Comedy of Errors Script – NCS Class of 2016

Name: ________________

Characters in the Play

1. AEGEON, a merchant from Syracuse

2. DUKE SOLINUS, Duke of Ephesus
3. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, a traveler in search of his
mother and brother
4. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, Antipholus of Syracuse’s servant
5. FIRST MERCHANT, a merchant of Ephesus
6. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, a citizen of Ephesus
7. DROMIO OF EPHESUS, Antipholus of Ephesus’s servant
8. ADRIANA, Antipholus of Ephesus’s wife
9. LUCIANA, Adriana’s sister
10. ANGELO, an Ephesian goldsmith
11. SECOND MERCHANT, a citizen of Ephesus to whom
Angelo owes money
12. BALTHAZAR, and Ephesian merchant invited to dinner by
Antipholus of Ephesus
13. DR. PINCH, a schoolmaster, engaged as an exorcist
14. OFFICER (JAILER), an Ephesian law officer
15. LADY ABBESS (AEMELIA), head of a priory in Ephesus

Attendants, Servants to Pinch, Headsman, Officers

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ACT I
SCENE I. A hall in DUKE SOLINUS'S palace.
Enter DUKE SOLINUS, AEGEON, Gaoler, Officers, and other
Attendants

AEGEON
Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fall
And by the doom of death end woes and all.

DUKE SOLINUS
Merchant of Syracuse, plead no more;
I am not partial to infringe our laws:
Again: if any Syracusian born
Come to the bay of Ephesus, he dies,
His goods confiscate to the duke's dispose,
Unless a thousand marks be levied,
To quit the penalty and to ransom him.
Thy substance, valued at the highest rate,
Cannot amount unto a hundred marks;
Therefore by law thou art condemned to die.

AEGEON
Yet this my comfort: when your words are done,
My woes end likewise with the evening sun.

DUKE SOLINUS
Well, Syracusian, say in brief the cause
Why thou departed'st from thy native home
And for what cause thou camest to Ephesus.

AEGEON
A heavier task could not have been imposed
Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable:
Yet, that the world may witness that my end

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Was wrought by nature, not by vile offence,

I'll utter what my sorrows give me leave.
In Syracusa was I born, and wed
Unto a woman, happy but for me,
And by me, had not our hap been bad.
With her I lived in joy; our wealth increased
By prosperous voyages I often made
To Epidamnum; till my factor's death
And the great care of goods at random left
Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse:
From whom my absence was not six months old
Before herself, almost at fainting under
The pleasing punishment that women bear,
Had made provision for her following me
And soon and safe arrived where I was.
There had she not been long, but she became
A joyful mother of two goodly sons;
And, which was strange, the one so like the other,
As could not be distinguish'd but by names.
That very hour, and in the self-same inn,
A meaner woman was delivered
Of such a burden, male twins, both alike:
Those,--for their parents were exceeding poor,--
I bought and brought up to attend my sons.
My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys,
Made daily motions for our home return:
Unwilling I agreed. Alas! too soon,
We came aboard.
A league from Epidamnum had we sail'd,
Before the always wind-obeying deep
Gave any tragic instance of our harm:
But longer did we not retain much hope;
For what obscured light the heavens did grant
Did but convey unto our fearful minds
A doubtful warrant of immediate death;

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The sailors sought for safety by our boat,

And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us:
My wife, more careful for the latter-born,
Had fasten'd him unto a small spare mast,
Such as seafaring men provide for storms;
To him one of the other twins was bound,
Whilst I had been like heedful of the other:
The children thus disposed, my wife and I,
Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fix'd,
Fasten'd ourselves at either end the mast;
Gather the sequel by that went before.
DUKE SOLINUS
Nay, forward, old man; do not break off so;
For we may pity, though not pardon thee.

AEGEON
O, had the gods done so, I had not now
Worthily term'd them merciless to us!
We were encounterd by a mighty rock;
Which being violently borne upon,
Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst;
So that, in this unjust divorce of us,
Fortune had left to both of us alike
What to delight in, what to sorrow for.
Her part, poor soul! seeming as burdened
With lesser weight but not with lesser woe,
Was carried with more speed before the wind;
At length, another ship had seized on us;
And therefore homeward did they bend their course.
Thus have you heard me sever'd from my bliss;

DUKE SOLINUS
And for the sake of them thou sorrowest for,
Do me the favour to dilate at full
What hath befall'n of them and thee till now.

