Couples Guide
to ‘Fair Fighting’
Every couple knows that relationships include disagreements. It’s essential for every couple to
learn how to have exchanges and disagreements that are constructive rather than destructive. Re-
search shows that couples who stay together use conflict as a chance to strengthen their relation-
ship and connect with each other.
1. Engage!: Silence builds distance and isolation, which kill relationships.
Leading parallel but disengaged lives is one of the pathways to relationship
breakdown. In satisfying relationships, both partners are participating in the
Provided as a community relationship.
service by PSI, 2. Commit to Fighting Fair: Understand that when you have a fight, the point
Bangkok’s professional is to resolve your concern AND to improve the relationship. If one of you
and experienced group of walks away from a fight feeling like a loser, then the relationship is the real
expatriate mental health loser. Commit to taking your fights seriously for both of you. Avoiding fight-
professionals. PSI is ing when hungry, tired, late at night or when one of you has become overly
located in a private and angry (use time-outs). Establish ground rules that you both accept and
peaceful setting in the city agree to stick with.
center. 3. No name calling or hitting below the belt: Count to ten. Try not to take it
personally. Let your first response be an attempt to understand. There are
many strategies, but whatever you do– avoid the low road. Do not call your
partner or their ideas ‘stupid,’ ‘useless,’ or something worse. Snide re-
P S YC H O L O G I C A L marks, put-downs, sarcasm– it’s all good- if you want to be alone. If you’re
S E RV I C E S angry, say so, but don’t let your anger get the better of you and erode the
I N T E R NA T I O NA L affection in your relationship.
4. Stick to a specific topic: Stay focused and specific. Discuss the issue that
is at hand today. Try not to bring in examples from the past that prove how
9/2 Sukhumvit 43 right you are. Don’t say ’always’ & ’never’- almost nothing is true all/none of
the time.
Bangkok, 10110
BTS Phrom Phong 5.Take responsibility for your needs by making suggestions or requests: Be
Free Parking Outside Our Door ready to do more than complain. Your partner is not a mind reader, and
each of us needs to ask for what we want. Make specific suggestions or
requests. Invite your partner to make suggestions. Discuss these ideas and
be ready to compromise.
Phone: 02-259-1467
Fax: 02-262-0605 6.Take responsibility for your mistakes: When you’ve hurt the other person,
apologize (for example, when you fight dirty, and don’t follow the rules you
E-mail: [email protected] two agreed on). When they hurt you, let them know.
www.psiadmin.com
7.Reconnect with humor and love: Find some nice way to end the discus-
sion, with touch, compassion or humor. Try to remember that you have
made a commitment to each other that requires work and understanding.
