Receiving and Giving Effective Feedback: Are doing it right?

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Connection, then Content
We don’t like to give it, and we don’t like to get it
Mental Image:
Imagine you need to finish the sentence from the title:
Feedback is like ….
What picture would you use to represent what feedback means to you?
Feedback is two –way communication: giving and receiving
It takes patience, practice and even mistakes to discover the fine line between blunt criticism
and constructive feedback
Feedback vs Evaluation
We are continually receiving and giving feedback, both explicitly through oral and written
language, and implicitly through gestures and tone of voice. It is important to distinguish
feedback from evaluation. Feedback is a formative assessment tool that uses descriptive,
constructive, and nonjudgmental language. Evaluation is a summative assessment tool that
judges outcomes and allows for comparison against a standard of performance

High-context cultures are found in countries like Japan and India. People from these
cultures tend to prefer communication that’s more inferred and gently delivered.
Low-context cultures, on the other hand, come from places like the US, Sweden, and
Germany. These people respond better to direct, explicit communication.
Many people will tell you that when they do get feedback, it’s often because
of something they have done wrong.
Hearing the phrase “Can I give you some feedback” put people on the
defense/ boxing glove
Reactions to negative feedback: Biological survival modes : flight or fight

Train your mind to respond, not to react

Most people would rather shut down than listen
The way most people get feedback is not brain-friendly
Learning Culture VS Power culture
In a learning/empowering culture feedback is part of the learning game. In a power culture,
feedback is part of the power game.

Without Feedback...
► Good practice is not reinforced

► Poor performance is not corrected

► Path to improvement is not identified (Cantillon and Sargeant, 2008)

Sponge vs Stone
Are you a sponge or a rock when it comes to feedback?
If you are a sponge you have a thirst for knowledge, you
have a passion about what you do and want to learn more
A rock on the other hand unteachable. As a leader you want
to make sur that your team has a sponge like mentality and a growth mindset

When you receive feedback do you have a growth (sponge) mindset or a fixed (rock)
mindset?
How to say it
There’s little point giving feedback if it makes the recipient switch of
Learning moments
Every task has one of two outcomes. We ‘win’ or we have a ‘learning moment’. Feedback is
the best opportunity to learn from our mistakes and figure out how to do things differently
going forward.
How to give employee feedback
 When we think we are being judged or criticized, part of our brain Sets off social
threat alarm by either fighting back or running away

 Naturally we respond to feedback with defensiveness or avoidance

 We can describe non-judgmental language by describing things as they would be
registered by a video camera. These are words describing only what you can see or
hear

 Become a “mirror holder,” not a “window gazer.”

 “Window gazers” look at their surroundings and tell others what they see. Their view
is one-sided and selective
 window gazing” is a process of see-and-tell (every gazer sees things from his own
perspective)
 Focus on the situation, not the person
 Firstly, detach the situation from the person. This distinction is crucial. Take the
person out of the equation and focus on the behavior / action / situation / issue at hand.
 Comment on the issue, not the person. For example, “The report is late” and not “You
are late
 Don’t use active voice; use passive voice. Example of active voice vs. passive voice:
“You gave an uninteresting presentation.” vs. “The presentation you gave was
uninteresting.” Notice that the passive voice shifts the attention away from the person
and brings it to the subject matter
 Name, don’t blame
 Propose, don’t impose

Data vs Story
Can you describe the person’s behavior without adding meaning or judgement? Think of
watching a film, and describing what you see and hear.

