One of my all time favorite Seinfeld episodes is the one where George decided to change his life by

acting the opposite of how he would have typically behaved. Ironically, by doing everything the
opposite, he gets a beautiful girlfriend and a job with the Yankees. While doing everything the
opposite may not be the answer for breaking free from the Nice Guy Syndrome, doing some things
different is. Over the last several years, I have watched countless men “do something different” by
applying the principles contained in this book. These men have transformed themselves from
resentful, frustrated, helpless Nice Guys into assertive, empowered, and happy individuals. Just like
George on the Seinfeld show, when Nice Guys decide to make a change, interesting things begin to
happen. Among other things, I’ve watched these men:  Accept themselves just as they are  Use
their mistakes as valuable learning tools  Stop seeking the approval of others  Experience loving
and intimate relationships  Make their needs a priority  Find people who are able and willing to
help them meet their needs  Learn to give judiciously and with no strings attached — 18 — C h a p
t e r O n e : T h e N i c e G u y S yn d r om e  Face their fears  Develop integrity and honesty 
Set boundaries  Build meaningful relationships with men  Create healthier, more satisfying
relationships with women  Experience and express their feelings  Deal with problems directly 
Develop an intimate and satisfying sexual relationship  Find peace with the changing complexities
of life Asking For Help Nice Guys believe they should be able do everything on their own. They have
a difficult time asking for help and try to hide any signs of imperfection or weakness. Breaking free
from the Nice Guy Syndrome involves reversing this pattern. Recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome
is dependent on revealing one’s self and receiving support from safe people. It is essential,
therefore, that men who want to break free from the Nice Guy Syndrome find safe people to assist
them in this process. I encourage recovering Nice Guys to begin this process with a therapist,
therapy group, 12-step group, a religious leader, or close friend. Since Nice Guys tend to seek out the
approval of women, I strongly encourage them to begin this process with men. For some Nice Guys,
the concept of “safe men” may seem like an oxymoron, but I highly recommend it anyway. C h a p t
e r O n e : T h e N i c e G u y S yn d r om e — 19 — I have been leading men’s therapy groups for
recovering Nice Guys for several years. Some of the most significant aspects of my own recovery
from the Nice Guy Syndrome (even before I knew what it was) occurred in the context of 12-step
groups and therapy groups. Even though I am sure it is possible to break free from the Nice Guy
Syndrome without the help of a group, it is the most effective tool I know for facilitating the
recovery process. Breaking Free Activities If you recognize yourself or someone you love in what you
have read so far, read on. This book presents a practical and effective guide for breaking free from
the negative effects of the Nice Guy Syndrome. This program has worked for countless men and it
can work for you or a loved one. To help facilitate this process, I present numerous Breaking Free
activities throughout the book. These Breaking Free activities serve to facilitate the paradigm shift
that is necessary for recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome. They will not only help recovering Nice
Guys understand where their paradigms came from, but will help replace them with more accurate
and up-to-date ones. These assignments will also point recovering Nice Guys in a direction that will
help them start doing things differently. Breaking Free: Activity 1  Write down three possible safe
people or groups that might be able to provide support for you in your recovery from the Nice Guy
Syndrome. C h a p t e r O n e : T h e N i c e G u y S yn d r om e — 20 — If no one comes to mind, get
out the telephone directory and look up counselors or support groups in the phone book. Write
down three names and phone numbers and call them when you finish this chapter. If you are
employed by a company with an Employee Assistance Program, this is another resource. If you know
someone who has been to therapy or a support group, ask them for information. If you have access
to the Internet you can search for 12-step groups or support groups. Caution Before you decide to
apply the principles presented in this book, I must first warn you about two things. The first is that
the program of recovery presented in No More Mr. Nice Guy is not just a few good ideas to try on
for size. It represents a challenge to everything Nice Guys believe about what they must do to be
loved, get their needs met, and keep their world calm. Breaking free from the Nice Guy Syndrome
involves a radical change in perspective and behavior. Trying to do it halfway will only result in
needless suffering. Second, breaking free from the Nice Guy Syndrome will significantly affect your
personal relationships. If you are currently in a relationship, I encourage you to ask your partner to
read this book along with you. The program of recovery presented in No More Mr. Nice Guy will
significantly affect you, as well as those closest to you. Though your partner may be supportive of
you making positive changes, they may also initially frighten him or her. Reading this book together
can help facilitate this transition. C h a p t e r O n e : T h e N i c e G u y S yn d r om e — 21 — C h a p t
e r O n e : T h e N i c e G u y S yn d r om e With these warnings aside, if what you have read so far
makes sense, keep reading. The following chapters contain information that can help you break free
from the Nice Guy Syndrome and start getting what you want in love and life. Breaking Free: Activity
2  Why would it seem rational for a person to try to eliminate or hide certain things about himself
and try to become something different unless there was a compelling reason for him to do so? Why
do people try to change who they really are? Take some time and think about this. Is this your
behavior or the behavior of someone you know?