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AEGEON
My youngest boy, and yet my eldest care,
At eighteen years became inquisitive
After his brother: and importuned me
That his attendant--so his case was like,
Reft of his brother, but retain'd his name--
Might bear him company in the quest of him:
Five summers have I spent in furthest Greece,
Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia,
And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus;
Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought
Or that or any place that harbours men.
But here must end the story of my life;
And happy were I in my timely death,
Could all my travels warrant me they live.
DUKE SOLINUS
Hapless Aegeon, whom the fates have mark'd
To bear the extremity of dire mishap!
Now, trust me, were it not against our laws,
My soul would sue as advocate for thee.
Yet I will favour thee in what I can.
Therefore, merchant, I'll limit thee this day
To seek thy life by beneficial help:
Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus;
Beg thou, or borrow, to make up the sum,
And live; if no, then thou art doom'd to die.
Gaoler, take him to thy custody.
Exeunt

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SCENE II. The Mart.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse, DROMIO of Syracuse, and First
Merchant

First Merchant
Therefore give out you are of Epidamnum,
Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.
This very day a Syracusian merchant
Is apprehended for arrival here;
And not being able to buy out his life
According to the statute of the town,
Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
There is your money that I had to keep.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host,
And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
Get thee away.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Many a man would take you at your word,
And go indeed, having so good a mean.
Exit Dromio of Syracuse

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
A trusty villain, sir, that very oft,
When I am dull with care and melancholy,
Lightens my humour with his merry jests.
What, will you walk with me about the town,
And then go to my inn and dine with me?

First Merchant
I am invited, sir, to certain merchants,

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Of whom I hope to make much benefit;

I crave your pardon.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Farewell till then: I will go lose myself
And wander up and down to view the city.
Exit First Merchant
He that commends me to mine own content
Commends me to the thing I cannot get.
I to the world am like a drop of water
That in the ocean seeks another drop,
So I, to find a mother and a brother,
In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.

Enter DROMIO of Ephesus

What now? how chance thou art return'd so soon?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Return'd so soon! rather approach'd too late:
The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit,
The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;
My mistress made it one upon my cheek:
She is so hot because the meat is cold;
The meat is cold because you come not home;

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Stop in your wind, sir: tell me this, I pray:
Where have you left the money that I gave you?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
O,--sixpence, that I had o' Wednesday last
To pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper?
The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

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I am not in a sportive humour now:

Tell me, and dally not, where is the money?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I pray you, air, as you sit at dinner:
I from my mistress come to you in post;
If I return, I shall be post indeed,
For she will score your fault upon my pate.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
To me, sir? why, you gave no gold to me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,
And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
My charge was but to fetch you from the mart

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I have some marks of yours upon my pate,
Some of my mistress' marks upon my shoulders,
But not a thousand marks between you both.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Thy mistress' marks? what mistress, slave, hast thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Your worship's wife, my mistress at the Phoenix.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
There, take you that, sir knave.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
What mean you, sir? for God's sake, hold your hands!
Nay, and you will not, sir, I'll take my heels.
Exit Dromio of Ephesus

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Upon my life, by some device or other
The villain is o'er-raught of all my money.
I'll to the Centaur, to go seek this slave:
I greatly fear my money is not safe.
Exit

ACT II
SCENE I. The house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA

ADRIANA
Neither my husband nor the slave return'd,
That in such haste I sent to seek his master!
Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.

LUCIANA
Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,
And from the mart he's somewhere gone to dinner.
Good sister, let us dine and never fret:
A man is master of his liberty:

ADRIANA
Why should their liberty than ours be more?

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LUCIANA
Because their business still lies out o' door.

ADRIANA
This servitude makes you to keep unwed.

LUCIANA
Ere I learn love, I'll practise to obey.

ADRIANA
How if your husband start some other where?

LUCIANA
Till he come home again, I would forbear.

ADRIANA
Patience unmoved! no marvel though she pause;
They can be meek that have no other cause.

Enter DROMIO of Ephesus

Say, is your tardy master now at hand?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, he's at two hands with me, and that my two ears
can witness.

ADRIANA
Say, didst thou speak with him? know'st thou his mind?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear:

LUCIANA
Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not feel his meaning?

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, he struck so plainly, I could too well feel his
Blows.

ADRIANA
But say, I prithee, is he coming home? It seems he
hath great care to please his wife.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Why, mistress, he is stark mad.
When I desired him to come home to dinner,
He ask'd me for a thousand marks in gold:
''Tis dinner-time,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he;
'Your meat doth burn,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he:
'Will you come home?' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he.
'Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?'
'The pig,' quoth I, 'is burn'd;' 'My gold!' quoth he:
'My mistress, sir' quoth I; 'Hang up thy mistress!
I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!'

