  the  woman  is  all  you're  doing  is  finding  out  what  it  is.  You're  like,  do  we  
vibe  with  each  other  on  this  very  surface  layer.    

The  next  layer  of  interaction  is  like,  hey  do  we  actually  click?  Do  we  have  
similarities,  do  we  get  along,  do  we  see  the  world  the  same  way,  is  she  a  born  
again  Christian  and  I'm  agnostic  atheist  who  thinks  that  they're  multi  verses.  
That’s  the  next  layer  of  interaction;  see  if  you  actually  get  along  and  like  …  Again  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
the  first  one  is  just  can  we  vibe  together,  can  we  have  fun  together  in  this  
environment.    

The  next  one  is,  do  we  share  topical  interests?  The  third  one  is  do  we  share  
similar  beliefs  and  do  we  see  the  world  similar.  The  next  one,  and  you  can  go  
deeper  and  deeper  with  this.  The  next  one  is  can  we  care  for  each  other?  Do  we  
have  relationship  issues  that  hold  us  back?  The  next  one,  what  are  our  faults?  
What  are  the  things  that  get  in  the  way  of  us  getting  closer  to  each  other?    

It’s  so  funny  because  if  you’ve  had  relationships  you  know  this  and  I  certainly  
know  this  from  my  experience  is  that  the  coldest  woman  usually  has  the  softest  
heart  and  the  most  damaged  heart.  The  warmest  woman,  she  might  sleep  around  
like  crazy.  I  don’t  want  to  make  assumptions  about  that.  The  point  you  never  
know  what  it  is  until  you  take  it  to  another  layer  deeper.  

If  you're  applying  your  frames  to  interactions  before  you  really  know  what  they  
are,  then  you're  just  missing  out  on  a  whole  world  of  opportunity  to  actually  know  
the  truth  of  what  it  is.  I  want  you  to  understand  that  when  you  approach  a  
woman,  even  in  those  first  few  minutes,  you're  in  a  process  of  discovering  what  
the  world  is  and  what  your  place  in  it  is.    

You  can  choose  to  enjoy  it  or  you  can  again  choose  to  have  it  control  you  or  you  
can  apply  all  these  frames  on  the  interaction  that  aren’t  actually  there.  It’s  up  to  
you  to  determine  how  you  look  at  it.  Again  my  approach  when  I  go  up  and  
approach  a  woman  for  the  first  time  is,  I  don’t  know  what  it  is,  but  I'm  going  to  
have  fun  with  it  to  the  best  of  my  abilities  and  I'm  just  going  to  see  what  happens  
here.  Just  takes  so  much  weight  off  my  shoulders.  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
I  can  say,  “I  don’t  know  where  this  is  going  to  go,  but  I  hope  this  is  going  to  go  
somewhere  else.”  For  you  as  you  think  about  your  interactions,  as  you  approach  
women,  I  want  you  to  think  about  this.  What  is  it?  It’s  nothing  until  it  is  something  
and  then  it  is  something.  Now  what  is  it  next?  What  is  it  after  that?  At  the  very  
outset  its  nothing  until  it’s  something.  When  it  starts  to  become  something,  you  
can  be  looking  at  this  and  you  can  be  saying,  yes,  let’s  make  this  fun,  let’s  enjoy  
this,  let’s  add  some  humor  to  it,  let’s  see  what  she's  all  about.  I'm  not  imposing  on  
her;  I  just  want  to  see  what  this  is  all  about.    

Maybe  she  doesn’t  want  to  talk  tonight,  maybe  she  does,  but  I  don’t  know  that  
until  I've  started  the  talk.  That  is  how  you  can  actually  start  to  enjoy  these  
interactions  for  what  they  are  rather  than  for  what  you  think  might  be  or  any  
terrible  imaginings  you  might  come  up  with.    

That’s  how  we  can  shift  our  perspective.  I  know  what  it  is  and  actually  discover  
what  it  can  be.  The  next  thing  we  want  to  talk  about,  this  next  shift  is  putting  
rejection  in  its  place.  Get  out  your  rejection.  I've  got  to  tell  you  I  have  been  
rejected  by  women  in  basically  anywhere  I've  approached  a  woman,  I've  probably  
been  rejected  by  her.  That’s  just  going  to  be  a  fact  of  life.  Nick  likes  to  teach  that  
60%  of  the  response  you  get  from  a  woman  is  what's  going  on  in  her  world,  40%  is  
what  you  do.  I  think  that’s  very  true.  Rejection  is  really  not  that  bad  and  I  think  
there's  a  line  from  William  Shakespeare  that  I  love.  It  says  that  our  present  fears  
are  less  than  horrible  imaginings.    

Your  mind  is  able  to  create  things,  your  imaginations  creates  things  that  are  
possible,  that  are  much  worse  than  your  present  situation.  Your  present  situation  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
can  be  like  loneliness.  It  gets  me  to  a  point  where  I'm  like,  screw  this.  I  don’t  want  
to  be  lonely;  I  don’t  want  to  go  home  by  myself.  I'm  not  going  to  let  my  
imagination  own  me,  I'm  going  to  own  my  imagination,  I'm  not  going  to  let  it  
control  me  anymore.  You’ve  got  to  be  able  to  take  some  risks  in  this.  I've  been  an  
entrepreneur  now  for  the  last  10  years,  I've  been  close  to  bankruptcy  more  than  
once,  I've  been  close  to  six  figures  in  debt.  Rejection  in  the  world  of  women  is  like  
going  bankrupt  in  the  world  of  entrepreneurship.    

It’s  almost  a  rite  of  passage.  It’s  something  that  you  just  accept  as  part  of  getting  
better.  What  I'm  just  going  to  tell  you  right  now  is  you're  going  to  get  rejected.  
Maybe  I'm  the  first  person  to  tell  you  that,  maybe  I'm  not  but  you're  going  to  get  
rejected  by  girls.  Here's  the  key  point,  is  there  are  going  to  be  some  girls  who  
don’t  want  to  talk  to  you  and  that’s  fine,  that’s  totally  OK.    

There's  going  to  be  other  girls  who  you  screw  up  with.  I  think  that’s  what  really  
gets  people  afraid,  is  they're  like,  I  don’t  mind  if  a  girl  doesn’t  want  to  talk  to  me,  
that’s  OK.  What  I  really  don’t  want  is,  I  don’t  want  to  go  and  approach  a  girl  and  
then  feel  like  I'm  letting  her  down.  That’s  definitely  happened  for  me.  Where  I've  
like,  I  felt  urges,  I'm  letting  this  girl  down,  I'm  talking  to  her.  

I  walked  up  and  everything  was  good  and  now  these  girls  are  looking  at  each  
other  like  what's  this  guy  saying.  I'm  thinking,  what  the  hell  am  I  saying?  This  is  
retarded.  Well  I'm  not  this  dumb.  I  finally  came  up  with  something  that  after  
enough  times  doing  this,  I  finally  came  up  with  something  that  I  said,  which  is  
basically  this,  I’d  look  at  the  girls  and  I  realize  since  I'm  going,  I’d  be  like,  “Hey  
listen  guys,  I've  got  be  honest.  I'm  not  actually  this  weird  in  real  life.  For  whatever  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
reasons,  it’s  been  a  while  since  I've  gone  up  and  approached  any  group  of  girls.  
I'm  just  feeling  really  awkward  right  now.  I  just  hope  you  can  deal  with  that.  Sorry,  
what's  your  names?”  they’ll  say  it  and  I’d  be  like,  “Cool.  Well  listen.    

I'm  going  to  …”  I  introduce  myself  and  then  I’ll  say,  “Listen,  I'm  just  going  to  
excuse  myself  right  now  and  maybe  we  will  run  into  each  other  later  tonight  and  
maybe  we  won’t.  In  any  case  I  hope  you  guys  have  a  good  one.”  Usually  they  
giggle  about  that  because  they  realize  that  I  realize  that  it’s  not  going  well.  By  
even  realizing  that,  I'm  putting  myself  in  a  position  saying,  “I'm  actually  a  normal  
guy,  but  this  is  not  going  as  it  should.”  What  will  happen  after  that  is  nine  times  
out  of  ten,  they’ll  continue  to  give  me  eye  contact  and  they  will  want  to  look  at  
me.  Then  the  next  time  I  approach  them  it’s  actually  a  warm  introduction.  I’ll  say  
something  like,  “Hey  guys  did  you  see  that  weird  dude  who's  walking  around  like,  
he's  just  been  really  weird  with  girls.  

 I  think  his  name  is  Christian.”  It’s  obviously  me  and  they’ll  kick  out  of  that  and  I’ll  
just  go  back  into  it.  Then  I’ll  start  asking  them  questions.  We’ll  get  into  all  that  
structural  stuff  in  the  next  few  lessons.  For  now  I  just  want  you  to  understand  
that’s  a  go-­‐to  phrase  you  can  use  when  you  are  seeing  the  conversation  falling  
apart.  More  broadly  when  you're  getting  rejected,  I  want  you  to  understand  
something.  There's  a  goal  behind  putting  rejection  in  its  place.  One  of  the  goals  is  
to  harden  you.  You’ve  got  to  toughen  up.  If  you  can’t  take  rejection  with  a  
woman,  there's  going  to  be  times  in  your  life  when  you  get  rejected.  It’s  just  
important  that  you  be  able  to  deal  with  this.    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
You’ve  got  to  toughen  yourself  up.  I  want  you  to  join  the  ranks  of  the  men  who  
have  fought  through  this  rite  of  passage.  There  are  plenty  of  men  who  have  gone  
out  there,  who  have  gone  and  approached  a  lot  of  women  and  he  say,  “This  is  all  
part  of  the  game  of  life.”  you're  joining  their  ranks  when  you  put  rejection  in  its  
place  and  you  say,  “Hey,  I  know  I'm  going  to  get  rejected,  it’s  OK,  it’s  all  good.”    

Finally  to  use  a  simile  or  metaphor  whatever,  diamond  mining  is  a  messy  
business.  If  you're  going  to  be  looking  for  a  diamond  in  the  rough  which  I  equate  
the  search  of  that  one  true  woman  to  be,  you're  going  to  have  to  get  your  hands  
dirty,  you're  going  to  have  to  get  in  amongst  the  mud,  get  in  amongst  the  dirty  
carbon  and  its  going  to  be  gross  and  its  going  to  be  cold  around  you  and  you're  
going  to  cough  sometimes.    

The  point  is,  finding  that  diamond  in  the  rough,  its  dirty  business.  Sometimes  
you're  going  to  be  chipping  away  in  one  direction,  there's  going  to  be  no  
diamonds  you're  going  to  have  to  look  somewhere  else.  Hey,  accept  this  is  part  of  
the  game.  How  can  you  actually  create  this  shift?  Well  a  lot  of  the  stuff  that  we've  
talked  about  will  help  you.  The  one  thing  that  I  want  you  to  realize  is  95%  of  
people  in  this  world  have  the  same  fear  and  that  is  if  they're  going  to  be  exposed.  
What  are  they  going  to  be  exposed  off?  That  I'm  bad  with  women.  Now  this  is  
ridiculous  and  the  funny  thing  is,  that  95%  of  the  people  in  the  world  can’t  be  bad  
with  women,  otherwise  there  would  be  no  guys  who  are  getting  women.    

There's  a  lot  of  them  who  don’t  work  to  get  better,  there's  a  lot  of  them  who  
don’t  buy  programs  on  this,  who  aren’t  going  to  be  watching  this  right  now  and  
that’s  their  loss  and  that’s  your  gain.  I  want  you  to  understand  that  a  lot  of  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
people,  a  lot  of  men,  even  men  who,  they  have  no  idea  the  dating  advice  exist  
and  they  probably  wouldn’t  pay  for  it  if  they  could,  they  think  that  they're  bad  
with  women  too.    

I  was  just  in  Mexico  a  few  weeks  ago  and  I  was  talking  to  my  scuba  diving  
instructor  down  there.  He’s  like,  oh  yeah  I'm  not  great  with  women.  This  is  a  guy  
he's  never  even  heard  of  the  dating  advice  community  but  he  has  the  same  fear.  
He  says,  yeah  I  want  to  see  women  and  I  want  to  approach.  I  feel  like  I'm  just  
worried  about,  I  don’t  want  them  to  find  me  out.    

What  you're  basically  discovering  is  what  it  is.  You  and  she  didn’t  work  and  maybe  
it’s  you  and  she  didn’t  work  in  this  moment,  maybe  it's  you  and  she  will  never  
work.  If  you  use  my  little  golden  parachute  maybe  you  and  she  could  work  again,  
five  minutes,  ten  minutes  from  now.  When  you  get  rejected,  when  this  happens  
to  you,  you  just  got  to  laugh  at  it.    

There’s  no  other  way  to  deal  with  it  otherwise  you're  going  to  go  nuts.  You’ve  got  
to  laugh  at  it,  you’ve  got  to  laugh  at  it  and  join  the  company  of  every  other  man  in  
the  world  who’s  ever  done  a  cold  approach  and  is  been  rejected.  Believe  there  
are  a  lot  of  us  and  you  join  our  ranks  every  time  you  do  a  cold  approach  and  you  
get  rejected  and  you  just  grow  a  little  bit.  It’s  all  good,  it’s  all  part  of  the  process.  

What  I  really  want  you  to  take  away  from  this  is  I  want  you  to  care  more  about  
having  fun,  enjoying  yourself  in  your  life,  in  your  day-­‐to-­‐day  when  you're  walking  
down  the  street  and  seeing  a  woman  that  you  like  and  when  you  are  out  of  the  
bar  and  having  fun  with  your  buddies,  you  can  be  cool  with  stuff,  hey  whether  it  
goes  well  or  not,  at  least  you  gave  it  a  shot.    

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
Her  response  is  really  don’t  matter  in  the  string  of  life  and  the  long  life  that  you  
have  in  front  of  you.  just  care  more  about  having  fun,  that’s  what  putting  
rejection  is  and  the  shift  is  all  about,  hey  there's  rejection,  you  know  what,  I'm  
just  going  to  have  fun  with  her  one  way  or  another.  If  it  happens,  it  happens,  oh  
well.  That’s  what  putting  rejection  in  its  place  is  all  about.  The  moment  you  can  
start  thinking  like  that,  stuff  is  going  to  get  a  lot  more  fun  for  you.  

All  right,  on  to  the  last  shift  that  we  are  going  to  have  here.  This  shift  is  all  about  
feeling  you  get  and  it’s  what  I  call  the  killer  instinct.  It’s  really  about  taking  your  
desires  and  using  them  properly.  The  killer  instinct  is  the  summation  of  your  
desires.  Any  guy  who  I  see  who’s  really  good  with  women,  he's  got  the  killer  
instinct.  Maybe  you’ve  been  around  the  guy  who  has  got  the  killer  instinct  
because  what  I  can  promise  you  that  this  is  what  happens.  If  you  try  to  go  up  and  
talk  to  him  while  he  is  talking  to  a  women  and  super  engaged  with  her  then  he’s,  
you  are  not  even  a  register  on  his  radar.  He’ll  be,  yeah,  one  second.  I  remember  
this  when  I  didn’t  know  how  to  approach  women.  
 
My  buddy  who  actually  as  I  sit  down  to  record  this,  I  just  found  out  he's  getting  
married  like  a  week  ago.  I  remember  years  and  years  back  in  college  and  he  was  
talking  to  this  girl,  the  girl  who  he  is  now  about  to  marry  and  I  wanted  to  say  good  
bye  to  him.  This  is  when  I  kind  of  suck  with  women  but  I  was  good  with  business  
and  he  was  in  the  business  school,  so  we  were  buddies.  I  walked  up  and  I’m  like  
“Hey  dude,  I’m  going  to  leave  now.  I  just  want  to  say  good  bye.”  
 
He  didn’t  even  see  me.  I'm  like  and  I  move  more  into  his  vision  and  I  put  myself  
next  to  the  girl.  ”Hey  dude  I  just  want  to  say  goodbye  and  like  if  there's  anything.  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
..”  He  like,  “Yeah,  yeah,  I’ll  catch  you  later.”  He  had  the  killer  instinct,  OK.  He  was  
locked  in,  he’s  like  a  hawk  on  his  prey.  For  some  men  this  comes  from  their  dicks,  
for  some  men  it  comes  from  the  hearts,  for  some  men  it  just  comes  in  from  a  
sense  of  purpose.    
 
If  you  play  video  games  maybe  you  have  experienced  this.  This  is  easier  in  video  
games  than  real  life.  I  remember  times  like  when  you  are  playing  super  Mario  64  
and  be  OK,  yeah,  there’s  a  start,  got  it,  got  it  good.  Part  of  the  it  comes  from  
competency,  it  comes  from  knowing  that  you’ve  got  a  focal  point  in  mind,  you  
know  where  the  end  is.  Part  of  it  comes  from  just  allowing  your  desires  to  not  be  
hidden  and  to  say  I  know  what  I  want  and  I'm  going  after  it.  
 
What  is  the  goal  of  killer  instinct?  Why  do  you  even  want  to  allow  this  part  of  you  
out  if  you  have  been  a  little  bit  of  a  wimp  before  about  it?  Well  it’s  to  show  her  
that  you  are  different.  It’s  to  elicit  arousal  in  her.  This  is  the  stuff  that  when  you  
get  it  and  when  you  get  good  at  it,  it  just  fries  a  brain  circuit  inside  of  her  and  she  
is  like  oh,  this  is  a  guy  who  hooks  up  with  girls.  He  wants  to  hook  up  with  me.  I  
want  to  hook  up  with  him  too.    
 
It’s  definitely  something  that  is  worth  developing.  It’s  going  to  be  something  you  
develop  over  the  course  of  the  next  four  weeks  and  well  into  the  future.  How  do  
you  develop  the  killer  instinct?  Well  the  first  part  of  it  is  just  being  utterly  
comfortable  with  your  desire.  Sometimes  you  will  see  girls  you  will  be  like,  oh  my  
gosh,  she's  so  hot.  You  will  think  to  yourself  I  don’t  deserve  her  or  I  don’t  get  her  
whatever.  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
 
It’s  a  complete  180  from  that.  Seeing  a  girl  who  you  think  is  really  hot  and  you  will  
be  like  I  am  going  after  her.  This  is  it.  If  you  have  seen  Top  Gun,  it’s  that  scene  
when  Tom  Cruise  walks  in  the  bathroom,  has  just  like  looking  at  her.  There's  
another  great  scene,  you  just  see  it  in  his  eyes.  He  is  standing  there  and  he's  at  
her  house  and  he’s  leaning  up  against  the  wall  like  this  and  he  is  looking  at  her.  
You  can  see  the  look  at  his  face.    
 
He  looking  at  her  is  like  I  am  going  to  have  sex  with  you  later.  It  grows  on  me  that  
though.  A  girl  did  that  for  a  little  while,  she  described  in  the  look.  If  you  have  ever  
seen  Unbreakable,  I  talk  about  the  look  in  Unbreakable.  A  big  part  of  the  look,  the  
killer  instinct,  is  like  I  know  a  secret  that  you  don’t  know  and  I  can't  wait  for  you  to  
reveal  it,  but  I’m  not  going  to  pull  back  the  curtains  just  yet.    
 
How  does  that  play  out  or  how  does  that  work?  It’s  kind  of  looking  at  her  like  
you're  allowing  her  to  talk  to  you,  you’re  talking  her,  you’re  taking  things  slowly  
because  you  already  know  where  this  is  going  to  go.  Your  desire  has  already  
determined  he’s  like  yeah.  It’s  this  look  in  your  eyes  that  you  know  something  she  
doesn't  know  and  she  wants  to  discover  it.  It’s  like  you  are  telling  this  little  secret  
story.  You  can  do  a  lot  of  non  verbal  stuff.    
 
Again  we  are  going  to  talk  about  non  verbal  in  the  next  module.  You  can  slow  
down,  you  can  allow  for  slightly  uncomfortable  moments  where  you're  praising  
her.  Again  this  all  has  to  be  calibrated;  this  is  something  that  you’re  going  to  have  
work  on.  Its  best  worked  on  in  a  coaching  environment  but  certainly  it’s  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
something  that  you  can  practice  in  a  mirror.  If  she  says  something,  she  is  like  I  live  
on  the  Upper  East  Side.  You  go,  “OK,  cool.  How  do  you  like  the  Upper  East  Side?”  
 
You  see  what  happened  with  my  face  there,  I'm  not  trying  to  rush  in  anything.  She  
sells  something,  I  am  like  OK,  cool,  how  do  I  know  Upper  East  Side?  You  can  see  
that  secret  and  I’m  looking  at  her  and  she’s  like,  what  is  he  thinking,  what  is  the  
secret  going  in  his  head?  There  is  a  real  creepy  way  to  do  this  and  there's  a  good  
way  to  do  this.  You  can  wink  at  the  girl  that's  one  of  the  little  thing  you  can  do  and  
don’t  do  this  right  at  the  start.    
 
Don’t  wink  at  her  right  away  unless  its  cheese  ball  and  we  will  talk  about  non  
verbal  appearance  next  week.  Maybe  a  little  bit  on  the  conversation.  You  can  
have  something  conspiratorial  going  on  with  her,  give  her  a  little  wink  like  yeah.  
This  is  funny.  The  way  that  you  do  this  without  being  creepy  about  it,  is  that  you  
use  disconnects  properly.  This  is  something  that  we  talk  about  in  Fearless,  it’s  
something  we  talk  about  on  Unbreakable.  
 
 The  disconnect  is  basically  where  you  remove  your  energy  from  her,  you  remove  
your  attention  from  her.  Let’s  take  that  Upper  East  Side  example.  She  says,  “I  live  
on  the  Upper  East  Side.”  You  go,  “Upper  East  Side,  how  do  you  like  it  over  there?”  
Now  she  is  OK,,  she  a  little  thrown  off,  she  is  like  is  this  guy  creepy,  what’s  he  
thinking  about?    
 
She  starts  talking  little  bit  and  may  be  you  let  shoulders  wind  a  little  bit  this  way  
and  you  look  back  at  her,  let  your  attention  wander  and  then  you  come  back  and  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
you  are  like,  ”Oh  yeah,  yeah,  cool.”  Then  you  come  back  in  and  then  you  can  
really  be  warm  and  engaging.  “Yeah,  cool,  I  really  love  it  out  there.  I  used  to  do  
some  volunteer  work  up  there.  Yeah,  anyway  …”  Then  you're  back  to  into  it.  The  
point  is  that  the  killer  instinct  is  something  that  is  not  the  whole  part  of  the  
interaction  but  it’s  something  that  you  throw  into  the  interaction  and  it’s  really  
your  desires  coming  out.  
 
 I’ve  talked  about  this  in  other  forms.  When  I'm  out  on  dates  sometimes  if  it’s  
going  really  well,  then  I  am  giving  you  an  example  of  killer  instinct.  If  it’s  going  
really  well,  let’s  say  I'm  sitting  across  the  table  from  her  and  she  is  in  the  middle  
of  some  story  about  …  The  last  time  I  remember  this,  as  I  was  talking  with  a  girl  
and  she  is  in  the  middle  of  the  story  about  how  she  really  liked  the  TV  show  
Friends.    
 
This  wasn’t  a  deep  story,  it  wasn't  something  like  it  was  rude  for  me  to  disconnect  
from  her.  I  started  to  disconnect  and  just  wondering  as  she  is  talking  and  I  
listened  to  her  trail  off.  She  trails  off  and  I  came  back  to  her  and  I  was  looking  to  
her  like  this  and  she  said  and  I  was  like,  I  was  just  thinking  about  like  something  
fun  that  would  be  fun  for  us  to  do  together.  She  like,  “What's  that?”  At  that  point  
I  just  got  up,  I  leaned  across  the  table,  I  started  making  out  with  her  and  I  stepped  
back  and  I  was  like,  “I  can’t  tell  you  just  right  here.”  You  should  have  seen  the  
blood  rush  to  her  face  and  she  was  so  excited  and  nervous.  
 
The  fact  that  I  disconnected  and  I  brought  my  attention  away  and  then  I  came  
back  and  was  looking  at  her  with  these  eyes  of  desire  and  passion.  I  express  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
myself  and  I  bring  it  back.  That's  the  killer  instinct  and  one  should  be  able  to  bring  
that  interactions  very  early  on  because  that's  what  is  going  to  set  you  apart.  
That’s  what  is  going  to  make  the  girl  feel  like  this  guy  is  different.    
 
A  lot  of  this  with  your  eye  contact  and  with  slowing  things  down  and  just  allowing  
there  to  be  space  for  your  desire  to  come  through.  What'  the  enjoyment  part  of  
this,  what  the  fun  part  of  it  this?  Well  I  want  you  to  enjoy  they  way  you  desire  
towards  women  makes  you  feel  because  you  can  suppress  it  and  be  like  no  don’t  
come  out,  I  don’t  want  you  around,  stay  away  or  you  can  say  you  know  what  this  
makes  me  want  to  pursue  her.    
 
This  makes  me  like...  this  excites  me  like...  this  is  going  to  be  something  good,  this  
is  exciting.  It  goes  back  to  your  manhood.  It  goes  back  to  that  feeling  of  anxiety  
and  arousal  .  That's  what  the  killer  instinct  is  all  about.  When  you  feel  that,  when  
you  see  a  women  you  are  really  into  I  want  you  to  allow  that  to  come  out.  I  want  
you  to  allow  that  to  something  that  is  every  now  and  then  expressed  in  a  way  that  
she  can  feel.  It’s  not  stated  and  you  have  lot  of  unexpressing  too.    
 
Alright  almost  done  with  this  week  and  we’ve  gone  through  this  mind  set  shifts  
and  we  have  talked  about  what's  going  to  work.  We’ve  talked  about  what's  not.  
The  last  time  I  said  hello  a  lot  of  it  was  not  quite  as  profound  is  what  we  just  
talked  about.  You’re  welcome  to  go  back  to  previous  week  one  and  look  through  
it  but  as  I  think  about  module  one  versus  this  module  one.    
 

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
This  one  attacks  level  stuff  a  little  better  and  it  give  you  way  of  looking  at  the  
world  and  shifting  n  your  prospective  that's  quite  different  than  the  first  time  that  
we  recoded  this  program.  Actually  very  little  came  over  from  week  one  into  week  
two.  Here's  important  thing  is  with  all  I  said  where  you  are  going  a  long  term.    
 
I  mentioned  this  earlier  none  of  this  is  going  to  matter  if  you  are  not  the  man  who  
you  want  to  be.  Your  approaching  anxiety,  your  feeling  of  imposing  upon  her,  
your  feeling  of  being  a  bad  ass.  If  you’re  not  really  the  man  who  you  want  to  be.  If  
you  don’t  feel  like  when  you  step  up  like  she’s  about  to  win  a  prize  then  none  of  
this  is  going  to  matter.  I  mean  that  phrase  being  a  prize  its  being  around  the  
community  for  a  long  time  now  but  you  really  got  to  be  the  prize.  
 
Being  the  prize  means  a  guy  who  feels  totally  awesome  about  his  life  who  feels  he  
can  have  women  in  it  who  is  just  cool  with  who  he  is.  It’s  about  being  in  an  
environment  that  you  enjoy.  Having  great  people  around  you  who  you  love.  All  of  
this  stuff  is  important.  Being  the  prize  is  important.  Being  in  the  environment  that  
you  love,  having  great  people  around  you  that's  all  critical  but  here's  a  key  point  
all  none  of  that  matters  if  all  that  stuff  that  we  just  discussed  is  not  there  too.  I  
work  with  guys  who  are  the  prize.  They  are  awesome.  They  know  they’re  the  shit  .  
They  are  great  but  they  still  have  terrible  approaching  anxiety  because  they  have  
got  these  sorts  of  issues  that  I  just  brought  up  here  and  they’re  holding  them  
back.  
 
 Being  the  prize  is  important  one  knowing  your  worth  is  truly  important  is  truly  a  
long  term  thing.  What  we  just  talked  about  now  those  things  are  absolutely  going  

 
SAY HELLO     ASSERTIVE APPROACHING  
 
to  get  to  get  into  the  heart  of  the  approaching  anxiety,  of  fear.  They  are  going  to  
have  you  having  a  lot  more  fun  in  your  interactions.  I  gave  you  a  lot  of  different  
perspectives  but  there  is  one  goal  and  that  is  to  enjoy  yourself.  To  enjoy  yourself  
when  you  are  talking  to  women,  to  enjoy  the  process  of  getting  to  know  them  and  
eventually  enjoy  your  way  right  into  the  bedroom  and  into  relationships  and  
beyond.  The  homework  that  we  are  going  to  give  you  is  going  to  be  focused  on  
conditioning  you  have  fun,  to  be  light  hearted.  I  obviously  hope  that  you  take  it  
seriously.  I  hope  you  really  enjoy  it  and  we  will  catch  you  with  the  next  lesson.  For  
now  checking  out  I’ll  talk  to  you  soon.  
 

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 

CHAPTER 2: MASTER THE VIBE

Hey  what's  up?  It's  Christian  Hudson  here  and  welcome  back  for  lesson  two  of  Say  
Hello.  Last  lesson  what  we  talked  about  was  what's  going  on  up  here  in  your  
mind.  We  had  some  amazing  feedback  from  guys  in  the  forum,  in  the  calls.  
Whenever  we  work  through  this  first  week  of  the  program,  guys  always,  they're  
like,  "Whoa  like  that's  some  really  profound  stuff  and  some  pretty  major  shifts  
that  happen."    

In  just  a  minute  we're  going  to  go  over  some  of  the  things  that  happened  with  
guys  when  they  actually  went  through  it,  but  for  those  of  you  that  haven't  gone  
up  and  done  an  approach  yet  I  just  want  to  tell  you  right  now  some  tough  love,  
you  got  to  do  it.  I  remember  when  I  was  working  to  get  better  at  this  stuff,  when  I  
had  really  bad  approach  anxiety,  there  was  so  much  going  on  up  in  my  head,  so  
much,  and  what  you're  doing  right  now  is  you're  filling  your  head  with  more  
information.  My  goal  is  to  give  you  more  information  so  that  eventually  it  works  
its  way  back  deep  into  your  unconscious  so  that  you  can  just  be  fully  conscious  
when  you're  talking  to  somebody  who  you  think  is  attractive  and  that  you're  not  
getting  distracted.    

Now  obviously  you  got  to  work  through  that.  That's  the  whole  point  of  this  
course.  If  you  haven't  gone  up  and  you  haven't  done  your  first  approach  yet,  I  
want  to  take  a  lot  of  pressure  off  of  you.  I  just  want  to  give  you  some  stuff,  and  I'll  
give  you  some  stuff  later  on  you  can  do  and  say  to  go  up  and  make  that  first  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
approach,  but  you  just  got  to  do  it.  Clear  you  head  of  anything  else.  Don't  worry  
about  getting  rejected.  Just  go  up  and  do  it.    

Now  for  those  of  you  who  did  do  some  approaches  and  who  did  manage  to  get  
through  this  stuff,  and  I  know  that's  usually  when  I  redo  this  course  about  75%  of  
the  guys  are  like,  "Okay  this  is  awesome.  I'm  going  to  go  out  and  say  hello  to  some  
girls."  I've  got  some  great  feedback  here  and  I  want  to  look  at  the  feedback  and  
talk  about  some  lessons  that  we  can  take  away  from  it.    

The  first  little  quotation  that  I  got  here.  "The  easiest  time  to  make  stuff  happen  is  
pretty  soon  after  you  get  to  the  club  or  party  or  wherever  you're  going.  If  I  stood  
around  too  long  in  the  space  place  I  just  felt  kind  of  lame  even  if  it  was  just  chilling  
with  my  buddies,  and  it  felt  weird  going  up  to  people  and  talking  to  them.  Social  
momentum  is  really  important.  Just  building  that  up  by  talking  to  strangers  really  
gets  me  going  and  thinking."    

All  right.  This  is  huge.  Even  as  I  sit  down  and  record  this  right  now,  I've  been  doing  
this  stuff  for  years,  just  maybe  four  or  five  days  ago  I  went  out  with  some  of  the  
guys  who  I  work  with,  and  the  goal  was  just  a  boys  night  out.  I  didn't  talk  to  any  
girls  until  way,  way,  way  late  in  the  evening  and  by  that  time  I  was  tired.  I'd  had  
some  drinks  already.  It  was  just  one  of  these  things  where  I  was  sitting  next  to  
her,  she  was  sitting  next  to  me.  None  of  her  friends  were  talking  to  us,  so  we  just  
started  a  casual  conversation,  and  it  was  so  off.    

If  your  goal  is  to  go  out  and  socialize  you  got  to  start  going  out  and  socializing  
early,  and  specifically  this  person  who  made  this  comment  they  called  out  this  
term  social  momentum.  I  don't  know  if  you've  ever  heard  me  use  this  word  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
before,  but  social  momentum  is  like  the  opposite  of  inertia.  Once  you  start  getting  
going  and  socializing  with  people,  and  once  you  start  your  mouth  moving  and  you  
just  get  into  conversations  you  find  that  it's  actually  a  lot  easier  to  keep  going  
than  it  is  to  stop  because  you're  having  fun,  you're  enjoying  yourself,  and  that  
social  momentum  takes  over.  That's  a  really  critical  takeaway.    

Another  one.  Who's  the  party?  This  guy  was  talking  about  how,  "If  I  just  stood  
around  too  long  the  same  place  even  if  it  was  just  chilling  with  my  buddies."  
Clearly  they  weren't  the  party  when  they  were  out.  When  you  go  out  you  want  to  
find  the  party,  you  want  to  create  the  party,  you  want  to  be  the  party.  You  don't  
have  to  be  a  nut  head,  but  you  just  want  to  be  somebody  who's  got  a  smile  on  
your  face  and  is  enjoying  themselves.  That  is  huge.    

Third  thing  is  why  are  you  out?  We've  been  saying  this  for  years.  There's  a  million  
things  you  can  do  with  your  life.  You  can  read  books  on  the  solar  system.  You  can  
go  work  at  a  charity  organization.  On  an  evening  you  could  get  stoned  and  play  
Call  of  Duty  or  whatever.  Well  definitely  that  last  one  I  think  is  probably  not  the  
best  use  of  your  time.    

Point  being  why  are  you  out?  You're  out  to  socialize  with  people.  Especially  if  
you're  taking  this  course,  you're  not  out  so  that  you  can  be  just  sitting  there  
watching  other  people  enjoy  themselves.  You're  out  to  have  fun  and  to  enjoy  
yourself.  Make  that  your  point  when  you're  out.  Get  some  social  momentum  
going,  be  the  party,  have  some  fun.    

Let's  see.  Okay  another  one.  He's  talking  about  going  out  with  friends,  and  he  
said,  "I  felt  much  better  starting  conversations  when  I  went  to  the  bar  to  get  a  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
drink  without  them,  or  when  walking  to  or  from  the  bathroom  maybe  because  I  
felt  really  self  conscious  doing  it  in  front  of  people  I  know."  Okay,  so  I  remember  
when  again,  when  I  wasn't  good  at  this  stuff  especially  when  I  went  out  with  
people  I  knew,  I  did  feel  very  self  conscious  too.  You  got  to  find  some  friends  who  
are  enabling  of  this  stuff.  Who  support  you  in  this  stuff.  There's  definitely  guys  on  
our  message  board,  but  find  some  people  in  your  local  community.  Whatever  city  
you  live  in  there's  people  who  are  doing  this.    

The  next  thing  you've  got  to  think  about  is  when  you're  out  with  your  friends,  we  
have  this  term  that  you  might  have  heard  me  joke  about  we  call  it  the  asset.  The  
asset  is  the  guy  who  starts  the  conversations.  If  you've  ever  seen  the  Bourne  
Ultimatum,  it's  that  movie  with  Matt  Damon,  whenever  they  want  to  kill  
somebody  they're  like,  "Call  in  the  asset."  The  assets  the  one  who  goes  in  and  sets  
up  the  sniper  rifle  and  all  that.    

Now  the  asset  when  you're  out  and  you're  socializing,  the  asset's  the  person  
who's  getting  more  people  involved,  who's  creating  fun,  and  who's  just  enjoying  
what's  going  on.  If  you're  not  around  somebody  who  is  an  asset  than  you  got  to  
be  the  asset  if  you  want  to  enjoy  yourself.  Really  what  this  comes  down  to  it  is  all  
up  to  you.    

Maybe  one  day  you  make  a  friend  like  Nick  Sparks,  you  make  a  friend  like  Danny  
or  Sonny,  some  of  the  guys  who  work  with  me,  and  those  guys  funny  men.  When  
we  went  out  the  other  night  we  hadn't  even  gotten  drinks  and  Sonny  was  already  
talking  to  girls.  Clearly  in  that  situation  he's  the  asset.  You  got  to  put  it  upon  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
yourself  to  be  the  asset  when  you're  out  with  friends  who  are  not  out  there  
socializing  with  other  people.    

Okay  another  quotation.  This  is  from  a  guy  who  went  up  and  went  to  talk  to  a  girl.  
"She  was  surprisingly  receptive  and  asked  why  I  did  not  come  over  earlier.  I  just  
said  that  I  just  saw  her.  She  served  some  drinks,  comes  back,  and  boom  mind  
blank.  It's  more  like  bottle  neck.  I've  got  a  ton  of  stupid  stuff  to  ask  or  say  and  it  all  
wants  to  come  out  of  my  mouth  simultaneously,  but  I  cannot  pick  the  right  thing  
so  I  look  dumbfounded  and  I  fizzle."    

Look,  this  happens  okay.  That's  why  you're  taking  this  course  because  sometimes  
too  much  stuff  comes  to  the  surface.  We  want  to  simplify  it.  We  want  to  take  it  
down,  and  again  we're  going  to  do  that  over  the  next  few  weeks.  First  thing  of  all,  
great  job  that  this  guy's  even  going  up  and  talking  to  girls.  She  asks  why  he  didn't  
come  over  earlier.  You've  got  to  expect  success.  This  is  a  huge  mind  set.    

In  the  last  lesson  we  talked  about  Bill  Russell  throwing  up  before  he  gets  out  onto  
the  basketball  court.  Bill  Russell  he  expects  success.  All  champions  expect  success.  
They  visualize  it.  They  see  it  happening.  This  girl  she  says  why  didn't  he  come  over  
earlier  and  she's  into  him.  When  you  go  up  and  approach  girls  especially  if  she's  
been  giving  you  eye  contact  or  anything  like  that  then  you  got  to  expect  success.  
You  just  have  it  in  your  head.  You  cannot  be  expecting  failure.    

If  there's  one  thing  that  you  can  have  in  your  mind  when  you  are  approaching  
somebody,  I'm  telling  you  clear  your  mind,  but  if  there's  one  thing  that  you  can  
have  in  your  mind  that  one  thing  has  got  to  be,  "I'm  going  to  enjoy  this  
conversation.  She's  going  to  want  to  talk  to  me."  I  promise  you  if  you  have  that  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
and  nothing  else,  "I'm  going  to  enjoy  this  and  she's  going  to  want  to  talk  to  me."  If  
that's  the  dominant  thought  going  through  your  head  up  here  then  she  will  enjoy  
talking  to  you,  even  if  she's  not  single,  even  if  she's  got  a  boyfriend,  whatever,  
whatever.    

All  right.  Let's  see.  Should  I  go  on  to  the  next  one?  Okay  here's  a  good  one.  "When  
I  saw  their  faces  looking  at  me  I  couldn't  help  straightening  up,  looking  gin  their  
eyes,  and  smiling.  They  looked  so  happy  that  someone  walked  up  to  them.  We  
ended  up  chatting  for  about  15  minutes.  They're  from  out  of  town  and  definitely  
looking  for  some  fun."  What  are  our  takeaways  from  this  one?  Hello,  women  
want  to  meet  men.    

When  they're  out  when  they're  single,  if  they  at  all  have  that  look  on  their  face  
like  they're  looking  around  they  want  to  meet  men.  Unless  they're  tucked  way  
back  in  the  dark  corner  of  the  bar.  They  still  want  to  meet  men.  You're  going  to  
find  situations  where  girls  are  out  and  maybe  one  of  them  has  a  boyfriend  or  
maybe  one  of  them  doesn't.  Maybe  one  of  them  is  not  happy  with  their  
boyfriend,  whatever  and  she  just  wants  to  have  a  chat  with  another  guy.    

Point  being,  women  want  to  meet  men.  That  is  just  a  truth.  Remind  yourself  of  
that.  Women  aren't  all  scary.  They  can  be  super,  super  friendly.  This  guy  totally  
surprised  himself.  He  walks  up.  He  starts  talking  to  them  and  they  look  happy  and  
they  start  chatting.  Bam.  Those  are  some  real  notable  takeaways  that  I  wanted  to  
share  with  you.    

This  is  the  key  point.  This  stuff  is  not  that  hard.  A  lot  of  it  is  up  in  here  and  you're  
holding  yourself  back  if  you're  not  starting  these  conversations.  This  week  if  you  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
have  been  doing  conversations,  if  you  have  been  approaching  girls  already  
fantastic.  What  we're  going  to  go  over  this  week  is  going  to  help  how  can  we  say,  
we're  going  to  chisel  away  at  the  marble.    

We're  going  to  hone  something.  We're  going  to  hone  your  personality.  The  
approaching  you've  been  doing  for  the  last  week  great.  If  you  haven't  been  doing  
the  approaching  you  got  to  get  out  there  and  do  it.  Do  it,  do  it,  do  it.  Women  
aren't  scary.  They  want  to  talk  to  you,  and  expect  success.    

