Do you know what a symbiotic relationship is?
It is a 'close and long-term biological
interaction between two different biological organisms'. These interaction benefits at least
one of the two participating organisms, while other can have either positive, negative, or
neutral impact. We human also interact in a similar way, exception being that sometimes
not even one of them have the benefit.
Oxpeckers is a bird that land on rhinos or zebras and eat ticks and other parasites that live
on their skin. In this way, the bird gets food, and the beasts get pest control.
Interdependency is similar to this. You have often heard that human is a social animal. Our
lives are determined by people around us. Humans interact with each other in so many
ways which one can't even imagine, and it is also needed. Just think about thousands of
people your life currently depends on, starting from your family or the person who built
your car to an unknown person who wrote your book. This dependency is the basis of life
for each one of us. We interact with each other and both are benefited.
But sometimes dependency is more than just simple economics or even feelings. Its
compulsive, destructive, degrading and even toxic. Parasites, including ticks, fleas, leeches,
and lice on the other hand, live on the body surface of the host and commonly cause
diseases in the host. Co-dependency is a similar paradigm, where one might benefit from
the relationship, but certainly other is not. It is an excessive emotional or psychological
reliance on another person. Here, one person enables addiction poor mental health,
immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement in another person. Let’s discuss this fine
line between healthy interaction (interdependency) and unhealthy reliance(co-
dependency).
The major distinction between the two is the individuality and control. Interdependent
behaviour is characterized by high level of individuality and low level of control which is
opposite in the co-dependent behaviour. Originally, interdependence lies in a broad
domain. But there is some relationship that stems from love, care, and concern. When this
care or love increases, it becomes toxic such that it starts drawing limits and increasing
control. This is when it starts to become toxic and leads to a parasitic relationship. What
happens is when a person encourages the behaviour of the other person unconditionally,
the other person becomes emotionally dependent on the prior. S/he is constantly looking
for approval and soon starts to sacrifice his own need or perspective, and completely locates
an external locus of control. Such vulnerability can even lead to disorders including
Dependent Personality Disorder.
One of the major relationships which is the victim of co-dependency is the romantic
relationship. Here, a partner needs constant approval and attention of the other partner.
One partner needs the other, while the other needs to be needed. S/he develops a
compulsive tendency of looking up to. The problem is the sensitivity of the line. You never
know when the line is crossed and when you stopped being just caring or loving. The unique
nature of the relationship exposes the partners to most vulnerable state, giving them both a
sense of care and power. It is this power which presides in co-dependency.
Now the next question, if one person is already suspect to such relationship, how can one
heal. Well, there is not a one stop solution, but there are some practices which can lead a
road to recovery.
The primary step towards recovery is the transparency in the relationship. In any
relation, it is very important to honestly transfer and discuss one’s feelings with each
other. This will not only help in co-dependency but will help to develop a healthy
relationship in general.
Find the locus of control and your happiness within yourself. Other should add to
your emotions, but not the reason for those. There absence should not be a reason
for your despair. Meditation and music are two such methods to relocate the locus.
Lift us the barriers of expectations from any relationship. Rather than considering
what one should have done, what you can do to evade it. In this way, any behaviour
by others will never be able to hurt you.
Boundaries in any relationship is always a positive step. Even if you are involved in
each other’s life, one should have a sperate personal life. Overinvolvement and
overinvestment can only lead to disappointment.
Couples counselling and therapies are always a last option. There is no shame in
taking professional help from time to time.
All the behaviour can be regulated with little attention and help. It is very important to have
healthy relationships and confident self. Nothing can give you more satisfaction that a self-
sufficient inner world.
