Copyright © by PositivePsychology.com B.V. All rights reserved.

This ebook or any portion thereof may not be reproduced, relabelled, or used in
any commercial manner whatsoever without the express written permission of
the publisher.

Permission is not required for personal or professional use, such as in a coaching

or classroom setting.

PositivePsychology.com
B.V. Basisweg
101043 AP Amsterdam
The Netherlands

https://PositivePsychology.com
Welcome

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a mindful behavioral change intervention based on
four decades of research pioneered by psychologist Dr. Steven C Hayes. At its core, ACT is about
cultivating psychological flexibility by holding space for all our inner experiences, staying present,
and taking action guided by personal values.

ACT contributes to positive psychology by helping clients create a rich, meaningful life, even
in the presence of pain, uncertainty, and discomfort. Rather than trying to eliminate difficult
thoughts and feelings, ACT equips clients with the skills needed to manage these experiences
with compassion, perspective, and purpose. Using ACT tools to shift perspective enables clients
to move forward with intention, even when life is hard.

Since 2013, our mission at PositivePsychology.com has been to contribute to the field of
psychology by making science-based tools and insights accessible to practitioners. These
3 exercises offer you a taste of how ACT supports a shift in perspective that builds resilience.
Whatever challenges we face, ACT exercises equip us to show up fully and live more freely while
doing what truly matters.

We hope that the tools presented here inspire you to increase your own wellbeing and the
wellbeing of the people around you. Please feel free to print and share this document with others.
For those who like what they see, check out our online searchable database with all kinds of
practical positive psychology tools:

https://positivepsychology.com/toolkit/.

All the best,

PositivePsychology.com Team
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Opening to Acceptance Through Creative Hopelessness

A core process of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is helping individuals disengage
from efforts to control or eliminate painful private experiences. The foundational approach to
facilitate this shift is through a compassionate confrontation with the ineffectiveness of old coping
strategies called creative hopelessness. This process serves to highlight the futility of previous
attempts to avoid or control discomfort, thereby opening space for a willingness to try something
new [1].

Introducing a client to creative hopelessness helps clients notice that strategies such as
suppression, avoidance, distraction, or self-criticism have not reduced their suffering in the long
term. As Harris explains [2], it involves guiding clients experientially to recognize the limits of
their control-based solutions free of judgment or coercion. This process aims to spark insight
rather than resignation. Clients come to see the reality that while control may work well in many
life domains (e.g., problem-solving), it fails when applied to thoughts, feelings, and memories.
Suppressing or avoiding painful experiences does not eliminate them. As Steven Hayes says
“there’s no delete button in the nervous system” [3]. Research shows that clinging to control and
avoidance strategies tends to increase psychological distress and promotes behavioral inertia [4].

In therapeutic practice, inducing creative hopelessness typically involves using exercises and
dialogue to gently invite clients to explore the consequences of their control strategies. For
example, they may reflect on times when suppressing painful thoughts only intensified them or
when avoidance led to missed opportunities and disconnection from valued life directions [5, 2].
Such realizations are not merely cognitive but are ideally felt deeply and personally, increasing a
willingness to try new approaches grounded in acceptance, mindfulness, and committed action [6].

It is important to note that creative hopelessness does not advocate hopelessness about life itself
but rather hopelessness about the effectiveness of control and avoidance strategies. This helps
clients reframe their struggles and see willingness and acceptance as more viable approaches to
pain and discomfort. Studies have shown that facilitating this insight at the beginning of ACT can
increase engagement and willingness to adopt ACT’s core processes, particularly in populations
struggling with entrenched coping habits to manage chronic pain, substance use, and suicidal
ideation [7, 8].

By encouraging clients to see, often for the first time, that control is not working, creative
hopelessness offers them a doorway to psychological flexibility. It creates fertile ground for
cultivating acceptance, defusion, and values-based living, which are at the heart of ACT approach
to psychological flourishing.

Author

This tool was created by Jo Nash, Ph.D.

