1
ZayShawn Diggs
ENGL-1110
Narrative RD
Period 1
Avoiding Failure
The thought of failing is one thought that always crosses my mind; it is one of the biggest
fears and obstacles that hinder my choices. Some questions a person might ask are, why do I
think like this, or maybe when did I start having these thoughts of failure? Most people do not
realize the fear of failure until they understand themselves and why they make certain decisions.
But that does not mean I have all the answers myself; I am just a simple man trying to live with
his fears.
The idea of failure is not like most actions that we think about, but it is subconsciously on
our minds. But for me, it is always front and center because I cannot disappoint myself or my
family. This leads me only to do activities I am good at and avoid new experiences. That does
not mean I do not want to participate and have fun. However, I do not want to have the cold
feeling of disappointment if I end up failing in the long run.
On occasion, I have demonstrated not participating in activities due to the thought of
failure lingering in my mind. In my junior year of high school, I was overly excited to play
football, but when the time came to go to practice and play. I was too nervous about teamwork,
as it highlights one’s shortcomings if they are not keeping up with others. This fear of mine is
not just particular to activities; it includes people as well. I once wanted to become friends with
someone, but I was too afraid they would not like my character since I am very possessive of
what is mine, especially friends if they ever decided to not be friends anymore. It makes me feel
2
like a failure who did not care about his friends. The times I have demonstrated not being able to
act due to fear have happened a handful of times. Which ended up letting opportunities pass me
by while I stood there doing nothing.
The time in my life that these thoughts first crossed my mind was at the end of my first
year in high school. This was one of my worst years ever in school. To make it even worse, it
was the most important year of high school because it was the building block of my career. After
the final grades came in and my mother saw them, it left a disappointed and shocked expression
on her face. She proceeded to say, “These are the grades you were working so hard for?" While
she was saying this, I was able to taste the salt from my tears. While I could still see the water in
my eyes as a new fear gripped me, I proclaimed, “I will never fail like that ever again, and I
promise I will earn a 4.0 my sophomore year.” I ended up manifesting this dread of failure, and
from that day onwards this trumped all other fears I had.
There are many ways that I deal with the thought of defeat, from being stoic, indifferent,
or even dogmatic. Downsides come with each way, but stoicism comes with little to none. I am
so used to not expressing my emotions that I just walk around with a blank expression on my
face, which people see and think “Why is he so angry?” or “Why aren’t you smiling?” Others
tend to dislike my indifferent attitude. When someone says something rude or asks for my
thoughts on a subject, I would answer with “I don’t care” or one-word responses such as cool,
fine, or nice, which leads people to think I do not want to interact with them. However, it is quite
the opposite. I enjoy interacting in conversations, yet I do not fully understand how to respond to
certain questions.
3
The thought of failure can be one that hinders or lifts someone up to be better. This does
not mean I cannot conquer my fears, but I would rather live with them because without that fear I
would not have become the man I am today.
