ADY099 Process Essay Peer Review Worksheet

Essay Peer Review Worksheet

Writer’s Name: Bibi Fatima Bahar Reviewer’s Name: Munawara Aryan

Prompt: Does the essay address the prompt directly? If not, how can the essay be
improved, so that it addresses the prompt directly?

Yes, the essay addresses the prompt directly, it contains of introduction that has a hook,
background information, and a thesis statement. After the introduction the essay has three
body paragraphs which have topic sentences and supporting details and at the end of the
essay there was the conclusion, she restatement her thesis and made a great conclusion.

Title: Does the essay have a catchy and intriguing title? Is the title relevant to the content
of the essay? Is it written in the phrase form? Does the title follow the correct
capitalization rules? If not, how can it be improved?

The title of this essay is ( The Taliban Government and The Discontent of Afghan People)
and I think it is an interesting title according to the prompt. This title can separately Express all
the information that is in the essay. And it covers all the information, it is a logical title this essay
can have. It is written in phrase form, and it follows the correct capitalization rules.

Introduction: Does the introduction include a hook, background information, transition,

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This essay starts with a logical hook (Afghanistan is one of the countries in the world that
is living in poverty, adversity, desperation, and hunger), which is an outstanding hook
and it got my attention.
It has background information (These are all because of the Taliban. The first entry of
the Taliban was in 1996, and they governed until 2001. But their second entrance was in
2021. Furthermore, in the second entrance, they hurt people physically and mentally
more than in the first entrance. They took away the basic rights of people, and girls could
not go to schools and universities. Their success key was the fear of people; they knew
how to control people and govern. They killed, injured, and hurt people to actualize their
government. The only way to bring out the Taliban from Afghanistan is through a strong
revolution and strong leadership as the revolution of animals).
And the essay also has a thesis statement (In the second entrance, the Taliban has a deep
effect on education, the economy, and security).
And at the end, I saw a transition in the introduction, too. Which was (furthermore).
the writer explains what process she uses and why is it important in a perfect way, all
parts of the introduction are connected with each other and the hook is really interesting
and at the beginning of the essay it got my attention.

Thesis statement: What is the thesis statement of the essay? Copy and paste it below)
Does the thesis statement directly respond to the prompt? Does the thesis state the
steps/process to be explained in the body paragraphs? Is it concise, clear, and specific? Is
it grammatically, correct? If not, how can it be improved?

This is the thesis statement of the essay (In the second entrance, the Taliban has a deep
effect on education, the economy, and security). This thesis statement directly responds
to the prompt, and it has processes and the writer explains all the steps in three body
paragraphs. It is an ordered thesis statement, clear, and specific, it does not have any
grammatical mistakes, according to my knowledge everything was clear and logical
without any mistakes.

Topic sentences: Does each body paragraph include a topic sentence? Copy and paste
them below.) Is each of the topic sentences specific, clear, and concise? Does each topic
sentence include the keywords from the prompt/thesis? If not, how can they be
improved?

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Yes, each body paragraph includes a topic sentence and her are the three topic sentences.
1) First topic sentence: girls lost their rights, and the Taliban closed the doors of
schools and universities for girls.
2) Second topic sentence: with the regime of the Taliban, the economy of
Afghanistan has also been affected.
3) Third topic sentence: poverty increases in Afghanistan, and poverty increases
insecurity within itself.
Yes, each topic sentence is clear, specific, and concise. Each topic sentence is written
about the prompt and thesis statement.

Body paragraphs: Is the topic sentence in each paragraph supported with relevant
supporting ideas/ details? Are the topic sentences explaining each step/process mentioned
in thesis in correct order? Do the body paragraphs include facts, logical explanations,
and examples as supporting details? Are the supporting details relevant? Are the
paragraphs well developed? If not, how can the writer improve them?

Yes, each topic sentence is supported with relevant supporting details, and all the topic
sentences explain each step mentioned in the thesis in the correct order. And body
paragraphs are full of facts and logical explanations, and each topic sentence has a logical
supporting sentence. and all the supporting sentences are relevant to the prompt. And
paragraphs were well-developed, and the essay was full of details.

Conclusion: Does the conclusion start with a concluding transition and a restatement of
the thesis statement? Does it include a summary of the main points from the body
paragraphs? Does this paragraph end with a suggestion, opinion, or prediction? If not,
how can it be improved?

The conclusion of this essay started with a concluding transition and she used from (in
conclusion) after the transition she had the restatement of her thesis and it was clearly
explained at the beginning of the conclusion part. There was a summary of body
paragraphs too. And she ended her essay with an opinion.

Cohesion: Are there proper connections between the topic sentences and supporting
ideas/ details throughout the essay? Are the transitions appropriate to the genre? Are
there transitions to connect ideas, and are they accurately used to connect sentences and
paragraphs? If not, how can the cohesion of the paragraph be improved?

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The essay has topic sentences and these topic sentences have a connection with each
other, and Transitions are used in a good way in the essay, all transitions are used in a
correct and organized way. And in my opinion, there was no problem in this part of the
essay.

Vocabulary: Is the vocabulary used in the essay academic and appropriate to the process
essay genre? Is the vocabulary accurately used? Does the essay contain some advanced
vocabulary used in the correct context? If not, how can the vocabulary be improved?

The writer of this essay used academic and appropriate vocabulary and I really love her
cleverness in choosing words and putting them together. Instead of academic words and
vocabulary, she used advanced vocabulary too. All the words from academic to advanced
used in a good way.

Grammar: Does the writer use appropriate grammar aspects specific to the genre e.g
model verbs, passive voice, present tense etc.? Are there any verb tense or subject verb
agreement issues? Are there any fragments, run-on sentences, or comma splices in the
essay? If yes, circle them, and state how they can be fixed. Give an example for each
issue. Are the sentences well structured? Does the essay contain a mixture of simple,
compound, and complex sentences?

The writer wrote this essay with good grammar aspects, but not too much good. There
was some mistake in using tenses and I hope she considers this in the future. But there
was no problem with commas and spaces these two were perfect, sentences were well-
structured. And essay contains a mixture of simple, compound, and complex sentences.

Punctuation: Does the essay contain any punctuation issues, especially with the period
(full stop) and comma usage? If yes, circle them, and state how they can be fixed. Give
an example for each punctuation mark?

No, there was no problem with punctuation, everything is organized and good.

Capitalization & Spelling: Are there any spelling and capitalization issues? If yes, what
are they? How can they be fixed? Give an example for each.

There were not any capitalization and spelling issues, I checked from top to down of the
essay and I did not find any issues. Both in capitalization and spelling.

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Formatting: Does the essay follow the formatting guidelines e.g., double-spaced lines,
and indented paragraphs? Are the font style and size standard (12-point, e.g., New Times
Roman or Arial)? If not, what needs to be fixed, and how?

The essay follows the formatting guidelines it is written in Times New Roman font and
the size of the essay is 12, instead of these she used tap at the beginning of each
paragraph, and she did not have any problem in this part at all.

Overall Comments: Do you have any further suggestions to improve the essay? If yes,
please state them below. Also, what do you like the most about the essay and why?

My suggestion for her is to keep shining dear, I read your essay and it was a complete
essay I loved your essay with all the details, and I would like to add something to your
essay if you could write some solution for the problems that you mentioned, it might be
the best essay, an essay that explains people problems if it could have some suggestions
and solutions it will be the best essay. All the best.