[4]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Goal

The goal of this exercise is to help clients recognize the ineffectiveness of their control and
avoidance strategies through inducing an experience of creative hopelessness. Clients are
then invited to learn to let go of unworkable efforts to control painful experiences and try
something new.

Advice

■ This exercise can be conducted as a dialogue in a one-to-one session with a client, as a

homework exercise using the worksheet attached, or in a workshop using one worksheet per
person, with a group sharing at the reflection stage (see step 6).
■ Inducing creative hopelessness is a delicate experiential process. Practitioners should
approach this exercise with warmth, curiosity, and compassion, free of coercion or
judgment. Clients may experience resistance, confusion, or discomfort as they confront the
ineffectiveness of strategies they have relied on for years. Validating this discomfort is crucial,
by emphasizing that the exercise is not about condemning past efforts but about opening up
to new possibilities.
■ It is critical that the client is not left with any sense of despair about life itself at the end
of the exercise. Creative hopelessness focuses on the hopelessness of control strategies,
not hopelessness about change. Clients should be guided gently to see that while control
strategies may have failed, ACT offers other science-based strategies that are effective for
most people who are willing to try them.
■ This exercise can be emotionally intense. Monitor your client(s) emotional state throughout
and take it slowly if distress becomes overwhelming. A simple breathwork intervention can
help pace the exercise safely. Finally, be patient, as your client may need multiple experiences
and reflections before fully connecting with the insights that creative hopelessness can offer.

References

1. Barnes-Holmes, Y., & McEnteggart, C. (2024). Creative hopelessness and why it is so central
in ACT. In Practicing acceptance and commitment therapy with head and heart (pp. 60-80).
Routledge.

2. Harris, R. (2017). Nuts and bolts of creative hopelessness. Act Mindfully. https://www.
actmindfully.com.au/upimages/Nuts_and_Bolts_of_Creative_Hopelessness_-_May_2017_
version.pdf

3. Hayes, S. (2019). A liberated mind: How to pivot toward what matters. Avery.

[5]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

4. Konstantinou, P., Trigeorgi, A., Georgiou, C., Michaelides, M., Gloster, A. T., McHugh, L.,
Panayiotou, G., & Karekla, M. (2024). Coping with emotional pain: An experimental comparison
of acceptance vs. avoidance coping. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 33, 100820.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcbs.2024.100820

5. Barnes, S. M., Borges, L. M., Smith, G. P., Walser, R. D., Forster, J. E., & Bahraini, N. H. (2021).
Acceptance and commitment therapy to promote recovery from suicidal crises: A randomized
controlled acceptability and feasibility trial of ACT for life. Journal of Contextual Behavioral
Science, 20, 35-45. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcbs.2021.02.003

6. Carvalho, S. A., Gillanders, D., Forte, T., Trindade, I. A., Pinto-Gouveia, J., Lapa, T., Valentim, A.,
Santos, E., Paciência, J., Guiomar, R., & Castilho, P. (2022). Self-compassion in acceptance and
commitment therapy for chronic pain: a pilot study. Scandinavian Journal of Pain, 22(3), 631-
638. DOI: 10.1515/sjpain-2021-0214

7. García-Torres, F., García-Carmona, M., Rubio, S., Luque, B., Gómez-Solís, Á., & Aranda, E.
(2023). Feasibility study of a mobile application (ACT-ON) to complement acceptance and
commitment therapy (ACT) intervention in cancer patients. International Journal of Medical
Informatics, 177, 105131. DOI: 10.1016/j.ijmedinf.2023.105131

8. Karekla, M., Georgiou, K., & Lamprou, E. (2025). Acceptance and commitment therapy for
substance use disorders. Psychiatric Clinics. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psc.2025.02.008

[6]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Opening to Acceptance Through Creative Hopelessness

Introduction

It’s key to emphasize that this exercise explores your client’s control-based coping strategies
to date and opens them to new possibilities. The following script can be used to introduce
the exercise.