LUCIANA
Quoth who?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Quoth my master:
'I know,' quoth he, 'no house, no wife, no mistress.'

ADRIANA
Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Am I so round with you as you with me,
That like a football you do spurn me thus?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither:
If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.

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Exit DROMIO of Ephesus

LUCIANA
Fie, how impatience loureth in your face!

ADRIANA
I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
Or else what lets it but he would be here?
Sister, you know he promised me a chain;
Would that alone, alone he would detain,
Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.

LUCIANA
How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!
Exeunt

SCENE II. A public place.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
Safe at the Centaur; and the heedful slave
Is wander'd forth, in care to seek me out
By computation and mine host's report.
Enter DROMIO of Syracuse
How now sir! is your merry humour alter'd?
As you love strokes, so jest with me again.
You know no Centaur? you received no gold?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
What answer, sir? when spake I such a word?

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Even now, even here, not half an hour since.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I did not see you since you sent me hence,
Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Villain, thou didst deny the gold's receipt,
And told'st me of a mistress and a dinner;

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I am glad to see you in this merry vein:
What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Think'st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that.
Beating him

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I pray, sir why am I beaten?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Why, first,--for flouting me; and then, wherefore--
For urging it the second time to me.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season,
When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme
nor reason?
Well, sir, I thank you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Thank me, sir, for what?

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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for
something.
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA

ADRIANA
Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown:
Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects;

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not:
In Ephesus I am but two hours old,

LUCIANA
Fie, brother! how the world is changed with you!
When were you wont to use my sister thus?
She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
By me?

ADRIANA
By thee; and this thou didst return from him,
That he did buffet thee, and, in his blows,
Denied my house for his, me for his wife.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I never spake with her in all my life.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

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How can she thus then call us by our names,

Unless it be by inspiration.

ADRIANA
Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine:
Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine,
Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state,
Makes me with thy strength to communicate.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme:
What, was I married to her in my dream?
Until I know this sure uncertainty,
I'll entertain the offer'd fallacy.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
This is the fairy land: O spite of spites!
We talk with goblins, owls and sprites:

ADRIANA
Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day
Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Master, shall I be porter at the gate?

ADRIANA
Ay; and let none enter, lest I break your pate.
Exeunt

ACT III
SCENE I. Before the house of ANTIPHOLUS of

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Ephesus.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus, ANGELO,
and BALTHAZAR

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Here's a villain that would face me down
He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
And that I did deny my wife and house.
Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know;
If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink,
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You're sad, Signior Balthazar: pray God our cheer
May answer my good will and your good welcome here.

BALTHAZAR
I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.
Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
But, soft! my door is lock'd. Go bid them let us in.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicel, Gillian, Ginn!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
[Within] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb,

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idiot, patch!
Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
What patch is made our porter? My master stays in
the street.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
[Within] Let him walk from whence he came, lest he
catch cold on's feet.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
What art thou that keepest me out from the house I owe?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
[Within] The porter for this time, sir, and my name
is Dromio.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
O villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and my name.

ADRIANA
[Within] Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Are you there, wife? you might have come before.

ADRIANA
[Within] Your wife, sir knave! go get you from the door.

ANGELO
Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would
fain have either.

BALTHAZAR

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In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Go fetch me something: I'll break ope the gate.

BALTHAZAR
Have patience, sir; O, let it not be so!
Herein you war against your reputation
And draw within the compass of suspect
The unviolated honour of your wife.
Be ruled by me: depart in patience,
And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You have prevailed: I will depart in quiet,
And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
To Angelo
Get you home
And fetch the chain; by this I know 'tis made:
Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine;
For there's the house: that chain will I bestow--
Be it for nothing but to spite my wife--
Upon mine hostess there.
ANGELO
I'll meet you at that place some hour hence.
Exeunt

SCENE II. The same.

Enter LUCIANA and ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse

LUCIANA
And may it be that you have quite forgot

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A husband's office? shall, Antipholus.

Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?
Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous?
If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
Then for her wealth's sake use her with more kindness:
Then, gentle brother, get you in again;
Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife:
'Tis holy sport to be a little vain,
When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Sweet mistress--what your name is else, I know not,
Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine,--
Are you a god? would you create me new?
Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield.
But if that I am I, then well I know
Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
Far more, far more to you do I decline.

LUCIANA
Why call you me love? call my sister so.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Thy sister's sister.