All  right  let's  move  on  to  part  two,  and  we're  going  to  talk  about  nonverbals  right  
now.  I'm  going  to  share  a  couple  of  really  fun  facts.  Chances  are  you've  heard  
these  before,  if  you've  not  these  are  always  like  fun  little  ah-­‐has.    

The  first  little  ah-­‐ha  is  that  some  UCLA  researchers  found  that  93%  of  
communication  is  nonverbal.  I  don't  exactly  how  they  determined  it  was  93%.  
That  sounds  like  some  ridiculous  test  to  me,  but  the  point  is  even  if  it  was  not  
93%,  even  if  it  was  less  than  that,  even  if  they  were  off  by  a  huge  statistical  
number  like  20%  then  73%  of  communication  is  still  nonverbal.  That's  a  lot  of  
communication  for  somebody  to  experience  from  you.  Got  to  get  the  nonverbals  
right.    

Another  study  that  I  love  came  from  a  book  called  Blink.  If  you  haven't  read  it  
highly  recommend  it.  It's  from  author  Malcolm  Gladwell.  In  Blink  he  reveals  a  
study  where  basically  what  they  did  was  they  had  a  bunch  of  doctors  and  half  the  
doctors  had  been  sued  three  times  or  more  for  malpractice  and  the  other  doctors  
had  never  been  sued  at  all.    

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
They  tape  recorded  their  conversations  with  patients,  and  then  they  got  a  bunch  
of  people  who'd  never  met  the  doctors,  never  met  the  patients  before.  They  just  
played  the  conversations  for  those  people.  They  said,  "Okay  who  do  you  think  
gets  sued,  and  who  don't  you  think  gets  sued?"  With  something  like  95%  accuracy  
the  group  picked  the  doctors  that  got  sued  so  easily.  It  was  all  in  their  intonation  
and  all  in  the  way  that  the  doctors  spoke.    

Here's  what's  really  interesting  is  then  they  processed  the  audio  in  such  a  way  
that  they  took  out  the  speech  of  what  the  doctors  were  saying.  If  you  were  
listening  to  me  without  speech  it  would  sound  like  this.  I'd  be  like  ...  I  hope  no  one  
ever  gets  that  video  clip  and  puts  that  on  YouTube  because  I  look  like  an  idiot.  
That's  what  they  were  listening  to  and  still  with  something  like  60  or  70%  
accuracy  the  volunteers  in  the  study  could  guess  which  doctors  had  been  sued  
and  which  hadn't.  It  wasn't  even  the  words  coming  out  of  their  mouth,  it  was  
their  tonality,  their  pacing,  they  way  they  put  pauses  in  sentences,  all  that  stuff.    

Nonverbals  are  just  so  important,  and  nonverbals  aren't  just  the  way  you  look.  
They're  also  your  tone  and  the  way  that  you  pace  your  words  and  all  that  stuff.  
The  way  that  I  like  to  think  about  this  if  you  want  to  get  a  little  geeky  and  
philosophical  and  metaphysical  is  that  there's  different  communication  channels.  
One  of  the  channels  is  the  words  coming  out  of  your  mouth.  Another  channel  is  
your  eye  contact.  Another  channel  is  the  way  you  move  your  body.  Another  
channel  is  the  tonality  of  your  voice.    

Another  channel  is  the  way  that  you  smell.  If  all  your  channels  are  working  great,  
but  you  smell  like  a  swamp  rat  then  chances  are  the  girl's  not  going  to  be  around  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
you  because  you  don't  have  that  channel  working  for  you  properly.  Now  if  she  
can't  smell  anything,  hey  all  the  better.  You're  nonverbals  I  think  we  stress  this  
enough,  you  got  to  get  your  nonverbals  right.    

What  are  your  nonverbals  saying?  Well  the  first  thing  they  say  is  that  you're  
comfortable  with  yourself.  They  also  say  that  you're  confident  with  women.  They  
say  that  you  feel  like  you  deserve  being  there.  They  say  everything  really.  A  lot  
more  than  your  words.  You  can  stand  there  with  good  nonverbals  and  smile  and  
nod  and  ask  some  really  basic  questions  and  not  work  that  hard,  and  if  you're  
nonverbals  are  good  you  can  get  a  long  way  in  your  conversations.  They  way  you  
can  think  about  them  they're  like  a  tell  in  poker.  Women  can  immediately  read  
them,  and  she  can  say,  "This  is  a  confident  guy."  This  is  why  we  have  to  get  them  
right.    

I'm  going  to  give  you  a  high  level  of  all  the  nonverbal  communication  channels,  
and  then  we  can  get  in  to  some  specific  nonverbals  here.  Some  of  the  channels  
are  eye  contact,  hip  positioning,  body  movement,  shoulders,  vocal  tonality,  vocal  
pacing,  energy  and  vibe,  and  this  thing  that  I  like  to  call  swagger.  Let's  jump  into  
them  right  now.  I'm  going  to  walk  you  through  them  and  we're  actually  going  to  
have  some  demonstrations  of  different  forms  of  these  things  as  well.    

It  all  starts  with  eye  contact.  Often  times  when  we're  working  with  clients  in  life  
coaching  situations,  one  of  the  first  things  that  we'll  be  doing  and  checking  for  is  
are  they  making  good  eye  contact  or  not  when  they're  out  at  the  bar.  If  they  are  
making  good  eye  contact,  then  fantastic,  conversations  are  usually  going  well.  If  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
they're  not  making  good  eye  contact,  then  we're  constantly  reminding  them,  "Hey  
your  eye  contact  sucks."    

I  remember  one  particular  time  just  to  drive  this  point  home  for  you.  I  came  up  
with  this  opener.  It  was  on  the  spot.  If  you  use  a  BlackBerry  you  might  know  of  
something  called  BlackBerry  Messenger.  It's  an  instant  messaging  application  for  
BlackBerry.  I've  since  switched  to  an  iPhone.  I  know  a  total  turncoat,  but  back  
then  I  was  all  about  the  BlackBerry  and  I  saw  some  girls  out.  I  walked  up  to  them  
and  I  was  like,  "Hey,  guys  I  got  an  opinion  for  you."  I  mean  a  question.  I'm  sure  I  
didn't  say  I've  got  an  opinion  for  you,  I  mean  a  question.    

It  was  probably  something  like,  "Hey  guys  I  need  a  quick  opinion.  What's  a  good  
time  to  add  somebody  on  BlackBerry  Messenger?  It's  an  intimate  communication  
platform  and  you  can  when  you've  receive  the  message,  and  you  can  see  when  
it's  been  deliver  to  their  handset.  You  really  know  what  the  person's  doing.  It's  
actually  a  really  good  conversation  starter.  I've  used  that  one  since  then  
whenever  I've  seen  girls  with  BlackBerrys.    

What  I  was  doing  wrong  was  I  was  looking  at  my  BlackBerry  as  I  was  talking  to  the  
girls.  They  were  all  like,  "I  don't  know.  Just  whenever."  They  didn't  want  to  have  
anything  to  do  with  me.  I'm  like  no  this  is  a  really  good  conversation  starter.  I'm  
go  to  use  this  with  some  other  girls.  I  went  and  did  it  with  some  other  girls.  Same  
thing,  I'm  looking  at  my  damn  BlackBerry  the  whole  time.    

Finally  I  walked  up  to  some  girls  and  I  had  my  BlackBerry  in  my  hand  and  they  had  
BlackBerry's  too.  This  is  New  York,  you  know  everybody  has  a  smart  phone.  They  
have  their  BlackBerrys  in  their  hands  too  and  I'm  like,  "Hey  guys  I  have  a  question  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
for  you.  It's  a  pretty  important  one.  What's  a  good  time  to  add  someone  to  your  
BlackBerry  Messenger?"    

Probably  holding  it  like  this.  "What's  a  good  time  to  add  somebody  to  BlackBerry  
Messenger?  You  can  totally  see  when  somebody's  received  the  message,  and  I  
don't  know  like  if  you're  dating  somebody  is  it  first  date?  Second  date?  Third  
date?  That's  a  big  challenge.  How  do  you  guys?  You  guys  have  BlackBerrys.  What's  
the  protocol?"    

That  totally  worked.  It  got  the  conversation  started  and  all  of  a  sudden  we're  
having  fun.  What  was  the  difference  is  I  was  making  eye  contact  with  them.  I  
wasn't  looking  down  at  my  phone.  Great  conversation  starter.  Again,  I've  used  it  
many  time  since  then.  The  reason  it  works  the  third  time  and  the  reasons  it's  
worked  almost  every  subsequent  time,  I'm  making  eye  contact.    

Eye  contact  it's  one  of  these  things  where  women  are  looking  for  you  to  be  
expressive.  They're  trying  to  figure  out  who  you  are,  and  if  you're  not  making  that  
eye  contact  then  they're  thinking,  "He's  trying  to  hide  something  from  me.  He's  
not  expressing.  I  don't  know  what's  going  on  with  this  guy."    

It's  also  linked  to  your  internal  state.  If  you're  feeling  confident  internally,  if  you're  
feeling  just  happy  and  you  got  nothing  to  hide  then  great.  You  can  make  good  eye  
contact.  If  you  feel  like  you  have  things  to  hide  like  you're  not  that  confident  then  
you're  going  to  have  a  hard  time  making  eye  contact.  It's  a  really  strong  emotional  
communication  channel.    

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
What  are  some  good  eye  contact  expressions?  Well  there's  a  million.  Honestly,  
anything  that  is  expressive  is  good,  but  I'm  going  to  give  you  four  right  now,  and  
I've  actually  got  slides  of  these  that  you'll  find  beneath  this  video,  but  I'll  give  you  
four  right  now  for  those  of  you  watching  the  video  itself  so  you  can  see  what  
they're  all  about.    

The  first  one  would  be  happy.  That's  where  it's  hard  to  fake  a  happy  smile  
because  it  happens  not  just  with  your  mouth,  but  with  your  eyes.  Your  eyes  if  you  
see  like  George  Clooney  when  he  smiles  he's  got  his  eyes,  they  smile,  and  it  
causes  crows  feet  right  here.  You  just  know  it.  When  you  look  in  somebody's  eyes  
you  can  see  and  you're  looking  at  them  and  they're  happy  when  they're  talking  to  
you.  That's  one  of  the  first  ones.  When  you're  talking  to  somebody  you're  happy.    

Another  one  is  warm.  Warm,  I  pull  back  and  it  just  looks  like  this.  It's  a  little  bit  
more  chill.  It's  a  look  of  appreciation.  I'm  just  looking  at  you  like  ah,  so  happy  to  
be  here  right  now.  I'm  not  like  ah  yeah,  I'm  happy  and  blah,  blah,  blah.  I'm  just  
warm.  I'm  like  this  feels  good  right  now.  That's  warm.    

Third  one  would  be  focused.  Focused  you  narrow  your  eyes  a  little  bit.  Another  
thing  that  I  like  to  call  this  is  discerning.  You're  trying  to  figure  the  person  out.  
You're  narrowing  your  eyes.  You  might  drop  your  head  a  little  bit  or  might  twist  
your  head.  You  might  even,  well  that's  a  little  bit  too  far  to  the  side,  but  you  might  
tilt  your  head  a  little  bit  to  the  side  like  you're  really  trying  to  figure  somebody  out  
so  you're  focused  on  them.  That's  another  good  form  of  eye  contact.    

Another  one  is  sexy.  Sexy  is  like  focused,  but  you're  definitely  got  some  thoughts  
going  on  in  your  head.  It's  almost  linked,  you  know  we've  talked  about  how  this  is  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
linked  to  your  internal  state,  but  if  you're  looking  at  a  girl  and  you're  thinking  
she's  really  sexy  and  that's  being  projected  with  your  eye  contact,  you're  going  to  
be  looking  at  here  with  a  little  bit  of  smile  on  your  face  like  mm-­‐hmm.  Just  like  
that.  That's  a  much  sexier  look  than  just  focused  and  just  trying  to  figure  her  out.  
Focus  and  try  to  figure  out,  your  mouth's  not  doing  much.  Sexy  you're  like  you  got  
this  smile  like  you  know  a  secret  that  she  doesn't  know.  That's  what  the  
difference  is.    

Two  really  bad  eye  contact  expressions.  One  of  them  is  just  over  interest.  Like  
that.  Like  uh-­‐huh,  uh-­‐huh,  yeah,  uh-­‐huh,  uh-­‐huh,  mm-­‐hmm,  mm-­‐hmm.  That  looks  
really  rapport  seeking  doesn't  it?  If  you're  just  looking  there  with  your  eyes  big  
like  that.  Ah,  yeah,  yeah,  yeah,  uh-­‐huh,  uh-­‐huh.  I  call  the  iguana  movement.  My  
girlfriend  and  I  were  down  in  Mexico  and  we  saw  these  iguanas  going  like  this  all  
the  time,  and  anytime  you're  bobbing  your  head  too  much  and  your  eyes  are  
really  open,  it's  over  expression.  Don't  be  an  iguana.    

Another  one  that's  not  good  is  expressionless.  Just  when  you're  going  like  ...  Yeah,  
that's  not  good  at  all.  I  will  tell  you  this,  and  I  said  the  same  thing  in  our  Fearless  
seminar  is  when  we  speak  in  New  York  meet  up  groups  from  time  to  time.  
Sometimes  I'll  see  guys  and  they're  in  for  one  or  two  events.  Other  times  I'll  see  
guys  who  are  in  for  jeez,  I've  seen  them  three  years  straight.  I'm  like  what's  going  
on?  The  guys  who  don't  get  it,  the  guys  who  are  not  good  they  are  often  
expressionless.  After  the  second  year  and  the  third  year  their  faces  are  just  not  
expressing  things  and  their  eyes  specifically  are  not  expressing  things.    

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
This  is  something  you  really  want  to  work  on.  What  I  want  you  do  we've  loaded  
you  up  with  not  just  what  I  gave  you  right  here,  but  I've  given  you  some  pictures  
and  examples  of  what  these  things  look  like.  I  want  you  to  go  practice  these  in  
front  of  a  mirror.  You  got  to  get  this  stuff  right.  Just  work  this  into  your  expression  
vocabulary  for  lack  of  a  better  expression.  Have  fun  with  this.  Be  a  cheese  ball.  
Practice  in  front  of  the  mirror.    

Finally,  if  you  really  enjoy  this  I  would  suggest  you  get  a  couple  movies  with  a  
male  actor  who  you  like  whether  some  popular  ones  would  be  Colin  Farrell,  Tom  
Cruise,  Russell  Crowe  ...  Who  else?  Guy  Pearce  is  good.  Find  some  guys  who  know  
how  to  be  sexy.  Brad  Pitt.  How  could  I  forget  Brad  Pitt?  Find  some  guys  who  know  
how  to  be  sexy  and  watch  what  they're  doing  with  their  eyes  and  their  face  in  
general.  Try  to  copy  that  in  front  of  the  mirror.  This  stuff  will  pay  off  huge  
dividends  if  you  get  it  right.  Do  not  skip  this  one.  That  is  eye  contact.    

All  right  for  this  next  segment  I've  enlisted  the  assistance  of  my  beautiful  
assistant,  and  we're  going  to  talk  about  body  positioning  and  body  movement.  
We're  going  beyond  the  face  and  talking  about  what's  going  on  with  your  whole  
body.  I  want  to  start  by  talking  about  your  hips.  There  is  this  song  that  Shakira  
sings  that  you  might  know  it's  called  Hips  Don't  Lie.  If  you  listen  to  the  lyrics  you'll  
get  a  very  good  insight  into  a  beautiful,  intelligent  female's  perspective  on  what's  
going  on  with  your  hips  when  you're  talking  to  her.    

The  hips  really  signify  your  commitment  to  the  interaction  or  not.  If  your  hips  are  
tilted  towards  her  you're  committed  to  speaking  with  her.  If  your  hips  are  tilted  
away,  you're  uncommitted  at  this  point.  It  also  shows  your  openness  to  the  other  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
person.  You  can  see  if  I'm  talking  like  this  and  if  my  hips  are  in  line  with  hers  then  
I'm  very  open.  I'm  talking  like,  "Hey  what's  up?  Are  you  enjoying  your  evening?"  
Blah,  blah,  blah,  et  cetera,  et  cetera.    

Now  if  I  move  my  hips  away  you  can  see  at  this  point  I'm  uncommitted  to  the  
interaction.  The  final  thing  it  indicates  is  ease  with  self.  If  I'm  comfortable  with  
myself  then  my  hips  are  towards  her,  if  not  then  the  hips  are  away.  Your  hips  are  
going  to  be  a  big,  big,  big  part  of  that  initial  moment  when  you  walk  up.    

When  do  you  move  your  hips  towards  her?  We're  going  to  get  into  some  don't  
dos  in  just  a  second,  but  what  I  want  to  move  on  to  is  talking  about  body  
movement.  If  you  were  to  just  walk  up  to  a  really  attractive  woman  and  just  stand  
right  here  and  go  like  this.  Say,  "Hi.  How  are  you?  How's  your  evening  going?"  Be  
a  little  bit  weird  right?  You  don't  want  to  be  able  to  do  that.  You  want  to  be  able  
to  move  in  and  out  when  you're  having  the  communication  with  them.  You  want  
to  be  able  to  come  here,  stand  in,  lean  in  maybe  talk  in  to  her  ear  and  then  come  
back  out  when  you  need  to.    

The  point  is  you  don't  want  to  be  constantly  imposing  up  on  them,  but  you  also  
don't  want  to  be  constantly  away.  One  mistake  that  we  see  guys  make  is  they'll  
come  in,  they'll  start  a  conversation  with  the  girl  over  their  shoulder.  They'll  start  
talking.  She  starts  opening  up  a  little  bit.  Maybe  she's  making  some  motions  back  
and  she's  gesticulating.    

Then  as  she  starts  to  shift  towards  them  a  little  bit,  maybe  she's  even  indicating  
she's  engaged  and  she's  giving  you  her  hips,  the  problem  that  we  see  with  some  
guys  is  they'll  actually  turn  away  a  little  bit  more.  They'll  want  to  keep  playing  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
hard  to  get.  Wrong  move.  If  you  want  to  step  back  for  a  second.  If  we  start  talking  
like  this  and  then  maybe  you  engage  your  hips  towards  me,  I  want  to  be  able  to  
come  back  in  like  this.  That's  the  importance  of  body  movement.    

Now  here's  one  key  thing.  If  you  want  to  step  back  this  way?  You  do  not  want  to  
be  too  jerky.  You  don't  want  to  be  like  in  and  then  out,  in  and  then  out.  That's  just  
going  to  be  weird.  "Hey  what's  up?  How  are  you  doing?  Oh  yeah.  That's  great."  
We  see  some  guys  again  who  are  getting  in  to  this  stuff  and  not  really  sure  of  
what's  going  on.  We  see  them  almost  over  exaggerating  their  movements.  

It  should  be  a  very  smooth,  natural  thing.  Here's  rocking  on  your  hips,  and  you're  
rocking  on  your  feet  back  and  forth.  I'm  going  to  come  in,  I  might  say  hello,  come  
back  out,  and  give  her  some  space.  You  can  see  at  this  point  my  hips  aren't  
committed,  but  there's  a  space  right  here.  Now  I'm  going  to  come  back  in.  I'm  
going  to  say  hello.  Talk  a  little  bit.  "How  are  you?  I  know  it's  really  loud  in  here  so  I  
have  to  get  close  to  talk  to  you."  Then  I  can  come  back  out  and  rock  my  hips  back  
out.  It's  really  that  simple  with  your  body  movement.    

At  the  point  where  you're  feeling  like  okay  she's  into  me,  she's  engaged,  et  cetera,  
et  cetera.  Maybe  she  really  gives  you  her  hips,  now  you  can  start  to  come  in  and  
you  can  really  get  close  with  yours.  Nick  had  some  amazing  things  on  Fearless  that  
we  go  into  more  in  terms  of  standing  here  rocking  with  your  hips  moving  like  this,  
but  there's  never  a  point  where  you  want  to  be  completely  solidly  standing  still.  
Even  if  you're  standing  like  this  you  can  still  be  rocking  a  little  bit  like  that  back  
and  forth.  That's  a  little  bit  of  body  movement.    

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
Let's  move  on  to  talk  about  what's  going  on  up  here  with  your  shoulders.  The  first  
thing  is  you  don't  want  to  dance  with  your  shoulders.  That's  a  classic  white  guy  
move.  You  want  to  dance  with  your  hips,  but  if  you  want  to  move  your  shoulders,  
what  you  don't  want  to  do  is  you  don't  want  to  lean  in.  Right?  This  is  ugly.  Right?  
Just  watch  what  I  do  when  I  lean  in  and  my  shoulder's  really  imposing  on  her.  No  
bueno.    

What  you  want  to  do  instead  is  allow  your  hips  to  move  in  and  then  you  just  
move  your  head,  but  what  we  see  some  guys  do  is  they'll  talk  to  a  girl  like  this.  
Yeah.  Just  uncomfortable.  They'll  be  standing  and  they'll  be  talking  like  this,  and  
there's  all  this  space  right  here,  but  this  is  where  they're  trying  to  close  the  gap.  
Not  good.    

You  also  don't  want  to  slouch.  Okay?  We  do  see  guys  do  this.  You  can  see  when  I  
slouch  my  belly  sticks  out  and  I  have  a  little  bit  of  a  Buddha.  It's  just  not  sexy.  You  
definitely  don't  want  to  slouch  your  shoulders  at  all.    Here's  another  thing  we  see  
guys  do,  especially  young  guys,  college  guys,  we  see  them  be  broad  chested.  They  
stand  like  this.  They'll  walk  up  and  they'll  be  like,  "Hey.  What's  up?"  You  know?  
That's  not  good  either.  You  definitely  don't  want  to  be  too  broad  chested  and  
consciously  trying  to  do  that.    

Where  do  you  rest  your  weight?  This  is  a  really  key  thing.  Some  guys  do  rest  their  
weight  up  here  when  they're  trying  to  make  their  shoulders  all  straight,  but  you'll  
feel  the  weight  being  rested  up  here.  You  want  to  feel  the  weight  in  your  
shoulders  being  right  around  here  towards  the  middle  of  your  back.  As  long  as  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
you  feel  that  you're  supporting  your  shoulders  in  the  middle  of  your  back  they'll  
probably  be  in  a  good  position.    

Getting  back  to  it,  no  leaning  in,  no  slouching,  no  ridiculous  broad  shoulders.  Just  
rest  your  weight  in  the  middle  of  your  back,  stand  up  straight,  and  that's  good  
posture  right  there.  Putting  it  all  together  again,  if  I'm  talking  to  her  I'm  going  to  
maybe  walk  in,  say  hello,  lean  in  a  little  bit,  come  back  out.    

Now  you  notice  one  other  little  thing  that  I  did  there  is  my  hand  actually  is  going  
to  touch  her  where  I  lean  in.  On  this  side  if  I  were  to  demonstrate  this  way  I'd  
probably  lean  in  like  this  so  you  can  see  that  I'm  touching  her  just  a  little  bit  on  
the  elbow.  Then  I'm  going  to  come  back  out,  give  her  some  space.  Now  we  have  
this  back  and  forth  and  it's  going  to  start  to  look  like  a  dance.    

If  I  were  to  come  in  talk  to  you  like  this  now  we're  engaging  and  you're  tilting  your  
hair  you  must  like  me.  That's  great.  Now  I'm  going  to  come  in  this  side.  I'm  going  
to  say  that.  Probably  wouldn't  put  my  hand  on  her  hips  that  quickly,  but  you  
never  know.  It's  in  a  bar,  there's  alcohol.  It  just  depends  on  the  girl.  I  just  got  in  
trouble.  Anyways,  those  are  some  body  movement  things.  Again  very  simple  stuff,  
but  you  got  to  get  this  stuff  right.  Rocking  your  hips,  stand  with  your  shoulders  
straight,  not  too  broad,  no  slouching,  and  just  come  in,  come  out.  It's  just  that  
simple.  Wasn't  that  fun?    

Let's  move  on  to  vocal  tonality  and  pacing.  This  one's  huge.  Again,  something  that  
I  see  a  lot  of  guys  over  looking  and  not  thinking  about.  This  is  something  that  I  
give  a  lot  of  conscious  thought  to.  I'm  from  the  Midwest  okay,  and  probably  when  
I  was  18  or  19  I'm  guessing  that  I  talked  a  little  bit  like  this.  Well  it  probably  wasn't  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
that  bad,  but  the  pitch  of  my  voice  and  the  style  of  my  communication  have  
evolved  a  lot.    

I'll  tell  you  this.  The  first  time  that  I  went  out  to  California  after  being  in  Michigan  I  
was  like,  "Wow.  People  speak  really  cool  out  here.  So  much  chiller.  I  really  like  it."  
The  first  time  I  went  to  Texas  after  being  in  Michigan  I  was  like,  "Damn.  This  is  a  
real,  real,  real  addictive  accent."  Then  somehow  when  I  moved  up  to  New  York  I  
never  thankfully  picked  up  the  Brooklyn  accent  or  the  Queens  accent.  No  offense  
to  anybody  who  lives  in  Stanton  Island  or  any  of  the  Burroughs.    

This  is  something  in  my  tonality  used  to  be  a  lot  higher  too,  and  there's  this  great  
Seinfeld  episode  where  he  talks  about  when  you're  first  getting  to  know  a  girl  
you're  like,  "Hey  what's  up?"  Then  after  you've  been  on  a  few  dates  you're  like,  
"Hey  what's  up?"  Then  you're  in  a  relationship  and  she  calls  you  on  the  phone  
you're  like,  "Hey  how's  it  going  baby?"  Your  vocal  tonality  just  goes  up  and  up  and  
up.  That  definitely  happens.  I'm  not  going  to  lie.    

Point  being  it's  a  huge  mechanism  by  which  women  are  evaluating  you.  Again  
something  that  is  worth  putting  conscious  effort  into  getting  right.  It's  one  of  
these  things  it's  not  just  what  you  say,  it's  how  you  say  it.  Think  of  it  this  way.  
Right?  If  I  were  to  say,  "I  love  you  so  much."  Right?  I'm  obviously  being  sarcastic  
there.  "I  love  you  so  much."  Whatever.  I  obviously  don't  mean  that.    

Versus  if  I'm  like  flirting  with  a  girl  and  I  look  at  her  in  the  eyes  and  I'm  like,  "I  
can't  stand  you."  Okay?  I've  got  a  little  you  can  see  it  in  my  expression,  but  even  if  
you  heard  myself  and  a  girl  flirting  over  a  microphone  and  there  was  no  looking  at  
my  face,  you'd  still  be  able  to  tell  if  she  said,  "Oh  you're  such  a  brat,"  and  I  was  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
like,  "I  can't  stand  you."  That's  my  tonality.  Okay?  That's  what's  making  that  
comment  work.  It's  not  the  comment  itself.  It's  just  the  tonality  is  what's  doing  it.    

You  got  to  speak  in  a  way  that's  pleasurable  for  a  woman  to  hear.  If  you  again  
step  back  to  the  metaphysics  of  it  all  to  the  communication  channels,  you  don't  
want  to  be  shrill.  You  don't  want  to  have  a  bad  voice.  I  will  tell  you  one  other  
story.  The  one  time  that  I've  tried  online  dating  in  my  life,  my  buddy  Race,  he  set  
me  up  with  a  profile  and  I  was  out  in  Vegas.  I  came  back  to  New  York  and  I  had  all  
these  dates  lined  up  and  the  first  one  I  was  like,  "Oh  yeah  I'm  so  excited."    

The  first  night  I'm  back  in  town.  I  hadn't  spoken  to  this  girl  on  the  phone  yet,  and  I  
called  her  as  I  was  getting  to  the  place  to  let  her  know  that  I  was  there  a  little  
early  and  I  was  going  to  be  there.  It  went  straight  to  her  voice  mail,  and  her  voice  
mail  sounded  like  Ms.  Piggy.  "Hi.  You  have  reached  so-­‐and-­‐so."  I  was  like,  "Oh  my  
god.  I'm  going  to  spend  the  next  hour  with  this  girl."  I  immediately  knew  I  wasn't  
in  to  her.    

All  right  we  know  the  vocal  tonality  is  important  whether  you're  a  man  or  a  
woman  who's  boot  legged  a  copy  of  this.  What  are  the  four  good  elements  of  
vocal  tonality?  The  four  elements  of  good  vocal  tonality?  First  one,  you  got  to  be  
loud  especially  in  a  bar.  Anywhere  where  you've  got  to  fight  over  the  din  of  the  
noise  around  you  you've  got  to  be  loud.  I'm  not  speaking  that  loud  right  now  
because  heck  I'm  on  camera.  I  got  a  little  microphone  right  here.  You've  got  to  be  
loud.    

If  you're  not  loud  especially  in  a  bar  situation  if  she's  got  to  work  to  hear  you,  
she's  not  going  to  want  to  talk  to  you.  I  can't  tell  you  how  many  times  I  have  been  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
...  Actually  I  can  tell  you.  It's  probably  five  or  10,  but  there  have  been  times  where  
I've  been  out  at  bars  and  I  have  been  talking  to  a  girl  and  she's  like,  "What?  What?  
What?"  I  realize  I'm  not  talking  loud  enough  and  by  that  time  she  is  off.  She's  
gone.  She's  lost  interest.  If  it's  going  to  be  too  much  work  she's  not  going  to  want  
to  talk  to  you.  Okay.    

Speak  slowly.  Slowly  it  indicates  that  you  take  your  thoughts  seriously  and  it  
indicates  that  you  consider  your  thoughts  important.  This  is  a  tough  one  for  guys  
to  get  right.  I  used  to  speak  way  fast.  Super,  super  fast  and  sometimes  if  I'm  really  
caffeinated  or  excited  about  something  I  still  speak  fast.  I  promise  you,  you  talk  to  
most  guys  who  do  well  with  women  you'll  see  that  they  are  not  fast  talkers.  This  is  
something  that  they  consciously  work  on.  Slow  it  down  for  sure.    

One  of  the  exercises  that  I'm  going  to  give  you  this  week  in  the  homework  is  to  do  
everything  at  50%.  I  just  want  you  to  chill  out,  do  it  half  speed.  Just  have  a  
conversation  at  50%.  You'll  see  how  when  you  actually  come  back  up  you'll  be  
like,  "Wow  I  talk  so  fast."  You  know,  look,  there's  going  to  be  times  you  can  talk  
fast.  I'm  not  telling  you  talk  slow  as  molasses  all  the  time,  but  certainly  when  
you're  getting  close  to  a  girl.  If  you  want  to  get  sexy  you've  got  to  slow  down  your  
speech.  Absolutely  important.    

Third  thing  is  passion.  You've  got  to  speak  with  conviction.  Not  just  passion,  but  
you  got  to  speak  with  enthusiasm.  Enthusiasm  means  you're  happy.  It  means  you  
got  a  joie  de  vivre.  It  means  that  you  are  excited  to  be  out  and  about  and  
communicating  with  people.  It's  directness  that  she  can  feel  about  just  how  great  
you  feel  about  yourself.    

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
Whether  you're  talking  about  something  in  your  life  or  you're  just  asking  her  out  
for  drinks,  speak  with  passion,  speak  with  enthusiasm.  That  doesn't  mean  speak  
super  fast,  it  just  means,  "Yeah,  you're  great.  Let's  go  out  for  drinks  sometime."  
You  can  see  there's  some  enthusiasm  in  that  even  though  I'm  speaking  slowly.  
"Yeah,  you're  awesome.  I'd  love  to  get  together  with  you  again.  Absolutely.  Are  
you  kidding?  Absolutely."  You  can  hear  that  right?    

Then  the  final  thing  and  I  mentioned  this,  you  want  to  speak  with  depth.  Depth  
signals  dominance  and  this  is  crazy,  but  the  pitch  of  your  voice  is  actually  tied  to  
your  hormone  levels.  Women  subconsciously  and  biologically  know  that  a  man  
with  a  deep  voice  is  going  to  be  hormonal  let's  say  advantaged  over  a  man  with  a  
high  voice.  That's  a  little  bit  of  the  old  science  there  for  you.    

  That's  your  vocal  tonality.  That's  your  pacing.  You  got  to  slow  it  down.  Got  
to  deepen  it  a  little  bit.  Put  some  base  in  there,  and  definitely  speak  loud  when  
you're  out  at  the  bar,  when  you're  in  a  noisy  environment,  and  just  speak  with  
conviction.  Speak  like  you  know  you're  a  man  who  knows  that  he  trusts  the  words  
coming  out  of  his  mouth.  That  was  a  run  on  sentence  right  there  right?    

You  know  you're  a  man  who  knows  that  you  trust  the  words  that  coming  out  of  
your  mouth,  but  even  that  if  you  speak  with  conviction  by  speaking  slowly.  You  
know  you're  a  man  who  knows  that  he  trusts  the  words  coming  out  of  his  mouth.  
It's  powerful  sentence  even  though  it  means  just  about  nothing.  Go  do  the  
homework.  Absolutely  get  this  right.  You  can  not  half  ass  this  one.  If  you  don't  
have  a  good  voice,  if  you  haven't  practiced  this  before  definitely  work  on  it.    

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
Let's  move  on  and  talk  about  your  vibe.  This  is  one  of  those  words  that,  I  don't  
know.  When  I  was  16  or  17  I  was  like,  "That's  the  stupidest  word  I've  ever  heard  in  
my  life."  Then  I  got  older  and  I  realized  that  actually  does  mean  something  and  it  
means  something  specific  for  two  adults  who  are  having  a  good  interaction  with  
each  other.  Your  vibe  is  the  sum  of  all  your  body  movements  and  it's  also  
reflective  of  the  energy  that  somebody  else  is  giving  you.    

It  reflects  your  comfort  level  in  the  environment  that  you're  in.  If  you  out  a  night  
club  and  you're  not  super  comfortable  there  your  vibe  is  going  to  be  a  lot  
different  than  if  you're  lounging  around  at  home  in  your  pj's  eating  some  Ben  &  
Jerry's.  It  is  an  expression  of  how  much  physical  energy  that  you  have  literally  
within  your  body.  It's  an  expression  of  how  sexual  you  are.  Taht's  certainly  
something  that  comes  out  in  your  vibe.    

It's  something  that  shows  how  that  energy  is  expressed.  You  might  have  a  lot  of  
sexual  energy  that  gets  expressed  slowly.  You  might  have  a  high  degree  of  
physical  energy  that  every  now  and  then  gets  very  sexual.  You  might  be  super  
neurotic.  I'm  sure  you've  been  around  people  before  who  you  just  get  this  feeling  
from  when  they're  around  you  it's  like,  "Whoa  way  too  much  energy  there."  Like,  
"Whoa  back  off."  It  can  be  very  smooth.  It  can  be  very  harsh.  You  could  be  all  over  
the  place.    

It  is  linked  to  your  mood  state.  We've  talked  about  this.  I  think  we  talked  about  it  
in  lesson  one  that  whole  notion  of  state  and  state  being  like  a  driver  of  whether  
you've  got  good  game  or  not.  I  don't  want  you  to  get  too  hung  up  on  this  stuff.  If  
your  whole  attitude  is  I  got  to  get  into  a  good  state  so  I  get  a  good  vibe  so  the  girls  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
like  me,  that's  just  going  to  totally  throw  everything  off.  Obviously  you  want  to  be  
having  fun  when  you  go  out.  You  don't  want  to  feel  physically  depressed.    

What  is  going  to  affect  your  mood  and  your  state?  Social  momentum.  That's  a  
huge  thing.  Start  fricking  talking  to  people  the  moment  you  step  out  the  door,  the  
moment  you  get  into  the  bar,  wherever.  Just  start  talking  to  people.  Even  if  it's  
little  itty  bitty  conversations.  That's  going  to  have  a  huge  affect  on  your  mood  and  
your  state.  Then  of  course  your  beliefs.  You  know  the  things  you  believe  about  
yourself  and  the  things  we've  worked  on  in  the  last  lesson  about  the  mindset  
shifts  that  you  have  and  the  way  that  you  feel  about  these  things.  Those  will  all  
affect  your  vibe.    

Let  me  give  you  some  specifics  about  vibe  that  you  can  take  into  your  own  
interactions.  A  huge  one,  this  is  absolutely,  absolutely,  absolutely  critical,  any  guys  
good  with  girls  will  tell  you  the  same,  and  I  know  that  because  whenever  I  meet  
guys  and  I  talk  with  them  about  this  they're  all  like,  "Yeah,  that's  huge."  The  first  
one  is  non-­‐attachment,  non-­‐neediness,  and  basically  giving  a  girl  space.  Okay?  
You  got  to  give  her  space.  What  do  we  mean  by  that?  We  basically  mean  that  very  
early  on  the  interaction  hasn't  given  you  anything  yet.    

You  see  a  girl  from  across  the  room.  You're  like,  "Oh  she's  so  hot.  I  want  to  talk  to  
her."  She  hasn't  given  you  anything  back  yet.  Maybe  she  gives  you  some  eye  
contact,  but  beyond  that  she  hasn't  put  money  in  your  pocket,  nothing  like  that.  
You  don't  need  her  approval.  That's  the  key  point.  You  see  her  from  across  the  
room  and  you're  like,  "Oh  she's  a  cute  girl.  I  think  I'll  go  talk  to  her.  What's  up?"  
You  got  to  be  happy  with  who  you  are  independent  of  what  she  thinks.  Okay?  You  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
don't  want  to  invest  too  much  in  the  interaction  because  the  interaction  hasn't  
given  you  anything  back.  

How  does  it  feel  when  you  are  attached  to  a  girl?  Well  when  you're  talking  to  her  
your  eyes  are  going  to  be  darting  around  a  little  bit.  You're  going  to  be  nervous.  
When  you  finally  do  lock  eye  contact  with  her  you  might  be  a  little  too  over  eager.  
Like  "Ah,  yeah,  yeah,  yeah."  What  it  really  feels  like  more  than  anything  is  you  
care  about  her  approval.  Again,  I'm  sure  that  you've  been  in  these  situations  
before  where  you've  had  somebody  around  you.  Imagine  somebody  sitting  here  
and  I'm  like,  "Ah  too  much.  Too  much."  That's  not  a  good  vibe.    

You  definitely  want  to  at  the  initial  stages,  when  you  start  getting  really  good  at  
this  stuff  throw  all  this  out  the  window,  but  the  initial  stages  you  want  to  give  
yourself  space  with  a  girl.  You  want  to  be  able  to  feel  her,  feel  when  she's  
comfortable  letting  you  have  more  space.  At  the  initial  stages  you  just  don't  want  
to  ...  Let  me  make  very  clear  what  I  mean  about  this.  You  don't  want  to  stand  five  
feet  back.  Okay?  That's  not  what  I  mean  when  I  say  give  her  space.    

What  I  mean  when  I  say  give  her  space  is  do  the  stuff  I  was  talking  about  in  the  
demonstration  of  the  body  language  in  terms  of  rocking  in,  rocking  out,  allowing  
her  to  feel  your  absence  and  then  to  come  back  in  with  your  presence.  That's  
what's  really  critical.  If  you're  just  all  presence  all  the  time  then  she's  going  to  feel  
like,  "Oh  this  guy  needs  my  approval."  That's  not  good.    

Moving  on.  Vibe  specific.  Enjoying  yourself.  Why  is  this  important?  Well  it  shows  
you're  always  having  a  great  time  regardless  of  the  outside  circumstances.  That's  
pretty  key.  How  does  it  feel  when  you're  not  enjoying  yourself?  How  can  you  do  a  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
little  temperature  check  in  your  head  like,  "Oh  I'm  not  enjoying  myself  right  
now?"    

Sometimes  you're  giving  her  the  ability  to  approve  of  you  or  not.  We  call  that  
giving  her  the  frame.  If  you're  just  giving  it  up  to  her,  if  you're  like,  "Please  accept  
me.  Please."  If  that's  what's  going  on  up  here  you  know  you're  not  enjoying  
yourself.  You're  enjoying  yourself  when  you're  like,  "Let's  see  what  she's  all  
about."  That's  when  you  know  you  are  enjoying  yourself.    

If  you're  not  100%  sure  of  your  words  you're  not  really  enjoying  yourself  because  
you're  all  up  in  your  head.  If  you  are  enjoying  yourself  you're  not  even  thinking  
about  your  words.  You're  just  coming  out  of  your  mouth  like,  "Oh  yeah.  Blah,  
blah,  blah,  blah,  blah.  You  know?  It's  cool."    

Another  sign  that  you're  not  enjoying  yourself  is  not  talking  and  interacting  with  
people  just  for  the  sake  of  talking.  One  of  the  things  that  I  discovered  awhile  ago  
is  I  love  to  talk  in  accents  even  though  I'm  absolutely  terrible  at  it.  I  lived  with  an  
English  guy  for  three  years.  I  can't  speak  with  an  English  accent  for  shit,  but  I  still  
quite  like  trying  to  affect  a  bit  of  a  British  accent.  It's  just  fun  for  me  to  talk  like  
that.  I  usually  can't  get  more  then  two  sentences  in  until  somebody's  like,  "God,  
that  is  a  terrible,  terrible  accent  you're  doing."  I  enjoy  it.  That's  the  point.    

The  counterpoint  to  that  would  be  just  not  even  enjoying  the  words  coming  out  
of  my  mouth.  Not  wanting  to  talk,  et  cetera,  et  cetera.  Have  fun  when  you  talk.  
Heck  if  you  need  to  talk  with  an  accent,  talk  with  an  accent.  If  you  need  to  quote  a  
Simpson's  character,  quote  a  Simpson's  character.  Whatever  it  is.  Those  are  the  
things  that  are  going  to  allow  you  to  enjoy  yourself.    

