A World Without Rules

Cyberbullying

How We Can Break the Cycle of

Violence

Rob Benson, M.S., LPC-S

Licensed Professional Counselor

Texas State Board of Licensed Professional Counselors Approved Supervisor
Certified Family Life Educator
Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor
VA Certified – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
It’s not...

1985
 Parents
often don’t understand
because ...we don’t speak the
language
Cyberbullies

 Cell phones, the

Internet
 Social lifelines

 Their phone
 Community of friends

 Positive & negative

consequence
 Social death
 ‘Subterranean’
Cyberbullies
 In your face...invades
the home
 Bullying from those
they want to trust the
most…peers
 Physical death
 The tragedy of Megan Meier
Cyber bullying Victim
In this world, meanness
is easy
 Cyberspace:
 A world in itself–
socialization without
values, rules,
supervision or a
political system—
using a language
many don’t
understand
 The bathroom wall
moved into the
bedroom...along the
scariest street
Learning about this world

Question:
 Why is Internet wandering so
unrestricted when community/
family restrictions are common?
Answer:
 Parents don’t live in the same
neighborhood

We need to learn more about what

surrounds our family...
 Easy target

 No reliable emotional feedback

 Personally, socially influential

 Allows those around us to be…

I-Safe America study
1500 students, grades 4-8

 67% of teens have own cell phones;

53% own tablet

 80% use a cell phone regularly making it most

common medium for cyber bullying

 70% reported seeing frequent online bullying

 53% admitted to saying something mean or

hurtful to someone else online

 42% admitted being bullied online

I-Safe America study

 18% of the students feel safer on the Internet

than they do in the real world

 55% of students have joined at least one website

that asked for personal information (personal
information including name, sex, age)

 68% agree cyber bullying is a serious problem

I-Safe America study
 39% of the students have seen something on the
Internet that could be dangerous for them

 41% of the students do not discuss Internet

safety with their parents

 14% of those polled stated their parents have no

idea how much time they spend on the Internet

 34% of the youth said their parents had not

established any rules for their Internet activity
E-grenades fly when
friendships sour
"I feel like throwing up just thinking
of you, Everything you do is just a
ploy to raise your popularity. . . .u
[expletive]. . . . You may think ur
safe now, but ur so gonna take a
plunge down the popularity level, it
is inevitable. . . Most of us realize
what a [expletive] loser you are,
even if your few slaves don't."
24/7 bullying
opportunities
When we allow a computer, cell phones, gaming
devices* with Internet access in bedroom—
wireless or hardwire connection

Tweens spend 6 hours a

day, teens 9 hours a day,
on average consuming
media (Common Sense
Media report of 2,600
young people ages 8-18)

* Gaming devices = Xbox, PlayStation,

Nvidia, Wii
Potential for emotional
damage is real...
 Children
set up to experience fear
and anxiety because no way of
knowing who is behind the screen
mask...
Who are becoming victims
without appropriate or
effective support?
 Children...who don’t tell adults – 58% did not tell
parents or another adult about something mean
or hurtful that happened to them online (I-Safe
study)

 71% of parents stop supervising Internet use by

children after age of 14, yet 72% of all Internet-
related missing children cases involve children 15
years of age or older

 Over 75% of Internet crimes involving sexual

solicitations of children and exposure to
unwanted pornography is not reported to police
or parents
“Hi tech” abbreviations
– 2005
 DIKU?  CSG
 Do I Know You?  Chuckle, Snicker, Grin
 ROFL  WTGP
 Rolling On Floor Laughing  Want To Go Private?
 NTW  KHUF
 Not To Worry  Know How You Feel
 Whisper me  CYA
 Come into a private room  See Ya
with me  OMG
 TTYL  Oh My Gosh
 Talk To You Later  LOL
 BRB  Laugh Out Loud
 Be Right Back  PAW
 K  Parents Are Watching
 OK/Yes/Fine
 BG
 Big Grin
 JK
 Just Kidding
 28 Internet acronyms and phrases - 2015
After you read this list, you might be looking at your teen's texts in a whole new way

 1. IWSN - I want sex now  15. SUGARPIC - Suggestive

 2. GNOC - Get naked on or erotic photo
camera  16. KOTL - Kiss on the lips
 3. NIFOC - Naked in front  17. (L)MIRL - Let's meet in
of computer real life
 18. PRON - Porn
 4. PIR - Parent in room  19. TDTM - Talk dirty to me
 5 CU46 - See you for sex  20. 8 - Oral sex
 6. 53X - Sex  21. CD9 - Parents
 7. 9 - Parent watching around/Code 9
 8. 99 - Parent gone  22. IPN - I'm posting naked
 9. 1174' - Party meeting  23. LH6 - Let's have sex
place  24. WTTP - Want to trade
 10. THOT - That hoe over pictures?
 25. DOC - Drug of choice
there
 26. TWD - Texting while
 11. CID - Acid (the drug)
 driving
12. Broken - Hungover  27. GYPO - Get your pants
from alcohol
Cyber reality shows…
 Remember getting “voted off
the island” a few years ago?
 Today’s polling by instant
message :
 Vote for the ugliest girl in the
4th grade
 Vote for the boy most likely to
be gay
 Vote for the teacher you’d
most like to murder at our
school

...just not as tame as TV

Who cyberbullies?

