Louises interview transcript

Clip 402_0409

Tells us your name and what you do

05:40:13:13
My names Louise, Im 22 and Im a support worker for adults with learning
disabilities.

05:40:26:08
Ok, Im the oldest of 8 children; at the time there was only 7 of us. My mum was
quite ill after each one of us and she had postnatal depression and it never kind
of got better and then she had another child, so she was quite ill.

At her home there was a quite of lot of men that would come in the house, my
mum thought that by seeing loads of men that that was her way of being
appreciated. So there was a lot of abuse and a lot of neglect, because my mum
just didnt know how to be a parent, and one day she kind of reached the end of
her tether cause one of my brothers has ADHD and he destroyed my one year old
brother at the times asthma pump with a tin of gloss paint, so my mum kind of
just had enough of it and called for help. She kind of just called to get him
removed really but because the house was like inhabitable they decided to
remove us all there and then. There was police, ambulances the lot.

And then we stayed in a house in strood that was owned by the strood family
centre, it was quite a dump really and we stayed with people from the family
centre, that none of us knew and we all went shopping and had to buy all this
stuff and we found it all very boring. We stayed there for a couple of days and
then we all got assigned foster carers and then we all just left in our different
directions. Some went together some didnt, it depends what they thought was
best, which isnt always right.

I was still in primary school when we first went into care, because that was the
may, so I was literately just finishing primary school, so I was in care when I
started senior school which I was really upset about because I wanted my mum
to take me to school on that first day, like everyone elses parents were taking
them, why couldnt mine take me. In the end they let her meet me outside of
school, which wasnt taking me to school.

So senior school was awful, it was really horrible and during that time I moved
carers to a second lot of carers which were really nice they were very family
orientated and had their own children and who went to the same senior school I
went to. I was living there for two years and then he died, which I didnt know
how to deal with, and we found out when I was in a maths lesson. And then
because I was really quite naughty at school cause I didnt liked being told what
to do. I saw a connections personal advisor, so when obviously Tony died I had
to go and see her a lot more, because my school decided that I was better out of
lessons then in them, and she was a Christian and went to church, which I didnt
know until she asked me to go to a summer conference. Which I was like oh ok
then lets go to god squad camp, and actually it as quite fun.

and I was like really so everyone can feel sorry for us great and I went and it was
quite good as because it was graffiti for the first time so it was quite good and
Ive carried on going and then Stephen took over when I was about 12, so Ive
known him since I was 12 which is like 10 years ago now and Ill just text
Stephen and hell be like yeah well do this or can you do this or can you ask
social services do to this for me and stuff like that and he did that all the time.

So then back to the summer conference, and that was quite good because I met
like people didnt know about my past and didnt know I was in care, cause I felt
judged for being in care cause everyone would be like oh thats the kid in care or
thats the family and they would judge you based on it when actually its not you
thats done it, its actually the circumstances you was born into. But at the
conference it was like, you were free to be because the impression you gave at
that point was the person that they knew. So then I started going to that church
that ran that conference in Maidstone and I loved it. All the people were very
friendly, I gradually got to know different people, one person I got to know really
well, so when my third placement broke down, she was like oh yeah come and
live with me and I was like yes I was very excited I couldnt wait, and it was
meant to be when I was 18 but because my placement broke down quite soon
after, I went to live there.

During that as well when I first went into care when I was 11, when I was about
12 social services asked me if I wanted to be involved in going to a group on a
Thursday evening of young people that were in care,

Stephen is the head if you like, of the YLF, which is the young lives foundation, he
is like the big boss. The young lives foundation is a charity, it was originally just
for children in care in Medway, but then as it expended it became to do with
Kent.