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
Another  very  important  thing  in  your  vibe  is  to  be  non-­‐threatening.  This  is  
obviously  important  because  if  you  come  off  as  a  threat  to  her  her  defenses  are  
going  to  go  up.  How  does  threatening  look?  Well  it's  invading  her  personal  space  
in  the  wrong  way.  It's  not  smiling.  It's  a  lack  of  facial  expressiveness  and  
expressiveness  in  general.  It's  those  two  things  together.  What  we  can  do  is  we  
can  actually  invade  her  space,  but  still  back  out.  We  can  invade  her  space  and  still  
smile  and  still  be  fun  and  playful  and  all  that.    

I'm  going  to  give  you  a  video  demonstration  of  that  in  just  a  second.  What  is  
threatening  is  when  we  are  all  up  in  her  and  then  we  like  ...  That's  just  weird  for  
her.  That's  super  creepy.  Let's  jump  into  the  video  demonstration  real  quick  of  
how  non-­‐threatening  versus  threatening  looks,  and  then  we'll  be  right  back  into  it  
with  the  vibe.    

Okay.  Cool.  Jumping  back  in  now.  Let's  talk  about  sexuality.  Okay.  Sexuality  I  
alluded  to  this  in  the  last  one  threatening  versus  non-­‐threatening,  but  you  can  
definitely  start  to  do  things  with  your  vibe  that  are  more  sexual  and  more  fun.  In  
Unbreakable  we  talk  about  calibrating  to  the  environment  and  how  receptive  she  
is.  If  you're  in  a  club  you  can  be  a  lot  more  sexual  than  if  you  are  in  a  bookstore.  If  
that  doesn't  make  obvious  sense  to  you  and  you  didn't  even  know  that  already  
then  I'm  shocked.  I  just  think  you're  smarter  than  that.  I'm  sure  you  know  that  
already.    

The  point  is  you  do  want  to  calibrate  your  environment,  but  here's  the  key  point  
that  you  may  or  may  not  think  about  is  that  even  if  you  know  that  you're  allowed  
to  be  more  sexual  in  a  bar  or  a  club  you  probably  are  not  being  more  sexual  in  a  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
bar  or  a  club.  You're  probably  still  holding  back  and  treating  her  as  if  it  was  a  
damn  coffee  shop.  Allow  yourself  to  be  a  little  bit  more  physically  expressive  
when  you're  in  these  environments  when  you  can  be.  Just  allow  that  for  yourself.  
See  how  it  feels.  See  how  it  works.    

You  want  to  introduce  sexuality.  It  really  depends.  Sometimes  you  can  do  it  right  
away.  Sometimes  you  want  to  just  spend  some  time  getting  into  it.  The  point  is  
you  do  want  to  do  it.  You  can't  be  that  guy  who's  just  like,  "Oh.  Yeah."  There  have  
definitely  been  times  when  I've  been  out,  maybe  you've  had  these  conversations  
before  where  they're  like  great,  friendly,  rapport  based  conversations,  and  you're  
like,  "This  girl's  really  digging  me.  She's  been  talking  to  me  a  lot."    

Then  all  of  a  sudden  she  just  bounces.  Gone.  You're  like,  "What  the  heck  
happened  there?  She  didn't  even  say  good  bye.  She  didn't  blah,  blah,  blah."  If  this  
conversation  has  happened  to  you  before  at  the  bar  the  reason  why  that  
happened  is  because  you  were  not  sexual  enough  with  her.  She  was  into  you.  If  
there  wasn't  attraction  she  wouldn't  have  been  talking  there  in  the  first  place.  
You  had  a  good  vibe,  a  good  chemistry,  but  you  were  not  sexual  enough.    

At  a  certain  point  she  realized,  "Okay  this  guy  doesn't  want  anything  from  me.  I'm  
interested  in  moving  things  forward,  but  he's  not.  He's  not  making  the  move.  Nah,  
I'm  just  out."  The  reason  the  girls  bounce  in  those  situations  they  don't  want  to  
say,  "Oh  good  bye.  I  guess  I'll  maybe  see  you  around.  Maybe  we'll  run  into  each  
other  again."  They  don't  want  to  put  themselves  out  there  like  that.    

Again,  if  you've  had  that  situation  before,  why?  It's  because  you  have  not  been  
sexual  enough.  Hey  look.  You  can  assume  it's  on  with  girls  once  you  know  how  to  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
make  her  feel  comfortable  with  yourself.  Once  you  especially  know  that  the  
dance,  the  back  and  forth,  the  ins  and  outs  with  the  body  language  stuff,  the  body  
movement  stuff,  you  can  definitely  assume  it's  on  and  just  go  in  and  escalate  real  
quickly.    

Familiarity,  that's  another  really  critical  vibe  specific.  This  one  is  it's  just  so  
important.  Basically  familiarity  it's  assuming  that  there  is  a  pre-­‐existing  
relationship.  Okay?  This  will  be  huge  for  you  if  you  put  a  lot  of  importance  on  
having  the  right  things  to  say.  Being  familiar  with  a  girl  means  that  basically  you  
assume  that  you're  already  accepted  by  her  when  you  approach  her,  and  it  means  
that  you  don't  have  to  preamble.  You  can  jump  in  to  the  middle  of  a  conversation.    

Just  thinking  about  the  last  time  this  happened  to  me  I  was  out,  and  sitting  nearby  
some  girls,  and  overheard  their  conversations.  As  I  was  walking  by  I  heard  them  
saying  something.  I  think  they  were  saying,  "Well  should  we  go  out  tonight?"  They  
were  already  out,  and  they  were  like,  "Well  should  we  make  it  a  big  night  or  
should  we  make  it  a  small  one?"  I  just  jumped  in  the  conversation.  "Well  you  got  
to  know  if  you  want  to  go  out,  or  if  you  want  to  go  out-­‐out.  Those  are  two  pretty  
big  different  things.  Let's  figure  this  out.  Are  we  going  to  go  out  or  are  we  going  to  
go  out-­‐out  you  guys?"  Again  I  just  assumed  that  I  was  a  part  of  that  group  and  
assumed  familiarity  in  that  situation.    

Another  time  was  walking  down  the  street  and  I  heard  two  girls  talking  and  one  of  
them  said,  "Yeah  you  know  and  I  invited  her  to  my  birthday  and  she  didn't  come  
to  mine."  I  was  right  next  to  them,  and  I  looked  over  and  I  was  like,  "Don't  you  
hate  it  when  that  happens?  My  birthday  was  not  that  long  ago  and  there  were  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
few  people  this  year  I  specifically  attended  their  events  because  I  was  hoping  they  
would  come  to  mine.  No  shows.  I  felt  like  the  biggest  loser  in  the  world  and  I  had  
to  cry  with  my  dog."    

I  threw  in  a  little  joke  there.  A  little  self  deprecating  thing  that  was  obviously  
absurd  about  crying  with  my  dog.  We'll  get  in  to  all  that  stuff  later.  The  point  is  
that  by  assuming  familiarity  and  by  jumping  in  to  that  they  laughed.  They  opened  
right  up.  She  comes  back  at  me,  she's  like,  "I  know.  Don't  you  hate  it.  I  don't  even  
have  a  dog  to  cry  with.  It  was  just  the  worst  birthday  ever."  I  was  like,  "Well  next  
year  we're  both  going  to  have  good  birthdays.  What's  your  name?"  Bam.  Into  the  
conversation.  Just  so  easy  because  I  assumed  that  I  was  already  part  of  the  
conversation.    

Again,  it's  not  that  hard  you  just  have  to  pick  up  the  conversation.  Just  assume  
they  want  to  talk  to  you.  If  the  back's  closed  off,  it's  a  little  bit  tougher.  Just  make  
sure  the  logistics  are  working  for  you.  That's  how  I'd  assume  familiarity  and  those  
are  some  general  things  that  go  into  your  vibe.    

Again,  this  vibe  stuff  it's  one  of  those  things  that  you'll  feel  more  than  you  can  
understand.  What  I'm  trying  to  do  here  is  give  you  a  couple  of  internal  way-­‐points  
of,  "I  feel  that  and  so  I  know  that  my  vibe  is  off,"  or,  "I  feel  that  so  I  know  that  my  
vibe  is  on."  Look  for  those  way-­‐points.  I've  got  some  homework  for  you  
specifically  around  looking  for  way-­‐points  about  the  vibe.  If  you're  feeling  it  great,  
take  it  to  the  last  level.    

Now  the  last  element  of  nonverbal  communication  I  want  to  talk  to  you  about  
today  is  something  that  nobody  ever  talks  about,  but  I  like  to  talk  about  because  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
it's  real  important.  It's  called  swagger.  There's  a  lot  of  ways  you  can  describe  it.  
You  could  call  it  swagger.  You  could  call  it  your  presence.  You  could  call  it  your  
force.  You  could  call  it  your  mojo,  whatever.  Swagger's  putting  it  all  together  and  
feeling  like  a  bad  ass.    

I  like  to  think  about  Vinny  Chase  in  Entourage.  You  watch  a  couple  of  seasons  of  
that  show,  you'll  get  a  really  good  sense  of  what  swagger  is.  It's  just  how  he  
carries  himself.  It's  a  lightness.  It's  like,  "Ah  you  know,  I  could  take  it  or  leave  it."  
It's  giving  himself  permission  to  approach  people  and  permission  to  talk  to  
whomever  he  wants.  It's  having  that  confidence  inside  of  himself.  "Yeah,  I'm  bad  
ass.  What's  you  story  all  about?  You  know?  Who  are  you?  Let's  have  fun."    

It's  all  these  things.  It's  how  you  move.  It's  how  you  look  at  a  girl.  It's  how  you  
escalate.  It's  really  an  elusive  coolness  that  is  hard  to  put  your  finger  on,  but  we're  
going  to  work  on  putting  your  finger  on  it.  The  first  thing  you  want  to  think  about  
if  you've  been  with  a  woman  before  is  how  do  you  move  and  how  do  you  feel  the  
night  after  you've  been  with  a  woman  for  the  first  time.  If  you've  had  that  
experience,  and  I  hope  you  have,  then  you  know  it.    

You're  just  like,  "Yeah.  Good  shit  happened  last  night."  You  have  this  different  
feeling  about  you.  You're  like,  "Okay.  I  got  something  done  I  needed  to  get  done.  
I'm  feeling  good  about  myself."  That's  the  best  way  that  I  can  teach  you  how  to  
think  about  how  to  feel  about  it.  It's  not  something  again  that  you  can  just  turn  
on,  but  it's  something  you  can  start  to  feel  and  start  to  bring  on  to  the  world.    

You  also  want  to  find  models  of  behavior.  Guys  who  have  good  swagger.  You  
watch  them  and  feel  stuff  with  us.  Again,  watch  some  Entourage.  Watch  Vinny  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
Chase.  That  guy  has  swagger  like  I've  never  seen.  Even  a  rap  star.  Most  rap  stars  
have  mad  swagger.  You  watch  Jay-­‐Z  when  he  talks  to  people,  it's  ridiculous.    

In  terms  of  putting  it  into  practice,  this  is  the  fun  part.  I  do  want  you  for  at  least  
one  chunk  of  time  this  coming  week,  when  you  go  out  I  want  you  to  walk  with  
swagger.  Just  like  you're  the  shit.  You  give  yourself  permission  to  do  whatever  you  
want.  You're  totally  stepping  out  of  your  world  and  you're  just  like,  "Yeah.  I'm  the  
man."    

Again,  it's  all  these  things  together.  It's  having  a  great  time,  it's  having  fun,  it's  
giving  yourself  permission,  it's  being  a  little  sexy,  but  also  being  a  little  elusively  
cool.  See  if  you  could  put  that  stuff  all  together.  This  is  the  pinnacle  of  when  you  
get  your  nonverbals  right.  It's  not  something  that  anyone  can  teach.  It's  only  
something  that  you  can  feel  in  your  heart  and  express  through  your  body.  When  
you  get  your  swagger  right,  those  are  beautiful,  beautiful  nights.    

I  want  you  to  just  try  walking  around  with  what  you  think  swagger  might  be  for  an  
hour  or  two,  talk  to  some  girls,  definitely  report  it  back  in  the  forums.  That's  
something  that  I  want  to  hear  about  with  your  experience.  Some  guys  when  
we've  taught  that  to  them  before  they  just  get  it.  I'll  share  one  last  story  with  you.  
This  comes  from  a  boot  camp  experience  that  we  were  running.  We  had  one  
client  who  man  he  was  just  having  the  toughest  time.    

He  was  really  getting  hung  up  on  that  first  thing  to  say,  and  the  initial  part  of  the  
interaction.  I  was  really  trying  to  get  granular  with  him.  I  was  like,  "Well  first  walk  
up  and  say,  'Oh  man  it's  so  warm  in  here,'  and  then  say,  'I  could  really  use  some  
sort  of  summer  fun  break.  I'd  love  to  go  out  on  a  slip  and  slide.  Wouldn't  it  be  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
great  to  have  a  slip  and  slide  at  the  park?'"  I  gave  him  this  long  script,  and  it  
wasn't  a  routine.  It  was  just  a  bunch  of  topics  that  you  could  jump  to.    

He's  practicing  this  with  our  female  coach  Jody,  and  Jody's  a  really  pretty  girl  and  I  
think  again  he  really  wasn't  feeling  himself.  He  walks  up  to  her.  He  throws  it  all  
together,  and  he  looks  at  her  he  goes,  "Wow  it's  really  hot  in  here.  You'd  look  
great  on  a  slip  and  slide  right  now."  Everything  that  I  had  told  him  to  say  came  
together  and  compressed  into  one  really  awkward  statement.    

Now  we  all  had  a  good  laugh,  but  clearly  this  whole  method  of  thinking  through  
things  was  just  not  working  for  him.  Nick  and  Jody  looked  at  each  other  like  is  it  
time  for  the  hip  hop  exercise,  and  she's  like,  "Yeah  it's  time  for  the  hip  hop  
exercise."  The  other  funny  thing  about  Jody  is  she's  a  really  sweet  white  girl,  and  
she  looks  like  the  last  person  you'd  see  throwing  out  gang  symbols  and  getting  
down  or  whatnot.    

The  hip  hop  exercise  that  we  pulled  out  for  this  client  was  basically  he  had  to  
approach  her.  He  couldn't  say  anything  that  we  told  him  to  say.  The  only  thing  we  
gave  him  was,  "How's  your  night  going?"  Except  he  had  to  talk  like  a  gangster.  He  
had  to  walk  up  and  be  like,  "Yo  girl,  what's  up?  How  you  doing?  You  have  a  good  
night?"  Then  she  had  to  give  him  that  energy  back,  and  she's  like,  "Yeah  boy.  I'm  
having  a  great  night.  How  you  doing?"  He's  like,  "Yeah,  I'm  having  a  great  night.  
What  brings  you  out  tonight  girl?"  They  just  started  going  into  this.  Right?    

That's  the  extreme  example  of  swagger.  That's  just  a  person  who  is  so  feeling  
himself,  like  he's  expressing  with  all  of  his  body  and  all  that.  That  clicked.  That  
night  he  ended  up  some  crazy  stuff  happened  with  the  prettiest  girl  who  he  had  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
ever  talked  to  in  his  life.  Now  this  guy's  a  rock  star  in  his  social  circle.  I  haven't  
talked  to  him  in  the  last  month  or  two  but  I  know  he  had  some  great  girls  in  his  
life.  Let's  leave  it  at  that.    

I  don't  know  if  you  want  to  go  that  far.  That  can  definitely  be  fun  if  you're  out  
with  your  buddies,  but  that  is  swagger.  It's  a  feeling  that  you  have  and  it's  
something  that  totally  dominates  over  that  voice  in  your  head,  any  thinking  that  
you  need  to  do  about  these  are  my  words,  these  are  the  things  that  I  have  to  say.  
Have  fun  with  that  one.  Don't  be  a  gangster.  Don't  be  concealing  any  weapons  if  
you're  in  a  state  that  that's  not  allowed  in.  Definitely  have  fun  with  the  swagger,  
and  report  back  on  that  one.    

All  right.  Now  I  got  something  really  cool  for  you.  This  is  called  nonverbal  openers.  
Nonverbal  openers  are  something  we  came  up  with  after  spending  a  lot  of  time,  
probably  too  much  time,  at  the  bar  and  realizing  that  a  lot  of  the  stuff  we  were  
doing  to  make  things  easier  on  ourselves  was  not  stuff  that  we'd  heard  anybody  
really  teach.    

Basically  is  what  this  is  using  the  nonverbal  communication  channel  to  
communicate  parts  of  your  personality.  To  communicate  the  fact  that  you  have  a  
sense  of  humor.  To  communicate  your  confidence,  your  self  enjoyment.  Just  
everything  you  want  to  communicate  verbally,  you're  going  to  be  doing  this  
nonverbally  and  you're  going  to  be  doing  this  before  you  even  start  a  
conversation.    

I've  put  together  a  separate  video,  and  at  the  time  I  sit  down  to  record  this  the  
video  that  I  put  together  is  about  a  year  old.  I  think  I  have  a  little  bit  more  hair  in  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
it,  but  it's  a  great  video.  We're  just  going  to  hop  over  to  that  right  now  so  you  can  
see  what  these  nonverbal  openers  look  like.  Basically  what  we're  doing  is  we're  
just  starting  a  conversation  from  across  the  room.  We're  catching  some  eye  
contact  and  then  we're  going  to  use  it  to  start  that  conversation.  Let's  hop  into  
that  video.  Let's  see  what  some  of  these  nonverbal  openers  look  like  because  
there's  some  awesome  ones  in  there.  I'll  catch  you  back  over  here  as  soon  as  
we're  done  watching  that.    

We're  going  to  be  demonstrating  a  nonverbal  opener  which  is  called  the  curious  
look.  How  it's  going  to  start  is  I'm  going  to  be  looking  over  here  as  if  my  attention  
is  on  a  friend  or  something  else  that  has  my  interest  in  this  direction.  I'm  going  to  
come  over  this  way.  I'm  going  to  catch  your  attention  and  give  you  the  curious  
look.  It's  going  to  look  something  like  this.    

What  I've  done  is  effectively  I've  moved  over  here.  I've  stepped  back  a  little  bit  as  
if  I  was  just  hit  by  something  that  surprised  me,  and  I  tilt  my  head  to  the  side  and  I  
squint  my  eye  a  little  bit  as  if  to  say,  "What  is  this  that  I  see?  Do  I  know  you?  How  
do  we  know  each  other?"  If  she  gives  any  response  from  that  point  I'm  good  to  
go.    

In  this  demonstration  we're  going  to  be  looking  at  the  nonverbal  opener  called  
the  point.  Now  this  one's  real  silly,  and  it  can  be  fun.  It's  essentially  looking  at  a  
girl  and  pointing  at  her,  and  there's  a  number  of  ways  that  you  can  do  this.  Again  
I'm  going  to  be  looking  over  here  talking  to  a  friend  going  like  this.  I'm  going  to  
catch  a  girl's  eye  and  go  like.  It's  almost  like  a,  "You?  Are  you  the  one?"    

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
Again,  let's  see  how  that  looks  without  me  talking  and  annotating  this.  You  can  
even  add  that  finger  wag  at  the  end  to  go  shame  on  you  or  I  thought  so  or  I  
caught  you.  That  can  be  especially  fun  if  you  catch  her  doing  that  and  she  goes  
like,  or  maybe  she  just  shrugs  here  shoulders.  You're  definitely  in  a  conversation  
at  that  point.    

In  this  demonstration  now  we're  going  to  be  looking  at  the  nonverbal  opener  
called  the,  "Oh  god  it's  you,"  look.  This  is  a  favorite  of  Nick's,  and  it's  really  fun.  It's  
really  goofy,  and  if  you  do  this  right  you  can  start  the  conversation  off  with  a  cute  
little  role  play.  You  can  go  right  from  this  saying,  "Oh  my  god  I  can't  believe  I  ran  
into  you  here.  This  is  so  embarrassing.  What  do  I  say?"  

It's  going  to  start  with  you  looking  over  here  again.  You're  talking  to  a  friend.  
You're  enjoying  his  company.  You  see  the  girl,  and  you're  going  to  stop,  act  as  if  
you  are  trying  to  figure  out  who  it  is,  and  then  all  of  a  sudden  go,  "Oh."  What  you  
want  to  do,  you  want  to  make  sure  that  you  follow  that  up  with  a  smile  because  
at  this  point  she's  a  little  confused.  She's  saying,  "What  is  this  guy  making  this  face  
at  me  for?  Is  there  something  wrong  here?  What's  going  on?"  If  you  don't  follow  
it  up  with  a  smile  she's  just  going  to  be  utterly  perplexed.    

Let's  look  at  this  again  in  action.  How  it  might  look.  Again,  you're  going  to  go  in  
with  that  smile  and  you're  going  to  follow  up  and  say,  "God  this  is  so  
embarrassing,"  from  here,  and  if  you  did  this  right,  if  you  executed  it  properly,  she  
might  even  give  it  back  to  you.  She  might  play  along  and  you've  got  a  great  
conversation  started.    

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
We're  going  to  look  at  a  nonverbal  opener  now  called  the  mean  face.  This  one's  
real  silly.  Nick  loves  to  do  this  one.  I'm  not  as  big  of  a  fan,  but  it  can  be  very  
effective  if  you're  in  the  right  mood  to  do  it.  Essentially  you're  just  going  to  really  
give  a  girl  a  pouty  face.  Everything  is  going  to  condense  around  the  center  of  your  
face.  If  she  gives  it  back  to  you  it's  a  great  way  to  go  in  there  and  say,  "God  I  hate  
you  so  much,"  as  a  way  to  start  the  conversation.  It's  really  funny  and  I  will  admit  
that  the  times  I've  done  this  I've  had  a  lot  of  fun  with  it.    

Let's  see  how  this  might  look.  I'm  gong  to  be  looking  this  direction.  Again  talking  
to  a  friend.  I'm  going  to  see  her.  I'm  just  going  to  start  pouting  like  ...  Okay.  I'm  
going  to  lean  in  a  little  bit  and  again  I  know  that  looks  real  silly.  If  you've  never  
done  this  before  you  might  have  a  hard  time  pulling  it  off  the  first  time,  but  I  
promise  you  if  you  find  a  fun  girl,  if  you  find  the  right  girl  and  you  catch  her  in  the  
right  moment  she'll  give  it  right  back  to  you.  Let's  see  it  without  my  annotations  
here.    

Again,  you're  coming  in  with  your  face.  You're  just  giving  her  that  real  mean,  
squinty-­‐eyed,  what  are  you  doing  here  look.  She's  going  to  follow  it  up  with  
something  equivalent  and  if  she  goes  from  there  then  fantastic.  You've  just  
started  a  great  conversation.    

All  right.  Cool.  That  was  at  the  old  apartment  by  the  way.  That  was  a  crazy  
apartment.  I  hope  that  was  helpful  for  you.  I  know  that  every  time  we  teach  these  
to  guys  and  they  go  out  and  they  use  nonverbal  openers  they  get  mad  results.  
Great  stuff.  I  want  to  give  you  some  nonverbal  openers  to  use  right  now.  I  want  
you  to  enjoy  these.    

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
Okay,  so  those  are  some  nonverbal  openers  right  there,  and  that  was  back  from  
my  old  apartment.  Again,  that  was  probably  a  year  and  a  half  ago  from  now,  from  
when  I  recorded  that  last,  but  I  know  there's  some  great  stuff  in  there.  Every  time  
we  give  these  to  guys  and  they  go  out  and  they  use  them  they're  amazed  at  the  
results  they  get,  and  they  have  a  lot  of  fun  with  this  stuff.    

I'm  going  to  tell  you  how  to  use  these  right  now.  Okay?  It's  a  multi-­‐step  process,  
but  we  won't  make  it  too  complicated.  The  first  one  is  you  want  to  catch  her  eye.  
It's  best  if  you  catch  her  eye  when  you're  smiling.  Obviously  you  do  this  at  bars  
and  places  where  people  are  being  social  so  kind  of  looking  around.  You're  talking  
to  your  buddies.  Whatever.  You  got  a  smile  on  your  face.  You  look  over,  you  catch  
her  eye.  You  do  a  little  double  take.  Right?    

Now  hopefully  you  got  some  eye  contact.  Look  away  real  quick  and  look  back.  If  
you  guys  had  that  same  thing  going  on,  if  she  caught  your  eye  the  way  that  you  
caught  hers  than  when  you  look  away  and  you  look  back,  she's  going  to  look  away  
and  she  looks  back.  Now,  drop  the  smile.  Just  completely  drop  the  smile.  Change  
your  expression  or  whatever.  If  you  have  a  smile,  you're  like.  Now,  she's  like,  
"Whoa,  what's  he  thinking?"  Look  confused  momentarily  as  if  you're  trying  to  
figure  out  what's  going  on,  and  then  you  want  to  do  the  opener.    

That's  how  you  do  it.  You  basically  switch  from  a  smile  to  you  drop  the  smile,  
change  your  expression,  look  confused,  and  then  do  it.  If  we  were  sitting  right  
here  and  we  were  doing  it.  You'd  look  like  this.  I'm  looking  around,  I'm  smiling,  I  
catch  you.  Then  like  I'm  going  to  do  it.  It  was  very  quick,  but  let's  look  at  that  one  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
more  time.  I'm  going  to  smile,  drop  the  smile,  look  confused,  and  then  like  go  into  
whatever  I  was  going  to  go  into.    

Let's  just  do  that  again.  I'm  looking  like  this.  Looking  around,  talking  to  my  friends,  
smiling.  Catch  the  eye  contact  like  ...  Okay  so  that's  it.  That  confused  look  that's  
really  important.  The  confused  look  is  that's  the  natural  look  that  a  lot  of  people  
have  of,  "Do  I  know  you?"  Even  if  she  knows  that  she  doesn't  know  you,  when  we  
see  that  look  we  are  naturally  compelled  to  respond  to  it  and  to  continue  to  look  
at  that  person.    

Here's  the  key  point.  Once  you've  done  that  nonverbal  opener,  don't  do  another  
one.  Don't  just  go  back  and  forth  on  this  five  times.  I've  tried  that  before  with  
tongue  sticking  out  in  one  and  eventually  she  gets  bored  and  she's  like,  "When's  
this  damn  guy  going  to  come  talk  to  me?"  Just  do  it,  and  then  assuming  she  gives  
you  any  sort  of  good  response  give  her  a  nice  warm  smile  and  then  go  over  and  
talk  to  her.  Be  like,  "You  silly  girl.  How  did  I  know  that  you  would  be  here  
tonight?"    

Something  like  that.  It  can  be  just  that  easy.  Don't  linger  on  nonverbal  opener  too  
long.  Just  go  over  there  and  start  having  the  conversation  with  her.  This  is  going  
to  rock.  Please  go  out  and  do  a  nonverbal  opener  or  two  or  five  or  20  this  week.  
You're  going  to  love  it.    

All  right,  now  lesson  two  about  how  to  start  a  conversation.  I've  given  you  a  lot  at  
this  point.  I  haven't  given  you  too  many  words  to  say  and  that's  what  I'm  going  to  
give  you  right  now  is  some  things  to  have  coming  out  of  your  mouth.  What's  the  
easiest  way  to  start  a  conversation?  Not  going  to  just  walk  up  and  say,  "Hello,"  to  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
a  girl.  That's  why  we  made  this  program  Say  Hello.  No,  where  do  most  guys  go  
wrong?  We  either  talk  too  much,  we  talk  too  little,  or  we  say  stupid  stuff.    

If  you're  an  over  talker  listen  up.  Here  is  what's  going  on  and  what  you  need  to  do  
instead.  If  you're  an  over  talker  you're  usually  thinking  you  need  to  demonstrate  
value  and  you  need  to  prove  yourself  to  a  person.  Just  not  true.  It  works  in  
reverse.  You  demonstrate  value  by  having  less  to  say  and  having  cooler  stuff  to  
say  when  you  actually  say  it,  and  having  nonverbals  to  go  with  that.  You  do  not  
demonstrate  value  by  talking  too  much.  Let's  just  make  that  crystal  clear  right  
now.    

When  you're  nervous  you  can  talk  too  much.  That's  often  how  we  deal  with  
nervousness.  When  we  don't  feel  comfortable  making  a  girl  work  for  us.  Again,  
that  goes  back  to  point  number  one,  but  heck  this  still  happens  to  me.  I  met  an  
author  who  I  really  respect  and  really  look  up  to.  This  was  maybe  three,  four  
weeks  ago,  but  it's  a  dude.  I  really  respect  him  and  I  didn't  want  to  make  him  
work.  I  was  like,  "Oh  I'm  going  to  make  this  conversation  easy  for  him."  I  realized  
that  about  half  way  through.  I  slowed  down.  I  stopped  talking  so  much.  It's  all  
good.    

We  also  just  talk  too  much  when  we  don't  believe  in  ourselves.  We  don't  believe  
that  we're  even  allowed  to  be  there,  so  we  think  if  I  just  get  more  and  more  and  
more  words  out  here  then  I'm  allowed  to  be  here.  None  of  those  things  are  true,  
and  if  any  of  those  things  resonate  with  you  then  that's  probably  why  you're  
talking  too  much  so  just  recognize  that.  Recognize  you're  a  cool  dude.  You  don't  
need  to  talk  that  much.  You  can  pull  it  back  a  little  bit.    

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
On  the  other  hand  there's  talking  too  little.  There's  some  guys  that  just  have  
nothing  to  say.  We're  going  to  get  to  that  whole  running  out  of  things  to  say  bit  in  
a  little  bit,  but  people  who  talk  to  little  what  I'm  talking  about  is  people  who  are  
like,  "I'm  too  cool  for  school.  I'm  James  Bond.  I  don't  need  to  say  anything."  Heck,  
that's  not  good.    

When  we  don't  know  how  to  make  small  talk  into  big  talk  that's  when  we  talk  too  
little.  When  you  don't  know  how  to  transition  into  bigger  topics.  When  we  can't  
lead  a  conversation  we  sometimes  talk  too  little.  When  we  don't  have  anything  to  
talk  about.  We're  going  handle  all  those  things.  Those  are  going  to  be  primarily  
things  that  we  talk  about  in  lesson  three,  but  those  are  all  talking  too  little  things.    

Finally  saying  stupid  things  when  we're  uncalibrated  or  sometimes  we're  just  
learning  a  new  form  of  humor  and  we  don't  pull  it  off  right.  Sometimes  it's  just  
generally  offensive  or  stupid.  I'm  going  to  give  you  some  stuff  that  is  funny  ways  
to  introduce  humor  in  to  the  conversation  right  off  the  bat,  but  you  might  have  to  
work  on  it  a  little  bit  and  it  might  not  come  out  right  so  you  might  struggle  with  it  
a  little  bit.  If  you  say  something  stupid,  hey  don't  worry  about  it.  There's  a  lot  of  
other  stupid  people  out  there  too,  but  more  importantly  if  you  say  something  
stupid  it's  not  the  end  of  the  world.  Just  recognize  that  you  said  something  stupid  
and  chillax.    

What's  the  right  way  to  do  it  instead?  Very  simple.  Make  some  eye  contact  with  
the  person.  This  is  the  right  way  to  approach  a  girl.  Make  the  eye  contact  with  her  
Approach  her  with  confident  body  language  as  I  demonstrated  earlier.  You  don't  
need  to  make  a  big  show  of  it.  Shoulders  back  and  blah,  blah,  blah.  Good  enough.  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
Say  hi,  smile,  and  just  wait  for  her  to  say  hi  back.  That's  the  very  first  thing  you  
have  to  do.  Then  just  make  a  situational  comment,  make  a  compliment,  and  just  
don't  talk  too  much  and  that's  it.    

Let's  jump  in  to  some  example  compliments,  comments,  whatever  you  want  to  
do.  One  of  the  things  that  we  use  often  on  our  coaching  programs,  and  guys  are  
always  a  little  disappointed  when  they  hear  that  this  is  the  go  to  opener,  but  for  
guys  who  aren't  skilled  at  this  and  who  haven't  been  doing  opening  for  a  long  
time  this  is  what  we  usually  like  to  start  them  off  with.  We  like  to  find  girls  who  
are  open,  who  are  having  fun,  send  them  in  to  those  conversations  and  have  the  
guy  say,  "Hey,  what's  up  you  guys?  You  look  like  you're  enjoying  yourselves  
tonight."  Then  the  girls  are  usually  like,  "Yeah  you  know,  we  are."  Then  follows  
up,  "So  what  brings  everybody  out  this  evening?"    

That's  it.  Its  just  that  easy.  Here's  the  key  point.  You  do  want  to  stop  in  between  
those  two  to  allow  them  to  answer.  What  you  don't  want  to  do  is  you  don't  want  
to  walk  up  and  say,  "Hey  what's  up?  You  guys  look  like  you're  having  fun.  What's  
bringing  everybody  out?"  You're  just  throwing  a  lot  of  information  out  there.    

Instead,  "Hey  what's  up?  You  guys  look  like  you're  having  fun."  Pause.  Make  eye  
contact  with  everybody  in  the  group.  They're  like,  "Yeah.  Yeah."  Be  like,  "Cool.  
What  brings  everybody  out  tonight?"  They  give  a  little  bit  back.  "Nice.  Nice.  Nice.  
You  know  my  buddies  and  I,"  blah,  blah,  blah.  You  start  talking  about  yourself  or  
you  could  start  teasing  them  if  they  give  you  something  else  worth  teasing.    

That's  how  you  would  do  that,  but  you  definitely  want  to  put  that  space  in  there.  
You  want  them  to  allow  them  to  respond  to  your  presence.  Again,  some  guys  just  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
barge  in  before  the  girls  even  have  their  attention  they're  like,  "Hey  what's  up  
guys?  You  look  like  you're  having  fun  tonight.  What  brings  everybody  out?"  
They're  like,  "Whoa  where  the  heck  did  that  guy  come  from?"  Don't  be  that  guy.    

I  give  you  another  example  of  this  is  an  opener  that  I  used  specifically  as  I  was  
walking  down  the  street.  It  was  just  drizzling  a  little  bit.  I  had  an  umbrella  with  
me,  and  I  just  whipped  it  open,  held  it  up,  and  was  like,  "Hey.  Here  you  go."  The  
girl's  like,  "Oh  thanks."  I  know  that  some  guys  that  study  game.  They  look  to  tease  
her  at  every  moment.  They'd  be  like,  "How  could  you  possibly  forget  your  
umbrella?"  I'm  not  going  to  do  that  before  offering  the  umbrella  first.  That's  just  
situation  example.    

Another  great  one  if  you  just  see  one  girl.  "You  look  like  somebody  I  wanted  to  
meet.  What's  your  name?"  Again,  if  you  just  say  it  really  easy.  Just  not  that  hard.  
"You  look  like  somebody  I  wanted  to  meet.  What's  your  name?"  It's  a  great  
opener.    

Let's  look  at  a  few  others.  This  one  I  learned  from  my  buddy  Paul.  Paul  lives  in  
New  York  here,  and  he's  got  a  great  one  where  he'll  look  at  a  girl's  shopping  bag  
and  he'll  say,  "Oh  hey,"  if  it's  a  Gucci  bag  let's  say.  "Hey,  do  you  know  where  the  
Gucci  store  is  around  here?  I  was  at  the  other  location  and  they  told  me  to  come  
up  here,  but  I  can't  find  it."  She'll  be  like,  "Oh  yeah,  yeah.  Blah  blah."  He'll  be  like,  
"Oh  cool.  Hey  what  you'd  get?"  That's  a  great  one.  Taht's  a  really,  really  easy  one.  
Just  starts  the  conversation  off  right.    

Another  one  is  if  girls  are  getting  silly.  If  you're  standing  next  to  them,  this  is  
especially  the  case  in  a  bar,  you  can  be  standing  next  to  them,  look  over  here.  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
They're  doing  something  silly.  They're  laughing  and  taking  shots  or  whatever.  
"Damn  I  look  over  in  this  direction  for  what  like  two  seconds  and  everything  is  
crazy.  What  are  you  guys  up  to?"  That's  a  real  funny  one.    

Let's  see.  Some  other  things.  If  you're  passing  by  a  girl  who's  eating  a  salad  you  
can  say  something  as  simple  as,  "Hey.  You  enjoying  your  salad?"  Again,  I'm  just  
trying  to  point  out  this  stuff  does  not  have  to  be  that  hard.  Any  of  these  things  
will  start  conversations.    

The  whole  point  of  this  and  this  is  what  I  want  you  to  take  away.  I  just  gave  you  
some  really  dumb  openers  there.  There's  some  good  ones  in  there  too.  You'll  
come  up  with  many  on  your  own.  The  best  openers  you  usually  find  are  
situational  openers  where  you're  just  standing  next  to  somebody  and  start  
chatting  with  them.  The  opener  does  not  matter.  What  happens  next  does  
matter.  Where  you  take  it  once  you  open  the  conversation,  but  the  point  of  the  
first  words  out  of  your  mouth  is  to  get  their  attention.  Okay?  That's  all  that  
matters.    

You  are  not  trying  to  get  acceptance  or  rejection  from  the  first  words  out  of  your  
mouth.  That’s  far  too  soon.  Okay?  You  have  at  least  three  more  words.  No,  I'm  
just  kidding.  The  point  of  the  opener  is  to  get  their  attention.  It's  to  get  them  
looking  at  you  and  if  you've  got  a  good  vibe  and  you  are  generally  comfortable  
with  yourself  then  that's  all  that's  happening.  Your  opener  is  there  to  get  her  
attention.    

Again,  I  know  those  are  some  silly  openers,  but  they're  really  easy  to  use.  I'm  
going  to  give  you  some  more  in  the  homework,  and  just  go  out  and  use  them.  Do  

 
SAY HELLO     MASTER THE VIBE  
 
not  hold  yourself  back.  I  want  you  to  go  out  and  just  be  getting  people's  attention  
this  week  and  thinking  about  your  vibe.  Of  course,  review  the  material.  Take  
notes  about  what  your  strengths  and  weaknesses  are  in  this  vibe  stuff  and  figure  
out  what  you  need  to  work  on  and  you  better  put  this  into  practice  out  in  the  
field.  If  you're  not  putting  in  the  practice  you're  not  getting  the  maximum  benefit  
out  of  it.    

I  hope  you  enjoyed  this.  Go  out.  Say  hello  to  a  couple  girls.  Take  the  pressure  off  
yourself.  Have  fun.  Get  that  swagger  for  a  couple  hours,  and  I  will  catch  you  in  the  
next  episode.    

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 

CHAPTER 3: THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES

What's  up?  It's  Christian  Hudson  and  you  are  watching  Say  Hello,  episode  3  at  this  
very  minute  in  your  life.  I'm  so  excited  for  you  to  be  joining  us  for  this  particular  
episode  because  there  is  so  much  cool  stuff  in  here  about  what  to  say  and  how  to  
flirt  and  how  to  get  her  to  open  up.  This  is  the  exact  stuff  that  I  wish  someone  had  
given  me  years  and  years  and  years  and  years  back.  I  haven't  seen  it  anywhere  
else,  on  anything  I've  ever  read.  To  the  best  of  my  knowledge,  this  is  the  only  
place  where  you  can  be  getting  the  information  you're  about  to  get  right  now.  

I'm  almost  so  excited  that  I  wish  I  was  standing  up  but  then  I  wouldn't  be  sitting  
down  and  I  like  sitting  down.  Let's  jump  into  it  right  now.  We're  just  going  to  start  
talking  about  what  is  an  opener,  why  it  works  and  how  you're  going  to  be  doing  
them.  What  is  an  opener?  An  opener  is  basically  the  first  three  to  five  minutes  of  
the  conversation.  A  lot  of  guys  think  that  an  opener  is  the  very  first  word  out  of  
your  mouth  but  an  opener  is  really  the  first  three  to  five  minutes  of  the  
conversation.    

It's  your  words,  it's  your  body,  it's  your  presence.  The  presence  is  very  important.  
A  lot  of  guys  often  overlook  that.  It's  not  just  the  first  line.  It's  the  subsequent  
lines  and  the  back  and  forth.  Your  opener  is  essentially  the  thing  that  lets  you  get  
into  the  point  where  she  wants  you  to  stay  there  or  she  wants  you  to  leave.  

What  is  your  goal  with  the  opener?  I  thought  about  this  a  lot  because  I  used  to  go  
into  conversations  and  I  would  try  to  be  really  cool  or  I  try  to  be  laid  back  or  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
maybe  I  try  to  be  over  the  top.  After  a  ton  and  ton  and  a  lot  of  approaches,  I  
realize  that  the  best  approaches  had  three  things  in  common.  Whenever  I  went  in  
with  this  mindset,  even  if  it  was  subconscious,  it  worked  out  for  me.    

What  is  your  goal  with  the  opener?  It  is,  one,  to  capture  her  attention.  Two,  to  
arouse  her  emotion.  Three,  to  create  intrigue  and  or  a  hook.  Let's  go  back  over  
those.  Capture  her  attention,  arouse  her  emotion  and  intrigue  her.  Were  going  to  
be  going  into  those  in  a  lot  more  depth  and  with  a  lot  more  examples.  

Let's  talk  at  a  high  level  about  what  capturing  her  attention  means.  You're  at  a  
bar.  She's  walking.  She's  there,  maybe  she's  walking  down  the  streets  and  you  see  
her.  Maybe  you're  at  a  coffee  shop  and  she's  reading  her  book  or  whatever.  You  
got  to  capture  her  attention.  She  must  focus  on  you  instead  of  everything  else  
around  her.  That  is  critical.  If  you're  in  a  bar,  she's  got  to  be  able  to  hear  you.    