“When life gets painful, it’s natural to want to make that pain go away. Sometimes we might
try distracting ourselves, avoiding certain situations, pushing difficult thoughts aside, or
criticizing ourselves into “fixing” things. These strategies can seem helpful at first, but often
they don’t really solve the problem. In fact, they can make life feel smaller, more exhausting,
and more disconnected from what really matters most.

This exercise invites you to take a gentle and honest look at the ways you’ve tried to control
difficult experiences. It’s not about blaming yourself or giving up, it’s about noticing when
certain strategies just don’t work anymore. When we see the limits of control, we often
discover a chance to learn new ways of coping, stop struggling so much and start living a life
guided by what’s truly important. Let’s begin.”

Step 1: Reflect on painful experiences

The first step involves reflecting on a painful experience. You can introduce this using the following
script:

“You can use the worksheet in Appendix to guide you through the steps of this exercise.

First, I’d like you to think of a recurring painful experience. This might be a distressing thought,
uncomfortable feeling, painful memory, or a situation that keeps showing up in your life. Then
ask yourself:

■ What do I usually do when this shows up?

■ What are my usual ways of coping with this (e.g., avoiding, suppressing, distracting,
criticizing myself)?”

You can ask your client to write these responses down using the worksheet, or share them aloud.*

*Tip: observe your client(s) for any signs of distress or overwhelm. If apparent, you can suggest a
simple breathing technique to help them manage stress called the ‘physiological sigh’ as follows:

“Take two deep breaths in through the nose, then exhale slowly through the mouth.”

This activates the rest and relaxation response.

[7]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Step 2: Review the effectiveness of your strategies

The next step involves reviewing your client’s control strategies. You can use the following script:

“Next, for each strategy identified, ask yourself:

■ Has this truly worked in the long run?

■ Did it reduce my suffering or solve the problem?
■ Did it create any new problems (e.g., isolation, exhaustion, lost opportunities)?

Try to be honest and curious. There is no right and wrong answer.”

Again, depending on the format, ask your client to write their responses or share them aloud.

Step 3: Explore the cost of control

Next, you are exploring the costs of control. Ask your client:

“Can we consider the costs of control for a moment? For example:

■ How much time and energy have you spent on these control strategies?
■ What important parts of your life have been affected by them?

Notice any emotions or insights that arise.”

As above, ask them to write their responses down or share them verbally with you.

Step 4: Contact creative hopelessness

Next, make the following suggestion to your client:

“At this point, it could be useful to gently acknowledge that despite your best efforts, these
strategies haven’t worked in the long term.”

Ask them:

“How does it feel to notice this realization? This is what is called the moment of creative
hopelessness, a space where new possibilities can emerge.”

Tell them to either write it down or share it with you aloud.

[8]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Step 5: Open the door to willingness

Ask your client:

“If control hasn’t worked, are you willing to try something different?

What might it be like to make space for trying new ways of coping with painful experiences?”

Ask them to write or tell you their responses.

Step 6: Integrate and reflect

You can conclude the exercise by asking your client to reflect on the following:

■ “What did you learn from this exercise?

■ How does seeing the limits of control shift your perspective?
■ What surprised you?
■ How did it feel to let go of control, even briefly?
■ Are you ready and willing to try something new?”

[9]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Appendix: Creative Hopelessness Reflection Worksheet

1. Describe a painful experience

2. What strategies have you tried to control this experience?

3. Have they worked? (yes/no/sometimes)

[10]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

4. What have been the costs of control? (missed opportunities/ boredom etc.)

5. How willing am I to try new ways to manage painful experiences?

[11]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Observing Self Exercise: Noticing the Noticer

“Noticing the Noticer” is an experiential practice grounded in the Acceptance and Commitment
Therapy (ACT) core process of the transcendent self. This concept helps individuals access a
perspective in which they observe their thoughts and experiences without becoming fused
with them [1]. In ACT, this is sometimes referred to as the observing self or witness, a stable
sense of awareness that exists independently of the content of experience [2]. The ability to
notice the noticer is central to enhancing psychological flexibility, the core aim of ACT. Enhanced
flexibility supports clients responding more adaptively to internal experiences rather than reacting
automatically.