LUCIANA
That's my sister.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
No; It is thyself, mine own self's better part,
Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart,

LUCIANA
All this my sister is, or else should be.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Call thyself sister, sweet, for I am thee.
Give me thy hand.

LUCIANA
O, soft, air! hold you still:
I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will.

Exit
Enter DROMIO of Syracuse

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Why, how now, Dromio! where runn'st thou so fast?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio? am I your man?
am I myself?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one
that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What is she?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
A very reverent body;
I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a
wondrous fat marriage.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
How dost thou mean a fat marriage?

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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What's her name?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that's
an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from hip to hip.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Then she bears some breadth?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
She is spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
In what part of her body stands Ireland?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, in her buttocks: I found it out by the bogs.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Where Scotland?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I found it by the barrenness; hard in the palm of the hand.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Where Spain?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Oh, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this
drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, call'd me
Dromio; swore I was assured to her; told me what
privy marks I had about me, as, the mark of my
shoulder, that I amazed ran from her as a witch.
Exit

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
There's none but witches do inhabit here;
And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence.
Enter ANGELO with the chain

ANGELO
Master Antipholus --

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Ay, that's my name.

ANGELO
I know it well, sir, lo, here is the chain.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What is your will that I shall do with this?

ANGELO
What please yourself, sir: I have made it for you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.

ANGELO

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Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.

Go home with it and please your wife withal;
And soon at supper-time I'll visit you
And then receive my money for the chain.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
For fear you ne'er see chain nor money more.
ANGELO
You are a merry man, sir: fare you well.
Exit

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What I should think of this, I cannot tell:
I'll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay
If any ship put out, then straight away.
Exit

ACT IV SCENE I. A public place.

Enter Second Merchant, ANGELO, and an Officer

Second Merchant
You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I have not much importuned you;
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage:
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or I'll attach you by this officer.

ANGELO
Even just the sum that I do owe to you
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you

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He had of me a chain: at five o'clock

I shall receive the money for the same.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus

Officer
That labour may you save: see where he comes.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou
Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.
Exit DROMIO of Ephesus
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
A man is well holp up that trusts to you:
I promised your presence and the chain;
But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.

ANGELO
Saving your merry humour, here's the note
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman:
I pray you, see him presently discharged,
For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I am not furnish'd with the present money;
Good signior, take the stranger to my house
And with you take the chain and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof:

ANGELO
Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.

ANGELO
Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
Or else you may return without your money.

Second Merchant
The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.
My business cannot brook this dalliance.
Good sir, say whether you'll answer me or no:
If not, I'll leave him to the officer.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I answer you! what should I answer you?
ANGELO
The money that you owe me for the chain.
You know I gave it you half an hour since.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You gave me none: you wrong me much to say so.

Second Merchant
Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.

Officer
I do arrest you, sir: you hear the suit.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I do obey thee till I give thee bail.

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ANGELO
Sir, sir, I will have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame; I doubt it not.
Enter DROMIO of Syracuse, from the bay

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all
But for their owner, master, and yourself.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I will debate this matter at more leisure
To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight:
Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
There is a purse of ducats; let her send it:
And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone!
Exeunt

SCENE II. The house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.

Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA

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Comedy of Errors Script – NCS Class of 2016

ADRIANA
Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?

LUCIANA
First he denied you had in him no right.
Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
Then pleaded I for you.

ADRIANA
And what said he?

LUCIANA
That love I begg'd for you he begg'd of me.

ADRIANA
With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?

LUCIANA
With words that in an honest suit might move.
First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.

ADRIANA
Didst speak him fair?

LUCIANA
Have patience, I beseech.

ADRIANA
I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still;
My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.

LUCIANA
Who would be jealous then of such a one?
No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone.

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ADRIANA
Ah, but I think him better than I say,
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.

Enter DROMIO of Syracuse

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Here! go; the desk, the purse! sweet, now, make haste.

LUCIANA
How hast thou lost thy breath?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
By running fast.

ADRIANA
Where is thy master, Dromio? is he well?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.

ADRIANA
Why, man, what is the matter?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I do not know the matter: he is 'rested on the case.

ADRIANA
What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I know not at whose suit he is arrested well;
Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?

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ADRIANA
Go fetch it, sister.
Exit Luciana

This I wonder at,

That he, unknown to me, should be in debt.
Tell me, was he arrested on a band?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Not on a band, but on a stronger thing;
A chain, a chain!