But during the years, secondary school and all through being in care I was told
that I was the fat ugly dumb one, and my mother even told me that and because
my carers somehow did the same, I dont think I was that fat at the time. I
became very guarded on what I ate, I wouldnt eat in front of people I decided at
one point not to eat anything at all apart from diet coke and smoothies, well you
dont eat them anyway you drink them, and then I also self harmed for about 13
years I think, all together and that got better and worse at times as did the eating,
but challengers and Stephen and holly they knew all about that and they didnt
judge or anything and the people at church new about and they didnt judge or
anything, so it was quite good, obviously they dont encourage you to do those
type of things.

When I went to live with the lady from church, I was still very much Im really fat
Ive got to lose weight, and I actually I was a size 8 so I probably didnt, as the
eating disorder got worse. My behaviour got worse and our relationship got
worse because I was trying hiding things that I was doing and she found out and
it was all very dishonest, a lot of miscommunication. So that broke down pretty
rapidly. I wanted her to be my mum but she didnt want to be my mum. I took
quite a few overdoses in that placement, because basically I wanted her to be my
mum and she didnt want to be it, so I felt unloved. And then every time I took
one she wanted me to come and live with her again but actually it did more harm
then good keep going back but then the final overdose was the one that was the
straw that broke the camels back, and she packed up everything when I was in
hospital and got rid of it well gave it to a friend. I was in hospital near enough a
month in a psychiatric hospital, it was safe as I wasnt allowed sharp things so I
couldnt do any of that, you werent even allowed to bring certain things in you
werent even allowed to have my phone charger and they had to charge it, so it
was very safe and it was the safest environment that I actually had felt in quite a
while, and all the people really looked after me and were all really nice and they
would go out and buy me chips, as I really loved chips and by that point I
contacted Stephen because at that point I didnt know who to contact really and
he came to visit me in hospital, and bought me chips which was always the way
to my heart.

Then I was due to leaving hospital, and I got really really worried because I had
nowhere to live as I was still ill, I was still very thin, I still had massive cuts
everywhere all over my body that hadnt healed and I was quite unstable. But
Stephen said to me do you want to come away for the weekend for a residential
and I was like yeah alright then, so we did jest skiing and 4by4 driving we did
everything, it was brilliant as it was out of reality. While we were there Stephen
asked me if I wanted a mentor. At first I was like no, cause I dont need anyone
elses help Im fine by myself, but then I thought about it and thought I probably
did need help with some things, especially about where I was going to be living.

So then after the weekend I went to my mums for the night and then went to
Maidstone council the next day, and got put in a bed and breakfast in the middle
of a motorway. In the middle of nowhere in an area I didnt know, for a week, I
didnt have a good time at that point, but people came and visited, and holly
visited and said she would come to the council with me. After the week was up
after being B&B.

Holly did as she said she would and we down went to the council together, we
got an interview for a hostel, she came with me to that and supported me
through that and answered questions at that point I was still we were very wary
of people and their motives, so I wouldnt answer many questions. She helped
me furnish it and decorate it, we went shopping together, I would see her about
once a week, and she would go through budgeting, meal planning cooking, we
would go out for dinner and lunch, we would pretty much go anywhere and
everywhere really. I started to get involved with things that I knew werent good
enough; I was still going to church in Maidstone and building relationships with,
different people, the vicars wife being one of them, who I am now still in good
relationship with. She became very supportive, pat her name is, she became very
supportive but as I was living on my own, and didnt know how to do that as such
I started going drinking every weekend, I started binging and purging at this
point, I was still self harming, and I was also diagnosed with severe depression
and put on loads more tablets. The drink interacted with my tablets quite a lot,
so made me very quite ill. I still went out and started sleeping with different
people from the hostel, because I thought well why not, I dont care, when
actually I did.

One year at the same conference, pat asked me to go if I go to mercy ministries in
Bradford, its like a rehab, but not just for drinking and drugs, it kind of for
everything around the board.