The ACT approach rests on understanding that suffering is often perpetuated by “cognitive fusion”
when thoughts are taken literally and uncritically believed. By contrast, defusion and self-as-
context work in tandem to create space between the individual and their thoughts, enabling a
more flexible response [3, 4]. “Noticing the noticer” facilitates this space by encouraging clients to
shift from being identified with their thoughts to observing those thoughts as a curious witness.

This practice has been found particularly effective in contexts of high psychological distress. For
example, group-based ACT interventions for graduate students showed that cultivating awareness
through exercises such as noticing the noticer supported increases in psychological flexibility and
reductions in stress [5]. Similarly, ACT-based interventions for caregivers of persons with dementia
included practices encouraging awareness of self-as-context, which led to decreases in anxiety
and depressive symptoms [3].

Furthermore, Borges et al. (2022) illustrated how cultivating the observing self through ACT can
help those experiencing moral injury by allowing them to hold painful memories and emotions
in a broader, more compassionate space [6]. This aligns with Sevilla-Liu’s (2022) view that ACT
processes enable narrative reconstruction, helping clients relate differently to their stories and
identities [7].

In essence, learning to “notice the noticer” empowers clients to take a step back from the content
of their inner world. It enhances perspective-taking, reduces reactivity, and opens the door to
values-based action. Learning this skill helps clients access a stable, observing perspective so they
can navigate difficult internal experiences with greater self-compassion and clarity.

Author

This tool was created by Jo Nash, Ph.D.

[12]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Goal

The goal of this exercise is to help clients develop the ACT skill of “noticing the noticer”, the part
of themselves that observes experiences without judgment. By accessing this stable, observing
perspective, clients can reduce cognitive fusion, enhance psychological flexibility, and respond to
difficult internal events with more clarity and self-compassion.

Advice

■ This exercise can be conducted as a dialogue in a one-to-one session with a client, as

homework exercise using the attached MP3, or in a workshop with a group sharing exercise at
the reflection stage (see step 6).
■ To carry out this exercise effectively, practitioners should first ensure that clients understand
the difference between their thoughts and the part of them that notices those thoughts.
You might begin with a brief discussion of the “transcendent self” explaining it as the part
of ourselves that can observe everything we think, feel, and do, like a calm witness behind
the scenes. This idea can feel abstract, especially for clients new to mindfulness or ACT. To
support understanding, use metaphors (e.g., the sky watching clouds, or the theatergoer
watching a play) and give clients permission to be curious rather than “get it right.” Metaphors
are attached in Appendix.
■ Encourage clients not to force an experience but to gently notice what arises. It may help to
practice this exercise in a quiet setting and allow time afterward for reflection and integration.
As clients develop their ability to notice the noticer, they may experience more distance from
difficult thoughts, enhanced emotional regulation, and a greater sense of choice in how they
respond to life’s challenges.
■ This exercise can be particularly helpful for clients challenged by emotional overwhelm, self-
critical thinking, or trauma-related distress, as it creates space between identity and inner
experience. Remind clients that this is a skill developed over time. It’s not about getting rid of
thoughts, but changing how we relate to them.

References

1. Hayes, S. (2019). A liberated mind: How to pivot toward what matters. Avery.

2. Hayes, L. L., Ciarrochi, J. V., & Bailey, A. (2022). What makes you stronger: how to thrive in the
face of change and uncertainty using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New Harbinger
Publications.

