30 DAY RELFECTIVE QUESTION CHALLENGE
1. What am I grateful for today, and why does it matter?
I think, for today what I am most grateful about is, first, attempting
to take on this challenge and helping my mom in chores and
housework. Other than that, I am also happy and grateful for
finishing another great book. “The Art of Laziness” is a must-read
book because it gives you insights about to overcome
procrastination and become more productive. Lastly, I am grateful
for continuing my bullet journal. It has been 4 months now and at
first it was harder and overwhelming, but now I feel I am
dependent to it. Like I have read somewhere, “The first few steps
are always the hardest.”
2. How do I typically handle stress, and what I can improve?
To be honest, I don’t think a lot about this question because stress
times I am busy solving and during my idle times, I just relax. So,
whenever I face a challenge or something difficult that will arise
my stress, I usually start thinking of possible ways to solve my
problem. Then, I choose the most effective and quickest solution to
resolve my problem. One problem I have whilst I face stress is that
I get brain-scattered and I don’t note some problem-solving ideas. I
just let them slip away and don’t save them for later.
3. What values are most important to me, and how do I embody
them?
To me, one quality I focus most on and value it extremely is never
to give up on myself. You can give up on anyone else because
there is thousand, millions of them, but there is only you. When
you born it is and when you die it is you. The most cruel and
heartless thing I can do to myself is giving up. Second, it is never
to think one sided. This ideology usually goes with life. When
something horrible happens I just say to myself that good comes
after evil and when something joyful happens I remind myself
again that evil comes after good. I want to live a balanced life and I
don’t want to focus on what’s good or what’s bad in life, but to
give consideration to both.
4. When was the last time I felt truly joyful, and what caused it?
The last time I experienced pure joy was when I made peace with
my brother. Before the reconciliation, we had a huge fight and that
made me grieve. I don’t remember when was the last time we
fought with each other like that. At some point, I missed his silly
behavior and annoying gestures. After 3 days, we apologized to
each other, which was the first time, and we forgave it each other.
Seeing his lively and crazy side again made me deeply rejoiced.
Having a brother is the best thing that could ever happen to me.
5. What are my current strengths, and how am I using them?
For this question, my biggest strength is surviving by myself.
Lately, I got into a fight with my best friend and we have not
talked ever since. The night we had that fight was dreadful for me.
I constantly kept thinking about her and regretting the responses I
said. I felt like my heart was about to explode and I just couldn’t
take this separation anymore. That time, I would’ve done anything
to get her back. I was lost and very lonely, I urgently I wanted to
talk to her and take back every word I said. I just collapsed after
that fight and trust me that was the worst feeling ever. In the
morning, I longed for her again but no sign of her. I don’t know
how I got through the morning because I was feeling that awful
and horrible feeling I felt back when Taliban took over Afghan
government and devastated me. At the end, I finally got through
that ever-lasting moment and also, I made up with her.
6. How do I define success for myself?
To me, success means standing on my own feet. Since I am girl,
everybody believes I can rely on my husband after I get mature but
marriage is not an option for me. I don’t think marriage as a ticket
of getting out of Afghanistan and living a free and happy life with
husband and kids. I don’t fool myself with that ideology because I
am not like other desperate women. I always aspire of making my
way out through education and that defines the most precise
meaning of success for me. I want to become independent,
financially stable, happy and completely free.
7. What small action can I take today to move closer to my goals?
For today, I think I should just focus on my small daily tasks and
leave the rest to God. Today, I was feeling pretty much down and
lost so I wanted a remedy. I opened one of my future booster stars
and read a very beautiful message from my past-self. It said
“Darkest only exists because of light.” And the rest I don’t
remember. Anyways, the whole point of this message was
whenever you feel like everything is falling apart and it is getting
shrouded by darkness, always remember where ever darkness is,
light exists there too. After reading this, I thought to myself and
released where am I situated. I took a moment to think and just had
faith in God. And I am at ease because I have lifted the weight
which are on my shoulders and just left everything to God.
8. What makes me feel alive, and how often do I pursue it?
This is a bit tough question because it’s not clear. I think what
makes me alive is art and the other one I have not figured out yet.
So, let’s talk about art for now. Art helps me express myself better
than I do in words. When I speak, I hesitate to find the right word
but in art, I can draw every stroke freely and without any special
attention. So, I try my best to devote as much time as I can to
drawing, painting and sketching. When I draw, hours turn into
seconds and my life turn into my imagination. And another thing
that can make me feel alive is… actually I will say that later.
9. What habits or beliefs are holding me back from personal
growth?
Well, first let me say that there is not one habit but many. But the
most influential and powerful is always thinking I could have done
better if I did this instead of doing this. This belief makes me
demotivated and regretful. I always think about the past and make
predictions if I did this action than I would have gotten better
results. I don’t let the past be in the past. I just constantly keep
thinking about and the worst part about that is I just think and
regret, I don’t learn often. This distracts me, makes me feel bad,
disorganizes my schedule, and makes me hate my decisions and
choices.
10. How do I typically react to failure, and what can I learn from
it?
