WHAT IS CONFIDENCE?

Nearly everything we do in life is linked to confidence.

According to the Cambridge International Dictionary of

English, the definition of confidence is:

Confidence (CERTAINTY)

“The quality of being certain of your abilities or of

trusting other people, plans or the future”

When you think about the definition of confidence, with

it being the quality of having faith and certainty in our
own abilities as well as that of others, this nearly
governs everything that we do!

Confidence gets you to make that difficult call, it’s

gets you to the dentists chair, it’s get you to speak
up at that meeting, to take risks, it makes you feel
good about who and what you are.

Just think for one moment of an activity that you love

doing and that you are good at?

Thought of one?

Okay, now just imagine that you could replicate your

skills and the feelings that you have just thought of
and apply that to anything you did in life.

What would your life be like?

Well, I think it would be awesome and it would all

be down to confidence.

You would know what to do and how to do it.

You would be confident in your own ability.

You would most likely enjoy it as well and know that

you could not fail.

Those traits above are what confidence is all about.

No-one is born with confidence, it is learned activity.

All of your experiences to date, your thoughts, beliefs,

values – you name it, have all contributed to your
current levels of self-esteem and confidence.

And no matter what your current levels of confidence

are like, they can always be improved.

When I was putting Confidence World together I wanted

to make sure that it just didn’t dangle the hope of
you increasing your confidence - I wanted to make sure
that I gave you techniques of how to cope and deal
with certain situations.

For example, what should you think and do before,

during and after a presentation to make sure it is
a success?

How can you go into examinations and tests with a

confident and positive frame of mind?

How can you talk in public without your legs turning

to jelly?

I wanted to answer all of these questions with practical

real life tips and techniques, not just the theory
behind confidence that leaves you wanting more!

Speak in Public with Confidence and Enjoyment

Speak in Public with Confidence and Enjoyment

Speaking in public, in front of groups and conducting presentations are commonly agreed as the
least favorite activities that anyone can perform.

However, if we are well prepared, well equipped and well supported, you will find that speaking in
public really can be quite enjoyable – honest!

Here are some ways to make public speaking an enjoyable experience both for yourself, as well
as for your audience.

What to think, say and do before the event to feel confident

1. Be well prepared. Rehearse several times

Being prepared means that you are in control. Unless anyone asks any questions you know what
the presentation or talk is about and you know ALL of the content – not anyone else!

Go through what you are going to say several times either on your own or in front of friends or
family.

After a couple of run troughs, you’ll be ready to rock n’ roll!

2. Co-operate with your body – rest, eat and sleep well beforehand

Relaxation is vital for feeling confident. Don’t stay up to all hours the night before – chill out!

3. Dress in clothes that make you feel good

Pick clothes that make you feel good when you wear them.

You know the ones! That favorite shirt or special tie, your best shoes or new earrings.

Anything to make you look the part – it really does give a MASSIVE boost to your confidence.

4. Take several deep breaths to relax your body

If your heart is pounding, don’t worry this is natural – it still happens to me every single time I
speak in front of people.

It is a natural body reaction!

Just take a couple of deep breaths and get that oxygen pumping through your lungs to slow your
heart rate down.

5. Concentrate on the messages you want to get over to your audience

Make sure that what you have prepared is relevant.

Pick out a couple of key messages that you want to get across to your audience.

For example, if you are talking about the performance of your sales department, you could talk
about a million and one topics.

Instead, think about the top three or four messages you want to get across.

These could be:

 What is the performance of the department

 What contributed to the performance of the department
 What issues you faced
 What are you going to do in the future to improve the performance of your department

6. Move around and release your nervous energy.

Emotion is created by motion.

When you move around you naturally have more energy as your blood pumps around your body.

With energy, comes confidence! Bags of it!

If you are ever feeling low in confidence, look to how you are moving your body and move it!

7. Visualize yourself doing well

Take 5 minutes out, relax, close your eyes and visualize yourself doing well.

Pretend that you are one of the attendees watching you perform your presentation or talk.

Notice how confident you look and all of the movements that you are making. Notice the
environment around yourself, how the room is laid out, who is there.

Make your visualization as real as it can be even down to the sounds of you talking and any room
noise.

Then put yourself in your own body and complete the visualization exercise once more from your
own perspective.

