There are too many things in life that we sometimes wish to skip. To skip the wait, to skip the hard part, to skip the effort and change, and to magically arrive at the end, the happily ever after. At least until a new challenge comes up.

I hate to admit it, but the only way to reach the end, truly is to go through it all. Now, I could say something cliche, like ‘You only value happiness once you’ve experienced hardship’, or I could cut through the bs and tell you that it absolutely sucks to go Through. Every single time, without fail.

I hate the sweat and the tears, and the thoughts that it’ll be easier next time, when it most definitely isn’t. But I think it’s just one of those things that make us human.

‘Fall down seven times, stand up eight’, sure, but I think the point is to not forget who you do it with. Your family, your friends, or only a few close people you can count on one hand are enough to make going Through worthwhile.

None of this was something you didn’t already know. I just think we all need a little reminder sometimes.

A few weeks ago, I had the rare experience of coming across something pleasant on Instagram. A simple post that said something like ‘I miss the time when the internet used to be a place’. That post seems to have fired a bunch of specific neurons in my brain, because almost three weeks later, it continues to live in my head and plagues almost every idea I talk about with anyone.

So this is me, finally letting out the thought I’ve had for weeks.

We all know about how accessible the internet is today. School kids write essays in exams about how ‘in today’s age we could not be more connected yet disconnected from each other’. I did that too, 12 years ago. But for so long, we’ve been seeing this in the context of the internet making communication and information a lot more convenient and accessible, while making physical social gatherings less frequent.

I’ve been thinking about how the internet makes the world spin. News, socialization, finance, security, defense, they all exist on the foundation of the internet now. It is so deeply rooted in our way of life that the thought of the internet ceasing to exist (or even shutting down for a few hours) makes people create apocalyptic movies.

On a more personal level, we use internet for entertainment, for news, and for our daily communication too. WhatsApp has replaced Messaging, and WhatsApp calls are replacing Phone calls, because you might not get mobile range, but who doesn’t have WIFI? I realized how we use UPI even at the kulfi cart, when a friend visiting India talked about how the vendors laughed in her face for giving them rounded up cash instead of the exact Rs. 38.47 that she spent getting a vegetable.

And so, the internet is everywhere. And it makes life vastly convenient. But is that all it does?

If it did, you wouldn’t see those internet detox challenges now, would you?

We scroll reels in between a conversation (welcome, 5-second attention span), leave WhatsApp chats unopened forever, turn off our ‘last seen’ and the blue ticks that indicate we’ve seen a message. We binge watch stuff on Netflix that we don’t even remember in 2 days, we pull up Google every time someone says something, either to prove we’re right, or to prove the other person wrong. We use Google Maps every time we plan on going to a new cafe. Within the city.

Now, these are all things I do, and I know you do it too. Sometimes, at least. And while they’re not all bad, they kind of stop your brain from doing the one thing it does best- think. Now I know, some of you will say, ‘Yes, that’s the whole point’, but is it really?

What’s the point if we don’t understand our brain, let it think random things (which it now only does in the shower), let it come up with those embarrassing memories from 10 years ago, or feel nostalgia, regret, shame, or sadness? We drown ourselves in entertainment, all to distract our brain and escape from reality, but how will your reality get better if you don’t actively feel it and work on it? So, not only are we deeply disconnected from reality while knowing exactly what is happening in the US or Gaza or Nepal, we’ve also managed to clutter our brain with scary news, mindless entertainment, insensitive opinions, and entirely unnecessary hate (because someone is always hating on someone else), all in the name of “exposure”.

But we’re going on a tangent here.

My agenda with this newsletter is to give you a task for the week (or a day, whatever seems doable). Think of something you do using the internet. Maybe booking a cab/auto (for short, safe distances), call one by hand instead of using an app (we pay the same meter fare now anyway). Cut out the internet from at least one activity in your day. Use cash. Ask another human being for directions. Maybe write a handwritten letter or send a postcard to someone. You know you want it too, why not start doing it first?

Eventually, maybe, you can move on to consuming stuff on internet mindfully. Instead of scrolling reels as a reward, maybe read a book. If that’s not your thing, go out on a walk without using your phone- for texting, calling, even music.

Just spend time with yourself. And if that’s hard for you to do, then you know what’s making you unhappy isn’t the internet. It’s not being friends with yourself, because how do you spend your entire life with someone you barely know?

Hello and good morning!

This is a little check-in. How are you today? Did you get the time to pet a dog, get ignored by a cat, or look at the clouds, yet? Maybe let’s settle for drinking some water first.

I know I’ve been MIA for quite some time now, but I think it is evident that putting out newsletters on a schedule does not work for this brain. So you’ll be hearing from me whenever inspiration strikes, and strike it did, this week.

I’ve had a thought for the past several weeks, which was just brewing and brewing, but I think its ready now. You’ll be receiving that newsletter soon.

