When Your Child Misbehaves -
HOW TO DISCIPLINE
POSITIVELY
For parents of young children
© UNICEF/UN033867/LeMoyne
© UNICEF/ChristineNesbit/2017
What is positive discipline?
Positive discipline is a method of teaching appropriate behaviour
by interacting with children in a kind but firm manner. Caregivers
who use positive discipline aim to prevent behaviour problems
before they start. They help their children to behave appropriately
through teaching, routines, understanding and support.
What is the difference between positive
discipline and punishment?
Discipline is more than punishment. Discipline is
about using respectful and non-violent methods to
teach children how to behave appropriately.
POSITIVE DISCIPLINE PUNISHMENT
Teaching children how Controlling behaviour through
to behave through: aversive means such as:
X Rewarding correct behaviour X Threatening
X Correcting misbehaviour X Slapping/Flogging
X Respect X Insulting
X Non-violence X Name calling
X Consequences X Embarrassing the child
X Shouting
X Hitting with objects
How can I use positive discipline
at home with my child?
Positive discipline is most effective when it is used consistently by all caregivers.
Here are some tips to help you to use positive discipline strategies at home.
TIP # 1: CREATE A SAFE ENVIRONMENT
Supervise your child at all times and child-proof your home to
ensure that the child can safely explore their surroundings.
TIP # 2: ESTABLISH A ROUTINE
Young children do better when they know what to expect. Routines help children
to develop self-discipline. A routine can help them to feel secure, less anxious and
more in control.
TIP # 3: HAVE CLEAR EXPECTATIONS FOR
YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOUR
Sometimes we forget to tell our children what we expect. Have 3-5 clear
expectations which you share with your child to help them understand
what is acceptable behaviour (e.g. Be kind, Be safe, Be helpful, Be
Responsible, Be Respectful). Remember that children learn what
these acceptable behaviours mean by watching your example.
Your interactions with your child teach them how to manage
their feelings and how to interact positively with others.
TIP # 4: PLAN AHEAD
Run errands when the child is not likely to be tired.
Talk with your child and explain the expected behaviours
before going into specific situations such as going to
the supermarket. Always travel with activities which can
keep your child occupied such as toys, books and crayons.
TIP # 5: BUILD A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP
WITH YOUR CHILD
Spend time with your child talking, laughing and playing.
This quality time helps children to feel a sense of connection
and belonging. It also minimizes misbehaviour. Sometimes,
allow the child to decide how the quality time should be spent.
TIP # 6: BE KIND BUT FIRM
Stay calm and respond to misbehaviour firmly but with respect and kindness.
Consider what the child may be trying to say through their misbehaviour. Work
together with your child to find respectful and helpful solutions.
TIP # 7: REDIRECT NEGATIVE BEHAVIOUR
When your child misbehaves redirect them to the appropriate behaviour.
Explain what they should be doing or give alternatives to help them replace the
inappropriate behaviour with a more acceptable one.
TIP # 8: OFFER CHOICES
Choices give young children a sense of control and help them to develop their
independence. Give careful thought to the choices which are suitable for your
child and follow through with what your child chooses.
TIP # 9: CALM DOWN BEFORE ADDRESSING
MISBEHAVIOUR
Avoid attempting to discipline a child when
you or the child is angry. When you and
the child are both calm you are able to
think clearly and deal with the situation
in a manner that is firm but fair.
TIP # 10: CATCH THEM
BEING GOOD!
Acknowledge your child when
he/she behaves appropriately. Give
specific praise so they are aware of
what they are doing well.
© UNICEF/ChristineNesbit/2017
Did you know that?
1 Children who experience positive relationships are less likely to
engage in challenging behaviour.
2 Children are more likely to respond positively to caregivers with
whom they have a trusting relationship.
3 Non-punitive discipline methods are more effective in the long-
term than punishment.
4 Young children do better when there is consistency, routine and
lots of encouragement!
© UNICEF/ChristineNesbit/2017
How do I know the difference
between developmentally normal
behaviour and misbehaviour?
It is important that we have realistic expectations about children’s behaviour.
These expectations should take the child’s stage of development into account.
Each stage comes with challenges and if we do not understand what behaviours
are appropriate we can mistake some behaviours as intentional misbehaviour.
For example, a two-year-old may become easily frustrated or refuse to share
their toys. Below are some examples of developmentally normal behaviours.
ACTION DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR
Being active/Energetic Young children have a need to explore and may find it hard
to sit quietly for long periods (e.g. Church, story-time)
Tantrums Young children are just beginning to learn how to handle
frustration and may throw temper tantrums when
upset (e.g. When they do not want to go to bed)
Talkative Young children can be curious and ask many questions. Their
grasp of language is growing and they are excited to use
the new words they are learning (e.g. They may ask lots of
questions or interrupt you when
you are on the phone)
© UNICEF/ChristineNesbit/2017
Independent As children grow they
become increasingly
determined to do things
on their own and for
themselves (e.g. They may
prefer to choose their own
clothes, dress
and feed
themselves)
What should I do when my child misbehaves?
1 Stop what you are doing and 6 Review the expected
focus on your child behaviours and tell them what
they can do
2 Remain calm and speak in a
normal tone of voice 7 State the consequence for not
behaving as expected
3 Remove the child from the
situation if out in a public area 8 Acknowledge when the child
corrects his or her behaviour
4 Get down to your child’s level
9 Follow through with a
5 Let them know you understand consequence if the behaviour
how they are feeling before does not improve
telling them about the behaviour
you expect. e.g. “I know you 10 Remember to reconnect
would like to play with your toys and restore the relationship
now but it is nap time” through play and affection
Take care of yourself!
Being a parent is rewarding but ✔✔Eat a healthy diet
dealing with a young child can ✔✔Exercise
be tiring at times. It is difficult ✔✔Stay in touch with friends and
to practice positive discipline family
✔✔Find activities which make you
when you feel overwhelmed.
happy and do them regularly
Be sure to find ways to take ✔✔Say no to extra responsibilities
time for yourself and know ✔✔Spend time in nature
who you can turn to for
support when needed.
© UNICEF/AndrewWard/2017
Produced by UNICEF Office for the Eastern Caribbean Area
in collaboration with Ministries of Education in the Eastern Caribbean Region
Printed with funding from UNICEF Netherlands
UNICEF Office for the Eastern Caribbean Area Email: [email protected]
UN House Website: www.unicef.org/easterncaribbean
Marine Gardens, Hastings www.facebook.com/UNICEFeasterncaribbean
Christ Church www.youtube.com/UNICEFeastcaribbean
Barbados
Tel: (246) 467-6000
Fax: (246) 436-2812
