How (Not) To Overcome Fear

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Recovering Overthinker <[email protected]> sab 30 mar 2024 alle 15:45

A: [email protected]

“The spirit of evil is fear…” - Carl Jung

All of us would like to be a bit less afraid, wouldn’t we?

Recently, I’ve been spending most of my time expanding my knowledge of Morita

Therapy, also known as the psychology of action. One idea from it in particular has been
on my mind quite a lot lately. “Doing things with fear.”

The way Morita suggests we deal with fear, or rather (spoiler alert) not deal with it,
inspired me to devise an exercise that would help me and those who are willing to listen
to my ramblings engage with things that we would like to do but are afraid to.

I would like you to join me in this exercise for a couple of minutes. Although it's not an
official Morita technique, it will give you insight into Morita's perspective on fear.

Let's say that you are in a cafe and would like to approach an interesting-looking and cute
person who’s sitting alone. You want to approach. It seems like they want you to approach
them. She or he has looked your way multiple times already.

But you are afraid to do it.

Now, let's imagine fear as a companion of yours. I mean that quite literally. Give your fear
a face and a body. What does it look like? Create a character out of it.

This is as appropriate an occasion to use AI image generators as there's ever been.

Fear is not just an intangible emotion anymore. It's a character who appears by your side
in those moments when you want to do something but you're scared to do it. It’s there to
convince you to retreat. It feeds off of your stagnation. Every time you refuse to engage
with the thing you’re scared of and, with that, miss the chance for growth, this character
celebrates a victory.

Before we proceed, my visualization of fear.

How fear wants me to imagine it:

Who fear really is. A little gremlin whose only power is deceiving you.

Back to our cafe.

Most people immediately succumb to the fear. They think about approaching the cute
person; the fear shows up, and they resign to fear right away. Head down, tail between
legs, they admit being defeated once again. The worst thing is that, every time this
happens, they grow more insecure.

Every next chance for adventure and growth is more likely to be avoided. The little
gremlin celebrates.

Then, there are people who believe this or that “fear-management” technique will help
them. When this ugly little character shows up, they say to themselves, "I'll wait until it
goes away," or, even worse, they think there is a way they can eliminate fear.

These people pay a great price for the false idea that fear can be controlled. Now, their
focus is fully directed on the fear itself instead of the action they want to take. The
awareness of fear becomes even stronger. Fear keeps growing bigger and scarier in their
imagination. The person they wanted to approach and the act of approaching fall into the
background of their consciousness. The little gremlin celebrates once again.

“Only boldness can deliver from fear.” - Carl Jung

Now, I will propose a third option. An approach suggested to us by Morita. A person

recognizes that the fear arising in this situation is natural and bound to happen to
anyone, not just them. By accepting this fact, the person knows they cannot control for
how long this little gremlin will stick around. So they do what is reasonable and natural:
take action with fear.

Imagine greeting your fear like a little annoying brother that you can’t get rid off. "Well, if
I have to babysit you at least we're going to do what I want to do. Let's go, I'm taking you
somewhere."

You get up from your chair. Although your knees feel a bit wobbly, you start walking
towards that cute person. Now, your fear is making its last attempts to claim victory over
you. It's hurling insults at you, trying to make you feel like you're less than you are. But
you already know this gremlin is not some major villain in the story of your life. It's just a
nuisance that occasionally appears to disrupt the flow of your day. So you keep walking.

The very moment you started walking, the battle was over. Fear can't fight back. That's
why, when you take action, it quickly disappears. The little gremlin want to take no part
in you feeling excited and full of life.
I would also like you to imagine that moment when you take action and the fear
disappears. What does it look like? I like to imagine the little gremlin throwing a tantrum
and then evaporating.

It was on purpose that I chose the example of approaching a cute stranger in a cafe. Let's
be honest: No matter how ambitious we are and how lofty our goals may be, all of us
want, or have wanted, that simple yet movie-like moment of striking up a conversation
with a cute stranger you locked eyes with in cafe or on a subway.

However, all of us are on our own journeys. So you tell me what is the situation that first
comes to your mind when imagining this creature called fear show up besides you? Or, to
be more precise, what is the situation where you will take this idea from a thought
experiment to real-life action?

I have done my fair share of talking to cute strangers in the last couple of years and one
of those strangers wouldn’t be happy if she knew I’m still doing it. Currently, a situation
where this little gremlin is most likely to appear and be certain of victory is at some sort
of public speaking event. And that's where I plan to take him. We'll see about that victory.

I will keep you posted on how that goes. And you do the same.

“Confidence is born and grows as result of action, or repetition of action.” - Kora Takehisa

Thank you for reading.

P.S. The waitlist for the Sisyphus Society is open.​

I can’t help you not be afraid but maybe you would enjoy being in a community of people
who won’t let the little gremlin defeat them.
Join the waitlist here.​

David, the Recovering Overthinker