That's  really  important.  Your  body  when  you  approach  her,  it  should  be  imposing  
but  not  invasive  so  she  should  feel  your  presence  but  not  be  creeped  out  by  it.  
Now,  if  you've  been  following  along  with  the  whole  Say  Hello  course  then  you  
know  that  we  talked  about  this  in  the  previous  episode  which  is  all  about  how  to  
have  great  nonverbals  when  you  approach  a  woman.  

Again,  you  want  to  get  her  focused  on  you.  That  means  that  you  have  to  be  okay  
in  the  spotlight  and  even  want  it.  When  you  see  a  group  of  girls  who  you  want  to  
approach,  you  have  to  be  okay  with  them  putting  all  of  their  attention  on  you.  If  
you  can't  get  that,  if  you  don't  want  that,  then  you're  going  to  lose  out  on  the  
opportunity  to  really  captivate  them.    

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
This  is  where  the  power  of  presence  comes  in.  All  of  those  things  we  worked  on  in  
the  last  week,  the  vibe,  the  tonality,  the  nonverbals,  the  way  you  make  eye  
contact,  your  presence  is  going  to  have  just  as  much  of  an  impact  on  her  as  the  
works  you  say.  We  demonstrated  a  little  bit  of  that  in  some  video  last  week.  If  
that  didn't  click  for  you  then  I  want  you  to  go  back  and  I  want  you  to  watch  it  
again.  If  you're  really  having  a  hard  time  with  it  then  come  in,  get  some  coaching  
with  us.    

The  point  is,  your  presence  captures  her  attention  as  much  as  anything  else.  The  
biggest  mistake  that  I  see  that  guys  make  and  we  see  this  weekend  after  weekend  
with  our  coaching  programs  is  guys  who  are  too  timid  to  get  a  girl's  attention.  
They  stand  too  far  back.  Their  voice  is  too  low.  They're  just  afraid  of  her  looking  at  
him  like  being  hit  with  a  spotlight  of  her  eyes.  Admittedly,  it  can  be  a  sort  of  scary  
thing  if  you  haven't  done  it  before  but  it's  definitely  something  that  you  have  to  
be  comfortable  with  if  you're  going  to  approach  girls.  You  have  to  get  their  
attention.    

The  reversal  of  the  mistake  is  that  we  do  see  some  guys  who  just  push  their  way  
in.  They  get  way  too  close  way  too  soon.  This  is  specially  the  case  for  a  lot  of  guys  
who  we  see  who  read  a  lot  of  pick  up  literature.  They  just  feel  like  they  can  get  
really  close  really  soon.  We  want  you  to  be  confident.  We  want  you  to  be  
asserted  but  we  do  not  want  you  to  be  overwhelming.  Again,  this  is  a  nuance  
thing.  You  can  feel  if  you're  being  overwhelming  because  she  starts  to  back  up.  
You  can  feel  if  you're  not  being  close  enough  because  she  is  straining  to  hear  
what  you  have  to  say  and  she  just  doesn't  really  want  to  talk  to  you.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
This  is  a  self  check.  It's  very  easy  to  perform.  If  she  seems  semi  engaged,  as  in  
she's  not  backing  away  from  you  and  like,  "Oh  my  God,  who  is  this  guy  all  over  
me?"  If  she  seems  like  she's  actually  talking  to  you  and  she's  not  struggling  to  
hear  what  you're  saying,  you've  got  her  attention  or  you've  got  the  group's  
attention.  That's  great.    

Next  thing  you  got  to  do  is  to  arouse  the  emotion  of  the  girl  or  the  group.  You  
have  to  make  her  feel  something  in  your  presence.  It  could  be  anything.  It  could  
be  humor.  It  could  be  suspense.  It  could  be  drama.  The  bombing  openers  can  
even  get  her  to  feel  disgust.  But  whatever  it  is,  it  must  rise  above  her  current  
experience.  You  can  make  this  possible  with  your  words  or  with  your  presence.    

If  you've  ever  watched  Nick  approach  a  girl,  sometimes  you'll  see  that  he's  just  so  
sexual  with  his  presence  that  he  can  arouse  her  emotions  just  with  his  presence  
and  his  eye  contact  alone.  I'm  going  to  be  giving  you  a  whole  lot  of  stuff  about  
how  to  do  this  with  your  words.  We're  not  going  to  worry  about  your  presence  
just  yet.  As  long  as  you're  not  screwing  your  presence  up,  you're  fine.  

What  is  the  big  mistake  that  we  see  guys  make?  It's  guys  who  are  unemotional  
themselves,  who  are  boring  or  who  are  too  nice.  You  know  what  I  mean,  just  this  
past  weekend,  as  I  sit  down  to  record  this,  we  were  out  at  a  boot  camp  at  a  bar  
here  in  the  East  Village  in  New  York,  I  saw  this  guy  walk  up  to  some  girls,  standard  
conversation.  "Hey,  guys.  How's  your  night  going?"  "Good."  "What  brings  
everybody  out  tonight?"  "Oh,  not  much."  "What  are  you  celebrating?"  There's  no  
emotion  in  that  conversation.  Nothing.  He's  just  asking  questions  and  he's  not  
even  feeling  emotion  himself.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
I  mean,  you  could  go  up  and  conceivably  do  something  like  that  if  you  were  
somewhat  emotional  by  the  way,  "Guys,  what's  up?  How's  your  night  going?"  If  
they're  feeling  a  good  vibe  too  then  it's  really  easy  to  walk  in  with  it.  "Oh,  good.  
Good,  good."  "How's  your  night  going?  What's  up?  What  brings  everybody  out?  
What  are  you  celebrating?"  There's  a  little  bit  of  emotion.  That's  a  really  easy  
opener  to  use.  We're  going  to  be  getting  a  lot  better  stuff  than  that.  But  the  point  
is  that  when  I  watched  this  guy  do  it,  and  I've  seen  clients  do  this  too.  They  
struggle  with  a  simple  line  like  that  because  there's  no  emotion  in  the  way  that  
they're  communicating.  

You've  got  to  arouse  her  emotion  and  make  her  feel  something  in  your  presence  
that  makes  her  feel  good  or  bad  or  whatever.  It  just  can't  be  boring.  It's  got  to  
something  that  makes  her  feel.  That's  going  to  cause  the  engagement.  That's  
going  to  be  the  thing  that  makes  her  stick  to  you  is  when  you  create  emotion.  
Now,  here's  the  reversal  to  that.  I'll  make  this  point  again  a  little  bit  later,  the  
more  that  you  arouse  in  her,  the  faster  that  you've  got  to  be  with  your  tongue,  
with  your  wit,  on  your  feet.  

We've  talked  about  the  bombing  openers  extensively.  We're  going  to  talk  about  
about  them  again.  bombing  openers  arouse  suspense  and  almost  disgust  and  you  
can  reverse  them  but  you  can't  reverse  them  if  you're  slow  witted.  You've  got  to  
be  quick.  The  faster  that  you  arouse  her  emotion,  the  quicker  you've  got  to  be.  
That's  we'd  like  them  because  they  get  you  thinking  quickly.  If  you  want  to  start  
off  a  little  slower,  we're  going  to  give  you  some  things  that  are  going  to  ease  you  
right  into  it.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
Part  three.  You've  got  her  attention.  You've  started  to  stir  some  emotion  up.  Now,  
you've  got  to  create  some  intrigue.  Intrigue  is  a  cool  stuff.  You've  got  to  make  her  
want  to  know,  "Who  is  this  guy?  Why  should  I  continue  to  keep  talking  to  him?"  
By  this  point,  the  interaction  should  be  leveling  out.  Maybe  not  50/50  but  maybe  
at  least  60/40  where  you're  putting  in  60%  of  the  effort.  She's  putting  in  40%  of  
the  effort.  Now,  you  can  do  this  with  humor,  you  can  do  this  with  presence.  You  
can  do  this  with  conversational  baits.  I'm  going  to  give  you  a  whole  bunch  of  stuff  
in  a  little  bit  about  creating  intrigue.  

But  the  key  point  about  intrigue  is  the  conversation  is  beginning  to  transition  
from  stuff  in  the  world  to  you  and  her.  That's  the  key  thing.  She's  starting  to  say,  
"Who  is  this  guy?"  Not  what  what  are  we  talking  about  but  who  is  this  guy  who  I  
am  talking  to.  You're  trying  to  get  her  to  open  up  and  share  who  is  this  girl.  The  
biggest  mistake  that  we  see  guys  make  in  this  little  area  is  that  guys  who  never  
talk  about  themselves.  Guy  who  just  ...  they  keep  asking  question  after  question  
after  question,  they  never  talk  about  themselves.  The  reversal  of  that  is  there  are  
guys  who  talk  too  much.  I  know,  I  certainly  used  to  be  one  of  those.  In  my  off  
moments,  I  still  am.  You've  got  to  be  able  to  pause  and  allow  her  to  give  you  
space.    

We're  going  to  be  talking  about  a  whole  lot  of  techniques  but  let's  just  put  it  all  
together  and  recap  those  again.  A,  sense  her  attention,  emotion,  intrigue.  Those  
are  the  three  critical  parts  of  your  opener.  It  can  actually  happen  before  you  even  
open  your  mouth.  You  can  be  standing  next  to  a  girl  at  a  bar  or  maybe  get  some  
eye  contact  from  her  from  across  the  room,  just  kind  of  like  do  a  nonverbal  
opener,  get  her  engaged  with  you  and  all  that.    

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
Or  this  can  be  the  sort  of  thing  that's  a  slow  burning  fuse.  It  can  take  three  
minutes,  five  minutes,  10  minutes.  It  can  even  take  two  interactions.  You  might  
open  her  up,    and  we're  going  to  talk  about  this  in  a  little  bit,  you  can  even  open  
her  up  and  then  leave  and  then  come  back  again.  It  really  depends  on  where  
you're  talking  to  women  and  the  particular  women  you're  talking  to.  This  all  
comes  from  some  practice  and  from  some  awareness.  Right  now,  to  talk  a  little  
bit  more  about  what  attention  is  in  depth.  

You're  ready  to  start  getting  her  attention?  All  right.  What  we're  going  to  do  is  
we're  going  to  start  and  we're  going  through  a  whole  bunch  of  openers,  style  by  
style.  I  don't  know  how  many  are  in  here  but  there's  a  lot.  We're  going  to  start  
with  the  bombing  opener.  You've  heard  me  talk  about  the  bombing  opener  
before.  Most  likely,  this  is  something  that  ...  straight  up,  my  girlfriend,  she's  not  a  
huge  fan.  She  thinks  it's  a  little  disrespectful.  You  wouldn't  use  this  at  a  high  class  
charity  function  but  it  works  great  at  bars  especially  if  you're  having  social  anxiety  
because  what  it  does  is  it  gets  you  right  in  the  groove.  It's  like  jumping  into  really  
cold  water.  

In  fact,  the  effect  is  kind  of  like  if  you've  ever  stood  on  a  diving  board  that  was  like  
kind  of  high  off  the  pool.  You're  scared  and  you're  looking  over  the  edge  or  maybe  
you've  done  cliff  diving.  You're  over  the  edge,  you're  like,  "Oh  man,  I  don't  know  
about  that."  Then  you're  friends  are  like,  "Come  on,  come  on,  come  on.  Just  do  it,  
do  it,  do  it."  You're  like,  "All  right.  All  right.  All  right."  You  run,  take  a  leap,  dive  in.  
It's  amazing.  It's  so  exhilarating."  You're  like,  "Oh,  that's  so  much  fun.  I  want  to  do  
it  again."  That's  what  is  the  experience  of  bombing  openers  especially  if  you're  
out  drinking  with  buddies.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
This  is  something  that,  like  I  said,  if  you're  going  to  arouse  a  lot  of  emotion  that  
the  bombing  opener  is  going  to  do,  you  got  to  be  quick.  Just  like  jumping  off  of  a  
high  diving  board,  you  might  belly  flop  the  first  time.  You  might  hurt  a  little  bit  but  
the  next  time  you  do  it  and  the  time  after  that,  you're  going  to  start  to  get  a  lot  
smoother  and  figure  out  how  to  do  it  and  we  won't  continue  metaphor  any  
further  from  there  but  I  think  you  get  the  picture.  

Let's  get  into  some  bombing  openers.  The  nonverbal  bombing  openers.  These  are  
great  for  guys  who  have  difficulty  touching  girls.  There  are  those  guys.  They  are  
afraid  to  breach  that  touch  barrier.  The  first  one,  you're  out  at  the  bar  then  you  
just  jump  into  a  girl's  lap,  not  literally  jump.  You  go  over  and  you  walk  up,  you  
kind  of  make  eye  contact  with  her  and  you  just  sit  on  her  lap.  She's  like,  "What  are  
you  doing?"  You're  like,  "I  just  came  to  say  hello.  You  look  very  friendly  and  I  
wanted  a  hug."  

 You  just  give  her  a  little  hug  and  unless  is  just  so  closed  off,  she  is  usually  going  to  
laugh  and  respond  to  that.  We  used  that  one  with  great  effect  with  guys  who  
have  a  hard  time  opening  girls,  especially  touching  girls.  That  one's  great.  You  can,  
if  you're  on  a  dance  floor,  which  again  if  you  have  some  social  anxiety,  maybe  
you're  not  on  the  dance  floor  but  if  you  are,  you  can  actually  look  at  a  girl  and  just  
walk  over  and  pick  her  up  if  you're  a  strong  guy.  That's  another  nonverbal  
bombing  opener.  

Some  verbal  ones  are,  you've  heard  me  say  this  one  before,  you  walk  up  to  some  
girls  and  you  say,  "Hey,  guys.  My  girlfriend  is  out  of  town  this  evening.  I've  never  
done  this  before  but  you're  both  really  attractive  so  I'm  wondering  if  you  could  be  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
down  for  a  threesome."  Again,  chances  are  you've  heard  me  suggest  that  one  
before.  This  one  can  actually  be  great.  We've  just  had  a  client  do  it  this  past  
weekend.  It's  funny  because  he  said  it  to  this  two  girls,  right,  as  their  friend  was  
walking  over.  Their  friend  came  over  right  as  he  had  finished  delivering  his  
opener.  She  starts  talking  to  her  friends  and  her  friends  looked  up.  They  looked  
back  at  my  client  and  they're  like,  "What  did  you  say?"  He  repeated  it.  

At  this  point,  the  third  friend  who'd  joined.  She's  feeling  a  little  frisky.  She's  like,  
"Well,  what  about  foursomes?  You  didn't  know  I  was  part  of  the  group,  did  you?"  
At  this  point,  he  starts  stumbling  over  his  words  and  he  kind  of  lost  it.  He  wasn't  
quick  enough.  But  sure  enough,  he  came  back  to  me  and  said,  "Oh  dude,  that  was  
so  much  fun.  That  was  awesome.  I  want  to  do  it  again."  It's  just  like  that  cliff  
diving  experience  of  being  really  afraid  the  first  time  and  then  like  wanting  to  get  
it  right  the  second  time.  Lot  of  fun.  I  highly  suggest  you  do  that  one.  

Another  one  that  Nick  likes  to  use  is  he'll  walk  up  to  a  group  of  girls  and  be  like,  
"Hey  guys,  listen,  I  need  to  ask  you  all  something.  It's  kind  of  important.  Does  size  
really  matter  because  I  have,  I  mean,  my  friend  has  this  really  small  penis?  I,  I  
mean,  my  friend,"  you're  going  to  see  what  he's  doing.  He's  basically  talking  a  
little  bit.  He's  talking  about  his  friend  even  though  he's  really  talking  about  
himself.  He'll  usually  wrap  this  thing  and  say,  "I,  I  mean,  my  friend  is  really  afraid  
of  what  a  woman  would  say  if  she  saw  it.  Does  size  matter?"  Usually,  the  girls  are  
laughing  by  this  point.  It's  great.  Those  are  some  bombing  openers.    

What  I  will  say  is  this,  if  you  go  out  and  use  them  on  your  own,  so  much  in  the  
way  of  props  to  you  because  it  is,  it's  like  jumping  off  a  very  high  cliff  into  some  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
cold,  cold  water.  It's  going  to  feel  the  risk  and  it's  going  to  shock  you  to  life  and  it's  
going  to  make  you  really  think  quick.  But  when  you  do  it,  you're  going  to  want  to  
do  it  again  and  again.  There's  so  much  fun.  If  you  haven't  done  one  of  those  
already,  I  highly  encourage  you  go  to  a  bar  and  have  some  fun  with  that,  that's  
the  bombing  opener.  

The  next  type  of  opening  line  that  you  can  use  to  get  her  attention  and  this  is  
probably  90%  of  how  I  get  girls'  attention  is  just  spontaneous  situational  
comments.  This  is  where  you're  in  a  room,  where  you're  in  a  bar,  where  you're  
hanging  out  with  friends  and  this  something  situational  comes  up  and  you  make  a  
comment  on  it.  It  really  requires  you  have  an  external  focus  and  you  not  be  in  
your  head,  which  you  be  looking  for  things  to  comment  people  on.  Two  of  the  big  
ones  are  clothing  and  drinks  or  food.  If  they're  eating  something  or  they're  
drinking  something,  or  they're  wearing  something  in  particular,  you  can  make  a  
comment  on  it.    

A  little  later  in  this  lesson,  we're  going  to  talk  about  making  things  easy  for  
yourself  with  these  spontaneous  situational  openers  but  for  now,  I  just  want  you  
to  get  the  sense  of  if  a  girl  is  wearing  ...  here's  an  example  that  just  came  up  from  
this  weekend.  A  girl  was  wearing  flip  flops  and  it's  the  first  warm  weekend  of  the  
year.  As  I  looked  down,  I'm  like,  "Damn,  you're  wearing  flip  flops,  that's  amazing."  
That  is  a  very  easy  situational  spontaneous  opener.  Another  one  is  I  was  standing  
next  to  a  girl  at  the  bar,  she  was  drinking  something  called,  Franbois,  which  is  sort  
of  a  raspberry  liquor.  I  was  like,  "Oh  sweet,  you're  drinking  Franbois,  I  didn't  even  
know  they  had  that  here."  We  started  talking  about  that.  Those  are  some  very  
easy  ones.    

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
Another  way  that  you  can  approach  situational  spontaneous  openers,  this  is  
something  that  requires  a  little  bit  of  practice,  it's  something  that  I've  really  
trained  myself  on,  is  the  art  of  looking  for  absurd  interpretations  of  an  
environment.  For  example,  one  time,  I  was  at  a  bar  called  Pianos.  There's  a  big  
line  towards  the  bathroom.  There's  a  fire  extinguisher  right  there.  I  walked  up  to  
the  girls  and  I  said,  "Hey,  guys.  Is  this  the  line  for  the  fire  extinguisher?"  They  saw  
the  fire  extinguisher  is  right  behind  them  and  they  laugh  and  we  started  joking  
and  we  went  from  there.  

Another  good  one,  there's  a  bar  here  called  Spitzers  that  we  like  to  go  to.  The  
bathroom  is  down  the  stairs.  I  saw  some  girls  who  were  standing  right  at  the  top  
of  the  stairs.  As  I  walked  up,  I  looked  at  them  and  looked  to  them,  looked  up  to  
them,  looked  down,  looked  up  at  them,  at  this  point,  they're  kind  of  like,  what  is  
this  guy  looking  at.  I  walked  up  to  them  and  I  said,  "You  two  are  the  zipper  
checkers,  right?  That's  why  you're  standing  here."  They  just  laughed.  They  just  
really  laughed.  I  was  like,  "You  see  anything  good?  Anybody  not  quite  doing  it  
right?  Anything  dangling  out,  God  forbid?"  They're  laughing  a  little  bit  more.  
That's  how  the  conversation  started.  

A  third  thing  that's  sort  of  spontaneous  in  situations  is  you  can  ask  for  advice.  If  
you're  at  a  bar  where  there's  a  lot  of  micro  brews  and  it's  not  just  Bud  and  Bud  
Light  and  a  girl  is  drinking  something,  you  can  say,  "What  are  you  drinking?  I  can't  
make  heads  or  tails  at  this  menu."  She  starts  telling  you  and  you  say,  "You're  a  
brown  ale  sort  of  girl.  Cool.  I  love  brown  ale,  New  Castle,  actually  is  my  favorite.  
You  think  this  one  is  good?"  She'll  say  yes,  no.  "All  right.  I'm  trusting  you.  I'm  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
going  to  trust  you  but  if  it's  not  good,  I  don't  know,  I  might  have  to  splash  it  on  
you  or  something,  you  can  drink  it."  

You  could  tease  her  a  little  bit.  Or,  "If  it's  not  good,  I'm  coming  after  you.  I  know  
where  you're  standing."  Again,  little  teases  make  it  really  easy.  You  could  do  the  
exact  same  thing  if  you're  standing  in  line  for  a  sandwich  or  for  coffee,  even  at  
Starbucks,  you  could  use  this.  I've  done  this  before  where  I've  walked  up  and  I've  
said,  "This  menu  is  ridiculous.  I  just  wanted  some  coffee."  But  you  know  what,  
honestly,  girls  usually  get  the  craziest  stuff  like  double  chi,  extra  mocha  latiatto,  
"What  kind  of  drink  is  you're  favorite?  What  do  you  like  to  get?"  In  this  case,  the  
girl  is  like,  "Actually,  I  just  like  dark  coffee  myself."  I  was  like,  "Okay,  that's  
amazing.  Never  meet  girls  who  just  like  dark  coffee.  What's  your  name?"  

You  can  see  how  just  asking  for  advice  on  something;  you  could  it  on  a  sandwich  
shop.  You  could  do  it  on  a  Chipotle.  I  hope  you  don't  do  it  at  a  Chipotle.  I  hope  
you've  been  to  Chipotle  and  you  don't  need  advice  there.  Anywhere  though  that  
you  can  ask  for  advice,  you  can  come  up  with  something  like  that.  Those  are  
spontaneous  situational  openers.  I'm  going  to  give  you  a  little  bit  more  advice  
later  on  that's  just  not  specific  to  these  types  of  conversation  starters  but  is  more  
broad  based.  How  to  make  things  easy  for  yourself  and  how  to  look  for  situational  
spontaneous  things  to  open  with.    

We'll  get  back  to  that  in  a  little  bit.  For  now,  let's  move  on  to  the  next  one.  The  
next  type  of  situational  opener  that  we're  going  to  talk  about  is  what  I  call  
playfully  pacing  their  reality.  It's  a  little  easier  demonstrated  than  it  is  explained  
but  I'll  give  you  the  high  level  explanation.  Basically,  she's  sitting  there  and  she's  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
got  something  going  on  in  her  conscious  or  maybe  even  her  subconscious.  You  
walk  up  and  you  call  it  out  and  you're  able  to  pace  her  reality  and  say,  "This  is  
what  you're  experiencing  at  this  moment."  

Again,  if  I  just  gave  you  that  description  right  there,  I  wouldn't  expect  you'd  be  
able  to  go  out  and  do  it.  Here's  a  couple  of  examples.  First  one,  Nick  came  up  with  
this  on  our  coaching  programs.  It's  something  that  have  clients  use.  We'll  have  
them  approach  two  girls.  They'll  be  like,  "Hey  guys,  on  the  scale  of  1  to  10,  how  
serious  of  a  conversation  is  this  that  you're  having  right  now?"  The  girls  usually  
laugh.  Unless  it's  a  really  serious  conversation  or  unless  they  don't  like  the  
nonverbals  of  the  guy,  they'll  usually  say  something  like,  "Five  or  six,  I  don't  
know,"  or  like,  "Well,  it  depends  on  who's  asking."  That's  always  the  answer  that  
you  wanted,  it  depends  on  who's  asking.  

Then  you  can  follow  up  with  something  like,  "Because  I  know  that  when  I'm  out  
with  my  buddies  on  a  Friday  night,  we  hate  it  when  girls  come  and  bother  us.  
Usually  we're  talking  about  very  heavy  topics,  political  economy  and  the  currency  
crisis  and  war  in  the  Middle  East.  What  are  you  guys  talking  about?"  By  this  point,  
they're  laughing  and  they're  giggling  a  little  bit.  They  obviously  have  not  been  
talking  about,  probably  have  not  been  talking  about  the  war  in  the  Middle  East.  
They'll  open  up  and  they'll  start  sharing  with  you.  That's  how  you  use  that  opener.  

Moving  onto  the  next  one,  I  love  this  one,  I've  used  it  a  bunch  of  times.  If  you  
make  eye  contact  with  a  girl  in  a  bar,  it's  very  easy,  especially  if  you  made  eye  
contact  with  her  a  couple  of  times.  Just  walk  up,  you  say,  "I  couldn't  let  you  sit  
here  all  night  without  getting  a  chance  to  get  to  know  me."  Notice  that  I  said,  I  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
couldn't  ...  I  did  not  say,  "I  couldn't  sit  here  all  night  without  getting  a  chance  to  
get  to  know  you."  That's  like  the  obvious  thing  you're  saying.  You  want  to  say,  "I  
couldn't  sit  here  all  night  without  giving  you  a  chance  to  get  to  know  me."  

That's  what  flips  around  us,  it  makes  it  kind  of  flirting.  She's  like,  "Really?"  She'll  
probably  pause,  she'll  laugh,  whatever  and  be  like,  "Oh,  really?"  "Yeah,  I  mean,  I  
got  to  be  honest  with  you.  You're  not  too  bad  yourself.  I'm  kind  of  curious  to  get  
to  know  you."  This  is  where  you  can  have  sort  of  flirty  vibe.  She's  going  to  to  be  be  
like,  "Really?"  Be  like,  "Yeah,  my  name  is  Christian.  What's  your  name?"  Just  jump  
into  it  like  that.  

Another  one  that  I  love,  it  really  similar  to  this  one.  It's  a  little  bit  easier  because  
it's  got  sort  of  a  punch  line  in  it.  I  think  I've  heard  it  from  a  guy  named  Glenn  
who's  a  coach  here  in  New  York.  You  can  use  it  down  the  street.  You  can  use  it  at  
a  coffee  shop.  You  can  use  it  at  the  bar.  It  does  work  great.  You  look  at  her  and  
you  say,  this  is  assuming  she's  giving  you  some  eye  contact,  you  say,  "If  you're  
going  to  give  someone  that  look,  you  should  really  come  up  and  say  hello  to  
them."  Usually  they  go,  "What  look?"  You  say,  "What  look?  The  look  of  a  kid,  the  
fat  kid  looking  in  an  ice  cream  cone."  That  always  gives  them  a  crack  up.  "What  
look?"  "Like  a  fat  kid  looking  at  an  ice  cream  cone."  That's  the  delivery.  

You  want  to  kind  of  act  surprised  as  if  you  don't  know  or  you  can't  believe  that  
she  doesn't  know  what  look  she's  been  giving.    "What  look?  The  look  of  a  kid,  the  
fat  kid  looking  in  an  ice  cream  cone."  Again,  step  back  like  surprised.  Kind  of  come  
back  in,  that's  how  you  want  to  go  over  that  one.    

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
Fourth,  playful  pacing  of  reality.  This  came  from  a  real  life  example.  I  was  out  with  
my  buddy  Rob  Judge  who's  very  you  might  say  assertive  about  approaching  
people.  I  was  kind  of  off  my  game.  He  went  and  he  started  talking  to  these  two  
girls.  They're  really  hot.  They'd  obviously  been  hit  on  all  night.  He  starts  talking  to  
this  one  girl.  I'm  supposed  to  wing  for  him.  I  sit  down  and  she  ...  I  can  just  see  
she's  with  another  group  of  guys.  I  just  started  reading  the  thoughts  going  
through  her  head.  I'm  not  like  some  sort  of  mentalist  but  it  was  pretty  easy.  I  said,  
"Hey,  wow,  you're  watching  my  friend  hit  on  you're  friend  right  now  and  you're  
just  thinking  to  yourself,  'Jeez,  another  group  of  guys  coming  to  hit  on  us.  What  
are  we  going  to  do  about  this?"    

"You  try  to  make  eye  contact  with  your  friend  because  you're  trying  to  figure  out  
like  do  we  like  these  guys  or  don't  we?'  Oh,  you  just  made  eye  contact  with  me.  
You're  actually  kind  of  thinking  now  like,  'These  guys  are  kind  of  funny.  My  friend  
seems  to  be  getting  along  with  his  friend  and  this  guy."  In  fact,  at  this  point  she's  
looking  at  me.  I'm  like,  "In  fact  you're  thinking,  'Oh,  he's  kind  of  sexy.    

You  were  thinking  about  kicking  your  friend  your  friend  just  then  but  now  you're  
not  going  to  because  you  actually  are  enjoying  this  conversation.  I'm  just  saying  
what's  going  through  your  head  and  as  I'm  saying  this,  she  starts  to  laugh  more  
and  more.  She  starts  to  open  up  a  little  bit.  She's  like,  "All  right.  You  got  me.  You  
got  me.  What's  your  name?"  She  actually  opened  me  up  at  that  point.  

That  is  an  example  of  playfully  pacing  her  reality.  Just  getting  right  in  her  head  
and  explaining  exactly  what's  going  on  with  her.  It's  really  fun.  It's  really  easy.  Go  
ahead  and  use  that  one  whenever  you  want,  especially  if  you  are  winging  for  a  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
buddy  and  some  girl  is  looking  at  you.  Again,  all  that  stuff  can  work  great.  Go  out,  
use  one  of  those.  They're  really  fun.  The  fat  kid  with  the  ice  cream  cone  was  a  
great  one.  The  scale  of  1  to  10  is  a  good  one.  It's  great  stuff  in  there.  Have  fun  
with  it.    

The  next  type  of  opener  is  what  I  call  assume  rapport  which  is  where  you're  
joining  their  conversation.  This  one  is  pretty  easy.  You  just  have  to  feel  
comfortable  doing  it.  Whenever  you  feel  like  you're  close  to  somebody,  when  you  
have  some  proximity  and  you  can  overhear  what  they're  talking  about,  it's  
actually  really  easy  to  jump  in.  It  actually  shows  a  lot  of  situational  awareness.  It  
shows  confidence  with  strangers.    

Basically,  you  want  to  act  as  if  you  already  knew  them.  You  usually  want  to  buffer  
this  with  a  statement  like,  "I  couldn't  help  but  overhear."  If  you  just  jump  in,  it's  
going  to  be  a  little  bit  rude.  You  can  usually  buffer  with  something  like,  "I  couldn't  
help  but  overhear."  Then  you  going  to  deliver  it.  

Now,  this  rest  on  a  couple  of  techniques  that  are  very  easily  mastered.  One  of  
them  is  yes  and,  this  is  an  old  improv  technique.  It's  such  a  fundamental  part  of  
how  I  interact  with  people.  It's  basically  agreeing  with  somebody  and  then  adding  
to  your  agreement.  "Yes,  and,"  blah,  blah,  blah,  blah,  blah.  Let's  say  they're  talking  
about  a  movie.  When  they're  talking  about  a  scene  in  a  movie  that  they  really  like.  
You  could  say  something  like,  "I  couldn't  help  but  overhear,  I  love  that  scene.  It  
was  amazing.  Do  you  remember  when,  blah,  blah,  blah,  blah  happened?"  
Basically,  I've  agreed  with  them.  I  said,  "I  love  that  scene.  It's  amazing."  That's  my  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
yes,  and  "Do  you  remember  when,  blah,  blah,  blah,  blah  happened?"  That's  my  
and.  

You  can  also  do  a  yes  but.  You  could  say,  "Sorry,  I  couldn't  help  but  overhear.  I  like  
that  scene  but  I  got  to  be  honest  with  you,  I  thought  that  so  and  so's  
interpretation  of  that  character  was  a  little  bit  cardboardy.  You  didn't  think  so?"  
You've  seen  the  agreement  like,  "Yes,  I  hear  what  you're  saying  but  I  have  to  take  
a  contrary  opinion."  That's  a  really  easy  way  if  you  hear  somebody  talking  about  a  
movie  or  something  that  you've  got  exposure  to  and  you're  familiar  with.    

Another  one  that's  really  easy  is  or  there's  always.  This  is  basically  where  people  
are  talking  about  choice  A  and  choice  B.  You're  inserting  choice  C.  Let's  say  that  
they're  talking  about,  it's  late  at  night,  you're  at  the  bar  and  they're  talking  about  
where  they  want  to  get  late  night  food.  This  is  actually  great  time  to  talk  to  girls  
and  take  them  to  another  bar.  You  could  say  something  like,  let's  say  they're  
talking  about  pizza  or  tacos,  you  could  say,  "Well,  sorry,  I  couldn't  help  but  
overhear.  I'm  actually  a  little  hungry  myself.  I  was  thinking  about  this,  of  course,  
there's  pizza,  there's  tacos,  or  there's  always  crepes.  Have  you  guys  ever  had  a  
late  night  crepes  around  here?"  Very  easy  way  to  start  a  conversation.    

You  could  even  go  absurd  with  it.  You  could  say,  "I  hear  you  talking  about  pizza  
and  tacos  and  that's  all  good  but  I  got  to  be  honest,  you  guys  are  both,"  in  this  
point,  I'm  looking  them  up  and  down,  let  me  give  you  my  eye  contact,  I'll  be  like,  
"Pizza  and  tacos  are  pretty  good  but  I  got  to  be  honest,  you  guys  are  both  like  
pretty  well  dressed  right  now.  I  mean,  we  could  just  go  to  Per  Se,  I  heard  that  they  
got  a  really  great  late  night  menu."  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
If  you're  not  a  New  Yorker,  Per  Se  is  like  one  of  the  most  expensive  5-­‐star  
restaurants  in  town.  Mostly,  New  Yorkers  are  going  to  get  that  joke.  They're  going  
to  be  like,  "Ha  ha,  Per  Se."  Be  like,  "No,  seriously.  Let's  get  in  a  cab.  Let's  go  out  
there.  Let's  make  some  food.  It  will  be  amazing."  That's  the  or  there  is  always.  

Here's  a  few  examples  of  this  is  from  my  own  life.  I've  just  given  you  some  sort  of  
generic  examples  but  these  are  three  of  that  specifically  came  up  when  I  was  out  
at  various  times.  One  point,  I  was  standing  next  to  these  two  girls.  I  heard  them  
talking  about,  "I  don't  know  if  we  really  want  to  go  out  hard  tonight  or  if  we  just  
want  to  go  out."    

I  just  joined  the  conversation.  I  was  like,  "Yeah,  I  mean,  what  exactly  is  going  out?  
I  mean,  there's  going  out  and  there's  going  out  out.  Going  out  hard.  What  is  going  
out  out?"  This  is  a  really  easy  way  to  start  a  conversation  as  they  were  talking  
about  going  out.    

Again,  I'm  just  listening  to  what  they're  saying.  I'm  asking  them  to  define  
something  they're  speaking  of.  "We  could  go  out  or  we  could  go  out  out."  Here  
again,  I'm  joining,  "I've  had  this  conversation  with  my  friends  before,  what  exactly  
is  going  out  out?"  That's  how  you  deliver  that.  Another  one  is  I  was  standing  
nearby  a  table  and  I  heard  some  people  talking  about  Braveheart  and  I  just  
interjected  and  I  said,  "Sorry,  I  couldn't  help  but  notice,  were  you  guys  just  talking  
about  Braveheart?"  They're  like,  "Yeah."  I  was  like,  "Freedom."  They  all  started  
laughing.  This  is  it.    

A  bar,  everybody  is  already  in  a  really  good  mood  and  they're  having  fun.  Join  the  
conversation  and  start  talking  about  Braveheart.  Then  I  think  I  added  something  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
like,  "Mel  Gibson,  such  a  hottie  in  that  movie."  It's  a  bunch  girls.  They're  like,  "I  
know.  I  know.  I  know."  We  just  started  talking.  From  there,  I  think  I  asked  them,  
I'm  like,  "Do  you  guys  like  men  in  kilts?"  Again,  easy  conversation.  Just  pick  right  
up  on  it  and  join  right  in.  If  people  are  talking  about  a  movie,  it's  always  easy  to  
join  it.    

Third  time  this  has  happened  in  my  life,  I  was  walking  down  the  street,  there  were  
two  girls  who  are  very  close  to  me.  I  think  they  were  like  a  little  bit  in  front  of  me.  
Both  were  really  attractive.  I  heard  one  of  them  saying,  "I'm  so  disappointed  
because  I  attended  her  birthday  party  and  she  definitely  did  not  come  to  mine.  
Her  presence  was  notable."  I'm  thinking  to  myself,  "That's  so  retarded  but  I'm  
going  to  join  the  conversation  anyway."    

I  like  kind  of  walked  up  next  to  them  I  look  at  her  and  I'm  like,  "Don't  you  hate  
that?  When  you  put  an  effort  to  be  friends  with  somebody  and  just  don't  
reciprocate.  There  were  two  people  who  I  thought  were  pretty  cool  and  I  went  to  
their  birthday  parties  and  they  didn't  come  to  mine.  I'm  like  off  the  list,  never  
again."  

The  girl  is  like,  "Yeah,  absolutely.  Never."  We  started  talking  about  that.  At  that  
point,  I'm  like,  "When  is  your  birthday?"  She's  like,  "It's  in  July."  I'm  like,  "Oh,  
summer  baby.  I'm  an  August.  You  know  what  it  is  not  to  bring  cupcakes  in  the  
school."  Whenever  I  talk  to  somebody,  this  is  complete  nonsense,  by  the  way,  but  
whenever  I  talk  to  somebody  about  their  birthday,  if  they  were  summer  baby  and  
I  talk  about  how  they  didn't  get  to  bring  cupcakes  into  school  and  if  they  were  not  
a  summer  baby,  if  they  were  like  born  during  the  school  months,  I'm  like,  "Oh,  so  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
you  got  to  bring  cupcakes  into  school.  Wasn't  it  great  when  everybody  celebrates  
your  birthday?"  

It's  an  easy  one.  That's  assuming  rapport.  Join  their  conversation.  I've  just  given  
you  a  ton  of  examples.  You  should  easily  be  able  to  find  somebody  who's  talking  
about  a  movie  and  join  a  conversation  about  that.  At  the  very  least,  just  go  out  
and  maybe  use  some  yes  ands,  throw  in  some  other  stuff.  You're  going  to  find  
those  open  really  easily.    

Here's  another  assuming  rapport  conversation  starter,  kind  of  along  those  lines  
but  I  like  to  call  it  catching  up.  This  catching  up  where  you're  essentially  starting  
conversation  with  some  girls  under  the  premise  that  you  know  them  already.  It  
slips  in  under  the  radar  because  it  seems  like  a  conversation  like  she'd  have  with  a  
friend.  It  does  require  some  nonverbal  interest.    

It  requires  good  physical  movement.  You've  definitely  come  correct  and  be  
confident  with  this  one,  with  your  body  language.  It  definitely  leaves  openings  for  
her  to  ask  a  few  questions.  We  can  paint  this  one  out  really  quickly.  I'm  just  going  
to  give  you  some  examples  here.  Basically,  what  it  is  is  you're  going  to  catch  her  
eye.  You're  going  to  walk  up.  "Oh,  there  you  are.  I  was  wondering  when  I  was  
going  to  see  you."  

She's  going  to  look  a  little  weird,  a  little  like  shocking.  "How's  your  night  going?"  
She's  just  going  to  ...  as  long  as  your  body  language  has  been  good,  she's  going  to  
respond  pretty  well  to  that.  "It's  going  great.  Wait,  do  I  know  you?"  "No,  but  you  
were  the  person  I've  been  looking  for  all  night."  She  can  laugh  at  that.  You  can  
respond  with  ...  what  are  some  other  things  I've  responded  with?    

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
You  can  say,  "Yeah,  don't  you  remember?  We  had  that  crazy  nigh  just  the  other  
week  down  in  Mexico.  You  were  there.  I  totally  remember  you."  She  could  laugh  
at  that.  This  is  where  your  absurdity  can  run  wild.  "Yeah,  we  met  on  that  cruise  
down  Bali  the  other  ...  it's  two  months  ago.  I  can't  believe  you  don't  remember  
this.  Yeah,  you  were  part  of  that  like  we  were  building  homes  for  Habitat  
Humanity  back  in  Wisconsin  two  years  ago.  You  don't  remember?"  

Again,  this  is  where  if  she  ask  do  I  know  you,  just  come  up  with  some  absurd  
answer.  Another  one,  if  you're  talking  with  a  group  of  girls,  "There  you  are.  I  was  
wondering  where  I  was  going  to  see  you.  Where  were  you  guys  before  this?  Just  
make  some  quick  eye  contact.  Find  the  one  who's  zeroing  on  you.  Lock  in  on  her.  
That  will  allow  her  to  sort  of  answer  you.  Let's  see,  if  it's  just  one  girl.  "There  you  
are.  I  was  wondering  when  I'd  see  you.  Who'd  you  come  here  with  tonight?"    

That  one  is  if  you  saw  a  friend  and  you're  wondering  who  they  came  here  with.  
That  one  can  be  really  fun.  Again,  it's  great  when  there's  high  energy,  when  
people  are  already  enjoying  themselves  and  people  are  a  little  bit  open.  You  see  
somebody  who  gives  you  a  little  bit  of  eye  contact.  It  can  be  a  lot  of  fun.  That's  
assume  rapport  and  sort  of  catching  up.  