Your brain cannot determine what thoughts are real or imagined so you can actually trick your
brain to believe that you have ALREADY performed the presentation once…and it was
successful!

This is probably one of the techniques that I use the most for everything in my life.

And do you know why?

Because it works!

8. Remember that your audience want you to do well

All of the attendees are not there hoping that you goof up.

They want you to do well and they want to learn.

Remember, they have taken time out of their busy schedules to come and listen to you so they
want you to do well.

9. Think of a similar occasion in the past when you did it before and did it well. Think
about it for a moment.

Remember a time when you have done something similar.

Flood your emotions with the feelings that you had when you completed it and were successful.

You’ve done it in the past and you’ll do it again!

10. Make no negative confessions like “I’m so nervous”

If you say this to yourself or to others you are pre-conditioning yourself for a fall.
Ask your brain a stupid question or comment and it will give you a stupid answer!

“I’m so nervous” will make your subconscious answer with “You bet buddy! And guess what? I’m
going to prove it!”

Your first impression with the audience will not be a favorable one either if that statement is your
opening gambit.

11. Put the situation into perspective

Remember that there are more important things in life than presentations and public speaking.

Think of loved ones, family, war, poverty or those less fortunate than yourself and it soon makes
you realize that your 15 minute presentation is no great shake.

At the end of the day no one will remember it next week!

12. If you get nerves during your talk, move around or do something different to get into a
different “state”

Don’t forget – emotion is created by motion!

Feel nervous?

Then move around!

Don’t feel nervous?

Still move around!

Moving around will enable your mind to generate new ideas, increase your energy and zap those
nerves.

If you forget what you were going to say as you move around I can guarantee you that you will
think of something to say!

13. Pick out some friendly faces and make eye contact with them

Do you know anyone in the audience?

If so, latch onto them!

Whilst giving your presentation look out for those that keep nodding and keep addressing your
points to them.

It will make you feel good.

14. If you make a mistake you make a mistake, laugh at it and the audience with laugh with
you. Make a joke out of it.

I have made hundreds of mistakes when I speak in public!

I make a joke out of it and I usually get a laugh – it helps to settle everyone down!

If I forget my lines I come in with:

“That’s easy for you to say Sean!”

or

“Do you know what? I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to say next!”

What to think, say and do during the presentation/talk

The more you do it the better you will become. Practice makes perfect.

The following are some ways YOU can make speaking in public an enjoyable experience:

1. As much as possible/appropriate, include your audience

You don’t always have to be the talking head at a meeting.

Prepare questions in advance that will encourage the audience to participate.

Consider your audience in advance—Who are they?

What might their histories and/or interests be?

Prepare opportunities in your presentation/speech for audience participation.

2. Inject appropriate humor in your delivery

It will do you good, enabling you to lighten up and release any tension.

It will also enable the audience to loosen up, pay more attention, and receive you in a much more
favorable way.

3. Share a little known fact

Most audiences are especially grateful to hear something they haven’t already heard before.

One single piece of new information can make the time spent listening completely worth their
while.

If you can find one little known, yet especially relevant fact, you will have a captive audience.
4. Smile and the world smiles with you

It’s true!

Others can sense your discomfort, and despite any earth shattering information you have to
share, your audience is apt to discount your brilliance if the delivery of your key messages isn’t
clear and assertive.

Instead remember to smile, make eye contact and believe your own words—and they will too.

5. Keep it relevant

To the extent possible, make sure your audience is the right audience for the information you are
presenting.

In other words, don’t lecture on retirement options to a newly graduating class.

Know before hand what you want to say and practice until it comes naturally.

This will enable you to spend more time relating to your audience, than trying to remember what
comes next in your delivery.

6. Create fun visuals (as appropriate)

Some individuals will retain more if they are able to see graphic representations of the information
you plan to deliver.

Consider which parts of your message can be presented visually, and remember to keep visuals
simple, attractive, and large enough so everyone can see them.

Any fun, relevant clipart or comic can also be a nice perk.

The importance of body language

Don’t forget your non-verbal action signals!

You will want to look confident even though you may not be on the inside.

Don’t just stand there, with your arms by the side of you!

ACT CONFIDENTLY and you will FEEL CONFIDENT!

Try it, it really works.