And it was six months intense, I was like no way, but then I thought about it and
thought I would probably need to as I would probably end up dead, Cause I was
doing things that were not great. So I went to rehab for 6 months in Bradford and
that was the hardest thing of my life, to be told what to eat, what to wear you
couldnt have you skirt shorter then when your finger tips touch the bottom and
you had to be all covered up and that wasnt me back then, I left there and
graduated there. And then went to Sheffield which was a supported housing one,
which you cooked your own meals, you cooked it all yourself, which was a bit
easier and I stayed there for a year and a half, then I decided I wanted to move
back home, because I really missed my friends, not so much my family but I
missed my friends and because at that point I had been involved with the church
for so long, I began to get involved with different groups, I had been involved
with a 60+ lunch club, and they were all very sweet link club and link up which is
for adults with learning disabilities, I was a bit scared at first but then really
really loved it. So I kept doing voluntary bits, at the conference with adults with
learning disabilities and I really though I really liked this, having qualified as
being a nursery nurse, that was boring compared to what I can do adults with
adults disabilities and mental health issues and things like that. So I did it and I
absolutely loved, I wanted to move home because s I knew there were jobs going
at the place pats daughter lives, and I thought why not, lets try my luck. I filled in
the application, done did the interview and got the job and I was like wow I got
my first ever job that I actually want to do. I have been there now for 2 months
and I absolutely love it.

05:57:11:10
So now Stephen just, we still keep in contact but he just rings me when he needs
me whenever he need me to do a speaking event even, which I dont mind
because I enjoy it. I have done training foster carers, social workers, weve done
time to shine events, we did children in need, me and Stephen appeared live on
children in need, which he was more scared then I was. We were in the paper not
that long ago, near mothers day. That was raising awareness for the charity and
making sure their funding doesnt get cut.

Do you still see the YLF team?

05:59:04:13
I still see Stephen quite a lot, I dont see as much of holly now, where she works
only part time form having a little girl, but I still speak to her on the phone, and if
shes at events that Im at then we see each other then.

Do you still see your mum?

05:59:27:24
My mum and I relationship, was never brilliant, it was more kind of the other
way round I was the mum and she was the daughter. So it has broke down a lot,
especially over the last couple of weeks, so we now are not on speaking terms.
And I only speak to one of my sisters and thats it now.

Clip 402_0410

Small interview about speaking events, children in need and being in the
newspaper.

06:00:16:19
So if there is speaking events, going on or training, Stephen will often ask me to
represent YLF in doing that, with training social workers, training foster carers,
time to shine events, I was a guest speaker, and from that we have weve got
many things changed for other young people in care, from these events, which is
quite good and Im one of the founders of the children in care council, which is
quite cool. We still meet up quite a lot and we were in the paper not that long
ago, a couple of weeks ago representing the charity again, and kind of explaining
what they do and get more awareness out for the funding side of it. Last year in
2013 we were asked if BBC children in need could film us, cause part of the
charity is funded by children in need, so they asked if we could film that, we
appeared live on children in need, and I also appeared on a interview on the BBC
news in the evening, actually about 3 times that day.

Stephen and charity

06:01:44:21
Stephen is the head if you like, of the YLF, which is the young lives foundation, he
is like the big boss. The young lives foundation is a charity, it was originally just
for children in care in Medway, but then as it expended it became to do with
Kent, they brought in another group to run it from Kent, then as children in need
then got involved and started to fund that it then became available for
disadvantaged children to come and go on activities. Like they went on a train to
see Santa at Christmas. Sop that starts form 5 18 now.

Clip 402_0411

Louises hero perspective

06:03:38:01
I think I would consider the whole foundation as a hero; more than one specific
person as they did as much as each other, there was no Stephen did more or
holly did more they worked together, although holly was my mentor, her
instructions and her directions and guidance came from Stephen, also I was
involved with pretty much everyone in the foundation as a staff, team there. So I
think I would probably say the whole foundation rather than the people.

Louise as a hero

06:04:39:22
I dont think I would class myself as a hero, because I think you just live the life
you were dealt and you kind of make the most of that, and I think ok it was
rubbish, do you know what its going to be better in the future, and if I can sit
here and do all these events and appear on TV and do all of that in order to give
other people hope and encourage them, then thats all I want to do.