This  next  opener  is  called  “hello  with  a  nickname.”  This  is  the  best  way  I  know  of  
to  start  a  conversation  with  a  really,  really  hot  girl.  Like  the  sort  of  girl  who  every  
other  guy  is  hitting  on.  She's  really  imposing.  This  is  the  best  way,  this  is  exactly  
how  I  start  a  conversation  with  a  girl  who  is  a  ...  she's  a  playboy.  I  can't  say  too  
much  about  her.  If  I  said  the  specific  award  that  she'd  won,  she's  very  easily  
Googleable.  But  this  is  exactly  how  I  started  a  conversation  with  a  playboy  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
something  or  other,  in  the  lobby  of  the  Standard  Hotel  on  Sunset  Avenue.  It's  
very,  very  easy.  Basically,  you're  just  walking  up  and  you're  giving  her  a  nickname  
the  moment  you  walk  up.  It  introduces  a  flirty  vibe  to  the  conversation  very  
quickly.  It  assumes  a  degree  of  friendship.  

Let  me  give  you  an  example.  This  is  the  one  I  used  to  talk  to  playboy  girl  as  I  
walked  up  to  her  I  said,  "Hey,  what's  up  Chief?"  Just  that  simple,  "Hey,  what's  up  
Chief?"  She's  doing  some  Sodoku.  She's  like,  "Just  doing  some  Sodoku."  I  was  like,  
"I've  never  played  that.  Everybody  seems  to  love  it  though.  What's  it  all  about?"  
That  was  it.  She  later  told  me  that  when  I  said  chief,  something  clicked  in  her  and  
she  was  like,  "This  guy  doesn't  talk  to  me  like  other  guys."    

Another  thing  you  can  say  is,  "Hey,  Sassy  Pants.  How's  your  night  going?"  Sassy  
pants  is  a  great  nickname.  I  learned  that  one  from  a  Race  Depriest.  It's  so  funny.  
"Hey,  Sassy  pants.  How's  your  night  going?"  Another  line  that  I've  used  and  this  
one  is  so  funny.  I've  used  this  a  few  times  now.  The  first  time,  I  got  such  a  good  
response,  I  was  like  I  got  to  use  this  again  is,  "Hey  there,  trucker?"  Trucker  is  like  
it's  such  a  goofy  nickname  for  a  person.  She  said  to  me,  she's  like,  "What  did  you  
call  me?"  I  was  like,  "Trucker."  She's  like,  "Trucker?"    

I  was  like,  "Yeah,  I'm  pretty  sure  that  was  you  that  I  saw  cruising  down  the  
interstate  earlier.  You  were  like  on  your  CB  radio.  You  had  some  tobacco  on  your  
mouth.  I'm  pretty  sure  it  was.  It's  kind  of  unfeminine,  I  got  to  tell  you.  Your  foot  
was  up  on  the  dashboard."  She  just  bust  out  laughing.  I  was  like,  "Trucker,  right?"  
She's  like,  "Yeah,  yeah."  I  was  like,  "That's  not  your  real  name?  You  don't  like  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
people  to  call  you  trucker."  She's  like,  "No,  no.  My  real  name  is  blah,  blah."  Really  
easy  introduction  to  the  conversation.    

Another  nickname  that  I  came  up  with  one  time  was  nutter  butter.  That's  a  little  
crispy  candy  bar.  That  just  gets  a  laugh.  They're  like,  "Nutter  butter.  What  did  you  
just  call  me?"  "Nutter  butter.  Don't  you  love  nutter  butters?"  She'll  be  like,  
"Yeah."  I'm  like,  "Cool.  What's  wrong  with  nutter  butter?  What  don't  you  like  
about  nutter  butter?  Is  there  something  else  you  like  to  be  called?"  It  just  kind  of  
creates  this  really  flirty  vibe.  Chick  pea  is  another  one.  "Howdy,  chick  pea?"  You  
can  say  that.  That's  a  great  nickname.    

You  could  see  as  I'm  talking  about  these,  I  enjoy  nicknames.  I  really  have  fun  with  
them.  You  notice  that  none  of  them  are  complimentary  or  cheesy.  None  of  them  
are  like,  "Hey,  what's  up  Lady  Gaga?"  Or  like,  "Hey,  what's  up  pretty  lady?"  Or  
"What's  up  angel?"  Or  "What's  up  honey  bunny?"  They're  all  names  that  you'd  
give  them  to  a  kid  sister.  They're  all  slightly  teasing.  Especially  like  trucker,  nutter  
butter,  chief.  They're  very  nonsexual  and  they  don't  elevate  her  in  any  way.  
They're  silly.  That's  what's  critical  about  them.  If  you're  going  to  use  a  nickname,  
it's  got  to  be  silly.  It  can't  be  super  complimentary.    

When  I  was  putting  this  list  together,  I  was  like,  I  realized  I  don't  ever  say  anything  
with  lady  in  it.  I  don't  say  anything  with  girly  in  it.  Anything  that  sounds  like  a  
common  thing  that  a  guy  say  to  a  girl  at  the  bar,  I  wouldn't  say  it.  I'm  thinking  silly  
names.  Things  that  you'd  call  your  kid  sister.  That's  how  you're  going  to  use  
nicknames  to  start  a  conversation.  It  will  definitely  get  things  off  in  the  right  foot.  
Give  those  ones  a  go.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
Moving  on  to  the  next  opener.  This  one  is  what  I  like  to  call  the  need  some  help  
from  a  girl  opener.  Under  this  category  falls  the  ever  celebrated  opinion  openers  
that  the  pick  up  artists  community  loves.  If  you're  not  familiar  with  with  opinion  
opener,  the  idea  is  you  walk  up  to  some  girls.  "Hey  guys,  I  need  a  quick  female  
opinion.  I've  only  got  a  few  seconds  before  I  got  to  get  back  to  my  friends."  Then  
deliver  the  opener.  That  was  huge  back  when  the  book  The  Game  came  out.  A  lot  
of  guys  use  them.  I  always  found  them  to  be  a  little  inauthentic  the  they  were  
taught.  

But  I  do  like  to  ask  some  girls  advice  on  some  stuff.  I  like  getting  their  opinions  on  
things.  Just  doing  it  in  a  little  bit  more  natural  way.  That's  what  I  want  to  show  
you  here  is  getting  help  from  a  girl.  First  thing  is  it's  best  if  you  use  it  with  
proximity.  You  want  to  be  close  to  her.  You  don't  want  to  walk  across  the  room  
and  have  this  opener.  That's  making  it  hard  on  yourself.  Make  it  easy.  Get  close  to  
the  girl.  Be  talking  with  your  buddies  about  whatever  it  is  or  in  certain  cases,  you  
can  be  on  your  phone.  Let's  just  jump  into  some  examples.    

The  two  typical  types  of  help  from  a  girl  openers  that  I've  used  are  either  getting  
references  from  pop  culture  or  asking  a  personal  question  that  you  actually  need  
your  opinion  of.  Here's  an  example  of  an  opinion  opener  I  used  one  time.  I  was  
out  at  a  bar.  I  was  sitting  there  by  myself  waiting  for  a  friend  to  show  up.  There's  
some  girls  nearby.  I  was  texting  on  my  phone.  I  looked  over  them,  I  said,  "Hey  
guys,  I  need  your  help  with  something.  What's  the  name  of  Jennifer  Aniston's  
character  on  Friends?"  They're  like,  "Oh,  Rachel."  I'm  like,  "Yeah,  that's  right.  
She's  so  Rachel.  Great,  thank  you  very  much."  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
I  texted  a  little  bit.  Then  I  put  my  phone  away.  I  kind  of  looked  over.  There's  two  
girls  sitting  there  so  it's  very,  very  easy.  I'm  off  my  phone  at  this  point.  I  kind  of  
looked  over  at  them  and  smiled  at  them.  I  go,  "Hey,  thanks  for  that  by  the  way."  
They're  like,  "Yeah,  yeah.  By  the  way,  why  did  you  need  to  know  that?"  They're  
curious.  I'm  curious.  I've  opened  it  up  for  them  and  it  made  it  really  easy  for  them  
and  I'm  like  ...  we  just  moved  from  there.  

Another  one  right  along  those  lines  was  I  asked  them,  "What  was  that  popular  
Backstreet  Boys  song  from  back  in  the  day?  It  wasn't  Bye,  Bye,  Bye."  They're  like,  
"No,  no.  It's  N'Sync.  That  one's  N'Sync."  I  was  like,  "What  is  it  then?"  Pop  culture  
references  are  great.  Anytime  you've  got  a  pop  culture  reference.  You  can  use  it  
as  a  bet  with  your  buddies.  You  can  say,  "My  buddies  and  I  have  a  bet  like  I  think  a  
popular  Backstreet  Boys  song  is  X,  he  thinks  it's  Y.  But  we  knew  the  girls  at  the  
table  has  settled  this  one  for  us.  Tell  us  which  one  is  it.  That's  a  great  way  to  get  
girls  opinions  or  get  them  giving  you  help,  I  should  say.  

Now,  when  you  actually  want  opinions,  I've  got  a  couple  of  great  ones.  One  of  my  
favorites  is  when  should  you  add  person  to  your  Blackberry  messenger  list?  If  you  
see  girls  with  Blackberries  and  I've  said  this  one  before  but  I'll  give  it  to  you  right  
now,  if  you  see  some  girls  with  Blackberries,  you  can  walk  up  and  be  like,  "Hey,  
guys.  I  see  you  all  have  Blackberries  and  something  came  up  with  a  friend  
recently.    

He  just  started  dating  this  girl  and  she  wanted  to  add  him  to  BBM  like  really,  really  
quick.  But  apparently,  I  have  an  iPhone  but  apparently  with  BBM,  as  soon  as  you  
send  a  message,  you  can  see  when  somebody's  received  it.  This  is  kind  of  like  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
freaked  him  out  a  little  bit.  I'm  curious,  what  is  the  right  time  to  add  somebody  to  
Blackberry  messenger  when  you're  starting  to  date  them?"  

That  one's  great  for  girls  with  Blackberries  because  they've  all  had  this  damned  
conversation.  They've  all  talked  about  it  and  thought  about  it.  They  will  give  you  
their  opinions.  At  least  at  the  time  I  sit  down  to  record  this,  Blackberries  have  not  
gone  anywhere  just  yet.  Android's  pretty  popular.  iPhones  are  mega  popular  but  
Blackberries  are  still  around.  If  you  see  girls  with  Blackberries,  that's  a  great  one.  

Another  one  that  I  love,  I  love  love  love  this  one  is  you  see  a  girl  who's  really  
attractive.  You  can  walk  up  to  her.  You  can  say,  "Hey,  excuse  me.  I  had  to  ask  you.  
Where  did  you  get  those  jeans  from?"  She'll  say,  "Why?"  Or  she'll  tell  you.  The  
follow  up  to  that  is,  "Well,  I  was  jean  shopping  with  my  friend  Bria  the  other  day  
and  her  figure  is  really  similar  to  yours.  Those  jeans,  they  look  amazing  on  you,  if  I  
may  say  so,  they  make  your  butt  look  awesome.  They  shape  you  really  well.  You  
should  totally  be  modeling  for  them  PS,  I  just  needed  to  know  where  you  got  
them  from."  That  is  a  great  one  in  terms  of  getting  opinion.  

Sometimes,  I  like  to  use  silly  things.  I  was  out  at  the  bar  the  other  night  there  
were  some  girls  who  were  clearly  not  hipsters.  If  you  know  the  hipsters,  it's  
somebody  who  like,  the  best  way  I  can  describe  is  they  dress  in  a  lot  of  plaid,  they  
wear  big  glasses,  they  drink  shitty  beer.  They  listen  to  Phoenix.  Anyway,  I  don't  
know  exactly  how  to  describe  a  hipster  but  that's  kind  of  a  hipster.  It's  like  a  
trendy  thing  here  in  New  York  and  a  little  bit  in  LA.  I  walked  up  to  some  girls.  I  was  
like,  "You  guys  look  like  you  could  maybe  help  me  with  this.  I  need  some  advice  
buying  the  perfect  hipster  gift."  They  kind  of  laugh.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
I  was  like,  "You're  not  like  all  the  way  there.  You're  not  clashing  with  purples  and  
greens  and  plaids  but  I  could  see  you,  I  know  you  know  what  you're  doing.  My  
sister  kind  of  dresses  like  you  guys.  I'm  looking  for  a  birthday  gift  for  her.  What  
would  be  like  some  really  good  stuff  in  this  whole  thing?"  They  loved  it.  They  
thought  it  was  so  funny.  Whether  it's  hipsters  or  whether  it's  like  I  need  a  gift  for  
this  type  of  person  or  that  type  of  person.  When  you  get  absurd  about  that  sort  of  
thing,  that's  what  makes  it  really  funny.  "I  need  a  gift  for  a  hipster."  Or  "I  need  a  
gift  for  a  hippie."  Or  "I  need  a  gift  for  a  corporate  type."  Or  "I  need  a  gift  for  an  
accountant."    

Those  are  the  sort  of  things  that  can  be  really  funny.  Now,  you  wouldn't  say  
something  about  an  accountant  if  you  weren't  out  with  accountants.  But  that's  
where  you  can  use  this  type  of  opinions.  Those  are  the  whole  bunch  of  opinion  
openers,  more  broadly,  openers  where  you're  getting  input  from  girls.  Honestly,  
those  are  okay.  They  can  work  really  well.  Those  are  not  a  huge  part  of  my  own  
game.  I've  used  them  from  time  to  time  but  I  always  like  to  use  situational  stuff  a  
little  bit  more.  You  may  enjoy  them,  you  may  really  get  a  lot  of  mileage  out  of  
them.  If  you  do  then  I  encourage  you  to  develop  some  opinions  of  your  own,  
some  opinion  openers  of  your  own  that  you're  going  to  use.    

Let's  move  on.  Let's  talk  about  direct  compliment  openers.  Direct  compliment  
openers,  I  actually  have  used  these  to  great  effect.  I  love  direct  compliment  
openers.  Again,  it's  a  little  scary  when  you  do  these  but  man  they  work  so  well.    

This  is  basically  you  stating  your  genuine  interest  in  a  woman.  It's  got  to  come  
from  a  place  of  high  value.  This  cannot  be  something  like,  "Please  like  me.  Please  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
like  me  so  much."  You  want  to  be  appreciative  without  needing  anything  in  
response.  The  mindset  you  have  is  that  of  an  art  patron  where  you  see  some  
beautiful  art  on  the  wall  and  you're  like,  "That  is  incredible.  Wow,  the  painter  who  
created  that,  I  really  got  to  give  that  guy  respect."  That's  your  mindset  when  
you're  doing  a  direct  compliment  opener.  

It's  also  making  somebody's  day  better.  Whenever  I  give  a  direct  compliment  
opener,  I  know  in  my  heart,  I'm  like,  "I'm  going  to  rock  this  person  today."  I'm  
going  to  tell  them  something  that's  going  to  make  them  so  happy.  I  literally  have  
the  idea  in  my  mind  that  it's  like  handing  them  some  flowers.  I'm  just  saying,  
"Here,  this  is  for  you."  The  more  creative  that  you  get,  the  better.  I'll  give  you  two  
examples  of  direct  compliment  openers  that  I  love.  There's  only  one  that  I  ever  
use  with  any  sort  of  regularity  and  there's  another  on  that  I'll  use  from  time  to  
time  if  it's  called  for.  That  one,  I'll  give  you  first.  

That  one  is  basically  when  a  girl  has  eye  shadow  that  matches  her  earrings.  Every  
now  and  then,  you'll  see  a  girl  who's  put  enough  thought  into  it  to  have  her  eye  
shadow  match  her  earrings.  You  can  just  call  it  out,  you'd  be  like,  "Wow,  hey,  I  
just  had  to  come  up  to  you.  I  noticed,  does  your  eye  shadow  match  your  earrings  
right  now  or  is  it  just  the  lighting  in  here?"    

They  will  be  shocked  that  you  noticed.  They'll  be  like,  "Yeah,"  just  go  like,  "That's  
awesome  that  you  put  that  much  effort  into  like  the  little  nuances  of  putting  
yourself  together.  That's  incredible.  What's  you're  name?  They'll  get  your  name  
or  you  get  their  name.  Introduce  yourself  and  be  like,  "Yeah,  it  just  looks  so  so  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
pretty,  the  combination  together.  Are  you  in  fashion?"  That's  a  very  easy  way  to  
go  with  that.  

That's  one  that  I've  used.  Another  one,  honestly,  this  one  is  it  takes  some  balls  but  
it's  so  worth  it.  You  just  walk  up  to  a  girl  and  you  say,  "Hey  listen,  I  just  had  to  tell  
you,  you  are  really  stunning."  She'll  be  like,  "Oh,  thanks."  You'd  be  like,  "No,  no.  A  
lot  of  girls  are  like  pretty  pretty  but  there's  something  about  you  that  almost  
seems  to  radiate  from  the  inside  out.    

I  wouldn't  have  stopped  you  and  told  you  this  if  there  wasn't  something  beautiful  
about  you,  about  your  presence  and  not  just  your  looks.  It's  really  captivating.  I'm  
sure  I'm  not  the  only  one  who's  recognized  it."  She'd  be  like,  "Oh  wow.  Thanks."  
Then  you  can  say  something  like,  "I  just  had  to  make  sure  that  somebody  told  you  
that  today."    

That  is  always  what  kind  of  clinches  the  deal  is  when  you  say  that,  "I  just  had  to  
make  sure  that  somebody  told  you  that  today."  They'll  realize  that,  "Wow,  
nobody  has  told  me  that  today."  It's  giving  a  woman  a  gift  that  no  other  man  has  
probably  given  her  that  day  because  other  guys  maybe  said,  "You're  hot."  Maybe  
they've  complimented  on  her  dress  or  her  hair.  But  saying  that  she  radiates  from  
the  inside  out  and  that  she  has  a  presence,  that's  what  makes  this  opener  work  so  
well.  Now,  where  you  can  with  this  is  actually  really  funny.  What  I  started  to  do  is  
I'd  say,  "I  have  to  know,  where  does  this  come  from?  Is  it  like  are  you  caffeinated  
or  do  you  love  Jesus?  Did  you  get  a  promotion  at  work  today?  Is  the  spirit  filling  
you  up?"  Those  are  some  kind  of  high  level  funny  things.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
Again,  caffeinated,  love  Jesus  or  love  God,  got  a  promotion  at  work.  Those  three  
things,  if  you  say  them,  they'll  usually  get  a  huge  laugh.  I've  actually  said  it  before  
to  a  girl  who  really  loved  God.  She's  like,  "Oh  my  God.  Yes,  I'm  filled  with  the  
spirit."  I'm  like,  "Oh,  okay."  Other  times,  girls  will  just  say,  "No.  I  don't  know.  I  
don't  know."  The  conversation  goes  from  there  but  it  will  definitely  get  a  laugh  
out  of  them.  They'll  usually  want  to  know  who  you  are  and  they'll  ask  you  a  little  
bit  about  yourself.  A  great  way  to  start  a  conversation.  

A  lot  of  guys  say  don't  give  a  girl  a  compliment  right  upfront.  The  final  thing  I  
would  say  about  this  is  you  should  do  this  when  you  are  compelled  to  do  it.  Don't  
use  this  if  you  don't  think  a  girl  is  really  beautiful.  Don't  use  this  if  you  don't  feel  
that  attraction  for  somebody.  I  know  there  have  been  those  times  in  your  life  
where  you  see  a  girl  and  there  is  something  radiating  from  her  and  you're  just  
like,  "Holy  crap.  There's  something  so  beautiful  about  this  girl."  That  is  the  time  
you  want  to  use  this.  That's  my  favorite  direct  compliment  opener.  I  sincerely  
hope  that  you  go  out  and  give  it  to  some  girl  because  there  are  beautiful  girls  out  
there.  I  can't  talk  to  all  of  them.  You  need  to  do  some  of  it  too.  Go  and  make  
somebody's  world  better  with  this  one.    

We're  going  to  move  on  now  and  we're  going  to  talk  about  emotion.  Everything  
we've  talked  about  up  to  this  point  has  been  stuff  to  say  to  get  her  attention.  
Obviously  some  of  those  are  going  to  create  emotion  in  and  of  themselves.  The  
bombing  opener  is  going  to  create  some  emotion.  Direct  compliment  opener  is  
going  to  create  some  emotion.  But  other  times,  you  need  to  add  emotion  to  the  
conversation.  The  worst  thing  that  happens,  if  you've  done  these  approaches  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
before  then  you  know  this  has  happened  is  the  conversation  sometimes  deflates  
and  it  feels  like  you've  just  walked  up  and  you've  popped  a  balloon.  

What's  really  happening  is  that  you're  draining  the  emotion  out  of  the  
conversation,  the  good  parts  of  it.  What  you  want  to  do  is  you  want  to  do  is  you  
want  to  inflate  it.  Think  of  yourself  like  pumping  it  up  with  emotion  but  don't  walk  
up  and  go  poof  poof  poof.  But  you  do  want  to  inflate  it  with  emotion.  Which  
emotion?  Humor  is  obviously  a  great  one.  Drama  can  be  really  funny.  Being  sassy  
or  sarcastic  can  be  funny.  Adding  some  disbelief,  some  suspense,  some  tension.  
Even  surprise.  Any  of  those  can  be  great  emotions  to  add  to  a  conversation.  Now,  
you'll  probably  ask  yourself,  "Okay,  how  do  I  do  this?"  

The  first  thing  I  would  say,  and  I'm  going  to  give  you  some  examples,  but  the  first  
thing  I  would  say  is  that  all  of  these  emotions  come  from  your  personality.  If  you  
are  in  a  habit  of  acting  fake  surprised,  that  is  coming  from  your  personality.  If  
you're  in  a  habit  of  being  dramatic,  that's  going  to  come  from  your  personality.  
The  first  thing  you  want  to  think  about  is  what  elements  and  what  emotions  do  I  
want  to  grow  in  my  personality  in  the  early  stages  of  talking  to  a  woman.  If  you  
find  something  funny,  you  want  to  be  able  to  laugh  about  it.  If  you're  excited  
about  something,  you  want  to  be  able  to  share  that  enthusiasm.  If  you  are  feeling  
sarcastic  or  kind  of  sassy,  you  want  to  be  able  to  show  that.    

Frankly,  you  need  to  look  for  opportunities  about  how  to  make  things  emotional.  
They  don't  just  happen.  Again,  being  overly  dramatic  about  things  like,  "Whoa,  it's  
me."  That's  an  example  of  being  overly  dramatic.  Being  excited  about  what  you're  
talking  about.  This  is  the  simplest  one  of  all.  We'll  see  a  lot  of  guys  who  they  come  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
into  our  coaching  programs.  The  very  early  day,  the  very  first  day,  they're  not  
enthusiastic  when  they're  talking  about  themselves.  I  was  like,  "Come  on,  man.  Be  
excited  about  your  life.  Share  something  that  you're  excited  about,  like  have  fun  
with  this."    

Let's  get  into  some  examples  of  adding  emotion  to  conversation.  These  are  just  
quick  little  one-­‐liner.  The  best  one  that  I  can  give  you  is  to  talk  with  enthusiasm  
about  the  things  that  are  important  to  you.  When  we  start  talking  about  intrigue,  
we're  going  to  be  getting  more  into  that.  But  let's  talk  about  drama.  Drama  is  a  
great  one.  Drama  is  a  really  fun  emotion  to  add  to  an  interaction.  Let's  say  that  
you're  talking  with  some  girls.  You  can  use  what  I  cal  the  time  outs.  The  time  out  
is  basically,  "Oh,  time  out."  Just  add  some  little,  "Time  out,  where  are  you  guys  
from?"  Or  "Time  out,  what  are  you  guys  doing  standing  here?"  Or  like,  "Time  out,  
you  guys  aren't  from  this  neighborhood,  are  you?"  The  timeout  creates  like  a  
spike  of  drama.  

Very,  very  similar  is  what  I  would  call  wait  a  second.  Some  girls  are  talking,  you  go,  
"Wait  a  second,  wait  a  second,  wait  a  second.  Say  that  again."  Or  "Wait  a  second,  
wait  a  second,  wait  a  second.  You  said  what?"  Or  "Wait  a  second,  wait  a  second,  
wait  a  second.  Where  are  you  from?"  Any  of  those  things  are  going  to  create  
drama.  The  funny  thing  is,  that's  creating  some  tension  in  the  conversation.  Let's  
say  that  she  says  ...  let's  say  you're  talking  to  a  girl  and  she  says  she's  from  Peoria,  
Illinois.  You're  like,,  "Wait  a  second,  wait  a  second,  wait  a  second.  Where  did  you  
say  you're  from?"  She's  like,  "Peoria,  Illinois."  Be  like,  "Okay,  never  mind.  I  
thought  you  said,  never  mind."  She'll  like  laugh.  She'll  be  like,  "Wait,  what?"    

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
But  you've  just  introduced  drama  to  the  conversation.  That's  the  point,  having  fun  
with  it.  Or  you  could  say  something  like,  "My  best  friend  went  to  Peoria,  Illinois."  
She'll  be  like,  "Really?"  You're  like,  "No,  he  didn't  but  it  sounds  like  such  a  cool  
name.  Peoria.  I  never  get  to  say  that  name.  I  just  want  to  say  Peoria  a  few  times."  
She'll  laugh.  That's  where  adding  some  drama  and  then  releasing  it.  You're  just  
bull  shitting  but  it's  funny  bullshit.  

You  can  be  sassy,  if  she  says  something,  be  like,  "Really.  Oh,  really?"  This  is  where  
I  like  you're  being  sassy  woman.  "Oh,  really?"  She'll  be,  "Really."  "Really."  You  just  
can  get  this  back  and  forth  going  of  saying  really.  Another  one  is  like  if  she  says  ...  
she  can  say  anything.  "I'm  from  Peoria,  Illinois."  "You  are  not."  Or  "I'm  an  
accountant."  "You  are  not."  Or  "I  do  modeling  in  my  spare  time."  "You  do  not."  
"Yes,  I  do."  "Oh  please,  really?  Wait,  time  out?"  Now,  you're  just  starting  to  
combine  these  together.  "You  do  modeling  in  your  spare  time?  Hang  on,  let  me  ...  
I  guess  I  need  to  see  your  book.  I  don't  know.  I  don't  know.  I  really  had  you  
pegged  as  an  accountant  but  who  am  I  to  say.  Anyway,  tell  me  about  this  
modeling  thing.  Tell  me  about  why  it's  so  fun."  

At  this  point,  you've  had  fun  with  it.  You've  been  a  little  bit  of  sassy.  Another  sassy  
thing  you  could  say,  be  like,  "Oh,  my  God."  This  is  great  in  a  high  energy  
environment  after  she’s  said  something.  Again,  this  stuff  is  really  funny  when  
she's  giving  you  stuff  that's  unremarkable.  "Where  are  you  from?  Do  you  live  in  
this  neighborhood?"  Anything  like  that.  Let's  just  say  she  goes,  "Oh  yeah,  I  live  in  
Winsberg."  "Oh,  my  God.  You  do  not."  She'll  like,  "Yeah,  why?"  Be  like,  "Oh,  
wow."  This  is  funny.  She's  going  to  start  picking  up  that  you're  being  sassy.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
Another  one  is  "You  wouldn't  say  that."  This  is  so  silly.  You  just  like  you  say,  
"What's  your  favorite  thing  to  do?"  "Oh,  I  like  scuba  diving."  "You  wouldn't  say  
that."  Or,  "Where  are  you  from?"  "I'm  from  the  East  Village."  "You  wouldn't  say  
that."  It's,  "Oh,  really,  would  I?"  This  is  where  you  can  get  that  really  fun  flirty  
back  and  forth  going.  Another  one  that  I  like  to  use  is  the  disgust  noise,  "Oh,"  it's  
sassy,  right?  It's  just  like  she  said  something  and  go  like,  "Oh."    

To  go  back  to  the  zipper  checker  one.  The  girls  who  are  standing  in  line  for  the  
zipper  checkers.  I  think  I  said  something  to  the  extent  of  like,  "You  guys  are  the  
zipper  checkers,  right?"  They're  like,  "Yeah."  I'm  like,  "Oh."  They're  like  "What?"  
I'll  be  like,  "I  talked  to  management  a  while  ago  about  this.  I  asked  them  to  get  a  
guy  and  a  girl  zipper  checker  and  now  there's  a  like  a  guy  and  a  girl  and  I  feel  like  
my  civil  rights  are  being  violated."  I  was  able  to  use  disgust  noise  and  then  
introduce  something  kind  of  silly.  

Disbelief  is  another  great  emotion  that  you  can  insert  into  the  conversation.  Let's  
say,  that's  kind  of  along  the  lines  of  sass  but  let's  say  that  she's  from  a  certain  
place.  She's  like,  "I'm  from  Williamsberg.  Notice,  that's  just  nonverbal.  The  look  of  
big  disbelief.  "Where  are  you  from?"  "I'm  from  Williamsberg."  "Are  you  sure  
about  that?"  It's  funny,  right?  It's  introducing  something  really  funny  and  goofy.  
Most  guys  aren't  going  to  do  that.  They're  going  to  be  like,  "Oh,  Williamsberg.  I've  
been  over  there.  There  are  some  cool  bars."  But  no,  you're  going  to  go  like,  "Are  
you  sure  about  that?"  It's  going  to  introduce  some  flirtatious  into  the  
conversation.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
Another  line,  I  got  this  from  my  buddy,  Bobby.  It's  kind  of  disbelief.  It's  like,  "Wait  
a  second.  You  guys  aren't  tourists,  are  you?"  That's  a  fantastic  little  line  to  
introduce  in  disbelief.  Then  to  be  sarcastic,  you  can  just  show  sheer  
disappointment  and  be  like,  "Oh,  I  don't  know."  Anything  somebody  gives  you.  
They  say,  "I'm  going  to  come."  Be  like,  "Oh."  Or  they  say,  "We  live  in  the  
neighborhood."  "Oh,  no.  No,  no,  no."  It's  dramatic,  right?  It's  funny.  It's  just  funny  
like,  "Oh,  no.  No,  no,  no,  no."  They'll  say,  "What?"  Be  like,  "Oh,  jeez.  No,  this  
neighborhood,  it's  just,"  you  can  come  up  with  anything  at  that  point.  

Now,  I'm  starting  to  have  fun.  I'm  starting  to  be  absurd.  If  somebody  said  that,  if  
somebody  ...  if  I  was  going  to  be  disappointed  about  the  neighborhood  for  
example,  "Oh,  no.  No,  no,  no."  They'll  be  like,  "What?  What  about  it?"  I'll  be  like,  
"You  know,  I  was  so  hoping  that  you  lived  a  little  bit  closer  to  me  so  I  could  come  
stalk  you  but  this  is  just  too  far.  It's  not  going  to  work."    

That's  one  easy  thing  I  can  do.  You  can  probably  come  up  with  other  thing  for  
yourself.  Here's  the  point  with  emotion,  let's  step  back  for  a  second.  I've  just  
given  you  a  bunch  of  ways  to  inject  some  humor,  some  drama,  some  suspense,  
some  disbelief  into  the  conversation  to  literally  pump  it  up  with  fun  and  do  stuff  
that  other  guys  haven't  done.  

More  broadly,  all  these  stuff,  what  it  allows  you  to  do  is  it  gives  you  the  
opportunity  to  have  fun  and  to  be  creative  with  the  things  you  say  next.  Whether  
it's,  "Oh,  no.  No,  no,  no.  This  is  never  going  to  work.  I  was  totally  planning  on  
stalking  you  but  this  is  ...  you  live  down  here.  I'm  on  the  upper  West  Side.  It's  just  
way  too  far  for  me  to  come.  It's  not  going  to  work."  That's  just  one  example  of  me  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
having  fun  coming  up  with  words.  I  could  come  up  with  any  number  of  other  
things.  I  want  to  get  you  working  with  your  brain  to  start  to  come  up  with  other  
stuff  and  start  to  enjoy  it.  

We'll  give  you  a  little  bit  of  homework  to  use  these  phrases  to  insert  some  
emotion  to  the  conversation  and  take  it  to  the  next  place  and  come  up  with  some  
creative  stuff  on  your  own.  But  that's  how  you  insert  emotion  in  a  conversation.  
It's  very,  very  easy.  You  just  need  some  very  simple  phrases.  You  need  to  do  
something  that  other  guys  aren't  doing.  Have  some  drama,  have  some  suspense.  
Have  some  fun.  Say  something  funny  in  it.  It's  not  that  hard.  Once  you  start  
getting  the  stuff,  it's  so  fun.  Go  check  the  homework  because  there's  some  great  
stuff  in  there  about  how  to  put  this  into  practice.  

All  right.  You  have  gotten  her  attention.  You  stirred  up  the  emotional  path.  Now  
it's  time  to  intrigue  her.  This  is  really  fun.  You  want  to  get  her  to  focus  on  you.  
This  is  basically  one  of  the  conversation  hooks.  You  know  what  it  is  when  it  hooks.  
She  starts  opening  up,  she  starts  asking  you  questions.  She  turns  her  body  to  you.  
Basically,  she's  showing  genuine  interest  in  you.  A  lot  of  guys  screw  this  up  
though.  They're  like  they  get  the  attention,  maybe  they  even  get  a  little  bit  of  
emotion  going  but  they  can't  quite  get  this  intrigue  thing  going  on.  Why  did  they  
screw  it  up?  

Here's  why.  One,  maybe  they're  talking  about  themselves  too  much.  You're  not  
going  to  do  that,  I'm  going  to  show  you  how  to  fix  it.  When  you  talk  about  
yourself  too  much,  it's  like  all  the  intrigue  is  gone,  it  seems  like  you're  self  
centered,  no  bueno.  Other  guys,  they  ask  boring  questions.  You're  not  going  to  do  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
that  either.  I'm  going  to  show  you  how  to  ask  good  questions.  Now,  you  can  ask  
boring  questions  from  time  to  time.  If  you  throw  in  some  of  the  emotional  stuff  
that  gave  you  previously,  you  can  ask  like  where  are  you  from,  what  do  you  do  for  
work,  what  do  you  do  for  fun.  

If  you're  able  to  be  fun,  sarcastic  like,  "Oh  really?  Time  out,  you  did  not  just  say  
that."  All  of  that  emotional  stuff  I  just  gave  you,  you  can  ask  boring  questions  and  
actually  make  it  work  but  at  a  certain  point,  you've  got  to  take  it  beyond  the  
boring  questions  and  get  a  little  bit  more  into  her.  I'm  going  to  show  you  how  to  
do  that  too.    

Third  thing  is  when  guys  let  a  woman  lead  and  take  the  frame.  I'm  going  to  show  
you  how  to  fix  that.  But  basically  what  will  happen  is  especially  if  you  come  in,  you  
work  with  us  live  and  you  do  coaching  with  us,  we've  had  a  couple  of  girls  who  
bust  your  balls  if  you're  not  leading  the  conversation.  They  will  flip  it  back  on  you  
and  they  will  take  charge  and  then  they'll  be  like,  "All  right,  you're  out  of  here."  
You  got  to  be  able  to  lead  a  conversation.  

Fourth,  thinking  about  what  to  say  next  rather  than  just  listening  to  the  girl  and  
paying  attention  to  her.  I'm  going  to  show  you  how  to  listen  to  her  and  not  be  too  
much  in  your  head.  Obviously,  when  you're  still  working  on  this  stuff,  it's  going  to  
be  a  little  tough  but  what  are  the  fundamentals  that  you  got  to  get  right  in  order  
to  intrigue  a  girl.  Let's  move  beyond  what  the  guy  screw  up.  Let's  talk  about  what  
you're  going  to  do  right.  First  one  is  how  you  talk  about  yourself.  The  second  one  
is  the  way  that  you  answer  questions.  The  third  one  is  the  way  that  you  get  her  to  
open  up  to  you  and  the  questions  you  ask  her.    

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
Let's  move  in,  speaking  about  yourself.  You  got  to  talk  about  yourself.  We  got  a  
client  just  this  past  weekend.  I  listened  in  on  one  of  conversations  and  I'm  like,  
"Well,  he  is  just  asking  question  after  question  after  question  after  question."  He  
was  not  asking  the  woman  ...  or  he  was  not  telling  the  woman  anything  about  
himself.  This  is  a  problem  because  a  woman  has  to  know  that  she  values  the  man  
she's  talking  to.  In  a  certain  point,  you  can  be  asking  all  the  most  interesting  
question  in  the  world  but  she's  going  to  say  like,  "Wait,  who  are  you?  Why  am  I  
talking  to  you?  Who  is  this  guy?"  You  have  to  answer  that  question  for  her  but  
you  got  to  make  her  work  for  it.  That's  why  you  got  to  talk  about  yourself  and  
that's  why  you  got  to  talk  about  yourself  in  the  right  way.    

You're  going  to  do  that  by  using  baits.  Bait  is  basically  a  hook.  It's  where  you  
throw  something  on  the  conversation  and  she  can  bite  at  it,  she  can  nibble  at  it.  
She  can  grab  at  it.  It's  where  you  say  this  is  something  that  is  about  me  and  she's  
going  to  ask  about  it.  Your  point  when  you  throw  this  stuff  out  and  I  want  to  make  
this  crystal  clear  because  some  guys  totally  miss  the  point  of  talking  about  
themselves  in  the  early  stages  of  the  conversation.  The  point  of  talking  about  
yourself,  listen  and  pay  attention  very  closely,  is  to  get  her  to  open  up  to  you.  

It's  not  to  share  war  stories  or  horror  stories.  It's  not  to  talk  about  your  ex-­‐
girlfriend.  It's  to  get  her  to  open  up  to.  You  can  say  it  with  enthusiasm.  You  can  
say  it  with  excitement.  But  the  whole  point  is  to  share  just  enough  of  yourself  so  
that  she  can  open  up  to  you.  She  can  be  like,  I  know  a  little  bit  about  this  guy.  I  
want  to  ask  him  another  question  for  I  know  a  little  bit  about  this  guy.  He's  just  
told  me  something.  Now  I  can  tell  him  something.  That's  what  it's  all  about.    

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
Let  me  give  you  a  few  examples  of  ways  that  you  can  use  bait  in  a  conversation.  
This  one  came  from  this  past  weekend.  I  was  talking  to  ...  I  saw  the  girl  with  her  
sandals  and  I'm  like,  "Oh  my  God,  you're  wearing  sandals.  That's  amazing."  She's  
like,  "Yeah,  why  is  it  amazing?"  "First  warm  day  of  spring.  It's  so  awesome.  I  just  
got  back  from  Mexico.  Everybody's  wearing  sandals  down  there."  That's  my  bait.  
I'm  thinking  to  myself,  "I  got  to  throw  in  something  cool  about  myself,  high  value.  
I  love  Mexico.  I'm  going  to  talk  about  it  anyway."  She's  like,  "Oh  really,  where  
were  you  in  Mexico?"  I'm  like,  "Pio  Del  Carmen  area.  Have  you  ever  been?"  "No,  I  
haven't."  "You  haven't  been  to  Pio  Del  Carmen,  oh  my  God.  Time  out,  hang  on  
one  second."  You  can  already  see  where  this  is  going.  

Then  I  started  talking  to  her  friend,  "Have  you  been  down  there?"  She's  like,  "No,  
but  I've  been  to  other  parts  in  Mexico."  I'm  like,  "Oh  where?"  Now,  we're  having  a  
back  and  forth  conversations  open.  I'm  leading  it  but  they  ended  up  asking  me  
more  about  myself  further  in  the  conversation.  This  is  just  the  smallest  little  thing  
where  I  was  like,  "Yeah,  I  was  just  in  Mexico."  They're  like,  "Where  in  Mexico?"  
Great,  I  got  them  giving  back  to  me.    

Another  one,  I'm  standing  at  the  bar  and  the  song  I  Want  to  Dance  with  
Somebody,  I  think  it's  by  Whitney  Houston  that  comes  on.  I'm  there  with  some  
friends.  As  my  face  lights  up,  I  see  another  girl  right  nearby  and  her  face  lit  up  too.  
She's  like,  "Everybody  loves  this  song."  I  look  at  her  and  I  just  like  say,  "Oh  my  
God.  This  song  reminds  me  of  being  at  a  wedding."  She's  like,  "Oh  yeah,  it's  
amazing."    

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
I'm  like,  "Yeah,  it  reminds  me  of  college.  It  reminds  me  of  so  many  things."  "What  
does  it  remind  you  of?"  She  starts  talking  about  it  and  then  ...  but  it  put  all  these  
little  hooks  in  there  and  she  came  back  to  me  and  she's  like,  "Where  did  you  go  to  
school?  Why  did  it  remind  you  of  the  wedding?"  I've  already  inserted  in  the  very  
beginning  of  my  conversation  all  these  little  hooks  for  her  to  ask  about.    

Another,  third  example.  This  is  again  just  from  this  past  weekend.  I  was  out  at  the  
bar  and  I  see  this  girl  drinking  a  drink  called  Franbois.  It's  a  sort  of  raspberryish  
beer.  I'm  like,  "Oh  man,  I  love  that.  Didn't  even  know  they  serve  it  here."  She's  
like,  "Yeah,  totally."  I  was  like,  "I  first  had  Franbois,  I  think  I  first  had  Franbois,  I  
want  to  say  like  it  was  back  in  college,  maybe."  She's  like,  "Oh,  where'd  you  go  to  
college?"  It's  just  obvious  bait.  You  noticed  how  I  paused  for  a  second.  "I  first  had  
Franbois,  jeez,  I  want  to  say  I  first  had  it  back  in  college,  I  think.  Yeah,  it  was  a  long  
time  ago."    

Again,  it's  not  the  best  bait.  It's  not  that  compelling  but  it's  compelling  enough.  
She's  like,  "Where  did  you  go  to  college?"  I'm  like,  "Michigan.  How  about  you?"  I  
went  to  blah,  blah,  blah.  "Cool,  how'd  you  like  it  there?"  Now,  we're  in  a  back  and  
forth  conversation,  just  that  simple,  conversation's  open.  Now,  what's  going  to  
happen  is  if  you're  able  to  have  a  little  bit  of  back  and  forth  conversation.    