Example:

Data “I noticed that you didn’t speak in yesterday’s team meeting, while we were discussing
this important project”

Story “You seemed really uninterested in this project in yesterday’s team meeting”

I Statements vs You Statements

I-statements are a powerful tool for effective communication. They allow us to express our
own feelings and needs without placing blame on the other person.
Give feedback from your perspective . This way you avoid labeling the person.
 I statement: "I was angry and hurt when you criticized my report in front of my
boss"
 You statement: "You were insensitive yesterday

 I : ‘I feel hurt when you don’t respond to my messages in a timely manner’

 You: ‘You always take so long to respond to my messages and it makes me feel
like you don’t care about me”

 I: “I feel exhausted after working long hours”

 You: You’re not giving me enough help with work and it’s causing me feel
exhausted”

 I: ‘I feel sad when we don’t spend enough quality time together’

 You: ‘You are always too busy to spend time with me, and it makes me feel
sad”

 You: “You ‘re always late”

 I: “I feel disrespected when you’re consistently late for our plans”

 You: "You were insensitive yesterday”

 I: “I was angry and hurt when you criticized my report in front of my boss”

 I: “You’re always on your phone”

 You: “ I feel ignored when you ‘re on your phone during our conversations”
By using “I” statements (“I feel…”), you take ownership of your feelings instead of blaming
on the other person. This can help to ease tension and reduce the likelihood that the recipient
will respond defensively to your feedback.
I feel……….. I noticed……………….I am worried …………..;

“I” statements can be misused when starting out – this is common. For example, an individual
may say, “I hate it when you don't listen to me.” Although this statement does start with “I,” it
might still be interpreted as accusatory and may not be the healthiest way to express cause and
effect. A better “I” statement might be, “When I'm not listened to, I feel ignored and less
motivated to express myself. What I would prefer is the opportunity to express my thoughts
before I am interrupted.”
Say Only what you see or hear
X: You dominated the conversation at the meeting

✓: I noticed that you spoke more than others at the meeting

Say Only what you see or hear
X: You always shoot down ideas

✓ You’ve pointed out many risks and drawbacks

Say Only what you see or hear
X: You were very timid when giving your presentation

✓: During your presentation you spoke in a quiet tone and often looked down

Say Only what you see or hear

X: Stop bothering everyone. You need to learn to figure things out on your own

✓: Say: I want to help everyone develop their ability to problem solve. Can we talk about
some approaches you can use to solve problems on your own?

‘Thank you, tell me more’ technique

When you defend, two things happen I am not open to feedback because I’m looking for a
way to protect my ego and second I’m likely to shut the other person down. There is a
technique to use. It is called ‘thank you, tell me more’ Anytime anyone gives you feedback the
first response should be thank you (for taking the time to give me feedback) Some will use the
magic destructive word but after saying thank you for the feedback but ‘thank you for the
feedback, but I have a busy schedule’ But shuts someone down. Instead say, thank you, tell
me more (tell me what you noticed/give more examples ) so what is the buttom line :
feedback makes us grow, the more we are open to it the more likely we are in incorporate it
Wrapping your feedback with positive language
 Leave The negatives at the door
 Do not act like a big cat wild cat who’s ready to pounce on their team members . some
are only good at pointing the negative points
 Separate the human from the problem
 Avoid labelling the person

SBI
Situation: Where and when did the specific behaviour occur?
“During our meeting today when we were discussing the financial aspects of our new
project…”
Behaviour: What are the characteristics, observable actions, verbal and non-verbal
behaviours that need to be changed or improved?
“You interrupted me several times…”
Impact: What are the consequences of the behaviour? What impact does it have on other
people? Is the behaviour effective? Ineffective?
“It made me feel that you were not interested in what I was saying. It made me feel as if you
did not appreciate the contribution I was trying to make. I think this strongly impacted the
group’s decision-making process because they missed some strategic information.”

Activity /Role Play:

One student plays the role of an Employer and the other is employee. They imagine a
situation in the workplace. They play it out

Activity Start /Stop/ Continue

Instructions

Step 1. In a group, give every team member a stack of index cards. Have everyone complete
the following two sentences for each team member.

“To _________teammate’s name_:

Something I would like you to START doing is_________________

Something I would like you to STOP doing is__________________

Something I would like you to CONTINUE doing is____________

Signed __your name___.”