3. Han, A., Yuen, H. K., Jenkins, J., & Yun Lee, H. (2022). Acceptance and commitment therapy
(ACT) guided online for distressed caregivers of persons living with dementia. Clinical
Gerontologist, 45(4), 927-938. DOI: 10.1080/07317115.2021.1908475

[13]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

4. Moran, D. J., & Ming, S. (2022). The mindful action plan: Using the MAP to apply acceptance
and commitment therapy to productivity and self-compassion for behavior analysts. Behavior
Analysis in Practice, 15(1), 330-338. DOI: 10.1007/s40617-020-00441-y

5. Lewin, R. K., Acuff, S. F., Berlin, K. S., Berman, J. S., & Murrell, A. R. (2023). Group-based
acceptance and commitment therapy to enhance graduate student psychological flexibility:
Treatment development and preliminary implementation evaluation. Journal of American
College Health, 71(1), 162-171. DOI: 10.1080/07448481.2021.1881522

6. Borges, L. M., Barnes, S. M., Farnsworth, J. K., Drescher, K. D., & Walser, R. D. (2022). Case
conceptualizing in acceptance and commitment therapy for moral injury: An active and
ongoing approach to understanding and intervening on moral injury. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 13,
910414. DOI: 10.3389/fpsyt.2022.910414

7. Sevilla-Liu, A. (2022). Acceptance and commitment therapy and narrative practice: A

practically grounded examination of theories and worldviews. Journal of Systemic Therapies,
41(2), 17-39. https://doi.org/10.1521/jsyt.2022.41.2.17

[14]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Observing Self Exercise: Noticing the Noticer

Introduction for clients

Throughout our day, we think, feel, plan, remember, and worry, and these experiences can feel like
they are us. But there is another part of you: the part that notices.

(pause 2 seconds)

This part isn’t caught up in thoughts or emotions it simply observes.

(pause 2 seconds)

In this exercise, you will gently practice becoming aware of this noticing part of yourself. It may
feel new or strange at first, and that’s okay. There’s no “right” experience, just see what you notice.
Let’s begin.

(pause 2 seconds)

Step 1: Settle into the present moment

Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit.

(pause 5 seconds)

Close your eyes if you feel safe doing so, or soften your gaze.

(pause 5 seconds)

Take a few slow breaths.

(pause 15 seconds)

Notice the sensation of air entering and leaving your body.

(pause 5 seconds)

Bring your attention to this moment.

(pause 5 seconds)

Step 2: Notice thoughts as they come and go

Begin to observe your thoughts as if you are watching them from a distance.

(pause 5 seconds)

[15]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

When a thought arises (for example., “I’m not doing this right” or “This is boring”), silently say to
yourself: “I’m noticing I’m having the thought that…” For instance, “I’m noticing I’m having the thought
that I’m bored.” Don’t try to change the thought. Just notice it and let it pass, like a cloud in the sky.*

(pause 60 seconds)

*Tip: you can use other metaphors to support a client noticing the noticer. See the Appendix for
further ideas.

Step 3: Tune in to your feelings and sensations

Now, shift your attention to your emotions or physical sensations.

(pause 5 seconds)

Can you notice what’s present without judging it?

(pause 5 seconds)

You might say to yourself, “I’m noticing tension in my shoulders” or “I’m noticing a feeling of anxiety.”

(pause 5 seconds)

Again, there’s nothing to fix—just observe.

(pause 60 seconds)

Step 4: Notice the part of you that is doing the noticing

Now bring your attention to the one who is doing all this noticing.

(pause 5 seconds)

There is a part of you that has been watching thoughts, feelings, and sensations arise and pass.

(pause 5 seconds)

That part of you is still here even as the content changes. Can you sense it?

(pause 15 seconds)

Ask yourself:

■ “Who or what is aware of this thought?”

(pause 10 seconds)

[16]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

■ “Am I the thought… or the one noticing the thought?”

(pause 10 seconds)

There is no need for a clear answer. Just stay with the experience.

(pause 10 seconds)

Step 5: Anchor this perspective

Silently say to yourself:

“There is a part of me that notices everything. It doesn’t get stuck. It just watches.”

(pause 5 seconds)

“I am not my thoughts—I am the one who notices them.”

(pause 5 seconds)

Let yourself rest in this observer perspective for a minute or two.

(pause 60 seconds)

Step 6: Reflect and integrate

Gently bring your awareness back to the room.

