Compilated by Marcelo Link Laffaday 2012 Gophercentral.

com

Sumrio
Monday, January 2, 2012......................................................................................................................................3 Thursday, January 5, 2012....................................................................................................................................4

Laffaday 2012 gophercentral.com Marcelo Link

Compilated by

Scratchpad

Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy New Year, everybody. I hope everyone celebrated the holiday safely. The wife and I went out visiting on New Year's Eve and were home by eleven. That's family life for you. I have made a New Year's resolution, however, and that is to make damn sure I don't have any more kids, because I am on the very edge of sending back the ones I have. My 16-year-old daughter wanted to go to a house party with her friends on New Year's Eve, which I agreed to, but she wanted to drive herself, which I did not. I was more than happy to drop her off at her friend's house on our way out for the evening and pick her up again at twelve-thirty, but she would not quit arguing that it would make her look like a big baby. When I finally told her that I did appreciate her talking back to me the way she was she told me, and I quote, to "get used to it." Fortunately for the girl my wife was able to throw herself between us before DCFS and the police had to be called. But it was a near thing. After the wife pried my three wood out of my hands I decided on a solution that involved considerable less jail time. I made her come with us to visit my brother and his family and then my parents. When she complained that wasn't fair since I had previously promised she could go to the party, I told her to get used to it. Parentally, TZ
--------------------------------------

Wife to Husband: "If I die, I want you to promise me, in the funeral procession, youll let my mother ride in the first car with you." Husband: "All right, but it will ruin my day."
--------------------------------------

Hank finally found the nerve to tell his fiancee that he had to break off their engagement so that he could marry another woman. "Can she cook like I can?" the distraught woman asked. "Not on her best day." Hank replied. "Does she buy you expensive gifts like I do?" she asked. "No, she's broke." "Well then, is it sex?" "Nope,... nobody does it like you, babe." "Then what is it? What can she do for you that I can't?" "She can sue me for child support."
--------------------------------------

A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."
--------------------------------------

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________

Laffaday 2012 gophercentral.com Marcelo Link

Compilated by

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

Scratchpad

Thursday, January 5, 2012

A man has to stay on top of things when he has kids in the house. Sometimes this involves making sacrifices. I have given up drinking and cigars. I gave up my porn collection a long time ago, and I can't tell you the last time the wife and I used our sex swing. But other times it involves just staying on my toes around the avaricious little bastards. The most recent battle of wits has revolved around ice cream. Ice cream is one of the few indulgences I have left, and it is almost impossible to keep it in the house. I have tried hiding it, ordering the kids not to eat it, threatening them if they do eat it, but somehow it always seems to disappear. So I have taken to buying flavors I know they will not eat, which isn't easy since they will eat just about anything. The only problem is that I don't particularly like them either. So just in order to guarantee that there will be a bowl of ice cream available late at night when I want it I have taken to eating flavors like rum raisin and apricot. There is a certain desperation that comes with sneaking downstairs at one in the morning just to eat a bowlful of walnut ice cream. Indulgently, TZ "Someone set 53 cars on fire over three days. Police were looking for a Caucasian man with a ponytail. Police should always be looking for a Caucasian man with a ponytail." -Jimmy Kimmel
--------------------------------------

Because he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said walking up to her, "but in a little while, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars. I would like to have someone to share it with. Will you come home with me?" The woman went home with Charles, and the next week she became his stepmother.
--------------------------------------

"Scientists say they have discovered a cure for erectile dysfunction that involves only one needle injection into the penis. A spokesperson for men said, 'Get back to us when it requires zero injections in the penis.'" --Conan O'Brien
--------------------------------------

___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________

Dear Diary, You know I don't have many regrets about being married. After all, even sowing wild oats gets boring after a while. In fact, I can't really think of any regrets--except

Laffaday 2012 gophercentral.com Marcelo Link

Compilated by

for one: I wish that I would have, just once, while sober and deliberate, fucked a midget. I don't think this really needs explaining, dear diary, so I will leave it at that. Regretfully

Scratchpad

___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________