She's  going  to  start  asking  you  questions.  Sometimes,  you  want  to  answer  right  
off  the  bat.  I  just  gave  you  some  examples  of  me  answering  right  off  the  bat.  
Other  times,  when  she  ask  you  questions,  you  want  to  answer  in  kind  of  different  
way,  in  a  unique  way.    

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
The  first  thing  I  like  to  do  is  I  like  to  give  a  non  answer.  This  is  basically  what  I  call  
the  double  answer  non  answer.  Let's  say  she  says,  "Where  are  you  from?"  You  
say,  "I'm  just  this  little  guy  form  the  Midwest."  She's  going  to  say,  "Midwest.  
Where  in  the  Midwest?"  You  can  say,  "Detroit,"  that's  what  I  would  say.  That's  the  
double  answer,  right?  The  first  answer  that  you  give  is  kind  of  a  vague  general  
description.  You  didn't  even  talk  about  yourself,  "Just  a  little  guy  from  the  
Midwest."  Another  example,  double  answer  non  answer.  She  says,  "What  do  you  
do  for  work?"  "I  just  run  the  most  interesting  business  in  the  world?"  She  goes,  
"What  kind  of  business?"  Then  you  get  into  it.  

There's  going  to  be  common  things  that  you  get  to  ask.  One  of  them  is  what  is  
your  job,  another  is  where  are  you  from.  Another  one  is  where  you  went  to  
college.  I  want  you  to  have  double  answers  for  the  common  things  that  you  could  
ask.  "Where  do  you  live  in  town?"  If  somebody  says  to  me,  "Where  do  you  live  in  
town?"  I'm  like,  "Dangerous,  dangerous  neighborhood."  They're  like,  "Which  
one?"  I'm  like,  "The  Upper  West  Side."  Which  is  not  a  dangerous  neighborhood  at  
all  so  it's  kind  of  like  a  joke  in  that.  Have  some  double  answers  for  the  stuff  she  
asks.  

Now,  don't  let  her  ask  more  than  two  questions  in  a  row.  Some  women  will  like  to  
ask  you  question  after  question  after  question.  This  is  where  you  got  to  throw  it  
back  on  them.  Let's  take  the  Mexico  example.  She  says,  "Where  in  Mexico  were  
you?"  I'll  like,  "I  was  in  Pio  Del  Carmen."  You  can  just  let  it  hang,  right?    

Let  her  ask  another  question.  "Did  you  like  it  there?"  "Yeah,  I  loved  it.  It  was  like  
absolutely  so  perfect.  Have  you  ever  been  down  there?"  She  says,  "No.  I  haven't  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
been."  "You  got  to  go  girl.  You  got  to  go."  Now,  I  can  throw  in  some  more  bait  
here  at  this  point.  I'll  be  like,  "Everyday,  we  just  did  the  activities  down  there  were  
incredible."  Now  shes'  going  to  say,  "What  were  the  activities?"  "Well,  we  did  
some  kayaking.  We  did  some,"  notice,  I'm  even  saying  we.  That's  even  a  subtle  
element  of  bait.    

I'm  very  conscious  of  my  word  at  this  point.  I  am  allowing  her  to  find  all  these  
little  things  that  she  wants  to  ask  questions  about.  But  let's  go  back  to  that  initial  
interaction  that  I  just  showed  with  you.  I  showed  you.  She  says,  "Where  were  
you?"  I  said  Pio  Del  Carmen.  She  says,  "How  was  it?"  I  said,  "Amazing.  Have  you  
ever  been  there?"  I'm  not  going  to  let  her  ask  a  third  question.  A  couple  of  
reasons,  the  first  one  is  if  she  is  in  a  habit  of  asking  too  many  questions,  A,  she  
may  just  get  bored  and  she  might  just  be  like  this  guy  only  likes  to  talk  about  
himself.  B,  she  is  going  to  start  to  lead  the  conversation  and  be  in  control  of  it  and  
that's  not  what  you  want.  

Usually  a  good  rule  is  let  her  ask  two  questions  and  then  ask  a  have  you  ever,  will  
you  ever,  would  you  ever  thing  about  the  experience  that  she's  asking  you  about.  
That's  usually  a  good  rule.  If  she  is  asking  too  many  questions,  if  she  is  the  type  
who  asks  a  lot  of  questions,  you  can  gently  accuse  her  of  grilling  you.    

You  can  be  like,  "Jeez,  this  is  like  Spanish  inquisition  or  something.  This  is  
incredible.  I  haven't  been  questioned  this  much  since  I  was  convicted  for  grand  
theft  auto  when  I  was  in  the  interrogation  chamber."  It's  just  a  funny  way  of  
teasing  her,  you  can  throw  it  back  off  her.  Hopefully  you  won't  be  getting  in  the  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
situation.  I  just  want  to  give  you  that  one  in  case  you  get  somebody  who  really  
likes  to  grill  you.  

Moving  along,  getting  her  to  open  up  to  you,  when  you  are  talking  to  her,  you've  
already  baited  her  a  little  bit  and  she's  intrigued.  Now,  you  have  ...  Moving  along  
and  getting  her  to  open  up  to  you.  You've  baited  her  a  little  bit  and  she's  like,  
"This  guy  is  kind  of  fun  to  talk  to.  He  doesn't  give  away  everything  right  upfront.  I  
have  to  work  a  little  bit."  Then  you  double  answer  her  question  and  she's  worked  
even  harder.  It's  fun.  She's  like,  "I  really  like  this  guy."  Now,  you  got  to  get  her  to  
open  up  to  you.  You've  got  to  get  her  to  start  going  personal  with  you.  Very  first  
thing  you  want  to  do  when  you're  talking  to  a  girl  is  you  want  to  start  painting  a  
picture  in  your  mind  of  the  things  that  she  is  telling  you.  

This  is  if  there's  one  thing  that  you  take  away  from  this  course,  more  than  
anything  else,  I  hope  is  this  one.  Paint  a  picture  in  your  mind  as  she's  talking  and  
then  fill  in  the  gaps.  It's  just  that  simple.  She's  talking  about  backpacking  or  if  she's  
talking  about  the  trip  that  she  took  or  if  she's  talking  about  even  where  she  lives.  
There's  so  much  that  is  unfilled  in  that  picture.    

Now,  the  next  thing  you  want  to  do  is  as  you  start  to  ask  questions  to  get  her  to  
film  a  picture,  you  can  tease  her,  we'll  get  into  that  in  a  second.  But  what  you  
ultimately  want  to  do,  the  thrust  of  your  conversation,  the  direction  of  your  
conversation,  is  you  want  to  take  things  personal.  You  want  to  be  asking  why  does  
she  do  this  and  what  was  she  thinking  and  feeling  in  that  moment  or  in  that  
experience.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
For  example,  if  it's  talking  about  backpacking,  you  could  be  asking  her,  "Why  do  
you  like  backpacking?  I  got  to  be  honest,  for  me,  best  place  in  nature  is  just  right  
on  the  beach.  What  about  backpacking  is  it  for  you?"  Then  she'll  start  to  describe  
it,  right?  This  is  where  you  can  get  really  personal  with  a  girl  really  quickly.  You're  
diving  into  something  about  why  she  likes  something,  why  it  defines  her.    

Maybe  she  could  say  something,  "I  don't  know.  I  just  like  being  in  the  wilderness  
and  kind  of  creating  the  world  around  and  kind  of  fending  for  myself."  Now,  
you've  learned  all  these  stuff  about  her.  "Wow,  that's  so  cool.  If  the  revolution  
comes,  you're  going  to  be  prepared.  Just  take  care  of  yourself  when  all  the  cities  
disappeared."  

She'll  be  like,  "Yeah,  that's  awesome."  "You're  totally  going  to  have  to  take  care  of  
me  because  I'm  just  going  to  ...  I  have  no  idea  how  to  live  without  my  laptop."  
Now  again,  this  is  back  and  forth.  I'm  getting  a  little  bit  ahead  of  myself  but  I'm  
trying  to  show  you  where  it  can  go  if  you  start  getting  personal  with  her.  The  
point  is  ask  why  does  she  do  this  and  what  is  she  thinking  and  feeling  when  she's  
doing  this.  It  all  starts  with  painting  that  picture.  Ultimately,  again,  what  you  want  
to  get  to  is  what  does  that  tell  you  about  her?    

That's  the  thing,  paint  a  picture,  why  does  she  do  this,  what  is  she  thinking  and  
feeling  and  what  does  that  tell  you  about  her.  Because  she  must  be  a  free  spirit,  
that  she  must  love  to  get  out.  There's  some  things  you  can  kind  of  always  assume  
or  always  cold  read  about  a  girl.    

You  can  cold  read  that  she's  a  chill  person.  You  can  cold  read  that  she's  
adventurous.  You  can  cold  read  that  she's  loyal.  You  can  cold  read  that  she's  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
spontaneous.  You  can  cold  read  that  she's  fun.  You  can  cold  read  that  she's  
reserved.    All  of  these  things  based  on  what  she's  telling  you  about  what  she's  
thinking  and  feeling.  If  she's  talking  about  camping  you  can  say,  "Wow,  that  
sounds  like  you're  a  super  adventurous  person."  She'll  be  like,  "Yeah,  totally."  
"What  other  adventurous  things  you  do?"  

She  starts  talking  about  that.  "I  don't  really  know.  I  guess  that's  kind  of  my  only  
one."  "That's  okay.  I  like  to  do  snowboarding.  I  think  that's  pretty  adventurous.  
Personally,  I  built  a  little  ramp  one  time  but  I've  never  built  a  forest  fire  in  the  
woods.  I  would  have  no  idea  how  to  do  that.  You'll  have  to  show  me  sometime."  
I'm  getting  a  little  ahead  of  myself  here  but  again  I'm  trying  to  point  out  once  you  
start  getting  the  story  about  who  the  girl  is  and  you  start  getting  her  to  open  up  
to  you,  what  you  want  to  really  get  to  is  calling  out  the  conversation  traits  that  
that  represents.  

All  right.  Let's  move  along.  The  next  thing  that  you  want  to  do  is  you  want  to  spice  
it  up  with  some  flirting.  Flirting  is  great.  There's  all  sorts  of  ways  to  flirt.  There's  a  
couple  that  I'm  going  to  give  you  right  here.  They're  so  easy.  I've  already  given  
you  these  things  to  stir  up  emotion  like,  "You  wouldn't  say  that."  The  biggest  
flirtation  thing  that  is  such  a  huge  part  of  my  vocabulary  is  future  projecting.  
Putting  her  and  I  into  a  scenario  together  in  the  future.  This  is  an  old  standby  but  I  
use  it  all  the  time.  If  you're  not  using  it,  you  should  start.  

Future  projecting  is  basically  like  let's  say  that  you  guys  have  both  been  to  
Mexico.  You  could  say,  "We're  going  to  go  to  Mexico  together.  We  both  loved  it  
so  much.  We're  definitely  going  to  have  to  go  down  there  together."  Another  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
future  projection  would  be,  "I've  never  been  hunting  before.  You're  going  to  have  
to  take  me  hunting."  Or  "I've  never  been  out  to  the  wilderness  before.  You're  
going  to  have  to  take  me  out  there."  Or  "I've  never  been  to  that  restaurant  before  
but  I  love  that  style  of  food.  You  and  me,  we're  going  to  go  there  and  you're  going  
to  tell  me  exactly  what  to  order  on  the  menu  because  I  know  that  you  know  that  
restaurant."  Those  are  all  future  projections.  

You  notice  the  assertiveness  with  which  I  said  them.  I  mean,  that  last  one,  I  could  
have  just  met  a  girl  and  said,  "You,  me,  we're  going  to  that  restaurant  and  you're  
going  to  show  me  exactly  what  to  order  on  technology  menu  because  I  know  that  
you  know  it's  good."  It's  that  sort  of  assertiveness.  She's  going  to  be  laughing,  
"Okay.  Yeah,  yeah."  Then  I'm  going  to  throw  in  some  other  stuff.  Those  are  future  
projections.    

Now,  the  other  side  of  future  projections  in  where  you  can  kind  of  have  even  
more  fun  and  get  a  second  laugh  out  of  it  is  you  think  about  it  this  way,  the  future  
projection  is  going  to  get  a  laugh.  Then  she's  going  to  expect  the  conversation  
drop.  You're  going  to  get  one  more  laugh  by  doing  a  frame  or  a  tease.  We've  
talked  about  this  a  little  bit  already.    

A  frame  or  tease  is  kind  of  like  treating  her  like  your  kid  brother.  Anything  that  
you  would  say  to  a  kid  brother  or  a  kid  sister  about  how  they're  always  getting  in  
trouble,  how  they're  causing  trouble,  how  they  make  a  mess  all  over  the  place,  
how  they  maybe  like  to  steal  things.  Any  sort  of  playful  accusation  about  why  she  
is  going  to  be  troubled,  that's  what  teasing  and  framing  is.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
For  example,  "We're  going  to  go  to  that  restaurant  but  I  don't  want  you  stealing  
the  silverware  like  you  did  last  time.  I  know  about  that.  It  was  in  the  papers.  I  
can't  have  you  doing  that."  That's  a  tease.  It's  a  frame,  right?  I'm  framing  her  like  
somebody  who  steals  silverware.  It's  ridiculous.  It's  ugly  ridiculous  but  it's  funny.  
Let's  give  you  another  example  of  Mexico.  We're  back  talking  about  ...  I  like  
talking  about  Mexico  in  case  you  haven't  noticed.  I'm  talking  about  Mexico.  I  say,  
"Yeah,  we  should  totally  go  down  there.  It  would  be  such  a  good  time."  That's  my  
future  projection,  right?  

She's  going  to  say,  "Yeah,  yeah.  It  will  be  such  a  great  time."  I'll  be,  "But  no  skinny  
dipping.  I  know  you're  the  type.  I  don't  know  that  well  enough  yet.  My  mom  
would  be  very  disappointed  with  you."  She'll  laugh  at  that,  right?  I  could  even  
throw  in  a  tease  in  the  beginning.  I  could  be  like,  when  I  say,  "Yeah,  been  down  to  
Mexico."  She  goes  ...  "Have  you  been  down  there?"  She's  like,  "Yeah,  I  have."  
"You  would  say  something  like  that."  Again,  that's  framing  her.  It's  teasing  her.  
She'll  be  like,  "What?  Why  would  I  say  something  like  that?"  "I've  got  you  pegged.  
I  got  my  eye  on  you.  Okay,  just  kidding.  Tell  me  where  you've  been  in  Mexico?"  

You  can  throw  stuff  like  that  into  the  conversation.  It's  really  funny.  Those  are  
really  simple  ways.  Future  projection  and  teasing  and  framing  to  get  the  
conversation  into  like,  just  take  it  from  the  talking  about  each  other  to  we're  
having  fun  talking  about  this.  I  want  to  give  you,  to  wrap  this  section  up,  I  want  to  
give  you  a  couple  of  easy  hooks  that  come  up  in  conversations.  These  are  things  
that  I've  seen  time  and  time  again  and  they've  just  kind  of  become  a  part  of  my  
vocabulary.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
First  one  is  the  weather.  This  is  just  an  easy  way  to  get  her  to  laugh  and  to  move  
on  to  something  else.  Let's  say  the  weather  is  really  shitty.  You're  standing  next  to  
her  at  the  bar.  You're  ordering  a  drink.  You're  like,  "Oh  man,  this  weather  just  
sucks.  I  cannot  wait  for  it  to  get  better."  She's  like,  "Yeah,  I  know.  I  know.  I  know."  
Let's  say  it's  amazing  out.  It's  sandals  for  example.  "Oh,  you're  wearing  sandals.  
That's  sweet.  Doesn't  it  feel  so  good  to  have  amazing  weather.  I'm  such  an  
outdoors  person.  I'm  so  happy  right  now."  She's  like,  "Yeah."  You  just  got  to  start  
talking  about  the  weather.  

Point  is,  if  you're  talking  about  this,  what  you  can  do  is  you  can  be,  "Wait,  one  
second.  One  second.  Everybody  talks  about  the  weather.  This  is  the  most  boring  
conversation  topic  in  the  world.  Let's  talk  about  something  else.  What  do  you  do  
for  work?"  It's  funny  because  you've  just  called  out  the  fact  that  everybody  talks  
about  the  weather  and  now  you're  jumping  into  something  else  boring.  "What  do  
you  do  for  work?"    

She's  just  going  to  laugh  about  it.  But  it's  a  funny  way  to  transition  from  talking  
about  the  weather  to  talking  about  something  else.  If  you  use  the  principles  that  
I've  just  showed  you  hear  about  why  does  stuff,  teasing  her  a  little  bit,  framing  
her,  then  that  mixed  with  those  as  you're  talking  about  her  work  or  as  you're  
talking  about  where  she  lives,  that's  another  one.  

You  can  say,  "Everybody  talks  about  the  weather.  Let's  talking  about  something  
really  unique.  Where  in  town  do  you  live?"  You  can  see  my  delivery  on  that  one.  
"Let's  talk  about  something  really  unique.  What  part  of  the  city  do  you  live  in?"  Or  
"Let's  talk  about  something  really  special  that  you've  never  talked  about  before.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
What  do  you  do  for  work?"  It  will  just  get  her  to  laugh.  Do  that.  Add  any  other  
stuff,  really  easy.  

Another  one  that's  come  up  is  if  you  want  up  to  a  girl  and  you  say,  "Hey,  what's  
up?"  Nine  times  out  of  10,  she'll  say  back  like,  "Not  much.  What's  up  with  you?"  
She's  like,  "You  gave  me  shit  to  work  with.  I'm  going  to  give  you  shit  to  work  
with."  Now,  I'm  going  to  show  something  funny  you  can  say  right  here.  You  can  
say,  "Not  much,  I  was  just  up  there.  It's  nice.  The  air  is  a  little  bit  different.  The  air  
is  a  little  thinner.    

It's  not  quite  as  loud  but  it's  a  little  more  smokey  than  it  is  down  here."  At  this  
point,  she's  just  looking  at  you.  She's  like,  "What?"  You'll  be  like,  "Yeah,  I  was  up  
there.  I  was  looking  down  at  you  and  I  noticed  you  down  here.  I  was  actually  
trying  to  get  your  attention."  She's  like,  "Really?"  "Yeah,  you  didn't  see  me  waving  
when  I  was  up  there?"  She's  like,  "No,  I  didn't  notice."  

"Tell  you  what,  I'm  going  to  go  back  up  there  again  in  just  a  second.  In  case  you  
don't  see  me  again,  I  better  get  your  name  so  I  can  call  down  at  you  and  say  
hello."  Whenever  I've  done  that,  girls  just  crack  up.  I'm  going  to  give  you  a  little  
transcript  to  that  one.  You  don't  have  to  memorize  it  right  now  but  basically  if  
somebody  says  what's  up  to  you,  the  basic  premises,  you  talk  about  how  you  
were  up  there.    

Then  transition  it  to,  "I  was  trying  to  wave  at  you  and  get  your  attention  but  I  
didn't  see  you."  End  by  saying,  "But  if  I  go  back  up  there,  I'm  going  to  need  your  
name  to  call  down  at  you.  What's  your  name?"  That  one,  I  came  up  with  it  
actually  on  a  boot  camp  when  I  was  drilling  back  and  forth  with  Jodie.  I  was  doing  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
some  demonstration.  She's  one  of  our  female  coaches.  It  just  kind  of  came  up  
spontaneously.  It  clicked  so  well.  I  was  like,  "I'm  just  going  to  keep  using  this."  

Those  are  two  easy  hooks.  Those  will  make  things  happen  all  over  the  place.  Let  
me  tell  you  one  final  one.  It's  a  five-­‐step  hook  I  call  it.  It's  also  known  as  instant  
attraction.  It's  a  really  easy  way  to  transition  from  your  opening  to  something  
personal.  If  you  haven't  heard  me  talk  about  this  one  before,  great.  If  you  have,  
you  might  learn  something  that  you  never  know.  Basically,  you  want  to  start  by  
baiting  about  a  high  value  story.  We'll  just  stick  with  Mexico.  For  your  sake,  we're  
going  to  pick  a  vacation  spot  that  you've  been.  I'm  going  to  talk  about  it,  "Yeah,  I  
was  down  in  Mexico.  I  loved  it  down  there.  It's  so  peaceful  when  I'm  down  there."  
She's  like,  "Yeah,"  you're  having  a  little  bit  of  back  and  forth.  

What  you  want  to  keep  coming  back  to  is  like,  "I  just  love  sitting  on  the  beach,  
feeling  the  wind,  breeze  over  me.  I  am  so  at  peace  in  that  moment.  What's  
something  for  you  that  really  puts  you  at  peace?"  Step  one,  talk  about  yourself  
and  talk  about  the  personality  traits.  It  puts  me  at  peace.  It  makes  me  chill.  It  
makes  me  adventurous.  It  makes  me  happy.  It  makes  me  have  fun,  whatever.  Talk  
about  yourself.  Talk  about  personality  trait.  

Step  two,  ask  her  if  she  has  ever  done  anything  like  that  personality  trait  or  with  
that  personality  trait.  What's  something  that  puts  you  at  peace?  What's  
something  that  you  just  feel  adventure  in  your  heart  when  you  do  it?  What's  
something  super  spontaneous  that  you've  done  in  your  life?  Now,  she's  going  to  
answer  it.  "I  feel  at  peace  when  I'm  on  horseback."  "Really?  Horseback,  why?"  Let  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
her  talk  about  it,  "There's  just  something  about  it,  like  being  on  the  horse.  I've  
been  doing  it  for  so  long."  

"That's  cool.  I've  never  gone  horseback  riding.  I  feel  like  it'd  be  kind  of  
challenging.  Did  it  take  a  long  time  to  get  to  that  point  where  you  could  just  be  
one  with  the  horse?"  "Yeah,  it  took  me  forever."  "You  must  be  like  super  
dedicated  to  that?  It  must  be  something  you  really  love."  "Yeah,  I  just  love  it."  
"How  long  ..."  you  can  see,  I  can  ask  questions  on  and  on.    

You  want  to  talk  about  this  for  a  long  time.  Once  you've  finally  gotten  to  that  
point  and  you  can  say,  "Wow,  you're  so  dedicated.  That's  so  cool.  You've  got  
something  you  love  like  that.  Hey  listen,  I'll  tell  you  what.  I've  got  an  idea,  let's  do  
this.  Let's  just  have  the  ultimate  peaceful  experience.  We're  going  to  go  down  to  
Mexico.  I'm  going  to  find  some  horses  and  we're  going  to  ride  them  along  the  
beach.  How  amazing  would  that  be?  Do  you  want  to  do  that  with  me?"  She'll  be  
like,  "Yeah."  I'll  be  like,  "Awesome.  That's  great.  What's  your  name?  I  probably  
need  to  know  that  before  we  go  down  there."  

At  times  and  I've  taught  this  in  the  past,  I've  talked  about  how  I  got  drunk  and  
went  to  Mexico  and  it  was  the  most  spontaneous  thing  I've  ever  did.  What's  
something  spontaneous  she's  done  and  then  combine  the  spontaneous  stories.  
The  point  is  very  simple.  You  want  to  take  a  story  of  your  own  life  and  talk  about  
how  it  makes  you  feel  something  or  how  is  the  personality  trait  of  yours.  You  
want  to  ask  her  if  she's  done  anything  with  that  personality  trait  and  get  her  to  
answer.  You  want  to  talk  about  her  thing  and  then  you  want  to  combine  those  
into  a  future  projection.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
I'll  tell  you  what.  You  do  all  the  stuff  we've  just  talked  about  here,  you'll  create  so  
much  intrigue  about  who  you  are  and  get  her  opening  up  to  you.  You'll  get  her  
asking  like,  "Who  is  this  amazing  guy  who's  talking  to  me  in  a  way  that  no  man  
does  in  a  bar?"  That's  the  awesome  thing  about  this.  Up  to  this  point,  we've  
talked  about  getting  her  attention.  We've  talked  about  stirring  to  the  emotional  
path.  We've  talked  about  intrigued.  We're  going  to  end  with  one  more  little  thing  
and  that's  how  to  make  it  easy  on  yourself.  

We've  been  through  a  lot.  I  got  to  tell  you,  I'm  a  little  fatigued  right  now.  I've  been  
going  through  all  this  stuff.  You've  got  a  lot  in  front  of  you.  You're  probably  
swimming  with  this  information  right  now.  You're  like,  "Oh  man,  there's  so  much  
great  stuff  in  here.  How  am  I  going  to  use  it?"  What  I  want  to  do  is  I  want  to  give  
you  some  advice  on  how  to  make  things  easy  for  yourself  when  you're  out  and  
talk  to  girls.  Going  on  and  talking  to  girls  should  be  fun,  you  already  know  that.  
Let's  figure  out  how  to  make  it  easy.  There's  going  to  be  four  little  bits  of  advice  
I'd  give  you.  

The  first  one,  find  the  easy  shots.  If  you're  a  basketball  player,  there's  a  lot  of  
glory  in  making  a  three  point  throw  from  the  half  court  line  but  the  amount  of  
times  you're  going  to  make  that  is  not  that  ...  it's  just  not  going  to  happen  that  
often.  Especially,  when  you're  first  getting  into  this.  If  you're  not  good  at  
approaching  already.    

Especially,  there  are  like  in  the  early  nights,  the  early  part  of  the  night  when  
you're  out.  When  you're  going  out  and  you're  just  starting  to  get  your  social  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
momentum  going.  The  easy  shots  are  the  girls  who  are  open.  It's  just  that  simple.  
You  want  to  look  for  girls  who  are  open.    

Girls  who  are  open  are  standing  there.  They're  kind  of  half  into  their  conversation  
with  each  other  but  they're  half  scanning  the  room.  They're  not  talking  to  groups  
of  other  guys.  They're  not  secluded  in  the  back  corner  of  the  room.  They're  not  
the  groups  that  you  go  at  for  the  glory  of  impressing  your  friends.  They're  just  the  
girls  who  are  like,  "We  want  to  talk  to  somebody."  You're  going  to  find  those  girls  
typically  at  the  bar.  You  can  find  those  against  the  walls.  Anywhere  where  they're  
just  standing  there  and  you  can  kind  of  see  they're  half  open.  Those  are  open  
girls.  I  am  telling  you,  you  have  to  start  your  evening  by  talking  to  open  girls.  

There  are  going  to  be  girls  who  are  closed  off  and  cold.  They're  just  not  as  easy  to  
talk  to.  Find  the  open  girls  to  talk  to.  Sometimes,  they're  even  just  standing  in  the  
middle  of  the  damn  room.  It's  just  as  easy  as  putting  yourself  near  them  and  
starting  conversation  like  that.  That's  one  easy  shots  is  girls  who's  open.    

Another  one,  girls  who  are  wearing  something  quirky  or  unique.  You  want  to  note  
that  other  guys  might  comment  on  it  too  but  I  want  you  to  look  extra  hard.  Three  
things  that  I  look  at  are  shoes,  earrings  and  eyeliner.  I've  already  talked  about  the  
direct  compliment  opener  with  respect  to  earrings  and  eyeliner.  Shoes  is  another  
great  one.  Most  girls,  especially  if  they're  going  out  for  a  good  evening,  they  wear  
really  cool  shoes.  They  think,  in  their  heads,  they're  like,  "These  shoes  are  going  to  
impress  somebody,  usually  some  girl."  The  problem  is,  when  you're  out,  how  
often  do  your  eyes  venture  anywhere  below  her  breast  line,  almost  never.  
Nobody  ever  compliments  a  girl  on  her  shoes.  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
If  you  see  a  cool  girl  with  really  cool  shoes,  it's  a  really  easy  shot.  It's  like,  "Wow,  
those  are  amazing  shoes.  Where  did  you  get  those  from?"  Whenever  a  girl,  I  
always  like  to  do  this,  whenever  a  girl  says  ...  whenever  you  compliment  a  girl  on  
a  wardrobe  item,  I  almost  always  jokingly  say  something  like,  "I  was  so  thinking  of  
wearing  that  myself  tonight."  Because  obviously  I'm  not  thinking  of  wearing  
women's  shoes.    

You  can  either  say  that  or  "Where  did  you  get  that?  I  have  to  get  some  of  my  
own."  It's  like,  "Where  did  you  get  those  shoes?  Those  are  gorgeous.  I  have  been  
looking  for  shoes  like  that  for  ages.  I'm  dying  to  get  some.  You  got  to  tell  me  
where  you  got  them."  It's  really  funny.  It's  an  really  easy  shot.  Same  thing  with  
earrings.  If  a  girl  is  wearing  special  or  cool  earrings,  that's  another  easy  one.  
Again,  for  earrings,  matching  eyeliner,  you're  so  in.  

Girl  who  are  doing  something  interactive.  Maybe  they're  taking  a  shot  together.  
Maybe  they're  toasting  together.  You  don't  want  to  jump  in  on  a  shot  but  right  
afterwards.  You  can  be  like,  "Hey,  what's  celebration?"  That's  an  easy  one  to  get  
on.  One  that  I  love  is  if  you  are  type  who  likes  to  dance,  it  can  be  on  a  dance  floor,  
kind  of  catch  a  girl's  eye  during  a  popular  song  where  she's  really  having  fun  and  
dance  near  her  but  don't  dance  on  her.  Some  guys  have  really  good  dance  floor  
game.  If  you're  one  of  them  then  you  probably  don't  need  to  be  watching  this.  

If  you  don't  have  great  dance  floor  game,  like  me,  what  I  like  to  do  is  I  like  
basically  ...  if  a  really  good  song  comes  on,  I  like  to  dance  near  a  girl  and  I  kind  of  
like  catch  her  eye.  I'll  be  like,  "Yeah,"  just  having  fun.  I  got  a  nice  big  smile  on  my  
face  but  I'm  doing  my  own  thing.  Then  after  that  song  goes  off,  I'll  maybe  go  talk  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
to  her  like,  "Oh  man,  it's  such  a  great  song.  I  love  that  one.  You  dance  so  
amazingly  to  it.  It  made  me  want  to  dance  with  you  but  I  don't  know  you.  What's  
your  name?"  

This  is  an  opener  that  I  don't  really  talk  about  that  much  but  it's  definitely  
something  that  I  use  on  the  dance  floor  where  I  admit  that  I  suck  at  dancing  
because  I'll  be  like,  "I  want  to  dance  with  you  but  I'm  not  the  best  dancer  and  I  
don't  know  you  yet  so  I  didn't  want  to  impose.  But  I  had  to  get  to  know  you  
because  you  look  like  you're  having  so  much  fun.  What's  your  name?"  Great  
opener.  The  girl  is  in  a  really  good  emotional  state  from  just  having  danced,  it's  
great.  Again,  super  easy  shot.  

Another  easy  shot  is  girls  who  are  drinking  something  unique.  Maybe  they've  got  
a  really  unique  colored  thing  in  there.  "Whoa,  what  is  that?"  Or  eating  something  
unique  at  a  coffee  shop  or  a  restaurant  with  communal  tables.  If  they're  drinking  
something  unique,  something  you  can  ...  again,  little  one-­‐liner  that  I  like  to  use  is  
"What  is  that?  That  looks  so  delicious  and  so  girly."  They'll  be,  "Yeah,  yeah."  I'm  
going  to  be  like,  "I  might  have  to  order  one  of  those.  I  got  to  tell  you,  I  was  not  
trying  on  getting  girly  drink  drunk  tonight  but  that  looks  good."    

The  one-­‐liner  is  girl  drink  drunk.  I  think  I  got  that  from  the  Kids  in  the  Hall  skits  but  
girls  love  ...  it's  really  one  of  those  things  they  latch  on  to.  They  just  laugh  at  it,  "I  
wasn't  planning  on  getting  girly  drink  drunk  tonight.  How  about  you  guys,  are  you  
getting  girly  drink  drunk  or  you're  going  to  be  switching  over  to  scotch  at  some  
point?"  Again,  really  easy  shot.  Those  are  the  easy  shots.  That's  how  you  want  to  
start  your  evening  if  you're  not  good  at  the  stuff  already,  those  are  the  girls  that  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
you  want  to  be  approaching.  If  you  want  to  talk  the  really  hot  girls  or  what  I  call  
the  cold  girls,  there's  a  strategy  for  that  too.  

There  are  girls  who  you'll  see  they're  like  closed  off  or  they're  like  really  inclusive  
in  their  group,  they're  just  not  talking  to  everybody.  Sometimes  they  will  be  
standing  at  the  bar  but  the  difference  is  they'll  be  like  closed  off  at  the  bar  rather  
than  open  up  at  the  bar.  They're  standing  in  their  little  group.  They  don't  want  to  
talk  to  anybody  else.  You  got  to  recognize,  these  are  cold  girls.  They  not  super  
open  to  talking  to  people.    

Maybe  they  look  a  little  nervous.  Often  times  you'll  see  what  happens  is  really  hot  
girls  are  like  this  because  they're  trying  to  figure  out  subconsciously,  "Where  are  
the  cool  guys?  Who  are  the  guys  I  want  to  talk  to?  Who  are  the  guys  who  are  just  
going  to  take  the  bait?"  

When  hot  girls  walk  into  bars,  there's  always  like  ...  have  seen  Braveheart?  
There's  this  great  scene  where  ...  I  can't  remember,  was  it  King  Richard,  I  think  
King  Richard  was  a  good  king.  Whoever  the  king  is,  he  sends  in  the  front  line  and  I  
think  he  sends  in  the  Irish  first.  He's  like,  "Yeah,  send  in  the  Irish.  They  are  the  
front  lines.  I  don't  mind  if  they  get  killed."  There  is  always  a  front  line  of  guys  who  
will  approach  the  hot  girls  first.  Usually,  those  guys  will  get  shut  down.  It's  very  
rare  that  the  front  line  doesn't  get  shut  down.  

You  don't  want  to  be  on  the  front  line  with  the  hot  girls.  They  need  to  warm  up.  
They  need  to  feel  like,  "Okay,  we  got  the  guys  who  we  shut  down."  Beyond  that,  
they  don't  want  the  guy  who  is  like,  "Yo,  hot  girl.  Bam."  They  want  a  guy  who  is  
having  fun  in  his  own  rights  and  like,  "Okay,  I  guess  I'll  go  talk  to  them  because  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
I've  gotten  some  eye  contact  already."  That's  the  point.  Don't  be  on  the  front  
lines.  Don't  be  the  guy  who  sees  hot  girls  and  be  like  right  on  them  because  there  
will  be  other  guys,  you  don't  have  to  worry  about  that.  

The  way  I  like  to  work  with  groups  like  this,  I  will  get  close  to  them.  I'll  get  
proximity  maybe  with  my  friends.  I'll  ordering  a  drink  or  I'll  be  nearby,  I'll  have  a  
conversation.  I'll  get  eye  contact  from  them  and  I'll  get  it  once.  I'll  keep  over.  Once  
I  get  that  eye  contact,  I  might  try  to  use  a  nonverbal  opener.  We  talked  about  that  
in  the  previous  week.  I  might  try  to  use  a  nonverbal  opener.  If  I  don't  get  them  to  
open  up,  done.  I'm  not  looking  at  them  anymore.  I'm  going  to  hang  out  there  for  a  
little  bit  longer,  maybe  like  five  minutes,  keep  talking  to  friends  and  we're  going  
to  move  on.  I'm  not  going  to  engage  them.    

I'm  going  to  go  talk  to  other  people  in  the  bar.  I'm  going  to  have  fun.  I'm  going  to  
talk  to  the  open  people,  enjoy  my  evening.  Maybe  15,  20,  30  minutes  later,  I'm  
going  to  see  if  I  get  eye  contact  from  the  cold  girls  again,  nine  times  out  of  10,  I  
do.  Now,  I  can  go  back  and  reengage.  It  can  be  something  simple  as,  "How's  your  
night  going,  nutter  butter?"  Or  "What's  up,  trucker?"  That  is  where  I  would  use  
that  sort  of  the  nickname  opener.  Sort  of  reopening  a  cold  girl  who  I'm  trying  to,  
hopefully  is  now  warm  and  who  I've  made  some  eye  contact  with  once  already  
and  I'm  just  going  in  and  I'm  assuming  that  I'm  friends  with  her.  

Speaking  of  assuming  friendship,  let's  move  on  to  number  three.  This  is  the  third  
way  that  you're  going  to  make  it  easy  on  yourself.  This  is  more  of  your  own  
mindset  than  it  is  something  you're  going  to  do.  But  I  do  like  to  assume  friendship  
with  everybody  in  the  bar.  It's  like  an  air  by  myself.  It's  a  casual  way  of  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
approaching  people.  Basically,  how  a  friend  or  a  casual  acquaintance  speak  to  a  
girl  who  he  was  interested  in.  You  want  to  assume  that  she  wants  to  talk  to  you.    

In  fact,  if  you  take  that  thought  in  your  mind,  I  assume  this  girl  is  going  to  want  to  
talk  to  me.  We'll  work  with  clients  sometimes  on  coaching  programs  where  we  
say,  "This  girl  wants  to  talk  to  you.  Go  talk  to  her."  We  load  him  up  with  that  
thought  in  his  mind.  If  you  assume  that  she  wants  to  talk  to  me,  she's  friendly,  it  
will,  nine  times  out  of  10,  manifest  itself  in  the  right  way.  Going  back  all  the  way  
to  the  first  lesson  of  this  course  when  we  talked  about  approaching  anxiety,  this  is  
one  of  those  visualization  exercises  you  can  do  to  make  it  a  lot  easier  on  yourself.  

When  you  are  assuming  friendship,  you're  not  going  to  spew  words  in  a  million  
miles  a  minute.  You're  also  not  working  too  hard  to  justify  your  presence  to  her.  
The  basic  vibe  she  should  be  feeling  from  you  is  like,  "I  talk  to  girls  all  the  time.  I'm  
having  fun  talking  to  you.  Let's  enjoy  being  together."  That's  assuming  friendship.  

Fourth  way  you  can  make  it  easier  on  yourself  is  what  I  call  doing  a  lot  with  a  
little.  The  more  that  you  work  for  her,  the  more  value  that  you  give.  That's  a  good  
old  equation.  If  you  talk  too  much,  if  you  talk  too  fast,  you  got  too  much  
movement,  if  you're  talking  too  much  about  her,  putting  too  much  on  her,  if  
you're  jumping  around,  if  you're  going  too  fast,  that,  you're  doing  a  lot  of  work.    

Again,  sometimes  these  habits  die  hard.  That's  why  guys  come  in  for  coaching.  
But  what  to  do  instead,  go  back  and  review  all  the  nonverbals  from  the  previous  
lesson.  Nonverbals  are  critical  in  getting  this  stuff  right.  You  want  to  get  
nonverbals  right.  You  want  to  have  them  be  very  simplified,  be  very  chill,  that's  
the  first  thing.    

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
Second  thing  is  called  is  called  pausing  and  buffering.  This  is  something  that  Nick  
came  up  with.  He  speaks  of  it  extensively  in  his  fearless  program.  Pausing  and  
buffering  is  really  simple  but  really  difficult.  Kind  of  like  that  game  Othello.  Pause  
and  buffer  is  when  somebody  gives  you  an  answer  to  something,  you  go,  
"Really?"  That's  it.  Let's  say  they  say  ...  you  say,  "Where  do  you  live  in  town?"  
They're  like,  "I  live  on  the  Upper  East  Side."  Pause.  Buffer,  "Really?"  It's  just  that  
simple.  That  is  the  pause  and  buffer.  Usually,  it  gets  them  to  open  up  even  more.  
This  is  something  you  can  do  with  women,  something  you  can  do  with  guys.  

"What's  your  favorite  type  of  food?"  "I  love  seafood."  "Interesting."  The  specifics  
of  the  pause  and  buffer  are  you're  not  passing  a  judgment  one  way  or  the  other.  
They  don't  know  if  you  validating  or  if  you  haven't.  You're  just  saying,  "Please,  
give  me  more."  That's  a  really  easy  way  to  do  a  lot  with  a  little.  Breaking  up  your  
stories  when  you're  talking,  we  talked  about  that,  how  you  don't  want  to  answer  
in  full  sentences.    

If  somebody  says,  "What  do  you  do?"  "I  just  work  at  the  most  interesting  
company  in  the  world."  "What's  that?"  "We  work  with  guys  to  help  them  become  
more  confident.  That's  my  job,  let's  talk  about  yours?"  "I  write  the  coolest  
software  programs  in  the  world.  I  love  it."  "What  do  you  love  about  it?"  Now  
you're  off  but  you're  breaking  up  your  stories.  You're  not  telling  your  stories  in  full  
chunks.    

Then  finally,  you  want  to  always  be  asking  yourself  why  or  what  does  that  mean?  
That  is,  that  thing  right  there,  if  you're  asking  yourself  why  or  what  does  that  
mean  about  the  girl  who  you're  talking  to,  it's  going  to  make  things  so  much  

 
SAY HELLO     THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES  
 
easier  because  you're  not  going  to  have  to  ask  a  whole  bunch  of  questions.  You're  
just  going  to  be  thinking,  "What  does  that  tell  me  about  her?  What  about  her  
personality  is  that?  How  can  we  connect?"  

Man,  that  is  a  whole  lot  of  material.  I've  got  some  great  transcripts  for  you.  I'm  
going  to  give  you  some  stuff  to  go  out  and  do  and  say  in  your  homework.  I  want  
you  to  pick  some  of  these.  I  want  you  to  go  out  and  use  them.  You  could  be  
working  on  just  the  material  in  this  course  for  the  next  six  months,  just  the  
material  in  this  particular  lesson  for  the  next  six  months.    

