Anime: Dragon Ball Z: Fukkatsu no "F"

This movie does NOT continue the story. It sidetracks for the sake of rehashing old plotlines and throwing in even more lazy color-swapping power ups. Because who cares about continuity anymore? It’s about Frieza coming back to life and seeking revenge against Goku. That’s all there is to it, something he already did with his father in the past, as well as what his non-canon brother did in a movie. It’s not like I expect originality out of Dragonball; the damn thing is the monolith of the fighting shonen formulas and it has stuck to it for 30 years. What does annoy me a lot though, is how Toriyama screwed up such a simple plot. I mean, this is HIS creation, and he knows how stuff work better than everybody else. And yet here we are with characters acting out of character, and the rules of how the Dragon Balls work changing out of nowhere.

So ok, some bad guys make a wish to bring Frieza back to life. Why does he come back in pieces? Nobody else had that issue, even back when wishes had far more limitations. And why are all the good guys doing nothing despite sensing Frieza’s aura? I mean, seriously, at this point they can fly anywhere they like in a few seconds, and even a bottom rank fighter like Krilin is around Frieza’s power at this time. So why are they standing still for several minutes when they clearly sense someone summoning the dragon, bringing back a major villain, and then leaving in a spaceship? They were always flying to battle in previous arcs the moment they sensed something was off. They could have sent even a nobody like Yamcha to sneeze on the bad guys before they even made the wish, and the movie would be over in, like, ten minutes.

Hell, they could have simply kept all the dragon balls in a secure place, so the bad guys wouldn’t even be able to make the wish in the first place. But no, they just let any random villain to gather them and wish for whatever the heck he wants. Something which is so easy to do these days. Back in the good arcs, it would require months to find them all. Nowadays even a comic relief villain like Pilaf can do that with no problem. Twice. Out of screen. And nobody gives a damn.

Anyways, Frieza is back and he wants to kill Goku, just like every other bad guy wants in this show. But he also needs to get stronger in order to do that, since he became a small fry even back when Goku had yellow hair. Now that he got red hair, Frieza will need to get a new power up that can top even that. And he acquires said power up by… training for a few months. Yeah, that is all it took to get a million times more powerful; he was simply out of shape and needed to get into a fitness program. And he did it out of screen too, because who cares about training sessions anymore? We are all here to see dumb people punching each other.

So, a few months later, Frieza attacks with a bunch of minions, and we get the typical part where all the non-Saiyans are trying to hold off the bad guys, because Goku is not around to do it himself. In earlier arcs he was too far away, or was still recovering from his injuries, so taking time to get to the battlefield was excused. But no such thing happens this time. He can teleport anywhere he wants in an instant, he is not injured, and has Kaio available to inform him about anything that is going on with telepathy. And yet no such thing happens for several hours. It’s as if everybody forgot how to use their powers all of a sudden.

Anyways, the cannon fodder fights, and as always they are not trying to win, or even to weaken the enemy boss. They are just wasting time, until the only people who matter in this show after Namek arrive (which are Goku and Vegeta, duh). And holy crap, the power levels now make even less sense. Since when are we supposed to believe some of the minions are weak enough for even Muten Roshi to beat, while others are powerful enough to land punches on Picolo and Gohan. What the hell, if such powerful aliens exist, why was Frieza their leader? Or why did they bother to resurrect him, if they already had stronger successors to take over his position? What’s the point?

After this completely meaningless battle scene, Goku and Vegeta finally arrive, because Bulma (of all people) bothered to inform them about Frieza. They are cocky enough to fight Frieza one on one, instead of ganging up on him and ending the battle right away. Or, I don’t know, letting Beerus who is even stronger than them to finish him off. Oh right, he is busy eating desserts, what a great character. What, you thought our noble heroes are here to save the Earth, protect their friends, or something trivial like that? Nope, they are here to have fun by punching stuff. And eat pudding.

What follows is Frieza revealing his own personal lazy color-swapping power up, followed by Goku doing the same with yet another lazy color-swapping power up. Yellow is so last century, and red just got old last year, so let’s try blue this time. With a wonderful name to go along with it: Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan. No, this is not a typo. Then the final battle happens, where Frieza is completely owned despite his fitness program. Do you know how lame it feels to see all this build up amounting to nothing? And they didn’t even fight for a couple of hours like before, it only lasts a few minutes. And it all ends when one weak minions shoots Goku with a simple laser. What the hell is this crap, the guy could survive nuclear explosions before he even had yellow hair, and now that he has blue he gets heavily injured by a pistol? This is bullshit.

But worry not, since now Vegeta can take on Frieza and prove what an amazing warrior he is by essentially finishing off his half dead opponent. And he fails even at that, losing his chance to take his revenge after all these years, because he was busy laughing at how strong he is, instead of killing Frieza. Frieza takes advantage of that by blowing up the Earth while everybody is busy doing nonsense. By the way, this is something he could have done all along without even having to land on the planet. But of course he didn’t, because if that happened the movie would have ended way too soon.

Anyways, the Earth is destroyed for yet another time and it seems everybody died, but plot convenience says otherwise, since now there is time travel all of a sudden. Goku can go back in time and undo anything that wasn’t done properly, thus having an even easier way to fix any harm the villains caused. Forget the healing beans, the dragon bringing the dead back to life; he can simply load a previous saved file and try again. Hooray for tension!

Thus Goku defeats Frieza before he blows up the Earth with his trademarked Kamehameha attack. Something he could have done all along but didn’t. By the way, why isn’t the solar system vaporized if Goku fires energy beams at this level? I mean, even in his initial form Frieza could blow up planets with a finger. How come Earth is not blown apart by Frieza, two God Saiyans, Beerus, and Whis, simply breathing on it? Whatever, power levels are bullshit.

Thus ends this completely pointless movie, so we can rewatch it all over again ten times longer and with crappy animation, thanks to Dragon Ball Super. Milking for the win. And who knows, maybe Goku will get purple hair after this arc, and call himself Saiyan God Super God Saiyan Duper Kamehame Saiyan Lucifer Super.