So, how do you act confidently?

 With your posture – wall tall with your head up

 Smile
 Maintain eye contact
 Handshake
  Move around
 Gestures
 Relax

Speak with confidence as well.

People will believe what they see more than what they hear, but once you look confident, you
have to sound the part too!

 Breathing
 Sound quality of your voice
 Pitch
 Speed
 Tone
 Pausing
 Listening
 Use confident words

 
So, what are the qualities of a good speaker?

Here are a list of the qualities and characteristics of a good public speaker/presenter.

Make sure you include these points when you have to speak in public

1. They talk to us as though we are having a conversation

2. They speak our language

3. They look as though they are enjoying themselves.

4. They inspire us to find out more about the subject

5. They tell stories/use the human-interest angle

6. Someone who conjures up pictures in our mind

7. They don’t talk for hours

8. They let us know where we are going

9. They look at us-not their notes

10. They stress important points and pause to allow ideas to sink in

11. The talk appears well prepared but has an air of spontaneity
 Develop the confidence to speak up at meetings
Develop the confidence to speak up at meetings

Are you generally quiet at meetings?

Do you tend to observe what’s going on, but hesitate to get involved?

I bet you’ve gone through the following scenario a hundred times:

There you are in the meeting, listening attentively trying so desperately to contribute to the
conversations that are taking place.

Sometimes you’re not even listening at all because you are too busy thinking of what you could
possibly say!

The person with the biggest mouth is having his or her say, the same old people are talking.

Then “POW! ZAP!” you have a great idea or have a really valuable thing to say but you don’t say
it!

You’re too scared. You are frightened that the idea is going to be rubbish or that it is too obvious.

You decide to say nothing!

Then, all of a sudden, as if someone has read your mind, another person comes out with exactly
what you were thinking and takes all kinds of credit for it!

“That could and should have been me!” you think and then your confidence takes a massive
blow.

I heard a great quote that went:

“It’s better to say nothing and let people think you are stupid rather than open your mouth and
remove any doubt”

The first thing you should think to yourself is that you are at the meeting for a reason.

That reason is to take in information as well as to share information yourself.

Exercise

I’d like you to write down a list of all of the times when you have thought of something to say in a
meeting but didn’t.

I bet it will be a long list!

Now, just think of all of the plaudits and credit you COULD have got if only you had opened your
mouth.
Next to each item write down how it would have made you feel if you would have said it.

What credit would you have got for it?

How does it make you feel now that you have written all of this down?

Confidence starts with making small changes and than making them a habit.

Next time…  

Before the meeting – what to think and do

Before you go into your next meeting I want you to go over the list you have written during this
exercise.

Visualize yourself in the meeting talking with confidence and getting your point across.

Get psyched up to make a telling contribution at this meeting but don’t beat yourself up if you
don’t have any ideas.

Have a look at the agenda before you go into the meeting, make some rough notes about the
subjects that are going to be covered.

As yourself in advance:

 What do I know about the agenda items?

 What could I contribute to this item?
 Does this item have an effect on me or my department?
 What questions could I ask?
 What do I need to know about these agenda items?

Go in as prepared as you can be with the resources at your disposal.

When you are prepared, you feel confident.

What to think, say and do in the meeting

Sometimes, you don’t have anything to say and that’s ok – don’t beat yourself up about it.

Where I am coming from here is when you HAVE got something to say but DON’T!

Confidence comes from starting on a small scale and building upon successes.

Therefore, for your next meeting make a decision to say the first idea that you have and see what
happens.

At the end of the day, you have got nothing to lose and people will probably feel better towards
you if you say something rather than if you say nothing at all.
Success breeds success and confidence breeds confidence.

A great skill that you should master is the forgotten art of is LISTENING!

Yes, you read it correctly!

A lot of people in meetings just take it in turns talking rather than communicating effectively.

One person has their say then another has theirs. Each person has their own opinions and
agenda and unfortunately this is often at the expense of others feelings and wants.

So what does this mean?

Well, this means instead of thinking what to say – actually listen really hard to what is being said
and ask questions about the subject matter.

Go into the meeting with the mindset that you are there to communicate rather than just have
your say about agenda items and you will be surprised about the outcome!

Remember, give it a go – you will be pleasantly surprised at how easy it is and then you will be
wondering about what all of the fuss was about!

