RUPP/DOE/IFL Writing Portfolio WS201/LEC: CSPT
1st Draft
(Please paste your 1st draft here)
Have you ever wondered how life changes when moving from high school to college?
My life has changed completely since I became a college student. While some people enjoy
the experiences that come with college, others prefer the joys of high school. Despite these
different perspectives, both high school and college life truly provide education, connection,
and achievement for students. However, they differ significantly in terms of personal
responsibility, social environment, and field of study.
High school life truly has its own unique aspects and challenges for students. The
focus in high school is on providing basic knowledge, so students do not have too many
responsibilities because they have their teachers to lead them. For example, if they do not do
their homework, their teacher will just scold them a little bit, and they are safe. Also, in
terms of the social environment, students mostly meet the same teachers and same
classmates, so students have a lower chance to make new friends. More than that, life as a
high school student is often enjoyable; students mostly make many great memories with their
study environments. Finally, fields of study in high school often include many subjects such
as Biology, Physics, Chemistry, and so on because this is the foundation or bridge to help
them find their own career in the future.
On the other hand, college life is not bad at all because it still provides students with
opportunities for growth and success. When talking about college life, some students might
feel happy, while others might feel stressed because it comes with high responsibilities to
their studies. For example, if students do not complete and submit their assignment on time;
otherwise, they will fail or lose marks. In terms of the social environment, college students
have more opportunities to connect, to learn, and to adapt to various types of people. Lastly,
the field of study in college is more focused because students specialize in their chosen
major, yet they can engage with their professors more easily, which helps them develop their
skills more effectively.
To sum up, high school students do not have as many responsibilities, but they may
face challenges because they have fewer chances to meet different people and must study
many subjects. On the other hand, college life comes with more responsibilities, more
opportunities to make new friends, and a stronger focus on studies. In the end, which one is
better depends on personal preference, but for me, I prefer high school life better.
RUPP/DOE/IFL Writing Portfolio WS201/LEC: CSPT
Essay Revision Checklist
Editor’s name: Khun Neary__________________
1. Specificity and Development
Add Specific Details:
- Identify general statements and replace them with specific one.
Remove Repetition:
- Look for repeated ideas or phrases.
Relevance
- Delete sentences or paragraphs that do not support the thesis.
Organization
Reorder Sentences and Paragraphs:
- Adjust the order of sentences or paragraphs for better logical flow.
Add Transitions:
- Identify places where new ideas are introduced.
- Add transitions to connect ideas smoothly.
Language Expression
Enhance Precision:
- Replace vague adjectives and general nouns with specific words.
- Avoid excessive use of ‘be’ verbs; use more precise verbs where possible.
Simplify or Vary Sentence Structure:
- Simplify complex sentences or restructure for clarity.
- Combine simple sentences where appropriate to create complex sentences.
- Ensure a variety of sentence structures to enhance readability.
Comments: You have done a good job by contrasting between high school and college life. By
making some changes in your essay like there are some words are repeated, there are variety of transitions
but you should use more suitable one. I think overall essay is good. Good luck!
