JOHN R.
MCNEEL
Table 3
Diagnosis Table for the Attachment Injunctions
The The D espair- The Defiant The Coping The The R esolv- The Parental
injunctive ing D ecision D ecision (the B ehavior R edecision ing Activity S tance that
M essage (w hat the person’s (w hich (the new (a process to H eals
person fears best attem pt stem s from belief) strengthen
to be the at health) the defiant the
truth) decision) redecision)
D on’t B e I’m I’ll find it Looking for I can survive G iving love You can say “I
C lose abandoned (perfect love) love (“in all living with an (being love you” (the
(and I’ll await out there the wrong open heart verbally and words out
your return) places”) physically loud) from
affectionate) your heart
D on’t Feel I don’t exist I won’t be D eterm ined I don’t get to C onsciously You m ust
A ttached (in relation to denied to m ake focus choose or recognize know what
anyone) (whatever/ relationship(s) determ ine your posses- brings pain to
whom ever I work (feels who likes m e siveness those you love
se ek ) possessive, (envy) and re- (and refrain
controlling, place it with from those
m anipulative) protectiveness behaviors)
D on’t Belong I can’t show I don’t care A pattern of T o forswear G iving A ffection is
how m uch I (about others) isolating using anger invitations to m ore powerful
care oneself (being to create people and than hostility
“shy”) distance in inviting self in
relationships
D on’t Be A T here is no I don’t need S uper respon- I am not a C ontem plate R eceiving
C hild one (I can anyone sible (always m achine the sweetness is
depend on) a giver, never “sweetness of not a
a receiver) dependency” weak ness
D on’t W ant I always try to I won’t want Always putting I can survive Make You can ask
please (but I anything from the real or im a- the requests daily for/request
never can) m y heart gined wants of displeasure of anything
others first others
D on’t Invest N o love is I’ll keep m y A lways I can be “all C onsciously Your love is
unconditional distance involved in in” (with turning to- (can be) a
(from people) m ultiple op- certain ward loved source of
tions (and/or people) ones (not reassurance
people) away)
Table 4
Self-Diagnostic Thoughts for the Attachment Injunctions
The Injunctive M essage The Bitter (S elf-D estructive Response) The Healing (S elf-P rotective) R esponse
D on’t B e C lose In relationships I am watchful and try to Instead of trying to be invulnerable, I let
leave (physically and/or em otionally) people love m e.
before others leave m e.
D o n’t Fe el A tta ch ed If I am ho ne st w ith m yse lf, I k no w I I am protective of the people who have true
withhold com passion and understanding. affection for m e (especially m yself).
D on’t B elong I feel as if no one likes m e. I surround myself with people I love very much.
D on’t B e A C hild I’m always the caretaker, not the one cared for. I am so thankful for those on whom I can depend.
D on’t W ant I give up easily (and adapt to the desires of I am clear: My yes is yes and m y no is no, and
others). I am deeply loyal to m yself and m y principles.
D on’t Invest I don’t know of anyone for whom I would I would be bereft beyond words if I were to
be willing to die. lose certain people
164 Transactional Analysis Journal
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