ADRIANA
Go, Dromio; there's the money, bear it straight;
And bring thy master home immediately.
Exeunt

SCENE III. A public place.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
There's not a man I meet but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
Sure, these are but imaginary wiles
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Master, here's the gold you sent me for.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

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What gold is this?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I understand thee not.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the
bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were
you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy
Delay.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
The fellow is distract, and so am I;
And here we wander in illusions:
Exit

SCENE IV. A street.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Fear me not, man; I will not break away:
I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.
Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end
Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
But where's the money?

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.
Beating him
Thou senseless villain!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel
your blows.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.

Enter ADRIANA and PINCH

ADRIANA
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
Establish him in his true sense again,
And I will please you what you will demand.

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PINCH
Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.
Striking him

PINCH
I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut
And I denied to enter in my house?

ADRIANA
O husband, God doth know you dined at home;
Where would you had remain'd until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

ADRIANA
Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?

PINCH

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It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein,

And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.

ADRIANA
Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,
By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
God and the rope-maker bear me witness
That I was sent for nothing but a rope!

PINCH
Mistress, both man and master is possess'd;
I know it by their pale and deadly looks:
They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives

ADRIANA
Go bear him hence.
Exeunt all but Adriana and Officer
Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

Officer
One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?

ADRIANA
I know the man. What is the sum he owes?

Officer
Two hundred ducats.

ADRIANA

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Say, how grows it due?

Officer
Due for a chain your husband had of him.

ADRIANA
He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and
DROMIO of Syracuse

Officer
God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.
And come with naked swords.
Away! they'll kill us.
Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I see these witches are afraid of swords.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
She that would be your wife now ran from you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence:
I long that we were safe and sound aboard. Exeunt
ACT V
SCENE I. A street before a Priory.
Enter Second Merchant and ANGELO

ANGELO
I am sorry, sir, that I have hinder'd you;
But, I protest, he had the chain of me,
Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.

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Comedy of Errors Script – NCS Class of 2016

Second Merchant
Speak softly; yonder, as I think, he walks.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse and DROMIO of Syracuse

ANGELO
'Tis so; and that self chain about his neck
Which he forswore most monstrously to have.
Good sir, draw near to me, I'll speak to him.
Signior Antipholus, I wonder much
That you would put me to this shame and trouble;
This chain you had of me; can you deny it?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I think I had; I never did deny it.
Thou art a villain to impeach me thus:
I'll prove mine honour and mine honesty
Against thee presently, if thou darest stand.

Second Merchant
I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.
They draw
Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA

LUCIANA
Hold, hurt him not, for God's sake! he is mad.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Run, master, run; for God's sake, take a house!
This is some priory. In, or we are spoil'd!

Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse to the

Priory. Enter the Lady Abbess, AEMILIA

AEMELIA

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Comedy of Errors Script – NCS Class of 2016

Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?

ADRIANA
To fetch my poor distracted husband hence.
Good people enter and lay hold on him.

AEMELIA
No, not a creature enters in my house.

ADRIANA
Then let your servants bring my husband forth.

AEMELIA
Neither: he took this place for sanctuary,
And it shall privilege him from your hands
Till I have brought him to his wits again,
Or lose my labour in assaying it.
Be quiet and depart: thou shalt not have him.
Exit AEMELIA

LUCIANA
Complain unto the duke of this indignity.

Second Merchant
Anon, I'm sure, the duke himself in person
Comes this way to the melancholy vale,
The place of death and sorry execution.
Enter DUKE SOLINUS, attended; AEGEON bareheaded

DUKE SOLINUS
Yet once again proclaim it publicly,
If any friend will pay the sum for him,
He shall not die; so much we tender him.

LUCIANA

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Justice, most sacred duke, against the abbess!

DUKE SOLINUS
She is a virtuous and a reverend lady:
It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.

ADRIANA
May it please your grace, Antipholus, my husband,
A most outrageous fit of madness took him;
That desperately he hurried through the street,
With him his bondman, all as mad as he--
Doing displeasure to the citizens.
Then they fled
Into this abbey, whither we pursued them:
And here the abbess shuts the gates on us
Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command
Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help.

DUKE SOLINUS
Go, some of you, knock at the abbey-gate
I will determine this before I stir.
Enter a Servant

ADRIANA
Ay me, my husband!

LUCIANA
Even now we housed him in the abbey here;
And now he's there, past thought of human reason.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Justice, most gracious duke, O, grant me justice!

AEGEON
Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,

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I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there!

DUKE SOLINUS
Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me,
While she with harlots feasted in my house.