The next time will then be a synch!

10 reasons why you can and should confidently speak up at meetings.

Let me give you 10 reasons why you can, and should speak up at meetings:

1. The team needs you…every individual on a team has a role to play, something to contribute—
even if it’s just to play devil’s advocate—you included

2. You’re breathing—that means you have an opinion…so share it!

3. The constant talkers need a break…don’t you think?

4. The facilitator/chairperson might be battling with whether or not to invite you into the
conversation…let her know you’re present and paying attention

5. A good facilitator/chairperson will call on those who are not contributing as much in an effort to
get everyone involved anyway…it might as well be a moment you choose to get involved

6. The meeting will go faster

7. It’s good for your career

8. It’s good for you

9. In preparation for the meeting, outline 3 things you want to say

10. You’re a brilliant individual, so why not share your brilliance with others!
Remember these final words!

In 30 years time will anyone really give a thought to what you said in the meeting?!

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

In fact they will not give a thought about it tomorrow!

SOME QUICK FIXES TO CURE YOUR CONFIDENCE

1. Be in charge of your thoughts at all times.

What is a thought?

It's just a question that you've asked yourself and the

thought is you're answer.

If you're thinking negative thoughts, you're probably

asking a negative question.

Change the questions to be more positive.

2. Whenever you feel a negative thought coming, STOP,

THINK, and say is this really important in the grand
scheme of things.

A lot of the time it isn't.

Many people in life major in minor things!

3. Do you let the words of others affect you?

Do you mind what they think of you?

Remember that no one can make you feel inferior

without your consent.

It's not what they say to you that's the problem it's
what you say to yourself after they have stopped talking
that's the problem.

Change the way you think.

4. List the words that you use on a consistent basis

when you feel let down or annoyed.

People use different words to mean the same thing and

depending upon the intensity of the word - this will
have an effect on your confidence.

Instead of saying "I'm enraged about this" say,

"I'm a little annoyed".
Make a substitute list for the words that you use.

Make sure they are lower in intensity and then use them.

You'll be surprised with the results.

12 Reasons Why You Should Never Neglect People Skills

Subject: Communication Confidence Report

12 Reasons Why You Should Never Neglect People Skills

1. Exceptional people skills and the ability to start a

wonderful conversation with anyone you meet are essential
life skills. Your success and happiness are directly
related to the development of these social skills.

These skills are not optional unless you want to be

excluded from what is going on in the world.

2. In an increasingly competitive world it is your skill

with people that determines whether you move ahead more so
than your technical ability. There is a plentiful supply of
able workers but very few have great communication skills.

3. In your social life - your popularity, your acceptance

by others and the extent to which you feel valued and
appreciated depends on how well you express yourself.

4. The failure to connect with people leads to loneliness

and an uncomfortable sense of being excluded. And too much
time spent alone when you would rather be enjoying the
company of like minded people.

5. Your degree of happiness is very closely tied to the

quality of the relationships in your life. The more close
relationships you have with people who genuinely care about
you the happier you will be. And all lasting relationships
depend on good communication skills.

6. Life will always have its ups and downs. The good times
are even more fun when you are with people you like. And
the bad days are easier to handle when you can turn to
others for support and encouragement.

None of this is feasible without the ability to reach out

when you need to most of all.

7. When you reach the top of success mountain will people

even care? If you do it alone you may well jump over the
edge! True success is a team effort. You will get ahead
faster and enjoy the journey much more when you have a team
of supporters, helpers and mentors on your side.
8. Making a difference for others is one of the most
satisfying ways to feel like your time here is worthwhile.
However, positive intentions alone are not enough. You
still need to be able to get through to people if you are
to really make an impact in the lives of people who need
your help.

9. When you get to the end of your life do you want titles
or testimonials? Qualifications, awards and a track record
of achievement are all worthwhile. Just be sure you also
make a positive impression on the people you come into
contact with. Otherwise do any of those successes really
matter?

10. In a global marketplace job insecurity is becoming the

norm. At some point you may need to change job or enter a
new industry. You might even need to move to a different
state. The only way to ensure a smooth transition is to
develop exceptional people skills now.

11. Your happiness in life depends on how much love you

feel. Consequently you owe it to yourself to have a great
home life and rich friendships with a wide range of people
you like and care about. To connect with people requires
you to have good communication skills.