Whenever I encounter failure, my reaction can vary depending on
what type of failure it is. But one of the most recent areas I get
rejected a lot is applying for educational opportunities. For
example, a few months ago, I applied for an online school and I
badly wanted to get an admission. The school’s name is Darakht
Danish and although, it is online I really wanted to get in because it
seemed like a prestigious and well-known school. I was very
positive when I applied for it but months passed and there was no
sign of any acceptance or rejection. I thought to myself oh well
maybe I have been rejected because no one reached out to me from
that school. One night, I got really depressed because it was like my
dream school to attend. That night, I poured me heart in journaling
and after that I felt better. What I learned from that experience was
you don’t deserve everything because you are not everybody. Sure,
your cousins are studying there but that doesn’t mean you should
also. You have your own destination. So, don’t worry about the
what you can get and what you can’t get. Just have faith in Allah
and enjoy the ride.
You’ll reach the end one way or the other.
11. What role does forgiveness play in my life?
One thing I can say about forgiveness is it helped me to move on. I
made a lot of mistakes in the past and some of them left permanent
mark in my mind. I always found getting over my mistakes near
what impossible. After I got introduced to bullet journal, my
weaknesses and my strengths became clearer to me. I wrote down
my top goals priorities on a piece of paper and one of them was
learning how to forgive myself. After practice and practice, I learned
how to forgive myself for making mistakes and not doing good
enough. I started appreciating things I once took for granted. I
focused on other parts of my mistake instead of regretting my
mistakes. Overall, forgiveness covers a huge contribution to my
personal growth.
12. When have I felt most connected to others, and what did I
contribute to that connection?
The answer of this question is very easy for me to answer. I only
feel connected when I talk to this person. With this person, time
passes by like sand. I get so connected and involved that I can’t
even notice the hours we had talked. However, our connection is
timeless. The signs of it comes spontaneously and untimely. We
sometimes even finish each other’s sentences and read each other’s
minds. I think the most contribution I can do for this connection is
to stay in touch with her. She is my best friend, my Solma. We are
so connected that we even sometimes get suspicious if we are
spying on each other.
13. How do I ensure my words align with my actions?
I don’t have an explicit answer for this question because the truth is
that I can’t really guarantee my words. What I say doesn’t always
mean I will do, but sometimes it’s just bragging, flattering or even
yapping. But I can say this for sure that I try my best to align my
words with my actions so I can receive the best outcome of my
actions. So, I can ensure myself of anybody else that I will do what
I say. Don’t trust my words that easily.
14. Who inspires me, and what qualities in them do I admire?
Ok, looks like the questions are getting deeper and personal. To be
honest, I don’t really have a role model or somebody I inspire. I get
inspired by anyone brave enough to live. What truly inspires me is
the dream of creating my own legacy. I don’t want my legacy to be
shiny and fancy but I want it to be memorable. I admire bold
qualities such as independence, self-confidence and creativity.
15. What fears or insecurities do I carry, and how do they
influence my decisions?
Well, talking about insecurities I am feeling insecure already.
Usually, I get insecure when I talk in public with strangers. The
truth is I am homesick so I don’t usually get out of the house but
spend my time with cool stuffs and ideas at home. I am also an
introvert person, so talking with strangers isn’t my cup of tea. And
what made me insecure, the choice of word, the way I make face
expression, my body gestures, ways of tackling social problems and
blah blah blah. This insecurity has limited my chances of
socializing which has made me secluded from the outside world.
16. How do I balance my needs with the needs of others?
I always wanted to help those in need because I know they are
facing something way worse I’ve never seen before. But this
doesn’t mean I overlook my needs and priorities for the sake of
others. I want to keep a balance between them because it is
important to put yourself first but also try to look out for the people
around you. I want to be humble and selfless because selfishness is
the most arrogant habit I can I see. In order to help others, I make
sure my necessities are equipped and later on, I will be willing to
help other needy and poor people. For now, I am doing as much as I
can but Inshallah in the future, I will give charity to the poor.
17. What drives my ambitions-external validation or internal
fulfillment?
I think what really drives my ambition are my internal fulfillment
because in my point of view if you validate others’ opinions but
ignore yours then you are living your life in their standards and by
their judgments. I personally don’t like living in the shadows of
others and honor their words but not my consciences voice. I have
this tiny voice inside my heart but not in my mind and that’s why I
always listen to my heart because I do things with feelings, not with
facts or logics. My true dream is to inspire people and I haven’t quite
figured that out yet but I know I soon will as soon as I keep following
what my heart says because I found my dream through my inner
voice. So, in conclusion, I would rather listen to myself than others’
opinions in my life’s big decisions because it is me who is living that
life, not them. So, I know my problems better than anyone else.
18. How do I respond to criticism, and what does that say
about me?