But  go  back,  find  some  stuff  that  you  like  that  really  connected  with  you.  Put  it  
into  practice  this  week.  You  are  going  to  be  opening  so  many  conversations  with  
this.  When  you  get  this  stuff,  it's  so  natural.  It's  so  easy.  You're  going  to  have  so  
much  fun  with  it.  Go  out  and  enjoy  it.  

I  will  catch  you  next  time  when  we  are  talking  about  specific  openers  for  specific  
situations  but  I  don't  want  you  to  hold  off,  I  do  want  you  to  go  out  and  be  putting  
in  the  work  and  going  out  and  doing  some  approaches  right  now.  You're  going  to  
have  a  lot  of  fun.  
 

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

CHAPTER 4: WHAT TO SAY…WHERE?

Hey,  man,  welcome  to  Say  Hello,  course  four.  I'm  Christian  Hudson,  and  today  we  
are  going  to  talk  about  what  to  say  to  girls,  where.  Specific  things  to  discuss  with  
women,  and  where  you're  meeting  them,  and  how  to  be  aware  of  the  situational  
logistics,  and  the  things  that  you're  dealing  with  in  these  situations  that  are  going  
to  change  how  you  start  that  conversation.  We're  going  to  go  over  what  
happened  in  the  last  three  weeks,  talk  about  some  feedback  that  I've  gotten  from  
guys  based  on  their  experiences  when  they  went  out  and  did  the  homework,  and  
then  we're  going  to  jump  right  into  it.  

Let's  talk  about  what  we've  covered  just  in  case  you  haven't  seen  some  of  the  
episodes  or  you  skipped  ahead  to  this  one.  Week  one  we  discussed  and  talked  
about  the  mindset  of  approaching,  and  this  is  really  critical.  If  you  did  not  watch  
that,  or  you  really  didn't  internalize  that  stuff,  I  got  to  tell  you,  man,  that  is  the  
foundation  of  where  all  of  this  comes  from,  really  critical  you  be  on  top  of  that.  
Go  back.  Really  stick  that  into  your  iPod  or  something,  and  get  into  it.  That  is  a  
great  bit  of  material  right  there.  

In  lesson  two,  we  talked  about  the  nonverbals  and  the  way  that  you  just  move  
your  body,  your  eye  contact,  all  that.  Equally  important  to  the  mindset,  and  it's  
one  of  those  things  that  if  you're  starting  to  implement  some  mechanical  changes  
to  the  way  that  you  move,  whether  it  be  with  your  eyes,  or  your  body,  or  
whatever,  it  can  a  little  awkward,  and  we're  going  to  get  to  a  comment  about  that  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

in  just  a  second,  but,  again,  equally  important.  You  got  to  have  that  body  
language  down,  otherwise  the  girl  just  feels  like  your  vibing  them  weird.  

Last  week,  we  talked  about  how  to  hook.  The  feel  of  your  words,  the  things  that  
actually  come  out  of  your  mouth,  topical,  personal,  interpersonal,  and,  yeah,  we  
gave  you  some  very  specific  examples  of  how  to  hook  a  conversation,  and  
specifically  how  that  first  few  minutes  should  flow  in  terms  of  what  you're  talking  
about,  what  she's  talking  about,  what's  going  on  there.  A  lot  of  great  feedback  on  
that  one,  and  hopefully  it  was  very  helpful  to  you.    

As  you  know,  I  don't  like  to  use  routines,  but  there  are  certain  things  that  I  will  go  
to  and  remember  and  say  early  in  the  conversation,  just  to  give  it  some  oomph,  
and  make  sure  that  I  get  to  the  point  where  we  can  be  connecting  with  each  
other.  That  was  what  was  going  on  in  the  last  course.  

You're  not  where  you  want  to  be  at  this  point.  There's  a  couple  things  that  I  can  
share  with  you.  The  first  is  have  you  really  paid  attention  to  everything  that's  
been  going  on.  I  know  that  when  I  do  this  stuff,  sometimes  I'm  halfhearted  about  
learning  and  getting  better,  and  then  I'm  like,  "Well,  shit,  I'm  just  not  quite  where  
I  want  to  be."  It  happens.  Go  back,  look  it  over,  do  it  some  more.  Take  advantage  
of  the  forum.  Get  in  there.  Share  your  thoughts,  talk  about  what's  going  on,  and  
share  what's  going  on  in  your  life.      

If  you're  not  doing  the  homework,  you're  missing  out  on  a  huge  part  of  this  
course,  and  I  know  that  some  of  you  guys  just  do  not  do  the  homework,  and  
you're  just  assuming  that  by  assimilating  information,  you'll  get  better.  That's  just  
not  how  you  get  better  with  this  stuff.  Your  brain  learns  social  skills  by  actually  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

doing  it,  by  making  mistakes,  which  I  know  is  tough,  by  making  mistakes,  by  
getting  coaching.    

Of  course,  we  offer  coaching.  But  by  making  mistakes,  getting  coaching,  seeing  
examples  of  it,  and  then  just  kind  of  assimilating  and  going  through  that  whole  
process.  If  you're  not  actually  doing  it,  there's  not  a  whole  lot  that  I  can  do.  
Beyond  that,  you  don't  get  results  if  you  don't  take  action,  so  you  got  to  take  
action  on  this  stuff.  

I  want  to  discuss  a  few  things  that  were  said  from  people  who  have  been  going  
through  and  specifically  their  experiences  in  the  past  week  after  course  three.  
Somebody  was  saying  situation  openers,  they  still  feel  kind  of  awkward  for  me,  so  
when  I'm  just  trying  to  pick  up  on  something  in  the  situation  and  have  a  
conversation  with  a  girl.    

Honestly,  answering  this  question  is  a  great  way  of  answering  a  bigger  issue  that  a  
lot  of  guys  have,  which  is  situational  and  it  really  doesn't  matter.  It's  more  about  
you  and  the  girl,  and  what's  going  on  after  the  opener,  so  you  can  say  anything  
about  the  situation.  Like,  "Man,  it's  really  warm  in  this  bar,"  and  she  is  like,  "No,  
it's  not.  It's  actually  kind  of  cool  in  here.”  Be  like,  "You  must  be  like  a  reptile  or  
something,  or  cold  blooded.  Are  you  just  a  fake  human,  or  is  there  lizard  skin  
beneath  there?"  Whatever,  it's  all  about  handling  that  response,  and  now  you're  
into  the  conversation,  having  some  fun  and  bantering.  

The  situational  opener  itself,  just  getting  some  words  out  there  to  get  her  
attention  on  you.  That’s  really  all  it's  all  about.  I  know  that  I  used  to  get  really  
hung  up  on  like,  "I've  got  to  come  up  with  the  most  clever  thing  about  this  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

situation.  Something  that  she's  going  to  be  so  interested  to  talk  about,"  and  that's  
just  not  the  case  with  situational  openers.  It's  just  about  getting  some  words  out  
of  your  mouth  to  get  her  attention  on  you,  so  you  guys  can  start  having  a  back  
and  forth.  That's  really  where  it's  at.  

Some  other  feedback  we  got,  which  is  remembering  how  to  hook  is  hard,  and  I've  
given  you  several  examples  of  how  to  hook,  and  specific  procedures  and  
mechanisms  and  all  that.  Listen.  This  is  a  new  skill  that  a  lot  of  you  are  learning.  
You're  learning  new  instincts.  If  you  think  of  it  this  way,  like  I  am  literally  today,  as  
I  sit  down  to  record  this,  I  just  got  a  new  motorcycle,  and  my  instinct  is  on  a  
bicycle  to  have  brakes  on  both  sides  and  not  to  have  a  clutch  over  here.  It's  really  
weird  trying  to  acclimate  to  the  clutch,  and  it  almost  is  very  embarrassing,  so  I'm  
going  to  take  it  out  later  tonight  and  drive  it  around  when  nobody's  watching.    

These  are  new  skills  that  we're  learning,  and  you  have  to  accept  that  you're  either  
going  to  fail,  unfortunately,  with  a  woman.  It's  not  nearly  as  bad  as  if  you  let  your  
motorcycle  go  crashing,  but  with  respect  to  the  clutch,  I  stalled  out  a  bunch  of  
times,  and  when  you're  working  on  hooking,  you  might  stall  out,  but  you  have  to  
take  your  ego  out  of  this  whole  thing.  You  have  to  say,  "Look,  I'm  learning  a  new  
skill.  That’s  it.  I'm  going  to  get  good  at  this  at  some  point."  I've  given  you  the  path.  
I've  given  you  the  techniques.  You've  got  to  go  out  and  put  them  into  practice.  
Just  keep  working  on  that.  I  know  that  it  can  be  awkward,  but  keep  pushing  
through.  You're  going  to  get  there,  and  if  you  don't,  come  see  us  for  coaching.  

The  third  bit  of  feedback  that  I  had  to  share  with  you  is  ...  It's  funny.  I  was  out,  
and  you've  obviously  heard  me  talking  about  the  bombing  opener.  Some  girl  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

came  up  to  me,  and  she  tried  hitting  on  me  with  a  variant  of  the  bombing  opener.  
It  was  something  like,  "Hey,  I  bet  you  have  a  really  nice  penis."  It  was  so  funny.  
She  was  clearly  drunk,  and  her  friends  were  over  there  giggling.  The  bombing  
opener  in  as  much  as  it  was  a  really  over  the  top  ...  It's  either  going  to  go  really  
well,  or  it's  going  to  tank  miserably.  

The  thing  is,  this  girl  was  not  that  cute.  I  just  wasn't  that  into  her,  but  you  know  
what  was  funny  was  she  was  so  bold,  and  I  was  so  taken  aback.  I  was  like  even  
though  she's  not  super-­‐hot,  I'm  going  to  allow  myself  to  have  this  interaction  with  
her.  She  turned  out  to  be  pretty  quick  witted,  and  we  went  back  and  forth,  and  
we  had  a  good  time.  We  got  her  friends  involved.  I  got  my  guys  involved,  and  it  
was  just  a  fun  group.  Of  course,  I  didn't  continue  anything  with  the  girl,  but  it  was  
still  a  fun  group.  We  had  a  good  time.  

Girls  do  this  stuff,  too.  They  have  to  go  through  it,  too.  They’re  just  as  nervous  as  
you  are  in  most  cases.  We  do  those  bombing  openers,  and  just  when  you  
approach,  you  have  to  understand  some  people,  like  myself,  are  going  to  be  nice.  
Others,  not  so  much.  It  just  depends  on  who  the  person  is.  

This  one  I've  got  to  read  off  the  PowerPoint  deck  here.  This  guy  wrote,  "The  
reason  for  asking  this  is,  as  you  probably  guessed,  I  had  these  two  situations  just  
recently,  and  although  I  kept  eye  contact  long,  I  kind  of  felt  that  I  had  a  quite  
expressionless  face  during  it."  We've  talked  about  having  facial  expressiveness,  
and  the  importance  of  that.  When  you  are  being  facially  expressive  with  a  
woman,  it's  going  to  feel  a  lot  more  genuine.  That's  the  human  level  of  the  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

interaction.  You're  not  just  running  through  like,  "If  she  does  this,  then  I  do  that.  If  
she  does  this,  then  I  do  that."  

With  that  said,  when  you  are  going  through  this  stuff  and  you're  learning  it,  and  
you're  trying  new  stuff  out,  it  is  awkward  from  time  to  time,  and  you're  trying  to  
be  conscious  about  remembering  your  eye  contact,  but  then  you're  like,  "Ah,  
crap.  I'm  not  moving  my  face  around."  That's  okay.  That's  why  you  go  out  and  
your  practice  this  stuff.  That's  why  we're  going  through  this  course.  That's  why  a  
lot  of  guys  either  move  to  a  big  city  to  practice  it,  like  New  York  or  LA  or  whatever,  
or  come  to  a  big  city  to  practice  it  with  coaching,  so  that  they've  got  that  
experience.  

The  point  being,  as  you  put  all  these  little  nuances  together,  they  will  get  better  
and  better.  I  was  definitely  awkward  at  every  single  one  of  these  things,  and  I  just  
was  very  deliberate  about  going  out,  speaking  with  women,  and  allowing  myself  
to  be  awkward,  just  as  I  remembered,  and  I  would  test  stuff  out  and  be  like,  
"Okay,  remember  to  do  that.  Did  I  do  this?  Okay.  Yeah,  got  it.  Good."  It  just  took  
some  time,  so  it's  okay  if  it's  still  awkward.  That's  fine.  You  are  trying  to  put  a  lot  
of  little  things  together  here.  That's  why  this  is  not  an  overnight  course.  That's  
why  we  have  homework  for  you,  so  allow  for  that  awkwardness  to  be.  You  are  
working  towards  a  goal.  You're  working  through  a  process.  

I  think  one  important  thing  to  realize  is  that  events  ...  People  often  look  at  a  guy  
who  picks  up  a  girl,  and  they  look  at  it  as  an  event.  They're  like,  "Wow.  He  picked  
up  that  girl.  He's  got  great  pickup  skills."  Not  true.  He's  been  through  a  process  of  

 
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making  himself  better  with  women  every  step  of  the  way,  and  that's  what  you're  
going  through  right  now,  so  just  remember  that.    

Just  because  you  don't  pick  up  one  girl  in  that  one  particular  event,  you  are  going  
through  a  process  of  learning  to  get  better.  That's  the  important  thing  to  focus  on  
here.  Trust  me.  If  I  can  do  this,  and  I  used  to  be  really  awkward.  I've  said  this  a  
million  times  before.  I  used  to  be  really  awkward.  Didn't  know  shit  about  anything  
here.  You  can  definitely  do  it.  If  you're  feeling  a  little  awkward  about  it,  just  keep  
barreling  on  through.  Trust  me.  There's  light  at  the  end  of  the  tunnel.  

Let  me  just  hit  on  a  few  other  broad  topics.  The  people  who  are  really  putting  the  
work  in  are  finding  that  this  is  a  lot  less  difficult  than  they  thought  it  was.  They're  
like,  "Oh,  shit,  I  just  actually  have  to  go  out  and  start  conversations.  Keep  a  few  
things  in  mind.  It's  not  that  hard."  It's  true.  

The  guys  who  are  doing  repeated  approaching  and  who  are  regularly  doing  this,  
what  I'll  see  is  two,  three  weeks  in,  if  they're  keeping  up  their  journals  on  the  
forum,  they're  really  starting  to  get  it,  and  they're  getting  excited  about  it.  Maybe  
I'm  not  even  responding  as  much  they  want  me  to  be,  and  they're  like,  "I  want  
some  attention  here.  I'm  getting  really  good  at  this."  The  guys  who  are  doing  it,  
they're  feeling  a  lot  more  confident.  They're  getting  really  good.  Specifically  
they're  leading  with  emotions.  They're  finding  that  this  is  not  all  about,  "I  got  to  
go  say  some  words."  They're  really  having  fun  with  it  and  enjoying  themselves,  
and  that’s  the  good  part  of  it.  

With  that,  let's  jump  into  the  official  part  of  course  four,  which  is  what  to  say  and  
where.  Chances  are,  you've  heard  this  day  game  versus  night  game  distinction,  or  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

club  game.  As  Race  and  I  like  to  ...  We  always  joke  about  this  stuff,  because  we  
created  this  whole  thing  about  text  game.  Text  game  is  pretty  specific,  and  then  
we  were  like,  "How  do  we  get  more  specific?  How  about  Spiderman  game,"  like  if  
you're  Spiderman,  or  stairwell  game,  and  we'll  get  even  more  into  than  that.  If  
you're  walking  up  a  stairwell  and  you  see  a  forty  year  old  woman  game.  Yeah.  
Let's  talk  about  these  distinctions  and  different  types  of  game  and  different  types  
of  opening  scenarios.  

The  biggest  one  that  we  really  identify  is  sober  versus  alcohol  involved,  and  that  is  
a  huge  one.  We'll  get  into  that  in  just  a  moment.  Indoor  versus  outdoor,  that's  
another  big  distinction.  Another  one,  single  woman  versus  groups.  If  it's  just  one  
woman  or  maybe  two,  it's  very  different  than  if  it's  a  group.  All  female  groups  
versus  male  female  mixed  groups.  That's  another  big  distinction.  Then  we'll  start  
to  talk  obviously  about  approaching  groups  in  different  venues,  and,  finally,  what  
to  do  if  it  is  some  people  who  you  kind  of  know,  a  warm  introduction  or  
something  like  that,  because  Lord  knows  that  happens  to  me.  I  don't  want  you  to  
go  without  the  answer  to  that  one.    

Let's  talk  about  this  whole  distinction  of  sober  versus  alcoholized  and  all  that,  as  
opposed  to  day  versus  night,  because,  as  I  said,  it's  a  very  important  distinction.  
Alcohol  does  play  a  big  role  in  human  interactions.  We  have  these  social  rules  that  
we  have  to  follow  on  a  day  by  day  basis,  and  we  have  our  natural  desires,  and  
alcohol,  of  course,  removes  the  filter,  and  allows  us  to  get  a  little  bit  more  in  
touch  with  our  natural  desires  and  bring  those  out.  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

It's  no  coincidence  that  this  drug,  chemical,  whatever  you  want  to  call  it  has  such  
a  wonderful  place  in  society  for  so  long,  and  frankly,  I  love  it.  I  love  to  drink,  not  
too  heavily,  but  I  love  the  feeling  of  the  cold  beer  on  a  warm  day,  a  nice  glass  of  
wine  at  dinner,  and,  sure,  when  I  go  out  to  the  bar,  I  love  having  a  couple  drinks.  It  
just  heightens  the  enjoyment  of  my  night.    

Now,  whether  you  want  to  do  it  without  drinking  or  with  drinking  or  what  have  
you,  my  whole  perspective  on  that  is  I  know  some  people  who  have  an  over  
reliance  on  it.  I  know  some  people  who  when  they  start  drinking  they  just  go  off  
the  deep  end,  obviously  not  a  good  thing.  If  those  are  your  situations,  you  got  to  
handle  them  yourself,  but  I'm  not  here  to  say,  "Hey,  no,  you  got  to  do  this  by  
yourself.  You  can't  have  any  booze  involved."  That's  just  something  to  be  mindful  
of.  

That's  the  broad  thing  about  sober,  alcohol,  day,  night.  Most  times  in  the  day,  
people  are  not  drinking.  Most  times  at  night,  people  are  drinking.  There  are  a  few  
distinctions.  Obviously,  if  it's  a  park  party,  a  bar  crawl,  day  time  parties,  people  
are  going  to  be  drinking.  There's  no  day  time  rules  or  day  games,  just  people  
partying.  If  you  ever  go  to  a  pool  party  in  Vegas,  trust  me,  it  does  not  feel  like  
gaming  a  girl  when  she's  walking  down  the  streets  at  noon  in  New  York  City.  Yes,  
that's  a  big  distinction.  

Another  one  is  people  are  outdoors  at  night,  like  if  they're  walking  from  venue  to  
venue.  If  they  are  drinking  then  you'll  probably  notice  that.  It's  a  lot  easier  to  
approach  them,  but  don't  be  that  guy  who  is  like  creepily  stalking  up  to  a  woman  
late  at  night.  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

Let's  get  a  little  bit  more  into  sober  versus  alcoholized.  One  way  that  I  like  to  think  
about  this  is  if  you  play  the  guitar,  you  know  anything  about  playing  guitar,  there's  
this  thing  called  distortion.  Basically  rock  bands  like  to  play  with  distortion.  When  
you  play  with  distortion  and  you  solo,  you  can  have  ...  You  can  be  much  sloppier  
on  the  solo,  because  distortion  hides  the  effects  of  your  sloppiness.  It  all  kind  of  
blends  together  with  the  distorted  output  of  the  amp.  

When  there's  alcohol  involved,  the  good  news  is  that  people  are  a  lot  more  
forgiving.  It  sort  of  distorts  what  people  feel  and  think.  It  removes  some  barriers,  
so  it's  more  like  playing  a  distorted  amplifier  versus  through  a  clean  acoustic,  
where  you  have  to  get  your  words  a  little  bit  more  right.  

In  a  woman's  mindset,  there's  another  big  difference.  When  she's  drinking,  her  
whole  perspective  is,  "Hey,  I'm  going  out  to  socialize.  I'm  going  out  to  meet  guys  
probably.  I'm  going  out  to  be  around  people."  When  she  is  not  drinking  and  it's  
the  daytime  where  she's  walking  down  the  street,  for  example,  she's  probably  out  
for  another  reason,  or  maybe  she's  a  service  industry  worker  at  a  restaurant  at  
night  and  she's  not  drinking.  The  point  is  that  when  people  are  not  drinking,  their  
mindset  is  probably  very  different  than  when  they  are  drinking.  When  they  are  
drinking,  they're  probably  much  more  receptive  to  being  social  and  chatting  other  
people  up.  

There  are  differences  with  social  boundaries,  too.  When  somebody's  drinking,  you  
can  get  a  lot  closer  to  them.  You  can  just  push  the  sexual  envelope  usually  a  lot  
more  quickly.  When  they're  not  drinking,  you  can't.    

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

Some  obvious,  but  apparently  not  so  obvious  caveats  about  this  whole  thing,  
because  I've  made  these  mistakes,  don't  accuse  a  girl  of  being  drunk  ever.  They  
hate  it.  I've  definitely  said  to  girls  before,  "Wow,  you  seem  kind  of  drunk  right  
now."  It  doesn't  matter  how  drunk  they  are,  if  they're  not,  they'll  be  like,  "You  
asshole."  If  they  are  drunk  they'll  be  like,  "You  asshole."  Just  don't  accuse  girls  of  
being  drunk.  They  don't  like  that  at  all.  

If  a  girl  is  too  drunk  ...  This  has  definitely  happened  to  me,  too,  where  I'm  like,  
"Wow,  this  girls  like  so  good  to  go.  She  wants  to  leave  the  venue,"  and  then  we  
get  out  to  the  taxi  and  she  falls  asleep  or  something.  No  roofies.  Obviously,  do  not  
use  date  rape  drugs.  I  just  feel  like  I  am  obligated  to  say  that.  I'm  sure  there's  
somebody  out  there  who  is  like,  "What's  that  all  about?"  Don't  do  that  shit.    

The  point  is  though,  if  a  girl  is  too  drunk,  don't  take  advantage  of  her.  Don't  be  
that  dickhead  either,  because  it's  not  going  to  be  super  enjoyable  for  you  I  would  
guess,  unless  you're  a  nut  or  a  lunatic,  in  which  case  refund  our  shit  and  don't  
watch  anymore.  But  if  you're  not  another  lunatic,  I'm  guessing  that  it  wouldn't  be  
very  enjoyable  for  you  to  take  advantage  of  some  drunk  girl.  Just  don't  do  it.  

With  that  little  chit  chat  here,  let's  jump  into  different  situations,  and  we're  
actually  going  to  start  with  daytime,  just  kind  of  talking  about  the  logistics  of  
meeting  a  girl  in  the  daytime,  or  in  a  venue  where  she's  not  really  super  social,  
and  that  is  all  about  the  quick  number.  

The  quick  number,  this  is  one  of  my  favorites.  It  works  great  in  New  York.  It  works  
great  basically  anywhere  that  you  can  have  a  conversation  with  her.  The  quick  
number,  this  works  great  in  situations  where  you're  either  nervous,  where  she's  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

moving  fast,  where  you  guys  just  don't  have  a  lot  of  time  to  socialize  or  it  would  
be  awkward  to  do  so.  Certainly  during  the  daytime  this  can  work,  but,  also,  at  
night  when  you're  leaving  a  bar  or  whatever.  

Let  me  tell  you  what  the  steps  are.  You  get  in,  you  say  hello,  whatever  your  
conversation  starter  is,  anything  that  we  came  up  in  a  previous  week.  Then  you  
throw  out  a  little  bit  of  banter,  just  like  we  discussed  last  week,  generally  talking  
about  yourself  or  herself,  how  many  things  you  have  in  common.  You  go  into  a  
little  bit  more  depth  about  yourself,  actually  being  honest  about  certain  things.  
"Oh,  yeah,  I  live  in  this  neck  of  the  woods.  I  do  this."    

We  talked  about  getting  to  the  truth  of  who  you  are.  You  ask  her  a  question  or  
two  about  herself.  You  go  personal  with  her.  That’s  about  it.  Give  her  a  quick  
complement.  Nothing  too  crazy,  nothing  too  over  the  top,  but  just  a  quick  
statement  of,  "Hey,  you're  really  cool,"  or,  "Wow.  I  got  to  be  honest  with  you.  
You're  really  pretty  and  I'd  love  to  get  to  know  you  more,"  or,  "Wow.  I  didn't  
expect  such  a  pretty  girl  to  be  so  cool."  Any  of  those  things  can  work  just  great.  

Then  you  just  push  for  the  number.  Pull  out  your  phone,  "Hey,  let's  get  some  
coffee  sometime,"  and  it's  just  that  easy.  If  she's  giving  you  a  little  bit  of  guff,  if  
she's  like  no,  just  pull  out  your  phone  if  you  need  to.  Literally  pull  it  out  of  your  
pocket.  Be  like,  "No,  don't  worry  about  it.  Look,  it's  all  good.  I'll  only  call  you  five  
times  a  day,  maybe  seven."  Joke  about  it,  and  then  get  out  of  there.  

What  we've  found  in  doing  a  lot  of  approaches  is  that  maybe  one  in  ten  girls  will  
be  down  to  do  what's  called  an  insta-­‐date.  If  you've  followed  the  pickup  
community  for  a  while,  you  know  that  some  guys  like  to  use  insta-­‐dates.  I  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

personally  don't.  I  find  insta-­‐dates  aren't  an  efficient  way  to  spend  my  time  when  
I'm  trying  to  go  chat  up  a  bunch  of  girls,  and  insta-­‐date  is  basically  like  you  met  a  
girl  during  the  day,  and  then  you  immediately  take  her  to  get  coffee  or  something.  
It  can  be  fun  and  romantic.    

If  you  want  to  do  that,  I'm  certainly  not  going  to  discourage  you  from  doing  that.  
Anything  that  you  find  in  this  program  that's  going  to  help  you  get  to  that  point  
where  you  can  say,  "Hey,  listen.  I  don't  know  what  you  got  going  on  for  the  next  
hour  or  two,  but  do  you  want  to  grab  a  coffee  somewhere?"    

Certainly  if  you're  a  tourist,  or  if  you're  just  traveling  through  major  cities,  that  
can  be  a  great  way  to  spend  your  time  and  meet  new  girls,  because  you're  not  
going  to  have  a  lot  of  opportunity  to  date.  But  if  you're  settled,  and  you're  looking  
for  a  lot  of  girls  to  date,  I'd  avoid  the  instadate.  It's  just  not  an  efficient  way  to  go  
about  it.  

When  you're  doing  this,  you  want  to  be  super  assertive.  It's  all  about,  she's  like,  
"Wow.  I'm  taken  aback  by  how  assertive  this  guy  is."  That's  a  huge  thing.  If  you  
tremble,  or  you're  not  super  assertive  about  it,  she's  going  to  feel  that,  and  your  
nervousness  is  going  to  transfer  unto  her.  It's  awkward  situation  for  her  to  begin  
with.  Most  girls  are  not  used  to  be  stopped  day  in,  day  out  on  the  street.  They're  
used  to  be  hooted  and  hollered  at.  They're  used  to  guys  being  jerks,  but  they're  
not  used  to  guys  actually  expressing  a  genuine  interest,  and  trying  to  be  fun,  and  
trying  to  be  playful  in  the  way  that  you  and  I  have  been  discussing  here  in  this  
course.  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

This  is  going  to  throw  them  for  a  loop,  and  they're  used  to  turning  guys  down.  
That's  the  thing.  They’re  used  to  guys  being  jerks  and  whatever,  like  cat  calling,  so  
you  got  to  overcome  that  resistance.  It's  fine.  It's  just  something  you've  got  to  
remember  to  manage  in  your  head,  and  the  way  you're  going  to  manage  it  is  by  
being  assertive.  

With  daytime,  I  want  you  to  remember,  it's  not  efficiently  organized  around  
building  long  connections,  so  efficiency  wins.  Get  in,  get  the  number,  and  get  out.  
That's  a  huge  rule  about  daytime  stuff  when  you’re  doing  this  quick  number.  Yes.  
That's  about  it.  

Let's  jump  into  talking  about  how  to  pick  up  girls  on  the  street.  When  you're  
meeting  a  girl  on  the  street,  it's  not  that  hard.  You  just  have  to  be  super  assertive  
about  it.  That's  the  thing.  Again,  I'll  just  speak  from  New  York  as  an  example.  
You're  getting  stopped  every  day  by  like  Planned  Parenthood  or  Green  Peace  or  
who  the  hell  knows  to  ask  you  to  sign  something,  so  you're  going  to  be  grouped  in  
that  category  of  people  certainly  if  you're  in  the  city,  and  generally  no  matter  
where  you  are.  You  have  to  just  be  aware  of  that,  and  that's  what's  going  on  in  
her  mind.  

Your  mindset,  it's  really  simple.  It's  like,  wow,  bam,  I  see  a  girl.  I  want  to  get  to  
know  her.  I  want  her  number.  Let's  make  it  happen.  That's  it.  It's  this  killer  instinct  
of  I  want  to  make  this  happen.  That's  it.  

Your  body  language  on  the  street,  completely  neutral.  You're  not  overly  gaming  
her.  You're  not  like  into  her.  You're  not  like,  "Let  me  get  close  to  you."  It's  not  like  
that.  It's  going  to  creep  her  out.  You  want  to  keep  your  hips  generally  pointed  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

away  from  her,  in  fact,  and  then  as  she  starts  to  open  up  to  you,  you  can  start  to  
give  her  your  hips.  You  want  to  generally  lean  back  as  you're  talking  to  her.  You'll  
see  some  demonstrations  of  this  in  the  mission  in  the  field  videos,  where  we're  
walking  down  the  street,  and  we'll  plant  our  hips,  and  we'll  look  back,  and  we'll  be  
talking  to  her,  and  then  slowly  turn  around  and  lean  back  in  that  direction  
towards  her.  

What  to  say,  exactly  what  I've  told  you  about  in  the  quick  number  thing.  That  is  by  
far  the  easiest  way  I  know  to  go.  Just  get  your  opener  out  there.  Say  hello.  You  
can  just  stop  her,  be  like,  "Hey,  excuse  me.  Hey,  I  need  to  talk  to  you  for  a  
second."  You  just  want  to  grab  her  attention.  I  always  like  to  start  with  a  “hey”.  
It's  not  the  nicest  thing.  It's  not  like,  "Hey,  my  sweet  love."  That  would  be  a  little  
awkward.  You  just  want  to  say,  "Hey."  Get  her  attention.  Get  her  looking  at  you.  
Do  not  start  talking  until  you  have  all  of  her  attention.  That's  what's  really  critical.  

If  you  want  to  go  a  little  bit  further,  and  she's  got  some  discernable  trait,  you  
could  be  like,  "Hey,  Red  Sox  hat."  I  don't  like  to  do  stuff  like,  "Hey,  pretty  dress,"  
or  like,  "Hey,  knee  high  boots."  Anything  that  a  guy  would  say  to  a  prostitute  or  
whatever,  or  anything  that's  obviously  hitting  on  her,  I  don't  like  to  do  that.  
Anything  that  sounds  like  you're  talking  to  your  kid  sister,  that  works.  "Hey,  kitten  
mittens,"  or,  "Hey,  Red  Sox  hat,"  those  are  things  that  you'd  say  to  your  little  
sister,  so  those  work.  But,  "Hey,  girl  with  the  pretty  dress."  She's  like,  bam,  "This  
guy's  hitting  on  me."  That's  fine.  It's  okay  if  she  knows  you're  hitting  on  her,  but  
that's  just  kind  of  cheese  ball,  so  stay  away  from  that  stuff.  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

You  can  do  a  couple  things.  You  can  just  go  direct  with  a  compliment  like,  "Hey,  I  
saw  you  walking  down  the  street.  I  had  to  get  to  know  you.  What's  your  name?"  
You  can  do  that.  The  other  one  that  works  really  well  is  the  bait  and  switch,  where  
basically  you  say  like,  "Hey,  I  need  to  know  where  such  and  such  is  around  here,  
and  do  you  know  where  that  is?"  It's  really  helpful  if  you  actually  have  your  
phone,  and  you're  kind  of  like  ...  I've  done  this  plenty  of  times,  where  you're  
looking  on  your  phone  and  you're  looking  around,  so  she  sees  that.  You're  like,  
"Yeah.  Where  is  this  thing?"    

You  can  have  some  plausible  deniability  later.  On  the  first  date  you  could  be  like,  
"Look,  I've  got  to  honest  with  you.  I  saw  you  from  five  hundred  yards  away,  and  I  
was  like,  shit,  I  have  to  meet  this  woman,  so  I  whipped  out  my  phone  and  I  came  
up  with  this  story."  Don’t  tell  her  right  there.    

What  you  can  do  is  once  you've  been  talking  to  her  a  little  bit,  you  can  say,  "Hey,  
listen,  I  got  to  tell  you,"  so  you  go  from  just  asking  this  question,  something  a  little  
bit  more  personal,  like,  "Do  you  live  in  this  neighborhood?"  Throw  out  a  little  
thing  about  yourself.  "Oh,  my  God,  we're  both  New  Yorkers.  We  have  so  much  in  
common.  Do  you  like  thing  number  two?"  Now  you're  going  back  into  this  hole  do  
you  like  little  thing,  as  we  discussed  in  week  three.  Now  you're  making  your  laugh  
and  you  can  say,  "Hey,  listen,  actually  you're  really  fun.  I'd  love  to  get  to  know  you  
sometime.  I'm  running  right  now  obviously,  but  let  me  get  your  number."  That's  
the  easiest  way  I  know  of  on  the  street.  It's  super  fun.  

The  one  other  thing  that  I've  found  on  the  street  that  can  work  is  if  you  ...  This  is  
very  specific,  but  I  was  just  talking  to  one  of  our  coaches,  Adam,  about  this.  There  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

is  a  neighborhood  in  Manhattan,  where  all  the  actresses  and  models  go  to  
castings.  Casting  is  where  they  basically  show  up,  and  there's  fifty  models,  and  the  
casting  directors  meeting  all  of  them  in  person,  and  seeing  how  she  likes  them.  
The  way  that  these  castings  ...  The  girl  will  go  in  and  out  real  quickly,  and  usually  
when  she's  there,  she'll  have  this  book.  It's  like  her  portfolio.    

What  we've  noticed  is  if  you  walk  around  the  neighborhood,  there's  a  lot  of  girls  
during  the  daytime,  in  the  afternoon,  in  the  morning,  during  the  week,  who  are  
walking  around  with  their  portfolios.  You  might  see  them  in  a  Starbucks  in  line.  
You  might  see  them  at  a  Dunkin  Donuts  or  whatever,  and  it's  really  easy  to  start  
talking  and  be  like,  "Hey,  how  did  the  casting  go?"  That's  an  example  of  a  specific  
opening  for  a  scenario.  It's  not  quite  the  street,  but  it  is  daytime.  That’s  a  specific  
example  of  a  way  that  you  could  stop  somebody.    

You  could  even  do  that  while  you're  walking  down  the  street.  If  you  look  down,  
you  see  a  girl  with  a  portfolio  in  her  bag  ...  I've  actually  done  this  to  a  girl  in  the  
park.  I  was  walking  by,  and  she  was  just  sitting  down  with  her  portfolio  in  her  bag,  
and  I  said,  "Hey,  how  did  the  casting  go?"  That's  an  example  of  how  you  can  use  a  
little  bit  of  social  intelligence  to  understand  what  the  girl's  all  about,  what's  going  
on  in  her  world,  and  just  assume  a  rapport  with  her.  Get  in  the  conversation,  start  
it  going.  We  talked  about  assumed  rapport  before,  so  I'm  not  going  dwell  on  it.  
That's  an  easy  way  to  make  a  street  approach  if  she's  walking  down  the  street,  
what  have  you.  

That  is  the  street  approach.  We  will  move  on  to  the  next,  which  is  the  bookstore.  
The  Barnes  and  Noble  in  the  Union  Square  here  in  New  York,  it's  funny.  It  became  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

such  a  hot  spot  for  gaming  girls  that  I  actually  know  some  guys  who  got  banned  
from  there.  The  Barnes  and  Noble  people  know.  They're  like  all  these  pickup  
artists  keep  coming  in  and  talking  to  girls  here.  They've  really  got  their  eyes  on  
that.  You  can't  run  boot  camps  down  there  anymore,  but  whatever.  Some  guys  
still  really  like  going  to  bookstores,  talking  to  girls.  We'll  see  what  the  Kindle  and  
the  Nook  do  to  bookstore  sales,  but,  hey,  there's  some  brainy  girls  hanging  out  in  
bookstores,  a  great  place  to  meet  girls.  

This  would  work  like  movie  stores,  too,  like  a  Sam  Goody,  if  that's  still  around,  or  
Tower  Records,  Virgin,  anywhere  where  people  are  browsing  to  shop  for  media.  
Your  mindset  when  you  go  in  there  is,  "Hey,  I'm  just  looking  for  a  book.  I'm  just  
hanging  out,"  and  when  you  see  the  girl  it's  like,  bam,  pretty  girl.  I  need  to  make  
this  happen  right  now.  You  don't  want  to  be  that  creepy  guy  who  is  stalking  her  
out  of  the  corner  of  your  eye  or  anything  like  that.  Your  body  language  in  the  
bookstore  should  be  neutral  and  relaxed.  Just  make  it  easy.    

Now,  what  to  say,  usually  I  like  to  do  something  situational  with  respect  to  the  
books.  If  it's  a  section  that  you  really  know,  like  if  you  really  like  religion  books,  or  
if  you  really  like  entrepreneurship  books,  or  you  really  like  whatever,  then  by  all  
means  just  start  talking.  "Have  you  read  this  one,"  or,  "Have  you  read  that  book,"  
and  just  start  a  little  conversation  with  her.  You  probably  have  enough  
intelligence  that  you  don't  need  me  to  tell  you  that,  but  it  is  a  great  way  to  start  a  
conversation.    

Then  you  can  just  go  on  and  start  talking  what  you  like  about  it,  and  really  get  
enthused.  Girls  who  are  in  bookstores,  they  are  probably  deeper  thinkers  than  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

girls  who  don't  go  to  bookstores,  so  if  you  show  some  enthusiasm  about  talking  
about  the  book,  they'll  be  like,  "Wow.  This  guy  has  a  passion  for  this,  and  I  find  
this  really  engaging,"  and  you  throw  it  back  at  her,  "So,  tell  me  what  kind  of  books  
do  you  like,"  and  talk  to  her  about  it,  or,  "What  are  you  looking  for?  What  about  
this  topic  matter  is  so  interesting  to  you."  Those  are  the  sort  of  questions  that  you  
can  really  bring  out  of  her,  get  to  know  her.  After  a  few  minutes  of  conversation,  I  
would  say  start  to  head  out.  

My  friend,  Steven  Nash,  he's  got  a  great  conversation  starter  for  bookstores  when  
you  don't  know  the  section  very  well,  and  I  always  like  this  one.  Basically  
whatever  section  it  is,  whether  it's  fiction,  or  poetry,  or  what  have  you,  you  say  
something  like,  "I've  never  been  a  big  fan  of  fiction,  but  something  keeps  pulling  
me  back  to  this  section,  like  I'm  looking  for  that  book  that's  going  to  unlock  my  
interest  in  fiction.    

I  know  I  want  to  learn  about  it  at  some  point."  Just  let  it  linger,  and  she'll  either  
respond,  she'll  say,  "Interesting,  so  ...,"  and  she'll  pick  up  the  bait,  and  then  you  
guys  are  off  to  a  little  conversation,  and  now  it's  all  about  her.  It's  all  about  
making  her  the  expert  in  that  subject  matter.  That's  the  bookstore.  If  you  like  
bookstores,  great  brainy  girls  there.  Go  out  and  make  it  happen.  

The  grocery  store.  This  is  a  great  place  to  meet  women,  because  every  woman  
has  to  go  to  a  grocery  store.  Every  woman  is  shopping,  and  it's  so  funny.  One  of  
my  girlfriends,  who  we  dated  for  two  years,  and  she  told  me  specifically,  "Before  
you  came  into  my  life,  I'd  go  to  Fairway,  and  every  time  I  was  there,  I  was  just  
really  hoping  that  some  great  guy  would  come  up  and  talk  to  me."  It  still  breaks  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

my  heart  to  think  of  her  ...  We  broke  up  out  of  some  very  fundamental  
differences,  and  I  still  love  her  to  death,  and  it  just  breaks  my  heart  to  think  that  
she  is  probably  back  at  that  grocery  store  hoping  that  some  other  man  is  going  to  
go  talk  to  her.    

I  got  to  tell  you  what.  This  girl  is  a  drop  dead  gorgeous  model,  perfect  ten  in  every  
way.  I  just  have  to  make  this  clear  to  you.  Girls  at  grocery  stores,  not  all  of  them,  
but  a  lot  of  girls  who  are  there  shopping  by  themselves,  they  would  love  to  be  
approached  by  an  awesome  guy,  and  a  lot  of  girls  go  to  grocery  stores  thinking,  
"This  would  be  such  a  great  place  to  meet  a  guy,"  because  they've  seen  it  on  
every  damn  Adam  Sandler  movie,  or  whatever  romantic  comedy  they've  ever  
watched.  This  guy  starts  talking  to  a  girl  in  a  grocery  store,  so  they've  got  this  
image  in  their  head  of  that  would  be  a  good  place  to  meet  a  guy.  