(pause 5 seconds)

Open your eyes if they were closed.

(pause 5 seconds)

Take a moment to reflect:

■ What did you notice about your thoughts or feelings during this practice?

(pause 10 seconds)

■ How did it feel to step back and notice the noticer?

(pause 10 seconds)

■ When might it help you to access this perspective in everyday life?

(pause 10 seconds)

You can return to this exercise anytime to reconnect with the observing self—especially in
moments of stress or emotional overwhelm.

[17]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Appendix: 3 ACT Metaphors to Illustrate the Transcendent Self

The following metaphors can be useful ways to illustrate how to take a step back and notice
thoughts, before noticing you are not your thoughts or feelings, but the noticer.

1. Chessboard and Pieces

Thoughts and feelings are like chess pieces: some feel powerful, some weak, and they often seem
to battle each other. But you’re not one of the pieces. You’re the chessboard, the space that holds
them all. No matter what pieces show up, you’re still here, steady and unchanged.

2. Sky and Weather

Your thoughts and feelings are always changing, like weather patterns made of thunder, rain,
sunshine, and clouds. But you’re not the weather. You’re the sky: vast, open, and always there, no
matter what passes through.

3. Stage and Actors

Your inner world is like a stage. Your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and memories are like actors
coming and going, playing different roles. But you’re the stage itself: holding space for it all. You’re
never the actor, just the place where it happens.

[18]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Willing Hands Exercise

Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) emphasizes the importance of being open to
experiences, present in the moment, and committed to actions aligned with personal values to
cultivate psychological flexibility [1]. A key dimension of this flexibility is willingness: the ability
to accept the experience of unwanted internal events (thoughts, emotions, sensations) free of
unnecessary avoidance or struggle [2]. One powerful somatic technique that embodies acceptance
is the Willing Hands Exercise.

Somatic cues play a powerful role in emotion regulation and behavioral change. Research has
shown that even subtle changes in body posture can influence emotional states and perceptions
of control [3]. The “willing hands” posture is a deceptively simple but profound physical
embodiment of acceptance. Borrowed from mindfulness and somatic experiencing practices, the
posture involves gently placing the hands open, palms facing up, often resting them on the lap.
This physical position, similar to a gesture of offering or surrender, naturally elicits an attitude of
openness and non-resistance [4].

In clinical practice, this gesture is used to symbolically and viscerally demonstrate the difference
between control and acceptance [1]. When clients shift from a clenched fist or crouched, curled
up defensive posture to open, willing hands, they often report increased awareness, emotional
relief, and a softening of inner resistance [1, 2, 4]. The experience of willingness and acceptance of
difficult internal experience becomes more than a cognitive exercise, it becomes embodied.

Evidence supports the use of ACT-based acceptance and willingness interventions with a range
of client groups, including those struggling with anxiety [5], substance abuse [6], caregiving stress
[7], and parenting [8]. This exercise promotes a mindful acceptance of distressing experiences,
helping individuals align more consistently with their values despite internal discomfort [2].

The Willing Hands Exercise offers a brief, accessible, somatic technique that reinforces the core
process of acceptance through direct embodied experience.

Author

This tool was created by Jo Nash, Ph.D.

Goal

The goal of this exercise is to help clients practice physical and psychological willingness by using
an open-handed posture to embody their acceptance of difficult thoughts, feelings, sensations,
or situations. By practicing this somatic technique, clients can learn to widen and deepen their
tolerance of discomfort, reduce experiential avoidance, and enhance psychological flexibility.