 PRIMARILY
females
 Middle class
middle & high
schoolers
 “Good kids … the
ones you’d least
expect” – slide
under the radar
Easy prey…a sample

Courtney Katasak got a text from

someone using the screen name
ToastIsYummy. Courtney thought it might
be a friend with a new screen name, so
she asked, WHO IS THIS? ToastIsYummy
responded with teasing lines and a link to
a porn site. "Then they kept sending me
these inappropriate messages," she says.
"I blocked the screen name so they
couldn't talk to me, but I didn't know who
this person was or what they were trying
to do. It freaked me out."
Telling and Tattling...

Children need to know they can and

should tell an adult about bullying, in
whatever form, even if they are able
to stop the bullying themselves
 Tattling: If it will only get another child in
trouble, don’t tell me
 Telling: If it will get you and another child
out of trouble tell me
 If both, I need to know
Barbara Coloroso
Parent’s clues to
(cyber)bullying
 Abrupt lack of interest or refusal to go to
school
 Losses interest in computer/cell phone
 Unusual routines school and home
 Drop in grades
 Withdraws
 Hungry: lost lunch money
 Taking parent’s money
 Straight to restroom after arriving home
 Sad, sullen, angry after email/text
 Behavior out of character
 Derogatory description of peers
 Stops talking about peers/activities
 Disheveled/torn/missing clothing
 Physical injuries without explanation
 Stomachaches/headaches/panic/
nightmares and unable to sleep or sleeps
What should we do?
 Educate yourself.
Spend time with your
child online

 Ask for your children’s

help to become app
/phone /computer
savvy

 Keep/charge
computers, gaming
devices and cell
What should we do?
 Make reasonable rules and
set time and use limits
that are enforced

 Be aware of your child

using another person’s
screen name

 Be aware of other
computers, devices your
child may use
What should we do?
 Ask:
 Are you being bullied?
 What do they say or do?
 Where/when is the bullying happening?
 Convey:
 I hear you; I’m here for you; I believe you; you’re
not alone
 It’s not your fault
 There are things you/we can do
 We’re reporting these events to school

Barbara
Ethical decision checks – teach
these!
 The Golden Rule Test -- How would you
feel if someone did the same thing to
you?
 The Mom or Dad (or Equivalent) Test --
What would mom or dad (or another
person who you look to for guidance)
think?
 The Front Page Test -- If your action were
reported on the front page of the
newspaper, what would other people
think?
 The "If Everybody Did It" Test -- What
would happen if everybody made the
decision to do this?
 The Check Inside Test -- How do you feel
What we shouldn’t do?
 Don’t minimize, rationalize or
explain away bully’s behavior
 Don’t rush in to solve the problem
for your child
 Don’t tell your child to avoid the
bully
 Don’t tell your child to fight back
 Don’t confront the bully or parents
alone

Barbara
ISPs/manufacturers/websites
provide tech safety help
 Google – Parental controls
 Yahoo – Parental controls
 Microsoft – Content advisor
 Apple – Content restrictions
 Internet Safety Project
 Privacy Rights Clearinghouse
 ATT, Verizon, Sprint, T-Mobile –
Parental controls
Within our schools…

 Shiftfocus away from threat of

punishment
 Discuss ethical behavior and why we
make efforts to behave ethically
 Teach empathy – “what can happen
to another person if you do…”
Within our schools…

 Gather information about bullying at

school directly from students, tech
providers, teachers
 Maintain clear school rules about
bullying
 Train teachers/adults in school to
respond sensitively and consistently
 Provide adequate supervision in less
structured areas
 Improve parent awareness
Don’t Laugh at Me...
Don’t laugh at me, don’t call me names
Don’t take pleasure from my pain
I’m a little boy with glasses
The one they call a geek
A little girl who never smiles
‘Cause I have braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels to cry myself to sleep
I’m that kid on every playground
Who’s always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin’ to overcome my past
You don’t have to be my friend
But is it too much to ask: Don’t laugh at me
Don’t call me names
Don’t get your pleasure from my pain...
Don’t laugh at me I’m fat, I’m thin, I’m short, I’m tall
I’m deaf, I’m blind, hey aren’t we all.
-Steve Seskin and Allen
How would you handle
this?
Your daughter comes to you one
evening and says a friend at school
told her there is now a web site
devoted to “Mary is such a loser
because…” and others are invited to
add their comments. She suspects a
classmate is the creator, but there is
no direct evidence, everyone uses
code names. She doesn’t know what
to do. She asks you for help.
Resources
 abcnews.go.com
 CNN.com
 Coloroso, B. The The Bully, the Bullied and the
Bystander. New York: HarperResource, 2004.
 Cyberbully.org
 Isafe.org
 StopCyberBullying.org
 WiredSafety.org
 San Diego County District Attorney