Growing up in a family of five dominated by women, in which my dad being the only man, I am
used to being vocally open about everything that has been going on to my life, specifically with my
sisters. Each time I talk about certain stuff while showing the emotions I’m having at the time; they give
the same energy back and set aside whatever they’re doing just to sit with me and listen to my rants or
problems. They get mad at the person I’m mad at, cry over things I cry at, and even laugh at the most
random stuff I tell them. In the end, they support whatever decision I have to solve my own problem.
There were times that we tend to talk as if we’re all in the same age, although I am the youngest, and
they’re two and three years older than me. When you come to think of it, it supports one of Deborah
Tannen’s insights when it comes to communication issues, that women downplay authority or even
accomplishment just to take other people’s feelings into consideration. Therefore, this was the norm I
grew up to, thinking that I would be treated the same way anywhere I go.
However, my eyes were opened to reality when I entered high school. I slowly started to
become exposed to different kinds of people, left and right perspectives both coming from men and
women. I’ve had circle of friends consisted merely of girls, until I happened to have a gay best friend at a
certain point. The first time we found ourselves arguing about big things between us, it was me who was
likely to talk about it first. I would vent out my problems with him and everything that was making me
feel the emotions I have at the time; may that be of anger, melancholy, or stress towards him, thinking
that he would side with me and comfort me during the time I wasn’t in my usual self. I completely
thought that I would gain support and in-depth connection with him by the way I told my side of the
story because that’s how my sisters handled me. But I was surprised when my best friend told me that I
was wrong at some point and later then told me various options as to how I can work on our problems. I
was taken aback because whenever it’s his turn to tell his story, I would listen and try to be in his shoes.
Little did I know, while I was inclined to discuss our conflict in an effort to preserve what we used have,
he, on the other hand, tended to internalize the conflict, discarding the effect it may have in our
friendship. Since I have the natural inclination in being emphatic instead of being analytical, it thus
deepened the divide. I realized that he managed the way how I behaved by taking control of the
situation we’re in.
One thing I really understood and learned in my own experience involving communication issues
is that men usually provide information/solution in which they rarely seek one. While women like me
seek to understand and listen to others in mixed gender groups. Nevertheless, in my perspective, it is
still better to convey your message verbally or orally in order to explain properly what your aim is, so
that both the sender and receiver of the message can openly discuss what the problem is all about. In
terms of gender differences in communication, it would be fair if both can manifest utmost
understanding towards each other’s perspectives before providing unsolicited responses or advice.