[19]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Advice

■ This exercise should first be modelled and explored in a session, and then offered as a
homework practice using the worksheet attached. It can also be offered in a workshop with a
group sharing at the reflection stage (see step 7).
■ To support the success of the Willing Hands Exercise, it’s important to provide a safe and
comfortable environment, psychologically and physically. You could begin with a short
mindfulness check-in to ensure the client is fully present and grounded before you begin.
■ Encourage clients to approach the activity with curiosity, not judgment. The exercise may
initially feel artificial, silly, or vulnerable, especially for clients accustomed to defensiveness or
control. It’s crucial to normalize this reaction.
■ You can use the exercise in sessions when avoidance or resistance is high to offer a gentle,
non-verbal, somatic route into willingness. You can use it as a somatic grounding tool during
the exploration of uncomfortable inner experiences or exposure to distressing thoughts
during defusion work.
■ For those experiencing trauma, proceed with sensitivity and ensure they feel able to stop the
exercise if it becomes overwhelming, and debrief gently afterwards.

References

1. Hayes, S. C. (2019). A liberated mind: How to pivot toward what matters. Avery.
2. Harris, R. (2022). The happiness trap 2nd edition: Stop struggling, start living. Robinson.
3. Moniz-Lewis, D. I., Carlon, H. A., Hebden, H., Tuchman, F. R., Votaw, V. R., Stein, E. R., &
Witkiewitz, K. (2023). Third-wave treatments for impulsivity in addictive disorders: A narrative
review. Current Addiction Reports, 10(2), 131-139. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40429-023-
00487-2
4. Harris, R. (2022). Trauma-focused ACT: A practitioner’s guide to working with mind, body, and
emotion using acceptance and commitment therapy. New Harbinger Publications.
5. Haller, H., Breilmann, P., Schröter, M., Dobos, G., & Cramer, H. (2021). A systematic review
and meta-analysis of acceptance- and mindfulness-based interventions for DSM-5 anxiety
disorders. Scientific Reports, 11(1), 20385. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-99882-w
6. Berman, B. M., & Kurlancheek, K. (2021). The choice point model of acceptance and
commitment therapy with inpatient substance use and co-occurring populations: A pilot
study. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 758356. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.758356
7. Han, A., Yuen, H. K., & Jenkins, J. (2021). Acceptance and commitment therapy for family
caregivers: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Health Psychology, 26(1), 82-102.
https://doi.org/10.1177/1359105320941217
8. Byrne, G., Ghráda, Á. N., O’Mahony, T., & Brennan, E. (2021). A systematic review of the use
of acceptance and commitment therapy in supporting parents. Psychology and Psychotherapy:
Theory, Research and Practice, 94, 378-407. https://doi.org/10.1111/papt.12282

[20]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Willing Hands Exercise

Introduction

It’s important to guide the client through this technique in person before setting it as homework
using the worksheet attached. You can read the following script.

“When uncomfortable thoughts and feelings arise in response to a difficult event, we often
react automatically. Our stress response - fight, flight, freeze, or fawn - tries to protect us by
avoiding or controlling what we’re experiencing. But over time, these strategies can leave us
feeling more stuck and suffering more, not less.

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we practice something different: willingness.

This means opening up to pain without struggling against it. This short exercise invites you to
explore what it feels like, in your body and mind, to be willing to try acceptance rather than
resistance. We are going to use a somatic exercise to invite you to feel the difference between
resisting and accepting, using your hands as a metaphor.”

Step 1: Get comfortable

First ensure your client/ group is comfortable and present.

“Sit comfortably, feet on the floor, spine straight, and shoulders relaxed.

Place your hands in your lap.

Close your eyes if that feels okay. If not, look at a neutral point on the floor or wall ahead
of you.”

Step 2: Tune into resistance

This is where things might become intense depending on the type of challenge the client chooses
to focus on. Be ready to suggest they take some deep breaths (in through their nose and out
through their mouth) if you notice signs of stress.

“Think of a challenging situation you’ve faced recently that you’d rather have avoided.

It could be something as simple as being cut up in traffic, something bigger like an argument
with a partner, or an unpleasant misunderstanding with a friend or colleague.

Remember how that felt.”

[21]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Step 3: Express resistance with your body

Again, be ready to suggest they take some deep breaths (in through their nose and out through
their mouth) if you notice signs of stress.

“Next, try to express with your body how that felt. You could clench your hands into fists.

You could take it even further and bring your knees up and your head down so that you are
scrunched up in a ball.