KISS keep it short and simple

Step 2. Distribute the index cards to whoever it’s addressed to. Each person reads their card
aloud and shares their thoughts

Activity:
Replacing But…
• I like the…….but I think ……………………
• I like the ……and I think …………………

Activity
Break into groups of 3: 1 Feedback provider, 1 feedback recipient, 1 consultant (who can offer
tips and suggestions)
Take 1 minute to decide amongst yourselves an incident you want to give feedback on

Activity
Role-playing
This constructive feedback exercise is an excellent way for managers to practice giving
feedback in a realistic setting. The manager and the team members or the individual take turns
to play the role of the manager giving feedback and the employee receiving feedback. The
manager provides constructive feedback, and the employee practices receiving it
professionally. This exercise helps managers understand the importance of clear
communication and active listening when giving feedback. It also provides an opportunity to
practice giving feedback in a simulated real-world scenario

Scenarios
Scenario 1: you are a supervisor, and you need to provide your supervisee with feedback
during his performance review. The feedback is that he needs to improve his time
management skills to meet project deadlines.

Scenario 2: You are working on a group project with your classmates, and you need to give
one of your classmates a feedback that he needs to contribute more actively to the team's
discussions and share his ideas.

Scenario 3: You work in a large NGO and on the team that you supervise there are 12 people
one of whom, John, is viewed as arrogant, controlling, and undermining of the rest of the
team impacting morale and productivity. As the supervisor you need to meet with John to
provide him feedback. What will you way and how will you say that?

Scenario 4: Your boss keeps dumping new work on you, with little instruction, and not
enough time. Despite working overtime, you are weeks behind

Scenario 5: You are a member on a team. A team member failed to complete an important
part of the project on time and your work and deadlines are contingent upon this work being
completed on time. Now you’ll have to burn the midnight oil if you are to meet your timelines
and you are concerned that because of the short time frame, the quality of your work will
suffer.

Transform the following statements from you to I statements

Blaming I statements
You never listen to me! I might as well talk “I feel _________when_______________
to a wall
You always have to have the last word! It’s “I feel _______________________when
so annoying

Constructive feedback exercise

The team forms two lines facing each other. Each person in Line A will the other one in line
B what he likes most about his behavior starting with “I like that “ ‘I like that you have such a
good sense of humour’ Next he says what he likes to see more from that person regarding his
behavior starting with ‘ I would like you to “ example I would you to show up more on time
meetings” Switch roles I like that you are strict with rules . You always do what you promise
Task 4 Instructions
Look at the following examples of feedback given in informal everyday situations. The
second option is always more effective. Why is that? Explain what makes option 2 more
effective a
Example 1 Giving feedback on a person’s character trait
A. You’re always so negative. It’s so tiring to be around you.
B. There have been times when I was hurt by the comments you gave as they were somewhat
demeaning. For example, the last time I bought a new bag, you said it was an ugly bag. That
took me by surprise and I was quite sad that day.
Example 2 Giving feedback on a report
A. Good effort on the report but I didn’t like it. I think there is room for it to be better.
B. Good effort but there are some things which can be improved - namely, (a) the formatting
and (b) the final recommendations. The formatting is not standardized - there are some parts
that use Arial font and other parts that use Times New Roman font. In a formal report, it is
best to have a standardized font. For the final recommendations, the ideas are good by they
are too brief, especially ideas #1 and #3. The management would need more data to make
their assessment.

Example 3 Giving feedback on a presentation

A. The presentation is too long. Make it shorter.
B. Instead of 2-3 examples per point, which detracts from the main message, limit 1 example
to each point. This way the presentation will be more succinct and have greater impact. By
doing this, the presentation length will be easily reduced from 30 minutes to 20 minutes.
Write your explanations here. Do you agree with each other as to why the second piece of
feedback is more effective? You can use the comment function to ask each other questions.

Video clip
Effective vs ineffective feedback
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8eLdbKXGzk

Ask ss to watch the public speaking contest winner and provide specific feedback

Job interview
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0LiClRtqlE
topic : public speaking
stress
time management
respecting deadlines