Whenever I face criticism, I try my best not to draw much attention to
it because they are just words after all. But despite that, it still hurts to
listen. The best way I can respond to a criticism is to ignore it. That’s
the most quick and easy way to get over it. You don’t need to justify
the person you’re speaking to, nor did you need to put a lot of
thoughts into it and waste your time. I do this because maybe I like to
be remained aside and not center of the attention, and that’s why
when you ignore, the topic won’t revolve around you anymore. I am
an introvert and I want to live in my own chaotic and sometimes
peaceful world because it either way I am the most comfortable in
that spot. And here is a piece of advice from me, “Learn to listen to
negative words from one ear and drag them out from the other,
otherwise it will rotten your brain.”
19. What unspoken dreams so I have, and why haven’t I
pursued them yet?
Ok, let’s first get this straight that finding my dream was not an
easy job and believe me, I still haven’t. I have only found the first
piece of it and God knows how many more pieces are left to find.
Anyways, coming back to the question I actually did have an
unspoken dream. It was years ago and I dreamt of becoming a
kpop. I know crazy, right? And the inspiration came from
Blackpink. When I first listened to one of Blackpink’s song, my
mind was blown. I was uplifted and energized. I don’t know what
got into me at that time but I badly wanted to become a kpop and
gain fame and popularity. But after coming back to my conscious,
I finally thought to myself that that will never be possible for me.
So, dumped that unrealistic dream and thought of something near
to reality. After a few years, I finally found the first missing piece
of my mysterious dream.
Just to let you know, my dream is to become like an inspiration to
anyone who needs a little lift to move on from a burnout or
something that is holding her/him back from enjoying the moment
they have left.
20. In what areas of my life am I settling, and what would
change if I didn’t?
I think I am prepared to answer this question because I am well aware
of what areas of my life am I settling right now and that is being
productive, organized, sensible, and consistent. After six months of
bitter work and constant efforts of reaching my expectations, I can
finally say the work and the patience paid off. Well, not only these 6
months but 3 long years have passed with my hard work and self-
belief; thinking I will somewhere in the near future become the
person I am right now. So, currently if you ask me in what areas of
my life have, I settled I would say I have firmly settled in my
academic areas, dream school, friendship, and I can’t think of
anything else right now. Now, in areas that I am currently in an urge
to settle are graphic design, art, productivity, time management, task
prioritization and self-belief.
The answer of the next question is that not trying to settle in these
areas of my life could be the biggest mistake I could ever make. I am
opportunity seeker, so wherever I see something new and eye-
catching I first tend to familiarize myself with it and then hone my
knowledge and skills with the respected area. So, in conclusion, my
life would’ve been a total chaos and disaster without the skills I have
and the knowledge I hold at the moment.
21. What does love mean to me, and how do I express it to
myself and others?
To me, love means something that make me smile from the depth of
my heart, like how Solma always makes me smile regardless of my
mood. Love means having a reason to me to let out my inner child
with the people I am most comfortable with, like whenever I am tired
of acting like a mature lady, I can always make a mess and throw
tantrum in front of my family. Love means accepting something for
what it is, like my own life. Love means showing my true-self with
those whom I trust the most, like my family and my Solma. Love
means wishing someone else’s death upon yourself, like wishing I
should from this world before anyone who I love. Love means feeling
happy in your loved one’s happiness and feeling sad in their sadness,
like how Solma missed my dad when he left. Love is the best thing
possible this world can give to us.
22. How do I contribute to the world around me, and is it
enough?
I have thought of this question before and now and the answer is that
I am going to contribute to the world around me in my own way and
that is building a legacy of myself. Just kidding, I don’t know if I’ll
be able to create a legacy or monument or not but I am planning to go
big. This idea is recent because at the end of this year I had figured
out my ultimate goal. So, here’s my plan, I first educate myself and
graduate successfully from school and university. Later on, I get a
well-paid job or higher than that. Then, create such an environment
that whenever people step in, they’re soul, body, mind and spirit
would get wild and full of crazy ideas. In simpler terms, I want to be
an inspiration not to one, two, but a whole generation. That might
sound fanciful but I know I can achieve it. I just have this fierce fire
inside my heart that can burn for a long time, well at least till I
achieve my ultimate goal.
I think this is enough contribution because if inspiring a generation
isn’t good enough then I don’t know what is.
23. What lessons have my greatest struggles taught me?
One of the greatest struggles I had to do was trying to be
productive. I always felt being productive would be easy as a pie,
but this concept misled me and now I think how stupid I was.
When I first got introduced to bullet journal, I didn’t know how to
be productive because I was not aware of it’s meaning.
Understanding the meaning of productivity was as hard as
understanding the function of logarithm for me. But as the saying
goes, time changes everything. Bullet journal completely changed
my life inside out. And after six months of struggling with bullet
journal, I finally now understand the meaning of productive. I
understand what does it mean to stay productive and for me this
was the biggest struggles I had and I am having. I always feel I
lack the necessary needs of becoming a productive because it is
hard for me wake up early, it was hard for me to stay on track, to
follow a specific set of organized tasks and above all, accomplish
them by the end of the day. But even now, I have not given up.
Moral of the story, the struggles of your life can be bitter than
medicines and can last longer than the speed of a turtle but the
results will be more precious than any gem found in this world.
