Social Media – How connection has driven us apart

We are currently living in a world where communication over thousands of miles can happen
instantly and in so many ways that it is hard to even count, but is this connection actually
bringing us together or driving us apart? During that last 3 decades social media has grown at
an exponential rate. Starting with relatively limited emails, instant messenger services and
text messaging, moving into the nearly limitless instant worldwide connections through zoom
calls, Instagram, TikTok and other platforms. We are more connected digitally than any other
time in history, but loneliness, disconnection and real-life relationships are reaching
extremely high levels. This paradox lies at the root of the issue. While social media allows us
to connect with people instantly and effortlessly no matter the distance, it replaces real life
interactions with digitals ones which are not nearly as fulfilling.

The fact that social media and internet communication can have a negative effect on one’s
relationships has been known about for a very long time. Kraut et al. (1998) wrote about this
saying 'greater use of the Internet was associated with declines in participants’
communication with family members in the household, declines in the size of their social
circle, and increases in their depression and loneliness' (p. 1017)." As time went by and social
media use increased, we could see this trend continue in broad population terms. A survey
done by Twenge et al. (2019) showed "Rates of major depressive episode in the last year
increased 52% 2005–2017 (from 8.7% to 13.2%) among adolescents aged 12 to 17 and 63%
2009–2017 (from 8.1% to 13.2%) among young adults 18–25" (p. 185). These numbers are
very significant and although not entirely attributed to increases in social media use, show
striking correlations with it’s rise and popularity. With that, we’ve seen that social media can
lead to depression and loneliness, but it is important to understand why that happens.

To illustrate this, imagining two different scenarios can be helpful. Consider the difference
one would feel between a reunion with a friend or relative over a video call and an in-person
meeting. In one the two get to embrace one another, share tears and laugher and experience
all of it with each of the five senses, while the other is limited to just audio and visual. The
barrio of the screen between the two make the digital reunion merely a limited partial
substitute for a true reconnection. This tendency of social media to create connection without
depth isn’t limited to video calls though. Viewing and sharing posts and videos are much
more common than direct communications calls and come with many compounded problems.

When it comes to Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and other similar platforms, social media is
quite a bit different. Unlike 1 to 1 or small-group communication like Whatsapp, Zoom and
phone calls, posting on these platforms are broadcasted to the public. This results in people
mostly only posting things they think would be liked by the general public and this very often
creates stresses on both sides. Those posting on the platforms feel pressure to show the best
parts of their life and to prove that they are worthy of followers. The followers then see these
amazing posts of people doing incredible things and disappointedly compare their normal
lives with them. This issue with comparison being harmful to wellbeing is described by Vogel
et al. (2014) "Participants who used Facebook most often had poorer trait self-esteem, and
this was mediated by greater exposure to upward social comparisons on social media" (p.
207). It is not difficult to imaging how daily exposure to the most highly-curated best
moments of thousands of people’s lives could make most people unsatisfied with theirs. Not
only that, but it can often lead people to post exaggerated achievements or even about false
events that never happened in order to appeal to their target audience. This can cycle again
and again to the point that there are some communities, like modelling and fashion, where
one can assume nearly ever post is exaggerated in one way or another. One of the biggest
issues with social media though is that people generally do not choose to seek it out, but use
it to fulfill a need.

Social media, for all its faults, is a very attractive form of entertainment. The world is at our
fingertips at all times, so to speak. People who turn to social media are doing so because it is
something that gives them joy and entertainment. This same result could be achieved by
hundreds of other things from sport, to theatre to personal hobbies or playing music. The issue
lies with that supreme convenience of social media. One could drive 25 minutes to see their
friend, pick up some snacks along the way, spend a few hours there and then drive back home.
Or they could send DMs to them every so often during the same evening and stay at home and
browse Instagram and TikTok. Many people would much rather choose to stay in after a long
day of work. They still get to catch up with their friend anyway. The communication mean can
be often fraught with small conflicts and miscommunications compared with face-to-face
interactions though as Ingman (2019) describes “Without the intonation and facial expressions
granted in face-to-face contexts, [Computer Mediated Communication] subtext is left up to
one’s experience of conversation online or worse, left to misunderstand the encounter" (p. 67).
As tempting as the night at home might be, it is more than likely that it would be a less
fulfilling one compared to a real-life meeting with a friend. Emojis and reactions may help,
but they are never going to replace spontaneous laughter, hugs, peaceful share silence and the
multitude of things impossible through digital means. There are many that would argue that
social media can bring us close together though.

Many will claim that social media allows us to connect with those at a long distance that we
never would have had the means to before. Whether it is an elderly family member who lives
far away or a relative that works abroad. In both cases whether it is logistics or finances, an in
person meeting is very unlikely to happen, so digital means fill a need. I do concede that in
these circumstances social media can allow connection where in the past it would have been
possible. However, it must be understood that this connection is always going to be a limited
one that will never properly substitute in-person interactions. If one is to make the excuse of
never even considering saving for a trip to visit their friend that works abroad because of their
digital communication, or excusing their very infrequent visits to their elderly family member
because they are already seeing them on video calls then this is a mistake.

Social media’s ability to instantly bridge distances between all parts of the world has not in
fact brought us closer together, but driven a great many people towards depression, loneliness
and disconnection. It is a power and addictive tool that must be balanced with real-life
interaction very carefully in order to avoid using it as a substitute that will never truly drive
meaningful connections. Setting limits on our use of social media and prioritizing face-to-
face interactions as much as possible is truly the only path towards creating and maintaining
real connection with those around us.
Works Cited:

Kraut, R., Patterson, M., Lundmark, V., Kiesler, S., Mukopadhyay, T., & Scherlis, W.
(1998). Internet paradox: A social technology that reduces social involvement and
psychological well-being? American Psychologist, 53(9), 1017–1031.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.53.9.1017

Twenge, J. M., Cooper, A. B., Joiner, T. E., Duffy, M. E., & Binau, S. G. (2019). Age,
period, and cohort trends in mood disorder indicators and suicide-related outcomes in a
nationally representative dataset, 2005–2017. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 128(3), 185–
199. https://doi.org/10.1037/abn0000410

Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social
media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206–222.
https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000047
Ingman, K. (2019). Nonverbal communication on the net: Mitigating misunderstanding
through the manipulation of text and use of images in computer-mediated communication
[Master's thesis, University of Findlay]. OhioLINK Electronic Theses and Dissertations
Center. http://rave.ohiolink.edu/etdc/view?acc_num=findlay1557507788275899