I am out with lanterns, looking for myself. - Emily Dickinson
Hi, I’m Stephanie.
I want to be honest with you: I’m not entirely sure where this Substack is headed.
But to me, that is a relief.
For my entire life (I’m 53 at the time of this writing), I have worked to be a Good Girl. A good student. A people pleaser. This is not unique. We could populate a small planet with people pleasers. They’d probably all be women.
I’ve been doing a lot of deep work with my therapist over the past couple of years, detangling all of the messages I believed were true. Messages about my worthiness, my voice, and my desirability. Messages about paths I should take, about roles I should play.
Many of these messages are a direct result of my relationship with, and eventual estrangement from, my father. He passed away in 2020. We hadn’t spoken in over two decades.
One day about six months ago, I was minding my own business when suddenly I knew that it was time to write about him, and me, and all of it. And I literally mean suddenly, like the clouds parted and the sun shone down and a voice I don’t believe in boomed this is what you will write. (Who am I, fucking Moses? Get out of my head!)
Anyway, after spending a couple of weeks spent in full avoidance, I started to write.
Then I started to get angry.
Because although that relationship taught me to see myself in a certain light (spoiler: bad lighting), it wasn’t the only contributor.
Enter: the patriarchy.
(Also, how is there not already a Substack called Daddy Issues?)
And so, here we are. What I can promise you is this:
vulnerability
honesty
stories
a spirit of generosity and inclusion (because I know I’m not alone, in any of this.)
If you’d like to support my work with a paid subscription, I’ll share previews of my work-in-progress memoir with you. I make a living in part as a writer, so any support is genuinely appreciated.
I’ll be back to revise this about page once we are underway.
If you’re still with me, thank you. 🧡 Let’s go and find the light.
My bio:
Stephanie Dethlefs is a writer, writing coach, and teacher. She is the author of the middle grade novel Unspoken, and her stories, essays, and articles can be found in a variety of publications. She lives with her family in Pacific Northwest Washington State and is currently at work on a memoir.
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