Until then, here’s a little cat I drew from Pinterest. She’s knitting her own good day by the way.

See you in the next one!

After being in the field of psychology for more than 5 years, studying it, practicing it and also being myself in my personal life, I’ve come to a realization.

Talking kindly to myself has changed my life in more ways than I can describe.

Many of you might already know some of the things I’m about to say here, but none of us really actively think about this. We all talk to ourselves I’m sure. All the thoughts we have daily is not just us screaming into the void. “Oh no, what if the meeting goes badly?”, “Wait, what if they think I’m being cringe?”, or “Oh my god, that was so embarrassing”, are all things you’re saying to yourself. And you and I, both, know many of our thoughts are not so neutrally phrased.

And that makes what I’m about to say even more important.

Think of your mind as a part of you. Like a friend that has grown up with you. While you are your current age, your mind is all the ages before that. It is 2 years old, it is 12 years old, its also a 17 year old emo teenager. That might explain why sometimes your mind is so rational, so smart, just like you; and sometimes it’s so stubborn, it doesn’t understand that eating an entire tub of ice-cream for lunch is NOT good. Notice all the tones your mind takes up when it’s talking to you. Do you realize the difference between a younger version of you speaking vs. an older version of you speaking?

Now think about how you speak with your mind. Is it always the same tone? is it harsher at times? When is it softer?

I read a post on Instagram that said to think of your mind as your best friend. A real life best friend, pick a real person you know. Would you say to them, the things you say to yourself? To your mind? I know I wouldn’t.

But your mind is not that person. It’s you. It’s all the younger versions of you. And that means you should care for your mind more than you care for any other person on this planet. Why would your mind be nice to you if you’re mean to it?

99% of my problems disappeared once I started being kind to my mind. Yeah, I’m not always in the mood for the stuff it pulls, but understanding is a two way street. It will understand you and behave itself, if, and only if, you understand your mind and behave yourself first.

The short answer is no. You cannot avoid the things you feel. If you do, they spill over in some other area of your life, on some other person who is not responsible for your feelings, and the cycle continues.

The long answer is this:

We all know uncomfortable feelings like sadness or guilt or embarrassment are not easy to deal with. We’d rather shove those feelings and memories in some box, lock it up and drop it in the sea, a hundred kilometers far from shore. But the sea has a habit of returning things, and so does your mind.

I know you catch yourself wondering why you suddenly remembered that time when you were 7 and embarrassed yourself in front of your family by saying or doing something stupid. Or that time in school when you made a fool out of yourself in front of the entire class.

When you hear therapists (or people on Instagram who aren’t therapists) say that you need to sit with your feelings, what they actually mean is instead of shoving those feelings and memories in a box immediately, maybe keep it open for a minute and look at it. “And how will that help? I’ll keep feeling that feeling!”, a client responded to me. “I don’t want to feel it. I want to get rid of it!”

Clearly, we weren’t talking about simpler instances of slipping and falling in front of people or saying the wrong word in a sentence. Feelings of loss, guilt, shame, anger can be a lot to process. Feeling these feelings means accepting what has happened, and sometimes we’re just not ready to accept them into our reality. Maybe you still want to believe that you have your life together, that your relationship did not just end, that you still have all of your close friends, or that the thing that entirely changed your life did not happen after all.

Eventually though, like the sea, your mind returns these feelings to you in the form of irritation, fear, overthinking and loneliness. A whole new set of feelings that we don’t want to feel either, am I right? And all this while, you continue to avoid your real life situation- be it a confrontation, a move or some action that is required on your part. You dread it and run away from it.

I’m not calling you out, no need to get defensive. I do it too. It’s just a thing that we do as humans. We feel, and then those feelings get heavy for us sometimes.

The trick is in knowing how to deal with them.

And so, here we finally ask- What do therapists mean when they say ‘Sit with your feelings? How do we do it?

The infographic sure makes it look easier than it is.

But let me tell you why this works. When you get into this cycle of avoiding feeling your feelings, or thinking you don’t need to feel them right now, you’re unintentionally teaching your brain to continue doing this on autopilot. So the next time something happens (which it will, that’s just life), your brain will take it upon itself to do the thing you taught it, and avoid processing those feelings, which might either give you this feeling of numbness, or overwhelm.

When you sit down to breathe and feel the feeling in your body, instead of intellectualizing it (why am I feeling this? what person/situation made me feel this? is this rooted in my past? blahblahblah no. Don’t do that right now), you teach your brain that it’s okay to feel this feeling. This feeling passes, and you still remain safe. Now your mind can actually work on the issue instead of avoiding it.

A little P.S.: You might not get it right the first time. And that’s okay. Like most things in life, learning to manage your feelings will also take some practice. A friend told me that any time and effort that we invest in ourselves will never be wasted. We will always bear its fruits.