12. High income professionals understand the importance of

people skills. Research demonstrates that top executives
network extensively in the organization, know how to get
people to support them and put time into fostering good
working relationships with people of influence.

Neglect communication skills and you limit your happiness

and success. And by default you give others control over
your life.

The only way to be the master of your destiny is to take

charge. Know what you really want and have the courage to
stand up and be counted.

Just be sure you know the right thing to say and that you
understand how to make a great impression!

How To Deal With Awkward Silences

There are three fool-proof ways to handle those moments of
silence that can make you feel self-conscious and uneasy:

1. Decide that conversation is a two way street

Whenever you are talking to someone and the conversation

grinds to a halt. Remember this...

A good conversation requires input from at least two

people. And this means that it is not up to you alone to
fix things if the dialogue fades away to nothing.

Take the pressure off yourself to be the one to make

everything right.

Pause and let the other person speak first. Give others the
opportunity to get things started again.

Very often the other person will resume the conversation as

long as you look interested in hearing more.

You can do this by being attentive and by demonstrating

your interest through your body language.

It is a good idea to keep facing the other person and to

keep the non verbal rapport alive by mirroring.

2. Decide if you want to use this silence as a way to

finish the conversation.

Does the other person want to mention anything else?

Is there anything to add?

Ask the other person these questions. This will ensure a

quick response and may reinvigorate the conversation.

Otherwise.

If the chat has come to a natural conclusion then take

control and wrap it up. You do not always have to wait and
let the other person decide if the conversation is over.

You can simply thank the other person for talking to you
and wish them well until you meet again.

When you get into the habit of doing this you will feel
more confident talking to people.

Why?

Because the fear of standing there with nothing to say will

not bother you so much...
In the future you will have the option of ending the
conversation instead of waiting for the other people to
take charge of the situation.

Finishing the conversation is a great way to put an end to

awkward silences. Obviously you will only do this AFTER you
have covered what needs to be discussed.

3. Always have a back up plan

Like I have said in the past. Adequate planning is one of

the secrets to always having something to say to people.

Nobody ever said you cannot prepare in advance by having a

stock pile of interesting stories to talk about. In fact
this is what Presidents do.

They have speech writers prepare off the cuff remarks which
are meant to appear spontaneous. Of course each statement
is planned and rehearsed.

When you have a whole range of topics you can talk about it
becomes very difficult to get stuck for words.

And you will find that the issues and topics that work best
will work for most people you talk to. If a particular
topic works very well for a few people it will probably
work just as well for most people you meet.

When I tell jokes for example. I always start by telling

the new ones to my best friends. If they go down well and
everyone laughs I will use those jokes again with people I
don´t know very well and when I meet new people.

You can test jokes, conversation topics and personal

stories and pay attention to see which ones get the best
response.

Then drop the ones few people like and keep using the
popular ones.

There is no need to be original!

3 Keys to Making Small Talk Easy to Do

Small talk used to be really hard work for me. I never knew
what to say and I always worried about saying the wrong
thing.

Then something awful happened to me....

I had to take a job dealing with the public. My worst fears

came true and I had to make small talk with a whole range
of people each and every day.

I found it difficult, tedious and nerve wracking.

Eventually after a lot of trial and error I got the hang of

it. And today I find it easy to do and even enjoyable.

You can do the same when you learn a few key distinctions:

1. Understand that the purpose of small talk is not to

exchange information.

It is a game you play to find things you have in common with

the other person.

Decide to be intensely curious about the other person and

go fishing for what you have in common. When you are
genuinely interested in other people they will respond
positively to your questions and to the way you listen to
what they have to say.

When you take the pressure off yourself to be a great

conversationalist and become a detective searching for
commonality the conversation tends to take care of itself.

Why?

Because people like people that are like them.

The more commonality you discover, the more the other

person will like you and feel as if they have known you
for some time.

This in turn causes the conversation to flow.

2. Give first to encourage sharing.

If all you do is ask questions the other person will feel

as if they are being interrogated.

That is not the idea!

Be prepared to reveal something about yourself first

without getting too personal.

By sharing first you are leading the way and cause the
other person to feel obligated to return the favor.
Sharing and receiving in this way allows you to take charge
of any conversation and to easily lead it where you want to
go.