DUKE SOLINUS
A grievous fault! Say, woman, didst thou so?

ADRIANA
No, my good lord: myself, he and my sister
To-day did dine together.

LUCIANA
Ne'er may I look on day, nor sleep on night,
But she tells to your highness simple truth!

ANGELO
O perjured woman! They are both forsworn:
In this the madman justly chargeth them.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
This woman lock'd me out this day from dinner:
That goldsmith there, were he not pack'd with her,
Could witness it, for he was with me then;
Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,
Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
Our dinner done, and he not coming thither,

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Comedy of Errors Script – NCS Class of 2016

I went to seek him: in the street I met him

There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down
That I this day of him received the chain,
Which, God he knows, I saw not: for the which
He did arrest me with an officer.

ANGELO
My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him,
That he dined not at home, but was lock'd out.

DUKE SOLINUS
But had he such a chain of thee or no?

ANGELO
He had, my lord: and when he ran in here,
These people saw the chain about his neck.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I never came within these abbey-walls,

DUKE SOLINUS
Saw'st thou him enter at the abbey here?

ADRIANA
As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.

DUKE SOLINUS
I think you are all mated or stark mad.
Exit one to Abbess

AEGEON
Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word:
Haply I see a friend will save my life
And pay the sum that may deliver me.

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Comedy of Errors Script – NCS Class of 2016

DUKE SOLINUS
Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.

AEGEON
Is not your name, sir, call'd Antipholus?
And is not that your bondman, Dromio?
Why look you strange on me? you know me well.

ANTIPHOLUS
I never saw you in my life till now.

AEGEON
Dost thou not know my voice?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Neither.

AEGEON
Dromio, nor thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
No, trust me, sir, nor I.

AEGEON
Not know my voice! O time's extremity,
Hast thou so crack'd and splitted my poor tongue
In seven short years, that here my only son
Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares?
Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I never saw my father in my life.

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AEGEON
But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,
Thou know'st we parted: but perhaps, my son,
Thou shamest to acknowledge me in misery.

DUKE SOLINUS
I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years
Have I been patron to Antipholus,
During which time he ne'er saw Syracusa:
I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.
Re-enter AEMILIA, with ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse and DROMIO
of Syracuse

AEMELIA
Most mighty duke, behold a man much wrong'd.
All gather to see them

ADRIANA
I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.

DUKE SOLINUS
One of these men is Genius to the other;
And so of these. Which is the natural man,
And which the spirit? who deciphers them?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I, sir, am Dromio; command him away.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I, sir, am Dromio; pray, let me stay.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Aegeon art thou not? or else his ghost?

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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
O, my old master! who hath bound him here?

AEMELIA
Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds
And gain a husband by his liberty.
Speak, old AEgeon, if thou be'st the man
That hadst a wife once call'd AEmilia
That bore thee at a burden two fair sons:
O, if thou be'st the same AEgeon, speak,
And speak unto the same AEmilia!

AEGEON
If I dream not, thou art Aemilia:

AEMELIA
By men of Epidamnum he and I
And the twin Dromio all were taken up;
But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth
By force took Dromio and my son from them
And me they left with those of Epidamnum.
What then became of them I cannot tell
I to this fortune that you see me in.

ADRIANA
Which of you two did dine with me to-day?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I, gentle mistress.

ADRIANA
And are not you my husband?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
No; I say nay to that.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
And so do I; yet did she call me so:
And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,
Did call me brother.
To Luciana
What I told you then,
I hope I shall have leisure to make good;
If this be not a dream I see and hear.

ANGELO
That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I think it be, sir; I deny it not.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.

ANGELO
I think I did, sir; I deny it not.

ADRIANA
I sent you money, sir, to be your bail,
By Dromio; but I think he brought it not.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
No, none by me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I see we still did meet each other's man,
And I was ta'en for him, and he for me,
And thereupon these errors are arose.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
These ducats pawn I for my father here.

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DUKE SOLINUS
It shall not need; thy father hath his life.

AEMELIA
Renowned duke, vouchsafe to take the pains
To go with us into the abbey here
And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes.

DUKE SOLINUS
With all my heart, I'll gossip at this feast.
Exeunt all but Dromio of Syracuse and Dromio of Ephesus

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Will you walk in to see their gossiping?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Not I, sir; you are my elder.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
That's a question: how shall we try it?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
We'll draw cuts for the senior: till then lead thou first.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, then, thus:
We came into the world like brother and brother;
And now let's go hand in hand, not one before another.
Exeunt

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