Put  your  balls  on  the  line,  not  your  melons.  Your  attitude  in  a  grocery  store,  let's  
talk  about  that.  I'm  making  some  sort  of  food.  Whether  you're  a  good  cook  or  not,  
the  whole  attitude  is  to  have  fun  with  cooking.  You  don't  have  to  be  super  
enthusiastic  about  it,  but  you  have  to  be  super  enthusiastic  about  food.  That's  the  
key  point.  You  have  to  love  food.  You  have  to  love  talking  about  food,  and  come  
on,  who  doesn't  love  food?  

Again,  you're  in  and  out.  You  want  to  make  it  happen,  but  you  definitely  want  to  
just  have  some  fun  with  her.  Your  body  language,  you're  neutral.  You're  possibly  
in  a  hurry,  but  at  the  same  time,  you're  not  being  too  blah,  blah,  blah,  blah.  You’re  
giving  her  time  to  talk,  and  you're  really  going  to  make  her  feel  like  the  star  in  the  
grocery  store.  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

Different  products.  For  example,  if  you  happen  to  near  a  girl  who  is  buying  
mangoes  …  Fruit  is  obvious.  "Hey,  do  you  know  how  to  tell  if  an  avocado  is  ripe,"  
or  what  have  you,  and  at  that  point  you  could  start  to  ask,  "Cool.  How  did  you  
learn  that?  Is  that  something  they  teach  in  school,"  and  kind  of  go  from  there.  
"You  assume  like  you  must  be  a  semi-­‐good  chef."  At  this  point,  you're  going  to  
start  getting  feelers  about  whether  she's  feeling  it  or  not.    

Here's  the  cool  thing  about  the  grocery  store.  Again,  we've  talked  a  little  bit  about  
this  already,  but  let's  say  you  walk  up  to  a  girl,  and  all  your  body  language  is  
rocking.  You've  got  your  tonality  down.  You  got  good  posture.  You're  making  
good  eye  contact.  You're  smiling  a  little  bit,  and  your  vibe  is  there.  If  you  make  
some  eye  contact  with  a  girl,  and  you're  like,  "Hey,  I  need  some  help  here.  Can  
you  tell  me  what  is  a  ripe  avocado?"    

If  she's  chitty  chatty,  and  she's  having  fun  with  you,  and  she's  enjoying  talking  to  
you,  and  she  thinks  you're  semi-­‐attractive,  then  she's  going  to  be  very  responsive,  
and  at  this  point  you  can  just  start  asking  her  questions,  sharing  a  little  bit  about  
yourself  once  you  get  a  minute  or  two  in.    

That's  the  great  thing  about  this.  If  she's  not,  she's  just  going  to  quickly  glance  you  
over.  "Oh,  yeah,  this  that."  She'll  be  all  business.  You  can  tell  pretty  quickly.  Just  
use  some  social  intelligence.  Is  this  girl  being  a  little  more  friendly  than  she  needs  
to  be,  or  is  she  being  just  friendly  enough?  The  best  thing  about  this  is  if  you  really  
need  avocados  and  she  wasn't  super  friendly,  you  still  got  some  information  that  
you  needed,  and  it  wasn't  about  hitting  on  her.  That's  that.  You  can  do  that.  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

You  can,  also,  say  ...  And  I  know  Nick  likes  to  use  this  one.  Be  like,  "Hey,  I'm  
cooking  for  a  friend.  What  type  of  noodles  do  you  prefer  with  this  sort  of  stuff?"  
You  specifically  said  you.  "What  type  of  noodles  do  you  prefer?"  "What  type  of  
potato  chips  or  Tostitos  do  you  prefer  when  you're  eating  them  with  guacamole?"  
That  puts  it  right  on  her.  She'll  say,  "Well,  I  prefer  ...,"  and  you  can  at  that  point  
grab  that  one  and  say,  "Cool."    

I  got  to  say  I'm  a  fan  of  this  one.  If  it  were  me,  just  for  example,  if  it  was  with  
potato  chips,  I'd  say,  "Well,  I  got  to  tell  you,  my  favorite  by  far  are  Tostitos  Chili  
Lime.  If  you  put  a  bag  of  that  in  front  of  me,  I  will  eat  every  single  one.”  “I  haven't  
had  these  though.  Are  they  that  addictive?"  I'm  going  to  start  going  to  that,  but  
that's  true.  Tostitos  lime  chips  to  me  are  like  if  you  really  like  this  program,  I  mean  
really,  really  like  it,  send  me  some  Tostitos  lime  chips,  because  I  will  go  through  
them  like  that.  They're  so  good.  

Obviously,  you  can't  go  wrong  with  a  direct  opener.  If  nothing  else  is  coming  to  
you,  you  can  just  walk  by  and  say,  "Hey,  listen,  I  got  to  tell  you,  you  are  really  
pretty,  and  I  just  noticed  you  from  across  the  aisle,  and  I  had  to  come  over  and  
say  hello.  What's  your  name?"  If  she's  receptive  at  all,  and  she's  enjoying  your  
company,  then,  bam,  you're  in.  You're  good.  That's  it.  

Let's  move  on,  and  let's  talk  about  the  mall.  Let's  do  that  one.  The  mall,  that's  just  
shopping.  Girls  generally  don't  love  that  a  guy  is  going  shopping  just  to  hit  on  girls.  
They  actually  like  it  when  a  guy  is  going  shopping  to  go  shopping.  I  will  tell  you  
this,  and  this  sucks  as  a  fact,  but  it's  just  true.  I  always  get  better  responses  from  
girls  when  I'm  out  shopping  if  I'm  already  carrying  a  shopping  back,  and  I  get  the  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

best  responses  if  I'm  carrying  something  from  Ralph  Lauren.  It  just  seems  to  go  
that  way.  Girls  love  Ralph  Lauren,  and  so  if  I'm  carrying  a  damn  Ralph  Lauren  bag,  
it  just  sends  off  a  subtle  little  indicator  like,  "This  guy  shops  at  Ralph  Lauren."  

Just  so  you  know,  and  in  fairness,  if  you  want  to  go  get  a  damn  Ralph  Lauren  bag  
and  walk  around  with  it,  that's  fine.  I'm  into  girls  who  like  that  sort  of  stuff.  If  you  
like  girls  who  are  into  Hot  Topic  or  whatever,  then  get  a  bag  from  that  store.  I  
promise  you,  you  will  increase  the  number  of  girls  ...  Because  they're  just  looking  
at  your  body  and  little  cues  about  you.  You  know  this  already.  If  you're  carrying  a  
bag  from  a  store  that  they  like,  then  they're  just  like,  "Oh,  this  guy  is  a  little  bit  
more  like  me."  The  mall,  that's  a  great  thing  that's  helpful  there.  

Your  mindset  is  usually,  it's  either  I'm  looking  for  something  specific,  like  I  really  
need  to  find  X,  or  I'm  just  browsing  around  wasting  time,  however  you  want  to  
play  it  when  you  go  into  the  mall.  When  you're  actually  talking  to  the  girl,  it  can  
be  either  way.  You  can  be  in  and  out.  Let's  make  this  happen.  You  could  say,  "Hey,  
listen,  I've  got  a  fun  day.  I'm  just  browsing  around,  hanging  out,  and  I  got  some  
time  to  spend.  I  want  to  make  a  new  friend  right  now."  

Your  body  language,  it  could  be  neutral.  It  could  be  a  little  bit  more  engaged.  It's  
not  going  to  be  over  the  top  obviously.  It's  daytime.  There's  no  alcohol  involved.    

There's  a  few  things  that  can  just  be  super  helpful  in  the  mall  in  terms  of  opening.  
One  of  them  is  just  like  if  there's  a  girl  nearby,  and  it's  something  you're  trying  on,  
just  be  like,  "Hey,  I  need  a  quick  female  opinion  on  this.  What  do  you  think  of  
these  jeans?"  I  personally  don't  love  that  one.  I  know  a  lot  of  guys  who  do,  
including  some  guys  I  work  with,  so  that's  why  I'm  including  it  here.  I  don't  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

personally  love  that  one,  because  I  don't  feel  like  ...  If  she  doesn't  like  the  jeans,  
then  I'm  screwed,  especially  if  I  like  the  jeans,  and  I  don't  find  that  to  be  the  best  
one,  but,  like  I  said,  Nick  really  likes  that  one  during  the  day.  He  thinks  that  one  
works  great.  If  you  really  want,  you  can  pull  her  into  your  shopping.  

One  thing  that  I  know  that  does  work,  and  I've  done  this  before,  is  what  she  
thinks  of  sunglasses  and  what  she  thinks  of  cologne.  Those  two  things  right  there  
are  great  things  to  get  girls  involved  with.  I  will  tell  you  this,  too,  they're  get  first  
or  second  dates.  If  you're  like,  "Hey,  I  need  to  go  buy  some  sunglasses.  I  want  you  
to  come  with  me."  That  is  a  great  first  date.  Going  to  buy  some  cologne  is  a  great  
part  of  a  second  date.  That's  one  thing.  

The  other  thing  that  I  really  like  to  do  in  the  mall,  or  again  in  big  cities  you  just  get  
big  shopping  areas,  like  streets.  I'll  just  stop  a  girl  and  be  like,  "Hey,  excuse  me.  Do  
you  know  where  Ralph  Lauren  is?  Where  Gucci  is?"  I'll  usually  pick  a  luxury  brand  
name,  and  then  I'll  involve  them  in  the  conversation  for  a  little  bit.  "Oh,  wait,  so  
79th  and  Madison.  We're  on  ...  Do  you  know  this  neighborhood  pretty  well?"  I'll  
start  to  get  into  it.    

Then  I'll  notice  something  that  they're  wearing.  This  is  where  you  go  from  here.  I'll  
notice  something  they're  wearing,  and  I'll  be  like,  "Looks  like  you've  been  
shopping  somewhere  pretty  nice  yourself."  Usually  that's  just  a  little  compliment,  
and  I'll  transition  into,  "Do  you  live  in  the  neighborhood,  or  are  you  just  in  visiting  
from  out  of  the  city,"  and  then,  bam,  back  into  the  whole  thing  of  like,  "Oh,  my  
God,  we  have  so  much  in  common,"  and  then  start  to  get  to  know  each  other  a  
little  bit  more.  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

Then,  again,  you  can  never  go  wrong  with  direct.  The  same  thing  that  we  always  
discussed,  "Hey,  excuse  me.  I  just  had  stop  and  let  you  know  I  think  you're  really  
attractive.  I  want  to  get  to  know  you."  That  can  work  in  the  mall,  too.  

There's  a  couple  specific  ways  that  you  can  stop  girls  in  the  mall.  Go  out,  use  
them.  They  will  definitely  work.  I  promise  you  that.  This  is  the  coffee  shop.  Every  
guy  sees  girls  that  he  wants  to  meet  in  coffee  shops.  Coffee  shops  are  obviously  
very  popular  these  days.  Girls  hang  out  in  coffee  shops,  and  meeting  girls  in  coffee  
shops  is  a  great  way  to  do  it.  There's  a  couple  ways  that  I've  done  it  in  the  past,  
that  I  know  to  do  it.  One  of  them  ...    

Let's  talk  about  the  mindset  first.  Your  mindset  is  either  going  to  be  oriented  
around  like,  "Hey,  I'm  here  to  get  some  coffee,  and  relax,  and  read,  and  just  chill  
out,"  or  your  mindset  is  going  to  be,  "I  need  some  coffee.  Let's  make  this  
happen."  Depending  on  which  one  of  those  you  have,  my  honest  feeling  is  go  with  
whatever  you  got.  If  you're  just  in  and  out  to  get  some  coffee,  then  get  some  
coffee  and  get  out  of  there.  If  you're  there  to  hang  out,  or  relax,  to  read  your  iPad,  
or  whatever  you  got,  do  that,  and  play  the  game  accordingly.  Body  language  is  
generally  going  to  be  pretty  safe.  You’re  not  going  to  be  wildly  gesticulating,  super  
crazy,  all  that.  

Now,  what  do  you  say?  One  of  the  easiest  ways  to  do  it,  and  you're  not  always  
going  to  get  this  shot,  but  if  you  do  get  it,  you  got  to  take  it,  is  near  the  toppings  
bar,  you  can  just  be  like,  "Yeah,  can  I  have  some  cinnamon?  I  definitely  want  
some  sugar,"  and  just  try  to  get  some  eye  contact  with  her.  Be  like,  "You  have  to  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

put  cinnamon  in  your  coffee,"  and  then  you  can  just  start  a  conversation  from  
there.  A  little  bit  of  back  and  forth.  That's  usually  the  opener  that  I  like  to  use.  

Then  you  can  something  like,  "Yeah,  obviously,  I've  always  got  to  get  this  at  this  
time  of  the  day,"  or,  "Do  you  always  drink  coffee  at  this  time  of  the  day,"  or  you  
can  say  ...  What's  the  other  thing  that  I  always  say?  "Yeah,  around  4:00  if  I  don't  
have  a  coffee  I  will  be  dead  asleep  right  now."  A  little  bit  of  that,  and  just  see  how  
receptive  she  is  at  that  point.  

If  you're  in  line  with  a  girl,  if  you're  nearby  her  or  close,  you  can  just  be  like,  
"Wow.  What  is  that  thing?  Like  a  vanilla  mochachino  frappe  thing?  Have  you  ever  
had  that?"  Then  you  guys  can  talk  about  all  the  different  flavors,  et  cetera,  et  
cetera,  but  just  get  some  advice  from  her.  It's  the  same  way  you  you're  going  to  
do  it  in  the  grocery  store,  with  respect  to,  "Are  these  avocados  fresh?"  You're  just  
trying  to  get  some  advice  from  her.  You  can  talk  about  what  you  normally  get.  See  
if  you  guys  have  something  in  common.  See  if  she's  in  the  neighborhood.  Go  from  
there.  

One  of  my  favorites  from  the  coffee  shop  actually,  this  is  when  I  was  back  in  Ann  
Arbor  is  if  I  saw  a  girl  I  was  kind  of  making  some  eye  contact  with,  or  even  if  I  
didn't  totally  have  eye  contact  with  her,  I  would  walk  up  to  her  and  be  like,  "Hey,  I  
got  to  be  honest.  You're  really  distracting  me,"  and  have  a  wry  smile  and  say,  
"You're  really  distracting  me."  If  she  gets  it,  she'll  be  like,  "Oh,"  and  she'll  laugh,  
and  then  you  kind  of  be  like,  "Hey,  so  what's  your  name?  What  brings  you  out  
here  today?  Did  you  have  the  day  off  work?"    

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

If  she  doesn't  get  it,  and  she's  like,  "Why  am  I  distracting  you?"  Be  like,  "I'm  sitting  
over  there.  I'm  trying  to  do  work,  and  I  just  can't  help  but  find  my  gaze  wandering  
in  your  direction.  What's  your  name?"  Those  are  the  two  ways  that  you're  going  
to  start  that  conversation.  If  you're  friendly  about  it,  if  you're  having  fun  with  it,  
girls  will  be  very  responsive  to  it.  They’ll  love  it.  That's  the  coffee  shop.  

Let's  move  on  and  talk  about  nighttime.  Moving  on  to  the  nighttime  here.  This  is  
where  it's  really  fun,  if  you  ask  me.  This  is  where  I  like  to  meet  girls  is  when  
there's  a  little  bit  of  alcohol  involved,  when  people  are  out,  when  people  are  
being  social.  Let's  talk  about  how  you're  going  to  do  it  in  a  bar  situation.  Well,  
more  broadly  than  the  bar.  Just  in  social  places  where  everybody's  hanging  out  
and  having  fun.  

The  first  thing  you  want  to  do  is  obviously  attempt  to  establish  some  value.  We've  
attempted  to  explain  this  in  various  ways  in  all  of  our  programs.  Attempting  to  
establish  value  is  making  friends  with  connectors,  going  out  and  just  being  
friendly  with  everybody.  Talking  to  some  other  people  in  the  room  first.    

This  is  really  my  technique  is  finding  the  people  who  are  open.  I  want  to  find  the  
people  who  are  receptive  to  having  conversations,  and  those  are  the  people  who  I  
want  to  initiate  my  conversations  with,  because  they're  going  to  be  giving  me  
great  responses.  From  far  away  or  from  wherever  she's  sitting,  a  girl  can't  really  
discern  why  are  these  people  laughing  so  much?  Is  it  because  this  guy  is  the  
funniest  guy  in  the  world,  or  is  it  because  they  were  just  really  open  to  begin  
with?  That's  not  what  she's  going  to  see.  She's  just  going  to  see  that  I'm  talking  to  
some  people  who  I  know,  that  I'm  having  fun  and  that's  that.  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

Usually  what  I  like  to  do  is  as  soon  as  I  get  eye  contact  from  a  girl  who  is  really  
pretty,  I'll  try  to  wave  at  her,  or  force  a  little  interaction.  Usually  it  will  be  like  ...  
And  I  got  this  from  a  gambler,  where  I  will  wave  at  her,  and  I'll  do  one  of  those,  
and  if  she's  ...  I'll  be  like,  "Do  I  know  you,"  or,  "Hi,  do  we  know  each  other?"  I'll  
give  her  one  of  those  looks,  and  that's  a  great  way  to  lock  her  into  you,  where  it's  
not  just  like,  "Hey."  You  can  do  some  of  the  nonverbal  openers  that  we  discussed  
in  week  two  as  well.  The  point  is  once  you  get  that  eye  contact,  you  want  to  do  
something  that's  going  to  grab  her  and  make  her  focus  on  you.  

You're  going  to  go  over.  You're  going  to  say  something  fun,  something  nice,  
something  calibrated.  We've  talked  about  calibrating  your  openers  properly.  
We're  going  to  give  you  some  more  of  them  very  shortly  here.  Pace  the  
conversation  on  her  vibe.  You  might  be  able  to  escalate  it  really  quickly,  and  you  
might  be  able  to  hold  back,  hang  out.  I  personally  like  to  typically  hold  back  and  
hang  out,  but  some  guys  like  to  move  pretty  quick.  You're  going  to  go  from  there.  

Let's  talk  about  the  bar  specifically.  My  mindset  when  I'm  at  the  bar.  I'm  out  with  
my  friends.  I'm  having  a  great  time,  and  I'm  looking  to  meet  other  people  who  are  
having  fun.  This  is  not  once  of,  "Yo,  I  want  to  go  out  and  hit  on  chicks,"  but  when  I  
see  a  girl  who  I'm  into,  then  I'm  like,  "Wow,  I  want  to  talk  to  her."    

The  funny  thing  is  for  as  long  as  I've  been  doing  this,  I  still  get  nervous  at  times,  
and  there  are  times  I  still  go  out  and  I'm  like,  "I'm  not  having  fun  with  friends,  and  
I'm  here  to  hit  on  girls."  That's  when  my  mind  starts  working  against  me,  and  the  
thing  that  gets  you  over  that  is  when  you  just  remove  the  stakes  of  like,  "Geez,  if  I  
hit  on  her  and  she  rejects  me,  this  is  the  worst  thing  ever."  You  just  got  to  start  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

rolling  with  it  and  having  fun.  Do  a  bombing  opener,  or  do  some  shots  with  your  
buddy,  whatever.  If  you  start  getting  into  the  mindset  and  getting  stuck  like  I  do  
from  time  to  time,  then  you  just  want  to  get  out  of  that  mindset  and  do  what  you  
need  to  do  to  get  out  of  it.  

Body  language,  you  can  be  a  little  bit  more  aggressive  here.  You  want  to  be  a  lot  
closer  to  her.  You  want  to  obviously  approach  at  that  forty-­‐five  degree  angle.  You  
probably  heard  that  before.  If  you  haven't,  we've  got  some  demonstrations  of  it  in  
mission  in  the  field  stuff.  Basically  you're  going  to  walk  up,  you're  going  to  
approach  at  that  forty-­‐five  degree  angle.  Bring  yourself  in  as  she's  becoming  more  
receptive  to  you.    

If  you  already  feel  like  you've  got  her  attraction,  if  she's  being  responsive  to  you  
and  she's  giving  you  good  feedback,  then  you  can  get  face  to  face  with  her  very  
quickly.  You're  really  going  to  have  to  calibrate  this  based  on  what  she's  giving  
you,  and  that's  just  not  something  that  I  can  talk  about.  It's  something  you  got  to  
feel  out.  You've  got  to  see  how  to  do  it,  or  you've  got  to  come  and  get  coached  to  
do  it  yourself.  

In  terms  of  what  you're  going  to  say.  Anything  that  I  gave  you  in  the  supplemental  
openers,  there's  so  much  in  there  that  you  can  look  at  and  use  as  an  example,  so  
I'm  not  going  to  jump  into  that  right  now.  There's  so  many  great  ideas.  You  could  
go  situational.  You  could  go  direct,  anything.  Go  look  in  the  supplemental  openers  
part  of  this  course,  and  find  what  you  want  to  use  from  those.  

That  is  the  bar.  Have  fun  with  it.  Very  close  to  the  bar  is  a  nightclub.  The  nightclub  
is  basically  like  a  bar,  but  it's  even  higher  energy.  You're  going  to  probably  be  a  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

little  higher  energy.  She's  probably  going  to  be  a  little  higher  energy.  You’re  going  
to  be  a  little  bit  more  on  the  aggressive  side.  Because  it's  so  loud,  you  want  to  
definitely  demonstrate  your  confidence.  

One  thing  that  I  do  know  is  I  know  a  lot  of  girls,  including  quite  a  few  girls  who  I've  
dated,  who  are  like,  "Man,  guys  are  always  coming  and  hitting  on  me  in  the  
nightclub."  I  just  had  a  conversation  today  with  my  buddy,  David  Tian,  about  this,  
and  my  whole  vibe  in  the  nightclub  is  I'm  going  to  have  fun.  I'm  going  to  be  
aggressive  when  it's  time  to  be  aggressive.    

When  I'm  actually  starting  a  conversation,  it's  probably  not  going  to  be  with  a  girl.  
It's  going  to  be  with  people  who  are  on  the  periphery  of  the  girl.  I  want  to  get  to  
know  people  who  are  around  her,  her  friends.  If  I've  got  to  go  direct,  then  I'm  just  
going  to  grab  her,  like  pull  her  in  and  say,  "Hey,  come  here."  Those  are  the  two  
kind  of  distinctions.  

Let's  talk  about  that  first  one.  Just  to  be  clear,  you're  going  to  position  yourself  
nearby.  You’re  going  to  get  some  proximity.  You're  going  to  start  talking  to  people  
with  her,  around  her,  nearby  her,  and  then  you're  going  to  start  making  eye  
contact  with  her.  Because  you're  being  so  social  with  everybody,  you're  going  to  
naturally  pull  her  into  the  conversation,  so  that's  been  the  one  way  that  I  do  it.  

The  other  way  ...  Again,  this  is  the  very  direct  way  ...  Is  you  get  a  little  bit  of  eye  
contact,  and  as  you  guys  are  standing  up,  walking  by  each  other  or  whatever,  
you're  just  going  to  go  super  aggressive.  Walk  up  to  her.  Usually  I'll  grab  her  right  
on  the  hand,  and  just  pull  her  right  into  me,  like,  "Hey,  what's  your  name?"  To  the  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

point  where  it'd  be  like  I'm  not  yanking  her  in,  but  I'm  grabbing  her  and  she's  
feeling  like,  "Wow,  this  guy  is  taking  control  of  the  situation."  

It's  really  going  to  depend  on  the  girl.  I  did  that  just  a  few  weeks  ago  to  great  
effect.  The  girl  was  incredibly  responsive  to  it.  I've  done  it  before,  and  had  a  girl  
say,  "Hey,  what  are  you  doing?  Just  a  little  too  much."  If  you  get  that  response,  
you  can  usually  just  keep  plowing  right  through  it.  You  can  say,  "What  are  you  
talking  about?  What's  your  name,"  and  you  just  keep  going  through  the  things  
that  you're  going  to  share  with  her.  

Yes.  Those  are  the  two  real  great  approaches  for  nightclubs.  Two  little  nuances  
there  is,  A,  you  want  to  keep  your  sentences  short  and  discernable.  It's  loud  in  
there.  The  venue  is  moving.  You  got  to  keep  your  sentences  short.  You  can't  run  
on.  It's  just  a  quick  back  and  forth,  and  it's  a  lot  about  the  eye  contact  and  the  
vibe  she's  getting  from  you.  If  you're  going  to  go  direct,  it's  the  same  as  we've  
always  talked  about.  Just  go  direct.  Go  hard.  Make  her  feel  it.  Those  are  
nightclubs  and  bars.  Let's  pause  for  a  second,  and  we'll  move  on  to  talk  about  all  
female  groups  next.  

With  all  female  groups,  there's  some  similarities  with  single  girls  and  there's  some  
differences  with  single  girls.  Let's  talk  about  the  similarities  first.  The  mindset  
when  people  are  sober  versus  inebriated,  those  are  going  to  stay  the  same.  Body  
language  is  going  to  generally  remain  the  same,  and  the  verbal  rules  are  all  going  
to  apply.  

The  differences  in  single  is  when  you're  approaching  in  an  alcoholized  
environment,  when  people  are  passing  around  drinks,  you're  going  to  be  able  to  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

be  much  more  a  part  of  the  group  much  more  quickly.  They’re  looking  for  guys  
who  are  looking  for  fun,  having  a  good  time.  There's  already  a  group  vibe  going  on  
if  there  is  basically  three  or  more  girls  and  they're  really  enjoying  themselves.  

If  they're  sitting,  you  want  to  sit  before  you  say  anything.  Just  join  the  group.  If  
they're  standing,  you  can  join  their  circle.  You  don't  want  to  be  that  guy  who  is  
leaning  in  from  outside  of  it,  unless  ...  Now  there's  one  caveat  there.  Unless  your  
group  and  their  group  have  proximity  to  each  other.  This  is  definitely  a  situation  
where  you  can  lean  in.  I  might  be  here.  I'm  talking  with  some  buddies.  I  lean  in  
across  my  shoulder.  I  say  something  to  their  group.  I'm  like,  "Hey,  guys,  blah,  blah,  
blah."  Go  back  to  my  group.  Come  back  in,  but  I'm  quickly  going  to  join  their  
whole  group.  I'm  not  going  to  just  kind  of  linger  half-­‐assedly.  I  make  that  
introduction.  Come  back  away.  Go  back  in,  and  then  I'm  fully  into  that  group.  

The  critical  part  about  all  female  groups  is  you  want  to  direct  attention  to  all  the  
group  members  when  you're  talking,  and  this  is  one  thing  that  we  see  in  our  drills  
in  our  coaching  programs  is  guys  who  are  nervous,  they  have  a  hard  time  keeping  
eye  contact  with  everybody  in  the  group.  That's  something  you  really  have  to  be  
conscious  to  work  on.  I'm  talking  to  you,  and  I'm  talking  to  you,  and  I'm  talking  to  
you.  If  you  don't  keep  eye  contact  with  everybody  in  the  group,  you're  going  to  
start  to  lose  them,  and  one  person  is  going  to  feel  kind  of  left  out.  Keep  equal  eye  
contact.  The  girl  who  you  are  interested  in,  coincidentally,  if  your  eyes  are  all  over  
her,  then  she's  going  to  feel  that,  too,  and  she's  going  to  be,  "This  guys  likes  me."  

You  want  to  compliment  the  girls  typically,  or  flirt  with  them,  or  whatever.  You  
want  to  make  them  feel  good.  You  can  say  something  like,  "Ah,  she  looks  so  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

sweet.  I  love  her  to  death."  The  common  one  in  the  pickup  community,  which  is  
so  good  is  like,  "Oh,  my  God,  I  can't  believe  you  guys  roll  with  this  girl.  Does  she  
always  say  stuff  like  that?"  Those  are  two  great  ways  to  flirt  and  tease.  We've  
obviously  talked  about  flirts  and  teases  in  a  previous  section  and  in  all  of  our  
supplemental  materials,  so  you  can  look  at  that  stuff.  

If  you're  getting  somebody  who  is  giving  you  a  cold  response,  Nick  likes  to  do  this  
one.  If  somebody  is  giving  him  a  really  cold  response,  he'll  be  like,  "You  look  like  
you  absolutely  hate  me  right  now,"  and  he's  got  a  big  smile  on  his  face,  and  he's  
really  enjoying  it.  It's  really  hard  for  a  girl  to  be  like,  "Yeah,  you're  an  asshole."  
She'll  usually  warm  up  with  that  one,  but  generally,  if  you're  having  a  good  
conversation  with  all  the  girls  and  you're  making  good  eye  contact  with  all  of  
them,  then  they'll  generally  be  friendly.  

Let's  move  on  and  talk  about  male  female  mixed  groups.  There  are  some  
differences  and  similarities,  of  course.  The  similarities  with  all  female  groups  are  
you  want  to  approach  as  if  you  were  a  part  of  the  group.  You  don't  want  to  be  
kind  of  lingering  on  the  outside  for  too  long.  Same  sober,  inebriated  mindset,  
body  language,  verbal  rules.    

The  difference  is  that  you  got  to  give  a  majority  of  attention  to  ...  First  of  all,  you  
want  to  give  attention  to  the  whole  group,  but  you  really  want  to  give  a  lot  of  
attention  to  the  guy.  You  want  to  make  him  feel  very  important  in  the  group.  This  
is  what’s  going  to  disarm  him  and  take  his  ego  out  of  the  equation,  because  
there's  a  guy  coming  into  his  group,  or  there's  a  guy  coming  into  multiple  guy's  
groups.  You  want  to  really  show  the  guy,  "Hey,  listen.  I  respect  you.  I'm  not  just  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

coming  in  to  pluck  the  hens  from  your  hen  house  and  walk  off."  You  want  to  make  
a  connection  with  him,  before  you  really  start  to  work  on  any  of  the  girls  there.  
Plus,  if  he  knows  them  very  well,  then  he's  going  to  be  a  veto  vote  if  it  comes  
down  to  it  and  he  doesn't  like  you.  

One  exception  with  this  is  if  you're  in  the  group  for  more  than  thirty  seconds,  and  
you  notice  that  the  girls  are  starting  to  box  the  guy  out  a  little  bit,  or  that  they  are  
not  checking  back  with  him.  You're  giving  your  attention  to  the  guy.  The  girls  are  
really  giving  their  attention  to  you,  and  you're  starting  to  give  your  attention  
equally,  and  then  you  start  to  give  a  little  bit  more  to  the  guy.    

Then  the  girls  will  start  to  give  their  attention  more  to  you,  and  they  are  not  
focusing  on  him  anymore.  If  that's  the  case,  then  you  can  start  to  just  talk  to  them  
specifically.  Usually  what  that  means  is  that  this  guy  is  not  somebody  who  they  
actually  respect,  not  somebody  who  they  value,  and  they're  finding  you  to  be  
more  interesting.  Just  be  aware  of  that  nuance.  You  don't  have  to  give  the  guy  
that  much  credit  if  the  girls  are  not  watching  his  responses  to  you.  If  they're  just  
paying  attention  to  you,  then  the  ball  is  in  your  court.  You’re  the  alpha  male  of  
that  group.  

In  terms  of  what  to  say,  I  like  to  use  assumed  rapport  stuff.  We've  covered  that  in  
previous  sections.  In  situations  where  there's  alcohol  involved,  you  can  just  walk  
up,  "You  guys  look  like  you're  having  a  great  time.  I  got  to  come  sit.  I  had  to  come  
say  hi.  What's  up?"  I've  used  that  so  many  times,  so  many  different  ways.  That's  
how  I  roll  with  that  one.  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

Let's  talk  about  one  more  different  scenario.  I  like  to  meet  a  lot  of  people,  and  
that's  when  it's  a  semi-­‐warm  introduction.  This  is  when  maybe  somebody's  
introducing  somebody  to  you,  or  maybe  it's  a  cold  approach  in  a  sense  of  
nobody's  making  the  introduction,  but  it's  through  friends  and  through  
connections.  Maybe  it's  a  party.  You  all  know  the  same  people,  but  you  haven't  
met  her  specifically  yet.  

The  two  distinctions  that  I  like  to  make  are  when  it's  your  place,  versus  when  it's  a  
close  friend's  place.  If  it's  your  place,  and  I  like  to  throw  parties  at  my  place,  or  
places  where  I'm  the  boss,  whether  I'm  the  DJ  or  I'm  the  host  or  the  promoter  or  
whatever.  When  I  meet  a  girl  and  when  I  meet  a  group,  I'm  going  to  be  friendly  to  
all  of  them,  all  of  them,  very  warm  and  accommodating.  Like,  "Hi.  How  are  you?  
What’s  your  name?  Come  here."    

As  soon  as  I've  made  those  introductions,  I'm  going  to  definitely  semi-­‐ignore  the  
girl  who  I'm  interested  in.  This  has  been  a  consistent  pattern  in  my  life  and  
meeting  girls.  The  one  girl  I'm  really  interested  in,  I'm  just  going  to  semi-­‐ignore  
her.  I'll  talk  to  other  people.  I'll  hang  out  with  other  people.  Usually  I  know  a  lot  of  
people  there.  I'll  be  giving  a  lot  of  attention  to  my  close  friends,  but  the  girl  who  
I'm  interested  in,  she's  off  in  the  background.  

At  a  certain  point  I'm  going  to  walk  over  to  whatever  small  group  she's  a  part  of,  
and  I'm  going  to  ask  a  question  to  everybody  in  the  group.  It  might  be  like,  "Hey,  
what  songs  do  you  guys  want  to  hear  tonight?"  It  might  be,  "Hey,  what  kind  of  
wine  do  you  want  with  dinner?"  It  might  be  anything.  It  might  be,  "Hey,  what  do  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

you  think  of  the  trial  of  the  governor  of  Illinois?"  That  happened  today.  I  probably  
wouldn't  ask  that  question,  but  something  contemporary.  

I'm  going  to  wait  for  everybody's  answer,  and  I'm  going  to  give  everybody  specific  
eye  contact,  and  when  she  answers,  my  eye  contact  will  linger  just  a  little  longer  
and  it  will  narrow  just  a  little  bit.  I'll  be  communicating  something  very  different  
with  my  eyes  with  her  than  with  everyone  else.    

This  is  something  that  we  talked  about  in  the  previous  week  in  terms  of  that  eye  
contact  and  that  energy,  and  the  emotion  that  you're  putting  into  the  interaction.  
She's  going  to  feel  that,  and  what  you've  done  is  you've  ignored  her  for  a  little  
while,  and  then  you  went  over  to  their  group,  and  you  very  subtly  conveyed,  
"Hey,  I'm  kind  of  interested  in  you."    

Now  she's  intrigued.  Now  she's  like,  "Is  this  guy  interested  in  me  or  not?"  She  may  
come  over  to  you  at  that  point.  If  she  doesn't,  then  you  can  go  back  and  kind  of  
repeat  that,  and  this  time  you're  going  to  get  a  little  bit  more  involved  in  the  
group,  and  you're  going  to  have  a  little  bit  more  of  an  interaction  with  her  
specifically,  and  then  she's  going  to  have  a  pretty  good  idea  at  that  point,  and  
then  she  may  isolate  with  you.    

If  she  doesn't  the  second  time,  then  you  can  basically  call  her  over.  You  can  say,  
"Hey,  guys,  I  need  some  help  with  something  over  here.  Can  I  have  ...,"  and  then  
you  point  to  the  girl  who  you're  interested  in.  "Can  you  come  help  me  with  this?"  
That's  how  you're  going  to  get  her  involved.  It  could  be  something  as  simple  as,  
"Hey,  can  you  come  help  me  set  the  placemats?"    

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

The  more  that  you  can  get  her  involved  in  something  you're  doing,  if  you're  
cooking  or  DJing.  Probably  one  or  two  of  you  who  ever  watch  this  will  be  DJs,  but  
the  more  that  you  can  get  her  involved  with  something  that  you  do,  the  better,  
because  then  you  guys  are  creating  the  situation  together.  That's  been  my  
approach  in  an  environment  where  I'm  the  owner  of  the  place  or  the  manager  or  
in  charge  of  stuff.  

With  close  friends,  what  I  typically  like  to  do,  when  she's  in  a  conversation  with  
friends,  I'll  try  to  join  that  conversation,  and  I  won't  be  specifically  interested  in  
talking  to  her.  I'm  really  interested  in  the  topic  of  conversation,  and  I'm  interested  
in  having  a  conversation  with  a  stakeholder,  the  main  involved.  If  it's  her,  then  I  
could  talk  with  her,  but  if  it's  somebody  else,  I'm  just  going  to  talk  with  them.    

To  isolate  on  her,  I'm  going  to  do  one  of  two  things.  I'm  either  going  to  grab  onto  
to  something  that  she  says  and  add  to  the  conversation.  I'm  like,  "Oh,  that's  
interesting.  Why  do  you  think  that,"  or,  "Where  did  that  come  from,"  or  
something  that  builds  on  something  she  said,  or  if  she's  not  being  an  active  
participant  in  the  conversation,  I'm  going  to  bring  her  in.  I'm  going  to  say,  "What  
do  you  think  of  this?  You've  been  kind  of  quiet  over  there  this  whole  time.  Speak  
up.  What's  on  your  mind,  girl."  Those  two  things.  

Let  me  give  you  a  great  example.  Not  long  ago  I  was  at  a  party,  and  I  was  talking  
with  this  guy  who  was  a  baseball  fan.  I'm  like,  "Yankees  or  Mets?"  He's  like,  "Ah,  
dude,  Mets  all  the  way."  I  went  around,  I'm  like,  "How  about  you?  Yankees,  
Mets."  I'm  doing  this  ...  There  was  like  three  or  four  people  in  the  group,  and  she  
was  a  Yankees  fan,  so  with  the  Yankees  fan  I'm  like,  "Yeah,  I'm  totally  a  Yankees  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

fan."  Gave  her  a  little  lingering  eye  contact,  like  that's  the  way  to  roll.  Go  back  to  
the  Mets  guy,  who  is  clearly  the  most  passionate  about  them.  I'm  like,  "Dude,  
what  is  it  with  the  Mets?  I  don't  get  it."  I  start  talking  with  him  about  some  ads  
I've  seen  around  town  that  make  fun  of  the  Mets.    

He's  getting  really  animated.  I'm  like,  "Yeah.  I  don't  get  it.  I  haven't  been  out  to  a  
Mets  game  yet.  I  hear  their  stadium's  really  nice."  Really  just  having  a  big  
interaction  between  him  and  I,  and  then  eventually  I  bring  the  girl  in,  too.  I'm  like,  
"Hey,  have  you  been  out  to  their  stadium?  He  keeps  talking  about  it.  It  sounds  
really  fun."  She's  like,  "No,  I  haven't  been  out  there."  I'm  like,  "Barbeque  in  the  
stadium.  That  sounds  amazing.  Where  are  you  from?"  Turns  out  she  was  from  
Texas.  I'm  like,  "Texas.  You  know  what  barbeque  is  all  about."  A  really  easy  way  to  
bring  her  in,  and  then  eventually  he  leaves,  and  now  she  and  I  have  our  own  little  
conversation  going.  

Those  are  the  two  great  ways  to  meet  somebody  in  semi-­‐warm  conversations,  
which,  again,  are  my  favorites.  I  will  make  sure  to  diagram  those  two,  so  you  
know  what  the  steps  are.  

That  brings  us  to  the  end  of  Say  Hello.  Again,  a  lot  of  the  situational  specific  stuff  
that  we  covered  in  this  week,  mindsets  that  you  want  to  take  in,  situational  
awareness  you  want  to  take  into  these  environments,  but  I  got  to  be  honest  with  
you.  The  best  learning  you're  going  to  do  is  taking  the  core  of  what  we've  given  
you  and  going  out  and  doing  the  homework  that  we're  giving  you  next.  If  you  
don't  do  this,  I  hate  to  say  it,  you're  not  getting  the  value  of  the  course.  

 
SAY HELLO WHAT TO SAY…WHERE

That  concludes  it  all,  but,  listen,  man,  there's  been  a  lot  of  material  that  we've  
covered  in  these  last  four  weeks,  a  tremendous  amount.  If  you  got  through  all  of  
it  in  these  last  four  weeks,  then  my  applause  to  you.  If  you  haven't,  then  I  really  
want  you  to  go  back.  Every  guy  who  commits  to  this  course  and  goes  through  this  
course,  gets  much  better  results.  We  have  testimonials  to  that  effect.  We  have  so  
many  guys  who  have  told  us,  "Hey,  I  got  a  girlfriend  out  of  this.  I  became  less  
introverted.  I  got  rid  of  my  social  anxiety."  It's  all  about  doing  the  actual  
homework  and  doing  the  exercises.  

If  you  feel  like  you  need  a  push,  if  you  feel  like,  "Look,  I've  put  my  best  in,  but  my  
best  just  wasn't  good  enough.  There's  some  sort  of  motivation  or  some  fire  that's  
burning  inside  of  me,"  then  the  next  step  is  to  get  on  the  phone  with  us.  We  can  
either  do  some  remote  coaching  just  to  kick  your  ass,  but,  dude,  how  many  
approaches  did  you  do  the  other  night?  You're  like,  "None."  You  better  do  more.    

Either  that  or  just  come  in  and  see  us,  watch  how  we  do  it,  and  we'll  push  you  
into  it  as  well.  Either  way.  Look,  man,  you  got  to  do  this  stuff.  I  hope  that  this  has  
been  tremendously  helpful  for  you.  I  have  loved  putting  this  material  together.  
It's  been  life  changing  for  me.  Thank  you  once  again  for  participating  in  this,  and  
I'm  just  looking  forward  to  hearing  about  your  success  stories.  I  will  hopefully  
hear  them  very  soon.