3. Aim to control the conversation.

If you can lead a conversation you can control it. You now
know how to lead any conversation - give first and watch
the other person respond.

Most people will follow your lead right away. If the person
does not just move on to someone else.

Never shoot for 100% with people as its not a realistic

goal. Life does not work like that.

And remember...

The key to success with these distinctions is to use them, play

with them and then adjust them to suit you.

For the sake of 10-15 minutes a day, every day, you can
progressively get better and better at making conversation.

Its not rocket science. Its just a matter of strategy -

knowing it and using it.

Pressing the Right Buttons

Yesterday after taking a quick walk, I hurried back

to the house and took my keys out of my pocket. I put the key
in the door to unlock the house only it would not turn. No
matter how hard I tried I could not get the key to fit the
lock.

It was only then that I noticed I was using the wrong key!

You make the same mistake each day. When you deal with people
you use the wrong key and wonder why things do not work out.

Thankfully I have the right key to open the door for you. And
with the right key it is easy and effortless to make a
positive impression with anyone you meet.

After all confidence is only a matter of strategy. Confident

people manage their thoughts and feelings in specific ways.
And if you do the same you will feel confident as well.

The same applies with communication skills. With the right

strategy you can win friends, influence people and even enjoy
meeting new people.
Where can you discover the keys to confident communication?

1 Observe and model people with excellent communication skills

2 Build your confidence by working on your strengths

3 Enhance your communication skills by experimenting a little

each day

The only challenge with the above approach is that it is a

slow and random way to discover the keys to confident
communication.

Why not get straight to the good stuff today and avoid years
of effort and dead ends? I have already done all the hard work
for you.

The Secret To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness

One of the biggest challenges to developing superior
communication skills is that you already have your hands full
in those situations where you need help. Take a typical
scenario - meeting new people.

If I give you tips for listening more effectively and you rush
off to practice the tips you may not get very far no matter
how hard you try. Why? Because you are likely to be self
conscious when you need to be other conscious. Standing in
front of the new people you want to meet you freeze and you
feel so unsure of yourself that you cannot remember even one
of the listening tips.

You need the ability to switch off self consciousness whenever

you choose to do so. Sounds obvious only how can you do this?
By switching your attention off of yourself and onto the other
person.

When you are feeling self conscious you will tend to pay too
much attention to the thoughts inside your head, how you are
feeling and how you look.

Ironically, to develop great rapport you need to pay close

attention to the other person. How is she feeling? How does
she look today? Is she relaxed or tense?

The Three Elements To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness:

1 Turn off the inner dialogue that makes you feel self conscious
One way to do this is to touch the roof of your mouth with
your tongue when you are not talking. We tend to move our
tongues when we engage in inner talk even if only very
slightly. When you put the tip of your tongue to the roof of
your mouth you interrupt the negative inner talk pattern.

Sounds simple. It is! I could write more and more about this
tip but it would not help you as much as just using it. I will
leave it to you to test it for yourself.

2 Give yourself a lot of external stimulation

To keep your focus off of yourself you need to put more and
more attention on the other person. If you only listen to her
words you still have plenty of idle brain power that will
drift back to make your self consciousness grow.

Instead you need to give your conscious mind so much to pay

attention to that you are totally absorbed in the other
person. Become fascinated by how she expresses herself and not
just by what she says.

Keep stacking on more details to simultaneously pay attention

to until you are challenged without feeling overwhelmed.

Here is a list of some elements to focus on:

- rate of breathing
- speech rhythm
- pupil dilation
- changes in skin tone
- speech patterns
- metaphors
- posture and movement
- combinations of the above

The more you pay attention to the other person the less self
conscious you will be because you will have become other
conscious. Which is in fact the hallmark of people who make
friends easily. Your clear interest in the other person will
shine through.

3. Patient Persistence

The final point to remember is that patience and persistence

wins the day. Play with these strategies a little each day and
you will start to exhibit the traits of people who are
supposedly gifted with people skills.

People skills are a matter of strategy. Learn the strategy,

practice it and you too will enjoy the benefits that come to
those who get along well with whoever they meet.
At the same time you need to earn the riches that await you.
Many know what to do but few do what they know. Over to you!