Notice the tension in your body.

Notice what this resistance feels like, closed, tight, defensive.”

Step 4: Now, release your body

Be prepared for an emotional release at this stage if your client has been stressed at the previous
stage. There may be tears, sighing, smiling, or even laughter.

“Now, slowly unfurl your body, and raise your head, put your feet on the floor.

Then place your hands on your lap.

Open your hands and turn your palms to face the ceiling.

Let your fingers uncurl naturally.

Let all your muscles soften.

With your body open, and back straight, rest your hands gently in your lap in this open, willing
posture.”

Step 5: Tune into your experience

This step involves mindful observation of changes in thoughts, feelings, and sensations.

“Notice what this posture feels like in your body.

Has anything shifted, even a little?

You’re not trying to “feel better”, you’re just making space for whatever is present, without
struggle.”

[22]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Step 6: Bring to mind the previous challenge or situation

Here, you’re inviting your client to revisit and review their previous challenge in the willing hands
posture.

“Gently recall your previous challenging situation or thought.

As you do, keep your hands open.

How does that feel?

Are you willing to hold your challenging situation more lightly?”

Step 7: Reflect on the metaphor

Keep your client sat with open willing hands and ask them to open their eyes to share a reflection
on their experience. Questions could include:

■ What does it mean to face this thought or feeling with open hands?
■ How might life change if you practiced willingness more often?
■ Would you be freer to move toward your values, even if discomfort comes along for the ride?

Step 8: Practice regularly

You can suggest your client uses the willing hands posture as a daily or situational practice.*

For example, before a stressful meeting, when facing criticism, or while grieving. Suggest they let
it become a signal to their mind and body using the following affirmation:

“I’m willing to feel this and keep going.”

*Tip: You can print out the simplified client worksheet in Appendix as a guide for homework
practice, or to include in a journal.

[23]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Appendix: Willing Hands Client Practice Worksheet

When uncomfortable thoughts and feelings arise in response to a difficult event, we often react
automatically. Our stress response - fight, flight, freeze, or fawn - tries to protect us by avoiding or
controlling what we’re experiencing. But over time, these strategies can leave us feeling stuck and
suffering more, not less. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we practice something
different: willingness. This means opening up to pain without struggling against it.

This short exercise invites you to feel the difference between resisting and accepting, using your
hands as a metaphor.

Step 1: Get comfortable

Sit somewhere quiet where you feel safe. Put both feet on the floor. Rest your hands in your lap.
Close your eyes if that feels okay.

Step 2: Tune into resistance

Think of a recent situation you wanted to avoid. Maybe you were cut off in traffic, criticized, or
had a tough conversation. Let yourself recall how it felt in your body and mind.

Step 3: Show resistance with your body

Clench your hands into tight fists. If it feels right, curl your body inward: hunch
your shoulders, tuck your head, tighten your jaw. Take a few moments to just
be in this posture.

Notice: What do you feel physically? Emotionally? What words come to mind?

Step 4: Shift into willingness

Gently open your body. Place your hands back in your lap, but this time,
palms up, fingers relaxed. Let your shoulders drop. Sit tall, but soft. This is
the posture of willingness.

Step 5: Notice the difference

What happens in this open posture? Does anything shift? You’re not trying to ‘feel better’ - you’re
just allowing whatever is here to be here.

[24]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Step 6: Hold the feeling lightly

Bring back the difficult thought or situation. Keep your hands open.

Can you hold this discomfort gently, as if it were something fragile - not something to crush
or avoid?

Step 7: Reflect on the metaphor

What does it mean to face pain with open hands? What does the clenched fist represent to you?
How might life change if you practiced this more often?

Clenched Fist =

Open Hands =

Step 8: Make it a practice

You can use willing hands as a daily check-in or grounding tool:

■ Before a stressful meeting

■ While grieving or in emotional pain
■ When you notice you’re resisting inner experience

You might gently tell yourself: “I’m willing to feel this and still move toward what matters.”

[25]